WEBVTT - #2000 How Long!! - Tiff, Melissa & Harps 0:00:00.960 --> 0:00:03.320 And so it came to pass that on the first 0:00:03.400 --> 0:00:05.320 day of the first month in the year of our 0:00:05.360 --> 0:00:08.719 Lord twenty and eighteen, life was breathed into the cast 0:00:08.800 --> 0:00:11.520 of pod that would one day be known across the 0:00:11.600 --> 0:00:15.680 lands and seas as the U Project. And as word 0:00:15.720 --> 0:00:18.360 of the pod caught fire among the people, surely did 0:00:18.400 --> 0:00:20.880 they come from the ends of the earth. Came they 0:00:21.040 --> 0:00:25.479 hungering and thirsting, after wisdom, after mirth, after tales of 0:00:25.560 --> 0:00:29.080 struggle and triumph, and lo the host one crag of 0:00:29.120 --> 0:00:32.000 harbor did wax long of tongue and stout of heart, 0:00:32.080 --> 0:00:37.440 gathering unto him sages and healers and warriors, scribes and jestures, 0:00:38.159 --> 0:00:41.920 and Tiffith and Melissareth. And they spake of the mind 0:00:41.960 --> 0:00:44.519 and of the body, of toil, and of rest, of folly, 0:00:44.880 --> 0:00:47.640 and of triumph, and of the mysteries of the soul. 0:00:47.760 --> 0:00:51.440 And verily, two thousand times was the pod cast forth 0:00:51.840 --> 0:00:54.880 upon the air and across the lands among the people. 0:00:55.600 --> 0:00:59.000 And two thousand times did it find ears willing to 0:00:59.080 --> 0:01:02.680 hear was the multitude thereof, for they number of in 0:01:02.880 --> 0:01:07.920 hosts beyond counting. And it was good, yay, even very good. 0:01:08.360 --> 0:01:10.920 So let it be known unto this generation and unto 0:01:10.959 --> 0:01:14.480 those yet unborn. This is the two thousandth chapter in 0:01:14.520 --> 0:01:19.200 the great Chronicle of the U Project, and yet the 0:01:19.240 --> 0:01:26.000 story continues. Huppy two thousand to us, Happy two thousand 0:01:26.200 --> 0:01:34.360 two hours, Happy two thousand two us, Happy two thousand episodes. 0:01:36.240 --> 0:01:37.679 Did you ever think we'd get here? Cook? 0:01:38.600 --> 0:01:40.920 I just felt like that was every birthday message you've 0:01:40.959 --> 0:01:43.280 ever sung me. I'm so happy that everyone got to 0:01:43.319 --> 0:01:44.560 hear a rendition of it. 0:01:44.840 --> 0:01:50.800 Happy. Well, I did not think we'd get it. Hello, 0:01:50.840 --> 0:01:54.720 Everyone's two thousandth episode. Try and say that ten times 0:01:54.760 --> 0:01:58.200 fast of the U Project. Tiffany and Cook, we've got 0:01:58.240 --> 0:02:01.680 a very very special not the TIFFs not special, but 0:02:01.720 --> 0:02:04.120 we get her all the time, so not that special, 0:02:04.960 --> 0:02:07.120 slightly more special than me. But we've got a very 0:02:07.160 --> 0:02:11.160 special guest coming up later in the show. But I'm 0:02:11.160 --> 0:02:14.400 glad that we're getting to do this, And so I'm 0:02:14.440 --> 0:02:16.880 going to start by thanking you. You're my first person. 0:02:17.080 --> 0:02:21.400 Like you know, you've really evolved. You've graduated from the 0:02:21.440 --> 0:02:25.200 Bamboo and from coming to the shows and sitting up 0:02:25.240 --> 0:02:28.400 the back, then up the front, then being part of 0:02:28.440 --> 0:02:30.760 the program and telling people where to have a wee 0:02:30.880 --> 0:02:34.040 and where to sit, and you know, and then and 0:02:34.080 --> 0:02:36.200 now look at you. Now you're just crushing it and 0:02:36.320 --> 0:02:38.240 killing it and you've got your own show and your 0:02:38.280 --> 0:02:41.520 own speaking career. Would you have thought that it was 0:02:41.639 --> 0:02:44.760 eight years ago? That, I mean coming up to jan one. 0:02:44.919 --> 0:02:48.560 So the first episode was January one, twenty eighteen. So 0:02:49.280 --> 0:02:51.280 in the near future, it's going to be eight years 0:02:52.080 --> 0:02:54.320 What do you does it seem like it's gone quick 0:02:54.360 --> 0:02:54.600 for you? 0:02:55.080 --> 0:02:58.720 Real quick? It does not seem that long. Well, I 0:02:58.800 --> 0:03:01.799 must have come about around the couple of hundred mark, 0:03:01.840 --> 0:03:03.440 I reckon, do you think. 0:03:04.400 --> 0:03:06.639 I don't know, don't you know what? I looked at 0:03:06.680 --> 0:03:09.040 the other I didn't even know when their first episode was. 0:03:09.040 --> 0:03:11.240 I had to look it up. And then like in 0:03:11.280 --> 0:03:14.360 the first month, I think we did two episodes. I'm like, 0:03:14.440 --> 0:03:16.720 what the fuck were we doing? I did one like 0:03:16.800 --> 0:03:20.840 on January one, and then like January seventeen or something. 0:03:20.880 --> 0:03:23.760 I'm like, what overwhelm people? Yeah, well I didn't want 0:03:23.760 --> 0:03:25.880 to start with a bang, did I. I'm like, well, 0:03:25.960 --> 0:03:29.239 it certainly eased into it, Like I mean, I feel 0:03:29.240 --> 0:03:32.320 like we've always done seven a week, which we clearly haven't. 0:03:32.360 --> 0:03:36.120 But yeah, I remember over time we went from kind 0:03:36.160 --> 0:03:38.520 of one ishe wow. I think we did like I said, 0:03:38.560 --> 0:03:40.760 a couple of month and then we did like then 0:03:40.800 --> 0:03:42.800 I think we made the big decision of like three 0:03:42.840 --> 0:03:44.640 a week, which was like three a week. How are 0:03:44.640 --> 0:03:47.280 you going to do three a week? Like, fucking that's 0:03:47.320 --> 0:03:48.840 a lot, and how are you going to come up 0:03:48.880 --> 0:03:52.360 with ideas and people and conversation. I'm like, and now 0:03:52.400 --> 0:03:56.640 we do seven and not that it's easy peasy, but 0:03:56.720 --> 0:03:58.760 we never seem to run out of shit to talk about. 0:03:58.800 --> 0:04:01.560 So Tiff, thank you very much. I appreciate you, and 0:04:01.600 --> 0:04:05.600 I mean, I'm always fucking with you, but I appreciate you. 0:04:05.600 --> 0:04:08.120 You're great at what you do. It's been really nice 0:04:08.120 --> 0:04:13.119 to see over eight years your development, your evolution and 0:04:14.160 --> 0:04:16.200 you know, and to do this with you and have 0:04:16.279 --> 0:04:20.560 fun with you. It's been great. And the typ family 0:04:20.640 --> 0:04:22.920 love you. So on behalf of me. And then thanks 0:04:22.960 --> 0:04:24.400 thanks for making this what it is. 0:04:24.440 --> 0:04:28.120 I appreciate you, Thanks everyone, Thanks Harp. Thanks for letting 0:04:28.160 --> 0:04:30.279 me wrap on that door hard enough and long enough 0:04:30.320 --> 0:04:31.080 that you let me in. 0:04:31.680 --> 0:04:35.080 Well, you were persistent, you were like that bungle infection, 0:04:35.279 --> 0:04:37.680 but you know it turned out to be less painful. 0:04:39.480 --> 0:04:42.640 It's yeah. So two thousand episodes. Oh my god. So 0:04:42.839 --> 0:04:47.080 here's the deal everyone, I kind of threw out I 0:04:47.160 --> 0:04:54.680 kind of threw out some feedback or some ideas for 0:04:54.800 --> 0:04:57.680 you from you about feedback about what we might do. 0:04:57.839 --> 0:05:01.600 And this is just the bottom line. So everyone at 0:05:01.600 --> 0:05:04.239 the minute is super busy. Melissa is super busy, TIFFs 0:05:04.279 --> 0:05:09.080 super busy. I'm super busy. I feel sick of talking 0:05:09.120 --> 0:05:11.600 about or tired of talking about my own bullshit because 0:05:11.600 --> 0:05:13.880 I feel you must all fucking roll your eyes and go, 0:05:14.000 --> 0:05:17.240 for God's sake, finish that fucking PhD. I'm with you, 0:05:17.960 --> 0:05:21.240 like soon, once it's done, I promise I won't talk 0:05:21.279 --> 0:05:25.000 about it for a year. I'm sick of talking about 0:05:25.000 --> 0:05:27.599 it too. But it's just a reality of my life. 0:05:27.640 --> 0:05:30.200 It's an ever present. You know how you have things 0:05:30.200 --> 0:05:32.400 on the to do list and you do them, well, 0:05:32.440 --> 0:05:35.040 this one never fucking goes off the to do list, right, 0:05:35.080 --> 0:05:40.040 so it just sits up there under two and then 0:05:41.360 --> 0:05:42.880 you know, the last month or two I've been a 0:05:42.880 --> 0:05:46.159 bit crook, And I feel so fucking good now. I'm 0:05:46.279 --> 0:05:51.159 so grateful, truly feel good. Like if ten out of 0:05:51.160 --> 0:05:54.400 ten is awesome, I feel about eight right now. If 0:05:54.400 --> 0:05:56.479 I know you don't feel great, but I'll be interested 0:05:56.520 --> 0:06:00.680 to monitor your score through the show because I'm like, fuck, Zanax, 0:06:00.760 --> 0:06:03.120 I Am no, not Xanax. What's the one that makes 0:06:03.160 --> 0:06:05.880 you happy? Prozac? I'm like Prozac with a bald head. 0:06:08.000 --> 0:06:12.320 And so I was really thinking about what's some whiz 0:06:12.440 --> 0:06:15.560 bang fucking event that we can do, and it just 0:06:15.760 --> 0:06:19.039 was not going to happen practically. And I also thought 0:06:19.080 --> 0:06:22.720 about getting, you know, maybe ten people that have been 0:06:22.800 --> 0:06:26.520 really instrumental in the development of the show and really 0:06:26.560 --> 0:06:30.720 integral to what we've created. And then I thought, I'm 0:06:30.720 --> 0:06:32.480 going to pick ten people, and ten are going to 0:06:32.680 --> 0:06:34.880 fucking hate my guts, or twenty are gonna hate my 0:06:34.880 --> 0:06:37.880 guts because I didn't pick them, you know. And even 0:06:37.920 --> 0:06:39.520 I've got a list of people I want to thank 0:06:39.520 --> 0:06:42.560 who've been regulars, and I'm like, fuck, imagine if there's 0:06:42.600 --> 0:06:47.240 someone obvious that not because they're not important, but they've 0:06:47.279 --> 0:06:50.599 just skipped my mind. Like I'm terrified that there's not 0:06:50.720 --> 0:06:53.279 someone on the list that's been on the show thirty 0:06:53.320 --> 0:06:55.960 times or something. So when I read that list, I 0:06:55.960 --> 0:06:58.360 want you just to go. Have you thought about anyway 0:06:58.360 --> 0:07:00.440 I probably should have done that off anyway? Fuck it, 0:07:00.560 --> 0:07:06.839 This is how we work, so what I thought I 0:07:06.880 --> 0:07:09.440 would do today and we'll get there, not yet. But 0:07:10.640 --> 0:07:16.040 so this episode is really it's really almost like a 0:07:16.080 --> 0:07:21.040 synopsis of the stuff that has really been powerful for 0:07:21.160 --> 0:07:25.640 me since January one, twenty and eight end for me 0:07:25.800 --> 0:07:30.640 that I think the messages and the ideas and the 0:07:30.680 --> 0:07:36.560 stories and the science that has been really powerful, the 0:07:36.600 --> 0:07:39.560 stuff that has really moved the needle for a lot 0:07:39.600 --> 0:07:41.400 of people, the stuff that we get a lot of 0:07:41.440 --> 0:07:45.120 feedback about. So when we get there, Tiff and I 0:07:45.160 --> 0:07:47.480 are going to go through that. She's got a little 0:07:47.520 --> 0:07:49.640 list in front of her, and I'm just going to 0:07:49.680 --> 0:07:56.240 expand on what I think are basically some really powerful 0:07:56.480 --> 0:08:01.480 ideas or strategies or pice is that we can integrate 0:08:01.520 --> 0:08:05.640 into our life that are relatively simple but at the 0:08:05.720 --> 0:08:14.080 same time really powerful. So, without further ado, you and 0:08:14.080 --> 0:08:17.280 I were chatting about this yesterday. I want to see 0:08:17.280 --> 0:08:19.640 if you can remember the list because I couldn't, and 0:08:19.680 --> 0:08:21.120 I don't know if you I got in front of me, 0:08:21.160 --> 0:08:24.800 so I'm cheating. But one of the things that I 0:08:24.800 --> 0:08:27.120 guess a lot of people don't think about TIF is that, 0:08:28.400 --> 0:08:32.520 like we've been going for so long that there's quite 0:08:32.520 --> 0:08:35.040 a few of our guests who have actually passed away 0:08:35.120 --> 0:08:40.360 since we chatted with them, and I just want to 0:08:40.400 --> 0:08:45.120 honor those people and I want to send, you know, 0:08:45.200 --> 0:08:47.800 all the good vibes and energy to their family and 0:08:47.840 --> 0:08:50.680 their loved ones and just say that to them, thank 0:08:50.720 --> 0:08:54.720 you for allowing us to have your person on our show, 0:08:54.920 --> 0:08:59.600 and we really value them and we value you. So 0:09:01.600 --> 0:09:03.959 who can you remember that's on the list? So I 0:09:04.440 --> 0:09:07.360 think there's oh god, if I get this wrong, oh 0:09:07.400 --> 0:09:11.120 my god, I've got six on my list. So these 0:09:11.160 --> 0:09:12.800 are people that have been on the show that have 0:09:13.120 --> 0:09:16.600 sadly moved on to the great podcast in the sky. 0:09:18.679 --> 0:09:19.400 Who have you got? 0:09:20.160 --> 0:09:22.320 All right, you have put me on the spot. We've 0:09:22.320 --> 0:09:23.920 got Johnny Ruffo. 0:09:24.640 --> 0:09:28.920 Okay, stop, Johnny the beautiful Johnny Ruffo. How funny was 0:09:29.000 --> 0:09:29.680 Johnny Ruffo? 0:09:30.120 --> 0:09:30.720 The best? 0:09:32.400 --> 0:09:34.800 You know, people always say nice things about people once 0:09:34.840 --> 0:09:36.600 they're gone, and even if they thought they were Dix, 0:09:36.640 --> 0:09:39.320 they go, oh, he's such an amazing human. It's like 0:09:39.400 --> 0:09:40.960 she never said a good thing about him while it 0:09:41.040 --> 0:09:45.280 was alive. But Johnny Ruffo, clearly I didn't know much 0:09:45.280 --> 0:09:47.439 about him. He was a singer, he was an entertainer, 0:09:48.559 --> 0:09:53.679 who's an Australian kind of beautiful human being and I'm like, oh, yeah, 0:09:53.720 --> 0:09:55.960 we've got another guy on the show. I think I 0:09:56.040 --> 0:09:58.560 watched five minutes of him on some kind of YouTube 0:09:58.600 --> 0:10:00.640 something and read a bit about him. You who he was, 0:10:00.640 --> 0:10:03.439 but I didn't, and when I met him, and I 0:10:03.880 --> 0:10:08.440 just genuinely if you haven't heard that podcast, I'm not 0:10:08.520 --> 0:10:12.520 just saying this, I loved it, And yeah, he was 0:10:12.840 --> 0:10:15.280 somebody who was just at the cold face of pain 0:10:15.600 --> 0:10:19.760 and sickness and not that far away from death's doore 0:10:20.040 --> 0:10:24.920 just being hilarious and compassionate. What do you remember were 0:10:24.960 --> 0:10:26.600 you on that show or did you just listen? 0:10:28.840 --> 0:10:32.240 He's just so fun and so funny and playful. 0:10:33.440 --> 0:10:35.200 Do you remember when he was talking about how he 0:10:35.400 --> 0:10:37.480 had to go and jack off into a little plastic 0:10:37.520 --> 0:10:40.679 bottle to get a These are the things I remember, 0:10:41.040 --> 0:10:45.560 just to honor Johnny, like he was talking about everyone 0:10:45.720 --> 0:10:49.880 how he had to or he and his partner decided 0:10:49.920 --> 0:10:53.880 that he would, you know, donate or not donate, but 0:10:53.880 --> 0:10:58.000 but get store a sperm sample. And then he was 0:10:58.040 --> 0:11:01.559 talking about how that worked with his mum, Like outside 0:11:01.559 --> 0:11:04.720 the cubicle about four meters away, do you need anything? 0:11:04.760 --> 0:11:06.840 Are you good? Yeah, I probably need you to not 0:11:07.000 --> 0:11:10.880 talk like that's clearly not going to help. And just 0:11:10.960 --> 0:11:15.600 his ability to say, you know, be that that raw 0:11:15.760 --> 0:11:18.880 and real and open. And there was no show, There 0:11:18.920 --> 0:11:21.320 was no Johnny Ruffo's show. That was just him. I 0:11:21.360 --> 0:11:25.400 love that. Yeah, who else is on our list? 0:11:26.360 --> 0:11:26.960 Kel and Ray? 0:11:28.480 --> 0:11:33.280 I didn't know Kerwin until the show. I knew a lot. Well, 0:11:33.320 --> 0:11:35.440 I didn't know a lot. I'd heard a lot about him. 0:11:35.520 --> 0:11:38.040 I feel like you probably knew more about Kerwin than 0:11:38.120 --> 0:11:41.560 I did at the start, and you were more familiar 0:11:41.559 --> 0:11:44.439 with his work. Of course, he was among many things, 0:11:44.480 --> 0:11:47.320 he was kind of in the same space as me, 0:11:47.679 --> 0:11:53.359 definitely ahead of me, like corporate stuff and professional development 0:11:53.440 --> 0:11:55.840 and self help and all of that. Think better, do better, 0:11:55.920 --> 0:12:02.040 be better, live better, live bigger, And Yeah, I remember 0:12:02.120 --> 0:12:05.880 him being for me. He was a really interesting cat 0:12:06.000 --> 0:12:08.000 because I think I just saw a bit of me 0:12:08.120 --> 0:12:11.400 and him and I was trying to learn from him. 0:12:12.120 --> 0:12:14.600 But he had a lot going on. But he definitely 0:12:14.920 --> 0:12:16.679 impacted a lot of people, didn't. 0:12:16.400 --> 0:12:19.240 He Oh huge, he had, He had a huge following, 0:12:19.280 --> 0:12:23.080 and he he had a way to express things that 0:12:23.160 --> 0:12:27.000 could really land. I'd followed him for years. I remember 0:12:27.040 --> 0:12:29.719 being so excited woman got the opportunity to talk to him. 0:12:30.520 --> 0:12:35.079 Yeah. Yeah, So shout out to his family and friends 0:12:35.080 --> 0:12:37.720 and loved ones. I'm going to mention one who you 0:12:37.800 --> 0:12:41.000 might not remember, but he was somebody that I knew 0:12:41.040 --> 0:12:44.360 over the years, Simon Hammond. Simon worked in the marketing 0:12:44.400 --> 0:12:49.240 and branding space, and he'd written a couple of really 0:12:49.240 --> 0:12:52.679 cool books. And yeah, that was very out of the blue. 0:12:52.760 --> 0:12:55.160 He came on the show, we had a great talk, 0:12:55.200 --> 0:12:57.680 and not long after that, he and I actually did 0:12:57.800 --> 0:13:01.040 a in fact, I'm pretty sure it was just on 0:13:01.120 --> 0:13:05.040 the other side of COVID. We did a workshop, a 0:13:05.160 --> 0:13:10.720 seminar together. We worked together live, not on not on zoom, 0:13:10.800 --> 0:13:14.640 not in the virtual world, in the physical world. And yeah, 0:13:14.679 --> 0:13:18.720 he was a very clever, very creative, very inspirational person. 0:13:18.760 --> 0:13:25.160 And he he got quite sick quite quickly, and you 0:13:25.200 --> 0:13:28.840 know he was you know, it wasn't super quick like weeks, 0:13:28.840 --> 0:13:32.200 but it was way he went way earlier than he 0:13:32.240 --> 0:13:35.080 should have, way way earlier. So shout out to his 0:13:35.160 --> 0:13:37.480 family and all the love to them. Who else is 0:13:37.520 --> 0:13:38.320 on your list? 0:13:38.760 --> 0:13:39.679 Doctor NeiMa? 0:13:40.960 --> 0:13:45.800 Yeah Nima, not doctor, but pharmacist. Yeah, Nima a Larbi. Yeah, 0:13:45.840 --> 0:13:50.800 so Nima was on a bunch and did you did 0:13:50.840 --> 0:13:52.520 you do it? Ever? Do any shows with him? 0:13:52.720 --> 0:13:54.040 Yeah? 0:13:54.240 --> 0:13:56.839 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah yeah. I think he quite 0:13:57.000 --> 0:13:59.120 liked you too, because I used to have dinner with 0:13:59.200 --> 0:14:01.480 him once a month and he would always ask me 0:14:01.520 --> 0:14:04.240 about you and Melissa, and he's like, I think he 0:14:04.320 --> 0:14:07.960 told me. Once he goes Tips jacked and I go, yeah, 0:14:07.960 --> 0:14:10.440 she's jacked because you did. I'm pretty sure you did 0:14:10.440 --> 0:14:14.040 one episode in a singlet. He's like, fucking hell, look 0:14:14.080 --> 0:14:18.200 at that shit. Excuse me, excuse my language, everybody bit 0:14:18.200 --> 0:14:21.000 Tip's okay with that. Look at that. She's like what. 0:14:21.160 --> 0:14:23.920 He's like, what the fuck does she do? Because he's 0:14:23.920 --> 0:14:26.400 a pharmacist. He goes to me, is she on anything? 0:14:26.480 --> 0:14:31.560 I go just high on life, bro high on life. 0:14:32.080 --> 0:14:35.680 Yeah yeah, yeah, so yeah, that that was very sad 0:14:35.720 --> 0:14:40.120 for me. He and I were good friends, and yeah 0:14:40.160 --> 0:14:42.360 that was sad. That was sadd He makes sad stuff. 0:14:43.080 --> 0:14:46.120 I think there's two more. Can you remember either of them? 0:14:46.920 --> 0:14:49.440 I think I remember both. Danny Frawley. That was before 0:14:49.480 --> 0:14:51.920 I joined the show, but you've talked about having him 0:14:51.920 --> 0:14:52.360 on a lot. 0:14:53.280 --> 0:14:58.440 Yeah. Shout out to Spud's family, all the girls and 0:14:58.560 --> 0:15:03.720 his wife Anita and I'm pretty sure that's correct. Apologies 0:15:03.760 --> 0:15:07.400 if it's not. But yeah, that was that was just, 0:15:07.600 --> 0:15:12.560 you know, it was really interesting because that episode. I 0:15:12.560 --> 0:15:14.280 don't know why I know this. I might be wrong 0:15:14.280 --> 0:15:16.600 on this. I feel like it's one sixty eight, but 0:15:16.720 --> 0:15:19.960 it might be something else. But yeah, so Danny was 0:15:20.000 --> 0:15:24.680 dealing with a bunch of stuff he had. He had 0:15:24.720 --> 0:15:28.920 mental health issues and lots of I think lots of 0:15:28.960 --> 0:15:33.280 concussion and trauma, and he was struggling with things and 0:15:33.320 --> 0:15:38.200 he came in here to my house in my studio 0:15:38.640 --> 0:15:46.000 and chatted with Melissa and I and he was just 0:15:46.000 --> 0:15:50.040 just a brave, like just a bloke. Just he always 0:15:50.200 --> 0:15:53.120 tried to be you know, when people are you know, 0:15:53.160 --> 0:15:56.040 they're hurting, but then when they're around people, they try 0:15:56.080 --> 0:15:58.840 not to show it. Yeah, you know that he was 0:15:58.920 --> 0:16:00.800 just trying to be an eight and he probably felt 0:16:00.840 --> 0:16:06.600 like a one. And yeah, so that that kind of 0:16:06.600 --> 0:16:09.880 fucked me up. I'm going to be honest, as they 0:16:09.920 --> 0:16:10.240 all did. 0:16:10.320 --> 0:16:12.600 Thirty eight. So that was very early thirty eight. 0:16:12.680 --> 0:16:15.000 Wow, thank you, Well, I was fucking way wrong. I 0:16:15.000 --> 0:16:17.040 had an eight in it. Yeah, so way way back, 0:16:17.080 --> 0:16:20.520 and it wouldn't have been that long. It was within 0:16:21.600 --> 0:16:24.160 five or six months that he passed away after that chat, 0:16:24.200 --> 0:16:29.800 but that that that particular conversation, I'm glad. I've got that. 0:16:30.280 --> 0:16:32.240 It's always going to be a little bit of a 0:16:32.280 --> 0:16:35.800 gift to me. And the last one that we had 0:16:35.960 --> 0:16:39.360 was someone that you and I never met in person, 0:16:40.080 --> 0:16:44.240 but fuck, I loved her. Do you know a name? 0:16:44.280 --> 0:16:45.080 You can say her name? 0:16:45.360 --> 0:16:47.160 I can't remember her name if it's the same one 0:16:47.160 --> 0:16:47.800 I'm thinking of. 0:16:47.960 --> 0:16:51.920 Right, doctor Gladys McCarry. 0:16:51.080 --> 0:16:52.880 Glenda written down. And I was trying to say. 0:16:52.760 --> 0:16:55.920 They're very close, but you knew her, yeah, doctor Gladys. 0:16:55.920 --> 0:16:58.400 And she was, Oh my god, she was one hundred 0:16:58.400 --> 0:17:01.960 and three when I interviewed her, one hundred and three. 0:17:03.040 --> 0:17:05.480 She might have been one o two in who cares, 0:17:06.200 --> 0:17:10.160 But she passed away last year. I think I might 0:17:10.200 --> 0:17:11.680 be out by a bit, but I think she was 0:17:11.720 --> 0:17:16.520 one hundred and four, and my god, like she wasn't 0:17:16.600 --> 0:17:20.280 working as a doctor still, but she was as in 0:17:20.359 --> 0:17:22.639 not being paid, but she was still talking to people 0:17:22.640 --> 0:17:25.679 on the phone and still consulting in that sense, and 0:17:25.720 --> 0:17:29.399 still giving advice and still sharing her wisdom. And I 0:17:29.440 --> 0:17:33.320 remember sitting talking to her and looking at her on zoom. 0:17:33.320 --> 0:17:37.560 I'm like, no, no offense to my mum, but like 0:17:37.600 --> 0:17:39.240 when I spoke to her, my mum would have been 0:17:39.760 --> 0:17:44.679 eighty three. I'm like, kind of just looks like my mum, Like, 0:17:44.880 --> 0:17:47.280 and Mary looks fine. It's like Mary doesn't look one 0:17:47.320 --> 0:17:49.600 hundred and three. But I'm like, how does and her 0:17:49.640 --> 0:17:54.159 brain and a recall and her stories and and I 0:17:54.200 --> 0:17:58.920 remember her telling me that I think she told us 0:17:58.960 --> 0:18:01.920 in the thing that she walks a minimum of three 0:18:01.920 --> 0:18:05.280 thousand steps a day. I'm like, how do you do that? 0:18:06.560 --> 0:18:11.280 Like incredible? So anyway, I don't want to bore everybody 0:18:11.320 --> 0:18:14.359 with sad things, but I just thought we would acknowledge 0:18:14.400 --> 0:18:17.560 all of those people and honor them because it was 0:18:18.119 --> 0:18:20.159 a blessing to have them as part of the show. 0:18:21.359 --> 0:18:23.720 Fair to say that this will probably be our longest 0:18:23.760 --> 0:18:30.280 ever episode. Here you go, and I think I just 0:18:30.320 --> 0:18:32.200 want to share a few things, and TIF I want 0:18:32.240 --> 0:18:35.080 you to as well, whatever you want. But people often 0:18:35.480 --> 0:18:38.280 ask me, you know when people say that but people 0:18:38.320 --> 0:18:41.600 don't actually ask them. I hate it when people go, oh, 0:18:41.680 --> 0:18:43.399 people ask me all the time, and then you're like, no, 0:18:43.520 --> 0:18:45.320 they don't fucking ask you that at all. You just 0:18:45.359 --> 0:18:48.880 want to talk about it. Well, in this case, it's 0:18:48.920 --> 0:18:52.719 actually true. People do ask me, maybe because it seems 0:18:52.760 --> 0:18:56.119 like I'm very fucking unprepared. How much do I actually 0:18:56.160 --> 0:18:59.640 research and plan? While the answer boys and girls sit 0:18:59.680 --> 0:19:02.520 the far down, not that much. I know. I know 0:19:02.600 --> 0:19:09.720 you're thinking, oh my god, but it's so polished and 0:19:10.160 --> 0:19:15.800 so the answer. The answer is like truly like you 0:19:15.880 --> 0:19:17.919 and I have spoken about this many times, right in 0:19:18.000 --> 0:19:19.879 terms of how much do you prepare and then how 0:19:19.960 --> 0:19:23.920 much do you just go in going look, I've done 0:19:23.960 --> 0:19:26.119 this many times, which is not say I'm brilliant at it, 0:19:26.119 --> 0:19:27.800 but I've done It's like going, oh, I'm going to 0:19:27.840 --> 0:19:30.119 meet this guy to have a chat to him at 0:19:30.119 --> 0:19:34.800 the cafe. Ah, I'm going to plan a script before 0:19:34.840 --> 0:19:37.000 I go there. I'm going to think of all the questions. 0:19:37.040 --> 0:19:39.080 I'm going to write all the questions down and then 0:19:39.119 --> 0:19:41.679 think about the questions he might ask, and then what 0:19:41.840 --> 0:19:45.520 my answers to his theoretical question. It's just fucking dumb. 0:19:46.119 --> 0:19:48.760 It's like, but this is one of the only things, like, 0:19:48.920 --> 0:19:52.679 especially with podcasts, where it's not like we're giving a presentation. 0:19:52.800 --> 0:19:55.480 We're not rocking up to BHP and doing a corporate 0:19:55.520 --> 0:19:58.359 gig to one thousand people. We're in our footy shorts 0:19:58.359 --> 0:20:00.360 with no fucking idea of what we're doing. They were 0:20:00.359 --> 0:20:03.119 sitting down on a mic with a human you know. 0:20:03.200 --> 0:20:07.800 So for me, who I am better when I'm just 0:20:08.359 --> 0:20:11.160 free range, free range chicken just banging on a mic 0:20:11.240 --> 0:20:15.960 than I am when I'm super organized, Which is not 0:20:16.000 --> 0:20:17.840 to say I don't do any prep. If it's someone 0:20:17.880 --> 0:20:20.879 that I absolutely don't know, I'll read a bit about them, 0:20:20.920 --> 0:20:22.680 I'll figure out what they do and who they are, 0:20:22.720 --> 0:20:25.800 but I won't do a deep dive because I like 0:20:26.280 --> 0:20:30.320 not knowing the answers. I like not knowing the answers 0:20:30.320 --> 0:20:33.480 to the questions I'm going to ask. You know, Oh, 0:20:33.520 --> 0:20:36.320 they grew up on the beach in Western Australia and 0:20:36.440 --> 0:20:39.560 surfed every day till they was fifteen. Oh wow, and 0:20:39.600 --> 0:20:41.919 now they're a writer or whatever it is. I'm like, 0:20:41.920 --> 0:20:44.679 what happened to the surfing or all that kind of stuff. 0:20:44.680 --> 0:20:48.120 So the answer is the answer is what about you? 0:20:48.200 --> 0:20:51.120 Are you a big prepper? I feel like you're probably 0:20:51.119 --> 0:20:52.320 in my wheelhouse somewhere. 0:20:52.480 --> 0:20:56.320 Yeah. I learned very early on when I started podcasting 0:20:56.440 --> 0:21:00.440 that less preparation for me was better for the same 0:21:00.440 --> 0:21:04.360 reason you've just described. Which is my natural curiosity, will 0:21:04.440 --> 0:21:07.760 lead me to where the conversation needs to go, and 0:21:08.000 --> 0:21:13.320 any preparation just make would make that stilted or overthinking. 0:21:13.600 --> 0:21:18.560 So I remember the first time having I remember Dave 0:21:18.640 --> 0:21:22.800 Hughes booking, and I'd been badgering him as I do 0:21:23.960 --> 0:21:27.160 look in and I was waiting for response, and then 0:21:27.240 --> 0:21:29.840 randomly one day he goes, what about now, and I'm like, 0:21:29.960 --> 0:21:34.239 and I remember going panic, I'm not prepared, And then 0:21:34.280 --> 0:21:37.359 it was like, TIF, you don't prepare, sit the f down, 0:21:37.520 --> 0:21:39.080 say yes and that. 0:21:40.840 --> 0:21:44.119 But yeah, well that's the thing. I think everybody's got 0:21:44.119 --> 0:21:46.639 to play to their strengths while working on their weaknesses, 0:21:46.840 --> 0:21:50.240 right Like, if you're really good at something, well fucking 0:21:50.320 --> 0:21:52.880 keep doing that, but make sure that's not the only 0:21:53.000 --> 0:21:56.840 thing you can do. Make sure that if you do 0:21:57.000 --> 0:21:59.720 have to. It's like me, and I've said this to 0:21:59.800 --> 0:22:01.399 me many times, but when I had to do my 0:22:03.359 --> 0:22:07.880 reviews for my PhD, when you go and you stand 0:22:07.920 --> 0:22:10.080 in front of a panel and you've got to talk 0:22:10.119 --> 0:22:12.720 to these four professors who don't know you, don't care 0:22:12.760 --> 0:22:15.320 about you, neither should they. What I mean is it's 0:22:15.400 --> 0:22:18.800 just an academic kind of milestone that they're going to 0:22:18.840 --> 0:22:21.480 review you, grill you, question you, and put all of 0:22:21.520 --> 0:22:24.919 your research and your methodology and everything under the spotlight. 