Speaker 1: Hey, friends, it's podcast time. It's all wouldn't tell it's
Speaker 1: Malam Montt Things with Jonas today a little If it
Speaker 1: is Malan Monte, thanks for listening in hope you're wow
Speaker 1: whatever you're up to?
Speaker 2: Wait? My fact?
Speaker 1: Your fact? Oh my god? Wait, I've decided that every
Speaker 1: because Mail always has ridiculous fucking facts and stories in
Speaker 1: her head. We start every podcast with the fact, and
Speaker 1: I reckon half the time we forget Yes, what do
Speaker 1: you got? Okay?
Speaker 2: Do you know that it is impossible for you to
Speaker 2: dream of a face that you've never seen before?
Speaker 1: Ah?
Speaker 2: My daughter told me this and I was like, okay,
Speaker 2: what you saw that on? You know, like some stupid clip?
Speaker 2: I looked it up. It's even if it's the case
Speaker 2: of you're looking through a friend's Facebook post and there's
Speaker 2: a drive, her cousin or whatever, you can only dream
Speaker 2: about someone who's face you have seen before.
Speaker 1: It's not fascinating. That's fascinating because I feel like the
Speaker 1: dreams that I can remember there have been people in
Speaker 1: it that I haven't known, but I must have subconsciously
Speaker 1: seen them before.
Speaker 2: Yeah, how's the heartache of having to listen to someone's
Speaker 2: fuck my my son does it all the time. He
Speaker 2: had a dream last night. He's like me, like, I
Speaker 2: dream all the time, and I reckon at them. I'll
Speaker 2: stop him, and I'm like, I don't. I'm sorry. I
Speaker 2: don't want to hear it. I can't hear it.
Speaker 1: There is nothing more painful than somebody telling you about
Speaker 1: their dream. The only thing that comes on part is
Speaker 1: somebody making you sit through their holiday photos.
Speaker 2: Oh my god, all renovations.
Speaker 1: This is when we knocked out the walls. I love
Speaker 1: a reno. I mean, I'm all there for a reno.
Speaker 1: Don't show me mid just show me before and after
Speaker 1: a lot before.
Speaker 2: Bro, But they want to tell you about and then
Speaker 2: getting the plaster or it was really hard. We've got
Speaker 2: a great guy to recommend if.
Speaker 1: You like, don't show me your plans. Cannot visualize house
Speaker 1: plans when they're just on the draftsman's done. I cannot
Speaker 1: look at your plans and visualize that, so do not
Speaker 1: show me it. Yep, good friend, totally pretend we're interested
Speaker 1: in my head. If only they could hear my internal thoughts.
Speaker 1: How cutes is so? My ten year old's got a girlfriend? No,
Speaker 1: you know what?
Speaker 2: This is unsurprising to me. This is unsurprising to me
Speaker 2: with Arlow. All three of your kids are magnificent. I
Speaker 2: have a very soft spot. He's my favorite.
Speaker 1: He's pretty funny.
Speaker 2: He's funny, and I can see him picking her a
Speaker 2: flower and giving it to her and yeah, one hundred percent.
Speaker 1: Yes, he's a real space get it, Arlo, Like before
Speaker 1: I get into the girlfriend. So a while ago, on
Speaker 1: the holidays, we're driving and I said to him, my
Speaker 1: sister is going to take him to Movie World with
Speaker 1: a friend. And I said, what friend do you want
Speaker 1: to take? He's like, I want to take Bobby. I said, okay,
Speaker 1: well I'll this is in the middle of the holidays.
Speaker 1: I said, okay, I'll call Bobby's and he said that's
Speaker 1: all right, I'll just ask him at school. And I said, oh,
Speaker 1: but you won't see him in time. I'll just call
Speaker 1: his mom. He said, no, no, I'll just ask him
Speaker 1: at school. I said, alo, you're in the middle of
Speaker 1: school holidays.
Speaker 2: You go am.
Speaker 1: I didn't even though he was on school.
Speaker 2: Holdays, I mean, I get it, I get it.
Speaker 1: I just really ran off the road. I was like,
Speaker 1: are you joking me? You've been on school holidays literally
Speaker 1: a week. You haven't been at school.
Speaker 2: Fuck, that's funny, but I relate to it. I get it,
Speaker 2: like how many times I take medication? And then I'm like,
Speaker 2: did I just have my tablet?
