Speaker 1: I'll get a team. It's Jumbo, it's Fatty Harps. It's
Speaker 1: the host with the most some say, the host with
Speaker 1: the lease is the you project. It's doctor Cam McDonald
Speaker 1: and me sans Tiff because she's up there in the
Speaker 1: Sunshine State where Cam is probably not visiting Cam at all.
Speaker 2: Kaush all about herself and her new bloke. No, just
Speaker 2: kidding on the last one.
Speaker 1: Well, she does have a new bloke, but she's up
Speaker 1: there speaking at some kind of wiz bang event.
Speaker 2: So go Tiff. Another bloke who does a bit of speaking,
Speaker 2: is not.
Speaker 1: Bad at it, travels all over the world, talks to company, schools, organizations,
Speaker 1: works with people on a massive scale. Dr Cam McDonald
Speaker 1: again once a month is coming. I'm very excited about that.
Speaker 2: How are you.
Speaker 3: I'm really well. Harps. Had a great weekend.
Speaker 4: I had a perfect weekend of all day work on
Speaker 4: Saturday followed by all day children on Sunday. I mean
Speaker 4: a co parenting situation, and I don't have the kids
Speaker 4: all the time, but it's nice to it's good for.
Speaker 3: My brain to segregate the two completely. It was lovely.
Speaker 1: That's a kind of brain that you need on need
Speaker 1: on Saturday versus the kind of brain that you need,
Speaker 1: or perhaps perspective or operating systems sadday versus Sunday to
Speaker 1: do a good job at both, it's very different.
Speaker 4: I can be both required bit of planning for my
Speaker 4: brain to work effectively. I need a bit of a target,
Speaker 4: a bit of a goal on Saturday, I need a
Speaker 4: very clear list. I need to be very careful of
Speaker 4: what stimulates my brain as well, like exercise volume, how
Speaker 4: hard I go, the.
Speaker 3: Type of caffeine that I have.
Speaker 4: Even green tea versus coffee makes a big difference, Like
Speaker 4: a green tea on a workday is much better than
Speaker 4: coffee on a workday, particularly early in the morning, because
Speaker 4: I just get so stimulated being on and I verge
Speaker 4: on on too much.
Speaker 3: If I don't, if I'm not careful, and then I
Speaker 3: lose my productivity. So that's and then.
Speaker 4: It's yeah, just allowing myself to have breaks every now
Speaker 4: and again as well, whereas.
Speaker 3: On the on the kid day is.
Speaker 4: Turning up with energy, knowing that on a Sunday they
Speaker 4: could be lower on energy and not wanting to do anything,
Speaker 4: and probably I have to prepare my brain for the
Speaker 4: for being resilient to their pushback of I don't want
Speaker 4: to do anything today, dad, because as soon as I
Speaker 4: get them doing stuff, they love it and it's and
Speaker 4: if I say, oh, I don't worry about it, then
Speaker 4: they just sit around and do bugger all, which I'm
Speaker 4: not into, I don't enjoy. So I have to get
Speaker 4: one of them or like sort of essentially say guys,
Speaker 4: we're doing this and there's no real choice in it,
Speaker 4: and hold strong on that even with all of the
Speaker 4: complaints that come initially. And once I get through that,
Speaker 4: the activity starts. And then the different type of brain
Speaker 4: is that I'm like a like I have to turn
Speaker 4: into a bit of a yes man brain of like
Speaker 4: where can I see the next bit of fun? Where
Speaker 4: can I see like the next bit of energy? Where
Speaker 4: can I If they ask me a question, how can
Speaker 4: I give them energy? With the answer, it's like how
Speaker 4: can we do this? Yeah, as opposed to on a workdout,
Speaker 4: Oh mate, just give me a few minutes or whatever
Speaker 4: it might be, or like I don't know if I
Speaker 4: can do that today for energy, it's on that day.
Speaker 4: I have to answer up if that makes sense, And
Speaker 4: if I bring that energy then it has a very
Speaker 4: very good influence on them and how much stuff we
Speaker 4: do and how much fun it is. So yeah, that's
Speaker 4: definitely definitely too distinct. But I have to set a
Speaker 4: plan and an attention in both both days, no.
Speaker 3: Doubt about that. How old are the kids eleven and five.
Speaker 1: So that's a decent gap.
Speaker 4: Massive gap is it's chalk and cheese for the activities
Speaker 4: that they want to do and how they want to
Speaker 4: do it, and how competitive they.
Speaker 3: Want to be when they want to do it and
Speaker 3: all that sort of stuff. So normally I have to
Speaker 3: get my eleven year old.
Speaker 4: He very he's a connector, he's very social, loves his friends,
Speaker 4: so at all times we're inviting one of his friends.
Speaker 4: And then that that then frees me up to spend
Speaker 4: a bit more time with the year old.
Speaker 3: But that's that's normally the play.
Speaker 1: I'm sure we don't know the answer to this question
Speaker 1: one hundred percent accurately, but I'm sure you've got a
Speaker 1: ballpark answer. So when we like we always parents always
Speaker 1: talk about, oh, my kids couldn't be more different. One's
Speaker 1: this and one's that, and they're completely different personalities. You know,
Speaker 1: when you go same kids raised often in the same house.
Speaker 1: In your case, two houses. But you know, they're both
Speaker 1: in the they're both in both houses, they've both got
Speaker 1: the same parents, they both get treated, you know, if
Speaker 1: not the.
Speaker 2: Same, appropriately the same for their age and needs. And
Speaker 2: we've got all of these variables. But do we really
Speaker 2: understand how much of how kids show up in the
Speaker 2: world personality, expression, language, Do we understand how much of
Speaker 2: that is really linked strongly to genetics and how much
Speaker 2: is about environment and media and social media and parenting style,
Speaker 2: And do we have a an accurate number or not? Really?
Speaker 3: Yeah, we do for certain parts of it. We do.
Speaker 4: So there's personality, which is natural personality, traits, competitiveness, openness,
Speaker 4: direct nurse you know, like the diligence, all of those
Speaker 4: types of things that you see in personality detail Orientation.
Speaker 4: That as a body of literature is really strong on percentages.
Speaker 4: So as an adult, middle aged adult, you're about fifty
Speaker 4: percent of your personality is based on genetics.
Speaker 3: So that and when you think about parents.
Speaker 4: Are five to seven percent of that or maybe less
Speaker 4: in some instances. Fifty percent is just your genetics. So
Speaker 4: most of your personality, more than any other factor combined,
Speaker 4: is just your genetic material that you were conceived with
Speaker 4: and then but as a kid, you're at about fifteen percent.
Speaker 4: And that's because, kid, you're playing the survival game of
Speaker 4: who do I need to be to survive in this environment?
Speaker 4: And I'll forego my impulses and I'll just be here
Speaker 4: I've got to be. But what you see is that
Speaker 4: you see their natural state play out in all of
Speaker 4: their reactivity and their stress. But then when they normalize,
Speaker 4: their people pleasing because they're trying to fit in. So
Speaker 4: fifteen percent of their personality is genetic when they're younger.
Speaker 4: But then when you get older, like you Harps, it's
Speaker 4: maybe seventy percent of your sixty to seventy percent. And
Speaker 4: this is because the way that I talk about this
Speaker 4: is just you just give. We're on the right podcast,
Speaker 4: so this is normally I say, you give less stuffs,
Speaker 4: you give less shits.
Speaker 3: And this is like the perfect example is.
Speaker 4: You know the grandmother who just calls it as it is,
Speaker 4: GEEZU look fat.