0:22:25.680 --> 0:22:27.280 And you need to be able to just talk in 0:22:27.320 --> 0:22:30.159 real time and answer hard questions with much smarter than 0:22:30.200 --> 0:22:33.520 you people. Well, for me, that's the scariest fucking thing 0:22:33.560 --> 0:22:37.560 I've done in the last ten years. Right. But I 0:22:37.600 --> 0:22:40.639 remember doing a gig a few months ago where and 0:22:40.680 --> 0:22:42.439 I wrote about it the other day on LinkedIn, and 0:22:42.480 --> 0:22:44.119 I was standing on the stage and there was a 0:22:44.200 --> 0:22:46.760 thousand people in the room and I got introduced and 0:22:46.800 --> 0:22:50.360 the room went quiet, and I could pretty much hear 0:22:50.400 --> 0:22:54.880 my heart and it was great, and the lights went 0:22:54.920 --> 0:22:57.320 down and everybody and I just had this awareness that 0:22:57.359 --> 0:23:01.800 one thousand people are staring at me. My feeling on 0:23:01.880 --> 0:23:05.119 my emotion was excitement. I'm like, how fucking lucky am I? 0:23:05.200 --> 0:23:08.200 How great is this? But in front of those those 0:23:08.320 --> 0:23:14.280 four profs, absolutely out of my wheelhouse, because in that environment, 0:23:14.960 --> 0:23:17.200 they don't give a fuck if you're funny or intuitive 0:23:17.280 --> 0:23:19.439 or on the spot, or you've got great stories or 0:23:19.440 --> 0:23:22.119 great or who you are or oh yeah, did you 0:23:22.200 --> 0:23:24.840 know I've got a great podcast? Well, no, we don't care. 0:23:25.320 --> 0:23:27.920 You're just a student. And you're in the middle of 0:23:27.960 --> 0:23:31.760 an academic fucking formality, So stop, you know, we don't 0:23:31.760 --> 0:23:33.480 care if you're funny, we don't care if you're old, 0:23:33.520 --> 0:23:35.680 we don't care. We just want to know about your 0:23:35.680 --> 0:23:38.320 research because we're going to give you, you know, a green light, 0:23:38.359 --> 0:23:41.040 orange light, or red light. So stop fucking around and 0:23:41.080 --> 0:23:43.200 just start telling us about what you've done. Like, oh 0:23:43.240 --> 0:23:46.800 my god, I'm so scared. You're so mean love me, 0:23:47.400 --> 0:23:51.400 Like all my fucking insecurity came out. 0:23:52.000 --> 0:23:53.919 Well, let me ask you this, when you have a 0:23:53.920 --> 0:23:56.920 guest on when you decide to have a guest come back, 0:23:58.320 --> 0:24:01.919 did that at any stage or does it kind of 0:24:01.960 --> 0:24:05.439 trigger Oh? How do I make this conversation difference? Because 0:24:05.760 --> 0:24:08.199 when I do that, that's where I sometimes feel a 0:24:08.200 --> 0:24:10.920 bit more nervous of, Like how do I make sure 0:24:10.920 --> 0:24:14.159 I don't just have the exact same conversation that I 0:24:14.200 --> 0:24:16.400 had two years ago that I just can't remember. 0:24:17.160 --> 0:24:21.960 Yeah, yeah, I do think about that. I don't worry 0:24:22.000 --> 0:24:25.159 about it. I think I'm just conscious of it. But 0:24:25.200 --> 0:24:29.480 I also like we had, well, who's up today? A 0:24:29.560 --> 0:24:33.200 lady called Rachel Pope who is for one of a 0:24:33.200 --> 0:24:36.080 better term and experts in or teaches and talks about 0:24:36.119 --> 0:24:40.360 and works in the space of grief. And I had 0:24:40.400 --> 0:24:43.280 her on probably last time was three years ago or something, 0:24:44.600 --> 0:24:46.919 and I think, you know what, we could have the 0:24:46.960 --> 0:24:50.719 same conversation. We're not going to, but we could have 0:24:50.840 --> 0:24:53.800 it because I can't even remember what we said three 0:24:53.880 --> 0:24:57.280 years ago and I was the fucking host. So and 0:24:57.320 --> 0:24:59.600 then the amount of people that listened to that episode 0:24:59.640 --> 0:25:02.160 three years ago that are going to listen now three 0:25:02.240 --> 0:25:05.920 years later, and the amount that they recall from that, 0:25:06.440 --> 0:25:09.439 you know, three year ago experience, I don't think you 0:25:09.520 --> 0:25:11.720 need to worry about as much as you might think 0:25:11.760 --> 0:25:15.440 you do. However, if you had them on six weeks ago, 0:25:15.560 --> 0:25:18.359 eight weeks ago, that's different. That's different. 0:25:18.520 --> 0:25:21.040 And also do you think you changed, Like you've changed 0:25:21.359 --> 0:25:23.520 and what you know has changed, and how you perceive 0:25:23.640 --> 0:25:27.720 the world has changed. So your questions and ideas about 0:25:27.720 --> 0:25:29.879 what you're hearing when she speaks changed. 0:25:30.760 --> 0:25:34.080 Yeah, Oh look, I'm different. I don't necessarily think I'm better, 0:25:34.080 --> 0:25:40.200 but I'm definitely different. I think i'm a better listener. 0:25:40.720 --> 0:25:43.679 I think I'm a better I could be wrong, like 0:25:43.720 --> 0:25:47.840 I've still got a million flaws, but I think I'm 0:25:47.960 --> 0:25:50.640 I think I'm better at teaching stuff in a way 0:25:50.680 --> 0:25:53.320 that resonates more than I used to. You know, I 0:25:53.359 --> 0:25:55.760 think one of the things that's you know, do my 0:25:55.840 --> 0:25:59.160 research has helped with is trying to disseminate complicated shit 0:25:59.359 --> 0:26:06.320 into a language and a conversation that isn't so complicated, 0:26:07.000 --> 0:26:10.000 you know, Like, how do I teach nonscience? Ye? People science, 0:26:10.640 --> 0:26:13.600 so it doesn't sound like science because it's just really 0:26:14.400 --> 0:26:17.280 about the human experience. It's like, everyone's got to eat. 0:26:17.320 --> 0:26:19.359 Let's talk about food, but let's talk about food in 0:26:19.400 --> 0:26:22.199 a way that they understand and it's meaningful. Everybody's got 0:26:22.200 --> 0:26:25.360 a mind, So let's talk about psychology without even mentioning 0:26:25.400 --> 0:26:29.800 the words psychology. You know, everybody's got to kind of 0:26:30.359 --> 0:26:32.720 grow old. But the way that we grow old or 0:26:32.760 --> 0:26:37.560 the way that we age is somewhat a variable, and 0:26:37.920 --> 0:26:40.600 we have some say into that. So how do I 0:26:40.680 --> 0:26:43.600 talk about you know, longevity and health span and all 0:26:43.600 --> 0:26:46.960 of these things that can be very nuanced and very 0:26:47.320 --> 0:26:51.680 complicated to talk about without any of that, without the nuance, 0:26:51.760 --> 0:26:56.440 without the complication, without the psychobabble, without the academic jargon, 0:26:57.240 --> 0:27:00.600 to just give people stuff that is for them, something 0:27:00.640 --> 0:27:04.399 they can turn into behavior, Like, oh, I heard Craig 0:27:04.440 --> 0:27:08.000 talk about this, and now I'm going to try it. Boom, 0:27:08.040 --> 0:27:12.159 that's perfect, you know. So that's that's that making and 0:27:12.280 --> 0:27:15.520 this is I think we are the you know I 0:27:15.560 --> 0:27:17.240 said the other day when I wrote that thing about 0:27:17.280 --> 0:27:21.800 standing on stage and sharing like everything that you and 0:27:21.840 --> 0:27:26.679 I share other than just personal stories like you and 0:27:26.720 --> 0:27:29.000 I am not saying anything that really that has never 0:27:29.040 --> 0:27:32.080 been said before, Like you're not the wisdom. I'm not 0:27:32.160 --> 0:27:35.080 the wisdom. You're not the magic. I'm not the magic. 0:27:35.600 --> 0:27:37.560 You're not the gold. I'm not the gold. We're just 0:27:37.880 --> 0:27:40.719 having a conversations and trying to point people towards it. 0:27:41.560 --> 0:27:44.119 Like we're the conduit to the wisdom. Where the conduit 0:27:44.200 --> 0:27:47.080 to the ideas? Where the conduit to the science. I'm 0:27:47.119 --> 0:27:50.480 not the science. I'm just a bloke who's falling over 0:27:50.520 --> 0:27:55.240 the line of a PhD. Like fucking idiot. You know. 0:27:55.760 --> 0:27:59.280 It's it's so I think that you take that responsibility 0:27:59.400 --> 0:28:03.120 off your shop and you go look, you know, it's 0:28:03.160 --> 0:28:05.120 like I said, how often do I get something wrong 0:28:05.160 --> 0:28:05.680 on this show? 0:28:05.680 --> 0:28:05.840 Well? 0:28:05.840 --> 0:28:09.000 I haven't kept score, but I'm pretty sure that there 0:28:09.000 --> 0:28:11.879 would in two thousand episodes, be at least five thousand 0:28:11.960 --> 0:28:15.320 mistakes of something that I said that was either a 0:28:15.359 --> 0:28:18.639 bit wrong or completely fucking wrong. Or it might just 0:28:18.720 --> 0:28:22.119 be that, you know, I'm all over the mic and 0:28:22.160 --> 0:28:23.960 tip saying get the fuck off the mic. Or it 0:28:24.040 --> 0:28:27.520 might be that somebody said something I didn't really listen. 0:28:27.560 --> 0:28:30.679 You know, It's a million things. But that's what I 0:28:30.720 --> 0:28:37.560 love about the organicness of an unscripted, unplanned, in the moment, 0:28:37.920 --> 0:28:42.560 real world, just chat that happens to be recorded for 0:28:42.600 --> 0:28:43.360 a bunch of people. 0:28:44.720 --> 0:28:48.360 What along the way have you were there things that 0:28:48.400 --> 0:28:51.120 you decided or you noticed or you chose to work 0:28:51.160 --> 0:28:54.320 on and that you worked on deliberately, Or did you 0:28:54.440 --> 0:28:59.120 did things just unfold and you got better looking back. 0:29:00.360 --> 0:29:05.800 I think a little bit of both. But like, I 0:29:06.320 --> 0:29:09.920 think I really opened up to the idea of being 0:29:09.960 --> 0:29:13.760 more vulnerable and not not like, oh yeah I hurt 0:29:13.800 --> 0:29:16.920 to everyone, not like that just made me spew in 0:29:16.960 --> 0:29:21.240 my mouth stuff that. But but in terms of being 0:29:21.280 --> 0:29:24.400 real and going you know, I feel like, yes, you 0:29:24.440 --> 0:29:26.760 can talk about high performance, and you can talk about 0:29:27.080 --> 0:29:29.960 optimal nutrition and lifestyle and diet and building a brand 0:29:29.960 --> 0:29:32.880 and building a business and building wealth, and you know, 0:29:33.200 --> 0:29:35.000 you can talk about all of that and we do 0:29:35.120 --> 0:29:37.200 talk about all that, how do we think better, do better, 0:29:37.240 --> 0:29:39.600 create better, become better? How do we do that? Like 0:29:39.640 --> 0:29:42.760 what are the key you know, attributes and habits of 0:29:42.840 --> 0:29:45.200 high performers and all that shit, And there will always 0:29:45.200 --> 0:29:48.200 be a degree of that. But also when the person 0:29:48.280 --> 0:29:52.240 or persons that are talking about that go like, you 0:29:52.280 --> 0:29:54.600 can edit this if you want. But before we started, 0:29:54.640 --> 0:29:57.480 you felt kind of shit, and you go, I feel 0:29:57.640 --> 0:30:01.480 just physically exhausted. And I said, well, do you do 0:30:01.520 --> 0:30:03.360 you this is very real everybody. I said, do you 0:30:03.400 --> 0:30:04.400 want to put it off? Do you want to do 0:30:04.440 --> 0:30:06.440 it later? And you went, nah, I'll start because I 0:30:06.560 --> 0:30:08.840 might feel better. I often feel better through it, right, 0:30:09.280 --> 0:30:11.920 And so people aren't You're not going to watch Channel 0:30:12.000 --> 0:30:14.080 nine news and they're going to go, you know what, 0:30:14.120 --> 0:30:15.680 at the start of the news, I was a bit shit, 0:30:15.760 --> 0:30:18.240 but I feel better. Everyone like I've really you know, 0:30:18.360 --> 0:30:21.560 since Jane's done the weather, I've really picked up. And 0:30:21.600 --> 0:30:23.600 now at the end of the you know that's not happening. 0:30:24.200 --> 0:30:26.440 Neither should it happen on the news or on television, 0:30:26.480 --> 0:30:29.240 I guess. But it's like I like the fact that 0:30:29.320 --> 0:30:31.440 I can go, well, hey, everyone, Tiff and I had 0:30:31.480 --> 0:30:34.000 a chat before we press the go button, and she 0:30:34.120 --> 0:30:36.640 was feeling a bit rubbish and she said, but let's 0:30:36.680 --> 0:30:39.520 just fucking do it. You know. So your number at 0:30:39.520 --> 0:30:43.760 the start was too what is it now? Honestly good? 0:30:43.840 --> 0:30:46.160 Sis? Yeah, so it seeks now. 0:30:46.640 --> 0:30:49.080 That's good and I mean, yeah, so I love that 0:30:50.200 --> 0:30:54.400 transparency and it's funny. The thing I used to worry 0:30:54.440 --> 0:30:56.920 about and fear was that if people really knew what 0:30:56.960 --> 0:30:59.400 I was like, i'd be you know, they wouldn't listen 0:30:59.440 --> 0:31:01.440 to me, they would book me, they wouldn't want to 0:31:01.520 --> 0:31:04.000 talk to me, they wouldn't listen to my show. Wh 0:31:04.160 --> 0:31:07.440 rh right, bruh bah. It's all fear based bullshit because 0:31:07.440 --> 0:31:10.400 what it actually does as long as you're not being 0:31:10.560 --> 0:31:14.200 just a self loathing moron, right, oh yeah, I'm shit. 0:31:14.520 --> 0:31:17.480 No you're not. But you do fuck up, so go 0:31:17.640 --> 0:31:21.440 I fuck up. And sometimes I'm brilliant. Sometimes I'm the 0:31:21.520 --> 0:31:23.840 smartest in the room. Sometimes I'm the dumbest, and all 0:31:23.880 --> 0:31:26.680 of that's okay. But I think when you are you 0:31:26.760 --> 0:31:30.760 are real with people like that, Just like why I 0:31:30.840 --> 0:31:34.640 explained what we're doing today, like honestly, just too fucking 0:31:34.720 --> 0:31:38.120 hard to put together a big razzle dazzle, you know, 0:31:38.240 --> 0:31:42.520 twenty thirty people podcast with and let's do it live. 0:31:42.640 --> 0:31:44.360 Let's you know, and we'll have one hundred people in 0:31:44.400 --> 0:31:47.600 on the zoom call. And it's like, at this point 0:31:47.640 --> 0:31:51.040 in time, it's just logistically too hard. Could we do 0:31:51.080 --> 0:31:54.400 it at twenty five hundred or three thousand maybe, And 0:31:54.440 --> 0:31:57.160 if we can, then we might do it. But I mean, 0:31:57.200 --> 0:31:58.960 this is this is just where we're at. 0:31:59.160 --> 0:32:03.360 You know, hey around for three years, guys, Episode three 0:32:03.360 --> 0:32:05.960 thousand is going to be a doozy, is it? 0:32:06.280 --> 0:32:07.840 All right? So there's a bunch of people I want 0:32:07.880 --> 0:32:12.480 to thank before we jump in that are just either 0:32:12.880 --> 0:32:18.960 semi regulars or regulars. Bobby of course, Bobby Capuccio. I 0:32:19.040 --> 0:32:21.920 can't stay long because there's so many fucking people. Love Bobby, 0:32:21.960 --> 0:32:26.960 Patrick Baronello of course, Patrick James Bonello. Every Friday? Is 0:32:26.960 --> 0:32:29.280 it every Friday? Or second? It's every second, isn't it? 0:32:30.680 --> 0:32:35.160 Doctor Jody Richardson, Doctor Sam Casey, doctor Bill Sullivan, doctor 0:32:35.240 --> 0:32:39.680 Jeff Grows, doctor Denise Vanesse or Furnace, doctor Car McDonald, 0:32:39.720 --> 0:32:45.120 doctor Lillian in the Doctor Paul Taylor, the newly acquired PhD. 0:32:45.480 --> 0:32:49.600 Doctor Paul Taylor, well done you, Doctor Alex Kofeman, doctor 0:32:49.640 --> 0:32:54.360 Mark Cohen, doctor Hannah Coral, Jackie Lauder, Jeff Jout, Mick Hall, 0:32:54.520 --> 0:32:59.000 David Gillespie, fucking gillespo Win, a winner chicken dinner. All 0:32:59.040 --> 0:33:02.480 I want, all I want from Gillespow is a compliment. 0:33:02.840 --> 0:33:07.240 I can die happy when basically tells me, imagine if 0:33:07.520 --> 0:33:11.440 could you imagine this? I say something and Gillspoe goes, oh, 0:33:11.760 --> 0:33:14.520 I didn't know that, Thanks Craig. He's never going to 0:33:14.600 --> 0:33:21.400 fucking say that, right, It's like this, how insecure I am? 0:33:21.480 --> 0:33:23.719 I just want Gillispow to think I'm a bit smart, 0:33:23.760 --> 0:33:26.440 That's how insecure I am. And also around the crab 0:33:27.000 --> 0:33:29.440 who's you know, bigger and better than me and stronger 0:33:29.440 --> 0:33:31.240 than me in the gym. I know this is pathetic, 0:33:31.240 --> 0:33:33.840 That's all right, it's pathetic. I just want him to 0:33:34.000 --> 0:33:37.240 just fucking compliment me on something. I spent twenty years 0:33:37.280 --> 0:33:40.200 telling him he looks fucking amazing, and he basically goes, yes, 0:33:40.280 --> 0:33:40.960 I do. 0:33:41.400 --> 0:33:44.360 I'm like, ah, I love that both of those have 0:33:44.560 --> 0:33:46.120 once given me a compliment. 0:33:46.800 --> 0:33:54.920 Fucking hell, they all give you compliments. It's not fair, ah, Gillispow, Anna, 0:33:55.000 --> 0:33:58.600 God's worthy, my friend, Tommy Jacket, we love the Jacket, 0:33:58.840 --> 0:34:04.400 Rush Jarrett, Tara Jarrett, his lovely wife, Kelly Smith, who's 0:34:04.440 --> 0:34:09.200 been on a bunch lately. Kel's just hasn't Kell just 0:34:09.480 --> 0:34:14.080 fucking hasn't she just become the superstar? Uh huh, she's 0:34:14.120 --> 0:34:16.680 just hijacking that. She'll be We'll be trying to get 0:34:16.719 --> 0:34:17.640 on her show soon. 0:34:17.840 --> 0:34:21.680 It's exactly right, you'll hit number one. 0:34:22.040 --> 0:34:24.040 We might have to stifle her a bit. I think 0:34:24.080 --> 0:34:26.160 she's getting a bit too big for a breitches. We 0:34:26.239 --> 0:34:28.280 might have to just hold her back a little bit. 0:34:29.120 --> 0:34:32.239 Maddie landsdown. Of course, Mark Labasco I haven't had for 0:34:32.239 --> 0:34:34.400 a while, but Mark's probably been on I don't know 0:34:34.440 --> 0:34:36.759 six seven and he's been on about a million with you. 0:34:37.560 --> 0:34:41.440 Kate Saved, the Lovely Kate Saved from beefit Food, Nicki Morrison, 0:34:41.520 --> 0:34:45.680 the Angel, Jackie Cooper, five time Olympion, five time World Champion, 0:34:46.360 --> 0:34:52.759 ex athlete of Mine, Pete Shepherd, Brad Cunningham from the 0:34:52.760 --> 0:34:56.640 Fit Shop, Carly Taylor and also Carly Cunningham was on 0:34:56.680 --> 0:34:59.759 a bunch too. Carly Taylor, wife of Paul, who's a 0:34:59.800 --> 0:35:03.759 mate using Francis Sleech, Bianca Chatfield Chatters who hasn't been 0:35:03.760 --> 0:35:08.520 on for a while, Lucas aon. You know Lucas the 0:35:08.520 --> 0:35:13.360 the health wellness kind of biohacking. He's moved to Dubai, 0:35:14.120 --> 0:35:19.200 did you know that? By he's just living his best 0:35:19.239 --> 0:35:21.319 life over I think there are a few less rules 0:35:21.360 --> 0:35:24.280 and regulations over there. I don't know what that means, 0:35:24.320 --> 0:35:26.520 but I do know a few bodybuilders who go over 0:35:26.560 --> 0:35:31.160 there and come back mysteriously a little bit bigger. I 0:35:31.239 --> 0:35:33.200 don't think Lucas is doing any of that, by the way, 0:35:33.239 --> 0:35:35.520 but I do know quite a few bodybuilders who seem 0:35:35.600 --> 0:35:38.360 to enjoy their time over there, come back looking like 0:35:38.400 --> 0:35:41.719 a fucking cartoon character six months ago. They look like 0:35:41.760 --> 0:35:44.040 the bloke who delivers your pizza. I'm like, what's going on? 0:35:44.360 --> 0:35:48.440 What's going on with you? Cameron Swab, the Great Cameron Swab, 0:35:48.480 --> 0:35:55.080 Brad McEwan, Josh Peterman, Toby Morrison, Lisa Alexander, former coach 0:35:55.280 --> 0:35:59.640 of the Australian Diamonds, Andrew May, Steph prem and pastor 0:35:59.680 --> 0:36:04.800 Paul Pastor Paul Joy, who's one of the greatest illustrators 0:36:05.200 --> 0:36:07.239 in Australia, who's been on a bit but also comes 0:36:07.239 --> 0:36:12.439 to lots of events and helps out. So all right, 0:36:12.920 --> 0:36:16.920 anything else before we jump into these kind of this snapshot, 0:36:17.040 --> 0:36:20.600 this kind of eight year synopsis of thoughts and ideas 0:36:20.640 --> 0:36:25.759 and you know, strategies that we might share with the world, 0:36:25.840 --> 0:36:26.840 anything else you want to. 0:36:26.800 --> 0:36:31.080 Share night, Let's dive in, all right, we all. 0:36:30.960 --> 0:36:34.600 Know the typ is about sharing thoughts, ideas, stories, science, 0:36:34.600 --> 0:36:38.480 and inspiration with the intention of supporting and empowering you. 0:36:38.480 --> 0:36:40.920 You yep, you sitting there like a weirdo with you 0:36:40.960 --> 0:36:45.359 goofy fucking face. We love you, our audience. We love 0:36:45.400 --> 0:36:48.400 steering you towards and supporting you towards your best life. 0:36:48.800 --> 0:36:50.960 And today I'm going to do my best to summarize 0:36:50.960 --> 0:36:53.080 some of our key themes and messages over the last 0:36:53.120 --> 0:36:56.799 eight years and maybe turn it into a kind of 0:36:56.840 --> 0:36:58.719 a to do list, or at the very least, a 0:36:58.920 --> 0:37:02.399 to consider to do list, and to execute that. I'm 0:37:02.440 --> 0:37:04.800 going to bring the Yin and the Yang, the Carmen, 0:37:04.880 --> 0:37:07.920 the Storm, the Whippet, and the Golden Retriever into the conversation. 0:37:08.560 --> 0:37:12.440 And we're kicking off with the whippet. Of course we are, Hello, Whippet. 0:37:14.680 --> 0:37:17.560 Do you like that? I love that I wrote that. 0:37:17.640 --> 0:37:20.520 It's not often I write shit, but I thought the 0:37:20.600 --> 0:37:22.160 Yin and the Yang well, you're one of them. I 0:37:22.239 --> 0:37:24.760 don't know which, the Carmen, the Storm. We know which 0:37:24.760 --> 0:37:27.839 fucking one of those you are, and we know which 0:37:27.840 --> 0:37:32.840 one Melissa is. Melissa's like typ Mum and the whippet 0:37:32.840 --> 0:37:37.839 and the Golden Retriever. Well fucking say no more so. 0:37:37.840 --> 0:37:42.800 So all right, now I've written a bunch of kind 0:37:42.800 --> 0:37:47.680 of like I would say, you know, to do list 0:37:47.760 --> 0:37:51.560 items or things that you might consider that might help 0:37:51.600 --> 0:37:55.120 your life or help you in your life create better outcomes. 0:37:55.560 --> 0:37:56.279 Tiff Off, You. 0:37:56.239 --> 0:37:58.600 Go assume you could be wrong. 0:37:59.040 --> 0:38:01.400 Yes, I think it's great that we move through life 0:38:01.560 --> 0:38:04.360 assuming that we could be wrong, because when you assume 0:38:04.480 --> 0:38:07.799 that you cannot be wrong, shit gets messy. And so 0:38:07.920 --> 0:38:10.480 that is analogous to or the same as living in 0:38:10.520 --> 0:38:15.719 an echo chamber or at confirmation by central So, and 0:38:15.760 --> 0:38:20.680 we're very We're uncomfortable. Humans are uncomfortable being wrong. We 0:38:20.840 --> 0:38:24.560 like being right, We like knowing, and we like presenting 0:38:24.560 --> 0:38:28.879 ourselves as more knowing than the next person. And one 0:38:28.920 --> 0:38:34.799 of the problems with being unable to accept and express 0:38:35.760 --> 0:38:38.120 the truth that well, look this is what I think, 0:38:38.160 --> 0:38:41.040 but it could be wrong, is that we then make 0:38:41.080 --> 0:38:45.880 ourselves unteachable and when we need it's like when we 0:38:46.000 --> 0:38:48.879 need to be right, like you think about I heard 0:38:48.880 --> 0:38:53.040 Simon Sinek talking about this very recently. Tiffany was talking 0:38:53.040 --> 0:38:56.520 about the fact that and I've said this, but he 0:38:56.680 --> 0:38:59.040 articulated it better than me. He was saying, everyone who's 0:38:59.080 --> 0:39:02.759 evil doesn't think evil. Everyone who's don't doing the wrong 0:39:02.800 --> 0:39:06.160 thing doesn't think they're doing the wrong thing. Like everyone 0:39:06.160 --> 0:39:09.879 who believes they're absolutely right believes they are absolutely right. 0:39:09.920 --> 0:39:13.440 And therefore, believing that you are absolutely right means that 0:39:13.520 --> 0:39:17.919 everyone who doesn't align with you is absolutely wrong. Now, 0:39:17.960 --> 0:39:20.719 even if you just think about that, and I'm not 0:39:20.760 --> 0:39:23.360 saying anyone's right or wrong. I'm not making any judgment 0:39:23.440 --> 0:39:26.920 on anything that you believe. But even if we just 0:39:27.600 --> 0:39:30.760 hit the fucking brakes for a moment and go, yeah, 0:39:31.360 --> 0:39:34.520 I can't get everything right, Like I've got to be 0:39:34.600 --> 0:39:38.000 wrong about things. And then not only the acceptance that 0:39:38.160 --> 0:39:40.720 I will be wrong and I could be wrong numerous 0:39:40.760 --> 0:39:44.640 times a day. Well that's the acknowledgment. But then the 0:39:44.680 --> 0:39:48.560 next part is being okay with that and being okay 0:39:48.600 --> 0:39:53.040 with being wrong. You know, we are especially right now. 0:39:53.080 --> 0:39:54.719 There's so I don't even want to open the door 0:39:54.760 --> 0:39:56.279 on what it is but we all know what's going 0:39:56.320 --> 0:40:00.239 on at the moment, and we've just got all these 0:40:00.239 --> 0:40:03.160 different groups shouting at each other, and you never see 0:40:03.400 --> 0:40:05.680 someone from Group A come out and go, you know what. 0:40:06.400 --> 0:40:09.320 I listened to Group B and TIF. I've got to 0:40:09.360 --> 0:40:12.799 tell you that they really made some strong points, and 0:40:12.920 --> 0:40:15.759 I realized that me and my brethren and Group A 0:40:15.760 --> 0:40:19.640 are probably probably wrong about this particular thing. So I'm 0:40:19.680 --> 0:40:24.000 actually I've changed my mind. I've let go of that belief. 0:40:24.239 --> 0:40:26.480 I've actually got a new belief, or at the very least, 0:40:27.120 --> 0:40:30.759 I'm quite willing to admit that I could be wrong 0:40:30.800 --> 0:40:34.120 on this. But nobody does that because everybody's fucking addicted 0:40:34.160 --> 0:40:38.399 to being right, because everybody's scared of being wrong yet, 0:40:39.160 --> 0:40:42.160 but it's an unavoidable part of the human experience. It's 0:40:42.200 --> 0:40:45.520 so stupid that you think you can't be wrong, and 0:40:45.560 --> 0:40:47.719 people will go, oh, yeah, of course I get things wrong. 0:40:47.760 --> 0:40:50.400 Yeah no, But in the moment, nobody accepts that they 0:40:50.520 --> 0:40:53.120 might be. Like if someone's in an argument, or if 0:40:53.120 --> 0:40:57.640 someone's just you know, throwing hate on the internet, and 0:40:57.680 --> 0:41:00.400 then somebody else writes back and makes a really valid point. 0:41:00.600 --> 0:41:03.960 Show me the time where someone ever said on any 0:41:04.040 --> 0:41:07.600 fucking platform. I thought about what you said in response 0:41:07.600 --> 0:41:10.239 to what I said, and I actually think I'm wrong 0:41:10.239 --> 0:41:13.960 and you're right. Like that never happens. So I mean, 0:41:14.200 --> 0:41:17.800 just that is something to think about. So navigating life, 0:41:17.960 --> 0:41:24.279 being comfortable enough and humble enough and courageous enough to 0:41:24.400 --> 0:41:26.560 know that you can be wrong. I just think that 0:41:26.760 --> 0:41:30.960 it's absolutely crucial for not only for our growth and development, 0:41:31.000 --> 0:41:36.799 but also for connection, trust, respect, rapport. Like if all 0:41:36.800 --> 0:41:39.600 you're ever doing is yelling or disagreeing with people who 0:41:39.600 --> 0:41:42.840 aren't like you or don't think like you, you're just 0:41:42.920 --> 0:41:44.960 in a cult. You're just in a cult. 0:41:45.920 --> 0:41:49.560 Number two, Yeah, do a hard thing to get a 0:41:49.600 --> 0:41:49.960 good thing. 0:41:50.600 --> 0:41:52.480 Oh, we love this. This is just another way of 0:41:52.480 --> 0:41:54.680 saying something we say often. But we know that. You know, 0:41:54.880 --> 0:41:56.560 it's not about getting to the top of the mountain. 0:41:56.600 --> 0:41:58.640 It's about the climate. It's about doing the hard thing 0:41:58.680 --> 0:42:00.800 to get the view, to get to the finish line. 0:42:01.520 --> 0:42:03.640 And sometimes the good thing is not the view, and 0:42:03.680 --> 0:42:06.279 it's not the finish line, it's not even the top 0:42:06.320 --> 0:42:08.800 of the mountains. Sometimes the good thing is the growth. 0:42:09.480 --> 0:42:15.680 Sometime is the transformation. Sometimes it's the it's the the understanding, 0:42:15.760 --> 0:42:19.200 the awareness, the resilience, the insight, the knowledge that you 0:42:19.360 --> 0:42:22.600 gain in doing that thing. Like we think it's all 0:42:22.600 --> 0:42:26.160 about the finish line, and then we realize, oh, it's 0:42:26.160 --> 0:42:28.520 got nothing to do with it finish line. It's not 0:42:28.600 --> 0:42:30.959 about what I achieve, It's about who I become doing 0:42:31.000 --> 0:42:34.319 that thing, you know. And I think for this is 0:42:34.440 --> 0:42:38.080 my perspective, but I think for like most of the 0:42:38.080 --> 0:42:41.239 people that I work with, So that's a very specific group. 0:42:41.280 --> 0:42:44.600 So I'm not talking on a global level, but I 0:42:44.640 --> 0:42:47.000 think most of the people that I work with and coach, 0:42:47.040 --> 0:42:49.080 and I would think a fair percentage of the people 0:42:49.160 --> 0:42:54.520 that listen to us, they don't need to change their 0:42:54.560 --> 0:42:58.480 external world situation, circumstance environment as much as they need 0:42:58.520 --> 0:43:01.759 to change their internal one. Because when I'm different but 0:43:01.840 --> 0:43:05.160 in the same situation, my experience in the same situation 0:43:05.320 --> 0:43:08.240 is different. You know, when I'm better, when I'm more resilient, 0:43:08.239 --> 0:43:11.520 when I'm more solution focused, when I've got better energy, 0:43:11.520 --> 0:43:13.680 when I'm sleeping better, when I'm eating better, when I'm 0:43:14.000 --> 0:43:17.759 when I'm consciously and proactively working on being a better me, 0:43:18.760 --> 0:43:24.600 then my life experience in general is better. So my 0:43:24.640 --> 0:43:27.680 life's situation might might stay the same, but my life 0:43:27.719 --> 0:43:31.040 experience is better, and that's because I'm doing the hard 0:43:31.080 --> 0:43:32.080 thing to get the good thing. 