Speaker 1: Yes? Well I have to have miney days of the
Speaker 1: week or I never ever remember it ever. But anyway, Yeah,
Speaker 1: so he's got this little girlfriend and he didn't tell
Speaker 1: me for a while. One of the other mom said, oh,
Speaker 1: so Ali's got a girlfriend. I'm like, no, eight, And
Speaker 1: then one day he's like, Mum, I've got a girlfriend.
Speaker 1: He said, it's a birthday. Can I get us some
Speaker 1: Ferrero rochares?
Speaker 2: Oh my god? Are ferrero his favorite? Does he love them?
Speaker 1: It was a ferrero O share, but I think still
Speaker 1: to a kid, it's a fancy chocolate. Yeah it is.
Speaker 1: Isn't that so cute? So anyway, we also had to
Speaker 1: go to sports Girl and get her initial on a necklace,
Speaker 1: but also his initial, and so she's wearing his and
Speaker 1: he's wearing hers.
Speaker 2: Do you know what it is about those little first
Speaker 2: boyfriend and girlfriend. It's just that I.
Speaker 1: Like you, Oh my god, I know, But also the
Speaker 1: braveness of it, because they would have got teased. But
Speaker 1: his best mate or one of his good mates has
Speaker 1: also got a girlfriend, so the four of them are
Speaker 1: kind of together. But I keep going, you know, how
Speaker 1: is she? And he goes, I don't know. I'm like, well,
Speaker 1: do you not even ask her how she is? I said,
Speaker 1: how do you hang out? He said, well, before the
Speaker 1: belt goes, we steal each other's hats. Oh god, it's so.
Speaker 2: It's so cute, and they probably sort of in their groups,
Speaker 2: but like looking over each.
Speaker 1: Those I so remember I used to have crushes on
Speaker 1: boys all the time, but I wouldn't have had the
Speaker 1: confidence to say, can we be boyfriend and girlfriend? But
Speaker 1: there was this one guy, Nathan Stanley, who fucking loved
Speaker 1: me like he loved me and his mum used to
Speaker 1: wear I've told you used to work in the canteen,
Speaker 1: and he'd go and steal me Fredo frogs. And I
Speaker 1: just used to kind of string him along because I
Speaker 1: always wanted the Fredo frogs.
Speaker 2: It's a tale as old as time.
Speaker 1: Oh it's so good the freddo.
Speaker 2: How unsettling is it? Like I look at AlOH when
Speaker 2: I think, oh, he's still a baby, he's still a baby.
Speaker 2: I was his age when I had my first kiss.
Speaker 1: Are you real? Yeah?
Speaker 2: We've talked, yeah, tongue like it was on Camp Dick
Speaker 2: Brenton Steel, my grade six boyfriend. I was in grade five,
Speaker 2: he was in grade six.
Speaker 1: So you were Arlo's age. That's just so it's too young.
Speaker 1: That's so unbelieved. I said to him, you know, do
Speaker 1: you have you given her a kiss on the cheek?
Speaker 1: He's like no, Like I can tell he's nowhere. They're
Speaker 1: near there. He's still a very young ten year old. Like,
Speaker 1: while having a girlfriend, he's already in a club. He's
Speaker 1: also in a game called the Bumblebee Gang. So exactly
Speaker 1: that is what I want. I'm like, I want you
Speaker 1: to stay as innocent and as young as possible. But
Speaker 1: he does have this girlfriend. Anyway, I said to him, so,
Speaker 1: how's this other kid who goes to school? I saw
Speaker 1: his mum and I said, you know, how's Billy. Do
Speaker 1: you see Billy at school? And he goes, why And
Speaker 1: I said, no reason, I just saw Billy's mom. I'm asking.
Speaker 1: He goes, he's flirting with that. I'm not going to
Speaker 1: say her name. He's flirting with Sally. And I said, really,
Speaker 1: I mean Sally's allowed to have other boys that are
Speaker 1: friends and She's like, no, who's really flirting with her?
Speaker 1: And I don't like it at all? They of young
Speaker 1: Love's so good. Anyway, you have a list, moving on
Speaker 1: to something completely unconnected, of baby names that have been banned.
Speaker 1: Every now and then this happens because somebody just stretches
Speaker 1: it a little too far. Well, it comes out.
Speaker 3: I think.
Speaker 2: I think it's yearly maybe, But it's an official list
Speaker 2: of names that are banned in Australia. Names you, there's
Speaker 2: eighty nine names you aren't legally unable.
Speaker 1: To call your kyeah.
