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Speaker 1: I'll get a team. It's Jumbo, it's Fatty Harps. It's

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Speaker 1: the host with the most some say, the host with

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Speaker 1: the lease is the you project. It's doctor Cam McDonald

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Speaker 1: and me sans Tiff because she's up there in the

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Speaker 1: Sunshine State where Cam is probably not visiting Cam at all.

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Speaker 2: Kaush all about herself and her new bloke. No, just

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Speaker 2: kidding on the last one.

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Speaker 1: Well, she does have a new bloke, but she's up

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Speaker 1: there speaking at some kind of wiz bang event.

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Speaker 2: So go Tiff. Another bloke who does a bit of speaking,

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Speaker 2: is not.

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Speaker 1: Bad at it, travels all over the world, talks to company, schools, organizations,

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Speaker 1: works with people on a massive scale. Dr Cam McDonald

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Speaker 1: again once a month is coming. I'm very excited about that.

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Speaker 2: How are you.

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Speaker 3: I'm really well. Harps. Had a great weekend.

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Speaker 4: I had a perfect weekend of all day work on

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Speaker 4: Saturday followed by all day children on Sunday. I mean

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Speaker 4: a co parenting situation, and I don't have the kids

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Speaker 4: all the time, but it's nice to it's good for.

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Speaker 3: My brain to segregate the two completely. It was lovely.

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Speaker 1: That's a kind of brain that you need on need

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Speaker 1: on Saturday versus the kind of brain that you need,

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Speaker 1: or perhaps perspective or operating systems sadday versus Sunday to

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Speaker 1: do a good job at both, it's very different.

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Speaker 4: I can be both required bit of planning for my

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Speaker 4: brain to work effectively. I need a bit of a target,

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Speaker 4: a bit of a goal on Saturday, I need a

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Speaker 4: very clear list. I need to be very careful of

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Speaker 4: what stimulates my brain as well, like exercise volume, how

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Speaker 4: hard I go, the.

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Speaker 3: Type of caffeine that I have.

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Speaker 4: Even green tea versus coffee makes a big difference, Like

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Speaker 4: a green tea on a workday is much better than

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Speaker 4: coffee on a workday, particularly early in the morning, because

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Speaker 4: I just get so stimulated being on and I verge

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Speaker 4: on on too much.

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Speaker 3: If I don't, if I'm not careful, and then I

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Speaker 3: lose my productivity. So that's and then.

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Speaker 4: It's yeah, just allowing myself to have breaks every now

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Speaker 4: and again as well, whereas.

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Speaker 3: On the on the kid day is.

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Speaker 4: Turning up with energy, knowing that on a Sunday they

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Speaker 4: could be lower on energy and not wanting to do anything,

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Speaker 4: and probably I have to prepare my brain for the

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Speaker 4: for being resilient to their pushback of I don't want

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Speaker 4: to do anything today, dad, because as soon as I

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Speaker 4: get them doing stuff, they love it and it's and

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Speaker 4: if I say, oh, I don't worry about it, then

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Speaker 4: they just sit around and do bugger all, which I'm

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Speaker 4: not into, I don't enjoy. So I have to get

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Speaker 4: one of them or like sort of essentially say guys,

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Speaker 4: we're doing this and there's no real choice in it,

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Speaker 4: and hold strong on that even with all of the

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Speaker 4: complaints that come initially. And once I get through that,

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Speaker 4: the activity starts. And then the different type of brain

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Speaker 4: is that I'm like a like I have to turn

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Speaker 4: into a bit of a yes man brain of like

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Speaker 4: where can I see the next bit of fun? Where

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Speaker 4: can I see like the next bit of energy? Where

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Speaker 4: can I If they ask me a question, how can

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Speaker 4: I give them energy? With the answer, it's like how

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Speaker 4: can we do this? Yeah, as opposed to on a workdout,

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Speaker 4: Oh mate, just give me a few minutes or whatever

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Speaker 4: it might be, or like I don't know if I

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Speaker 4: can do that today for energy, it's on that day.

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Speaker 4: I have to answer up if that makes sense, And

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Speaker 4: if I bring that energy then it has a very

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Speaker 4: very good influence on them and how much stuff we

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Speaker 4: do and how much fun it is. So yeah, that's

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Speaker 4: definitely definitely too distinct. But I have to set a

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Speaker 4: plan and an attention in both both days, no.

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Speaker 3: Doubt about that. How old are the kids eleven and five.

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Speaker 1: So that's a decent gap.

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Speaker 4: Massive gap is it's chalk and cheese for the activities

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Speaker 4: that they want to do and how they want to

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Speaker 4: do it, and how competitive they.

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Speaker 3: Want to be when they want to do it and

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Speaker 3: all that sort of stuff. So normally I have to

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Speaker 3: get my eleven year old.

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Speaker 4: He very he's a connector, he's very social, loves his friends,

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Speaker 4: so at all times we're inviting one of his friends.

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Speaker 4: And then that that then frees me up to spend

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Speaker 4: a bit more time with the year old.

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Speaker 3: But that's that's normally the play.

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Speaker 1: I'm sure we don't know the answer to this question

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Speaker 1: one hundred percent accurately, but I'm sure you've got a

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Speaker 1: ballpark answer. So when we like we always parents always

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Speaker 1: talk about, oh, my kids couldn't be more different. One's

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Speaker 1: this and one's that, and they're completely different personalities. You know,

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Speaker 1: when you go same kids raised often in the same house.

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Speaker 1: In your case, two houses. But you know, they're both

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Speaker 1: in the they're both in both houses, they've both got

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Speaker 1: the same parents, they both get treated, you know, if

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Speaker 1: not the.

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Speaker 2: Same, appropriately the same for their age and needs. And

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Speaker 2: we've got all of these variables. But do we really

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Speaker 2: understand how much of how kids show up in the

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Speaker 2: world personality, expression, language, Do we understand how much of

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Speaker 2: that is really linked strongly to genetics and how much

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Speaker 2: is about environment and media and social media and parenting style,

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Speaker 2: And do we have a an accurate number or not? Really?

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Speaker 3: Yeah, we do for certain parts of it. We do.

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Speaker 4: So there's personality, which is natural personality, traits, competitiveness, openness,

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Speaker 4: direct nurse you know, like the diligence, all of those

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Speaker 4: types of things that you see in personality detail Orientation.

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Speaker 4: That as a body of literature is really strong on percentages.

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Speaker 4: So as an adult, middle aged adult, you're about fifty

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Speaker 4: percent of your personality is based on genetics.

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Speaker 3: So that and when you think about parents.

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Speaker 4: Are five to seven percent of that or maybe less

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Speaker 4: in some instances. Fifty percent is just your genetics. So

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Speaker 4: most of your personality, more than any other factor combined,

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Speaker 4: is just your genetic material that you were conceived with

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Speaker 4: and then but as a kid, you're at about fifteen percent.

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Speaker 4: And that's because, kid, you're playing the survival game of

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Speaker 4: who do I need to be to survive in this environment?

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Speaker 4: And I'll forego my impulses and I'll just be here

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Speaker 4: I've got to be. But what you see is that

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Speaker 4: you see their natural state play out in all of

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Speaker 4: their reactivity and their stress. But then when they normalize,

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Speaker 4: their people pleasing because they're trying to fit in. So

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Speaker 4: fifteen percent of their personality is genetic when they're younger.

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Speaker 4: But then when you get older, like you Harps, it's

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Speaker 4: maybe seventy percent of your sixty to seventy percent. And

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Speaker 4: this is because the way that I talk about this

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Speaker 4: is just you just give. We're on the right podcast,

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Speaker 4: so this is normally I say, you give less stuffs,

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Speaker 4: you give less shits.

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Speaker 3: And this is like the perfect example is.

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Speaker 4: You know the grandmother who just calls it as it is,

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Speaker 4: GEEZU look fat.

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Speaker 3: In that dress. You know you don't bear that you're

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Speaker 3: silly or whatever. I know who I am.

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Speaker 4: I don't need to pretend anymore. This is how I feel.

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Speaker 4: This is the way that I want to express it.

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Speaker 4: And so you're getting.

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Speaker 3: It, but you know.

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Speaker 4: But then where that's really interesting is that early on

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Speaker 4: you've got quite a strong parental influence of the personality

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Speaker 4: that people have. Then by seventeen, I believe sixteen or seventeen,

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Speaker 4: it's down to seven percent and influence of the parents,

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Speaker 4: and then personality is influenced zero percent by the age

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Speaker 4: of twenty one. So now personality is different to how

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Speaker 4: you present yourself to the world and your knowledge base

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Speaker 4: and what your belief systems are. Belief systems are different personality,

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Speaker 4: and they can inform each other. But you can say, hey,

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Speaker 4: I can be a really competitive person, but I believe

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Speaker 4: that you should be very, very good at table manners,

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Speaker 4: Whereas I can be a very competitive person and I

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Speaker 4: have no interest in table manners whatsoever. So you think

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Speaker 4: it's part of your personality to be really intense on

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Speaker 4: table manners, But it's just that you've been taught and

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Speaker 4: you have a belief that table manners are very important

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Speaker 4: versus another person doesn't believe that.

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Speaker 3: So beliefs are incredibly plastic.

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Speaker 4: You can decide which belief you want to hold on to,

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Speaker 4: which belief you want to let go of. Whereas personality

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Speaker 4: like the way you express all this stuff. You know,

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Speaker 4: like a competitive person who loves nice and forks and

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Speaker 4: using them, well, well, so who can do this the

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Speaker 4: best at dinner? You know, whereas a very detail oriented

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Speaker 4: person that's not competitive that loves knives and forks will say, no,

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Speaker 4: you need to hold your finger at you know, seventeen

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Speaker 4: percent of the way down the knife and you know

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Speaker 4: you need to be cutting.

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Speaker 3: Three strokes for a piece of you know, very detailed,

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Speaker 3: same belief system.

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Speaker 4: So when we talk about personality, it's it's quite hardwired.

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Speaker 3: And then and.

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Speaker 4: Even like neurodivergence and all of those types of things

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Speaker 4: as well, there's huge tendencies genetically.

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Speaker 3: Which is very important.

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Speaker 4: Then we have belief systems and knowledge sets and how

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Speaker 4: much stuff you know and how you can adapt your personality.

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Speaker 3: That's different.

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Speaker 4: Emotional intelligence is plastic, so but the core personality is

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Speaker 4: is fascinating and that's why you know, you get people

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Speaker 4: to say, oh, who's competitive in this room? And people

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Speaker 4: immediately put their hand up and say, I know I'm competitive.

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Speaker 4: I would identify as competitive. They don't have to calculate,

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Speaker 4: you know, the balance of competitive moments they've had in

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Speaker 4: their life and say oh yes, I was more competitive

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Speaker 4: than not. And people definitely know if they're not competitive

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Speaker 4: as well. These are things that are born into us.

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Speaker 4: And so from an identity perspective, because I'm on a

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Speaker 4: roll here, this is what's so fascinating about being able

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Speaker 4: to quantify personalities for kids so that you can double

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Speaker 4: down on their personality. Now, I know my child is

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Speaker 4: very social, Like I know that he's socially inclined. I'm

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Speaker 4: not as socially inclined as he is. He needs a

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Speaker 4: friend for everything, and it's really healthy for his biology

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Speaker 4: to have a friend for everything, Whereas you know, all

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Speaker 4: the personal development literature says you need to be alone

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Speaker 4: for everything.

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Speaker 3: You need to be able to do it yourself and

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Speaker 3: drive yourself. Whereas he just does better if he's got

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Speaker 3: friends around. He's just happier.

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Speaker 4: He's a better kid, he's better behaved, he's more aware,

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Speaker 4: he's better at school. Everything impruves when he's got friends around.

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Speaker 4: And so I'm able to inform him and say, don't

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Speaker 4: worry about what.