0:43:33.480 --> 0:43:33.920 I love that. 0:43:34.520 --> 0:43:35.640 What are you writing down there? 0:43:36.600 --> 0:43:39.120 I'm just writing a little note on that, maybe to 0:43:39.200 --> 0:43:40.520 unpack in a different episode. 0:43:41.040 --> 0:43:44.719 Yeah good, Yeah, yeah good, Next one. 0:43:44.719 --> 0:43:47.200 Next one. I really like spend time with people who 0:43:47.239 --> 0:43:48.000 aren't like you. 0:43:48.200 --> 0:43:52.000 Oh yes, sorry, I'll cut you off, and so say 0:43:52.000 --> 0:43:52.960 it again, my bad. 0:43:53.400 --> 0:43:55.840 Spend time with people who aren't like you. 0:43:56.440 --> 0:44:00.759 Yeah. I love this because I feel like now, I 0:44:00.760 --> 0:44:03.160 don't mean only spend time with people who aren't like you, 0:44:03.200 --> 0:44:05.520 but I think being around people who don't share perhaps 0:44:05.520 --> 0:44:09.520 our culture or our experiences, or our background, or our 0:44:09.640 --> 0:44:13.560 ideas or philosophy or theology or sociology. 0:44:14.560 --> 0:44:14.759 You know. 0:44:16.640 --> 0:44:18.800 Probably a really easy example for me is going to 0:44:18.920 --> 0:44:22.600 university for the second time at fifty six and literally 0:44:22.640 --> 0:44:25.680 being thirty years older on average than everyone who's doing 0:44:25.680 --> 0:44:29.280 a PhD, and being the old guy in a room. 0:44:29.520 --> 0:44:32.839 I think in my room there was probably I don't 0:44:32.880 --> 0:44:36.600 know eight ten people. They were all half my age. 0:44:36.760 --> 0:44:41.520 They're all from different backgrounds and religions and ethnicities and cultures, 0:44:41.920 --> 0:44:45.239 and they're all fucking amazing. Like, there was truly no 0:44:45.280 --> 0:44:49.200 one that I didn't like, like I liked all of them, 0:44:49.320 --> 0:44:51.880 and none of them, thank God for them, none of 0:44:51.920 --> 0:44:55.880 them were like me. It just it was like, oh, 0:44:56.040 --> 0:45:00.279 it's just going there. Apart from the research much that 0:45:00.280 --> 0:45:02.600 I was doing, but just being in that environment, I 0:45:02.680 --> 0:45:08.080 learned so much because you know, I tend to, naturally, 0:45:08.120 --> 0:45:10.520 as most of us do, kind of hang out with 0:45:10.560 --> 0:45:12.600 people who were a bit like us. 0:45:13.760 --> 0:45:18.480 What did you learn about you that surprised you in 0:45:18.560 --> 0:45:22.720 that Yeah, in that well, yeah, specifically in being around 0:45:23.239 --> 0:45:26.440 other people, out of that echo chamber of being in 0:45:26.440 --> 0:45:29.279 the gym with people, in the podcast with people. 0:45:30.440 --> 0:45:34.160 I just got really interested in, not from an insecurity 0:45:34.200 --> 0:45:36.439 point of view, but from a curiosity point of view. 0:45:37.600 --> 0:45:41.280 I got really interested in how I am for others, which, 0:45:41.600 --> 0:45:44.360 and this was even before I actually got the research 0:45:44.400 --> 0:45:48.480 focus for my PhD. My original focus or my original 0:45:48.520 --> 0:45:51.760 topic was motivation. So the first three or four months 0:45:51.760 --> 0:45:56.239 my PhD was all about motivation and a bunch of 0:45:56.239 --> 0:45:59.000 issues around that, but it just was going to be 0:45:59.080 --> 0:46:01.920 very problematic. But so I changed and part of that 0:46:02.239 --> 0:46:06.640 was talking with one of the young women in the 0:46:06.719 --> 0:46:12.799 room about about this thing about understanding how you are 0:46:12.840 --> 0:46:16.360 for others, and I can't remember the exact conversation, but 0:46:16.400 --> 0:46:19.760 I was thinking it. I wonder if it was weird 0:46:19.800 --> 0:46:21.719 for them, because there's you know, there's ten people in 0:46:21.719 --> 0:46:24.719 the room, and nine of them are somewhere between you know, 0:46:24.800 --> 0:46:28.160 twenty two and thirty or twenty three and thirty. And 0:46:28.200 --> 0:46:31.000 then there's this bloke who literally is probably older than 0:46:31.000 --> 0:46:34.320 most of their parents, sitting in the farka becal listening 0:46:34.320 --> 0:46:39.480 to fucking James Taylor in his nine sixty four headphones 0:46:40.080 --> 0:46:46.520 and you know, so not the same. Yeah, but I 0:46:45.880 --> 0:46:49.880 I felt energized. I'm like, oh God, I love and 0:46:49.920 --> 0:46:53.160 you know what else, Also, when you go into that room, 0:46:54.440 --> 0:46:58.319 nobody has any history with you, so nobody knows you. 0:46:58.880 --> 0:47:01.879 Nobody has any expel dictations of you, maybe other than 0:47:02.000 --> 0:47:07.000 just expectations we'd have of any decent human. But nobody thinks, oh, 0:47:07.080 --> 0:47:09.640 that's such and such he does this, or he does that. 0:47:09.719 --> 0:47:11.839 The only thing they really knew about me was that 0:47:12.600 --> 0:47:15.200 I was sitting in that cubicle over there, and I 0:47:15.239 --> 0:47:19.799 was old, and you know eventually what I was researching, 0:47:19.880 --> 0:47:22.600 and obviously we got to know each other over time. 0:47:23.800 --> 0:47:26.200 But they didn't know I had a podcast. They didn't 0:47:26.239 --> 0:47:29.799 know that i'd owned gym's. They didn't know that I'd 0:47:29.840 --> 0:47:32.280 written books, they didn't know that I'd worked in media, 0:47:32.320 --> 0:47:35.360 and not that those things are things to hang my 0:47:35.440 --> 0:47:37.640 hat on, but like a lot of the things that 0:47:37.680 --> 0:47:41.160 people know me for or recognize me for, they had 0:47:41.239 --> 0:47:43.480 none of that. So it was nice to go in 0:47:43.600 --> 0:47:48.560 almost as a blank social canvas. You know. It's like, 0:47:49.000 --> 0:47:51.080 this is just this is just me in a room 0:47:51.120 --> 0:47:54.439 with people and I have nothing or I don't want 0:47:54.480 --> 0:47:59.239 to impress them with any stories. I just want to 0:47:59.280 --> 0:48:02.000 be here and go. I'm a student, your students, you 0:48:02.080 --> 0:48:04.440 do your shit. I'll do my shit. And you know, 0:48:04.520 --> 0:48:07.239 can you show me where the photocopy is or can 0:48:07.280 --> 0:48:09.719 you tell me how to open this file or can 0:48:09.719 --> 0:48:11.520 you tell me how to turn this on? You know, 0:48:11.800 --> 0:48:12.720 just that was great. 0:48:13.520 --> 0:48:16.520 Yeah, it's literally a year since I went to India 0:48:16.600 --> 0:48:20.080 right now, and I remember before going that was my 0:48:20.280 --> 0:48:23.839 one thing was I just wanted to be away from 0:48:23.960 --> 0:48:29.319 everyone and everything that was familiar, to see who right, 0:48:29.440 --> 0:48:32.200 to see who was left behind in me in my identity. 0:48:32.600 --> 0:48:33.120 I loved that. 0:48:33.960 --> 0:48:37.960 It is It's good in that environment where nobody really 0:48:38.000 --> 0:48:41.520 has any particular expectations of you based on what they 0:48:41.600 --> 0:48:46.319 know about you because they don't know you. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, 0:48:46.400 --> 0:48:50.319 yeah yeah. It's funny. It's funny. I've had this, I've 0:48:50.360 --> 0:48:53.279 spoken about this, but where you know, I go to 0:48:53.320 --> 0:48:55.160 some places and I'm there to do a gig, and 0:48:55.200 --> 0:48:58.120 I'm there because it might be a public gig where 0:48:58.160 --> 0:49:00.600 everyone that's booked knows me or knows me or has 0:49:00.640 --> 0:49:03.520 listened to me or read me, and nearly everyone in 0:49:03.560 --> 0:49:06.640 the room likes me. There's probably a few ringings like 0:49:06.680 --> 0:49:08.359 who the fuck is this and why did you bring 0:49:08.400 --> 0:49:12.800 me to this? But that environment is just a beautiful, 0:49:13.840 --> 0:49:17.120 great energy. You go in, you feel special, you feel seen, 0:49:17.200 --> 0:49:20.840 you feel fucking great, and you know your egos getting 0:49:20.880 --> 0:49:23.880 stroked and your fucking self esteems through the roof and 0:49:23.880 --> 0:49:27.359 you're like, fuck, I'm amazing. And then you go, I've 0:49:27.400 --> 0:49:30.000 told you this story, and I went from literally that 0:49:30.160 --> 0:49:33.520 in Sydney to the Quantus Club. Do you remember this story? 0:49:34.200 --> 0:49:35.080 Yes? Yes? 0:49:36.200 --> 0:49:38.200 And so I've gone from that environment where I'm the 0:49:38.239 --> 0:49:40.600 fucking king of the castle and I'm just fucking up. 0:49:41.120 --> 0:49:44.840 My shit doesn't stink. I'm so good, so by the way, everyone, 0:49:44.920 --> 0:49:48.480 I'm fucking great, and then I walk into the Quantus club. 0:49:48.640 --> 0:49:50.719 And you know, at this stage, I guess I'm a 0:49:50.760 --> 0:49:54.520 fifty eight year old bloke wheeling a fucking case. And 0:49:54.560 --> 0:49:58.319 this lady looked at me and smiled, and she was 0:49:58.360 --> 0:50:01.680 half my age and smiled, and I'm like, well, of 0:50:01.719 --> 0:50:04.560 course she's smiling at me. I'm Craig fucking Harper, smile 0:50:04.600 --> 0:50:09.080 of what right. And here's the thing. Of course, she 0:50:09.160 --> 0:50:11.160 wasn't fucking looking at me. She was looking past me, 0:50:11.239 --> 0:50:15.560 at a much younger, better, hotter version of me. She 0:50:15.680 --> 0:50:17.560 was looking at him, smiling at him. And then she 0:50:17.680 --> 0:50:21.480 caught me looking all fucking glib, all fucking look, look 0:50:21.520 --> 0:50:23.359 at you looking at me and me just so I 0:50:23.440 --> 0:50:25.960 just smiled back at her like a weird fucking granddad, 0:50:26.760 --> 0:50:31.080 and she basically just snit like she just had this 0:50:31.200 --> 0:50:34.080 scowl on her face because I was and I went, 0:50:34.200 --> 0:50:36.440 that's right, You're just an old guy with a case 0:50:36.440 --> 0:50:39.040 in the Countess club. You're fucking no one. Go sit 0:50:39.080 --> 0:50:41.960 in your corner and get a coffee and a dry biscuits, 0:50:42.280 --> 0:50:46.440 dry biscuit you fuck with. And it was the best 0:50:46.440 --> 0:50:49.440 thing ever. It was the best thing ever, because I'm like, 0:50:49.880 --> 0:50:54.400 you just get fucking carried away with yourself it's so easy. 0:50:54.560 --> 0:50:59.319 It's so easy. That's why I've got to keep going. 0:50:59.520 --> 0:51:02.160 You're not You're not the reason they're there. 0:51:02.960 --> 0:51:04.920 It's the danger, though, isn't it right. We live in 0:51:04.960 --> 0:51:08.920 the lives that we live, and we be and if 0:51:08.920 --> 0:51:11.640 we put on a mask, like I've been reading a 0:51:11.640 --> 0:51:13.920 lot about Carl Jung and the persona and the mask, 0:51:14.360 --> 0:51:17.879 and it's like we present a mask in different environments. 0:51:18.160 --> 0:51:21.319 If you just stay in that environment, keep wearing that mask, 0:51:21.360 --> 0:51:23.759 you just think that's you. And then you step through 0:51:23.840 --> 0:51:26.160 a door into another place and then you're like, oh, 0:51:26.600 --> 0:51:29.120 who is this? Where am I? When do I go? 0:51:29.960 --> 0:51:33.040 Yeah? Yeah? And how do I be? And who do 0:51:33.080 --> 0:51:35.359 I be in this room? Because if I'm the same 0:51:35.400 --> 0:51:36.920 as I was in that room, it ain't going to 0:51:37.000 --> 0:51:40.600 work in this room. But then then how do I 0:51:40.600 --> 0:51:44.200 amalgamate me, the person with me, the persona that shows 0:51:44.280 --> 0:51:48.160 up in front of people without being disingenuous? How do 0:51:48.239 --> 0:51:50.719 I be? You know, it's like you coming on the 0:51:50.760 --> 0:51:55.480 show going I don't feel great, but that ain't great 0:51:55.520 --> 0:51:59.200 on a podcast. So you're not being insincere or you're 0:51:59.239 --> 0:52:02.120 not being fake, but you can't come well, you can, 0:52:02.160 --> 0:52:04.920 but it's probably not great. You can't get on this 0:52:05.000 --> 0:52:07.960 show or your show and go hi Ruan Nam. Look, 0:52:08.000 --> 0:52:10.680 I know it's a two thousandth episode, but fucking hell, 0:52:10.800 --> 0:52:15.680 my bum hurts, and you know I've got to I've 0:52:15.760 --> 0:52:16.360 got I don't. 0:52:16.239 --> 0:52:18.560 Know, I'm just making sort of feeling crap guys. 0:52:19.400 --> 0:52:21.680 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I haven't done a pooh sense 0:52:21.719 --> 0:52:24.959 fucking sad day and I'm a bit sad. And yeah 0:52:25.000 --> 0:52:28.520 you can't. You just got to go. But you get 0:52:28.520 --> 0:52:30.200 on and you do what you do, right, but you 0:52:30.239 --> 0:52:34.480 can still. Yeah, I think that's the the juggling act 0:52:34.520 --> 0:52:39.200 of trying to be authentic but also be the person 0:52:39.239 --> 0:52:42.160 that is good to be around without being a fraud. 0:52:43.000 --> 0:52:45.080 Like I want to be a person that people want 0:52:45.120 --> 0:52:48.960 to be around, not from insecurity or fear, but because 0:52:49.880 --> 0:52:51.800 who the fuck doesn't want to be that person? 0:52:52.520 --> 0:52:55.120 Yeah, And it almost links to doing the three things 0:52:55.160 --> 0:52:57.799 you just spoke about, doing hard things, spending time with 0:52:57.840 --> 0:53:01.839 people that aren't like you, because that's uncomfortable, Like it's 0:53:01.880 --> 0:53:04.399 uncomfortable to go and do something that you haven't done, 0:53:04.800 --> 0:53:07.560 but that's when you learn what it's like to feel 0:53:07.680 --> 0:53:11.359 uncomfortable in different situations. Then you see who you are 0:53:11.440 --> 0:53:13.080 all the time. And you learn to manage that and 0:53:13.120 --> 0:53:14.720 then you show up as the same person. 0:53:15.640 --> 0:53:18.799 Mm. Yeah, one hundred percent. I feel like the next 0:53:18.800 --> 0:53:20.640 two on the list you maybe share them both, because 0:53:20.640 --> 0:53:23.560 I think we've kind of almost covered those in the 0:53:23.719 --> 0:53:25.879 prior conversation. But do you want to share those? 0:53:26.160 --> 0:53:30.200 Yeah, so say I don't know, he's the next one, yep, yep. 0:53:30.320 --> 0:53:34.000 So we've said that. Were just it's just like, I 0:53:34.080 --> 0:53:36.799 just think it's actually quite liberating, if you know. You know, 0:53:36.960 --> 0:53:39.760 but I remember many times being on radio on sen 0:53:39.840 --> 0:53:43.440 Melbourne's Homosport and people going that ask me medical questions 0:53:43.480 --> 0:53:46.680 on air. I go, well, one, haven't seen your knee. Two, 0:53:46.760 --> 0:53:50.200 I can't hear the clicking from here. Three not a doctor, 0:53:50.680 --> 0:53:55.320 so don't know, you know, thanks for your call, Brian. 0:53:55.520 --> 0:53:58.640 Next and the next one. 0:53:59.120 --> 0:54:00.000 Do what scares you? 0:54:00.640 --> 0:54:03.800 Yeah? I think we could do a whole episode around, 0:54:03.920 --> 0:54:06.520 and we've done We've probably done one or two. But 0:54:07.360 --> 0:54:09.839 I'd love to even do a workshop on courage and 0:54:10.640 --> 0:54:13.440 you know what that is and how that manifests. And 0:54:14.480 --> 0:54:20.640 I think, you know, like when some people, well intending 0:54:20.680 --> 0:54:24.200 people talk about, you know, being fucking fearless, I'm like, yeah, 0:54:24.280 --> 0:54:27.640 don't be fearless. That's fucking stupid. It's like, there are 0:54:27.680 --> 0:54:30.799 lots of things you should be fearful of or scared of, 0:54:31.560 --> 0:54:37.879 because that's evolutionarily wired into your brain to keep you 0:54:38.040 --> 0:54:43.280 safe and to protect you from threats. So fear actually 0:54:43.320 --> 0:54:49.160 plays a very preserving role, like it's but then there's 0:54:49.239 --> 0:54:52.440 you know, there's what you would call logical reasonable fears, 0:54:52.840 --> 0:54:56.600 perhaps life saving fears, and then the ones that are 0:54:56.840 --> 0:55:01.920 basically an emotional and a psychological prison that keep you trapped, 0:55:02.719 --> 0:55:07.200 either emotionally or psychologically or behaviorally or even for some 0:55:07.280 --> 0:55:10.759 people with agrophobia and things like that sociologically where you 0:55:10.920 --> 0:55:13.880 scared to talk or scared to go out or And 0:55:14.680 --> 0:55:17.120 so when I say, you know, do what scares you, 0:55:19.160 --> 0:55:21.120 I don't mean run out and just the thing that 0:55:21.160 --> 0:55:24.480 you're terrorize. Just fucking get over yourself and go do it. 0:55:24.520 --> 0:55:29.239 But maybe there's a maybe there's a one out of 0:55:29.239 --> 0:55:31.839 a hundred little step that you could take. Maybe there's 0:55:31.880 --> 0:55:34.800 a maybe there's a door that you could crack open 0:55:34.840 --> 0:55:36.799 and just have a look in. Maybe you could move 0:55:36.880 --> 0:55:41.960 the needle a tiny bit. And like, there's nobody listening 0:55:41.960 --> 0:55:45.520 to this that doesn't want to be courageous. There's Nobody 0:55:45.600 --> 0:55:48.920 listening to this that doesn't want to be mentally and 0:55:49.000 --> 0:55:54.680 emotionally strong. There's nobody listening that wants to lack resilience. Nobody, 0:55:55.640 --> 0:55:59.080 But for most of us, some of us I think 0:55:59.120 --> 0:56:01.399 are just more coreage just than others. I'm not one. 0:56:01.960 --> 0:56:07.520 I'm not one. For me. The courage and the resilience 0:56:07.719 --> 0:56:11.319 and the competence and the confidence and the skill just 0:56:11.520 --> 0:56:17.880 evolves as you keep allowing yourself to be scared while 0:56:17.920 --> 0:56:20.719 doing it, you know, like I did a or the 0:56:20.719 --> 0:56:23.240 other day I did one, didn't I I'm not afraid 0:56:23.280 --> 0:56:26.600 to be afraid, or don't be Tom Cruise said that, 0:56:26.640 --> 0:56:29.200 which is hilarious that I'm quoting Tom Cruise, But when 0:56:29.239 --> 0:56:30.800 he said that, I don't know if that's I actually 0:56:30.840 --> 0:56:33.480 think it's original because I tried to find the original source. 0:56:34.480 --> 0:56:36.719 But he said, like, they'll talk about his stunts and 0:56:36.719 --> 0:56:38.719 all of that that he does, and like, why the 0:56:38.760 --> 0:56:41.600 fuck would you? He doesn't need to, but he does, 0:56:42.480 --> 0:56:46.120 and he's like, I'm not afraid of being afraid, and 0:56:46.200 --> 0:56:48.440 I'm like, I love that. I thought, yeah, that is 0:56:49.280 --> 0:56:52.320 that is a really simple, nice way of saying something 0:56:52.360 --> 0:56:57.800 that can be profoundly life changing, and so many people 0:56:58.120 --> 0:57:01.479 are so scared of so many different things, and whether 0:57:01.600 --> 0:57:03.879 or not that's spiders, or whether or not it's having 0:57:03.880 --> 0:57:07.719 a hard conversation, or whether or not it's heights, or 0:57:07.760 --> 0:57:12.239 whether it's not it's going for a job interview, or 0:57:12.640 --> 0:57:17.240 trying to learn to swim at fifty or to understand technology, 0:57:17.360 --> 0:57:20.880 you know, whatever it is, like, it's only relevant to us. 0:57:20.920 --> 0:57:23.200 But it's in the doing, in the middle of the 0:57:23.280 --> 0:57:26.680 fear that again, that we become who we want to become, 0:57:26.960 --> 0:57:32.400 or a better version. Hit the pause button, Hit the 0:57:32.440 --> 0:57:37.640 pause button. I feel like, to me, life for many 0:57:37.680 --> 0:57:41.160 people is I've spoken about this, but a groundhog day 0:57:41.320 --> 0:57:46.200 of repetition and doing the things that don't work, and 0:57:47.200 --> 0:57:51.320 life and relationships and career and you know, all of 0:57:51.360 --> 0:57:55.600 these it has its own energy. It's like I've used 0:57:55.600 --> 0:57:58.680 this metaphor before, but it's my favorite, so I'm going 0:57:58.760 --> 0:58:00.480 to use it again. And it's like, you're life is 0:58:00.560 --> 0:58:03.120 like a river and it's got its own energy, it's 0:58:03.120 --> 0:58:05.440 got its own current, it's flowing in a certain direction. 0:58:05.640 --> 0:58:09.919 It's powerful. And in this metaphor, we're in the river. 0:58:10.600 --> 0:58:13.680 You're in your life. You're in the river and the 0:58:13.960 --> 0:58:17.960 energy and the momentum of that river or that life 0:58:18.000 --> 0:58:21.680 will take you in the direction that it's currently headed. 0:58:22.240 --> 0:58:26.240 If you don't find a way to hit the pause button, 0:58:26.480 --> 0:58:31.000 if you don't find a way to extract yourself, either 0:58:31.080 --> 0:58:35.120 theoretically or practically for a while. It might be an hour, 0:58:35.240 --> 0:58:37.080 it might be a week, where you get away from 0:58:37.080 --> 0:58:39.600 your life and your job, and your environment and your 0:58:39.640 --> 0:58:44.160 situation and certain relationships, where you just go somewhere so 0:58:44.240 --> 0:58:45.920 you can go, all right, what do I want the 0:58:45.960 --> 0:58:47.880 next year or two or five to look like? And 0:58:47.920 --> 0:58:51.800 I think you know, being able to metaphorically swim to 0:58:51.880 --> 0:58:55.600 the side of the river to get out of the river. 0:58:55.680 --> 0:58:58.320 Now we can see the river, we can see what's happening. 0:58:58.800 --> 0:59:00.880 When we're on the side of the river. We have 0:59:00.960 --> 0:59:04.760 a perspective and an awareness and an understanding that no 0:59:04.800 --> 0:59:07.600 one can get in the river. And this is why 0:59:07.880 --> 0:59:10.760 being in the river twenty four to seven, three hundred 0:59:10.800 --> 0:59:13.560 and sixty five days of the year is a sure 0:59:13.600 --> 0:59:15.520 way to end up in a place you don't want 0:59:15.560 --> 0:59:20.280 to be. Because now you are a passenger in the river. 0:59:21.560 --> 0:59:24.800 You're not driving the boat. You know, you're not driving 0:59:24.800 --> 0:59:26.960 the metaphoric bus. You're not the bus driving now you're 0:59:27.000 --> 0:59:29.720 the passenger on the bus, and then this one. You know, 0:59:29.760 --> 0:59:31.760 you're the stick in the river. You're the leaf on 0:59:31.840 --> 0:59:34.280 the top of the river getting taken wherever the river 0:59:34.320 --> 0:59:36.520 wants to tell you take you. And I think that, 0:59:38.400 --> 0:59:42.000 you know, hitting the pause button to me is analogous 0:59:42.040 --> 0:59:45.520 to doing a stock taken. All right, where am I? Now? 0:59:45.520 --> 0:59:48.040 What am I doing? What's my life telling me? What's 0:59:48.080 --> 0:59:50.840 my body telling me? What's my bank account, what's my career, 0:59:50.960 --> 0:59:58.560 what's my relationships, what's my spiritual life, what's my mental health? Like, 0:59:58.640 --> 1:00:01.160 what's everything telling me? What we're doing is we're trying 1:00:01.160 --> 1:00:03.880 to get a little bit of distance from the the 1:00:03.920 --> 1:00:10.520 repetition of the foreverness and the continuity of us and 1:00:10.600 --> 1:00:13.600 our life. And it's like so many people have said 1:00:13.640 --> 1:00:17.000 to me, and I'm sure you tif I get so 1:00:17.160 --> 1:00:20.960 much clarity when i'm away, like on holidays. I'm not 1:00:21.000 --> 1:00:23.800 in my house, I'm not around my friends, I'm not 1:00:23.960 --> 1:00:26.320 doing my job, but I'm away. And it's like you 1:00:26.400 --> 1:00:31.080 when you were in the Humalayas, You're the same person. 1:00:31.680 --> 1:00:33.160 You still got to sleep, you still got to you 1:00:33.240 --> 1:00:35.200 still got to pooh, you still got to do all 1:00:35.200 --> 1:00:37.240 the things that you've got to do. You're still gotta 1:00:37.280 --> 1:00:40.560 You're still a human, but you're just a human in 1:00:40.640 --> 1:00:44.800 another context. And when you're in a different context or 1:00:44.800 --> 1:00:49.920 a different situation or a different geographical location, you are 1:00:49.960 --> 1:00:53.760 the same, but you're not the same. Like I bet 1:00:53.800 --> 1:00:59.760 you literally felt different over there. Yeah, you're like, I'm 1:00:59.840 --> 1:01:05.200 like different, what is that about? And that's because consciously 1:01:05.320 --> 1:01:08.640 or not, the breaks will put on your Australian life, 1:01:09.160 --> 1:01:12.600 like everything's you know, the environment, the people, the repetition, 1:01:12.760 --> 1:01:16.240 the continuity, the groundhog Danus, Well that's all put on hold. 1:01:16.280 --> 1:01:18.920 Now you're in another part of the world with different people, 1:01:19.280 --> 1:01:22.480 in a different environment, in nature, having different its. Oh fuck, 1:01:22.560 --> 1:01:25.200 you can see things now because you're not in the river. 1:01:26.000 --> 1:01:29.000 You're not in the river. You weigh up the mountain 1:01:29.560 --> 1:01:31.480 above the river and you're going, oh fuck, I'm not 1:01:31.520 --> 1:01:33.080 sure I want to be in that river, or I'm 1:01:33.080 --> 1:01:34.800 not sure I want to be going in the direction 1:01:34.920 --> 1:01:37.960 that that river's currently taken me. Maybe I need a paddle, 1:01:38.680 --> 1:01:40.760 or maybe I never need to walk over to that 1:01:40.880 --> 1:01:43.400 other river, or maybe I need to just stay the 1:01:43.440 --> 1:01:45.000 fuck out of the river for a day or a 1:01:45.000 --> 1:01:47.160 week or a month to get clarity. I don't want 1:01:47.160 --> 1:01:49.800 to jump back into the thing that isn't really working. 1:01:50.320 --> 1:01:53.439 Oh but all I know is the river. Yeah, the river. 1:01:54.000 --> 1:01:56.320 I'm always in the river. I'm familiar with the river. 1:01:56.400 --> 1:01:59.320 I'm comfortable with the river. There's a level of certainty 1:01:59.320 --> 1:02:01.240 about the river. So I'm getting back in the river. 1:02:01.360 --> 1:02:04.600 Fuck the river. Maybe the river's not where you should be. 1:02:04.760 --> 1:02:06.800 Maybe it's the mountain you should be, or maybe it's 1:02:06.840 --> 1:02:09.240 a different river. Well, maybe you need to be in 1:02:09.280 --> 1:02:12.280 the same river but with a different focus, you know. 1:02:12.320 --> 1:02:16.480 And I think for me, like hitting the pause button 1:02:16.640 --> 1:02:22.160 on your life metaphorically and in some ways practically it's 1:02:22.200 --> 1:02:26.480 a gift, like, yeah, I won't bore everyone with my stories, 1:02:26.480 --> 1:02:28.640 but numerous times I've taken. 1:02:28.880 --> 1:02:31.600 How often do you hit pause? And how does that 1:02:31.680 --> 1:02:32.280 look for you? 1:02:36.480 --> 1:02:39.440 Because I spend most of my life alone, Like I 1:02:39.480 --> 1:02:42.160 don't you know, I live by myself and I probably 1:02:42.160 --> 1:02:45.680 only am talking to people four hours a day if that, 1:02:46.600 --> 1:02:48.880 so I'm by myself twenty hours a day, so I 1:02:48.920 --> 1:02:52.200 do get a lot of time for reflection and and. 1:02:52.360 --> 1:02:55.280 But that's still in your own environment, that is that is. 1:02:55.240 --> 1:02:58.040 And yeah, that is a really good point. I think 1:02:58.240 --> 1:03:02.800 right now, if I'm being brave and honest. I've probably 1:03:02.800 --> 1:03:07.640 lost a little bit of that because of the demands 1:03:07.760 --> 1:03:10.600 of what I'm currently in the middle of with my UNI. 1:03:10.720 --> 1:03:13.240 It's like very I can't just say, hey fuck, I'm 1:03:13.240 --> 1:03:15.880 not doing it for a month. But I'm very much 1:03:15.920 --> 1:03:20.240 excited about life beyond. Like I'm very much excited about 1:03:20.280 --> 1:03:25.800 life next year. Yeah. It's like I don't even take holidays, 1:03:26.280 --> 1:03:29.520 you know, but fortunately with my work, like I do travel, 1:03:29.520 --> 1:03:31.439 I do stay in nice places and I do get 1:03:31.480 --> 1:03:35.160 to be in other bits of Australia and periodically the world. 1:03:35.200 --> 1:03:42.800 But I think I am due for a stock take myself. Yeah, 1:03:43.200 --> 1:03:44.960 but I think it's important that we all do it. 1:03:45.880 --> 1:03:50.680 Yeah, Set anti girls, that's the next one, Set anti goals. 1:03:50.960 --> 1:03:55.480 Yeah. So I've spoken about these, maybe I don't know, 1:03:55.560 --> 1:03:58.439 fifteen times in eight years. What's that twice a year? 1:03:58.840 --> 1:04:00.560 So for me, an anti gool is the thing that 1:04:00.600 --> 1:04:04.520 you don't want. It's what don't you want in your life. Well, 1:04:04.640 --> 1:04:07.360 I don't want to work in an office. Oh, I 1:04:07.440 --> 1:04:12.479 don't want to be in an unhealthy relationship. I don't 1:04:12.480 --> 1:04:15.440 want to have habits that are self destructive. I don't 1:04:16.320 --> 1:04:20.400 I you know, it's trying to get clear about Sometimes 1:04:20.720 --> 1:04:24.560 in order to find clarity about what we really truly want, 1:04:25.600 --> 1:04:28.680 we need to first sometimes get clear about what we 1:04:28.800 --> 1:04:32.160 don't want. And so an example of that was, or 1:04:32.200 --> 1:04:34.680 an example of that is, you know, me figuring out 1:04:34.720 --> 1:04:36.880 when I was young that I didn't want a boss 1:04:36.920 --> 1:04:39.680 per se. But I didn't know what the alternative would 1:04:39.720 --> 1:04:43.400 look like. I just know, I just knew that what 1:04:43.520 --> 1:04:45.919 I don't want is I don't want a nine to five. 1:04:47.280 --> 1:04:49.880 I didn't for one moment think they were bad. I 1:04:50.000 --> 1:04:52.080 just didn't think that was for me, and it's not 1:04:52.160 --> 1:04:55.400 for me. And so I figured out, all right, I 1:04:55.440 --> 1:04:56.800 don't want to wear a suit. I don't want to 1:04:56.800 --> 1:04:59.440 sit at a desk with l fucking you know, fluo 1:04:59.520 --> 1:05:04.160 lights buzzing over my head. I don't want to I 1:05:04.160 --> 1:05:06.120 don't want to clock in and clock out, And I 1:05:06.200 --> 1:05:09.320 don't want to do basically a form of the same 1:05:09.440 --> 1:05:12.880 or similar thing every day. No disrespect to anyone who 1:05:12.920 --> 1:05:15.160 has a job that looks like that, that's just not me. 1:05:16.080 --> 1:05:19.400 But I didn't know for a long time exactly what 1:05:20.240 --> 1:05:23.000 the thing was that I did want because I didn't 1:05:23.000 --> 1:05:27.080 have I had no experience, as in, you know, building 1:05:27.080 --> 1:05:31.360 something or developing something, or being an entrepreneur or conceptualizing 1:05:31.840 --> 1:05:35.000 something and then turning that theoretical thing in my head 1:05:35.000 --> 1:05:39.440 into a real world in a real thing in the world. 