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Speaker 1: This podcast is recorded on gaddigal Land Always was, always

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Speaker 1: will be Aboriginal Land.

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Speaker 2: Hey chicks, I'm soal and I'm out and this is

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Speaker 2: two broat chicks to show that shares life lessons and

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Speaker 2: tips to make you rich in life. And well, well,

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Speaker 2: well look who's back our friend, content creator and host

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Speaker 2: of the She Said.

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Speaker 3: Well podcast, Alissa?

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Speaker 4: How far?

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Speaker 2: I love?

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Speaker 3: Hello?

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Speaker 5: We're so excited to have you back.

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Speaker 4: It's not good to be back. It feels like so

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Speaker 4: much has happened.

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Speaker 3: I know, I want to go.

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Speaker 5: I knows a lot and change in twelve months.

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Speaker 2: Hey know, but we've got you on because a bunch

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Speaker 2: of chicks have sent in their relationship and dating dilemmas,

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Speaker 2: and given that's your area of expertise on your podcast

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Speaker 2: and on your platforms.

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Speaker 5: We were like, we need to bring Alissa in a

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Speaker 5: mother two cents.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, I love the tea. Yeah, I'm ready for it.

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Speaker 1: We're gonna be talking all things like asking for what

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Speaker 1: you want in a relationship, breakups and even open relationships,

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Speaker 1: also being gay gay gay.

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Speaker 3: Sparkles and ramos, and you know.

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Speaker 5: It's gonna be a good episode. But before we get.

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Speaker 2: Into it, we like to start with our life lesson

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Speaker 2: of the week, So a Lisa, would you like to

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Speaker 2: kick us off?

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Speaker 4: I would love to kick us off. You know what's

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Speaker 4: clicked for me this week is that you can't put

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Speaker 4: on confidence, but you can put on a bit of

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Speaker 4: a brave face and kind of fake it till you

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Speaker 4: make it. What I like to focus on now instead

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Speaker 4: of confidence is self belief, and like, to me, self

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Speaker 4: belief is like actually backing yourself. And I have a

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Speaker 4: few little tips that has helped me this week. That

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Speaker 4: has helped me believe more in myself is one listing

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Speaker 4: out things that I've done really well and I'm really

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Speaker 4: proud of myself for things that can make me go like, actually,

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Speaker 4: I do have myself. Another one is surrounding myself with

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Speaker 4: people that believe in me and that believe in themselves,

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Speaker 4: because it means that if I share a big idea

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Speaker 4: with them, they're actually going to picture, oh, that could happen,

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Speaker 4: rather than putting their limiting beliefs on me. So that's

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Speaker 4: something I'm really trying to focus on. Something that's really

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Speaker 4: clicked for me is self belief over trying to fake confidence.

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Speaker 1: I love that because it is like a tip to

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Speaker 1: be like fake it till you make it like.

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Speaker 2: Totally like hell, But the healthy option is to be like,

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Speaker 2: do you know what, No, bitch, you've got this.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, take a second, like take a second to invest

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Speaker 4: in yourself and sit back and go like, no, okay,

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Speaker 4: I do believe in myself. Let's back that. Let's put

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Speaker 4: something in my brain so I can actually go into

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Speaker 4: this experience not trying to fake it that I'm confident,

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Speaker 4: but going like, no, I've actually got this and I've

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Speaker 4: got me. I love that.

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Speaker 5: That's a great piece of advice. Boring but practical. Okay, Okay, so.

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Speaker 3: Now being practical as they were boring.

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Speaker 2: And also it might be a bit stupid, but I

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Speaker 2: didn't know this, and my boyfriend didn't know it either, Okay.

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Speaker 2: Inside your quilt sometimes yeah, And then on your quilt

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Speaker 2: you'll have these little rubber holders, I suppose, and you

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Speaker 2: tie those around the corners of your quilt to keep

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Speaker 2: it in place so it doesn't end up all lumpy.

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Speaker 2: And yet like one side of the bed is like

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Speaker 2: covered in rags and the other is like all cozys. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: because I always get stuck with the rags every time.

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Speaker 2: And then I was like, what are these little things.

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Speaker 2: When I washed my sheets the other day and I

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Speaker 2: was like, no way, no way.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, but then we can't do like you still got

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Speaker 3: to do that?

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Speaker 1: I guess yeah, you know, you like get the corners

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Speaker 1: and then you've got to flip it to the end,

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Speaker 1: so you're like, yeah.