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Speaker 3: Your school says.

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Speaker 4: You're really social. You'll do better if you get the

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Speaker 4: chat every now and again. He came home the other

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Speaker 4: day and said that he was the class clown, and

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Speaker 4: connectors typically are the class clown. And it took me

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Speaker 4: a moment to get this, but Miam, my response to

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Speaker 4: is mate, I'm just so glad you are bringing light

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Speaker 4: and laughter to the people in your life, which normally

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Speaker 4: old Cam would have gone, Mate, you can't be class clown.

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Speaker 3: You've got to be focusing and whatever.

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Speaker 4: But really, like, if we take the structure of school

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Speaker 4: away and just say.

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Speaker 3: Who is this human? He's fun.

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Speaker 4: He wants to engage people, and he wants to make

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Speaker 4: people laugh, and that's going to be his strength if

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Speaker 4: he goes off to do sales or a tour guide

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Speaker 4: or a teacher or whatever it might be. And to

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Speaker 4: stamp that out and say class clowning is bad, we're

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Speaker 4: just mean to say my natural.

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Speaker 3: Response is wrong. And this is what a lot of

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Speaker 3: the work that we're trying to undo.

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Speaker 4: Is this idea that We've spoken about this before, but

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Speaker 4: the idea that I'm going to suppress my child's natural

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Speaker 4: impulses because they don't match up to mine and the

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Speaker 4: heritability of things is really fascinating. That the child is

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Speaker 4: a combination of your greater ancestral lines rather.

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Speaker 3: Than just the two parents so you can have.

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Speaker 4: Things come through that are not at all each of

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Speaker 4: the individual parents because they're from an extended family line

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Speaker 4: that they're being influenced by. So it's absolutely fascinating.

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Speaker 3: Yes, there is an answer for that.

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Speaker 1: We no, I love that. We Well, I used me

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Speaker 1: and my team. You have to when you do a PhD,

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Speaker 1: you know you have a team, right, So when I

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Speaker 1: say I did, I always feel guilty because there's more

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Speaker 1: than one person on the team.

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Speaker 2: But we used.

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Speaker 1: TIPPY, which I'm sure you've heard of tennight and Personality

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Speaker 1: Index Okay, so it's just it's a version of the

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Speaker 1: Big Five. So there's a very well known kind of

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Speaker 1: set of measurables in personality science everyone which is extraversion, agreeableness, conscientiousness,

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Speaker 1: emotional stability, and openness to experience. Neuroticism used to be

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Speaker 1: in there, but they switched out. But anyway, we use

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Speaker 1: the TIPPY, which is like a ten item version of

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Speaker 1: that scale, as one of our assessment tools for metaperception.

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Speaker 1: And so essentially how it worked was we got those

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Speaker 1: ten different kind of criteria how people. So it was

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Speaker 1: a three step process. So I would assess myself self

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Speaker 1: assessment on the TIPPY ten items, I'd assess myself one

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Speaker 1: to five on a like art scale, one to five,

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Speaker 1: five being okay. So let's say it's you know, compassion

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Speaker 1: or whatever or empty. I go, yeah, I'm a five,

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Speaker 1: I'm so fucking empathetic or whatever. And then and then

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Speaker 1: you and I would do it together and and you

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Speaker 1: would rate me on those So column was I'm rating me.

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Speaker 1: Column two, my mate Cam is rating me on those

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Speaker 1: same criteria, and column three is I'm rating how I

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Speaker 1: think Cam will rape me. You got it, you got it.

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Speaker 1: So column one is how I see me, column two

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Speaker 1: is how CAM sees me, and column three is how

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Speaker 1: I think CAM sees me. And when you get hundreds

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Speaker 1: of those like I had in that particular study, we

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Speaker 1: had multiple kind of you know, resources that we used

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Speaker 1: and protocols. But yeah, it's so funny how how dissimilar

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Speaker 1: some of those scores are, and how people get shocked

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Speaker 1: when they go, really, people think I'm intimidating, or I'm arrogant,

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Speaker 1: or I'm you know, I'm like.

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Speaker 2: You know, and if a bunch of people are saying that,

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Speaker 2: you know, you've got to Yeah.

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Speaker 1: Especially when you do ones in groups. I did one

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Speaker 1: study where I had over two hundred people, and we

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Speaker 1: put everyone in a group, a group of five, and

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Speaker 1: they got to spend time together just talking. And their

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Speaker 1: directions were just talk, get to know each other, whatever

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Speaker 1: you do, whether or not you go hey, I'm Craig.

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Speaker 1: You know you guys, sort it out. And they didn't

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Speaker 1: have a long time, but they had fifteen or twenty

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Speaker 1: minutes just sitting the five of them in a circle

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Speaker 1: talking and then after that they had to do this

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Speaker 1: assessment of themselves and then of each person in the group,

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Speaker 1: and then how they thought each person in the group

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Speaker 1: perceived them. And the insights out of that were crazy.

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Speaker 1: So I and.

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Speaker 2: I could give you a bunch of takeaways, but I'll

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Speaker 2: give you this, which is not a big surprise. But

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Speaker 2: most people I don't really know how other people see them.

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Speaker 2: There's not a huge level of alignment between how I

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Speaker 2: see me is interesting, but how you see me is

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Speaker 2: where that's almost the money maker, and then how I

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Speaker 2: think you see me.

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Speaker 1: That gap.

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Speaker 2: It's a real revelation for people because it gets them

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Speaker 2: to see things in a different way, and knowing it

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Speaker 2: doesn't fix it, but it's certainly a good awareness to have.

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Speaker 4: And sometimes the awareness can give person permission, but this

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Speaker 4: is a it can be fixing it in some instances

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Speaker 4: because I just now have awareness.

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Speaker 3: I've got a label for it.

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Speaker 4: The Yeah, we see the same thing, and I would

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Speaker 4: I would say that because we do a lot with

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Speaker 4: natural strengths. When people are in their natural strengths, they

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Speaker 4: go into flow, they feel like they contribute more.

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Speaker 3: People have no idea.

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Speaker 4: That who they are has inherent natural strengths. They don't

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Speaker 4: value them. And it's the same thing here. It's like

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Speaker 4: people see from the outside. You see, oh, your natural

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Speaker 4: strengths that you're not aware of, that you think are just.

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Speaker 3: Normal, that everybody's got.

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Speaker 4: An interesting example, I was at a workplace. We did

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Speaker 4: this kind of what strengths do you think these people

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Speaker 4: have got?

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Speaker 3: And I go, who got given a strength?

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Speaker 4: And one guy said, oh yeah, they said everyone said

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Speaker 4: that I was level headed, and I said, and he goes,

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Speaker 4: isn't everybody level headed?

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Speaker 3: Though? No, mate, they're not. Yeah, and wow. But people think, oh,

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Speaker 3: surely you would think about this rationally and fairly like

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Speaker 3: I would, you know, And they just.

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Speaker 4: They don't even see it as part of their personality

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Speaker 4: because it's so baked into who they are. That that's

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Speaker 4: where it gets really really interesting because and when you

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Speaker 4: get that external sort of report, particularly someone who's got

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Speaker 4: some awareness as well, and even if they don't, but

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Speaker 4: when they have got some awareness and they can label

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Speaker 4: what you do, well, man, it can it can be

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Speaker 4: very very powerful for your sense of self.

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Speaker 1: I'm just writing myself a few notes while you're talking

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Speaker 1: about it's it's like the one thing that every already

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Speaker 1: has in common when they come to see you or

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Speaker 1: you work with them, or they come to me one

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Speaker 1: on one or they come to me at a workshop seminar,

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Speaker 1: is that they want to on some level, they want

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Speaker 1: to be different. I want to be different. I might

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Speaker 1: think different, might be think different, do different, create different, look, feel, function,

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Speaker 1: but they want change. But the interesting observation, I don't

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Speaker 1: have a solution or an answer, I have thoughts, but

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Speaker 1: is like wherever most people are practically, metaphorically, physiologically, relationally, whatever,

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Speaker 1: psychologically emotionally, DA data might have said that one they're

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Speaker 1: not where they want to be. They always want to

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Speaker 1: be somewhere else. It's like very little contentment, and you

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Speaker 1: know people will have a goal.

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Speaker 2: Oh if I could just have own earn, do be create,

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Speaker 2: that and then they do it. They get there, they

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Speaker 2: get there, and they're like, fuck, this is not it,

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Speaker 2: because we're always trying to resolve internal stuff with external stuff.

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Speaker 2: If I have this, then I'll feel that, or I'll

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Speaker 2: be calm, or I'll be content, or I won't overthink,

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Speaker 2: or people will love me, or I will be desirable,

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Speaker 2: or I will get more attention or fill in the blank.

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Speaker 2: We have this kind of erroneous assumption or story around

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Speaker 2: that thing will equal this thing, and most of the

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Speaker 2: time it's kind of bullshit.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, yes, it's so funny to bring this up. Obviously,

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Speaker 3: we didn't plan any of this.

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Speaker 4: I'm day ten through forty days of lent. I'm a

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Speaker 4: bit late of just accepting myself for who I am

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Speaker 4: and not needing to grow.

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Speaker 3: And I suck at it like big time.

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Speaker 4: And it was probably one of the important things that

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Speaker 4: came up on the weekend.

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Speaker 3: Was sitting down with a mate. He's in a better

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Speaker 3: financial position than I am.

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Speaker 4: He's just sold a business that he's had for three

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Speaker 4: decades and he's got just this pile of cash sitting

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Speaker 4: in the bank account, and then there's another payment that

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Speaker 4: comes in twelve months based on how well, the business

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Speaker 4: does because there's a bit of a clause like that

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Speaker 4: in there. And he's got more money than probably thought

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Speaker 4: you'd ever have in the bank account. And then they

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Speaker 4: got back to him and said, oh, look it's not

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Speaker 4: two people have dropped off. It's not performing quite likely

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Speaker 4: thought it would, and so it's going to reduce his

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Speaker 4: payment at twelve months. And he's like, oh, you know,

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Speaker 4: I don't have enough. He's in this space of I

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Speaker 4: don't have enough, even though he's got more than he's

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Speaker 4: ever had. And it was such a reality check for

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Speaker 4: me to say, it has nothing to do with money,

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Speaker 4: and just this idea of where I think I want

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Speaker 4: to be and to your point of I need to

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Speaker 4: be somewhere else. And what's so interesting about this whole

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Speaker 4: abundance mindset.

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Speaker 3: It starts with gratitude. It starts with.

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Speaker 4: Being completely satisfied and replete with where you're at right

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Speaker 4: now and just having inherent value in yourself and what

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Speaker 4: you have. But yes, and then the longer you search outside,

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Speaker 4: the worse it gets. But it's a hard habit to shake.

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Speaker 4: It's a really interesting one. And even as you were

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Speaker 4: talking about it, I was thinking how poorly I've done

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Speaker 4: it this. I still want to get fitter, and I

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Speaker 4: still want to look better, and I still want.

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Speaker 3: To da da da da da.

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Speaker 4: And I was just thinking as you were talking, It's like,

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Speaker 4: maybe I need to just be thinking about that what

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Speaker 4: is great about my body is what is something that

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Speaker 4: I'm really appreciative of within it, that I really value

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Speaker 4: that I'm really glad I've gotten.

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Speaker 3: Just sort of.

400
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Speaker 4: Thinking about my thinking that way. It's a yeah, it's

401
00:20:35,840 --> 00:20:38,840
Speaker 4: a fascinating one. Just how dissatisfied were I even saw

402
00:20:39,000 --> 00:20:41,040
Speaker 4: we were talking about it just before. Stephen Bartlett, he

403
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Speaker 4: was on a podcast with one of his guests the

404
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Speaker 4: other day, and you're saying that there's a direct link

405
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Speaker 4: between happiness and your expectations of where you think you

406
00:20:49,320 --> 00:20:53,520
Speaker 4: should be in life, and if you're constantly forward projecting,

407
00:20:54,000 --> 00:20:56,760
Speaker 4: then you'll never be happy. And if but if you

408
00:20:57,840 --> 00:21:00,120
Speaker 4: backward project into where I thought I was going to

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Speaker 4: be or where I wanted to be when I was five,

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Speaker 4: you know, this is beyond all expectation.