Speaker 2: Right, So the names that are prohibited are names that
Speaker 2: are obscene or offensive, include swear words, descriptions of violent
Speaker 2: or sexual acts, racial or cultural slurs, alcohol or drug references,
Speaker 2: or any words intended to insult or offend. Fair enough, fair,
Speaker 2: there are a few that feel a bit harsh to
Speaker 2: ban for me, So right, Australia is banned. I wouldn't
Speaker 2: say my kidnap, but I mean that could be a
Speaker 2: cute name. Like It's like when you think Aurelia is
Speaker 2: a name.
Speaker 1: But is Aralia or a country? Now?
Speaker 2: But what does it matter if the kids called a country?
Speaker 3: I don't even get why it's weird that it's banned.
Speaker 3: It is weird because you imagine calling your kid us
Speaker 3: A hold on, aren't people called England and London?
Speaker 1: London?
Speaker 2: Definitely London, but that's a city.
Speaker 1: I guess you can call kids Victoria as well and Adelaide. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but yes, the country. Yeah the line.
Speaker 2: Okay, Duke, which I actually think is a cute name.
Speaker 2: I know, Duke d uk E. Yeah, well, this is
Speaker 2: the thing. The second then the third name that I
Speaker 2: noticed was Justice.
Speaker 1: Which I think he's people justice as well is.
Speaker 2: Just is Justice. So I'm like, these must be more recent.
Speaker 1: They have to be because Duke is the same age
Speaker 1: as Baxter, so he's thirteen, and.
Speaker 2: Duke's a great name.
Speaker 1: It's an awesome name. It's definitely d uk and yes,
Speaker 1: Justice is Pip's son, so it has to be newer.
Speaker 1: Justice is a great name.
Speaker 2: Too, yes, but I think so it's like, there seems
Speaker 2: to be on this list a real general thing with titles,
Speaker 2: So there's like Lieutenant, Lady General, Emperor, Pope, father, right,
Speaker 2: so you know, obviously it's a very recent thing if
Speaker 2: you're talking about a thirteen year old called Duke, but
Speaker 2: that seems preposterous to me. Yeah, one of the names
Speaker 2: on there is Ned Kelly. Does that mean that if
Speaker 2: your surname's Kelly, you can't call you kid ned? Or
Speaker 2: does it mean that the first name can't be so
Speaker 2: it can't be like Ned Kelly, Diamond, like Julie?
Speaker 1: How are you not allowed that? Is it like his?
Speaker 1: What is it called? When houses you can't knock down
Speaker 1: the front of house? And heritage? Yeah, maybe it's a
Speaker 1: heritage listed name.
Speaker 2: Well, I don't know. He was a bad was he
Speaker 2: a baddie?
Speaker 1: Well? Yeah, he was a bushrange stranger. Yeah, but also
Speaker 1: like you wouldn't say you like you wanted to call
Speaker 1: your son Ivan Malatt Like I know you wouldn't. But
Speaker 1: is that illegal?
Speaker 2: Well, this is the strange thing that dickhead and shitthead
Speaker 2: are on there, but fuckhead I'll beat this, fuck stick
Speaker 2: and dumbcunt are not. Do not beat that, oh, because
Speaker 2: you know some people have real issues with that word.
Speaker 2: I love it, So they seem much more aggressive to me,
Speaker 2: So like a shithead, And why would shithead and dickhead
Speaker 2: even be on the list, And then those other names not?
Speaker 1: You know why they're on there because people have put
Speaker 1: these forward. That's what's happened. I don't think that they've
Speaker 1: actually gone are like out of all the heads, Okay,
Speaker 1: those ones are gonna is. People have put it through.
Speaker 2: People have applied. Well, well, their niece is really concerning
Speaker 2: because here are some of my personal favorites. Long head Commodore.
Speaker 2: Oh wow, cyanide ah, I mean cy cyh for sure, Facebook,
Speaker 2: G Bang not G Banger, just G Bang Bang, I
Speaker 2: kia iMac, Jesus Christ made care.
Speaker 1: Oh my, is this this for a real?
Speaker 2: This is for real? I saw it on multiple multiple sites. Wow, Natala,
Speaker 2: Why can't you call the kid Natala? So is it
Speaker 2: any brand? I don't know. It doesn't walk like Natala's
Speaker 2: not offensive either, So I don't know how these guidelines work.
Speaker 2: But Osama bin Laden and Adolf Hitler. Imagine you're at
Speaker 2: the park with your kid and your kid's names Adolf Hitler,
Speaker 2: and you're going Adolf Hitler, Adolf Hitler, come on, time
Speaker 2: to go home, Adolf Hitler. Or if your kid said
Speaker 2: Imaginallo said mum, can my friend Osama bin Laden, Comfort
Speaker 2: and some other ones are Passport Ranger, RoboCop, Satan, Scrotum,
Speaker 2: soccer Rouse and constable.
