WEBVTT - #1819 Our Lumpy Friendship - Bobby Cappuccio

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<v Speaker 1>Good Day Champs. It's Craig Anthony and Robert Capuccio. It's

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<v Speaker 1>the You Project. It's the self help antidote. We're calling this.

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<v Speaker 1>This is called a koshare. That's what the kids call it, Bobby.

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<v Speaker 2>Is that what the kids are calling me get these days?

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<v Speaker 2>That is? That?

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<v Speaker 1>Is?

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<v Speaker 2>Is that? Like cohabitation is different. I'm getting off track already.

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<v Speaker 1>It's a form of cohabitation. It's my it's my podcast

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<v Speaker 1>and your podcast cohabitating in the one well in two spaces.

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<v Speaker 1>It's a convergence. And maybe it's also laziness because it

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<v Speaker 1>means that we can do one recording and get two podcasts,

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<v Speaker 1>which I think is efficient.

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<v Speaker 2>No, it's efficiency. It's definitely not laziness. Why who said that?

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<v Speaker 2>Does someone called us? So are you?

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<v Speaker 1>What is what is news? What is news with you?

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<v Speaker 1>What is going on?

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<v Speaker 2>Just doing a lot of rating, a lot of content creation, Greg,

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<v Speaker 2>just a lot of deadlines I'm working towards because you know,

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<v Speaker 2>I don't want people to be upset with me like that. Kapuchia,

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<v Speaker 2>you dropped the boy.

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<v Speaker 1>You said to me before we went live that you

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<v Speaker 1>were you were joking, but you said I'm a paople plasers,

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<v Speaker 1>so I don't like doing whatever it was. Is that true?

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<v Speaker 1>Do you do you actually think you're a paple plaser

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<v Speaker 1>or were you just fucking around?

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<v Speaker 2>Now? I struggle with that. I like to think, like,

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<v Speaker 2>here's here's what I'm going to say, just because you

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<v Speaker 2>know people are listening to this, so it makes me

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<v Speaker 2>look good. I like to say that I'm not defined

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<v Speaker 2>by other people's opinions, but I am deeply affected by it,

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<v Speaker 2>which I think, to a certain degree is healthy. I mean,

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<v Speaker 2>if you don't care about what anybody thinks you're you're

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<v Speaker 2>either delusional or you may be a sociopath, which statistically

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<v Speaker 2>is unlikely. You just might not be one hundred percent

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<v Speaker 2>honest with yourself, but it really does affect me. I

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<v Speaker 2>had a meeting with my boss earlier this morning for coffee,

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<v Speaker 2>which she quickly regretted because I had a large coffee

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<v Speaker 2>and it was a got a bit intense. But we

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<v Speaker 2>were talking about like last year, I was struggling with

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<v Speaker 2>just a couple of relationships where I was running around

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<v Speaker 2>and trying to I think, tell myself, I'm here to

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<v Speaker 2>serve these people, and I was trying not to disappoint

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<v Speaker 2>them and just make them happy and the goalpost kept

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<v Speaker 2>moving like Okay, that's fine, but you didn't do that.

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<v Speaker 2>And she's like, and you just like chase them around

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<v Speaker 2>and constantly tried to recalibrate, and it's like you lost

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<v Speaker 2>yourself a little bit and it took a toll on

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<v Speaker 2>you and it wasn't positive for them or for you

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<v Speaker 2>or you know. She's like, the organization was fine. You know,

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<v Speaker 2>nothing happened, nobody went to HR, nobody quit. But she

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<v Speaker 2>was like, probably wasn't the best approach. And I was like, oh,

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<v Speaker 2>I wonder why I do that.

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<v Speaker 1>I think there's two disparate things here regarding like one is,

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<v Speaker 1>you know, as per my research, having an insight and

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<v Speaker 1>understanding into how people perceive and process and experience you metaperception.

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<v Speaker 1>That's one that's just like a kind of awareness. And

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<v Speaker 1>then the other is anxiety fear driven worrying about whether

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<v Speaker 1>or not someone likes me or what they think of me,

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<v Speaker 1>you know. Rather than one's like fear driven, one's curiosity driven.

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<v Speaker 1>I think, and that when I tell people about my

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<v Speaker 1>research that some especially often do to like, I don't

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<v Speaker 1>give a fuck what people think of me. I'm just

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<v Speaker 1>going to be me and if they don't, I'm like, Okay, well,

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<v Speaker 1>good luck, good luck being a leader, good luck having

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<v Speaker 1>a team, and good luck being you know, part of

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<v Speaker 1>something bigger than just you. You know. So I think

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<v Speaker 1>the distinction is for people to understand we're not coming

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<v Speaker 1>from a place of fear and insecurity and self doubt

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<v Speaker 1>and anxiety as in no, do they like me, please

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<v Speaker 1>like me, but rather just that awareness of like, I'm

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<v Speaker 1>curious that, like, what is it like for our audience

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<v Speaker 1>listening to you and to me? What is that experience like?

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<v Speaker 2>Because you and Eyefel I would imagine it.

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<v Speaker 1>I would imagine, right. But you know, the truth is,

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<v Speaker 1>so you're a professional teacher, coach, mentor speaker. Your job

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<v Speaker 1>is to literally stand and or sit whatever the case

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<v Speaker 1>or the situation, but and talk to lots of people. Now,

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<v Speaker 1>if you have no idea what that is like for them,

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<v Speaker 1>you're at very best. You're just guessing and flying by

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<v Speaker 1>the city of pants, right.

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<v Speaker 2>You know, people talk a lot about emotional intelligence and

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<v Speaker 2>how critical it is to succeeding in collaborative endeavors, which

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<v Speaker 2>just about everything, and you could argue that, you could

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<v Speaker 2>argue that where you are within the leadership hierarchy depends

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<v Speaker 2>on you know, how much of an advantage or a

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<v Speaker 2>detriment emotional intelligence is. That's a totally different conversation. But

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<v Speaker 2>it's like when you ask yourself, what does it mean

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<v Speaker 2>to be emotionally intelligent? It's the ability to be self

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<v Speaker 2>aware and other aware. I'm aware of my own emotiontional

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<v Speaker 2>state and perspective, and I am also aware of the

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<v Speaker 2>experiential emotional state of others, and I could regulate my thoughts, emotions,

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<v Speaker 2>and behaviors based on that assessment or based on the

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<v Speaker 2>ability to calibrate all of those different things. At wants

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<v Speaker 2>to kint it's almost the set of empathy. I think

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<v Speaker 2>you're right. There is the influence that other people's opinion

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<v Speaker 2>have of you. Is it so that you can modify

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<v Speaker 2>and adjust how it is you're engaging in the world,

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<v Speaker 2>or is it something where you are dependent on external validation,

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<v Speaker 2>which everybody is to a degree. But if that's what's

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<v Speaker 2>guiding you, I think it's very different than Okay, if

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<v Speaker 2>I am a leader, if I am a writer, if

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<v Speaker 2>IM a speaker, what quintessentially is my purpose? Why do

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<v Speaker 2>I do that? And if it is to make a

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<v Speaker 2>contribution if it is at some level to serve, you

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<v Speaker 2>have to be sensitive and and intentionally focused on how

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<v Speaker 2>you're impacting people. Can I can I bring something up

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<v Speaker 2>from a conversation, a very personal conversation we had over

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<v Speaker 2>a year ago. Yeah, of course go where you had said,

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<v Speaker 2>you know, you need to understand the experience of you

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<v Speaker 2>and that that I mean that that hit me like

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<v Speaker 2>I did like the ice water challenge a few years

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<v Speaker 2>earlier than that. That statement hit me harder than a

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<v Speaker 2>bucket of ice water. And because I know it, I

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<v Speaker 2>know it's true, like I know in relation to me,

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<v Speaker 2>it's true. And it's like, oh did that did that

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<v Speaker 2>feel good?

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<v Speaker 1>No?

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<v Speaker 2>It didn't. But like over time, when I sat with that,

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<v Speaker 2>I was I was deeply grateful for it because I

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<v Speaker 2>think we need that from one another when it comes

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<v Speaker 2>from a police of care, and we need to be

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<v Speaker 2>open to that. Otherwise we're not emotionally intelligent. We can't

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<v Speaker 2>we can't collaborate with people. If we can't do that,

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<v Speaker 2>good luck doing anything.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah. I think, like you know, since I first met you,

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<v Speaker 1>which is over two decades ago, and we've done stuff

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<v Speaker 1>fond enough over the years. It's funny because you know,

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<v Speaker 1>especially for the guy who has no siblings, Like I've

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<v Speaker 1>always felt a little bit, not in a weird way,

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<v Speaker 1>but like I've always I always thought you were and

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<v Speaker 1>I'm not. I'm not just saying this everyone to make

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<v Speaker 1>him feel good. He knows this, Like I've always felt

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<v Speaker 1>like you were and you are very intelligent and very

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<v Speaker 1>gifted and very capable. And so I'm always coming from

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<v Speaker 1>a good place. And I've always been or periodically been

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<v Speaker 1>perplexed at, ah, how little recognition you've got from some

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<v Speaker 1>people now, and I think you should it's just my

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<v Speaker 1>opinion got more recognition, and you know a few other

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<v Speaker 1>things that we won't bang on about. But you know,

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<v Speaker 1>when I say things like that to you, even though

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<v Speaker 1>it's not what people want to hear, necessarily, it's coming

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<v Speaker 1>from a good place. And that is because you know,

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<v Speaker 1>I want you know, if you don't understand or I

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<v Speaker 1>don't understand what it is like being around you or

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<v Speaker 1>around me, then how can we build optimal connection and

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<v Speaker 1>rapport with others? And you know, like I've spent my

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<v Speaker 1>life being not very good at things and then working

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<v Speaker 1>to be better. Like there's been other than maybe I

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<v Speaker 1>was going to say, maybe like in naturally, I'm a

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<v Speaker 1>recently good communicator, but even that, there are so many

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<v Speaker 1>parts of communication that I wasn't good at, and still

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<v Speaker 1>I'm not, you know, brilliant at. But I think that

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<v Speaker 1>is one of the challenges of friendship too, is do

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<v Speaker 1>I want them to tell me what I want to hear,

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<v Speaker 1>or do I want them to truly give me feedback

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<v Speaker 1>that might not be the most comfortable, you know. And

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<v Speaker 1>I remember that, and I remember I was conflicted because

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<v Speaker 1>I felt what did I feel? And I even sent

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<v Speaker 1>you a message the other day. We won't say the

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<v Speaker 1>totality of that message, right, I sent you a message

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<v Speaker 1>and basically went, I think I fucked a few things up,

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<v Speaker 1>and I'm sorry, and I love you and that's it.