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Speaker 3: And I've actually done a whole lot of great stuff

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Speaker 3: and happiness scales up as the result of that.

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Speaker 4: I know there's more to it than that, but it

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Speaker 4: speaks to what we're talking about here.

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Speaker 1: I think this is a really good self awareness kind

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Speaker 1: of reflection because you know, rather than going, oh, fuck,

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Speaker 1: I climbed the wrong mountain. That must be that mountain

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Speaker 1: over there. Then you've got to get down and then

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Speaker 1: you go, ah, but that's got a higher peak and

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Speaker 1: I've got to and I should carry more weight, and

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Speaker 1: I should whatever.

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Speaker 2: I think it's it's something that we I'm I can't

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Speaker 2: speak on behalf everyone, but it seems that a lot

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Speaker 2: of us don't really spend much time in deep reflection,

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Speaker 2: thinking about our thinking.

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Speaker 1: And thinking about why we are the way we are,

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Speaker 1: and where these stories come from, and what is this

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Speaker 1: anxiety about, and where does this despite the fact that

429
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Speaker 1: I've got more shit than I need and by the way,

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Speaker 1: eighty percent of the shit in my house I never used,

431
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Speaker 1: never touch, but fucking hell, no one can have it, right.

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Speaker 2: What's that about? That's interesting? You know, don't touch my shit?

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Speaker 1: I might use it, bro't you haven't worn that or

434
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Speaker 1: used that or for fifteen years and I know someone

435
00:22:12,560 --> 00:22:17,440
Speaker 1: who could really Nah, it's like okay, but that kind

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Speaker 1: of just considering what that is about, and what is like,

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Speaker 1: what is the correlation between stuff and contentment. What is

438
00:22:27,640 --> 00:22:33,040
Speaker 1: the relationship between you know, external success and internal success.

439
00:22:33,080 --> 00:22:36,159
Speaker 1: And I apologize for my listeners who have heard this

440
00:22:36,200 --> 00:22:39,119
Speaker 1: a few times. I've probably told it ten times in

441
00:22:39,359 --> 00:22:43,080
Speaker 1: two thousand episodes. But you know, when I was just

442
00:22:43,119 --> 00:22:45,800
Speaker 1: over thirty, I had three gyms that were all making money,

443
00:22:45,840 --> 00:22:48,680
Speaker 1: and I had two other health businesses that were making money.

444
00:22:48,720 --> 00:22:49,760
Speaker 2: So I had five.

445
00:22:50,160 --> 00:22:56,359
Speaker 1: Standalone, different location businesses, all in the black. I was

446
00:22:56,840 --> 00:22:59,680
Speaker 1: fucking I was making more money and getting more shit

447
00:22:59,720 --> 00:23:02,919
Speaker 1: and and more stuff and being more successful than I

448
00:23:02,960 --> 00:23:05,439
Speaker 1: could have even conceived when I was eight and nine

449
00:23:05,520 --> 00:23:07,879
Speaker 1: and twenty years old working in pubs getting punched in

450
00:23:07,880 --> 00:23:10,560
Speaker 1: the face for twelve bucks at night and working in

451
00:23:10,560 --> 00:23:13,439
Speaker 1: the gyms through the day, and you know, and not

452
00:23:13,480 --> 00:23:16,080
Speaker 1: that I was the high watermark, but for me, I

453
00:23:16,240 --> 00:23:21,960
Speaker 1: was crushing it. And the irony was that in the

454
00:23:22,000 --> 00:23:25,600
Speaker 1: middle of all of that, I'd kind of never felt

455
00:23:25,640 --> 00:23:30,080
Speaker 1: more lost or I wasn't unhappy, but I was confused

456
00:23:30,960 --> 00:23:34,080
Speaker 1: because I'd ticked all the boxes and twenty six more,

457
00:23:34,920 --> 00:23:38,200
Speaker 1: I'm like, oh, how could I've got it so wrong?

458
00:23:39,040 --> 00:23:44,160
Speaker 1: Like how am I borderline sad or depressed? Or when

459
00:23:45,560 --> 00:23:47,639
Speaker 1: you know I've got this and I've got that, and

460
00:23:47,680 --> 00:23:50,560
Speaker 1: I've got like all of these are like when I

461
00:23:50,560 --> 00:23:54,880
Speaker 1: would do which was what you alluding to before, One

462
00:23:54,880 --> 00:23:57,960
Speaker 1: of my spiritual teachers back in the day said to me,

463
00:23:58,000 --> 00:23:59,960
Speaker 1: every day, when you get up to a treasure hunt

464
00:24:00,040 --> 00:24:03,719
Speaker 1: on your life, right, do a treasure hunt, come up

465
00:24:03,760 --> 00:24:05,919
Speaker 1: with ten things that are He didn't say, fuck, but

466
00:24:06,000 --> 00:24:09,440
Speaker 1: I will fucking amazing. And when I just I think

467
00:24:09,480 --> 00:24:11,480
Speaker 1: about what is good in my life, what is bad,

468
00:24:11,800 --> 00:24:17,480
Speaker 1: it is so lopsided into the good. It's so wildly lopsided.

469
00:24:18,119 --> 00:24:19,639
Speaker 1: And then when I want to look out of my

470
00:24:19,680 --> 00:24:23,560
Speaker 1: own little self built, self created, psychological and emotional and

471
00:24:24,000 --> 00:24:26,320
Speaker 1: self pity kind of castle and I look at what

472
00:24:26,359 --> 00:24:29,679
Speaker 1: other people are going through, then it gets even bigger

473
00:24:29,760 --> 00:24:33,840
Speaker 1: my list because apart from the fact of personally what

474
00:24:33,880 --> 00:24:36,320
Speaker 1: I've got going on, then there's the fact that I

475
00:24:36,359 --> 00:24:39,240
Speaker 1: live in this amazing country. That's for the most part,

476
00:24:39,960 --> 00:24:42,840
Speaker 1: and I'm talking about contextually with what's going on around

477
00:24:42,920 --> 00:24:46,439
Speaker 1: us globally. I'm like, bro, you have so much to

478
00:24:46,480 --> 00:24:51,520
Speaker 1: be happy for. If you are not happy, if then

479
00:24:51,680 --> 00:24:55,440
Speaker 1: you are definitely the problem. Now that's not self loathing.

480
00:24:56,520 --> 00:24:58,439
Speaker 1: You need to do a deep dive on what this

481
00:24:58,600 --> 00:25:01,280
Speaker 1: is about. Because what definitely what you don't need a

482
00:25:01,320 --> 00:25:04,199
Speaker 1: bigger arms and shoulders. I know you think you do.

483
00:25:04,800 --> 00:25:08,080
Speaker 2: You definitely don't need another car or another guitar, or

484
00:25:08,119 --> 00:25:13,000
Speaker 2: another motorbike or you know, even another girl whatever it is,

485
00:25:13,040 --> 00:25:16,120
Speaker 2: like another girlfriend, because you know you've kind of gone

486
00:25:16,160 --> 00:25:18,639
Speaker 2: through a lot. Maybe actually you're the fucking problem in

487
00:25:18,680 --> 00:25:21,720
Speaker 2: those relationships or some of the problem or a lot

488
00:25:21,760 --> 00:25:24,480
Speaker 2: of the like we're always going, oh, yeah, I just

489
00:25:24,560 --> 00:25:28,320
Speaker 2: need that, but just that that just doesn't arrive for

490
00:25:28,359 --> 00:25:28,960
Speaker 2: the most part.

491
00:25:29,000 --> 00:25:30,560
Speaker 3: And this is why I.

492
00:25:30,520 --> 00:25:34,320
Speaker 1: Think you get to the like, this is my picture

493
00:25:34,480 --> 00:25:37,960
Speaker 1: in my mind. I just take a stroll through my

494
00:25:38,119 --> 00:25:42,160
Speaker 1: mind past beliefs and ideas and failures and disappointments and

495
00:25:42,359 --> 00:25:47,240
Speaker 1: creativity and experiences and memories. And then finally, when I

496
00:25:47,280 --> 00:25:48,960
Speaker 1: get to the end of my mind this there's.

497
00:25:48,800 --> 00:25:52,760
Speaker 2: A door there and at that door is the spiritual

498
00:25:52,800 --> 00:25:55,000
Speaker 2: realm or that is that the end of my brain

499
00:25:55,080 --> 00:25:56,240
Speaker 2: and mind and logic.

500
00:25:56,280 --> 00:25:58,520
Speaker 1: And I open that, I go, oh, there's shit in here.

501
00:25:59,080 --> 00:26:02,640
Speaker 1: I'll check this out. Maybe it's not about my thoughts

502
00:26:02,640 --> 00:26:08,760
Speaker 1: and feelings and ideas and physiology and knowledge and brand,

503
00:26:08,920 --> 00:26:12,399
Speaker 1: and maybe it's about none of that. Maybe I'm missing

504
00:26:12,440 --> 00:26:16,040
Speaker 1: them in fact, maybe me being a better version of

505
00:26:16,080 --> 00:26:19,359
Speaker 1: me isn't about me at all. Maybe I need to

506
00:26:19,400 --> 00:26:24,120
Speaker 1: look somewhere else and through someone else's or some other window,

507
00:26:25,240 --> 00:26:29,840
Speaker 1: you know, And that whole perception piece is a mind

508
00:26:29,880 --> 00:26:32,840
Speaker 1: fuck because you know, you're trying to analyze your mind

509
00:26:32,960 --> 00:26:35,119
Speaker 1: using your mind as the tool. It's like the tool

510
00:26:35,160 --> 00:26:38,520
Speaker 1: measuring itself. Right, we get that, But I think the

511
00:26:38,560 --> 00:26:44,760
Speaker 1: beginning of consciousness awareness begins with at least acknowledging. I

512
00:26:44,760 --> 00:26:48,359
Speaker 1: don't have much consciousness or awareness like it's that. Just

513
00:26:48,400 --> 00:26:49,080
Speaker 1: be humble, dudes.

514
00:26:49,160 --> 00:26:52,720
Speaker 2: You know you're always despite how objective you think you are,

515
00:26:52,800 --> 00:26:55,520
Speaker 2: you aren't because you're always looking through the Craig lens.

516
00:26:56,080 --> 00:26:58,920
Speaker 1: That's not a bad thing. That's a human lens. That's

517
00:26:58,960 --> 00:26:59,640
Speaker 1: a human thing.

518
00:27:00,160 --> 00:27:02,560
Speaker 2: But let's just start there with that and go oh,

519
00:27:03,000 --> 00:27:06,000
Speaker 2: also with your beliefs Craig that you know are right,

520
00:27:06,640 --> 00:27:10,480
Speaker 2: they're not because you look back. How many things have

521
00:27:10,560 --> 00:27:14,840
Speaker 2: you gotten wrong? Fucking thousands? How many times have you

522
00:27:14,880 --> 00:27:17,320
Speaker 2: been addicted thousands? How many times you've been trapped in

523
00:27:17,400 --> 00:27:20,800
Speaker 2: ego thousands? How many shit choices have you made? How

524
00:27:20,840 --> 00:27:24,359
Speaker 2: many people have you intimidated or made feel bad while

525
00:27:24,400 --> 00:27:28,639
Speaker 2: not ever intending to fucking probably thousands or hundred, you know,

526
00:27:28,720 --> 00:27:31,280
Speaker 2: you go, and this is I just think we're too

527
00:27:31,440 --> 00:27:35,280
Speaker 2: scared to really self reflect in that way where we're

528
00:27:35,560 --> 00:27:39,199
Speaker 2: we're not throwing ourselves under a bus, but we're trying

529
00:27:39,240 --> 00:27:42,600
Speaker 2: to understand how we are beyond the story that we

530
00:27:42,720 --> 00:27:44,280
Speaker 2: have about how we are.

