Speaker 1: We go get morning every day.
Speaker 2: Lad, Welcome to the podcasts are really really special occasion
Speaker 2: because something that really really tickles me in all the
Speaker 2: right areas is the Monday Morning joke off. But what
Speaker 2: happens with the Monday Morning joke off, just to really
Speaker 2: peel back the curtains, is we put through a lot
Speaker 2: of jokes to the big boy upstairs, and that is
Speaker 2: Jesus Christ. Definitely not the Jesus because it'd say no
Speaker 2: to all of them. Josh mccaby is our boss, and
Speaker 2: a lot of them. He says, are you kidding you
Speaker 2: absolute clown? Do you think that you could possibly say
Speaker 2: that on the radio? You can't because you get at
Speaker 2: least a written warning. And then we say, okay, better
Speaker 2: save that for the podcast.
Speaker 3: And here we are and here we are, we are.
Speaker 1: Let's just all deliver our filthiest joke, can we? This is?
Speaker 2: This is so news? Read to Abbey sweets with.
Speaker 3: And I have a folder on Instagram and I've been
Speaker 3: saving them into that and these I've sent a few
Speaker 3: of them to our boss, Josh, and he is like,
Speaker 3: if I could fire you, I would.
Speaker 2: Yeah, please came in seized Abby's computer went through some
Speaker 2: of these jokes, and a lot of them now have PTSD.
Speaker 3: Yeah. Yeah, they threw it back at me and said,
Speaker 3: you're disgusting and we're not even going to bother locking
Speaker 3: you up because it's just filthy, because.
Speaker 2: You somehow find a way to break out. All right,
Speaker 2: I'll kick us off if you don't mind. Sure, if
Speaker 2: you go that little dirty jokes special shout out as
Speaker 2: well to Toby from Newport from this one.
Speaker 1: Google from Newport, Google.
Speaker 2: Toby from Newport. It's one of the great, the all
Speaker 2: time great stitch ups on radio. Yeah, it's happened. Happened
Speaker 2: in Sydney. Kid got on there and we don't know
Speaker 2: if it's actually real or not in terms of a
Speaker 2: kid just pretending to be nice and young.
Speaker 1: Oh wait, you're actually telling the Toby from Newport story.
Speaker 2: The second one. The second one. Okay, So Toby from
Speaker 2: Newport told this outrageous joke. It was so ridiculous, offended everybody,
Speaker 2: and then no one heard from Toby from Newport for
Speaker 2: years and years later caught up the same radio station
Speaker 2: and claimed to beat the Toby from Newport, and his
Speaker 2: joke went a little bit something like this. He said,
Speaker 2: what's the difference between a chickpea and a lentil. And
Speaker 2: they said, oh, I'm not sure, Toby, what is it?
Speaker 2: And he said, well, I've never had a lentil on
Speaker 2: my face. And the guys didn't even get it. They
Speaker 2: went straight over their.
Speaker 3: Heads, straight over your head first.
Speaker 2: Didn't go over my head, all over it. I'll give
Speaker 2: you one more joke. Here's one for what's the difference
Speaker 2: between purple and pink?
Speaker 1: What's the difference.
Speaker 2: Of course the grip.
Speaker 1: What I don't get it.
Speaker 2: Oh my gosh, I'm not man's playing that to you.
Speaker 1: Jokes purple and pink's.
Speaker 2: Extreme purple and pink, And think about if you grip
Speaker 2: something really.
Speaker 3: Hard, something shame.
Speaker 2: I say that these are the jokes that we weren't
Speaker 2: allowed to say.
Speaker 3: If you think that's bad, though, you're going to boot
Speaker 3: me out of here. Okay, do you want me to
Speaker 3: go go next?
Speaker 1: All right? So we're in a nunnery and the head
Speaker 1: nun tells the two new nuns that they have to
Speaker 1: paint their room without getting paint on their clothes. So
Speaker 1: the one nun says to the other, hey, let's take
Speaker 1: all our clothes off, fold them up, and lock the door.
Speaker 1: So they do this and begin painting the room. Naturally,
Speaker 1: soon they hear and knock at the door, and they
Speaker 1: ask who is it, and the guy yells out blind man.
Speaker 1: And then the nuns look at each other, and then
Speaker 1: one nun says he's blind, he can't see what could
Speaker 1: it possibly hurt? So they let him in, and the
Speaker 1: blind man walks in and says, hey, nice tits. Where
Speaker 1: do you want me to hang the blinds?
Speaker 3: Excellent? Excellent, that's I said the word.
Speaker 1: Else you go, oh, okay, you want another one?
Speaker 3: Yeah?
Speaker 1: All right, okay. A farmer goes out and buys and
Speaker 1: O we're on a farm now, so we've gone from
Speaker 1: the nunnery into a farm. Yeah. A farmer goes out
Speaker 1: and buys a new young rooster. As soon as he
Speaker 1: brings him home, the young rooster rushes out and makes
Speaker 1: love to all fifty of the farmer's hens. Oh it's
Speaker 1: the podcast, I can say, screws screws all all one
Speaker 1: fifty of the farmer's hens. The farmer is very impressed.
