1 00:00:00,720 --> 00:00:03,320 Speaker 1: I get its Welcome to another installment of You Project. 2 00:00:03,840 --> 00:00:06,600 Speaker 1: This is about take four. Not really. We've had a 3 00:00:06,680 --> 00:00:09,760 Speaker 1: We've had an interesting start to the the morning we 4 00:00:09,840 --> 00:00:12,920 Speaker 1: let down our guest. We were tardy, we were late. 5 00:00:13,119 --> 00:00:18,120 Speaker 1: We were late to our own show. Tiff was going 6 00:00:18,120 --> 00:00:20,360 Speaker 1: to be it may as well we are, say, yeah, 7 00:00:20,360 --> 00:00:22,520 Speaker 1: it might as well be. Andrew Matthews, Welcome to the 8 00:00:22,560 --> 00:00:25,800 Speaker 1: You Project. Quick, let's get this bloody thing started. How 9 00:00:25,840 --> 00:00:29,160 Speaker 1: are you well, Craig. Nice to be here, Thanks Tiff, 10 00:00:30,120 --> 00:00:33,760 Speaker 1: Thanks so much for agreeing to join us. Where are you? 11 00:00:33,880 --> 00:00:37,239 Speaker 1: Are you in the Sunshine State Now? 12 00:00:37,280 --> 00:00:40,760 Speaker 2: I'm in the Sunshine State, Trinity Beach in far North Queensland, 13 00:00:40,960 --> 00:00:42,640 Speaker 2: between Cans and Poor Douglas. 14 00:00:43,240 --> 00:00:46,479 Speaker 1: That must be tough for you. Are you okay? Get that? 15 00:00:47,800 --> 00:00:51,080 Speaker 2: It's a beautiful part of the world. It's just spectacular. 16 00:00:51,280 --> 00:00:52,520 Speaker 2: We're on the big record here. 17 00:00:53,000 --> 00:00:56,160 Speaker 1: I reckon when your your thing is well, amongst other things. 18 00:00:56,160 --> 00:01:00,520 Speaker 1: But one of your core focuses and talking points is 19 00:01:00,640 --> 00:01:04,160 Speaker 1: happiness that you have a geographical advantage where you are. 20 00:01:04,200 --> 00:01:05,600 Speaker 1: So I'm not sure that that's fair. 21 00:01:06,480 --> 00:01:10,680 Speaker 2: Well, we created it. We came from Adelaide, which was 22 00:01:10,720 --> 00:01:17,480 Speaker 2: also delightful. But because I'm spending my life writing books, 23 00:01:17,520 --> 00:01:20,720 Speaker 2: and I travel a lot. So my wife Julie and 24 00:01:20,800 --> 00:01:25,440 Speaker 2: I decided perhaps we could have a nice, beautiful place 25 00:01:25,480 --> 00:01:28,080 Speaker 2: to come back to when we're not traveling, and we 26 00:01:28,160 --> 00:01:31,200 Speaker 2: found this little beach called Trinity Beach, which is about 27 00:01:31,840 --> 00:01:34,199 Speaker 2: twenty minutes north of Cairns. 28 00:01:35,560 --> 00:01:38,520 Speaker 1: Before you were an international speaker and author and all 29 00:01:38,560 --> 00:01:41,679 Speaker 1: things happiness, man, what did you do? What did you 30 00:01:41,720 --> 00:01:44,839 Speaker 1: do before all of this blug buddy megastart and time 31 00:01:44,920 --> 00:01:46,959 Speaker 1: and the money? By the way, do you need a 32 00:01:47,000 --> 00:01:49,560 Speaker 1: hand with the money? Is it burdensome? 33 00:01:50,440 --> 00:01:56,840 Speaker 2: We'll get to that later. I began a law degree 34 00:01:56,840 --> 00:01:58,960 Speaker 2: because I thought that was the responsible thing to do. 35 00:01:59,040 --> 00:02:01,840 Speaker 2: But I didn't like that. And my passion was always 36 00:02:03,360 --> 00:02:08,800 Speaker 2: drawing and drawing portraits, painting, and so I studied art 37 00:02:10,240 --> 00:02:13,200 Speaker 2: then about and I was an artist. I used to 38 00:02:13,200 --> 00:02:18,520 Speaker 2: paint portraits. I did some cartooning for international magazines that 39 00:02:18,560 --> 00:02:20,760 Speaker 2: you may have heard of. Used to do some work 40 00:02:20,800 --> 00:02:24,400 Speaker 2: for Playboy when I was a late nineteen year old. Wow, 41 00:02:25,040 --> 00:02:28,000 Speaker 2: I did the clean cartoons. 42 00:02:30,160 --> 00:02:31,200 Speaker 1: Allegedly your honor. 43 00:02:33,360 --> 00:02:36,239 Speaker 2: When I was twenty five, I made a shocking discovery, 44 00:02:36,440 --> 00:02:40,000 Speaker 2: and that was that the happiest people I knew had 45 00:02:40,040 --> 00:02:43,760 Speaker 2: bigger problems than me, and that made no sense. I 46 00:02:43,800 --> 00:02:46,840 Speaker 2: was trying to figure out what is it with happy people? 47 00:02:48,080 --> 00:02:51,440 Speaker 2: How do they think? How do they deal with challenges? 48 00:02:51,560 --> 00:02:54,440 Speaker 2: And what is it that they do that I don't? 49 00:02:55,360 --> 00:02:58,880 Speaker 2: And I began to read a lot and study a 50 00:02:58,919 --> 00:03:00,640 Speaker 2: lot and do a lot of s m and rs. 51 00:03:00,720 --> 00:03:05,760 Speaker 2: And that eventually led to my first book, Being Happy, 52 00:03:05,840 --> 00:03:06,919 Speaker 2: And that's where it all began. 53 00:03:08,040 --> 00:03:15,760 Speaker 1: Wow, what's the intersection, Andrew or the relationship between and 54 00:03:15,840 --> 00:03:18,840 Speaker 1: I know there's a million kind of variables around happiness, 55 00:03:18,840 --> 00:03:25,160 Speaker 1: but happiness and say contentment the absence of anxiety, Like 56 00:03:25,240 --> 00:03:29,800 Speaker 1: how do we is one person's personal understanding of happiness 57 00:03:29,840 --> 00:03:35,800 Speaker 1: someone else's calm, Like sometimes I feel really content and 58 00:03:36,480 --> 00:03:39,880 Speaker 1: I feel very like just where I'm meant to be, 59 00:03:40,480 --> 00:03:43,160 Speaker 1: but I might not feel that giddy you for it 60 00:03:43,360 --> 00:03:45,400 Speaker 1: kind of happiness vibe. 61 00:03:45,440 --> 00:03:51,160 Speaker 2: You know, happiness is a difficult way because it really 62 00:03:51,200 --> 00:03:54,040 Speaker 2: doesn't cover everything we wanted to cover. But if you 63 00:03:54,080 --> 00:03:57,760 Speaker 2: talk about contentment, then that perhaps implies that you know, 64 00:03:57,800 --> 00:04:00,920 Speaker 2: we're not leading a very act of life. Or if 65 00:04:00,960 --> 00:04:04,000 Speaker 2: we talk about joy, then no one's going to be 66 00:04:04,080 --> 00:04:07,600 Speaker 2: joyful all the time. And so when people might say, well, 67 00:04:08,040 --> 00:04:12,160 Speaker 2: is happiness really the goal. It's more than that. It's 68 00:04:12,200 --> 00:04:16,240 Speaker 2: about finding meaning in life. It's about feeling that we 69 00:04:16,320 --> 00:04:18,360 Speaker 2: can't wait to get out of bed in the morning, 70 00:04:18,480 --> 00:04:22,520 Speaker 2: which is more than just a superficial happiness. It might 71 00:04:22,600 --> 00:04:28,279 Speaker 2: be about feeling that we're doing something to make the 72 00:04:28,320 --> 00:04:31,360 Speaker 2: world a better place. And so I find that all 73 00:04:31,400 --> 00:04:34,440 Speaker 2: of those things contribute to what one person is going 74 00:04:34,480 --> 00:04:38,600 Speaker 2: to say, well, that represents happiness, and another person will say, well, 75 00:04:38,600 --> 00:04:42,920 Speaker 2: happiness is just sort of a superficial thing. So what 76 00:04:42,960 --> 00:04:46,520 Speaker 2: I like to do, Craig is look at things that 77 00:04:46,600 --> 00:04:49,360 Speaker 2: we can do, strategies that we can have that can 78 00:04:49,400 --> 00:04:50,440 Speaker 2: make our life better. 79 00:04:51,400 --> 00:04:53,279 Speaker 1: And that may. 80 00:04:54,839 --> 00:04:59,760 Speaker 2: Involve looking at things we're grateful for. It might involve 81 00:05:00,600 --> 00:05:03,680 Speaker 2: doing some things that we find that we really love, 82 00:05:03,839 --> 00:05:06,760 Speaker 2: even if we can't be doing everything we love because 83 00:05:06,800 --> 00:05:09,479 Speaker 2: we've got to pay the rent and have a job. 84 00:05:11,400 --> 00:05:16,599 Speaker 2: It might mean that we're dedicated to raising extraordinary children. 85 00:05:17,839 --> 00:05:19,680 Speaker 2: So there can be a whole lot of things that 86 00:05:19,760 --> 00:05:24,279 Speaker 2: contribute to saying my life has meaning and I'm happy 87 00:05:24,320 --> 00:05:26,000 Speaker 2: to be who I am. I don't want to be 88 00:05:26,040 --> 00:05:32,200 Speaker 2: anyone else. And so what I seek to do in 89 00:05:32,200 --> 00:05:35,080 Speaker 2: my books, what I write from my first book, Being 90 00:05:35,160 --> 00:05:40,320 Speaker 2: Happy Right through to my latest book, which bouncing back 91 00:05:40,800 --> 00:05:47,760 Speaker 2: Looking at Resilience, is to come up with very simple strategies, 92 00:05:47,839 --> 00:05:50,040 Speaker 2: things that we can bear in mind that can make 93 00:05:50,160 --> 00:05:55,120 Speaker 2: us stronger, more resilient, and happier each day. 94 00:05:56,400 --> 00:06:00,320 Speaker 1: Yeah, I think I love that. The interesting thing about 95 00:06:00,360 --> 00:06:04,960 Speaker 1: trying to create any outcome for any person is like 96 00:06:05,680 --> 00:06:08,080 Speaker 1: if somebody you know me as an ex size scientist, 97 00:06:08,200 --> 00:06:10,919 Speaker 1: like somebody you know, ten people come to me and 98 00:06:10,960 --> 00:06:15,000 Speaker 1: say I want to be stronger. You know they've all 99 00:06:15,040 --> 00:06:17,800 Speaker 1: got the same goal. Well, they're all going to need 100 00:06:17,800 --> 00:06:20,200 Speaker 1: a different approach or a different program, or a different 101 00:06:20,200 --> 00:06:23,040 Speaker 1: protocol because they're all in different places. They've all got 102 00:06:23,080 --> 00:06:28,600 Speaker 1: different physiology, they've all got different issues medically perhaps, and 103 00:06:28,680 --> 00:06:31,320 Speaker 1: so even though they all want the same outcome, they're 104 00:06:31,320 --> 00:06:34,880 Speaker 1: all going to have to take a different path. Is 105 00:06:34,920 --> 00:06:36,839 Speaker 1: it similar with happiness? Do you think? 