1:05:39.760 --> 1:05:44.480 But you know, I think that I think that that 1:05:44.640 --> 1:05:47.720 just helps with the goal setting process sometimes because so 1:05:47.760 --> 1:05:49.600 many people have said to me when I say, well, 1:05:50.760 --> 1:05:52.920 you know what, what's your ideal job, and they go, 1:05:53.000 --> 1:05:56.560 I don't know, but I'd like to be somewhere where 1:05:56.600 --> 1:05:58.440 they're not. And I go, well, let's let's figure out 1:05:58.480 --> 1:06:03.280 what your ideal job is, you know. Or it's like, 1:06:04.040 --> 1:06:07.240 you know, what would you love to do with your life? 1:06:07.880 --> 1:06:11.160 I'm not sure? All right, Well, let's talk about the 1:06:11.200 --> 1:06:14.640 stuff that you're doing now that might be working or 1:06:14.720 --> 1:06:17.880 might not be working. Let's do it as we said before, 1:06:17.920 --> 1:06:20.960 Let's do a stock take or a treasure hunt or 1:06:20.960 --> 1:06:24.120 whatever we want to call it on your current operating system. 1:06:24.200 --> 1:06:26.720 And let's like if we think about you think the 1:06:26.760 --> 1:06:30.080 way tif that if we have a business, we have 1:06:30.080 --> 1:06:34.200 a business development plan. If we have money and we 1:06:34.240 --> 1:06:37.960 want to build wealth, we have a financial plan. You know. 1:06:38.120 --> 1:06:40.880 If we have a car, we get it serviced regularly 1:06:40.920 --> 1:06:44.280 and we look after it. And basically for everything we 1:06:44.440 --> 1:06:51.640 have strategies, plans to do, lists, accountability, but so many 1:06:51.760 --> 1:06:57.480 people do not really have an actual plan, strategy, process, 1:06:57.880 --> 1:07:03.760 accountability system for their life. And so when we start 1:07:03.800 --> 1:07:12.760 to live proactively and intentionally rather than reactively and unintentionally, 1:07:14.120 --> 1:07:16.880 then we can start to build a life based on 1:07:17.080 --> 1:07:19.800 the things that matter to us. So we don't wake 1:07:19.880 --> 1:07:21.640 up at fifty and go, how the fuck did I 1:07:21.720 --> 1:07:25.480 end up here? Well, at the risk of hurting your feelings, 1:07:25.520 --> 1:07:28.640 you ended up there primarily because of your choices and actions, 1:07:29.000 --> 1:07:32.720 Like that's the answer. That's the answer. Which is not 1:07:32.760 --> 1:07:34.320 to say you didn't have a hard time or you 1:07:34.360 --> 1:07:37.640 didn't have real challenges, not to say that, but even 1:07:37.680 --> 1:07:40.800 someone like Johnny, who you know and love, who's got 1:07:40.840 --> 1:07:43.840 so many challenges, but just in the middle of all 1:07:43.840 --> 1:07:46.360 of the shit that he can't control, which is a 1:07:46.400 --> 1:07:51.000 lot of things, spinal cord injury, brain injury, severe pain, 1:07:51.720 --> 1:07:55.960 very restricted mobility, you know, a whole lot of things 1:07:55.960 --> 1:07:58.720 that he can't change. So what he does is he goes, well, 1:07:58.720 --> 1:08:02.600 what can I do? And he controls that. He comes 1:08:02.600 --> 1:08:05.000 to the gym. Sometimes he's in so much pain he's 1:08:05.000 --> 1:08:08.760 got to go home again. Sometimes he's okay. Sometimes his 1:08:08.880 --> 1:08:11.800 legs start spasming and shaking so bad that I need 1:08:11.840 --> 1:08:14.280 to sit him down or almost lie him down, just 1:08:14.360 --> 1:08:18.479 to stop that that thing that's going on in his body. 1:08:18.600 --> 1:08:21.400 You know. Sometimes he's happy, sometimes he's a bit sad. 1:08:21.479 --> 1:08:25.000 Sometimes he's emotional because he's got a TBI, you know, 1:08:25.320 --> 1:08:28.680 but we just love him, you know. So there's despite 1:08:28.800 --> 1:08:34.320 the despite the difficulty, like and this is the thing. 1:08:34.360 --> 1:08:38.240 It's of course, it's fucking hard. Of course, of course 1:08:38.800 --> 1:08:42.400 we get it. But if we don't control our life, 1:08:42.479 --> 1:08:47.200 our life will be controlled either by others or by environment, 1:08:47.280 --> 1:08:52.840 and the situation steps down off soapbox number eight. 1:08:53.320 --> 1:08:55.360 Loosen the grip on your identity. 1:08:56.120 --> 1:08:59.639 Yeah, I think identity is a really interesting one because 1:09:00.479 --> 1:09:03.160 we all see ourselves a certain way, and we all 1:09:04.760 --> 1:09:07.799 and that's not always good, of course, sometimes that's very negative. 1:09:08.640 --> 1:09:11.120 But we also want to present ourselves a certain way 1:09:11.280 --> 1:09:14.120 to the world because we all want love and attention 1:09:14.200 --> 1:09:17.080 and approval, and some of us don't want attention, to 1:09:17.120 --> 1:09:21.720 be honest, but we have an identity, and that identity 1:09:21.800 --> 1:09:23.519 might be the way that we live, or it might 1:09:23.560 --> 1:09:26.240 be our religion or our spiritual beliefs, or it might 1:09:26.280 --> 1:09:30.960 be our job, or it might be our academic achievements. 1:09:31.479 --> 1:09:34.439 But the problem, as I see it, with having a 1:09:34.479 --> 1:09:41.400 fixed identity is that it can be almost like a 1:09:41.479 --> 1:09:46.200 self created prison, you know, in that like you are 1:09:46.280 --> 1:09:52.880 not an identity. Just like this sound dumb, right, Like, 1:09:53.200 --> 1:09:56.599 just like an ad for a car is not the car, 1:09:57.280 --> 1:09:59.760 do you know what I mean? It's the ad. It's 1:09:59.800 --> 1:10:02.559 the that it's presented. Oh, look at its shiny wheels, 1:10:02.600 --> 1:10:05.519 look at the beautiful photographs, look at the features, But 1:10:05.680 --> 1:10:09.439 all of that is an ad for the car. It's 1:10:09.520 --> 1:10:12.320 not the car, right. I don't want to see the 1:10:12.360 --> 1:10:16.880 Tiff ad. I don't want to see the persona, you know. 1:10:17.000 --> 1:10:19.920 I don't want to see your brand or your identity. 1:10:20.280 --> 1:10:24.040 Or I don't want to see this the Tiff show real. 1:10:24.520 --> 1:10:26.400 I want to know Tiff, not the fucking show real, 1:10:27.400 --> 1:10:30.800 you know. And I think that this is really pervasive 1:10:30.840 --> 1:10:34.720 across a lot of kind of spaces, and you think 1:10:34.720 --> 1:10:37.280 about even and we've joked about this before, the amount 1:10:37.280 --> 1:10:40.559 of I've never been on a dating website. I don't 1:10:40.560 --> 1:10:42.759 know if you have, doesn't matter, but where we talk about, 1:10:43.120 --> 1:10:44.840 you know, the way that people put up the best 1:10:44.840 --> 1:10:47.880 photo that was ever taken of them and at thirteen 1:10:47.960 --> 1:10:53.519 years old, and in that one photo they look as 1:10:53.560 --> 1:10:57.400 close to fucking amazing as possible for them, no disrespect. 1:10:58.760 --> 1:11:02.160 And then the person ticks whatever based on what they 1:11:02.200 --> 1:11:04.760 see on the thing. And then they turn up and 1:11:04.840 --> 1:11:08.479 our mate doesn't look anything like his photo, but he 1:11:08.520 --> 1:11:11.120 puts that photo up there because he's trying to create 1:11:11.160 --> 1:11:15.080 an identity. Oh this is me, Look what I look like. 1:11:15.880 --> 1:11:18.400 Oh you don't look like that, and that's okay. It 1:11:18.400 --> 1:11:21.840 doesn't matter what you look like. You know, he is 1:11:21.880 --> 1:11:24.120 an idea. Put up a shit photo, and then they 1:11:24.200 --> 1:11:26.640 might be pleasantly surprised when they turn up, not the 1:11:26.720 --> 1:11:30.919 other way around. You know, it's a hard thing to unpack. 1:11:31.040 --> 1:11:33.519 But and then I feel like when a certain thing 1:11:33.600 --> 1:11:38.200 is our identity, we make ourselves a bit unteachable unless 1:11:38.760 --> 1:11:42.839 that thing, that theology, that idea, that belief, that value, 1:11:43.479 --> 1:11:48.320 if that's intertwined with my identity and your belief, value, idea, 1:11:48.439 --> 1:11:52.559 theology is not the same as mine, and you're critical 1:11:52.600 --> 1:11:55.599 of my whatever, then you're critical of me. And that's 1:11:55.640 --> 1:11:59.200 a I think we need to hold onto our beliefs 1:11:59.280 --> 1:12:03.639 and ideas an identity. Loosely, do you think. 1:12:03.479 --> 1:12:08.640 That social media now and the ability people have to 1:12:08.760 --> 1:12:12.360 control the narrative around what they present to the world. 1:12:12.479 --> 1:12:17.520 At mass is messing with people's relationship with themselves. 1:12:18.280 --> 1:12:24.000 Oh fucking fuck yss. I mean the whole idea that 1:12:24.040 --> 1:12:28.920 people have a personal brand. I'm like, well, how about 1:12:28.960 --> 1:12:31.720 you have a person, Like, what do you mean you 1:12:31.760 --> 1:12:34.120 have a brand? I get it. I get it. Look, 1:12:34.720 --> 1:12:39.360 I get it. I practically and intellectually get it. I 1:12:39.400 --> 1:12:42.400 get the people. You know. It's like me, if if 1:12:42.439 --> 1:12:45.479 somebody books me for a speaking event and they ring Melissa, 1:12:45.520 --> 1:12:48.000 and Melissa says, yeah, it's going to be seventy five dollars, 1:12:48.240 --> 1:12:51.799 They're going to go, what because I have a brand 1:12:51.920 --> 1:12:53.960 as a speaker or I'm known as that, and so 1:12:54.000 --> 1:12:58.160 there's you know, but I think when you are, part 1:12:58.200 --> 1:13:03.200 of your mission is to create this identity that isn't 1:13:03.240 --> 1:13:07.680 really you. It's like it's it's literally like you marketing 1:13:07.720 --> 1:13:12.840 you to make yourself more attractive, more desirable. While I 1:13:13.040 --> 1:13:15.479 intellectually get it, and I get it from a marketing 1:13:15.520 --> 1:13:18.120 and branding point of view, I really get it. I'm like, 1:13:18.320 --> 1:13:23.760 of course, you know, if you're you know, we don't 1:13:23.840 --> 1:13:25.400 like saying this, but I'm going to say it right 1:13:26.120 --> 1:13:28.599 in our world. Look, at social media. If you're a 1:13:28.640 --> 1:13:32.400 really really attractive guy or girl, you know, lady or man, 1:13:32.880 --> 1:13:36.000 you've got an advantage. Now should it be that way, 1:13:36.280 --> 1:13:39.160 I don't know, but it is that way. You know, 1:13:39.280 --> 1:13:43.360 if I'm thirty, I'm treated differently to when I'm sixty. 1:13:43.439 --> 1:13:46.840 There's no self pity in that. It's just it's just true. 1:13:47.040 --> 1:13:50.800 So I don't think that will ever go away. But 1:13:50.920 --> 1:13:53.640 I just think that, you know, one, if you're going 1:13:53.680 --> 1:13:56.519 to build a brand, an identity, and a social media presence, 1:13:56.600 --> 1:13:59.920 I don't actually think that's a bad thing as low 1:14:00.120 --> 1:14:02.120 as you know, you in the middle of all of 1:14:02.120 --> 1:14:04.840 that ship that you are not you know, where are 1:14:04.920 --> 1:14:07.679 you in the middle of that? Because that's just that's 1:14:07.720 --> 1:14:11.559 the U show. And sure have a U show, but 1:14:11.640 --> 1:14:13.599 don't confuse the show with a person. 1:14:15.160 --> 1:14:19.639 M Yeah. I was just thinking also, like the ability 1:14:19.680 --> 1:14:22.080 for people to stand out means they have to be different, 1:14:22.520 --> 1:14:25.880 and I wonder how many times that takes people away 1:14:25.960 --> 1:14:28.600 from that what is true to them and what is 1:14:28.680 --> 1:14:32.640 meaningful and down to a place that they're pitching what 1:14:32.800 --> 1:14:35.719 is clever and what is gets attention. 1:14:36.479 --> 1:14:38.040 Yeah, and when I say. 1:14:37.920 --> 1:14:40.240 Come close to stuff like you and I share and 1:14:40.280 --> 1:14:42.960 talk about then you start. Then you're actually you're you're 1:14:43.040 --> 1:14:46.400 leading people, and you're leading them to places that maybe, 1:14:46.640 --> 1:14:49.960 you know, maybe previous you would never have wanted to 1:14:50.560 --> 1:14:53.439 do that, but the brand dictate the new path. 1:14:54.040 --> 1:14:56.920 I constantly have to keep myself in check because I'm 1:14:57.240 --> 1:15:00.880 I'm like everyone like I If I put up something on 1:15:01.080 --> 1:15:03.240 social media that I think is good and it doesn't 1:15:03.280 --> 1:15:07.160 get the response that I think it probably will based 1:15:07.200 --> 1:15:11.360 on my previous experience, like what the fuck's wrong with you? People? 1:15:12.000 --> 1:15:15.920 You know? Like have you not read this? You know? 1:15:16.720 --> 1:15:19.680 Of course I don't really say that, but I get 1:15:19.720 --> 1:15:21.439 disappointed or I get a bit I'm like, oh, I 1:15:21.479 --> 1:15:24.439 need to figure this out. Why is this should get 1:15:24.840 --> 1:15:26.840 this many shares? It shouldn't get that many shares? And 1:15:26.840 --> 1:15:28.479 what's going on? You know? And then I'm like, what 1:15:28.640 --> 1:15:32.799 is wrong with you? I'm literally changing my emotional status, 1:15:32.920 --> 1:15:37.559 changing because of an expectation that I had of what 1:15:37.720 --> 1:15:41.960 other people should do to something that I wrote. So 1:15:42.200 --> 1:15:46.920 I am literally making myself sad or anxious right because 1:15:47.040 --> 1:15:53.000 I am anticipating what should happen or what's likely to 1:15:53.080 --> 1:15:55.799 happen off the back of a thing that I wrote 1:15:55.880 --> 1:15:58.439 or said or did, and then when I have an 1:15:58.439 --> 1:16:03.439 expectation and people don't eat that, I get disappointed. But 1:16:03.479 --> 1:16:07.360 that's based on my expected result, not the result. You know, 1:16:07.439 --> 1:16:11.559 It's like expecting people to be amazing this time when 1:16:11.600 --> 1:16:13.599 they are a prick to you the last hundred times. Well, 1:16:13.600 --> 1:16:15.920 if someone was a prick to you, or they've been 1:16:15.920 --> 1:16:18.280 a prick to you pretty consistently, or they've been a 1:16:19.479 --> 1:16:21.760 you know, not nice to you, let you down, hurt you, 1:16:22.160 --> 1:16:27.120 lied to you, mistreated you, why would you expect them 1:16:27.479 --> 1:16:30.920 to be different. Now I'm not saying be negative. I'm saying, look, 1:16:31.400 --> 1:16:34.200 hope they might be different, you know, still be the 1:16:34.200 --> 1:16:37.400 good person, but don't be a fucking dormat. Like your 1:16:37.479 --> 1:16:42.440 job is not to, you know, make everything okay for everybody. 1:16:42.479 --> 1:16:45.520 It's some stage. Yeah, be loving, be kind, be compassionate, 1:16:45.560 --> 1:16:50.000 be empathetic, but don't don't don't let people destroy your 1:16:50.080 --> 1:16:54.080 self esteem or your capacity to be mentally and emotionally healthy. 1:16:54.280 --> 1:16:57.360 Because I'm a giver, well, eventually you won't be able 1:16:57.400 --> 1:17:00.400 to give, you know, you need to. It sounds selfish. 1:17:00.439 --> 1:17:01.880 I don't know how I got here, and this is 1:17:01.920 --> 1:17:05.200 probably totally off topic, but you know, I think in 1:17:05.280 --> 1:17:09.880 a I think prioritizing yourself, not in a greedy, selfish way, 1:17:09.880 --> 1:17:15.400 but in a self preservation way is paramount because if 1:17:15.439 --> 1:17:20.400 you get out of bed and you're now physically, mentally, emotionally, socially, spiritually, 1:17:20.439 --> 1:17:22.360 you're an eight or nine out of ten at the 1:17:22.400 --> 1:17:26.640 start of the day or at ten, then your experiences 1:17:26.680 --> 1:17:28.960 with other people are better, Your meetings are better, your 1:17:28.960 --> 1:17:32.360 conflict resolution is better, or you know, you build more 1:17:32.400 --> 1:17:34.599 rapport and trust and you have more fun and they 1:17:34.800 --> 1:17:37.880 like you more and you're better. You're just better. But 1:17:37.960 --> 1:17:39.880 if you get out of bed and you're already a 1:17:39.920 --> 1:17:42.439 three out of ten before your feet hit the fucking floor, 1:17:43.280 --> 1:17:47.599 good luck having a good day. Steps down, off soapbox. 1:17:47.680 --> 1:17:51.040 Let's do two more and then we'll we'll let that 1:17:51.160 --> 1:17:52.719 other person take over the reins. 1:17:53.600 --> 1:17:55.400 Focus on the climb, not the mountain. 1:17:57.160 --> 1:17:59.320 Yeah, probably covered that a bit. I didn't realize some 1:17:59.360 --> 1:18:06.000 of these I'd overlap. But for me, it is really about, like, 1:18:06.080 --> 1:18:10.000 even with this podcast, you know, two thousand episodes is great, 1:18:10.960 --> 1:18:14.200 but honestly, I I was going to say I don't care, 1:18:14.320 --> 1:18:17.040 I care about it, but I really care about what's 1:18:17.080 --> 1:18:20.479 happened on the two thousand journey. You know the people 1:18:20.520 --> 1:18:24.479 that we've helped, and obviously there's lots of people we 1:18:24.520 --> 1:18:29.560 haven't helped, but the guests that we've spoken with, the 1:18:30.240 --> 1:18:33.360 numerous blessings that have come our way, the sponsors that 1:18:33.400 --> 1:18:35.960 we've had, the light bulbs that have gone on, the 1:18:36.040 --> 1:18:40.240 healing that's happened, you know, the friendships that have been formed. 1:18:41.479 --> 1:18:44.120 You know, even the typ conferences that we're going to 1:18:44.120 --> 1:18:47.000 have another one of next year. Everyone, you know, all 1:18:47.040 --> 1:18:49.240 that stuff. For me, it's just been it's been the 1:18:50.479 --> 1:18:53.880 one to two thousand that's just been the gift. You know, 1:18:53.960 --> 1:18:57.280 it's about it is. It is about who you become. 1:18:57.439 --> 1:19:00.519 And it's a lovely milestone to get to two thousand episodes. 1:19:02.280 --> 1:19:05.559 But it's like the stuff that we've done really matters 1:19:05.640 --> 1:19:06.640 to me. The most. 1:19:08.680 --> 1:19:11.320 Number ten we're finishing on round figure, isn't that? Please? 1:19:11.479 --> 1:19:13.000 Got nice? Nice? 1:19:13.479 --> 1:19:15.120 Stop thinking like you. 1:19:15.520 --> 1:19:18.120 Yeah, that's a bit tongue in cheek. Of course, stop 1:19:18.160 --> 1:19:20.760 thinking like you. Of course you can't stop thinking like you. 1:19:20.840 --> 1:19:25.200 But again it's opening the door on, you know, this 1:19:25.360 --> 1:19:28.840 idea of understanding others and understand not thinking like others, 1:19:28.840 --> 1:19:34.800 but understanding their thinking right, understanding their thinking, so that 1:19:36.360 --> 1:19:39.120 all of your interactions with other people who you now 1:19:39.360 --> 1:19:42.320 understand better, or you have an insight into their mind 1:19:42.400 --> 1:19:48.080 or an insight into their subjective experience, their subjective reality. 1:19:50.040 --> 1:19:54.000 Like I don't know you infinitely, but I know you 1:19:54.200 --> 1:19:57.000 way better than I did seven or eight years ago. 1:19:57.600 --> 1:20:01.760 And so now I because I have an understanding of 1:20:01.800 --> 1:20:03.880 how you think and your values and who you are 1:20:04.080 --> 1:20:07.880 and your emotions and the way that you navigate life, 1:20:08.000 --> 1:20:13.080 just like you do all of that for me as well. 1:20:13.240 --> 1:20:19.120 I think I have a much better ability to be 1:20:19.160 --> 1:20:21.080 able to get to where I want to get in 1:20:21.160 --> 1:20:25.400 a conversation or an exchange or whatever it is that 1:20:25.400 --> 1:20:28.519 we're doing, to get there quicker without nobody's feelings hurt 1:20:29.080 --> 1:20:32.679 and without me being inappropriate or me being me making 1:20:33.400 --> 1:20:37.599 a false assumption about how you'll interpret this. And I 1:20:37.720 --> 1:20:39.599 just think that, you know, it's called theory of mind, 1:20:39.600 --> 1:20:43.160 as everybody now knows, but just that having an awareness 1:20:43.160 --> 1:20:46.719 and a curiosity in what's happening in someone else's head, 1:20:47.439 --> 1:20:49.559 not like, oh why the fuck do they do that? 1:20:49.640 --> 1:20:53.040 You know? Not that like, not not critically, just like 1:20:53.280 --> 1:20:58.040 from a point of curiosity, it's like I probably shouldn't 1:20:58.040 --> 1:21:01.639 say this, but she'll never hear it. But like when 1:21:01.680 --> 1:21:04.799 I'm around my mum, the way that I am around 1:21:04.840 --> 1:21:07.840 my mum, my energy is very different, The way I 1:21:07.880 --> 1:21:11.639 talk to her is very different. The way I manage 1:21:12.880 --> 1:21:17.280 moments with Mum is very different. Because right now, at 1:21:17.280 --> 1:21:21.400 eighty six, like the world is a bit scary. She's okay, 1:21:21.479 --> 1:21:25.400 but things that never used to bother her obviously bother 1:21:25.479 --> 1:21:29.360 her now. And even if there's something even if there's 1:21:29.360 --> 1:21:34.840 nothing to worry about me, the guru that isn't really going, oh, Mary, 1:21:34.840 --> 1:21:37.280 there's nothing to worry about, so stop worrying. That's fucking 1:21:37.280 --> 1:21:40.639 stupid advice, because saying that will not help her. In fact, 1:21:40.720 --> 1:21:43.280 it might make her more anxious. It might make her 1:21:43.280 --> 1:21:47.000 feel inadequate around me. It might make her feel silly 1:21:47.080 --> 1:21:50.120 because I'm pointing out, you know all these things, Well, 1:21:50.160 --> 1:21:54.360 it's just thoughtless and it's unaware, and it's actually destructive, 1:21:54.439 --> 1:21:57.840 not productive. So I don't need to fuel the fire 1:21:58.000 --> 1:22:02.920 of insecurity and anxiety. But I definitely need to understand 1:22:03.160 --> 1:22:06.240 the insecurity and the anxiety so that I can be 1:22:06.400 --> 1:22:10.760 what Mum needs, so that I can hopefully as much 1:22:10.800 --> 1:22:14.200 as in my control, I can create an interaction and 1:22:14.280 --> 1:22:17.720 a moment in time and an experience with my mum 1:22:17.760 --> 1:22:22.280 that leaves her hopefully more comfortable, not more anxious. And 1:22:21.960 --> 1:22:25.479 that's all about understanding the person in front of you, 1:22:26.120 --> 1:22:32.200 understanding how they think, and not defaulting to, well, this 1:22:32.320 --> 1:22:34.160 is how I see it, so this is how everyone 1:22:34.200 --> 1:22:36.559 says it. In fact, that's probably one of the dumbest 1:22:36.560 --> 1:22:40.719 assumptions in human behavior and probably one of the things 1:22:40.720 --> 1:22:43.439 that leads to more problems than anything else on an 1:22:43.439 --> 1:22:48.680 interpersonal level, is just assuming that what you're saying to 1:22:48.760 --> 1:22:53.839 somebody is going to be understood and comprehended and acted 1:22:53.960 --> 1:22:56.720 upon the way that you think it will be. In 1:22:56.760 --> 1:23:01.600 other words, your intention will be their experience. Your understanding 1:23:01.880 --> 1:23:08.439 is their understanding? Well, that's hysterically untrue, and so when 1:23:08.520 --> 1:23:12.400 you move forward going they almost definitely don't think like me. 1:23:12.960 --> 1:23:16.800 That's my starting point. So how do they think, how 1:23:16.800 --> 1:23:18.720 do I solve this problem, or how do I open 1:23:18.800 --> 1:23:21.519 the door on this discussion, or how do I be 1:23:21.760 --> 1:23:25.200 what they need right now? How do I be what 1:23:25.280 --> 1:23:28.120 they need? You know, and you're going to get that wrong, 1:23:28.200 --> 1:23:31.880 But just having that awareness and that curiosity around other 1:23:31.960 --> 1:23:38.479 people's thinking is definitely something that is life changing. If 1:23:39.439 --> 1:23:40.720 if we can open the door on it. 1:23:41.840 --> 1:23:45.240 What could people do to exercise that. I feel like 1:23:45.240 --> 1:23:48.439 there's a big concept for someone who's who's never thought 1:23:48.520 --> 1:23:52.320 that way and maybe never had those types of interactions 1:23:52.360 --> 1:23:52.880 with people. 1:23:53.760 --> 1:23:57.479 Yeah, great, great question. I think that that question that 1:23:57.520 --> 1:23:59.760 you asked is a question we could almost ask off 1:23:59.800 --> 1:24:02.040 the everything. Yeah. Cool, So how do we get better 1:24:02.080 --> 1:24:08.800 at that? Yeah? So there's a couple of things you 1:24:08.880 --> 1:24:13.639 can ask people, just great open ended questions. Open ended 1:24:13.720 --> 1:24:16.200 question is not a yes no question. Open ended question 1:24:16.360 --> 1:24:19.520 is can you tell me where that belief came from? 1:24:19.960 --> 1:24:22.920 That's an open ended question. So you're now if they're 1:24:22.920 --> 1:24:24.840 on board, you're now going to get information that you 1:24:24.840 --> 1:24:28.840 didn't have. Now you've immediately got information and insight that 1:24:28.920 --> 1:24:31.040 you didn't have, And now if you use that wisely, 1:24:31.080 --> 1:24:34.400 you've got better understanding. You've got you've got more horsepower 1:24:34.400 --> 1:24:39.040 in the conversation, and so being able to ask questions 1:24:39.080 --> 1:24:42.400 that might shed a light on things that are currently 1:24:42.479 --> 1:24:45.320 in the darkness, you know, to be able to ask 1:24:45.360 --> 1:24:47.920 people about you know, where did that, where'd that belief 1:24:47.960 --> 1:24:51.280 come from? That idea? Wow, you said that you know 1:24:51.320 --> 1:24:54.559 you had a rough childhood. Could you as much as 1:24:54.560 --> 1:24:57.320 you're comfortable to Could you tell me about that a bit, 1:24:57.800 --> 1:25:00.280 because what a lot of people do is they go, oh, yeah, 1:25:00.280 --> 1:25:03.320 I had a rough childhood too, So do you know 1:25:03.400 --> 1:25:05.000 what I mean? It's like, oh you did this, Yeah 1:25:05.040 --> 1:25:08.920 I did that too, but time six whereas and have 1:25:09.000 --> 1:25:11.280 I ever done that? One hundred percent? I've done that, 1:25:12.240 --> 1:25:15.559 and so you know, just shutting the fuck up. But 1:25:15.680 --> 1:25:19.840 really truly being present, not like oh I'm a good listener. No, 1:25:20.040 --> 1:25:25.599 truly be present and truly seek first to understand and 1:25:25.640 --> 1:25:30.760 then that, you know, just go into that that encounter 1:25:31.640 --> 1:25:34.040 with that as your priority if that needs to be 1:25:34.120 --> 1:25:36.799 the priority. Like my priority today is not to resolve 1:25:36.840 --> 1:25:39.799 this or figure out that or create an incredible plan. 1:25:40.439 --> 1:25:44.080 My priority with this person today being meeting one perhaps 1:25:44.200 --> 1:25:47.559 or encounter one or whatever, is just try to understand 1:25:47.600 --> 1:25:50.840 who they are, you know. And I'll say that like 1:25:51.400 --> 1:25:53.160 if I meet brand new people and they're coming to 1:25:53.200 --> 1:25:56.559 see me, go tell me about you, and they're like, 1:25:56.600 --> 1:25:58.240 what do you want to know? Whatever you want? Tell 1:25:58.280 --> 1:26:01.960 me ready, set go, and then they just talk and 1:26:02.000 --> 1:26:05.760 then I'll go, good, what does that mean? No? You 1:26:05.800 --> 1:26:09.479 know that? Say go cool? Can you expand you said 1:26:09.479 --> 1:26:12.080 before this, can you I don't get it. What does 1:26:12.120 --> 1:26:14.479 that mean for you? And then by the time you've 1:26:14.479 --> 1:26:18.040 asked twenty good questions, you might have gained more insight 1:26:18.080 --> 1:26:22.200 and understanding and awareness in one hour than you would 1:26:22.280 --> 1:26:26.920 have in a work situation working next to somebody for 1:26:27.000 --> 1:26:31.920 a year that you never tried to do that with. Yeah, yeah, 1:26:32.040 --> 1:26:37.040 and so, but it has to be a conscious thing. Yeah. So, 1:26:37.840 --> 1:26:41.320 hey cookie, it's been fun. I appreciate you. What's your score? 1:26:41.320 --> 1:26:43.040 Are you still a six or have you rocketed up 1:26:43.040 --> 1:26:43.920 to a six and a half. 1:26:44.200 --> 1:26:47.200 I'm going to go I'm going to go seven point three. 1:26:47.640 --> 1:26:50.800 Wow, that's good. That's good. Well it's there. Theyp is 1:26:51.120 --> 1:26:52.960 TYPS therapeutic. 1:26:52.439 --> 1:26:54.120 Right, sure is sure? 1:26:54.360 --> 1:26:59.400 Thank you, harsh pleasure. Hey, I appreciate you. Thank you 1:26:59.439 --> 1:27:02.360 so much for all you've done in the last however 1:27:02.400 --> 1:27:05.880 many years, not just on the show, but outside the show, 1:27:05.920 --> 1:27:07.679 with all our events and with all of the things 1:27:07.760 --> 1:27:11.560 and all the good things that you bring to everything. 1:27:12.000 --> 1:27:15.400 I appreciate you, and I'm super proud to what you 1:27:15.439 --> 1:27:18.559 grow and evolve and just become slightly better than me. 1:27:18.680 --> 1:27:20.960 That annoys me a little bit, Like I'm going to 1:27:21.000 --> 1:27:23.240 be honest. That fucks me off a little bit that 1:27:23.280 --> 1:27:25.720 you're a bit better than me now and I may 1:27:25.760 --> 1:27:31.559 have some unresolved anger and jealousy and resentment, but you know, 1:27:31.760 --> 1:27:36.000 keep going where you grow. Thanks Cookie, Thanks help O. 1:27:36.080 --> 1:27:38.800 Good a team. I'm back. I'm bloody back. I'm back. 1:27:38.840 --> 1:27:40.519 I just went and had we I'm going to be honest, 1:27:40.560 --> 1:27:40.960 how did we? 1:27:42.160 --> 1:27:42.400 You know? 1:27:42.439 --> 1:27:44.519 Those wheezs that you're having, You're like, fuck, how good 1:27:44.600 --> 1:27:47.200 is this? Anyway? Do we add a cup of tea? 1:27:47.240 --> 1:27:51.720 And I'm back. I'm rebooted, I'm hydrated, I'm energized. I'm 1:27:52.760 --> 1:27:56.120 I'm looking at the coin of the world, not in person, 1:27:56.200 --> 1:27:58.160 but virtually the coin of the world. The boss of me. 1:27:59.200 --> 1:28:01.679 People say, he do get so much shit done? Well, 1:28:01.720 --> 1:28:05.240 thanks for asking. She does it all. She's currently finishing 1:28:05.280 --> 1:28:09.320 my PhD. Hurry up, No just gagging. But she is 1:28:09.520 --> 1:28:14.439 extremely helpful and extremely amazing and capable, and I'm going 1:28:14.520 --> 1:28:17.240 to say just a little bit fucking bossy. She presents 1:28:17.280 --> 1:28:20.960 as Mary Poppins. She's like a Disney character and on 1:28:21.120 --> 1:28:23.479 here you'll get all of that. You'll get the whole 1:28:23.560 --> 1:28:27.040 kind of Mary Poppins vibe, you know, and frozen, you'll 1:28:27.040 --> 1:28:30.080 get a bit of that. But wait till the fucking 1:28:30.240 --> 1:28:34.559 camera stops rolling. It's terrifying. Melissa Marie Cameron. The Coin 1:28:34.640 --> 1:28:37.240 of the World, The Coin of the U Project. Where 1:28:37.240 --> 1:28:37.840 have you been? 1:28:38.520 --> 1:28:42.600 Oh my goodness, hello, happy two thousandths. That's kind of 1:28:42.600 --> 1:28:44.799 hard to say, happy two thousandths. 