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Speaker 1: Approache production.

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Speaker 2: For the record. I don't try and make you uncomfortable

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Speaker 2: for the record. You ain't trying to grow downder stand

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Speaker 2: for your for the record, laugh on me going hard

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Speaker 2: away for the record. Ain't trying to link no China

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Speaker 2: waste for the record, for.

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Speaker 3: The record, for the for the record, for the red

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Speaker 3: for the record, record.

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Speaker 4: For the record.

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Speaker 2: Don't try and make you uncomfortable.

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Speaker 5: Well, let's come to that time of the season guys.

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Speaker 5: Episode ten.

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Speaker 4: We are rounding up and this.

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Speaker 5: Today is our last episode of the Clink Real Story

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Speaker 5: of Redemption for season fifteen. Firstly, thank you everybody who

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Speaker 5: has downloaded each episode, and I truly hope that in

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Speaker 5: some way you've been able to be connected in a

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Speaker 5: positive way through our stories of redemption and our wonderful guests.

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Speaker 5: It's been a crazy season. It's been up and down,

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Speaker 5: but we got through it and I'm very proud of it.

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Speaker 4: To Sideways Surf for always believing in us. Thank you

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Speaker 4: so much.

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Speaker 5: To Clink High Pressure Services, make sure you jump over

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Speaker 5: if you want anything done Soft Wash pressure Washing, get

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Speaker 5: over to their Instagram page, drop them a message. They

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Speaker 5: will get to you anywhere on the Gold Coast in

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Speaker 5: Brisbane to Podshape, Jay Walkerden and the team a massive

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Speaker 5: thank you, mate for another successful season. We have big

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Speaker 5: things coming next season. I won't say too much now,

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Speaker 5: but we're going to do a slight change up. Our

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Speaker 5: stories won't change too much. We will still be the Clink,

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Speaker 5: but like anything in life, things grow. Four years of

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Speaker 5: Redemption Stories has been phenomenal, over four million downloads, one

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Speaker 5: hundred and eighty five guests. Next season, we're stepping it up.

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Speaker 5: We're taking it to another level that we hope will

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Speaker 5: truly give you the tools in life to take those

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Speaker 5: steps that you really want to do but may not

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Speaker 5: know how. And the people that will come on and

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Speaker 5: the stories that we will share and the knowledge that

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Speaker 5: we will give will be nothing but the best.

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Speaker 4: But for now, let's get into today's story.

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Speaker 5: He's a wonderful man who's doing great things with our

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Speaker 5: young people out there, and I'm really proud to finish

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Speaker 5: this season on this note. Daryl Gardner, Welcome to the Clink,

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Speaker 5: Real Stories of Redemption, and thank you for joining us today.

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Speaker 1: Thanks for having us on. Simo may been what do

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Speaker 1: I say, A long long time listener, first song caller,

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Speaker 1: I been listening to you from very early on in

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Speaker 1: the piece, and there's been a few podcasts along the

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Speaker 1: way where I listening to enough thoughts I wish I'll

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Speaker 1: hopefully one day I might be able to get on

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Speaker 1: and have a bit of a talk with you, because

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Speaker 1: I just like your style, mate, very I think sometimes

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Speaker 1: people be polished and they have this like pre you

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Speaker 1: approved list of questions things like that, and I say

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Speaker 1: that it's not authentic, and I just love the way

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Speaker 1: you and I love the way you share video and

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Speaker 1: journey tim. It makes you really relatable. So thanks for

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Speaker 1: having me.

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Speaker 4: Mate, Thank you.

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Speaker 5: Look, it's truly an honor every time I have one

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Speaker 5: of our amazing guests on and they entrust me to

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Speaker 5: be able to deliver their journey. You know, people sort

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Speaker 5: of sometimes you see in little comments and stuff, oh.

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Speaker 4: You know, Simo, just let them tell their story of

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Speaker 4: this and that.

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Speaker 5: Well, the Clink's a bit different to most podcasts because

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Speaker 5: I engage, we talk and it's not scripted. And I'm

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Speaker 5: glad you sort of brought this up because I've never

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Speaker 5: touched on. I've just let it all just sort of

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Speaker 5: slide away. But we may as well just knock it

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Speaker 5: on the head right now. And really just give a

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Speaker 5: little bit of enlightenment to why the way the clink

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Speaker 5: works is like two mates sitting down just having a yarn,

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Speaker 5: and that right there is what it's all about, even

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Speaker 5: your story today, and it is something that I'm really

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Speaker 5: really proud to have on.

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Speaker 4: So first of all, I just want to before we

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Speaker 4: go into it, commend you on the hard work.

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Speaker 5: And everybody that's listening is going to see exactly what

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Speaker 5: I mean by commanding you right now, because mate, you're

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Speaker 5: a soldier, you're a massive giver. You stand up for

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Speaker 5: what you believe in. You take action, and you started

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Speaker 5: literally from the ground. You know, you weren't kissing ass

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Speaker 5: sucking anyone off to get to where you wanted to be.

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Speaker 5: You're not about the politics. You're real deal bloke that

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Speaker 5: is really making some big waves. And I'm just stoked

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Speaker 5: that you know we're able to have you on here.

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Speaker 4: To deliver that story. Why don't we For the listeners now.

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Speaker 5: I will shut up and give you the floor, and

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Speaker 5: let's let's let them know who you are. Let's go

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Speaker 5: back to say your teenage years or around that space

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Speaker 5: where you know you could have gone either way and

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Speaker 5: how life was and what it was growing up where

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Speaker 5: you grew up, and let's give them a bit of background.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, no, very soon. I thank you how I came

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Speaker 1: to tell my story and I tell it all the time. Now,

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Speaker 1: is it a lovely ladies? A psychologists work for juvenile Justice.

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Speaker 1: We work together, and you know, I'd never told my story.

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Speaker 1: So I'm forty one now and I've been with my

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Speaker 1: beautiful wife almost fourteen years. Took me ten years to

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Speaker 1: tell her anything about my childhood, anything about my past.

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Speaker 1: I just never wanted to tell anybody. And this psychologist,

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Speaker 1: she we'd work with kids together, and she'd sort of

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Speaker 1: I worked for Justice Health, not JJ's, but we'd work

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Speaker 1: with kids together, and I'd share tiny little snippets, you know,

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Speaker 1: and trying to engage the kids. And gradually she started

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Speaker 1: working on me and saying, mate, you know, you've got

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Speaker 1: a story locked in there somewhere that needs to be told.

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Speaker 1: And I kept saying, no, not for me. Thanks, and

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Speaker 1: you sort of went on for about two or three years,

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Speaker 1: four years, and then mate, things things for me happen

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Speaker 1: in threes in the life of lot sim and people

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Speaker 1: asked me, you know, how did you start telling your story? Well?

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Speaker 1: It was around. It was just before the last COVID lockdown.

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Speaker 1: I started to get a few phone calls. And I've

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Speaker 1: been working around mental health now for twenty one years,

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Speaker 1: and I sort of I was getting these phone calls

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Speaker 1: made and they're becoming more and more frequent. You know,

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Speaker 1: they'd go like this, I picked the bone up and

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Speaker 1: they'd say, hey, mate, it's it's from you know X

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Speaker 1: y Z footy club mate. We heard we got your

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Speaker 1: number off someone, and we heard that you're good talking

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Speaker 1: to men about ship that men don't want to talk about.

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Speaker 1: Or we've lost the player to suicide. All the boys

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Speaker 1: are smashing their brack self medicating and we need someone

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Speaker 1: to come in and tell them it's not the way

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Speaker 1: to go. So I sort of started doing a few

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Speaker 1: of those talks. And you know them will pay you

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Speaker 1: send us an invoice. Was like, I didn't have a business.

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Speaker 1: If you put a feet and I'll stick around for

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Speaker 1: a sausage after it. You know, I just have a chat,

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Speaker 1: you know what I mean?

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Speaker 4: And I love that. That's the real deal.

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Speaker 1: That's the real deal, mate. I thought, you know already

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Speaker 1: had a paying gigs. Look, so I thought, I'm sorry,

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Speaker 1: I'll just do this, you know then, so things.

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Speaker 4: Sounds like the clink clink.

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Speaker 1: Mate.

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Speaker 5: You know, there's no money, it's just you do it

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Speaker 5: because you love it.

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Speaker 1: You're doing it because you love it, mate. And you know,

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Speaker 1: I'll get to probably why it was so important to

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Speaker 1: me in a minute. But the second thing that happened

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Speaker 1: in that sort of trifect was I've got the same thing.

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Speaker 1: We've got a phone call one day from a blake

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Speaker 1: and he said, mate, you know, I've got your number

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Speaker 1: off someone else. And the blake you got it off

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Speaker 1: as a fairly heavy hitter. And I thought, you know,

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Speaker 1: to get a recommendation from him was but I thought,

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Speaker 1: you know, you must respect what I'm trying to do.

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Speaker 1: And and this blake had done a heap of jail

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Speaker 1: and he said, mate, on you know, I've just gotten

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Speaker 1: out and you know, not long out, and I need

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Speaker 1: to talk to someone. And you know it's not part

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Speaker 1: of my parole, I just want to talk to someone.

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Speaker 1: He'd done a lot of jail and adding a relationship

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Speaker 1: with his family, and he's just like made a fuck.

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Speaker 1: I've been violent my whole life, it's all I know,

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Speaker 1: and I just don't want to be like that. Anymore.

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Speaker 1: And it broke my heart similar because not to the

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Speaker 1: extent of doing jail and things like that, but I'd

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Speaker 1: had that same moment earlier. I just thought my whole

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Speaker 1: life had been violence, and I didn't know where to go.

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Speaker 1: And then when this blake reached out and he's like,

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Speaker 1: made I understand, Like, I go and get a mental

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Speaker 1: health thing from the doctor and then I can see

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Speaker 1: you ten times for free. And I said, mate, on

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Speaker 1: I don't, I can't bo bill. Medicare doesn't give counsels

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Speaker 1: a provider number and I wasn't even a qualified counselor

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Speaker 1: at that stage. But and he goes, all, I can

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Speaker 1: pay you, but it will probably mean I've got to

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Speaker 1: probably got to go back to doing the things that

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Speaker 1: put me in the nick in the first place. And

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Speaker 1: I thought, we do I want you to do?

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Speaker 4: That?

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Speaker 1: Made? So don't we just start hanging out? You know,

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Speaker 1: we'll just meet up, We'll go for a walk, because

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Speaker 1: only this bike straight away and picked up the phone

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Speaker 1: that he wasn't going to be a sort of blike that.

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Speaker 1: Not many fellows asked him, who would want to come

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Speaker 1: and sit down in a clinical sort of environment, and

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Speaker 1: you know, tell me how your day was, mate, you

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Speaker 1: know what I mean towards relationship with your mother like

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Speaker 1: so that was sort of how things sort of grew

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Speaker 1: from there, and I started to see men always men.

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Speaker 1: And then made that third thing in the trifecta sorry

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Speaker 1: with a bit of a tangent, was this psychologist. She's

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Speaker 1: a lovely lady, Philippa. She moved on Trent to work

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Speaker 1: for one of the unis here in Sydney, and she

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Speaker 1: rang me up one day and she said, mate, I

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Speaker 1: want you to come and talk to a bunch of

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Speaker 1: social workers, social work students. I want you to talk.

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Speaker 1: I don't know your story, but I want you to

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Speaker 1: talk about what you needed from a social worker when

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Speaker 1: you were growing up but you didn't get it, and

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Speaker 1: how your life might have been different if you had

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Speaker 1: had someone around that cared about you. And I thought, well, fuck,

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Speaker 1: you've got me there. I'll go in and do that.

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Speaker 1: So I went in, I did that, made and I

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Speaker 1: came home and it was a couple of days after

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Speaker 1: my wife said to me, it was just when the

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Speaker 1: lockdown was announced, the second one, and she said, you know,

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Speaker 1: since you got back from doing that talk, you've been

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Speaker 1: you know, your husband and you're fathering, you're doing whatever

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Speaker 1: you need to do, and it's obviously it takes a

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Speaker 1: little bit of a toll out of you. And you know,

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Speaker 1: at this stage to them, my wife didn't really know

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Speaker 1: a lot of my story. I started to let her

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Speaker 1: in a little bit, and so she said, look, you know,

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Speaker 1: who knows how long will be locked down for you know,

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Speaker 1: you won't be coaching kids like a coach my daughter's

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Speaker 1: footy team. You're not coaching boxing now because all the

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Speaker 1: gyms are closed down, so you we're going to be here,

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Speaker 1: so why don't you use this to try and time

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Speaker 1: to make your business. And I thought, I've never would

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Speaker 1: have thought. I thought that was never in my gambit.

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Speaker 1: And and you know, she's pretty switched on, my wife,

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Speaker 1: and she said, look, I know for you it's important

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Speaker 1: and I'm not suggesting you know, you can't monetize your trauma,

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Speaker 1: but there's something in you that obviously other people are

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Speaker 1: responding to and that they want more and more of you.

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Speaker 1: And I support you. But the more and more that

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Speaker 1: you that you give, or you you go and you know,

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Speaker 1: spend time with people, does it takes your way from home?

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Speaker 1: And we've got four kids, and you know, so I

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Speaker 1: think you definitely shouldn't stop doing it, But why don't

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Speaker 1: you give yourself the ability to do it by making

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Speaker 1: it into a business? Self thought, Yeah, you know, that's

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Speaker 1: that's what we're doing.

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Speaker 4: Just that's logical.

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Speaker 5: I mean, that's smart thinking when you put it in

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Speaker 5: that perspective. Bro, You've got to feed the family, and

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Speaker 5: you know your time is look one, you know, I

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Speaker 5: remember when I started Heavy Hitters and National Charity.

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Speaker 4: You know, people just assume it cost us.

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Speaker 5: You know, you don't make money, so you need to

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Speaker 5: structure what you're doing in a way that enables it

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Speaker 5: to be viable for you and your family. Otherwise you're

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Speaker 5: no good to your family because then you will suffer.

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Speaker 5: How can you help anybody else if you can't help yourself.

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Speaker 1: That was right, mate. And and you know, once you

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Speaker 1: started started up and doing things, and you know, getting

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Speaker 1: paid for doing some things, that was allowing me to

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Speaker 1: have like a day off after woods before I'd go

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Speaker 1: back to my other job. And I used to call

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Speaker 1: my full time job, like I've still juggle both. Sim

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Speaker 1: I've got a full time job and the business. And

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Speaker 1: I used to call that the other job, my real job,

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Speaker 1: and I'm really lucky. I love my other job, but

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Speaker 1: now I'll call it what I do chatting to you

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Speaker 1: and tell them my sorry, that's my real job now,

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Speaker 1: and the other job that is just the other job,

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Speaker 1: you know, although I love it. But I mean, if

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Speaker 1: we get to where things sort of started, you know,

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Speaker 1: in that I'm not really man, I'm not that clever,

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Speaker 1: you know, but when I'm interested in something, I'll get

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Speaker 1: right into it. And it was a few years ago,

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Speaker 1: you know, my mum came up to spend time with

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Speaker 1: us for Easter, and my mum and I'd always had

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Speaker 1: a pretty distant relationship throughout my life. And I'll come

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Speaker 1: to that whye in a minute. But when she left,

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Speaker 1: she went back home to Aubrey and she sent me

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Speaker 1: a book and she said, you know, this is that

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Speaker 1: was written inside the jacket. This might help you with

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Speaker 1: the work that you want to do with men who

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Speaker 1: are using violence. And it was a book that my

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Speaker 1: mum had written, you know. It was during that Yeah,

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Speaker 1: she's she's an author. I'm incredibly proud of the work

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Speaker 1: that she's done. She's she's written. I think she's written

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Speaker 1: about four or five books.

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Speaker 5: Can I just well, and this is relevant right now,

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Speaker 5: what's the book called?

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Speaker 1: So the book that she sent sent me one of

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Speaker 1: the ones that she wrote was called Perpetrators of Intimate

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Speaker 1: Partner Sexual Violence. And when I looked at it, I

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Speaker 1: thought to myself.

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Speaker 4: That makes you feel a bit sort of yeah, I think,

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Speaker 4: what's this described?

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Speaker 1: Like?

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Speaker 5: When I hear that initially, when you said about the

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Speaker 5: men aggressiveness and stuff like that, then I'm thinking, okay,

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Speaker 5: I could read something like that right now, you know,

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Speaker 5: we're all could I suppose, you know, but personally. But

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Speaker 5: then I hear the title and I go, oh, yeah,

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Speaker 5: what does that mean?

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Speaker 1: And I didn't know what intimate partner sexual violence was

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Speaker 1: that it's the it's what they call it. It's a

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Speaker 1: it's an incredibly relevant name. They call it silent rapes,

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Speaker 1: and it's the it's the highest highest type, I guess,

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Speaker 1: of sexual assault that goes unreported because sexual assault's committed

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Speaker 1: by someone that you're in a domestic relationship with. And

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Speaker 1: so you know, I'll try and make everything sequential. So

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Speaker 1: and inside the book, Mum had written, whatever you do,

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Speaker 1: don't read chapter ten. Now. Of course I've read chapter

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Speaker 1: ten before I've got from the marl box to the

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Speaker 1: front door. And what that did when I read that,

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Speaker 1: And I'll go back to the start in a second, mate,

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Speaker 1: but that that unlocked so many chambers of trauma in

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Speaker 1: my brain that had been suppressed for so long and

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Speaker 1: drowned in drugs and alcohol and things like that, and

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Speaker 1: you know what had happened. You know, Sorry when I

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Speaker 1: said before, you know, when I get into things, I

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Speaker 1: get quite interested in them. I became interested a few

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Speaker 1: years ago, made in how early can a child remember trauma?

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Speaker 1: And I ca across this concept of in utero violence,

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Speaker 1: so violence when you're still in the womb. And so

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Speaker 1: for me, in a very long winded way of answering

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Speaker 1: your question of where did things start? So, my mom

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Speaker 1: had me when she was fifteen, similar she was pregnant

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Speaker 1: when she was fifteen. Just clicked over sixteen when I

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Speaker 1: was born, I think, if I do the maths. But

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Speaker 1: when she came home made at twelve weeks, you know

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Speaker 1: at the time when you're announced baby is pretty much

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Speaker 1: safe by that stage if you're wanted the lucky ones.

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Speaker 1: And she came home. My mom's father passed away when

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Speaker 1: she was eight, so she'd grown up with a mum

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Speaker 1: and two younger sisters. Now, you know, growing up in

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Speaker 1: the sixties and seventies, her mum was a nurse back

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Speaker 1: in those days, you know, one for you, five for me.

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Speaker 1: So her mom had a heavy prescription medication addiction. And

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Speaker 1: understand she was also probably an undiagnosed schizophrenic and she

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Speaker 1: was really really cruel. And you know, I know that

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Speaker 1: this is my story, but I'll just give you this

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Speaker 1: really tiny background of my mind.

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Speaker 5: Rather plate than no, no, no no, this is your journey.

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Speaker 5: This is all relevant.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, thank you, thank you. Later on in life and

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Speaker 1: I found more. And my mama just had this incredibly

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Speaker 1: abusive childhood. You know, when her dad passed away, the

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Speaker 1: neighbors started lurking around saying, you know, oh, you know

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Speaker 1: you you go to work to her mum and I'll

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Speaker 1: look after the girls. And then he started molesting them,

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Speaker 1: and you know it was really graphics. You know, my

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Speaker 1: mom was My mom was penetrated with ballpoint pens and

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Speaker 1: all this horrific stuff meant that a kid should never

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Speaker 1: ever ever have to go through. But it was just

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Speaker 1: slip of abuse for Mama. My father wasn't abusive to her,

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Speaker 1: but she was fifteen. Dad was nineteen. So she's come home,

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Speaker 1: she's announced she's pregnant, you know, and her mama said

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Speaker 1: to her, I mean, obviously I was born, but words

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Speaker 1: to the effect of, you know, you're a slut, you're

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Speaker 1: a whore. You know, you're an embarrassment to the family.

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Speaker 1: Because my mom's mum come from a pretty wealthy side

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Speaker 1: of family down in Melbourne.

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Speaker 5: Had she known any of the trauma that your mom

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Speaker 5: had gone through prior to that occurring, Yeah.

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Speaker 1: But you know she was really she was pretty fucking twisted.

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Speaker 1: You know. When my mom were trying to talk to

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Speaker 1: her about things, you know, the abuse, things like that,

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Speaker 1: you'd say, you're a slight. You would have wanted it,

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Speaker 1: you know, you isn't it.

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Speaker 5: Even like I remember when I told my father that

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Speaker 5: I was being raped by the neighbors, and then I

355
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Speaker 5: got flogged because it was like, Dad, you speak or

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Speaker 5: say such a like back then forty years forty forty

357
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Speaker 5: four years ago, like fuck, you couldn't speak about it.

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Speaker 4: You couldn't. And this is why I'm sorry to get

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Speaker 4: on a tinge, but did this It.

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Speaker 5: Hits home, you know, hearing your beautiful mum to endure

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Speaker 5: what I know, it's only a very tiny smidgeon of

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Speaker 5: what the bigger picture must be.

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Speaker 4: In my heart just bleeds thinking of it as a survivor.

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Speaker 5: As we were, we'll go back to your story and

365
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Speaker 5: you were talking about your mum and the book mate.

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Speaker 1: So what happened when mom come home and announce your

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Speaker 1: was pregnant? Her mom? You know, started to carry on,

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Speaker 1: you did, and you know you have to look after

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Speaker 1: me and your sister's How can you look after a baby?

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Speaker 1: And you know, so you know I'll drown the baby.

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Speaker 1: You know when I was born, I'll get the neighbor

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Speaker 1: to come over, and they got them to get the

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Speaker 1: neighbor to come over, and I hold you down, will

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Speaker 1: you know, continually kick in the guts until you lose

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Speaker 1: the baby. And you know I tried to, you know,

376
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Speaker 1: it attacked her and these things happen, and try to

377
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Speaker 1: make her miscarry. And so for me, that was my

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Speaker 1: earliest exposure of violence made even though I was only

379
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Speaker 1: a developing. For you, I guess you would say, and

380
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Speaker 1: you know, I guess when I look back on that,

381
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Speaker 1: I just solidified that belief that I had for so

382
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Speaker 1: long that nobody wanted me to be alive. And I

383
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Speaker 1: thought even before I was born, I didn't have a chance,

384
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Speaker 1: and my mum took off, you know, when we're talking

385
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Speaker 1: nineteen eighty two, Simo in regional on New South Wales.