106 00:06:38,680 --> 00:06:41,479 Speaker 2: I think that there are some common denominators that work 107 00:06:41,560 --> 00:06:45,440 Speaker 2: for each us. When we start to say to ourselves, 108 00:06:45,520 --> 00:06:49,200 Speaker 2: for example, happiness is not an accident. Happiness is something 109 00:06:49,240 --> 00:06:54,040 Speaker 2: that you choose, that you look for good things. Yes, 110 00:06:55,000 --> 00:07:01,000 Speaker 2: then you start to say, if if I say, what 111 00:07:01,120 --> 00:07:03,600 Speaker 2: do I really love about my friend Craig, then I 112 00:07:03,640 --> 00:07:07,080 Speaker 2: start to see good things in you, and our relationship 113 00:07:07,160 --> 00:07:09,880 Speaker 2: gets better and I'm happier for having you in my life. 114 00:07:10,440 --> 00:07:16,200 Speaker 2: It's because it's the question that I ask myself. So 115 00:07:17,440 --> 00:07:21,360 Speaker 2: one of the things that I think is really clear 116 00:07:21,440 --> 00:07:24,200 Speaker 2: is that happy people focus on what they have, and 117 00:07:24,320 --> 00:07:28,640 Speaker 2: unhappy people focus on what's missing. And so when we 118 00:07:28,680 --> 00:07:31,280 Speaker 2: make that kind of a transition, that doesn't matter who 119 00:07:31,280 --> 00:07:34,320 Speaker 2: we are, or whether we're weak or strong, or whether 120 00:07:34,360 --> 00:07:36,800 Speaker 2: we have money or we don't, or whether we're employed 121 00:07:36,920 --> 00:07:40,640 Speaker 2: or whether we're not. Suddenly we start to say, well, 122 00:07:40,680 --> 00:07:44,680 Speaker 2: I'm now starting to see these things that I wasn't appreciating. 123 00:07:47,120 --> 00:07:50,160 Speaker 2: So that might be one thing, or it might be, 124 00:07:50,280 --> 00:07:55,080 Speaker 2: for example, that we quit criticizing ourselves. People say, do 125 00:07:55,160 --> 00:07:59,920 Speaker 2: I need to like myself? And you do. Maybe it's 126 00:08:00,160 --> 00:08:03,120 Speaker 2: at the moment hard to love myself, but we create 127 00:08:03,200 --> 00:08:06,000 Speaker 2: the life that we feel we deserve. So when we 128 00:08:06,080 --> 00:08:10,000 Speaker 2: start to say, okay, I'm not perfect, but I've done 129 00:08:10,000 --> 00:08:13,920 Speaker 2: my best with what I knew. When we forgive ourselves 130 00:08:13,960 --> 00:08:16,400 Speaker 2: a little bit, then we start to allow ourselves to 131 00:08:16,440 --> 00:08:20,520 Speaker 2: have a better life than before we started saying okay, 132 00:08:20,560 --> 00:08:25,640 Speaker 2: I can be kinder to myself. It may be something 133 00:08:25,720 --> 00:08:28,120 Speaker 2: like the people that we spend our time with, you know, 134 00:08:28,160 --> 00:08:31,800 Speaker 2: we become like the people that we're around, and sometimes 135 00:08:31,840 --> 00:08:35,960 Speaker 2: we need to say, Okay, my family is not that uplifting, 136 00:08:36,000 --> 00:08:38,280 Speaker 2: but I need to find some people. I need to 137 00:08:38,320 --> 00:08:42,120 Speaker 2: find a podcast once a day that can uplift me, 138 00:08:42,360 --> 00:08:44,360 Speaker 2: and so that will make a difference. So we go 139 00:08:44,480 --> 00:08:46,880 Speaker 2: looking for great Harper. 140 00:08:47,720 --> 00:08:51,920 Speaker 1: Yeah, well, I'm not the answer. I'm just pointing people 141 00:08:51,960 --> 00:08:54,760 Speaker 1: towards the answer. I'm pointing them towards you. I think 142 00:08:54,960 --> 00:08:57,240 Speaker 1: part of that too. I love what you're saying about. 143 00:08:58,080 --> 00:09:01,400 Speaker 1: Like we may not in the moment love ourselves or 144 00:09:01,440 --> 00:09:04,600 Speaker 1: feel like that, but I think it's the difference between 145 00:09:05,200 --> 00:09:09,400 Speaker 1: self loathing and self awareness. Like self awareness is well 146 00:09:09,480 --> 00:09:12,559 Speaker 1: I could have done that better and I'll do it better, 147 00:09:12,800 --> 00:09:16,040 Speaker 1: and self loathing is I'm a fucking idiot. I always 148 00:09:16,040 --> 00:09:19,800 Speaker 1: do this. I'm always a more moron, right, Where there's 149 00:09:19,880 --> 00:09:25,160 Speaker 1: that kind of I'm killing myself constantly, yes, versus that 150 00:09:25,960 --> 00:09:29,640 Speaker 1: recognition that all right, this is not optimal? What is 151 00:09:29,679 --> 00:09:33,559 Speaker 1: optimal and leaning into it with curiosity Maybe. 152 00:09:34,120 --> 00:09:38,320 Speaker 2: Yes, Craig, and that whole idea of improvement not perfection 153 00:09:38,480 --> 00:09:41,320 Speaker 2: helps that we say, if I can be just a 154 00:09:41,360 --> 00:09:44,080 Speaker 2: little bit better tomorrow, then I can focus on what 155 00:09:44,160 --> 00:09:46,960 Speaker 2: I've done better rather than say this is where I 156 00:09:47,080 --> 00:09:50,280 Speaker 2: fall short against my brother or my neighbors. 157 00:09:51,120 --> 00:09:54,480 Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, And I think also when you're talking, you're 158 00:09:54,480 --> 00:09:57,680 Speaker 1: thinking about you know, like you were. You didn't say 159 00:09:57,720 --> 00:10:01,320 Speaker 1: the words, but gratitude and awareness for I have. Like 160 00:10:01,400 --> 00:10:05,280 Speaker 1: one of my I guess privileges Andrew, is that I 161 00:10:05,320 --> 00:10:10,080 Speaker 1: work with a few people with different disabilities, and you know, 162 00:10:10,200 --> 00:10:14,640 Speaker 1: they have actual challenges. I don't have any actual challenges, right, 163 00:10:15,040 --> 00:10:19,400 Speaker 1: and when I'm around them, it just and I you know, 164 00:10:19,440 --> 00:10:21,960 Speaker 1: I shouldn't need to, but sometimes I still need to 165 00:10:22,000 --> 00:10:26,440 Speaker 1: be around them to appreciate what I have. And even 166 00:10:26,559 --> 00:10:28,800 Speaker 1: down to I think about this a lot. This is weird. 167 00:10:29,280 --> 00:10:31,640 Speaker 1: I even think like I can get up out of 168 00:10:31,679 --> 00:10:33,680 Speaker 1: this chair and I can walk down the stairs to 169 00:10:33,760 --> 00:10:37,080 Speaker 1: my kitchen. Most people can't or not most, but there's 170 00:10:37,080 --> 00:10:38,520 Speaker 1: a lot of people that can't do that. I can 171 00:10:38,559 --> 00:10:41,400 Speaker 1: go turn on a tap and there's cold water. Billions 172 00:10:41,400 --> 00:10:43,800 Speaker 1: of people can't do that. I can. I can press 173 00:10:43,840 --> 00:10:47,240 Speaker 1: a button and the room gets cool. You know. It's 174 00:10:47,360 --> 00:10:51,080 Speaker 1: like just having the things that we never think of, 175 00:10:51,679 --> 00:10:54,240 Speaker 1: you know, we just take so much stuff for granted 176 00:10:54,679 --> 00:10:58,080 Speaker 1: that if they were removed from our life. All we 177 00:10:58,120 --> 00:10:59,960 Speaker 1: would want is to have those things back. 178 00:11:00,640 --> 00:11:05,320 Speaker 2: Yes, yeah, it's it's a It's a fascinating insight into 179 00:11:05,360 --> 00:11:08,840 Speaker 2: the human condition, isn't it? 180 00:11:09,080 --> 00:11:11,880 Speaker 1: And the way that, you know, part of my research 181 00:11:11,960 --> 00:11:14,600 Speaker 1: is are around a thing called metacognition, which I'm sure 182 00:11:14,600 --> 00:11:17,560 Speaker 1: you know is just thinking about thinking, and it's it's 183 00:11:17,840 --> 00:11:22,280 Speaker 1: interesting just just to lean into that, just that question 184 00:11:22,360 --> 00:11:25,520 Speaker 1: of why do I, Why do I think like this? 185 00:11:26,360 --> 00:11:29,440 Speaker 1: Why do I Why am I really grateful or uncrateful? 186 00:11:29,720 --> 00:11:34,440 Speaker 1: Just and not self loathing, but just curiosity. How come 187 00:11:34,480 --> 00:11:38,680 Speaker 1: when I'm talking to Andrew, I'm trying to impress him? 188 00:11:38,720 --> 00:11:42,480 Speaker 1: What's that about? Yes, you know, like just that recognition 189 00:11:42,760 --> 00:11:49,400 Speaker 1: of what is happening mentally, emotionally, behaviorally in the moment. 190 00:11:49,920 --> 00:11:54,240 Speaker 1: You know that. I think that the whole conversation around 191 00:11:54,760 --> 00:11:58,280 Speaker 1: what is happiness? How do I create it? Or how 192 00:11:58,320 --> 00:12:01,920 Speaker 1: do I create misery? It's a real deep dive into 193 00:12:02,920 --> 00:12:06,400 Speaker 1: like introspection and personal reflection, I think. 194 00:12:07,200 --> 00:12:10,040 Speaker 2: And what you're saying, Craig, is that happiness isn't out there, 195 00:12:10,080 --> 00:12:12,760 Speaker 2: It's in here. It's in our head. Yeah, and as 196 00:12:12,760 --> 00:12:16,040 Speaker 2: soon as we change, and sometimes it can be a 197 00:12:16,120 --> 00:12:20,640 Speaker 2: tragedy or an almost tragedy or a disaster that makes 198 00:12:20,720 --> 00:12:27,200 Speaker 2: us reassess, yes, you know how blessed we are. And 199 00:12:27,280 --> 00:12:31,360 Speaker 2: as you know, as we are in our case living 200 00:12:31,360 --> 00:12:34,840 Speaker 2: in Australians and many of your listeners listening around the world, 201 00:12:34,960 --> 00:12:39,480 Speaker 2: we have these incredible advantages, but we take them for granted. 