WEBVTT - I Have a Confession To Make // Maritza Barone

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<v Speaker 1>Hello, friend, how are you today? Well, I've got a

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<v Speaker 1>little confession to make on this episode. Last month, I

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<v Speaker 1>shared a solo episode about how not to let little

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<v Speaker 1>things steal our piece.

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<v Speaker 2>You may remember it, and if.

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<v Speaker 1>You don't, I'll put the link in the show notes

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<v Speaker 1>so you can listen to it afterwards. But in that episode,

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<v Speaker 1>I told a story about my little cousin who had

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<v Speaker 1>scraped his knee and reacted so wildly about it, so

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<v Speaker 1>much so that myself and his parents thought something horrible

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<v Speaker 1>had happened to him, and then when we realized it didn't.

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<v Speaker 1>I remember his mum telling him that his cries need

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<v Speaker 1>to be relevant to his wounds next time, because his

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<v Speaker 1>overreaction to his experience went too far. So my confession here,

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<v Speaker 1>I am telling everyone this story and how we should

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<v Speaker 1>probably react relevant to our wounds and our injuries and

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<v Speaker 1>our experiences. Over the weekend, I needed to take my

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<v Speaker 1>own advice. I was getting dressed for my friend's birthday

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<v Speaker 1>lunch and also trying to multi as a mum by

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<v Speaker 1>helping my daughter to make a Bondai Rescue T shirt

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<v Speaker 1>for a dress up party she was going to, and

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<v Speaker 1>we were trying to iron on letters onto her T shirt,

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<v Speaker 1>but it was not working, probably, and we were both

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<v Speaker 1>getting super frustrated, and I suggested to her that we

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<v Speaker 1>write the wording instead because we're running out of time

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<v Speaker 1>and it was probably the best way forward at this point,

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<v Speaker 1>and she agreed. She says, fine, Mom, let's just write

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<v Speaker 1>the letters instead. So if I went to go and

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<v Speaker 1>get the permanent sharpie texture to write Bonda Rescue on

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<v Speaker 1>her T shirt.

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<v Speaker 2>Meanwhile, I'm dressed for lunch.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm wearing my new and absolutely favorite beige jeans from

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<v Speaker 1>Dish and I recently brought and loved, and you can

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<v Speaker 1>ask my friends how much I love them, because all

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<v Speaker 1>I ever talk about when I wear them is how

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<v Speaker 1>much I love them. And you're probably starting to guess

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<v Speaker 1>what's going to happen. But because I was rushing and

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<v Speaker 1>probably had a little bit of perimenopausal brain fog going on,

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<v Speaker 1>I took the lid off the text while I was

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<v Speaker 1>out where I was going to write the words across

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<v Speaker 1>the T shirt, and I didn't even realize that the

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<v Speaker 1>lid was off, and I looked down to see that

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<v Speaker 1>I had accidentally drawn black permanent sharpie texture all over

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<v Speaker 1>my favorite new Dish jeans. Right at the waist, in

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<v Speaker 1>the most prominent spot of the genes where everyone can

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<v Speaker 1>see it.

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<v Speaker 2>And I lost it.

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<v Speaker 1>And to say my reaction did not match my experience

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<v Speaker 1>was an understatement. A three year old tantrum would probably

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<v Speaker 1>describe it best. And my whole family thought I had

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<v Speaker 1>lost the plot.

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<v Speaker 2>I blamed my daughter. I stopped my feet.

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<v Speaker 1>I ran to get the methylated spirits because that's what

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<v Speaker 1>Google said to do, and then it said to.

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<v Speaker 2>Spray hair spray on it.

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<v Speaker 1>So I tried that nothing was working, and my tantrum

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<v Speaker 1>was getting worse, And meanwhile, my poor husband was going

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<v Speaker 1>into fix it mode and googling and pouring turpentine on

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<v Speaker 1>the text to marks and doing anything he could to

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<v Speaker 1>try and calm me doubt. And I'm laughing now, but

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<v Speaker 1>at the time I really wasn't reacting very well. Once

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<v Speaker 1>I got a new outfit and got redressed and calmed

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<v Speaker 1>my farm, I actually realized how I'd reacted and how

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<v Speaker 1>ridiculous I'd been. And when I got to my friend's

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<v Speaker 1>birthday lunch, I was telling everyone about my dramatic morning,

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<v Speaker 1>and I actually realized then, and I admitted to everyone

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<v Speaker 1>that my response did not match my experience. And I

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<v Speaker 1>had to walk my talk. And I don't share this

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<v Speaker 1>story because I'm proud of it.

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<v Speaker 2>I'm really not.

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<v Speaker 1>I share it because I'm human. Because we all have

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<v Speaker 1>moments when we overreact. We all have moments when we

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<v Speaker 1>turn a problem into a catastrophe, and none of us

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<v Speaker 1>are perfect. But I think the goal is awareness. It's

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<v Speaker 1>recognizing when we've let a small moment become a big

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<v Speaker 1>one and catching ourselves sooner, and shortening the time between

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<v Speaker 1>the reaction and the realization.

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<v Speaker 2>Because the quicker, we.

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<v Speaker 1>Can step back and ask did my response actually match

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<v Speaker 1>my experience? The quicker we can return to peace. And

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<v Speaker 1>this doesn't just apply to stained genes. I think it

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<v Speaker 1>can apply to our relationships too, because I wasn't being

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<v Speaker 1>amazing in my relationships at this moment, that's for sure.