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Speaker 1: Not a lot of support for fifteen year old pregnant

387
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Speaker 1: mam a lot now either forty years later. But tried

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Speaker 1: to do it, you could, mate, shifted around a few

389
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Speaker 1: different places. We spent a fever of time. I believe,

390
00:19:09,441 --> 00:19:12,761
Speaker 1: I think I was even born. Beautiful mum. So she

391
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Speaker 1: had a stroke about five years ago, so she's lost

392
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Speaker 1: a lot of Some days she's amazing, mate, she's back

393
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Speaker 1: to being that that articulate lady that wrote books and

394
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Speaker 1: lectures and things like lecture that you need, things like that,

395
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Speaker 1: and then other days, you know, she just she struggles, man,

396
00:19:28,441 --> 00:19:33,880
Speaker 1: And yeah, so you know, I understand I was born

397
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Speaker 1: in a in a refuge, in a homeless women's refuge,

398
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Speaker 1: and so that's her end of the world. And as

399
00:19:39,321 --> 00:19:42,120
Speaker 1: you know, being a father of four yourself not probably

400
00:19:42,120 --> 00:19:46,120
Speaker 1: not the greatest environment to bring a baby into. But

401
00:19:46,201 --> 00:19:49,721
Speaker 1: that sort of is how you know, life commenced from there,

402
00:19:49,761 --> 00:19:52,281
Speaker 1: and there was some stage after that Mum must have

403
00:19:52,360 --> 00:19:56,241
Speaker 1: landed a unit, a little housing commissioned unit in Aubury,

404
00:19:56,281 --> 00:19:58,400
Speaker 1: and so we moved in there and I think if

405
00:19:58,441 --> 00:20:00,281
Speaker 1: I put the time on, it's probably about eighteen months

406
00:20:00,321 --> 00:20:03,121
Speaker 1: old when that happened. And you know, my mom and

407
00:20:03,281 --> 00:20:06,200
Speaker 1: my dad. I don't remember my old men when I

408
00:20:06,241 --> 00:20:10,961
Speaker 1: was a kid, but I understand he'd come and visit

409
00:20:11,041 --> 00:20:14,921
Speaker 1: at times, but I don't remember that. I mean, I'm

410
00:20:14,961 --> 00:20:17,160
Speaker 1: I'm sure he did, I just don't remember it. But

411
00:20:17,241 --> 00:20:19,281
Speaker 1: so after that, you know, my mum was probably about

412
00:20:19,321 --> 00:20:23,681
Speaker 1: eighteen seventeen eighteen, and I didn't really have a support network,

413
00:20:23,921 --> 00:20:26,041
Speaker 1: didn't have anyone around, and she was raising a kid,

414
00:20:26,080 --> 00:20:29,080
Speaker 1: little boy, on her own, and she met a man

415
00:20:29,080 --> 00:20:31,200
Speaker 1: who was a little bit older, not heaps older, but

416
00:20:32,441 --> 00:20:34,360
Speaker 1: we didn't know, or mom didn't know at the time

417
00:20:34,400 --> 00:20:37,840
Speaker 1: that he was a you know, really violent offender, and

418
00:20:39,481 --> 00:20:42,441
Speaker 1: in terms of domestic violence, he had a heap performed

419
00:20:42,441 --> 00:20:45,481
Speaker 1: behind him. And what he did is, you know most

420
00:20:45,640 --> 00:20:48,921
Speaker 1: predators do, mate, they start to groom people. So sort

421
00:20:48,921 --> 00:20:51,641
Speaker 1: of same narrative. You know, you know, I'll move in

422
00:20:51,721 --> 00:20:54,041
Speaker 1: with you, you know, I love you, you're beautiful, let

423
00:20:54,080 --> 00:20:56,880
Speaker 1: me take you out for dinner, and they sort of

424
00:20:56,921 --> 00:20:58,961
Speaker 1: things happen, and you know, you got to remember, brother,

425
00:20:59,080 --> 00:21:03,041
Speaker 1: mine mum come from abuse from the age of two, three,

426
00:21:03,160 --> 00:21:06,840
Speaker 1: four years old or all the way to her current state.

427
00:21:06,921 --> 00:21:09,401
Speaker 1: She'd had abuse in one way or another her whole life.

428
00:21:09,801 --> 00:21:12,081
Speaker 1: So when someone's showing a little bit of interest in her,

429
00:21:12,600 --> 00:21:15,401
Speaker 1: she thought, oh, well, this is probably a good thing,

430
00:21:15,441 --> 00:21:18,440
Speaker 1: and you know, this will this is going to be

431
00:21:18,441 --> 00:21:21,761
Speaker 1: a happy relationship. So you know, you know, there was

432
00:21:21,801 --> 00:21:25,480
Speaker 1: no dating process. You know, it was week one, I

433
00:21:25,521 --> 00:21:29,481
Speaker 1: love you, week two, let me move in, by week

434
00:21:29,521 --> 00:21:31,681
Speaker 1: three of getting to know I'm this black and moved

435
00:21:31,681 --> 00:21:34,720
Speaker 1: in with us, and then mate, by week four, the

436
00:21:34,801 --> 00:21:37,720
Speaker 1: abuse started. You know, this is a really quick initiation

437
00:21:37,840 --> 00:21:40,720
Speaker 1: for my mum and me into that life. I was

438
00:21:40,721 --> 00:21:44,081
Speaker 1: probably two or three at that time, you know, And

439
00:21:44,201 --> 00:21:49,840
Speaker 1: you know, really daily bashing's similar, you know, for anything, mate,

440
00:21:50,001 --> 00:21:53,880
Speaker 1: look the wrong way. You know, who were you talking

441
00:21:53,921 --> 00:21:56,521
Speaker 1: to it at the shop? We know what took you

442
00:21:56,600 --> 00:21:58,360
Speaker 1: so long to get the mail out of the mailbox,

443
00:21:58,481 --> 00:22:01,361
Speaker 1: and you know you start bashing her every day and

444
00:22:01,721 --> 00:22:05,721
Speaker 1: you know, really really violent men. Look, you know, there's

445
00:22:05,761 --> 00:22:10,881
Speaker 1: no there's no minimum minimal into domestic violence, but it

446
00:22:10,961 --> 00:22:13,281
Speaker 1: was right at the severe end, you know, like concussions

447
00:22:13,281 --> 00:22:16,321
Speaker 1: and broken bones and things like that. And you know,

448
00:22:16,561 --> 00:22:19,001
Speaker 1: at the very young age Simo, I thought to myself,

449
00:22:19,001 --> 00:22:21,281
Speaker 1: at the age of two or three, like one, I

450
00:22:21,321 --> 00:22:24,241
Speaker 1: started to think, this is what a man does. This

451
00:22:24,321 --> 00:22:26,280
Speaker 1: is this is what being a man is. You know,

452
00:22:26,321 --> 00:22:27,201
Speaker 1: he used violence.

453
00:22:27,561 --> 00:22:28,960
Speaker 4: You're seeing what men do.

454
00:22:29,600 --> 00:22:31,720
Speaker 1: I started to form that belief really early on. But

455
00:22:31,761 --> 00:22:34,761
Speaker 1: the other thing I started to do was become a

456
00:22:34,801 --> 00:22:36,680
Speaker 1: bit of a defender, if you like. So even and

457
00:22:36,880 --> 00:22:38,960
Speaker 1: I've got a four year old some my little my

458
00:22:39,041 --> 00:22:42,561
Speaker 1: little mate Sonny, you know inside here, and you know,

459
00:22:42,681 --> 00:22:45,960
Speaker 1: his biggest problem similar is when the iPads flat. And

460
00:22:46,080 --> 00:22:48,041
Speaker 1: you know, I'm thankful for that. I thankful he didn't

461
00:22:48,041 --> 00:22:52,360
Speaker 1: know the life that I look at him and if

462
00:22:52,360 --> 00:22:56,001
Speaker 1: that's his drama and the biggest problem, I think myself

463
00:22:56,041 --> 00:22:58,440
Speaker 1: at that time, mate, running in between my mum and

464
00:22:59,001 --> 00:23:02,760
Speaker 1: a grown man, wedging myself in between the mate, you know,

465
00:23:02,801 --> 00:23:06,201
Speaker 1: trying to stop the bashing's happening. And you know, probably

466
00:23:06,201 --> 00:23:08,321
Speaker 1: around that time you started hurting me as well. And

467
00:23:09,201 --> 00:23:11,920
Speaker 1: you know it went from physical violence pretty quick. And

468
00:23:12,360 --> 00:23:15,041
Speaker 1: when that wasn't enough to control her anymore, my mum,

469
00:23:15,241 --> 00:23:18,921
Speaker 1: you know, the daily raping started, you know, really horrific

470
00:23:18,961 --> 00:23:22,321
Speaker 1: sexual assault, you know, rapes it rapes it, you know,

471
00:23:22,441 --> 00:23:25,601
Speaker 1: knife point threatening to say, you know, if you don't,

472
00:23:25,640 --> 00:23:29,761
Speaker 1: if you don't comply, basically, you know, I'm going to

473
00:23:29,761 --> 00:23:31,561
Speaker 1: I'm going to bring on my mates around, and you know,

474
00:23:31,681 --> 00:23:35,160
Speaker 1: I apologize for anyone's listening, for the trigger triggering of this,

475
00:23:35,281 --> 00:23:38,001
Speaker 1: and I've got to be authentic, you know, it'd say,

476
00:23:38,160 --> 00:23:40,120
Speaker 1: you know, this is what I learned from reading Mum's books.

477
00:23:40,120 --> 00:23:42,240
Speaker 1: You know, it's let me mates come around and they

478
00:23:42,241 --> 00:23:43,880
Speaker 1: can all fuck you as well, and there'll be nothing

479
00:23:43,921 --> 00:23:46,400
Speaker 1: you can do about it. And you've got this eighteen

480
00:23:46,481 --> 00:23:49,241
Speaker 1: year old girl that's been fucking brutalized her whole life, mate,

481
00:23:49,241 --> 00:23:51,921
Speaker 1: and she's she's still in that cycle. But then there's

482
00:23:51,961 --> 00:23:54,120
Speaker 1: me growing up in that cycle too, and I'm thinking

483
00:23:54,201 --> 00:23:56,921
Speaker 1: this is you know, I'm seeing my mum getting raped. I'm,

484
00:23:57,281 --> 00:24:01,641
Speaker 1: you know, seeing these sexual assaults happening and every day. Mate. Look,

485
00:24:01,761 --> 00:24:04,521
Speaker 1: you know mum writing her book, you know she rights

486
00:24:04,521 --> 00:24:06,281
Speaker 1: also things in there. But one thing that stood out

487
00:24:06,281 --> 00:24:09,321
Speaker 1: for me was, you know, she finally got the begged him,

488
00:24:09,321 --> 00:24:11,000
Speaker 1: begged him, begged him to let her go out one

489
00:24:11,120 --> 00:24:13,961
Speaker 1: night and for see some friends. And he said, yeah,

490
00:24:14,001 --> 00:24:15,761
Speaker 1: And as you do, mate, you have a couple of drinks,

491
00:24:15,840 --> 00:24:19,521
Speaker 1: get a bit courageous, and she had eleven o'clock curfew.

492
00:24:20,600 --> 00:24:23,041
Speaker 1: You know, that's ridiculously think grown woman having a curfew.

493
00:24:23,041 --> 00:24:25,840
Speaker 1: But she had an eleven o'clock curfew, and you know

494
00:24:25,961 --> 00:24:28,121
Speaker 1: she got pissed. Mum, probably the first time she'd ever

495
00:24:28,160 --> 00:24:29,920
Speaker 1: felt free in her whole life. I would have been

496
00:24:29,921 --> 00:24:34,161
Speaker 1: at home with this bokeros bos and she came home

497
00:24:34,160 --> 00:24:38,000
Speaker 1: at three am and she begged him to beg In

498
00:24:38,041 --> 00:24:40,680
Speaker 1: her head, she was thinking, please be asleep, Please be asleep,

499
00:24:40,681 --> 00:24:43,001
Speaker 1: Please be asleep, you know. And she crept in through

500
00:24:43,041 --> 00:24:45,721
Speaker 1: the door and he was awake, and you know, you know,

501
00:24:45,761 --> 00:24:49,041
Speaker 1: he said to her, how dare you defy me? Like,

502
00:24:49,561 --> 00:24:52,241
Speaker 1: you know, how do you know the rules? And say

503
00:24:52,761 --> 00:24:54,920
Speaker 1: what he did made is he hit her and you know,

504
00:24:55,400 --> 00:24:57,921
Speaker 1: dragged her into the room. And I remember seeing all this, mate,

505
00:24:58,001 --> 00:25:00,481
Speaker 1: dragged her into the room by her hair, And I say,

506
00:25:00,481 --> 00:25:03,601
Speaker 1: I don't say this too, you know, because I want

507
00:25:03,600 --> 00:25:05,321
Speaker 1: to sit here and put everyone through the line. But

508
00:25:06,001 --> 00:25:07,840
Speaker 1: it's just so many levels to it, mate, like it

509
00:25:07,921 --> 00:25:09,720
Speaker 1: once we think it couldn't get any worse, to the

510
00:25:09,761 --> 00:25:12,561
Speaker 1: abuse that your mum and I endured, It just fuck it,

511
00:25:12,640 --> 00:25:15,081
Speaker 1: mean it just continued to get worse. So after that occasion,

512
00:25:15,160 --> 00:25:17,241
Speaker 1: he kept Mom tied up and locked in the room

513
00:25:17,281 --> 00:25:20,400
Speaker 1: for two days, and you know, and just repeatedly, you know,

514
00:25:21,041 --> 00:25:23,001
Speaker 1: raped her over and over and over again, just to

515
00:25:23,080 --> 00:25:25,480
Speaker 1: dehumanize them and just to say, you know, this is

516
00:25:25,681 --> 00:25:28,761
Speaker 1: what happens. It's dominance, it's control, Like, this is what

517
00:25:28,840 --> 00:25:31,000
Speaker 1: happens if you're fuck up. This is what happens if

518
00:25:31,001 --> 00:25:33,481
Speaker 1: you don't obey the rules. So you know, this is

519
00:25:33,521 --> 00:25:37,200
Speaker 1: your fault. You bought this on yourself. And you know,

520
00:25:37,321 --> 00:25:39,640
Speaker 1: so there was times to mate that we try and flee,

521
00:25:39,681 --> 00:25:41,881
Speaker 1: and we try and get away, and you know, as

522
00:25:41,880 --> 00:25:44,841
Speaker 1: they do, they always find you. And you know what

523
00:25:45,360 --> 00:25:48,000
Speaker 1: would see is and I'll sort of skip forward a

524
00:25:48,041 --> 00:25:50,201
Speaker 1: couple of you know, I'll skip forward in a minute.

525
00:25:50,201 --> 00:25:51,761
Speaker 1: But you know, when I tell the story of my

526
00:25:51,840 --> 00:25:53,561
Speaker 1: life or break it up in the three chapters and

527
00:25:53,761 --> 00:25:58,281
Speaker 1: zero to thirteen is a victim, thirteen to twenty three

528
00:25:58,360 --> 00:26:00,640
Speaker 1: is a fender, and twenty three to forty one and

529
00:26:00,681 --> 00:26:03,641
Speaker 1: probably one hundred and one will be survivor. And that's

530
00:26:03,681 --> 00:26:06,400
Speaker 1: how I chatter the story, you know, victim of friends, survivor.

531
00:26:06,441 --> 00:26:09,200
Speaker 1: And you know, we'd run away, mate, and you know

532
00:26:09,281 --> 00:26:11,400
Speaker 1: when he found us this one other time. You know,

533
00:26:11,481 --> 00:26:14,600
Speaker 1: we know folks, especially fellas, that feel like they've been disobeyed,

534
00:26:14,600 --> 00:26:16,801
Speaker 1: they want to put on that image, that front that

535
00:26:17,360 --> 00:26:21,400
Speaker 1: you know, I control everything, and you know we're a

536
00:26:21,441 --> 00:26:24,480
Speaker 1: happy family. And you know, we went to the swimming pool,

537
00:26:24,521 --> 00:26:27,960
Speaker 1: and it would have been a front to show that,

538
00:26:28,080 --> 00:26:29,840
Speaker 1: you know, I can control her and we've got a

539
00:26:29,880 --> 00:26:32,480
Speaker 1: happy family. And I remember going to the pool and

540
00:26:33,281 --> 00:26:35,681
Speaker 1: you know, getting booted into the pool and I mean booted,

541
00:26:35,761 --> 00:26:39,241
Speaker 1: like booted into the pool, and it's flailing around because

542
00:26:39,241 --> 00:26:41,681
Speaker 1: I didn't get those happy experiences little toddlers get made,

543
00:26:41,681 --> 00:26:43,721
Speaker 1: didn't get to go to swimming lessons and playfooty and

544
00:26:43,761 --> 00:26:46,400
Speaker 1: all that was living in that fucking nightmare of a home.

545
00:26:46,441 --> 00:26:50,201
Speaker 1: And I remember flailing around and remember this vividly mate

546
00:26:50,281 --> 00:26:53,041
Speaker 1: flailing around in the pool and this brutal come you know,

547
00:26:53,120 --> 00:26:54,920
Speaker 1: reaching into the pool and pulling me out by the

548
00:26:55,001 --> 00:26:58,481
Speaker 1: hair and you know, then fucking flogging me for for crying, mate,

549
00:26:58,521 --> 00:27:01,880
Speaker 1: and you know, and everyone sat around his family, My

550
00:27:01,961 --> 00:27:04,521
Speaker 1: mum was too petrified to do anything. His family didn't

551
00:27:04,561 --> 00:27:07,801
Speaker 1: give a fuck. And the message was, you know, very clear,

552
00:27:08,360 --> 00:27:10,801
Speaker 1: if I can do this in front of everyone else

553
00:27:11,241 --> 00:27:12,921
Speaker 1: if you imagine what I can do to you when

554
00:27:12,921 --> 00:27:15,400
Speaker 1: no one's watching. So don't try and run again. You

555
00:27:15,441 --> 00:27:17,720
Speaker 1: know again, you have bought this, You brought this on

556
00:27:17,801 --> 00:27:19,920
Speaker 1: you and your son. This is your this is your fault,

557
00:27:21,080 --> 00:27:22,321
Speaker 1: you know. So that sort of went on for a

558
00:27:22,321 --> 00:27:28,920
Speaker 1: little bit longer, made until probably the catalyst or the

559
00:27:28,961 --> 00:27:31,721
Speaker 1: biggest night of our lives ever. And mate, we'd run

560
00:27:31,761 --> 00:27:34,561
Speaker 1: away again, and he came we found us coming through

561
00:27:34,561 --> 00:27:37,600
Speaker 1: the window and started trying to drown Mumm in the

562
00:27:37,640 --> 00:27:43,561
Speaker 1: bath and you know, raped her again and said, you know,

563
00:27:43,721 --> 00:27:46,160
Speaker 1: but I remember hearing the screams, and you know it

564
00:27:46,201 --> 00:27:48,561
Speaker 1: stays with me now, mate, But we're now thirty six

565
00:27:48,640 --> 00:27:52,840
Speaker 1: years later because I heard him repeating over and over again,

566
00:27:54,080 --> 00:27:56,521
Speaker 1: you keep running. Now, I'm going to kill you because

567
00:27:56,561 --> 00:27:58,601
Speaker 1: I won't share you. So I'll kill you and then

568
00:27:58,600 --> 00:28:02,281
Speaker 1: no one else can, noe can have you. You know the story, mate,

569
00:28:02,600 --> 00:28:05,600
Speaker 1: it's all too common, unfortunately, and I thought I'm not

570
00:28:05,640 --> 00:28:07,281
Speaker 1: going to have this, mate, you know, So I raced

571
00:28:07,281 --> 00:28:09,161
Speaker 1: in there and try and sort of help help Mom

572
00:28:09,160 --> 00:28:11,561
Speaker 1: out again, and he's then he's turned to me and thought,

573
00:28:11,640 --> 00:28:13,761
Speaker 1: you know, I'm going to kill you or hurt you know,

574
00:28:13,761 --> 00:28:16,360
Speaker 1: because you're getting in the road or whatever. And you know,

575
00:28:16,801 --> 00:28:19,440
Speaker 1: I used to I used to love it, mate, when

576
00:28:19,600 --> 00:28:22,161
Speaker 1: when I was getting hurt, Like even if three four

577
00:28:22,201 --> 00:28:24,440
Speaker 1: years old, I used to fucking love when I was

578
00:28:24,441 --> 00:28:26,400
Speaker 1: getting hurt because it meant that my mum was getting

579
00:28:26,400 --> 00:28:29,001
Speaker 1: a break for fucking thirty seconds, one minute, two minutes,

580
00:28:29,041 --> 00:28:32,840
Speaker 1: and I'd invite it. Man, even as a little toddler,

581
00:28:33,681 --> 00:28:35,440
Speaker 1: my mum said, I used to say things to him like,

582
00:28:35,801 --> 00:28:37,600
Speaker 1: you know, his mom says, it made me so sad

583
00:28:37,640 --> 00:28:39,241
Speaker 1: that you knew these words as a three or four

584
00:28:39,281 --> 00:28:40,561
Speaker 1: year old. But I'd run up to him and say,

585
00:28:40,601 --> 00:28:42,720
Speaker 1: I'm going to fucking bash you, and when when I

586
00:28:42,761 --> 00:28:44,480
Speaker 1: grow up, I'm going to fucking kill you when I

587
00:28:44,561 --> 00:28:48,241
Speaker 1: grow up. So so that I could get a hide,

588
00:28:48,241 --> 00:28:49,641
Speaker 1: and because their mum could get a break for a

589
00:28:49,681 --> 00:28:50,161
Speaker 1: little bit.

590
00:28:50,081 --> 00:28:51,641
Speaker 4: It would take take the heat off her.