Speaker 3: In that dress. You know you don't bear that you're
Speaker 3: silly or whatever. I know who I am.
Speaker 4: I don't need to pretend anymore. This is how I feel.
Speaker 4: This is the way that I want to express it.
Speaker 4: And so you're getting.
Speaker 3: It, but you know.
Speaker 4: But then where that's really interesting is that early on
Speaker 4: you've got quite a strong parental influence of the personality
Speaker 4: that people have. Then by seventeen, I believe sixteen or seventeen,
Speaker 4: it's down to seven percent and influence of the parents,
Speaker 4: and then personality is influenced zero percent by the age
Speaker 4: of twenty one. So now personality is different to how
Speaker 4: you present yourself to the world and your knowledge base
Speaker 4: and what your belief systems are. Belief systems are different personality,
Speaker 4: and they can inform each other. But you can say, hey,
Speaker 4: I can be a really competitive person, but I believe
Speaker 4: that you should be very, very good at table manners,
Speaker 4: Whereas I can be a very competitive person and I
Speaker 4: have no interest in table manners whatsoever. So you think
Speaker 4: it's part of your personality to be really intense on
Speaker 4: table manners, But it's just that you've been taught and
Speaker 4: you have a belief that table manners are very important
Speaker 4: versus another person doesn't believe that.
Speaker 3: So beliefs are incredibly plastic.
Speaker 4: You can decide which belief you want to hold on to,
Speaker 4: which belief you want to let go of. Whereas personality
Speaker 4: like the way you express all this stuff. You know,
Speaker 4: like a competitive person who loves nice and forks and
Speaker 4: using them, well, well, so who can do this the
Speaker 4: best at dinner? You know, whereas a very detail oriented
Speaker 4: person that's not competitive that loves knives and forks will say, no,
Speaker 4: you need to hold your finger at you know, seventeen
Speaker 4: percent of the way down the knife and you know
Speaker 4: you need to be cutting.
Speaker 3: Three strokes for a piece of you know, very detailed,
Speaker 3: same belief system.
Speaker 4: So when we talk about personality, it's it's quite hardwired.
Speaker 3: And then and.
Speaker 4: Even like neurodivergence and all of those types of things
Speaker 4: as well, there's huge tendencies genetically.
Speaker 3: Which is very important.
Speaker 4: Then we have belief systems and knowledge sets and how
Speaker 4: much stuff you know and how you can adapt your personality.
Speaker 3: That's different.
Speaker 4: Emotional intelligence is plastic, so but the core personality is
Speaker 4: is fascinating and that's why you know, you get people
Speaker 4: to say, oh, who's competitive in this room? And people
Speaker 4: immediately put their hand up and say, I know I'm competitive.
Speaker 4: I would identify as competitive. They don't have to calculate,
Speaker 4: you know, the balance of competitive moments they've had in
Speaker 4: their life and say oh yes, I was more competitive
Speaker 4: than not. And people definitely know if they're not competitive
Speaker 4: as well. These are things that are born into us.
Speaker 4: And so from an identity perspective, because I'm on a
Speaker 4: roll here, this is what's so fascinating about being able
Speaker 4: to quantify personalities for kids so that you can double
Speaker 4: down on their personality. Now, I know my child is
Speaker 4: very social, Like I know that he's socially inclined. I'm
Speaker 4: not as socially inclined as he is. He needs a
Speaker 4: friend for everything, and it's really healthy for his biology
Speaker 4: to have a friend for everything, Whereas you know, all
Speaker 4: the personal development literature says you need to be alone
Speaker 4: for everything.
Speaker 3: You need to be able to do it yourself and
Speaker 3: drive yourself. Whereas he just does better if he's got
Speaker 3: friends around. He's just happier.
Speaker 4: He's a better kid, he's better behaved, he's more aware,
Speaker 4: he's better at school. Everything impruves when he's got friends around.
Speaker 4: And so I'm able to inform him and say, don't
Speaker 4: worry about what.
Speaker 3: Your school says.
Speaker 4: You're really social. You'll do better if you get the
Speaker 4: chat every now and again. He came home the other
Speaker 4: day and said that he was the class clown, and
Speaker 4: connectors typically are the class clown. And it took me
Speaker 4: a moment to get this, but Miam, my response to
Speaker 4: is mate, I'm just so glad you are bringing light
Speaker 4: and laughter to the people in your life, which normally
Speaker 4: old Cam would have gone, Mate, you can't be class clown.
Speaker 3: You've got to be focusing and whatever.
Speaker 4: But really, like, if we take the structure of school
Speaker 4: away and just say.
Speaker 3: Who is this human? He's fun.
Speaker 4: He wants to engage people, and he wants to make
Speaker 4: people laugh, and that's going to be his strength if
Speaker 4: he goes off to do sales or a tour guide
Speaker 4: or a teacher or whatever it might be. And to
Speaker 4: stamp that out and say class clowning is bad, we're
Speaker 4: just mean to say my natural.
Speaker 3: Response is wrong. And this is what a lot of
Speaker 3: the work that we're trying to undo.
Speaker 4: Is this idea that We've spoken about this before, but
Speaker 4: the idea that I'm going to suppress my child's natural
Speaker 4: impulses because they don't match up to mine and the
Speaker 4: heritability of things is really fascinating. That the child is
Speaker 4: a combination of your greater ancestral lines rather.
Speaker 3: Than just the two parents so you can have.
Speaker 4: Things come through that are not at all each of
Speaker 4: the individual parents because they're from an extended family line
Speaker 4: that they're being influenced by. So it's absolutely fascinating.
Speaker 3: Yes, there is an answer for that.
Speaker 1: We no, I love that. We Well, I used me
Speaker 1: and my team. You have to when you do a PhD,
Speaker 1: you know you have a team, right, So when I
Speaker 1: say I did, I always feel guilty because there's more
Speaker 1: than one person on the team.
Speaker 2: But we used.
Speaker 1: TIPPY, which I'm sure you've heard of tennight and Personality
Speaker 1: Index Okay, so it's just it's a version of the
Speaker 1: Big Five. So there's a very well known kind of
Speaker 1: set of measurables in personality science everyone which is extraversion, agreeableness, conscientiousness,
Speaker 1: emotional stability, and openness to experience. Neuroticism used to be
Speaker 1: in there, but they switched out. But anyway, we use
Speaker 1: the TIPPY, which is like a ten item version of
Speaker 1: that scale, as one of our assessment tools for metaperception.
Speaker 1: And so essentially how it worked was we got those
Speaker 1: ten different kind of criteria how people. So it was
Speaker 1: a three step process. So I would assess myself self
Speaker 1: assessment on the TIPPY ten items, I'd assess myself one
Speaker 1: to five on a like art scale, one to five,
Speaker 1: five being okay. So let's say it's you know, compassion
Speaker 1: or whatever or empty. I go, yeah, I'm a five,
Speaker 1: I'm so fucking empathetic or whatever. And then and then
Speaker 1: you and I would do it together and and you
Speaker 1: would rate me on those So column was I'm rating me.
Speaker 1: Column two, my mate Cam is rating me on those
Speaker 1: same criteria, and column three is I'm rating how I
Speaker 1: think Cam will rape me. You got it, you got it.
Speaker 1: So column one is how I see me, column two
Speaker 1: is how CAM sees me, and column three is how
Speaker 1: I think CAM sees me. And when you get hundreds
Speaker 1: of those like I had in that particular study, we
Speaker 1: had multiple kind of you know, resources that we used
Speaker 1: and protocols. But yeah, it's so funny how how dissimilar
Speaker 1: some of those scores are, and how people get shocked
Speaker 1: when they go, really, people think I'm intimidating, or I'm arrogant,
Speaker 1: or I'm you know, I'm like.
