1 00:00:00,120 --> 00:00:04,519 Speaker 1: Hi guys, welcome back to Tuesday's episode of Just for Girls. 2 00:00:05,320 --> 00:00:07,400 Speaker 1: You may only be able to hear my voice, and 3 00:00:07,400 --> 00:00:09,840 Speaker 1: that's because Izzy's unfortunately lost her voice. 4 00:00:09,880 --> 00:00:10,920 Speaker 2: She lost it at Drake. 5 00:00:10,800 --> 00:00:13,360 Speaker 1: Last night, so there was no point in her really 6 00:00:13,400 --> 00:00:17,239 Speaker 1: being here today because she actually can't speak. So you're 7 00:00:17,400 --> 00:00:20,239 Speaker 1: just joined by me. But I'm so excited today because 8 00:00:20,280 --> 00:00:23,200 Speaker 1: we have a confidence coach on board and she actually 9 00:00:23,239 --> 00:00:25,040 Speaker 1: is looking at me right now. And I said that 10 00:00:25,079 --> 00:00:27,720 Speaker 1: I would do the intro alone after she left, but 11 00:00:27,840 --> 00:00:29,319 Speaker 1: she wants to judge me. 12 00:00:29,960 --> 00:00:31,560 Speaker 3: I'm not judging that she wants to. 13 00:00:32,080 --> 00:00:35,120 Speaker 1: She's gonna make sure that I do it confidently. So yeah, 14 00:00:35,159 --> 00:00:38,680 Speaker 1: we have Ashley. She is the founder and CEO of 15 00:00:38,800 --> 00:00:43,320 Speaker 1: Tear Society, with almost a decade of experience in TV news, 16 00:00:43,360 --> 00:00:46,519 Speaker 1: reporting and producing for major networks like nine News and 17 00:00:46,640 --> 00:00:50,280 Speaker 1: ten News. First, ash is the perfect person to talk 18 00:00:50,360 --> 00:00:53,440 Speaker 1: all things confidence in today's episode, So let's just jump 19 00:00:53,479 --> 00:00:59,240 Speaker 1: straight into it and welcome ash So, welcome Ashley into 20 00:00:59,280 --> 00:01:02,160 Speaker 1: the josph Girls podcast. It is just me again. As 21 00:01:02,200 --> 00:01:05,399 Speaker 1: I said, I am missing my other half, but welcome. 22 00:01:05,160 --> 00:01:07,800 Speaker 4: Thank you. It's so amazing. This is actually a gorgeous face. 23 00:01:07,959 --> 00:01:09,720 Speaker 2: It's very comforting. Is it is. 24 00:01:09,800 --> 00:01:12,520 Speaker 4: I love it and the lighting is just love it 25 00:01:12,520 --> 00:01:13,600 Speaker 4: it is. We love good camera. 26 00:01:14,319 --> 00:01:16,840 Speaker 2: Look good to the camera. Don't worry. So can you 27 00:01:16,880 --> 00:01:17,959 Speaker 2: share a little bit. 28 00:01:17,840 --> 00:01:20,399 Speaker 1: About your journey and how you became a confidence coach? 29 00:01:20,480 --> 00:01:22,679 Speaker 1: Like what made you want to do this and spread 30 00:01:22,720 --> 00:01:23,680 Speaker 1: this type of stuff? 31 00:01:24,040 --> 00:01:25,200 Speaker 3: So it's funny. 32 00:01:25,480 --> 00:01:29,039 Speaker 5: I actually started in a very different realm. So my 33 00:01:29,120 --> 00:01:32,240 Speaker 5: background is in TV journalism. I've been a producer and 34 00:01:32,400 --> 00:01:34,880 Speaker 5: a journalist for almost ten years. 35 00:01:35,000 --> 00:01:38,520 Speaker 3: Wow, okay, I cannot believe. I let's get it up there, 36 00:01:39,080 --> 00:01:39,360 Speaker 3: I know. 37 00:01:39,840 --> 00:01:44,120 Speaker 5: And I was doing that all through COVID. I was 38 00:01:44,160 --> 00:01:47,000 Speaker 5: working and it was horrific. It was so bad, Like 39 00:01:47,040 --> 00:01:51,000 Speaker 5: everything was hard during COVID. After COVID, though, I felt 40 00:01:51,040 --> 00:01:54,840 Speaker 5: really burnt out. I felt like I had no direction. 41 00:01:55,040 --> 00:01:57,480 Speaker 5: I was very unhappy, and so I was like, okay, 42 00:01:57,720 --> 00:02:01,520 Speaker 5: let's do something radical. So I quit my job, packed 43 00:02:01,560 --> 00:02:04,480 Speaker 5: up my house and went traveling free year. I went 44 00:02:04,560 --> 00:02:07,960 Speaker 5: away with like no return ticket. So it was literally 45 00:02:08,000 --> 00:02:10,000 Speaker 5: like I'm just basically escaping. 46 00:02:10,240 --> 00:02:13,280 Speaker 1: Yeah, I waits hoping that's going to fix it. 47 00:02:13,480 --> 00:02:15,840 Speaker 5: Literally, well you know what it actually did. Wow, Okay, 48 00:02:16,760 --> 00:02:19,600 Speaker 5: to know anyone who wants to please do it. 49 00:02:20,280 --> 00:02:22,680 Speaker 3: So I went away and while I was overseas. 50 00:02:22,760 --> 00:02:25,000 Speaker 5: After a while, you know, it does get a bit 51 00:02:25,200 --> 00:02:27,440 Speaker 5: like because I was just traveling, I was like, what 52 00:02:27,480 --> 00:02:29,720 Speaker 5: else can I do? You know, I actually want to 53 00:02:29,760 --> 00:02:31,400 Speaker 5: do something. I want a bit of purpose because I 54 00:02:31,400 --> 00:02:34,160 Speaker 5: am a driven person. So it does get a bit boring. 55 00:02:34,440 --> 00:02:36,800 Speaker 2: Yes, I really get that statement. 56 00:02:37,320 --> 00:02:42,320 Speaker 5: Yeah, And so part way through I just had to 57 00:02:42,360 --> 00:02:45,040 Speaker 5: sit down and I had to think about what do 58 00:02:45,080 --> 00:02:46,160 Speaker 5: I actually like to do? 59 00:02:46,240 --> 00:02:47,200 Speaker 3: What do I want to do? 60 00:02:47,760 --> 00:02:50,200 Speaker 5: Because I didn't want to have to live every day 61 00:02:51,080 --> 00:02:52,720 Speaker 5: that I wasn't happy with in a way that I 62 00:02:52,720 --> 00:02:54,440 Speaker 5: wasn't happy with, you know, so I wrote down a 63 00:02:54,800 --> 00:02:58,200 Speaker 5: really simple list, like I love sunshine, I love talking 64 00:02:58,200 --> 00:02:58,680 Speaker 5: to people. 65 00:02:58,800 --> 00:03:01,320 Speaker 3: I love clothes that I love red wine. 66 00:03:01,400 --> 00:03:04,600 Speaker 5: I love public speaking, which for a lot of people 67 00:03:04,720 --> 00:03:06,120 Speaker 5: is wild, but I love it. 68 00:03:06,560 --> 00:03:08,680 Speaker 1: I hated that stuff in primary school and you had 69 00:03:08,680 --> 00:03:10,359 Speaker 1: to do those speeches about a certain topic. 70 00:03:10,760 --> 00:03:12,760 Speaker 2: That was my worst nightmare. And here I am having 71 00:03:12,800 --> 00:03:13,320 Speaker 2: a podcast. 72 00:03:13,320 --> 00:03:15,720 Speaker 5: But I know, I feel like it's slightly different because 73 00:03:15,720 --> 00:03:17,799 Speaker 5: it's just like, yeah, a couple of people. 74 00:03:17,560 --> 00:03:18,720 Speaker 2: I wouldn't do it in front of a crowd. 75 00:03:19,280 --> 00:03:22,400 Speaker 3: See that's what I love. Really, Wow, I love it 76 00:03:22,400 --> 00:03:22,880 Speaker 3: a lot, and. 77 00:03:23,000 --> 00:03:26,240 Speaker 5: It's yeah, it's quite wild. But I set out that 78 00:03:26,320 --> 00:03:29,359 Speaker 5: whole list and then I thought about how can I 79 00:03:29,400 --> 00:03:32,760 Speaker 5: condense it into something that I can actually do. So 80 00:03:32,800 --> 00:03:35,680 Speaker 5: I didn't really start out talking about confidence. It was 81 00:03:35,720 --> 00:03:38,800 Speaker 5: more about women's empowerment. It was very much about the 82 00:03:38,840 --> 00:03:42,800 Speaker 5: scarcity mindset. It was very much about getting women together 83 00:03:42,880 --> 00:03:45,040 Speaker 5: to help each other progress. 84 00:03:45,320 --> 00:03:45,600 Speaker 1: Yeah. 85 00:03:45,640 --> 00:03:48,560 Speaker 5: I guess coming from a really male dominated industry, that 86 00:03:48,760 --> 00:03:51,680 Speaker 5: was my biggest one of the biggest challenges that I 87 00:03:51,960 --> 00:03:54,040 Speaker 5: that I faced that I saw other people face, and 88 00:03:54,080 --> 00:03:56,400 Speaker 5: that's something that I wanted to try and tackle. Yeah, 89 00:03:56,560 --> 00:03:58,520 Speaker 5: And so I thought, how can I do this? I 90 00:03:58,520 --> 00:04:03,280 Speaker 5: guess through education, through connection, through networking, those kinds of things, 91 00:04:03,360 --> 00:04:05,760 Speaker 5: because it's all about you know, you see the boys 92 00:04:05,840 --> 00:04:08,320 Speaker 5: Club and you think about the Boys Club and you go, Okay, 93 00:04:08,360 --> 00:04:10,960 Speaker 5: what do they do that make it successful? They all 94 00:04:11,040 --> 00:04:14,160 Speaker 5: rally for each other, they all help each other, they 95 00:04:14,240 --> 00:04:16,800 Speaker 5: give each other tips and tricks, you know, they prop 96 00:04:16,839 --> 00:04:19,080 Speaker 5: each other up. And so I'm thinking, how can I 97 00:04:19,120 --> 00:04:23,200 Speaker 5: do that for women so that we can get the 98 00:04:23,279 --> 00:04:24,120 Speaker 5: same benefits. 99 00:04:25,200 --> 00:04:26,360 Speaker 3: And so that's sort of. 100 00:04:26,279 --> 00:04:29,600 Speaker 5: How it started, and then it just morphed into something else, 101 00:04:29,640 --> 00:04:32,480 Speaker 5: and I guess for me, it really came out organically 102 00:04:32,480 --> 00:04:35,640 Speaker 5: because I started teaching all of these skills and trying 103 00:04:35,680 --> 00:04:38,000 Speaker 5: to help other women, and I thought, Okay, you know what, 104 00:04:38,040 --> 00:04:40,960 Speaker 5: this all actually boils down to confidence and communication. 105 00:04:41,640 --> 00:04:44,800 Speaker 3: And I have always been told and I'm a confident person. 106 00:04:45,600 --> 00:04:47,640 Speaker 5: Like back in high school, one of my friends literally 107 00:04:47,680 --> 00:04:49,200 Speaker 5: said to me, I want to be like you and 108 00:04:49,200 --> 00:04:51,159 Speaker 5: be confident when I'm older. And I looked at her 109 00:04:51,240 --> 00:04:54,200 Speaker 5: and I was like, I don't think I'm confident. 