591
00:28:51,761 --> 00:28:55,121
Speaker 5: So yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm hear bro, I'm made. I

592
00:28:55,201 --> 00:28:58,480
Speaker 5: truly can relate to part of that well. And truly

593
00:28:58,681 --> 00:29:02,481
Speaker 5: it's I remember getting picked up jump in the middle,

594
00:29:02,521 --> 00:29:04,841
Speaker 5: and you know, getting picked up and thrown head first

595
00:29:04,841 --> 00:29:07,321
Speaker 5: through Remember the old Housing Commission houses, they used to

596
00:29:07,401 --> 00:29:11,361
Speaker 5: have the honeycomb doors. They were very thin, you know,

597
00:29:11,401 --> 00:29:13,401
Speaker 5: and everyone used to punch them every house. You know,

598
00:29:13,481 --> 00:29:16,681
Speaker 5: your fisted go straight through my head, go straight through

599
00:29:17,001 --> 00:29:20,240
Speaker 5: down the hallway because I jumped into intervene. You know

600
00:29:20,281 --> 00:29:23,081
Speaker 5: what I mean at that age, four or five years

601
00:29:23,121 --> 00:29:26,001
Speaker 5: of age, six years of age, I relate to.

602
00:29:26,001 --> 00:29:28,841
Speaker 4: That very well, and you know.

603
00:29:30,641 --> 00:29:34,161
Speaker 5: That feeling of being in the middle of that moment. Now,

604
00:29:36,481 --> 00:29:39,841
Speaker 5: I am guilty of domestic abuse.

605
00:29:39,521 --> 00:29:40,241
Speaker 4: In my time.

606
00:29:40,721 --> 00:29:44,281
Speaker 5: I one hundred percent put my hand up. I'm more

607
00:29:45,001 --> 00:29:47,481
Speaker 5: not so much from a physical but definitely a verbally

608
00:29:48,561 --> 00:29:54,240
Speaker 5: abusive Yep, I am guilty one put my hand up

609
00:29:54,361 --> 00:29:58,720
Speaker 5: forward of these things in the past. And so that,

610
00:29:59,241 --> 00:30:03,441
Speaker 5: like you talk about, you know, was that the way

611
00:30:03,481 --> 00:30:07,281
Speaker 5: you think that that's how it was, Well, I think

612
00:30:07,401 --> 00:30:10,761
Speaker 5: you know, as a man now, fucking definitely not. It's

613
00:30:10,761 --> 00:30:13,921
Speaker 5: not not the way it is. But not that I'm

614
00:30:13,961 --> 00:30:18,081
Speaker 5: excusing my past actions and abuse that I have you know,

615
00:30:18,761 --> 00:30:21,441
Speaker 5: been guilty of in relationships.

616
00:30:21,481 --> 00:30:23,921
Speaker 4: But it's fucking it's a.

617
00:30:23,921 --> 00:30:27,121
Speaker 5: Tough, tough and a very fine line when you're that

618
00:30:27,561 --> 00:30:31,200
Speaker 5: young person and this is what you're seeing, this is

619
00:30:31,241 --> 00:30:32,801
Speaker 5: what your feelings is what you're hearing.

620
00:30:36,041 --> 00:30:39,121
Speaker 1: It takes, It takes a really a really strong man

621
00:30:39,161 --> 00:30:43,281
Speaker 1: to own that cinea and you obviously it's powerful that

622
00:30:43,321 --> 00:30:46,041
Speaker 1: you own it. And I was the same mate I

623
00:30:46,161 --> 00:30:50,041
Speaker 1: became later on in life exactly the that I hate it.

624
00:30:50,521 --> 00:30:55,601
Speaker 4: Yeah, the person I swore i'd never been, never become man. Yeah, ever,

625
00:30:56,561 --> 00:30:59,241
Speaker 4: I definitely had walked that past, mate.

626
00:30:59,281 --> 00:31:02,841
Speaker 1: It's crazy how how it happens. But yeah, look on

627
00:31:02,921 --> 00:31:07,000
Speaker 1: that night, you know when he came in, was going

628
00:31:07,081 --> 00:31:10,200
Speaker 1: to kill Mom and I you know, for one reason

629
00:31:10,241 --> 00:31:14,001
Speaker 1: or another, he didn't, thankfully, but he did kill someone

630
00:31:14,041 --> 00:31:17,841
Speaker 1: else that night, and he did know Yeah when killed

631
00:31:17,881 --> 00:31:20,401
Speaker 1: went and killed a fellow at a party that stabbed

632
00:31:20,481 --> 00:31:24,441
Speaker 1: him to death and you know, really brutal to mate.

633
00:31:24,441 --> 00:31:27,281
Speaker 1: You know, when they went to dispose of his body,

634
00:31:27,401 --> 00:31:30,121
Speaker 1: they couldn't extract his teeth, so they cut his head off.

635
00:31:31,601 --> 00:31:37,601
Speaker 4: And so just just you and your beautiful mom could

636
00:31:37,641 --> 00:31:41,281
Speaker 4: have been those you could no longer be here. It

637
00:31:41,281 --> 00:31:44,240
Speaker 4: could have been you both stabbed to death by this person.

638
00:31:44,721 --> 00:31:46,881
Speaker 1: It should have it should have been us that night,

639
00:31:46,961 --> 00:31:49,200
Speaker 1: because he was hell bent on taking both of our

640
00:31:49,281 --> 00:31:53,761
Speaker 1: lives because we'd run again. And you know, mate, back

641
00:31:53,801 --> 00:31:55,841
Speaker 1: in there those days, you know you'd hear that happening

642
00:31:55,921 --> 00:31:58,001
Speaker 1: through the paper thin house, Our walls, but no whan

643
00:31:58,041 --> 00:31:59,881
Speaker 1: I jump in your mind your own business, you.

644
00:31:59,801 --> 00:32:05,240
Speaker 5: Know, absolutely absolutely, but just for a second to that

645
00:32:05,441 --> 00:32:08,921
Speaker 5: just hit really hard when you said that that another

646
00:32:08,961 --> 00:32:11,321
Speaker 5: person lost their lives after this particular.

647
00:32:12,841 --> 00:32:17,240
Speaker 1: Yeah, I shouldn't be I shouldn't be here, you know,

648
00:32:18,201 --> 00:32:20,601
Speaker 1: neither should mum. But by God's grace, you know, and

649
00:32:20,601 --> 00:32:24,121
Speaker 1: I'm not. I'm not a particularly I've got faith. I

650
00:32:24,201 --> 00:32:27,681
Speaker 1: believe in there's a high power, definitely, but by some

651
00:32:27,801 --> 00:32:32,481
Speaker 1: grace we still are. And you know, I share that. Yeah,

652
00:32:33,081 --> 00:32:35,921
Speaker 1: it's crazy, man. I share the article in the paper

653
00:32:35,921 --> 00:32:37,761
Speaker 1: from when he was sentenced when I tell my story,

654
00:32:37,801 --> 00:32:40,041
Speaker 1: because I run a PowerPoint behind this so people can

655
00:32:40,081 --> 00:32:41,961
Speaker 1: see what my mum looked like, what my real dad

656
00:32:41,961 --> 00:32:44,361
Speaker 1: looked like. And you know, I like the people to connect.

657
00:32:44,361 --> 00:32:46,441
Speaker 1: And I share that article and when they were sentenced,

658
00:32:46,481 --> 00:32:50,720
Speaker 1: you know. And and at the very last line of

659
00:32:50,721 --> 00:32:56,841
Speaker 1: the article, mate, that the judge says that the perpetrator

660
00:32:59,081 --> 00:33:03,121
Speaker 1: showed remorse and the attack was not premeditated.

661
00:33:03,761 --> 00:33:05,521
Speaker 5: And I always think to myself, I had a fucking

662
00:33:05,601 --> 00:33:07,121
Speaker 5: killings pre before I even got there.

663
00:33:07,841 --> 00:33:10,441
Speaker 1: Crazy, siem. I've got to laugh about it now, mate.

664
00:33:10,241 --> 00:33:12,641
Speaker 4: Because sorry, but fuck, are you kidding?

665
00:33:12,681 --> 00:33:16,881
Speaker 1: Me, mate, unbelievable. Mate, you know that, And I think

666
00:33:16,921 --> 00:33:19,841
Speaker 1: you always think to myself. You know, if I was

667
00:33:19,881 --> 00:33:21,921
Speaker 1: in that court room as a five year old when

668
00:33:22,241 --> 00:33:24,720
Speaker 1: that happened, I would have said to the judge, fucking

669
00:33:24,801 --> 00:33:28,041
Speaker 1: come and spend fucking thirty seconds at our house. At

670
00:33:28,081 --> 00:33:30,961
Speaker 1: this cut. He was not capable of remorse. But you know, mate,

671
00:33:31,121 --> 00:33:33,321
Speaker 1: people are banging on in the court room, they punched,

672
00:33:33,321 --> 00:33:36,921
Speaker 1: the crocodile tears out and you know, poor mum.

673
00:33:37,001 --> 00:33:39,801
Speaker 4: But here in that scene, and you too, bro, you

674
00:33:40,001 --> 00:33:42,041
Speaker 4: like it's more.

675
00:33:42,481 --> 00:33:46,161
Speaker 5: I'm just taking that moment and visualizing, you know, a

676
00:33:46,201 --> 00:33:48,881
Speaker 5: young woman with a young child who's just been to

677
00:33:48,881 --> 00:33:53,881
Speaker 5: the hell hell there's another word for it, and the one,

678
00:33:53,921 --> 00:33:58,681
Speaker 5: I guess moment where she must feel maybe safe seeing

679
00:33:58,801 --> 00:34:01,401
Speaker 5: him in custody, knowing that he's.

680
00:34:01,241 --> 00:34:04,081
Speaker 4: Going away for a long time. Yeah, you know, for

681
00:34:04,481 --> 00:34:06,401
Speaker 4: what she endured and you endured.

682
00:34:06,761 --> 00:34:09,801
Speaker 5: And that's sadly that somebody else's life was taken because

683
00:34:09,801 --> 00:34:13,081
Speaker 5: of this man's actions. But then that's a slack in

684
00:34:13,121 --> 00:34:15,961
Speaker 5: the face to hear he's remorseful.

685
00:34:16,041 --> 00:34:19,801
Speaker 1: And you know, I hadn't been premeditated, but this me

686
00:34:19,921 --> 00:34:22,201
Speaker 1: used to carry a knife on him at all times.

687
00:34:22,281 --> 00:34:23,961
Speaker 1: And say how how was.

688
00:34:24,201 --> 00:34:26,681
Speaker 4: He drug affected? Like was in an addict? Was?

689
00:34:26,961 --> 00:34:31,081
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, he was. He had a big speed and

690
00:34:31,121 --> 00:34:35,481
Speaker 1: heroine habit, and all these mates were all all like

691
00:34:35,601 --> 00:34:38,281
Speaker 1: that as well, you know what I mean. So that

692
00:34:38,281 --> 00:34:41,041
Speaker 1: that was what surrounded us at that time. But you know,

693
00:34:41,081 --> 00:34:44,361
Speaker 1: it's funny because my much like you say, how much

694
00:34:44,601 --> 00:34:47,480
Speaker 1: how reformed your old boy is now my real dad.

695
00:34:47,801 --> 00:34:52,401
Speaker 1: I love my real dad. But when he would come

696
00:34:52,441 --> 00:34:55,161
Speaker 1: to see us and more kids, this is how gutless

697
00:34:55,161 --> 00:34:57,321
Speaker 1: this other boat was when I was a kid, I

698
00:34:57,361 --> 00:35:02,201
Speaker 1: should say. He would say to my mum. He'd hide

699
00:35:02,281 --> 00:35:06,121
Speaker 1: under the bed and say, don't don't others. He's got

700
00:35:06,121 --> 00:35:08,481
Speaker 1: a real nose feel it. But the whole world caused him.

701
00:35:08,481 --> 00:35:11,121
Speaker 1: Buck's I don't tell Buck, don't tell Buck I'm here.

702
00:35:11,121 --> 00:35:13,641
Speaker 1: Don't tell Buck I'm here. And he'd hide under the bed.

703
00:35:13,801 --> 00:35:16,201
Speaker 1: But he'd also say to us, if you tell him, mum,

704
00:35:16,241 --> 00:35:19,001
Speaker 1: and if you tell him what's happening here in his house,

705
00:35:19,321 --> 00:35:21,401
Speaker 1: it'd be worse when he leaves. So you know, we'd

706
00:35:21,401 --> 00:35:23,481
Speaker 1: sit there in silence, And did.

707
00:35:23,361 --> 00:35:26,881
Speaker 5: Your dad not truly know the depths of what was

708
00:35:26,961 --> 00:35:29,201
Speaker 5: going on in the home for your mum? I mean

709
00:35:29,241 --> 00:35:33,841
Speaker 5: obviously they're separated and you know what have you. But okay,

710
00:35:33,881 --> 00:35:36,241
Speaker 5: for me, my oldest son, or any of my kids

711
00:35:36,241 --> 00:35:39,401
Speaker 5: separated to their mother, if I ever found out that

712
00:35:39,721 --> 00:35:44,281
Speaker 5: anything like that occuld, I would still go and protect

713
00:35:44,321 --> 00:35:48,281
Speaker 5: their mum. I would still I would whatever I had

714
00:35:48,321 --> 00:35:52,481
Speaker 5: to do do for my children's mum and for their

715
00:35:52,521 --> 00:35:56,681
Speaker 5: safety obviously. But he must surely he mustn't have known

716
00:35:56,721 --> 00:35:57,201
Speaker 5: the truth.

717
00:35:57,681 --> 00:36:00,841
Speaker 1: It would have been probably if I can remember the time, mate,

718
00:36:00,841 --> 00:36:02,681
Speaker 1: probably would have been dressed up in track he's in

719
00:36:02,761 --> 00:36:04,761
Speaker 1: a jumper to cover up all the marks. And that

720
00:36:05,441 --> 00:36:08,241
Speaker 1: it was only a couple of days ago that Mum

721
00:36:08,281 --> 00:36:10,641
Speaker 1: actually said to me. She goes, I just want you

722
00:36:10,681 --> 00:36:13,041
Speaker 1: to know that your dad did because I held a

723
00:36:13,041 --> 00:36:16,241
Speaker 1: lot of resenting my dad to what are your yeah,

724
00:36:16,281 --> 00:36:16,961
Speaker 1: come on men like you?

725
00:36:17,161 --> 00:36:17,401
Speaker 4: Is it?

726
00:36:17,561 --> 00:36:19,361
Speaker 1: Well? I mean it's pretty tough cunt. And I was like,

727
00:36:19,361 --> 00:36:21,480
Speaker 1: what didn't you save us? You know what I mean?

728
00:36:21,961 --> 00:36:24,241
Speaker 1: But Mum said to me just this week, you know,

729
00:36:24,521 --> 00:36:27,401
Speaker 1: she said, you know, I want you to know that

730
00:36:27,441 --> 00:36:30,480
Speaker 1: there was one particular time that your dad did say

731
00:36:31,281 --> 00:36:32,721
Speaker 1: is he hitting you? And is he hitting you? In

732
00:36:32,721 --> 00:36:35,081
Speaker 1: front of Daryl? And and Mum goes, I buried it

733
00:36:35,321 --> 00:36:36,601
Speaker 1: I buried it said.

734
00:36:36,401 --> 00:36:40,081
Speaker 5: No, do you think that she may have also not

735
00:36:40,121 --> 00:36:43,921
Speaker 5: only to protect you, but to protect your dad for

736
00:36:44,081 --> 00:36:47,121
Speaker 5: maybe what he would have done knowing the truth.

737
00:36:47,521 --> 00:36:50,361
Speaker 1: Yeah, probably, I think, I think, you know, And it's

738
00:36:50,401 --> 00:36:53,440
Speaker 1: a you know, it's a crazy old old story, this one,

739
00:36:53,521 --> 00:36:56,721
Speaker 1: because after he went away, you know, and it made

740
00:36:56,721 --> 00:36:59,361
Speaker 1: it didn't even I say. It's easy for me to say, mate,

741
00:36:59,361 --> 00:37:01,241
Speaker 1: because I haven't done jail, so it's easy for me

742
00:37:01,281 --> 00:37:03,281
Speaker 1: to look back and go, well, that's not much jail,

743
00:37:03,361 --> 00:37:07,121
Speaker 1: you know. But he got nine on the top for manslaughter,

744
00:37:08,961 --> 00:37:10,521
Speaker 1: and I think to myself.

745
00:37:10,561 --> 00:37:13,361
Speaker 4: This particular person, yeah, yeah, and.

746
00:37:13,441 --> 00:37:17,441
Speaker 1: Manslaughter played it down to manslaughter he got nine and

747
00:37:17,641 --> 00:37:22,121
Speaker 1: his co he got four. So myself, mate, you know,

748
00:37:22,241 --> 00:37:24,881
Speaker 1: when I come around to my part in this story too,

749
00:37:24,921 --> 00:37:27,361
Speaker 1: some of the biggest sentence I was ever facing was

750
00:37:27,401 --> 00:37:30,681
Speaker 1: ten and I think I was looking at more than

751
00:37:31,081 --> 00:37:34,841
Speaker 1: you guys in his fucking you guys killed some poor bastard,

752
00:37:35,601 --> 00:37:38,960
Speaker 1: you know what I mean. And funny how the justice

753
00:37:39,001 --> 00:37:41,641
Speaker 1: system works, mate. But after he went away, my mum,

754
00:37:42,281 --> 00:37:44,440
Speaker 1: you know, you think to yourself, she met my dad

755
00:37:44,481 --> 00:37:46,761
Speaker 1: and he probably wasn't the best choice, but at least

756
00:37:46,761 --> 00:37:49,761
Speaker 1: he wasn't abusive, your age wasn't And she's met this

757
00:37:49,881 --> 00:37:53,081
Speaker 1: other dog and you think she's probably not on a

758
00:37:53,081 --> 00:37:56,561
Speaker 1: great trajectory here. But she met my stepdad and he's

759
00:37:56,561 --> 00:37:59,641
Speaker 1: been passed away almost eight years now, and he was

760
00:37:59,681 --> 00:38:05,401
Speaker 1: a beautiful man. You know, he was the most kind, compassionate, erring,

761
00:38:05,521 --> 00:38:08,440
Speaker 1: loving belly you'd ever hoped to meet, and staunch made.

762
00:38:08,481 --> 00:38:11,241
Speaker 1: He was ten years older than mum and his family

763
00:38:11,441 --> 00:38:14,081
Speaker 1: out pretty well to do, and they said to him, mate, listen,

764
00:38:14,121 --> 00:38:17,561
Speaker 1: you've met someone because from that last horrific assault in

765
00:38:17,601 --> 00:38:20,001
Speaker 1: the bathtub, sim of my mom actually became pregnant. She

766
00:38:20,041 --> 00:38:23,161
Speaker 1: gave birth to a little daughter nine months later. So

767
00:38:23,361 --> 00:38:27,121
Speaker 1: my stepdad as mate, he's talk about running the ball

768
00:38:27,201 --> 00:38:29,681
Speaker 1: up for a family, to be a family man. He's

769
00:38:29,721 --> 00:38:33,121
Speaker 1: met a chick that was ten years younger than him.

770
00:38:33,281 --> 00:38:36,881
Speaker 1: Still in this is still in the eighties. One kid's

771
00:38:37,041 --> 00:38:41,561
Speaker 1: father is you know, often whatever he does, mate, right

772
00:38:41,641 --> 00:38:44,521
Speaker 1: to two wheels and freedom. Mate, I think you get

773
00:38:44,561 --> 00:38:49,000
Speaker 1: me drifted. And she's got another kid to a bloke

774
00:38:49,041 --> 00:38:52,041
Speaker 1: who's doing a sentence for murder, like, probably not a

775
00:38:52,081 --> 00:38:55,641
Speaker 1: good choice for your future wife. And so my stepdad

776
00:38:55,721 --> 00:38:57,201
Speaker 1: made he had a pride and joy. He had a

777
00:38:57,241 --> 00:38:59,521
Speaker 1: speed Boddy went and sult that paid for a wedding

778
00:38:59,561 --> 00:39:03,361
Speaker 1: with it, married her mate and he was amazing. And

779
00:39:03,401 --> 00:39:06,161
Speaker 1: so from the ages of five to nine we had

780
00:39:06,161 --> 00:39:10,321
Speaker 1: this amazing life, you know. And then I've got another brother, Nick,

781
00:39:10,761 --> 00:39:13,001
Speaker 1: My brother Nick and I were really closet because mum

782
00:39:13,041 --> 00:39:17,041
Speaker 1: and my stepdad had another son after that together and

783
00:39:17,241 --> 00:39:19,001
Speaker 1: I had this great life. Mate. We go on family

784
00:39:19,041 --> 00:39:21,841
Speaker 1: holidays and do things. I had so had all that

785
00:39:21,921 --> 00:39:24,721
Speaker 1: chram in my head, but it was it was overshadowed

786
00:39:24,721 --> 00:39:26,961
Speaker 1: by the love that my stepdad brought into that family.

787
00:39:28,161 --> 00:39:30,881
Speaker 1: Oh fuck man, he was incredible, mate, and it was

788
00:39:30,921 --> 00:39:33,801
Speaker 1: just the best best fella ever man. And then you

789
00:39:34,481 --> 00:39:36,601
Speaker 1: dismissed him so much, mate, every day, and then he

790
00:39:38,201 --> 00:39:41,041
Speaker 1: You know what happened though, was I started to watch

791
00:39:41,041 --> 00:39:42,801
Speaker 1: the eight or nine years old you start to pay

792
00:39:42,801 --> 00:39:45,801
Speaker 1: attention to things. I started to, you know, see my

793
00:39:45,881 --> 00:39:49,561
Speaker 1: mom start to heal and she's getting therapy and she

794
00:39:49,641 --> 00:39:53,841
Speaker 1: went back to Union and became a social worker, and

795
00:39:53,881 --> 00:39:57,000
Speaker 1: she sort of started to, you know, get this love

796
00:39:57,041 --> 00:39:59,481
Speaker 1: from my stepdad that was so pure and it wasn't

797
00:39:59,481 --> 00:40:02,201
Speaker 1: built on fear and power and control and violence. And

798
00:40:03,641 --> 00:40:05,521
Speaker 1: I started to get a little bit angry, mate, not

799
00:40:05,561 --> 00:40:08,721
Speaker 1: because she was healing, because that's all I wanted for

800
00:40:08,881 --> 00:40:11,121
Speaker 1: my mum, but because no one was talking to me

801
00:40:11,201 --> 00:40:13,721
Speaker 1: about what happened to me. So around the age of

802
00:40:14,081 --> 00:40:16,881
Speaker 1: nine or ten, I started to become really sort of

803
00:40:16,921 --> 00:40:20,481
Speaker 1: resentful and a bit lost and really angry and started

804
00:40:20,481 --> 00:40:22,321
Speaker 1: the play up at school and things like that. And

805
00:40:23,441 --> 00:40:25,761
Speaker 1: the ultimate thing for me around that time that sort

806
00:40:25,801 --> 00:40:27,801
Speaker 1: of really messed me up, though, was I found a

807
00:40:27,881 --> 00:40:32,281
Speaker 1: bit of paperwork that had So I found this paperwork

808
00:40:32,321 --> 00:40:33,841
Speaker 1: and I read it. So what my mum had done

809
00:40:34,001 --> 00:40:37,721
Speaker 1: is while my sister's biological father was in custody, she

810
00:40:37,881 --> 00:40:41,841
Speaker 1: got my stepdad to adopt her legally, so nice, which

811
00:40:41,881 --> 00:40:44,761
Speaker 1: is amazing, fuck so good mate, so she could have

812
00:40:44,801 --> 00:40:48,281
Speaker 1: his last name. But you know, you've got to remember,

813
00:40:48,361 --> 00:40:53,440
Speaker 1: you know, so we've got this mom, dad, me, my sister,

814
00:40:53,601 --> 00:40:55,721
Speaker 1: my brother, and then so you've got mom and dad,

815
00:40:55,921 --> 00:40:57,801
Speaker 1: my little brother and my little sister have all got

816
00:40:57,801 --> 00:41:01,000
Speaker 1: this same last name. But I'm over here like that still,

817
00:41:01,041 --> 00:41:03,681
Speaker 1: this kid, feeling like, well, how come I couldn't get

818
00:41:03,721 --> 00:41:05,761
Speaker 1: that as well? You know that's known on my old boy.

