WEBVTT - #2125 Our Need For Purpose - Dr. Cam McDonald 0:00:00.440 --> 0:00:03.000 I'll get a team. It's Jumbo, it's Fatty Harps. It's 0:00:03.040 --> 0:00:04.840 the host with the most some say, the host with 0:00:04.920 --> 0:00:08.000 the lease is the you project. It's doctor Cam McDonald 0:00:08.039 --> 0:00:10.959 and me sans Tiff because she's up there in the 0:00:11.240 --> 0:00:14.120 Sunshine State where Cam is probably not visiting Cam at all. 0:00:14.960 --> 0:00:17.840 Kaush all about herself and her new bloke. No, just 0:00:17.920 --> 0:00:18.840 kidding on the last one. 0:00:18.840 --> 0:00:20.600 Well, she does have a new bloke, but she's up 0:00:20.600 --> 0:00:23.160 there speaking at some kind of wiz bang event. 0:00:23.280 --> 0:00:27.560 So go Tiff. Another bloke who does a bit of speaking, 0:00:27.680 --> 0:00:27.960 is not. 0:00:27.960 --> 0:00:31.720 Bad at it, travels all over the world, talks to company, schools, organizations, 0:00:31.760 --> 0:00:35.240 works with people on a massive scale. Dr Cam McDonald 0:00:35.320 --> 0:00:38.760 again once a month is coming. I'm very excited about that. 0:00:38.880 --> 0:00:39.400 How are you. 0:00:40.240 --> 0:00:42.760 I'm really well. Harps. Had a great weekend. 0:00:42.800 --> 0:00:47.319 I had a perfect weekend of all day work on 0:00:47.360 --> 0:00:51.040 Saturday followed by all day children on Sunday. I mean 0:00:51.080 --> 0:00:53.800 a co parenting situation, and I don't have the kids 0:00:53.800 --> 0:00:56.120 all the time, but it's nice to it's good for. 0:00:56.080 --> 0:00:58.720 My brain to segregate the two completely. It was lovely. 0:01:00.000 --> 0:01:01.920 That's a kind of brain that you need on need 0:01:01.960 --> 0:01:04.360 on Saturday versus the kind of brain that you need, 0:01:04.520 --> 0:01:08.720 or perhaps perspective or operating systems sadday versus Sunday to 0:01:08.880 --> 0:01:12.440 do a good job at both, it's very different. 0:01:13.200 --> 0:01:15.600 I can be both required bit of planning for my 0:01:15.640 --> 0:01:18.360 brain to work effectively. I need a bit of a target, 0:01:18.400 --> 0:01:23.720 a bit of a goal on Saturday, I need a 0:01:23.840 --> 0:01:27.479 very clear list. I need to be very careful of 0:01:27.560 --> 0:01:30.840 what stimulates my brain as well, like exercise volume, how 0:01:30.840 --> 0:01:32.240 hard I go, the. 0:01:32.240 --> 0:01:33.480 Type of caffeine that I have. 0:01:34.880 --> 0:01:37.240 Even green tea versus coffee makes a big difference, Like 0:01:37.240 --> 0:01:39.039 a green tea on a workday is much better than 0:01:39.080 --> 0:01:43.040 coffee on a workday, particularly early in the morning, because 0:01:43.040 --> 0:01:47.040 I just get so stimulated being on and I verge 0:01:47.080 --> 0:01:48.320 on on too much. 0:01:48.400 --> 0:01:49.880 If I don't, if I'm not careful, and then I 0:01:49.920 --> 0:01:52.360 lose my productivity. So that's and then. 0:01:52.280 --> 0:01:56.240 It's yeah, just allowing myself to have breaks every now 0:01:56.240 --> 0:01:58.280 and again as well, whereas. 0:01:57.880 --> 0:01:59.880 On the on the kid day is. 0:02:02.000 --> 0:02:07.520 Turning up with energy, knowing that on a Sunday they 0:02:07.520 --> 0:02:11.320 could be lower on energy and not wanting to do anything, 0:02:11.400 --> 0:02:15.440 and probably I have to prepare my brain for the 0:02:16.760 --> 0:02:19.760 for being resilient to their pushback of I don't want 0:02:19.800 --> 0:02:22.760 to do anything today, dad, because as soon as I 0:02:22.760 --> 0:02:26.440 get them doing stuff, they love it and it's and 0:02:26.480 --> 0:02:27.960 if I say, oh, I don't worry about it, then 0:02:27.960 --> 0:02:30.200 they just sit around and do bugger all, which I'm 0:02:30.280 --> 0:02:34.000 not into, I don't enjoy. So I have to get 