1 00:00:05,921 --> 00:00:07,281 Speaker 1: Apoge Production. 2 00:00:10,961 --> 00:00:13,921 Speaker 2: I'm Mickey Fisher, and welcome to the Village Crazy Lady. 3 00:00:14,321 --> 00:00:17,401 Speaker 2: People are talking to me and they are not physically 4 00:00:17,481 --> 00:00:21,200 Speaker 2: in this room, so just strap in for that. Can't 5 00:00:21,201 --> 00:00:23,921 Speaker 2: call me crazy, so I said it first. Whoever's trying 6 00:00:23,921 --> 00:00:26,121 Speaker 2: to come through, whatever messages need to come through, like, 7 00:00:26,241 --> 00:00:26,761 Speaker 2: just bring it on. 8 00:00:26,841 --> 00:00:28,001 Speaker 3: Let's do it. 9 00:00:28,201 --> 00:00:35,720 Speaker 2: Crazy Crazy Crazy, The Village Crazy Lady Podcast. Hello, gorgeous legends, 10 00:00:35,760 --> 00:00:39,401 Speaker 2: and welcome to another episode of the Village Crazy Lady 11 00:00:40,120 --> 00:00:42,800 Speaker 2: this week. I don't know if i'd call Hooter a 12 00:00:42,921 --> 00:00:45,961 Speaker 2: Village Crazy Lady. I just feel like she's I would 13 00:00:46,001 --> 00:00:48,720 Speaker 2: just say who to refers to herself as who to 14 00:00:48,801 --> 00:00:52,241 Speaker 2: the Goddess, and I just think that there's no better 15 00:00:52,321 --> 00:00:56,881 Speaker 2: way to describe Hooter. I met her at a march 16 00:00:57,001 --> 00:01:01,681 Speaker 2: that I helped organize and EMC and someone sent me 17 00:01:02,241 --> 00:01:06,801 Speaker 2: a video that she'd done online of her slam poetry 18 00:01:07,321 --> 00:01:11,081 Speaker 2: and it was about domestic violence, and it just had 19 00:01:11,081 --> 00:01:15,281 Speaker 2: me in a puddle of tears, and I just went, 20 00:01:15,441 --> 00:01:17,641 Speaker 2: we need we need her, we need to get her. 21 00:01:17,681 --> 00:01:20,921 Speaker 2: I want to meet her. And so ever since then, 22 00:01:20,920 --> 00:01:25,201 Speaker 2: and I watched Hohoda perform at the march, and I'm 23 00:01:25,241 --> 00:01:28,720 Speaker 2: pretty sure she literally said before she got up like 24 00:01:28,801 --> 00:01:32,640 Speaker 2: that she was just it was improvised, like it was 25 00:01:32,721 --> 00:01:35,600 Speaker 2: just literally words from her soul. And then I watched 26 00:01:35,601 --> 00:01:40,240 Speaker 2: her march in the street just literally just words coming 27 00:01:40,280 --> 00:01:43,161 Speaker 2: out of her that just will like mad Well that 28 00:01:43,161 --> 00:01:46,001 Speaker 2: it's poetry. It was magic. And ever since then I said, 29 00:01:46,000 --> 00:01:48,041 Speaker 2: who do I need to get you on and I 30 00:01:48,081 --> 00:01:51,001 Speaker 2: need to hear your story and like just learn about 31 00:01:51,001 --> 00:01:55,881 Speaker 2: this trust that you have within yourself, in this connection 32 00:01:56,201 --> 00:02:02,001 Speaker 2: that you have to language and anyway, so hoodah, thank 33 00:02:02,041 --> 00:02:03,361 Speaker 2: you so much for joining me. 34 00:02:05,361 --> 00:02:06,841 Speaker 1: Having it's a pleasure to be here. 35 00:02:07,361 --> 00:02:11,241 Speaker 2: I'm so excited to just even hear your story. Like 36 00:02:12,041 --> 00:02:14,761 Speaker 2: I don't think I've really met that many people who 37 00:02:14,881 --> 00:02:20,601 Speaker 2: are slam poets. And you're like you're a phenomenal in 38 00:02:20,641 --> 00:02:26,081 Speaker 2: your field, You've won awards, you you know, are the 39 00:02:26,321 --> 00:02:33,000 Speaker 2: Australian Slam champion, so you obviously have been doing this 40 00:02:33,041 --> 00:02:33,641 Speaker 2: for a while. 41 00:02:33,680 --> 00:02:38,241 Speaker 1: I'm guessing, yeah, I think I'm actually about to hit 42 00:02:39,001 --> 00:02:41,601 Speaker 1: my ten yure mork in poetry. 43 00:02:41,881 --> 00:02:45,721 Speaker 2: Wow, So I want to hear your story, Like how 44 00:02:45,761 --> 00:02:48,440 Speaker 2: did you get into it? Have you always just been 45 00:02:48,561 --> 00:02:54,761 Speaker 2: really connected to words and their magic? Like what is 46 00:02:54,800 --> 00:02:55,361 Speaker 2: it for you? 47 00:02:56,841 --> 00:02:59,561 Speaker 1: There is there is like the long story, and then 48 00:02:59,601 --> 00:03:02,280 Speaker 1: there's like the short, Like when I was like twenty 49 00:03:02,321 --> 00:03:04,161 Speaker 1: one and the first time I touched the mic and 50 00:03:04,201 --> 00:03:06,641 Speaker 1: I was a poet. But like I think for me, 51 00:03:07,321 --> 00:03:11,601 Speaker 1: my fascination with language started off as a child that 52 00:03:11,881 --> 00:03:15,801 Speaker 1: also had no formal training, like no formal education, so 53 00:03:15,921 --> 00:03:19,961 Speaker 1: like being like in Cairo, never going to school, I 54 00:03:20,041 --> 00:03:22,881 Speaker 1: was like, the only thing I could really master was 55 00:03:22,960 --> 00:03:26,881 Speaker 1: like my verbal communication with people, right, So I became 56 00:03:26,921 --> 00:03:31,281 Speaker 1: fascinated with body language, with people's tone, and how do 57 00:03:31,361 --> 00:03:34,321 Speaker 1: I get myself to be so very clearly understood, Like 58 00:03:34,441 --> 00:03:37,841 Speaker 1: my fascination with art and poetry started as I really 59 00:03:37,921 --> 00:03:42,521 Speaker 1: don't like the outcomes of being misunderstood. Wow, so I'm 60 00:03:42,521 --> 00:03:45,481 Speaker 1: going to master communication because I lived in a very 61 00:03:46,441 --> 00:03:50,761 Speaker 1: very chaotic space in which feelings were always elevated due 62 00:03:50,761 --> 00:03:54,321 Speaker 1: to the circumstances, which meant people were yelling out their 63 00:03:54,321 --> 00:03:58,041 Speaker 1: reality and there was very little space for comprehension, right, 64 00:03:58,121 --> 00:04:00,401 Speaker 1: because everybody just wanted to be heard and wanted to 65 00:04:00,401 --> 00:04:04,801 Speaker 1: be to have their humanity validated. Right, So it started 66 00:04:04,801 --> 00:04:07,521 Speaker 1: this fascination of like how can I improve my communication 67 00:04:07,601 --> 00:04:10,321 Speaker 1: with my mother? How can I improve my communication with 68 00:04:10,361 --> 00:04:12,561 Speaker 1: the people around me, and how do I get that? 69 00:04:12,641 --> 00:04:15,681 Speaker 1: Knowing that I can't read or write right so, and 70 00:04:15,721 --> 00:04:19,241 Speaker 1: then coming into a school system a like ten eleven 71 00:04:19,321 --> 00:04:22,961 Speaker 1: where I don't have like for example, at twenty nine 72 00:04:23,041 --> 00:04:26,401 Speaker 1: right now, I still can't spell. I have no conception 73 00:04:26,801 --> 00:04:29,761 Speaker 1: of like the English language, like in terms of like 74 00:04:29,841 --> 00:04:34,601 Speaker 1: writing and reading. I'm very verbally articulate. My vocab is high, 75 00:04:34,921 --> 00:04:38,880 Speaker 1: but like writing was always very difficult for me because 76 00:04:38,880 --> 00:04:41,880 Speaker 1: I was illiterate for a long period of my life. 77 00:04:42,001 --> 00:04:45,681 Speaker 1: So language for me was about pew to peer communication 78 00:04:45,921 --> 00:04:49,760 Speaker 1: and then connection and then community collectivism. And I knew 79 00:04:49,761 --> 00:04:52,321 Speaker 1: that like at some point, like my grandmother when I 80 00:04:52,361 --> 00:04:55,161 Speaker 1: was very little, had faith that I was going to 81 00:04:55,161 --> 00:04:59,241 Speaker 1: be somebody really special and always valued education, and she 82 00:04:59,401 --> 00:05:03,241 Speaker 1: was like her voice should not be silenced. She let 83 00:05:03,281 --> 00:05:05,281 Speaker 1: me be as loud as I wanted to be and 84 00:05:05,320 --> 00:05:07,001 Speaker 1: to take up as much room as I wanted to be, 85 00:05:07,081 --> 00:05:09,440 Speaker 1: so losing her, I felt like I had to re 86 00:05:09,440 --> 00:05:13,561 Speaker 1: remind myself of why she had provided that much space 87 00:05:13,601 --> 00:05:16,440 Speaker 1: for me to be that loud, right, Because contrary to believe, 88 00:05:16,521 --> 00:05:20,241 Speaker 1: women are not supposed to be loud and audacious and spoken. 89 00:05:20,841 --> 00:05:22,321 Speaker 1: So there was a lot of it that was like 90 00:05:22,761 --> 00:05:25,521 Speaker 1: breaking the status quo and norm because I just didn't 91 00:05:25,561 --> 00:05:29,121 Speaker 1: know what other way to connect with people. It was 92 00:05:29,161 --> 00:05:30,641 Speaker 1: like I don't go to school, so I can't make 93 00:05:30,681 --> 00:05:33,801 Speaker 1: friends that way, right, Like I'm a foreigner, different country 94 00:05:33,801 --> 00:05:35,640 Speaker 1: that's not my own, so I can't connect with people 95 00:05:35,681 --> 00:05:37,640 Speaker 1: that way. So I had to come up with a 96 00:05:37,641 --> 00:05:41,361 Speaker 1: way to connect. So it was humor a good communication 97 00:05:41,481 --> 00:05:44,001 Speaker 1: and eloquence was my skill set. That's what I could 98 00:05:44,041 --> 00:05:47,801 Speaker 1: do very very well. So there's that route of like 99 00:05:48,440 --> 00:05:51,200 Speaker 1: you know, growing and a people. It's a patriarchal family 100 00:05:51,521 --> 00:05:53,321 Speaker 1: where my grandmother was the leader of the household and 101 00:05:53,481 --> 00:05:57,601 Speaker 1: coming into a patriarchal system where people just wouldn't let 102 00:05:57,601 --> 00:05:59,721 Speaker 1: me talk or kind of almost made it a joke 103 00:05:59,841 --> 00:06:01,760 Speaker 1: out of it, like oh, you're so loud, And I 104 00:06:01,801 --> 00:06:04,641 Speaker 1: was like, Okay, my mom is loud, my auntie's loud, 105 00:06:04,721 --> 00:06:10,001 Speaker 1: my mother loud. What your point? You're just stating observations? 