819
00:41:05,761 --> 00:41:08,641
Speaker 1: I love my old man, But how come I couldn't

820
00:41:09,041 --> 00:41:10,961
Speaker 1: have what was I not good enough to have that

821
00:41:11,041 --> 00:41:13,121
Speaker 1: last name as well? Why did I get left out?

822
00:41:13,161 --> 00:41:15,841
Speaker 1: And I thought what can I do to prove that?

823
00:41:16,321 --> 00:41:18,721
Speaker 1: And also is anyone talking to me about my wreck

824
00:41:18,761 --> 00:41:21,281
Speaker 1: of a childhood? You know, no one's healing me. You're

825
00:41:21,321 --> 00:41:22,921
Speaker 1: just sort of way are you in the corner? Mate?

826
00:41:23,201 --> 00:41:23,761
Speaker 1: Do your best?

827
00:41:23,801 --> 00:41:24,001
Speaker 3: You know?

828
00:41:24,841 --> 00:41:26,841
Speaker 1: So I made the news will resonate with you sims

829
00:41:26,881 --> 00:41:30,401
Speaker 1: around nine or ten mate? Or it was just angry, lost, confused,

830
00:41:30,441 --> 00:41:32,201
Speaker 1: made or jumped on me push you one day after

831
00:41:32,241 --> 00:41:34,480
Speaker 1: school and rode and I didn't know where I was going,

832
00:41:34,521 --> 00:41:36,561
Speaker 1: but I finished up with the PC YC down in

833
00:41:36,601 --> 00:41:38,961
Speaker 1: Aubury and as we're a ten year old boy that

834
00:41:39,121 --> 00:41:43,161
Speaker 1: was so displaced if you're like, walked through the doors

835
00:41:43,201 --> 00:41:45,401
Speaker 1: there made I found boxing and I just thought, well,

836
00:41:45,481 --> 00:41:47,641
Speaker 1: this is it for me. You know, I love this sport.

837
00:41:47,721 --> 00:41:49,440
Speaker 1: I fell in love with it straight away. We didn't

838
00:41:49,441 --> 00:41:52,161
Speaker 1: have much money. I think it was two bucks to

839
00:41:52,241 --> 00:41:54,641
Speaker 1: join back then, and you know you had a pile

840
00:41:54,681 --> 00:41:56,961
Speaker 1: of gloves sea you could use, and so I started

841
00:41:57,001 --> 00:41:59,481
Speaker 1: to tip everything into boxing. Sim I would go every

842
00:41:59,561 --> 00:42:01,641
Speaker 1: day after school. I'd ride my bike proably about eight

843
00:42:01,721 --> 00:42:03,401
Speaker 1: or nine k round trip. And you think now you'd

844
00:42:03,401 --> 00:42:06,841
Speaker 1: never let you know, And how kid do that? But

845
00:42:06,161 --> 00:42:08,641
Speaker 1: my stepdad was a truck you say, he was away

846
00:42:08,681 --> 00:42:11,201
Speaker 1: a lot, He wasn't around. So Mom's way pretty happy

847
00:42:11,241 --> 00:42:14,721
Speaker 1: for me to go on the bike after school and outside,

848
00:42:14,761 --> 00:42:15,521
Speaker 1: out of mind.

849
00:42:15,321 --> 00:42:17,601
Speaker 4: And in a positive way too.

850
00:42:18,121 --> 00:42:20,761
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's right. You know, that's it. And you know

851
00:42:20,921 --> 00:42:23,960
Speaker 1: I saw that this all this trauma started to resurface, mate,

852
00:42:23,961 --> 00:42:27,921
Speaker 1: and I'd go down to the video shop and I'd

853
00:42:27,961 --> 00:42:30,801
Speaker 1: always read I'd hire this video, not even a DVD.

854
00:42:30,881 --> 00:42:33,281
Speaker 1: It was called Mike Tyson's Greatest Hids. You've probably seen it,

855
00:42:33,281 --> 00:42:36,681
Speaker 1: and it's got his like twenty best knockouts, but in

856
00:42:36,721 --> 00:42:39,361
Speaker 1: between his twenty best knockouts, they tell the little snippets

857
00:42:39,401 --> 00:42:41,041
Speaker 1: of his life. And I started to resonate with that,

858
00:42:41,121 --> 00:42:43,041
Speaker 1: and I thought, well, he's used boxing as a vehicle

859
00:42:43,081 --> 00:42:46,081
Speaker 1: to get himself out of trial, abuse, trail trauma. Maybe

860
00:42:46,121 --> 00:42:47,801
Speaker 1: I can do the same thing. You know. It was funny.

861
00:42:47,801 --> 00:42:49,721
Speaker 1: I'd take that video back to the video shop and

862
00:42:49,721 --> 00:42:51,241
Speaker 1: they go take it off me and give them another

863
00:42:51,241 --> 00:42:52,761
Speaker 1: two bucks at the end of the seven days, and

864
00:42:52,761 --> 00:42:54,681
Speaker 1: I'd take it again, like I just watch it all

865
00:42:54,721 --> 00:42:57,241
Speaker 1: the time. And but what I found was I didn't

866
00:42:57,281 --> 00:42:59,841
Speaker 1: have a custom ato, I didn't have a positive figure

867
00:42:59,841 --> 00:43:01,761
Speaker 1: in my life that could guide me. Have my step dad.

868
00:43:01,841 --> 00:43:03,801
Speaker 1: He was amazing, but he was also raising to other

869
00:43:03,921 --> 00:43:07,201
Speaker 1: kids and hearing my mom and running a truck trucking company.

870
00:43:07,321 --> 00:43:10,001
Speaker 1: So I sort of drifted made and by the age

871
00:43:10,041 --> 00:43:12,321
Speaker 1: of about eleven or twelve or starting a play up,

872
00:43:12,401 --> 00:43:14,440
Speaker 1: I thought, I need to go and live with my dad.

873
00:43:14,481 --> 00:43:16,761
Speaker 1: You know, I'm not really wanted here. I didn't feel

874
00:43:16,801 --> 00:43:18,561
Speaker 1: like I was loved, and I started I started to

875
00:43:18,561 --> 00:43:20,081
Speaker 1: be rough to my mum. I started to raise my

876
00:43:20,121 --> 00:43:21,721
Speaker 1: hand to her, call her a slut all the time,

877
00:43:21,881 --> 00:43:24,801
Speaker 1: swear at her. And because I thought that, you know,

878
00:43:24,921 --> 00:43:27,961
Speaker 1: he is this conditioning of violence being the answer to everything,

879
00:43:28,041 --> 00:43:30,361
Speaker 1: that if I do that, surely she'll give me the

880
00:43:30,361 --> 00:43:31,681
Speaker 1: what I want, She'll let me go and live with

881
00:43:31,721 --> 00:43:33,881
Speaker 1: my dad. And you know, I became so conditioned to

882
00:43:33,921 --> 00:43:37,321
Speaker 1: the fact that, you know, violence not only being the

883
00:43:37,361 --> 00:43:39,440
Speaker 1: answer for everything, but also being a way to show

884
00:43:39,481 --> 00:43:41,961
Speaker 1: that you love someone that I even tried to attack

885
00:43:42,001 --> 00:43:43,881
Speaker 1: my stepdad once just to show him that I loved

886
00:43:43,921 --> 00:43:45,201
Speaker 1: you how much? Because I could, I didn't know how

887
00:43:45,241 --> 00:43:45,721
Speaker 1: to say it.

888
00:43:45,721 --> 00:43:45,881
Speaker 3: You know.

889
00:43:46,521 --> 00:43:50,641
Speaker 1: Yeah, And it was around that time that my We're

890
00:43:50,641 --> 00:43:53,361
Speaker 1: at a family barbecue and my my mom and dad

891
00:43:53,361 --> 00:43:55,601
Speaker 1: were talking about a cousin, a step cousin that had

892
00:43:55,641 --> 00:43:57,801
Speaker 1: been molesting my sister and a couple of the other

893
00:43:58,561 --> 00:44:01,041
Speaker 1: cousins in the family. And I thought, you know, fuck

894
00:44:01,121 --> 00:44:03,201
Speaker 1: this blank. I've seen abuse my whole life. I'm not

895
00:44:03,201 --> 00:44:05,841
Speaker 1: going to have it. And you know, maybe if I

896
00:44:05,921 --> 00:44:09,161
Speaker 1: bash him, then my dad will will give me his

897
00:44:09,241 --> 00:44:11,841
Speaker 1: last name, you know, And because I can prove to

898
00:44:11,921 --> 00:44:14,761
Speaker 1: him that I deserve it, I'll defend the family. And so,

899
00:44:14,881 --> 00:44:18,321
Speaker 1: you know what, I grabbed him, and you know this

900
00:44:18,401 --> 00:44:21,281
Speaker 1: and that, and all of a sudden, you know, because

901
00:44:21,601 --> 00:44:24,601
Speaker 1: the family wanted to keep it within the family a lot,

902
00:44:24,641 --> 00:44:27,201
Speaker 1: They're like, oh no, we won't report him. We you know,

903
00:44:27,281 --> 00:44:30,281
Speaker 1: it's just you know, experimentation. They make excuses, you know,

904
00:44:30,481 --> 00:44:32,761
Speaker 1: or what you know, what happens to pedophiles in jail

905
00:44:32,841 --> 00:44:35,961
Speaker 1: and things like that. And you know, he was older. Man. Look,

906
00:44:36,041 --> 00:44:38,201
Speaker 1: I was forbab about twelve. This idiot was about seventeen

907
00:44:38,201 --> 00:44:40,161
Speaker 1: at that stage, you know what I mean, sixteen seven, eighten.

908
00:44:40,321 --> 00:44:43,321
Speaker 1: Like there's a and so I got made. I got him.

909
00:44:43,321 --> 00:44:46,801
Speaker 1: And you know, the same family that my mum and

910
00:44:46,881 --> 00:44:49,161
Speaker 1: dad didn't want to protect him, mind you, but same

911
00:44:49,201 --> 00:44:51,241
Speaker 1: family that were protecting him were saying, well, you hit

912
00:44:51,321 --> 00:44:54,641
Speaker 1: daryll Us to be charged because of what he's doing,

913
00:44:54,681 --> 00:44:57,601
Speaker 1: you know what I mean, he hurt him and he's

914
00:44:57,601 --> 00:44:58,921
Speaker 1: got to be charged. You know, he's got to go.

915
00:44:58,961 --> 00:45:01,521
Speaker 1: He's uncontrollable, you know. And I sort of never really

916
00:45:01,561 --> 00:45:04,081
Speaker 1: fit into that wider step family, and so all of

917
00:45:04,121 --> 00:45:06,801
Speaker 1: a sudden, no, no, you can't live with your dad

918
00:45:06,841 --> 00:45:09,001
Speaker 1: became yes, yes, yes, and like, fuck, you've got to

919
00:45:09,041 --> 00:45:11,641
Speaker 1: go asap, you know. So I think I was putting

920
00:45:11,641 --> 00:45:15,201
Speaker 1: a ripples in the family. And so then mate, the

921
00:45:15,321 --> 00:45:18,201
Speaker 1: thirteen comes along, and you know, Dad comes to collect me.

922
00:45:18,281 --> 00:45:21,521
Speaker 1: And I knew my dad, but not very well. And

923
00:45:21,961 --> 00:45:24,641
Speaker 1: remember I was terrifying about going to live with him

924
00:45:24,681 --> 00:45:26,681
Speaker 1: because I was leaving behind everything I knew. But if

925
00:45:26,681 --> 00:45:30,321
Speaker 1: anyone said that you're scared because men how weakrew up?

926
00:45:30,361 --> 00:45:30,481
Speaker 5: Mate?

927
00:45:30,481 --> 00:45:34,241
Speaker 1: You didn't talk about feelings ever. You know, they say no,

928
00:45:34,361 --> 00:45:35,921
Speaker 1: I can't wait, you know, I can't wait to go

929
00:45:35,961 --> 00:45:37,921
Speaker 1: and live with him. And you know, I thought he

930
00:45:38,001 --> 00:45:40,041
Speaker 1: was going to have this reason that he'd been missing

931
00:45:40,041 --> 00:45:42,681
Speaker 1: my whole life, you know, maybe working away somewhere, maybe

932
00:45:42,681 --> 00:45:45,121
Speaker 1: he was in I don't know, bloody witness protection, who knows,

933
00:45:45,201 --> 00:45:52,921
Speaker 1: maybe missing for that long. I still remember him going

934
00:45:53,001 --> 00:45:56,961
Speaker 1: to collect me and he didn't. I didn't even acknowledge anyone. Ah.

935
00:45:57,201 --> 00:46:00,401
Speaker 1: And which is really funny because later on in life

936
00:46:00,441 --> 00:46:02,921
Speaker 1: him and my stepdad became really close mates, which was

937
00:46:02,961 --> 00:46:06,441
Speaker 1: pretty cool. But I got in this yete with him

938
00:46:06,441 --> 00:46:08,081
Speaker 1: and I had a little bag and I chucked it

939
00:46:08,081 --> 00:46:10,201
Speaker 1: in the back and I thought, we'll go back out

940
00:46:10,201 --> 00:46:12,321
Speaker 1: to where you live, and you know, we'll break bread

941
00:46:12,361 --> 00:46:15,321
Speaker 1: and talk about not the thirteen years we'd lost, but

942
00:46:15,401 --> 00:46:18,001
Speaker 1: we'll talk about the next thirteen. You know, become father

943
00:46:18,041 --> 00:46:19,841
Speaker 1: and son. You're fucking bond. You know, we missed so

944
00:46:19,921 --> 00:46:22,961
Speaker 1: much time and gas. That's where the trajectory of victim

945
00:46:23,001 --> 00:46:26,841
Speaker 1: turns into offender simo. Because the first, you know night,

946
00:46:26,881 --> 00:46:29,561
Speaker 1: as we're heading back out to my dad's, you know,

947
00:46:29,641 --> 00:46:31,521
Speaker 1: it was Hi. That's about thirty minutes away from the

948
00:46:31,561 --> 00:46:33,761
Speaker 1: town where I lived with mum, And we took like

949
00:46:33,801 --> 00:46:37,001
Speaker 1: a turn about five ten minutes out of town, and mate, look,

950
00:46:37,281 --> 00:46:39,321
Speaker 1: you know, I don't throw anyone under the bus or

951
00:46:39,361 --> 00:46:41,321
Speaker 1: anything like that. But we finished up at a at

952
00:46:41,361 --> 00:46:45,441
Speaker 1: a you know, an environment that was very, very fun

953
00:46:45,641 --> 00:46:48,241
Speaker 1: and environment you'd be very familiar with.

954
00:46:48,321 --> 00:46:52,921
Speaker 6: But an environment that we call it church church, yes,

955
00:46:53,281 --> 00:46:56,721
Speaker 6: that wasn't wasn't suitable for a thirteen year old boy

956
00:46:56,721 --> 00:46:58,801
Speaker 6: that was angry or didn't know where he.

957
00:46:58,801 --> 00:47:01,521
Speaker 1: Was back then and didn't know what.

958
00:47:01,681 --> 00:47:05,241
Speaker 4: Time, to be honest, But back then it was yeah.

959
00:47:05,241 --> 00:47:07,201
Speaker 1: Yeah, and didn't mate, already know what it was like

960
00:47:07,241 --> 00:47:08,961
Speaker 1: to be what it took to be a man. I

961
00:47:08,961 --> 00:47:11,441
Speaker 1: had this idea of the men just being violent all

962
00:47:11,441 --> 00:47:14,561
Speaker 1: the time, and that probably solidified. There was some fucking

963
00:47:14,761 --> 00:47:18,521
Speaker 1: great fellas that were at church. But going in there

964
00:47:18,561 --> 00:47:21,401
Speaker 1: as a thirteen year old destined to you know, determined,

965
00:47:21,401 --> 00:47:22,601
Speaker 1: I should say, to prove it been.

966
00:47:22,561 --> 00:47:23,841
Speaker 4: Some interesting service there.

967
00:47:23,881 --> 00:47:28,121
Speaker 1: I'm sure there was, mate, there was it. They didn't

968
00:47:28,161 --> 00:47:32,001
Speaker 1: have red wine, mate, they all danger with Jack Daniels. Mate,

969
00:47:32,041 --> 00:47:36,561
Speaker 1: it's a sprinkle. But you know what, that was the

970
00:47:36,601 --> 00:47:38,361
Speaker 1: start of my love affair, mate. I had this love

971
00:47:38,361 --> 00:47:40,281
Speaker 1: affair with boxing that started when I was ten. But

972
00:47:40,321 --> 00:47:42,201
Speaker 1: I had this love affair from that first night at

973
00:47:42,281 --> 00:47:46,361
Speaker 1: church with Harley Davis's mate but still fuck now today

974
00:47:46,801 --> 00:47:50,201
Speaker 1: love you know, But mate, on that first night, I thought,

975
00:47:50,321 --> 00:47:51,921
Speaker 1: you know, I've got to prove myself because me old

976
00:47:51,921 --> 00:47:54,041
Speaker 1: boys so hadn't spoken to me, you know, it's been

977
00:47:54,241 --> 00:47:57,561
Speaker 1: twenty five thirty minutes, and thought I need to prove myself.

978
00:47:57,561 --> 00:47:59,881
Speaker 1: And you know he said to me, you know, led

979
00:47:59,921 --> 00:48:01,721
Speaker 1: on that I was in his world and I needed

980
00:48:01,761 --> 00:48:03,601
Speaker 1: to prove the fucking embarrass me in here, and so

981
00:48:03,721 --> 00:48:07,561
Speaker 1: on and so forth. So I've challenged one of the

982
00:48:07,601 --> 00:48:09,601
Speaker 1: fellas in there to a game of pool. Never played

983
00:48:09,601 --> 00:48:11,481
Speaker 1: pool in my life. No business Eve was speaking to,

984
00:48:11,881 --> 00:48:15,081
Speaker 1: you know, someone of that seniority within the church. And

985
00:48:17,121 --> 00:48:20,761
Speaker 1: I've but fuck, I've got to do something here, and

986
00:48:21,161 --> 00:48:24,041
Speaker 1: you know, I've lost the game of pool. And the

987
00:48:24,121 --> 00:48:26,681
Speaker 1: bike said to me, you know, you've either got to

988
00:48:26,681 --> 00:48:28,561
Speaker 1: fight me or give me a fucking blowy now. And

989
00:48:29,961 --> 00:48:33,521
Speaker 1: you know that was that. That was my introduction, made

990
00:48:33,521 --> 00:48:35,801
Speaker 1: in all seriousness, So like, all right, this is where

991
00:48:35,841 --> 00:48:38,041
Speaker 1: you're at now, this is you're in a violent world now,

992
00:48:38,081 --> 00:48:40,241
Speaker 1: and you're going to have to become violent to survive.

993
00:48:40,401 --> 00:48:43,921
Speaker 1: And you know, I love my father dearly. I've said

994
00:48:43,921 --> 00:48:45,921
Speaker 1: that a few times mate. But the next four years

995
00:48:45,961 --> 00:48:48,961
Speaker 1: we're just fucking chaos and lot we were buttered heads

996
00:48:48,961 --> 00:48:51,761
Speaker 1: at every chance we've got. I don't know whether how

997
00:48:52,081 --> 00:48:54,281
Speaker 1: either of us knew how to talk about the past

998
00:48:54,321 --> 00:48:57,081
Speaker 1: fourteen years. And you know I saw things that I

999
00:48:57,081 --> 00:48:59,481
Speaker 1: should never have had been any business scene, was involved

1000
00:48:59,521 --> 00:49:01,561
Speaker 1: in things I had no business bran involved in. And

1001
00:49:02,081 --> 00:49:04,521
Speaker 1: you know I began to more and more and more

1002
00:49:04,601 --> 00:49:07,201
Speaker 1: get that idea in my head that you know, violence

1003
00:49:07,281 --> 00:49:09,921
Speaker 1: is the key to everything, and you know you don't

1004
00:49:09,961 --> 00:49:12,521
Speaker 1: be vulnerable to happy week. That'd be a fucking week

1005
00:49:12,561 --> 00:49:15,681
Speaker 1: hunt because if you're if you're violent, you use violence

1006
00:49:15,681 --> 00:49:17,761
Speaker 1: and intimidation, you'll have you'll get respect.

1007
00:49:17,801 --> 00:49:21,281
Speaker 5: And Yeah, isn't that funny that word respect comes from

1008
00:49:21,361 --> 00:49:25,241
Speaker 5: dominance and violence the one thing that you you feared

1009
00:49:25,281 --> 00:49:27,401
Speaker 5: and hated but knew that it was the only way

1010
00:49:27,441 --> 00:49:31,361
Speaker 5: you could survive. And it wasn't about respect or you

1011
00:49:31,401 --> 00:49:33,521
Speaker 5: were doing was trying to live and protect your mum.

