Speaker 1: Hello, friend, how are you today? Well, I've got a
Speaker 1: little confession to make on this episode. Last month, I
Speaker 1: shared a solo episode about how not to let little
Speaker 1: things steal our piece.
Speaker 2: You may remember it, and if.
Speaker 1: You don't, I'll put the link in the show notes
Speaker 1: so you can listen to it afterwards. But in that episode,
Speaker 1: I told a story about my little cousin who had
Speaker 1: scraped his knee and reacted so wildly about it, so
Speaker 1: much so that myself and his parents thought something horrible
Speaker 1: had happened to him, and then when we realized it didn't.
Speaker 1: I remember his mum telling him that his cries need
Speaker 1: to be relevant to his wounds next time, because his
Speaker 1: overreaction to his experience went too far. So my confession here,
Speaker 1: I am telling everyone this story and how we should
Speaker 1: probably react relevant to our wounds and our injuries and
Speaker 1: our experiences. Over the weekend, I needed to take my
Speaker 1: own advice. I was getting dressed for my friend's birthday
Speaker 1: lunch and also trying to multi as a mum by
Speaker 1: helping my daughter to make a Bondai Rescue T shirt
Speaker 1: for a dress up party she was going to, and
Speaker 1: we were trying to iron on letters onto her T shirt,
Speaker 1: but it was not working, probably, and we were both
Speaker 1: getting super frustrated, and I suggested to her that we
Speaker 1: write the wording instead because we're running out of time
Speaker 1: and it was probably the best way forward at this point,
Speaker 1: and she agreed. She says, fine, Mom, let's just write
Speaker 1: the letters instead. So if I went to go and
Speaker 1: get the permanent sharpie texture to write Bonda Rescue on
Speaker 1: her T shirt.
Speaker 2: Meanwhile, I'm dressed for lunch.
Speaker 1: I'm wearing my new and absolutely favorite beige jeans from
Speaker 1: Dish and I recently brought and loved, and you can
Speaker 1: ask my friends how much I love them, because all
Speaker 1: I ever talk about when I wear them is how
Speaker 1: much I love them. And you're probably starting to guess
Speaker 1: what's going to happen. But because I was rushing and
Speaker 1: probably had a little bit of perimenopausal brain fog going on,
Speaker 1: I took the lid off the text while I was
Speaker 1: out where I was going to write the words across
Speaker 1: the T shirt, and I didn't even realize that the
Speaker 1: lid was off, and I looked down to see that
Speaker 1: I had accidentally drawn black permanent sharpie texture all over
Speaker 1: my favorite new Dish jeans. Right at the waist, in
Speaker 1: the most prominent spot of the genes where everyone can
Speaker 1: see it.
Speaker 2: And I lost it.
Speaker 1: And to say my reaction did not match my experience
Speaker 1: was an understatement. A three year old tantrum would probably
Speaker 1: describe it best. And my whole family thought I had
Speaker 1: lost the plot.
Speaker 2: I blamed my daughter. I stopped my feet.
Speaker 1: I ran to get the methylated spirits because that's what
Speaker 1: Google said to do, and then it said to.
Speaker 2: Spray hair spray on it.
Speaker 1: So I tried that nothing was working, and my tantrum
Speaker 1: was getting worse, And meanwhile, my poor husband was going
Speaker 1: into fix it mode and googling and pouring turpentine on
Speaker 1: the text to marks and doing anything he could to
Speaker 1: try and calm me doubt. And I'm laughing now, but
Speaker 1: at the time I really wasn't reacting very well. Once
Speaker 1: I got a new outfit and got redressed and calmed
Speaker 1: my farm, I actually realized how I'd reacted and how
Speaker 1: ridiculous I'd been. And when I got to my friend's
Speaker 1: birthday lunch, I was telling everyone about my dramatic morning,
Speaker 1: and I actually realized then, and I admitted to everyone
Speaker 1: that my response did not match my experience. And I
Speaker 1: had to walk my talk. And I don't share this
Speaker 1: story because I'm proud of it.
Speaker 2: I'm really not.
Speaker 1: I share it because I'm human. Because we all have
Speaker 1: moments when we overreact. We all have moments when we
Speaker 1: turn a problem into a catastrophe, and none of us
Speaker 1: are perfect. But I think the goal is awareness. It's
Speaker 1: recognizing when we've let a small moment become a big
Speaker 1: one and catching ourselves sooner, and shortening the time between
Speaker 1: the reaction and the realization.
Speaker 2: Because the quicker, we.
Speaker 1: Can step back and ask did my response actually match
Speaker 1: my experience? The quicker we can return to peace. And
Speaker 1: this doesn't just apply to stained genes. I think it
Speaker 1: can apply to our relationships too, because I wasn't being
Speaker 1: amazing in my relationships at this moment, that's for sure.