0:02:34.040 --> 0:02:36.640 one of them or like sort of essentially say guys, 0:02:36.639 --> 0:02:38.840 we're doing this and there's no real choice in it, 0:02:39.200 --> 0:02:41.320 and hold strong on that even with all of the 0:02:41.360 --> 0:02:43.960 complaints that come initially. And once I get through that, 0:02:44.720 --> 0:02:47.200 the activity starts. And then the different type of brain 0:02:48.120 --> 0:02:52.079 is that I'm like a like I have to turn 0:02:52.120 --> 0:02:55.160 into a bit of a yes man brain of like 0:02:55.320 --> 0:02:58.160 where can I see the next bit of fun? Where 0:02:58.160 --> 0:03:00.359 can I see like the next bit of energy? Where 0:03:00.400 --> 0:03:02.440 can I If they ask me a question, how can 0:03:02.480 --> 0:03:06.079 I give them energy? With the answer, it's like how 0:03:06.120 --> 0:03:08.800 can we do this? Yeah, as opposed to on a workdout, 0:03:08.919 --> 0:03:10.440 Oh mate, just give me a few minutes or whatever 0:03:10.440 --> 0:03:11.960 it might be, or like I don't know if I 0:03:11.960 --> 0:03:14.160 can do that today for energy, it's on that day. 0:03:15.080 --> 0:03:18.160 I have to answer up if that makes sense, And 0:03:18.520 --> 0:03:20.480 if I bring that energy then it has a very 0:03:20.560 --> 0:03:22.680 very good influence on them and how much stuff we 0:03:22.720 --> 0:03:25.600 do and how much fun it is. So yeah, that's 0:03:25.600 --> 0:03:28.560 definitely definitely too distinct. But I have to set a 0:03:28.600 --> 0:03:30.799 plan and an attention in both both days, no. 0:03:30.800 --> 0:03:34.600 Doubt about that. How old are the kids eleven and five. 0:03:35.880 --> 0:03:38.240 So that's a decent gap. 0:03:38.560 --> 0:03:41.840 Massive gap is it's chalk and cheese for the activities 0:03:41.840 --> 0:03:43.920 that they want to do and how they want to 0:03:43.960 --> 0:03:45.960 do it, and how competitive they. 0:03:45.840 --> 0:03:46.880 Want to be when they want to do it and 0:03:46.880 --> 0:03:49.520 all that sort of stuff. So normally I have to 0:03:49.520 --> 0:03:50.360 get my eleven year old. 0:03:50.360 --> 0:03:54.440 He very he's a connector, he's very social, loves his friends, 0:03:54.520 --> 0:03:56.600 so at all times we're inviting one of his friends. 0:03:56.600 --> 0:03:59.160 And then that that then frees me up to spend 0:03:59.200 --> 0:04:00.440 a bit more time with the year old. 0:04:00.440 --> 0:04:01.760 But that's that's normally the play. 0:04:03.040 --> 0:04:05.120 I'm sure we don't know the answer to this question 0:04:06.080 --> 0:04:08.760 one hundred percent accurately, but I'm sure you've got a 0:04:08.760 --> 0:04:13.640 ballpark answer. So when we like we always parents always 0:04:13.640 --> 0:04:16.400 talk about, oh, my kids couldn't be more different. One's 0:04:16.400 --> 0:04:20.919 this and one's that, and they're completely different personalities. You know, 0:04:20.920 --> 0:04:23.719 when you go same kids raised often in the same house. 0:04:24.680 --> 0:04:28.080 In your case, two houses. But you know, they're both 0:04:28.080 --> 0:04:30.280 in the they're both in both houses, they've both got 0:04:30.320 --> 0:04:33.920 the same parents, they both get treated, you know, if 0:04:33.960 --> 0:04:34.280 not the. 0:04:34.240 --> 0:04:38.240 Same, appropriately the same for their age and needs. And 0:04:38.279 --> 0:04:40.920 we've got all of these variables. But do we really 0:04:41.040 --> 0:04:44.080 understand how much of how kids show up in the 0:04:44.120 --> 0:04:49.240 world personality, expression, language, Do we understand how much of 0:04:49.240 --> 0:04:53.479 that is really linked strongly to genetics and how much 0:04:53.560 --> 0:04:58.440 is about environment and media and social media and parenting style, 0:04:58.600 --> 0:05:02.040 And do we have a an accurate number or not? Really? 