106 00:06:10,081 --> 00:06:13,041 Speaker 1: Why does that sound like the butt of the I 107 00:06:13,041 --> 00:06:16,281 Speaker 1: don't get it, you know what I mean? So so 108 00:06:16,320 --> 00:06:19,361 Speaker 1: there's there's there's that like element of culture and like 109 00:06:19,361 --> 00:06:21,681 Speaker 1: like you know, my grandm would be like an elder, 110 00:06:21,761 --> 00:06:23,921 Speaker 1: and then having people in my family that are like 111 00:06:24,241 --> 00:06:27,841 Speaker 1: eldest that whole linguistics in like lineage, and then my 112 00:06:27,880 --> 00:06:31,001 Speaker 1: grandmother who was basically like the town nurse. So my 113 00:06:31,161 --> 00:06:35,481 Speaker 1: lineage comes from like audacious, out like outrageous women who 114 00:06:35,561 --> 00:06:37,520 Speaker 1: just do whatever the hell they want to do. So like, 115 00:06:37,601 --> 00:06:39,841 Speaker 1: and then I come into a world which like that's 116 00:06:39,921 --> 00:06:43,001 Speaker 1: not the prox that's not the rule. So poetry allowed 117 00:06:43,041 --> 00:06:45,721 Speaker 1: me to exist in the reality that I know is 118 00:06:45,801 --> 00:06:48,681 Speaker 1: common to me, which is like existing within my power 119 00:06:48,721 --> 00:06:50,721 Speaker 1: and being as loud as I want to be. And 120 00:06:50,761 --> 00:06:53,401 Speaker 1: then it was then it was a provided audience. And 121 00:06:53,401 --> 00:06:56,001 Speaker 1: then there's like the other answer is like I was 122 00:06:56,041 --> 00:06:58,841 Speaker 1: a master of ceremony at college and like I was 123 00:06:58,880 --> 00:07:01,401 Speaker 1: always very well spoken, and then I met Anissa n Dala, 124 00:07:01,401 --> 00:07:04,760 Speaker 1: who's an incredible comedian now also poet. Yeah, and she 125 00:07:04,880 --> 00:07:07,121 Speaker 1: just like she was the first person to label what 126 00:07:07,161 --> 00:07:10,041 Speaker 1: I did poetry. She was like, oh, you're a poet, 127 00:07:10,081 --> 00:07:12,001 Speaker 1: and I was like, I don't know about that. I 128 00:07:12,001 --> 00:07:14,481 Speaker 1: think I'm well spoken, but I don't know about that. 129 00:07:14,601 --> 00:07:17,081 Speaker 1: And she was my first she was the first person 130 00:07:17,121 --> 00:07:21,281 Speaker 1: to give it a name. Wow. And then that started 131 00:07:21,321 --> 00:07:23,961 Speaker 1: like an era of like three years of like freestyle 132 00:07:24,001 --> 00:07:27,641 Speaker 1: improvised open minds that then turned into paid gigs and 133 00:07:27,681 --> 00:07:30,681 Speaker 1: then it was like it was an interesting journey and 134 00:07:30,921 --> 00:07:33,641 Speaker 1: I could ramble on forever. But like, I then had 135 00:07:33,641 --> 00:07:35,561 Speaker 1: a show I think at BMAC, which is so funny 136 00:07:35,601 --> 00:07:37,761 Speaker 1: that I'm having this podcast interview with you today because 137 00:07:37,761 --> 00:07:39,401 Speaker 1: I'm going back to be back for a show today. 138 00:07:39,961 --> 00:07:43,321 Speaker 1: And at that same place I met probably was one 139 00:07:43,321 --> 00:07:46,841 Speaker 1: of the most leading public speakers like and she is 140 00:07:46,881 --> 00:07:49,961 Speaker 1: an African woman. And after I got off stage from performing, 141 00:07:50,121 --> 00:07:52,521 Speaker 1: she asked me a question. She goes, you do this 142 00:07:52,561 --> 00:07:56,441 Speaker 1: beautiful thing and you call it poetry, but like, why 143 00:07:56,521 --> 00:07:59,241 Speaker 1: is it that you speak? Why do you feel the 144 00:07:59,321 --> 00:08:01,721 Speaker 1: need to do this right? And she's like, I think 145 00:08:01,761 --> 00:08:04,801 Speaker 1: that's an important question while you hold this much power 146 00:08:04,801 --> 00:08:07,041 Speaker 1: for you answer. And I don't think she knows how 147 00:08:07,121 --> 00:08:10,601 Speaker 1: monumental that question was for me, because it changed the 148 00:08:10,641 --> 00:08:14,121 Speaker 1: whole leaf of my career of like, I love this thing. 149 00:08:14,161 --> 00:08:16,361 Speaker 1: I love being able to connect and tell stories and 150 00:08:16,401 --> 00:08:18,961 Speaker 1: like them language to accommodate for whatever I wanted it 151 00:08:19,041 --> 00:08:21,841 Speaker 1: to be. And then there's this powerful elder who is 152 00:08:21,881 --> 00:08:26,001 Speaker 1: like dressing African attire, who was a great public speaker 153 00:08:26,041 --> 00:08:28,721 Speaker 1: and a great Worthmit that kind of took me back 154 00:08:28,761 --> 00:08:31,881 Speaker 1: to my root, and she almost like put the word 155 00:08:31,921 --> 00:08:36,041 Speaker 1: poet to the side and then was like, let's actually 156 00:08:36,041 --> 00:08:38,881 Speaker 1: look at it outside of the framing that the world 157 00:08:38,961 --> 00:08:41,561 Speaker 1: needs it to have for it to be comprehendible. What 158 00:08:41,721 --> 00:08:45,121 Speaker 1: is it that you're doing. So there are a multitude 159 00:08:45,161 --> 00:08:49,441 Speaker 1: of reasons. There's a multitude of origin stories and the 160 00:08:49,481 --> 00:08:55,121 Speaker 1: evolution of my poetry. So yeah, there's so many stories 161 00:08:55,161 --> 00:08:57,441 Speaker 1: I can tell into how I fell into where I 162 00:08:57,481 --> 00:09:00,161 Speaker 1: fell because I used to say I'm the accidental poet. 163 00:09:00,521 --> 00:09:03,241 Speaker 1: There was no like I have a vision board that 164 00:09:03,361 --> 00:09:05,801 Speaker 1: like you know eleven, I used to love reading books 165 00:09:05,921 --> 00:09:08,041 Speaker 1: and like and then I kind of became a poet 166 00:09:08,081 --> 00:09:11,401 Speaker 1: because I love like some famous author, Like none of 167 00:09:11,441 --> 00:09:14,321 Speaker 1: those things are my story. I hate reading books. I 168 00:09:14,361 --> 00:09:16,841 Speaker 1: have ADHD. It takes a lot for me to like 169 00:09:16,921 --> 00:09:19,161 Speaker 1: a book, like a lot, because I can't focus for 170 00:09:19,241 --> 00:09:23,721 Speaker 1: that long. Yeah, I can't spell, like, none of those 171 00:09:23,721 --> 00:09:26,401 Speaker 1: things of my reality. I'm not a literature head that 172 00:09:26,521 --> 00:09:29,641 Speaker 1: can quote like a list of poets. This is my 173 00:09:29,761 --> 00:09:32,441 Speaker 1: poetry is a conversation with my soul that I turned 174 00:09:32,481 --> 00:09:33,881 Speaker 1: strangers into an audience for. 175 00:09:34,201 --> 00:09:42,401 Speaker 2: Oh, I don't want to talk, to be honest, I'm 176 00:09:42,441 --> 00:09:46,801 Speaker 2: not even be kindding, I have cried your camera's not on, 177 00:09:46,921 --> 00:09:51,361 Speaker 2: but I've cried like three times already. I'm not a crier. 178 00:09:51,881 --> 00:09:56,001 Speaker 2: When you mentioned your grandma tears, when you mentioned that 179 00:09:56,121 --> 00:10:02,161 Speaker 2: beautiful woman who like asked you why you're speaking tears 180 00:10:02,881 --> 00:10:07,361 Speaker 2: because that's like and the fact that you can't, like 181 00:10:07,441 --> 00:10:12,281 Speaker 2: you struggle to spell tears because it really and and 182 00:10:12,321 --> 00:10:15,121 Speaker 2: it makes so much sense to me why I've and 183 00:10:15,201 --> 00:10:17,401 Speaker 2: like why so many people are so drawn to you, 184 00:10:17,441 --> 00:10:22,561 Speaker 2: but especially I guess as someone who I like to 185 00:10:22,881 --> 00:10:25,961 Speaker 2: think of, I've always sort of myself as a communicator 186 00:10:26,041 --> 00:10:28,881 Speaker 2: as well. You know, I think everyone has their different 187 00:10:28,961 --> 00:10:32,721 Speaker 2: gifts and their different abilities and like to like to me, 188 00:10:33,001 --> 00:10:35,921 Speaker 2: I look at you, and you're a communicator, you know 189 00:10:36,001 --> 00:10:37,881 Speaker 2: how to sort of like what you were saying about, 190 00:10:37,921 --> 00:10:40,841 Speaker 2: how you connect with how you can take what's in 191 00:10:40,881 --> 00:10:46,921 Speaker 2: your soul and sort of channel that into evoking something 192 00:10:48,401 --> 00:10:52,121 Speaker 2: from within the strangers in the room, Like it's such 193 00:10:52,281 --> 00:10:57,281 Speaker 2: it's like working on an energetic plane. Is that what 194 00:10:57,321 --> 00:10:59,841 Speaker 2: it feels like? Do you feel like it's almost like 195 00:11:00,441 --> 00:11:02,601 Speaker 2: because I mean I asked you even before we jumped on, 196 00:11:02,641 --> 00:11:04,561 Speaker 2: I said, you know, would you say that you're a 197 00:11:04,561 --> 00:11:07,441 Speaker 2: spiritual person and you and you said that you you 198 00:11:07,521 --> 00:11:10,241 Speaker 2: do think like you do feel like a spiritual person. 