110 00:04:55,000 --> 00:04:55,520 Speaker 3: But then I. 111 00:04:55,520 --> 00:04:59,520 Speaker 5: Realized that there are ways to show confidence. 112 00:05:00,200 --> 00:05:01,680 Speaker 3: And then I did some work on. 113 00:05:01,680 --> 00:05:06,520 Speaker 5: Myself after traveling to sort of you know, everyone needs 114 00:05:06,560 --> 00:05:08,520 Speaker 5: to do work on themselves, I guess, and so during 115 00:05:08,560 --> 00:05:11,920 Speaker 5: that work, I realized the internal ways to build confidence 116 00:05:11,920 --> 00:05:13,920 Speaker 5: as well, and so that's how it sort of came about. 117 00:05:13,960 --> 00:05:17,320 Speaker 5: And now, yeah, all I do is teach confidence and communication. 118 00:05:17,440 --> 00:05:20,360 Speaker 3: And I still you know, I'm on TV sometimes and 119 00:05:20,480 --> 00:05:21,920 Speaker 3: behind the scenes in the newsroom. 120 00:05:22,120 --> 00:05:23,240 Speaker 2: Wow, that's so cool. 121 00:05:23,240 --> 00:05:25,000 Speaker 1: I think it's quite a taboo thing to say that 122 00:05:25,040 --> 00:05:28,599 Speaker 1: you're a confident woman. I sometimes get some comments on 123 00:05:28,640 --> 00:05:31,640 Speaker 1: my TikTok or. I also grew up quite like an 124 00:05:31,680 --> 00:05:34,640 Speaker 1: extroverted kid and everyone was like, wow, you're so confident, 125 00:05:34,680 --> 00:05:37,400 Speaker 1: and I would not say I'm a confident person. I 126 00:05:37,440 --> 00:05:40,440 Speaker 1: think I have a facade that's very confident, but who 127 00:05:40,440 --> 00:05:43,640 Speaker 1: I am as an individual is not very confident. Everyone 128 00:05:43,640 --> 00:05:46,400 Speaker 1: has insecurities, and I think I live in my head 129 00:05:46,400 --> 00:05:49,039 Speaker 1: with those insecurities. But I think it's a big thing 130 00:05:49,680 --> 00:05:51,960 Speaker 1: for women to be like, yeah, I'm a really confident person, 131 00:05:51,960 --> 00:05:54,520 Speaker 1: and then people think that then you're egotistical if you 132 00:05:54,600 --> 00:05:57,159 Speaker 1: are confident, And I think they're two different things, like 133 00:05:57,200 --> 00:05:59,039 Speaker 1: would you agree totally? 134 00:05:59,040 --> 00:06:01,000 Speaker 5: And I feel like that come down to the scarcity 135 00:06:01,040 --> 00:06:03,279 Speaker 5: mindset a little bit and some of the constructs in 136 00:06:03,320 --> 00:06:07,520 Speaker 5: our society around women being able to be proud of 137 00:06:07,560 --> 00:06:11,440 Speaker 5: themselves and show up, you know, because why are they 138 00:06:11,480 --> 00:06:14,080 Speaker 5: saying that you're too confident? Why are they trying to 139 00:06:14,080 --> 00:06:14,960 Speaker 5: pull you down? 140 00:06:15,440 --> 00:06:15,600 Speaker 4: Right? 141 00:06:15,920 --> 00:06:19,320 Speaker 5: It's funny on my Instagram caption, I have not bossy, 142 00:06:19,560 --> 00:06:24,599 Speaker 5: just a bossy and so many men message me about it. 143 00:06:24,760 --> 00:06:28,120 Speaker 1: Right, and they're upset because I don't think men like 144 00:06:28,160 --> 00:06:29,000 Speaker 1: a confident woman. 145 00:06:29,480 --> 00:06:32,600 Speaker 5: Okay, I kind of agree, but I kind of disagree, 146 00:06:32,600 --> 00:06:33,880 Speaker 5: and I have a story about that. But I want 147 00:06:33,920 --> 00:06:36,480 Speaker 5: to talk quickly about you saying that you know how 148 00:06:36,480 --> 00:06:39,600 Speaker 5: to put it on. Yes, So when I talk about confidence, 149 00:06:39,960 --> 00:06:43,320 Speaker 5: because you know, it can sometimes sound like an elusive 150 00:06:43,520 --> 00:06:44,880 Speaker 5: topic or like huge, and. 151 00:06:44,839 --> 00:06:46,400 Speaker 3: You're like, I don't even know where to start. 152 00:06:47,000 --> 00:06:48,760 Speaker 5: A lot of people think that you're born with it 153 00:06:49,279 --> 00:06:51,040 Speaker 5: and that it's just something that you have. 154 00:06:51,320 --> 00:06:54,480 Speaker 3: But that's where I like to break. 155 00:06:54,279 --> 00:06:58,479 Speaker 5: It down into internal confidence and to external confidence. So 156 00:06:58,640 --> 00:07:01,440 Speaker 5: internal confidence it thinks like your self talk, your beliefs, 157 00:07:01,480 --> 00:07:05,479 Speaker 5: your perceptions, your internal dialogue, like how you're thinking, what 158 00:07:05,560 --> 00:07:08,560 Speaker 5: you're saying to yourself. Yeah, your external confidence is your 159 00:07:08,560 --> 00:07:11,280 Speaker 5: body language, how you show up, how you talk to people, 160 00:07:11,840 --> 00:07:17,640 Speaker 5: the strategy behind interactions. And so I feel like, yes, 161 00:07:17,920 --> 00:07:21,600 Speaker 5: people can have one really strong section of. 162 00:07:21,560 --> 00:07:24,440 Speaker 3: That, but when you have if you're really. 163 00:07:24,720 --> 00:07:28,040 Speaker 5: Good at external confidence but you don't have much internal confidence, 164 00:07:28,320 --> 00:07:31,400 Speaker 5: you're going to feel misaligned and you're going to struggle 165 00:07:31,440 --> 00:07:33,600 Speaker 5: showing up in places. You're not going to put your 166 00:07:33,600 --> 00:07:38,320 Speaker 5: best foot forward. And sometimes people can actually tell that. 167 00:07:39,200 --> 00:07:40,800 Speaker 5: You know, if I'm talking to a man who has 168 00:07:40,840 --> 00:07:42,680 Speaker 5: a lot of external confidence but not a lot of 169 00:07:42,680 --> 00:07:45,480 Speaker 5: internal confidence, they feel a little bit slimy, They can 170 00:07:45,520 --> 00:07:47,960 Speaker 5: feel a little bit draining, you know, because they're two 171 00:07:48,000 --> 00:07:50,160 Speaker 5: over the top. Yes, right, But if you have a 172 00:07:50,160 --> 00:07:52,840 Speaker 5: lot of internal confidence and you can't show it you 173 00:07:52,840 --> 00:07:55,560 Speaker 5: don't have external confidence, then you're not going to be 174 00:07:55,600 --> 00:07:57,080 Speaker 5: putting your hand up for things. You're going to be 175 00:07:57,080 --> 00:08:00,280 Speaker 5: missing out on opportunities because you don't know how to 176 00:08:00,320 --> 00:08:05,960 Speaker 5: present yourself in a way that sort of highlights your expertise. 177 00:08:05,440 --> 00:08:05,760 Speaker 3: I guess. 178 00:08:06,240 --> 00:08:08,120 Speaker 5: And so when you're saying that, you know you might 179 00:08:08,160 --> 00:08:10,080 Speaker 5: not have the internal confidence, but you know how to 180 00:08:10,120 --> 00:08:13,680 Speaker 5: put it on perfect because that means that we've got 181 00:08:13,680 --> 00:08:16,280 Speaker 5: a good starting block and now we know the areas 182 00:08:16,320 --> 00:08:18,440 Speaker 5: in which to work. And so I think that that's 183 00:08:18,760 --> 00:08:20,720 Speaker 5: really good. And I think that being able to break 184 00:08:20,760 --> 00:08:24,000 Speaker 5: it down like that into the internal external and then 185 00:08:24,040 --> 00:08:28,360 Speaker 5: you realize that there are actually skills and strategies to 186 00:08:28,400 --> 00:08:30,440 Speaker 5: be able to level them up. 187 00:08:30,920 --> 00:08:32,920 Speaker 3: That's what makes the difference. It's not something that you're 188 00:08:32,920 --> 00:08:34,240 Speaker 3: born with. It's something that you can learn. 189 00:08:34,440 --> 00:08:37,920 Speaker 1: Yeah. Right, And you've mentioned a few times this scarcity mindset. 190 00:08:38,080 --> 00:08:40,160 Speaker 2: What is that? And like what does it mean? 191 00:08:40,720 --> 00:08:44,480 Speaker 5: It's sort of the thought that there isn't enough to 192 00:08:44,520 --> 00:08:49,320 Speaker 5: go around. So a lot in male dominated industries, there 193 00:08:49,320 --> 00:08:51,240 Speaker 5: can be a woman at the top who had to 194 00:08:51,280 --> 00:08:54,200 Speaker 5: work really hard to get there because she had to 195 00:08:54,760 --> 00:08:58,640 Speaker 5: overcome all of the male oppression. She had to overcome 196 00:08:59,160 --> 00:09:03,400 Speaker 5: people thinking a certain way about her. She had to 197 00:09:03,400 --> 00:09:06,959 Speaker 5: overcome a lot of barriers at obstacles, and so now 198 00:09:07,640 --> 00:09:10,240 Speaker 5: she thinks that she's the only one that can be there. 199 00:09:11,120 --> 00:09:13,200 Speaker 5: She doesn't want to help anyone else because she believes 200 00:09:13,240 --> 00:09:15,920 Speaker 5: that there's only one spot for a woman at the top. Yeah, 201 00:09:15,960 --> 00:09:18,080 Speaker 5: she's got it. She doesn't want to give it away. Yeah, 202 00:09:18,280 --> 00:09:20,559 Speaker 5: And so she's not going to help you get there, yes, 203 00:09:20,760 --> 00:09:24,000 Speaker 5: And so the scarcity mindset is basically just the thought 204 00:09:24,160 --> 00:09:27,040 Speaker 5: that there isn't an abundance of something that there isn't 205 00:09:27,679 --> 00:09:28,959 Speaker 5: that's literally my business name. 206 00:09:28,960 --> 00:09:31,120 Speaker 4: There is enough room, and it's. 207 00:09:31,400 --> 00:09:35,000 Speaker 5: Really leaning into the fact that there isn't a scarcity mindset. 208 00:09:35,080 --> 00:09:37,040 Speaker 3: There can be multiple people that are successful. 209 00:09:37,880 --> 00:09:40,839 Speaker 5: Everyone can be successful, everyone can be confident, everyone can 210 00:09:40,880 --> 00:09:43,880 Speaker 5: be you know, the best version of themselves without it 211 00:09:44,679 --> 00:09:45,600 Speaker 5: lessening anyone else. 212 00:09:45,800 --> 00:09:47,080 Speaker 2: Yeah, I completely agree. 