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<v Speaker 1>And I think that for me, look at us, it's

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<v Speaker 1>like fucking doctor Phil here. But I just think that

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<v Speaker 1>it is important in friendship to go you know, I

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<v Speaker 1>think I did well with that, or I think I

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<v Speaker 1>fucked that up, and not like, oh I fucked that

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<v Speaker 1>up because you did this and then you did that. No, No,

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<v Speaker 1>I just I got that thing wrong, absolutely one hundred

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<v Speaker 1>percent me. And I think that being able to work

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<v Speaker 1>through that stuff while still you know, like My litmus

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<v Speaker 1>test for friendship is two things. One is is my

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<v Speaker 1>life better with this person in it? That's number one

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<v Speaker 1>of my litmus friendship test. And the answer for that

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<v Speaker 1>with you to me is yes. And the next one

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<v Speaker 1>is do you say nice things behind that person's back

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<v Speaker 1>and do they do the same? I'm like, well, I

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<v Speaker 1>would think, I don't know about you, I hope so,

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<v Speaker 1>but definitely me, And then I think, Okay, then this

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<v Speaker 1>is really worth working on. And we've gotten very deep,

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<v Speaker 1>very quick. But I think that's one of the challenges

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<v Speaker 1>of otherwise we're just gonna We're going to live in

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<v Speaker 1>this fucking echo chamber of kind of self serving bullshit

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<v Speaker 1>to an extent.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, I think relationships one. I think when it comes

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<v Speaker 2>to mental health and ultimately happiness, We've discussed this before.

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<v Speaker 2>I think the pursuit of how happiness is almost a

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<v Speaker 2>guarantee that it will evade us for the rest of

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<v Speaker 2>our lives. It's it's a horrible endeavor. I think it's

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<v Speaker 2>an unavoidable consequence of engaging in things that are meaningful.

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<v Speaker 2>I think meaning is the key, not happiness, but because

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<v Speaker 2>of the depth of value that relationships have, I think

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<v Speaker 2>it's the seat of mental health or a critical component

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<v Speaker 2>mental health and happiness as well. And you said something

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<v Speaker 2>about rapport and report is critical to this. It's it's

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<v Speaker 2>a to me, rapport is a relationship of positive responsiveness

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<v Speaker 2>where you could be in response to one another and

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<v Speaker 2>show up for that even when, or probably especially when

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<v Speaker 2>it doesn't feel good and it's really hard. You know,

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<v Speaker 2>I felt you'll hear people go, ah, you know, I

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<v Speaker 2>was dating this person and I just wasn't right and

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<v Speaker 2>I moved on, and I moved on, and a lot

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<v Speaker 2>of times if it's not right, move on. But it's like,

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<v Speaker 2>sometimes you know, you're too dynamic. I make growing people,

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<v Speaker 2>and if there's not that room for loving ruthless. Honestly,

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<v Speaker 2>I hate the word ruthless. I think that was the

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<v Speaker 2>wrong word to use. But this this kind of honesty

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<v Speaker 2>that needs to take place. If you can't get past

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<v Speaker 2>the ego, because we all have to contend with our ego,

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<v Speaker 2>it kind of makes it hard to have long term, sustainable,

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<v Speaker 2>empowering relationships in our life. And I think, you know what,

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<v Speaker 2>Gratitude wasn't the only emotion. I felt like. There were

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<v Speaker 2>times when I was like, I'm not gonna say it,

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<v Speaker 2>on the podcast, but the thoughts in my head, I

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<v Speaker 2>was quite pissed off and resentful. And then it's like, no,

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<v Speaker 2>because I know there were times in my life where

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<v Speaker 2>I wish somebody would have told me the truth. And

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<v Speaker 2>it's kind of a contradiction because as a coach, I'm

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<v Speaker 2>always like, well, I don't tell people, I'll ask. But

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<v Speaker 2>for me, I wished that they would have told me

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<v Speaker 2>the truth and they didn't think enough of me to

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<v Speaker 2>tell me the truth. And like when someone I really

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<v Speaker 2>care about that I have a strong friendship with tells

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<v Speaker 2>me something, or when anybody does this, but it holds

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<v Speaker 2>a lot more weight when there is that this emotional intimacy.

0:13:17.760 --> 0:13:21.400
<v Speaker 2>Is that true? Like is that true? Have I heard

0:13:21.480 --> 0:13:26.400
<v Speaker 2>this before? Or have I suspected I've noticed this pattern

0:13:26.480 --> 0:13:30.359
<v Speaker 2>with me? So around the same time we had this conversation,

0:13:31.920 --> 0:13:34.680
<v Speaker 2>I was told a lot of other things about myself

0:13:34.840 --> 0:13:37.719
<v Speaker 2>from someone else, and I said, when have I ever

0:13:37.760 --> 0:13:41.160
<v Speaker 2>heard this before? And the answer was, I have never

0:13:41.200 --> 0:13:44.559
<v Speaker 2>heard this before. Ever, this is the first time I've

0:13:44.600 --> 0:13:47.520
<v Speaker 2>ever heard this from someone. I'm not taking this on

0:13:47.600 --> 0:13:51.720
<v Speaker 2>board what I heard from you. It's like, oh, not

0:13:51.760 --> 0:13:54.000
<v Speaker 2>only have I heard it from someone, I didn't need to.

0:13:54.120 --> 0:13:57.960
<v Speaker 2>I know it. It's like god, it all right? What

0:13:58.160 --> 0:14:01.160
<v Speaker 2>is that impact that I'm having? And how do I

0:14:01.400 --> 0:14:04.880
<v Speaker 2>move forward and be a little bit more self aware

0:14:05.200 --> 0:14:08.080
<v Speaker 2>or what are the strategies that I can implement when

0:14:08.360 --> 0:14:11.400
<v Speaker 2>I feel I'm getting into a point emotionally where self

0:14:11.440 --> 0:14:16.920
<v Speaker 2>awareness is lacking. I need some preemptive tools otherwise I'm

0:14:16.920 --> 0:14:19.560
<v Speaker 2>going to perpetuate being this person in situations.

0:14:20.480 --> 0:14:23.880
<v Speaker 1>And I think, like I talk about this concept about

0:14:23.880 --> 0:14:27.800
<v Speaker 1>being an unreasonable friend, and the unreasonable friend is someone

0:14:27.840 --> 0:14:32.520
<v Speaker 1>that just tells you maybe what they think you need

0:14:32.560 --> 0:14:35.000
<v Speaker 1>to here, but maybe don't want to hear. And I

0:14:35.040 --> 0:14:37.840
<v Speaker 1>think if that is genuinely someone that loves you and

0:14:37.920 --> 0:14:41.880
<v Speaker 1>wants you to succeed, I think that's important. They actually

0:14:41.960 --> 0:14:44.840
<v Speaker 1>really want you to succeed, and they don't want you

0:14:44.880 --> 0:14:48.440
<v Speaker 1>to succeed because there's some upside for them, there's a

0:14:48.520 --> 0:14:52.280
<v Speaker 1>benefit for them. No, it's selfless. I just want you

0:14:52.320 --> 0:14:55.000
<v Speaker 1>to do well. You know this is a funny thing, right,

0:14:55.040 --> 0:14:57.320
<v Speaker 1>I don't even know if you know this, but so

0:14:57.360 --> 0:15:00.720
<v Speaker 1>there's a guy over here called Sam Wood, and Sam

0:15:01.200 --> 0:15:05.120
<v Speaker 1>used to work for me Bobby's in the States. Everyone

0:15:05.400 --> 0:15:07.640
<v Speaker 1>in cash and figured that out by now but Sam

0:15:07.720 --> 0:15:09.960
<v Speaker 1>used to work for me. And Sam's killed it, crushed it.

0:15:10.040 --> 0:15:11.880
<v Speaker 1>He went on a show called The Bachelor, which you

0:15:11.920 --> 0:15:15.640
<v Speaker 1>have over there. He was the Bachelor, heaps of airtime.

0:15:15.840 --> 0:15:20.160
<v Speaker 1>He started a business called twenty eight. He's got a gym.

0:15:20.680 --> 0:15:23.040
<v Speaker 1>In fact, he's got what was my old gym now

0:15:23.560 --> 0:15:29.120
<v Speaker 1>that's called the Woodshed. But he's built this amazing brand

0:15:29.640 --> 0:15:33.800
<v Speaker 1>and become very, very very successful. And I reckon, I

0:15:33.800 --> 0:15:38.320
<v Speaker 1>get asked about once a month, so what do you

0:15:38.360 --> 0:15:40.000
<v Speaker 1>think of? What do you think of?

0:15:40.080 --> 0:15:40.320
<v Speaker 2>Sam?

0:15:40.360 --> 0:15:43.680
<v Speaker 1>Would you know? People like what do you think of?

0:15:43.800 --> 0:15:45.920
<v Speaker 1>And I think they're thinking they're waiting for me to

0:15:46.080 --> 0:15:50.720
<v Speaker 1>like say something critical or because he's just gone on

0:15:50.840 --> 0:15:53.280
<v Speaker 1>in leaps and bounds and he's a multi millionaire and

0:15:53.280 --> 0:15:56.440
<v Speaker 1>he's in the media and he's just killing it, and

0:15:56.520 --> 0:15:59.160
<v Speaker 1>I go, how fucking good is it? And they're like

0:15:59.280 --> 0:16:03.960
<v Speaker 1>what And I go, yeah, it's amazing. It's amazing, Like

0:16:04.040 --> 0:16:07.080
<v Speaker 1>he's killing it and I'm genuinely happy for him, and

0:16:07.160 --> 0:16:11.040
<v Speaker 1>people people can't believe that.

0:16:11.320 --> 0:16:11.520
<v Speaker 2>Now.