Speaker 1: Wow, I reckon that has to be where people have
Speaker 1: gone to put them through. I still think justice and
Speaker 1: Juke is madness, so crazy, but I do think that
Speaker 1: there is some form of protection that has to happen
Speaker 1: for the kid. But I imagine gone a bit far.
Speaker 1: But Ikea is like if you wanted to call your kid,
Speaker 1: I Kia Kiki.
Speaker 2: That's cute, And imagine your name was RoboCop in the playground, or.
Speaker 1: Just imagine it was just Natella Natella. That's well.
Speaker 2: I wonder if Natino the imo Natella.
Speaker 1: Is there a Natino? I bet it doesn't taste anywhere
Speaker 1: near as good.
Speaker 2: No, I don't know if it's a nut free version
Speaker 2: or something, or the version woggier version.
Speaker 1: I don't think Natino would be nut free, do you.
Speaker 1: I don't reckon Here we go into something else completely
Speaker 1: not related to the names. But I want to talk
Speaker 1: about irrational things that really bother you. I think I've
Speaker 1: mentioned this before, but last night a basic dinner, Alo
Speaker 1: was having eggs on toast. I said, Sammy, can you
Speaker 1: make the eggs just scrambled eggs on toast? So he
Speaker 1: puts the eggs in the pot and he gets a whisk.
Speaker 1: The way this man fucking whisks is so ridiculous. It
Speaker 1: goes for about five minutes and it's so fucking hard
Speaker 1: and aggressive that I literally griped my teeth and close
Speaker 1: my eyes through it because I'm like, don't tell him off.
Speaker 1: It's not tellof worthy, but in my head it's going
Speaker 1: against it. It pains me how he whisks an.
Speaker 2: Egg something about men and noises. Why are they so loud?
Speaker 1: They're so loud like the I mean, it goes without
Speaker 1: saying all of us get annoyed with how they chew,
Speaker 1: the way he chooses so aggressive, and it's so it's
Speaker 1: like he's got a mind. I'm like, it looks like
Speaker 1: you've got a microphone in your mouth, Like it's so loud.
Speaker 2: But it's also like Mark, yawn's really loud. Oh it's late,
Speaker 2: like it could be eleven thirty. I'm down here working.
Speaker 2: He's like in the there's like every time I say
Speaker 2: this sounds like I live in a marchion, but I don't.
Speaker 2: But it's the house is across three levels, right, so
Speaker 2: I'm at the bottom, he's in the middle. The kids
Speaker 2: are asleep at the top, right, Like he yawns, but
Speaker 2: he has to yawn and go the kids are sleeping.
Speaker 2: Every time he's just say can you record him? I'm
Speaker 2: going to record next time he whisks, I'm going to
Speaker 2: get my phone and I'm going to record it because
Speaker 2: you'll see how annoying it is. It's like he gets
Speaker 2: scrapes every part of the pan. Oh, it's so fucked up.
Speaker 2: Mark's heavy on his feet. And when he's walking around
Speaker 2: the house in slippers, which I would never wear.
Speaker 1: Really would you never wear a slipper?
Speaker 2: Always barefoot, which he can't can't.
Speaker 1: I can never. I will have my re what do
Speaker 1: they call, like birkenstocks on, or my slippers on. I
Speaker 1: cannot walk a barefoot on a tile.
Speaker 2: I never have shoes on in the house. It doesn't
Speaker 2: matter if it's the epths of winter. My feet are
Speaker 2: always really Yeah, but the sound of the slippers kill me.
Speaker 2: The sound of thongs, pop, sound of thongs.
Speaker 1: Yeah. See Sam, when he's footless, he's got a flat
Speaker 1: foot and so on the tiles, it's like it's like
Speaker 1: they're gripping each time he lives.
Speaker 2: Oh my god. And it's like the noises, Like I've
Speaker 2: said this before, but with the ice cream at night,
Speaker 2: we put our loads on a plastic.
Speaker 1: Goes into tap of air. Every night. We put it
Speaker 1: in tap ofwir because you try. I'm like, it's empty, mate,
Speaker 1: it's empty. Like it drives me crackers.
Speaker 2: I said, I'd rather you stick your tongue in there
Speaker 2: and lick it out, Like, yeah, that's.
Speaker 1: Sound doing that. When you're a kid, you lick the
Speaker 1: whole bowl out.
Speaker 2: I still lick something if I really, like, do you really?