202 00:12:40,080 --> 00:12:46,280 Speaker 2: And so happiness, I believe, becomes something where because it's 203 00:12:46,320 --> 00:12:48,720 Speaker 2: not something that you find. It is something that you 204 00:12:48,920 --> 00:12:57,120 Speaker 2: create by being grateful, by having a purpose, by being kind. 205 00:12:57,400 --> 00:13:00,920 Speaker 2: We notice that the kindest people are the people and 206 00:13:01,000 --> 00:13:04,240 Speaker 2: so we do those things and we find that we're 207 00:13:04,400 --> 00:13:10,800 Speaker 2: feeling better and more blessed. But when people talk about 208 00:13:10,880 --> 00:13:15,240 Speaker 2: finding happiness, it is not something that just drops in 209 00:13:15,320 --> 00:13:19,360 Speaker 2: your lap very often. I mean, perhaps there are some people, 210 00:13:19,559 --> 00:13:23,480 Speaker 2: some of us who grew up with maybe parents who 211 00:13:23,480 --> 00:13:27,040 Speaker 2: are wonderful role models and they did so many of 212 00:13:27,080 --> 00:13:30,480 Speaker 2: the things that work, but many of us didn't. And 213 00:13:30,559 --> 00:13:34,360 Speaker 2: so it comes back to what you're talking about, saying, 214 00:13:35,160 --> 00:13:37,200 Speaker 2: how do I think and why do I think like that? 215 00:13:37,360 --> 00:13:39,920 Speaker 2: And can I realize that there's a better way to think? 216 00:13:40,679 --> 00:13:45,840 Speaker 1: Yes, yes, and yeah exactly Andrew. And then what's the 217 00:13:46,040 --> 00:13:50,640 Speaker 1: space between the thing that's happening and my story about 218 00:13:50,679 --> 00:13:54,240 Speaker 1: the thing that's happening. So the objective reality and my 219 00:13:54,440 --> 00:13:59,520 Speaker 1: subjective interpretation, you know, that's the special bit. 220 00:14:00,640 --> 00:14:07,840 Speaker 2: Yeah. And then there's this idea that the challenge of 221 00:14:07,920 --> 00:14:11,080 Speaker 2: life is to be happy with what you have while 222 00:14:11,120 --> 00:14:16,040 Speaker 2: you pursue what you want and and and I think 223 00:14:16,080 --> 00:14:19,880 Speaker 2: that you know, that is a big one because some 224 00:14:19,960 --> 00:14:24,040 Speaker 2: people have goals, and it's great to have goals for 225 00:14:24,320 --> 00:14:26,400 Speaker 2: a lot of reasons. Number one is we feel like 226 00:14:26,480 --> 00:14:29,520 Speaker 2: we're taking control of our life. Even you know, you 227 00:14:29,680 --> 00:14:31,640 Speaker 2: join a gym, you feel better. You haven't even done 228 00:14:31,680 --> 00:14:36,120 Speaker 2: anything yet, But the reason you feel better is because 229 00:14:36,200 --> 00:14:39,240 Speaker 2: you have this sense that I'm taking control of a 230 00:14:39,280 --> 00:14:46,200 Speaker 2: part of my life. But we see many people who achieve, 231 00:14:46,400 --> 00:14:49,640 Speaker 2: but but they're always putting such a load on themselves 232 00:14:49,680 --> 00:14:51,760 Speaker 2: as I've got to achieve more and more and more, 233 00:14:51,880 --> 00:14:56,240 Speaker 2: so they're never happy with where they are. And wow, 234 00:14:56,960 --> 00:14:57,920 Speaker 2: so that's the challenge. 235 00:14:58,320 --> 00:15:03,400 Speaker 1: That's so true, you know, I think, I mean, I 236 00:15:03,440 --> 00:15:06,960 Speaker 1: can only speak for me. But in the life that 237 00:15:07,040 --> 00:15:10,640 Speaker 1: I grew up in the seventies, eighties and nineties, like 238 00:15:11,280 --> 00:15:15,280 Speaker 1: I was either directly or indirectly taught that success equals 239 00:15:15,320 --> 00:15:22,440 Speaker 1: happiness and success equals things stuff, how much money I 240 00:15:22,520 --> 00:15:26,320 Speaker 1: earn what I drive, where I live, what people think 241 00:15:26,320 --> 00:15:29,960 Speaker 1: of me, my brand. You know, it's all about this 242 00:15:30,160 --> 00:15:34,320 Speaker 1: external stuff that you referred to before. So if I 243 00:15:34,560 --> 00:15:38,280 Speaker 1: change these things in my external world, my internal world 244 00:15:38,360 --> 00:15:41,680 Speaker 1: will be great. And then I go on this endless 245 00:15:41,760 --> 00:15:44,600 Speaker 1: quest for a bigger and bigger and bigger plasma TV 246 00:15:45,120 --> 00:15:48,920 Speaker 1: till I've got a fucking two hundred inch TV and 247 00:15:48,960 --> 00:15:52,560 Speaker 1: I'm like, this is twice the size of my last TV. 248 00:15:53,000 --> 00:15:56,360 Speaker 1: Why am I not happier? Because I think we think 249 00:15:56,440 --> 00:16:02,560 Speaker 1: that some kind of you know, phiz shift will create 250 00:16:02,640 --> 00:16:07,800 Speaker 1: some kind feel some emotional, psychological, spiritual void. And even 251 00:16:07,840 --> 00:16:11,080 Speaker 1: though we I think inherently I'll shut up after this, 252 00:16:11,520 --> 00:16:14,840 Speaker 1: I think we inherently know that's not true, but we 253 00:16:14,880 --> 00:16:18,520 Speaker 1: don't seem to learn because we keep striving for this 254 00:16:18,600 --> 00:16:21,120 Speaker 1: stuff that doesn't really feel that void. 255 00:16:22,360 --> 00:16:24,640 Speaker 2: One of the dangers of that is that as we 256 00:16:24,880 --> 00:16:27,880 Speaker 2: get on this path to being more successful, which we 257 00:16:27,920 --> 00:16:31,640 Speaker 2: think is going to make us happier, we inevitably start 258 00:16:31,720 --> 00:16:36,880 Speaker 2: to gravitate and mix with people who are doing even 259 00:16:36,920 --> 00:16:39,640 Speaker 2: better at what we think is what we need to 260 00:16:39,680 --> 00:16:43,280 Speaker 2: do than we are. Because that's what happens, and you're 261 00:16:43,400 --> 00:16:48,080 Speaker 2: around richer people with bigger mansions and more expensive cars, 262 00:16:48,720 --> 00:16:53,240 Speaker 2: and so you actually get further and further behind as 263 00:16:53,280 --> 00:16:55,840 Speaker 2: you come into contact with these people that you think 264 00:16:55,880 --> 00:16:58,520 Speaker 2: are doing even better than you thought you needed to 265 00:16:58,520 --> 00:17:05,159 Speaker 2: do so. But hopefully at some point we decide, okay, 266 00:17:05,240 --> 00:17:08,960 Speaker 2: I've got that. Now, I realize what my priorities are 267 00:17:09,440 --> 00:17:11,320 Speaker 2: and I can only eat so much, and I can 268 00:17:11,359 --> 00:17:17,120 Speaker 2: only drive one car at a time, and people and 269 00:17:17,760 --> 00:17:22,600 Speaker 2: contributing and finding meaning become more important than having the 270 00:17:22,640 --> 00:17:25,480 Speaker 2: biggest whatever it is we were. 271 00:17:26,880 --> 00:17:34,800 Speaker 1: After, I think like understanding that that our thoughts and 272 00:17:34,840 --> 00:17:37,240 Speaker 1: what we focus on. As she spoke about before, it's 273 00:17:37,280 --> 00:17:39,800 Speaker 1: like where my attention is, well, that's where you know, 274 00:17:39,840 --> 00:17:42,240 Speaker 1: where my mind is, that's where my emotions are, where 275 00:17:42,240 --> 00:17:45,120 Speaker 1: my emotions are, that's where my body is. And if 276 00:17:45,160 --> 00:17:49,639 Speaker 1: i'm if i'm you know, if I think that Tiff 277 00:17:49,720 --> 00:17:53,480 Speaker 1: did something that she shouldn't have done, and let's say 278 00:17:53,520 --> 00:17:56,480 Speaker 1: she didn't actually do anything, I just think she did, 279 00:17:57,160 --> 00:18:00,879 Speaker 1: and so I'm mad at Tiff for an a row reason. 280 00:18:01,240 --> 00:18:04,400 Speaker 1: And I'm telling myself a story about Tiff even though 281 00:18:04,440 --> 00:18:07,200 Speaker 1: Tiff didn't do anything, but I believe that she did. 282 00:18:08,160 --> 00:18:10,520 Speaker 1: And now you know, my blood pressures up my heart 283 00:18:10,560 --> 00:18:13,800 Speaker 1: rates up, my breathings up, my sympathetic nervous system switched on. 284 00:18:14,480 --> 00:18:17,000 Speaker 1: I'm in this state of anxiety and stress and anger 285 00:18:17,200 --> 00:18:20,400 Speaker 1: and I've created it at all. I've created at all, 286 00:18:20,440 --> 00:18:25,160 Speaker 1: and Tif's done nothing. So I literally am making myself stressed. 287 00:18:25,840 --> 00:18:29,159 Speaker 1: It's not even about the situation. It's about a story 288 00:18:29,200 --> 00:18:30,080 Speaker 1: in my head. 289 00:18:31,080 --> 00:18:34,360 Speaker 2: And nothing and nothing is real. And we come back 290 00:18:34,400 --> 00:18:37,600 Speaker 2: to that idea that that happiness is not out there, 291 00:18:37,920 --> 00:18:41,919 Speaker 2: it's between ears. And the other thing that comes up 292 00:18:41,960 --> 00:18:45,880 Speaker 2: for me Craig is that even if she did, if 293 00:18:45,920 --> 00:18:47,520 Speaker 2: Tiff did do something. 294 00:18:47,680 --> 00:18:50,600 Speaker 1: Which she does a lot, by the way, Okay. 295 00:18:50,000 --> 00:18:56,920 Speaker 2: Yeah, a lot, then you don't forgive people for their benefit. 