0:16:11.720 --> 0:16:13.920
<v Speaker 1>Of course it depends what metrics you use, but if

0:16:13.960 --> 0:16:17.960
<v Speaker 1>you just want to say commercial success crushing me, and

0:16:18.000 --> 0:16:20.800
<v Speaker 1>I'm like, I'm so happy that somebody that I worked

0:16:20.800 --> 0:16:25.000
<v Speaker 1>with somebody that actually originally worked for me, like there's

0:16:25.000 --> 0:16:28.680
<v Speaker 1>nothing in me that doesn't want him to succeed. And

0:16:29.000 --> 0:16:33.920
<v Speaker 1>I don't actually understand, like I mean, I theoretically understand it,

0:16:34.120 --> 0:16:36.560
<v Speaker 1>because I understand ego and I understand all the bullshit.

0:16:36.640 --> 0:16:41.840
<v Speaker 1>But yeah, that genuinely being able to celebrate another person's success,

0:16:42.680 --> 0:16:47.960
<v Speaker 1>even if you're not right now succeeding, because if somebody

0:16:47.960 --> 0:16:51.920
<v Speaker 1>else is, if your friend's success bothers you, then you're

0:16:51.920 --> 0:16:55.280
<v Speaker 1>not a friend. That's not friendship.

0:16:56.120 --> 0:16:59.760
<v Speaker 2>What you're saying about this guy, he sounds brilliant and driven,

0:17:00.000 --> 0:17:02.840
<v Speaker 2>and he was on the Bachelor, so he's also probably

0:17:02.920 --> 0:17:05.480
<v Speaker 2>very good looking, and you know, you have to admit

0:17:05.560 --> 0:17:08.120
<v Speaker 2>someone like that. It does kind of help if they

0:17:08.160 --> 0:17:12.760
<v Speaker 2>have some really fucked up personality flaw, or if they

0:17:12.920 --> 0:17:16.960
<v Speaker 2>don't like a body part that's grotesquely deformed, like he's

0:17:17.000 --> 0:17:20.040
<v Speaker 2>got a couple of really jacked up toes but nobody

0:17:20.080 --> 0:17:22.439
<v Speaker 2>knows about it. I would find that a little bit

0:17:22.480 --> 0:17:24.480
<v Speaker 2>helpful to reconcile. Yeah.

0:17:24.560 --> 0:17:29.000
<v Speaker 1>No, he's annoyingly good looking, charismatic, charming, and pretty clever.

0:17:29.160 --> 0:17:31.800
<v Speaker 1>So yeah, he's he's got the fucking he's got the

0:17:31.840 --> 0:17:32.720
<v Speaker 1>whole Chilada.

0:17:33.320 --> 0:17:35.520
<v Speaker 2>He sounds horrible to be fair.

0:17:38.040 --> 0:17:40.760
<v Speaker 1>Oh dear, Oh dear, hey, I wanted to ask you. You

0:17:40.760 --> 0:17:45.720
<v Speaker 1>were talking before about like the interesting insection of a

0:17:45.760 --> 0:17:48.640
<v Speaker 1>couple of variables. One you kind of said that you're

0:17:49.920 --> 0:17:53.879
<v Speaker 1>probably less but something of a people pleaser at times,

0:17:53.880 --> 0:17:58.399
<v Speaker 1>which I think I have been at times as well.

0:17:58.840 --> 0:18:04.520
<v Speaker 1>But also you often operate in a position of leadership

0:18:04.680 --> 0:18:08.960
<v Speaker 1>and coaching and where you are giving people feedback and direction.

0:18:09.560 --> 0:18:13.000
<v Speaker 1>Where how do you do that? How do you give people?

0:18:13.240 --> 0:18:17.560
<v Speaker 1>You give people direction, feedback, input that they might not

0:18:17.680 --> 0:18:22.600
<v Speaker 1>want to hear, while so simultaneously not wanting to raffle

0:18:22.600 --> 0:18:23.879
<v Speaker 1>any metaphoric feathers.

0:18:24.880 --> 0:18:28.359
<v Speaker 2>I'm so glad you brought that up, because I think

0:18:28.760 --> 0:18:32.440
<v Speaker 2>when we're talking about close friendships there's a different dynamic.

0:18:33.240 --> 0:18:38.439
<v Speaker 2>And for me, in leadership, I feel like there's a

0:18:38.480 --> 0:18:42.159
<v Speaker 2>responsibility for the people in your charge. And I know

0:18:42.359 --> 0:18:48.080
<v Speaker 2>that most people have a level of reactance within their

0:18:48.119 --> 0:18:51.720
<v Speaker 2>operating system. And it's almost like, if you don't want

0:18:51.760 --> 0:18:54.240
<v Speaker 2>to move forward with people, or if you want people

0:18:54.280 --> 0:18:58.040
<v Speaker 2>to continue doing a behavior that is damaging to theirselfs

0:18:58.280 --> 0:19:01.240
<v Speaker 2>and others, tell them why they should stop doing it.

0:19:01.640 --> 0:19:05.280
<v Speaker 2>Maybe give them some science like some a couple of references,

0:19:06.720 --> 0:19:09.800
<v Speaker 2>definitely tell them what you would do in that situation,

0:19:10.600 --> 0:19:13.639
<v Speaker 2>and you're almost sure to perpetuate it for me. And

0:19:13.840 --> 0:19:18.560
<v Speaker 2>in that situation, I try to ask questions and first

0:19:18.560 --> 0:19:21.720
<v Speaker 2>the step because I had a conversation recently like this,

0:19:21.880 --> 0:19:24.080
<v Speaker 2>and it's like, all right, you know, you don't really

0:19:24.240 --> 0:19:27.520
<v Speaker 2>have to do anything, like just because I'm your leader

0:19:27.800 --> 0:19:32.920
<v Speaker 2>or you know, like your quote unquote boss, which I

0:19:32.960 --> 0:19:35.240
<v Speaker 2>don't I don't feel on anyone's boss, but just because

0:19:35.240 --> 0:19:38.320
<v Speaker 2>we're in that position within the organization, you don't have

0:19:38.359 --> 0:19:40.239
<v Speaker 2>to do what I tell you to do. There are

0:19:40.280 --> 0:19:44.640
<v Speaker 2>always other options, and you could you could passively resist too,

0:19:44.840 --> 0:19:47.479
<v Speaker 2>like all right, yeah, got your boss, but I'm going

0:19:47.520 --> 0:19:50.480
<v Speaker 2>to either comply or defy as soon as you leave

0:19:50.520 --> 0:19:56.080
<v Speaker 2>this room. But you know, if you were to do

0:19:56.320 --> 0:20:00.000
<v Speaker 2>something else, let's say a behavior that I would feel

0:20:00.240 --> 0:20:03.480
<v Speaker 2>constructive for your position, for you, for the team, for

0:20:03.560 --> 0:20:07.320
<v Speaker 2>the end user. What would be some of your reasons

0:20:07.359 --> 0:20:09.679
<v Speaker 2>and it might be none, but what would be some

0:20:09.760 --> 0:20:11.840
<v Speaker 2>of your reasons why you would do it? You know,

0:20:11.920 --> 0:20:14.560
<v Speaker 2>what are some of the outcomes that, if it worked out,

0:20:14.640 --> 0:20:17.960
<v Speaker 2>might be important to you? You know, out of those outcomes,

0:20:19.720 --> 0:20:24.119
<v Speaker 2>is there one that is quintessentially most significant, and why

0:20:24.160 --> 0:20:28.280
<v Speaker 2>that you know, like how how how prepared and ready

0:20:28.600 --> 0:20:32.280
<v Speaker 2>are you at this point to start working on that,

0:20:32.680 --> 0:20:36.320
<v Speaker 2>Because just because you acknowledge that a change could be

0:20:36.359 --> 0:20:38.800
<v Speaker 2>made and it might benefit me, it doesn't mean you're ready,

0:20:38.840 --> 0:20:41.720
<v Speaker 2>It doesn't mean you're confident, doesn't mean you're important. But

0:20:41.720 --> 0:20:44.760
<v Speaker 2>when we talk about readiness, like you know, let's say

0:20:44.800 --> 0:20:47.120
<v Speaker 2>it's like a five out of ten and I'm kind

0:20:47.119 --> 0:20:50.040
<v Speaker 2>of like on the fence, I don't know, why did

0:20:50.080 --> 0:20:53.640
<v Speaker 2>you not say a two? Right? Let's talk about the

0:20:53.760 --> 0:20:57.359
<v Speaker 2>rationale between a two and a five. Let's talk about

0:20:57.400 --> 0:21:01.560
<v Speaker 2>that significance if it were to move from a five

0:21:01.680 --> 0:21:06.760
<v Speaker 2>to six, what might need to happen, and you know,

0:21:06.880 --> 0:21:11.120
<v Speaker 2>without jumping all in, what might be an initial first

0:21:11.200 --> 0:21:14.400
<v Speaker 2>step you know, and what do you think happens if

0:21:14.400 --> 0:21:18.000
<v Speaker 2>you don't do it? So, just like a coaching based conversation,

0:21:18.119 --> 0:21:20.240
<v Speaker 2>there's a lot in between those. I mean, coaching is

0:21:20.280 --> 0:21:24.199
<v Speaker 2>not about asking better questions. It's being in response to

0:21:24.400 --> 0:21:27.439
<v Speaker 2>what happens after you ask that question. But if you

0:21:27.480 --> 0:21:29.399
<v Speaker 2>were going to frame it like that, I prefer to

0:21:29.400 --> 0:21:32.359
<v Speaker 2>have conversations like that for a lot of reasons. One

0:21:33.800 --> 0:21:37.199
<v Speaker 2>even even where I sit in the hierarchy within the organization.