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Speaker 5: But it would be like whin two days it was

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Speaker 5: a lumpy mess. I couldn't believe it again.

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Speaker 1: I've asked you to stop calling me that one babe.

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Speaker 2: Embrace there, but if you're quilt doesn't have it, I

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Speaker 2: googled it and you can buy the attachments.

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Speaker 4: To click to the end.

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Speaker 3: So yeah, there you go. There you go love it.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, so a lot of people are probably like, no

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Speaker 2: fucking ship sound.

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Speaker 4: I've been doing that.

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Speaker 3: I love that.

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Speaker 1: Mine is also pretty pretty poor, but it's just a

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Speaker 1: little brecky if anyone wants to try it. It's my

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Speaker 1: new favorite breakfast that I'm hyper fixated on at the moment,

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Speaker 1: and it's crumpets with ntella and strawberries.

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Speaker 4: Can you explain to me what a crumpet is?

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Speaker 1: What the fuck is wrong with you?

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Speaker 4: You never had a crumpet like I just it's giving flaky?

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Speaker 5: Is that not at all? It's more of a like

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Speaker 5: bungey sort of texture.

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Speaker 2: If anything, I can't I don't explain a crumpet to

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Speaker 2: explain to speak goodness out. They're like crispy on the bottom,

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Speaker 2: and then they're like bouncy and almost a bungee yeah,

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Speaker 2: on the top. So then if you put natella or

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Speaker 2: like peanut butter and honey, it like sinks into the holes.

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Speaker 3: Are going to bring something into it?

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Speaker 5: Not only is it on the top, but.

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Speaker 3: I'm let's get into it. Our number one dating dilemma.

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Speaker 3: Do you want to kick ourselves out?

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Speaker 2: How to bring the spice in the bedroom when living

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Speaker 2: with your partner long term in a rut? And any

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Speaker 2: tips for asking for what you want in a relationship,

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Speaker 2: you know what.

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Speaker 4: I think this is something that has not talked about enough.

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Speaker 4: I've heard so many women say to me that they're

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Speaker 4: in a relationship long term and they don't know how

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Speaker 4: to initiate because they're at that point where everything is

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Speaker 4: very comfortable and they have these routines with their partner,

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Speaker 4: and it feels almost scarier later on in the relationship

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Speaker 4: than it did at the start because things are just

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Speaker 4: so consistent. I always like to encourage people to have open,

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Speaker 4: honest conversations with their partner, but how you go about

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Speaker 4: that conversation is so important. My biggest thing to start

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Speaker 4: out with saying do not do this is do not

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Speaker 4: sit down and make your partner feel bad for not

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Speaker 4: having those experiences as often or initiating as often, because

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Speaker 4: they're probably struggling in the exact same way that you are.

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Speaker 4: And it's hard for a lot of people to talk

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Speaker 4: about sex, especially when you're later in the relationship. I

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Speaker 4: was actually talking to a friend about this the other day,

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Speaker 4: and we thought it was really interesting because at the start,

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Speaker 4: it's kind of like fun and free and it's like

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Speaker 4: who cares what happens tire on the relationship, you've established

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Speaker 4: a bit of expectation and almost like you're a bit

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Speaker 4: more concerned about if that partner is going to be

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Speaker 4: judging you constantly based off of like if they want

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Speaker 4: to continue to be with you. Like it's almost like

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Speaker 4: the stakes are higher, so it can get harder to

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Speaker 4: talk about. You've got more to lose, exactly.

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Speaker 1: The hurt. Hurt, Like you scared of the hurt because

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Speaker 1: it's going to be more significant because you're obviously a

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Speaker 1: lot more invested in this past.

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Speaker 4: Absolutely, it's just like more on the table kind of thing.

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Speaker 4: But I always recommend that people do sit down and

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Speaker 4: they have a conversation and they just start by saying

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Speaker 4: I love when we have sex, or like I love that,

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Speaker 4: I love this about when we have sex, or I

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Speaker 4: love connecting with you, I love our intimacy, I love

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Speaker 4: X y Z. I want to have more of that. Yeah,

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Speaker 4: rather than going we're not doing this or not or

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Speaker 4: if you're not meeting my expectation, it's going I really

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Speaker 4: love this part of us. How can we amplify that

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Speaker 4: and actually being the one to start the conversation and

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Speaker 4: even give ideas like why don't we sit down and

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Speaker 4: we play There's so many of these that you can

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Speaker 4: get one of those card games where you sit and

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Speaker 4: you ask each other's questions about sex, or why don't

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Speaker 4: we sit down and we go on a date, or

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Speaker 4: we do something special rite anything, we watch a movie,

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Speaker 4: we watch the thing a little bit spicy together. I

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Speaker 4: don't know, you know, you do something like that to go,

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Speaker 4: here's me coming forward. I want more of this, and

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Speaker 4: here's my ideas, and here's how we can do that,

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Speaker 4: and actually taking the rather than putting it all on them.