296 00:18:57,000 --> 00:19:01,199 Speaker 2: You forgive people for your benefit. If I work for 297 00:19:01,240 --> 00:19:03,560 Speaker 2: you and you give me the sack and I say, 298 00:19:03,680 --> 00:19:06,600 Speaker 2: I'm never going to forgive Craig because he's ruined my life, 299 00:19:07,800 --> 00:19:11,800 Speaker 2: then I'm the one that's suffering. I'm the one that's 300 00:19:11,840 --> 00:19:14,480 Speaker 2: lying awake at night. You know, you're probably at the 301 00:19:14,520 --> 00:19:18,040 Speaker 2: movies or something, and I think I'm punishing you by 302 00:19:18,160 --> 00:19:23,600 Speaker 2: not forgiving you. Yes, But so what we learned there 303 00:19:23,720 --> 00:19:27,199 Speaker 2: is you don't forgive people for their benefit. Yeah, you 304 00:19:27,280 --> 00:19:31,119 Speaker 2: forgive people for your benefit. That's when you tipped her 305 00:19:31,200 --> 00:19:32,000 Speaker 2: something that's real. 306 00:19:32,560 --> 00:19:36,880 Speaker 1: Oh she's problematic. I only have her on the show. 307 00:19:36,920 --> 00:19:40,560 Speaker 1: She's like my community outreach project, you know, like you 308 00:19:40,720 --> 00:19:44,040 Speaker 1: just pick one person. She's my person, so I'll just 309 00:19:44,119 --> 00:19:50,720 Speaker 1: help her out. I was thinking about, you know, this 310 00:19:50,920 --> 00:19:54,080 Speaker 1: idea that we're talking about, how success is stuff. And 311 00:19:54,520 --> 00:19:58,000 Speaker 1: I remember Andrew when I first started. So I started 312 00:19:58,000 --> 00:19:59,960 Speaker 1: working in gyms when I was eighteen. I didn't go 313 00:20:00,080 --> 00:20:03,280 Speaker 1: a university for the first time until I was older, 314 00:20:04,240 --> 00:20:06,360 Speaker 1: but I started working in gym's at eighteen, and I'm 315 00:20:06,400 --> 00:20:09,439 Speaker 1: having all of these conversations with actual grown ups. I 316 00:20:09,520 --> 00:20:15,920 Speaker 1: was a teenager. And then so I opened the first 317 00:20:15,920 --> 00:20:18,280 Speaker 1: personal training center in Australia and all this stuff. But 318 00:20:18,320 --> 00:20:21,600 Speaker 1: I started working as a PT as a personal trainer 319 00:20:21,640 --> 00:20:24,920 Speaker 1: at twenty three, which was nineteen eighty six when there 320 00:20:24,960 --> 00:20:29,959 Speaker 1: weren't any and I started to get wealthy clients, and 321 00:20:30,240 --> 00:20:34,080 Speaker 1: was what I didn't expect was so so I'm still 322 00:20:34,119 --> 00:20:36,760 Speaker 1: a kid and I'm talking to all of these wealthy people, 323 00:20:37,320 --> 00:20:43,960 Speaker 1: you know, business owners, entrepreneurs, actors, athletes, models, all of 324 00:20:44,000 --> 00:20:49,080 Speaker 1: these successful people that I would have had previously on 325 00:20:49,119 --> 00:20:52,760 Speaker 1: a pedestal. And now I'm getting to know the person 326 00:20:52,880 --> 00:20:56,280 Speaker 1: behind the brand or the fame or the money. And 327 00:20:56,320 --> 00:21:01,800 Speaker 1: I remember thinking, oh, wow, well way more problems than me, 328 00:21:02,480 --> 00:21:06,840 Speaker 1: Like you're like. I remember just having this like epiphany 329 00:21:06,960 --> 00:21:13,200 Speaker 1: as a young man, thinking ah, and realizing that on average, 330 00:21:14,280 --> 00:21:17,159 Speaker 1: the wealthier people that I dealt with. Now this is 331 00:21:17,200 --> 00:21:20,400 Speaker 1: not categoric, this was just my experience and not all 332 00:21:20,480 --> 00:21:24,480 Speaker 1: but on average they were more stressed and more anxious, 333 00:21:24,520 --> 00:21:28,080 Speaker 1: and I would say less happy than my in inverted 334 00:21:28,119 --> 00:21:32,600 Speaker 1: commas normal clients. And I went, Ah, that doesn't equal that, 335 00:21:33,240 --> 00:21:38,120 Speaker 1: not necessarily anyway. So that was a moment of insight 336 00:21:38,240 --> 00:21:38,480 Speaker 1: for me. 337 00:21:40,600 --> 00:21:44,920 Speaker 2: Yeah. He reminds me of a friend I had, Jim, 338 00:21:44,960 --> 00:21:48,399 Speaker 2: who had a very big business, and he and his 339 00:21:48,440 --> 00:21:51,560 Speaker 2: wife used to take big, expensive holidays, and they had 340 00:21:51,600 --> 00:21:55,200 Speaker 2: a very big, expensive art collection, and their whole life 341 00:21:55,240 --> 00:21:59,679 Speaker 2: seemed very big and spectacular. And then he sold his 342 00:21:59,720 --> 00:22:06,080 Speaker 2: business to a very big client or a big organization 343 00:22:06,280 --> 00:22:11,720 Speaker 2: that didn't pay the second big installment, and then he 344 00:22:11,800 --> 00:22:15,280 Speaker 2: went through a very big court case which was followed 345 00:22:15,280 --> 00:22:18,359 Speaker 2: by a very big divorce. And I came across him 346 00:22:18,400 --> 00:22:21,480 Speaker 2: in the supermarket some time after that, and he was 347 00:22:21,560 --> 00:22:24,600 Speaker 2: now living in a little apartment with a little dog. 348 00:22:25,720 --> 00:22:26,320 Speaker 1: Oh Wow. 349 00:22:26,640 --> 00:22:30,600 Speaker 2: He said, you know, I had this big lifestyle and 350 00:22:30,720 --> 00:22:35,240 Speaker 2: he said, now I'm back to I just was left 351 00:22:35,280 --> 00:22:37,800 Speaker 2: with enough after the court case and the divorce and 352 00:22:37,880 --> 00:22:41,720 Speaker 2: everything else. I've just got a little apartment and a 353 00:22:41,720 --> 00:22:44,080 Speaker 2: little dog. And he said, you know, I've never been 354 00:22:44,119 --> 00:22:51,280 Speaker 2: happier in my life. It's so simplified. And you know, 355 00:22:52,160 --> 00:22:57,440 Speaker 2: so it's not about having all the big, expensive stuff. 356 00:22:57,640 --> 00:23:01,120 Speaker 2: And I suppose, although we see it from a distance 357 00:23:01,119 --> 00:23:05,879 Speaker 2: and it's a generalization, Hollywood is kind of the the 358 00:23:06,000 --> 00:23:11,720 Speaker 2: illustration of the craziness of you can have a whole 359 00:23:11,760 --> 00:23:14,520 Speaker 2: lot and appearances can be wonderful, but it can be 360 00:23:14,560 --> 00:23:16,960 Speaker 2: a little bit shaky underneath. 361 00:23:18,800 --> 00:23:21,879 Speaker 1: It's very I mean that that whole idea of you know, 362 00:23:22,960 --> 00:23:27,480 Speaker 1: I remember growing up in rural Victoria and do you 363 00:23:27,520 --> 00:23:30,919 Speaker 1: know what a bogan is, right I do. Yeah, So 364 00:23:31,000 --> 00:23:33,480 Speaker 1: lots of Bogans Bogan Central where I grew up. God 365 00:23:33,480 --> 00:23:36,199 Speaker 1: bless everyone in the tri Valley. Not all Bogans, but 366 00:23:36,240 --> 00:23:38,560 Speaker 1: a fair few. And there used to be a lot 367 00:23:38,600 --> 00:23:41,920 Speaker 1: of panel vans and utes back in the seventies and eighties, 368 00:23:42,560 --> 00:23:45,000 Speaker 1: and they had this sticker on the back and it 369 00:23:45,080 --> 00:23:48,440 Speaker 1: said he who dies with the most toys wins right, 370 00:23:49,520 --> 00:23:51,720 Speaker 1: And I kind of grew up in that, Oh well, 371 00:23:52,320 --> 00:23:55,480 Speaker 1: if some stuff is good, then more stuff is better 372 00:23:55,960 --> 00:23:58,320 Speaker 1: and the most stuff is best. 373 00:23:58,480 --> 00:23:59,840 Speaker 2: Right, Yes, yeah. 374 00:24:00,240 --> 00:24:06,000 Speaker 1: I remember when my business took off in you know, 375 00:24:06,040 --> 00:24:08,080 Speaker 1: when I was in my late twenties and I started. 376 00:24:08,080 --> 00:24:10,359 Speaker 1: I opened a gym, and I opened another gym and 377 00:24:10,400 --> 00:24:13,199 Speaker 1: another gym. I ended up I had four gyms and 378 00:24:13,240 --> 00:24:15,960 Speaker 1: lots of employees, and things were, you know, And I 379 00:24:16,000 --> 00:24:20,400 Speaker 1: always liked cars, and I always had shitty cars because 380 00:24:20,400 --> 00:24:23,040 Speaker 1: I had no money. Then I got my first decent car, 381 00:24:23,119 --> 00:24:25,680 Speaker 1: which was nice, and it was nice and I kind 382 00:24:25,680 --> 00:24:28,200 Speaker 1: of enjoyed it. But then I got another car, which 383 00:24:28,280 --> 00:24:33,159 Speaker 1: was super nice. And then that car gave me so 384 00:24:33,359 --> 00:24:38,120 Speaker 1: much anxiety because well, I should say more accurately, I 385 00:24:38,240 --> 00:24:41,840 Speaker 1: gave myself so much anxiety. I didn't want to drive 386 00:24:41,880 --> 00:24:45,200 Speaker 1: it anywhere. I didn't want to leave it anywhere. Before 387 00:24:45,240 --> 00:24:47,560 Speaker 1: i'd go in anywhere, i'd walk around it, I'd do 388 00:24:47,600 --> 00:24:50,720 Speaker 1: a bloody scratch check. Then i'd come out. I'd look 389 00:24:50,720 --> 00:24:53,280 Speaker 1: out the window of wherever I was thirteen times an 390 00:24:53,280 --> 00:24:57,000 Speaker 1: hour to make sure no one would Oh God, it 391 00:24:57,359 --> 00:25:01,000 Speaker 1: just I was the problem, not the car. I was 392 00:25:01,040 --> 00:25:05,000 Speaker 1: the problem. But I remember again having another epiphany. It 393 00:25:05,000 --> 00:25:09,479 Speaker 1: doesn't matter what I buy if at best it's going 394 00:25:09,560 --> 00:25:12,320 Speaker 1: to have a short term impact on my emotional state, 395 00:25:12,760 --> 00:25:15,840 Speaker 1: and over the long term, if it's something that can 396 00:25:15,880 --> 00:25:18,280 Speaker 1: be damaged by others, it's probably going to give me 397 00:25:18,320 --> 00:25:22,480 Speaker 1: more grief than joy. So I stopped doing that quite 398 00:25:22,520 --> 00:25:25,880 Speaker 1: a long time ago. But it's interesting. 399 00:25:25,440 --> 00:25:29,399 Speaker 2: Because it is. I think. I remember Robert Kiyosaki is 400 00:25:29,440 --> 00:25:33,080 Speaker 2: saying once that, and he's a he's a money guy, 401 00:25:33,240 --> 00:25:37,359 Speaker 2: and he was saying something about the first Porsche he bought, 402 00:25:37,400 --> 00:25:40,440 Speaker 2: and he said, I loved that car unconditionally for a week. 403 00:25:43,520 --> 00:25:45,160 Speaker 1: So true. 404 00:25:45,720 --> 00:25:49,800 Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, Well, so it's not it's not about the stuff. 405 00:25:49,840 --> 00:25:52,879 Speaker 2: It's about if, if, if we if we look for 406 00:25:52,960 --> 00:25:55,400 Speaker 2: good things in people and we believe that life will 407 00:25:55,480 --> 00:25:58,600 Speaker 2: turn out well, and we we live life as best 408 00:25:58,640 --> 00:26:00,880 Speaker 2: we can one day at a time, which I think 409 00:26:01,359 --> 00:26:06,000 Speaker 2: helps a lot, then then regardless of how much stuff 410 00:26:06,040 --> 00:26:09,600 Speaker 2: I mean, obviously, you know, people say money doesn't matter, 411 00:26:09,640 --> 00:26:12,680 Speaker 2: but there is a you've got to have the money 412 00:26:12,680 --> 00:26:14,639 Speaker 2: to pay the rent, and we know what it's like 413 00:26:14,720 --> 00:26:19,080 Speaker 2: when you don't, of course, but once once you have 414 00:26:19,160 --> 00:26:23,600 Speaker 2: the essentials taken care of, an exponential increase in money 415 00:26:23,680 --> 00:26:26,080 Speaker 2: doesn't make a lot of difference to our peace of 416 00:26:26,119 --> 00:26:27,720 Speaker 2: mind one hundred percent. 