199 00:11:10,001 --> 00:11:10,801 Speaker 1: Like, what does that? 200 00:11:11,281 --> 00:11:14,521 Speaker 2: What does it feel like? 201 00:11:14,521 --> 00:11:18,201 Speaker 1: Like? This is I think an interesting concept as you 202 00:11:18,321 --> 00:11:21,641 Speaker 1: evolve in a a in a career path that was 203 00:11:21,681 --> 00:11:25,681 Speaker 1: intrinsically about self knowledge. Yeah, is that you have to 204 00:11:25,721 --> 00:11:28,281 Speaker 1: go back to basis. So when people ask where the 205 00:11:28,321 --> 00:11:31,401 Speaker 1: poem comes from, it comes from like an in deep, 206 00:11:31,961 --> 00:11:36,241 Speaker 1: deep intrinsic place of like, I have to be within 207 00:11:36,321 --> 00:11:40,641 Speaker 1: my own body to such a profound level to give 208 00:11:40,681 --> 00:11:43,241 Speaker 1: you what I'm giving you, right, I have to be 209 00:11:43,321 --> 00:11:46,801 Speaker 1: aligned with myself and in the room. So when I 210 00:11:46,881 --> 00:11:48,921 Speaker 1: when I walk into a room with like three hundred 211 00:11:48,921 --> 00:11:52,681 Speaker 1: people to do an improvised poem, I have to meditate 212 00:11:52,761 --> 00:11:55,321 Speaker 1: in that room in my own way that's not obvious 213 00:11:55,561 --> 00:11:58,361 Speaker 1: and not jarring to also the people because at the 214 00:11:58,401 --> 00:12:01,521 Speaker 1: moment it's obvious, people then change how they move around 215 00:12:01,521 --> 00:12:03,281 Speaker 1: the room, so I can't get a sense of what's 216 00:12:03,321 --> 00:12:07,241 Speaker 1: actually happening, right, Like, so I have to be in 217 00:12:07,321 --> 00:12:10,881 Speaker 1: that space meditate. First of we'll pay my acknowledgment to 218 00:12:10,921 --> 00:12:14,641 Speaker 1: the ancestral and the thousands of years that are already here. 219 00:12:14,801 --> 00:12:19,001 Speaker 1: So there's already souls and spirits and stories and moments 220 00:12:19,001 --> 00:12:21,041 Speaker 1: that have happened here that will continue to happen with 221 00:12:21,241 --> 00:12:24,201 Speaker 1: or without me. So I have to acknowledge those people, 222 00:12:24,801 --> 00:12:27,001 Speaker 1: and then I have to then go into my own 223 00:12:27,041 --> 00:12:30,441 Speaker 1: self and be like, what at this point will fulfill 224 00:12:30,561 --> 00:12:33,241 Speaker 1: me and enable me to connect with a stranger at 225 00:12:33,281 --> 00:12:37,921 Speaker 1: the same time. Wow, And that's a lot of work. 226 00:12:38,001 --> 00:12:40,721 Speaker 1: I think I'm spiritual in the sentence of I have 227 00:12:40,761 --> 00:12:42,641 Speaker 1: to believe in a higher power to be able to 228 00:12:42,681 --> 00:12:46,441 Speaker 1: deliver something of such high frequency. Yeah, And I don't 229 00:12:46,441 --> 00:12:50,321 Speaker 1: say that as ego, like I don't think I'm that special, 230 00:12:50,801 --> 00:12:53,921 Speaker 1: but I do think I have something, yeah, that can 231 00:12:54,001 --> 00:12:57,561 Speaker 1: resonate with people beyond my own comprehension sometimes because sometimes 232 00:12:57,561 --> 00:12:59,521 Speaker 1: I don't know where the poem comes from. 233 00:12:59,921 --> 00:13:04,601 Speaker 2: That was my next question, because that's so interesting to me. 234 00:13:04,761 --> 00:13:10,321 Speaker 2: Is this difference between like when you like, I'm even 235 00:13:10,321 --> 00:13:11,121 Speaker 2: trying to think the words. 236 00:13:11,161 --> 00:13:17,801 Speaker 3: So obviously I'm not a poet. The words are flowing 237 00:13:17,881 --> 00:13:23,361 Speaker 3: from my core, but like I can imagine that there 238 00:13:23,361 --> 00:13:26,401 Speaker 3: would be there would be words that come out from 239 00:13:26,441 --> 00:13:30,241 Speaker 3: like stories or like do you ever feel like sometimes 240 00:13:30,281 --> 00:13:31,441 Speaker 3: the poems are like. 241 00:13:31,801 --> 00:13:36,121 Speaker 2: Healing for you versus like times where it's like I 242 00:13:36,161 --> 00:13:38,401 Speaker 2: actually have no idea where this is coming from. 243 00:13:39,241 --> 00:13:44,601 Speaker 1: Oh absolutely, So often like there there are streams of 244 00:13:44,681 --> 00:13:47,681 Speaker 1: poems that come from my own thoughts, like when people 245 00:13:47,761 --> 00:13:49,281 Speaker 1: ask me, like, oh, how do you want to write 246 00:13:49,321 --> 00:13:51,281 Speaker 1: a poem? I want to write a poem when there's 247 00:13:51,281 --> 00:13:54,001 Speaker 1: an urgency to it, when there's a thought that becomes 248 00:13:54,001 --> 00:13:57,521 Speaker 1: a hyper fixation. Yeah, right, Like in the ten years 249 00:13:57,521 --> 00:14:00,241 Speaker 1: of me doing powetry, I've never felt compelled to write 250 00:14:00,401 --> 00:14:02,921 Speaker 1: I hate them. I think they're annoying. I don't want 251 00:14:02,961 --> 00:14:05,561 Speaker 1: to write them, and I never knew where it was 252 00:14:05,721 --> 00:14:09,641 Speaker 1: until this year. I had to reevaluate my relationship with 253 00:14:09,681 --> 00:14:12,921 Speaker 1: intimacy and love as I am now getting older and 254 00:14:12,961 --> 00:14:16,241 Speaker 1: restructuring my relationship with my mother, right, because she's my 255 00:14:16,321 --> 00:14:20,841 Speaker 1: first introduction to love, right, not romantic, but as almost 256 00:14:20,881 --> 00:14:23,401 Speaker 1: like a dedication and a sense of loyalty to loving 257 00:14:23,441 --> 00:14:25,681 Speaker 1: her and her loving me back and not being the 258 00:14:25,721 --> 00:14:29,161 Speaker 1: center of my epi world. Right. So it's like my 259 00:14:29,361 --> 00:14:32,681 Speaker 1: poems sometimes start for my own age, like I have 260 00:14:32,801 --> 00:14:35,321 Speaker 1: something to say and I need to unpack this in 261 00:14:35,361 --> 00:14:38,241 Speaker 1: a way that makes sense to me, So poetry makes 262 00:14:38,281 --> 00:14:41,721 Speaker 1: sense to me, and like and then other times I'll 263 00:14:41,761 --> 00:14:44,321 Speaker 1: meet people and it will like. For example, I think 264 00:14:44,361 --> 00:14:46,801 Speaker 1: one of my favorite moments on stage, I have a 265 00:14:46,841 --> 00:14:50,641 Speaker 1: collection of them, was I went to Byron Byron Writer's Festival, 266 00:14:51,361 --> 00:14:54,241 Speaker 1: and I had just come off like being on regional 267 00:14:54,241 --> 00:14:56,681 Speaker 1: tour on this bus, and I was supposed to, like 268 00:14:56,681 --> 00:14:58,401 Speaker 1: I got in changed and I was supposed to be 269 00:14:58,441 --> 00:15:00,841 Speaker 1: in front of like a couple hundred high school students 270 00:15:00,841 --> 00:15:03,681 Speaker 1: in this festival. I'm not ready. I'm never like, I 271 00:15:03,681 --> 00:15:06,161 Speaker 1: don't know what the word ready means in poetry. So like, 272 00:15:06,241 --> 00:15:07,721 Speaker 1: let's put that to the side, because I have no 273 00:15:07,801 --> 00:15:10,521 Speaker 1: relationship with the wed Ring, right, I'm just I'm on 274 00:15:10,641 --> 00:15:14,121 Speaker 1: go or I'm not on go. It's one of the two, right, Yeah, 275 00:15:14,241 --> 00:15:16,801 Speaker 1: And maybe that's ready in its own way. But I 276 00:15:16,841 --> 00:15:19,161 Speaker 1: got on stage and that day I had been like 277 00:15:19,201 --> 00:15:22,201 Speaker 1: my grandmothers a reoccurring theme. So she's definitely a familiar 278 00:15:22,241 --> 00:15:25,721 Speaker 1: story to tell. I don't ever tell the same story 279 00:15:25,761 --> 00:15:27,921 Speaker 1: about her, who I don't tell the story the same 280 00:15:28,001 --> 00:15:31,201 Speaker 1: way about her twice? Right, there are different things that 281 00:15:31,561 --> 00:15:34,481 Speaker 1: from my relationship with her, and I was I remember 282 00:15:34,561 --> 00:15:37,681 Speaker 1: like being on stage and speaking, and it's very rare 283 00:15:37,681 --> 00:15:39,881 Speaker 1: for me to cry on stage. It is like, very 284 00:15:40,281 --> 00:15:43,121 Speaker 1: very rare, Like I can be lost within my own body, 285 00:15:43,641 --> 00:15:47,041 Speaker 1: but crying tends to come after, like when I'm reflecting 286 00:15:47,481 --> 00:15:50,361 Speaker 1: on the poem on my own. So I'm on stage 287 00:15:50,361 --> 00:15:52,761 Speaker 1: and I'm speaking about my grandmother and I just like 288 00:15:53,761 --> 00:15:56,801 Speaker 1: I feel myself because like getting lost in the poem, 289 00:15:57,121 --> 00:15:59,321 Speaker 1: and I look up and I know I want to cry. 290 00:15:59,361 --> 00:16:01,281 Speaker 1: And I look up and there's this like beautiful black 291 00:16:01,321 --> 00:16:06,281 Speaker 1: girl in front audience and she's bawling like tears that 292 00:16:06,481 --> 00:16:09,921 Speaker 1: she is balling her and I'm just like, at this moment, 293 00:16:10,321 --> 00:16:13,841 Speaker 1: everybody in that space stopped existing and I felt like 294 00:16:13,921 --> 00:16:17,401 Speaker 1: me and her were having a conversation, right, And I 295 00:16:17,481 --> 00:16:19,801 Speaker 1: got up and I got off stage, and I was 296 00:16:20,161 --> 00:16:21,361 Speaker 1: I had to do an interview, so I was like 297 00:16:21,441 --> 00:16:22,961 Speaker 1: ducking out. So I was like, hey, thank you guys 298 00:16:23,001 --> 00:16:26,001 Speaker 1: so much. I'm hugging people, like all these kids, and 299 00:16:26,041 --> 00:16:29,841 Speaker 1: I stop, and she's crying and she's literally like holds 300 00:16:29,841 --> 00:16:32,241 Speaker 1: my hand and she's she's still balling, and I'm just 301 00:16:32,281 --> 00:16:33,961 Speaker 1: like she's like, I really want to be a poet, 302 00:16:34,001 --> 00:16:35,881 Speaker 1: like I really want to write. And I was like, 303 00:16:36,121 --> 00:16:39,361 Speaker 1: just decide, make a decision that this is who you 304 00:16:39,441 --> 00:16:42,081 Speaker 1: are and this is your reality. Just make that decision. 305 00:16:42,281 --> 00:16:43,761 Speaker 1: And the next time, I want to see you. I 306 00:16:43,801 --> 00:16:46,041 Speaker 1: want you to have decided. Don't know her name. We 307 00:16:46,081 --> 00:16:47,961 Speaker 1: spoke for like a few seconds that I had left. 308 00:16:48,521 --> 00:16:52,321 Speaker 1: Right the next day, I'm still in Byron, I'm eating sushi. 309 00:16:52,361 --> 00:16:54,201 Speaker 1: I'm getting ready to go on stage in like an hour, 310 00:16:54,321 --> 00:16:56,201 Speaker 1: and all I see is this like figure of her 311 00:16:56,281 --> 00:16:58,761 Speaker 1: walking up to me. And she's walking up just holding 312 00:16:58,801 --> 00:17:01,041 Speaker 1: a trophy. And mind you, I don't I wear glasses, 313 00:17:01,081 --> 00:17:03,241 Speaker 1: so I can't see her well. So she walks up 314 00:17:03,241 --> 00:17:04,600 Speaker 1: to me and she's like, oh my god, I won 315 00:17:04,681 --> 00:17:07,601 Speaker 1: this big the you And she's like I just competed 316 00:17:07,681 --> 00:17:08,761 Speaker 1: my first slam and I. 317 00:17:08,761 --> 00:17:10,480 Speaker 2: Want, Oh your kidding? 