531
00:27:44,760 --> 00:27:47,600
Speaker 3: And there were so many, so many things to pick

532
00:27:47,680 --> 00:27:48,359
Speaker 3: up on that.

533
00:27:48,440 --> 00:27:53,040
Speaker 4: The first one, I mean, at most, the last thing

534
00:27:53,080 --> 00:27:56,840
Speaker 4: you said was just people don't well, I still have

535
00:27:57,000 --> 00:28:00,880
Speaker 4: beliefs that I don't am, not even a like, they're

536
00:28:00,920 --> 00:28:04,840
Speaker 4: just they're operating, conducting so many of my decisions and

537
00:28:05,440 --> 00:28:10,640
Speaker 4: layers upon layers of beliefs. To even start investigating your thoughts,

538
00:28:11,480 --> 00:28:14,560
Speaker 4: it's almost impossible because you have to access something that

539
00:28:14,560 --> 00:28:15,439
Speaker 4: you're unconscious of.

540
00:28:15,600 --> 00:28:18,399
Speaker 3: And then but you have to start there, and you realize,

541
00:28:18,400 --> 00:28:20,000
Speaker 3: why have I got that there? I don't know why

542
00:28:20,040 --> 00:28:20,440
Speaker 3: that's there?

543
00:28:20,480 --> 00:28:23,240
Speaker 4: That greats pain there is I'm aware that this doesn't

544
00:28:23,280 --> 00:28:25,639
Speaker 4: make any sense, but I still believe it anyway, And

545
00:28:25,640 --> 00:28:27,399
Speaker 4: that's you know, the starting point of where you can

546
00:28:27,440 --> 00:28:30,920
Speaker 4: then start diving into the subconscious. But you ultimately need

547
00:28:30,960 --> 00:28:33,760
Speaker 4: another practitioner to hold a very conscious face while you're

548
00:28:33,800 --> 00:28:37,960
Speaker 4: in that very subconscious sort of presence while you're doing it,

549
00:28:37,960 --> 00:28:40,000
Speaker 4: which is why it's so important to go to the

550
00:28:40,080 --> 00:28:43,400
Speaker 4: right help for this, so that in and of itself,

551
00:28:43,440 --> 00:28:45,720
Speaker 4: and it's so many of our who we think we

552
00:28:45,760 --> 00:28:49,440
Speaker 4: are and how we operate is associated with those subconscious beliefs.

553
00:28:49,680 --> 00:28:50,280
Speaker 3: And then.

554
00:28:52,480 --> 00:28:56,000
Speaker 4: The other thing get working backwards is the idea of

555
00:28:56,160 --> 00:29:01,080
Speaker 4: what is all of this whole thing about anyway? When

556
00:29:01,120 --> 00:29:05,040
Speaker 4: you start getting into quantum physics and to realize that

557
00:29:05,080 --> 00:29:10,440
Speaker 4: there is virtually nothing physical anywhere at all, and it's

558
00:29:10,480 --> 00:29:13,480
Speaker 4: all just a whole bunch of energy that's reflecting back light,

559
00:29:13,600 --> 00:29:16,200
Speaker 4: and that's that's changed.

560
00:29:15,760 --> 00:29:19,840
Speaker 3: With people looking at it. And if you were to flyer,

561
00:29:20,120 --> 00:29:20,400
Speaker 3: you know.

562
00:29:20,600 --> 00:29:23,720
Speaker 4: An atomic size microscope down into your body, you would

563
00:29:23,760 --> 00:29:26,280
Speaker 4: pass through it without seeing anything, you know, like just

564
00:29:26,640 --> 00:29:31,640
Speaker 4: the concept of what we're actually made of, and then

565
00:29:31,640 --> 00:29:36,120
Speaker 4: how malleable that quantum system is, and then how time

566
00:29:36,240 --> 00:29:38,640
Speaker 4: is separate to that, and that at all things, at

567
00:29:38,640 --> 00:29:40,040
Speaker 4: all times is happening.

568
00:29:40,160 --> 00:29:44,120
Speaker 3: Right now in the in the fifth dimension. It's just

569
00:29:44,840 --> 00:29:45,680
Speaker 3: that blows.

570
00:29:45,400 --> 00:29:47,440
Speaker 4: Your mind to think, what's the purpose of all of this?

571
00:29:48,200 --> 00:29:50,120
Speaker 4: And that was a bit of an existential crisis that

572
00:29:50,160 --> 00:29:53,240
Speaker 4: I had over a while. I was thinking well, if

573
00:29:53,320 --> 00:29:56,200
Speaker 4: all of the time is happening right now on some dimension,

574
00:29:56,960 --> 00:30:00,400
Speaker 4: then what does it matter what I do at all?

575
00:30:00,640 --> 00:30:03,239
Speaker 4: You know, like, what's the point of any of it?

576
00:30:03,280 --> 00:30:07,680
Speaker 4: And you start thinking nothing really matters. You know, it

577
00:30:07,680 --> 00:30:09,680
Speaker 4: doesn't matter how I parent my kids, doesn't matter how

578
00:30:09,720 --> 00:30:13,800
Speaker 4: I at the end of the day, it's all just

579
00:30:13,880 --> 00:30:17,760
Speaker 4: happening all at once and in with no real understanding

580
00:30:17,800 --> 00:30:20,240
Speaker 4: of what's the intention of this. But then at the

581
00:30:20,240 --> 00:30:22,200
Speaker 4: same time, and I know for some people will just

582
00:30:22,200 --> 00:30:23,480
Speaker 4: be thinking, can You've gone nuts?

583
00:30:23,480 --> 00:30:24,640
Speaker 3: And I completely understand that.

584
00:30:24,920 --> 00:30:27,680
Speaker 4: But then you come down to the three dimensional reality

585
00:30:27,680 --> 00:30:30,440
Speaker 4: where time does exist, and where you've got a very

586
00:30:30,520 --> 00:30:33,120
Speaker 4: long period of time on this planet, in this existence,

587
00:30:33,160 --> 00:30:36,200
Speaker 4: in this consciousness. The thing that really landed for me

588
00:30:36,360 --> 00:30:40,880
Speaker 4: was a mentor of mine said, like, nothing matters, but

589
00:30:41,400 --> 00:30:44,600
Speaker 4: everything matters. All of your choices will influence your experience

590
00:30:44,680 --> 00:30:49,200
Speaker 4: right now and the experience of other people. And that

591
00:30:50,000 --> 00:30:52,880
Speaker 4: idea of nothing matters and everything matters is a very

592
00:30:53,000 --> 00:30:56,040
Speaker 4: useful tool to be able to travel between to say, well,

593
00:30:56,240 --> 00:30:57,520
Speaker 4: this didn't happen the way that I did.

594
00:30:57,720 --> 00:30:59,840
Speaker 3: It doesn't matter. But at the same time, I'm.

595
00:30:59,720 --> 00:31:01,880
Speaker 4: Going to make as many great choices as I can,

596
00:31:01,920 --> 00:31:03,640
Speaker 4: and people often talk to me, but how do you

597
00:31:03,680 --> 00:31:05,520
Speaker 4: even know that you're making the right choice? And the

598
00:31:05,520 --> 00:31:09,000
Speaker 4: only way that I understand that is if you think it,

599
00:31:09,200 --> 00:31:11,440
Speaker 4: feel it, and believe it to be the right choice,

600
00:31:11,480 --> 00:31:13,360
Speaker 4: it all lines up internally for you.

601
00:31:13,360 --> 00:31:16,240
Speaker 3: That it feels right. Then that's as good as you

602
00:31:16,280 --> 00:31:17,760
Speaker 3: can get. Because there is.

603
00:31:17,960 --> 00:31:21,480
Speaker 4: No journal article on the planet that everybody agrees with, Like,

604
00:31:21,520 --> 00:31:23,400
Speaker 4: you can get the best evidence and you'll still get

605
00:31:23,480 --> 00:31:26,720
Speaker 4: people that disagree with the findings. Really it comes down

606
00:31:26,760 --> 00:31:30,680
Speaker 4: to what feels congruent as much with as much awareness

607
00:31:30,720 --> 00:31:35,080
Speaker 4: as you can for you. Yeah, and so that is

608
00:31:35,160 --> 00:31:37,920
Speaker 4: just a whole another world of what theough. And I've

609
00:31:37,960 --> 00:31:39,360
Speaker 4: got a bunch of friends that are just doing the

610
00:31:39,400 --> 00:31:43,719
Speaker 4: most incredible things with hands on healing and energetic stuff,

611
00:31:43,840 --> 00:31:46,480
Speaker 4: and I sit back and watch it understanding some of

612
00:31:46,520 --> 00:31:49,440
Speaker 4: the principles. I'm seeing the objective change in people's health,

613
00:31:50,320 --> 00:31:52,600
Speaker 4: and then I just think, well, and even the stuff

614
00:31:52,640 --> 00:31:54,800
Speaker 4: we were talking about last time, with the electromagnetics and

615
00:31:54,880 --> 00:31:57,120
Speaker 4: understanding that you can literally change the way irons are

616
00:31:57,120 --> 00:32:00,320
Speaker 4: moving in and out and around the body, and change

617
00:32:00,320 --> 00:32:03,000
Speaker 4: disease processes and change the way that tissues are growing.

618
00:32:04,400 --> 00:32:07,520
Speaker 3: It makes you think, what is this? What is the thing?

619
00:32:08,000 --> 00:32:08,480
Speaker 3: And then.

620
00:32:10,160 --> 00:32:12,920
Speaker 4: The first thing that you said was just around that

621
00:32:13,000 --> 00:32:19,600
Speaker 4: list of good versus bad stuff in your life and

622
00:32:19,640 --> 00:32:22,400
Speaker 4: when you run an exercise. And I do this quite

623
00:32:22,400 --> 00:32:25,920
Speaker 4: a bit with schools, schools, particularly workplaces, where we get

624
00:32:25,960 --> 00:32:28,640
Speaker 4: them to find each other's strengths and we get them

625
00:32:28,680 --> 00:32:31,959
Speaker 4: to tell them what kind of impact that person's strength

626
00:32:32,000 --> 00:32:32,600
Speaker 4: has on you.

627
00:32:33,000 --> 00:32:34,280
Speaker 3: And so one of them was a very.

628
00:32:36,280 --> 00:32:41,440
Speaker 4: Introverted girl, so diligent, so good at things, follows things

629
00:32:41,440 --> 00:32:43,120
Speaker 4: through the whole way. And the feedback from her team

630
00:32:43,320 --> 00:32:46,520
Speaker 4: is you just follow things through so well, like if

631
00:32:46,560 --> 00:32:48,000
Speaker 4: we give you a job, we know that it's going

632
00:32:48,080 --> 00:32:48,600
Speaker 4: to get done.

633
00:32:48,960 --> 00:32:50,160
Speaker 3: And she sit in. I said, oh, what was the

634
00:32:50,200 --> 00:32:51,640
Speaker 3: strength that got shared with you? And she shared that.

635
00:32:52,000 --> 00:32:54,160
Speaker 3: I was like great. I said, did you know that

636
00:32:54,160 --> 00:32:55,080
Speaker 3: that was one of your strengths?