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Speaker 5: They can't read your mind exactly. They don't know what

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Speaker 5: you want.

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Speaker 2: And I think if you if there's something particular that

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Speaker 2: you want to do, you can say I want to

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Speaker 2: do this with you, like I love when we do this,

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Speaker 2: and I would really love to explore this with you,

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Speaker 2: so that they feel included in that and that it's

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Speaker 2: more like, no, I still get turned on by you,

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Speaker 2: and the thought of doing this with you is what

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Speaker 2: turns me on, not like you're not giving me this,

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Speaker 2: you're not giving me enough. It's like I want to

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Speaker 2: expand rather than focusing on what you're not doing.

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Speaker 4: Absolutely.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I think it's good to change up the routine

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Speaker 3: as well.

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Speaker 4: Yeah.

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Speaker 3: I don't know if you're always having sex in bed, Yeah,

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Speaker 3: go on couch, Yeah, go in the kitchen.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, fix it up, or change the time of day

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Speaker 2: that you're doing it, or be like a bit more

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Speaker 2: like flirty or whatever in public, or like something like,

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Speaker 2: just shake up the routine somehow so it isn't always

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Speaker 2: on a Sunday night.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, eight o'clock.

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Speaker 4: I'm the scheduling a little bit.

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Speaker 1: I'm really wrong with it as well, because I feel

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Speaker 1: like when you do live a really busy life. I

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Speaker 1: think one thing that someone said that I cannot remember,

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Speaker 1: but it was like sex can sometimes feel like a task,

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Speaker 1: And I think that's why when you have a really

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Speaker 1: really busy life, sex becomes a task. It doesn't become

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Speaker 1: like the connection and amazing relationship that you physically have

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Speaker 1: with someone.

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Speaker 3: It becomes something you have to do.

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Speaker 1: So I think also understanding that you don't have to

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Speaker 1: always want to have sex all the time is also

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Speaker 1: a really point in that because I think we look

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Speaker 1: at relationships and we're like and we get like comparison

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Speaker 1: trap of being like we see articles being like how

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Speaker 1: much you should have sex a week with your partner,

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Speaker 1: and it's like that is ridiculous because there is.

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Speaker 3: No said amount of time.

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Speaker 1: There is no amount that you're supposed to be having

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Speaker 1: sex with your partner. That is going to change like

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Speaker 1: every single week depending on what's happening.

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Speaker 3: It's going to change with your cycle.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, so many things that change how often we want

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Speaker 4: to have sex, like why we want to and like

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Speaker 4: you said, with your cycle, that's a huge one. But

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Speaker 4: also stress in people's lives, like there's so many outside

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Speaker 4: things and if you're in a position I want to

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Speaker 4: say specifically to you listening right now. If you're in

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Speaker 4: a position where you're thinking, Wow, my partner doesn't want

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Speaker 4: to have sex with me, they don't want me, there

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Speaker 4: must be something wrong with me, and you're analyzing how

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Speaker 4: you look or how you're showing up, take a second

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Speaker 4: and recognize that, like you are a piece of the puzzle,

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Speaker 4: but you aren't the whole puzzle. And don't judge yourself, Like,

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Speaker 4: don't look at yourself and think, oh, I'm the problem,

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Speaker 4: I'm not sexy enough, I need to do this, this,

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Speaker 4: and this, because it's so likely that that's not the case.

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Speaker 4: And we're so hard on ourselves sometimes and do you

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Speaker 4: know what your.

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Speaker 1: Partner might turn around and being like, oh, I was

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Speaker 1: thinking about this too, like yeah, you can do it. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: And also like spend a little bit of sexy time

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Speaker 1: on your own, Like there were times that I'm like,

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Speaker 1: I mean, I feel like I have sex, I feel

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Speaker 1: like masturbating, and I'll do that stiff Oh yeah, learn

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Speaker 1: what you like.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 3: Then point we'll get home and it'll be like, why

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Speaker 3: is your little friend in.