1:28:46.560 --> 1:28:49.480 Where have I been? I've just been, you know, lurking. 1:28:49.160 --> 1:28:52.439 In the background, just cud in the shadows, hanging out 1:28:52.479 --> 1:28:53.320 in the background. 1:28:53.560 --> 1:28:56.040 Yes, lurky, lurky make lerkster. 1:28:56.479 --> 1:28:59.799 I heard the Frozen reference. Have you ever seen Frozen? 1:29:00.640 --> 1:29:04.920 It's my favorite movie. Yeah, I've seen it the house 1:29:04.920 --> 1:29:07.600 singing let it Go? Or yeah. I don't want to 1:29:07.640 --> 1:29:10.559 do a rendition now because people. I don't want people 1:29:10.680 --> 1:29:12.559 because once people hear it, they'll want me to keep 1:29:12.600 --> 1:29:13.880 doing it. It's embarrassing. 1:29:14.600 --> 1:29:14.760 Yea. 1:29:14.920 --> 1:29:18.400 And also that whoever whoever sang the original, I don't 1:29:18.400 --> 1:29:20.320 want to rain on their parade. I mean, they've got 1:29:20.320 --> 1:29:23.479 to keep a job, and once people hear missing that shit, 1:29:24.240 --> 1:29:27.920 they're going to be redundant. So we'll just keep it 1:29:28.000 --> 1:29:28.840 under wraps from now. 1:29:29.479 --> 1:29:30.920 Did you just let the cat out of the bag? 1:29:31.800 --> 1:29:34.040 She finished a PhD. That that's you're going to be 1:29:34.120 --> 1:29:35.559 terring in the next production. 1:29:36.479 --> 1:29:39.120 That's exactly what I'm going to be doing now. I 1:29:39.160 --> 1:29:42.680 know how you are because I talked to you all 1:29:42.680 --> 1:29:45.200 the time, but everyone else doesn't know how you are. 1:29:45.280 --> 1:29:48.360 So for those of you who are relatively new, Melissa is. 1:29:49.840 --> 1:29:52.879 She's the life force of the U project. She runs 1:29:52.960 --> 1:29:56.880 not only well, she does most of the editing and 1:29:56.960 --> 1:29:58.920 gets the guests and does all of that, but she 1:29:59.000 --> 1:30:02.360 also she's my business partner. So we own a company 1:30:02.400 --> 1:30:05.839 call to You Project, and so we do events together. 1:30:06.120 --> 1:30:09.519 She organizes all of my corporate work and travel, and 1:30:10.320 --> 1:30:14.640 she works with Nova, who are our kind of supporters. 1:30:14.920 --> 1:30:18.760 We're intertwined with Nova, and so she does all that 1:30:18.880 --> 1:30:20.760 grown up. I don't know what the fuck she does, 1:30:20.760 --> 1:30:24.160 but she does something over there. I'm not sure. Look, 1:30:24.880 --> 1:30:29.200 here's what I know. It involves money, involves sponsors and 1:30:29.240 --> 1:30:31.959 what else. I know. We don't get enough, so Melissa 1:30:32.280 --> 1:30:38.800 try harder. No, but she runs the business, the businesses 1:30:39.120 --> 1:30:42.200 and she's amazing. And for those of you who do 1:30:42.320 --> 1:30:46.400 know her, send some love on the typ Facebook page 1:30:46.400 --> 1:30:48.920 and ask her to do more than one a year. Well, 1:30:48.920 --> 1:30:50.800 she hasn't done. How long do you reckon it is 1:30:50.840 --> 1:30:53.120 since you've been on I would say three years. 1:30:53.640 --> 1:30:56.200 It's been a very long time, to the point where 1:30:56.200 --> 1:30:58.240 I actually just double checked. 1:30:58.280 --> 1:30:59.679 I'm like, are we recording? 1:31:00.000 --> 1:31:02.600 Ah, yeah, I'm a little. 1:31:02.320 --> 1:31:04.719 Bit out of practice, but yeah, it's been quite a while. 1:31:05.200 --> 1:31:06.600 I want you to be brave. I'm not going to 1:31:06.680 --> 1:31:09.719 do any fucking interrogating. But were you a bit nervous 1:31:09.720 --> 1:31:11.479 to do this because you haven't done month for a 1:31:11.479 --> 1:31:11.960 long time? 1:31:12.400 --> 1:31:14.800 Yes, I've a little bit, And as I say, I'm 1:31:14.800 --> 1:31:16.679 a little bit nervous and a little bit just out. 1:31:16.600 --> 1:31:18.280 Of like, oh you a little bit? 1:31:18.320 --> 1:31:21.000 How does this work? Again? Y a bit like how 1:31:21.000 --> 1:31:25.479 does it work? What do I do again? And yeah? Yeah, 1:31:25.560 --> 1:31:28.599 well lot of that going on. Well, I'm glad you're back, 1:31:28.640 --> 1:31:30.800 even if it is for one episode. And maybe, you know, 1:31:30.840 --> 1:31:33.880 if the people speak loud enough, maybe if there's you know, 1:31:33.960 --> 1:31:38.360 some kind of revolt, you know, some kind of Jimmy 1:31:38.439 --> 1:31:43.040 Kimmel kind of backlash that the people might say, we 1:31:43.120 --> 1:31:45.640 want more of Melissa, we want less of you, you 1:31:45.800 --> 1:31:48.639 fucking an idiot, and then I'll just pop on months 1:31:48.640 --> 1:31:51.640 a year and you can. But I can't do the 1:31:51.680 --> 1:31:55.280 shit you can do. So what we're doing everyone, of course, 1:31:55.280 --> 1:31:57.640 you know, because we're halfway through, so we've chatted with 1:31:57.720 --> 1:32:00.720 TIV and again, thank you all so much for being 1:32:00.800 --> 1:32:04.280 part of our journey over the two thousand episodes in 1:32:04.320 --> 1:32:07.760 that almost eight years. And yeah, so we're just going 1:32:07.840 --> 1:32:11.320 to continue on with just some thoughts and ideas that 1:32:11.400 --> 1:32:18.360 I think are somewhat representative important representative kind of lessons 1:32:18.439 --> 1:32:21.400 to come out of or thought bubbles to explore to 1:32:21.439 --> 1:32:26.120 come out of the last two thousand conversations or thereabouts 1:32:26.760 --> 1:32:31.439 on the You project. I'm interested to hear what people 1:32:31.479 --> 1:32:33.599 think about the bit because we're doing this in bits, 1:32:33.760 --> 1:32:36.920 and I recorded that you know that bit at the start, Yes, 1:32:36.920 --> 1:32:39.920 the King, the King, James, Yes, and you know, you 1:32:39.920 --> 1:32:41.519 know when you do we'll get into it in a minute, 1:32:41.560 --> 1:32:43.120 but you know when you do shit like I do 1:32:43.240 --> 1:32:45.439 this all the time everyone because I'm a big fucking 1:32:45.479 --> 1:32:48.800 baby who's insecure. I'll do something then i'll go less, 1:32:48.840 --> 1:32:50.599 what do you think of this? And if she's she goes, 1:32:50.640 --> 1:32:52.120 oh it's good, or a shit, I goes, yeah, I'm 1:32:52.280 --> 1:32:54.120 definitely not doing it then, or if she goes it's good, 1:32:54.160 --> 1:32:57.280 I'm like, I'm definitely doing it then. So not insecure 1:32:57.280 --> 1:33:00.479 at all. So as soon as I wrote that, because 1:33:00.560 --> 1:33:03.040 I have that churchy background and because all of my 1:33:03.120 --> 1:33:06.240 biblical stuff was in that Literally it's called King James. 1:33:06.760 --> 1:33:09.879 That's written in kind of that King James style vibe, 1:33:10.280 --> 1:33:13.280 And I find it really easy to write in that language, 1:33:13.320 --> 1:33:17.080 and it's kind of for me. It's familiar, and it's funny, 1:33:17.080 --> 1:33:19.120 and it's a little bit of kind of an intersection 1:33:19.360 --> 1:33:22.120 of where I used to be and where I am now, 1:33:22.160 --> 1:33:24.280 and it's and I try for it not to be 1:33:24.360 --> 1:33:29.080 disrespectful from a theological perspective, But then I think, to me, 1:33:29.160 --> 1:33:32.840 it sounds like funny and normal. But I think other 1:33:32.920 --> 1:33:35.519 people would hear that and go, what the fuck is 1:33:35.560 --> 1:33:38.439 he saying? Like what is this? Like? I don't what 1:33:38.600 --> 1:33:42.320 is he saying? What do these words mean? Or worse still, 1:33:42.360 --> 1:33:45.160 imagine a new person thinking this is actually how I 1:33:45.280 --> 1:33:49.880 just talk? Yes, this is They're like, is that Saint 1:33:49.920 --> 1:33:51.479 Peter introing the show? 1:33:52.439 --> 1:33:52.519 Is? 1:33:52.840 --> 1:33:57.760 What is that? Definitely not all right? So Tiff and 1:33:57.840 --> 1:34:00.040 I went through let me tell you what TIF and 1:34:00.120 --> 1:34:04.679 I went through. So we spoke about the idea. These 1:34:04.720 --> 1:34:07.760 ideas assume you could be wrong, do the hard thing 1:34:07.800 --> 1:34:10.559 to get the good thing, Spend time with people who 1:34:10.600 --> 1:34:14.320 aren't like you, say, I don't know, do what scares you, 1:34:14.400 --> 1:34:16.479 and all of these we unpacked, as you know, hit 1:34:16.520 --> 1:34:20.559 the pause button, set anti goals, loosen the grip on 1:34:20.600 --> 1:34:24.799 your identity, focus on the climb, not the mountain. Stop 1:34:24.880 --> 1:34:28.679 thinking like you. And that was it. And so we've 1:34:28.680 --> 1:34:30.040 got a few more to get through. Don't know if 1:34:30.080 --> 1:34:32.240 we're going to be thirty minutes, folks or ninety minutes, 1:34:32.280 --> 1:34:36.599 but definitely stick around if you can. And I'll try 1:34:36.600 --> 1:34:42.960 to make this as user friendly and as kind of understandable, 1:34:43.840 --> 1:34:48.080 the least jargon, the least sciencey kind of psychobabble that 1:34:48.120 --> 1:34:52.800 we can manage. So Number one on your list, Melissa. 1:34:52.520 --> 1:34:55.400 Is do exceptional to be exceptional? 1:34:56.000 --> 1:35:01.200 Yeah, it's an interesting thing the whole, Like, on a level, 1:35:02.040 --> 1:35:03.760 I think we all maybe we don't, but I think 1:35:03.800 --> 1:35:07.320 a lot of us want to be exceptional. I don't 1:35:07.360 --> 1:35:10.080 know what that means. Like for me, exceptional just means 1:35:10.120 --> 1:35:13.120 that it isn't the normal. It's like the exception to 1:35:13.160 --> 1:35:17.439 the rule. And so for me, it's about doing what 1:35:17.560 --> 1:35:21.519 most people won't do to get perhaps what most people 1:35:21.520 --> 1:35:25.320 won't get. So I feel like, you know, do exceptional 1:35:25.400 --> 1:35:28.479 to be exceptional? Well, if I just outlast everyone that's 1:35:28.520 --> 1:35:32.400 doing exceptional, if I'm the guy that does six hundred 1:35:32.400 --> 1:35:36.280 episodes that make no money when the average podcast lasts 1:35:36.479 --> 1:35:40.680 seven or eight episodes and I do six hundred. Well, 1:35:40.720 --> 1:35:43.479 that's not because I'm smarter or better. That's not because 1:35:43.479 --> 1:35:46.960 I'm gifted. That's not because I'm clever. That's just because 1:35:47.040 --> 1:35:50.599 I did what most people won't do right. And I'm 1:35:50.600 --> 1:35:52.400 not saying oh one, no great, I'm saying no, we 1:35:52.720 --> 1:35:57.840 can all find a way to, through choices and behaviors 1:35:57.880 --> 1:36:02.639 and resilience, to do something that will help us create 1:36:03.040 --> 1:36:06.040 an exceptional outcome. And that's not because we're better than 1:36:06.080 --> 1:36:09.800 other people, or we have a superiority complex, or we 1:36:10.040 --> 1:36:15.000 are ourselves innately exceptional. It's because we're going to go Well, 1:36:15.800 --> 1:36:17.280 you know, I want to write a book, and I 1:36:17.320 --> 1:36:18.920 want to get that book published, and I want to 1:36:18.960 --> 1:36:21.960 sell some books. Well, I think I've spoken to a 1:36:21.960 --> 1:36:23.840 thousand people in my life who want to write a book. 1:36:23.840 --> 1:36:27.280 But the actual number of those thousand people who wrote 1:36:27.280 --> 1:36:30.400 the book, planned the book, researched the book, wrote the book, 1:36:30.560 --> 1:36:34.960 edited the book, got the book published, got it turned 1:36:34.960 --> 1:36:37.560 into a real thing in the world from a theoretical 1:36:37.600 --> 1:36:39.920 thing in their mind, and then got it distributed and 1:36:39.960 --> 1:36:42.479 then sold books and then make some money from it. 1:36:42.520 --> 1:36:45.160 And this is not a criticism, this is just how 1:36:45.200 --> 1:36:48.760 it works. Is that the majority will not do these 1:36:48.800 --> 1:36:51.639 things unless they are easy. So the amount of people 1:36:51.640 --> 1:36:53.559 that I know out of the thousand that said I'm 1:36:53.560 --> 1:36:55.080 going to write a book, I really want to write 1:36:55.080 --> 1:36:57.960 a book, it might be ten. And then the amount 1:36:57.960 --> 1:37:00.599 of those that actually had a commercial success that book, 1:37:01.960 --> 1:37:04.040 I'm not sure there was one. And that's not to 1:37:04.080 --> 1:37:06.800 say we can't do it, and that's maybe the make 1:37:06.840 --> 1:37:08.880 and dough from it is the variable. But they're getting 1:37:08.920 --> 1:37:10.640 to a point where you've got a printed book in 1:37:10.640 --> 1:37:13.320 your hand. You know that is really just a matter 1:37:13.360 --> 1:37:15.800 of effort and consistency and time and even if you 1:37:15.880 --> 1:37:19.439 have to self publish. But I'm all about analyzing and 1:37:19.479 --> 1:37:22.200 weighing up. You know, what is the cost of the 1:37:22.240 --> 1:37:24.400 thing that I want to do? Firstly, what is it 1:37:24.439 --> 1:37:25.599 that I want to do? Be create? 1:37:25.720 --> 1:37:25.840 Like? 1:37:25.920 --> 1:37:27.840 What do I want my career to look like, What 1:37:27.880 --> 1:37:30.080 I want my body to look like, my relationships to 1:37:30.120 --> 1:37:32.720 look like, my lifestyle to be. Where do I want 1:37:32.760 --> 1:37:34.960 to live? What climate do I want to live in? 1:37:35.320 --> 1:37:37.680 What do I want to produce and create? Over the 1:37:37.720 --> 1:37:40.920 next five years, What kind of existence do I want 1:37:40.920 --> 1:37:44.639 to build for my family, for my kids? What kind 1:37:44.680 --> 1:37:46.519 of a teacher do I want to be? What kind 1:37:46.560 --> 1:37:48.680 of a role model do I want to be? And 1:37:48.720 --> 1:37:52.880 then the very quick part two of those questions is 1:37:53.520 --> 1:37:57.360 and what's required of me? What's required of me to 1:37:57.439 --> 1:38:01.080 do that? Be that, create that, And so everything comes 1:38:01.120 --> 1:38:04.920 at a cost. You know, I've worked with so many 1:38:04.920 --> 1:38:10.640 people who were very successful, and not because they're in 1:38:10.640 --> 1:38:14.960 that innately talented or super gifted or better than anyone necessarily, 1:38:15.520 --> 1:38:19.639 but rather just because they fucking persevered like they were 1:38:19.680 --> 1:38:22.240 the exception to the rule. We know that most people 1:38:22.320 --> 1:38:27.240 who and this is not this is not hate, This 1:38:27.360 --> 1:38:29.080 is just how it happens. Most people who lose weight 1:38:29.120 --> 1:38:31.760 regain it. Most people who decide to go to a 1:38:31.800 --> 1:38:33.240 gym join the gym and say I'm going to go 1:38:33.240 --> 1:38:36.120 every day. Most people don't go every day. Most people 1:38:36.120 --> 1:38:38.640 give up a greater percentage, more than fifty percent, and 1:38:38.680 --> 1:38:42.280 stop going within a relatively short time. Most people who 1:38:42.280 --> 1:38:46.080 said a new year's resolution don't achieve the new year's resolution, 1:38:46.240 --> 1:38:48.520 not because they can't, not because they don't have the capacity, 1:38:48.800 --> 1:38:53.679 but because they just fucking stop. So So what's normal 1:38:53.840 --> 1:38:57.920 is giving up. What's normal is not finishing what we start. 1:38:58.120 --> 1:39:01.960 What's normal is not not dealing with the pain and 1:39:02.000 --> 1:39:05.120 the discomfort and the inconvenience and the roadblocks and the 1:39:05.120 --> 1:39:08.720 peaks and troughs, and the naysayers and the negativity and 1:39:08.760 --> 1:39:13.680 the bullshit and the discomfort and the uncertainty and the unfamiliarity. 1:39:14.560 --> 1:39:18.680 What's not normal is dealing with that and working through that. 1:39:18.720 --> 1:39:20.559 What's normal is to give up in the middle of that. 1:39:21.280 --> 1:39:23.360 And this is not a popular message, I don't care, 1:39:24.160 --> 1:39:26.880 but it's fucking true message. And if you want to 1:39:26.880 --> 1:39:29.280 be exceptional, or you want to at the very least 1:39:29.320 --> 1:39:33.679 create exceptional outcomes, then you can't do what most people 1:39:33.760 --> 1:39:37.880 do because you will literally produce common results by doing 1:39:37.920 --> 1:39:42.320 common things. And now this is not about arrogance or superiority. 1:39:42.360 --> 1:39:46.280 This is about saying, all right, Melissa et al. You 1:39:46.320 --> 1:39:50.719 are going to produce results anyway. You are constantly producing 1:39:50.760 --> 1:39:52.439 results in your world, some of them good, some of 1:39:52.439 --> 1:39:57.200 them fucking catastrophic, strophic, some of them Okay. Now, what 1:39:57.360 --> 1:39:59.920 is it that you want to produce and what is 1:40:00.120 --> 1:40:03.559 the thing that you want to be not because you're 1:40:03.560 --> 1:40:06.080 comparing yourself to anyone, But what's the thing that you 1:40:06.120 --> 1:40:07.880 want to be fucking great at? What do you want 1:40:07.920 --> 1:40:09.840 to be great at? What do you want to be 1:40:09.880 --> 1:40:13.280 successful at? What do you what do you want to 1:40:13.400 --> 1:40:15.000 what do you want to live in the middle of? 1:40:15.240 --> 1:40:18.320 And I think that's that, you know, this is really 1:40:18.400 --> 1:40:22.040 part of the doing exceptional. To be exceptional is really 1:40:22.160 --> 1:40:24.680 just will I roll up my sleeves, will I do 1:40:24.760 --> 1:40:27.400 the work? And how long will I do it for? 1:40:28.200 --> 1:40:30.240 So do exceptional? To be exceptional? 1:40:31.080 --> 1:40:31.360 Do you know? 1:40:31.439 --> 1:40:36.559 One of the probably biggest lessons that I've learned in 1:40:36.600 --> 1:40:37.280 the last. 1:40:37.000 --> 1:40:40.760 Couple of years watching you do your PhD and having 1:40:40.840 --> 1:40:43.439 the privilege of kind of seeing what's going on behind 1:40:43.439 --> 1:40:48.040 the scenes with all of that, has been ties directly 1:40:48.080 --> 1:40:51.559 into this. And that was just watching you keep going 1:40:51.880 --> 1:40:55.320 no matter what. And I particularly it reminds me of 1:40:55.439 --> 1:40:59.480 that night before your final review, which. 1:40:59.479 --> 1:41:00.840 I was thinking of that just then. 1:41:01.320 --> 1:41:03.800 Yeah, And I'm like nine out of ten people that 1:41:03.920 --> 1:41:06.120 night probably would have just thrown in the towel, And 1:41:06.600 --> 1:41:07.800 I mean understandably. 1:41:08.640 --> 1:41:09.960 Yeah, there's so many times that. 1:41:09.920 --> 1:41:13.880 I've reflected back on that and learned so much from 1:41:14.040 --> 1:41:17.120 the way that you just persevered through that and somehow 1:41:17.280 --> 1:41:18.360 made it out the other end. 1:41:18.720 --> 1:41:19.760 And for that, you. 1:41:20.280 --> 1:41:22.439 Know, we don't want to you don't want to speak 1:41:22.479 --> 1:41:24.800 too soon, but for that you'll be Yeah, you'll end 1:41:24.880 --> 1:41:25.799 up with that PhD. 1:41:26.120 --> 1:41:29.760 Thank you. That is a really interesting I've said many 1:41:29.800 --> 1:41:35.680 times university is not my natural habitat. I can do it. 1:41:36.280 --> 1:41:38.240 I can do it, and I can be academic, and 1:41:38.320 --> 1:41:40.800 I can I can do the job, you know, but 1:41:40.840 --> 1:41:43.920 it's it's and I love parts of it and I 1:41:43.960 --> 1:41:46.720 hate parts of it, but I'm grateful for all of it, 1:41:46.800 --> 1:41:49.920 the love and the hate. And what Melissa's talking about 1:41:50.000 --> 1:41:55.080 is so part of my program anyway, is what's called 1:41:55.120 --> 1:41:58.760 academic milestones, and I had four of them, and it's 1:41:58.760 --> 1:42:02.000 basically which I spoke about earlier with Tiff, where you 1:42:02.040 --> 1:42:05.960 go and you stand before a board of academics and professors, 1:42:06.320 --> 1:42:11.280 same thing, and then they basically evaluate you. And before 1:42:11.280 --> 1:42:15.639 my last one, which was you know, and like I said, 1:42:15.640 --> 1:42:17.320 they're either going to give you a green light, an 1:42:17.360 --> 1:42:19.920 orange light, or a red light. There's a chance that 1:42:19.920 --> 1:42:22.240 they'll go you're out of the program, which they can 1:42:22.280 --> 1:42:24.839 still do even at that stage after years of research. 1:42:25.560 --> 1:42:27.679 It's just not to the quality. It's not to the standards. 1:42:27.680 --> 1:42:32.000 You don't know what you're talking about. Performed terribly. That 1:42:32.040 --> 1:42:34.080 can happen. It doesn't happen a lot, but that can happen. 1:42:34.120 --> 1:42:37.040 The next way, more common is that they give you 1:42:37.080 --> 1:42:41.320 an orange light and say, cool, you're on the right path, 1:42:41.400 --> 1:42:43.200 but you need to do more, and you need to 1:42:43.280 --> 1:42:45.519 go through this again. You need to repeat this again. 1:42:46.360 --> 1:42:50.280 And I was positive I was either going to get 1:42:50.000 --> 1:42:53.240 a red or an orange light. The fact that I 1:42:53.240 --> 1:42:56.080 would get a green light hadn't even crossed my mind. 1:42:57.439 --> 1:43:01.360 And I was on Zoom the night before my review 1:43:02.760 --> 1:43:06.080 trying to remember I told you everyone, it's it's a 1:43:06.680 --> 1:43:09.080 oh I didn't tell you this bit. It's a PowerPoint presentation. 1:43:09.280 --> 1:43:12.640 Well fucking now, that's like me trying to peel bananas 1:43:12.640 --> 1:43:16.800 with boxing gloves on. I'm like, I can't do like. 1:43:16.920 --> 1:43:20.519 I'm not a PowerPoint presentation person. Anyway, it doesn't matter 1:43:20.520 --> 1:43:23.640 about what you are, because Craig, it's it's we're not 1:43:23.800 --> 1:43:27.040 changing the fucking system for you, of course, of course, 1:43:27.840 --> 1:43:30.800 of course. And this is me saying, you know, mister, hey, 1:43:30.960 --> 1:43:33.640 just be adaptable. I'm like, fuck your adaptation, you know 1:43:34.200 --> 1:43:38.640 this is dumb. Be more like me anyway. So the 1:43:38.760 --> 1:43:43.920 night before, I and Melissa and Chris, my senior supervisor, 1:43:43.960 --> 1:43:50.879 and Lucy my second supervisor, academic supervisor, I think, and Campbell, 1:43:50.920 --> 1:43:52.840 another guy who was so you have a whole team, 1:43:52.840 --> 1:43:56.160 you have a supporting team. And anyway, we were that's right. 1:43:56.240 --> 1:43:58.439 So there was five of us and we were we 1:43:58.439 --> 1:44:02.600 were on Zoom too two oclocky two o'clock in the 1:44:03.320 --> 1:44:10.080 and from literally seven pm. And I, I don't know 1:44:10.080 --> 1:44:15.679 what my emotional limit is, but I was right there. 1:44:16.479 --> 1:44:20.480 And I honestly and at that point where you're exhausted 1:44:20.560 --> 1:44:23.799 and some things are like, this is not your natural habitat. 1:44:23.920 --> 1:44:27.760 And by the way, I'm not saying I'm great. In fact, 1:44:27.760 --> 1:44:30.679 I'm saying I wish I was great, because this would 1:44:30.680 --> 1:44:35.599 have been way less stressful. But because I with some things, 1:44:35.640 --> 1:44:39.080 you know, with technology and with like even using PowerPoint 1:44:39.080 --> 1:44:41.400 and all that stuff, which is very mundane and basic 1:44:41.439 --> 1:44:43.599 for most people, so I don't use it. So when 1:44:43.640 --> 1:44:46.519 and then when I go to use it, it's like I'm 1:44:46.560 --> 1:44:50.360 trying to teach something that I don't actually understand. But anyway, 1:44:51.280 --> 1:44:54.559 I got through. I got through, and it was funny 1:44:54.600 --> 1:45:04.040 because the three previous reviews I was I was very 1:45:04.160 --> 1:45:08.200 very nervous, and leading up to this, I was hysterically nervous. 1:45:09.120 --> 1:45:11.439 But then when it actually started, I don't know if 1:45:11.479 --> 1:45:13.880 you remember, and there was a bit of it's almost 1:45:14.040 --> 1:45:17.479 like I hit one out of the park, like I 1:45:17.520 --> 1:45:22.559 think one of the reviewers smiled, or or when oh yeah, 1:45:22.560 --> 1:45:26.120 that's interesting, or they gave me something positive which is 1:45:26.560 --> 1:45:27.599 which is a rarity. 1:45:28.080 --> 1:45:31.240 Yes, and it just kind of came together. 1:45:31.840 --> 1:45:35.400 Oh but yeah, that was one of those moments for me. Yeah. 1:45:35.439 --> 1:45:38.200 To me that it also spoke to the fact that 1:45:39.000 --> 1:45:41.160 a lot of it, even the night before, everything was 1:45:41.240 --> 1:45:45.000 just it was a messy process, like it was there 1:45:45.080 --> 1:45:48.520 was no perfection to it, Like it was just like messiness. 1:45:48.520 --> 1:45:50.680 And then you know, you get feedback to say, no, 1:45:50.760 --> 1:45:52.519 that's going to get thrown out or that's not done 1:45:52.520 --> 1:45:57.200 the right way, and even like pulling that end product together, 1:45:57.320 --> 1:46:00.160 it was a messy process, but you found a way. 1:46:00.280 --> 1:46:02.880 And I think the other part of that too was 1:46:03.920 --> 1:46:06.800 there was no kind of escape clause, like you had 1:46:06.880 --> 1:46:10.200 a due date, everybody was going to be there, there 1:46:10.240 --> 1:46:13.680 was no getting out of it. It was obviously with 1:46:13.920 --> 1:46:15.880 the fact that so many people know that you're doing 1:46:15.920 --> 1:46:18.720 your PhD, like there was so much on the line, 1:46:19.320 --> 1:46:21.960 and I think that also just kind of speaks to 1:46:22.720 --> 1:46:26.280 sometimes when you're forced to do something that can be 1:46:26.320 --> 1:46:29.599 the difference between you actually getting it done and you've 1:46:29.600 --> 1:46:33.000 got that accountability and not getting it done. 1:46:32.200 --> 1:46:37.000 Yeah, how much discomfort can you deal with? Sometimes that 1:46:37.760 --> 1:46:41.759 And also, you know, it's funny though we speak about 1:46:41.760 --> 1:46:44.320 this all the time about in some rooms you're the dumbest, 1:46:44.360 --> 1:46:47.080 in others you're the smartest, and you know, it depends 1:46:47.120 --> 1:46:50.360 where you go, it depends who you're with, and like that. 1:46:50.360 --> 1:46:54.960 That was very good for me though, because as horrible 1:46:55.000 --> 1:46:58.160 as it was, I got through it, which was nice. 1:46:58.320 --> 1:47:02.960 And you know, it's it's actually for the guy that's 1:47:03.240 --> 1:47:06.640 pretty comfortable most of his life now, Like most of 1:47:06.680 --> 1:47:11.000 my discomfort is self inflicted, you know, training, Like I'm 1:47:11.000 --> 1:47:12.760 walking a million miles a day, not that that's hard, 1:47:12.760 --> 1:47:16.000 but you know, sometimes like I'm walking it Nellie midnight 1:47:16.080 --> 1:47:18.560 because i haven't had you know, so I'm out and 1:47:18.560 --> 1:47:20.880 I've got to do fucking eight thousand steps before midnight 1:47:21.000 --> 1:47:25.400 or whatever it is, right, or you know, I'm deadlifting 1:47:25.479 --> 1:47:28.400 or I'm fucking leg pressing or a leg press last 1:47:28.439 --> 1:47:32.599 week and I've had neural pain for fucking seven days. 1:47:33.120 --> 1:47:35.680 I'm like, oh, but anyway, it just is what it is. 1:47:35.680 --> 1:47:39.000 But yes, do exceptional to be exceptional? Yes? 1:47:39.320 --> 1:47:42.719 Have you found that, Like, as I said before, I've 1:47:42.800 --> 1:47:45.760 even like as a third party, found that kind of 1:47:45.840 --> 1:47:47.560 has transferred. 1:47:47.160 --> 1:47:50.880 To me and the way I think and when I reflect. 1:47:50.600 --> 1:47:54.360 Back of I'm doing something supposedly hard, thinking of moments 1:47:54.400 --> 1:47:56.599 like that that make me go, no, I can't actually 1:47:56.600 --> 1:47:56.880 do it. 1:47:56.920 --> 1:47:59.160 I just haven't committed enough, or something like that. 1:47:59.479 --> 1:48:03.120 Have you found that that has kind of transferred into 1:48:03.280 --> 1:48:05.400 other areas or aspects of your life? 1:48:05.800 --> 1:48:06.000 You know? 1:48:06.040 --> 1:48:08.880 How like sometimes when people, you know, they think they 1:48:08.880 --> 1:48:10.559 can't run, and then all of a sudden they're running 1:48:10.600 --> 1:48:12.640 a five k or a half marathron or whatever the 1:48:12.640 --> 1:48:15.639 case might be, and then it opens up other doors. 1:48:15.960 --> 1:48:18.720 Have you found that with your UNI work? 1:48:19.160 --> 1:48:22.240 Yeah? Look, with not just with that, but with everything. 1:48:22.280 --> 1:48:25.040 You know. It's like I had sounded like the old 1:48:25.280 --> 1:48:26.800 o can dickhead at the end of the bar that 1:48:26.960 --> 1:48:30.559 just bangs on. But here I am, did I have 1:48:30.560 --> 1:48:32.840 to tell you how good I was? Fucking Hold my beer, 1:48:32.880 --> 1:48:38.120 Brian and listen to this. But you know, like setting 1:48:38.200 --> 1:48:41.320 up a personal training center when there weren't any. So 1:48:41.320 --> 1:48:42.960 it's not like I could go and look at one. 1:48:43.520 --> 1:48:47.080 I couldn't talk to a personal training center owner because 1:48:47.120 --> 1:48:50.760 there wasn't one. There was no course, there was no insurance, 1:48:50.760 --> 1:48:54.240 there was no industry, there was no profession. And I 1:48:54.439 --> 1:48:57.880 was well. I started peteing at twenty two, and then 1:48:57.920 --> 1:48:59.880 I set up my first studio at twenty six. But 1:49:00.920 --> 1:49:04.599 and I was you know, I just didn't know how 1:49:04.600 --> 1:49:06.439 to do anything. I didn't know how to lead people. 