318 00:17:11,120 --> 00:17:16,321 Speaker 1: And she she's like, I decided and that was it. 319 00:17:17,041 --> 00:17:18,001 Speaker 2: Oh my god. 320 00:17:18,360 --> 00:17:21,360 Speaker 1: And her mom was like she thought. She was like 321 00:17:21,400 --> 00:17:23,441 Speaker 1: to me, this is the You're the first black woman 322 00:17:23,481 --> 00:17:26,840 Speaker 1: I've ever seen on stage be this vulnerable, and it 323 00:17:26,880 --> 00:17:30,400 Speaker 1: made me feel like I could do that too. That 324 00:17:30,681 --> 00:17:34,841 Speaker 1: single handedly one of my favorite moments. That pivotally changed 325 00:17:34,880 --> 00:17:37,521 Speaker 1: why I do what I do to that death because 326 00:17:37,561 --> 00:17:41,680 Speaker 1: I don't know where that and I don't know like 327 00:17:41,761 --> 00:17:44,720 Speaker 1: maybe that poem was said like that before. Because I disconnect, 328 00:17:44,761 --> 00:17:47,440 Speaker 1: I'm in my own body that the words aren't really 329 00:17:47,481 --> 00:17:51,240 Speaker 1: like so precise, and they're not all my poems are perfect. 330 00:17:51,321 --> 00:17:53,761 Speaker 1: They're clumsy, and I don't always use the right word. 331 00:17:53,840 --> 00:17:57,001 Speaker 1: But I'm in my body so much that I feel 332 00:17:57,001 --> 00:18:00,561 Speaker 1: like that girl changed my life in that moment and 333 00:18:00,681 --> 00:18:04,920 Speaker 1: reminded me of why being within my own poem is 334 00:18:05,201 --> 00:18:08,441 Speaker 1: so crucial for me, you know. So it's like when 335 00:18:08,441 --> 00:18:11,400 Speaker 1: people ask where it comes from, sometimes it is a 336 00:18:11,441 --> 00:18:14,080 Speaker 1: stranger in the audience who just needed me to say 337 00:18:14,080 --> 00:18:15,840 Speaker 1: what I needed to say, and at that moment, I 338 00:18:15,921 --> 00:18:18,321 Speaker 1: felt them in a way that I have no words for, 339 00:18:19,281 --> 00:18:23,241 Speaker 1: Like I have no Like I've told stories of people 340 00:18:23,281 --> 00:18:25,480 Speaker 1: that passed away and somebody was like, yo, I just 341 00:18:25,561 --> 00:18:27,920 Speaker 1: came from a funeral, and you just shook my world. 342 00:18:29,001 --> 00:18:33,240 Speaker 1: Like so there's no like I want to give you 343 00:18:33,281 --> 00:18:35,521 Speaker 1: a linear answer of like this is where it comes. 344 00:18:35,521 --> 00:18:39,441 Speaker 1: I don't know. Sometimes it's people, sometimes it's me, other 345 00:18:39,521 --> 00:18:42,321 Speaker 1: times it's nowhere. And sometimes the poems make no sense, 346 00:18:42,761 --> 00:18:44,960 Speaker 1: and then I try the same subject again and it 347 00:18:45,001 --> 00:18:46,201 Speaker 1: makes all the sense in. 348 00:18:46,160 --> 00:18:50,680 Speaker 2: The Worldea, you've made me cry, like another one hundred times. 349 00:18:50,640 --> 00:18:59,241 Speaker 2: I I sorry, do not apologize that story. I again, 350 00:18:59,441 --> 00:19:01,000 Speaker 2: you can't see my I don't know if you can 351 00:19:01,041 --> 00:19:06,480 Speaker 2: see my video, but I had like down my face. 352 00:19:06,961 --> 00:19:10,761 Speaker 2: I had to pull my fucking self together because that 353 00:19:11,721 --> 00:19:15,240 Speaker 2: like the thing that is just so beautiful and the 354 00:19:15,281 --> 00:19:18,001 Speaker 2: thing that I've I mean, so many things. One I 355 00:19:18,321 --> 00:19:21,920 Speaker 2: really want to talk about the you being in your body. 356 00:19:21,961 --> 00:19:25,721 Speaker 2: How you keep talking about how like this this connection 357 00:19:26,160 --> 00:19:31,280 Speaker 2: to yourself and your body is so important, because I 358 00:19:31,400 --> 00:19:34,761 Speaker 2: feel that that is something that a lot of people 359 00:19:34,840 --> 00:19:39,561 Speaker 2: are really missing within ourselves. Is this kind of like 360 00:19:39,600 --> 00:19:42,721 Speaker 2: we're so disconnected from ourselves, so disconnected from our body. 361 00:19:42,761 --> 00:19:46,440 Speaker 2: We have such a distrust in our body and in ourself, 362 00:19:46,921 --> 00:19:50,360 Speaker 2: and like you just talking about that so much is 363 00:19:50,561 --> 00:19:55,641 Speaker 2: just such a just really reiterates that. The other thing 364 00:19:55,640 --> 00:19:58,400 Speaker 2: that I find so beautiful is I often say to 365 00:19:58,481 --> 00:20:02,880 Speaker 2: people a healer isn't just someone who you know does 366 00:20:02,961 --> 00:20:07,881 Speaker 2: reiki or as a doctor, is chipractor or whatever, because 367 00:20:07,921 --> 00:20:12,401 Speaker 2: like we are all healers, and we all have this 368 00:20:12,521 --> 00:20:18,481 Speaker 2: ability to connect and to channel and to understand our 369 00:20:18,561 --> 00:20:22,321 Speaker 2: own energy and the energy of others and how that 370 00:20:22,880 --> 00:20:25,321 Speaker 2: sort of and how we kind of connect through that 371 00:20:25,441 --> 00:20:29,601 Speaker 2: and kind of understand the ripple effect of each connection 372 00:20:29,801 --> 00:20:33,521 Speaker 2: that we have. And for some of us we can 373 00:20:33,640 --> 00:20:36,921 Speaker 2: kind of understand it a little bit more like we're 374 00:20:36,921 --> 00:20:39,801 Speaker 2: a bit more connected to what it all means, and like, 375 00:20:39,961 --> 00:20:43,561 Speaker 2: as you say, like within those moments where you can 376 00:20:43,640 --> 00:20:46,961 Speaker 2: like really just feel that sort of that connection within 377 00:20:47,001 --> 00:20:49,080 Speaker 2: yourself and then the connection of people that are in 378 00:20:49,120 --> 00:20:54,001 Speaker 2: the room, and then you know, like and you're like 379 00:20:54,201 --> 00:20:56,241 Speaker 2: with what you're doing, Like you're getting up on stage 380 00:20:56,281 --> 00:20:58,360 Speaker 2: and these words are just flowing out of you and 381 00:20:58,400 --> 00:21:01,161 Speaker 2: you're just like what someone like me would call that's 382 00:21:01,201 --> 00:21:04,080 Speaker 2: what I call channeling when I do it, when I 383 00:21:04,201 --> 00:21:08,161 Speaker 2: feel like I'm the channeling you know, from a higher 384 00:21:08,521 --> 00:21:12,321 Speaker 2: version of myself for like well really myself or you know, 385 00:21:12,481 --> 00:21:16,521 Speaker 2: different beings or whoever. It is where you really have 386 00:21:16,640 --> 00:21:21,001 Speaker 2: to just trust yourself and trust like what's coming out 387 00:21:21,041 --> 00:21:25,041 Speaker 2: of you. And it's just I think like for people 388 00:21:25,041 --> 00:21:28,441 Speaker 2: who are listening, because often people go, yeah, but it's 389 00:21:28,481 --> 00:21:30,561 Speaker 2: not for me, I can't do it. I love like 390 00:21:30,761 --> 00:21:33,241 Speaker 2: the idea of you know, being that connected and being 391 00:21:33,281 --> 00:21:34,920 Speaker 2: able to do this and being able to do that. 392 00:21:35,001 --> 00:21:38,801 Speaker 2: But you know, I'm a graphic designer or I do this, 393 00:21:38,961 --> 00:21:42,400 Speaker 2: or but I think like at our core we can 394 00:21:42,561 --> 00:21:46,721 Speaker 2: all do this and this whole like what you're doing 395 00:21:46,801 --> 00:21:50,561 Speaker 2: where you're able to just like really anchor into yourself 396 00:21:50,801 --> 00:21:56,121 Speaker 2: and then understand what the world is needing from you 397 00:21:56,201 --> 00:21:59,801 Speaker 2: and what you were needing from you in those moments, 398 00:22:00,441 --> 00:22:03,841 Speaker 2: I think is so powerful, and that concept I think 399 00:22:03,880 --> 00:22:08,760 Speaker 2: can be can be taken and used by everyone in 400 00:22:08,840 --> 00:22:10,481 Speaker 2: whatever it is that they're doing. 401 00:22:12,201 --> 00:22:17,520 Speaker 1: Absolutely, I think the trivializing of your yearney does not 402 00:22:17,640 --> 00:22:23,361 Speaker 1: serve anybody. The minimization of your impact does not serve anybody. 403 00:22:23,761 --> 00:22:29,960 Speaker 1: So this idea of downsizing your existence and then spotlighting 404 00:22:30,001 --> 00:22:32,721 Speaker 1: people like you and I does nothing for the world. 405 00:22:34,001 --> 00:22:37,041 Speaker 1: I don't desire to be spotlight I don't I don't. 406 00:22:37,561 --> 00:22:41,041 Speaker 1: To be honest with you, I have none of this. 407 00:22:41,400 --> 00:22:44,321 Speaker 1: None of what I do is about likability. I'm not 408 00:22:44,400 --> 00:22:49,201 Speaker 1: trying to be likable. That's not the objective here, right, 409 00:22:49,600 --> 00:22:52,721 Speaker 1: So there is no performance that comes with this. There's 410 00:22:52,721 --> 00:22:55,240 Speaker 1: no pre plan on how I'm going to show up 411 00:22:55,241 --> 00:22:58,561 Speaker 1: because then that And I'm not saying that people don't 412 00:22:58,561 --> 00:23:00,240 Speaker 1: need to do that, because I think basking is a 413 00:23:00,241 --> 00:23:03,281 Speaker 1: form of self protection and preservation is important and you 414 00:23:03,360 --> 00:23:07,041 Speaker 1: should care and maintain pain and refine so that you 415 00:23:07,120 --> 00:23:09,480 Speaker 1: are safe. And I hate you, I get that, but 416 00:23:11,001 --> 00:23:12,761 Speaker 1: as somebody who people are like, I'm a fan of 417 00:23:12,801 --> 00:23:15,761 Speaker 1: your work. I'm like, plee, do not dehumanize me by 418 00:23:15,761 --> 00:23:17,640 Speaker 1: putting me on a paddle store and not design you. 419 00:23:18,160 --> 00:23:21,281 Speaker 2: Oh, I fucking woman. 