0:05:02.360 --> 0:05:04.640 Yeah, we do for certain parts of it. We do. 0:05:04.839 --> 0:05:11.000 So there's personality, which is natural personality, traits, competitiveness, openness, 0:05:11.040 --> 0:05:14.480 direct nurse you know, like the diligence, all of those 0:05:14.520 --> 0:05:17.400 types of things that you see in personality detail Orientation. 0:05:19.560 --> 0:05:23.480 That as a body of literature is really strong on percentages. 0:05:23.560 --> 0:05:28.160 So as an adult, middle aged adult, you're about fifty 0:05:28.200 --> 0:05:31.720 percent of your personality is based on genetics. 0:05:32.880 --> 0:05:35.560 So that and when you think about parents. 0:05:35.160 --> 0:05:38.800 Are five to seven percent of that or maybe less 0:05:38.880 --> 0:05:43.000 in some instances. Fifty percent is just your genetics. So 0:05:43.240 --> 0:05:46.159 most of your personality, more than any other factor combined, 0:05:47.000 --> 0:05:50.280 is just your genetic material that you were conceived with 0:05:51.000 --> 0:05:55.120 and then but as a kid, you're at about fifteen percent. 0:05:55.560 --> 0:05:57.440 And that's because, kid, you're playing the survival game of 0:05:57.480 --> 0:06:00.159 who do I need to be to survive in this environment? 0:06:00.600 --> 0:06:03.240 And I'll forego my impulses and I'll just be here 0:06:03.279 --> 0:06:05.240 I've got to be. But what you see is that 0:06:05.520 --> 0:06:08.320 you see their natural state play out in all of 0:06:08.360 --> 0:06:11.480 their reactivity and their stress. But then when they normalize, 0:06:11.480 --> 0:06:13.479 their people pleasing because they're trying to fit in. So 0:06:13.600 --> 0:06:17.680 fifteen percent of their personality is genetic when they're younger. 0:06:17.920 --> 0:06:21.640 But then when you get older, like you Harps, it's 0:06:21.680 --> 0:06:25.440 maybe seventy percent of your sixty to seventy percent. And 0:06:25.480 --> 0:06:27.440 this is because the way that I talk about this 0:06:27.520 --> 0:06:29.679 is just you just give. We're on the right podcast, 0:06:29.680 --> 0:06:31.440 so this is normally I say, you give less stuffs, 0:06:31.600 --> 0:06:33.080 you give less shits. 0:06:33.839 --> 0:06:35.640 And this is like the perfect example is. 0:06:38.400 --> 0:06:40.840 You know the grandmother who just calls it as it is, 0:06:40.880 --> 0:06:41.920 GEEZU look fat. 0:06:41.680 --> 0:06:44.560 In that dress. You know you don't bear that you're 0:06:44.839 --> 0:06:48.400 silly or whatever. I know who I am. 0:06:48.760 --> 0:06:51.600 I don't need to pretend anymore. This is how I feel. 0:06:51.800 --> 0:06:53.359 This is the way that I want to express it. 0:06:53.480 --> 0:06:54.599 And so you're getting. 0:06:54.279 --> 0:06:55.200 It, but you know. 0:06:55.400 --> 0:07:00.560 But then where that's really interesting is that early on 0:07:01.120 --> 0:07:03.960 you've got quite a strong parental influence of the personality 0:07:03.960 --> 0:07:08.960 that people have. Then by seventeen, I believe sixteen or seventeen, 0:07:09.440 --> 0:07:14.080 it's down to seven percent and influence of the parents, 0:07:14.080 --> 0:07:17.720 and then personality is influenced zero percent by the age 0:07:17.760 --> 0:07:22.840 of twenty one. So now personality is different to how 0:07:22.880 --> 0:07:25.320 you present yourself to the world and your knowledge base 0:07:25.440 --> 0:07:29.720 and what your belief systems are. Belief systems are different personality, 0:07:29.760 --> 0:07:32.240 and they can inform each other. But you can say, hey, 0:07:32.560 --> 0:07:37.680 I can be a really competitive person, but I believe 0:07:37.760 --> 0:07:39.960 that you should be very, very good at table manners, 0:07:40.160 --> 0:07:42.240 Whereas I can be a very competitive person and I 0:07:42.280 --> 0:07:44.800 have no interest in table manners whatsoever. So you think 0:07:44.800 --> 0:07:46.920 it's part of your personality to be really intense on 0:07:46.960 --> 0:07:49.400 table manners, But it's just that you've been taught and 0:07:49.440 --> 0:07:52.280 you have a belief that table manners are very important 0:07:52.560 --> 0:07:54.320 versus another person doesn't believe that. 0:07:54.440 --> 0:07:56.560 So beliefs are incredibly plastic. 