1012
00:49:35,081 --> 00:49:37,321
Speaker 1: It's all we're doing, mate, was just all I was doing,

1013
00:49:37,401 --> 00:49:40,721
Speaker 1: just trying to survive. Yeah, live every day, mate, or

1014
00:49:40,761 --> 00:49:44,881
Speaker 1: had some like I hadn't mad times with my old

1015
00:49:44,921 --> 00:49:48,001
Speaker 1: man like you probably remember the old Broadford down at Melbourne.

1016
00:49:48,601 --> 00:49:52,001
Speaker 1: You know, me and my boy travel four or five

1017
00:49:52,041 --> 00:49:56,121
Speaker 1: hours up the highway and I would you old h

1018
00:49:57,241 --> 00:50:00,641
Speaker 1: X panel van mate to Broadford every year and I

1019
00:50:01,321 --> 00:50:03,481
Speaker 1: loved it. It was fucking great, you know, but I

1020
00:50:03,601 --> 00:50:06,201
Speaker 1: skinned around other men that I was thinking, again, this

1021
00:50:06,241 --> 00:50:08,241
Speaker 1: is my idea of a man's life.

1022
00:50:08,241 --> 00:50:09,881
Speaker 4: That was a wild camp out.

1023
00:50:09,921 --> 00:50:13,041
Speaker 5: Those ones mane they were they were just like I

1024
00:50:13,081 --> 00:50:16,361
Speaker 5: think there's a oh you're relate and probably a few

1025
00:50:16,361 --> 00:50:21,281
Speaker 5: people know these, but the original OG members of you know,

1026
00:50:21,321 --> 00:50:23,801
Speaker 5: would wear the same old jeans.

1027
00:50:24,121 --> 00:50:28,881
Speaker 4: They never ever was a particular club that I was with.

1028
00:50:29,681 --> 00:50:32,641
Speaker 4: They were called Ridges like originals.

1029
00:50:33,201 --> 00:50:37,761
Speaker 5: So the old grubby style biker that would go to

1030
00:50:37,841 --> 00:50:42,321
Speaker 5: these events, they would live in these fucking jeans and

1031
00:50:42,921 --> 00:50:48,841
Speaker 5: as they got older, they would never ever not throw

1032
00:50:48,881 --> 00:50:49,321
Speaker 5: them away.

1033
00:50:50,041 --> 00:50:51,881
Speaker 4: They'd put a pair of jeans on and pull the

1034
00:50:51,961 --> 00:50:53,201
Speaker 4: old ones over the top.

1035
00:50:54,001 --> 00:50:56,521
Speaker 5: So over years and years and years and years, they

1036
00:50:56,601 --> 00:51:01,201
Speaker 5: ended up with a pair of Ridges that were the

1037
00:51:01,241 --> 00:51:04,721
Speaker 5: same jeens from twenty years ago that they started in.

1038
00:51:04,721 --> 00:51:08,801
Speaker 5: The that would just freight and torn and and and

1039
00:51:08,841 --> 00:51:11,721
Speaker 5: it just it was just something they did.

1040
00:51:12,441 --> 00:51:14,641
Speaker 1: But those days a while mate, you know too well,

1041
00:51:14,681 --> 00:51:16,241
Speaker 1: So we would get there on the Friday, I probably

1042
00:51:16,241 --> 00:51:18,361
Speaker 1: would never see the old boy to were leaving on Sunday.

1043
00:51:18,361 --> 00:51:19,721
Speaker 1: And they used to have a big tent with a

1044
00:51:19,801 --> 00:51:22,561
Speaker 1: tent boxing and I was mad into me boxing and

1045
00:51:22,801 --> 00:51:24,241
Speaker 1: boy used to say, if you've got to stick your

1046
00:51:24,281 --> 00:51:26,761
Speaker 1: hand up and they're calling for someone from the crowd,

1047
00:51:27,401 --> 00:51:29,440
Speaker 1: just fucking do your best because I probably won't find

1048
00:51:29,481 --> 00:51:32,881
Speaker 1: you if you get cleaned up. He'd be off watching

1049
00:51:32,881 --> 00:51:34,601
Speaker 1: the sand drags and doing.

1050
00:51:35,201 --> 00:51:39,881
Speaker 5: The paddle the big paddles on the crazy Mate.

1051
00:51:41,321 --> 00:51:44,281
Speaker 1: I remember seeing as I love my music, so I

1052
00:51:44,281 --> 00:51:47,121
Speaker 1: can't play. I was like music. But I remember kid, mate,

1053
00:51:47,161 --> 00:51:50,681
Speaker 1: wandering through the crowd there as a kid, seeing Susi, Quatcho,

1054
00:51:51,001 --> 00:51:54,041
Speaker 1: Canned Heat. You know, all these bands come out from

1055
00:51:54,081 --> 00:51:57,761
Speaker 1: the States and Rose would always were always there. Mate.

1056
00:51:57,761 --> 00:52:03,480
Speaker 1: It was the Angels, the Angels, the Sorrows. Yeah, seeing

1057
00:52:03,481 --> 00:52:04,601
Speaker 1: the Jets a few times.

1058
00:52:04,641 --> 00:52:09,961
Speaker 5: Mate, tell you a quick funny story about the Jets.

1059
00:52:10,041 --> 00:52:10,641
Speaker 4: Dave Gleason.

1060
00:52:10,721 --> 00:52:14,361
Speaker 5: Right, we had a national run then the Sunny Coast,

1061
00:52:14,521 --> 00:52:18,841
Speaker 5: and obviously I was quite a runner kind of member

1062
00:52:18,921 --> 00:52:21,440
Speaker 5: and had fun and especially you know day two and

1063
00:52:21,441 --> 00:52:24,441
Speaker 5: three on a national I was always very full of joy.

1064
00:52:25,401 --> 00:52:29,281
Speaker 5: And I'll never forget they're in the clubhouse and they'll perform,

1065
00:52:29,321 --> 00:52:31,081
Speaker 5: and when we're out the front, I like, fuck, how

1066
00:52:31,081 --> 00:52:33,241
Speaker 5: funny would it be. It was on a little bit

1067
00:52:33,241 --> 00:52:35,440
Speaker 5: of a slope of a drive in an industrial era

1068
00:52:35,481 --> 00:52:36,401
Speaker 5: and a cross.

1069
00:52:36,241 --> 00:52:41,281
Speaker 4: Was like a glaziers, like a glass repair joint.

1070
00:52:41,881 --> 00:52:43,161
Speaker 1: The whole fronts.

1071
00:52:45,601 --> 00:52:48,361
Speaker 5: So someone decided they thought it was funny because they

1072
00:52:48,401 --> 00:52:50,561
Speaker 5: left the van unlocked to just put it in neutral

1073
00:52:50,561 --> 00:52:52,721
Speaker 5: and let the handbroke go and just stand at the drive.

1074
00:52:52,801 --> 00:52:54,081
Speaker 4: I mind you, there was cameras there.

1075
00:52:54,241 --> 00:52:56,641
Speaker 5: We didn't give a fuck and just watch their their

1076
00:52:56,721 --> 00:52:59,641
Speaker 5: band van roll back and go through and we just

1077
00:52:59,681 --> 00:53:03,041
Speaker 5: casually walk back inside like nothing had happened on the

1078
00:53:03,081 --> 00:53:05,841
Speaker 5: old scream and Jets came out fucking screaming all right.

1079
00:53:05,921 --> 00:53:09,721
Speaker 4: That was for sure I did.

1080
00:53:10,761 --> 00:53:14,041
Speaker 5: And if you're hearing these days, mate, yep, it was

1081
00:53:14,601 --> 00:53:18,481
Speaker 5: it was me, that was you, that was you. And

1082
00:53:18,561 --> 00:53:20,641
Speaker 5: I even got to sing. I even got the singing

1083
00:53:20,681 --> 00:53:22,321
Speaker 5: because I'm had a little bit of an avent singer.

1084
00:53:22,841 --> 00:53:25,401
Speaker 4: Yeah yeah, yeah yeah, be a fucking big head. But

1085
00:53:25,961 --> 00:53:29,241
Speaker 4: and I love the Jets, So for me, it was like, fucking,

1086
00:53:29,241 --> 00:53:29,761
Speaker 4: how good is this.

1087
00:53:29,961 --> 00:53:32,641
Speaker 5: I've just put your car your two events.

1088
00:53:36,401 --> 00:53:38,321
Speaker 4: Ten minutes later, I'm in there rocking out with you.

1089
00:53:38,361 --> 00:53:42,361
Speaker 4: The one of me favorite Jets songs.

1090
00:53:41,041 --> 00:53:43,201
Speaker 1: Screaming Jets. It's synonymous with both of us made and

1091
00:53:43,241 --> 00:53:45,401
Speaker 1: then we've had a lot of similar lives. So when

1092
00:53:45,401 --> 00:53:46,961
Speaker 1: I was I was younger than my mates. When I

1093
00:53:46,961 --> 00:53:48,401
Speaker 1: was in year twelve, I was a year younger, so

1094
00:53:48,441 --> 00:53:51,401
Speaker 1: I wasn't eighteen. And I remember sneaking into a pub

1095
00:53:51,561 --> 00:53:54,161
Speaker 1: either night before and I was a massive exam or something,

1096
00:53:54,281 --> 00:53:58,321
Speaker 1: HM and I snuck into a pub the night before.

1097
00:53:58,361 --> 00:54:00,081
Speaker 1: The couple of boys I've played first grade foot you

1098
00:54:00,161 --> 00:54:05,481
Speaker 1: with and a name drop there of course, but uh

1099
00:54:05,681 --> 00:54:07,521
Speaker 1: they're going in to see the jets and turning up

1100
00:54:07,561 --> 00:54:09,481
Speaker 1: to the mattings or whatever it was the next that

1101
00:54:10,641 --> 00:54:13,641
Speaker 1: rotten mate, And my mate's like, you are right, mate,

1102
00:54:13,681 --> 00:54:15,961
Speaker 1: or can smooth from here? What did you do last night?

1103
00:54:16,001 --> 00:54:17,961
Speaker 1: I said, I went and snuck into a pub and

1104
00:54:18,001 --> 00:54:20,401
Speaker 1: saw the screaming jets. So you know, if it's the

1105
00:54:20,721 --> 00:54:23,521
Speaker 1: if they're listening, mate, it's your reason that I did

1106
00:54:23,561 --> 00:54:26,721
Speaker 1: say poorly in my HC. Not the buckery or fucking

1107
00:54:26,721 --> 00:54:28,881
Speaker 1: around I did the five years before in high school

1108
00:54:28,921 --> 00:54:34,241
Speaker 1: that they got me there. I'll blame it on them.

1109
00:54:34,361 --> 00:54:37,241
Speaker 1: They looking in all seriousness. Living with Dad was we

1110
00:54:37,281 --> 00:54:39,841
Speaker 1: had those great times going on you know, away and

1111
00:54:39,841 --> 00:54:42,000
Speaker 1: doing things like that. Maybe it was punctuated by saying

1112
00:54:42,521 --> 00:54:45,201
Speaker 1: it's meant difficult times and you know I remember coming

1113
00:54:45,241 --> 00:54:47,081
Speaker 1: home one day and with a note was on the

1114
00:54:47,121 --> 00:54:49,241
Speaker 1: table with five bucks safety into it. So had gone

1115
00:54:49,241 --> 00:54:51,321
Speaker 1: to Adelaide for a month, and you know i'd have mates.

1116
00:54:51,361 --> 00:54:53,441
Speaker 1: It would be like it mates, it to be like

1117
00:54:54,041 --> 00:54:56,241
Speaker 1: it must be awesome being at home without a dad.

1118
00:54:56,401 --> 00:54:57,921
Speaker 1: You know that you can do what you want to

1119
00:54:58,001 --> 00:55:00,681
Speaker 1: come home whenever you want, you know, drink, smoke, smike going,

1120
00:55:00,721 --> 00:55:03,041
Speaker 1: so do whatever you want. And I'd say, oh, yeah,

1121
00:55:03,081 --> 00:55:05,081
Speaker 1: you know it's cool because but in my heart I

1122
00:55:05,121 --> 00:55:07,281
Speaker 1: made a knew like all I wanted was someone at

1123
00:55:07,321 --> 00:55:10,121
Speaker 1: home to tuck me in or or not tuck in

1124
00:55:10,161 --> 00:55:12,201
Speaker 1: at that age, but say, look, did you are you're

1125
00:55:12,241 --> 00:55:13,801
Speaker 1: right for footy training? And do you have your boots?

1126
00:55:13,841 --> 00:55:15,441
Speaker 1: You know I've got dinner on the stay of be

1127
00:55:15,521 --> 00:55:18,441
Speaker 1: home by seven, And yeah, I was so grut without that.

1128
00:55:18,641 --> 00:55:21,081
Speaker 1: And by the time I was about seventeen, so you know,

1129
00:55:21,241 --> 00:55:23,440
Speaker 1: a sort of old man, I were clash in a heap,

1130
00:55:23,521 --> 00:55:25,721
Speaker 1: and you know, I'd grown really really close to I

1131
00:55:25,761 --> 00:55:28,001
Speaker 1: had a footy coach at high school that he was

1132
00:55:28,081 --> 00:55:30,321
Speaker 1: a fucking legend mate. He was the first bike along

1133
00:55:30,361 --> 00:55:34,361
Speaker 1: with my beautiful grandma who's in heaven now. They're both

1134
00:55:34,401 --> 00:55:37,401
Speaker 1: gone now. Actually Billy my coach, and Margaret, my grandma,

1135
00:55:38,041 --> 00:55:39,921
Speaker 1: and they were the only, probably the only two people

1136
00:55:40,321 --> 00:55:42,761
Speaker 1: that ever instilled seeds of belief in me that you know,

1137
00:55:43,401 --> 00:55:45,921
Speaker 1: right now, at the age of fifteen sixteen, you don't

1138
00:55:46,001 --> 00:55:48,521
Speaker 1: you don't get it. But later on you'll get through

1139
00:55:48,601 --> 00:55:51,201
Speaker 1: this life. You know, you'll come through it and you'll

1140
00:55:51,201 --> 00:55:53,321
Speaker 1: be okay. And you know, you see this quote a

1141
00:55:53,361 --> 00:55:55,481
Speaker 1: lot on social media now able to remember. Billy, my

1142
00:55:55,641 --> 00:55:59,521
Speaker 1: football and my name, just loved me unconditionally. But my

1143
00:55:59,761 --> 00:56:01,641
Speaker 1: old footy coach said to me, you goes mate, one day,

1144
00:56:01,681 --> 00:56:03,441
Speaker 1: you'll be the bloke that you need right now. And

1145
00:56:03,921 --> 00:56:06,441
Speaker 1: I didn't understand that at fifteen. It was lost on me,

1146
00:56:06,561 --> 00:56:09,801
Speaker 1: but now you know, and I do. And we stayed

1147
00:56:09,841 --> 00:56:12,081
Speaker 1: really close up until he passed away, Billy and I

1148
00:56:12,241 --> 00:56:15,161
Speaker 1: and you know, And so I got to seven innsmo

1149
00:56:15,281 --> 00:56:18,121
Speaker 1: and that the daily clashes with the old mate, the

1150
00:56:18,201 --> 00:56:20,161
Speaker 1: old man, they're just getting too much. And I come

1151
00:56:20,201 --> 00:56:22,001
Speaker 1: home one night and I can't remember I've forgot to

1152
00:56:22,041 --> 00:56:24,281
Speaker 1: bring her macaroni cheese, and we you know, we gear

1153
00:56:24,281 --> 00:56:27,521
Speaker 1: it up for out million argument blue and you know,

1154
00:56:27,561 --> 00:56:30,281
Speaker 1: I thought, fucking I'm not having it anymore. And so

1155
00:56:30,321 --> 00:56:32,921
Speaker 1: impacked my stuff, which probably was the same little amount

1156
00:56:32,961 --> 00:56:34,881
Speaker 1: of shit I've left aub with four five, three or

1157
00:56:34,881 --> 00:56:37,361
Speaker 1: four years earlier. And you know, I left and I

1158
00:56:37,441 --> 00:56:39,241
Speaker 1: told my old man, I said, I'm never coming back,

1159
00:56:39,281 --> 00:56:41,601
Speaker 1: you know, fuck you. And you know, he said something

1160
00:56:41,641 --> 00:56:43,321
Speaker 1: to me that kind of chilled me somehow. You know,

1161
00:56:43,481 --> 00:56:45,961
Speaker 1: we had weapons in the house, and he said, you know,

1162
00:56:46,561 --> 00:56:49,641
Speaker 1: I can I bought you, you know, the classic line,

1163
00:56:49,681 --> 00:56:52,521
Speaker 1: you know, I brought you into this world, take you

1164
00:56:52,601 --> 00:56:54,201
Speaker 1: out of it, so if you leave, you're never fucking

1165
00:56:54,241 --> 00:56:57,041
Speaker 1: coming back. And I said, well, I never will come back,

1166
00:56:57,081 --> 00:56:59,241
Speaker 1: you know. And you know that was twenty five years ago.

1167
00:56:59,321 --> 00:57:01,401
Speaker 1: So no, and my old man and I really close

1168
00:57:01,481 --> 00:57:03,841
Speaker 1: these days, were really good mates. But I've still never

1169
00:57:03,881 --> 00:57:06,721
Speaker 1: spent another night under his ruf after that time. And

1170
00:57:07,041 --> 00:57:09,401
Speaker 1: after that night, mate, we didn't talk for about eight years.

1171
00:57:09,961 --> 00:57:11,561
Speaker 1: But what happened then, you know, I moved went and

1172
00:57:11,641 --> 00:57:13,361
Speaker 1: moved in with my grandparents for a couple of years,

1173
00:57:13,401 --> 00:57:15,961
Speaker 1: had this really beautiful, peaceful few years and it was

1174
00:57:16,041 --> 00:57:19,401
Speaker 1: fucking amazing, mate, No no grow up, no drugs, no violence,

1175
00:57:19,481 --> 00:57:22,121
Speaker 1: and it was made. It was it was incredible. We

1176
00:57:22,241 --> 00:57:24,641
Speaker 1: come back to these things happening near threes and you know,

1177
00:57:25,121 --> 00:57:27,121
Speaker 1: footy season finished, so I sort of had nothing to do.

1178
00:57:28,361 --> 00:57:30,201
Speaker 1: I crashed a car that I had a sort of

1179
00:57:30,321 --> 00:57:35,841
Speaker 1: pride and joy on VC Commodore, and I like that made.

1180
00:57:35,881 --> 00:57:38,521
Speaker 1: And then I had a girlfriend mate that I hadn't

1181
00:57:38,601 --> 00:57:40,961
Speaker 1: been you know, I hadn't started to use any sort

1182
00:57:41,001 --> 00:57:43,361
Speaker 1: of abusive our relationships at that age. Is only about

1183
00:57:43,481 --> 00:57:47,481
Speaker 1: eighteen nineteen. At that stage, you know, she moved overseas,

1184
00:57:47,641 --> 00:57:50,641
Speaker 1: and so I had that trifector again of like shitty events,

1185
00:57:50,681 --> 00:57:52,681
Speaker 1: and I thought, what am I going to do now?

1186
00:57:52,761 --> 00:57:54,601
Speaker 1: And it was at that point, you know, I still

1187
00:57:54,641 --> 00:57:57,681
Speaker 1: had all that childhood trauma bubbling away. It was, but

1188
00:57:57,801 --> 00:58:00,001
Speaker 1: it was a chatter like like yourself made. I lived

1189
00:58:00,001 --> 00:58:02,201
Speaker 1: with head noise, and when it's just head noise, it's okay.

1190
00:58:02,281 --> 00:58:04,641
Speaker 1: But when it gets to like this raw, this how

1191
00:58:05,361 --> 00:58:07,681
Speaker 1: becomes too much. And it became too much. And I

1192
00:58:07,761 --> 00:58:11,521
Speaker 1: didn't want to expose my beautiful, amazing, make my grandparents

1193
00:58:11,601 --> 00:58:13,521
Speaker 1: our life savers. I don't want to expose them to

1194
00:58:13,641 --> 00:58:15,961
Speaker 1: what I knew that I was about to do. So

1195
00:58:16,081 --> 00:58:18,201
Speaker 1: I thought, you know, I've got nothing at the moment,

1196
00:58:18,321 --> 00:58:21,801
Speaker 1: no footy, no car, no girlfriend. I'm going to jump

1197
00:58:21,881 --> 00:58:24,641
Speaker 1: back into that crazy pool that I sort of grew

1198
00:58:24,721 --> 00:58:26,961
Speaker 1: up in and then spent years with my old man in.

1199
00:58:27,401 --> 00:58:29,281
Speaker 1: But what I'm going to do is I'm going to

1200
00:58:29,361 --> 00:58:35,881
Speaker 1: become fucking nastier, meaner, worse than the childhood abuse that

1201
00:58:36,361 --> 00:58:38,161
Speaker 1: am my old man because I want to prove to

1202
00:58:38,241 --> 00:58:40,081
Speaker 1: them both that they can't hurt me, you know what

1203
00:58:40,161 --> 00:58:43,801
Speaker 1: I mean. So I jumped into that simmer pretty quickly.

1204
00:58:43,921 --> 00:58:46,361
Speaker 1: Mate started to get back on the jugs pretty hard.

1205
00:58:47,681 --> 00:58:50,241
Speaker 1: I thought to myself, what can I do? You know,

1206
00:58:50,361 --> 00:58:52,681
Speaker 1: what can I do to be intimidating or such a

1207
00:58:52,761 --> 00:58:55,241
Speaker 1: shape like a shave their head baldhead now makes the

1208
00:58:55,561 --> 00:58:58,201
Speaker 1: name or hair gross. But I shaved my head board.

1209
00:58:58,241 --> 00:59:00,641
Speaker 1: I started covering myself up with all these bullshit fucking

1210
00:59:00,681 --> 00:59:03,481
Speaker 1: tattoos because I wanted to Mate. I wanted to be

1211
00:59:03,921 --> 00:59:07,601
Speaker 1: as ugly on the outside as I felt on the inside,

1212
00:59:07,641 --> 00:59:10,721
Speaker 1: because I thought, if I can do that, then I

1213
00:59:10,761 --> 00:59:12,921
Speaker 1: won't have to be vulnerable, or I'll never have to

1214
00:59:12,961 --> 00:59:15,001
Speaker 1: talk about my feelings. No one will ever be able

1215
00:59:15,041 --> 00:59:17,441
Speaker 1: to hurt me again, because no one would want to

1216
00:59:17,481 --> 00:59:19,561
Speaker 1: be in a relationship with a boat that looks like me.