Speaker 1: But you may have heard my recent conversation with very
Speaker 1: well known family therapists Terry Real. If you haven't listened
Speaker 1: to it, make sure you do. It's really fascinating and
Speaker 1: there were so many things you can unhear moments in
Speaker 1: that conversation that has stayed with me ever since. He
Speaker 1: explained that every relationship moves through a cycle, and we
Speaker 1: don't get taught this enough first. In a relationship, there's harmony,
Speaker 1: there's the good things, you're feeling connected, you're on the
Speaker 1: same page. Then at times comes disharmony. It's when you
Speaker 1: have a disagreement, or when you have a misunderstanding, or
Speaker 1: you're feeling hurt, or you're feeling disconnected. And the problem
Speaker 1: isn't the disharmony itself, because every relationship experiences that at
Speaker 1: some point.
Speaker 2: The problem is how long.
Speaker 1: We choose to stay in dishearm Sometimes, and I'm probably
Speaker 1: guilty of it as well, we can spend days, weeks,
Speaker 1: even months in resentment waiting for the other person to
Speaker 1: make the first move to what is the most important stage,
Speaker 1: and that is repair, the return to connection and understanding
Speaker 1: and remembering that you're actually on the same team. And
Speaker 1: what stay with me the most from the conversation that
Speaker 1: I had with Terry Reel was the idea that we
Speaker 1: often spend far longer in disharmony than the situation actually deserves,
Speaker 1: just like I did with my genes, just like many
Speaker 1: of us do with our little frustrations and our disappointments
Speaker 1: and our misunderstandings that show up in everyday life. Maybe
Speaker 1: the argument isn't really about the dishes or the milk
Speaker 1: they forgot to pick up on the way home. Maybe
Speaker 1: it's simply a moment where our response didn't match our
Speaker 1: experience and we're blowing up because something else is on
Speaker 1: our mind, or we're tired, or we're stressed, And when
Speaker 1: we recognize that, we can more quickly move towards repair.
Speaker 1: These little shifts in perspective are exactly why I create
Speaker 1: this podcast, and I call them as many of you know,
Speaker 1: things you can't unhear moments, those moments when you hear
Speaker 1: something that lands differently a sentence, a story, a perspective.
Speaker 1: Maybe you've heard it ten times before, but suddenly, for
Speaker 1: whatever reason, it clicks. The words meet you exactly where
Speaker 1: you are, And I think things you can't unhear moments
Speaker 1: are all about timing. Timing really matters when you're sharing
Speaker 1: insights that could shift people's perspectives. For example, if your
Speaker 1: relationship is feeling amazing right now, Terry's inside about repair
Speaker 1: might simply be a passing thought that you hear.
Speaker 2: But if you're lying awake.
Speaker 1: After another argument with your partner, wondering how things got
Speaker 1: so hard, those same words might become the exact thing
Speaker 1: you needed to hear at the exact right time, the
Speaker 1: same message a completely different impact. And if you've been
Speaker 1: listening to this podcast for a long time, you'll know
Speaker 1: that I've always believed that a single idea can change
Speaker 1: the trajectory of a day, a relationship, or even your life.
Speaker 2: And it doesn't have to be a new idea.
Speaker 1: In personal development work, there is so many messages that
Speaker 1: come from different people with the same information. But when
Speaker 1: something really does land, it's because you're ready to finally
Speaker 1: receive it. So think about if there's been a bit
Speaker 1: of a things you can on here, a moment in
Speaker 1: this episode for you, something that resonated for you right
Speaker 1: now in what you are possibly going through. Maybe today
Speaker 1: it's the idea that your response doesn't always have to
Speaker 1: match your emotion. Maybe it's Terry Reel's reminder that we
Speaker 1: don't need to spend so long sitting in disharmony before
Speaker 1: we move to repair. Or maybe it's simply the realization
Speaker 1: that you've been giving too much energy to something that
Speaker 1: doesn't deserve to take up so much space in your hit.
Speaker 1: Whatever it is, my hope is that somewhere in today's episode,
Speaker 1: you found your own things you can't on here, a moment,
Speaker 1: a small shift in perspective that helps you see a situation,
Speaker 1: a relationship, or even yourself a little differently. Now, if
Speaker 1: anyone listening happens to know how to remove a permanent
Speaker 1: Sharpe text mark off a pair of genes, my dms
Speaker 1: are wide open for you to let me know clearly
Speaker 1: not quite over it.
Speaker 2: Thanks for listening to today's episode.
Speaker 1: Now if you haven't already subscribed to the show, but
Speaker 1: also did you know that we have a wellbeing marketplace now.
Speaker 1: All brands that I love and trust are listed on
Speaker 1: this website page that I've created at Maritza Baron dot com.
Speaker 1: And I learn about so many wonderful brands interviewing experts
Speaker 1: on this show when it comes to health and wellbeing
Speaker 1: and mindset, and I've put them all in one place
Speaker 1: so that you can find out where to shop for
Speaker 1: brands that are actually good for you. Plus, I have
Speaker 1: a community database where I send out emails with important
Speaker 1: things when they come up. And if you'd like to
Speaker 1: join that, just jump onto my website and add your
Speaker 1: email in. You just have to screw right down to
Speaker 1: the bottom of the page and you can do so
Speaker 1: right there. Thanks again for being here, and thanks again
Speaker 1: for being part of this wild ride called life that
Speaker 1: we are on together