0:21:37.400 --> 0:21:40.600
<v Speaker 2>I'm nobody to tell somebody what to do. I'm trying

0:21:40.640 --> 0:21:44.040
<v Speaker 2>to bring the best out of you and serve you right,

0:21:44.200 --> 0:21:46.639
<v Speaker 2>kind of like I don't work you know, it's like

0:21:47.720 --> 0:21:49.480
<v Speaker 2>you don't work for me as much as I work

0:21:49.520 --> 0:21:53.720
<v Speaker 2>for you. So that's first and foremost. Second, if someone

0:21:53.760 --> 0:21:58.480
<v Speaker 2>doesn't have emotional ownership and accountability over the responses, don't

0:21:58.520 --> 0:22:03.119
<v Speaker 2>expect long term change telling people what to do or

0:22:03.200 --> 0:22:05.600
<v Speaker 2>what their problem is. Like you said earlier, like, oh,

0:22:05.600 --> 0:22:08.280
<v Speaker 2>this is like doctor Phil, maybe on an emotional level,

0:22:08.320 --> 0:22:11.040
<v Speaker 2>but it was doctor Phil, we would be asking each

0:22:11.080 --> 0:22:13.760
<v Speaker 2>other two or three questions. I'd figure out exactly what's

0:22:13.800 --> 0:22:15.680
<v Speaker 2>wrong with you, and I tell you what to do,

0:22:16.400 --> 0:22:20.280
<v Speaker 2>and that would ninety nine percent of the time do

0:22:20.400 --> 0:22:24.440
<v Speaker 2>absolutely nothing but reinforce the behavior patterns that we're trying

0:22:24.480 --> 0:22:29.960
<v Speaker 2>to alleviate or eliminate. So I try to handle And

0:22:30.080 --> 0:22:32.960
<v Speaker 2>there's a great book called It's the Manager written by

0:22:33.200 --> 0:22:37.680
<v Speaker 2>Clifton and Harder to consultants and researchers out of Gallop,

0:22:38.359 --> 0:22:41.119
<v Speaker 2>and they said that seventy percent of the variance of

0:22:41.280 --> 0:22:46.280
<v Speaker 2>all performance productivity in any organization is your frontline manager.

0:22:47.119 --> 0:22:50.399
<v Speaker 2>So it's like, ah, my team sucks. They don't execute that.

0:22:50.880 --> 0:22:53.840
<v Speaker 2>You know what, The odds are overwhelming that if you're

0:22:53.880 --> 0:22:57.719
<v Speaker 2>the manager, it ain't your team mate, it's you. So

0:22:57.880 --> 0:23:01.760
<v Speaker 2>and one of the recommendations that they give on how

0:23:01.800 --> 0:23:05.040
<v Speaker 2>to kind of turn this around in an organization, the

0:23:05.080 --> 0:23:09.359
<v Speaker 2>biggest recommendation is switch from boss to coach because I

0:23:09.400 --> 0:23:12.879
<v Speaker 2>think you know, this goes back to Douglas McGregor in

0:23:13.920 --> 0:23:17.280
<v Speaker 2>decades ago in the human side of enterprise, where coming

0:23:17.320 --> 0:23:19.439
<v Speaker 2>out of the Industrial Revolution, it was kind of like

0:23:19.480 --> 0:23:21.720
<v Speaker 2>people are lazy, they'll get away with shit if you

0:23:21.880 --> 0:23:25.160
<v Speaker 2>let them. You need command, you need control, you need

0:23:25.200 --> 0:23:28.720
<v Speaker 2>assembly lines and checks and balances, and you know, people

0:23:28.800 --> 0:23:31.560
<v Speaker 2>are basically tools like a hammer, you know, a screwdriver.

0:23:31.720 --> 0:23:35.280
<v Speaker 2>And Douglas McGregor and his research, no, people only behave

0:23:35.480 --> 0:23:37.880
<v Speaker 2>like that when they don't feel that they have the tools,

0:23:37.920 --> 0:23:41.440
<v Speaker 2>the agency, or the autonomy. When people feel that they're

0:23:41.480 --> 0:23:45.000
<v Speaker 2>being controlled, yes they resort to that. But when people

0:23:45.160 --> 0:23:50.320
<v Speaker 2>understand and internalize the purpose of their work, they feel

0:23:50.359 --> 0:23:53.560
<v Speaker 2>they have the agency to perform it and the autonomy

0:23:53.600 --> 0:23:58.080
<v Speaker 2>to pursue it. They seek out responsibility, they seek out growth,

0:23:58.560 --> 0:24:03.080
<v Speaker 2>they seek out greater work ethic, so that that's a misconception.

0:24:03.480 --> 0:24:04.919
<v Speaker 2>I think it's a lot of times the way we

0:24:05.119 --> 0:24:08.880
<v Speaker 2>deal with people and the assumptions that we have that

0:24:08.960 --> 0:24:12.280
<v Speaker 2>bleed out onto them, that kind of creates patterns of

0:24:12.320 --> 0:24:17.679
<v Speaker 2>behavior that reinforce and internalize our own false beliefs about people.

0:24:17.800 --> 0:24:23.840
<v Speaker 1>Are you know, Yeah, it's so funny that the archaic

0:24:23.960 --> 0:24:27.919
<v Speaker 1>thinking and operating systems of businesses, you know, not that

0:24:28.000 --> 0:24:30.760
<v Speaker 1>long ago, ten twenty years ago, and maybe even some now.

0:24:30.800 --> 0:24:35.280
<v Speaker 1>But I saw a wasn't a documentary, but I saw

0:24:35.640 --> 0:24:38.119
<v Speaker 1>a story on a TV show over here. It was

0:24:38.240 --> 0:24:42.240
<v Speaker 1>like a fifteen minute story on this tech business and

0:24:42.280 --> 0:24:47.800
<v Speaker 1>then this tech startup that this guy and this lady created.

0:24:49.440 --> 0:24:52.719
<v Speaker 1>People kind of work when they want, you know, and

0:24:52.760 --> 0:24:55.600
<v Speaker 1>it's like, well, if you want to start at seven am, cool,

0:24:55.720 --> 0:24:57.960
<v Speaker 1>If you want to start lunchtime, cool. Want to bring

0:24:58.000 --> 0:25:00.359
<v Speaker 1>your dog, no worries. Want to sit on a floor

0:25:00.359 --> 0:25:02.840
<v Speaker 1>in a bean bag with a laptop, yep. I want

0:25:02.880 --> 0:25:05.280
<v Speaker 1>to wear bare feet, no worry, as long as you're clean.

0:25:05.800 --> 0:25:09.960
<v Speaker 1>It's like there are so few rules. I mean, they've

0:25:09.960 --> 0:25:13.480
<v Speaker 1>got to obviously do their job, but other than that,

0:25:13.600 --> 0:25:15.639
<v Speaker 1>you know, don't punch anyone in the face, don't eat

0:25:15.680 --> 0:25:18.080
<v Speaker 1>all the cookies, you know, wipe your.

0:25:17.960 --> 0:25:20.880
<v Speaker 2>Feet, sucking the fine out of the work there crag.

0:25:24.160 --> 0:25:25.919
<v Speaker 1>And I was watching that and I was thinking, oh

0:25:26.000 --> 0:25:28.880
<v Speaker 1>my god, this is you know, it's not well, it's

0:25:28.880 --> 0:25:31.159
<v Speaker 1>not actually the job I want. But if I was

0:25:31.600 --> 0:25:35.000
<v Speaker 1>a computer program or a creative in that space or whatever,

0:25:35.920 --> 0:25:38.000
<v Speaker 1>I'm like that that is the joint of they are

0:25:38.000 --> 0:25:39.920
<v Speaker 1>the people I want to work with. That is the place.

0:25:40.000 --> 0:25:42.600
<v Speaker 1>And they interviewed the staff and they're like, no, this

0:25:42.680 --> 0:25:45.399
<v Speaker 1>is this is not a show for the cameras. This

0:25:45.520 --> 0:25:48.880
<v Speaker 1>is this is how it is. And you know, one

0:25:48.920 --> 0:25:52.639
<v Speaker 1>of the ladies was there and she had her I

0:25:52.640 --> 0:25:56.040
<v Speaker 1>don't know, like an eighteen month old there where she's

0:25:56.119 --> 0:25:59.159
<v Speaker 1>like I couldn't get a babysitter today or whatever, so

0:26:00.119 --> 0:26:03.800
<v Speaker 1>runs like cool, just handing the kid around and you know,

0:26:03.960 --> 0:26:06.159
<v Speaker 1>I have to it. And I'm like, yeah, imagine that.

0:26:06.320 --> 0:26:12.359
<v Speaker 1>Imagine imagine creating a space where people really want to be.

0:26:12.800 --> 0:26:14.960
<v Speaker 1>It's not like you're going to work because you've got

0:26:14.960 --> 0:26:16.720
<v Speaker 1>to go to work, and you've got to go to

0:26:16.800 --> 0:26:19.399
<v Speaker 1>work and drive there and sit in your cubicle and

0:26:20.119 --> 0:26:23.040
<v Speaker 1>look at your watch and go, oh fuck, it's nearly lunchtime.

0:26:23.080 --> 0:26:25.639
<v Speaker 1>And then oh it's nearly home time, and then oh god,

0:26:25.800 --> 0:26:30.680
<v Speaker 1>it's some finish, thank God, Like like genuinely they're either

0:26:30.720 --> 0:26:33.560
<v Speaker 1>the best actors of all time or that. It's just

0:26:33.880 --> 0:26:37.600
<v Speaker 1>they've created a culture and a physical space and a

0:26:37.720 --> 0:26:40.960
<v Speaker 1>kind of a mindset that people love to be in.

0:26:41.240 --> 0:26:43.600
<v Speaker 1>And since they've done that, I mean, they kind of

0:26:43.640 --> 0:26:48.480
<v Speaker 1>started that way, but they expanded more their productivity, efficiency, profit,

0:26:48.600 --> 0:26:52.560
<v Speaker 1>everything through the roof happiness like culture awesome. I'm like, yeah,

0:26:52.560 --> 0:26:56.080
<v Speaker 1>we could all maybe depending on the business, of course,

0:26:56.160 --> 0:26:58.440
<v Speaker 1>but maybe rethink some of the stuff that we've been

0:26:58.480 --> 0:26:59.880
<v Speaker 1>doing traditionally.

0:27:01.080 --> 0:27:04.440
<v Speaker 2>Absolutely, I think the more you lay down control and

0:27:04.480 --> 0:27:09.840
<v Speaker 2>infringe upon autonomy, the more you're self generating problems that

0:27:09.960 --> 0:27:13.639
<v Speaker 2>you believe exists again because of some innate attributes you

0:27:13.680 --> 0:27:17.280
<v Speaker 2>suspect people have. And there's been so much research on

0:27:17.400 --> 0:27:20.040
<v Speaker 2>i mean, just drawing off the top of my head.