1:49:06.439 --> 1:49:08.400 I didn't know how to build a business. I didn't 1:49:08.439 --> 1:49:12.120 know about marketing or branding. I didn't know about accounting. 1:49:12.160 --> 1:49:15.240 I didn't know about insurance. I didn't know about how 1:49:15.280 --> 1:49:18.519 to find a property and secure a lease. And I 1:49:18.560 --> 1:49:20.360 didn't know how to talk to lawyers. I didn't know 1:49:20.400 --> 1:49:22.320 how to pull all this shit together. I didn't know 1:49:23.000 --> 1:49:27.880 I didn't have any kind of business development plan. You know, 1:49:28.720 --> 1:49:31.519 I wouldn't have known what a business development plan like. 1:49:31.960 --> 1:49:34.840 But you just jump in, you know, you jump in 1:49:34.880 --> 1:49:36.960 and you'll sink or swim, and you'll fuck things up. 1:49:37.720 --> 1:49:39.479 But if you don't give up when you fuck up 1:49:39.479 --> 1:49:41.360 the first thing, as long as you're not killing yourself 1:49:41.479 --> 1:49:44.280 or anyone in the process, you go all right, Well, 1:49:44.280 --> 1:49:47.320 that was terrible. My first staff meeting with my three 1:49:47.400 --> 1:49:51.080 staff was terrible. I was fucking hopeless. How can I 1:49:51.160 --> 1:49:56.360 be better? Or you know this, you know this thing happened. 1:49:56.360 --> 1:49:59.439 I've never dealt with that thing before. Or I've got 1:49:59.479 --> 1:50:03.760 an ang reclient and they're really mad at me and 1:50:03.760 --> 1:50:06.679 they want to how do I deal with angry people? 1:50:06.720 --> 1:50:09.040 And it's not the business I'm working for, it's my 1:50:09.200 --> 1:50:13.599 business now. So all of that over the years, all 1:50:13.640 --> 1:50:16.240 of that, you know, trying to I think hard stuff 1:50:16.280 --> 1:50:17.760 is the best stuff, you know, and we don't want 1:50:17.800 --> 1:50:23.200 it to be you know, overwhelming and debilitating of course, 1:50:23.240 --> 1:50:26.920 and like choosing hard is way better, of course because 1:50:26.960 --> 1:50:30.439 you have the option, but still consciously doing things that 1:50:30.520 --> 1:50:32.599 you know are going to suck, because you know there's 1:50:33.600 --> 1:50:36.719 perhaps some light at the end of that darkness of suck. 1:50:37.560 --> 1:50:39.880 You know, you know that I don't want to do this. 1:50:40.000 --> 1:50:41.680 I don't want to do this, but I know that 1:50:41.760 --> 1:50:43.960 if I do do it, I'll benefit from it because 1:50:44.520 --> 1:50:48.160 I'll develop understanding and skill and resilience and knowledge and awareness, 1:50:48.160 --> 1:50:50.599 and I'll be able to get better. But I can't 1:50:50.600 --> 1:50:54.920 get better if I'm always choosing safe, if every decision 1:50:55.000 --> 1:50:59.000 is about safety and certainty and predictability and familiarity and 1:50:59.400 --> 1:51:02.920 instant gratification and comfort, which it is for a lot 1:51:02.960 --> 1:51:06.559 of people. Well fucking good luck trying to fulfill any 1:51:06.560 --> 1:51:10.800 of your potential because you can't do that being comfortable. 1:51:11.080 --> 1:51:13.920 So yeah, I think there's definite you know, and we've 1:51:13.960 --> 1:51:20.960 spoken before about Huberman's AMCC and mid singulate cortext. Oh, 1:51:21.080 --> 1:51:24.200 let's bang on about that, shall we. It's just a 1:51:24.200 --> 1:51:26.719 bit of the brain everybody that when you do hard things, 1:51:26.720 --> 1:51:28.960 whatever the hard thing is, whether or not it's you know, 1:51:29.040 --> 1:51:32.479 cleaning the dishes at eleven thirty at night after a 1:51:32.520 --> 1:51:34.240 party and you really just want to go to bed, 1:51:34.240 --> 1:51:35.840 but you go, oh fuck it, and then you clean 1:51:35.840 --> 1:51:37.840 the dishes, you put them away, you clean the floor, 1:51:38.080 --> 1:51:39.800 and you really don't want to, but you do it. 1:51:40.080 --> 1:51:42.200 When you're doing that thing that you probably should do 1:51:42.280 --> 1:51:45.240 but you don't want to do, it might be getting 1:51:45.280 --> 1:51:46.920 up as soon as the alarm goes off and you 1:51:46.960 --> 1:51:48.840 don't want to, but you do it. It might be you know, 1:51:48.920 --> 1:51:52.400 it could be whatever, having that hard conversation that you're 1:51:52.400 --> 1:51:54.519 scared to have, but you just go and have it anyway. 1:51:55.080 --> 1:51:57.719 So there's actually a part of our brain that grows 1:51:57.800 --> 1:52:01.040 when we choose to lean into the the scary shit 1:52:01.240 --> 1:52:03.360 or the hardship. You know, I feel like. 1:52:03.320 --> 1:52:05.439 Maybe yours is blown up to the point where it's 1:52:05.479 --> 1:52:06.880 dislodged your sinuses. 1:52:08.080 --> 1:52:11.599 Yes, I think that's what's happened. It's blocked my right sinus. 1:52:11.680 --> 1:52:14.959 It's crept over the top of my fucking prefrontal cortex 1:52:15.000 --> 1:52:19.200 and it's making its way down. What's the next one 1:52:19.240 --> 1:52:19.679 on our list? 1:52:20.000 --> 1:52:23.679 I've made it up to number two thirty minutes this call? 1:52:24.160 --> 1:52:26.160 Can I say you are really inefficient? 1:52:26.720 --> 1:52:29.240 Sorry, I'm kidding. 1:52:29.320 --> 1:52:31.640 No, we love, we love well. I can't speak on 1:52:31.680 --> 1:52:33.760 behalf everyone, but I love just hearing your back on 1:52:33.800 --> 1:52:35.880 the show and banging on what's number two? 1:52:36.439 --> 1:52:37.479 Compare you with you? 1:52:38.520 --> 1:52:40.920 Yeah, I'm not a big you know. They say comparison 1:52:41.040 --> 1:52:43.400 is the thief of joy, and I think it's so true. Like, 1:52:44.680 --> 1:52:47.400 you know, there are there are occasions where I think 1:52:47.439 --> 1:52:49.720 we could perhaps pay attention to what someone else is 1:52:49.720 --> 1:52:53.839 doing it and maybe learn something from that, or maybe 1:52:54.000 --> 1:52:55.920 you know, go, well, he did that and him and 1:52:55.960 --> 1:52:57.920 I are kind of similar, so maybe I could do that. 1:52:58.000 --> 1:53:02.480 Maybe there's that kind of comparison, but not that internal 1:53:02.800 --> 1:53:05.920 kind of self judgment comparison where you look at what 1:53:06.000 --> 1:53:10.559 somebody else is doing and you either resent them or 1:53:11.120 --> 1:53:15.599 you resent yourself, or you immerse yourself in a little 1:53:15.600 --> 1:53:19.160 bit of self loathing because you're you're comparing two different things. 1:53:19.200 --> 1:53:20.840 You are not them and they are not you, and 1:53:21.400 --> 1:53:25.880 they don't have your genetics or talent or personality or resources, 1:53:26.200 --> 1:53:29.639 and you don't have theirs. So it's not it's not really, 1:53:30.439 --> 1:53:32.920 it's not a productive use of our energy, or our 1:53:32.960 --> 1:53:36.599 attention or our focus. I think, for me, the only 1:53:36.680 --> 1:53:40.080 healthy comparison I need to think this through. I'm sure 1:53:40.080 --> 1:53:42.200 there's another one, but for me right now, the only 1:53:42.240 --> 1:53:46.880 healthy comparison that springs to mind is me comparing me 1:53:47.040 --> 1:53:49.240 with me. You know how I was a year ago, 1:53:49.400 --> 1:53:52.280 how I am now? You know how I did this 1:53:52.360 --> 1:53:55.720 six months ago? Or even you know when you got 1:53:55.720 --> 1:53:59.160 the flu. I don't compare my flu with your flu. 1:53:59.240 --> 1:54:01.639 I go how I compared to Monday when I couldn't 1:54:01.680 --> 1:54:03.120 get out of bed and I was shit. Well now 1:54:03.160 --> 1:54:06.760 it's Friday, and yeah, I'm improving, I'm getting better. This 1:54:06.880 --> 1:54:10.320 is good. I think there are healthy comparisons and unhealthy comparisons, 1:54:10.320 --> 1:54:14.320 but in general terms, you know, it's like, that's why 1:54:14.360 --> 1:54:17.000 I think something like which is a high level form 1:54:17.040 --> 1:54:21.360 of comparison, but is testing in the gym, where we 1:54:21.400 --> 1:54:23.120 go to the gym and we get you know, a 1:54:23.120 --> 1:54:26.440 form of an aerobic a VO two or a SUBVO 1:54:26.439 --> 1:54:29.519 two max test where we're testing aerobic capacity, and we 1:54:29.600 --> 1:54:32.240 might test upper and lower body strength, and we might 1:54:32.320 --> 1:54:35.760 test a flexibility range of movement around the joints. We 1:54:35.840 --> 1:54:38.920 might do some balance testing. Like there's a bunch of 1:54:38.960 --> 1:54:41.240 testing that we can do with our body. That basically 1:54:41.280 --> 1:54:44.560 what it does, it gives us some baseline data. And 1:54:44.600 --> 1:54:46.920 then what we often do off the back of that 1:54:47.000 --> 1:54:49.120 is we'll go back in four weeks or eight weeks, 1:54:49.200 --> 1:54:52.240 or twelve weeks or six, six weeks, sixteen weeks, I 1:54:52.240 --> 1:54:54.880 should say, and we do the same thing. So we've 1:54:54.880 --> 1:54:58.280 got now the same person with the same body, albeit 1:54:58.400 --> 1:55:01.200 slightly modified perhaps, but the same person with the same body, 1:55:01.240 --> 1:55:04.040 doing the same tests, and we're getting more results. And 1:55:04.080 --> 1:55:06.840 so we go, well, Melissa, on day one, you did 1:55:06.840 --> 1:55:09.800 one push up. I'm going to be honest, it wasn't great, 1:55:10.400 --> 1:55:15.200 you know. And now on you know, day seventy two, 1:55:15.320 --> 1:55:18.760 which is twelve day eighty four, twelve sevens or eighty four. 1:55:19.040 --> 1:55:22.360 Twelve weeks later, you're doing seven push ups and they're 1:55:22.680 --> 1:55:25.360 you know, full body weight and blah blah blah. Week 1:55:25.440 --> 1:55:28.880 four you did two, and so we're seeing growth, and 1:55:28.960 --> 1:55:31.920 we're seeing oh, by the way your body compositions changed 1:55:31.920 --> 1:55:33.760 in the way that you wanted. It's changed. So we 1:55:33.800 --> 1:55:37.440 had a number for that, Now we have a new number. Also, 1:55:37.560 --> 1:55:41.280 your aerobic capacity is improved and you're resting. Heart rates dropped, 1:55:41.280 --> 1:55:44.120 and your blood pressures dropped, and your VO two max, 1:55:44.160 --> 1:55:47.680 which is you know, our oxygen carrying capacity has gone up, 1:55:47.760 --> 1:55:50.200 and all of these So I think that kind of 1:55:50.400 --> 1:55:52.960 comparison can be done in a really healthy way, and 1:55:53.000 --> 1:55:56.840 we don't need that level of expertise or scientific validation. 1:55:57.000 --> 1:55:59.880 We can go Hey, when I started running, or when 1:55:59.880 --> 1:56:03.120 I started walker, jog, walk jog, eventually run. I used 1:56:03.160 --> 1:56:06.560 to do this five k circuit, it took me fifty minutes, 1:56:07.520 --> 1:56:11.040 and now I do the five k circuit in thirty minutes. 1:56:11.160 --> 1:56:13.720 So I've gone from ten minute you know ks, to 1:56:13.840 --> 1:56:17.480 six minute ks, and I reckon, I'm going to get quicker. 1:56:17.480 --> 1:56:19.720 So I'm doing the same distance with the same body 1:56:19.760 --> 1:56:22.360 at a different speed. And not only am I doing 1:56:22.400 --> 1:56:25.120 it quicker. I'm finding it easier than when I did 1:56:25.160 --> 1:56:28.680 it slower, and that's not because the distance has changed 1:56:28.760 --> 1:56:31.520 or the course has changed, but rather I've changed. So 1:56:31.560 --> 1:56:35.360 that kind of comparison is a healthy comparison, probably the 1:56:35.360 --> 1:56:37.240 only one we should kind of engage in. 1:56:38.240 --> 1:56:39.080 Do you think a. 1:56:39.120 --> 1:56:41.839 Lot of that also has to do with our intention 1:56:42.120 --> 1:56:45.080 behind it, Like obviously with what you're saying, there is 1:56:45.080 --> 1:56:48.840 comparing us to us, but even if even if we 1:56:48.960 --> 1:56:54.040 do in some way compare us to others, but from 1:56:54.080 --> 1:56:56.840 an aspirational point of view or to use it as 1:56:56.840 --> 1:57:00.560 a motivation of Okay, that might be possible if I, 1:57:00.840 --> 1:57:03.840 you know, compare me right now to where I could 1:57:03.920 --> 1:57:06.720 be in say, two years time kind of thing. Using 1:57:06.720 --> 1:57:11.080 that is more of a motivation or an aspiration as 1:57:11.080 --> 1:57:14.720 opposed to something negative in that oh, you know, why 1:57:14.720 --> 1:57:17.080 do they have this? Or what you know, why are 1:57:17.120 --> 1:57:19.360 they there in their lives and I'm here kind of thing. 1:57:20.080 --> 1:57:23.120 One hundred percent that's a good differentiation and a good distinction, 1:57:23.280 --> 1:57:27.120 And I think I think that's more paying attention to 1:57:28.360 --> 1:57:32.640 what people are doing, being creating, changing who are somewhat 1:57:32.680 --> 1:57:35.840 similar to us. You know, So when I see another 1:57:35.920 --> 1:57:39.640 dude who's about my age, and you know, he's just 1:57:39.840 --> 1:57:43.520 climbed fucking Everest or something. I take note. I go, ah, 1:57:43.600 --> 1:57:46.840 he's my age and he just climbed Mount Everest. I'm like, 1:57:48.200 --> 1:57:51.480 I don't go fuck that guy. I go, oh, Wow, 1:57:51.560 --> 1:57:54.600 that dude's a stud. I wonder if given the right 1:57:54.680 --> 1:57:58.760 circumstances preparation conditioning, I wonder if I could do that. 1:57:58.800 --> 1:58:01.640 And that's not something I'm interested in, but definitely if 1:58:01.640 --> 1:58:05.240 I was, i'd maybe I would use that guy as 1:58:05.240 --> 1:58:08.400 a source of inspiration. So definitely, I think we can 1:58:08.520 --> 1:58:13.440 use it in that context. However, I do not know 1:58:13.520 --> 1:58:17.160 the answer to this, but I would speculate that the 1:58:17.160 --> 1:58:21.080 majority of comparison off the back of social media is 1:58:21.120 --> 1:58:24.000 more to the unhealthy end of the scale, Like I think, 1:58:24.520 --> 1:58:28.240 you know, literally comparison culture. You know, what we talk 1:58:28.280 --> 1:58:30.640 about more broadly these days. Add ain't a good thing 1:58:30.800 --> 1:58:34.240 that what we're talking about there. But again, with everything, 1:58:35.400 --> 1:58:39.120 it depends depends how we do it, depends why we 1:58:39.160 --> 1:58:42.680 do it, you know, it depends like anything. You know, 1:58:42.800 --> 1:58:45.800 drinking water is healthy until you drink ten liters a 1:58:45.880 --> 1:58:48.080 day and then it's going to kill you because it 1:58:48.160 --> 1:58:51.280 dilutes things in your blood that shouldn't be diluted, and 1:58:51.280 --> 1:58:54.320 you get a thing called hypenetremia where all of your 1:58:55.560 --> 1:58:58.360 you know, minerals and salts get deleted and your blood 1:58:58.360 --> 1:59:02.480 pressure drops and people literally from being overhydrated. Well, obviously 1:59:02.520 --> 1:59:05.520 that's an extreme case, but it's still people drink and warm. 1:59:06.080 --> 1:59:09.360 It's sometimes it's about what we do with the thing. 1:59:09.520 --> 1:59:13.480 Sometimes it's about the dose. You know. It's like, I've 1:59:13.480 --> 1:59:16.120 shared on this quite openly before, and I don't drink 1:59:16.160 --> 1:59:19.360 or smoke. Every now and then. Maybe five times a year, 1:59:19.400 --> 1:59:23.920 I'll have a two milligram nicorette gum because it kind 1:59:23.920 --> 1:59:25.560 of lights up my brain for an hour or two 1:59:25.600 --> 1:59:27.640 and I'm like, this is fucking terrific. But I won't 1:59:27.680 --> 1:59:30.440 have another one for like three months, and I'll only 1:59:30.520 --> 1:59:33.560 do it if if I need a little bit of 1:59:33.560 --> 1:59:36.680 a cognitive boost. But would I recommend any listeners to 1:59:36.720 --> 1:59:39.760 do that. Nope, nope. I'm just telling you what I 1:59:39.840 --> 1:59:44.200 do every now and then. But it's like it's again, 1:59:44.280 --> 1:59:46.520 it's like, yeah, well that, oh, I guess that's okay. Craig, 1:59:46.640 --> 1:59:50.520 Like two milligrams of nicotine four times a year is 1:59:50.520 --> 1:59:53.200 probably not going to kill you. But twenty milligrams of 1:59:53.280 --> 1:59:57.360 nicotine every day is a different story. So it comes 1:59:57.360 --> 1:59:59.320 down and people go, I'm so surprised that. No, I 1:59:59.360 --> 2:00:07.080 don't confuse nicotine with cigarettes. Yes, most firstly, I'm not 2:00:07.120 --> 2:00:10.040 saying nicotine is great. I'm saying most of the shit 2:00:10.120 --> 2:00:14.120 that kills you in cigarettes isn't the nicotine. Albeit, nicotine 2:00:14.280 --> 2:00:17.600 is addictive, but you know they are. Let's not have 2:00:17.680 --> 2:00:21.240 that conversation. But yes, let's move on to the Yeah, 2:00:21.280 --> 2:00:23.920 let's do that before I get fucking sidetracked and back 2:00:24.000 --> 2:00:26.720 myself into a cognitive and verbal cul de sac that 2:00:26.800 --> 2:00:27.560 I just did. 2:00:29.760 --> 2:00:32.040 Okay, next we have start unready. 2:00:32.840 --> 2:00:38.120 Yeah, And all I mean by that is, I guess 2:00:38.120 --> 2:00:40.720 I'm speaking to the fact that a lot of people 2:00:43.000 --> 2:00:46.320 spend their life waiting for the mystical, mythical, magical right time. 2:00:46.360 --> 2:00:49.360 It's not the right time, it's not the right this, 2:00:49.560 --> 2:00:51.760 or it's not the right that. And look, that is 2:00:51.800 --> 2:00:56.560 true sometimes, but also and in other news, sometimes that's bullshit. 2:00:57.520 --> 2:01:01.200 You know. Sometimes art's not a good time is code 2:01:01.240 --> 2:01:04.040 for I'm scared and I don't want to start. And 2:01:04.520 --> 2:01:07.560 I understand that too. I've done that too. Not a 2:01:07.600 --> 2:01:12.280 good time, my ankle sore are that whatever the it's 2:01:12.280 --> 2:01:15.320 coming up to holidays, it's this And I'm not saying 2:01:15.360 --> 2:01:19.840 we should willing nearly just dive into things recklessly. However, 2:01:21.120 --> 2:01:24.520 if you are one of the people who have been 2:01:24.680 --> 2:01:28.640 almost starting things for ten years and you're never ready, 2:01:29.760 --> 2:01:33.920 you know what some people are really saying is, I'll 2:01:33.920 --> 2:01:36.200 start when I'm ready. They're really saying I'll start when 2:01:36.240 --> 2:01:39.840 I'm not scared. I'll start when it's convenient, I'll start 2:01:39.840 --> 2:01:42.160 when it's easy, I'll start when it's comfortable, I'll start 2:01:42.200 --> 2:01:45.080 when it's risk free. Because the truth is the thing 2:01:45.120 --> 2:01:47.280 that most of us need to start to really create 2:01:47.360 --> 2:01:52.120 shift is usually fucking hard. And the dichotomy is, on 2:01:52.160 --> 2:01:54.800 the one hand, we want change and on the other 2:01:54.840 --> 2:01:58.200 hand we want to be comfortable, though, and change and 2:01:58.920 --> 2:02:03.120 comfort don't go to get So it's the willingness to go, yeah, 2:02:03.160 --> 2:02:06.080 do I feel totally ready? Do I feel mentally and 2:02:06.120 --> 2:02:08.600 emotionally and no, of course, of course it's going to 2:02:08.680 --> 2:02:13.400 suck a bit, you know, And let's separate that kind 2:02:13.440 --> 2:02:17.480 of process from you know, diving into something that's reckless 2:02:17.480 --> 2:02:19.640 and dangerous. Of course, we're not suggesting. 2:02:19.280 --> 2:02:20.480 That with that. 2:02:20.520 --> 2:02:23.000 A couple of things actually come to mind, and I 2:02:23.040 --> 2:02:24.840 don't mean to keep tying it back to you. 2:02:25.080 --> 2:02:28.000 Which one is that something. 2:02:27.680 --> 2:02:30.520 That kind of came up throughout the process was starting 2:02:30.520 --> 2:02:33.240 with like a draft zero kind of thing, because I 2:02:33.240 --> 2:02:36.200 think a lot of the fear of oh, well, I've 2:02:36.240 --> 2:02:38.160 got to start, but not only do I have to start, 2:02:38.360 --> 2:02:41.400 it's starting with kind of the end product in mind, 2:02:42.040 --> 2:02:45.360 and therefore expecting to go from nothing to the end 2:02:45.400 --> 2:02:49.600 product in one go without any of iteration, without any 2:02:49.640 --> 2:02:52.600 form of and whether that's you know, writing a paper. 2:02:52.680 --> 2:02:55.760 Or changing a routine or you know. 2:02:55.720 --> 2:02:58.720 Starting a different form of exercise, I feel like that's 2:02:59.320 --> 2:03:01.240 just something that's kind of become a little bit more 2:03:01.240 --> 2:03:04.160 apparent for me in recent years of No, you don't 2:03:04.160 --> 2:03:06.040 have to start with the the you know. 2:03:05.960 --> 2:03:07.800 The intention of it being the perfect. 2:03:07.560 --> 2:03:10.400 End product right now, it's just get something on paper, 2:03:10.560 --> 2:03:13.880 or just start with the exercise and then kind of 2:03:14.000 --> 2:03:15.720 iterate as you go. 2:03:16.960 --> 2:03:19.200 And yeah, I think that's been a real light bulb moment. 2:03:19.240 --> 2:03:21.560 I know for me, I know it sounds obvious, but 2:03:22.360 --> 2:03:24.960 as somebody who's probably innately. 2:03:26.280 --> 2:03:28.680 Driven to be quite type A. 2:03:29.520 --> 2:03:32.640 It may also known as also known as OCD, as 2:03:32.800 --> 2:03:35.760 fuck let's be honest, A bad draft is better than 2:03:35.760 --> 2:03:42.800 no draft, Yes, like not outstanding workouts better than the couch, 2:03:43.000 --> 2:03:45.840 as long as you're not injuring yourself. I mean, yeah, 2:03:45.880 --> 2:03:49.160 you're exactly right. And this ties into the you know 2:03:49.240 --> 2:03:51.280 that my thing that I bang on about, and it's 2:03:51.280 --> 2:03:53.320 a metaphor, it's not literal, or it can be literal, 2:03:53.440 --> 2:03:55.680 is you can't become a black belt without being a 2:03:55.680 --> 2:03:56.240 white belt. 2:03:56.480 --> 2:03:56.680 Yep. 2:03:57.040 --> 2:04:00.120 So when you're a white belt, you're bad. Every One 2:04:00.280 --> 2:04:03.320 is better than you. Today is day one. Put on 2:04:03.360 --> 2:04:08.560 your white belt. You're the fucking outlier. That's okay, one 2:04:08.640 --> 2:04:10.760 day you won't be. But right now you have no knowledge, 2:04:10.800 --> 2:04:15.520 no understanding, no specific fitness to that art form, You 2:04:15.560 --> 2:04:19.320 have no skill, you have no knowledge, and right now 2:04:19.360 --> 2:04:22.600 you're the worst in the room. And guess what. That's exciting. 2:04:23.680 --> 2:04:25.240 What if we turn that round and go, guess what, 2:04:25.400 --> 2:04:27.440 you are the one person in the room with the 2:04:27.480 --> 2:04:31.480 most potential for growth. Yeah right, we just flipped that 2:04:31.560 --> 2:04:34.720 little bit right. We're like, hey, dude, you've got more 2:04:34.800 --> 2:04:38.320 scope for improvement over the next twelve months than everyone 2:04:38.360 --> 2:04:43.160 else in this room because you're zero. You're zero, and 2:04:43.200 --> 2:04:47.160 they're already somewhere between three and ten. You're zero in 2:04:47.200 --> 2:04:50.360 a year, you're going to be three. Yes, that's a 2:04:50.440 --> 2:04:53.520 massive improvement. But the dude who's eight in a year 2:04:53.760 --> 2:04:55.960 or the dude at they're not going to be ten, 2:04:56.280 --> 2:04:59.760 they're going to be eight point one. They're going to 2:04:59.800 --> 2:05:04.320 have improved point one. You're going to improve three and 2:05:04.400 --> 2:05:07.080 So this is reframing. And this is, by the way, 2:05:07.120 --> 2:05:09.240 how do I get good at stuff that I'm bad at? 2:05:09.280 --> 2:05:11.680 Will you start when you're bad at it? You start 2:05:11.800 --> 2:05:16.080 unready you go okay, So this is going to suck. 2:05:16.520 --> 2:05:19.600 It's really just as we said before. It's accepting the price, 2:05:20.080 --> 2:05:22.360 like what's the price? The prices I'll get humiliated, the 2:05:22.360 --> 2:05:24.880 prices i'll have, I'll probably get an injury or two. 2:05:24.920 --> 2:05:27.240 If we're talking about the dojo example, the price is 2:05:28.120 --> 2:05:31.160 I'll look silly. The price is, you know, a self 2:05:31.240 --> 2:05:34.440 esteem might take a fucking battering. And okay, are you 2:05:34.520 --> 2:05:37.000 okay with all of that? I am cool? Off you 2:05:37.080 --> 2:05:41.240 go boom the end. Stop fucking overthinking it, Stop stop 2:05:41.320 --> 2:05:45.440 having to be okay, stop having to look good, stop 2:05:45.480 --> 2:05:49.440 having you know, or stop wanting people to think highly 2:05:49.480 --> 2:05:51.960 of you all the time. Fuck it. Just do the process. 2:05:52.680 --> 2:05:53.760 Just do the process. 2:05:54.160 --> 2:05:54.520 Stop. 2:05:55.000 --> 2:05:58.160 How hilarious is it that we worry about what people 2:05:58.240 --> 2:06:02.000 we don't even know. People who don't know us, understand us, 2:06:02.000 --> 2:06:04.440 have never met us, they do not love us, yet 2:06:04.440 --> 2:06:08.520 we worry about their opinion. What a fucking massive waste 2:06:08.520 --> 2:06:11.960 of emotional energy. You know, have I ever done it? 2:06:11.960 --> 2:06:16.880 Of course, this is the human experience, and it's like, oh, 2:06:16.920 --> 2:06:19.000 how do I overcome that? Well, you don't overcome it 2:06:19.080 --> 2:06:21.200 by sitting home worrying about what people are going to 2:06:21.240 --> 2:06:23.800 think if you turn up to the gym. Yes, I 2:06:23.800 --> 2:06:26.520 mean I know hundreds of people who won't go to 2:06:26.560 --> 2:06:29.480 the gym because they think they're too fat. And that's 2:06:29.520 --> 2:06:33.280 not my words, that's their words. It's like, oh, I 2:06:33.320 --> 2:06:36.640 can't I need to lose weight. I'm like, ah, do 2:06:36.680 --> 2:06:38.960 you understand what a gym's for? And by the way, 2:06:39.640 --> 2:06:41.680 you're not too fat, you're not too by the way, 2:06:41.720 --> 2:06:45.240 you're perfect, but also you know or you're perfectly ready 2:06:45.240 --> 2:06:49.200 to go. But also here's the thing you don't think about. 2:06:49.280 --> 2:06:51.720 And if anyone knows this thing, I'm about to say, 2:06:51.760 --> 2:06:55.480 it's fucking me right. Nobody gives a fuck about you 2:06:55.560 --> 2:06:59.160 in the gym, Like, hey, have a look at them. 2:06:59.200 --> 2:07:01.280 They're either looking at their phone or looking at it 2:07:01.320 --> 2:07:04.360 themselves in the mirror. They don't give a fuck about 2:07:04.360 --> 2:07:07.000 you sitting on the exercise bike sweating your ass off, 2:07:07.880 --> 2:07:12.520 so fucking don't worry about it, you know. And if 2:07:12.560 --> 2:07:16.160 one of them did, Oh, here's an idea, who cares? 2:07:17.360 --> 2:07:22.880 Like stop giving people your power, Like, stop handing over 2:07:22.960 --> 2:07:25.680 your own sovereignty, in your own self esteem and your 2:07:25.720 --> 2:07:29.160 own fucking self worth to that bloke up there that 2:07:29.280 --> 2:07:32.560 doesn't even notice you're in the gym. That's what we do. 2:07:32.600 --> 2:07:34.400 This is all shit that goes on. And oh no, 2:07:34.560 --> 2:07:37.400 it's I'm not comfortable in that place. Guess what. It's 2:07:37.440 --> 2:07:40.600 not about the place. It could it be about you. 2:07:41.600 --> 2:07:44.320 And of course sometimes if somebody has been bullied or whatever, 2:07:44.320 --> 2:07:47.480 I get that, But in general terms, oh, gym's don't. 2:07:47.920 --> 2:07:50.480 A lady said to me recently, gyms don't work for me. Okay, 2:07:50.520 --> 2:07:53.200 what does that even mean? Oh, they don't work for me. 2:07:53.280 --> 2:07:57.080 I'm like, well I don't What does that mean? She goes, Oh, no, 2:07:57.240 --> 2:08:00.840 it's not my thing. I'm like, well, here's here's a thing. 2:08:00.920 --> 2:08:04.440 You're sitting there asking me how to get in shape. 2:08:05.240 --> 2:08:08.760 Now I'm telling you how to get in shape. I'm 2:08:08.760 --> 2:08:12.680 also telling you they've invented these places called gyms, and 2:08:12.840 --> 2:08:15.160 for about fifteen bucks a week or two bucks a day, 2:08:15.720 --> 2:08:18.920 you can go to these gyms, these places twenty four 2:08:19.240 --> 2:08:22.520 seven and you can have a million dollars worth of 2:08:22.560 --> 2:08:26.160 equipment at your disposal for two bucks a day. And 2:08:26.200 --> 2:08:29.840 by the way, you don't need to enjoy it. You 2:08:30.120 --> 2:08:33.280 need to love it, like this whole rule. Oh, if 2:08:33.360 --> 2:08:35.840 I'm not enjoying it, I'm not doing it. Well, fucking 2:08:35.880 --> 2:08:37.760 good luck with life, because there's a lot of shit 2:08:37.800 --> 2:08:42.080 you're not going to enjoy. Like hopefully, if there's two 2:08:42.120 --> 2:08:45.160 options and they produce the same outcome on the same outcome, 2:08:45.200 --> 2:08:47.440 well sure, let's choose the one that's more enjoyable. I'm 2:08:47.480 --> 2:08:50.040 with you. But the bottom line is the reality is, 2:08:50.200 --> 2:08:52.960 initially anyway, there'll be things that you don't enjoy. And 2:08:53.000 --> 2:08:55.120 guess what, over time, when you build confidence, when you 2:08:55.120 --> 2:08:57.560 build fitness, when you build strength, when your body changes, 2:08:57.600 --> 2:09:01.200 when your mind changes, or whatever the er, whatever the environment. 