420 00:23:21,880 --> 00:23:25,201 Speaker 1: I don't need that. That's not what fills my cup 421 00:23:25,241 --> 00:23:30,161 Speaker 1: at all, Like you turning me into somebody to admire 422 00:23:30,241 --> 00:23:33,481 Speaker 1: in a way that actually makes you. If you admiring 423 00:23:33,521 --> 00:23:37,001 Speaker 1: me makes you minimize yourself, stop it. Don't admire me. 424 00:23:38,521 --> 00:23:41,641 Speaker 1: But if admiring me makes you want to peep out 425 00:23:41,681 --> 00:23:45,041 Speaker 1: of your own shell and reach your own self, then beautiful, 426 00:23:45,120 --> 00:23:48,881 Speaker 1: let's be an admiration of each other. Right, Let's let's 427 00:23:48,961 --> 00:23:52,600 Speaker 1: create a synergy in which my conversation with your soul 428 00:23:53,080 --> 00:23:57,080 Speaker 1: right allows us to peak and evolve beyond that. Right. 429 00:23:57,241 --> 00:24:00,120 Speaker 1: So when I say being within my body, I am 430 00:24:00,561 --> 00:24:04,120 Speaker 1: unnecessarily deep conversations with my friends on a daily basis 431 00:24:04,441 --> 00:24:09,080 Speaker 1: that are evaluated, And it's not about critiquing myself. Like 432 00:24:09,761 --> 00:24:12,080 Speaker 1: I believe, perfection is an illusion. It's an a skewed 433 00:24:12,120 --> 00:24:14,481 Speaker 1: way to look at life that really only gets people 434 00:24:14,521 --> 00:24:18,920 Speaker 1: to self loath, right, it only makes people dislike themselves. 435 00:24:18,921 --> 00:24:20,841 Speaker 1: The obsession with the mirror makes you want to cut 436 00:24:20,880 --> 00:24:23,521 Speaker 1: out portions of yourself to look smaller in front of 437 00:24:23,521 --> 00:24:25,761 Speaker 1: a mirror that was not designed for a small soul. 438 00:24:26,561 --> 00:24:30,120 Speaker 1: It's a disservice that does nothing fool you, you know 439 00:24:30,160 --> 00:24:33,840 Speaker 1: what I'm saying. So when I say being within my body, 440 00:24:33,921 --> 00:24:36,441 Speaker 1: it means I have a relationship with self that far 441 00:24:36,521 --> 00:24:40,481 Speaker 1: out extends any relationship I have with anybody else. Yeah, 442 00:24:40,600 --> 00:24:43,160 Speaker 1: there is no relationship outside of me that is greater. 443 00:24:43,441 --> 00:24:46,761 Speaker 1: I love so many people intensely and deeply, but I know, 444 00:24:46,801 --> 00:24:48,880 Speaker 1: at the end of the day, the profound feeling I 445 00:24:48,921 --> 00:24:51,761 Speaker 1: have for myself has to exceed. I have to know 446 00:24:51,840 --> 00:24:55,041 Speaker 1: the sound of my own voice amongst the crowd. I 447 00:24:55,080 --> 00:24:57,120 Speaker 1: have to know that because if I have a show 448 00:24:57,160 --> 00:25:00,240 Speaker 1: and no one claps, like, poetry still means exactly the 449 00:25:00,281 --> 00:25:05,641 Speaker 1: same thing. Yeah, it still has the exact volume and impact, right, 450 00:25:05,681 --> 00:25:08,960 Speaker 1: because the impact the goal was not you ever, And 451 00:25:09,041 --> 00:25:11,640 Speaker 1: I'm allowed to say that as an artist. Yeah, my 452 00:25:11,801 --> 00:25:16,401 Speaker 1: obligation is to myself first, and then whatever comes as 453 00:25:16,400 --> 00:25:18,480 Speaker 1: a residue of that. I am grateful that we are 454 00:25:18,521 --> 00:25:21,160 Speaker 1: able to bask in whatever residue we have created together. 455 00:25:22,241 --> 00:25:24,920 Speaker 1: But that only happens with you giving yourself permission to 456 00:25:24,921 --> 00:25:27,920 Speaker 1: be within this process too. So if I go to 457 00:25:27,961 --> 00:25:29,481 Speaker 1: a show and I give you one hundred and fifty 458 00:25:29,481 --> 00:25:31,681 Speaker 1: percent of me, and you show up with so many 459 00:25:31,721 --> 00:25:34,000 Speaker 1: rules that you can't even climb them. Who am I 460 00:25:34,041 --> 00:25:38,041 Speaker 1: to be upset on myself for your choices? Yeah, there 461 00:25:38,080 --> 00:25:40,001 Speaker 1: was no space for us to have a bond. There 462 00:25:40,001 --> 00:25:44,561 Speaker 1: was no synergy between us, right like, there's no there 463 00:25:44,600 --> 00:25:47,681 Speaker 1: was no contine for this room to elevate, for to escalate, 464 00:25:47,721 --> 00:25:50,161 Speaker 1: for it to be greater vibration, you know what I mean. 465 00:25:50,640 --> 00:25:54,001 Speaker 1: My obligation is to my true self and its authenticity 466 00:25:54,120 --> 00:25:57,720 Speaker 1: comes from accepting that it's never going to be linear, 467 00:25:57,761 --> 00:26:00,360 Speaker 1: that it's not about perfection. The one of my favorite 468 00:26:00,600 --> 00:26:04,041 Speaker 1: quotes coming up when I was young was a great 469 00:26:04,041 --> 00:26:06,120 Speaker 1: our deepacy is now that we are an adequate to 470 00:26:06,120 --> 00:26:08,600 Speaker 1: Our deepest fear is that we are powerful, beyond measured. 471 00:26:08,961 --> 00:26:10,880 Speaker 1: It is not our light. It is our light, not 472 00:26:10,961 --> 00:26:13,721 Speaker 1: our dark that most frightens us. You playing small does 473 00:26:13,761 --> 00:26:18,441 Speaker 1: not serve the world. I don't need that from you. 474 00:26:18,840 --> 00:26:21,920 Speaker 1: I'm Sometimes the fear is not that I'm not capable. 475 00:26:22,160 --> 00:26:25,001 Speaker 1: Sometimes the fear is what if everything that I find 476 00:26:25,041 --> 00:26:28,201 Speaker 1: out this SARMs everything that I know as a reality now, 477 00:26:30,481 --> 00:26:32,801 Speaker 1: And that is a scary reality. So for people to 478 00:26:32,880 --> 00:26:35,520 Speaker 1: channel you must have a relationship with yourself that our 479 00:26:35,600 --> 00:26:39,120 Speaker 1: exceeds all the obsessions you have with the relationship with others. 480 00:26:39,441 --> 00:26:42,641 Speaker 1: You have to be less obsessed with validation from other 481 00:26:42,681 --> 00:26:45,240 Speaker 1: people when you know people are not consistent enough. And 482 00:26:45,281 --> 00:26:47,841 Speaker 1: that's not a dis to humans, that is an acknowledgment 483 00:26:47,840 --> 00:26:50,801 Speaker 1: of reality. No matter how much you love me, you 484 00:26:50,840 --> 00:26:53,440 Speaker 1: cannot show up for me every day in every given moment. 485 00:26:54,001 --> 00:26:56,120 Speaker 1: I can't even guarantee you that I'm gonna tell you 486 00:26:56,160 --> 00:26:58,080 Speaker 1: at every moment when I need you to show up 487 00:26:58,080 --> 00:27:02,160 Speaker 1: for me. So we just create an unrealistic relationship with 488 00:27:02,321 --> 00:27:06,360 Speaker 1: things that will bound to disappoint down to be fragile, 489 00:27:06,481 --> 00:27:10,321 Speaker 1: because that's the beauty in them, right, is the capacity 490 00:27:10,360 --> 00:27:14,161 Speaker 1: to be raised and rebuilt and remolded. So when people 491 00:27:14,120 --> 00:27:15,561 Speaker 1: are like, oh, you know yourself, I'm like, yeah, I 492 00:27:15,561 --> 00:27:19,200 Speaker 1: spent a lot of time evaluating me, and I also 493 00:27:19,360 --> 00:27:22,921 Speaker 1: have acknowledge. I have no desire to be liked by strangers. 494 00:27:23,201 --> 00:27:25,440 Speaker 1: I have a desire for our humanity to have volition. 495 00:27:26,160 --> 00:27:28,440 Speaker 1: I care about you as a human on a baseline. 496 00:27:28,441 --> 00:27:30,440 Speaker 1: I don't need to know your name, or see you 497 00:27:30,640 --> 00:27:33,080 Speaker 1: or hug you, or how do you like me? In response? 498 00:27:33,600 --> 00:27:36,360 Speaker 1: I care about your humanity and your soul's work. I 499 00:27:36,400 --> 00:27:40,521 Speaker 1: want evolution and evolvement. I want peace, I want serenity, 500 00:27:40,600 --> 00:27:43,321 Speaker 1: I want peace of mind. I pray for you without 501 00:27:43,360 --> 00:27:46,680 Speaker 1: even knowing you. Yeah, but that does not mean I 502 00:27:46,721 --> 00:27:50,241 Speaker 1: need you to like me. None of those are synonymous. 503 00:27:51,281 --> 00:27:54,041 Speaker 1: None of those things carry that but volume for me. 504 00:27:54,160 --> 00:27:56,880 Speaker 1: So it's like I'm at peace with the fact that 505 00:27:56,921 --> 00:28:00,400 Speaker 1: I'm insignificant but also so significant in my own world 506 00:28:00,400 --> 00:28:01,001 Speaker 1: that I matter. 507 00:28:02,921 --> 00:28:07,600 Speaker 2: I could listen to you all day, like I'm like, 508 00:28:07,721 --> 00:28:13,201 Speaker 2: keep going. I'm like, this is actually your podcast now. 509 00:28:15,561 --> 00:28:17,801 Speaker 2: This is even being the easiest podcast I've ever done, 510 00:28:17,801 --> 00:28:21,600 Speaker 2: because I've just sat here crying and listening and just 511 00:28:21,600 --> 00:28:24,640 Speaker 2: going yes amen, like I'm not a sermon. 512 00:28:26,721 --> 00:28:29,120 Speaker 1: Listen. It's always an honor to be able to be 513 00:28:29,160 --> 00:28:31,241 Speaker 1: in a space where I can I can pour into 514 00:28:31,281 --> 00:28:33,840 Speaker 1: it without feeling like I'm flooding, because I think that's 515 00:28:33,840 --> 00:28:38,480 Speaker 1: also the responsibility and the self consciousness that comes with 516 00:28:38,561 --> 00:28:40,761 Speaker 1: this is like, man, I got so many things I 517 00:28:40,761 --> 00:28:44,801 Speaker 1: think that are urgent to stay, and I'm like, sometimes 518 00:28:44,841 --> 00:28:46,681 Speaker 1: I had to pick and chew when I pull out, 519 00:28:47,281 --> 00:28:49,720 Speaker 1: because sometimes I'm pouring drowns out a room that does 520 00:28:49,761 --> 00:28:51,081 Speaker 1: not know how to swim. 521 00:28:51,561 --> 00:28:54,921 Speaker 2: Oh, my gosh, so I had you know, yeah, oh, 522 00:28:54,961 --> 00:28:59,401 Speaker 2: I was just gonna say, we're all wearing floaties, like, yeah, 523 00:28:59,441 --> 00:29:03,161 Speaker 2: we're good like you. I literally was just thinking. I 524 00:29:03,201 --> 00:29:05,841 Speaker 2: was like, I was going to say to you, if 525 00:29:05,881 --> 00:29:10,760 Speaker 2: you want to just go like you whatever you feel 526 00:29:10,761 --> 00:29:13,801 Speaker 2: like you want to say, or is in your heart 527 00:29:13,921 --> 00:29:15,881 Speaker 2: or is in your body, or you feel like people 528 00:29:15,921 --> 00:29:18,561 Speaker 2: need to hear, like again, we've got our floatings on, 529 00:29:18,721 --> 00:29:20,841 Speaker 2: like we are good. The floor is yours. 