Speaker 2: You know, and if a bunch of people are saying that,
Speaker 2: you know, you've got to Yeah.
Speaker 1: Especially when you do ones in groups. I did one
Speaker 1: study where I had over two hundred people, and we
Speaker 1: put everyone in a group, a group of five, and
Speaker 1: they got to spend time together just talking. And their
Speaker 1: directions were just talk, get to know each other, whatever
Speaker 1: you do, whether or not you go hey, I'm Craig.
Speaker 1: You know you guys, sort it out. And they didn't
Speaker 1: have a long time, but they had fifteen or twenty
Speaker 1: minutes just sitting the five of them in a circle
Speaker 1: talking and then after that they had to do this
Speaker 1: assessment of themselves and then of each person in the group,
Speaker 1: and then how they thought each person in the group
Speaker 1: perceived them. And the insights out of that were crazy.
Speaker 1: So I and.
Speaker 2: I could give you a bunch of takeaways, but I'll
Speaker 2: give you this, which is not a big surprise. But
Speaker 2: most people I don't really know how other people see them.
Speaker 2: There's not a huge level of alignment between how I
Speaker 2: see me is interesting, but how you see me is
Speaker 2: where that's almost the money maker, and then how I
Speaker 2: think you see me.
Speaker 1: That gap.
Speaker 2: It's a real revelation for people because it gets them
Speaker 2: to see things in a different way, and knowing it
Speaker 2: doesn't fix it, but it's certainly a good awareness to have.
Speaker 4: And sometimes the awareness can give person permission, but this
Speaker 4: is a it can be fixing it in some instances
Speaker 4: because I just now have awareness.
Speaker 3: I've got a label for it.
Speaker 4: The Yeah, we see the same thing, and I would
Speaker 4: I would say that because we do a lot with
Speaker 4: natural strengths. When people are in their natural strengths, they
Speaker 4: go into flow, they feel like they contribute more.
Speaker 3: People have no idea.
Speaker 4: That who they are has inherent natural strengths. They don't
Speaker 4: value them. And it's the same thing here. It's like
Speaker 4: people see from the outside. You see, oh, your natural
Speaker 4: strengths that you're not aware of, that you think are just.
Speaker 3: Normal, that everybody's got.
Speaker 4: An interesting example, I was at a workplace. We did
Speaker 4: this kind of what strengths do you think these people
Speaker 4: have got?
Speaker 3: And I go, who got given a strength?
Speaker 4: And one guy said, oh yeah, they said everyone said
Speaker 4: that I was level headed, and I said, and he goes,
Speaker 4: isn't everybody level headed?
Speaker 3: Though? No, mate, they're not. Yeah, and wow. But people think, oh,
Speaker 3: surely you would think about this rationally and fairly like
Speaker 3: I would, you know, And they just.
Speaker 4: They don't even see it as part of their personality
Speaker 4: because it's so baked into who they are. That that's
Speaker 4: where it gets really really interesting because and when you
Speaker 4: get that external sort of report, particularly someone who's got
Speaker 4: some awareness as well, and even if they don't, but
Speaker 4: when they have got some awareness and they can label
Speaker 4: what you do, well, man, it can it can be
Speaker 4: very very powerful for your sense of self.
Speaker 1: I'm just writing myself a few notes while you're talking
Speaker 1: about it's it's like the one thing that every already
Speaker 1: has in common when they come to see you or
Speaker 1: you work with them, or they come to me one
Speaker 1: on one or they come to me at a workshop seminar,
Speaker 1: is that they want to on some level, they want
Speaker 1: to be different. I want to be different. I might
Speaker 1: think different, might be think different, do different, create different, look, feel, function,
Speaker 1: but they want change. But the interesting observation, I don't
Speaker 1: have a solution or an answer, I have thoughts, but
Speaker 1: is like wherever most people are practically, metaphorically, physiologically, relationally, whatever,
Speaker 1: psychologically emotionally, DA data might have said that one they're
Speaker 1: not where they want to be. They always want to
Speaker 1: be somewhere else. It's like very little contentment, and you
Speaker 1: know people will have a goal.
Speaker 2: Oh if I could just have own earn, do be create,
Speaker 2: that and then they do it. They get there, they
Speaker 2: get there, and they're like, fuck, this is not it,
Speaker 2: because we're always trying to resolve internal stuff with external stuff.
Speaker 2: If I have this, then I'll feel that, or I'll
Speaker 2: be calm, or I'll be content, or I won't overthink,
Speaker 2: or people will love me, or I will be desirable,
Speaker 2: or I will get more attention or fill in the blank.
Speaker 2: We have this kind of erroneous assumption or story around
Speaker 2: that thing will equal this thing, and most of the
Speaker 2: time it's kind of bullshit.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yes, it's so funny to bring this up. Obviously,
Speaker 3: we didn't plan any of this.
Speaker 4: I'm day ten through forty days of lent. I'm a
Speaker 4: bit late of just accepting myself for who I am
Speaker 4: and not needing to grow.
Speaker 3: And I suck at it like big time.
Speaker 4: And it was probably one of the important things that
Speaker 4: came up on the weekend.
Speaker 3: Was sitting down with a mate. He's in a better
Speaker 3: financial position than I am.
Speaker 4: He's just sold a business that he's had for three
Speaker 4: decades and he's got just this pile of cash sitting
Speaker 4: in the bank account, and then there's another payment that
Speaker 4: comes in twelve months based on how well, the business
Speaker 4: does because there's a bit of a clause like that
Speaker 4: in there. And he's got more money than probably thought
Speaker 4: you'd ever have in the bank account. And then they
Speaker 4: got back to him and said, oh, look it's not
Speaker 4: two people have dropped off. It's not performing quite likely
Speaker 4: thought it would, and so it's going to reduce his
Speaker 4: payment at twelve months. And he's like, oh, you know,
Speaker 4: I don't have enough. He's in this space of I
Speaker 4: don't have enough, even though he's got more than he's
Speaker 4: ever had. And it was such a reality check for
Speaker 4: me to say, it has nothing to do with money,
Speaker 4: and just this idea of where I think I want
Speaker 4: to be and to your point of I need to
Speaker 4: be somewhere else. And what's so interesting about this whole
Speaker 4: abundance mindset.
Speaker 3: It starts with gratitude. It starts with.
Speaker 4: Being completely satisfied and replete with where you're at right
Speaker 4: now and just having inherent value in yourself and what
Speaker 4: you have. But yes, and then the longer you search outside,
Speaker 4: the worse it gets. But it's a hard habit to shake.
Speaker 4: It's a really interesting one. And even as you were
Speaker 4: talking about it, I was thinking how poorly I've done
Speaker 4: it this. I still want to get fitter, and I
Speaker 4: still want to look better, and I still want.
Speaker 3: To da da da da da.
Speaker 4: And I was just thinking as you were talking, It's like,
Speaker 4: maybe I need to just be thinking about that what
Speaker 4: is great about my body is what is something that
Speaker 4: I'm really appreciative of within it, that I really value
Speaker 4: that I'm really glad I've gotten.
Speaker 3: Just sort of.