Speaker 1: At lunchtime, the young rooster again screws all the one
Speaker 1: fifty hens. The farmer's just not as impressed anymore, but
Speaker 1: he's a bit more worried. So the next morning, not
Speaker 1: only is the rooster screwing the hens, but he's also
Speaker 1: screwing the turkeys, the ducks, and even the cow. Oh
Speaker 1: my gosh. Later, the farmer looks out into the barnyard
Speaker 1: and finds the rooster stretched out limp is a rag,
Speaker 1: his eyes closed, dead, and vultures circling overhead. The farmer
Speaker 1: runs out, looks down at the young rooster's limp body
Speaker 1: and says, you deserved it, your ha a little bastard,
Speaker 1: And the young rooster opens one eye, points up to
Speaker 1: the vultures with a wink and sish they're about to land.
Speaker 3: A little horny, devious, little rooster.
Speaker 1: Rooster. That's what they used to go labs back in
Speaker 1: the day, A little horny rooster.
Speaker 3: Back in my time.
Speaker 2: There, alright, spring us home, all right.
Speaker 3: Mine a filthy and disgusting I cannot believe I'm going
Speaker 3: to do this, but whatever, alright. First one, what does
Speaker 3: a burnt pizza, pregnant woman, and frozen beer have in common?
Speaker 3: On a burnt pizza, pregnant woman and a frozen beer
Speaker 3: having common a person who didn't pull out in time?
Speaker 2: Oh my, all different examples. I don't get it though,
Speaker 2: Yeah you probably get it.
Speaker 3: Yeah you probably wouldn't. You are Christian and you have,
Speaker 3: you know, no funny times before marriage.
Speaker 2: I've got three kids, a strike rate of three from three.
Speaker 2: I'm a bit nervous now on a joke number.
Speaker 3: Two, okay, number two, it's a little bit longer. A
Speaker 3: young boy was out in the garden when a bee
Speaker 3: landed on a plant. He knocked it off and stood
Speaker 3: on it and killed it. The dad couldn't believe it.
Speaker 3: He yielded him and said, no, honey for you for
Speaker 3: a month. Same thing happens with a butterfly. The young
Speaker 3: boy kills it and the dad says, oh, no butter
Speaker 3: for you for a month. The whole family is then
Speaker 3: sitting on the couch that night when mum jumps up
Speaker 3: and kills a cock croach. A little boy says to
Speaker 3: his dad, are you going to tell her? Or am I?
Speaker 3: Oh dear, oh wow. Now I do have one final one,
Speaker 3: because you know, it's the off air podcast Filthy and
Speaker 3: this is absolutely disgusting and I can't believe I'm going
Speaker 3: to do it, but I think it would be good
Speaker 3: to finish on sure. Okay, that ready. It's a little
Speaker 3: like riddle of a fable. Humpty dumpty sat on a bed,
Speaker 3: little bo peep was giving him head. Oh my god,
Speaker 3: just as he came she started to weep. She could
Speaker 3: tell from the taste he'd been shagging a sheet.
Speaker 1: Hang on, if she can tell that one, I can
Speaker 1: probably tell this one.
Speaker 3: You go on there, should try.
Speaker 2: And out do yourselves your dirty.
Speaker 1: We can always cut it out if it's too much,
Speaker 1: all right. A little boy and his friends are being
Speaker 1: called bastards and bitches by the bullies at school.
Speaker 2: So the boy goes.
Speaker 1: Home naturally and says, Dad, what are bastards and bitches?
Speaker 1: And his dad replies, bitches are ladies and bastards a gentleman.
Speaker 1: Then the boy goes upstairs to see his mum. As
Speaker 1: he enters the room, he accidentally drops a perfume bottle
Speaker 1: and his mum says, shit, Mum, what is shit? And
Speaker 1: she says it's perfume. Don't worry about it. So he
Speaker 1: goes to see his dad, who's carving up a chicken,
Speaker 1: and his dad cuts himself and he yells out, and
Speaker 1: the boy asks dad what does mean? And Dad says preparing.
Speaker 1: So then he follows his dad upstairs. A few minutes later,
Speaker 1: his mum and dad are about to do the deed
Speaker 1: when his dad says, where are the condoms. The little
Speaker 1: boy asks what are condoms, and his father says condoms
Speaker 1: and coats and jackets. So the following night, his father
Speaker 1: invites over some very important business clients, and the boy
Speaker 1: opens the door for them and says, hello, please come in,
Speaker 1: bastards and bitches, hang your condoms up there. My mom
Speaker 1: is upstairs rubbing shit on her face, and my dad
Speaker 1: is downstairs ing the chicken and canceled hello everything so on.
Speaker 3: Oh, dear brilliant guys, well done.