0:27:20.920 --> 0:27:25.320
<v Speaker 2>Thomas Allen from MIT Gallop of course does an amazing

0:27:25.400 --> 0:27:29.320
<v Speaker 2>job at compiling an extraordinary amount of high quality data.

0:27:29.440 --> 0:27:33.879
<v Speaker 2>You've got Google in their own internal research on what

0:27:34.280 --> 0:27:38.520
<v Speaker 2>separates our top performing teams, which is just about everyone.

0:27:38.760 --> 0:27:42.240
<v Speaker 2>It's a very high pressure environment from the absolute best

0:27:42.320 --> 0:27:45.080
<v Speaker 2>of the best and it comes down to the same

0:27:45.200 --> 0:27:52.160
<v Speaker 2>things over and over. One psychological safety, two vulnerability three eight.

0:27:52.320 --> 0:27:57.960
<v Speaker 2>An organization driven on purpose. And if you want people

0:27:58.000 --> 0:28:02.880
<v Speaker 2>to work longer hours and order, don't make demands about

0:28:02.880 --> 0:28:05.040
<v Speaker 2>you've got to be at your cubicle for this number

0:28:05.080 --> 0:28:07.919
<v Speaker 2>of hours a day, because they'll clock in and clock

0:28:08.000 --> 0:28:10.200
<v Speaker 2>out exactly when you tell them to and then they're

0:28:10.240 --> 0:28:13.160
<v Speaker 2>checked out and they don't really care. People will work

0:28:13.280 --> 0:28:16.680
<v Speaker 2>longer and harder when they have the freedom to autonomously

0:28:16.720 --> 0:28:18.639
<v Speaker 2>decide how they engage with work. Now, of course you

0:28:18.720 --> 0:28:21.320
<v Speaker 2>have meetings or if, like you know, you owned a gym,

0:28:21.359 --> 0:28:23.440
<v Speaker 2>I'm a personal trainer. Yeah, you got to be here

0:28:23.480 --> 0:28:26.120
<v Speaker 2>when your clients are here, so you have a shift.

0:28:26.440 --> 0:28:29.560
<v Speaker 2>That makes sense. And I have mixed opinions about working

0:28:29.680 --> 0:28:33.040
<v Speaker 2>remote versus working in the office. I think whenever someone

0:28:33.119 --> 0:28:34.919
<v Speaker 2>says no, no, you have to be in the office,

0:28:35.000 --> 0:28:37.960
<v Speaker 2>or no, all work can be done remotely, it's like,

0:28:38.800 --> 0:28:40.640
<v Speaker 2>I think there's somewhere in the middle. I think we're

0:28:40.680 --> 0:28:43.720
<v Speaker 2>missing a few variables. This is not this is not

0:28:43.800 --> 0:28:48.000
<v Speaker 2>an open conversation. But for the for the most part,

0:28:48.080 --> 0:28:50.720
<v Speaker 2>the more you try to control people, the more you

0:28:50.760 --> 0:28:54.280
<v Speaker 2>get exactly what you're managing. It's just cool.

0:28:55.200 --> 0:28:58.960
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, but also think about it's like a cobs good

0:28:59.040 --> 0:29:02.880
<v Speaker 1>or bad? Well, well, for who which carbs? What situation?

0:29:03.280 --> 0:29:06.080
<v Speaker 1>Are they an endurance athlete? Are they a bodybuilder? Are

0:29:06.080 --> 0:29:09.160
<v Speaker 1>they a corporate dude who wants to lose a few pounds.

0:29:09.240 --> 0:29:12.440
<v Speaker 1>I mean it's like a dumb question, which is like, oh,

0:29:12.680 --> 0:29:15.960
<v Speaker 1>is remote better or is in the office better? Well?

0:29:16.000 --> 0:29:18.920
<v Speaker 1>For who? What's the job, what's the situation, what's their role,

0:29:19.600 --> 0:29:24.000
<v Speaker 1>what's their personality? Like does it give them anxiety leaving home?

0:29:24.360 --> 0:29:26.960
<v Speaker 1>Does it? You know? Like I think with many of

0:29:27.000 --> 0:29:30.400
<v Speaker 1>these variables and many of these kind of conversations around

0:29:31.920 --> 0:29:34.760
<v Speaker 1>what is better, well, there is no single answer to

0:29:34.800 --> 0:29:37.240
<v Speaker 1>that because there are too many variables. It's like, well,

0:29:38.640 --> 0:29:41.640
<v Speaker 1>you know, like my job, I have not had an

0:29:41.720 --> 0:29:45.360
<v Speaker 1>employer since I was twenty five years old. Well that

0:29:45.480 --> 0:29:48.720
<v Speaker 1>was thirty six years ago. I haven't had an actual job.

0:29:48.800 --> 0:29:51.280
<v Speaker 1>I haven't had holiday pay or sick pay for three

0:29:51.280 --> 0:29:55.600
<v Speaker 1>and a half decades. I've every for the last three

0:29:55.640 --> 0:29:58.560
<v Speaker 1>and a half decades. Every month I'm earning a different

0:29:58.560 --> 0:30:01.200
<v Speaker 1>amount of money. There's probably no month where I earn

0:30:01.320 --> 0:30:04.520
<v Speaker 1>exactly the same money. Some months are good, some months

0:30:04.520 --> 0:30:08.360
<v Speaker 1>a shit some months are terrifying, some months are like amazing, right,

0:30:09.640 --> 0:30:12.720
<v Speaker 1>But I would not recommend what I do to most

0:30:12.760 --> 0:30:18.080
<v Speaker 1>people because most people's personality or situation would not be

0:30:18.240 --> 0:30:22.200
<v Speaker 1>suited to this, or it wouldn't be suited to them, you.

0:30:22.160 --> 0:30:25.440
<v Speaker 2>Know, absolutely, you know. I want to refer to a

0:30:25.440 --> 0:30:28.080
<v Speaker 2>couple of past episodes on the You Project if I can.

0:30:28.320 --> 0:30:30.680
<v Speaker 2>I mean for the listeners, I know you know what

0:30:30.720 --> 0:30:33.640
<v Speaker 2>you were talking about. But I think our last episode,

0:30:33.640 --> 0:30:36.320
<v Speaker 2>which was what eighty nineteen, Mel sent me the file.

0:30:37.520 --> 0:30:39.640
<v Speaker 2>Forgive me if that's wrong, but I'm sure that was

0:30:39.640 --> 0:30:43.360
<v Speaker 2>a great episode too, So go listen to that. We

0:30:43.360 --> 0:30:46.560
<v Speaker 2>were talking about why do people need so much consensus

0:30:47.320 --> 0:30:50.880
<v Speaker 2>and absolutely have to agree with each other. I think

0:30:52.080 --> 0:30:56.120
<v Speaker 2>historically when people feel under threat and the world is

0:30:56.200 --> 0:30:58.840
<v Speaker 2>changing so rapidly, people feel a level of anxiety. Or

0:30:58.880 --> 0:31:00.800
<v Speaker 2>I know a lot of people I work with in

0:31:00.880 --> 0:31:05.880
<v Speaker 2>multiple industries are voicing this. You kind of had to

0:31:06.120 --> 0:31:09.240
<v Speaker 2>know that people in the tribe thought a certain way

0:31:09.280 --> 0:31:12.160
<v Speaker 2>and behaved a certain way, like if we're going out,

0:31:12.200 --> 0:31:16.040
<v Speaker 2>we're hunting some giant animal, and if somebody screws up,

0:31:16.600 --> 0:31:19.080
<v Speaker 2>like someone's gonna get trampled, and none of us are

0:31:19.120 --> 0:31:21.800
<v Speaker 2>gonna eat and we're gonna starve. It's like, I need

0:31:21.840 --> 0:31:23.720
<v Speaker 2>to know that when we say go this way, you're

0:31:23.760 --> 0:31:25.560
<v Speaker 2>gonna go this way and not go the other way.

0:31:26.000 --> 0:31:28.719
<v Speaker 2>So it's kind of like, if you're doing shit and

0:31:28.760 --> 0:31:32.080
<v Speaker 2>saying shit in the tribe, that's just like, way out there. God,

0:31:32.120 --> 0:31:36.200
<v Speaker 2>you're not predictable, You're a threat. And I think that

0:31:36.360 --> 0:31:40.360
<v Speaker 2>kind of probably is embedded a little bit in our DNA.

0:31:40.560 --> 0:31:43.440
<v Speaker 2>The other side of that is if we don't recognize

0:31:43.480 --> 0:31:47.680
<v Speaker 2>that we're living, we don't really have the dynamic complexity

0:31:48.280 --> 0:31:52.880
<v Speaker 2>and diversity of opinions and expertise that we need to

0:31:52.960 --> 0:31:57.640
<v Speaker 2>innovate and move forward in an organization. And you cannot

0:31:57.760 --> 0:32:02.040
<v Speaker 2>have these sound bite beliefs. Are carbs good or are

0:32:02.080 --> 0:32:05.600
<v Speaker 2>they bad? Right? Should I open up my own business?

0:32:05.640 --> 0:32:09.640
<v Speaker 2>Should I be an entrepreneur because entrepreneur good employee bad?

0:32:10.400 --> 0:32:14.280
<v Speaker 2>Oh my god. There's a lot of context and probably

0:32:14.480 --> 0:32:19.600
<v Speaker 2>biological and psychological individuality. You know. You interviewed Susan Slide,

0:32:19.640 --> 0:32:23.280
<v Speaker 2>who I've known for decades, and I was on her

0:32:23.360 --> 0:32:28.320
<v Speaker 2>show and my dog had just died. So I was like, Okay,

0:32:28.320 --> 0:32:30.240
<v Speaker 2>I'm not going to cancel the show, but I was

0:32:30.400 --> 0:32:35.000
<v Speaker 2>I was wrecked on that show, and she had said,

0:32:35.640 --> 0:32:40.120
<v Speaker 2>you know, when you're getting into your own business, what's

0:32:40.160 --> 0:32:44.720
<v Speaker 2>the most important thing to consider? And you know, I

0:32:46.120 --> 0:32:50.760
<v Speaker 2>wasn't thinking at all, and I just responded with brutal honesty.