0:07:56.640 --> 0:08:00.120 You can decide which belief you want to hold on to, 0:08:00.680 --> 0:08:03.680 which belief you want to let go of. Whereas personality 0:08:03.760 --> 0:08:06.800 like the way you express all this stuff. You know, 0:08:06.880 --> 0:08:11.400 like a competitive person who loves nice and forks and 0:08:11.520 --> 0:08:13.520 using them, well, well, so who can do this the 0:08:13.560 --> 0:08:17.080 best at dinner? You know, whereas a very detail oriented 0:08:17.080 --> 0:08:19.960 person that's not competitive that loves knives and forks will say, no, 0:08:20.080 --> 0:08:22.600 you need to hold your finger at you know, seventeen 0:08:22.640 --> 0:08:24.920 percent of the way down the knife and you know 0:08:25.000 --> 0:08:26.240 you need to be cutting. 0:08:25.920 --> 0:08:28.280 Three strokes for a piece of you know, very detailed, 0:08:28.520 --> 0:08:29.480 same belief system. 0:08:29.560 --> 0:08:34.280 So when we talk about personality, it's it's quite hardwired. 0:08:35.360 --> 0:08:37.200 And then and. 0:08:37.840 --> 0:08:40.079 Even like neurodivergence and all of those types of things 0:08:40.120 --> 0:08:43.600 as well, there's huge tendencies genetically. 0:08:43.040 --> 0:08:44.280 Which is very important. 0:08:44.520 --> 0:08:48.920 Then we have belief systems and knowledge sets and how 0:08:48.960 --> 0:08:53.839 much stuff you know and how you can adapt your personality. 0:08:55.000 --> 0:08:55.680 That's different. 0:08:55.920 --> 0:09:00.240 Emotional intelligence is plastic, so but the core personality is 0:09:00.240 --> 0:09:02.640 is fascinating and that's why you know, you get people 0:09:02.679 --> 0:09:04.360 to say, oh, who's competitive in this room? And people 0:09:04.480 --> 0:09:07.160 immediately put their hand up and say, I know I'm competitive. 0:09:07.360 --> 0:09:10.880 I would identify as competitive. They don't have to calculate, 0:09:11.240 --> 0:09:13.240 you know, the balance of competitive moments they've had in 0:09:13.280 --> 0:09:14.959 their life and say oh yes, I was more competitive 0:09:14.960 --> 0:09:17.480 than not. And people definitely know if they're not competitive 0:09:17.480 --> 0:09:19.920 as well. These are things that are born into us. 0:09:19.960 --> 0:09:23.520 And so from an identity perspective, because I'm on a 0:09:23.640 --> 0:09:26.560 roll here, this is what's so fascinating about being able 0:09:26.559 --> 0:09:32.080 to quantify personalities for kids so that you can double 0:09:32.160 --> 0:09:35.800 down on their personality. Now, I know my child is 0:09:36.320 --> 0:09:40.040 very social, Like I know that he's socially inclined. I'm 0:09:40.080 --> 0:09:42.679 not as socially inclined as he is. He needs a 0:09:42.760 --> 0:09:46.200 friend for everything, and it's really healthy for his biology 0:09:46.240 --> 0:09:48.280 to have a friend for everything, Whereas you know, all 0:09:48.280 --> 0:09:51.240 the personal development literature says you need to be alone 0:09:51.280 --> 0:09:51.679 for everything. 0:09:51.720 --> 0:09:53.000 You need to be able to do it yourself and 0:09:53.080 --> 0:09:56.040 drive yourself. Whereas he just does better if he's got 0:09:56.040 --> 0:09:57.120 friends around. He's just happier. 