2:09:01.240 --> 2:09:03.240 But over time you'll change and then the thing that 2:09:03.320 --> 2:09:06.240 you didn't in. Oh, so many people I know have 2:09:06.280 --> 2:09:08.200 gone from mom' not a gym person to they're a 2:09:08.240 --> 2:09:11.120 fucking gym junkie, and now they're annoying the shit out 2:09:11.120 --> 2:09:14.080 of everybody talking about the gym. It wasn't about the 2:09:14.160 --> 2:09:16.960 gym at all. It was about their thinking, you know, 2:09:17.440 --> 2:09:19.680 I could never, I could never. Well, no, you can. 2:09:20.400 --> 2:09:23.480 You just don't want to or you're scared. All right, 2:09:23.520 --> 2:09:26.000 let's plow on the next one. 2:09:26.800 --> 2:09:28.120 Show ugly you. 2:09:28.480 --> 2:09:32.760 Oh, show ugly you. Like I just love, And by 2:09:32.760 --> 2:09:38.360 that I mean, like, stop trying to be as I 2:09:38.400 --> 2:09:42.520 said with Tiff, the persona, not the person that's like like, 2:09:42.640 --> 2:09:46.560 not the show, you know, not the brand. Like I think, 2:09:46.600 --> 2:09:48.560 and I've mentioned this too many times, but I just 2:09:48.600 --> 2:09:51.840 think there's a liberation in sharing our flaws and fuck 2:09:51.920 --> 2:09:56.280 ups and failures, wrinkles and backfat with the world. You know. 2:09:56.800 --> 2:10:00.760 It's like, I mean, think about this, like talking about 2:10:00.800 --> 2:10:05.120 showing up Ugly I reckon thirty times in the last 2:10:05.160 --> 2:10:09.160 eight years. I've literally spoken about my shitting on this show. 2:10:10.280 --> 2:10:13.040 How to have a great shit, you know, how to 2:10:13.080 --> 2:10:16.200 optimize one's anatomy when one's sitting there with a squatty 2:10:16.240 --> 2:10:19.080 potty that I'm not sponsored by, by the way, but hey, 2:10:19.160 --> 2:10:22.920 feel free to reach out squatty potty and that my. 2:10:23.000 --> 2:10:26.240 Friend, is why you've had not one, but two of 2:10:26.320 --> 2:10:29.720 those brands approached you in the last week. Have I 2:10:29.720 --> 2:10:33.520 haven't told you about the second one yet, but yes, oh. 2:10:32.880 --> 2:10:35.760 Well, what don't I know these things? But anyway, but 2:10:35.840 --> 2:10:37.880 what I mean is, it's like, I think it's so 2:10:38.040 --> 2:10:40.880 funny that people I understand it, by the way, but 2:10:40.920 --> 2:10:43.800 I'm like, surely there's someone else that listens to this 2:10:43.920 --> 2:10:48.200 show that shits. Surely there's another shitter out there. Surely 2:10:48.280 --> 2:10:50.760 I am not the only one. And by the way, 2:10:50.920 --> 2:10:55.560 surely some people get constipated and having a good morning 2:10:55.640 --> 2:11:01.000 kind of evacuation is not always easy for them. I know, 2:11:01.760 --> 2:11:04.320 I've got a bit of insight. Let's talk about it, 2:11:04.600 --> 2:11:06.320 you know. And I don't think every show. And I 2:11:06.360 --> 2:11:08.200 know right now some people are going, oh my god, 2:11:08.240 --> 2:11:12.720 this is disgusting. I'm turning off. Sure sure, Brian turn off, 2:11:13.320 --> 2:11:16.280 Diane turn off. It's all good. I shouldn't say that, 2:11:16.280 --> 2:11:18.680 because then people I love Diane's and I love Brian, 2:11:18.800 --> 2:11:22.120 so apologies. But I mean that, you know, just being 2:11:22.160 --> 2:11:24.480 able to show up and being whatever you are, and 2:11:24.480 --> 2:11:26.640 whether or not that's you know, the best version of 2:11:26.680 --> 2:11:29.600 you or the ugly version. I don't mean physically ugly. 2:11:29.720 --> 2:11:32.960 I mean where you're just not trying to present this image, 2:11:33.920 --> 2:11:36.640 you know so, And if you can turn up just 2:11:36.680 --> 2:11:40.120 being raw and real and then inverted commas ugly and 2:11:40.200 --> 2:11:44.000 people can accept you and love you and connect with 2:11:44.120 --> 2:11:47.120 you in that state, then you don't need to worry 2:11:47.120 --> 2:11:51.240 about dragging around this fucking persona with you everywhere everywhere. 2:11:51.280 --> 2:11:55.280 That's exhausting. Right next one, I'm ready. 2:11:55.760 --> 2:11:57.000 Can't get more talent? 2:11:57.720 --> 2:12:00.920 Yes, I know that's an odd thing to say, but 2:12:01.360 --> 2:12:03.680 you know, we can develop skill. We can build skill, 2:12:03.720 --> 2:12:07.000 we can build fitness, we can build strength, we can 2:12:07.080 --> 2:12:09.640 learn to sing better, we can learn to paint better, 2:12:10.280 --> 2:12:17.000 we can learn to optimize things. But I feel like 2:12:17.320 --> 2:12:20.200 I say that a lot. It's been my experience that 2:12:20.920 --> 2:12:23.040 a lot of people waste a lot of their talent, 2:12:23.440 --> 2:12:27.560 you know, let's talent, potential, innate capacity to be able 2:12:27.600 --> 2:12:31.600 to do something amazing. And it's not that they don't 2:12:31.640 --> 2:12:36.240 have the capacity for greatness or success or breakthroughs. That's 2:12:36.280 --> 2:12:38.000 not that they don't have that. It's not that they 2:12:38.040 --> 2:12:40.960 don't have the talent or the potential to be able 2:12:41.000 --> 2:12:45.360 to succeed and create something spectacular. The problem is not 2:12:45.480 --> 2:12:48.120 so much that as it is, they're thinking about that 2:12:48.840 --> 2:12:51.320 their self talk. I'm shit, I couldn't do that. I've 2:12:51.320 --> 2:12:54.120 got no talent, I'm not creative. I couldn't go to 2:12:54.160 --> 2:12:57.360 a gym, i couldn't run. There's all of these stories, 2:12:57.400 --> 2:13:01.720 there's all of these intertwined stories that are intertwined with 2:13:01.800 --> 2:13:06.560 beliefs that they become the prison. Your hurdle is not 2:13:06.720 --> 2:13:11.080 your talent. The obstacle is not your potential. The obstacle 2:13:11.160 --> 2:13:14.320 is your thinking, you know. And when our constant in 2:13:14.400 --> 2:13:18.440 a dialogue is, you know, somewhere between I don't think 2:13:18.480 --> 2:13:22.240 I could and I'm complete shit, I definitely could. We 2:13:22.320 --> 2:13:24.360 need to recognize that for what that is, and that 2:13:24.440 --> 2:13:27.040 is just a story. And of course, you know, we 2:13:27.080 --> 2:13:31.240 are not our capacity is not limitless. Of course there's 2:13:31.240 --> 2:13:35.640 a limit to what we can do. But I haven't 2:13:35.680 --> 2:13:40.280 met too many people who I think if ten is 2:13:40.320 --> 2:13:44.520 our limit, our individual ten, I don't think I've met 2:13:44.520 --> 2:13:48.200 too many people who are up near ten. And that's well, 2:13:48.280 --> 2:13:51.880 that might sound like criticism, it's actually a compliment because 2:13:51.920 --> 2:13:54.640 I just think people have got way more ability than 2:13:54.640 --> 2:13:59.280 they think. Yes, you know, way more ability. A quick 2:13:59.320 --> 2:14:02.360 story which I've shared five times. I had a lady 2:14:02.400 --> 2:14:05.120 called doesn't matter, but an older lady that was one 2:14:05.120 --> 2:14:08.840 of my first clients ever. And you've heard this story. 2:14:08.920 --> 2:14:11.320 She came to my first ever studio, which was little 2:14:11.320 --> 2:14:16.720 fifteen hundred square foot studio nine ninety above another a 2:14:16.800 --> 2:14:20.960 retail business, and she walked in with a cane basket 2:14:21.280 --> 2:14:24.600 because she'd been shopping. She was chubbs, she was gorgeous, 2:14:24.680 --> 2:14:28.240 she was irish, she had the most beautiful voice. She's like, 2:14:28.320 --> 2:14:30.160 I just wanted to fucking hug her, which would have 2:14:30.200 --> 2:14:33.080 been weird, weird as soon as she walked up, she 2:14:33.120 --> 2:14:35.000 walked up the stairs, because I think it said on 2:14:35.080 --> 2:14:38.480 my door something like Craig Harper Fitness Consultant. This was 2:14:38.560 --> 2:14:40.560 before the Harpers brand. I was doing it. I was 2:14:40.600 --> 2:14:44.680 training people. I had a studio, but I due to 2:14:44.800 --> 2:14:49.040 some comp not complications, but some restrictions by the council, 2:14:49.720 --> 2:14:51.480 like you weren't allowed to open a gym, but you 2:14:51.480 --> 2:14:55.480 could have a consultancy. I'm like, okay, so what if 2:14:55.520 --> 2:14:58.400 I fill it with gym equipment and I call a consultancy. 2:14:58.480 --> 2:15:02.080 They're like, yep, great, ID I'm like, fucking hell. I 2:15:02.200 --> 2:15:04.320 might not be the sharpest tool in the shed. But 2:15:04.400 --> 2:15:09.160 you blokes are fucking idiots, right, so okay, so we'll 2:15:09.160 --> 2:15:12.280 call it anyway. She came in and she saw me, 2:15:13.040 --> 2:15:15.400 and she saw the gym and she was like, fuck this, 2:15:15.640 --> 2:15:17.280 and she did a one ad and she was about 2:15:17.320 --> 2:15:21.600 to walk out, and you know, she I chatted to 2:15:21.640 --> 2:15:25.320 her and I somehow convinced her to come back and 2:15:25.480 --> 2:15:28.040 just do a little easy, peasy workout and she loved it. 2:15:28.840 --> 2:15:31.480 And you know, it took a little while before she 2:15:31.520 --> 2:15:33.360 loved me and loved it, but she loved it, and 2:15:33.400 --> 2:15:36.720 it you know, she got very comfortable, very quickly, and 2:15:38.480 --> 2:15:40.240 or you know, I'm going to say within a week. 2:15:40.800 --> 2:15:44.560 And then we just started talking about you know, like 2:15:44.680 --> 2:15:48.440 she was very unfit, and she's like, but what how 2:15:48.440 --> 2:15:50.520 do I even I'm not you know, I'm like, cool, 2:15:50.520 --> 2:15:53.080 whatever you can do if you can walk up the 2:15:53.120 --> 2:15:58.080 stairs once, because there were stairs to the space, I go, 2:15:58.240 --> 2:16:00.240 so we'll walk up the stairs and then put your 2:16:00.240 --> 2:16:02.080 bum on a seat for a minute, we'll have a chat, 2:16:02.600 --> 2:16:04.240 and then you'll do another one, and you put your 2:16:04.280 --> 2:16:06.120 bum on a seat for another minute, and then you 2:16:06.240 --> 2:16:08.040 do another one and then we go, Wow. Today she 2:16:08.080 --> 2:16:10.400 did three flights, well done and then we'll go and 2:16:10.440 --> 2:16:12.640 do some lightweights, and then we'll have a gentle stretch, 2:16:12.640 --> 2:16:13.920 and then I'm going to talk to you about your 2:16:13.920 --> 2:16:16.440 food a bit, and then I'm going to tell three 2:16:16.480 --> 2:16:18.400 dick jokes because I'm hilarious, and then I'm going to 2:16:18.400 --> 2:16:21.200 send you on your way. She's probably inappropriate for it. 2:16:21.640 --> 2:16:24.720 There's no extra cost, no extra cost, and she that 2:16:24.840 --> 2:16:28.840 was her favorite bit because she was irish. But then 2:16:29.240 --> 2:16:30.880 you know when you go, all right, so now it's 2:16:30.920 --> 2:16:33.320 been three months and now you're doing twenty flights of 2:16:33.400 --> 2:16:36.000 those stairs that you could only do one. And that's progress. 2:16:36.080 --> 2:16:40.760 That's changed, that's transformation. And anyway, some months after that 2:16:40.840 --> 2:16:44.480 first workout, I honestly can't remember how many months, but 2:16:44.480 --> 2:16:46.680 I'm going to say it was somewhere between six and twelve, 2:16:47.760 --> 2:16:50.039 she did a five k run five k run with me. 2:16:50.200 --> 2:16:54.480 She ran a five kilometer fun run which I registered 2:16:54.520 --> 2:16:59.320 her and myself in and her family, oh my god, 2:16:59.360 --> 2:17:02.320 her family like they did not because she didn't really 2:17:02.480 --> 2:17:05.080 let on what she was doing too much. It's kind 2:17:05.080 --> 2:17:07.680 of hard to explain back in the nineties also early nineties, 2:17:07.879 --> 2:17:11.920 what the fucking personal trainer is. Yeah, nobody really gets it. 2:17:11.959 --> 2:17:13.760 People used to go. So they give you money and 2:17:13.800 --> 2:17:17.840 you watch them exercise. I'm like, kinda kind of they 2:17:17.879 --> 2:17:19.560 do the workout and I get the cash. It's a 2:17:19.560 --> 2:17:21.840 little bit more than that, but yeah, and what do 2:17:21.879 --> 2:17:24.000 you do? Do you not work out with them? I go, no, 2:17:24.040 --> 2:17:26.039 I'll watch them they go, So you fucking stand there 2:17:26.080 --> 2:17:27.879 and they do it and you get I'm like, what 2:17:27.959 --> 2:17:29.240 a great idea, huh. 2:17:29.280 --> 2:17:32.200 I wonder how she actually ended up there on that day, 2:17:32.400 --> 2:17:33.640 because well. 2:17:33.560 --> 2:17:36.000 She wanted to see what it was, because she wanted 2:17:36.040 --> 2:17:39.000 to do something about her health, and it just said 2:17:39.040 --> 2:17:41.640 fitness consultant. I could have been a bloke in a 2:17:41.680 --> 2:17:45.360 white coat and a stepthoscope and she didn't know what. 2:17:45.560 --> 2:17:48.400 She walked up and there's a fucking there's a savage 2:17:48.480 --> 2:17:52.560 in a fucking tiny singlet lifting heavy shit, and she's like, 2:17:52.760 --> 2:17:55.320 get the fuck out of here, Like she couldn't turn 2:17:55.320 --> 2:17:59.920 around quick enough. You know, I don't blame her, but yeah, 2:18:00.080 --> 2:18:05.160 and she just that lady. Oh my god. When I 2:18:05.200 --> 2:18:08.280 looked at she lost like thirty k's. Her fitness went 2:18:08.320 --> 2:18:13.760 from literally fucking half yeah two for her potential to 2:18:13.840 --> 2:18:19.279 an eight. Yeah, amazing and amazing to see. Yeah, family 2:18:19.320 --> 2:18:22.960 came and watched and oh, well, some of her family. 2:18:23.040 --> 2:18:25.800 Her husband thought, I don't know what a husband thought 2:18:25.800 --> 2:18:29.400 about me. He's like, the fuck's this bloke and kids 2:18:29.400 --> 2:18:31.240 and she was crying and they were crying, and it's 2:18:31.240 --> 2:18:34.280 like just the best, the best, but it's for me. 2:18:34.360 --> 2:18:36.880 It's not even the fun run was great, the transformation 2:18:37.080 --> 2:18:39.360 was great, but you know what's fucking great? And this 2:18:39.520 --> 2:18:43.000 is always the way when people go from such a 2:18:43.040 --> 2:18:49.760 low starting point to such an achievement. There's always part 2:18:49.760 --> 2:18:52.160 of them. Yet there's the physical stuff. You're leaning your better, 2:18:52.240 --> 2:18:55.720 you're faster, you're healthier, you've just increased your lifespan and 2:18:55.760 --> 2:18:58.520 your health span, fucking go you. But there's this other 2:18:58.600 --> 2:19:01.360 thing which is almost not thought of, which for me 2:19:01.480 --> 2:19:05.119 is the real power all of us. Suddenly they start 2:19:05.160 --> 2:19:09.200 to understand their potential. Yeah life, you know, they start 2:19:09.280 --> 2:19:11.920 to which is what we're talking about, talent potential. They 2:19:12.040 --> 2:19:17.359 just start to go, oh ah, and a million years 2:19:17.560 --> 2:19:20.039 I did not even think I could do this. I 2:19:20.040 --> 2:19:23.080 wouldn't even have thought about it. And not only do 2:19:23.160 --> 2:19:25.800 I now know I can do it, I've actually done it. 2:19:26.120 --> 2:19:28.959 And then you think, just as I did when I 2:19:29.000 --> 2:19:32.199 was fourteen and lost thirty odd kilos. Then you think, oh, 2:19:33.040 --> 2:19:35.520 what else can I do that I thought I couldn't do? 2:19:36.800 --> 2:19:40.600 Because this opens a different door in your brain where 2:19:40.640 --> 2:19:44.560 you start to get evidence that's at odds with your 2:19:44.640 --> 2:19:49.240 belief about what's your capacity. You're like, well, fuck, my 2:19:49.360 --> 2:19:52.480 story is I can't do this, and now I've got 2:19:52.560 --> 2:19:57.280 evidence to the contrary. It's not someone wishing me well 2:19:57.840 --> 2:19:59.600 or giving me a bit of a fucking group hug 2:19:59.680 --> 2:20:02.760 or a power on the back. I've actually done this 2:20:02.920 --> 2:20:05.960 thing and it's you know, so when people say how 2:20:05.959 --> 2:20:08.400 do you build confidence, it's like, just do hard shit. Yep. 2:20:08.959 --> 2:20:10.560 You can have all the fan clubs in the world 2:20:10.640 --> 2:20:13.840 telling you you're a fucking legend, but it's not the 2:20:13.879 --> 2:20:17.320 same until you actually go and do what is legendary 2:20:17.520 --> 2:20:17.960 for you. 2:20:18.480 --> 2:20:21.920 And when you go, ah, so that wasn't true. What 2:20:22.120 --> 2:20:23.800 else isn't true? 2:20:24.320 --> 2:20:27.800 Oh exactly, Melissa, exactly. Can I just say something that 2:20:27.840 --> 2:20:29.040 I'm noticing right now? 2:20:29.400 --> 2:20:31.240 Yes, that we're going for a really long time. 2:20:31.560 --> 2:20:33.720 No, I'm cool with that. Can I just say that 2:20:34.720 --> 2:20:37.160 you've made a crucial mistake? 2:20:38.120 --> 2:20:40.040 Did I not hear? I've hit record. I've checked it 2:20:40.040 --> 2:20:41.480 about fourteen times. 2:20:42.480 --> 2:20:45.560 No, I'm not talking about your crucial mistake is that 2:20:45.640 --> 2:20:48.520 you're so fucking good at this. And I know you're 2:20:48.560 --> 2:20:50.840 going to go, no, I'm shit, nah na nah, But 2:20:50.920 --> 2:20:53.560 you're good at this. You should Hey, everyone, if you 2:20:53.600 --> 2:20:58.840 think Melissa should do more of this, please go to 2:20:58.920 --> 2:21:02.800 the Facebook page. Please go to the Facebook page. And 2:21:02.879 --> 2:21:05.120 if we get one hundred people, if we get one 2:21:05.200 --> 2:21:08.000 hundred people who like it, and so we just need 2:21:08.040 --> 2:21:10.720 to go yeah, I think, and then one hundred people agree, 2:21:11.520 --> 2:21:13.280 then we might have to have a meeting. You and 2:21:13.320 --> 2:21:15.400 I all right, let's keep going. 2:21:15.959 --> 2:21:18.640 That's because we were only like five in and we're 2:21:18.720 --> 2:21:19.320 like an hour? 2:21:19.360 --> 2:21:22.400 Are we? How long we've been recording? 2:21:23.959 --> 2:21:24.560 Three minutes? 2:21:24.760 --> 2:21:28.360 I think I think we babbled a bit beforehand, but 2:21:28.760 --> 2:21:31.080 I think it's been I think I think you're good. 2:21:31.400 --> 2:21:34.160 I think you're the actual real next one. 2:21:34.640 --> 2:21:36.080 Stop waiting for opportunities. 2:21:36.560 --> 2:21:39.400 Stop waiting for opportunities. I think that you know, when 2:21:39.400 --> 2:21:47.119 opportunities present themselves magically, that's good. But I think there 2:21:47.120 --> 2:21:55.200 are three kind of components. There's people who ah, there 2:21:55.200 --> 2:21:58.480 are people who hope an opportunity presents itself and wait 2:21:58.640 --> 2:22:03.960 for an opportunity to come along. There are people who 2:22:04.600 --> 2:22:08.840 try to connect with others, I guess to get an opportunity, 2:22:10.120 --> 2:22:12.440 and then there are those who go, fuck it, how 2:22:12.480 --> 2:22:17.680 can I what can I practically do myself to make 2:22:17.760 --> 2:22:22.360 my own opportunity? So I guess the analogy is like, 2:22:22.920 --> 2:22:24.800 you know, nobody's going to come knock on your door 2:22:24.879 --> 2:22:27.480 to say, I know you think you're an author and 2:22:27.560 --> 2:22:31.119 we publish books, or you're a potential author, So we're 2:22:31.160 --> 2:22:34.480 just here just to you know, reach out and say, 2:22:35.120 --> 2:22:37.720 start writing that book because we're going to publish it. 2:22:37.800 --> 2:22:40.360 Like that's never happening. So how do you get to 2:22:40.360 --> 2:22:42.400 that stage? Will you write a book? You just start 2:22:42.440 --> 2:22:45.440 writing and you you write it, you edit it, you 2:22:45.480 --> 2:22:47.440 refine it, You think about a name, You think about 2:22:47.440 --> 2:22:49.040 what's on the front cover and the back cover. You 2:22:49.120 --> 2:22:51.920 think about distribution, you think about who's your target audience. 2:22:52.240 --> 2:22:53.920 And you don't need a degree to do this, and 2:22:53.959 --> 2:22:56.360 you don't need anybody in your ear to do this. 2:22:56.480 --> 2:22:59.280 You can just do this and the first draft we shit, 2:22:59.320 --> 2:23:01.280 in the second have to be less shit, and people 2:23:01.280 --> 2:23:03.800 will look at it and give your feedback and maybe 2:23:03.840 --> 2:23:05.360 if that's what you want, and then you can read 2:23:05.400 --> 2:23:08.959 and reread and you know, then eventually you know, I 2:23:09.000 --> 2:23:13.280 wrote my first book and self published because who the 2:23:13.280 --> 2:23:16.720 fuck's Craig Harper, And then that got self published. Then 2:23:16.840 --> 2:23:20.320 I got approached by a publisher. Now they only approached 2:23:20.360 --> 2:23:24.920 me with an opportunity or an offer because I did 2:23:24.959 --> 2:23:28.680 it in the first place. Yes, so because I created 2:23:28.720 --> 2:23:31.360 my own opportunity by literally sitting down and doing the 2:23:31.360 --> 2:23:34.280 work and then producing something and pushing it out into 2:23:34.320 --> 2:23:36.160 the real world. And then they went, well, he's actually 2:23:36.160 --> 2:23:38.760 written a book and it's been published and been distributed 2:23:39.200 --> 2:23:42.160 and he sold copies and we quite like it, so 2:23:42.480 --> 2:23:44.760 maybe we'll work with him. But I just think that 2:23:45.600 --> 2:23:48.720 you know, if an opportunity presents itself, if something comes along, 2:23:49.040 --> 2:23:52.960 ace ace, But it's like even when you I don't 2:23:52.959 --> 2:23:54.800 even know what they are, but you told me about 2:23:54.840 --> 2:23:58.120 a couple of potential sponsors before, right, Well, the reason 2:23:58.160 --> 2:24:03.240 that they come along is because we've created a platform 2:24:03.520 --> 2:24:05.879 that people want to be a part of. Yes, But 2:24:05.920 --> 2:24:10.840 the opportunities only came because we fucking created this thing, 2:24:12.000 --> 2:24:15.959 and we stuck around for six hundred episodes going backwards financially, 2:24:17.080 --> 2:24:19.920 and then eventually, you know, something kicked in, which is 2:24:19.959 --> 2:24:23.000 really great. But if if I just sat there on 2:24:23.080 --> 2:24:25.680 episode five and went, well, I'm not doing any more 2:24:25.680 --> 2:24:27.600 episodes till I get a knock on the door with 2:24:27.680 --> 2:24:31.720 a sponsorship opportunity. It would have died eight years ago exactly. 2:24:31.879 --> 2:24:34.560 And the other thing with that is, and maybe this 2:24:34.720 --> 2:24:38.440 is just my inner control freak, but I feel like 2:24:38.680 --> 2:24:43.560 when you create the opportunity yourself, right, you have a 2:24:43.600 --> 2:24:47.000 lot more ownership over what that looks like and what 2:24:47.040 --> 2:24:50.640 that involves. Whereas waiting for someone to come to you 2:24:50.800 --> 2:24:55.080 with something that fits perfectly and meets you know, all 2:24:55.160 --> 2:24:58.560 your desires, all of that not only is unlikely, but 2:24:58.760 --> 2:25:03.680 also you have less kind of ability to I guess, 2:25:03.840 --> 2:25:07.599 create that in the way that would suit you best. 2:25:08.200 --> 2:25:13.200 Well, you think about our collaboration with Nova, for which 2:25:13.240 --> 2:25:16.120 I'm very grateful. You know, they came to us because 2:25:16.120 --> 2:25:18.880 we already had lots of listeners. Yeah, they came to 2:25:18.959 --> 2:25:22.680 us because we were succeeding. We're going great. You know, 2:25:22.760 --> 2:25:24.800 we went Joe Rogan, but we were going great. They 2:25:24.840 --> 2:25:27.200 came to us and it was win win. 2:25:27.560 --> 2:25:28.280 But part of the. 2:25:28.240 --> 2:25:31.880 Reason for that was because you were able to develop 2:25:31.920 --> 2:25:37.040 a show in your style that worked well for the 2:25:37.040 --> 2:25:38.160 way that you deliver. 2:25:38.560 --> 2:25:38.800 Right. 2:25:39.200 --> 2:25:42.320 Had you initially been approached by a network that said 2:25:42.440 --> 2:25:45.720 it has to be twenty minute episodes or thirty minute episodes. 2:25:45.760 --> 2:25:48.520 It has to be pre recorded in this, you know, 2:25:48.560 --> 2:25:52.080 and heavily edited, and this is the track it needs. 2:25:51.840 --> 2:25:52.520 To go down. 2:25:53.160 --> 2:25:55.400 There's a fair chance that that would have never taken 2:25:55.440 --> 2:25:58.200 off because it wouldn't have been authentic to you and 2:25:58.240 --> 2:26:04.080 to your brand, and therefore it likely wouldn't have even worked. 2:26:04.440 --> 2:26:07.360 So one hundred percent well that that would suck the 2:26:07.360 --> 2:26:10.600 big fat one. And I would say no if I 2:26:10.640 --> 2:26:14.680 get too technical, let me know everyone. But also I 2:26:14.720 --> 2:26:16.280 was going to say, which you kind of said, but 2:26:16.320 --> 2:26:20.680 even with Nova, if nover Go, if like today, we 2:26:20.760 --> 2:26:22.640 didn't ring over and go, by the way, we're doing 2:26:22.800 --> 2:26:25.760 a three hour episode, yep, because an over have no 2:26:25.840 --> 2:26:29.800 say in how many episodes I produce a week. I mean, 2:26:29.840 --> 2:26:32.039 maybe a little bit, but that, But what I mean 2:26:32.120 --> 2:26:34.760 is that's great. They are great for us, and Overgo. 2:26:34.959 --> 2:26:36.640 You're pretty good at this. So we'll get the fuck 2:26:36.680 --> 2:26:39.400 out of the way, and Craig and Melissa and Tiff, 2:26:39.440 --> 2:26:41.640 what you'll do is you'll produce episodes, you'll get guests, 2:26:41.680 --> 2:26:44.040 you'll edit, and then you'll you'll load it. You'll do 2:26:44.080 --> 2:26:45.840 all that and we'll be over here trying to find 2:26:45.879 --> 2:26:50.800 you sponsors, and you know, brands that want to align 2:26:50.840 --> 2:26:52.760 with you and work with you will do that. You 2:26:52.840 --> 2:26:56.400 produce the shows, and we're like, well, fucking great because 2:26:56.440 --> 2:26:58.240 you're good at that and we're good at this. So 2:26:58.320 --> 2:27:01.000 you do your thing, we'll do our thing. Take this percentage, 2:27:01.040 --> 2:27:04.320 we'll take that percentage. Everybody happy, Yep, good, let's go 2:27:04.400 --> 2:27:08.640 home perfect. You know, but that's that, But you know 2:27:08.680 --> 2:27:12.119 that is it was literally an opportunity that went both ways. 2:27:12.280 --> 2:27:17.000 Yes, yes, and ways in which you can maximize speaking 2:27:17.000 --> 2:27:20.640 of talent before you can maximize your skill set and 2:27:20.680 --> 2:27:23.359 they can do what they're best at, and then together 2:27:23.440 --> 2:27:26.480 it is a partnership that works well for bos parties. 2:27:27.200 --> 2:27:30.200 Let's do a few more. Let's go with the next 2:27:30.240 --> 2:27:33.480 one on your list. Then we might skip one or two. 2:27:33.520 --> 2:27:39.119 I'm just thinking, because well we've been a while, I'm ready. 2:27:39.400 --> 2:27:42.520 Yes, I feel a bit bad saying this, but. 2:27:42.720 --> 2:27:45.879 I know you do. But I'll quickly jump in the 2:27:45.920 --> 2:27:48.280 next one. Is you're not special? Now what I mean 2:27:48.320 --> 2:27:51.280 by that before you all start getting hurt and ringing 2:27:51.280 --> 2:27:57.240 your mum, you know, like, which is not to say 2:27:57.720 --> 2:28:00.160 you can't do special things or you're not special or 2:28:00.240 --> 2:28:04.959 to someone or it just means that they're This is 2:28:05.000 --> 2:28:07.080 my take, and I could be wrong, you know how, 2:28:07.080 --> 2:28:08.800 I get things wrong all the time. I could be wrong, 2:28:09.440 --> 2:28:11.440 But I feel like there are a percentage of people 2:28:11.440 --> 2:28:13.960 who feel like they're special just because they were born. 2:28:14.280 --> 2:28:15.120 Yeah. 2:28:15.160 --> 2:28:18.600 And I don't know if you do the whole likelihood 2:28:18.680 --> 2:28:21.320 of the egg meeting the sperm and the probability and 2:28:21.320 --> 2:28:25.160 the numbers, well, yeah, maybe. But I'm not being a 2:28:25.200 --> 2:28:28.080 hard ass. I'm just saying, you know, in the sense 2:28:28.120 --> 2:28:30.480 that I'm a human in a world with eight billion 2:28:30.600 --> 2:28:35.320 other humans, I'm not special. In fact, I'm incredibly fucking 2:28:35.400 --> 2:28:38.920 common because there's another eight billion of me. Now, that 2:28:38.959 --> 2:28:41.400 doesn't mean I can't do amazing or be amazing or 2:28:41.440 --> 2:28:44.440 create great outcomes. It doesn't mean I can't be special 2:28:44.480 --> 2:28:47.360 to people, and you can't be special to people. But 2:28:47.440 --> 2:28:51.199 I think this kind of I'm special mindset actually fucks 2:28:51.280 --> 2:28:51.680 up people. 2:28:52.000 --> 2:28:52.200 Yep. 2:28:52.920 --> 2:28:56.560 You know, you can have a special impact on people, 2:28:56.600 --> 2:28:59.640 you can create special and spectacular outcomes, you can live 2:28:59.640 --> 2:29:03.080 a special life. But that's not because you were born special. 2:29:03.120 --> 2:29:05.840 That's because you did the work. But that's because you 2:29:05.879 --> 2:29:08.320 were brave. That's because you put on your big boy, 2:29:08.400 --> 2:29:10.560 big girl pants and you fucking rolled up your sleeves 2:29:10.560 --> 2:29:13.080 and you had a crack. And now you're fucking doing 2:29:13.160 --> 2:29:16.840 special shit. Now you're helping people, serving people, or building 2:29:16.840 --> 2:29:19.920 a business, or building wealth or creating an awesome, awesome 2:29:19.959 --> 2:29:25.240 health state, you know. And I just think that while 2:29:25.320 --> 2:29:30.280 it's good to have good self esteem, you know, thinking 2:29:30.320 --> 2:29:36.000 that you are uniquely, fabulously special in an ocean of 2:29:36.160 --> 2:29:39.640 eight billion humans, I don't actually think it's good for 2:29:39.720 --> 2:29:43.360 our drive, for our motivation, for our long term outcomes. 2:29:43.400 --> 2:29:46.959 Now that's not I'm not special, that's not self loathing. 2:29:47.080 --> 2:29:51.400 By the way, You're not bad, You're you're but but 2:29:51.720 --> 2:29:54.920 you know, you're just like me, just another just another 2:29:55.000 --> 2:29:58.879 human doing life. And that's okay. And if I'm just 2:29:58.920 --> 2:30:03.760 another human doing life, life sounds hurtful. Well it's literally true. 2:30:03.959 --> 2:30:06.400 Now that doesn't mean that you can't have a beautiful 2:30:06.440 --> 2:30:09.760 life with beautiful people and do amazing shit. But if 2:30:09.760 --> 2:30:12.840 we zoom out from the micro of your existence and 2:30:12.879 --> 2:30:16.720 your day and your life and your body and your situation, 2:30:16.920 --> 2:30:20.480 if we zoom out to humanity, we zoom out to 2:30:20.640 --> 2:30:24.640 three hundred thousand years of evolution, we zoom out to 2:30:24.800 --> 2:30:30.320 eight billion humans on the planet. Well fucking I'm a nobody. 2:30:30.640 --> 2:30:32.520 And by the way, when I die, I'll be forgotten 2:30:32.520 --> 2:30:35.720 about in seven minutes. And that's cool because that's how 2:30:35.760 --> 2:30:38.600 it works. You know, we come, we live for a while. 