213 00:09:47,080 --> 00:09:49,679 Speaker 1: I think, especially something that's really big in my industry 214 00:09:49,800 --> 00:09:52,360 Speaker 1: is like everyone wants to be the best, Everyone wants 215 00:09:52,440 --> 00:09:54,600 Speaker 1: to be the person with the most fault and like, yes, 216 00:09:54,640 --> 00:09:58,439 Speaker 1: it's so superficial and it has such a superficial level 217 00:09:58,480 --> 00:09:58,800 Speaker 1: to it. 218 00:09:58,880 --> 00:10:01,040 Speaker 2: But like I I love. 219 00:10:01,280 --> 00:10:04,160 Speaker 1: Bringing people up with me and like making like I'm 220 00:10:04,400 --> 00:10:07,360 Speaker 1: all about including people, all about people making them each 221 00:10:07,400 --> 00:10:09,760 Speaker 1: other feel good, because I think that that that makes 222 00:10:09,800 --> 00:10:12,440 Speaker 1: you feel good knowing that you have made everybody else 223 00:10:12,480 --> 00:10:15,000 Speaker 1: feel good as well, like you're filling up everyone's cup, 224 00:10:15,080 --> 00:10:18,000 Speaker 1: making sure that everyone's having a good time. I feel like, again, 225 00:10:18,080 --> 00:10:21,400 Speaker 1: for women is really important because teaming together makes you 226 00:10:21,440 --> 00:10:24,840 Speaker 1: so much stronger. I agree, and I think it is 227 00:10:24,960 --> 00:10:26,800 Speaker 1: sad that, like, yeah, as you said, a lot of 228 00:10:27,440 --> 00:10:30,600 Speaker 1: women and powerful women don't have that, and they sometimes do. 229 00:10:30,640 --> 00:10:32,360 Speaker 1: You think that that it's because they think that they 230 00:10:32,400 --> 00:10:33,479 Speaker 1: need to do it alone. 231 00:10:34,160 --> 00:10:34,760 Speaker 3: I think that. 232 00:10:34,679 --> 00:10:36,400 Speaker 5: We've sort of been told that we have to do 233 00:10:36,440 --> 00:10:38,760 Speaker 5: it alone. Okay, But I think that it's changing a 234 00:10:38,800 --> 00:10:41,720 Speaker 5: lot because there are a lot of women that I 235 00:10:41,760 --> 00:10:45,640 Speaker 5: speak to in high level positions that are so willing 236 00:10:45,679 --> 00:10:48,240 Speaker 5: with their time, that are so helpful, that are so 237 00:10:48,440 --> 00:10:51,720 Speaker 5: good nowadays, I think that it's changing a lot, but 238 00:10:51,800 --> 00:10:55,199 Speaker 5: there are still a lot of people in the mid level, 239 00:10:55,280 --> 00:10:57,920 Speaker 5: I guess, that are scared of their position. I think 240 00:10:57,960 --> 00:11:00,319 Speaker 5: it's once you realize as well that like help other 241 00:11:00,320 --> 00:11:04,079 Speaker 5: people and bringing like in a group and everyone leveling 242 00:11:04,160 --> 00:11:07,439 Speaker 5: up is like you also will level up too. Yeah, 243 00:11:07,440 --> 00:11:09,679 Speaker 5: And it's okay if someone like wait, maybe earn more 244 00:11:09,720 --> 00:11:12,199 Speaker 5: money than you or like you, their business is more successful. 245 00:11:12,240 --> 00:11:15,120 Speaker 5: But I think then the comparison is then what knocks 246 00:11:15,120 --> 00:11:20,080 Speaker 5: your confidence? Yeah, but I think that it's having you know, 247 00:11:20,200 --> 00:11:23,520 Speaker 5: good people around you. You never know when things will happen. 248 00:11:23,640 --> 00:11:28,120 Speaker 5: Like my network has helped me get so many great opportunities, 249 00:11:28,160 --> 00:11:32,080 Speaker 5: and I think that without that support from others, and 250 00:11:32,120 --> 00:11:34,960 Speaker 5: without sort of giving away things for free and being 251 00:11:35,000 --> 00:11:38,760 Speaker 5: helpful and trying to actually encourage other people, without that, 252 00:11:38,800 --> 00:11:41,200 Speaker 5: I wouldn't be where I am for sure. 253 00:11:42,920 --> 00:11:46,640 Speaker 1: And before you you kind of agreed with me on 254 00:11:47,440 --> 00:11:50,000 Speaker 1: men not lacking a confident woman. 255 00:11:50,360 --> 00:11:52,200 Speaker 2: Yes, what are your views on this? 256 00:11:52,480 --> 00:11:56,680 Speaker 1: Because I always say that they don't like a powerful woman, 257 00:11:57,360 --> 00:12:00,480 Speaker 1: they don't like a girl. This is very generalized for people. 258 00:12:00,480 --> 00:12:03,080 Speaker 1: Come for me like, I feel like, if you have 259 00:12:03,240 --> 00:12:06,280 Speaker 1: big goals, you have big ambitions as a woman, A 260 00:12:06,280 --> 00:12:09,440 Speaker 1: man's almost like they don't really know where they fit 261 00:12:09,760 --> 00:12:12,599 Speaker 1: in that because I think through this whole day and 262 00:12:12,679 --> 00:12:15,800 Speaker 1: age and as we've evolved over time, men are the 263 00:12:15,800 --> 00:12:19,560 Speaker 1: ones who typically have provided for the women. They are 264 00:12:19,559 --> 00:12:22,520 Speaker 1: meant to look after the family money wise financially, and 265 00:12:22,600 --> 00:12:25,040 Speaker 1: then the women's meant to like stereotypically meant to stay 266 00:12:25,040 --> 00:12:27,120 Speaker 1: at home and raise the kids and look after the 267 00:12:27,120 --> 00:12:29,640 Speaker 1: family and hold the family fought down. But as everything's 268 00:12:29,840 --> 00:12:32,360 Speaker 1: changed over time, women want a career, women want to 269 00:12:32,360 --> 00:12:34,760 Speaker 1: make something of theirselves, and they don't want to be 270 00:12:34,960 --> 00:12:37,560 Speaker 1: just tied to their husband. So then men are like, well, 271 00:12:37,600 --> 00:12:38,520 Speaker 1: where do I fit in that? 272 00:12:39,440 --> 00:12:41,640 Speaker 3: I have so much to say on this, please. 273 00:12:42,600 --> 00:12:44,120 Speaker 2: I think about this all the time. 274 00:12:45,000 --> 00:12:47,200 Speaker 5: I don't know how I'm going to try and condense 275 00:12:47,240 --> 00:12:49,320 Speaker 5: it all, but I think, like, I agree with you, 276 00:12:49,360 --> 00:12:52,960 Speaker 5: and I think that the roles are really changing, and 277 00:12:53,040 --> 00:12:55,800 Speaker 5: I think that what women are expecting from men is 278 00:12:55,880 --> 00:12:59,160 Speaker 5: changing really quickly, and so it's quite difficult for everyone 279 00:12:59,280 --> 00:13:03,080 Speaker 5: in society because it's always been a certain way and 280 00:13:03,160 --> 00:13:06,559 Speaker 5: now we have different expectations, and so, you know, I 281 00:13:06,600 --> 00:13:09,319 Speaker 5: think sometimes I'm like, oh, you know, it is difficult 282 00:13:09,360 --> 00:13:11,559 Speaker 5: for men, and then sometimes I'm like, yeah, but. 283 00:13:12,600 --> 00:13:14,760 Speaker 3: Anyway, especially. 284 00:13:16,000 --> 00:13:18,600 Speaker 5: But I think that it really comes down to a 285 00:13:18,600 --> 00:13:22,760 Speaker 5: certain type of guy. So there are definitely men who 286 00:13:23,920 --> 00:13:27,840 Speaker 5: would be intimidated by success, by big goals, by someone 287 00:13:27,880 --> 00:13:32,120 Speaker 5: who is confident. But I have had so many experiences 288 00:13:32,160 --> 00:13:35,760 Speaker 5: with guys who are attracted to it. So funnily enough, 289 00:13:35,880 --> 00:13:40,959 Speaker 5: One of my most successful prompts on Hinge is, I 290 00:13:41,120 --> 00:13:44,960 Speaker 5: say it is leave a comment if you want to 291 00:13:44,960 --> 00:13:46,280 Speaker 5: hear my news report of voice. 292 00:13:46,880 --> 00:13:50,520 Speaker 4: Okay, So many people send me scripts to read. 293 00:13:51,280 --> 00:13:52,679 Speaker 2: Really yes, yes, it. 294 00:13:52,679 --> 00:13:53,160 Speaker 3: Is so funny. 295 00:13:53,200 --> 00:13:55,240 Speaker 5: They write like little scripts for me. But a lot 296 00:13:55,320 --> 00:13:58,760 Speaker 5: of them are like, that's sexy. The news report of 297 00:13:58,840 --> 00:14:00,640 Speaker 5: voice is sexy. And I think that's because it's. 298 00:14:00,480 --> 00:14:02,440 Speaker 3: Like powerful, right, Okay, Yeah. 299 00:14:02,520 --> 00:14:05,320 Speaker 5: I've also got another story where I went up to 300 00:14:05,559 --> 00:14:08,840 Speaker 5: I went to this bar and I was there early. 301 00:14:09,000 --> 00:14:12,280 Speaker 5: My friends weren't there yet, and so I was walking 302 00:14:12,280 --> 00:14:13,839 Speaker 5: around and I was trying to find a table and 303 00:14:13,880 --> 00:14:16,600 Speaker 5: I couldn't find anything. So I went up to the 304 00:14:16,600 --> 00:14:18,480 Speaker 5: bar and I got a drink and I was thinking, oh, 305 00:14:18,520 --> 00:14:19,200 Speaker 5: what am I going to do? 306 00:14:19,280 --> 00:14:21,560 Speaker 3: Like I look like a loser. I'm here by myself. 307 00:14:21,920 --> 00:14:24,000 Speaker 3: What am I just going to sit in the corner 308 00:14:24,240 --> 00:14:25,680 Speaker 3: like try and blend in? 309 00:14:25,920 --> 00:14:26,320 Speaker 4: I would? 310 00:14:27,160 --> 00:14:30,000 Speaker 3: You know we've all had that situation that you fectually. 311 00:14:29,560 --> 00:14:32,840 Speaker 5: Yeah, okay, I've done that too, but I was like no, okay. 312 00:14:32,880 --> 00:14:35,600 Speaker 5: So one thing that I love to do to make 313 00:14:35,640 --> 00:14:39,880 Speaker 5: sure that I am keeping in my confident sort of 314 00:14:39,920 --> 00:14:42,680 Speaker 5: mindset is I ask myself, what would the most confident 315 00:14:42,760 --> 00:14:46,040 Speaker 5: version of actually do. And so I'm standing there with 316 00:14:46,040 --> 00:14:48,200 Speaker 5: my drink and I'm like, okay, with the most confident 317 00:14:48,280 --> 00:14:51,280 Speaker 5: version of actually like sit in the corner and try 318 00:14:51,320 --> 00:14:53,080 Speaker 5: and blend into the background. 