637
00:32:55,080 --> 00:32:57,920
Speaker 4: And she said no, no, And I said, and I

638
00:32:57,960 --> 00:32:59,720
Speaker 4: asked the people that gave her the feedback. I said,

639
00:33:00,360 --> 00:33:03,080
Speaker 4: when you see her following things through, how does it

640
00:33:03,120 --> 00:33:06,720
Speaker 4: make you feel? And they both said, like work so

641
00:33:06,800 --> 00:33:10,120
Speaker 4: much more fun. I just feel so much more relieved

642
00:33:10,200 --> 00:33:11,960
Speaker 4: because I know that that part of my work is done.

643
00:33:12,000 --> 00:33:13,600
Speaker 4: I don't even have to think about it like that

644
00:33:13,840 --> 00:33:16,160
Speaker 4: releases so much stress me to know that she's on

645
00:33:16,240 --> 00:33:18,160
Speaker 4: the job. And then I said, how do you think

646
00:33:18,200 --> 00:33:19,800
Speaker 4: that would affect you when you get home? Well, I

647
00:33:19,840 --> 00:33:23,080
Speaker 4: was completely burnt out before, and now that we're working

648
00:33:23,080 --> 00:33:25,360
Speaker 4: as a team, I actually go home and I'm happy.

649
00:33:25,480 --> 00:33:27,800
Speaker 4: And I reflected back to the girl and I said,

650
00:33:27,800 --> 00:33:30,120
Speaker 4: do you realize that you just turning up as you are,

651
00:33:30,280 --> 00:33:34,040
Speaker 4: don't even change anything, just be you, and you're actually

652
00:33:34,080 --> 00:33:37,360
Speaker 4: improving the lives of two families, just in this group

653
00:33:37,360 --> 00:33:41,320
Speaker 4: of people right here, just by being yourself. But we

654
00:33:41,400 --> 00:33:44,480
Speaker 4: never have that conversation around what are the great things

655
00:33:44,520 --> 00:33:47,440
Speaker 4: that you're bringing, what are the strengths that you have,

656
00:33:47,600 --> 00:33:50,440
Speaker 4: and how does that positively impact the people around you?

657
00:33:50,880 --> 00:33:53,600
Speaker 4: And one of the bigger revelations, and I have to

658
00:33:53,600 --> 00:33:56,480
Speaker 4: say I haven't fully embodied it yet, is this idea

659
00:33:56,480 --> 00:33:59,960
Speaker 4: of like the Eastern philosophy of purpose versus the Western flow.

660
00:34:00,240 --> 00:34:02,920
Speaker 3: The Eastern philosophy is what impact, what's your role for

661
00:34:02,960 --> 00:34:03,680
Speaker 3: your community?

662
00:34:03,760 --> 00:34:07,160
Speaker 4: That's what purpose is for them, whereas in the white

663
00:34:07,160 --> 00:34:08,960
Speaker 4: world of personal development, it's all.

664
00:34:08,880 --> 00:34:11,240
Speaker 3: About how great can I be and where am I going?

665
00:34:11,280 --> 00:34:12,960
Speaker 3: And that it really.

666
00:34:12,760 --> 00:34:15,080
Speaker 4: Jogged me as you were saying you know, do I

667
00:34:15,160 --> 00:34:17,239
Speaker 4: need to Is there something greater outside me that I

668
00:34:17,280 --> 00:34:19,879
Speaker 4: need to be thinking about? And when you think about

669
00:34:19,920 --> 00:34:22,320
Speaker 4: your purpose in it, how do I serve this community

670
00:34:22,360 --> 00:34:25,600
Speaker 4: the best? It is such a different question than how

671
00:34:25,600 --> 00:34:27,160
Speaker 4: can I be better myself?

672
00:34:27,360 --> 00:34:29,440
Speaker 3: So anyway, that was no, I.

673
00:34:29,400 --> 00:34:31,840
Speaker 1: Love that well. I always had a bit of a revelation,

674
00:34:33,080 --> 00:34:36,279
Speaker 1: so I was very down the spiritual rabbit hole for

675
00:34:36,360 --> 00:34:39,279
Speaker 1: a long time in my early adult I mean a

676
00:34:39,280 --> 00:34:43,120
Speaker 1: long time, right over a decade and one of my

677
00:34:43,280 --> 00:34:46,880
Speaker 1: early I think it's a psychological as well as a

678
00:34:46,920 --> 00:34:49,239
Speaker 1: spiritual revelation, and it's not a big one, but it

679
00:34:49,360 --> 00:34:52,680
Speaker 1: was to me at the time because I realized the

680
00:34:52,680 --> 00:34:55,120
Speaker 1: more selfish I was, the more miserable I was. And

681
00:34:55,160 --> 00:35:00,080
Speaker 1: even if my selfishness resulted in me getting lots of shit, Now.

682
00:35:00,280 --> 00:35:04,120
Speaker 2: That didn't mean not caring at all about the practical

683
00:35:04,200 --> 00:35:06,600
Speaker 2: things of you know, owning stuff and making some dough

684
00:35:06,640 --> 00:35:09,080
Speaker 2: and paying bills and driving an okay car. Right, there's

685
00:35:09,080 --> 00:35:09,480
Speaker 2: still that.

686
00:35:10,040 --> 00:35:14,840
Speaker 1: But I realized the more I without trying to sound

687
00:35:15,040 --> 00:35:18,680
Speaker 1: too I don't know, self elevating, but the more I

688
00:35:18,719 --> 00:35:21,800
Speaker 1: did for people, the joy that I got from doing

689
00:35:21,880 --> 00:35:25,480
Speaker 1: something for someone versus doing the same thing for myself

690
00:35:26,760 --> 00:35:30,719
Speaker 1: was almost immeasurable. And I remember first time, I, you know,

691
00:35:30,840 --> 00:35:34,200
Speaker 1: because we didn't winning rich, like mom and Dad both

692
00:35:34,239 --> 00:35:37,720
Speaker 1: worked and we were middle class. I would say middle

693
00:35:37,840 --> 00:35:40,400
Speaker 1: of the middle class, maybe even slightly, I don't know,

694
00:35:40,520 --> 00:35:44,040
Speaker 1: maybe slightly below. But I remember when I was making

695
00:35:44,080 --> 00:35:48,200
Speaker 1: really good dough, and you know, or that in that time,

696
00:35:48,239 --> 00:35:50,120
Speaker 1: when I was young and earning dough that I never

697
00:35:50,200 --> 00:35:52,919
Speaker 1: thought I would write, and also, to be honest, didn't

698
00:35:52,960 --> 00:35:56,880
Speaker 1: feel I deserved. That's a whole nother chat. But I

699
00:35:56,920 --> 00:35:59,040
Speaker 1: bought my mama car because she'd never had a great

700
00:35:59,080 --> 00:36:03,920
Speaker 1: car and always cars but everything secondhand and shared between

701
00:36:04,040 --> 00:36:06,359
Speaker 1: Ron and Mary, and so I brought her a new

702
00:36:06,360 --> 00:36:09,239
Speaker 1: little car, which was just a little Toyota, and I

703
00:36:09,320 --> 00:36:13,480
Speaker 1: drove it up to their joint and stopped it stopped

704
00:36:13,520 --> 00:36:16,040
Speaker 1: about five hundred meters away from their joint.

705
00:36:16,160 --> 00:36:16,440
Speaker 2: Clean.

706
00:36:16,520 --> 00:36:19,120
Speaker 1: It was clean, but like it had driven from Melbourne,

707
00:36:19,160 --> 00:36:21,680
Speaker 1: so a hundred k's of dust on it. And they

708
00:36:21,719 --> 00:36:25,040
Speaker 1: gave me this ribbon, about eight inch inch ribbon, and

709
00:36:25,080 --> 00:36:27,240
Speaker 1: I put this ribbon on the bonnet and I drove

710
00:36:27,280 --> 00:36:32,480
Speaker 1: it up and like I'd never really remember my mum crying.

711
00:36:32,960 --> 00:36:36,719
Speaker 1: She's very stoic you know, she had a tough childhood

712
00:36:37,480 --> 00:36:40,680
Speaker 1: and she just bowled. Firstly, she didn't even when I

713
00:36:40,719 --> 00:36:42,520
Speaker 1: gave her the keys and there's a fucking ribbon on it.

714
00:36:42,560 --> 00:36:43,880
Speaker 1: She didn't know what was going on.

715
00:36:44,239 --> 00:36:46,560
Speaker 2: Like nothing in her mind went, Craig just brought me

716
00:36:46,600 --> 00:36:48,880
Speaker 2: a car, because that doesn't happen, right.

717
00:36:48,760 --> 00:36:51,719
Speaker 1: Well, that doesn't happen in life. And I went, it's yours, mum.

718
00:36:52,160 --> 00:36:55,399
Speaker 1: She goes, what do you mean? And she like, how

719
00:36:55,520 --> 00:36:56,719
Speaker 1: is it mine? What do you mean?

720
00:36:57,280 --> 00:36:58,799
Speaker 2: I'm like, I bought it for you.

721
00:36:59,480 --> 00:37:04,800
Speaker 1: And then that when that landed, and ah, that feeling

722
00:37:04,880 --> 00:37:07,239
Speaker 1: I got from that, And it wasn't an excuse. It

723
00:37:07,320 --> 00:37:09,799
Speaker 1: was just a nice little I think at the time

724
00:37:09,880 --> 00:37:12,160
Speaker 1: it was like a Toyota Echo or something. It was

725
00:37:12,200 --> 00:37:14,319
Speaker 1: one of the little four cylinder things, but it was

726
00:37:14,360 --> 00:37:16,759
Speaker 1: new and it was nice, had little mags, and it

727
00:37:16,800 --> 00:37:20,840
Speaker 1: was beautiful for her, right brand new car. And I

728
00:37:21,080 --> 00:37:24,320
Speaker 1: had never felt that good in my life doing anything

729
00:37:24,400 --> 00:37:30,360
Speaker 1: for myself. I'm like, oh, ah, I get this, And

730
00:37:30,440 --> 00:37:34,520
Speaker 1: I bought myself lots of toys by that stage, probably

731
00:37:34,600 --> 00:37:39,200
Speaker 1: somehow expecting some kind of I don't know, ridiculous life

732
00:37:39,280 --> 00:37:42,040
Speaker 1: changing experience as a result of having that thing.

733
00:37:42,120 --> 00:37:42,400
Speaker 2: Now.

734
00:37:43,080 --> 00:37:45,840
Speaker 1: And what, ironically what happened with me is whenever I

735
00:37:45,880 --> 00:37:48,240
Speaker 1: would buy a nice car, I'm in a nice, nice car,

736
00:37:49,200 --> 00:37:53,080
Speaker 1: I'd be on cloud nine for about twelve hours, and

737
00:37:53,120 --> 00:37:56,439
Speaker 1: then I'd start to worry about the car. I didn't

738
00:37:56,440 --> 00:37:58,200
Speaker 1: want to park it anywhere, I didn't want to take

739
00:37:58,239 --> 00:38:00,440
Speaker 1: it anywhere. I didn't want to let anyone drive it.

740
00:38:00,480 --> 00:38:02,760
Speaker 1: Don't get in my car. I just became a fucking

741
00:38:02,880 --> 00:38:07,400
Speaker 1: pain in the ass, this neurotic idiot that I literally

742
00:38:07,760 --> 00:38:11,120
Speaker 1: had more anxiety than joy around the car and eventually

743
00:38:11,160 --> 00:38:14,880
Speaker 1: sold them all. And I did that for it. I

744
00:38:15,239 --> 00:38:19,080
Speaker 1: haven't owned a nice, nice car for a long time now,

745
00:38:19,520 --> 00:38:22,800
Speaker 1: and now I drive a shitty seven year old Suzuki

746
00:38:22,840 --> 00:38:25,480
Speaker 1: Swift that I fucking love. And I'm not buying a

747
00:38:25,480 --> 00:38:28,120
Speaker 1: good car because I know it doesn't one I don't

748
00:38:28,120 --> 00:38:31,400
Speaker 1: need it, and two it doesn't equate to anything great

749
00:38:31,440 --> 00:38:34,520
Speaker 1: for me. But to do that for somebody else, please

750
00:38:34,520 --> 00:38:36,359
Speaker 1: don't send me in an email saying you need a car.