Speaker 4: Thinking about my thinking that way. It's a yeah, it's
Speaker 4: a fascinating one. Just how dissatisfied were I even saw
Speaker 4: we were talking about it just before. Stephen Bartlett, he
Speaker 4: was on a podcast with one of his guests the
Speaker 4: other day, and you're saying that there's a direct link
Speaker 4: between happiness and your expectations of where you think you
Speaker 4: should be in life, and if you're constantly forward projecting,
Speaker 4: then you'll never be happy. And if but if you
Speaker 4: backward project into where I thought I was going to
Speaker 4: be or where I wanted to be when I was five,
Speaker 4: you know, this is beyond all expectation.
Speaker 3: And I've actually done a whole lot of great stuff
Speaker 3: and happiness scales up as the result of that.
Speaker 4: I know there's more to it than that, but it
Speaker 4: speaks to what we're talking about here.
Speaker 1: I think this is a really good self awareness kind
Speaker 1: of reflection because you know, rather than going, oh, fuck,
Speaker 1: I climbed the wrong mountain. That must be that mountain
Speaker 1: over there. Then you've got to get down and then
Speaker 1: you go, ah, but that's got a higher peak and
Speaker 1: I've got to and I should carry more weight, and
Speaker 1: I should whatever.
Speaker 2: I think it's it's something that we I'm I can't
Speaker 2: speak on behalf everyone, but it seems that a lot
Speaker 2: of us don't really spend much time in deep reflection,
Speaker 2: thinking about our thinking.
Speaker 1: And thinking about why we are the way we are,
Speaker 1: and where these stories come from, and what is this
Speaker 1: anxiety about, and where does this despite the fact that
Speaker 1: I've got more shit than I need and by the way,
Speaker 1: eighty percent of the shit in my house I never used,
Speaker 1: never touch, but fucking hell, no one can have it, right.
Speaker 2: What's that about? That's interesting? You know, don't touch my shit?
Speaker 1: I might use it, bro't you haven't worn that or
Speaker 1: used that or for fifteen years and I know someone
Speaker 1: who could really Nah, it's like okay, but that kind
Speaker 1: of just considering what that is about, and what is like,
Speaker 1: what is the correlation between stuff and contentment. What is
Speaker 1: the relationship between you know, external success and internal success.
Speaker 1: And I apologize for my listeners who have heard this
Speaker 1: a few times. I've probably told it ten times in
Speaker 1: two thousand episodes. But you know, when I was just
Speaker 1: over thirty, I had three gyms that were all making money,
Speaker 1: and I had two other health businesses that were making money.
Speaker 2: So I had five.
Speaker 1: Standalone, different location businesses, all in the black. I was
Speaker 1: fucking I was making more money and getting more shit
Speaker 1: and and more stuff and being more successful than I
Speaker 1: could have even conceived when I was eight and nine
Speaker 1: and twenty years old working in pubs getting punched in
Speaker 1: the face for twelve bucks at night and working in
Speaker 1: the gyms through the day, and you know, and not
Speaker 1: that I was the high watermark, but for me, I
Speaker 1: was crushing it. And the irony was that in the
Speaker 1: middle of all of that, I'd kind of never felt
Speaker 1: more lost or I wasn't unhappy, but I was confused
Speaker 1: because I'd ticked all the boxes and twenty six more,
Speaker 1: I'm like, oh, how could I've got it so wrong?
Speaker 1: Like how am I borderline sad or depressed? Or when
Speaker 1: you know I've got this and I've got that, and
Speaker 1: I've got like all of these are like when I
Speaker 1: would do which was what you alluding to before, One
Speaker 1: of my spiritual teachers back in the day said to me,
Speaker 1: every day, when you get up to a treasure hunt
Speaker 1: on your life, right, do a treasure hunt, come up
Speaker 1: with ten things that are He didn't say, fuck, but
Speaker 1: I will fucking amazing. And when I just I think
Speaker 1: about what is good in my life, what is bad,
Speaker 1: it is so lopsided into the good. It's so wildly lopsided.
Speaker 1: And then when I want to look out of my
Speaker 1: own little self built, self created, psychological and emotional and
Speaker 1: self pity kind of castle and I look at what
Speaker 1: other people are going through, then it gets even bigger
Speaker 1: my list because apart from the fact of personally what
Speaker 1: I've got going on, then there's the fact that I
Speaker 1: live in this amazing country. That's for the most part,
Speaker 1: and I'm talking about contextually with what's going on around
Speaker 1: us globally. I'm like, bro, you have so much to
Speaker 1: be happy for. If you are not happy, if then
Speaker 1: you are definitely the problem. Now that's not self loathing.
Speaker 1: You need to do a deep dive on what this
Speaker 1: is about. Because what definitely what you don't need a
Speaker 1: bigger arms and shoulders. I know you think you do.
Speaker 2: You definitely don't need another car or another guitar, or
Speaker 2: another motorbike or you know, even another girl whatever it is,
Speaker 2: like another girlfriend, because you know you've kind of gone
Speaker 2: through a lot. Maybe actually you're the fucking problem in
Speaker 2: those relationships or some of the problem or a lot
Speaker 2: of the like we're always going, oh, yeah, I just
Speaker 2: need that, but just that that just doesn't arrive for
Speaker 2: the most part.
Speaker 3: And this is why I.
Speaker 1: Think you get to the like, this is my picture
Speaker 1: in my mind. I just take a stroll through my
Speaker 1: mind past beliefs and ideas and failures and disappointments and
Speaker 1: creativity and experiences and memories. And then finally, when I
Speaker 1: get to the end of my mind this there's.
Speaker 2: A door there and at that door is the spiritual
Speaker 2: realm or that is that the end of my brain
Speaker 2: and mind and logic.
Speaker 1: And I open that, I go, oh, there's shit in here.
Speaker 1: I'll check this out. Maybe it's not about my thoughts
Speaker 1: and feelings and ideas and physiology and knowledge and brand,
Speaker 1: and maybe it's about none of that. Maybe I'm missing
Speaker 1: them in fact, maybe me being a better version of
Speaker 1: me isn't about me at all. Maybe I need to
Speaker 1: look somewhere else and through someone else's or some other window,
Speaker 1: you know, And that whole perception piece is a mind
Speaker 1: fuck because you know, you're trying to analyze your mind
Speaker 1: using your mind as the tool. It's like the tool
Speaker 1: measuring itself. Right, we get that, But I think the
Speaker 1: beginning of consciousness awareness begins with at least acknowledging. I
Speaker 1: don't have much consciousness or awareness like it's that. Just
Speaker 1: be humble, dudes.
Speaker 2: You know you're always despite how objective you think you are,
Speaker 2: you aren't because you're always looking through the Craig lens.
Speaker 1: That's not a bad thing. That's a human lens. That's
Speaker 1: a human thing.
Speaker 2: But let's just start there with that and go oh,
Speaker 2: also with your beliefs Craig that you know are right,
Speaker 2: they're not because you look back. How many things have
Speaker 2: you gotten wrong? Fucking thousands? How many times have you
Speaker 2: been addicted thousands? How many times you've been trapped in
Speaker 2: ego thousands? How many shit choices have you made? How
Speaker 2: many people have you intimidated or made feel bad while
Speaker 2: not ever intending to fucking probably thousands or hundred, you know,
Speaker 2: you go, and this is I just think we're too
Speaker 2: scared to really self reflect in that way where we're
Speaker 2: we're not throwing ourselves under a bus, but we're trying
Speaker 2: to understand how we are beyond the story that we
Speaker 2: have about how we are.
Speaker 3: And there were so many, so many things to pick
Speaker 3: up on that.