0:32:50.800 --> 0:32:54.280
<v Speaker 2>I was like, shit, you know, it's not an inspiring answer,

0:32:54.320 --> 0:32:57.360
<v Speaker 2>but know what the hell you're getting into and who

0:32:57.400 --> 0:33:01.000
<v Speaker 2>you're wanting are Because there's some things I've had. I've

0:33:01.000 --> 0:33:04.440
<v Speaker 2>had a few businesses, and I learned there are some

0:33:04.480 --> 0:33:06.760
<v Speaker 2>things that I'm really really good at and there are

0:33:06.800 --> 0:33:13.280
<v Speaker 2>some things where it's almost satirical how bad I am.

0:33:13.480 --> 0:33:16.479
<v Speaker 2>It's like, if you don't have the right partners with

0:33:16.560 --> 0:33:21.840
<v Speaker 2>complementary skill sets. I know, for me, like I'm capital

0:33:22.040 --> 0:33:26.960
<v Speaker 2>F you know, three letters after that, it's bad. You

0:33:27.240 --> 0:33:30.080
<v Speaker 2>really got to have that level of self awareness.

0:33:30.520 --> 0:33:36.920
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, yeah, And I mean business partnerships in general, they're tricky,

0:33:37.440 --> 0:33:40.280
<v Speaker 1>you know. And I mean I've had a few business

0:33:40.320 --> 0:33:43.360
<v Speaker 1>partners and they all started out good. They didn't all

0:33:43.440 --> 0:33:47.000
<v Speaker 1>end bad. In fact, none of them ended terribly. But yeah,

0:33:47.160 --> 0:33:50.800
<v Speaker 1>like things change, people change, people's priorities change over time,

0:33:51.480 --> 0:33:55.600
<v Speaker 1>and what what you originally had sometimes that disappears, and

0:33:56.480 --> 0:34:01.360
<v Speaker 1>you know, you go, Okay, I think it's to trying

0:34:01.400 --> 0:34:05.920
<v Speaker 1>to navigate the you know, the ever shifting landscape of

0:34:06.000 --> 0:34:08.680
<v Speaker 1>pretty much everything. It's like, what used to work for

0:34:08.800 --> 0:34:13.160
<v Speaker 1>me professionally when I was in my twenties didn't really

0:34:13.440 --> 0:34:16.520
<v Speaker 1>float my boat in my thirties. You know, there was

0:34:16.560 --> 0:34:18.799
<v Speaker 1>a time like you, when you were on the gym

0:34:18.840 --> 0:34:22.080
<v Speaker 1>floor and you were you were working in gyms and

0:34:22.120 --> 0:34:25.640
<v Speaker 1>inspiring and training and educating and selling and all that

0:34:25.719 --> 0:34:28.040
<v Speaker 1>stuff that you did. And there was a time there,

0:34:28.160 --> 0:34:30.279
<v Speaker 1>I'm sure where you fucking loved it and you got

0:34:30.280 --> 0:34:32.759
<v Speaker 1>a sense of self worth and all the stuff. You

0:34:32.880 --> 0:34:36.000
<v Speaker 1>same with me. You know the ex fat kid Now

0:34:36.040 --> 0:34:39.120
<v Speaker 1>he's training people. Wow, like he's not fat anymore. No.

0:34:39.160 --> 0:34:41.520
<v Speaker 1>I got self esteem and self worth and recognition and

0:34:41.600 --> 0:34:45.439
<v Speaker 1>acceptance and love and this is amazing. And then five

0:34:45.520 --> 0:34:47.879
<v Speaker 1>years later, yeah, this is pretty good. And then five

0:34:47.960 --> 0:34:51.960
<v Speaker 1>years later, yeah, it's all right. And then eventually it's like, nah,

0:34:52.000 --> 0:34:55.120
<v Speaker 1>I'm over this and it's not bad. It's just that

0:34:55.160 --> 0:34:58.279
<v Speaker 1>this doesn't work for me anymore. I need to do

0:34:58.400 --> 0:35:01.360
<v Speaker 1>other things, other ways. I need to learn new stuff.

0:35:01.400 --> 0:35:04.680
<v Speaker 1>I need to talk to different people about different things,

0:35:04.719 --> 0:35:08.359
<v Speaker 1>and I need to I need to evolve, and I can't.

0:35:08.400 --> 0:35:11.719
<v Speaker 1>I've been living in this kind of box for a

0:35:11.760 --> 0:35:15.399
<v Speaker 1>decade or so, and something else has to happened, now,

0:35:15.560 --> 0:35:15.759
<v Speaker 1>you know.

0:35:17.040 --> 0:35:19.359
<v Speaker 2>I think that's a positive sign. It's like Ralph Waldo

0:35:19.440 --> 0:35:23.520
<v Speaker 2>Emerson said that a foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of

0:35:23.640 --> 0:35:26.920
<v Speaker 2>little minds. It's like, just because you've changed and you're

0:35:26.960 --> 0:35:30.040
<v Speaker 2>not thinking and being the same person you are ten

0:35:30.120 --> 0:35:34.560
<v Speaker 2>years ago, it's not inconsistency. I think it's it's one

0:35:34.560 --> 0:35:39.200
<v Speaker 2>of the most prominent signs of interpersonal growth. Like you've done.

0:35:39.680 --> 0:35:42.840
<v Speaker 2>I think when you do well, you outgrow things because

0:35:43.120 --> 0:35:45.880
<v Speaker 2>as you deepen your expertise, you see more you have,

0:35:46.080 --> 0:35:50.120
<v Speaker 2>you could form more distinctions, and those distinctions uncover new

0:35:50.200 --> 0:35:54.880
<v Speaker 2>motivations and passions and paths, and it's beautiful. It's beautiful

0:35:54.920 --> 0:35:57.840
<v Speaker 2>to see that when you're working with people or people

0:35:57.880 --> 0:36:00.640
<v Speaker 2>on your team. I don't know if we see that

0:36:01.000 --> 0:36:03.480
<v Speaker 2>as much with ourselves, or maybe we do it. I'm

0:36:03.480 --> 0:36:05.160
<v Speaker 2>just talking shit. What do I know anyway?

0:36:05.800 --> 0:36:08.600
<v Speaker 1>Not at all. I mean, this is going to sound

0:36:08.680 --> 0:36:11.560
<v Speaker 1>totally cheesy, and I don't always live up to this,

0:36:11.719 --> 0:36:15.120
<v Speaker 1>but I feel like when I was younger, it wasn't

0:36:15.120 --> 0:36:17.759
<v Speaker 1>all about the getting. But I was a fair bit

0:36:17.800 --> 0:36:21.800
<v Speaker 1>about what am I getting. I'm getting recognition, I'm getting acceptance,

0:36:21.840 --> 0:36:25.920
<v Speaker 1>I'm getting money, I'm getting a bigger business, I'm getting profile.

0:36:26.360 --> 0:36:30.040
<v Speaker 1>It was really I wanted to help people, but as

0:36:30.080 --> 0:36:32.920
<v Speaker 1>probably we wanted to help myself the most. And then

0:36:33.640 --> 0:36:35.400
<v Speaker 1>I got to a point, which a lot of people do,

0:36:35.480 --> 0:36:39.080
<v Speaker 1>where I was moderately successful and you're like, well, I'm

0:36:39.120 --> 0:36:43.640
<v Speaker 1>way more successful than I was in that I'm earning

0:36:43.640 --> 0:36:45.880
<v Speaker 1>more dough and I'm doing all these good things and

0:36:45.880 --> 0:36:48.000
<v Speaker 1>I've got a house and I own a couple of things.

0:36:48.040 --> 0:36:51.400
<v Speaker 1>And you're like, yeah, but I'm not any happier. What

0:36:51.600 --> 0:36:55.239
<v Speaker 1>is that about? Not necessarily one causes the other. Maybe

0:36:55.280 --> 0:37:00.279
<v Speaker 1>they're disparate variables, but I think they're intertwined some how

0:37:00.320 --> 0:37:02.600
<v Speaker 1>for most people. So for me, it was like the

0:37:02.800 --> 0:37:07.399
<v Speaker 1>getting phase, and then it was like the who am

0:37:07.400 --> 0:37:10.120
<v Speaker 1>I becoming? Phase? Not what am I getting? And then

0:37:10.160 --> 0:37:14.520
<v Speaker 1>it was like the what am I giving? It's like

0:37:14.560 --> 0:37:16.719
<v Speaker 1>the getting and the becoming and the giving, and they're

0:37:16.719 --> 0:37:22.640
<v Speaker 1>still all intertwined somewhat. But you know, I'm I'm not

0:37:23.120 --> 0:37:26.680
<v Speaker 1>even though I make okay money, I'm not driven by money.

0:37:27.000 --> 0:37:30.680
<v Speaker 1>It doesn't it doesn't excite me. It's not my it

0:37:30.800 --> 0:37:33.279
<v Speaker 1>used to be my KPI. It's not anymore. It's like, yeah,

0:37:33.320 --> 0:37:35.680
<v Speaker 1>I've got to pay the bills and look after mum

0:37:35.680 --> 0:37:38.640
<v Speaker 1>and dad a bit and you know, put bloody petrol

0:37:38.719 --> 0:37:40.840
<v Speaker 1>in the car and all those things. But yeah, it's

0:37:40.880 --> 0:37:44.120
<v Speaker 1>just it's it's things just shift. Like you're like, what

0:37:44.360 --> 0:37:46.280
<v Speaker 1>is wealth kind of shifts?

0:37:47.760 --> 0:37:51.320
<v Speaker 2>Yeah? Well, what do you think creates that shift?

0:37:51.560 --> 0:37:52.080
<v Speaker 1>Is it?

0:37:52.120 --> 0:37:56.880
<v Speaker 2>Is it maturity? Is it security? Like financial or emotional?