751
00:38:37,440 --> 00:38:39,160
Speaker 1: But you know what I mean, it's like, oh, you

752
00:38:39,280 --> 00:38:42,960
Speaker 1: just like learn these things as you go. And just

753
00:38:43,000 --> 00:38:45,319
Speaker 1: one more thing. You know you're on silent by the way,

754
00:38:45,480 --> 00:38:46,520
Speaker 1: have you muted yourself?

755
00:38:46,600 --> 00:38:46,759
Speaker 4: Yeah?

756
00:38:48,200 --> 00:38:50,040
Speaker 2: But one other thing I was going to say off

757
00:38:50,080 --> 00:38:51,960
Speaker 2: the back of what you were talking about, is that

758
00:38:52,080 --> 00:38:58,520
Speaker 2: whole kind of I use this quote in a I

759
00:38:58,560 --> 00:39:00,720
Speaker 2: don't know if I eliminated it, but I.

760
00:39:00,600 --> 00:39:05,320
Speaker 1: Originally had this quote in the start of my thesis

761
00:39:05,880 --> 00:39:08,120
Speaker 1: talking about, you know, the beginning of wisdom is to

762
00:39:08,160 --> 00:39:11,319
Speaker 1: know thyself Socrates or whomever it was. I think it

763
00:39:11,360 --> 00:39:15,040
Speaker 1: was Socrates, being as my area of research is really

764
00:39:15,080 --> 00:39:20,440
Speaker 1: about kind of self awareness and self understanding and.

765
00:39:18,760 --> 00:39:22,880
Speaker 2: And like even the idea of trying.

766
00:39:22,520 --> 00:39:28,319
Speaker 1: To figure out who you are, like who you are

767
00:39:28,440 --> 00:39:30,960
Speaker 1: beyond who you think you are, and who you are

768
00:39:31,000 --> 00:39:33,719
Speaker 1: beyond who others think you are, and who you are

769
00:39:33,800 --> 00:39:37,640
Speaker 1: beyond your ideas or your beliefs or your biceps or

770
00:39:37,960 --> 00:39:41,560
Speaker 1: you're pretty handsome pretty or handsome face, or your brand

771
00:39:41,680 --> 00:39:44,359
Speaker 1: or your PhD or your and then because I'm none

772
00:39:44,440 --> 00:39:46,600
Speaker 1: of that, They're just things that I've done or things

773
00:39:46,640 --> 00:39:50,080
Speaker 1: that I have and I'm grateful, but I'm not any

774
00:39:50,160 --> 00:39:53,880
Speaker 1: of those things. Then then going on that little fucking

775
00:39:54,560 --> 00:39:59,480
Speaker 1: kind of cerebral journey, we're trying to think, Ah, well,

776
00:39:59,520 --> 00:40:03,279
Speaker 1: if I'm not this or I'm not that, then what

777
00:40:03,320 --> 00:40:03,640
Speaker 1: am I?

778
00:40:03,760 --> 00:40:03,920
Speaker 4: Then?

779
00:40:04,000 --> 00:40:06,200
Speaker 2: Who am I? Is trying to find that you beyond

780
00:40:06,200 --> 00:40:10,759
Speaker 2: the idea of you that I love that conversation. Yeah, yeah,

781
00:40:10,760 --> 00:40:12,520
Speaker 2: because you're none of that dude. You've done all this

782
00:40:12,680 --> 00:40:15,560
Speaker 2: cool shit, so have I. Yeah, but that's not you.

783
00:40:16,040 --> 00:40:18,759
Speaker 2: Doesn't mean that's not representative of you in some way,

784
00:40:18,800 --> 00:40:19,480
Speaker 2: But it ain't you.

785
00:40:19,480 --> 00:40:22,200
Speaker 1: Your body's not you, your brand's not you, your bank

786
00:40:22,239 --> 00:40:24,840
Speaker 1: balance is not you, your kids are not even you. Great,

787
00:40:24,880 --> 00:40:28,600
Speaker 1: well done, you can produce offspring, but even then you know,

788
00:40:28,680 --> 00:40:31,480
Speaker 1: you're like, ah, and I don't know that that's an

789
00:40:31,520 --> 00:40:34,879
Speaker 1: answerable question, but it's a fucking great kind of.

790
00:40:36,440 --> 00:40:38,400
Speaker 2: Consideration or ponderance.

791
00:40:38,560 --> 00:40:42,160
Speaker 4: And absolutely and what helps with that, I think is

792
00:40:42,480 --> 00:40:45,320
Speaker 4: who are you to other people in your life? And

793
00:40:45,640 --> 00:40:50,920
Speaker 4: that is a very useful tool at different times to say, oh, like,

794
00:40:51,000 --> 00:40:54,240
Speaker 4: I'm here because obviously I'm here to be a parent

795
00:40:54,280 --> 00:40:55,920
Speaker 4: to my kids, but what kind of parent am I

796
00:40:55,960 --> 00:40:56,319
Speaker 4: going to be?

797
00:40:57,000 --> 00:40:58,960
Speaker 3: What kind of beliefs am I going to instill in them?

798
00:40:59,080 --> 00:41:02,040
Speaker 4: And some parents have still terrible beliefs in their kids,

799
00:41:02,080 --> 00:41:04,480
Speaker 4: which is just what happens from time to time. But

800
00:41:04,560 --> 00:41:06,600
Speaker 4: that's also part of who you like, that's part of

801
00:41:06,600 --> 00:41:09,920
Speaker 4: your greater purpose for why you're here is.

802
00:41:10,239 --> 00:41:13,800
Speaker 3: Maybe however it was divinely.

803
00:41:13,280 --> 00:41:15,640
Speaker 4: Crafted or whatever the way that you want to believe

804
00:41:15,640 --> 00:41:20,640
Speaker 4: in it. An experience like that was to be had,

805
00:41:20,680 --> 00:41:22,399
Speaker 4: because they're going to be had around the world. It's

806
00:41:22,400 --> 00:41:24,600
Speaker 4: not to condone it, whatever it might be, but just

807
00:41:24,640 --> 00:41:27,560
Speaker 4: to say things like that do happen, and there's a

808
00:41:27,560 --> 00:41:28,120
Speaker 4: purpose for it.

809
00:41:28,160 --> 00:41:29,120
Speaker 3: Sometimes there can be an.

810
00:41:29,000 --> 00:41:32,520
Speaker 4: Incredible purpose for it, because that person goes on to

811
00:41:32,560 --> 00:41:35,160
Speaker 4: break free of those shackles and do incredible things because

812
00:41:35,200 --> 00:41:37,640
Speaker 4: of that initiating thing at the start of their life.

813
00:41:38,520 --> 00:41:42,600
Speaker 3: And the same thing goes you know, when someone does

814
00:41:42,640 --> 00:41:46,520
Speaker 3: something that's a little bit out of sorts towards you, there.

815
00:41:46,440 --> 00:41:48,239
Speaker 4: Can be an incredible learning that can come from that

816
00:41:48,320 --> 00:41:50,279
Speaker 4: and an awareness and whatever it might be. And so

817
00:41:50,440 --> 00:41:54,200
Speaker 4: just seeing things is not good or bad, but seeing

818
00:41:54,200 --> 00:41:56,839
Speaker 4: things as things that happen and how we respond. I mean,

819
00:41:56,840 --> 00:41:59,319
Speaker 4: we get into really murky territory here, because there's a

820
00:41:59,320 --> 00:42:01,440
Speaker 4: lot of bad stuff that happens that you would obviously

821
00:42:01,480 --> 00:42:07,480
Speaker 4: want to eradicate from the world. But what impact are

822
00:42:07,480 --> 00:42:09,080
Speaker 4: you having on the people around you?

823
00:42:09,120 --> 00:42:09,720
Speaker 3: What purpose?

824
00:42:09,760 --> 00:42:11,799
Speaker 4: If you were to have a purpose, you're one of

825
00:42:11,920 --> 00:42:16,239
Speaker 4: three kids and you have you've been landed on the

826
00:42:16,280 --> 00:42:18,960
Speaker 4: planet to provide a purpose to these people that have

827
00:42:19,040 --> 00:42:21,920
Speaker 4: also are in your family as well. How are you

828
00:42:21,960 --> 00:42:24,440
Speaker 4: going to influence their life? How are you going to

829
00:42:24,920 --> 00:42:27,680
Speaker 4: And that's the conversation I'm constantly having with my oldest

830
00:42:28,160 --> 00:42:29,799
Speaker 4: because he can be a bit of a bully to

831
00:42:29,840 --> 00:42:34,080
Speaker 4: his youngest, and I said, what are you creating him?

832
00:42:34,120 --> 00:42:34,279
Speaker 2: Mate?

833
00:42:34,320 --> 00:42:36,719
Speaker 4: Like, how are you trying to influence him? What kind

834
00:42:36,719 --> 00:42:39,879
Speaker 4: of world is he going to know after he's been

835
00:42:39,920 --> 00:42:42,600
Speaker 4: your brother, you know? And it's a bloody difficult message

836
00:42:42,600 --> 00:42:43,960
Speaker 4: to get and you've really got to get out of

837
00:42:43,960 --> 00:42:44,720
Speaker 4: your own road.

838
00:42:44,560 --> 00:42:47,120
Speaker 3: To be able to look at that properly as well.

839
00:42:47,160 --> 00:42:52,960
Speaker 4: So, yeah, that idea of removing all of those three

840
00:42:53,000 --> 00:42:55,880
Speaker 4: dimensional things and then to also see it as a

841
00:42:55,880 --> 00:42:57,960
Speaker 4: community and an ebb and flow.

842
00:42:58,360 --> 00:42:59,960
Speaker 3: Absolutely, it's fascinating.

843
00:43:00,719 --> 00:43:04,680
Speaker 1: What's the juxtaposition being a dad or a parent more broadly,

844
00:43:04,719 --> 00:43:10,080
Speaker 1: of course, between trying to guide your kids in terms

845
00:43:10,120 --> 00:43:13,000
Speaker 1: of values and treatment.

846
00:43:12,680 --> 00:43:16,640
Speaker 2: Of others and morals and thought and all of that,

847
00:43:17,360 --> 00:43:19,759
Speaker 2: Between trying to guide them but also getting out of

848
00:43:19,760 --> 00:43:23,200
Speaker 2: the way to let them just figure shit out, you know,

849
00:43:23,280 --> 00:43:26,520
Speaker 2: because you don't really want to program.

850
00:43:25,920 --> 00:43:28,600
Speaker 1: Your kids to be a version of you. But at

851
00:43:28,600 --> 00:43:31,920
Speaker 1: the same time, please stop punching your brother in the face.

852
00:43:32,600 --> 00:43:38,400
Speaker 4: Yeah, that's a good one, and I think with some

853
00:43:38,520 --> 00:43:42,239
Speaker 4: awareness it's worse because you think, ah, am I saying

854
00:43:42,239 --> 00:43:44,280
Speaker 4: the right thing? If I'm saying the right thing, but

855
00:43:44,320 --> 00:43:46,840
Speaker 4: obviously it makes sense for me to discipline my child

856
00:43:46,880 --> 00:43:49,439
Speaker 4: in this way, but then you know, am I doing

857
00:43:49,480 --> 00:43:50,560
Speaker 4: the right thing or wrong thing?

858
00:43:50,640 --> 00:43:51,279
Speaker 3: Whatever it might be.