319 00:14:53,280 --> 00:14:53,800 Speaker 2: Yeah. 320 00:14:53,960 --> 00:14:55,040 Speaker 3: No, she wouldn't. 321 00:14:55,800 --> 00:14:58,400 Speaker 4: What would she do. She would approach someone, strike up 322 00:14:58,400 --> 00:14:59,000 Speaker 4: a conversation. 323 00:15:00,120 --> 00:15:03,440 Speaker 5: So I went downstairs and there was there's like picnic 324 00:15:03,480 --> 00:15:06,200 Speaker 5: tables out the front, and I walked over and there 325 00:15:06,240 --> 00:15:08,080 Speaker 5: were three guys sitting on the table and I just 326 00:15:08,120 --> 00:15:11,080 Speaker 5: walked over and I said, Hi, I'm waiting for my friends. 327 00:15:11,120 --> 00:15:13,720 Speaker 3: Do you mind if I join you? And they were like, yes, 328 00:15:13,960 --> 00:15:15,000 Speaker 3: come join us. 329 00:15:15,480 --> 00:15:17,360 Speaker 5: Sat down with it was just me and these three 330 00:15:17,440 --> 00:15:21,240 Speaker 5: random dudes sat down, had the best conversation. My friends 331 00:15:21,320 --> 00:15:23,640 Speaker 5: ended up joining us, like it was so much fun. 332 00:15:24,280 --> 00:15:27,600 Speaker 5: And they actually said to me twenty minutes in, they 333 00:15:27,640 --> 00:15:30,720 Speaker 5: were like, it was so confident of you to come 334 00:15:30,800 --> 00:15:33,400 Speaker 5: up to us, and we froth that, like we love it. 335 00:15:33,760 --> 00:15:34,160 Speaker 2: Yeah. 336 00:15:34,200 --> 00:15:37,160 Speaker 5: And so I think that if you go in with 337 00:15:37,600 --> 00:15:41,280 Speaker 5: authentic confidence, yeah, I think that that resonates because that's 338 00:15:41,280 --> 00:15:43,920 Speaker 5: an energy, it's a vibe, right Whereas if I go 339 00:15:44,040 --> 00:15:46,200 Speaker 5: in and I'm being fake, if I have too much 340 00:15:46,240 --> 00:15:46,880 Speaker 5: out of confidence. 341 00:15:46,920 --> 00:15:48,240 Speaker 3: But I don't have internal confidence. 342 00:15:48,280 --> 00:15:50,320 Speaker 5: If I'm like faking in it a little bit, people 343 00:15:50,360 --> 00:15:52,160 Speaker 5: can tell, and that's where it'll be like a bit 344 00:15:52,280 --> 00:15:56,400 Speaker 5: like but because I went in with authenticity. 345 00:15:55,880 --> 00:15:59,400 Speaker 2: Yeah, and you just like knew who you were. Yeah, yeah, 346 00:15:59,400 --> 00:16:02,040 Speaker 2: all right, Yeah that's interesting. I think it. Yeah. I 347 00:16:02,120 --> 00:16:05,680 Speaker 2: think it's definitely the way you portray your confidence for sure. 348 00:16:05,720 --> 00:16:07,640 Speaker 1: And I think, yeah, that can then be a very 349 00:16:07,680 --> 00:16:10,000 Speaker 1: fine line to turn into almost arrogance. 350 00:16:10,720 --> 00:16:14,200 Speaker 5: Yes, And I think that the difference between arrogance and 351 00:16:14,240 --> 00:16:18,720 Speaker 5: like cockiness and confidence is that confidence is quiet. 352 00:16:19,000 --> 00:16:22,280 Speaker 1: Okay, you know, elaborate on that. What's quiet confidence? 353 00:16:22,560 --> 00:16:25,600 Speaker 5: Quiet confidence is like a knowing within myself that I'm 354 00:16:25,680 --> 00:16:27,760 Speaker 5: capable and confident and that I can do it. 355 00:16:28,120 --> 00:16:32,360 Speaker 3: Yeah. Arrogant is like I guess again, coming. 356 00:16:32,040 --> 00:16:34,440 Speaker 5: Out with too much external confidence and like putting it 357 00:16:34,480 --> 00:16:35,520 Speaker 5: on like putting on a show. 358 00:16:35,840 --> 00:16:37,400 Speaker 3: Yeah you know. So I think. 359 00:16:37,200 --> 00:16:40,440 Speaker 5: That that resonates with people, and I think people can 360 00:16:40,440 --> 00:16:41,120 Speaker 5: tell the difference. 361 00:16:41,600 --> 00:16:44,400 Speaker 1: And as you said, like Sam, I know that some 362 00:16:44,480 --> 00:16:47,960 Speaker 1: girls listening probably are struggling with confidence maybe in their 363 00:16:48,040 --> 00:16:50,400 Speaker 1: day to day life, in their dating world, in like 364 00:16:50,440 --> 00:16:55,080 Speaker 1: their workplace. What are some common, small, actionable ways that 365 00:16:55,160 --> 00:16:58,040 Speaker 1: you could implement into your life every single day that 366 00:16:58,200 --> 00:17:00,960 Speaker 1: could boost your confidence or to over time make you 367 00:17:01,000 --> 00:17:02,160 Speaker 1: a more confident person. 368 00:17:03,280 --> 00:17:06,719 Speaker 5: I think that confidence, like the biggest thing for me 369 00:17:06,840 --> 00:17:09,280 Speaker 5: is that confidence isn't a destination. It's not somewhere where 370 00:17:09,280 --> 00:17:10,480 Speaker 5: you wake up and you're like, oh my god, I'm 371 00:17:10,480 --> 00:17:12,480 Speaker 5: confident and I'm gonna be here forever. Like, it's something 372 00:17:12,520 --> 00:17:14,960 Speaker 5: that you have to always work on. That being said, 373 00:17:15,160 --> 00:17:17,960 Speaker 5: Like I said, I always ask myself what would the 374 00:17:17,960 --> 00:17:20,960 Speaker 5: most confident version of actually do, because sometimes you. 375 00:17:20,880 --> 00:17:21,760 Speaker 3: Just don't feel like it. 376 00:17:21,800 --> 00:17:25,159 Speaker 5: You just feel disgusting, you feel ugly, you feel like 377 00:17:25,320 --> 00:17:28,359 Speaker 5: you're scared, you're anxious, you're nervous, whatever. So it's the 378 00:17:28,560 --> 00:17:32,840 Speaker 5: active choices in being the confident version of yourself. That 379 00:17:32,960 --> 00:17:37,080 Speaker 5: being said, you can make others believe that you're confident 380 00:17:37,440 --> 00:17:43,199 Speaker 5: even when you're not. Best way to starve my life, literally, 381 00:17:43,240 --> 00:17:45,440 Speaker 5: But the thing is, like I go in, people look 382 00:17:45,440 --> 00:17:47,280 Speaker 5: at me and they go, you must be confident all 383 00:17:47,320 --> 00:17:50,800 Speaker 5: the time, And no, I'm not always confident, Like sometimes 384 00:17:50,880 --> 00:17:54,280 Speaker 5: I'm literally my legs are shaking, like I'm so scared, 385 00:17:54,720 --> 00:17:56,840 Speaker 5: but you have to put it on. So I'll tell 386 00:17:56,880 --> 00:17:58,480 Speaker 5: you actually about the first time I did a live 387 00:17:58,520 --> 00:18:01,840 Speaker 5: cross and then I'll tell you about the strategies that 388 00:18:01,880 --> 00:18:05,640 Speaker 5: I used. So this was almost ten years ago. I 389 00:18:05,840 --> 00:18:08,639 Speaker 5: was it was about five five, five point thirty in 390 00:18:08,640 --> 00:18:11,800 Speaker 5: the afternoon. The news ghost wear at six pm. So 391 00:18:12,000 --> 00:18:14,360 Speaker 5: I get a call from my producer and he says, Ashley, 392 00:18:15,040 --> 00:18:17,119 Speaker 5: the police have found a body. 393 00:18:17,840 --> 00:18:20,000 Speaker 3: So a dead body. You have to go. That's like 394 00:18:20,040 --> 00:18:26,640 Speaker 3: a normal thing. I know, sorry, so normal happy Tuesday. 395 00:18:26,640 --> 00:18:29,320 Speaker 3: We found a dead body. Literally, They're like, get there now. 396 00:18:30,040 --> 00:18:32,040 Speaker 5: So I went down there, drove down there straight away. 397 00:18:32,400 --> 00:18:35,600 Speaker 5: We got there and there's police, there's ambulance. They've taped 398 00:18:35,600 --> 00:18:39,280 Speaker 5: off the street. People have come out, you know, everyone's interested, curious, 399 00:18:39,320 --> 00:18:41,879 Speaker 5: come out to have a sticky beak. And I'm chatting 400 00:18:41,920 --> 00:18:43,639 Speaker 5: to people or did you hear anything? Do you know 401 00:18:43,680 --> 00:18:46,160 Speaker 5: what's happened? I call police, try and get you get 402 00:18:46,200 --> 00:18:48,760 Speaker 5: police lines like they put out a little bits of information. 403 00:18:49,560 --> 00:18:54,120 Speaker 5: And it's about five forty five now and my producer 404 00:18:54,160 --> 00:18:57,360 Speaker 5: calls me again and he goes, Ashley, it's been deemed suspicious. 405 00:18:57,600 --> 00:18:59,960 Speaker 5: So it means that they haven't died of natural causes. 406 00:19:00,560 --> 00:19:03,280 Speaker 5: It means that they're going to investigate. Normally, the homicide 407 00:19:03,320 --> 00:19:08,280 Speaker 5: squad investigate those suspicious deaths and so that makes it newsworthy. 408 00:19:08,600 --> 00:19:14,240 Speaker 1: Okay, So then he goes, oh yeah, so. 409 00:19:14,160 --> 00:19:17,600 Speaker 5: He goes, because it's newsworthy, it's breaking news. And so 410 00:19:17,600 --> 00:19:20,440 Speaker 5: we're going to have you as the top of the bulletin, 411 00:19:20,560 --> 00:19:22,520 Speaker 5: straight off the top six PM. It's going to go 412 00:19:22,600 --> 00:19:25,360 Speaker 5: straight to you, and it's going to be a live cross. 413 00:19:25,640 --> 00:19:28,040 Speaker 2: Oh fucking hell no. 414 00:19:28,320 --> 00:19:31,200 Speaker 5: Like, I still get goosebumps when I hear that, because 415 00:19:31,400 --> 00:19:33,480 Speaker 5: I was so like, yeah. 416 00:19:33,320 --> 00:19:35,639 Speaker 2: I can imagine your heart dropping, and my heart drops. 417 00:19:35,720 --> 00:19:39,159 Speaker 5: My stomach just like and like churns, and I'm just like, 418 00:19:39,640 --> 00:19:41,280 Speaker 5: oh my god, Okay, like this is happening. 419 00:19:41,359 --> 00:19:42,000 Speaker 3: This is happening. 