Speaker 4: The first one, I mean, at most, the last thing
Speaker 4: you said was just people don't well, I still have
Speaker 4: beliefs that I don't am, not even a like, they're
Speaker 4: just they're operating, conducting so many of my decisions and
Speaker 4: layers upon layers of beliefs. To even start investigating your thoughts,
Speaker 4: it's almost impossible because you have to access something that
Speaker 4: you're unconscious of.
Speaker 3: And then but you have to start there, and you realize,
Speaker 3: why have I got that there? I don't know why
Speaker 3: that's there?
Speaker 4: That greats pain there is I'm aware that this doesn't
Speaker 4: make any sense, but I still believe it anyway, And
Speaker 4: that's you know, the starting point of where you can
Speaker 4: then start diving into the subconscious. But you ultimately need
Speaker 4: another practitioner to hold a very conscious face while you're
Speaker 4: in that very subconscious sort of presence while you're doing it,
Speaker 4: which is why it's so important to go to the
Speaker 4: right help for this, so that in and of itself,
Speaker 4: and it's so many of our who we think we
Speaker 4: are and how we operate is associated with those subconscious beliefs.
Speaker 3: And then.
Speaker 4: The other thing get working backwards is the idea of
Speaker 4: what is all of this whole thing about anyway? When
Speaker 4: you start getting into quantum physics and to realize that
Speaker 4: there is virtually nothing physical anywhere at all, and it's
Speaker 4: all just a whole bunch of energy that's reflecting back light,
Speaker 4: and that's that's changed.
Speaker 3: With people looking at it. And if you were to flyer,
Speaker 3: you know.
Speaker 4: An atomic size microscope down into your body, you would
Speaker 4: pass through it without seeing anything, you know, like just
Speaker 4: the concept of what we're actually made of, and then
Speaker 4: how malleable that quantum system is, and then how time
Speaker 4: is separate to that, and that at all things, at
Speaker 4: all times is happening.
Speaker 3: Right now in the in the fifth dimension. It's just
Speaker 3: that blows.
Speaker 4: Your mind to think, what's the purpose of all of this?
Speaker 4: And that was a bit of an existential crisis that
Speaker 4: I had over a while. I was thinking well, if
Speaker 4: all of the time is happening right now on some dimension,
Speaker 4: then what does it matter what I do at all?
Speaker 4: You know, like, what's the point of any of it?
Speaker 4: And you start thinking nothing really matters. You know, it
Speaker 4: doesn't matter how I parent my kids, doesn't matter how
Speaker 4: I at the end of the day, it's all just
Speaker 4: happening all at once and in with no real understanding
Speaker 4: of what's the intention of this. But then at the
Speaker 4: same time, and I know for some people will just
Speaker 4: be thinking, can You've gone nuts?
Speaker 3: And I completely understand that.
Speaker 4: But then you come down to the three dimensional reality
Speaker 4: where time does exist, and where you've got a very
Speaker 4: long period of time on this planet, in this existence,
Speaker 4: in this consciousness. The thing that really landed for me
Speaker 4: was a mentor of mine said, like, nothing matters, but
Speaker 4: everything matters. All of your choices will influence your experience
Speaker 4: right now and the experience of other people. And that
Speaker 4: idea of nothing matters and everything matters is a very
Speaker 4: useful tool to be able to travel between to say, well,
Speaker 4: this didn't happen the way that I did.
Speaker 3: It doesn't matter. But at the same time, I'm.
Speaker 4: Going to make as many great choices as I can,
Speaker 4: and people often talk to me, but how do you
Speaker 4: even know that you're making the right choice? And the
Speaker 4: only way that I understand that is if you think it,
Speaker 4: feel it, and believe it to be the right choice,
Speaker 4: it all lines up internally for you.
Speaker 3: That it feels right. Then that's as good as you
Speaker 3: can get. Because there is.
Speaker 4: No journal article on the planet that everybody agrees with, Like,
Speaker 4: you can get the best evidence and you'll still get
Speaker 4: people that disagree with the findings. Really it comes down
Speaker 4: to what feels congruent as much with as much awareness
Speaker 4: as you can for you. Yeah, and so that is
Speaker 4: just a whole another world of what theough. And I've
Speaker 4: got a bunch of friends that are just doing the
Speaker 4: most incredible things with hands on healing and energetic stuff,
Speaker 4: and I sit back and watch it understanding some of
Speaker 4: the principles. I'm seeing the objective change in people's health,
Speaker 4: and then I just think, well, and even the stuff
Speaker 4: we were talking about last time, with the electromagnetics and
Speaker 4: understanding that you can literally change the way irons are
Speaker 4: moving in and out and around the body, and change
Speaker 4: disease processes and change the way that tissues are growing.
Speaker 3: It makes you think, what is this? What is the thing?
Speaker 3: And then.
Speaker 4: The first thing that you said was just around that
Speaker 4: list of good versus bad stuff in your life and
Speaker 4: when you run an exercise. And I do this quite
Speaker 4: a bit with schools, schools, particularly workplaces, where we get
Speaker 4: them to find each other's strengths and we get them
Speaker 4: to tell them what kind of impact that person's strength
Speaker 4: has on you.
Speaker 3: And so one of them was a very.
Speaker 4: Introverted girl, so diligent, so good at things, follows things
Speaker 4: through the whole way. And the feedback from her team
Speaker 4: is you just follow things through so well, like if
Speaker 4: we give you a job, we know that it's going
Speaker 4: to get done.
Speaker 3: And she sit in. I said, oh, what was the
Speaker 3: strength that got shared with you? And she shared that.
Speaker 3: I was like great. I said, did you know that
Speaker 3: that was one of your strengths?
Speaker 4: And she said no, no, And I said, and I
Speaker 4: asked the people that gave her the feedback. I said,
Speaker 4: when you see her following things through, how does it
Speaker 4: make you feel? And they both said, like work so
Speaker 4: much more fun. I just feel so much more relieved
Speaker 4: because I know that that part of my work is done.
Speaker 4: I don't even have to think about it like that
Speaker 4: releases so much stress me to know that she's on
Speaker 4: the job. And then I said, how do you think
Speaker 4: that would affect you when you get home? Well, I
Speaker 4: was completely burnt out before, and now that we're working
Speaker 4: as a team, I actually go home and I'm happy.
Speaker 4: And I reflected back to the girl and I said,
Speaker 4: do you realize that you just turning up as you are,
Speaker 4: don't even change anything, just be you, and you're actually
Speaker 4: improving the lives of two families, just in this group
Speaker 4: of people right here, just by being yourself. But we
Speaker 4: never have that conversation around what are the great things
Speaker 4: that you're bringing, what are the strengths that you have,
Speaker 4: and how does that positively impact the people around you?
Speaker 4: And one of the bigger revelations, and I have to
Speaker 4: say I haven't fully embodied it yet, is this idea
Speaker 4: of like the Eastern philosophy of purpose versus the Western flow.
Speaker 3: The Eastern philosophy is what impact, what's your role for
Speaker 3: your community?
Speaker 4: That's what purpose is for them, whereas in the white
Speaker 4: world of personal development, it's all.
Speaker 3: About how great can I be and where am I going?
Speaker 3: And that it really.
Speaker 4: Jogged me as you were saying you know, do I
Speaker 4: need to Is there something greater outside me that I
Speaker 4: need to be thinking about? And when you think about
Speaker 4: your purpose in it, how do I serve this community
Speaker 4: the best? It is such a different question than how
Speaker 4: can I be better myself?
Speaker 3: So anyway, that was no, I.