530 00:29:21,641 --> 00:29:24,881 Speaker 1: Thank you. I appreciate the invite and the safety of 531 00:29:24,881 --> 00:29:27,361 Speaker 1: that space because I think it's important. And I also like, 532 00:29:27,721 --> 00:29:30,001 Speaker 1: as an artist, I tell people I can't write work 533 00:29:30,041 --> 00:29:33,521 Speaker 1: about bodies I don't know. I can't write about stuff 534 00:29:33,521 --> 00:29:35,161 Speaker 1: that I don't know within my own self. I also 535 00:29:35,241 --> 00:29:36,761 Speaker 1: had a rule for a long time where I don't 536 00:29:36,761 --> 00:29:39,241 Speaker 1: write poems about things that have not healed from or 537 00:29:39,281 --> 00:29:41,761 Speaker 1: I'm not in the process of healing from. I don't 538 00:29:41,801 --> 00:29:45,801 Speaker 1: open wounds on stage because I know how intense I am. 539 00:29:46,321 --> 00:29:49,001 Speaker 1: And if I read my if I opened my chest 540 00:29:49,041 --> 00:29:52,520 Speaker 1: and have and let everything that is in there that 541 00:29:52,641 --> 00:29:56,121 Speaker 1: has been resting until I get to it completely out 542 00:29:56,241 --> 00:29:59,041 Speaker 1: and then place in the hands that are not ready 543 00:29:59,041 --> 00:30:01,480 Speaker 1: to hold that, and like I don't trumba bond with 544 00:30:01,521 --> 00:30:04,401 Speaker 1: my audience. This is not about us sharing and how 545 00:30:04,481 --> 00:30:07,240 Speaker 1: deep and is rule the world is right, there's a 546 00:30:07,281 --> 00:30:11,841 Speaker 1: difference between exhibition in reality in the form of poetry, right, 547 00:30:12,241 --> 00:30:13,961 Speaker 1: and there is a difference, and that there's a whole 548 00:30:14,001 --> 00:30:16,601 Speaker 1: other thing where like we're only bonded and you only 549 00:30:16,721 --> 00:30:21,161 Speaker 1: like my work because it validates your pain. Yes, I'm 550 00:30:21,161 --> 00:30:23,921 Speaker 1: not trying to do that when not trauma bonding. I'm 551 00:30:23,921 --> 00:30:26,321 Speaker 1: not trauma bonding with an audience. I'm not coming there 552 00:30:26,681 --> 00:30:29,321 Speaker 1: for you to cry and go home and completely be 553 00:30:29,681 --> 00:30:32,000 Speaker 1: in deep sorrow about your life. That's not what I'm 554 00:30:32,041 --> 00:30:34,321 Speaker 1: about to do. That's not the goal and the objective 555 00:30:34,321 --> 00:30:36,841 Speaker 1: of what I'm doing. So, because I care about the 556 00:30:36,881 --> 00:30:38,921 Speaker 1: people that have opened their ease and the soul to me, 557 00:30:39,281 --> 00:30:42,081 Speaker 1: I have to make sure that when I'm delivering, I 558 00:30:42,121 --> 00:30:45,361 Speaker 1: can tell a story with all of its layers properly. 559 00:30:45,481 --> 00:30:47,601 Speaker 1: So for a long time I couldn't speak about my 560 00:30:47,601 --> 00:30:50,001 Speaker 1: mother's DV because it wasn't a story I was ready 561 00:30:50,001 --> 00:30:53,200 Speaker 1: to tell. Yes, and I didn't want a bunch of 562 00:30:53,241 --> 00:30:57,841 Speaker 1: beautiful women who watched me on stage to connect with sorrow. 563 00:30:58,001 --> 00:31:00,321 Speaker 1: I wanted them to see the revolution that was in 564 00:31:00,361 --> 00:31:03,200 Speaker 1: my mom as she came out of that, I wanted 565 00:31:03,241 --> 00:31:07,240 Speaker 1: to honor her in a way that completely articulator stories. 566 00:31:07,241 --> 00:31:09,161 Speaker 1: And even though there are many stories I'm gonna tell 567 00:31:09,161 --> 00:31:11,801 Speaker 1: about that that all my own experience as an audience 568 00:31:11,841 --> 00:31:15,041 Speaker 1: member in that reality, but I wanted to I wanted 569 00:31:15,081 --> 00:31:18,041 Speaker 1: to stop the story by honoring it from from beginning 570 00:31:18,081 --> 00:31:22,081 Speaker 1: to end as a summary, so then I can then 571 00:31:22,201 --> 00:31:25,200 Speaker 1: honor every part without it looking like with trauma bonding, 572 00:31:25,641 --> 00:31:27,960 Speaker 1: because I don't want that at all. So I often 573 00:31:28,001 --> 00:31:29,481 Speaker 1: just go to the ocean. I tell my friend this 574 00:31:29,561 --> 00:31:32,281 Speaker 1: all the time. My favorite moment is when I stand 575 00:31:32,881 --> 00:31:35,480 Speaker 1: right at the ocean and I remember just how small 576 00:31:35,481 --> 00:31:40,641 Speaker 1: I am. I it is the most being able to 577 00:31:40,761 --> 00:31:44,041 Speaker 1: bash in the sun, have it used its glow as 578 00:31:44,361 --> 00:31:47,161 Speaker 1: like use your skin as a stage to dance on, 579 00:31:47,601 --> 00:31:51,001 Speaker 1: being be able to kissy by the wind, and remembering 580 00:31:51,001 --> 00:31:53,561 Speaker 1: that this ocean that provides you, this water that gives 581 00:31:53,601 --> 00:31:56,761 Speaker 1: you life and reminds you of the fact that you 582 00:31:56,841 --> 00:31:59,601 Speaker 1: are alive, it's gonna be. It can be the one 583 00:31:59,641 --> 00:32:03,361 Speaker 1: thing that also completely closes your chapter. There is something 584 00:32:03,481 --> 00:32:11,201 Speaker 1: so profound standing that humanizing yourself is equally as important 585 00:32:11,241 --> 00:32:16,561 Speaker 1: as amplifying yourself. Yes, Oh, people need to do that 586 00:32:16,641 --> 00:32:19,241 Speaker 1: more like you want to be great, love that be great, 587 00:32:19,281 --> 00:32:22,841 Speaker 1: You are great, you deserve that, but humanize it. 588 00:32:23,321 --> 00:32:26,561 Speaker 2: I feel like we have such a fear of honesty 589 00:32:27,401 --> 00:32:31,121 Speaker 2: as well, Like we play it's like we teeter around 590 00:32:31,681 --> 00:32:36,480 Speaker 2: and we sort of play around around the honesty. And 591 00:32:36,521 --> 00:32:39,801 Speaker 2: that's within ourself, that's within how we feel about others, 592 00:32:39,801 --> 00:32:42,440 Speaker 2: that's how we want to converse with others and the 593 00:32:42,481 --> 00:32:46,001 Speaker 2: things that we want to say. And I often find this, 594 00:32:46,121 --> 00:32:47,921 Speaker 2: especially as I'm like because I do a lot of 595 00:32:48,201 --> 00:32:51,801 Speaker 2: you know, healing work with clients and and and it's 596 00:32:51,841 --> 00:32:55,641 Speaker 2: almost just like people are okay with about ten percent 597 00:32:55,681 --> 00:33:01,801 Speaker 2: of themselves. Ooh, come on, And it's so and as 598 00:33:01,841 --> 00:33:04,440 Speaker 2: I'm sort of working with that energy, and it almost 599 00:33:04,521 --> 00:33:06,601 Speaker 2: it makes me sad. And I mean I've been and 600 00:33:06,761 --> 00:33:10,520 Speaker 2: not to throw any sort of shame or anything on that, 601 00:33:10,601 --> 00:33:13,681 Speaker 2: because it's all of us, you know, Like I've experienced 602 00:33:13,721 --> 00:33:19,281 Speaker 2: that too, you know, where we were so afraid to 603 00:33:19,441 --> 00:33:22,521 Speaker 2: sort of like really sit in the complete honesty of 604 00:33:22,561 --> 00:33:24,841 Speaker 2: who we are, because so much of who we are 605 00:33:25,001 --> 00:33:28,081 Speaker 2: is actually just a reflection of everyone else around us 606 00:33:28,201 --> 00:33:29,921 Speaker 2: and the world around us, and the world that we've 607 00:33:29,961 --> 00:33:33,041 Speaker 2: been placed in. And it's more we've been created out 608 00:33:33,081 --> 00:33:37,361 Speaker 2: of safety as opposed to being created out of who 609 00:33:37,401 --> 00:33:40,801 Speaker 2: we actually are and the energy that we've come in with. 610 00:33:43,401 --> 00:33:47,681 Speaker 1: Absolutely, it's it's a very it's a very sad reality 611 00:33:47,721 --> 00:33:51,200 Speaker 1: that we all have have experienced, and it's full. And 612 00:33:51,201 --> 00:33:54,801 Speaker 1: when I say, like, poetry has given me the greatest 613 00:33:54,841 --> 00:33:59,440 Speaker 1: tool of self reflection consistently, because I believe your poem 614 00:33:59,441 --> 00:34:01,521 Speaker 1: does not start until you start telling the truth. 615 00:34:02,001 --> 00:34:03,521 Speaker 2: Yeah. 616 00:34:03,601 --> 00:34:07,081 Speaker 1: So, and that truth and be funny, that truth can 617 00:34:07,121 --> 00:34:10,681 Speaker 1: be lighthearted, that truth can be trivial. Really, it could 618 00:34:10,721 --> 00:34:13,961 Speaker 1: be whatever you want. But is it real? Yeah? And 619 00:34:14,281 --> 00:34:16,081 Speaker 1: again I don't say that to like, you know, there 620 00:34:16,081 --> 00:34:17,961 Speaker 1: are people who write and make up stories. I love 621 00:34:17,961 --> 00:34:20,001 Speaker 1: that for you. I love the creativity and the venture 622 00:34:20,041 --> 00:34:22,361 Speaker 1: that comes with that. But I say this to say, like, 623 00:34:23,121 --> 00:34:24,881 Speaker 1: I have to be honest when I pick up a pen. 624 00:34:25,761 --> 00:34:27,521 Speaker 1: I have to be honest when I get on stage 625 00:34:27,561 --> 00:34:30,281 Speaker 1: because I owe it to myself. I really don't care 626 00:34:30,481 --> 00:34:32,401 Speaker 1: too much if you believe it or not, to be 627 00:34:32,921 --> 00:34:35,241 Speaker 1: quite frank with you, and that's been the power in this. 628 00:34:35,361 --> 00:34:38,281 Speaker 1: It's like, my obligation or my priority is not you 629 00:34:38,481 --> 00:34:41,401 Speaker 1: loving it. My priority is you feeling it, and you 630 00:34:41,441 --> 00:34:45,161 Speaker 1: can't deny the truth because you are feeling. You might 631 00:34:45,201 --> 00:34:47,601 Speaker 1: not comprehend it. It might not even be your story, 632 00:34:48,361 --> 00:34:50,721 Speaker 1: it might never be your story. But the fact that 633 00:34:50,761 --> 00:34:52,241 Speaker 1: I can sit in it and be like, Yeah, this 634 00:34:52,361 --> 00:34:55,961 Speaker 1: is what it is. That's the truth of that's my reality. 