420 00:19:43,800 --> 00:19:48,199 Speaker 5: So I start literally so when I start getting anxious 421 00:19:48,280 --> 00:19:51,800 Speaker 5: or nervous or you know, scared, my stomach's churning, my 422 00:19:51,920 --> 00:19:55,920 Speaker 5: breath gets shallow, my brain starts getting foggy, I can't 423 00:19:55,960 --> 00:19:58,160 Speaker 5: really think straight, my hands shake, you. 424 00:19:58,080 --> 00:20:00,520 Speaker 4: Know, it's all of those common Yeah, I'm. 425 00:20:00,400 --> 00:20:02,720 Speaker 5: Starting to feel it now. I get nervous talking about 426 00:20:02,760 --> 00:20:07,399 Speaker 5: this still, and so I'm like, okay, oh great, Okay, 427 00:20:07,400 --> 00:20:09,080 Speaker 5: we're gonna do this as a live cross. 428 00:20:09,080 --> 00:20:11,440 Speaker 3: Perfect. So also, we don't have that much time. 429 00:20:11,520 --> 00:20:13,600 Speaker 5: We've got like ten minutes to set up so the 430 00:20:13,640 --> 00:20:16,760 Speaker 5: cameraman starts setting up. He's got the camera, I've got lights, 431 00:20:16,800 --> 00:20:18,840 Speaker 5: I've got a diffuser to make sure that like the 432 00:20:18,920 --> 00:20:21,560 Speaker 5: sun's not harsh. Like there's a lot that goes into 433 00:20:21,560 --> 00:20:24,120 Speaker 5: making someone look good on camera. Yeah, And while he's 434 00:20:24,160 --> 00:20:26,959 Speaker 5: doing it, I'm writing up my notes, like what am 435 00:20:27,000 --> 00:20:29,639 Speaker 5: I actually gonna say? So I've written down what the 436 00:20:29,680 --> 00:20:33,280 Speaker 5: police have told me, what people have told me, neighbors around, 437 00:20:33,359 --> 00:20:35,000 Speaker 5: you know, all of these things. I'm trying to dot 438 00:20:35,040 --> 00:20:38,600 Speaker 5: point it out, trying to figure out how to actually 439 00:20:38,680 --> 00:20:40,960 Speaker 5: say what I'm gonna say. Yeah, So I'm standing there. 440 00:20:40,960 --> 00:20:43,359 Speaker 5: I've got my notepad, I've got my microphone. I've got 441 00:20:43,400 --> 00:20:47,080 Speaker 5: an earpiece, and the earpiece connects me to the newsroom 442 00:20:47,160 --> 00:20:49,560 Speaker 5: so I can hear the producer and I can also 443 00:20:49,560 --> 00:20:52,399 Speaker 5: hear the news anchor. So they asked me to do 444 00:20:52,480 --> 00:20:55,400 Speaker 5: like a testa check and making sure that they've got 445 00:20:55,400 --> 00:20:58,000 Speaker 5: a good connection, make sure my levels are correct, you know. 446 00:20:58,480 --> 00:21:00,280 Speaker 3: And so I'm standing there looking down the back of 447 00:21:00,320 --> 00:21:01,040 Speaker 3: the camera. 448 00:21:02,720 --> 00:21:05,040 Speaker 1: And I'm never doing anything live in my life. I 449 00:21:05,040 --> 00:21:07,680 Speaker 1: can feel its anxiety in myself and I'm not even 450 00:21:07,760 --> 00:21:08,240 Speaker 1: doing it. 451 00:21:08,440 --> 00:21:09,960 Speaker 5: But Gal, I'm gonna tell you how I did it, 452 00:21:10,000 --> 00:21:11,240 Speaker 5: and I'm gonna tell you how to do it. 453 00:21:11,480 --> 00:21:13,160 Speaker 3: I'm sure you'll be able to do it. You could 454 00:21:13,160 --> 00:21:14,400 Speaker 3: do it. I bet you could. 455 00:21:14,560 --> 00:21:16,320 Speaker 2: I fucked up with the ares one, so I'm not 456 00:21:16,440 --> 00:21:17,160 Speaker 2: doing that again. 457 00:21:19,200 --> 00:21:20,879 Speaker 3: I see that's just a jumping off point. 458 00:21:21,000 --> 00:21:23,760 Speaker 1: Yeah, okay, yeah, okay. 459 00:21:23,800 --> 00:21:25,280 Speaker 4: So I'm standing there and I can hear in my 460 00:21:25,280 --> 00:21:26,639 Speaker 4: earpace they're like, okay, You're. 461 00:21:26,520 --> 00:21:27,359 Speaker 3: On in one minute. 462 00:21:29,000 --> 00:21:32,600 Speaker 5: So I'm standing there and I'm like, my heart is 463 00:21:32,800 --> 00:21:38,359 Speaker 5: literally racing. I'm starting to also think like the worst 464 00:21:38,400 --> 00:21:40,439 Speaker 5: possible thing that I could be thinking one minute out, 465 00:21:40,560 --> 00:21:45,080 Speaker 5: which is you've never done this before. You are literally 466 00:21:45,200 --> 00:21:50,919 Speaker 5: going live across the country. There is no second chances. 467 00:21:51,640 --> 00:21:56,640 Speaker 3: Whatever you say right now goes to war. But also 468 00:21:56,720 --> 00:21:59,520 Speaker 3: whatever you don't say goes to wear. 469 00:21:59,600 --> 00:22:02,040 Speaker 5: So if I just become a deer in headlights and 470 00:22:02,040 --> 00:22:05,720 Speaker 5: I'm literally just like, that's what goes to where like 471 00:22:05,760 --> 00:22:07,200 Speaker 5: there's no second chances. 472 00:22:07,320 --> 00:22:09,960 Speaker 3: No, that is the worst thing to think. 473 00:22:10,080 --> 00:22:10,760 Speaker 2: That is the worst. 474 00:22:10,840 --> 00:22:13,800 Speaker 5: Just before I'm going to air, like the pressure builds. 475 00:22:14,000 --> 00:22:15,800 Speaker 5: So anyway, Okay, So I'm standing there and. 476 00:22:15,800 --> 00:22:19,960 Speaker 3: They're like ten seconds and I'm like, I don't I 477 00:22:20,000 --> 00:22:24,320 Speaker 3: actually don't know how I'm going to react. Nine eight 478 00:22:25,119 --> 00:22:26,520 Speaker 3: seven six. 479 00:22:27,200 --> 00:22:30,639 Speaker 5: Then I hear the intro roll for the news. I 480 00:22:30,720 --> 00:22:33,000 Speaker 5: hear the news Anky introduce my story. Good evening, We've 481 00:22:33,000 --> 00:22:35,360 Speaker 5: got some breaking news. A body has been found. 482 00:22:35,520 --> 00:22:38,119 Speaker 3: Blah blah blah. Actually publy joins us live now, Ashley, 483 00:22:38,200 --> 00:22:39,320 Speaker 3: what more can you tell us? 484 00:22:40,960 --> 00:22:41,160 Speaker 4: Ah? 485 00:22:41,240 --> 00:22:41,680 Speaker 3: Not a lot. 486 00:22:41,760 --> 00:22:44,119 Speaker 2: Actually, I'm very nervous on the live television before. 487 00:22:44,720 --> 00:22:47,240 Speaker 5: See you could do it literally what I said. No, 488 00:22:47,280 --> 00:22:49,280 Speaker 5: I didn't say that. I gave the information. It was 489 00:22:49,400 --> 00:22:52,159 Speaker 5: very short. It was sharp, which is perfect for a 490 00:22:52,200 --> 00:22:53,760 Speaker 5: live cross because you don't want it to be too 491 00:22:53,760 --> 00:22:57,639 Speaker 5: long winded. But you know what, it happened, it worked, 492 00:22:57,720 --> 00:23:00,920 Speaker 5: it was successful and at the end of it. But honestly, 493 00:23:00,920 --> 00:23:02,800 Speaker 5: no one would have known that I was having an 494 00:23:02,800 --> 00:23:06,679 Speaker 5: empty bee three seconds before. Yeah, and that was because 495 00:23:06,720 --> 00:23:09,200 Speaker 5: there were a few things that I employed to make 496 00:23:09,200 --> 00:23:11,439 Speaker 5: it look like I was confident and to look like 497 00:23:11,720 --> 00:23:13,840 Speaker 5: I knew what I was talking about. Yeah, so that 498 00:23:14,040 --> 00:23:20,200 Speaker 5: is my nonverbal communication. I had my feet planted really strong. Yeah, 499 00:23:20,280 --> 00:23:24,200 Speaker 5: I was using hand gestures. I slowed my voice down. 500 00:23:24,440 --> 00:23:27,120 Speaker 2: Yeah. I made big things slowing your voice. 501 00:23:26,920 --> 00:23:29,760 Speaker 5: Down, slowing it down, making sure that it's steady, because 502 00:23:29,800 --> 00:23:32,040 Speaker 5: if I'm talking like this and I'm talking really fast 503 00:23:32,080 --> 00:23:34,879 Speaker 5: and I'm a bit breathless. You already know that, you know, 504 00:23:35,080 --> 00:23:36,680 Speaker 5: does she know what she's talking about? 505 00:23:36,840 --> 00:23:37,080 Speaker 2: Yeah? 506 00:23:37,160 --> 00:23:40,399 Speaker 5: Whereas if I slow down and I take breaths and 507 00:23:40,440 --> 00:23:43,040 Speaker 5: I have a slightly deeper voice as well, Yeah, you 508 00:23:43,119 --> 00:23:45,200 Speaker 5: automatically assume that I know. 509 00:23:45,160 --> 00:23:47,840 Speaker 2: What I'm talking about. Yeah, you sound more legit, exactly. 510 00:23:48,000 --> 00:23:50,439 Speaker 5: Yeah, And that's what it's all about, right, Yeah, and 511 00:23:50,480 --> 00:23:53,879 Speaker 5: then breaking news, breaking news, it's about sounding legit. 512 00:23:54,320 --> 00:23:55,200 Speaker 2: It's all about it. 513 00:23:56,440 --> 00:23:59,119 Speaker 5: And then I'm also making eye contact. Yeah, it's with 514 00:23:59,240 --> 00:24:02,760 Speaker 5: the camera, but with the audience, So that's what matters. 515 00:24:03,200 --> 00:24:09,480 Speaker 5: But those tiny nonverbal communication body language techniques show other 516 00:24:09,560 --> 00:24:12,840 Speaker 5: people or make them believe that I'm confident, that I 517 00:24:12,880 --> 00:24:17,720 Speaker 5: know what I'm talking about. Also, those body language techniques, 518 00:24:18,359 --> 00:24:21,200 Speaker 5: body language is a two way street. So it portrays 519 00:24:21,240 --> 00:24:24,840 Speaker 5: to other people what I'm feeling, how I'm looking, but 520 00:24:24,920 --> 00:24:29,080 Speaker 5: it also talks to myself. So having my feet planted, 521 00:24:29,320 --> 00:24:34,040 Speaker 5: using my hand gestures, slowing down, using eye contact, those 522 00:24:34,080 --> 00:24:38,879 Speaker 5: things also telling me myself that I feel comfortable, that 523 00:24:38,960 --> 00:24:40,160 Speaker 5: I feel safe. 524 00:24:40,160 --> 00:24:41,320 Speaker 3: That I am confident. 525 00:24:42,480 --> 00:24:45,639 Speaker 5: So it's important to realize that what you're doing is 526 00:24:45,680 --> 00:24:48,159 Speaker 5: not only portraying to other people, but it's also reiterating 527 00:24:48,200 --> 00:24:50,240 Speaker 5: to yourself how you feel in that moment. 