859
00:43:51,360 --> 00:43:55,000
Speaker 4: So essentially the way that I figure it is, I'm

860
00:43:55,040 --> 00:43:58,320
Speaker 4: here to be my best version of me as dad,

861
00:43:59,120 --> 00:44:02,800
Speaker 4: and I've got some values that I've tried and tested

862
00:44:03,800 --> 00:44:06,160
Speaker 4: that I think work for me and that I think.

863
00:44:06,440 --> 00:44:09,760
Speaker 3: Are reasonable to push and to hold strong.

864
00:44:11,640 --> 00:44:14,879
Speaker 4: So and then I parent around those values as best

865
00:44:14,880 --> 00:44:18,240
Speaker 4: as I can. And the thing that I'm probably looking

866
00:44:18,239 --> 00:44:21,479
Speaker 4: for in my kids is that they know what they've done,

867
00:44:21,920 --> 00:44:25,480
Speaker 4: and they know how it's impacted people, and they know

868
00:44:25,600 --> 00:44:27,800
Speaker 4: how to behave. So I'll see my son be a

869
00:44:27,840 --> 00:44:31,120
Speaker 4: little angel at dinner when he's meeting someone, he's very polite.

870
00:44:31,320 --> 00:44:33,200
Speaker 4: Da da da dah, and then he will be this

871
00:44:33,360 --> 00:44:36,480
Speaker 4: screaming terror at home and go. You know what, he

872
00:44:36,680 --> 00:44:39,920
Speaker 4: knows how to perform when he needs to if he

873
00:44:39,960 --> 00:44:42,400
Speaker 4: wants to get he knows the rules, and if he

874
00:44:42,440 --> 00:44:44,800
Speaker 4: knows the rules, I'm good because at the end of

875
00:44:44,840 --> 00:44:46,320
Speaker 4: the day, all they've got his choice.

876
00:44:48,239 --> 00:44:50,200
Speaker 3: They're going to have choice when they leave home. But

877
00:44:50,280 --> 00:44:52,879
Speaker 3: as long as they know the rules, then that's all

878
00:44:52,920 --> 00:44:53,560
Speaker 3: that I can do.

879
00:44:54,040 --> 00:44:56,440
Speaker 4: And if the way that I can inform those rules

880
00:44:56,480 --> 00:44:59,960
Speaker 4: is to is to have consequence and various things like that.

881
00:45:00,040 --> 00:45:02,000
Speaker 4: But I guess maybe I do it a lot more

882
00:45:02,080 --> 00:45:03,520
Speaker 4: just because I like the sound of my own voice.

883
00:45:03,520 --> 00:45:06,080
Speaker 4: But I really explain it to him after the fact

884
00:45:06,120 --> 00:45:10,799
Speaker 4: as well. I say, hey, when Mum said.

885
00:45:10,560 --> 00:45:13,200
Speaker 3: Something like this, what could have been going on for mum?

886
00:45:13,360 --> 00:45:15,560
Speaker 3: Because you didn't receive it very well? What could have

887
00:45:15,640 --> 00:45:17,520
Speaker 3: Oh well, Mum could have been tired, and could have

888
00:45:17,560 --> 00:45:19,400
Speaker 3: been this, and could have been that. And it's like, exactly,

889
00:45:19,480 --> 00:45:22,480
Speaker 3: so is it about you? Will it still hurts? I think, yeah,

890
00:45:22,480 --> 00:45:23,360
Speaker 3: And it's allowed.

891
00:45:23,080 --> 00:45:25,239
Speaker 4: To hurt, Like you're allowed to feel the feeling that

892
00:45:25,280 --> 00:45:28,160
Speaker 4: you've gotten all of those types of things. But then

893
00:45:28,400 --> 00:45:31,239
Speaker 4: after you've felt it, you can then think, Okay, well

894
00:45:31,719 --> 00:45:32,120
Speaker 4: is this me?

895
00:45:32,480 --> 00:45:32,960
Speaker 3: Is this hurt?

896
00:45:33,000 --> 00:45:36,040
Speaker 4: Whatever it might be. So it's it's a protracted conversation.

897
00:45:36,160 --> 00:45:38,000
Speaker 4: But that's the best way that I know how to

898
00:45:38,040 --> 00:45:38,399
Speaker 4: do it.

899
00:45:38,320 --> 00:45:41,040
Speaker 3: Is to just get them to dissect this thing constantly.

900
00:45:41,120 --> 00:45:42,080
Speaker 3: But that's my style.

901
00:45:42,360 --> 00:45:43,759
Speaker 4: You know, there'd be a lot of other parents to

902
00:45:43,800 --> 00:45:46,120
Speaker 4: go mate, just get on with it and tough enough,

903
00:45:46,280 --> 00:45:48,319
Speaker 4: and that can be really effective as well. And for

904
00:45:48,440 --> 00:45:52,400
Speaker 4: a person's value systems that might perfectly fit. It's just

905
00:45:52,440 --> 00:45:54,640
Speaker 4: that it doesn't work for my value systems. And it's

906
00:45:54,719 --> 00:45:59,560
Speaker 4: interesting watching all of this. You know, masculine feminine chat

907
00:46:00,040 --> 00:46:02,719
Speaker 4: about who is the masculine, and the masculine is very defined,

908
00:46:02,760 --> 00:46:05,200
Speaker 4: and they're you know, they hold a particular line a

909
00:46:05,239 --> 00:46:07,759
Speaker 4: particular way, and they do this various thing in a

910
00:46:07,760 --> 00:46:09,680
Speaker 4: particular way, and emotions are a particular thing in a

911
00:46:09,680 --> 00:46:12,600
Speaker 4: particular express in a particular way, and not all of it.

912
00:46:12,520 --> 00:46:13,520
Speaker 3: Really resonates with me.

913
00:46:14,680 --> 00:46:17,160
Speaker 4: And it doesn't make sense to parent the way that

914
00:46:17,239 --> 00:46:20,600
Speaker 4: the true masculine, you know, or whatever should parent. So

915
00:46:21,239 --> 00:46:23,640
Speaker 4: if it's incongruent with me, they're going to feel that conflict.

916
00:46:23,640 --> 00:46:25,279
Speaker 3: I'm not going to hold the line as well. They're

917
00:46:25,320 --> 00:46:26,520
Speaker 3: not going to see consistency.

918
00:46:26,520 --> 00:46:29,040
Speaker 4: And so what it boils down to, after a very

919
00:46:29,040 --> 00:46:33,560
Speaker 4: long expose at into my parenting thoughts is I think

920
00:46:33,640 --> 00:46:35,560
Speaker 4: probably one of the greatest things you can provide is

921
00:46:36,040 --> 00:46:40,040
Speaker 4: consistency around your decisions and integrity on the things that

922
00:46:40,080 --> 00:46:43,800
Speaker 4: you say, so, this is what I believe, this is

923
00:46:43,840 --> 00:46:46,200
Speaker 4: what I'm holding you to. When you're eighteen, you can

924
00:46:46,239 --> 00:46:49,080
Speaker 4: do whatever you want, but right now, these are the

925
00:46:49,160 --> 00:46:51,560
Speaker 4: values that I believe you need to know. And when

926
00:46:51,560 --> 00:46:54,120
Speaker 4: I say this, I mean it, and when I mean it,

927
00:46:54,239 --> 00:46:58,000
Speaker 4: things happen. And so then they get to understand, Okay, well, firstly,

928
00:46:58,040 --> 00:47:01,560
Speaker 4: this is a safe environment because it's consistent and things

929
00:47:01,560 --> 00:47:03,520
Speaker 4: have been done that they said they would. I can

930
00:47:03,640 --> 00:47:07,960
Speaker 4: learn about integris behavior from that as well. So you

931
00:47:08,040 --> 00:47:09,839
Speaker 4: make up your mind, you do the thing that's most

932
00:47:09,960 --> 00:47:13,840
Speaker 4: congruent with you. And then probably the other thing as

933
00:47:13,880 --> 00:47:17,360
Speaker 4: well is just not reacting, not reacting from a place

934
00:47:17,360 --> 00:47:20,080
Speaker 4: of emotion, but reacting from a place of reflection. I

935
00:47:20,120 --> 00:47:23,640
Speaker 4: would say, is the greatest thing that I see. There's

936
00:47:23,640 --> 00:47:26,000
Speaker 4: so much that happens in that first three seconds of

937
00:47:26,719 --> 00:47:29,319
Speaker 4: I'm annoyed now, and you're going to hear it that

938
00:47:29,440 --> 00:47:32,200
Speaker 4: if you just miss that, just miss that window by

939
00:47:32,200 --> 00:47:35,480
Speaker 4: a minute and take three breaths and then parent, you

940
00:47:35,560 --> 00:47:37,279
Speaker 4: often do a much better job and you're not having

941
00:47:37,320 --> 00:47:40,279
Speaker 4: to then unwind or hold a hold a line of

942
00:47:40,280 --> 00:47:42,160
Speaker 4: a mistake that you made when you totally when you

943
00:47:42,200 --> 00:47:45,360
Speaker 4: said it impulsively as well, so taken a few seconds

944
00:47:45,440 --> 00:47:49,200
Speaker 4: to actually just have a think about what this situation

945
00:47:49,360 --> 00:47:52,959
Speaker 4: needs is probably a thing that I'm constantly learning as well.

946
00:47:54,040 --> 00:48:01,120
Speaker 1: I think also, like most other things that are organic

947
00:48:01,560 --> 00:48:06,799
Speaker 1: and um you know, in a constant state of change,

948
00:48:08,120 --> 00:48:12,120
Speaker 1: is that it's a practice, it's a process, it's a protocol.

949
00:48:12,480 --> 00:48:14,520
Speaker 1: It's not a fixed thing. And what's going to work

950
00:48:14,560 --> 00:48:17,960
Speaker 1: great with a five year old will be a disaster

951
00:48:18,000 --> 00:48:19,879
Speaker 1: with the eleven year old, or even if you had

952
00:48:19,880 --> 00:48:24,000
Speaker 1: two eleven year olds, you know one, you know, it's

953
00:48:24,000 --> 00:48:27,160
Speaker 1: not like, hey, everyone, this is how you optimally parent

954
00:48:27,680 --> 00:48:30,640
Speaker 1: step one. It's like this is like saying this is

955
00:48:30,640 --> 00:48:33,919
Speaker 1: how you optimally eat well for who, This is how

956
00:48:33,960 --> 00:48:39,480
Speaker 1: you optimally work out for who. Like I would imagine,

957
00:48:40,560 --> 00:48:42,799
Speaker 1: and I'm not a parent, so I'm guessing, but I

958
00:48:42,840 --> 00:48:44,959
Speaker 1: would think that the way that kids.

959
00:48:45,200 --> 00:48:52,360
Speaker 2: Respond to or interact with or develop optimally is in

960
00:48:52,360 --> 00:48:53,839
Speaker 2: the middle of that. There's going to be a range

961
00:48:53,840 --> 00:48:59,600
Speaker 2: of approaches and communications, styles and conversations and experiences in and.

962
00:48:59,520 --> 00:49:02,719
Speaker 1: Around parenting that's going to be different for every kid.

963
00:49:02,920 --> 00:49:07,560
Speaker 1: So to assume or you know, it's like I I

964
00:49:07,640 --> 00:49:11,880
Speaker 1: put up a post the other day and how influence

965
00:49:12,520 --> 00:49:17,200
Speaker 1: influencers on Instagram always say the best way too is

966
00:49:17,719 --> 00:49:20,680
Speaker 1: and I wrote underneath that whatever comes next is bullshit

967
00:49:21,560 --> 00:49:26,080
Speaker 1: because there is no best way for everyone. There's no

968
00:49:26,320 --> 00:49:28,480
Speaker 1: best way to parent, there's no best way to eat,

969
00:49:28,520 --> 00:49:31,440
Speaker 1: there's no best way to lift weights, there's no best

970
00:49:31,440 --> 00:49:34,359
Speaker 1: way to build a business or complete a PhD, or

971
00:49:35,040 --> 00:49:37,399
Speaker 1: like who's the person in the middle of it. It's

972
00:49:37,440 --> 00:49:40,360
Speaker 1: going to be dependent on the individual, you know, So

973
00:49:41,000 --> 00:49:48,239
Speaker 1: I would imagine your evolution as a dad and as

974
00:49:48,239 --> 00:49:51,200
Speaker 1: a parent, and even the evolution and understanding of your

975
00:49:51,239 --> 00:49:55,799
Speaker 1: own or evolution in your own understanding and perception and

976
00:49:56,120 --> 00:50:00,000
Speaker 1: awareness and knowledge around all of that is really evolved.