635 00:34:56,041 --> 00:34:58,281 Speaker 1: This is my truth. I say with conviction, I say 636 00:34:58,361 --> 00:35:00,321 Speaker 1: with pride, and I say it for no adjustment for 637 00:35:00,361 --> 00:35:03,761 Speaker 1: anyone's ears. He's what it is, and put whatetry allows 638 00:35:03,801 --> 00:35:06,641 Speaker 1: me to channel part of myself that I think I 639 00:35:06,721 --> 00:35:10,960 Speaker 1: would bury in a closet, you know, Like I think 640 00:35:11,001 --> 00:35:12,961 Speaker 1: we all have to put on a certain costume to 641 00:35:13,001 --> 00:35:15,361 Speaker 1: walk out into the world and not be so sensitive 642 00:35:15,361 --> 00:35:19,401 Speaker 1: and be shatted. And I hear that, I understand that 643 00:35:20,121 --> 00:35:23,481 Speaker 1: need for self preservation because outside is not built for 644 00:35:23,561 --> 00:35:27,721 Speaker 1: your inside. Yeah, I hate you, I get it. I'm 645 00:35:27,721 --> 00:35:30,281 Speaker 1: not even mad, But I'm like, when you start to 646 00:35:30,321 --> 00:35:32,161 Speaker 1: put on that mask, even in your own. 647 00:35:32,001 --> 00:35:35,361 Speaker 4: Time, Yeah, when you don't know when to take it off, 648 00:35:35,441 --> 00:35:38,161 Speaker 4: when you lose trust in everybody in their capacity to 649 00:35:38,201 --> 00:35:41,601 Speaker 4: take who you really are, When it hinders your progress, 650 00:35:41,681 --> 00:35:42,401 Speaker 4: your your. 651 00:35:42,281 --> 00:35:45,321 Speaker 1: Peace of mind, when it hinders your alone time, your intimacy, 652 00:35:45,681 --> 00:35:50,681 Speaker 1: your capacity to grow power, comes from self knowledge first 653 00:35:51,001 --> 00:35:54,841 Speaker 1: to capacity to execute without fear that it might not 654 00:35:54,961 --> 00:35:58,001 Speaker 1: be perfect. And it is also the disconnect from time, 655 00:35:58,241 --> 00:36:01,001 Speaker 1: Like there's no such thing as when it will you. 656 00:36:01,201 --> 00:36:03,081 Speaker 1: It will happen when you decide to make it happen. 657 00:36:03,441 --> 00:36:05,801 Speaker 1: It will be a reality once you jules for it 658 00:36:05,801 --> 00:36:09,281 Speaker 1: to be. Now you're reality. And it sounds it sounds 659 00:36:09,321 --> 00:36:12,521 Speaker 1: so like, oh, but we need something deeper. Well, sometimes 660 00:36:12,521 --> 00:36:14,601 Speaker 1: you have to decide to do things scared. Oh, get 661 00:36:14,681 --> 00:36:15,041 Speaker 1: back to me. 662 00:36:15,081 --> 00:36:18,881 Speaker 2: When you do that a hundred percent, do the scary thing. 663 00:36:19,241 --> 00:36:22,881 Speaker 2: Oh my god, I'm like because that is honestly, like, 664 00:36:23,321 --> 00:36:25,601 Speaker 2: that's like where you meet yourself. That's where you go, 665 00:36:25,641 --> 00:36:28,201 Speaker 2: and that's where you meet your power, right because you're like, 666 00:36:28,401 --> 00:36:32,521 Speaker 2: oh my, I can fucking take on, Like I'm so resilient, 667 00:36:32,721 --> 00:36:36,481 Speaker 2: I'm so much more capable than I've than the stories 668 00:36:36,481 --> 00:36:39,641 Speaker 2: that I've told myself, And like I can feel it 669 00:36:39,721 --> 00:36:43,921 Speaker 2: in you, this like deepness within yourself where you just 670 00:36:43,961 --> 00:36:47,001 Speaker 2: want to grab people and be like you can find 671 00:36:47,121 --> 00:36:49,361 Speaker 2: like you are fucking I want you to be able 672 00:36:49,401 --> 00:36:51,480 Speaker 2: to do this for you. I'm not doing shit for you. 673 00:36:51,561 --> 00:36:53,241 Speaker 2: I want you to be able to do this for you, 674 00:36:53,321 --> 00:36:56,361 Speaker 2: like I can see in you and in everyone, what 675 00:36:56,441 --> 00:36:59,000 Speaker 2: I can see in myself and what I can oh 676 00:36:59,201 --> 00:37:03,801 Speaker 2: just that like wanting it for I don't know just 677 00:37:03,921 --> 00:37:06,321 Speaker 2: the empowerment of all I just find it. But I 678 00:37:06,401 --> 00:37:07,121 Speaker 2: want beautiful. 679 00:37:07,521 --> 00:37:10,241 Speaker 1: I want to fool you. I don't want to fool 680 00:37:10,361 --> 00:37:13,480 Speaker 1: me so that it can be for you. Like I'm 681 00:37:13,681 --> 00:37:16,480 Speaker 1: actually so far removed from this equation that you don't 682 00:37:16,521 --> 00:37:20,921 Speaker 1: even understand, like people think it's like I worked so 683 00:37:21,121 --> 00:37:24,921 Speaker 1: hard for things to not be ego form. Yeah, my 684 00:37:25,081 --> 00:37:28,161 Speaker 1: cert to the world is my greater relationship with a 685 00:37:28,241 --> 00:37:31,801 Speaker 1: higher power. I don't take anything tangible from this world 686 00:37:31,801 --> 00:37:34,721 Speaker 1: with me when I'm dust. The only vibration I leave 687 00:37:34,761 --> 00:37:37,441 Speaker 1: in this world is how I make people feel. And 688 00:37:37,481 --> 00:37:39,881 Speaker 1: if I can pick up a nineteen year old girl 689 00:37:39,961 --> 00:37:42,601 Speaker 1: who sings and never thought she could do this as 690 00:37:42,601 --> 00:37:45,481 Speaker 1: a way and again sings the thing, we call it right. 691 00:37:45,801 --> 00:37:48,361 Speaker 1: But it is the capacity to turn your reality into 692 00:37:48,441 --> 00:37:52,801 Speaker 1: vibrations that strangers will want to dance to, not greater 693 00:37:52,961 --> 00:37:56,961 Speaker 1: conversation here. So when I'm like I'm me, I'm able 694 00:37:57,001 --> 00:37:58,960 Speaker 1: to be the mirror that you need at this very 695 00:37:59,001 --> 00:38:01,721 Speaker 1: given point to give you a reminder that you are 696 00:38:01,801 --> 00:38:06,641 Speaker 1: more capable than you think. Because I'm the exception. I 697 00:38:06,721 --> 00:38:09,281 Speaker 1: was supposed to be somewhat buried in with no noise 698 00:38:09,361 --> 00:38:14,881 Speaker 1: and no story, and I made myself the exception. You know, 699 00:38:15,321 --> 00:38:17,801 Speaker 1: I need you to do that because there was somebody 700 00:38:17,801 --> 00:38:20,921 Speaker 1: else watching you that wants to be the exception and 701 00:38:20,961 --> 00:38:23,561 Speaker 1: they don't think that could happen. What if the rule 702 00:38:23,601 --> 00:38:27,761 Speaker 1: became the exception, if people just chose that. Sometimes all 703 00:38:27,761 --> 00:38:29,561 Speaker 1: you need to do is remind people that have the 704 00:38:29,601 --> 00:38:32,480 Speaker 1: capacity to decide, And if you can't do it, I'll 705 00:38:32,521 --> 00:38:34,561 Speaker 1: do it for you, and I will leave you in 706 00:38:34,561 --> 00:38:38,081 Speaker 1: a room that reminds you how great you are, right 707 00:38:38,121 --> 00:38:40,401 Speaker 1: because you need that. And I literally had an interview 708 00:38:40,481 --> 00:38:43,601 Speaker 1: yesterday about my next festival, She Is, and I was 709 00:38:43,681 --> 00:38:48,641 Speaker 1: telling the organization that I'm working with. One thing that's 710 00:38:48,681 --> 00:38:52,361 Speaker 1: super important to me about this show as a collective 711 00:38:53,121 --> 00:38:56,161 Speaker 1: is that I want people to realize the power these 712 00:38:56,161 --> 00:38:58,961 Speaker 1: women have and to see me so much out of 713 00:38:59,041 --> 00:39:01,241 Speaker 1: the story, like it's not about me at all. Right, 714 00:39:01,321 --> 00:39:02,881 Speaker 1: I woult to be able to CoCreate, call me the 715 00:39:02,961 --> 00:39:06,521 Speaker 1: architect in the space that right, let me archetize and 716 00:39:06,561 --> 00:39:09,401 Speaker 1: then let people do what they do. And every show, 717 00:39:09,481 --> 00:39:12,481 Speaker 1: our first show was beautiful when we debriefed. Our second 718 00:39:12,521 --> 00:39:14,681 Speaker 1: show was like one hundred and sixty people sold out. 719 00:39:14,961 --> 00:39:17,801 Speaker 1: Everybody was booming, and I said, listen to the audience. 720 00:39:18,721 --> 00:39:21,361 Speaker 1: We get a paycheck, yes you Cloud Foster, and we 721 00:39:21,441 --> 00:39:23,761 Speaker 1: love that. We will have photos to take home. But 722 00:39:23,801 --> 00:39:25,201 Speaker 1: I would like for you to leave a note for 723 00:39:25,241 --> 00:39:27,521 Speaker 1: the artist, because there's going to be a certain point 724 00:39:27,641 --> 00:39:30,521 Speaker 1: in their career in which this doesn't look like it's 725 00:39:30,521 --> 00:39:34,081 Speaker 1: something they should do anymore. Yeah, I want you to 726 00:39:34,121 --> 00:39:36,721 Speaker 1: give them a reason for whenever time they doubt themselves. 727 00:39:36,721 --> 00:39:38,721 Speaker 1: Whatever you felt in your heart, I want you to 728 00:39:38,761 --> 00:39:40,681 Speaker 1: try to put us whatever words you can to it. 729 00:39:41,561 --> 00:39:43,521 Speaker 1: I have a bag full of eighty to one hundred 730 00:39:43,561 --> 00:39:47,521 Speaker 1: notes from strangers that are dedicated to each artist that 731 00:39:47,601 --> 00:39:49,441 Speaker 1: are like, this is how you made me feel. Do 732 00:39:49,521 --> 00:39:52,361 Speaker 1: not stop. Like it's if we can do that for people. 