0:09:57.320 --> 0:09:59.880 He's a better kid, he's better behaved, he's more aware, 0:10:00.080 --> 0:10:03.520 he's better at school. Everything impruves when he's got friends around. 0:10:03.840 --> 0:10:06.520 And so I'm able to inform him and say, don't 0:10:06.520 --> 0:10:07.079 worry about what. 0:10:07.000 --> 0:10:07.600 Your school says. 0:10:08.440 --> 0:10:10.640 You're really social. You'll do better if you get the 0:10:10.679 --> 0:10:12.280 chat every now and again. He came home the other 0:10:12.360 --> 0:10:16.040 day and said that he was the class clown, and 0:10:16.120 --> 0:10:19.440 connectors typically are the class clown. And it took me 0:10:19.480 --> 0:10:23.560 a moment to get this, but Miam, my response to 0:10:23.679 --> 0:10:26.240 is mate, I'm just so glad you are bringing light 0:10:26.320 --> 0:10:29.640 and laughter to the people in your life, which normally 0:10:29.920 --> 0:10:32.320 old Cam would have gone, Mate, you can't be class clown. 0:10:32.360 --> 0:10:34.320 You've got to be focusing and whatever. 0:10:34.400 --> 0:10:37.760 But really, like, if we take the structure of school 0:10:37.800 --> 0:10:38.760 away and just say. 0:10:38.720 --> 0:10:40.680 Who is this human? He's fun. 0:10:40.920 --> 0:10:43.000 He wants to engage people, and he wants to make 0:10:43.000 --> 0:10:45.679 people laugh, and that's going to be his strength if 0:10:45.679 --> 0:10:48.360 he goes off to do sales or a tour guide 0:10:48.440 --> 0:10:51.640 or a teacher or whatever it might be. And to 0:10:51.679 --> 0:10:54.839 stamp that out and say class clowning is bad, we're 0:10:54.920 --> 0:10:56.559 just mean to say my natural. 0:10:56.200 --> 0:10:58.160 Response is wrong. And this is what a lot of 0:10:58.640 --> 0:10:59.880 the work that we're trying to undo. 0:11:00.880 --> 0:11:05.360 Is this idea that We've spoken about this before, but 0:11:05.440 --> 0:11:08.800 the idea that I'm going to suppress my child's natural 0:11:08.800 --> 0:11:13.280 impulses because they don't match up to mine and the 0:11:13.559 --> 0:11:16.600 heritability of things is really fascinating. That the child is 0:11:17.080 --> 0:11:21.760 a combination of your greater ancestral lines rather. 0:11:21.520 --> 0:11:24.199 Than just the two parents so you can have. 0:11:24.240 --> 0:11:27.160 Things come through that are not at all each of 0:11:27.200 --> 0:11:30.720 the individual parents because they're from an extended family line 0:11:30.720 --> 0:11:34.880 that they're being influenced by. So it's absolutely fascinating. 0:11:35.600 --> 0:11:36.679 Yes, there is an answer for that. 0:11:37.679 --> 0:11:41.880 We no, I love that. We Well, I used me 0:11:41.960 --> 0:11:44.360 and my team. You have to when you do a PhD, 0:11:44.480 --> 0:11:46.480 you know you have a team, right, So when I 0:11:46.520 --> 0:11:50.280 say I did, I always feel guilty because there's more 0:11:50.320 --> 0:11:51.520 than one person on the team. 0:11:51.559 --> 0:11:52.480 But we used. 0:11:54.040 --> 0:11:57.120 TIPPY, which I'm sure you've heard of tennight and Personality 0:11:57.160 --> 0:12:00.520 Index Okay, so it's just it's a version of the 0:12:00.520 --> 0:12:07.840 Big Five. So there's a very well known kind of 0:12:07.920 --> 0:12:18.120 set of measurables in personality science everyone which is extraversion, agreeableness, conscientiousness, 0:12:18.200 --> 0:12:22.760 emotional stability, and openness to experience. Neuroticism used to be 0:12:22.800 --> 0:12:26.880 in there, but they switched out. But anyway, we use 0:12:27.000 --> 0:12:30.960 the TIPPY, which is like a ten item version of 0:12:31.000 --> 0:12:35.760 that scale, as one of our assessment tools for metaperception. 