1217
00:59:19,761 --> 00:59:22,761
Speaker 1: And I jumped on the juice and started to become

1218
00:59:22,881 --> 00:59:27,641
Speaker 1: really aggressive. And you know, over the years, I've talked

1219
00:59:27,641 --> 00:59:30,601
Speaker 1: to psychiatrists, psychologists, Mate, and a lot of them have

1220
00:59:30,681 --> 00:59:32,121
Speaker 1: said to me, you know, and that's been of my

1221
00:59:32,241 --> 00:59:35,161
Speaker 1: own voluntary talking to them. It's been as in contact

1222
00:59:35,201 --> 00:59:38,721
Speaker 1: with the criminal justice system. But whatever way one it was,

1223
00:59:39,721 --> 00:59:41,441
Speaker 1: I've had this question asked me a lot of times,

1224
00:59:41,481 --> 00:59:43,561
Speaker 1: and I say, did you want to be violent? Did

1225
00:59:43,601 --> 00:59:45,521
Speaker 1: you want to be violent? You know? And I said

1226
00:59:45,561 --> 00:59:47,481
Speaker 1: to give them the same answer every time I say, no,

1227
00:59:47,561 --> 00:59:50,841
Speaker 1: I didn't want to be violent. I wasn't born violent,

1228
00:59:51,281 --> 00:59:54,841
Speaker 1: but I was conditioned to that idea that violence was

1229
00:59:54,921 --> 00:59:56,801
Speaker 1: the answer to everything, and that was my idea of

1230
00:59:56,881 --> 00:59:59,081
Speaker 1: what a man was. So, you know, I didn't want

1231
00:59:59,121 --> 01:00:01,721
Speaker 1: to be violent, but I became what I became because

1232
01:00:01,761 --> 01:00:03,761
Speaker 1: I thought that's what I had to become to survive

1233
01:00:05,081 --> 01:00:07,401
Speaker 1: and you know, doing the work I do now, I've

1234
01:00:07,441 --> 01:00:11,081
Speaker 1: spoken to a thousand other blacks like me, tho thousand blocks,

1235
01:00:11,121 --> 01:00:14,041
Speaker 1: Like you said, I went through the same path, and Mate,

1236
01:00:14,441 --> 01:00:17,601
Speaker 1: every single one of us, every fucking person I've ever

1237
01:00:17,681 --> 01:00:21,241
Speaker 1: spoken to about their backstory, not one of them has

1238
01:00:21,281 --> 01:00:24,081
Speaker 1: ever said to me. I was taught that it was

1239
01:00:24,121 --> 01:00:26,401
Speaker 1: okay to talk about my problems. I was taught that

1240
01:00:26,481 --> 01:00:28,481
Speaker 1: it was okay to cry. I was taught was okay

1241
01:00:28,521 --> 01:00:31,681
Speaker 1: to be vulnerable. All of us were taught you be

1242
01:00:31,841 --> 01:00:36,041
Speaker 1: a man at all costs, no matter the cost. You know,

1243
01:00:36,201 --> 01:00:40,161
Speaker 1: you being a staunch, hard, tough fela gives your respect.

1244
01:00:40,241 --> 01:00:41,841
Speaker 1: You know, when you're walk in a room, you can

1245
01:00:41,921 --> 01:00:43,881
Speaker 1: hold the room. And so I thought, that's what I

1246
01:00:43,961 --> 01:00:46,201
Speaker 1: had to do, mate, And I said about thinking, I

1247
01:00:46,281 --> 01:00:48,721
Speaker 1: was started to think of formulate a plan to kill

1248
01:00:48,761 --> 01:00:52,561
Speaker 1: the blake from my childhood. How can I murder him?

1249
01:00:53,921 --> 01:00:55,841
Speaker 1: I wanted to prove to my old man that you know,

1250
01:00:56,041 --> 01:00:57,841
Speaker 1: not to be fucked with. So I wasn't to be

1251
01:00:57,921 --> 01:01:00,881
Speaker 1: fucked with. So I started to make inquiries. And you know,

1252
01:01:01,641 --> 01:01:03,841
Speaker 1: it's a funny way to put it, but how to

1253
01:01:03,921 --> 01:01:06,001
Speaker 1: join a club? And I I had the idea in

1254
01:01:06,081 --> 01:01:09,281
Speaker 1: my head that that once I graduated from each step

1255
01:01:09,361 --> 01:01:11,561
Speaker 1: of that process, that I was not going to be

1256
01:01:11,761 --> 01:01:14,241
Speaker 1: enough for me until I was become a sergeant. Because

1257
01:01:14,601 --> 01:01:16,801
Speaker 1: I wanted to be the enforcer, you know what I mean.

1258
01:01:16,841 --> 01:01:19,841
Speaker 1: Because I wanted to show my whole boy and the

1259
01:01:20,001 --> 01:01:23,681
Speaker 1: fucking idiot from my childhood that I'm tough, I'm harder,

1260
01:01:23,841 --> 01:01:27,441
Speaker 1: I can hurt you now, And so I said about

1261
01:01:27,521 --> 01:01:29,081
Speaker 1: doing that, mate, I had this mask on.

1262
01:01:30,121 --> 01:01:32,321
Speaker 5: You know, you know how much you and I right,

1263
01:01:32,481 --> 01:01:35,601
Speaker 5: you're telling my story at the moment, it's fun like No,

1264
01:01:35,681 --> 01:01:39,761
Speaker 5: it's a fucked like bad. But I just once again,

1265
01:01:39,921 --> 01:01:44,161
Speaker 5: it's you know, as an acting sergeant for many many

1266
01:01:44,281 --> 01:01:49,361
Speaker 5: years in the club, you know, walking away and then

1267
01:01:49,521 --> 01:01:51,801
Speaker 5: finally being able to speak and open up about me

1268
01:01:52,001 --> 01:01:54,401
Speaker 5: and my inner traumas and dealing with the process.

1269
01:01:54,401 --> 01:01:57,681
Speaker 4: And I always say that I was just a little.

1270
01:01:57,441 --> 01:02:00,241
Speaker 5: Like I I was definitely able to stand on my

1271
01:02:00,281 --> 01:02:03,441
Speaker 5: own two feet, That's not what I'm saying here, but

1272
01:02:03,561 --> 01:02:03,881
Speaker 5: I was.

1273
01:02:04,081 --> 01:02:09,121
Speaker 4: A scared protecting myself in a set of colors.

1274
01:02:09,801 --> 01:02:14,081
Speaker 1: You're it's uncanny. You must have read my mind, mate,

1275
01:02:14,401 --> 01:02:19,001
Speaker 1: because when I was out and I was bypassing the

1276
01:02:19,161 --> 01:02:21,441
Speaker 1: lines in the nightclub and not paying them a drinks

1277
01:02:21,441 --> 01:02:24,361
Speaker 1: and with drugs and things like that, I had the

1278
01:02:24,481 --> 01:02:26,561
Speaker 1: mask on and I was thinking that I was ten

1279
01:02:26,601 --> 01:02:29,121
Speaker 1: foot tall and bulletproof. You know, I thought I've got

1280
01:02:29,161 --> 01:02:31,321
Speaker 1: it all, but in reality, I had fuck all. And

1281
01:02:31,841 --> 01:02:34,441
Speaker 1: you know, in those rare moments like you've just shared,

1282
01:02:34,441 --> 01:02:36,721
Speaker 1: and thank you for sharing, brother, that when you're home,

1283
01:02:37,001 --> 01:02:39,441
Speaker 1: when I was home alone, much like you. When I

1284
01:02:39,601 --> 01:02:42,841
Speaker 1: was sober, when I wasn't off off my head and

1285
01:02:43,001 --> 01:02:46,361
Speaker 1: the mask come off, there was that three year old

1286
01:02:46,401 --> 01:02:48,921
Speaker 1: little boy that's so desperately just wanted to be loved,

1287
01:02:49,001 --> 01:02:51,641
Speaker 1: you know, and protect held and loved and protected and

1288
01:02:51,721 --> 01:02:53,961
Speaker 1: said you'll be safe. You know, you don't have to

1289
01:02:54,081 --> 01:02:54,881
Speaker 1: live this life.

1290
01:02:54,961 --> 01:02:56,561
Speaker 4: And that's what I wanted.

1291
01:02:56,601 --> 01:02:59,161
Speaker 5: I just wanted to be the baddest, most feared motherfucker

1292
01:02:59,161 --> 01:03:00,161
Speaker 5: because then I couldn't be.

1293
01:03:00,241 --> 01:03:03,641
Speaker 4: Hurt like Busy. It could be hurt, you'd be shot, stabbed, dead, whatever.

1294
01:03:03,761 --> 01:03:04,841
Speaker 4: But it.

1295
01:03:06,721 --> 01:03:09,081
Speaker 5: Wasn't going to be as easy as what one would think,

1296
01:03:09,281 --> 01:03:12,961
Speaker 5: or one would always think twice before, because of you

1297
01:03:13,081 --> 01:03:16,801
Speaker 5: in this position and stature and known for a very

1298
01:03:16,921 --> 01:03:21,681
Speaker 5: go forward and very violent way of response.

1299
01:03:23,041 --> 01:03:26,361
Speaker 1: Yeah, you're like a like a mate dog straining on

1300
01:03:26,441 --> 01:03:27,161
Speaker 1: the lead and as.

1301
01:03:27,081 --> 01:03:32,761
Speaker 4: Soon as you just go for it, nothing.

1302
01:03:32,881 --> 01:03:34,721
Speaker 5: And for me, it was the more blood I've seen,

1303
01:03:35,041 --> 01:03:38,801
Speaker 5: the more excited I got. I would rage even harder.

1304
01:03:38,881 --> 01:03:39,361
Speaker 4: Like it was.

1305
01:03:39,881 --> 01:03:41,401
Speaker 5: You could hit me and hit me and hit me,

1306
01:03:41,481 --> 01:03:43,441
Speaker 5: you could stab me, you could do whatever. But it

1307
01:03:43,641 --> 01:03:46,041
Speaker 5: excited me, It actually turned me on.

1308
01:03:47,121 --> 01:03:49,601
Speaker 1: It's crazy, mate, And you think to yourself, now, we

1309
01:03:49,721 --> 01:03:51,841
Speaker 1: look back as old men in a different time.

1310
01:03:51,721 --> 01:03:53,681
Speaker 4: And you fucking call and old.

1311
01:03:56,361 --> 01:03:57,241
Speaker 1: Middle aged.

1312
01:03:58,521 --> 01:04:04,841
Speaker 4: Forty eight. Now she's gone down there. I'm still out there,

1313
01:04:04,921 --> 01:04:06,601
Speaker 4: like yourself, fit and healthy. Mate.

1314
01:04:06,641 --> 01:04:08,761
Speaker 5: I'm probably fitter than I ever was at forty eight.

1315
01:04:08,881 --> 01:04:11,961
Speaker 5: Now I more reading, more half marathons and more.

1316
01:04:12,441 --> 01:04:16,801
Speaker 4: Yeah. But nah, bra, you're right, but correct.

1317
01:04:17,441 --> 01:04:21,321
Speaker 1: I didn't. I never became a patch member, simmer or

1318
01:04:21,401 --> 01:04:24,521
Speaker 1: a sergeant and that was my goal. But mate, so

1319
01:04:24,681 --> 01:04:27,121
Speaker 1: from there, know, the reason I didn't make it that

1320
01:04:27,241 --> 01:04:29,401
Speaker 1: far in the in the club life was, I guess

1321
01:04:29,561 --> 01:04:33,001
Speaker 1: things started to happen in the sense of, you know,

1322
01:04:33,081 --> 01:04:35,001
Speaker 1: you talk about rock bottom and things like that, but

1323
01:04:35,321 --> 01:04:38,401
Speaker 1: I ended up committing a pretty serious offense and you know,

1324
01:04:38,801 --> 01:04:41,681
Speaker 1: maliciously inflict grievous bodily harm with intent. And I don't

1325
01:04:41,681 --> 01:04:45,001
Speaker 1: say that to glorified it, no, no, it was. It

1326
01:04:45,121 --> 01:04:48,321
Speaker 1: was my sort of catalyst for change. And people would say, oh,

1327
01:04:48,401 --> 01:04:50,601
Speaker 1: you know you're going to jail. How is it You're

1328
01:04:50,601 --> 01:04:54,001
Speaker 1: scared to go to jail. Of course, scared, do it

1329
01:04:54,121 --> 01:04:56,561
Speaker 1: send on your head. But I was scared, man. But

1330
01:04:56,641 --> 01:04:58,281
Speaker 1: what I was scared of was if I went to

1331
01:04:58,401 --> 01:05:00,841
Speaker 1: jail for a long time was having to do the

1332
01:05:00,961 --> 01:05:03,641
Speaker 1: things in jail to establish the same reputation. So I'd

1333
01:05:03,681 --> 01:05:05,521
Speaker 1: worked so hard to establish on there out side, and

1334
01:05:06,121 --> 01:05:08,161
Speaker 1: I started to think, Man, I was about twenty three. Boy,

1335
01:05:08,241 --> 01:05:10,681
Speaker 1: then I'd had twenty three years of violence behind me,

1336
01:05:10,761 --> 01:05:13,001
Speaker 1: and I reckon it's probably aged me more than forty one.

1337
01:05:13,121 --> 01:05:14,801
Speaker 1: But I was starting to get that inkling of an

1338
01:05:14,841 --> 01:05:16,721
Speaker 1: idea that I don't want to be like this anymore.

1339
01:05:16,761 --> 01:05:19,201
Speaker 1: But I didn't know where to go for help. And

1340
01:05:19,361 --> 01:05:21,441
Speaker 1: so Mate is sort of staring down the barrel of

1341
01:05:21,481 --> 01:05:24,481
Speaker 1: that sentence, you know, all that violence around me. I

1342
01:05:24,601 --> 01:05:27,001
Speaker 1: wasn't talking to anyone. I was calling my beautiful grandma

1343
01:05:27,081 --> 01:05:29,041
Speaker 1: every Friday night. She was worried I was going to

1344
01:05:29,081 --> 01:05:30,721
Speaker 1: be dead or in jail every time she picked the

1345
01:05:30,761 --> 01:05:33,401
Speaker 1: phone up. And I thought, I can't put her through

1346
01:05:33,441 --> 01:05:35,761
Speaker 1: that anymore. I've got nothing else going on for me.

1347
01:05:35,881 --> 01:05:37,961
Speaker 1: You her life's pretty fucked. I'm going to jail, And

1348
01:05:38,801 --> 01:05:40,321
Speaker 1: so Mate, I thought, the only way for me to

1349
01:05:40,361 --> 01:05:42,441
Speaker 1: fix this CMO is to not be here anymore. And

1350
01:05:43,241 --> 01:05:45,481
Speaker 1: you know, so one night, after about three or four

1351
01:05:45,561 --> 01:05:48,281
Speaker 1: day bender of being awake, made I hurt myself, try

1352
01:05:48,321 --> 01:05:50,561
Speaker 1: to try to take my own life, and but I

1353
01:05:50,641 --> 01:05:53,361
Speaker 1: finished up in a psych ward and I thought to myself, well,

1354
01:05:53,401 --> 01:05:54,881
Speaker 1: maybe this will be it for me. I'll be able

1355
01:05:54,881 --> 01:05:56,721
Speaker 1: to get a bit of help. Now to say this

1356
01:05:56,921 --> 01:05:58,161
Speaker 1: is fuck me dead. This has got to be a

1357
01:05:58,201 --> 01:06:01,961
Speaker 1: safe place to get help and mat After being held

1358
01:06:02,001 --> 01:06:03,921
Speaker 1: for forty eight hours, so I was called in for

1359
01:06:04,001 --> 01:06:06,521
Speaker 1: a meeting with the psychist and I said, so but

1360
01:06:06,641 --> 01:06:09,561
Speaker 1: up by that stage and down despite everyone telling me

1361
01:06:09,641 --> 01:06:12,441
Speaker 1: therapist was for week people, I said to him, put

1362
01:06:12,481 --> 01:06:13,881
Speaker 1: my hand up. I said, mate, don't need help, and

1363
01:06:13,961 --> 01:06:16,801
Speaker 1: he goes, we're discharging yet, and I said, no, I

1364
01:06:16,881 --> 01:06:18,401
Speaker 1: need to stay here. I've got to get better. And

1365
01:06:19,001 --> 01:06:21,601
Speaker 1: he said, mate, I remember this really distinctly. So and

1366
01:06:21,681 --> 01:06:23,321
Speaker 1: I thought, if we ever get to working mental health,

1367
01:06:23,321 --> 01:06:25,361
Speaker 1: I'm going to be better than this bloke. And what

1368
01:06:25,521 --> 01:06:27,881
Speaker 1: he said to me was, mate, the hospital is not

1369
01:06:28,041 --> 01:06:30,321
Speaker 1: the place for you to get help, and I said

1370
01:06:30,721 --> 01:06:33,561
Speaker 1: where is? Then he goes jail and he's and he

1371
01:06:33,721 --> 01:06:35,681
Speaker 1: used a turn of phrase, mate, and twenty years working

1372
01:06:35,681 --> 01:06:38,281
Speaker 1: in this industry, I've never heard it used again. He goes,

1373
01:06:38,321 --> 01:06:41,841
Speaker 1: you're not mentally ill, you're just ultra violent. And I thought,

1374
01:06:41,881 --> 01:06:44,161
Speaker 1: all right, Well, finally fucking reached out for help and

1375
01:06:44,521 --> 01:06:47,561
Speaker 1: got shut down, so obviously therapy is fucking bullshit, and

1376
01:06:48,121 --> 01:06:50,401
Speaker 1: give me a packet of search Alene. I'll search aline,

1377
01:06:50,441 --> 01:06:53,041
Speaker 1: And I said, take one of these days. I walked out,

1378
01:06:53,081 --> 01:06:55,281
Speaker 1: chucked out, and when you got back on and there,

1379
01:06:55,681 --> 01:06:59,561
Speaker 1: But the rollercoaster continued for about another six months until

1380
01:06:59,601 --> 01:07:02,321
Speaker 1: my grandma asked me to come home, move back in

1381
01:07:02,401 --> 01:07:04,521
Speaker 1: with her and sober up and get better. And I

1382
01:07:04,601 --> 01:07:06,321
Speaker 1: went back stayed with him for a while, and I

1383
01:07:06,401 --> 01:07:09,161
Speaker 1: started the withdrawal from all the other fucking shit I

1384
01:07:09,281 --> 01:07:11,721
Speaker 1: was involved in my whole life and backed away from

1385
01:07:11,721 --> 01:07:15,081
Speaker 1: the people that I've been tied up with. And as

1386
01:07:15,161 --> 01:07:17,241
Speaker 1: things got closer and closer made I was lucky. I

1387
01:07:17,321 --> 01:07:19,281
Speaker 1: have made of mind. Out who worked in the system

1388
01:07:19,361 --> 01:07:21,521
Speaker 1: did me a solid. When I got that big pinch

1389
01:07:21,641 --> 01:07:25,121
Speaker 1: for the malting fleet. He signed off a little legal

1390
01:07:25,201 --> 01:07:27,161
Speaker 1: aids scribble for me said I was unemployed. So I

1391
01:07:27,201 --> 01:07:29,521
Speaker 1: ended up getting a fucking high price barrister for seventy

1392
01:07:29,601 --> 01:07:31,961
Speaker 1: bucks that represented me for about two and a half

1393
01:07:32,121 --> 01:07:37,641
Speaker 1: years while that last assault dragged through court. And you know,

1394
01:07:37,681 --> 01:07:39,681
Speaker 1: I was the pretty pretty I wish I.

1395
01:07:39,721 --> 01:07:43,241
Speaker 4: Knew your mate. I haven't been up with about another

1396
01:07:43,321 --> 01:07:46,201
Speaker 4: eighty k By March again after spending two hundred in

1397
01:07:46,241 --> 01:07:47,161
Speaker 4: the last four years.

1398
01:07:48,441 --> 01:07:53,121
Speaker 1: Stitch up, mate, Yeah, I guess that's that's right, right place,

1399
01:07:53,281 --> 01:07:57,601
Speaker 1: right time, and really severe assault, mate, And I almost

1400
01:07:57,961 --> 01:08:01,521
Speaker 1: killed somebody. And you know I can't reconcile that now

1401
01:08:02,281 --> 01:08:06,521
Speaker 1: with who I am now hard you know, wish I got.

1402
01:08:06,641 --> 01:08:08,161
Speaker 1: I think the ways I can make that ride every

1403
01:08:08,201 --> 01:08:12,281
Speaker 1: single day. But you know, when that sentence was coming up, mate,

1404
01:08:12,321 --> 01:08:14,641
Speaker 1: I started to coach kids in boxing. I thought, oh,

1405
01:08:14,721 --> 01:08:17,081
Speaker 1: you know, someone gave me boxing at ten years of age,

1406
01:08:17,121 --> 01:08:18,720
Speaker 1: I'll give it to someone else. And yeah, as you

1407
01:08:18,760 --> 01:08:22,001
Speaker 1: get closer and closer to centain state, plaid it down

1408
01:08:22,161 --> 01:08:25,641
Speaker 1: to a couple of different other assault judges and I

1409
01:08:25,721 --> 01:08:27,721
Speaker 1: fray and things like that. So ten years went to

1410
01:08:27,801 --> 01:08:30,441
Speaker 1: two and I thought, that's started to talk to my

1411
01:08:30,561 --> 01:08:33,561
Speaker 1: family again, started to invite my dad back into my life.