417 00:26:28,400 --> 00:26:30,880 Speaker 1: Hey, you and I are both similar in that we 418 00:26:31,000 --> 00:26:34,399 Speaker 1: stand in front of audiences a lot. And I watched 419 00:26:34,560 --> 00:26:38,280 Speaker 1: some of you doing your thing on stage. I'm amazing. 420 00:26:38,400 --> 00:26:42,560 Speaker 1: I love watching other speakers because it's so you know, 421 00:26:42,600 --> 00:26:45,040 Speaker 1: there are so many ways to do the same thing, 422 00:26:45,160 --> 00:26:50,400 Speaker 1: which has build an audience, connect with an audience, develop, rapport, trust, respect, entertain, 423 00:26:50,800 --> 00:26:54,200 Speaker 1: educate and inspire all that stuff. There's so many there's 424 00:26:54,200 --> 00:26:59,359 Speaker 1: no set path, but you you if you haven't seen it, everyone, 425 00:26:59,440 --> 00:27:01,760 Speaker 1: you need to go and have just go on to 426 00:27:02,440 --> 00:27:05,440 Speaker 1: Andrews Andrew Matthew's website, have a look at him doing 427 00:27:05,480 --> 00:27:09,400 Speaker 1: his thing where he's talking and drawing at the same 428 00:27:09,520 --> 00:27:15,080 Speaker 1: and it's like that amalgamation, that synergy of the visual 429 00:27:15,160 --> 00:27:21,639 Speaker 1: stuff that you draw while delivering this flawless presentation that 430 00:27:21,840 --> 00:27:26,960 Speaker 1: is amazing. How long did it take you to get 431 00:27:27,000 --> 00:27:27,520 Speaker 1: good at that? 432 00:27:28,040 --> 00:27:28,240 Speaker 2: Well? 433 00:27:28,359 --> 00:27:30,760 Speaker 1: Maybe, I mean maybe that was just your natural thing, 434 00:27:30,800 --> 00:27:33,720 Speaker 1: because you're an illustrator and an artist anyway, right, so 435 00:27:33,760 --> 00:27:36,399 Speaker 1: maybe that does having a pen or a marker or 436 00:27:36,880 --> 00:27:39,679 Speaker 1: something in your hand give you comfort. 437 00:27:40,920 --> 00:27:44,600 Speaker 2: I've been drawing since I was five, and I say, 438 00:27:44,640 --> 00:27:48,480 Speaker 2: to the when I speak, I say, people wonder where 439 00:27:48,480 --> 00:27:50,800 Speaker 2: I learned to draw. I learned to draw in school 440 00:27:51,040 --> 00:27:57,399 Speaker 2: during mathematics, but so my training is in classical drawing. 441 00:27:57,440 --> 00:28:00,639 Speaker 2: But at the same time I was doing cartooning. And 442 00:28:00,800 --> 00:28:04,240 Speaker 2: what I found was when I first started giving presentations 443 00:28:04,240 --> 00:28:07,680 Speaker 2: on happiness, and I would draw a little cartoon here 444 00:28:07,800 --> 00:28:11,840 Speaker 2: or there, and of course what I didn't know was 445 00:28:11,920 --> 00:28:16,760 Speaker 2: that people were transfixed because I'd be facing the flip chart, 446 00:28:16,880 --> 00:28:18,800 Speaker 2: I wouldn't see it, and I'd turn around they were 447 00:28:18,840 --> 00:28:23,159 Speaker 2: back to normal. Then on occasions I would see video 448 00:28:23,280 --> 00:28:26,040 Speaker 2: of the faces of the people, and my wife, Julie, 449 00:28:26,040 --> 00:28:28,439 Speaker 2: who's my publisher, she would say, you need to do 450 00:28:28,480 --> 00:28:30,919 Speaker 2: more of this because people really like it. And so 451 00:28:32,119 --> 00:28:38,120 Speaker 2: it evolved where when I give presentations, I draw cartoons 452 00:28:38,160 --> 00:28:41,880 Speaker 2: throughout my presentation, and I use cartoons through my presentations. 453 00:28:42,640 --> 00:28:45,920 Speaker 2: And see what I noticed is that whether you're talking 454 00:28:45,960 --> 00:28:49,120 Speaker 2: to brain surgeons or prisoners, and I speak to both, 455 00:28:51,000 --> 00:28:54,400 Speaker 2: they're so relieved when the message is simple and easy 456 00:28:54,440 --> 00:28:59,040 Speaker 2: to get, and pictures help us not only to understand 457 00:28:59,120 --> 00:29:02,280 Speaker 2: the message, but to remember it. So it's been my 458 00:29:02,520 --> 00:29:10,520 Speaker 2: joy to incorporate cartoons throughout and I guess it's become 459 00:29:10,560 --> 00:29:13,880 Speaker 2: my signature. But people also like it because they see 460 00:29:13,880 --> 00:29:22,240 Speaker 2: the cartoons in my books, so and maybe maybe they think, well, 461 00:29:22,280 --> 00:29:24,480 Speaker 2: if there's cartoons in there, he can't be a total 462 00:29:24,520 --> 00:29:28,760 Speaker 2: wanker or something. I don't know. I mean people people 463 00:29:29,000 --> 00:29:33,320 Speaker 2: like to see to see something that's not so serious. 464 00:29:34,160 --> 00:29:37,160 Speaker 1: And also it's it's organic, right, and it's you in 465 00:29:37,280 --> 00:29:40,000 Speaker 1: real time. It's not you bringing up a slide of 466 00:29:40,040 --> 00:29:43,040 Speaker 1: something that you drew a year ago. It's like, this 467 00:29:43,120 --> 00:29:46,360 Speaker 1: is you on stage creating. This is you with a 468 00:29:46,360 --> 00:29:51,040 Speaker 1: blank piece of paper creating something in real time while 469 00:29:51,080 --> 00:29:57,040 Speaker 1: fucking talking to a thousand people. That's quite the skill. 470 00:29:57,120 --> 00:29:59,720 Speaker 2: It takes. Yeah, it takes some practice to do that. 471 00:29:59,760 --> 00:30:03,240 Speaker 2: But you bring up an interesting point. I can bring 472 00:30:03,320 --> 00:30:05,760 Speaker 2: up the best cartoon that I've ever done, that I 473 00:30:05,840 --> 00:30:10,240 Speaker 2: created last year, and it won't get nearly nearly the 474 00:30:10,360 --> 00:30:14,840 Speaker 2: reaction of something that I create in the next minute, 475 00:30:14,880 --> 00:30:17,840 Speaker 2: where people just see it evolved. But I also when 476 00:30:17,840 --> 00:30:22,840 Speaker 2: I draw or that I start at the at the 477 00:30:23,000 --> 00:30:27,520 Speaker 2: like the wrong place, so that people aren't even sure 478 00:30:27,560 --> 00:30:28,240 Speaker 2: where I'm going. 479 00:30:29,000 --> 00:30:32,239 Speaker 3: Yes, yes, you know that that is like if I 480 00:30:32,320 --> 00:30:35,760 Speaker 3: went to see I don't know, bloody Bruce Springsteen and 481 00:30:35,800 --> 00:30:38,600 Speaker 3: he's out on stage and he presses a button and 482 00:30:38,640 --> 00:30:40,120 Speaker 3: then the recording. 483 00:30:39,600 --> 00:30:42,120 Speaker 1: Of his voice comes on. You know, it's I don't 484 00:30:42,160 --> 00:30:45,840 Speaker 1: want that. I want to hear seventy five year old 485 00:30:45,840 --> 00:30:52,240 Speaker 1: Bruce sing. Right, Yeah, that's yeah, that's so so interesting. 486 00:30:52,360 --> 00:30:55,800 Speaker 1: How much I don't know about this? Is this is 487 00:30:55,840 --> 00:31:00,480 Speaker 1: an in house question, right, So it depends on my week. 488 00:31:00,520 --> 00:31:04,040 Speaker 1: But I do about one hundred and twenty presentations a year, 489 00:31:04,120 --> 00:31:08,760 Speaker 1: and they vary from thirty forty five sixty minute keno 490 00:31:08,960 --> 00:31:14,480 Speaker 1: through to full day workshops and stuff. And this is 491 00:31:14,600 --> 00:31:17,400 Speaker 1: just my personality in the way that I work best. 492 00:31:17,440 --> 00:31:21,920 Speaker 1: But I've got to be structured and planned to a point. 493 00:31:22,320 --> 00:31:27,840 Speaker 1: But you know, I'm very much probably more way more 494 00:31:27,840 --> 00:31:30,480 Speaker 1: than most and probably to my own detriment sometimes, but 495 00:31:32,080 --> 00:31:36,720 Speaker 1: I like to go in with some prep, you know, 496 00:31:36,880 --> 00:31:39,800 Speaker 1: but more I want to build a connection with the audience. 497 00:31:40,400 --> 00:31:42,719 Speaker 1: Do you how much of you yours? Is Is it 498 00:31:42,840 --> 00:31:46,840 Speaker 1: like the same every time? Do you ever get halfway 499 00:31:46,920 --> 00:31:50,960 Speaker 1: through and go I'm going to turn left instead of right? Like? 500 00:31:51,280 --> 00:31:54,280 Speaker 1: Is it performative? Is it? You know, not that it's 501 00:31:54,400 --> 00:31:56,720 Speaker 1: right or wrong, But I'm just interested in the different 502 00:31:56,760 --> 00:31:59,560 Speaker 1: styles that presenters. Tiff by the way. It has just 503 00:31:59,600 --> 00:32:03,720 Speaker 1: started presenting career. She did one yesterday and killed didn't you? 504 00:32:03,800 --> 00:32:09,800 Speaker 1: Tif had a wonderful time. Thank you. Are we allowed 505 00:32:09,840 --> 00:32:15,320 Speaker 1: to say who with? Yeah? Yeah, Victoria's Victoria Police. Yeah 506 00:32:15,400 --> 00:32:18,520 Speaker 1: She's So she's just getting her speaking career underway. So 507 00:32:18,560 --> 00:32:21,640 Speaker 1: I'm interested in your kind of method if you'd like 508 00:32:21,720 --> 00:32:22,160 Speaker 1: to share. 509 00:32:23,160 --> 00:32:28,080 Speaker 2: Sure. A lot of what I speak about, and I 510 00:32:28,160 --> 00:32:31,080 Speaker 2: will speak to computer companies and I will speak to 511 00:32:31,240 --> 00:32:35,200 Speaker 2: you know, maybe Honda or Shell or or Intel or 512 00:32:36,160 --> 00:32:40,800 Speaker 2: and then I will speak to banks and in high schools. 