528 00:24:50,920 --> 00:24:51,400 Speaker 2: A big thing. 529 00:24:51,440 --> 00:24:53,800 Speaker 1: I notice that when I'm like when it's like a 530 00:24:53,840 --> 00:24:56,880 Speaker 1: nonverbal communication thing, when I'm feeling really anxious or I'm 531 00:24:56,920 --> 00:25:00,000 Speaker 1: really nervous and I don't feel confident, and my parents 532 00:25:00,040 --> 00:25:02,320 Speaker 1: always bring it up to me, and my therapist actually 533 00:25:02,320 --> 00:25:03,800 Speaker 1: brought it up to me the other days. I hug 534 00:25:03,880 --> 00:25:07,000 Speaker 1: my chest, I always overlap and like go like that, 535 00:25:07,080 --> 00:25:09,159 Speaker 1: and she was like, it's because it's a barrier between 536 00:25:09,200 --> 00:25:10,120 Speaker 1: you and the person that. 537 00:25:10,080 --> 00:25:10,760 Speaker 2: You're speaking to. 538 00:25:11,240 --> 00:25:14,240 Speaker 1: That if they knock you back and they say something 539 00:25:14,280 --> 00:25:16,720 Speaker 1: that you might not deal well with, they're not hitting 540 00:25:16,720 --> 00:25:19,600 Speaker 1: you straight in the chest and like you're protecting yourself, 541 00:25:19,640 --> 00:25:21,560 Speaker 1: like you're already on edge because you don't know what 542 00:25:21,560 --> 00:25:24,840 Speaker 1: they're going to say. Yes, I think where my confidence 543 00:25:24,920 --> 00:25:28,800 Speaker 1: lacks is in my body language, because I'm I might 544 00:25:28,840 --> 00:25:30,800 Speaker 1: not be one hundred percent confident in what I'm saying 545 00:25:30,880 --> 00:25:32,879 Speaker 1: or like what I'm wearing or what I'm doing, or 546 00:25:32,920 --> 00:25:34,959 Speaker 1: why I'm there. I think a big thing for me 547 00:25:35,119 --> 00:25:38,200 Speaker 1: is like why am I here with all the opportunities 548 00:25:38,200 --> 00:25:41,000 Speaker 1: that I get from my job and like everyone commenting 549 00:25:41,040 --> 00:25:44,080 Speaker 1: on your life, I always get told of like oh 550 00:25:44,119 --> 00:25:46,359 Speaker 1: why are you there, Like oh, you guys are so 551 00:25:46,440 --> 00:25:49,040 Speaker 1: lucky you get free tickets there, and it's stuff like that, 552 00:25:49,080 --> 00:25:51,960 Speaker 1: And it's like a projection thing of like oh, yeah, 553 00:25:51,960 --> 00:25:54,320 Speaker 1: I want to be here and like I am having 554 00:25:54,320 --> 00:25:56,399 Speaker 1: a best time here, but like maybe I don't deserve 555 00:25:56,440 --> 00:25:58,480 Speaker 1: to be here, So it's like a project like I 556 00:25:58,520 --> 00:26:02,280 Speaker 1: am always in my My biggest thing is my nonverbal 557 00:26:02,359 --> 00:26:04,800 Speaker 1: cues of like how I think about things. I'm always 558 00:26:05,320 --> 00:26:08,400 Speaker 1: ready to protect and on the defense instead of like 559 00:26:09,400 --> 00:26:12,120 Speaker 1: standing strong and me like nah, I can be here 560 00:26:12,160 --> 00:26:13,360 Speaker 1: and like I deserve to be here. 561 00:26:13,600 --> 00:26:17,240 Speaker 5: Yeah, it's interesting hearing you talk about covering yourself because 562 00:26:17,240 --> 00:26:19,920 Speaker 5: that is definitely a barrier, and so having yourself open 563 00:26:20,040 --> 00:26:23,120 Speaker 5: like this, like wide shoulders is a lot more vulnerable, 564 00:26:23,200 --> 00:26:26,080 Speaker 5: but it's also more engaging. And so I know that, 565 00:26:26,400 --> 00:26:29,159 Speaker 5: you know, not everyone is doing a live cross, not 566 00:26:29,200 --> 00:26:31,280 Speaker 5: everyone's going to be in that situation, but you know, 567 00:26:31,560 --> 00:26:34,679 Speaker 5: people are in high pressure situations. People do have to 568 00:26:34,720 --> 00:26:36,639 Speaker 5: do things that make them feel uncomfortable. People have to 569 00:26:36,680 --> 00:26:38,879 Speaker 5: do things for the first time that they don't know 570 00:26:38,920 --> 00:26:42,159 Speaker 5: if they can do or not. And so knowing that 571 00:26:42,240 --> 00:26:45,439 Speaker 5: you can take those body language techniques into any situation, 572 00:26:46,000 --> 00:26:50,000 Speaker 5: no matter how you're feeling, and project confidence no matter what. 573 00:26:50,720 --> 00:26:53,040 Speaker 3: That's what you know this is really about. 574 00:26:53,640 --> 00:26:56,359 Speaker 4: And I don't want to turn this into a therapy session, 575 00:26:56,400 --> 00:26:56,680 Speaker 4: but I. 576 00:26:56,600 --> 00:27:01,720 Speaker 3: Would also please I like it. I would ask. 577 00:27:01,560 --> 00:27:05,480 Speaker 5: You think about, like your internal dialogue. If people, if 578 00:27:05,520 --> 00:27:08,120 Speaker 5: you're questioning why am I here? And if that's something 579 00:27:08,640 --> 00:27:10,639 Speaker 5: that is playing on your mind, maybe you need to 580 00:27:10,640 --> 00:27:13,679 Speaker 5: think about your worth and why you think you're worthwhile 581 00:27:14,280 --> 00:27:16,560 Speaker 5: there must be something there that's making you question it 582 00:27:16,720 --> 00:27:19,800 Speaker 5: because we need that to be solid, you know, And 583 00:27:19,880 --> 00:27:22,560 Speaker 5: so then that will help make you feel more comfortable 584 00:27:22,600 --> 00:27:25,399 Speaker 5: to open up, yeah, to have more open body language. 585 00:27:25,600 --> 00:27:27,080 Speaker 3: So I think that looking at. 586 00:27:26,960 --> 00:27:32,440 Speaker 5: The internal dialogue is normally the first part of building 587 00:27:32,520 --> 00:27:36,720 Speaker 5: sustainable confidence over the long term, because our thoughts and 588 00:27:36,800 --> 00:27:40,240 Speaker 5: our beliefs and our patterns really are what drive everything. 589 00:27:42,920 --> 00:27:45,359 Speaker 1: And what would you say, So your external thing is 590 00:27:45,359 --> 00:27:48,200 Speaker 1: probably changing, like your nonverbal cues and the being more 591 00:27:48,240 --> 00:27:50,359 Speaker 1: open and everything like that. And as you say, with 592 00:27:50,400 --> 00:27:52,679 Speaker 1: your internal dialogue, what are some of the things that 593 00:27:52,720 --> 00:27:55,479 Speaker 1: you could do to improve your internal dialogue that then 594 00:27:55,520 --> 00:27:58,560 Speaker 1: makes it easier to be more present or to be 595 00:27:58,640 --> 00:27:59,879 Speaker 1: more confident externally. 596 00:28:00,119 --> 00:28:03,600 Speaker 5: Yes, So I'll go back to my love cross story 597 00:28:03,640 --> 00:28:05,439 Speaker 5: about the thoughts that I was thinking beforehand. So I 598 00:28:05,520 --> 00:28:07,280 Speaker 5: was thinking, you know, you can't do this, You're not 599 00:28:07,320 --> 00:28:10,280 Speaker 5: good enough, you've never done this before, You're going to fail. 600 00:28:10,880 --> 00:28:12,560 Speaker 3: So they're the things that are going on in my head. 601 00:28:12,640 --> 00:28:16,160 Speaker 5: And at that point in time, if I listened to it, 602 00:28:16,480 --> 00:28:18,680 Speaker 5: and if I believed it, I would. 603 00:28:18,440 --> 00:28:19,720 Speaker 3: Have just put the mic down and left. 604 00:28:20,000 --> 00:28:24,840 Speaker 5: Yeah, because they're easy to believe and they're scary. You know, 605 00:28:24,920 --> 00:28:27,120 Speaker 5: no one wants to fail. No one wants to look 606 00:28:27,200 --> 00:28:30,359 Speaker 5: like an idiot. No one wants to feel uncomfortable and 607 00:28:30,400 --> 00:28:34,080 Speaker 5: then not do well. And so I think the first 608 00:28:34,200 --> 00:28:38,960 Speaker 5: thing about changing your internal confidence is about recognizing the 609 00:28:38,960 --> 00:28:39,800 Speaker 5: thoughts that you're having. 610 00:28:40,320 --> 00:28:41,920 Speaker 3: And normally they're very deep seated. 611 00:28:41,920 --> 00:28:46,240 Speaker 5: They've come from childhood, they've come from society, They've come 612 00:28:46,320 --> 00:28:49,000 Speaker 5: from external influences that. 613 00:28:48,960 --> 00:28:51,000 Speaker 4: Have made you think or believe a certain way. 614 00:28:51,840 --> 00:28:55,440 Speaker 5: And so I'm thinking, so first I recognize the thoughts 615 00:28:55,480 --> 00:28:59,560 Speaker 5: that I'm having aren't actually serving me, they're limiting beliefs, 616 00:29:00,200 --> 00:29:02,880 Speaker 5: And then I have to think about whether they are 617 00:29:02,880 --> 00:29:07,840 Speaker 5: true or not. Is it one hundred percent true, definite 618 00:29:08,040 --> 00:29:10,920 Speaker 5: certain that I'm going to fail? No, there's a chance 619 00:29:10,920 --> 00:29:14,080 Speaker 5: that I might not fail. Is it definite, one hundred 620 00:29:14,080 --> 00:29:19,320 Speaker 5: percent true that I can't do this again? No? Right, yeah, 621 00:29:19,360 --> 00:29:21,320 Speaker 5: So I've got that little bit of doubt in my 622 00:29:21,440 --> 00:29:24,080 Speaker 5: mind now that these limiting beliefs aren't true. 623 00:29:24,760 --> 00:29:26,160 Speaker 3: Once you have that, it's. 624 00:29:26,120 --> 00:29:30,719 Speaker 5: Time to recreate the narrative, recreate the story, and change 625 00:29:30,760 --> 00:29:33,960 Speaker 5: the belief. So how do you do that by creating 626 00:29:34,040 --> 00:29:38,080 Speaker 5: new evidence? So you're thinking those thoughts because you've had 627 00:29:38,120 --> 00:29:41,720 Speaker 5: previous evidence that it's true. Someone might have told you 628 00:29:42,080 --> 00:29:45,480 Speaker 5: that you're not very good at XYZ, someone might have 629 00:29:45,600 --> 00:29:47,640 Speaker 5: said to you, someone might have made you feel a 630 00:29:47,720 --> 00:29:51,479 Speaker 5: certain way. Society is making you feel. That's why you 631 00:29:51,560 --> 00:29:54,440 Speaker 5: have those that evidence that you're not good enough, that 632 00:29:54,520 --> 00:29:56,600 Speaker 5: you can't do it, that you're not smart enough, that 633 00:29:56,600 --> 00:29:57,520 Speaker 5: you're not capable enough. 