2:30:38.600 --> 2:30:41.400 And I know this sounds what does it sound fatalistic? 2:30:41.480 --> 2:30:45.080 I don't mean that because I think also maybe when 2:30:45.080 --> 2:30:48.080 we leave this mortal coil, that's not the end. But 2:30:48.120 --> 2:30:52.480 that's another podcast. But I just think that having this 2:30:52.879 --> 2:30:55.840 a sense of entitlement that some people have and this 2:30:56.360 --> 2:31:02.640 I'm special. I don't create success. I deserve success. No, 2:31:02.800 --> 2:31:05.960 you don't. You go create it. And if you do 2:31:06.040 --> 2:31:09.120 the work, and if you try hard enough for long enough, 2:31:09.160 --> 2:31:12.200 and you're brave enough, and you invest enough energy and 2:31:12.240 --> 2:31:14.840 you do the right things, then you will create your 2:31:14.840 --> 2:31:18.200 own version of success. And well done you. That's awesome. 2:31:19.440 --> 2:31:22.640 But I just think for me, and I probably clumsily 2:31:22.720 --> 2:31:26.200 articulated this, so I apologize as if it is clumsy 2:31:26.760 --> 2:31:30.039 and it seems insensitive. But I would just want to 2:31:30.040 --> 2:31:32.440 sometimes say to some people that I'm talking to, Hey, bro, 2:31:33.000 --> 2:31:35.760 I like you, but you're not special. You're just a dude. 2:31:36.000 --> 2:31:38.280 You're just a dude doing life. I'm a dude, I'm 2:31:38.320 --> 2:31:40.959 not special. You're not special. Where the fuck do we 2:31:41.000 --> 2:31:44.360 all get this idea that where you know? And then 2:31:44.400 --> 2:31:46.800 if we tell people they're not, well, you're a prick. 2:31:47.520 --> 2:31:51.080 Oh you're harsh, You're not you know, it's like, oh, 2:31:51.120 --> 2:31:56.720 you're hurting people's mental health. Am I really? How about 2:31:56.760 --> 2:32:00.120 telling people all the time they're special and then when 2:32:00.120 --> 2:32:03.360 they get out of the house with no resilience and 2:32:03.400 --> 2:32:06.279 no mental toughness and no skills to deal with life, 2:32:06.800 --> 2:32:09.800 and life punches them in the face a thousand fucking 2:32:09.959 --> 2:32:14.560 times because life doesn't care how special or unspecial they are. Yea, 2:32:15.320 --> 2:32:18.480 this is my motive. I want you to be strong 2:32:18.520 --> 2:32:22.320 and powerful and resilient and capable so you can go 2:32:22.360 --> 2:32:26.320 and build your best fucking life, not because you're innately special, 2:32:26.440 --> 2:32:31.720 but because you use what you've got. Steps down, off soapbox. 2:32:32.240 --> 2:32:36.520 Let's do all right, I'll tell you what we'll do, Melissa, 2:32:36.600 --> 2:32:38.760 I was gonna do one more, but fuck it, it's along 2:32:38.840 --> 2:32:41.920 this podcast. Ever, why don't you just I know we've 2:32:41.920 --> 2:32:45.160 got a bunch ever a bunch left, but what aren't you? 2:32:45.200 --> 2:32:47.600 And some of these are familiar themes on this show, 2:32:47.640 --> 2:32:50.840 but that's the point. Why don't you pick four more 2:32:52.120 --> 2:32:56.640 that that resonate for you and Will? I don't know 2:32:56.680 --> 2:32:58.480 what that's going to take us up to, probably close 2:32:58.520 --> 2:33:02.200 to three hours or something ridiculous, but anyway, what do 2:33:02.240 --> 2:33:04.080 you want to go with the next one? 2:33:04.640 --> 2:33:07.760 In keeping with the fact that this is AFL Grand 2:33:07.800 --> 2:33:10.440 Final week, we're going to keep going with the list 2:33:10.480 --> 2:33:13.000 and it's going to be be the player and the coach. 2:33:13.920 --> 2:33:16.120 Yeah, yeah, all right, now I'm going to tell you, 2:33:16.200 --> 2:33:18.879 and you don't know this, we'll actually bypass this one. 2:33:18.920 --> 2:33:21.720 It's not your fault, but I'll quickly explain this because 2:33:21.760 --> 2:33:25.000 Tiff and I essentially did this and it's my bad. 2:33:25.240 --> 2:33:27.160 So what that means being the player and the coach? 2:33:27.560 --> 2:33:31.000 And there's an AFL analogy, as you are quite rightly 2:33:31.040 --> 2:33:34.959 pointed out. This weekend's the Grand Final in Melbourne, So 2:33:35.160 --> 2:33:39.039 it's like it's that river thing that we were talking 2:33:39.040 --> 2:33:41.360 about before. Everybody, it's like your life's the river. It's 2:33:41.360 --> 2:33:43.360 got its own energy, and when you're in the river, 2:33:44.320 --> 2:33:46.720 you can't have a level of objectivity and perspective that 2:33:46.760 --> 2:33:48.160 you can have when you're out of the river. And 2:33:48.200 --> 2:33:51.720 this is analogous to being the player in the game, 2:33:51.760 --> 2:33:54.800 when you are always the player and you are always 2:33:54.840 --> 2:33:57.440 in the middle of the game, sometimes you need to 2:33:57.440 --> 2:33:59.720 be able to step away from the game, which is 2:33:59.720 --> 2:34:03.400 what why we have halftime. We have half time in 2:34:03.440 --> 2:34:05.480 the game and quarter time and three quarter time, so 2:34:05.520 --> 2:34:08.240 we can see what's happening, we can stop, we can 2:34:08.520 --> 2:34:12.400 take stock of what's working and what's not. And so, yeah, 2:34:12.440 --> 2:34:15.480 I just won't replay that whole thing, Melissa, But that's ye. 2:34:15.760 --> 2:34:17.920 You want to know that. But yeah, that's a very 2:34:17.959 --> 2:34:19.680 similar metaphor to the last one. 2:34:20.120 --> 2:34:24.960 Sure, Okay, next one then is get yourself an unreasonable friend. 2:34:25.920 --> 2:34:28.920 Okay, we've spoken about that, and for those who don't 2:34:28.959 --> 2:34:31.440 know what that term means to me, it means, and 2:34:31.560 --> 2:34:35.520 I teach an unreasonable friend is somebody that loves you, 2:34:35.680 --> 2:34:38.920 cares about you, but won't always tell you what you 2:34:38.959 --> 2:34:42.000 would like to hear. And they're coming from a place 2:34:42.040 --> 2:34:45.640 of love and kindness and from a level of perspective 2:34:45.680 --> 2:34:49.720 and objectivity that you can't have about you because you're you. 2:34:51.080 --> 2:34:52.920 So that whole thing that you have in your head 2:34:52.959 --> 2:34:56.760 about how objective you are and self aware you are, Yeah, 2:34:56.800 --> 2:34:58.760 probably not as much as you think, and that's not bad. 2:34:58.800 --> 2:35:03.160 That's human and so and this is really hard. By 2:35:03.200 --> 2:35:05.640 the way, this is this is a hard thing. And 2:35:05.680 --> 2:35:09.000 people like people always nod their head when I share this, 2:35:10.160 --> 2:35:12.160 share about this in a seminar, they're like, oh, yeah, 2:35:12.160 --> 2:35:15.400 that's good, you know, because oh yeah, I love feedback. 2:35:15.440 --> 2:35:17.640 And as I've said many times, yeah, we love feedback 2:35:17.720 --> 2:35:21.720 until it's feedback we don't love. And so yeah, it's like, yeah, 2:35:21.760 --> 2:35:23.760 give me all the feedback, but only the good feedback 2:35:24.000 --> 2:35:25.920 make it great. And by the way, if it's not 2:35:25.959 --> 2:35:28.440 good feedback, fuck you, you're not my friend. It's like, well, 2:35:28.440 --> 2:35:31.840 that's what do you want? Well, I want praise. Oh okay, 2:35:31.879 --> 2:35:33.760 so you don't want feedback. I want praise. Cool, Well, 2:35:33.800 --> 2:35:35.640 let me know. I just want to back rub and 2:35:35.680 --> 2:35:41.520 a fucking you know some streamers and shit like it's like, dude, 2:35:42.080 --> 2:35:44.240 you're fucking things up. I love you. I don't want 2:35:44.240 --> 2:35:47.119 you to fuck up. I don't have all the answers, 2:35:47.400 --> 2:35:49.920 but I have a level of objectivity about you because 2:35:49.959 --> 2:35:54.039 I'm external. I'm from the outside looking in, and so 2:35:54.160 --> 2:35:55.879 with that in mind, I want to share with you 2:35:55.959 --> 2:35:59.080 what I am seeing. I'm sharing with you what I 2:35:59.120 --> 2:36:01.840 am seeing because I want to help you and I 2:36:01.920 --> 2:36:04.120 want to give you insight to the thing that you 2:36:04.320 --> 2:36:08.960 can't see. And so an unreasonable friend is somebody that 2:36:09.080 --> 2:36:11.720 will tell you what you need to hear or what 2:36:11.760 --> 2:36:14.120 they believe you need to hear, despite the fact that 2:36:14.160 --> 2:36:18.960 you might not always love hearing it. And I guess 2:36:19.000 --> 2:36:22.680 a twice replayed example of this in the last week 2:36:22.800 --> 2:36:25.560 is when and I said this to you last week listener. So, 2:36:25.720 --> 2:36:28.360 but it's just a good example as when and she 2:36:28.520 --> 2:36:30.360 wasn't a friend, but she was a listener who wrote 2:36:30.480 --> 2:36:33.080 wrote in and said to me basically early days of 2:36:33.120 --> 2:36:36.680 the year project, you know I love the show, love 2:36:36.680 --> 2:36:39.879 you da da da da. Can you stop talking over 2:36:39.879 --> 2:36:42.879 the top of people? It's very annoying. And when I 2:36:42.920 --> 2:36:44.760 went back and I listened, I went, guess what I 2:36:44.800 --> 2:36:46.959 took over the top of people. It's very fucking annoying. 2:36:46.959 --> 2:36:49.400 And do I ever still do that? Yes? Do I 2:36:49.440 --> 2:36:52.760 do it less? Yes? But it's like, well, you know, 2:36:52.800 --> 2:36:57.360 here's the thing. It's very easy to react because we 2:36:57.560 --> 2:37:00.240 like to think we're all about logic and reason and 2:37:00.360 --> 2:37:04.520 rationale and the prefrontal cortex. We're intellects. No, we're not. 2:37:04.560 --> 2:37:10.480 We're fucking emotional Neanderthals We're just fucking emotional Neanderthals who 2:37:10.480 --> 2:37:12.400 want to tell you to get fucked when we hear 2:37:12.480 --> 2:37:15.920 something that makes us uncomfortable, right, that whole kind of 2:37:15.959 --> 2:37:18.840 oh yeah, I'm bigger than this. No, No, we're not. 2:37:18.959 --> 2:37:21.959 We're often not. And that's the thing is you think 2:37:22.000 --> 2:37:27.240 you want feedback, and I'm saying, actually, be open real feedback, 2:37:27.280 --> 2:37:29.840 and if it's coming from a hater who's just shitcanning you, 2:37:29.879 --> 2:37:32.520 well that ain't this, that's not what we're talking about. 2:37:32.520 --> 2:37:37.560 But you don't need constant endorsement. You don't need constant validation. 2:37:38.360 --> 2:37:40.360 You don't need a cheer squad, you don't need a 2:37:40.400 --> 2:37:43.040 trophy every time you had a fucking salad. You're not 2:37:43.120 --> 2:37:48.280 six years old, like you need somebody to give you 2:37:48.360 --> 2:37:50.039 input that you can't give yourself. 2:37:51.320 --> 2:37:54.600 Do you have any kind of tips around that? For 2:37:54.959 --> 2:37:59.080 selecting an unreasonable friend? That sounds quite strategic. I don't 2:37:59.120 --> 2:38:01.959 necessarily mean it that way, but I guess I'm thinking 2:38:01.959 --> 2:38:07.160 that sometimes we need to decipher between someone who's giving 2:38:07.360 --> 2:38:12.360 genuine feedback that could be quite constructive, and someone that 2:38:12.520 --> 2:38:15.160 maybe could be in a way jealous of what you're 2:38:15.200 --> 2:38:19.320 trying to achieve or need or like the goals in 2:38:19.440 --> 2:38:23.280 some way that you're trying to aspire to may impact 2:38:23.360 --> 2:38:26.000 them in a sense, and therefore they don't. 2:38:26.280 --> 2:38:28.640 Like the idea of doing were you're doing what you're doing. 2:38:28.800 --> 2:38:31.560 Is there any kind of I guess tips around selecting 2:38:31.600 --> 2:38:32.760 that unreasonable friend. 2:38:32.920 --> 2:38:36.120 We'll call this Showisha tips. So here are my tips. 2:38:37.280 --> 2:38:39.760 You're welcome. I was waiting for you to finish that 2:38:39.879 --> 2:38:45.480 so I could get that outley. 2:38:43.160 --> 2:38:44.960 I could just see. 2:38:45.440 --> 2:38:47.680 I'm like, hurry up with your fucking monologue so I 2:38:47.680 --> 2:38:52.360 can say my stupid joke. No, it is a good question. Like, 2:38:52.440 --> 2:38:54.520 here's what I think, truly, I think there are very 2:38:54.560 --> 2:38:59.120 few people who can do this for you. Like I 2:38:59.120 --> 2:39:03.440 wouldn't ask you, yeah, because you wouldn't tell me. You 2:39:03.480 --> 2:39:07.039 will give me, but hang on what I will say 2:39:07.040 --> 2:39:10.039 with you. Actually that's not true. I think you couldn't 2:39:10.040 --> 2:39:12.360 have told me. But I think these days you are 2:39:12.440 --> 2:39:16.879 much closer to that. When I say to you, okay, honestly, 2:39:17.959 --> 2:39:23.240 and sometimes I'll write a post for I'll write a 2:39:23.240 --> 2:39:27.400 an Instagram post or whatever, and I'll share it with you, 2:39:28.480 --> 2:39:30.880 and you know, I'll say, don't tell me if it's good, 2:39:30.879 --> 2:39:34.680 if it's shit, And sometimes you'll say, yeah, it's not 2:39:34.760 --> 2:39:38.480 my favorite, which if Melissa is like, that's fucking awful, 2:39:38.600 --> 2:39:41.640 do not use that ever, right, But I know how 2:39:41.680 --> 2:39:45.440 to speak fluent Melissa, and I think times though it. 2:39:45.360 --> 2:39:49.520 Also depends how sorry I just interrupted, Sean, but I 2:39:49.560 --> 2:39:52.320 think it also depends how close I am to it 2:39:52.400 --> 2:39:56.200 as well, like sometimes we both lack that objectivity because 2:39:56.240 --> 2:39:56.840 we're both. 2:39:58.640 --> 2:40:03.560 One hundred percent Yeah, and I look and it just look, 2:40:03.680 --> 2:40:07.440 I mean always. And the human experience is that I'm 2:40:07.440 --> 2:40:09.560 going to get stuff. Even if I'm giving you feedback 2:40:09.600 --> 2:40:12.800 that I think is spot on, bang on, relevant, helpful, 2:40:13.080 --> 2:40:15.360 I still could be wrong because I'm a fucking human. 2:40:16.280 --> 2:40:20.400 But I think you know that knowing that the person 2:40:21.840 --> 2:40:25.800 uh genuinely wants the best for you, not yeah, you're right. 2:40:25.840 --> 2:40:28.320 I mean there are people that I mean, this is this, 2:40:28.680 --> 2:40:30.640 Maybe I should have made this appoint but you know, 2:40:31.040 --> 2:40:34.119 one of the most fascinating things I've learned about humans 2:40:34.800 --> 2:40:38.640 and in inverted Comma's friends And there's no self pity 2:40:38.640 --> 2:40:40.360 in this at all. I love my life and I've 2:40:40.400 --> 2:40:42.960 got great friends. But is the amount of people who 2:40:42.959 --> 2:40:46.160 were really bothered by my success that were close friends. 2:40:46.320 --> 2:40:51.160 I'm like, ah, oh and I've had other friends, close 2:40:51.160 --> 2:40:53.640 friends of mine who are fucking killing it and crushing 2:40:53.640 --> 2:40:58.400 it and honestly like so much further progressed and down 2:40:58.440 --> 2:41:01.600 the track and successful and all the bits or you know, 2:41:01.680 --> 2:41:07.959 the wealth for this, the brand, and honestly, my one 2:41:08.040 --> 2:41:10.520 I'm happy for them, genuinely happy for them, and I'm 2:41:10.879 --> 2:41:13.600 I'm kind of proud of them. I'm kind of proud. 2:41:13.600 --> 2:41:16.720 I'm like, fuck, I knew you when you were not this, 2:41:17.600 --> 2:41:20.880 and look at you. I mean, I would be the 2:41:20.879 --> 2:41:23.600 biggest asshole in the world if I'm talking about all 2:41:23.600 --> 2:41:26.240 of this. And then when someone that I allegedly love 2:41:26.800 --> 2:41:31.000 actually did it right, and then I was bothered, Well, 2:41:31.040 --> 2:41:33.720 you're just a fucking You're an actor playing a role, 2:41:33.840 --> 2:41:39.000 pretending to be about helping people, you know, But it's 2:41:39.240 --> 2:41:41.640 it is. It is tricky because the people that love you, 2:41:42.480 --> 2:41:47.680 they probably overthink and undersay sometimes. But also some of 2:41:47.680 --> 2:41:49.120 the people that love you can be a pain in 2:41:49.160 --> 2:41:51.200 the ass. I'm sure there are listeners right now going 2:41:51.959 --> 2:41:56.000 you haven't heard my mother fuck and now. But you know, 2:41:56.720 --> 2:42:00.760 I think you've got to like, there's no three point checklist. 2:42:00.800 --> 2:42:04.240 But I think you intuitively know. I think you intuitively 2:42:04.320 --> 2:42:06.200 know like, there are people I won't say who, but 2:42:06.240 --> 2:42:08.039 there are people that I think about right now that 2:42:08.120 --> 2:42:13.040 for me, I'm pretty sure I would get a relatively 2:42:14.520 --> 2:42:18.640 unemotional objective as they see it, kind of feedback on 2:42:18.800 --> 2:42:22.600 things if I if I ask them. But also I 2:42:22.640 --> 2:42:26.120 think it is equally important for that person to be 2:42:26.200 --> 2:42:29.480 able to say, hey, I think you go I'm fucking great. 2:42:29.879 --> 2:42:33.160 Actually I didn't even think that would work, but it's working. 2:42:33.879 --> 2:42:36.840 Go you. Yes, you know they're not just there to 2:42:36.879 --> 2:42:39.080 go I don't do that. I don't think that'll work. 2:42:39.280 --> 2:42:43.200 I don't think nah, they're also there to go, hey you, 2:42:43.520 --> 2:42:46.000 but it's got to be real. I really think you're 2:42:46.040 --> 2:42:49.240 crushing it. Yeah, I'm not saying this to make you 2:42:49.360 --> 2:42:53.240 feel good. I'm aware that it will hopefully, but it's 2:42:53.280 --> 2:42:56.760 not the reason. Like, this is not a strategy. This 2:42:56.840 --> 2:42:59.800 is actually what I think. And when you can tell 2:43:00.040 --> 2:43:04.680 people like, do you know what's funny is I reckon 2:43:05.600 --> 2:43:08.160 twenty times this year someone that I know, different people 2:43:08.200 --> 2:43:11.240 that I know that are doing well, and I've just 2:43:11.280 --> 2:43:13.840 looked at them and I've gone, shut the fuck up 2:43:13.879 --> 2:43:15.800 for a minute, look at me, look at me, and 2:43:15.840 --> 2:43:19.400 I go, I'm really proud of you, and I say, 2:43:19.440 --> 2:43:21.280 I am not saying that to make you feel good, 2:43:22.160 --> 2:43:24.879 and more men than women, yep, just because it happened 2:43:24.879 --> 2:43:28.560 to be. Yes, I'm proud of you. I'm so fucking 2:43:28.640 --> 2:43:31.520 proud of you. I couldn't be happier for you. And 2:43:31.600 --> 2:43:35.320 I just fucking I love watching you grow. And half 2:43:35.360 --> 2:43:37.920 of them cry love because they know I mean it, 2:43:38.600 --> 2:43:41.280 and they know there are not many other people that 2:43:41.440 --> 2:43:45.640 feel like that about their success. Yes, you know you 2:43:45.720 --> 2:43:49.040 feel like you've got to downplay your success sometimes. 2:43:49.440 --> 2:43:52.840 Oh and particularly in Australian culture. 2:43:52.720 --> 2:43:56.199 Like when my and I'm know Bill Gates or whatever. 2:43:56.280 --> 2:43:59.199 But when my business started to work, you know, Harper's 2:43:59.240 --> 2:44:02.800 and the PTS and all the oh my god, the 2:44:02.879 --> 2:44:06.400 number of people that it bothered. I'm like, it bothered 2:44:06.440 --> 2:44:11.039 more people than it made happy. Let's just say that. Yeah, 2:44:11.080 --> 2:44:13.560 And I just knew I could tell, like, I'm like, 2:44:13.800 --> 2:44:18.080 but it's not even about you, Like, you don't even 2:44:18.120 --> 2:44:21.720 do this, you don't even work in this space. But fuck, 2:44:21.760 --> 2:44:24.120 it bothered people when the thing that a lot of 2:44:24.120 --> 2:44:26.080 them said wouldn't work or couldn't work, or there's no 2:44:26.200 --> 2:44:29.120 mark or there's no scope, or the population is not 2:44:29.160 --> 2:44:31.400 big enough for it's not a thing, it'll come and 2:44:31.440 --> 2:44:33.760 go there. It's not even an industry, it's not a profession. 2:44:34.080 --> 2:44:36.200 And I'm like, yep, I get all of that, but 2:44:36.240 --> 2:44:38.240 I tell you what, I'll just see what happens. And 2:44:38.280 --> 2:44:40.960 then when it worked, Fuck, nobody came out of the 2:44:40.959 --> 2:44:45.640 woodwork and said I was wrong. Well done. That's fucking amazing, 2:44:46.200 --> 2:44:50.600 like nearly nobody, you know, And there's no self pity. 2:44:50.640 --> 2:44:53.520 That's literally just my story. So I think if you 2:44:53.560 --> 2:44:57.000 can have people that actually want you to succeed, and 2:44:57.080 --> 2:44:59.879 I think even for you, I mean you the listener, 2:45:00.280 --> 2:45:05.040 like I know, for me, hand on heart, when I 2:45:05.320 --> 2:45:08.440 truly want the best for people, fuck, it makes me 2:45:08.480 --> 2:45:12.039 a better human. I'm happier, I'm nicer to be around, 2:45:12.600 --> 2:45:14.360 I'm less of a cunt. I'm going to say it. 2:45:14.840 --> 2:45:17.600 I'm going to say it out loud. It's like but 2:45:18.080 --> 2:45:21.160 and I know I oversay this, and I know it's cliche, 2:45:21.280 --> 2:45:23.000 and I know it's probably going to have little to 2:45:23.000 --> 2:45:26.560 no impact. But when you really despite all the logic 2:45:26.600 --> 2:45:28.680 and all the rationale and all the strategy and all 2:45:28.720 --> 2:45:30.959 the fucking nuance and all the clever words, but when 2:45:31.000 --> 2:45:34.840 you truly come from a place of love with people. 2:45:35.240 --> 2:45:38.240 You're like, this is you know, I can't give you 2:45:38.280 --> 2:45:40.640 everything you need, but I can love you in this way. 2:45:41.400 --> 2:45:44.480 I can serve you, I can help you in this way. 2:45:45.080 --> 2:45:49.199 And no, this isn't necessarily romantic love or a cuddle 2:45:49.320 --> 2:45:52.400 or but this is love because this is me wanting 2:45:52.480 --> 2:45:58.840 to help you without wanting anything back from you. You know. 2:45:59.000 --> 2:46:03.400 I think that's that's transformational for both parties. Have you 2:46:03.440 --> 2:46:04.600 got one more you want to do? 2:46:05.280 --> 2:46:05.520 One? 2:46:05.720 --> 2:46:07.440 Final one we're going to go with. 2:46:08.520 --> 2:46:11.480 Have we told everyone that this is actually the last podcast? 2:46:11.680 --> 2:46:15.000 We probably should have led with that. That's why it's 2:46:15.000 --> 2:46:16.920 so long. We want you to be sick of us. 2:46:17.920 --> 2:46:20.640 I will say, there won't be a podcast up tomorrow, 2:46:20.640 --> 2:46:22.360 maybe for the next two days, but I'm going to 2:46:22.400 --> 2:46:24.000 have a break, but this should keep you going for 2:46:24.040 --> 2:46:24.400 a while. 2:46:25.920 --> 2:46:30.800 Okay, final one for today? Can you please elaborate on 2:46:32.280 --> 2:46:33.880 words are a sales pitch? 2:46:34.440 --> 2:46:37.280 I probably should have said more accurately. Words can be 2:46:37.360 --> 2:46:41.440 a sales pitch. And as I've said a bunch of times, 2:46:42.560 --> 2:46:45.280 if you want to know someone well, pay attention to 2:46:45.320 --> 2:46:47.200 some of what they say and all of what they do. 2:46:48.680 --> 2:46:51.920 So I think that not all the time of course, 2:46:51.959 --> 2:46:55.520 but I think oftentimes with people, what's coming out of 2:46:55.520 --> 2:46:59.680 their mouth is a story or some kind of sales 2:46:59.720 --> 2:47:06.120 pitch or some kind of attempt to build whatever, a 2:47:06.160 --> 2:47:10.760 connection or a and it's not necessarily authentic. It's quite strategic. 2:47:12.560 --> 2:47:14.360 And by the way, I don't think that's terrible. I 2:47:14.360 --> 2:47:18.760 think we all do that to an extent, but including me, 2:47:19.400 --> 2:47:21.720 including me, do I ever try to create a good impression, 2:47:21.760 --> 2:47:25.879 of course, of course. But what I think really matters 2:47:25.920 --> 2:47:30.040 if we really want to understand people is to pay 2:47:30.080 --> 2:47:33.360 attention to what they do and how they live, and 2:47:34.200 --> 2:47:36.720 you know, how they treat people when they don't think 2:47:36.760 --> 2:47:41.000 they're being watched, and you know, all that kind of ah, 2:47:41.400 --> 2:47:44.400 and not in a for me like people that I 2:47:44.520 --> 2:47:46.560 might be going to do some work with, or people 2:47:46.600 --> 2:47:48.800 that I might be going to spend time with, or 2:47:49.840 --> 2:47:52.960 I'm not obsessed with that, but I'm just interested in 2:47:54.240 --> 2:47:56.120 I tell you a few I'll tell you this is 2:47:56.160 --> 2:47:59.400 a really classic. So there are people that I've quite 2:47:59.680 --> 2:48:04.039 liked or I've thought pretty highly of them, and I 2:48:04.080 --> 2:48:06.200 didn't know them well, but you know, and then I 2:48:06.280 --> 2:48:09.320 met them for a coffee and then they treated the 2:48:09.680 --> 2:48:14.360 weight staff like shit. Yep, I'm like, that's it. I'm like, 2:48:14.400 --> 2:48:17.760 you're out. I can't do it. Like they just treated 2:48:17.760 --> 2:48:21.320 them like they were not on the same level as 2:48:21.440 --> 2:48:26.720 us to exemplary humans. And I thought, all right, I'll 2:48:26.720 --> 2:48:28.879 give you one, and then if it happens again, And 2:48:28.920 --> 2:48:31.720 then when it happens again where they're either rude or 2:48:31.840 --> 2:48:35.920 arrogant or dismissive to the human that's coming to the 2:48:36.120 --> 2:48:40.040 table to serve them, I'm like, fuck you, bro, you're out. 2:48:40.120 --> 2:48:41.640 I don't care what the deal is. I don't care 2:48:41.680 --> 2:48:43.680 what the offer is. I don't want to work with you. 2:48:43.920 --> 2:48:46.640 And what's funny is the whole kind of monologue that 2:48:46.640 --> 2:48:49.080 they're going on with for an hour, the whole sales pitch, 2:48:49.160 --> 2:48:52.560 the whole kind of trying to create an impression. It's 2:48:52.640 --> 2:48:56.880 all redundant because of something they had no awareness of. Yes, 2:48:57.080 --> 2:48:59.760 so all the words just fucking slide down the drain 2:48:59.800 --> 2:49:02.400 to me and I can't. I'm just trying to from 2:49:02.400 --> 2:49:05.039 that moment when they treat people like shit, I'm like, 2:49:05.120 --> 2:49:07.400 this is you, Yeah, this is you. 2:49:07.200 --> 2:49:11.560 Do you Also found that really apparent is when it 2:49:11.600 --> 2:49:15.720 comes to other team members or support stuff, like the 2:49:15.720 --> 2:49:18.760 way they treat the receptionist or the PA or the 2:49:18.879 --> 2:49:21.280 somebody else in the team that may not hold the 2:49:21.320 --> 2:49:24.840 position of the person that they're meeting with, everything from 2:49:24.879 --> 2:49:28.040 when they walk in the door and the whole demeanor 2:49:28.160 --> 2:49:30.520 changes when the person that they're meeting with, you know, 2:49:30.600 --> 2:49:31.840 when they're in front of them. 2:49:32.040 --> 2:49:35.240 Yeah. For me, it's just like, okay, seen it enough? 2:49:35.320 --> 2:49:40.640 Yes, yes, yeah, yeah. I mean, look, you don't want 2:49:40.640 --> 2:49:43.560 to be too judgy, right, ye, But at the same time, 2:49:43.640 --> 2:49:46.440 you do want to be aware because what people do 2:49:46.560 --> 2:49:49.360 tells you a lot, what people do to you, how 2:49:49.400 --> 2:49:52.840 people treat you or don't treat you, what people kind 2:49:52.840 --> 2:49:55.120 of you know, their energy around you. And we don't 2:49:55.160 --> 2:49:57.120 need to be obsessed. And by the way, have I 2:49:57.200 --> 2:50:01.240 ever been rude or fucking insensitive? Of course, of course. 2:50:01.720 --> 2:50:03.920 But I just think for us to be aware of 2:50:03.920 --> 2:50:06.880 that ourselves and our own behavior and the way that 2:50:06.959 --> 2:50:10.600 we treat people. It's like, am I nicer to people 2:50:11.760 --> 2:50:15.520 for whom it's valuable for me to be nicer too? Yes, 2:50:15.680 --> 2:50:18.560 that's a fucking good question. Yeah, because I don't want 2:50:18.560 --> 2:50:18.920 to be that. 2:50:19.120 --> 2:50:21.200 I think I don't want to be That A great question, 2:50:21.640 --> 2:50:24.120 And even back to what you were saying initially, so 2:50:24.200 --> 2:50:27.920 words are a sales pitch, even my own words, like 2:50:28.240 --> 2:50:31.959 am I believing them? Like obviously I spend one hundred 2:50:31.959 --> 2:50:34.320 percent of my time with me, Like how much of 2:50:34.360 --> 2:50:37.520 what's coming out of my mouth is a reflection of 2:50:38.080 --> 2:50:40.880 me and what's actually going on? 2:50:41.040 --> 2:50:43.800 Yes? Do I believe this? Or do I just say it? 2:50:44.000 --> 2:50:45.160 Yeah? Does it sound good? 2:50:46.040 --> 2:50:50.880 Yeah? Yeah? Hey everyone, we appreciate you, We love you. 2:50:50.959 --> 2:50:54.720 We are so happy that you've come on this journey 2:50:54.720 --> 2:50:59.240 with us. We'll probably do another episode, so, you know, 2:50:59.320 --> 2:51:03.920 hang around and for putting up with me and all 2:51:03.959 --> 2:51:08.760 my bullshit, my terrible jokes, my vulgar language, you know, 2:51:09.000 --> 2:51:12.840 my constant talk about shit and other bodily functions. But 2:51:12.879 --> 2:51:15.560 there's a small percentage of you who think I'm fucking great, 2:51:16.280 --> 2:51:18.400 what the fuck is wrong with you? But keep thinking 2:51:18.400 --> 2:51:21.320 that I'm very needy And for the rest of you, 2:51:21.760 --> 2:51:24.200 I don't know why you're still here, but also very 2:51:24.240 --> 2:51:28.320 grateful and very appreciative. Probably stick around for Tiff and 2:51:28.360 --> 2:51:31.960 maybe Melissa now, but yeah, thank you for helping us 2:51:32.080 --> 2:51:34.879 over the journey. And I would really encourage you to 2:51:35.160 --> 2:51:38.720 jump on our Facebook page and tell us that you 2:51:38.760 --> 2:51:42.600 want Melissa to be a regular and by that look. Okay, 2:51:42.640 --> 2:51:45.080 can we just negotiate. I know you don't want to 2:51:45.120 --> 2:51:47.240 bit fuck it while I've got you held ransom here 2:51:47.240 --> 2:51:52.600 while we're recording. How about one a month? Okay, one 2:51:52.640 --> 2:51:56.040 a month, and by one I mean one a week. 2:51:57.920 --> 2:52:03.240 Let's buy one I mean three. All right, we'll talk 2:52:03.280 --> 2:52:07.000 about it. Thanks Melissa, everybody, Thanks everyone,