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<v Speaker 1>But you may have heard my recent conversation with very

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<v Speaker 1>well known family therapists Terry Real. If you haven't listened

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<v Speaker 1>to it, make sure you do. It's really fascinating and

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<v Speaker 1>there were so many things you can unhear moments in

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<v Speaker 1>that conversation that has stayed with me ever since. He

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<v Speaker 1>explained that every relationship moves through a cycle, and we

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<v Speaker 1>don't get taught this enough first. In a relationship, there's harmony,

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<v Speaker 1>there's the good things, you're feeling connected, you're on the

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<v Speaker 1>same page. Then at times comes disharmony. It's when you

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<v Speaker 1>have a disagreement, or when you have a misunderstanding, or

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<v Speaker 1>you're feeling hurt, or you're feeling disconnected. And the problem

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<v Speaker 1>isn't the disharmony itself, because every relationship experiences that at

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<v Speaker 1>some point.

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<v Speaker 2>The problem is how long.

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<v Speaker 1>We choose to stay in dishearm Sometimes, and I'm probably

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<v Speaker 1>guilty of it as well, we can spend days, weeks,

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<v Speaker 1>even months in resentment waiting for the other person to

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<v Speaker 1>make the first move to what is the most important stage,

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<v Speaker 1>and that is repair, the return to connection and understanding

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<v Speaker 1>and remembering that you're actually on the same team. And

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<v Speaker 1>what stay with me the most from the conversation that

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<v Speaker 1>I had with Terry Reel was the idea that we

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<v Speaker 1>often spend far longer in disharmony than the situation actually deserves,

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<v Speaker 1>just like I did with my genes, just like many

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<v Speaker 1>of us do with our little frustrations and our disappointments

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<v Speaker 1>and our misunderstandings that show up in everyday life. Maybe

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<v Speaker 1>the argument isn't really about the dishes or the milk

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<v Speaker 1>they forgot to pick up on the way home. Maybe

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<v Speaker 1>it's simply a moment where our response didn't match our

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<v Speaker 1>experience and we're blowing up because something else is on

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<v Speaker 1>our mind, or we're tired, or we're stressed, And when

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<v Speaker 1>we recognize that, we can more quickly move towards repair.

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<v Speaker 1>These little shifts in perspective are exactly why I create

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<v Speaker 1>this podcast, and I call them as many of you know,

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<v Speaker 1>things you can't unhear moments, those moments when you hear

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<v Speaker 1>something that lands differently a sentence, a story, a perspective.

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<v Speaker 1>Maybe you've heard it ten times before, but suddenly, for

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<v Speaker 1>whatever reason, it clicks. The words meet you exactly where

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<v Speaker 1>you are, And I think things you can't unhear moments

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<v Speaker 1>are all about timing. Timing really matters when you're sharing

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<v Speaker 1>insights that could shift people's perspectives. For example, if your

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<v Speaker 1>relationship is feeling amazing right now, Terry's inside about repair

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<v Speaker 1>might simply be a passing thought that you hear.

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<v Speaker 2>But if you're lying awake.

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<v Speaker 1>After another argument with your partner, wondering how things got

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<v Speaker 1>so hard, those same words might become the exact thing

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<v Speaker 1>you needed to hear at the exact right time, the

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<v Speaker 1>same message a completely different impact. And if you've been

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<v Speaker 1>listening to this podcast for a long time, you'll know

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<v Speaker 1>that I've always believed that a single idea can change

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<v Speaker 1>the trajectory of a day, a relationship, or even your life.

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<v Speaker 2>And it doesn't have to be a new idea.

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<v Speaker 1>In personal development work, there is so many messages that

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<v Speaker 1>come from different people with the same information. But when

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<v Speaker 1>something really does land, it's because you're ready to finally

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<v Speaker 1>receive it. So think about if there's been a bit

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<v Speaker 1>of a things you can on here, a moment in

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<v Speaker 1>this episode for you, something that resonated for you right

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<v Speaker 1>now in what you are possibly going through. Maybe today

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<v Speaker 1>it's the idea that your response doesn't always have to

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<v Speaker 1>match your emotion. Maybe it's Terry Reel's reminder that we

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<v Speaker 1>don't need to spend so long sitting in disharmony before

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<v Speaker 1>we move to repair. Or maybe it's simply the realization

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<v Speaker 1>that you've been giving too much energy to something that

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<v Speaker 1>doesn't deserve to take up so much space in your hit.

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<v Speaker 1>Whatever it is, my hope is that somewhere in today's episode,

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<v Speaker 1>you found your own things you can't on here, a moment,

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<v Speaker 1>a small shift in perspective that helps you see a situation,

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<v Speaker 1>a relationship, or even yourself a little differently. Now, if

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<v Speaker 1>anyone listening happens to know how to remove a permanent

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<v Speaker 1>Sharpe text mark off a pair of genes, my dms

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<v Speaker 1>are wide open for you to let me know clearly

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<v Speaker 1>not quite over it.

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<v Speaker 2>Thanks for listening to today's episode.

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<v Speaker 1>Now if you haven't already subscribed to the show, but

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<v Speaker 1>also did you know that we have a wellbeing marketplace now.

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<v Speaker 1>All brands that I love and trust are listed on

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<v Speaker 1>this website page that I've created at Maritza Baron dot com.

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<v Speaker 1>And I learn about so many wonderful brands interviewing experts

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<v Speaker 1>on this show when it comes to health and wellbeing

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<v Speaker 1>and mindset, and I've put them all in one place

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<v Speaker 1>so that you can find out where to shop for

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<v Speaker 1>brands that are actually good for you. Plus, I have

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<v Speaker 1>a community database where I send out emails with important

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<v Speaker 1>things when they come up. And if you'd like to

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<v Speaker 1>join that, just jump onto my website and add your

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<v Speaker 1>email in. You just have to screw right down to

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<v Speaker 1>the bottom of the page and you can do so

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<v Speaker 1>right there. Thanks again for being here, and thanks again

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<v Speaker 1>for being part of this wild ride called life that

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<v Speaker 1>we are on together