634 00:29:57,560 --> 00:29:57,720 Speaker 3: You know. 635 00:29:58,080 --> 00:29:59,880 Speaker 5: One of my personal ones that I struggle with is 636 00:30:00,080 --> 00:30:02,480 Speaker 5: I'm too much. Yeah, one of my limiting beliefs that 637 00:30:02,520 --> 00:30:04,840 Speaker 5: I'm too much. And so there's been evidence in the 638 00:30:04,880 --> 00:30:07,800 Speaker 5: past to make us believe that. So it's about changing 639 00:30:07,800 --> 00:30:10,920 Speaker 5: that evidence. You can change whatever belief you have. It 640 00:30:10,920 --> 00:30:13,920 Speaker 5: doesn't matter how ingrained it is, as long as you 641 00:30:13,960 --> 00:30:15,800 Speaker 5: find new tangible evidence. 642 00:30:15,800 --> 00:30:17,440 Speaker 3: So things that you can see. 643 00:30:17,360 --> 00:30:20,360 Speaker 5: Feel here, touch, smell nothing, you really gonna smell it. 644 00:30:20,400 --> 00:30:22,560 Speaker 5: But tangible evidence is going to make it easier for 645 00:30:22,600 --> 00:30:26,040 Speaker 5: your brain to believe. So you want to make new evidence. 646 00:30:26,880 --> 00:30:31,320 Speaker 5: So I kept remembering all of the times that i'd 647 00:30:31,360 --> 00:30:34,640 Speaker 5: been successful in the past, that I had presented on camera, 648 00:30:35,520 --> 00:30:41,120 Speaker 5: that I had succeeded in high pressure situations, that you know, 649 00:30:41,560 --> 00:30:43,720 Speaker 5: I had done things that were difficult. You know, think 650 00:30:43,760 --> 00:30:45,840 Speaker 5: of all the times that you'd been successful, that you've 651 00:30:45,840 --> 00:30:48,480 Speaker 5: done it correctly. To challenge those limiting beliefs. 652 00:30:49,040 --> 00:30:51,320 Speaker 3: So instead of thinking I can't do this, I started 653 00:30:51,360 --> 00:30:52,720 Speaker 3: thinking I have done this. 654 00:30:53,360 --> 00:30:54,280 Speaker 2: Yeah. 655 00:30:54,440 --> 00:30:58,160 Speaker 5: And so it's the same with any type of limiting belief. 656 00:30:58,440 --> 00:31:00,320 Speaker 5: If you think that I'm not good enough, I can't 657 00:31:00,320 --> 00:31:02,800 Speaker 5: I'm not good at public speaking, right, why do you 658 00:31:02,800 --> 00:31:04,160 Speaker 5: think that? Where's it coming from? 659 00:31:04,280 --> 00:31:04,840 Speaker 3: Is it true? 660 00:31:05,520 --> 00:31:08,760 Speaker 5: Let's change in the narrative by finding new evidence. If 661 00:31:08,760 --> 00:31:11,720 Speaker 5: you don't have evidence that you are good, it's time 662 00:31:11,760 --> 00:31:17,040 Speaker 5: to create evidence. So me actually doing that live cross successfully, 663 00:31:17,920 --> 00:31:20,480 Speaker 5: that is my new evidence. So the next time I 664 00:31:20,520 --> 00:31:23,480 Speaker 5: get nervous, I can go actually think back to that 665 00:31:23,560 --> 00:31:26,440 Speaker 5: time that you did that live cross, that first live cross. 666 00:31:26,520 --> 00:31:27,600 Speaker 3: You did it successfully. 667 00:31:27,640 --> 00:31:29,680 Speaker 5: Even though you were nervous as hell, even though your 668 00:31:29,760 --> 00:31:32,880 Speaker 5: legs were literally shaking, even though your heart was beating 669 00:31:32,920 --> 00:31:35,160 Speaker 5: out of your chest and you couldn't get your words straight, 670 00:31:35,360 --> 00:31:38,120 Speaker 5: you did it successfully. That's my evidence that I can 671 00:31:38,200 --> 00:31:41,320 Speaker 5: do it in the future. So in terms of sustainable 672 00:31:41,320 --> 00:31:43,960 Speaker 5: confidence and making sure that it's long term, it's really 673 00:31:44,000 --> 00:31:46,560 Speaker 5: about having the mindset of what would the most confident 674 00:31:46,640 --> 00:31:49,640 Speaker 5: version of myself do, what would I do, say, think 675 00:31:49,680 --> 00:31:53,200 Speaker 5: in this situation, and then doing that because I'm not 676 00:31:53,200 --> 00:31:56,360 Speaker 5: sure if you've heard of neuroplasticity, about being able to 677 00:31:56,480 --> 00:31:58,080 Speaker 5: change the way that our brain is wired. 678 00:31:58,160 --> 00:32:00,160 Speaker 3: The more that you do the things the. 679 00:32:00,160 --> 00:32:03,200 Speaker 5: Most confident version of yourself would, the easier it gets 680 00:32:03,320 --> 00:32:05,920 Speaker 5: and the more ingrained it becomes. So I don't really 681 00:32:05,920 --> 00:32:08,920 Speaker 5: get nervous going up to strangers and having a conversation. 682 00:32:09,000 --> 00:32:11,440 Speaker 5: I don't really get nervous public speaking. I don't really 683 00:32:11,440 --> 00:32:13,520 Speaker 5: get nervous doing all the things that a lot of 684 00:32:13,520 --> 00:32:17,400 Speaker 5: people would get nervous about, because you've talked so much exactly. 685 00:32:17,400 --> 00:32:20,240 Speaker 1: That's so true actually, because I remember even when I 686 00:32:20,240 --> 00:32:22,959 Speaker 1: first started influencing or like going to events and everything 687 00:32:22,960 --> 00:32:25,200 Speaker 1: like that, Like I used to be so nervous it 688 00:32:25,320 --> 00:32:27,120 Speaker 1: used to take me all day, Like I wasn't able 689 00:32:27,120 --> 00:32:28,680 Speaker 1: to do anything all day because I knew I had 690 00:32:28,680 --> 00:32:29,640 Speaker 1: this thing at night time. 691 00:32:29,880 --> 00:32:31,600 Speaker 2: But now because I've practiced it. 692 00:32:31,560 --> 00:32:34,680 Speaker 1: So much, it's just an everyday task exactly. 693 00:32:34,720 --> 00:32:35,200 Speaker 2: And it is. 694 00:32:35,240 --> 00:32:36,920 Speaker 1: It's like the more you practicings and the more you 695 00:32:37,040 --> 00:32:39,080 Speaker 1: keep on doing it over and over again, the easier 696 00:32:39,080 --> 00:32:39,600 Speaker 1: it becomes. 697 00:32:39,760 --> 00:32:42,120 Speaker 2: It's like a sport exactly. You need to practice it 698 00:32:42,160 --> 00:32:42,960 Speaker 2: to be good at it. 699 00:32:43,400 --> 00:32:45,880 Speaker 5: You've practiced it, and you've got that evidence as well, yeah, 700 00:32:45,880 --> 00:32:47,800 Speaker 5: to show you that you can do it and they 701 00:32:47,800 --> 00:32:48,719 Speaker 5: you are successful. 702 00:32:48,840 --> 00:32:49,280 Speaker 3: Yeah. 703 00:32:49,320 --> 00:32:51,680 Speaker 1: So when you're talking about maybe young girls that are 704 00:32:51,680 --> 00:32:53,920 Speaker 1: going through school or maybe they've just come out of school, 705 00:32:53,920 --> 00:32:56,200 Speaker 1: because we have that is our audience of like girls 706 00:32:56,200 --> 00:32:58,440 Speaker 1: that are maybe on the back end of their schooling 707 00:32:58,520 --> 00:33:01,000 Speaker 1: journey or maybe going into you and that type of 708 00:33:01,040 --> 00:33:02,959 Speaker 1: age group, what would you say is like the biggest 709 00:33:02,960 --> 00:33:05,520 Speaker 1: thing to practice almost in your everyday life to boost 710 00:33:05,560 --> 00:33:08,520 Speaker 1: your confidence to do things maybe that you want to 711 00:33:08,560 --> 00:33:10,400 Speaker 1: do but you don't have the confidence to do. 712 00:33:11,520 --> 00:33:16,880 Speaker 5: I think really comes down to questioning your thoughts, realizing 713 00:33:17,120 --> 00:33:22,000 Speaker 5: how powerful your thoughts are because it honestly shapes your 714 00:33:22,040 --> 00:33:27,320 Speaker 5: whole reality. And so understanding that and then really being 715 00:33:27,360 --> 00:33:31,000 Speaker 5: conscious about what you're thinking and deciding what thoughts you 716 00:33:31,080 --> 00:33:33,400 Speaker 5: want to give airtime to in your brain. So if 717 00:33:33,440 --> 00:33:36,360 Speaker 5: you keep saying to yourself, I can't do this, I'm 718 00:33:36,400 --> 00:33:39,400 Speaker 5: not good enough at this. You know, whatever it is, 719 00:33:40,160 --> 00:33:42,560 Speaker 5: I'm not good enough, I can't do it, that's gonna 720 00:33:42,560 --> 00:33:45,080 Speaker 5: be your reality because that's gonna be how you see things. 721 00:33:45,120 --> 00:33:48,080 Speaker 5: That's gonna shape how you interact with the world. So 722 00:33:48,160 --> 00:33:50,360 Speaker 5: that is a really key thing. So be really conscious 723 00:33:50,360 --> 00:33:52,560 Speaker 5: of your thoughts and make sure that you are thinking 724 00:33:52,640 --> 00:33:55,880 Speaker 5: how you want things to be. Know that your body 725 00:33:55,960 --> 00:33:59,160 Speaker 5: language is super important, and so even if you don't 726 00:33:59,520 --> 00:34:03,520 Speaker 5: feel confident in a situation or doing something, showing up 727 00:34:03,560 --> 00:34:07,000 Speaker 5: confidently looking confident, even if you don't feel it, it 728 00:34:07,040 --> 00:34:09,200 Speaker 5: makes others believe it. But it's also going to in 729 00:34:09,200 --> 00:34:12,720 Speaker 5: turn make yourself believe it as well. And then lastly, 730 00:34:12,880 --> 00:34:15,400 Speaker 5: I guess, like we said, it's a muscle. It's something 731 00:34:15,440 --> 00:34:17,920 Speaker 5: that you just have to continually practice, and so the 732 00:34:17,960 --> 00:34:19,759 Speaker 5: more you do it, the more you put yourself out there, 733 00:34:20,280 --> 00:34:22,120 Speaker 5: the easier it's going to get down the track. So 734 00:34:22,160 --> 00:34:24,920 Speaker 5: the first time, of course, is going to be so scary, 735 00:34:25,280 --> 00:34:26,960 Speaker 5: but you've got to think about the other times that 736 00:34:27,000 --> 00:34:29,640 Speaker 5: you've done something similar, or you've done little parts of 737 00:34:29,640 --> 00:34:33,080 Speaker 5: it successfully before. I always think to myself, will you 738 00:34:33,200 --> 00:34:37,800 Speaker 5: regret not doing this? The answer is almost always yes. 739 00:34:38,719 --> 00:34:41,960 Speaker 3: In terms of good things. I'm not say that in 740 00:34:42,080 --> 00:34:43,400 Speaker 3: terms of everything. 