733 00:39:52,601 --> 00:39:54,401 Speaker 1: When people come to my workship, I'm like, this is 734 00:39:54,441 --> 00:39:57,361 Speaker 1: your time to write a letter to yourself that whenever 735 00:39:57,401 --> 00:40:00,121 Speaker 1: you lose connection with who you are, you pick up 736 00:40:00,161 --> 00:40:02,401 Speaker 1: that letter that was written by a past self to 737 00:40:02,481 --> 00:40:06,921 Speaker 1: remind you of way you've come. If you want to heal, 738 00:40:07,121 --> 00:40:10,401 Speaker 1: understand that your past is the evolutionary clap that you 739 00:40:10,521 --> 00:40:15,241 Speaker 1: have for now yesterday, was you clapping for you today? Yes, 740 00:40:16,241 --> 00:40:19,281 Speaker 1: you need that clap. Keep that with you. If you can't, 741 00:40:19,281 --> 00:40:21,281 Speaker 1: put it in a drug closet, seal it and put 742 00:40:21,281 --> 00:40:23,761 Speaker 1: it in your bedroom and you close a room and 743 00:40:23,841 --> 00:40:26,081 Speaker 1: let it out so that it bounces off every wall. 744 00:40:26,241 --> 00:40:29,721 Speaker 1: You feel the greatness that your past self is allowing 745 00:40:29,761 --> 00:40:31,761 Speaker 1: you to have because you have evolved. 746 00:40:32,201 --> 00:40:34,960 Speaker 2: Oh, I feel that in my fucking soul and my boat. 747 00:40:35,001 --> 00:40:37,561 Speaker 2: I was literally going to say, like, you know, like 748 00:40:38,081 --> 00:40:41,401 Speaker 2: this is this chat has been so fucking incredible and 749 00:40:41,721 --> 00:40:43,561 Speaker 2: we probably have to wrap it up soon. And I 750 00:40:43,601 --> 00:40:45,241 Speaker 2: was going to say to you, like, if there's anything 751 00:40:45,241 --> 00:40:47,521 Speaker 2: that you want to you know, feel like you want 752 00:40:47,521 --> 00:40:50,480 Speaker 2: to share, and like encourage it, and I'm like that 753 00:40:50,561 --> 00:40:55,921 Speaker 2: you just didn't. It's even like the past you clapping 754 00:40:55,961 --> 00:40:59,641 Speaker 2: for you, The present you now is so. 755 00:41:01,081 --> 00:41:05,761 Speaker 1: Potent, it's it's it's real. If you remember nothing from 756 00:41:05,761 --> 00:41:08,601 Speaker 1: this conversation you've heard in this podcast, if my name 757 00:41:08,801 --> 00:41:12,841 Speaker 1: bounces and it gets eliminated in air, just remember one 758 00:41:12,881 --> 00:41:15,841 Speaker 1: thing that the version of you that showed up to 759 00:41:15,881 --> 00:41:18,961 Speaker 1: listen to this conversation needed this message and needed to 760 00:41:19,041 --> 00:41:22,681 Speaker 1: hear that your value is not determined by your capacity 761 00:41:22,961 --> 00:41:25,961 Speaker 1: to always be perfect. It is how you show up 762 00:41:26,001 --> 00:41:29,761 Speaker 1: for yourself consistently despite the imperfection. So if there is 763 00:41:29,801 --> 00:41:34,001 Speaker 1: a way for you to set up fuel and protein 764 00:41:34,121 --> 00:41:36,961 Speaker 1: for yourself to keep rising out of your own despair, 765 00:41:37,161 --> 00:41:39,041 Speaker 1: do it. If you can pick up a pen right 766 00:41:39,041 --> 00:41:41,561 Speaker 1: after listening to this podcast and write a love letter 767 00:41:41,561 --> 00:41:43,801 Speaker 1: to yourself and keep it in your room. If there 768 00:41:43,841 --> 00:41:46,001 Speaker 1: is a way for you to seal your laughter and 769 00:41:46,001 --> 00:41:48,201 Speaker 1: put it in a jar so that when you are crying, 770 00:41:48,441 --> 00:41:50,761 Speaker 1: you remind yourself that you have been happy before and 771 00:41:50,801 --> 00:41:52,681 Speaker 1: you can go back to that. If there is a 772 00:41:52,721 --> 00:41:55,961 Speaker 1: way for you to get a snapshot of every moment 773 00:41:56,241 --> 00:41:58,721 Speaker 1: that reminds you of your humanity. If you can just 774 00:41:58,761 --> 00:42:01,681 Speaker 1: walk into the street and remember, honestly, I believe the 775 00:42:01,801 --> 00:42:05,041 Speaker 1: last innocent thing that we have constant is a child's smile. 776 00:42:05,841 --> 00:42:08,401 Speaker 1: That's one of the last innocent things that continues to 777 00:42:08,441 --> 00:42:13,721 Speaker 1: be pure. Please completely fill yourself with as much ammo 778 00:42:14,081 --> 00:42:17,161 Speaker 1: to be the greatest version of yourself, because you deserve that. 779 00:42:17,561 --> 00:42:19,401 Speaker 1: It is not how you show up for others. It 780 00:42:19,441 --> 00:42:22,721 Speaker 1: is how you show up when the audience is gone, 781 00:42:22,921 --> 00:42:25,001 Speaker 1: when there is nobody at the table, when there is 782 00:42:25,041 --> 00:42:27,281 Speaker 1: no one beside you, when there is nobody holding you 783 00:42:27,321 --> 00:42:31,921 Speaker 1: when your affirmation to yourself far exceeds the world. How 784 00:42:32,041 --> 00:42:35,401 Speaker 1: valuable you are is not determined by this great level 785 00:42:35,521 --> 00:42:37,641 Speaker 1: stance that you have to be in this high position 786 00:42:37,681 --> 00:42:41,481 Speaker 1: at all times. We connect with realness. Your capacity to 787 00:42:41,521 --> 00:42:45,041 Speaker 1: smile at a stranger, to show up, to allow your 788 00:42:45,041 --> 00:42:47,561 Speaker 1: soul to cry and clean itself of everything that was 789 00:42:47,681 --> 00:42:50,921 Speaker 1: yesterday for tomorrow is who you are. So forget who 790 00:42:50,921 --> 00:42:54,521 Speaker 1: to the goddess, forget the poetry, remember that our intrinsic 791 00:42:54,641 --> 00:42:57,241 Speaker 1: need is to be seen, is to be valued, It's 792 00:42:57,281 --> 00:43:02,201 Speaker 1: to be honored as our whole reality. Your imperfection is 793 00:43:02,281 --> 00:43:04,961 Speaker 1: exactly what is those world needs for its vibration to 794 00:43:05,121 --> 00:43:09,641 Speaker 1: Can you continue to be perfect? So just do that, commit 795 00:43:09,721 --> 00:43:12,081 Speaker 1: to that and choose that for you. 796 00:43:13,641 --> 00:43:19,681 Speaker 2: Thank you so unbelievably much, thank you. Oh my god. 797 00:43:19,801 --> 00:43:24,401 Speaker 2: I've like I have literally cried like fifteen times. Every 798 00:43:24,481 --> 00:43:28,401 Speaker 2: single word felt like even like for me personally, felt 799 00:43:28,481 --> 00:43:31,801 Speaker 2: like something I literally needed to hear. And I'm sure 800 00:43:31,841 --> 00:43:34,721 Speaker 2: there are so many other people listening right now who've 801 00:43:34,721 --> 00:43:37,201 Speaker 2: probably cried as many times as I have and have 802 00:43:37,401 --> 00:43:40,201 Speaker 2: just needed to hear all of those words, and just 803 00:43:40,281 --> 00:43:45,321 Speaker 2: like the absolute just that's like that's just channeling and 804 00:43:45,401 --> 00:43:48,721 Speaker 2: it's just at its absolute call, Like that's we just 805 00:43:48,761 --> 00:43:52,401 Speaker 2: watched it happen. We just watched you just like speak 806 00:43:52,441 --> 00:43:56,121 Speaker 2: from your body, from your truth, from wherever it came from, 807 00:43:56,241 --> 00:43:59,521 Speaker 2: and the trust that you had for it, and like 808 00:43:59,601 --> 00:44:02,281 Speaker 2: it fucking pays off because when you're listening and you're like, 809 00:44:02,321 --> 00:44:05,441 Speaker 2: those words felt like they were for me. Thank you 810 00:44:05,521 --> 00:44:10,161 Speaker 2: so much, Tudor. You really are just such a blessing 811 00:44:10,921 --> 00:44:15,721 Speaker 2: to this world and your words are just so fucking 812 00:44:15,761 --> 00:44:16,721 Speaker 2: potent and powerful. 813 00:44:17,761 --> 00:44:19,641 Speaker 1: Thank you. Thank you for being the architect in your 814 00:44:19,641 --> 00:44:23,281 Speaker 1: own space and exhibiting and creating the space for people 815 00:44:23,321 --> 00:44:26,481 Speaker 1: to also have their power that sometimes is not always 816 00:44:26,521 --> 00:44:29,881 Speaker 1: celebrated be highlighted. I think there is such magic in 817 00:44:29,921 --> 00:44:33,881 Speaker 1: this space and its own creation and also me feeling like, oh, 818 00:44:33,921 --> 00:44:36,841 Speaker 1: I can be my whole, full self and like not 819 00:44:36,921 --> 00:44:38,641 Speaker 1: to say that I ever need permission, because I'm gonna 820 00:44:38,641 --> 00:44:41,761 Speaker 1: do what at the hell I want to do, but 821 00:44:42,921 --> 00:44:44,481 Speaker 1: thank you so much for having me. It's been an 822 00:44:44,521 --> 00:44:45,241 Speaker 1: absolute honor. 823 00:44:45,441 --> 00:44:49,440 Speaker 2: Oh You're amazing. Thank you. How can people how can 824 00:44:49,481 --> 00:44:52,401 Speaker 2: they find you? Like what shows are coming up? How 825 00:44:52,441 --> 00:44:54,761 Speaker 2: can they see you? How can they stalk you in 826 00:44:54,841 --> 00:44:57,721 Speaker 2: like a not a crazy way, but just like just 827 00:44:57,761 --> 00:44:59,161 Speaker 2: an adorable way. 828 00:45:00,481 --> 00:45:02,921 Speaker 1: Well who to the goddess everywhere? But Instagram is the 829 00:45:02,921 --> 00:45:05,441 Speaker 1: easiest way to find where I am because also I 830 00:45:05,441 --> 00:45:08,881 Speaker 1: have raging ADHD, so my ability to tell you ahead 831 00:45:08,881 --> 00:45:10,721 Speaker 1: of time is not good. 832 00:45:10,921 --> 00:45:13,201 Speaker 2: Not that fine, girl, We'll put that, We'll put it 833 00:45:13,241 --> 00:45:13,960 Speaker 2: in the show notes. 834 00:45:16,601 --> 00:45:19,681 Speaker 1: But yeah, I hope, yeah, whoever I reach and maybe 835 00:45:19,721 --> 00:45:21,081 Speaker 1: I'll see some people on the other side. 836 00:45:21,801 --> 00:45:24,361 Speaker 2: Yes, thank you so so much.