0:37:57.040 --> 0:37:59.279
<v Speaker 2>You know, I have a little bit like what drives

0:37:59.320 --> 0:38:03.640
<v Speaker 2>that illution? Because it's common, not with everybody, but with

0:38:04.280 --> 0:38:06.480
<v Speaker 2>a large enough amount of people that you can kind

0:38:06.480 --> 0:38:09.919
<v Speaker 2>of see that trajectory. What do you think's behind it? Yeah?

0:38:10.000 --> 0:38:13.080
<v Speaker 1>Good question. So I think the thing, you know, the

0:38:13.120 --> 0:38:15.920
<v Speaker 1>whole lot of money doesn't make it happy. Yeah, I

0:38:15.960 --> 0:38:17.719
<v Speaker 1>get that, but it kind of does if you've got

0:38:17.719 --> 0:38:21.000
<v Speaker 1>no money. Yeah, people with money say that, right, But

0:38:21.040 --> 0:38:23.160
<v Speaker 1>then people with no money, all of a sudden they've

0:38:23.160 --> 0:38:26.040
<v Speaker 1>got money. Well, this is pretty fucking great. So, as

0:38:26.080 --> 0:38:28.080
<v Speaker 1>you and I have said before, there's a there's a

0:38:28.120 --> 0:38:34.680
<v Speaker 1>correlation and to a certain point, but I think beyond that. Yeah,

0:38:34.719 --> 0:38:36.640
<v Speaker 1>I mean I was when I was young, I was

0:38:36.840 --> 0:38:40.800
<v Speaker 1>literally I used to work six days a week in

0:38:40.840 --> 0:38:42.640
<v Speaker 1>a gym and three or four nights a week in

0:38:42.719 --> 0:38:45.080
<v Speaker 1>pubs getting punched in the face for twelve dollars an

0:38:45.120 --> 0:38:48.720
<v Speaker 1>hour making you know, like I worked seventy eighty hours

0:38:48.760 --> 0:38:50.840
<v Speaker 1>and earned not a lot of money. So I worked

0:38:50.920 --> 0:38:54.200
<v Speaker 1>very hard for a long time making lot not lots

0:38:54.200 --> 0:38:57.560
<v Speaker 1>of dough. So I definitely didn't come from any kind

0:38:57.560 --> 0:39:01.200
<v Speaker 1>of privilege or upper class, right, I just grinded, and

0:39:01.239 --> 0:39:03.360
<v Speaker 1>that's and I'm glad I did because it gave me

0:39:03.520 --> 0:39:04.760
<v Speaker 1>context and awareness.

0:39:04.840 --> 0:39:05.040
<v Speaker 2>Right.

0:39:05.320 --> 0:39:09.839
<v Speaker 1>But then then I think, for me, when I got

0:39:09.880 --> 0:39:11.840
<v Speaker 1>to a point where I went, well, now I'm comfortable

0:39:11.840 --> 0:39:15.600
<v Speaker 1>and now I own things, it was just an awareness

0:39:15.640 --> 0:39:18.080
<v Speaker 1>thing that this, while none of this is bad and

0:39:18.120 --> 0:39:22.560
<v Speaker 1>I'm very grateful for what I have, money isn't my purpose,

0:39:23.840 --> 0:39:26.680
<v Speaker 1>you know. It's like, oh, this is just a tool

0:39:26.719 --> 0:39:29.759
<v Speaker 1>and a resource that's pretty good to have, but it's

0:39:29.800 --> 0:39:32.480
<v Speaker 1>not my reason for getting out of bed. It's not

0:39:32.800 --> 0:39:38.080
<v Speaker 1>who I am. And then I think, while also at

0:39:38.080 --> 0:39:43.239
<v Speaker 1>the same time, these things don't need to operate in isolation.

0:39:43.400 --> 0:39:45.200
<v Speaker 1>It's not like, oh, I need to try and be

0:39:45.320 --> 0:39:48.840
<v Speaker 1>commercially successful or I need to be the Dali Lama,

0:39:49.640 --> 0:39:52.719
<v Speaker 1>like I can have a for want of a better term,

0:39:54.239 --> 0:39:59.800
<v Speaker 1>a loving, kind, spiritual component to my existence. But also

0:39:59.840 --> 0:40:03.279
<v Speaker 1>be a guy who charges that company lots of day

0:40:03.320 --> 0:40:05.920
<v Speaker 1>to go and talk they can afford it. I'm not

0:40:06.000 --> 0:40:08.080
<v Speaker 1>bad at it. I've done it a lot. That's my

0:40:08.200 --> 0:40:11.840
<v Speaker 1>commercial value in that space. This is what I'm charging,

0:40:11.880 --> 0:40:13.880
<v Speaker 1>that's what you're paying me. Thanks very much, see you

0:40:13.920 --> 0:40:16.960
<v Speaker 1>next time. It's all good. But also happy to talk

0:40:17.000 --> 0:40:21.480
<v Speaker 1>to that person that doesn't have any dough And you know,

0:40:21.560 --> 0:40:23.759
<v Speaker 1>not every person every time, of course, because there's a

0:40:23.840 --> 0:40:26.280
<v Speaker 1>number of hours in a day. But you know where

0:40:26.920 --> 0:40:32.279
<v Speaker 1>there are things that I've done some gigs for for

0:40:32.400 --> 0:40:36.600
<v Speaker 1>organizations where they literally can't afford to pay a speaker,

0:40:36.640 --> 0:40:39.680
<v Speaker 1>and I just you know, I volunteer my time and gladly,

0:40:40.520 --> 0:40:43.439
<v Speaker 1>and some of those have been the best things I've

0:40:43.440 --> 0:40:47.960
<v Speaker 1>ever done. Where you're driving two hours, you're talking to

0:40:48.040 --> 0:40:54.560
<v Speaker 1>seventy people in a tennis club and it's like it's

0:40:54.760 --> 0:40:59.240
<v Speaker 1>so not glamorous and you get paid zero dollars zero

0:41:00.000 --> 0:41:01.080
<v Speaker 1>and it's fucking amazing.

0:41:02.080 --> 0:41:02.319
<v Speaker 2>You know.

0:41:03.040 --> 0:41:05.440
<v Speaker 1>That's that's some of the things that lock me on fire.

0:41:06.600 --> 0:41:08.960
<v Speaker 2>I would love to do that. When talking about that,

0:41:08.960 --> 0:41:10.520
<v Speaker 2>I'm like, yeah, that sounds like a fun day but

0:41:10.560 --> 0:41:12.680
<v Speaker 2>I don't know anything about tennis. What am I gonna say?

0:41:13.320 --> 0:41:17.399
<v Speaker 2>You know, I think I don't think money does make

0:41:17.440 --> 0:41:20.120
<v Speaker 2>you happy because I know a lot of people we

0:41:20.160 --> 0:41:25.200
<v Speaker 2>both do that are like obscenely wealthy. Some of them

0:41:25.239 --> 0:41:28.000
<v Speaker 2>are happy as a pagan shit. Other people are just

0:41:28.840 --> 0:41:32.600
<v Speaker 2>perpetually miserable. But I do believe that a lack of

0:41:32.760 --> 0:41:38.160
<v Speaker 2>money definitely makes you unhappy. Now, I mean, Maslow's hierarchy

0:41:38.160 --> 0:41:41.480
<v Speaker 2>of human needs is pretty flawed. I mean it was,

0:41:41.640 --> 0:41:44.960
<v Speaker 2>you know, done studying a bunch of middle aged white

0:41:45.000 --> 0:41:49.600
<v Speaker 2>guys in mid twentieth century US, and you know which

0:41:49.680 --> 0:41:52.759
<v Speaker 2>one of the How those needs are met and how

0:41:52.800 --> 0:41:57.160
<v Speaker 2>they show up is different culturally. But the idea that

0:41:57.320 --> 0:42:02.239
<v Speaker 2>you know, if one need is glaring unmet, it kind

0:42:02.280 --> 0:42:06.400
<v Speaker 2>of doesn't allow space for the other needs to manifest.

0:42:06.880 --> 0:42:09.280
<v Speaker 2>There's some truth to that. You know. If I'm homeless

0:42:09.280 --> 0:42:12.719
<v Speaker 2>and I'm starving, I'm not really thinking about my legacy.

0:42:12.800 --> 0:42:15.319
<v Speaker 2>I'm not thinking about how I'm gonna connect with an

0:42:15.360 --> 0:42:18.160
<v Speaker 2>audience and like contribute at my workplace. I don't have

0:42:18.200 --> 0:42:21.200
<v Speaker 2>a workplace. What I'm thinking about is I need to

0:42:21.200 --> 0:42:24.439
<v Speaker 2>find food. How am I going to make that happen? So, yes,

0:42:24.800 --> 0:42:28.839
<v Speaker 2>it's that those kind of things, and it's not just

0:42:29.800 --> 0:42:33.799
<v Speaker 2>it's not just the money. I think it's poverty on

0:42:34.000 --> 0:42:38.200
<v Speaker 2>any emotional level. And I don't want to dismiss how

0:42:38.280 --> 0:42:41.560
<v Speaker 2>crushing poverty is because I think it's something like ninety

0:42:41.560 --> 0:42:46.440
<v Speaker 2>eight percent of anyone who grows up within a certain

0:42:46.520 --> 0:42:52.399
<v Speaker 2>postal cold and within a socioeconomic status stays there. And

0:42:52.560 --> 0:42:56.520
<v Speaker 2>I doubt, I doubt that ninety eight percent are just

0:42:56.920 --> 0:43:00.480
<v Speaker 2>unmotivated and fucked up. So I do think resource versus

0:43:00.600 --> 0:43:04.800
<v Speaker 2>available to matter way more than most people would admit.

0:43:05.400 --> 0:43:09.520
<v Speaker 2>But what if I also have like an emotional level

0:43:09.560 --> 0:43:13.799
<v Speaker 2>of deprivation where I don't really have confidence. I've not

0:43:13.880 --> 0:43:16.200
<v Speaker 2>been out in the world. I have passions, but I

0:43:16.239 --> 0:43:18.839
<v Speaker 2>don't know what I'm capable of. And then it's like, oh,

0:43:18.880 --> 0:43:21.640
<v Speaker 2>you know what I do make a difference. I am

0:43:21.680 --> 0:43:24.840
<v Speaker 2>making a contribution. Shit, you know this is not about me.