Speaker 1: Love that well. I always had a bit of a revelation,
Speaker 1: so I was very down the spiritual rabbit hole for
Speaker 1: a long time in my early adult I mean a
Speaker 1: long time, right over a decade and one of my
Speaker 1: early I think it's a psychological as well as a
Speaker 1: spiritual revelation, and it's not a big one, but it
Speaker 1: was to me at the time because I realized the
Speaker 1: more selfish I was, the more miserable I was. And
Speaker 1: even if my selfishness resulted in me getting lots of shit, Now.
Speaker 2: That didn't mean not caring at all about the practical
Speaker 2: things of you know, owning stuff and making some dough
Speaker 2: and paying bills and driving an okay car. Right, there's
Speaker 2: still that.
Speaker 1: But I realized the more I without trying to sound
Speaker 1: too I don't know, self elevating, but the more I
Speaker 1: did for people, the joy that I got from doing
Speaker 1: something for someone versus doing the same thing for myself
Speaker 1: was almost immeasurable. And I remember first time, I, you know,
Speaker 1: because we didn't winning rich, like mom and Dad both
Speaker 1: worked and we were middle class. I would say middle
Speaker 1: of the middle class, maybe even slightly, I don't know,
Speaker 1: maybe slightly below. But I remember when I was making
Speaker 1: really good dough, and you know, or that in that time,
Speaker 1: when I was young and earning dough that I never
Speaker 1: thought I would write, and also, to be honest, didn't
Speaker 1: feel I deserved. That's a whole nother chat. But I
Speaker 1: bought my mama car because she'd never had a great
Speaker 1: car and always cars but everything secondhand and shared between
Speaker 1: Ron and Mary, and so I brought her a new
Speaker 1: little car, which was just a little Toyota, and I
Speaker 1: drove it up to their joint and stopped it stopped
Speaker 1: about five hundred meters away from their joint.
Speaker 2: Clean.
Speaker 1: It was clean, but like it had driven from Melbourne,
Speaker 1: so a hundred k's of dust on it. And they
Speaker 1: gave me this ribbon, about eight inch inch ribbon, and
Speaker 1: I put this ribbon on the bonnet and I drove
Speaker 1: it up and like I'd never really remember my mum crying.
Speaker 1: She's very stoic you know, she had a tough childhood
Speaker 1: and she just bowled. Firstly, she didn't even when I
Speaker 1: gave her the keys and there's a fucking ribbon on it.
Speaker 1: She didn't know what was going on.
Speaker 2: Like nothing in her mind went, Craig just brought me
Speaker 2: a car, because that doesn't happen, right.
Speaker 1: Well, that doesn't happen in life. And I went, it's yours, mum.
Speaker 1: She goes, what do you mean? And she like, how
Speaker 1: is it mine? What do you mean?
Speaker 2: I'm like, I bought it for you.
Speaker 1: And then that when that landed, and ah, that feeling
Speaker 1: I got from that, And it wasn't an excuse. It
Speaker 1: was just a nice little I think at the time
Speaker 1: it was like a Toyota Echo or something. It was
Speaker 1: one of the little four cylinder things, but it was
Speaker 1: new and it was nice, had little mags, and it
Speaker 1: was beautiful for her, right brand new car. And I
Speaker 1: had never felt that good in my life doing anything
Speaker 1: for myself. I'm like, oh, ah, I get this, And
Speaker 1: I bought myself lots of toys by that stage, probably
Speaker 1: somehow expecting some kind of I don't know, ridiculous life
Speaker 1: changing experience as a result of having that thing.
Speaker 2: Now.
Speaker 1: And what, ironically what happened with me is whenever I
Speaker 1: would buy a nice car, I'm in a nice, nice car,
Speaker 1: I'd be on cloud nine for about twelve hours, and
Speaker 1: then I'd start to worry about the car. I didn't
Speaker 1: want to park it anywhere, I didn't want to take
Speaker 1: it anywhere. I didn't want to let anyone drive it.
Speaker 1: Don't get in my car. I just became a fucking
Speaker 1: pain in the ass, this neurotic idiot that I literally
Speaker 1: had more anxiety than joy around the car and eventually
Speaker 1: sold them all. And I did that for it. I
Speaker 1: haven't owned a nice, nice car for a long time now,
Speaker 1: and now I drive a shitty seven year old Suzuki
Speaker 1: Swift that I fucking love. And I'm not buying a
Speaker 1: good car because I know it doesn't one I don't
Speaker 1: need it, and two it doesn't equate to anything great
Speaker 1: for me. But to do that for somebody else, please
Speaker 1: don't send me in an email saying you need a car.
Speaker 1: But you know what I mean, it's like, oh, you
Speaker 1: just like learn these things as you go. And just
Speaker 1: one more thing. You know you're on silent by the way,
Speaker 1: have you muted yourself?
Speaker 4: Yeah?
Speaker 2: But one other thing I was going to say off
Speaker 2: the back of what you were talking about, is that
Speaker 2: whole kind of I use this quote in a I
Speaker 2: don't know if I eliminated it, but I.
Speaker 1: Originally had this quote in the start of my thesis
Speaker 1: talking about, you know, the beginning of wisdom is to
Speaker 1: know thyself Socrates or whomever it was. I think it
Speaker 1: was Socrates, being as my area of research is really
Speaker 1: about kind of self awareness and self understanding and.
Speaker 2: And like even the idea of trying.
Speaker 1: To figure out who you are, like who you are
Speaker 1: beyond who you think you are, and who you are
Speaker 1: beyond who others think you are, and who you are
Speaker 1: beyond your ideas or your beliefs or your biceps or
Speaker 1: you're pretty handsome pretty or handsome face, or your brand
Speaker 1: or your PhD or your and then because I'm none
Speaker 1: of that, They're just things that I've done or things
Speaker 1: that I have and I'm grateful, but I'm not any
Speaker 1: of those things. Then then going on that little fucking
Speaker 1: kind of cerebral journey, we're trying to think, Ah, well,
Speaker 1: if I'm not this or I'm not that, then what
Speaker 1: am I?
Speaker 4: Then?
Speaker 2: Who am I? Is trying to find that you beyond
Speaker 2: the idea of you that I love that conversation. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 2: because you're none of that dude. You've done all this
Speaker 2: cool shit, so have I. Yeah, but that's not you.
Speaker 2: Doesn't mean that's not representative of you in some way,
Speaker 2: But it ain't you.
Speaker 1: Your body's not you, your brand's not you, your bank
Speaker 1: balance is not you, your kids are not even you. Great,
Speaker 1: well done, you can produce offspring, but even then you know,
Speaker 1: you're like, ah, and I don't know that that's an
Speaker 1: answerable question, but it's a fucking great kind of.
Speaker 2: Consideration or ponderance.
Speaker 4: And absolutely and what helps with that, I think is
Speaker 4: who are you to other people in your life? And
Speaker 4: that is a very useful tool at different times to say, oh, like,
Speaker 4: I'm here because obviously I'm here to be a parent
Speaker 4: to my kids, but what kind of parent am I
Speaker 4: going to be?
Speaker 3: What kind of beliefs am I going to instill in them?
Speaker 4: And some parents have still terrible beliefs in their kids,
Speaker 4: which is just what happens from time to time. But
Speaker 4: that's also part of who you like, that's part of
Speaker 4: your greater purpose for why you're here is.
Speaker 3: Maybe however it was divinely.
Speaker 4: Crafted or whatever the way that you want to believe
Speaker 4: in it. An experience like that was to be had,
Speaker 4: because they're going to be had around the world. It's
Speaker 4: not to condone it, whatever it might be, but just
Speaker 4: to say things like that do happen, and there's a
Speaker 4: purpose for it.