1412
01:08:33,601 --> 01:08:35,201
Speaker 1: So I was going to have a baby myself, and

1413
01:08:35,401 --> 01:08:36,921
Speaker 1: I knew I was having a boy, So I thought,

1414
01:08:37,041 --> 01:08:38,561
Speaker 1: you know, I'm going to have someone that needs me

1415
01:08:38,681 --> 01:08:41,241
Speaker 1: more than I need myself. So I started to get better,

1416
01:08:41,321 --> 01:08:44,921
Speaker 1: and you know, when sentencing rolled around, the magistrate said, look,

1417
01:08:44,961 --> 01:08:46,441
Speaker 1: i'll give you. I'm going to give you two years

1418
01:08:46,481 --> 01:08:48,961
Speaker 1: today because the community needs be protected from people like you,

1419
01:08:49,121 --> 01:08:51,321
Speaker 1: and I thought, okay, well, you know, at least I've

1420
01:08:51,361 --> 01:08:52,921
Speaker 1: got someone to come back out too. Now I'm going

1421
01:08:53,001 --> 01:08:55,001
Speaker 1: to have a baby, I've got family. I've started to

1422
01:08:55,041 --> 01:08:58,241
Speaker 1: talk to my family, and you know, finally enough, soon

1423
01:08:58,361 --> 01:09:00,641
Speaker 1: I started doing some work and with a couple of

1424
01:09:00,641 --> 01:09:03,121
Speaker 1: other young fellas and we had an Aboriginal youth group

1425
01:09:03,161 --> 01:09:05,881
Speaker 1: happening in Waga and we we finished up on the

1426
01:09:05,921 --> 01:09:09,001
Speaker 1: front of the phone book for youth work. And the

1427
01:09:09,081 --> 01:09:13,281
Speaker 1: magistrates said in the sentencing, you know sort of dire

1428
01:09:13,361 --> 01:09:15,601
Speaker 1: tribe made. Every time I look down and have a

1429
01:09:15,641 --> 01:09:17,961
Speaker 1: cup of coffee and I want to make a phone call,

1430
01:09:18,121 --> 01:09:19,921
Speaker 1: I see your face on the front of the phone book,

1431
01:09:19,961 --> 01:09:22,561
Speaker 1: and you know, I'm aware that I was in small

1432
01:09:22,601 --> 01:09:24,760
Speaker 1: town in Morgar. He said, I'm aware you're doing good things,

1433
01:09:24,841 --> 01:09:27,760
Speaker 1: and there's a juncture for you made a cross shades.

1434
01:09:27,841 --> 01:09:29,321
Speaker 1: You know, you can go this way, you can go

1435
01:09:29,441 --> 01:09:31,321
Speaker 1: that way. So I'm going to suspend that sentence that

1436
01:09:31,441 --> 01:09:33,121
Speaker 1: I'm going to give you one last chance, but if

1437
01:09:33,161 --> 01:09:35,641
Speaker 1: you ever come back before me for another offense involved

1438
01:09:35,681 --> 01:09:40,001
Speaker 1: in violence, like you're done, you know. So I walked

1439
01:09:40,041 --> 01:09:42,081
Speaker 1: out of the CML and that was my last two

1440
01:09:42,081 --> 01:09:44,481
Speaker 1: thousand and five. So we're back sixteen years ago and

1441
01:09:46,321 --> 01:09:48,601
Speaker 1: might I just started out on this journey. You know,

1442
01:09:48,801 --> 01:09:53,721
Speaker 1: I went off and I got help, and you know,

1443
01:09:53,881 --> 01:09:57,800
Speaker 1: I started to heal up. But I only was healing

1444
01:09:57,921 --> 01:10:00,961
Speaker 1: up from physical violence, from using physical violence. I wasn't

1445
01:10:01,001 --> 01:10:02,681
Speaker 1: healing up from all the trauma in the back of

1446
01:10:02,761 --> 01:10:06,121
Speaker 1: my mind that was still there, you know. You know,

1447
01:10:06,161 --> 01:10:08,641
Speaker 1: I separated from my partner at the time, and my

1448
01:10:08,761 --> 01:10:11,201
Speaker 1: son came to live with me, and you know, everything

1449
01:10:11,321 --> 01:10:13,561
Speaker 1: was going pretty good, mate, and met my wife and

1450
01:10:13,761 --> 01:10:16,361
Speaker 1: my wife Kate now my amazing wife, and we grew

1451
01:10:16,441 --> 01:10:18,761
Speaker 1: our family. We ended up having three more kids, and

1452
01:10:19,961 --> 01:10:23,441
Speaker 1: you know it was it was not until you know,

1453
01:10:23,561 --> 01:10:25,521
Speaker 1: ten years into our old ship we've been together now

1454
01:10:25,521 --> 01:10:29,121
Speaker 1: almost fourteen, that she said she wanted to leave, she

1455
01:10:29,241 --> 01:10:31,641
Speaker 1: wanted to divorce, you know. And I said to her,

1456
01:10:32,561 --> 01:10:34,801
Speaker 1: you know, previously and we'd had these fights. May being

1457
01:10:34,881 --> 01:10:38,841
Speaker 1: conditioned again to that fucking that ship talk, I could

1458
01:10:38,841 --> 01:10:40,441
Speaker 1: say to her, you know, I fuck off, you know, leave,

1459
01:10:40,521 --> 01:10:43,041
Speaker 1: you know that DV talk, you know, leave I can

1460
01:10:43,201 --> 01:10:46,601
Speaker 1: go and again back to that boat. That was so hard,

1461
01:10:46,841 --> 01:10:48,921
Speaker 1: but was really just a little boy wanting to be loved.

1462
01:10:49,001 --> 01:10:51,361
Speaker 1: I was going to suck this marriage up before she

1463
01:10:51,481 --> 01:10:54,801
Speaker 1: could leave and abandon me like everyone else had. But

1464
01:10:54,961 --> 01:10:57,041
Speaker 1: on that day, you know she said she wanted to leave.

1465
01:10:57,241 --> 01:11:00,481
Speaker 1: Was about four or five years ago, you know, on

1466
01:11:00,561 --> 01:11:04,961
Speaker 1: my birthday showed that day. Well, she said, look with you, Daryl,

1467
01:11:05,081 --> 01:11:07,881
Speaker 1: it's ninety nine percent one percent. You know, ninety nine

1468
01:11:07,881 --> 01:11:11,521
Speaker 1: percent you're the most amazing father, husband, best friend. Fuck you,

1469
01:11:12,201 --> 01:11:14,121
Speaker 1: I can't fault you. But the one percent, she goes,

1470
01:11:14,121 --> 01:11:17,041
Speaker 1: you're so self destructive, and it's not really You're not

1471
01:11:17,121 --> 01:11:20,161
Speaker 1: really even distructed me in the family. You're pulling yourself

1472
01:11:20,201 --> 01:11:22,841
Speaker 1: to pieces. And so what happened to you in your

1473
01:11:22,921 --> 01:11:24,561
Speaker 1: life to make you like this? Because I don't want

1474
01:11:24,601 --> 01:11:26,601
Speaker 1: to do it anymore. So I've locked the door up

1475
01:11:26,641 --> 01:11:29,041
Speaker 1: and we sat in the bed and I told her

1476
01:11:29,081 --> 01:11:32,800
Speaker 1: I unpacked everything from my childhood, everything from my past,

1477
01:11:33,121 --> 01:11:36,601
Speaker 1: all the offenses, all the drug abuse, that everything from

1478
01:11:36,721 --> 01:11:39,801
Speaker 1: zero to that day. And she said, there's a good

1479
01:11:39,921 --> 01:11:43,241
Speaker 1: man in there. I know there is, and I'll stick

1480
01:11:43,321 --> 01:11:45,720
Speaker 1: with you, you know, I'll help help you pull it out.

1481
01:11:45,801 --> 01:11:51,840
Speaker 1: And you know, over the years, I've tried psychiatrist, sobriety, medication, Jesus,

1482
01:11:52,241 --> 01:11:55,001
Speaker 1: you know different things, and they've all sort of had

1483
01:11:55,441 --> 01:11:58,961
Speaker 1: their own effects. But for me, I never wanted to

1484
01:11:59,001 --> 01:12:01,121
Speaker 1: be that sixty five seven year old like when you

1485
01:12:01,361 --> 01:12:04,601
Speaker 1: can't train anymore, that he's down the pub drinking twelve

1486
01:12:04,641 --> 01:12:07,361
Speaker 1: skinners day to keep the demons quiet. So I started

1487
01:12:07,401 --> 01:12:09,321
Speaker 1: to play with things in the last few years, mate,

1488
01:12:09,481 --> 01:12:13,321
Speaker 1: breath work, things like that, as no Brother do a

1489
01:12:13,441 --> 01:12:17,001
Speaker 1: free domestic violence boxing program every week for women. I

1490
01:12:17,081 --> 01:12:18,561
Speaker 1: started to give more more.

1491
01:12:18,721 --> 01:12:20,041
Speaker 4: I've seen that on your socials.

1492
01:12:20,441 --> 01:12:22,401
Speaker 5: Just what you're saying that, can you give us your

1493
01:12:22,761 --> 01:12:24,961
Speaker 5: socials for our listeners out there, because I think it's

1494
01:12:25,001 --> 01:12:26,961
Speaker 5: important so we can get some people over there to

1495
01:12:27,561 --> 01:12:28,361
Speaker 5: follow your journey.

1496
01:12:28,841 --> 01:12:31,001
Speaker 1: Yeah, no, I saying thanks. You know, it's just rolling

1497
01:12:31,041 --> 01:12:35,121
Speaker 1: with the punches, one or one word. And but through

1498
01:12:35,241 --> 01:12:38,321
Speaker 1: that work, I started to share my story, and you know,

1499
01:12:38,561 --> 01:12:41,921
Speaker 1: I was healing, you know, and you know, combining things

1500
01:12:41,961 --> 01:12:44,721
Speaker 1: like breathwork and things like that, and I started to

1501
01:12:45,521 --> 01:12:48,001
Speaker 1: to heal. But you know, and things have gone really,

1502
01:12:48,081 --> 01:12:50,521
Speaker 1: really well, and you know, but you ask that question,

1503
01:12:50,561 --> 01:12:52,281
Speaker 1: people ask that question, how do you know if you've

1504
01:12:52,281 --> 01:12:55,721
Speaker 1: really healed? And things like that, and you know, I

1505
01:12:55,761 --> 01:12:58,920
Speaker 1: guess that's where my story ends. Similar and it's probably

1506
01:12:59,001 --> 01:13:01,401
Speaker 1: how how did I know that I was fully healed?

1507
01:13:01,441 --> 01:13:02,841
Speaker 1: I mean, you and I could sit here and talk

1508
01:13:02,881 --> 01:13:06,641
Speaker 1: for another twenty hours. Mate. So many other things that

1509
01:13:06,721 --> 01:13:10,161
Speaker 1: happened along the way. But for me, brother, it was

1510
01:13:10,401 --> 01:13:13,441
Speaker 1: fifteen months ago. You know, I knew that i'd I'd

1511
01:13:13,481 --> 01:13:16,241
Speaker 1: come full circle, and I knew that I'd never used

1512
01:13:16,321 --> 01:13:19,361
Speaker 1: violence again. You know, a beautiful grandma. You know, she

1513
01:13:19,521 --> 01:13:21,641
Speaker 1: was like a mum to me. And I've grown really

1514
01:13:21,721 --> 01:13:23,801
Speaker 1: close to my mom now. I've got a really good bond.

1515
01:13:23,881 --> 01:13:26,761
Speaker 1: She's talked to me about the childhood now where this

1516
01:13:26,801 --> 01:13:28,601
Speaker 1: has only happened in the last week, Man, this has

1517
01:13:28,641 --> 01:13:31,041
Speaker 1: happened in between. When I spoke to you on the phone.

1518
01:13:31,401 --> 01:13:33,881
Speaker 1: We had this magic moment you know, last week where

1519
01:13:33,881 --> 01:13:36,921
Speaker 1: she acknowledged a lot of stuff, and you know, she said,

1520
01:13:37,001 --> 01:13:38,401
Speaker 1: can you forgive me? I said, I don't have to

1521
01:13:38,441 --> 01:13:40,641
Speaker 1: forgive you, Mom, you're a kid as well. And she said,

1522
01:13:41,801 --> 01:13:44,441
Speaker 1: I don't remember, Daryl. She said, I don't know if

1523
01:13:44,481 --> 01:13:48,241
Speaker 1: it's a stroke or the trauma, but I don't remember

1524
01:13:48,561 --> 01:13:51,001
Speaker 1: what you saw. I don't remember what happened to you.

1525
01:13:51,681 --> 01:13:53,960
Speaker 1: Can you tell me? And I said to my beautiful

1526
01:13:54,001 --> 01:13:57,121
Speaker 1: mama was down there this week, Mom, No, because my

1527
01:13:57,361 --> 01:13:59,561
Speaker 1: dream is if you don't remember what happened to me,

1528
01:14:00,601 --> 01:14:02,521
Speaker 1: then one day you won't remember what happened to you.

1529
01:14:02,681 --> 01:14:05,201
Speaker 4: To you Yeah, oh brother, Wow.

1530
01:14:05,161 --> 01:14:08,321
Speaker 1: For a woman that endured her whole life of abuse,

1531
01:14:08,441 --> 01:14:11,441
Speaker 1: I want her lost her husband. I want her twilight

1532
01:14:11,561 --> 01:14:17,281
Speaker 1: years to be happy, beauty. Thank you, brother. She doesn't

1533
01:14:17,321 --> 01:14:18,521
Speaker 1: have to release hurt.

1534
01:14:18,601 --> 01:14:21,481
Speaker 4: But no, I respect that so much. And you know what,

1535
01:14:21,641 --> 01:14:24,521
Speaker 4: when you just say what you said, it makes all

1536
01:14:24,641 --> 01:14:28,961
Speaker 4: the sense in the world. It's selfless sense. It's that's

1537
01:14:29,041 --> 01:14:30,321
Speaker 4: really beautiful, bro too.

1538
01:14:31,761 --> 01:14:34,121
Speaker 5: You know, like you could you think quite easily could

1539
01:14:34,161 --> 01:14:37,241
Speaker 5: have said, yeah, well mum, you know, don't you remember

1540
01:14:37,321 --> 01:14:41,680
Speaker 5: this is what happened. But completely you went and I've

1541
01:14:41,761 --> 01:14:46,041
Speaker 5: just token that and just changed the whole dynamics.

1542
01:14:46,681 --> 01:14:48,401
Speaker 1: Man, I just wanted to. I want to a bit.

1543
01:14:48,841 --> 01:14:51,601
Speaker 4: What a selfless, beautiful moment for you and your mum.

1544
01:14:52,241 --> 01:14:56,321
Speaker 1: She had such a horrid life abuse to deserve city free.

1545
01:14:56,441 --> 01:14:56,601
Speaker 3: Man.

1546
01:14:57,161 --> 01:14:59,321
Speaker 1: That was a big connection for us. But I know

1547
01:14:59,401 --> 01:15:01,121
Speaker 1: where it's short our time, brother, I really want to

1548
01:15:01,121 --> 01:15:05,441
Speaker 1: tell you one more thing. You know, fifteen months ago Grandma,

1549
01:15:05,521 --> 01:15:08,081
Speaker 1: you know, she lost this courageous battle with cancer, and

1550
01:15:08,401 --> 01:15:10,921
Speaker 1: you know you think you talk about being tested, you know,

1551
01:15:11,081 --> 01:15:15,161
Speaker 1: you talk about you tested in life, and you have

1552
01:15:15,281 --> 01:15:18,161
Speaker 1: the moments where you're tested. And for me, Smo, we

1553
01:15:18,281 --> 01:15:20,921
Speaker 1: went home fifteen months ago to bury my grandma, and

1554
01:15:22,281 --> 01:15:24,641
Speaker 1: you know, I was very honored to stand up there

1555
01:15:24,641 --> 01:15:27,921
Speaker 1: and give her eulogy alongside my beautiful Auntie Chris, and

1556
01:15:28,601 --> 01:15:31,041
Speaker 1: carry her to her final resting place, you know, and

1557
01:15:31,641 --> 01:15:35,881
Speaker 1: we're in the ground. And on that day, sim you know,

1558
01:15:37,441 --> 01:15:39,680
Speaker 1: we went after we buried, and then my kids said

1559
01:15:39,721 --> 01:15:41,721
Speaker 1: to me, Dad, before we drive back home, can we

1560
01:15:41,801 --> 01:15:43,641
Speaker 1: go and get some drinks. You know. We're down in

1561
01:15:43,721 --> 01:15:46,281
Speaker 1: the river, Ana where I'm from. And I said, yeah, yeah.

1562
01:15:46,281 --> 01:15:48,001
Speaker 1: And the little town where I'm from, Sima, is only

1563
01:15:48,001 --> 01:15:50,201
Speaker 1: about fifteen hundred people. They're one supermarket.

1564
01:15:50,801 --> 01:15:51,041
Speaker 4: Yeah.

1565
01:15:51,841 --> 01:15:54,881
Speaker 1: We pulled up, man, and this is where the story ends. Brother.

1566
01:15:54,961 --> 01:15:57,481
Speaker 1: We pulled up the kids. Yeah, of course we'll get

1567
01:15:57,521 --> 01:15:59,481
Speaker 1: a drink, you know. And we pulled up and I've

1568
01:15:59,481 --> 01:16:01,361
Speaker 1: got a park mate, that's fate would have it right

1569
01:16:01,401 --> 01:16:03,761
Speaker 1: at the front door of the supermarket. So as I'm

1570
01:16:03,801 --> 01:16:05,881
Speaker 1: in there lining up with the dream, I remember a

1571
01:16:05,961 --> 01:16:09,121
Speaker 1: six pack of fruit juices to parades. I was watching

1572
01:16:09,161 --> 01:16:11,201
Speaker 1: out the door and my heart was broken. You know,

1573
01:16:11,601 --> 01:16:13,681
Speaker 1: fuck me and my Grandma was so important to me

1574
01:16:13,841 --> 01:16:17,121
Speaker 1: that I couldn't imagine life without it. But then I

1575
01:16:17,281 --> 01:16:20,561
Speaker 1: look out the door at my wife and children, and

1576
01:16:20,681 --> 01:16:22,641
Speaker 1: I think that this is where life is now, and

1577
01:16:22,721 --> 01:16:24,881
Speaker 1: I thought I never deserved that love, never deserved a

1578
01:16:24,961 --> 01:16:27,801
Speaker 1: family like that. So while I saying goodbye to the

1579
01:16:27,921 --> 01:16:30,201
Speaker 1: one person every day, I get to say hello to

1580
01:16:30,281 --> 01:16:33,441
Speaker 1: another beautiful family that I hold every day, you know.

1581
01:16:34,281 --> 01:16:36,241
Speaker 1: And it was on that moment though similarly, you know,

1582
01:16:36,321 --> 01:16:39,241
Speaker 1: I could feel something in that shop. I could feel something,

1583
01:16:39,681 --> 01:16:42,281
Speaker 1: and there's only two check out and I looked across

1584
01:16:42,321 --> 01:16:45,201
Speaker 1: and there was this bloke at the other register, and

1585
01:16:45,321 --> 01:16:46,601
Speaker 1: I was looking at him, and I was thinking, I

1586
01:16:46,721 --> 01:16:48,641
Speaker 1: know this come from somewhere, but I don't know who

1587
01:16:48,761 --> 01:16:51,241
Speaker 1: it is. And he knew that I knew him, but

1588
01:16:51,321 --> 01:16:53,161
Speaker 1: didn't know where it was from. Now, I'm not a

1589
01:16:53,241 --> 01:16:53,920
Speaker 1: tough guy.

1590
01:16:54,561 --> 01:16:56,961
Speaker 4: But but you're not a little boy anymore either.

1591
01:16:57,521 --> 01:16:59,601
Speaker 1: I'm not that's right, I'm not a little boy anymore

1592
01:16:59,761 --> 01:17:00,281
Speaker 1: looking at you.

1593
01:17:00,401 --> 01:17:03,401
Speaker 5: And then if I can just give a description as

1594
01:17:03,441 --> 01:17:06,521
Speaker 5: beautiful a man as you've just come across to everybody here,

1595
01:17:06,641 --> 01:17:09,281
Speaker 5: if you weren't to speak, and there'll be present somewhere

1596
01:17:09,361 --> 01:17:10,521
Speaker 5: your presence would be felt.

1597
01:17:11,801 --> 01:17:14,921
Speaker 1: Yeah, I appreciate that, brother, And I think it was

1598
01:17:15,001 --> 01:17:20,401
Speaker 1: felt that day because I watched this fucking dog shake

1599
01:17:20,521 --> 01:17:22,441
Speaker 1: and start to shake as he paid for a bottle

1600
01:17:22,481 --> 01:17:26,241
Speaker 1: of bourbon and shaken and fucking tremble, And I think,

1601
01:17:26,281 --> 01:17:28,041
Speaker 1: where do I know this come from? I know he's

1602
01:17:28,081 --> 01:17:31,281
Speaker 1: a bad person. I can fucking feel that energy. And

1603
01:17:31,401 --> 01:17:33,481
Speaker 1: I locked eyes with him, man, and you and I

1604
01:17:33,601 --> 01:17:35,641
Speaker 1: both know you know you lock eyes and when the

1605
01:17:35,721 --> 01:17:39,001
Speaker 1: person breaks first they buckle, you know you've won. And

1606
01:17:39,081 --> 01:17:40,841
Speaker 1: I don't mean one because in a standover a way,

1607
01:17:40,841 --> 01:17:43,041
Speaker 1: because I never ever want to do that again ever.

1608
01:17:43,801 --> 01:17:46,281
Speaker 1: But when he buckled and looked at the ground first,

1609
01:17:46,321 --> 01:17:48,441
Speaker 1: and he ran out, fucking scurried out the door of

1610
01:17:48,561 --> 01:17:50,960
Speaker 1: his bottle, I thought, that's the comet from my childhood,

1611
01:17:53,241 --> 01:17:56,401
Speaker 1: have all the tiny fucking towns on Earth. But I

1612
01:17:56,481 --> 01:17:58,521
Speaker 1: knew he was around, Simo. I knew he was in

1613
01:17:58,561 --> 01:17:59,041
Speaker 1: the area.

1614
01:17:59,161 --> 01:18:01,441
Speaker 5: Something I don't see you down the dark alley sort

1615
01:18:01,481 --> 01:18:04,521
Speaker 5: of thing, isn't it. Yeah, one day in a dark

1616
01:18:04,641 --> 01:18:06,281
Speaker 5: lane and it'll be just me and you.

1617
01:18:07,121 --> 01:18:09,201
Speaker 1: Brother. I knew he was in the area, but I

1618
01:18:09,281 --> 01:18:13,680
Speaker 1: hadn't seen him for thirty five years and everything came up, mate,

1619
01:18:13,801 --> 01:18:16,081
Speaker 1: And you know, I when people were telling me, now,

1620
01:18:16,681 --> 01:18:19,281
Speaker 1: you know you're gentle, you're calm, you know you've got

1621
01:18:19,281 --> 01:18:21,521
Speaker 1: a good energy. It'd really I love talking to you

1622
01:18:21,601 --> 01:18:24,441
Speaker 1: and that that's the biggest compliment ever. But I love it.