741 00:34:43,000 --> 00:34:45,799 Speaker 5: But I mean yeah, in terms of opportunities. I say 742 00:34:45,840 --> 00:34:48,440 Speaker 5: to myself, will you regret not talking to this person? 743 00:34:48,520 --> 00:34:51,720 Speaker 5: Will you regret not going to this place, not going 744 00:34:51,800 --> 00:34:54,399 Speaker 5: you know, not doing these things, not taking an opportunity? 745 00:34:54,920 --> 00:34:56,200 Speaker 3: The answer is mostly yes. 746 00:34:56,600 --> 00:35:00,200 Speaker 1: And so if that's the case, why not try that 747 00:35:00,280 --> 00:35:02,520 Speaker 1: to my housemate tonight. Whenever we want to do something different, 748 00:35:02,520 --> 00:35:04,360 Speaker 1: I always go, you lose one hundred percent of the 749 00:35:04,400 --> 00:35:07,360 Speaker 1: opportunities you don't take, exactly Like I we were in 750 00:35:07,360 --> 00:35:09,640 Speaker 1: the cafe the other day and my housemate found one 751 00:35:09,680 --> 00:35:11,759 Speaker 1: of the waters really really attractive, and I was like, 752 00:35:12,040 --> 00:35:14,080 Speaker 1: just put your Instagram, Like she put her Instagram on 753 00:35:14,120 --> 00:35:17,080 Speaker 1: the menu. I was like, if he never follows you, 754 00:35:17,080 --> 00:35:19,239 Speaker 1: you know that maybe he's got a girlfriend or he's 755 00:35:19,239 --> 00:35:21,040 Speaker 1: not interested in you and stuff. But like, if you 756 00:35:21,120 --> 00:35:24,040 Speaker 1: don't put your Instagram on that on the menu, then 757 00:35:24,160 --> 00:35:26,520 Speaker 1: like you always wonder, oh, what if I put. 758 00:35:26,320 --> 00:35:27,880 Speaker 2: My Instagram on that exactly. 759 00:35:28,040 --> 00:35:30,560 Speaker 1: It's always like you just because then you sit and 760 00:35:30,560 --> 00:35:33,680 Speaker 1: stew on the what if my housemate she didn't get 761 00:35:33,960 --> 00:35:36,160 Speaker 1: the Instagram he never followed her back when we're assuming 762 00:35:36,160 --> 00:35:38,239 Speaker 1: that he had like a girlfriend or something like that. 763 00:35:38,360 --> 00:35:41,520 Speaker 1: But what's your advice to girls wanting to bounce back 764 00:35:41,560 --> 00:35:45,640 Speaker 1: from rejection or criticism without it damaging their self esteem? 765 00:35:45,680 --> 00:35:48,479 Speaker 5: I guess that's about resilience. And when we think about 766 00:35:48,520 --> 00:35:51,480 Speaker 5: a confident person, they're very resilient. They're able to show 767 00:35:51,600 --> 00:35:54,920 Speaker 5: up again and again and bounce back. And so to 768 00:35:55,200 --> 00:35:57,920 Speaker 5: do that, it comes back to the internal confidence. 769 00:35:57,960 --> 00:35:58,120 Speaker 4: You know. 770 00:35:58,200 --> 00:36:01,600 Speaker 5: It depends on what you are letting replay in your 771 00:36:01,640 --> 00:36:05,080 Speaker 5: brain over and over again. So if I'm continually thinking 772 00:36:05,120 --> 00:36:07,640 Speaker 5: about all of the mistakes that I've made in the past, 773 00:36:08,360 --> 00:36:12,719 Speaker 5: that's going to shape how I see things in the future. Yeah, 774 00:36:12,760 --> 00:36:16,400 Speaker 5: I'm gonna tell you something called confirmation bias. 775 00:36:16,480 --> 00:36:18,520 Speaker 3: Okay, So I want you to have a quick look 776 00:36:18,560 --> 00:36:23,200 Speaker 3: around the room and notice all the things that are blue. Okay, 777 00:36:23,320 --> 00:36:24,080 Speaker 3: have a quick look. 778 00:36:24,800 --> 00:36:27,520 Speaker 5: Yeah, Okay, close your eyes, and I want you to 779 00:36:27,560 --> 00:36:29,680 Speaker 5: tell me all of the things that you can see 780 00:36:29,800 --> 00:36:30,560 Speaker 5: that are black. 781 00:36:32,320 --> 00:36:37,400 Speaker 1: I tell you, yep, the microphones, the camera, the chords 782 00:36:37,480 --> 00:36:38,000 Speaker 1: on the tip I. 783 00:36:37,960 --> 00:36:40,839 Speaker 4: Shouldn't have picked black. I'm going to say that again. 784 00:36:40,880 --> 00:36:42,320 Speaker 3: Can you close your eyes and I want you to 785 00:36:42,360 --> 00:36:45,000 Speaker 3: tell me all of the things that you see that 786 00:36:45,160 --> 00:36:45,800 Speaker 3: are red. 787 00:36:47,480 --> 00:36:52,000 Speaker 2: The on air sign. Mm hmm. I think that's about it. 788 00:36:52,640 --> 00:36:55,160 Speaker 5: There's a couple other things around, and I think you 789 00:36:55,160 --> 00:36:57,880 Speaker 5: couldn't name many because you weren't looking for it. 790 00:36:58,280 --> 00:37:00,840 Speaker 4: Yes, right, Yeah, you weren't look looking for things. 791 00:37:00,600 --> 00:37:01,120 Speaker 3: That we're red. 792 00:37:01,360 --> 00:37:02,000 Speaker 2: Yeah. 793 00:37:02,080 --> 00:37:06,399 Speaker 5: So that's highlights confirmation bias. So we want to be right, 794 00:37:06,600 --> 00:37:09,920 Speaker 5: we want to be correct. So whatever we believe, whatever 795 00:37:09,960 --> 00:37:12,480 Speaker 5: we think, is what we're going to be searching for. 796 00:37:12,800 --> 00:37:16,319 Speaker 5: We will even find things that aren't necessarily true, but 797 00:37:16,440 --> 00:37:19,160 Speaker 5: a kind of red that are kind of in line 798 00:37:19,160 --> 00:37:21,279 Speaker 5: with what we're thinking and believing because we want to 799 00:37:21,320 --> 00:37:21,759 Speaker 5: be right. 800 00:37:22,160 --> 00:37:23,360 Speaker 2: Yes, So if I'm. 801 00:37:23,200 --> 00:37:26,560 Speaker 5: Saying to myself, I'm a failure, I've just been rejected, 802 00:37:26,760 --> 00:37:29,799 Speaker 5: I can't do it, I'm going to continually look for 803 00:37:29,840 --> 00:37:32,440 Speaker 5: evidence that I'm not good, that I was rejected, that 804 00:37:32,480 --> 00:37:33,239 Speaker 5: I can't do it. 805 00:37:33,800 --> 00:37:37,000 Speaker 3: Whereas and so that is the power of your thoughts. 806 00:37:37,239 --> 00:37:38,759 Speaker 5: Because you want to be right, You're going to be 807 00:37:38,800 --> 00:37:40,440 Speaker 5: searching for things to make sure that you are. 808 00:37:40,920 --> 00:37:43,800 Speaker 1: Yeah, that's why, like affirmations are probably so good exactly. 809 00:37:43,960 --> 00:37:46,080 Speaker 2: You're like telling yourself that, like you are good enough. 810 00:37:46,160 --> 00:37:49,319 Speaker 5: Exactly, And so you're going to be going into interactions 811 00:37:49,400 --> 00:37:52,640 Speaker 5: even thinking that feeling that it's going to shape how 812 00:37:52,680 --> 00:37:54,799 Speaker 5: you interact with people because you know, like, so one 813 00:37:54,840 --> 00:37:57,279 Speaker 5: of my things is like I'm too much, I wear 814 00:37:57,320 --> 00:37:59,880 Speaker 5: too I'm too outgoing, i wear too much, I'm whatever. 815 00:38:00,040 --> 00:38:00,239 Speaker 4: You know. 816 00:38:00,600 --> 00:38:02,520 Speaker 5: So I might walk down the street and some girl 817 00:38:02,520 --> 00:38:05,719 Speaker 5: gives me a side eye. I'm like, oh my god, 818 00:38:05,840 --> 00:38:08,359 Speaker 5: she thinks that I'm too much, she doesn't like. 819 00:38:08,280 --> 00:38:08,880 Speaker 3: What I'm wearing. 820 00:38:09,760 --> 00:38:13,440 Speaker 5: There could be so many other reasons why she side 821 00:38:13,440 --> 00:38:16,319 Speaker 5: eyed me. She might love my auntfitch, i might have 822 00:38:16,800 --> 00:38:19,240 Speaker 5: food to my teeth, you know, like there's so many reasons. 823 00:38:19,280 --> 00:38:23,280 Speaker 5: But because that's my belief and thought, that's what I'm 824 00:38:23,320 --> 00:38:24,440 Speaker 5: making the narrative to be. 825 00:38:26,680 --> 00:38:27,840 Speaker 2: That's like when you hungover. 826 00:38:28,120 --> 00:38:30,200 Speaker 1: Sorry, this is like when I thought was like when 827 00:38:30,239 --> 00:38:32,680 Speaker 1: you've got anxiety and you're like, oh my god, I 828 00:38:32,719 --> 00:38:34,799 Speaker 1: was so embarrassing last night. Like no one probably thought 829 00:38:34,840 --> 00:38:39,240 Speaker 1: you were embarrassing. You've just convinced yourself that you're embarrassing. 830 00:38:38,680 --> 00:38:40,839 Speaker 5: Literally, and also no one's really thinking about you. They're 831 00:38:40,840 --> 00:38:42,520 Speaker 5: thinking about their own embarrassing thing. 832 00:38:43,040 --> 00:38:44,160 Speaker 2: No one's thinking about me. 833 00:38:45,040 --> 00:38:47,920 Speaker 1: Well, thank you so much for coming on Tuesday's episode. 834 00:38:47,960 --> 00:38:48,280 Speaker 2: Girls. 835 00:38:48,400 --> 00:38:50,640 Speaker 1: Make sure you tune in on Thursday's episode where we 836 00:38:50,719 --> 00:38:53,799 Speaker 1: answer your questions that you asked Ashley and we'll answer 837 00:38:53,800 --> 00:38:55,239 Speaker 1: your question then see 838 00:38:55,320 --> 00:39:02,680 Speaker 3: Thursday A pot over