Speaker 3: Sometimes there can be an.
Speaker 4: Incredible purpose for it, because that person goes on to
Speaker 4: break free of those shackles and do incredible things because
Speaker 4: of that initiating thing at the start of their life.
Speaker 3: And the same thing goes you know, when someone does
Speaker 3: something that's a little bit out of sorts towards you, there.
Speaker 4: Can be an incredible learning that can come from that
Speaker 4: and an awareness and whatever it might be. And so
Speaker 4: just seeing things is not good or bad, but seeing
Speaker 4: things as things that happen and how we respond. I mean,
Speaker 4: we get into really murky territory here, because there's a
Speaker 4: lot of bad stuff that happens that you would obviously
Speaker 4: want to eradicate from the world. But what impact are
Speaker 4: you having on the people around you?
Speaker 3: What purpose?
Speaker 4: If you were to have a purpose, you're one of
Speaker 4: three kids and you have you've been landed on the
Speaker 4: planet to provide a purpose to these people that have
Speaker 4: also are in your family as well. How are you
Speaker 4: going to influence their life? How are you going to
Speaker 4: And that's the conversation I'm constantly having with my oldest
Speaker 4: because he can be a bit of a bully to
Speaker 4: his youngest, and I said, what are you creating him?
Speaker 2: Mate?
Speaker 4: Like, how are you trying to influence him? What kind
Speaker 4: of world is he going to know after he's been
Speaker 4: your brother, you know? And it's a bloody difficult message
Speaker 4: to get and you've really got to get out of
Speaker 4: your own road.
Speaker 3: To be able to look at that properly as well.
Speaker 4: So, yeah, that idea of removing all of those three
Speaker 4: dimensional things and then to also see it as a
Speaker 4: community and an ebb and flow.
Speaker 3: Absolutely, it's fascinating.
Speaker 1: What's the juxtaposition being a dad or a parent more broadly,
Speaker 1: of course, between trying to guide your kids in terms
Speaker 1: of values and treatment.
Speaker 2: Of others and morals and thought and all of that,
Speaker 2: Between trying to guide them but also getting out of
Speaker 2: the way to let them just figure shit out, you know,
Speaker 2: because you don't really want to program.
Speaker 1: Your kids to be a version of you. But at
Speaker 1: the same time, please stop punching your brother in the face.
Speaker 4: Yeah, that's a good one, and I think with some
Speaker 4: awareness it's worse because you think, ah, am I saying
Speaker 4: the right thing? If I'm saying the right thing, but
Speaker 4: obviously it makes sense for me to discipline my child
Speaker 4: in this way, but then you know, am I doing
Speaker 4: the right thing or wrong thing?
Speaker 3: Whatever it might be.
Speaker 4: So essentially the way that I figure it is, I'm
Speaker 4: here to be my best version of me as dad,
Speaker 4: and I've got some values that I've tried and tested
Speaker 4: that I think work for me and that I think.
Speaker 3: Are reasonable to push and to hold strong.
Speaker 4: So and then I parent around those values as best
Speaker 4: as I can. And the thing that I'm probably looking
Speaker 4: for in my kids is that they know what they've done,
Speaker 4: and they know how it's impacted people, and they know
Speaker 4: how to behave. So I'll see my son be a
Speaker 4: little angel at dinner when he's meeting someone, he's very polite.
Speaker 4: Da da da dah, and then he will be this
Speaker 4: screaming terror at home and go. You know what, he
Speaker 4: knows how to perform when he needs to if he
Speaker 4: wants to get he knows the rules, and if he
Speaker 4: knows the rules, I'm good because at the end of
Speaker 4: the day, all they've got his choice.
Speaker 3: They're going to have choice when they leave home. But
Speaker 3: as long as they know the rules, then that's all
Speaker 3: that I can do.
Speaker 4: And if the way that I can inform those rules
Speaker 4: is to is to have consequence and various things like that.
Speaker 4: But I guess maybe I do it a lot more
Speaker 4: just because I like the sound of my own voice.
Speaker 4: But I really explain it to him after the fact
Speaker 4: as well. I say, hey, when Mum said.
Speaker 3: Something like this, what could have been going on for mum?
Speaker 3: Because you didn't receive it very well? What could have
Speaker 3: Oh well, Mum could have been tired, and could have
Speaker 3: been this, and could have been that. And it's like, exactly,
Speaker 3: so is it about you? Will it still hurts? I think, yeah,
Speaker 3: And it's allowed.
Speaker 4: To hurt, Like you're allowed to feel the feeling that
Speaker 4: you've gotten all of those types of things. But then
Speaker 4: after you've felt it, you can then think, Okay, well
Speaker 4: is this me?
Speaker 3: Is this hurt?
Speaker 4: Whatever it might be. So it's it's a protracted conversation.
Speaker 4: But that's the best way that I know how to
Speaker 4: do it.
Speaker 3: Is to just get them to dissect this thing constantly.
Speaker 3: But that's my style.
Speaker 4: You know, there'd be a lot of other parents to
Speaker 4: go mate, just get on with it and tough enough,
Speaker 4: and that can be really effective as well. And for
Speaker 4: a person's value systems that might perfectly fit. It's just
Speaker 4: that it doesn't work for my value systems. And it's
Speaker 4: interesting watching all of this. You know, masculine feminine chat
Speaker 4: about who is the masculine, and the masculine is very defined,
Speaker 4: and they're you know, they hold a particular line a
Speaker 4: particular way, and they do this various thing in a
Speaker 4: particular way, and emotions are a particular thing in a
Speaker 4: particular express in a particular way, and not all of it.
Speaker 3: Really resonates with me.
Speaker 4: And it doesn't make sense to parent the way that
Speaker 4: the true masculine, you know, or whatever should parent. So
Speaker 4: if it's incongruent with me, they're going to feel that conflict.
Speaker 3: I'm not going to hold the line as well. They're
Speaker 3: not going to see consistency.
Speaker 4: And so what it boils down to, after a very
Speaker 4: long expose at into my parenting thoughts is I think
Speaker 4: probably one of the greatest things you can provide is
Speaker 4: consistency around your decisions and integrity on the things that
Speaker 4: you say, so, this is what I believe, this is
Speaker 4: what I'm holding you to. When you're eighteen, you can
Speaker 4: do whatever you want, but right now, these are the
Speaker 4: values that I believe you need to know. And when
Speaker 4: I say this, I mean it, and when I mean it,
Speaker 4: things happen. And so then they get to understand, Okay, well, firstly,
Speaker 4: this is a safe environment because it's consistent and things
Speaker 4: have been done that they said they would. I can
Speaker 4: learn about integris behavior from that as well. So you
Speaker 4: make up your mind, you do the thing that's most
Speaker 4: congruent with you. And then probably the other thing as
Speaker 4: well is just not reacting, not reacting from a place
Speaker 4: of emotion, but reacting from a place of reflection. I
Speaker 4: would say, is the greatest thing that I see. There's
Speaker 4: so much that happens in that first three seconds of
Speaker 4: I'm annoyed now, and you're going to hear it that
Speaker 4: if you just miss that, just miss that window by
Speaker 4: a minute and take three breaths and then parent, you
Speaker 4: often do a much better job and you're not having
Speaker 4: to then unwind or hold a hold a line of
Speaker 4: a mistake that you made when you totally when you
Speaker 4: said it impulsively as well, so taken a few seconds
Speaker 4: to actually just have a think about what this situation
Speaker 4: needs is probably a thing that I'm constantly learning as well.