977
00:50:00,120 --> 00:50:04,399
Speaker 1: Like if you had another kid, then there's a fair

978
00:50:04,520 --> 00:50:08,240
Speaker 1: chance the one to five years might be quite different

979
00:50:08,320 --> 00:50:09,920
Speaker 1: compared to the last two times.

980
00:50:10,840 --> 00:50:13,120
Speaker 3: Well, the second child with chalk and cheese, Like, just

981
00:50:13,320 --> 00:50:14,680
Speaker 3: how much more relaxed you are.

982
00:50:15,000 --> 00:50:16,880
Speaker 4: You just know what to say, You're not dealing with

983
00:50:16,920 --> 00:50:21,200
Speaker 4: the same insecurities and you're not projecting those as much. Like,

984
00:50:21,480 --> 00:50:24,759
Speaker 4: definitely the second has had a much better run from

985
00:50:24,960 --> 00:50:27,640
Speaker 4: an emotional or intelligence perspective from me as a dad,

986
00:50:27,640 --> 00:50:30,080
Speaker 4: There's no doubt about that. And to your point of

987
00:50:30,200 --> 00:50:32,440
Speaker 4: two eleven year olds. I can have the same eleven

988
00:50:32,520 --> 00:50:34,440
Speaker 4: year old from one week to the next and the

989
00:50:34,480 --> 00:50:38,919
Speaker 4: same strategies will not work. But it's just the way

990
00:50:39,000 --> 00:50:42,759
Speaker 4: hormones change their reactivity and what's going on for them

991
00:50:42,800 --> 00:50:45,759
Speaker 4: and how they're perceiving the world. Man, it's as soon

992
00:50:45,800 --> 00:50:47,600
Speaker 4: as you think you've got it nailed, I'm doing this

993
00:50:47,680 --> 00:50:50,719
Speaker 4: pretty well, it just switches and whatever you're doing is

994
00:50:50,840 --> 00:50:55,400
Speaker 4: now an absolute fail. So there's a it's an adventure.

995
00:50:56,239 --> 00:50:58,360
Speaker 2: Does your kid get confused when you call him? N? E.

996
00:50:58,480 --> 00:50:59,760
Speaker 2: Colls one?

997
00:51:00,600 --> 00:51:04,200
Speaker 4: No, he's actually on the contrary, he knows he's a connector,

998
00:51:04,560 --> 00:51:07,000
Speaker 4: and he's very good at picking the health.

999
00:51:06,840 --> 00:51:09,120
Speaker 3: Types of the different teachers that he's gotten all that

1000
00:51:09,160 --> 00:51:09,800
Speaker 3: sort of stuff.

1001
00:51:09,840 --> 00:51:13,319
Speaker 4: So really, yeah, he plays the game pretty well.

1002
00:51:13,600 --> 00:51:15,520
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, tell.

1003
00:51:15,400 --> 00:51:18,160
Speaker 1: Me one thing that you know now about parenting and

1004
00:51:18,200 --> 00:51:21,040
Speaker 1: we'll finish on this. Who knew we'd talk about parenting,

1005
00:51:21,120 --> 00:51:24,080
Speaker 1: but we go all over the place. I'm sure you

1006
00:51:24,080 --> 00:51:26,400
Speaker 1: could teach me a lot one thing that you know

1007
00:51:26,600 --> 00:51:30,400
Speaker 1: or understand about parenting now that you were clueless about

1008
00:51:30,719 --> 00:51:31,560
Speaker 1: twelve years ago.

1009
00:51:35,200 --> 00:51:35,759
Speaker 3: It's the.

1010
00:51:37,239 --> 00:51:40,800
Speaker 4: Understand the child first, and you'll know how to parent them,

1011
00:51:41,200 --> 00:51:44,080
Speaker 4: rather than understand the rules of the world first, and

1012
00:51:44,120 --> 00:51:45,839
Speaker 4: then parent the childs are the rules of the world.

1013
00:51:45,840 --> 00:51:51,080
Speaker 4: And that's I have so many beliefs and so many

1014
00:51:51,239 --> 00:51:54,960
Speaker 4: voices in my head, mum's voice, dad's voice, my dietitian's voice,

1015
00:51:55,000 --> 00:51:58,439
Speaker 4: my precision health voice, my x's voice, all of these

1016
00:51:58,440 --> 00:52:03,160
Speaker 4: things that are constantly creating noise, and then it gets

1017
00:52:03,200 --> 00:52:05,400
Speaker 4: you stuck in, Oh, my child's got to behave like

1018
00:52:05,440 --> 00:52:07,600
Speaker 4: this and hit these milestones and whatever it might be.

1019
00:52:07,640 --> 00:52:10,760
Speaker 4: And it's just to have the understanding that my child

1020
00:52:11,000 --> 00:52:14,720
Speaker 4: is just having their little experience and I'm here to

1021
00:52:14,719 --> 00:52:19,440
Speaker 4: to cushion it and to guide and to essentially make

1022
00:52:19,560 --> 00:52:22,000
Speaker 4: their life in their version the best way that it

1023
00:52:22,000 --> 00:52:24,440
Speaker 4: can be, rather than their life in my version. And

1024
00:52:24,480 --> 00:52:26,200
Speaker 4: I still come up against that, you know, old beliefs.

1025
00:52:27,080 --> 00:52:29,840
Speaker 4: They should be my oldest wonsor play soccer. Oh, you

1026
00:52:29,840 --> 00:52:32,640
Speaker 4: should really play training more and be out there juggling

1027
00:52:32,640 --> 00:52:34,080
Speaker 4: the ball all the time, because that's what I did.

1028
00:52:34,440 --> 00:52:37,040
Speaker 4: But he doesn't want to do that, you know. So

1029
00:52:37,239 --> 00:52:39,200
Speaker 4: it's just like, mate, what are we going to do instead?

1030
00:52:39,239 --> 00:52:42,040
Speaker 4: You know, let's let's do something else instead. So and

1031
00:52:42,400 --> 00:52:44,560
Speaker 4: then he gets way happier and then he engages in

1032
00:52:44,600 --> 00:52:47,279
Speaker 4: life way more than thinking I need to push him

1033
00:52:47,280 --> 00:52:49,200
Speaker 4: down this path because this is what I know. So

1034
00:52:49,880 --> 00:52:51,960
Speaker 4: just taking myself out of the equation and thinking of

1035
00:52:51,960 --> 00:52:53,120
Speaker 4: myself as I've got a bunch of.

1036
00:52:53,080 --> 00:52:55,239
Speaker 3: Tools, and what are the tools that I.

1037
00:52:55,200 --> 00:52:56,960
Speaker 4: Need to use for the child in front of me,

1038
00:52:57,040 --> 00:52:59,319
Speaker 4: and knowing that it's a completely different set of tools

1039
00:52:59,360 --> 00:53:02,680
Speaker 4: for another kid. Well, so whereas you know, when I

1040
00:53:02,719 --> 00:53:05,040
Speaker 4: started out, it was very much I just got to

1041
00:53:05,280 --> 00:53:08,040
Speaker 4: do the right things and read the books and you know,

1042
00:53:09,400 --> 00:53:11,000
Speaker 4: do things right by me.

1043
00:53:12,520 --> 00:53:14,800
Speaker 3: That was the big, the big shift that happened.

1044
00:53:15,480 --> 00:53:19,400
Speaker 1: You know, it's an interesting observation slash study, slash exploration

1045
00:53:19,560 --> 00:53:23,200
Speaker 1: in psychology and sociology is going to like an under

1046
00:53:23,200 --> 00:53:28,680
Speaker 1: twelve or fourteen football game in Melbourne standing on the sidelines.

1047
00:53:28,200 --> 00:53:31,600
Speaker 2: With the parents, I'm like, oh my god. You know,

1048
00:53:31,880 --> 00:53:34,920
Speaker 2: it's like you would think it was the bloody AFL

1049
00:53:35,040 --> 00:53:40,359
Speaker 2: Grand Final in September and the stuff that comes out

1050
00:53:40,400 --> 00:53:45,759
Speaker 2: of people's faces, it's hilarious. I'm like, thank god you

1051
00:53:46,120 --> 00:53:50,879
Speaker 2: didn't parent me, you know, like, yeah, hey mate, it's

1052
00:53:50,880 --> 00:53:52,920
Speaker 2: always good to chat with you. Tell people where to

1053
00:53:53,120 --> 00:53:57,400
Speaker 2: find you, connect with you, and yeah, see what you're

1054
00:53:57,440 --> 00:53:57,880
Speaker 2: all about.

1055
00:53:58,239 --> 00:54:00,279
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, So the easiest way is it just a

1056
00:54:00,440 --> 00:54:05,880
Speaker 4: google doctor Cam McDonald at Shay Group, Shae group, and

1057
00:54:05,920 --> 00:54:09,479
Speaker 4: then if you've we've got some really cool parenting tools

1058
00:54:09,480 --> 00:54:12,560
Speaker 4: where you can understand your child's biological makeup and their

1059
00:54:12,560 --> 00:54:16,440
Speaker 4: little genetic personalities and AI that helps you navigate that

1060
00:54:16,840 --> 00:54:19,239
Speaker 4: and actually ask questions, say what's next for my child?

1061
00:54:19,239 --> 00:54:20,640
Speaker 3: What do I do next? To help you get yourself

1062
00:54:20,680 --> 00:54:23,640
Speaker 3: out of the road. That's a bloody good tool. You

1063
00:54:23,680 --> 00:54:24,640
Speaker 3: can find out about that.

1064
00:54:24,680 --> 00:54:25,000
Speaker 2: There.

1065
00:54:25,160 --> 00:54:26,760
Speaker 3: There's corporate staff, there's.

1066
00:54:26,520 --> 00:54:32,280
Speaker 4: Health professional training, psychology, medical specialists, Allied Health Fitness, there's

1067
00:54:32,400 --> 00:54:35,160
Speaker 4: stuff that we do with gym's, stuff that we do

1068
00:54:35,239 --> 00:54:40,480
Speaker 4: with relationships. Really, our whole goal is elimination of chronic

1069
00:54:40,520 --> 00:54:43,080
Speaker 4: disease and pain by twenty fifty and helping people live

1070
00:54:43,120 --> 00:54:45,279
Speaker 4: their best lives in their natural strength. So every tool

1071
00:54:45,320 --> 00:54:47,120
Speaker 4: that you would need, we have an ARI ecosystem, So

1072
00:54:47,160 --> 00:54:50,720
Speaker 4: you can check that all out at Shay dot Group, forward.

1073
00:54:50,600 --> 00:54:52,799
Speaker 3: Slash doctor cam McDonald. But just google it and you'll

1074
00:54:52,800 --> 00:54:53,160
Speaker 3: find it.

1075
00:54:53,840 --> 00:54:56,239
Speaker 1: You definitely will. Just don't ask him about parenting for

1076
00:54:56,320 --> 00:54:59,839
Speaker 1: the minute. He'll get back to you. Always good mate,

1077
00:55:00,040 --> 00:55:03,080
Speaker 1: say goodbye affair, but appreciate you and thanks again.

1078
00:55:03,520 --> 00:55:04,800
Speaker 4: Thanks mate,