0:43:25.600 --> 0:43:27.759
<v Speaker 2>You know I could take my focus off of me

0:43:28.080 --> 0:43:32.200
<v Speaker 2>and put it increasingly on other things and other people

0:43:32.560 --> 0:43:36.040
<v Speaker 2>that transcend my own immediate needs because I feel secure

0:43:36.160 --> 0:43:36.759
<v Speaker 2>enough to do that.

0:43:37.480 --> 0:43:40.040
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, I was talking to some We've got to wind up.

0:43:40.080 --> 0:43:41.920
<v Speaker 1>But I was talking to somebody else the other day

0:43:41.960 --> 0:43:45.360
<v Speaker 1>and we're talking about the fact that, you know, in

0:43:45.400 --> 0:43:49.040
<v Speaker 1>a world of eight billion people, two billion people can't

0:43:49.120 --> 0:43:51.680
<v Speaker 1>walk up to a tap and get some water. You know,

0:43:51.719 --> 0:43:54.239
<v Speaker 1>they can't turn a tap on, get a glass of water,

0:43:54.360 --> 0:43:56.839
<v Speaker 1>or fill a kettle, or you know, or have a

0:43:56.960 --> 0:44:02.520
<v Speaker 1>have a shower, have a bath. You know, two billion people,

0:44:02.760 --> 0:44:05.560
<v Speaker 1>you know, twenty five percent of the world's population don't

0:44:05.640 --> 0:44:09.040
<v Speaker 1>have access to food whenever they want. It's probably more

0:44:09.080 --> 0:44:13.600
<v Speaker 1>than that, but like there are so you know you yeah,

0:44:14.200 --> 0:44:16.239
<v Speaker 1>I mean I can't talk for everyone listening to this,

0:44:16.320 --> 0:44:19.839
<v Speaker 1>of course, but I for one, I just I am.

0:44:21.600 --> 0:44:25.280
<v Speaker 1>I'm so grateful and also like a tiny bit guilty.

0:44:25.400 --> 0:44:30.440
<v Speaker 1>It's like I was born in Australia, which is point

0:44:31.080 --> 0:44:35.480
<v Speaker 1>what is it? It's like point zero three percent of

0:44:35.520 --> 0:44:40.160
<v Speaker 1>the world's popular some tiny amount. It's like, statistically, to

0:44:40.200 --> 0:44:43.440
<v Speaker 1>be born in Australia is one in three hundred, That's

0:44:43.480 --> 0:44:46.600
<v Speaker 1>what it is, one in three hundred to be born

0:44:46.920 --> 0:44:49.680
<v Speaker 1>in a place where for me, anyway, I had loving parents,

0:44:49.680 --> 0:44:52.319
<v Speaker 1>I went to good schools. I never I never had

0:44:52.320 --> 0:44:55.399
<v Speaker 1>to you know, there was no hardship, and I didn't

0:44:55.480 --> 0:44:58.600
<v Speaker 1>deserve any of that. I didn't deserve any of it.

0:44:58.800 --> 0:45:02.279
<v Speaker 1>I was just lucky. I was just lucky to have

0:45:02.360 --> 0:45:05.160
<v Speaker 1>the parents I had to be born in the place

0:45:05.239 --> 0:45:10.640
<v Speaker 1>I was, you know, and it's like, yeah, it's that's

0:45:10.920 --> 0:45:14.000
<v Speaker 1>but like a lot of people do not, and I know,

0:45:14.200 --> 0:45:16.200
<v Speaker 1>without opening a door, we don't want it. But you

0:45:16.239 --> 0:45:19.520
<v Speaker 1>didn't have that, you know, you you had some struggles

0:45:19.520 --> 0:45:22.319
<v Speaker 1>which we'll talk about and have spoken about but another day.

0:45:22.360 --> 0:45:26.680
<v Speaker 1>But yeah, it's like a lot of people start, as

0:45:26.719 --> 0:45:29.160
<v Speaker 1>you said, you know, nine app percent of people who

0:45:29.200 --> 0:45:32.040
<v Speaker 1>are born in a certain postcode or postal or area

0:45:32.120 --> 0:45:34.279
<v Speaker 1>code as whatever you zip code as you call it

0:45:34.280 --> 0:45:38.040
<v Speaker 1>over there whatever. Yeah, and that's that's just where they

0:45:38.040 --> 0:45:40.799
<v Speaker 1>were born, and that's just their starting point, which is

0:45:41.440 --> 0:45:44.719
<v Speaker 1>there's no fairness to any of that, got it.

0:45:44.760 --> 0:45:46.080
<v Speaker 2>There's so much I want to say. I know we've

0:45:46.080 --> 0:45:47.960
<v Speaker 2>got to wrap up, so I will meet I'll make

0:45:48.040 --> 0:45:50.200
<v Speaker 2>this short, but yeah, you're right. I was growing up

0:45:50.200 --> 0:45:57.920
<v Speaker 2>in interesting circumstances, as many people do. And you know,

0:45:58.080 --> 0:46:02.760
<v Speaker 2>I was having this conversation with my boss earlier today,

0:46:03.480 --> 0:46:06.920
<v Speaker 2>who's an extraordinary woman. I mean, she's probably one of

0:46:06.920 --> 0:46:10.560
<v Speaker 2>the most extraordinary people I know. And I was saying,

0:46:10.760 --> 0:46:14.600
<v Speaker 2>because we are working within multiple industries that are pretty

0:46:14.600 --> 0:46:17.040
<v Speaker 2>shaken up right now, for a lot of different reasons.

0:46:17.960 --> 0:46:20.759
<v Speaker 2>I feel so lucky and grateful that I can make

0:46:20.800 --> 0:46:26.400
<v Speaker 2>a contribution that hopefully makes people's lives a little bit

0:46:26.480 --> 0:46:31.160
<v Speaker 2>less painful, more resilient, and more engaging. And I'm very

0:46:31.200 --> 0:46:34.239
<v Speaker 2>happy that I'm sitting where I'm sitting within the organization.

0:46:34.800 --> 0:46:37.600
<v Speaker 2>But I don't feel guilty at all. I feel zero

0:46:37.760 --> 0:46:41.000
<v Speaker 2>guilt that other people can't get water. And you know,

0:46:41.040 --> 0:46:43.160
<v Speaker 2>I was lucky enough to be born into the United States,

0:46:43.200 --> 0:46:50.160
<v Speaker 2>because you cannot help anyone who's suffering by suffering with

0:46:50.280 --> 0:46:53.680
<v Speaker 2>them at their depth. Like, I think the person who

0:46:53.719 --> 0:46:57.799
<v Speaker 2>started turning my life around was Mitch Mitchell Pacifico, the

0:46:57.800 --> 0:47:01.640
<v Speaker 2>owner of Gold gym aj If Mitch didn't have a gym,

0:47:01.719 --> 0:47:03.680
<v Speaker 2>and like I don't know, he was serving time at

0:47:03.680 --> 0:47:06.799
<v Speaker 2>the moment and his life was horrible, would have never

0:47:06.880 --> 0:47:11.880
<v Speaker 2>impacted me, So my life would have been dramatically different.

0:47:12.160 --> 0:47:14.520
<v Speaker 2>He was in a position to help me, and he

0:47:14.640 --> 0:47:21.239
<v Speaker 2>was willing. And I think you know it, Emmon's and McCullough,

0:47:21.320 --> 0:47:25.879
<v Speaker 2>they've done some great research on gratitude. But I think

0:47:26.200 --> 0:47:27.959
<v Speaker 2>when it tying it back to what you said about

0:47:28.040 --> 0:47:32.000
<v Speaker 2>rapport earlier, one of the most powerful mechanisms of gratitude

0:47:32.040 --> 0:47:35.719
<v Speaker 2>is when you're feeling it, you express it. And what

0:47:35.800 --> 0:47:39.360
<v Speaker 2>that does for people and how they react to you

0:47:39.440 --> 0:47:45.640
<v Speaker 2>and what that does for social bonds and ties is beautiful.

0:47:46.160 --> 0:47:49.080
<v Speaker 2>And I think a lot of it is transcendent. So

0:47:49.280 --> 0:47:53.440
<v Speaker 2>it's like I've been working on living just for today

0:47:53.680 --> 0:47:55.760
<v Speaker 2>because I'm a very anxious person. I'm always thinking about

0:47:56.000 --> 0:48:00.640
<v Speaker 2>the future and looking back in the past, which can

0:48:00.719 --> 0:48:03.080
<v Speaker 2>be constructive, but too much of that not at all.

0:48:03.440 --> 0:48:05.440
<v Speaker 2>And it's like, Okay, what can I do today? I

0:48:05.440 --> 0:48:07.839
<v Speaker 2>don't know what's going to happen tomorrow, but we've got

0:48:09.120 --> 0:48:11.880
<v Speaker 2>over one hundred thousand people that are depending on us today.

0:48:11.960 --> 0:48:15.239
<v Speaker 2>What can I do just to contribute and move the

0:48:15.280 --> 0:48:19.960
<v Speaker 2>needle today? And you know, it's keeping me, it's keeping

0:48:20.000 --> 0:48:21.120
<v Speaker 2>me kind of focused.

0:48:22.360 --> 0:48:25.360
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, well, you're doing a good job. I mean, you

0:48:25.400 --> 0:48:28.480
<v Speaker 1>know you're doing a good job. Despite that feedback from

0:48:28.520 --> 0:48:29.400
<v Speaker 1>Craig Harper.

0:48:29.160 --> 0:48:33.439
<v Speaker 2>A year ago, Thank you, mate, so weird. I appreciate that,

0:48:33.560 --> 0:48:35.640
<v Speaker 2>and I appreciate the commenter year ago.

0:48:36.600 --> 0:48:40.600
<v Speaker 1>Thanks buddy. You look after your mate. And I think

0:48:40.640 --> 0:48:43.560
<v Speaker 1>we're skipping next week because we're both inter state or

0:48:43.600 --> 0:48:44.600
<v Speaker 1>we're both doing stuff.

0:48:44.600 --> 0:48:47.560
<v Speaker 2>But I'll see you see.

0:48:48.440 --> 0:48:49.359
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, we'll talk soon.

0:48:50.280 --> 0:48:51.879
<v Speaker 2>Bye everybody, Bye Craig,