Speaker 1: I think also, like most other things that are organic
Speaker 1: and um you know, in a constant state of change,
Speaker 1: is that it's a practice, it's a process, it's a protocol.
Speaker 1: It's not a fixed thing. And what's going to work
Speaker 1: great with a five year old will be a disaster
Speaker 1: with the eleven year old, or even if you had
Speaker 1: two eleven year olds, you know one, you know, it's
Speaker 1: not like, hey, everyone, this is how you optimally parent
Speaker 1: step one. It's like this is like saying this is
Speaker 1: how you optimally eat well for who, This is how
Speaker 1: you optimally work out for who. Like I would imagine,
Speaker 1: and I'm not a parent, so I'm guessing, but I
Speaker 1: would think that the way that kids.
Speaker 2: Respond to or interact with or develop optimally is in
Speaker 2: the middle of that. There's going to be a range
Speaker 2: of approaches and communications, styles and conversations and experiences in and.
Speaker 1: Around parenting that's going to be different for every kid.
Speaker 1: So to assume or you know, it's like I I
Speaker 1: put up a post the other day and how influence
Speaker 1: influencers on Instagram always say the best way too is
Speaker 1: and I wrote underneath that whatever comes next is bullshit
Speaker 1: because there is no best way for everyone. There's no
Speaker 1: best way to parent, there's no best way to eat,
Speaker 1: there's no best way to lift weights, there's no best
Speaker 1: way to build a business or complete a PhD, or
Speaker 1: like who's the person in the middle of it. It's
Speaker 1: going to be dependent on the individual, you know, So
Speaker 1: I would imagine your evolution as a dad and as
Speaker 1: a parent, and even the evolution and understanding of your
Speaker 1: own or evolution in your own understanding and perception and
Speaker 1: awareness and knowledge around all of that is really evolved.
Speaker 1: Like if you had another kid, then there's a fair
Speaker 1: chance the one to five years might be quite different
Speaker 1: compared to the last two times.
Speaker 3: Well, the second child with chalk and cheese, Like, just
Speaker 3: how much more relaxed you are.
Speaker 4: You just know what to say, You're not dealing with
Speaker 4: the same insecurities and you're not projecting those as much. Like,
Speaker 4: definitely the second has had a much better run from
Speaker 4: an emotional or intelligence perspective from me as a dad,
Speaker 4: There's no doubt about that. And to your point of
Speaker 4: two eleven year olds. I can have the same eleven
Speaker 4: year old from one week to the next and the
Speaker 4: same strategies will not work. But it's just the way
Speaker 4: hormones change their reactivity and what's going on for them
Speaker 4: and how they're perceiving the world. Man, it's as soon
Speaker 4: as you think you've got it nailed, I'm doing this
Speaker 4: pretty well, it just switches and whatever you're doing is
Speaker 4: now an absolute fail. So there's a it's an adventure.
Speaker 2: Does your kid get confused when you call him? N? E.
Speaker 2: Colls one?
Speaker 4: No, he's actually on the contrary, he knows he's a connector,
Speaker 4: and he's very good at picking the health.
Speaker 3: Types of the different teachers that he's gotten all that
Speaker 3: sort of stuff.
Speaker 4: So really, yeah, he plays the game pretty well.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, tell.
Speaker 1: Me one thing that you know now about parenting and
Speaker 1: we'll finish on this. Who knew we'd talk about parenting,
Speaker 1: but we go all over the place. I'm sure you
Speaker 1: could teach me a lot one thing that you know
Speaker 1: or understand about parenting now that you were clueless about
Speaker 1: twelve years ago.
Speaker 3: It's the.
Speaker 4: Understand the child first, and you'll know how to parent them,
Speaker 4: rather than understand the rules of the world first, and
Speaker 4: then parent the childs are the rules of the world.
Speaker 4: And that's I have so many beliefs and so many
Speaker 4: voices in my head, mum's voice, dad's voice, my dietitian's voice,
Speaker 4: my precision health voice, my x's voice, all of these
Speaker 4: things that are constantly creating noise, and then it gets
Speaker 4: you stuck in, Oh, my child's got to behave like
Speaker 4: this and hit these milestones and whatever it might be.
Speaker 4: And it's just to have the understanding that my child
Speaker 4: is just having their little experience and I'm here to
Speaker 4: to cushion it and to guide and to essentially make
Speaker 4: their life in their version the best way that it
Speaker 4: can be, rather than their life in my version. And
Speaker 4: I still come up against that, you know, old beliefs.
Speaker 4: They should be my oldest wonsor play soccer. Oh, you
Speaker 4: should really play training more and be out there juggling
Speaker 4: the ball all the time, because that's what I did.
Speaker 4: But he doesn't want to do that, you know. So
Speaker 4: it's just like, mate, what are we going to do instead?
Speaker 4: You know, let's let's do something else instead. So and
Speaker 4: then he gets way happier and then he engages in
Speaker 4: life way more than thinking I need to push him
Speaker 4: down this path because this is what I know. So
Speaker 4: just taking myself out of the equation and thinking of
Speaker 4: myself as I've got a bunch of.
Speaker 3: Tools, and what are the tools that I.
Speaker 4: Need to use for the child in front of me,
Speaker 4: and knowing that it's a completely different set of tools
Speaker 4: for another kid. Well, so whereas you know, when I
Speaker 4: started out, it was very much I just got to
Speaker 4: do the right things and read the books and you know,
Speaker 4: do things right by me.
Speaker 3: That was the big, the big shift that happened.
Speaker 1: You know, it's an interesting observation slash study, slash exploration
Speaker 1: in psychology and sociology is going to like an under
Speaker 1: twelve or fourteen football game in Melbourne standing on the sidelines.
Speaker 2: With the parents, I'm like, oh my god. You know,
Speaker 2: it's like you would think it was the bloody AFL
Speaker 2: Grand Final in September and the stuff that comes out
Speaker 2: of people's faces, it's hilarious. I'm like, thank god you
Speaker 2: didn't parent me, you know, like, yeah, hey mate, it's
Speaker 2: always good to chat with you. Tell people where to
Speaker 2: find you, connect with you, and yeah, see what you're
Speaker 2: all about.
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, So the easiest way is it just a
Speaker 4: google doctor Cam McDonald at Shay Group, Shae group, and
Speaker 4: then if you've we've got some really cool parenting tools
Speaker 4: where you can understand your child's biological makeup and their
Speaker 4: little genetic personalities and AI that helps you navigate that
Speaker 4: and actually ask questions, say what's next for my child?
Speaker 3: What do I do next? To help you get yourself
Speaker 3: out of the road. That's a bloody good tool. You
Speaker 3: can find out about that.
Speaker 2: There.
Speaker 3: There's corporate staff, there's.
Speaker 4: Health professional training, psychology, medical specialists, Allied Health Fitness, there's
Speaker 4: stuff that we do with gym's, stuff that we do
Speaker 4: with relationships. Really, our whole goal is elimination of chronic
Speaker 4: disease and pain by twenty fifty and helping people live
Speaker 4: their best lives in their natural strength. So every tool
Speaker 4: that you would need, we have an ARI ecosystem, So
Speaker 4: you can check that all out at Shay dot Group, forward.
Speaker 3: Slash doctor cam McDonald. But just google it and you'll
Speaker 3: find it.
Speaker 1: You definitely will. Just don't ask him about parenting for
Speaker 1: the minute. He'll get back to you. Always good mate,
Speaker 1: say goodbye affair, but appreciate you and thanks again.
Speaker 4: Thanks mate,