513 00:32:41,440 --> 00:32:45,760 Speaker 2: A lot of the concepts are similar, yep. But the 514 00:32:45,880 --> 00:32:50,200 Speaker 2: examples that perhaps somebody like last week I spoke to 515 00:32:50,280 --> 00:32:57,600 Speaker 2: her a group of they run service stations in New Zealand, 516 00:32:57,840 --> 00:33:00,320 Speaker 2: so they came to Brisbane and they had me speak 517 00:33:00,360 --> 00:33:06,480 Speaker 2: to speak about enjoying work particularly, So a lot of 518 00:33:06,480 --> 00:33:09,760 Speaker 2: the principles are similar. But the examples, I mean, you know, 519 00:33:09,840 --> 00:33:13,000 Speaker 2: these are guys. They're dealing with leaking petrol tanks and 520 00:33:14,480 --> 00:33:19,200 Speaker 2: competition from unmanned service stations and staff that don't show up. 521 00:33:19,640 --> 00:33:22,400 Speaker 2: So I'm drawing on examples that they relate to. So 522 00:33:22,440 --> 00:33:28,160 Speaker 2: I do my researches. But the principles of enjoying your work. 523 00:33:28,240 --> 00:33:30,440 Speaker 2: Still come back to things like, well, you want a 524 00:33:30,560 --> 00:33:33,480 Speaker 2: you want to do your best because that's how you 525 00:33:33,560 --> 00:33:36,840 Speaker 2: feel best about you, That's how you get a reputation. 526 00:33:38,320 --> 00:33:42,160 Speaker 2: Don't complain because people want to be and so on. 527 00:33:42,360 --> 00:33:48,560 Speaker 2: So it's the framework is similar, but the examples will 528 00:33:48,560 --> 00:33:53,000 Speaker 2: be different. And usually I will just do an hour presentation. 529 00:33:54,840 --> 00:33:58,239 Speaker 2: Sometimes I will do day presentations. But my experience is 530 00:33:58,640 --> 00:34:02,320 Speaker 2: people are always most sided in the first hour, and 531 00:34:02,640 --> 00:34:05,400 Speaker 2: I like to leave them that they wish I'd stayed longer. 532 00:34:06,160 --> 00:34:10,839 Speaker 1: Yeah, that's not the worst plan. What's one thing that 533 00:34:11,000 --> 00:34:16,480 Speaker 1: you've over the last however long, ten twenty years, something 534 00:34:16,560 --> 00:34:22,759 Speaker 1: that you were wrong about. I like this idea. So 535 00:34:23,320 --> 00:34:26,000 Speaker 1: I talk about learning. I'm an educator, but I also 536 00:34:26,120 --> 00:34:30,400 Speaker 1: talk about unlearning. And you know, there's I've gotten a 537 00:34:30,440 --> 00:34:33,279 Speaker 1: million things wrong in the last thirty years, and for me, 538 00:34:33,400 --> 00:34:36,120 Speaker 1: I always like to share that with people because people 539 00:34:36,160 --> 00:34:39,480 Speaker 1: think you know, you get everything right, or you know everything. Well, 540 00:34:39,880 --> 00:34:42,319 Speaker 1: I'm fucking up thirteen times a day, So don't look 541 00:34:42,320 --> 00:34:44,839 Speaker 1: to me as the high water mark. But something that 542 00:34:44,880 --> 00:34:48,839 Speaker 1: you've got wrong or maybe and or changed your mind 543 00:34:48,880 --> 00:34:50,440 Speaker 1: about over the last while. 544 00:34:52,320 --> 00:34:57,200 Speaker 2: I think about I don't have to be perfect and 545 00:34:57,200 --> 00:35:00,880 Speaker 2: I don't have to know it all. When I wrote 546 00:35:00,880 --> 00:35:05,560 Speaker 2: my first book, Being Happy, I was thirty, and I 547 00:35:05,600 --> 00:35:08,759 Speaker 2: was younger than a lot of my readers, and I'm 548 00:35:08,800 --> 00:35:12,160 Speaker 2: not a psychologist, so I thought I had to work 549 00:35:12,239 --> 00:35:16,319 Speaker 2: really hard to appear like I was an expert. And 550 00:35:16,360 --> 00:35:20,440 Speaker 2: the more I did that, the more people questioned my authority, 551 00:35:20,600 --> 00:35:24,160 Speaker 2: and the more even though my book kept selling, but 552 00:35:24,960 --> 00:35:28,120 Speaker 2: if I was maybe giving a presentation or maybe chatting 553 00:35:28,160 --> 00:35:33,400 Speaker 2: with someone like you. The more that I tried to 554 00:35:34,440 --> 00:35:37,640 Speaker 2: have all the answers and be really smooth and make 555 00:35:37,719 --> 00:35:45,200 Speaker 2: everything perfect, the less I found that people I guess 556 00:35:45,239 --> 00:35:49,000 Speaker 2: warm to me, maybe because I thought I had to 557 00:35:49,040 --> 00:35:53,560 Speaker 2: be clever, And now I realized that everything doesn't if 558 00:35:53,600 --> 00:35:59,160 Speaker 2: people can see my faults and my frailties and I 559 00:35:59,200 --> 00:36:02,760 Speaker 2: can share things that I got wrong and all the books, 560 00:36:02,800 --> 00:36:06,560 Speaker 2: that the manuscripts I sent to publishers that didn't get published, 561 00:36:06,560 --> 00:36:15,160 Speaker 2: and that people just want. People want us to be 562 00:36:15,280 --> 00:36:22,239 Speaker 2: real and people. People don't want anything that's that's especially polished. 563 00:36:22,400 --> 00:36:25,200 Speaker 2: And I think evidence of that now can be seen 564 00:36:25,280 --> 00:36:29,960 Speaker 2: on social media, where many of the clips that go viral, 565 00:36:32,280 --> 00:36:34,840 Speaker 2: almost all of them, they're not highly polished they're just 566 00:36:35,280 --> 00:36:38,360 Speaker 2: where someone happens to be either real or funny or 567 00:36:38,400 --> 00:36:44,399 Speaker 2: surprisingly witty, and it's not super prepared. So I think 568 00:36:44,440 --> 00:36:47,440 Speaker 2: that that I would I would have done differently. Also, 569 00:36:47,440 --> 00:36:50,799 Speaker 2: I wouldn't have worked so hard. Yeah, wow, I've worked 570 00:36:50,840 --> 00:36:55,960 Speaker 2: too hard. But you know, yeah, I'm sure you do. 571 00:36:55,960 --> 00:36:59,359 Speaker 2: You know what I What I like is so as 572 00:36:59,400 --> 00:37:03,000 Speaker 2: I said to you before we started rolling, So I'm 573 00:37:03,000 --> 00:37:06,279 Speaker 2: doing my PhD in neuropsychology and I'm five years in 574 00:37:06,320 --> 00:37:08,880 Speaker 2: and I'm near the finish line and blah blah blah. 575 00:37:09,120 --> 00:37:16,040 Speaker 2: But like, I value your insights maybe more right, because 576 00:37:16,080 --> 00:37:18,680 Speaker 2: you've got all this lived experience. And which is not 577 00:37:18,760 --> 00:37:22,040 Speaker 2: to say that you don't understand psychology or physiology or 578 00:37:22,800 --> 00:37:24,240 Speaker 2: neuroscience to a level anyway. 579 00:37:24,280 --> 00:37:28,400 Speaker 1: It's not about that. But it's like sometimes a couple 580 00:37:28,400 --> 00:37:31,880 Speaker 1: of things. Sometimes I'm talking to somebody who's an academic 581 00:37:32,000 --> 00:37:36,160 Speaker 1: or an intellectual genius who just might know all this 582 00:37:36,320 --> 00:37:39,560 Speaker 1: stuff about the neurochemistry of the brain and happiness and 583 00:37:39,600 --> 00:37:42,080 Speaker 1: the reward system and all this stuff, and I look 584 00:37:42,120 --> 00:37:45,080 Speaker 1: at him and I go, you're fucking miserable. So I'm 585 00:37:45,120 --> 00:37:47,920 Speaker 1: not listening to you, right, I'm not listening to you 586 00:37:47,960 --> 00:37:50,520 Speaker 1: because you might understand the theory of happiness, but you're 587 00:37:50,560 --> 00:37:53,680 Speaker 1: not living it, so I'm not interested. And then the 588 00:37:53,760 --> 00:37:57,520 Speaker 1: other thing is, you know, when it comes to the 589 00:37:57,520 --> 00:38:04,680 Speaker 1: brain and the mind and the complicity the complexity of 590 00:38:06,520 --> 00:38:12,680 Speaker 1: happiness and joy and hormones and biochemistry and sociology, and 591 00:38:13,760 --> 00:38:17,480 Speaker 1: it's just there's no three step plan. It's like the 592 00:38:17,520 --> 00:38:21,120 Speaker 1: more that, like my PhD is in a thing called 593 00:38:22,239 --> 00:38:25,960 Speaker 1: meta perception, which is about your ability to understand the 594 00:38:26,800 --> 00:38:30,040 Speaker 1: andrew experience for others. So the core question at the 595 00:38:30,040 --> 00:38:32,440 Speaker 1: middle of my research is what's it like being around 596 00:38:32,520 --> 00:38:35,520 Speaker 1: me for the rest of the world. And I could 597 00:38:35,560 --> 00:38:38,960 Speaker 1: unpack that with you, but I won't bore you. But 598 00:38:39,760 --> 00:38:43,000 Speaker 1: you know, I'm driving I'm studying like a drop of 599 00:38:43,080 --> 00:38:47,400 Speaker 1: water in an ocean of psychology and science and research, 600 00:38:47,480 --> 00:38:51,480 Speaker 1: you know. And even though I'll come out with a 601 00:38:51,520 --> 00:38:56,719 Speaker 1: doctorate in psychology, you're not really broadly studying anything. You're 602 00:38:56,840 --> 00:39:02,800 Speaker 1: very very specifically studying a one construct, like I said, 603 00:39:02,800 --> 00:39:06,400 Speaker 1: in this ocean of ideas and stuff, you know. And 604 00:39:06,440 --> 00:39:16,040 Speaker 1: then it bugs me when people discount stuff that's I 605 00:39:16,080 --> 00:39:20,680 Speaker 1: guess just learned experience or anecdotal or like all of 606 00:39:20,719 --> 00:39:22,799 Speaker 1: the stuff that you've been through and I'm sure you've 607 00:39:22,800 --> 00:39:27,160 Speaker 1: done your own research research as well, but like your 608 00:39:27,239 --> 00:39:30,479 Speaker 1: life is your classroom, you know, the research that you've 609 00:39:30,520 --> 00:39:34,280 Speaker 1: done working with real humans in real time and creating 610 00:39:34,320 --> 00:39:38,560 Speaker 1: real outcomes, that's more valuable research, I think in many 611 00:39:38,600 --> 00:39:42,800 Speaker 1: ways when you're connecting with a general public audience. 