0:12:36.520 --> 0:12:39.960 And so essentially how it worked was we got those 0:12:40.040 --> 0:12:46.000 ten different kind of criteria how people. So it was 0:12:46.040 --> 0:12:50.520 a three step process. So I would assess myself self 0:12:50.559 --> 0:12:54.400 assessment on the TIPPY ten items, I'd assess myself one 0:12:54.480 --> 0:12:57.760 to five on a like art scale, one to five, 0:12:58.760 --> 0:13:03.640 five being okay. So let's say it's you know, compassion 0:13:03.720 --> 0:13:06.240 or whatever or empty. I go, yeah, I'm a five, 0:13:06.360 --> 0:13:11.040 I'm so fucking empathetic or whatever. And then and then 0:13:11.080 --> 0:13:14.840 you and I would do it together and and you 0:13:14.880 --> 0:13:19.200 would rate me on those So column was I'm rating me. 0:13:19.400 --> 0:13:23.080 Column two, my mate Cam is rating me on those 0:13:23.120 --> 0:13:26.840 same criteria, and column three is I'm rating how I 0:13:26.880 --> 0:13:30.520 think Cam will rape me. You got it, you got it. 0:13:31.200 --> 0:13:33.600 So column one is how I see me, column two 0:13:33.640 --> 0:13:36.439 is how CAM sees me, and column three is how 0:13:36.440 --> 0:13:39.600 I think CAM sees me. And when you get hundreds 0:13:39.640 --> 0:13:42.320 of those like I had in that particular study, we 0:13:42.360 --> 0:13:46.160 had multiple kind of you know, resources that we used 0:13:47.160 --> 0:13:52.040 and protocols. But yeah, it's so funny how how dissimilar 0:13:52.080 --> 0:13:55.400 some of those scores are, and how people get shocked 0:13:55.440 --> 0:14:01.120 when they go, really, people think I'm intimidating, or I'm arrogant, 0:14:01.240 --> 0:14:02.679 or I'm you know, I'm like. 0:14:04.200 --> 0:14:06.840 You know, and if a bunch of people are saying that, 0:14:08.040 --> 0:14:10.599 you know, you've got to Yeah. 0:14:10.280 --> 0:14:12.920 Especially when you do ones in groups. I did one 0:14:12.960 --> 0:14:15.800 study where I had over two hundred people, and we 0:14:15.880 --> 0:14:19.480 put everyone in a group, a group of five, and 0:14:19.520 --> 0:14:22.480 they got to spend time together just talking. And their 0:14:22.520 --> 0:14:27.640 directions were just talk, get to know each other, whatever 0:14:27.680 --> 0:14:29.440 you do, whether or not you go hey, I'm Craig. 0:14:29.760 --> 0:14:32.760 You know you guys, sort it out. And they didn't 0:14:32.760 --> 0:14:34.680 have a long time, but they had fifteen or twenty 0:14:34.720 --> 0:14:37.200 minutes just sitting the five of them in a circle 0:14:37.360 --> 0:14:39.840 talking and then after that they had to do this 0:14:39.960 --> 0:14:44.840 assessment of themselves and then of each person in the group, 0:14:44.920 --> 0:14:47.200 and then how they thought each person in the group 0:14:47.240 --> 0:14:51.600 perceived them. And the insights out of that were crazy. 0:14:52.200 --> 0:14:54.480 So I and. 0:14:54.400 --> 0:14:56.320 I could give you a bunch of takeaways, but I'll 0:14:56.360 --> 0:14:59.040 give you this, which is not a big surprise. But 0:14:59.200 --> 0:15:02.800 most people I don't really know how other people see them. 0:15:03.280 --> 0:15:08.400 There's not a huge level of alignment between how I 0:15:08.480 --> 0:15:11.960 see me is interesting, but how you see me is 0:15:12.040 --> 0:15:14.560 where that's almost the money maker, and then how I 0:15:14.640 --> 0:15:15.440 think you see me. 0:15:15.600 --> 0:15:16.200 That gap. 0:15:16.720 --> 0:15:19.520 It's a real revelation for people because it gets them 0:15:19.560 --> 0:15:22.080 to see things in a different way, and knowing it 0:15:22.120 --> 0:15:25.800 doesn't fix it, but it's certainly a good awareness to have. 0:15:26.840 --> 0:15:30.800 And sometimes the awareness can give person permission, but this 0:15:30.920 --> 0:15:33.560 is a it can be fixing it in some instances 0:15:33.560 --> 0:15:35.160 because I just now have awareness. 