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Speaker 4: Just one and every room.

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Speaker 1: It's called pinky in the brain in the rain don't

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Speaker 1: sing the.

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Speaker 5: Song We're weird, we are weird. Best friends don't have

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Speaker 5: theme songs with the other ones. Vibrator ship any.

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Speaker 3: Best friends don't name their friends. Vibright of Sound named my.

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Speaker 5: Vibrator the brain, you should vibrator.

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Speaker 1: And I started calling it pinky, and then so would

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Speaker 1: be like thinking in the brain, which is a children Yeah.

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Speaker 3: I am going to start doing that.

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Speaker 1: When you do that like twice this morning, I'm into it.

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Speaker 3: It's so fun.

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Speaker 4: Do you know what it is?

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Speaker 3: It's the equivalent of like what an odd thing to say?

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Speaker 1: Like, I know, if someone tries to be like sassy

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Speaker 1: or like maybe they're being a bit underhanded to you,

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Speaker 1: and you can just be like, what an odd thing

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Speaker 1: to say?

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Speaker 3: I'll be like that's a bit weirdh.

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Speaker 1: And then like.

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Speaker 3: Being like, oh, like you tyed your hair.

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Speaker 1: I think I like to better, like a little bit lighter,

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Speaker 1: And you're like, that's a.

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Speaker 4: Great example how to use it. I like that.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I'm taking it, and I'm running.

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Speaker 1: Okay, dating dilemma number two, I'll add this one.

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Speaker 3: That's a nice boulder.

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Speaker 1: Thoughts on discovering your bye while in a relationship. Should

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Speaker 1: I ask for an open relationship. I think this is

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Speaker 1: a two part of.

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Speaker 4: It's a two parter for sure, because I can wait

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Speaker 4: first of all, realizing you're buying the relationship. I think

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Speaker 4: we start there because I feel like, I, look, I've

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Speaker 4: been through this situation to feel you guys in Okay.

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Speaker 4: I think coming on as bisexual is probably going to

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Speaker 4: happen in its own time. I feel like naturally someone

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Speaker 4: wouldn't have that experience and go straight into wanting open relationship.

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Speaker 4: I mean maybe, but I feel like it usually needs

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Speaker 4: to kind of expand I would definitely have that conversation

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Speaker 4: with your partner and tell them and talk to them

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Speaker 4: about your sexuality and be open and honest about it

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Speaker 4: if you feel safe and like you are able to

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Speaker 4: do that. We know the statistics when it comes to

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Speaker 4: queer people, and being able to come out is so

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Speaker 4: much better for your mental health obviously if you have

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Speaker 4: the safe space to do that. So obviously begin there

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Speaker 4: and then have that conversation ask them how it makes

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Speaker 4: them feel. I was in a relationship with a man

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Speaker 4: and I always knew I was bisexual, or I always

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Speaker 4: knew I was not straight.

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Speaker 3: But why am I Bobby's always scissoring?

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Speaker 1: Yeah?

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Speaker 4: It seems to be happening a lot like that.

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Speaker 3: One scene in Charlie's Angels.

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Speaker 4: And in that relationship, like I knew I was, and

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Speaker 4: there was always like kind of jokes about it, but

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Speaker 4: I had never actually said, oh, I want to I

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Speaker 4: want to come out and I want to be able

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Speaker 4: to say I'm bisexual so that people know that is

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Speaker 4: what I aligned with, because I almost feel like I'm

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Speaker 4: at the point where if someone asks me if I'm straight,

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Speaker 4: I'm saying yes, but I'm lying, and I know I'm lying,

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Speaker 4: and it started to feel really uncomfortable for me. And

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Speaker 4: I had had that moment already where I'd written down

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Speaker 4: I'm bisexual journal and I'd cried and I'd gone wow,

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Speaker 4: like this is so real for me. It was just

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Speaker 4: time for me to bring that into my relationship and

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Speaker 4: make that kind of like an official thing. So I

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Speaker 4: did that and it did actually bring up things in

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Speaker 4: the conversation where he was going, Honestly, sometimes I feel

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Speaker 4: like you have two cups and I'm only fieling one

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Speaker 4: of them, and I'm worried that that cup isn't being filled.