Speaker 2: I mean not in public, but if.
Speaker 1: I would, that's weird.
Speaker 2: Leak knives y, I'd lock a knife, dare devil live
Speaker 2: on the I wouldn't lick a play.
Speaker 1: That's so ridiculous. Okay, something else that's a rational that
Speaker 1: annoys me. Tell me's on Instagram when people go like,
Speaker 1: they'll put up a video and they'll go. She didn't
Speaker 1: know this yet, but in ten years she will have
Speaker 1: two kids when she thought she would have none. She
Speaker 1: has found the man of her dreams. Oh, I cannot.
Speaker 1: It's a very gwenous Paltrow thing to do. She saw it.
Speaker 1: She did it the other day and I was like, fuck,
Speaker 1: I hate when people do that.
Speaker 2: I mean the idea. I think the original idea is
Speaker 2: probably spawned by trying to make people think hang in
Speaker 2: there it'll get better, yeah, or whatever.
Speaker 1: Because you don't know what your future. Of course, the
Speaker 1: sentiment's great, the actual practicality of it and reading it
Speaker 1: is so nauseating.
Speaker 2: Because now it's just narcissistic.
Speaker 1: Now sarcissistic.
Speaker 2: Look at my life, Look at what I've achieved. Yeah,
Speaker 2: it is what it is. But this would be me
Speaker 2: fifteen years ago. She doesn't know it yet, but she'll
Speaker 2: lose her job because she falls pregnant. She'll give birth
Speaker 2: to three neurodivergent children. Her mum will die of cancer
Speaker 2: in front of her eyes. She will spiral into a depression.
Speaker 1: I should put that on install.
Speaker 2: I don't know what. That's a fucking great idea, if
Speaker 2: we should do one each. She didn't know it yet,
Speaker 2: but she was going to completely spiral out of control.
Speaker 1: She was going to get anxiety and depression and go
Speaker 1: through six lots of medication before she had to move
Speaker 1: to a full mood stabilizer.
Speaker 2: She was going to hate her life in ways she
Speaker 2: never imagined.
Speaker 1: She's going to sit in the downstairs level for days
Speaker 1: on end and become a vampire. I fucking love it.
Speaker 2: That is a brilliant idea.
Speaker 1: That is so funny. Oh my god.
Speaker 2: I am also like that with people saying stuff like
Speaker 2: I'm not crying, you're crying. Yeah, you know, it's like
Speaker 2: someone cutting onions in here, Yeah.
Speaker 1: Like denying them. Yeah, I'm not crying, you're crying. I know.
Speaker 1: It's so well, yeah.
Speaker 2: You know what I've got on my list. That is
Speaker 2: such a silly thing that I don't even know if
Speaker 2: people do anymore. Remember when you'd walk into a shop
Speaker 2: like Maya or whatever, the people with the perfumes.
Speaker 1: Oh, the perfume samplers.
Speaker 2: Are they still around? I fucking hate that.
Speaker 1: I can't tell you how long it is since I've
Speaker 1: been into a place like that. I don't even know
Speaker 1: the last time I went into a shop, let into
Speaker 1: a department store, but it used to give me a
Speaker 1: headache as a kid walking through. They'd just be spraying
Speaker 1: them in there, you know, their black and white uniforms.
Speaker 1: I vividly remember, though. I saw an actor from Home
Speaker 1: and Away do it once and I was very young,
Speaker 1: and it made me sad because I'm like, they clearly
Speaker 1: weren't didn't have jobs anymore, so they were a perfume sampler.
Speaker 2: Such a front facing.
Speaker 1: Oh it was so it just confronted me and I
Speaker 1: was very young.
Speaker 2: Little did they know that they'd go from an acting
Speaker 2: career to a perfume spoil that funny.
Speaker 1: Alright, well let's get out of here. Mal. Thank you
Speaker 1: so much for listening. Hit us up with anything that
Speaker 1: irrationally annoys you, because they're bloody funny. Because the stuff
Speaker 1: that annoys us all is so ridiculous that you have
Speaker 1: to keep half of them in. But this is the
Speaker 1: forum that you can let it out. Shaw and Tel
Speaker 1: Podcasts is where you can find us. We have a
Speaker 1: Patreon where we do a little episode every two weeks
Speaker 1: for those guys, I think it starts about five months.
Speaker 1: Five bucks a month for a membership just helps with
Speaker 1: the running of the podcast. Give us a rating or
Speaker 1: a comment wherever you listen to your podcast and we'll
Speaker 1: touch you soon.
Speaker 2: Love you.