0:15:34.800 --> 0:15:35.760 I've got a label for it. 0:15:36.480 --> 0:15:42.360 The Yeah, we see the same thing, and I would 0:15:42.400 --> 0:15:46.000 I would say that because we do a lot with 0:15:46.120 --> 0:15:48.280 natural strengths. When people are in their natural strengths, they 0:15:48.320 --> 0:15:50.400 go into flow, they feel like they contribute more. 0:15:50.840 --> 0:15:52.280 People have no idea. 0:15:51.960 --> 0:15:55.240 That who they are has inherent natural strengths. They don't 0:15:55.280 --> 0:15:58.400 value them. And it's the same thing here. It's like 0:15:58.480 --> 0:16:02.280 people see from the outside. You see, oh, your natural 0:16:02.280 --> 0:16:04.400 strengths that you're not aware of, that you think are just. 0:16:04.400 --> 0:16:05.560 Normal, that everybody's got. 0:16:05.600 --> 0:16:08.760 An interesting example, I was at a workplace. We did 0:16:08.760 --> 0:16:10.840 this kind of what strengths do you think these people 0:16:10.840 --> 0:16:11.280 have got? 0:16:11.880 --> 0:16:13.680 And I go, who got given a strength? 0:16:14.080 --> 0:16:16.680 And one guy said, oh yeah, they said everyone said 0:16:16.680 --> 0:16:19.800 that I was level headed, and I said, and he goes, 0:16:19.920 --> 0:16:21.240 isn't everybody level headed? 0:16:21.280 --> 0:16:27.560 Though? No, mate, they're not. Yeah, and wow. But people think, oh, 0:16:27.800 --> 0:16:30.360 surely you would think about this rationally and fairly like 0:16:30.480 --> 0:16:31.800 I would, you know, And they just. 0:16:31.840 --> 0:16:34.040 They don't even see it as part of their personality 0:16:34.080 --> 0:16:36.760 because it's so baked into who they are. That that's 0:16:36.800 --> 0:16:38.960 where it gets really really interesting because and when you 0:16:38.960 --> 0:16:42.120 get that external sort of report, particularly someone who's got 0:16:42.120 --> 0:16:44.480 some awareness as well, and even if they don't, but 0:16:44.680 --> 0:16:47.640 when they have got some awareness and they can label 0:16:47.680 --> 0:16:49.960 what you do, well, man, it can it can be 0:16:50.040 --> 0:16:51.880 very very powerful for your sense of self. 0:16:53.720 --> 0:16:56.400 I'm just writing myself a few notes while you're talking 0:16:56.400 --> 0:17:00.280 about it's it's like the one thing that every already 0:17:00.320 --> 0:17:02.160 has in common when they come to see you or 0:17:02.200 --> 0:17:03.960 you work with them, or they come to me one 0:17:03.960 --> 0:17:06.040 on one or they come to me at a workshop seminar, 0:17:06.840 --> 0:17:08.680 is that they want to on some level, they want 0:17:08.720 --> 0:17:11.880 to be different. I want to be different. I might 0:17:11.960 --> 0:17:17.000 think different, might be think different, do different, create different, look, feel, function, 0:17:17.200 --> 0:17:22.960 but they want change. But the interesting observation, I don't 0:17:22.960 --> 0:17:25.240 have a solution or an answer, I have thoughts, but 0:17:25.359 --> 0:17:34.760 is like wherever most people are practically, metaphorically, physiologically, relationally, whatever, 0:17:35.119 --> 0:17:39.360 psychologically emotionally, DA data might have said that one they're 0:17:39.400 --> 0:17:41.760 not where they want to be. They always want to 0:17:41.800 --> 0:17:46.439 be somewhere else. It's like very little contentment, and you 0:17:46.480 --> 0:17:47.680 know people will have a goal. 0:17:48.440 --> 0:17:51.520 Oh if I could just have own earn, do be create, 0:17:51.800 --> 0:17:55.680 that and then they do it. They get there, they 0:17:55.720 --> 0:17:58.800 get there, and they're like, fuck, this is not it, 0:18:00.040 --> 0:18:04.719 because we're always trying to resolve internal stuff with external stuff. 