612 00:39:44,160 --> 00:39:48,760 Speaker 2: Yeah, more people like simple things that they can understand. Yeah, 613 00:39:49,719 --> 00:39:53,520 Speaker 2: what I seek to do is I always felt that 614 00:39:54,800 --> 00:39:57,960 Speaker 2: my advantage was that I didn't have an academic background, 615 00:39:58,000 --> 00:40:01,640 Speaker 2: so I didn't have to be true to any particular methodology, 616 00:40:01,840 --> 00:40:05,160 Speaker 2: or I didn't have to introduce things that I thought 617 00:40:05,239 --> 00:40:09,960 Speaker 2: my peers thought that I should substantiate so true, So 618 00:40:10,320 --> 00:40:14,879 Speaker 2: I could just grab any story or any example from anybody, 619 00:40:14,960 --> 00:40:18,640 Speaker 2: and I could maybe put it into two paragraphs and 620 00:40:18,760 --> 00:40:23,480 Speaker 2: with a cartoon and then and then. One of the 621 00:40:23,560 --> 00:40:28,520 Speaker 2: joys for me of writing is is using as simple 622 00:40:28,600 --> 00:40:34,640 Speaker 2: language as I can. When I teach or workshops on writing, 623 00:40:34,719 --> 00:40:38,080 Speaker 2: I say, imagine that you're writing for a twelve year 624 00:40:38,080 --> 00:40:42,400 Speaker 2: old girl in Singapore, for whom English is her second language, 625 00:40:42,600 --> 00:40:45,840 Speaker 2: then you're going to write better. So that's that's what 626 00:40:45,960 --> 00:40:51,960 Speaker 2: I seek to do. So for me, it is about simple, 627 00:40:52,200 --> 00:40:57,000 Speaker 2: simple ideas, simple language that anyone can understand and at 628 00:40:57,040 --> 00:41:04,279 Speaker 2: the same time what you're doing obviously you're fascinated at 629 00:41:04,320 --> 00:41:09,359 Speaker 2: getting to understand all of this about how it is 630 00:41:09,400 --> 00:41:12,319 Speaker 2: for other people being around Craig Harper, and so that 631 00:41:12,440 --> 00:41:15,839 Speaker 2: is that is fueling your joyous life and your experience. 632 00:41:16,840 --> 00:41:19,160 Speaker 2: You know enough that you're not doing it to impress anyone. 633 00:41:19,239 --> 00:41:21,840 Speaker 2: You're doing it because this is this is something that 634 00:41:21,880 --> 00:41:26,839 Speaker 2: you want to get to the bottom of. So that 635 00:41:26,880 --> 00:41:28,719 Speaker 2: can be a great thing for you. But then when 636 00:41:28,760 --> 00:41:31,680 Speaker 2: you take that the messages that you've gotten hold of 637 00:41:31,719 --> 00:41:36,919 Speaker 2: to your audience, obviously you simplify them or you take 638 00:41:36,960 --> 00:41:39,400 Speaker 2: the special little bits that anybody can relate to. 639 00:41:40,280 --> 00:41:45,080 Speaker 1: Yeah, that's the skill. Yeah, And it's like even with 640 00:41:45,160 --> 00:41:47,400 Speaker 1: this with this show, you know, we have thousands of 641 00:41:47,440 --> 00:41:53,000 Speaker 1: listeners every day, and I mean, you're I don't need 642 00:41:53,040 --> 00:41:56,279 Speaker 1: to with you, but sometimes because you're a very good 643 00:41:56,320 --> 00:41:58,920 Speaker 1: communicator and you understand exactly what we're talking about. But 644 00:41:59,000 --> 00:42:03,080 Speaker 1: sometimes I'm like, if I've got someone on who's they're good, 645 00:42:03,080 --> 00:42:05,160 Speaker 1: their knowledge is good, but I'm like, we need to 646 00:42:05,280 --> 00:42:08,120 Speaker 1: change the language of what's going on right now because 647 00:42:08,200 --> 00:42:11,239 Speaker 1: nobody fuck understands this bloke or this lady. You know, 648 00:42:11,320 --> 00:42:15,759 Speaker 1: So like the information is good, but the delivery or 649 00:42:15,800 --> 00:42:18,840 Speaker 1: the language is inappropriate. And it's not that I have 650 00:42:18,880 --> 00:42:22,359 Speaker 1: a dumb audience. I have an educated audience. But when 651 00:42:22,360 --> 00:42:24,960 Speaker 1: you have a really big cross section of people, you 652 00:42:25,040 --> 00:42:29,160 Speaker 1: need to cater to, you know, the lowest common denominator 653 00:42:29,200 --> 00:42:35,880 Speaker 1: in terms of understandability of terms and language. So yeah, 654 00:42:35,560 --> 00:42:38,520 Speaker 1: it's it's interesting. So you've got a new book out 655 00:42:38,560 --> 00:42:42,080 Speaker 1: which is called Bouncing Back, which is is that focus 656 00:42:42,160 --> 00:42:46,440 Speaker 1: on resilience or very coming? 657 00:42:46,960 --> 00:42:51,000 Speaker 2: Yep, yeah, very much resilience. I mean, we're all bouncing 658 00:42:51,040 --> 00:42:54,000 Speaker 2: back from something, Craig. We're bouncing back from a relationship 659 00:42:54,000 --> 00:42:56,200 Speaker 2: that could have been better, or a job that we 660 00:42:56,320 --> 00:42:58,640 Speaker 2: lost or a job that we applied for or we 661 00:42:58,680 --> 00:43:03,120 Speaker 2: didn't get, or we're bouncing back often from loss or 662 00:43:03,200 --> 00:43:08,960 Speaker 2: tragedy people that we loved. And I thought the COVID 663 00:43:09,040 --> 00:43:11,840 Speaker 2: experience triggered it a little bit, but it was also 664 00:43:13,080 --> 00:43:16,600 Speaker 2: we're all going to be bouncing back from things almost 665 00:43:17,160 --> 00:43:21,320 Speaker 2: every day, little things. Ben So I wanted to ask 666 00:43:21,880 --> 00:43:29,440 Speaker 2: the question what is it that resilient people do? And basically, 667 00:43:29,880 --> 00:43:34,120 Speaker 2: there's about seven things that resilient and happy people do 668 00:43:34,200 --> 00:43:39,320 Speaker 2: better than people who are not resilient. And I created 669 00:43:41,160 --> 00:43:45,160 Speaker 2: like a lot of little stories and cartoons in Bouncing Back, 670 00:43:47,160 --> 00:43:50,799 Speaker 2: and basically we go through the things that and you 671 00:43:50,840 --> 00:43:53,279 Speaker 2: don't have to learn them all, you don't have to 672 00:43:53,320 --> 00:43:57,719 Speaker 2: do them in any particular order. For example, number one 673 00:43:57,880 --> 00:44:02,120 Speaker 2: is that resilient people find purpose in whatever they're going through. 674 00:44:02,200 --> 00:44:09,000 Speaker 2: They don't say, why does everything happen to me? Often 675 00:44:09,160 --> 00:44:12,880 Speaker 2: what we thought was breaking us is actually making us. Yes, 676 00:44:13,400 --> 00:44:19,359 Speaker 2: and resilient people understand that. So true, that's number one. 677 00:44:19,440 --> 00:44:25,480 Speaker 2: Number two is we accept what we can't change. I mean, 678 00:44:25,480 --> 00:44:27,200 Speaker 2: there's a lot of things that we can change. We 679 00:44:27,200 --> 00:44:29,920 Speaker 2: can change our attitude, we can change our work rate, 680 00:44:30,000 --> 00:44:32,120 Speaker 2: we can change where we live, we can change our friends. 681 00:44:32,120 --> 00:44:36,520 Speaker 2: But there are things that you can't change your parents, 682 00:44:36,719 --> 00:44:43,000 Speaker 2: for example. So some people live their life saying, well, 683 00:44:43,400 --> 00:44:46,160 Speaker 2: if I refuse to accept this, then I won't be 684 00:44:46,239 --> 00:44:50,560 Speaker 2: stuck with it. There is the reverse is true. As 685 00:44:50,600 --> 00:44:53,319 Speaker 2: soon as you embrace something that you didn't want, then 686 00:44:53,360 --> 00:44:58,000 Speaker 2: you can move on. So acceptance is power. And so 687 00:44:58,360 --> 00:45:01,719 Speaker 2: those are two of the things that I that I 688 00:45:01,760 --> 00:45:04,040 Speaker 2: looked at in Bouncing Back. 689 00:45:04,600 --> 00:45:07,600 Speaker 1: I love it. We waste sorry to interrupt, we waste 690 00:45:07,640 --> 00:45:09,279 Speaker 1: a lot. We do seem to waste a lot of 691 00:45:09,320 --> 00:45:12,600 Speaker 1: time and energy andrew on things we can't change or undo. 692 00:45:12,920 --> 00:45:16,280 Speaker 1: You know, like how many of us ruminate about things 693 00:45:16,280 --> 00:45:20,399 Speaker 1: that happened five years ago and we're still like our 694 00:45:20,440 --> 00:45:23,839 Speaker 1: mind in the present is trapped in that thing five 695 00:45:23,960 --> 00:45:27,839 Speaker 1: years ago that you know, putting aside traumatic events. But 696 00:45:28,040 --> 00:45:30,520 Speaker 1: you know, it's like, we do have this propensity to 697 00:45:30,640 --> 00:45:34,560 Speaker 1: overthink and ruminate on things we can't change or control. 698 00:45:37,800 --> 00:45:42,480 Speaker 2: You're a sports guy and in one of my books, 699 00:45:42,480 --> 00:45:45,120 Speaker 2: I think it was Following your Heart. It brings up 700 00:45:45,120 --> 00:45:47,320 Speaker 2: for me because you're talking about living in the present 701 00:45:47,360 --> 00:45:49,760 Speaker 2: and everyone says and it's kind of it's just a cliche, 702 00:45:49,880 --> 00:45:52,800 Speaker 2: live in the present. One of the beautiful things about 703 00:45:52,880 --> 00:45:57,200 Speaker 2: sport is that you learn to live in the present 704 00:45:57,320 --> 00:45:59,560 Speaker 2: and let go of stuff. You lost the last set, 705 00:45:59,600 --> 00:46:01,920 Speaker 2: then get on with the next set. You know, yes 706 00:46:02,120 --> 00:46:04,200 Speaker 2: they kicked a goal, now it's your turn to kick 707 00:46:04,239 --> 00:46:10,880 Speaker 2: the next goal, and so letting go of things. Sport 708 00:46:11,040 --> 00:46:14,200 Speaker 2: is a wonderful educator in how to live a better 709 00:46:14,280 --> 00:46:19,760 Speaker 2: life in in so many things. You know, when you relax, 710 00:46:19,880 --> 00:46:23,120 Speaker 2: you perform better. You know, you run faster, you don't 711 00:46:23,120 --> 00:46:23,560 Speaker 2: get hurt. 712 00:46:24,400 --> 00:46:24,560 Speaker 1: Yea. 713 00:46:25,200 --> 00:46:28,680 Speaker 2: So that whole idea of being able to let go 714 00:46:28,800 --> 00:46:35,600 Speaker 2: of things and move on. We see and so many 715 00:46:35,640 --> 00:46:38,920 Speaker 2: things in the sporting experience we see a parallel. 