1623
01:18:24,561 --> 01:18:26,641
Speaker 1: I thrive on that. But in that moment, man, I

1624
01:18:26,681 --> 01:18:28,881
Speaker 1: put the parades and fruit juices down. I thought, I

1625
01:18:28,881 --> 01:18:31,201
Speaker 1: don't know fucking I promised that little boy. I promise

1626
01:18:31,281 --> 01:18:33,721
Speaker 1: that three year old boy and that mother that I

1627
01:18:33,801 --> 01:18:35,841
Speaker 1: will kill him if I ever find him. And all

1628
01:18:35,881 --> 01:18:39,921
Speaker 1: the healing I've done, all the work I've done on myself. Still, Mate,

1629
01:18:40,081 --> 01:18:42,401
Speaker 1: that overrode it. You know, I fucked this car. He

1630
01:18:42,521 --> 01:18:44,841
Speaker 1: does not deserve to be here in his earth. You know,

1631
01:18:45,281 --> 01:18:48,001
Speaker 1: thirty five years I've been waiting to finish you. So

1632
01:18:48,081 --> 01:18:50,241
Speaker 1: I put things down, mate, and I started to move

1633
01:18:50,321 --> 01:18:52,281
Speaker 1: out of the shop. I fucked this on a throw

1634
01:18:52,401 --> 01:18:54,961
Speaker 1: with them away on end, this bloke. But I looked

1635
01:18:55,001 --> 01:18:57,161
Speaker 1: at my family and the Tarrican cinema. Now, if i'd

1636
01:18:57,201 --> 01:18:59,281
Speaker 1: have been packed three parks down, I couldn't see him,

1637
01:18:59,761 --> 01:19:02,081
Speaker 1: three parks the other way, couldn't see him. I looked

1638
01:19:02,081 --> 01:19:03,881
Speaker 1: at my family, Simi, and I looked at him, and

1639
01:19:03,881 --> 01:19:07,481
Speaker 1: I thought, they've never seen violence. I never bore violence

1640
01:19:07,521 --> 01:19:10,201
Speaker 1: into my home. My kids have never seen violence, brother,

1641
01:19:11,201 --> 01:19:13,441
Speaker 1: And I looked at my kids and I walked I

1642
01:19:13,521 --> 01:19:15,481
Speaker 1: paid for the drinks and walked out and I sat

1643
01:19:15,521 --> 01:19:17,680
Speaker 1: in the car. I got in there, and my wife

1644
01:19:17,721 --> 01:19:19,641
Speaker 1: said to me, bear in mind, brother, she's never seen

1645
01:19:19,721 --> 01:19:22,161
Speaker 1: violence either. She knew my story, but she never grew

1646
01:19:22,241 --> 01:19:26,281
Speaker 1: up like you, never seen violence, you know. And she

1647
01:19:26,401 --> 01:19:28,281
Speaker 1: said to me, I should have seen this bloke come

1648
01:19:28,361 --> 01:19:29,921
Speaker 1: running out of the shop, just saying, you know, you

1649
01:19:30,001 --> 01:19:32,441
Speaker 1: look like you stole something. And she looked like a

1650
01:19:32,481 --> 01:19:35,001
Speaker 1: little rat, you know, because that big fella from when

1651
01:19:35,001 --> 01:19:37,401
Speaker 1: I was a kid was now shriveled up, look like

1652
01:19:37,521 --> 01:19:40,081
Speaker 1: it was on death's door, you know. And she then

1653
01:19:40,121 --> 01:19:42,001
Speaker 1: she said to me, you look like you've seen a ghost.

1654
01:19:42,321 --> 01:19:44,401
Speaker 1: And I said I did, I have seen a ghost?

1655
01:19:44,441 --> 01:19:46,961
Speaker 1: And she goes, what's wrong? What happened? And I said

1656
01:19:47,481 --> 01:19:50,521
Speaker 1: that was I won't even give him a no, no, no, no,

1657
01:19:50,801 --> 01:19:54,081
Speaker 1: gone dog, gone dog. I said that was dog. And

1658
01:19:54,201 --> 01:19:58,361
Speaker 1: she goes, that the one, the one, and she got

1659
01:19:58,441 --> 01:20:01,401
Speaker 1: really scared. Brother. I never seen scared like that, but

1660
01:20:01,521 --> 01:20:05,241
Speaker 1: she never seen she never known violence. That's a good

1661
01:20:05,281 --> 01:20:08,321
Speaker 1: thing and what this house is never known for us, brother,

1662
01:20:08,521 --> 01:20:11,441
Speaker 1: And she said what are you going to do because

1663
01:20:11,441 --> 01:20:15,521
Speaker 1: she knew my background? And I said nothing because seeing

1664
01:20:15,681 --> 01:20:18,521
Speaker 1: him break and look at the ground first, you're that

1665
01:20:18,681 --> 01:20:22,161
Speaker 1: little boy anymore. I won't. He can't hurt me anymore.

1666
01:20:22,241 --> 01:20:25,881
Speaker 1: He can't hurt you guys, you know, and that little

1667
01:20:25,921 --> 01:20:30,001
Speaker 1: boy inside me is probably saying peer and you don't think,

1668
01:20:30,201 --> 01:20:32,881
Speaker 1: man if you're overpowered him. Finally, you didn't even have

1669
01:20:33,001 --> 01:20:36,481
Speaker 1: to use violence, you know. And but we drove home

1670
01:20:36,561 --> 01:20:38,201
Speaker 1: that day, you know, when I shut the door on

1671
01:20:38,281 --> 01:20:40,521
Speaker 1: that chapter of my life for good and the men,

1672
01:20:40,601 --> 01:20:43,481
Speaker 1: things are good, brom.

1673
01:20:42,841 --> 01:20:45,921
Speaker 5: Can I just say, as tough as that moment would

1674
01:20:45,921 --> 01:20:49,721
Speaker 5: have been, firstly, I want to applaud you on the

1675
01:20:49,841 --> 01:20:54,201
Speaker 5: man that you are to do what you did and

1676
01:20:55,241 --> 01:21:00,281
Speaker 5: be able to go back to your loving family's arms

1677
01:21:00,401 --> 01:21:03,561
Speaker 5: and being be love for the man that you are

1678
01:21:04,761 --> 01:21:11,161
Speaker 5: to close that door. Yeah, okay, it's it's cliche, but

1679
01:21:11,281 --> 01:21:17,441
Speaker 5: everything happens for a reason. That time right then was

1680
01:21:17,561 --> 01:21:23,041
Speaker 5: probably the most important time of your life ever to

1681
01:21:23,161 --> 01:21:26,680
Speaker 5: close the door and move forward, and you to feel

1682
01:21:27,241 --> 01:21:34,361
Speaker 5: healed through your own hard work, and to acknowledge you

1683
01:21:35,561 --> 01:21:40,001
Speaker 5: for who you truly are, and that's not that young

1684
01:21:40,121 --> 01:21:43,361
Speaker 5: boy wanting to take the life of that scum and

1685
01:21:43,641 --> 01:21:47,201
Speaker 5: seek revenge, which rightfully, like I always said, you know

1686
01:21:47,321 --> 01:21:49,681
Speaker 5: the perpetrators. I sat in jar on my six year

1687
01:21:49,761 --> 01:21:52,721
Speaker 5: sentence the last time. It was always prayed one of

1688
01:21:52,761 --> 01:21:54,921
Speaker 5: those dogs had come in the yard, I would have

1689
01:21:55,081 --> 01:21:57,921
Speaker 5: taken a blade and stabbed him to death in that yard.

1690
01:21:58,761 --> 01:22:02,321
Speaker 4: It never happened. And amen, and thank God, because I

1691
01:22:02,321 --> 01:22:04,281
Speaker 4: wouldn't have got out, I wouldn't.

1692
01:22:03,961 --> 01:22:05,961
Speaker 5: Have been out to see him. The one I would

1693
01:22:06,001 --> 01:22:10,881
Speaker 5: have still been I was still being that person who

1694
01:22:11,001 --> 01:22:14,161
Speaker 5: was a victim of those perpetrators. I'm not a victim.

1695
01:22:14,161 --> 01:22:19,961
Speaker 5: I'm a survivor. And you right there are a leader.

1696
01:22:20,161 --> 01:22:23,001
Speaker 5: You're a leader to your wife, your children, your community.

1697
01:22:23,921 --> 01:22:28,001
Speaker 5: You're a man that actually just stands by what you believe,

1698
01:22:28,441 --> 01:22:30,881
Speaker 5: and that is to live a peaceful life.

1699
01:22:33,521 --> 01:22:38,641
Speaker 4: Darryl I May, It's wow.

1700
01:22:38,721 --> 01:22:42,201
Speaker 5: What a story, and I I'm really proud that we

1701
01:22:42,321 --> 01:22:46,961
Speaker 5: can close this season with your story, a very very

1702
01:22:47,161 --> 01:22:51,441
Speaker 5: tough story, triggering. And please, as we've said, please take

1703
01:22:51,521 --> 01:22:55,281
Speaker 5: care to anybody out there that's listened today, but brother.

1704
01:22:55,361 --> 01:22:56,841
Speaker 4: Inspiring beyond.

1705
01:22:59,281 --> 01:23:03,281
Speaker 5: My congratulations and to your beautiful dear mum and condolence

1706
01:23:03,401 --> 01:23:06,481
Speaker 5: for Nan and you know, you just speak with so

1707
01:23:06,641 --> 01:23:09,721
Speaker 5: much conviction and love within your heart and and and

1708
01:23:10,321 --> 01:23:14,720
Speaker 5: I'm gonna be honest with you. You know, I feel

1709
01:23:14,721 --> 01:23:17,441
Speaker 5: a bit of a shit cunt for the way that

1710
01:23:17,561 --> 01:23:23,081
Speaker 5: I am and you know, speak at times and have

1711
01:23:23,281 --> 01:23:28,361
Speaker 5: spoken as a man, you know, in a heated moments

1712
01:23:28,481 --> 01:23:31,761
Speaker 5: in a relationship, because as I said, I'm guilty of

1713
01:23:31,841 --> 01:23:35,041
Speaker 5: that that's happened in my in my relationship.

1714
01:23:35,161 --> 01:23:39,361
Speaker 4: You know, I take ownership of that.

1715
01:23:39,721 --> 01:23:44,201
Speaker 5: And yet there's no excuse for us to speak male

1716
01:23:44,321 --> 01:23:49,241
Speaker 5: or female. You know, emotional abuse, any sort of abuse

1717
01:23:49,921 --> 01:23:52,401
Speaker 5: doesn't have to physically be you know, like there's no

1718
01:23:52,601 --> 01:23:56,721
Speaker 5: domestic physical abuse, but verbally is just as bad and

1719
01:23:57,361 --> 01:24:02,321
Speaker 5: it cuts deep. And anybody out there listening, and this

1720
01:24:02,521 --> 01:24:05,921
Speaker 5: is coming from somebody who has to think before he

1721
01:24:06,041 --> 01:24:10,441
Speaker 5: speaks at times, thank you.

1722
01:24:12,041 --> 01:24:13,121
Speaker 4: For just.

1723
01:24:14,641 --> 01:24:19,081
Speaker 5: Hitting that chord because you know it's wrong and you know,

1724
01:24:19,281 --> 01:24:21,001
Speaker 5: but at the moment, in the heat of the moment,

1725
01:24:21,081 --> 01:24:23,081
Speaker 5: like I did a post on my socials this week,

1726
01:24:23,161 --> 01:24:28,441
Speaker 5: I was triggered and I reacted to some people's comments

1727
01:24:28,481 --> 01:24:31,361
Speaker 5: that I'll never see they'll never know me, they'll never

1728
01:24:31,441 --> 01:24:33,761
Speaker 5: see me, they don't know me. They're hidden behind these

1729
01:24:34,401 --> 01:24:37,881
Speaker 5: ghosted accounts like it's just shit. But I let it

1730
01:24:38,001 --> 01:24:41,241
Speaker 5: get at me because I was so emotionally charged at

1731
01:24:41,281 --> 01:24:47,321
Speaker 5: the moment within myself, angry at myself, you know, angry

1732
01:24:47,321 --> 01:24:50,681
Speaker 5: at my situation. So I reacted, and I reacted in

1733
01:24:50,801 --> 01:24:53,521
Speaker 5: a violent way publicly, you know. I was like, fuck

1734
01:24:53,601 --> 01:24:56,921
Speaker 5: you girls, rah rah rah, weak dogs, you know. And

1735
01:24:57,281 --> 01:24:59,761
Speaker 5: I shouldn't have because that's not who I am. That's

1736
01:24:59,801 --> 01:25:02,361
Speaker 5: not what I'm about. That's not the man I want,

1737
01:25:03,921 --> 01:25:06,921
Speaker 5: like yourself to be trade. And I let that sand

1738
01:25:06,921 --> 01:25:09,401
Speaker 5: and then I forgot my kids see my social media.

1739
01:25:09,881 --> 01:25:12,961
Speaker 5: My friend's children see my social media, my mate's wives

1740
01:25:13,041 --> 01:25:14,201
Speaker 5: see my social media.

1741
01:25:15,121 --> 01:25:16,721
Speaker 4: People invested in my.

1742
01:25:17,401 --> 01:25:21,041
Speaker 5: Well being and my future and things seen that. Thankfully,

1743
01:25:22,201 --> 01:25:25,680
Speaker 5: I got a hold of it very quickly and deleted

1744
01:25:25,761 --> 01:25:26,561
Speaker 5: and apologize.

1745
01:25:26,601 --> 01:25:27,201
Speaker 4: And I did know.

1746
01:25:27,241 --> 01:25:29,161
Speaker 5: I didn't apologize because I didn't need to. It was

1747
01:25:29,201 --> 01:25:33,961
Speaker 5: about me venting. I wasn't attacking personally anybody as such.

1748
01:25:34,041 --> 01:25:38,401
Speaker 5: But I take ownership, and I did come on and

1749
01:25:38,761 --> 01:25:43,001
Speaker 5: just say it wasn't okay because it is. It's it's

1750
01:25:43,041 --> 01:25:47,481
Speaker 5: a form of violence, aggression. And then I'm showing others

1751
01:25:47,561 --> 01:25:50,201
Speaker 5: out there that I'm trying to inspire to better ways.

1752
01:25:50,281 --> 01:25:54,241
Speaker 5: That it's okay to forget about all that you practice

1753
01:25:54,281 --> 01:25:56,881
Speaker 5: and want to be the best to be each day,

1754
01:25:56,921 --> 01:26:00,281
Speaker 5: but you can come out and just and be that

1755
01:26:00,481 --> 01:26:02,401
Speaker 5: rage and that that goes back to you know, wanting

1756
01:26:02,441 --> 01:26:03,441
Speaker 5: that jump into.

1757
01:26:03,281 --> 01:26:08,001
Speaker 4: That cage or over that ring and get hit. They're

1758
01:26:08,081 --> 01:26:13,881
Speaker 4: all emotions. You have truly.

1759
01:26:15,441 --> 01:26:19,921
Speaker 5: Just opened my mind to seeking help, I guess in

1760
01:26:21,121 --> 01:26:24,561
Speaker 5: a real way because I'd love to do what you

1761
01:26:24,721 --> 01:26:26,481
Speaker 5: did in the end in life.

1762
01:26:27,561 --> 01:26:29,680
Speaker 4: All the time I think before I speak.

1763
01:26:30,921 --> 01:26:32,681
Speaker 1: You know, you put that pause in some of and

1764
01:26:32,761 --> 01:26:36,961
Speaker 1: it's a difference between reacting and responding and mate, I'm

1765
01:26:36,961 --> 01:26:39,281
Speaker 1: not going to preach to your fuck me dead. I'm

1766
01:26:39,401 --> 01:26:42,321
Speaker 1: learning that every day. And you know, sometimes no matter

1767
01:26:42,401 --> 01:26:45,201
Speaker 1: how peacefully, mate, you always revert back to what you know,

1768
01:26:45,441 --> 01:26:48,401
Speaker 1: especially in times of stress. So whether you're not as

1769
01:26:48,401 --> 01:26:50,961
Speaker 1: should come to you, you're you're a good man, brother,

1770
01:26:51,121 --> 01:26:53,841
Speaker 1: You're you're a good and you're a gentle man. You're human.

1771
01:26:53,921 --> 01:26:57,561
Speaker 5: Mate, we fuck up, And yeah, I look like before

1772
01:26:57,641 --> 01:27:02,361
Speaker 5: you go, before we go this afternoon, for that that

1773
01:27:02,561 --> 01:27:08,321
Speaker 5: person out there that's in this moment right now looking

1774
01:27:08,441 --> 01:27:11,561
Speaker 5: for that that answer that it might be in a

1775
01:27:11,721 --> 01:27:17,721
Speaker 5: scenario like yourself we were in in your case a

1776
01:27:17,921 --> 01:27:21,361
Speaker 5: very serious one. What advice would you give that person,

1777
01:27:21,481 --> 01:27:24,241
Speaker 5: male or female today from the.

1778
01:27:24,281 --> 01:27:29,921
Speaker 1: Man, Yeah, drop the mask. Similarly, you know, back in

1779
01:27:30,001 --> 01:27:33,281
Speaker 1: the days, if someone had told me I was gentle

1780
01:27:33,401 --> 01:27:35,521
Speaker 1: back then, like you know, you'd say, fuck off, I'm

1781
01:27:35,521 --> 01:27:38,401
Speaker 1: not gentle. You know. I like to hurt people, you know,

1782
01:27:39,481 --> 01:27:43,641
Speaker 1: But now, whether that's my that's my biggest My biggest compliment, man,

1783
01:27:43,761 --> 01:27:45,641
Speaker 1: is when someone says you're gentle. And it was our

1784
01:27:45,721 --> 01:27:48,441
Speaker 1: mutual friend Mick Williams that said to me the other day,

1785
01:27:48,521 --> 01:27:51,521
Speaker 1: he said, yeah, that is a huge compliment to people

1786
01:27:51,681 --> 01:27:54,800
Speaker 1: tell you're gentle, and no one knows how much violence

1787
01:27:54,841 --> 01:27:57,081
Speaker 1: it took to become this gentle and there was a

1788
01:27:57,161 --> 01:28:00,761
Speaker 1: really powerful thing to hear that made. And if I

1789
01:28:00,881 --> 01:28:03,241
Speaker 1: was talking to someone out there that was listening, I'd say,

1790
01:28:03,321 --> 01:28:06,601
Speaker 1: you know, that's not don't have to always be like that.

1791
01:28:06,761 --> 01:28:09,880
Speaker 1: You know, what happened yesterday doesn't dictate what happens tomorrow.

1792
01:28:10,001 --> 01:28:13,121
Speaker 1: And despite the past you've had, the violence, you've seen that,

1793
01:28:13,281 --> 01:28:15,121
Speaker 1: the things you might have had done to you, heard

1794
01:28:15,201 --> 01:28:17,681
Speaker 1: other people, you can become gentle and you can have

1795
01:28:17,761 --> 01:28:22,880
Speaker 1: a good life. You can it is say recovery is possible.

1796
01:28:22,961 --> 01:28:26,361
Speaker 1: I say, it's not us. It's probable. You just have

1797
01:28:26,481 --> 01:28:29,680
Speaker 1: to surround yourself with the right people and be open

1798
01:28:29,761 --> 01:28:32,281
Speaker 1: to dropping that mask, mate, dropping that mask that men

1799
01:28:32,441 --> 01:28:34,761
Speaker 1: like us wear. Maye will condition talk to wear our

1800
01:28:34,761 --> 01:28:37,841
Speaker 1: whole lives, to save ourselves from being hurt. Just get

1801
01:28:37,921 --> 01:28:38,201
Speaker 1: rid of it.

1802
01:28:41,321 --> 01:28:45,801
Speaker 5: Daryl Garner, thank you for your time for joining us,

1803
01:28:45,921 --> 01:28:48,921
Speaker 5: for sharing your story, for being so vulnerable and open,

1804
01:28:50,161 --> 01:28:53,841
Speaker 5: and I truly believe in educating us in a better

1805
01:28:53,881 --> 01:28:58,201
Speaker 5: way of living and looking at life. And I'm very,

1806
01:28:58,601 --> 01:29:01,241
Speaker 5: very grateful and honored to be able to end the

1807
01:29:01,361 --> 01:29:03,921
Speaker 5: Clink season fifteen with your story.

1808
01:29:04,001 --> 01:29:04,241
Speaker 4: Mate.

1809
01:29:04,401 --> 01:29:08,001
Speaker 1: Thank you, thanks man, my pleasure, love your work.

1810
01:29:08,041 --> 01:29:08,241
Speaker 5: Brother.

1811
01:29:09,921 --> 01:29:14,081
Speaker 4: There you go, guys, a beautiful, powerful story there.

1812
01:29:14,401 --> 01:29:18,601
Speaker 5: And I really hope that everybody takes something from Darryl's story,

1813
01:29:18,641 --> 01:29:19,801
Speaker 5: because I know I sure did.

1814
01:29:20,921 --> 01:29:23,681
Speaker 4: It's been a long season. It's it's been a bit

1815
01:29:23,761 --> 01:29:24,720
Speaker 4: of a tough one, this one.

1816
01:29:26,041 --> 01:29:28,401
Speaker 5: I'm really looking forward to a couple of weeks break now,

1817
01:29:29,561 --> 01:29:34,721
Speaker 5: resetting and coming back stronger than ever and continuing this

1818
01:29:34,881 --> 01:29:36,601
Speaker 5: wonderful journey that we've all been on.

1819
01:29:36,681 --> 01:29:39,521
Speaker 4: For the last four years. For me to you take care.

1820
01:29:39,721 --> 01:29:42,281
Speaker 4: Thank you, very much and we will be back in

1821
01:29:42,361 --> 01:29:43,121
Speaker 4: a couple of weeks.

1822
01:29:43,921 --> 01:29:44,561
Speaker 1: For the record.

1823
01:29:44,761 --> 01:29:48,001
Speaker 2: Don't try and make you uncomfortable for the record. You

1824
01:29:48,041 --> 01:29:49,441
Speaker 2: ain't try and world and stuff.

1825
01:29:49,161 --> 01:29:51,121
Speaker 3: For your for the record.

1826
01:29:51,361 --> 01:29:54,441
Speaker 2: Lab on me going hard the way for the record.

1827
01:29:54,561 --> 01:29:56,801
Speaker 2: Ain't trying to leak, No trying to wish stuff.

1828
01:29:57,081 --> 01:30:03,721
Speaker 3: For the record, for the record, for the record, for

1829
01:30:03,841 --> 01:30:07,521
Speaker 3: the d for the rage, for the regen