0:18:04.760 --> 0:18:08.119 If I have this, then I'll feel that, or I'll 0:18:08.119 --> 0:18:12.080 be calm, or I'll be content, or I won't overthink, 0:18:12.320 --> 0:18:15.280 or people will love me, or I will be desirable, 0:18:15.480 --> 0:18:18.639 or I will get more attention or fill in the blank. 0:18:18.720 --> 0:18:22.280 We have this kind of erroneous assumption or story around 0:18:22.800 --> 0:18:26.159 that thing will equal this thing, and most of the 0:18:26.200 --> 0:18:27.360 time it's kind of bullshit. 0:18:27.880 --> 0:18:30.800 Yeah, yes, it's so funny to bring this up. Obviously, 0:18:30.800 --> 0:18:31.679 we didn't plan any of this. 0:18:32.080 --> 0:18:36.000 I'm day ten through forty days of lent. I'm a 0:18:36.040 --> 0:18:39.800 bit late of just accepting myself for who I am 0:18:39.840 --> 0:18:43.959 and not needing to grow. 0:18:42.680 --> 0:18:45.000 And I suck at it like big time. 0:18:45.080 --> 0:18:47.760 And it was probably one of the important things that 0:18:47.880 --> 0:18:49.440 came up on the weekend. 0:18:51.000 --> 0:18:55.240 Was sitting down with a mate. He's in a better 0:18:55.440 --> 0:18:56.760 financial position than I am. 0:18:56.840 --> 0:18:59.200 He's just sold a business that he's had for three 0:18:59.280 --> 0:19:02.280 decades and he's got just this pile of cash sitting 0:19:02.320 --> 0:19:05.119 in the bank account, and then there's another payment that 0:19:05.200 --> 0:19:08.600 comes in twelve months based on how well, the business 0:19:08.600 --> 0:19:10.000 does because there's a bit of a clause like that 0:19:10.080 --> 0:19:13.120 in there. And he's got more money than probably thought 0:19:13.160 --> 0:19:17.479 you'd ever have in the bank account. And then they 0:19:17.520 --> 0:19:18.919 got back to him and said, oh, look it's not 0:19:19.680 --> 0:19:22.000 two people have dropped off. It's not performing quite likely 0:19:22.080 --> 0:19:23.760 thought it would, and so it's going to reduce his 0:19:24.240 --> 0:19:28.119 payment at twelve months. And he's like, oh, you know, 0:19:28.240 --> 0:19:30.600 I don't have enough. He's in this space of I 0:19:30.640 --> 0:19:32.840 don't have enough, even though he's got more than he's 0:19:32.880 --> 0:19:36.680 ever had. And it was such a reality check for 0:19:36.720 --> 0:19:39.240 me to say, it has nothing to do with money, 0:19:39.920 --> 0:19:42.680 and just this idea of where I think I want 0:19:42.680 --> 0:19:47.720 to be and to your point of I need to 0:19:47.720 --> 0:19:51.480 be somewhere else. And what's so interesting about this whole 0:19:51.520 --> 0:19:52.480 abundance mindset. 0:19:52.640 --> 0:19:55.280 It starts with gratitude. It starts with. 0:19:56.800 --> 0:19:59.840 Being completely satisfied and replete with where you're at right 0:19:59.840 --> 0:20:02.760 now and just having inherent value in yourself and what 0:20:02.800 --> 0:20:07.920 you have. But yes, and then the longer you search outside, 0:20:08.440 --> 0:20:10.879 the worse it gets. But it's a hard habit to shake. 0:20:11.160 --> 0:20:14.879 It's a really interesting one. And even as you were 0:20:14.880 --> 0:20:16.680 talking about it, I was thinking how poorly I've done 0:20:16.720 --> 0:20:18.200 it this. I still want to get fitter, and I 0:20:18.280 --> 0:20:19.760 still want to look better, and I still want. 0:20:19.600 --> 0:20:20.880 To da da da da da. 0:20:21.000 --> 0:20:22.600 And I was just thinking as you were talking, It's like, 0:20:22.640 --> 0:20:25.840 maybe I need to just be thinking about that what 0:20:26.040 --> 0:20:28.040 is great about my body is what is something that 0:20:28.080 --> 0:20:31.000 I'm really appreciative of within it, that I really value 0:20:31.000 --> 0:20:32.160 that I'm really glad I've gotten. 0:20:32.320 --> 0:20:32.840 Just sort of. 0:20:32.760 --> 0:20:35.560 Thinking about my thinking that way. It's a yeah, it's 0:20:35.840 --> 0:20:38.840