716 00:46:40,680 --> 00:46:44,520 Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, and I think that I'm doing a workshop 717 00:46:44,560 --> 00:46:48,360 Speaker 1: this Sunday in Melbourne. Get along everyone. If you're not coming, 718 00:46:48,719 --> 00:46:52,279 Speaker 1: it's that deacon, go to my website. But it's called 719 00:46:52,520 --> 00:46:54,920 Speaker 1: understanding you. Do you like that little plug that I 720 00:46:55,000 --> 00:46:59,680 Speaker 1: just shoved in there, It's called understanding you. And that's 721 00:46:59,719 --> 00:47:03,080 Speaker 1: the the whole like part of a big part of 722 00:47:03,600 --> 00:47:06,040 Speaker 1: kind of my journey now and also with people that 723 00:47:06,120 --> 00:47:09,600 Speaker 1: I work with and teams and athletes and businesses. Is yeah, 724 00:47:09,680 --> 00:47:13,040 Speaker 1: just that like what actually makes me happy, what makes 725 00:47:13,080 --> 00:47:18,080 Speaker 1: me stressed? How do I manage my mind? What impact 726 00:47:18,080 --> 00:47:20,520 Speaker 1: does my mind have on my emotions and vice versa? 727 00:47:20,560 --> 00:47:22,960 Speaker 1: What impact does my emotions and my mind have on 728 00:47:23,000 --> 00:47:26,160 Speaker 1: my body and vice versa? You know, because we're this 729 00:47:26,280 --> 00:47:29,040 Speaker 1: kind of integrated system, We're not one thing where all 730 00:47:29,120 --> 00:47:34,200 Speaker 1: the things. Yeah, and I just think being able to 731 00:47:36,760 --> 00:47:39,799 Speaker 1: open that door on self awareness how I am and 732 00:47:39,840 --> 00:47:42,440 Speaker 1: why I am the way I am, but at the 733 00:47:42,480 --> 00:47:46,359 Speaker 1: same time not overthinking the shit out of everything, right, 734 00:47:46,400 --> 00:47:48,600 Speaker 1: because then we wake up and it's five years later 735 00:47:48,680 --> 00:47:53,920 Speaker 1: and we're still on this deep journey of introspection that 736 00:47:54,000 --> 00:47:55,319 Speaker 1: really doesn't help too much. 737 00:47:55,360 --> 00:48:00,759 Speaker 2: Sometimes, well maybe so, maybe it's from the point of 738 00:48:00,800 --> 00:48:04,880 Speaker 2: view of how we're affecting and either enriching the people 739 00:48:04,920 --> 00:48:07,279 Speaker 2: around us, rather than this is all about me, which 740 00:48:07,320 --> 00:48:09,520 Speaker 2: is which is what I think you're saying. 741 00:48:10,320 --> 00:48:14,319 Speaker 1: Yeah, we'll wind up, but just quickly before we go. 742 00:48:14,400 --> 00:48:17,200 Speaker 1: You spoke about purpose a minute ago when we were 743 00:48:17,239 --> 00:48:22,160 Speaker 1: talking about in new book, Bouncing Back. By the way, everyone, 744 00:48:22,280 --> 00:48:23,799 Speaker 1: so go and get nine copies. 745 00:48:23,480 --> 00:48:27,480 Speaker 2: That it's only on Amazon at the moment. It's well, 746 00:48:28,600 --> 00:48:29,760 Speaker 2: where are all your listeners? 747 00:48:29,760 --> 00:48:33,520 Speaker 1: Great, so eighty percent you will take Australia and the 748 00:48:33,560 --> 00:48:34,799 Speaker 1: rest around the world. 749 00:48:35,120 --> 00:48:39,400 Speaker 2: Okay, so Bouncing Back we'll be in bookstores from January, 750 00:48:39,440 --> 00:48:45,239 Speaker 2: but it's already available on Amazon as an ebook or 751 00:48:45,280 --> 00:48:50,080 Speaker 2: as a printed book or as an audible perfect perfect. 752 00:48:50,719 --> 00:48:51,720 Speaker 1: Did you do the audio? 753 00:48:52,880 --> 00:48:56,719 Speaker 2: I did the audio. So if you're listening and you 754 00:48:56,800 --> 00:49:01,200 Speaker 2: think my voice works, okay, then to me do the audio. 755 00:49:01,680 --> 00:49:04,320 Speaker 1: Yeah. I don't like it when authors get other people 756 00:49:04,360 --> 00:49:06,400 Speaker 1: to do that, especially when I know the author and 757 00:49:06,480 --> 00:49:08,240 Speaker 1: then I listen to the book. I'm like, I wanted 758 00:49:08,239 --> 00:49:12,120 Speaker 1: to hear him or her just quickly. I want to 759 00:49:12,160 --> 00:49:14,879 Speaker 1: talk for a moment about purpose, and then we'll wind up. 760 00:49:15,040 --> 00:49:17,920 Speaker 1: So one of the things that people have said to 761 00:49:17,920 --> 00:49:20,319 Speaker 1: me over the years is something like, how do I 762 00:49:20,480 --> 00:49:24,319 Speaker 1: find my purpose? And my general answer is, well, why 763 00:49:24,320 --> 00:49:27,480 Speaker 1: don't you just choose it? It's not under some ethereal 764 00:49:27,680 --> 00:49:30,120 Speaker 1: rock or some there's not going to be an angel. 765 00:49:30,239 --> 00:49:33,520 Speaker 1: Depend descend on your window with a little scroll, just 766 00:49:33,560 --> 00:49:38,360 Speaker 1: giving you the inside. What are your thoughts around purpose? 767 00:49:40,280 --> 00:49:44,120 Speaker 2: I think, do whatever is in front of you, do 768 00:49:44,200 --> 00:49:50,040 Speaker 2: what do the things you love where possible, But whatever 769 00:49:50,160 --> 00:49:53,120 Speaker 2: is under your nose, do it the best that you 770 00:49:53,200 --> 00:49:57,440 Speaker 2: can do it and watch it lead you toward other opportunities. 771 00:49:58,440 --> 00:50:04,040 Speaker 2: And so our purpose evolves as we put our heart 772 00:50:04,080 --> 00:50:09,440 Speaker 2: and soul into our life and work. And sometimes someone 773 00:50:09,480 --> 00:50:12,759 Speaker 2: will notice us and pluck us from where we are, 774 00:50:14,160 --> 00:50:20,640 Speaker 2: and so that's how our career moves. Sometimes we develop 775 00:50:20,760 --> 00:50:24,080 Speaker 2: our skills and our confidence and we go and do 776 00:50:24,400 --> 00:50:30,439 Speaker 2: that thing ourselves. But my thought is that you give 777 00:50:30,480 --> 00:50:33,040 Speaker 2: your heart and soul to whatever is in front of you, 778 00:50:33,200 --> 00:50:37,240 Speaker 2: even if it isn't ideal. If you're sweeping a shopping center, 779 00:50:37,360 --> 00:50:40,360 Speaker 2: do it your best and watch it lead you to 780 00:50:40,440 --> 00:50:47,640 Speaker 2: something better. And similarly, with relationships, you don't worry about whether, well, okay, 781 00:50:47,840 --> 00:50:52,680 Speaker 2: you know you're on a new date and you say, well, 782 00:50:53,000 --> 00:50:55,080 Speaker 2: I just don't know that Mary is the one. That 783 00:50:55,200 --> 00:50:59,080 Speaker 2: is not the problem. The issue is that you give 784 00:50:59,160 --> 00:51:02,759 Speaker 2: your best who having a joyous time with Mary, and 785 00:51:02,840 --> 00:51:06,160 Speaker 2: it goes for as long as it goes, and maybe 786 00:51:06,160 --> 00:51:09,080 Speaker 2: Mary will be the one, or maybe she won't, but 787 00:51:09,400 --> 00:51:13,960 Speaker 2: you put your your best into whatever is in front 788 00:51:14,000 --> 00:51:16,160 Speaker 2: of you and it leads you somewhere better. 789 00:51:17,560 --> 00:51:20,000 Speaker 1: My dad did exactly what you said with a Mary 790 00:51:20,200 --> 00:51:22,560 Speaker 1: who happens to be my mum, and it worked out 791 00:51:22,560 --> 00:51:26,400 Speaker 1: for him. So there you go, everyone now, Being happy, 792 00:51:26,680 --> 00:51:29,080 Speaker 1: follow your Heart and How Life Works are some of 793 00:51:29,120 --> 00:51:33,120 Speaker 1: Andrew's books. He's only sold eight million copies, So Andrew 794 00:51:33,160 --> 00:51:37,000 Speaker 1: try harder eight million copies in forty eight languages. All right, 795 00:51:37,080 --> 00:51:40,560 Speaker 1: He's got me covered everyone, and his latest book is 796 00:51:40,600 --> 00:51:44,399 Speaker 1: called Bouncing Back. Mate. Do you want to steer our 797 00:51:44,480 --> 00:51:48,160 Speaker 1: audience towards anything, any products or website or where do 798 00:51:48,200 --> 00:51:49,319 Speaker 1: you want to tell people to go? 799 00:51:50,320 --> 00:51:56,200 Speaker 2: Thank you, Craig. So my website is Andrewmatthews dot com. 800 00:51:56,280 --> 00:51:59,080 Speaker 2: Andrew Matthews is all one word and to teaser the 801 00:51:59,120 --> 00:52:04,600 Speaker 2: Matthews So you can join my newsletter. I do a 802 00:52:04,680 --> 00:52:10,560 Speaker 2: newsletter every two weeks and it's a cartoon and maybe 803 00:52:10,600 --> 00:52:14,279 Speaker 2: a few sentences. I don't want to burden you. I 804 00:52:14,320 --> 00:52:18,920 Speaker 2: also have a lot of videos on YouTube, TikTok, Instagram, 805 00:52:19,600 --> 00:52:23,080 Speaker 2: and Facebook. You can join me on Facebook Andrew Matthews 806 00:52:23,440 --> 00:52:28,560 Speaker 2: author and join me contact me, let me know how 807 00:52:28,600 --> 00:52:32,319 Speaker 2: you found this chat with Craig, and let Craig know 808 00:52:32,400 --> 00:52:34,760 Speaker 2: how you found it. Maybe we can do this again. 809 00:52:35,520 --> 00:52:39,240 Speaker 1: I'd love to you're a gun. There's about five percent 810 00:52:39,239 --> 00:52:42,399 Speaker 1: of people I get on who are well, most of good, 811 00:52:42,440 --> 00:52:45,560 Speaker 1: but there's five percent that make my job very very easy, 812 00:52:45,600 --> 00:52:48,439 Speaker 1: and you're in the top one cent. So thank you, sir. 813 00:52:48,520 --> 00:52:52,000 Speaker 1: I appreciate you. Well, say goodbye off air, but for 814 00:52:52,080 --> 00:52:54,560 Speaker 1: the moment officially, Andrew, thanks for having a chat. It's 815 00:52:54,560 --> 00:52:56,080 Speaker 1: been really nice. I appreciate you. 816 00:52:57,239 --> 00:52:58,600 Speaker 2: Thank you, Craig. My pleasure.