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Speaker 4: And it was my job to make sure that he

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Speaker 4: knew that that wasn't the reality of it, and I

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Speaker 4: didn't feel that way at all. And I think it's

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Speaker 4: really important, especially with this question, to note that bisexual

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Speaker 4: people can have monogamous relationships and be happy in them.

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Speaker 2: Right.

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Speaker 4: That's you don't need to experience non monogamy to be

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Speaker 4: a happy bisexual. But non monogamy is a great option

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Speaker 4: for people who want to explore when they're in a relationship,

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Speaker 4: and it requires a lot being an open relationship. When

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Speaker 4: I was, I definitely learned it took a lot of

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Speaker 4: communication and a lot of honesty, like a lot of

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Speaker 4: being honest with yourself too, Like if you're part partner

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Speaker 4: is going on a date with somebody, or they're having

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Speaker 4: sexual experiences with somebody, you have to honestly sit there

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Speaker 4: and ask yourself, Okay, how does this make me feel?

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Speaker 4: And if I feel jealous, that's okay, that's normal. What

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Speaker 4: am I going to do with that emotion? Do I

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Speaker 4: want to express that to my partner? Is this something

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Speaker 4: we want to keep doing? If it is, how can

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Speaker 4: we work on that together? And it's about consistently opening

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Speaker 4: up to each other and having those conversations and checking in,

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Speaker 4: and it's a lot of work. But it is something

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Speaker 4: that is a really, really great option. I know a

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Speaker 4: lot of people who are non monogamous who have great relationships,

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Speaker 4: and I still think it's an amazing thing.

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Speaker 3: So I love that.

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Speaker 1: How would you go about potentially opening up that conversation.

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Speaker 4: About non monogamy. Yeah, it's a hard question to answer

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Speaker 4: because it's one of those things that when you do

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Speaker 4: say it, like, you can't take it back really, right.

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Speaker 4: If you're in a relationship with somebody and you sit

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Speaker 4: down with them and you say I want to see

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Speaker 4: other people or I want to do X y Z

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Speaker 4: with other people whatever, that looks like they know, I

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00:16:00,040 --> 00:16:02,600
Speaker 4: don't know that that want is there for you. But

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Speaker 4: the alternative is you denying yourself and not being honest

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Speaker 4: with yourself and keeping that in for yourself. And I

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Speaker 4: think as a good partner, you would want your partner

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Speaker 4: to share that with you. So it is a tough

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Speaker 4: thing to go into and it can be very nerve wracking, honestly,

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Speaker 4: Like this is just a little bit of like I

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Speaker 4: don't know. I'm not saying you should definitely do this,

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Speaker 4: but I did this and I think it really helped me.

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Speaker 4: Was like just kind of testing the waters like just

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Speaker 4: kind of being like, you know, so like my friends

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Speaker 4: are like non monogamous. Do you think that's so crazy? R?

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Speaker 4: WHATY just like testing it out like just kind of

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00:16:35,600 --> 00:16:37,760
Speaker 4: like like do you think that's like so insane or

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Speaker 4: like what do you think? You know? And just kind

359
00:16:41,280 --> 00:16:43,520
Speaker 4: of like putting it out there, putting out feelers. I

360
00:16:43,520 --> 00:16:45,640
Speaker 4: think that's like a really honestly, I think it's a

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00:16:45,640 --> 00:16:48,320
Speaker 4: good way to just like have a conversation because you

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00:16:48,360 --> 00:16:49,840
Speaker 4: never know your partner can turn around and look at

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Speaker 4: you and be like, Honestly, I think it's like really cool,

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00:16:51,400 --> 00:16:53,160
Speaker 4: Like it works for a lot of couples, and like

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Speaker 4: I just not that I'm saying I want to do it,

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Speaker 4: but maybe you know, I could see myself and you

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Speaker 4: might be like, holy shit, Okay, let's go have this

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Speaker 4: conversation right now. So I think feelings are good.

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Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah, it gives you a bit of an idea

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00:17:05,560 --> 00:17:08,520
Speaker 2: of where they stand before you know. The stakes are

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00:17:08,560 --> 00:17:10,680
Speaker 2: super high and you're really putting yourself out there, which

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Speaker 2: I still think is really important. But I can give

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Speaker 2: you a little bit of confidence to have that conversation maybe. Yeah.

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Speaker 4: And it's it's like I said earlier, coming to it

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00:17:18,320 --> 00:17:21,320
Speaker 4: like with empathy and asking a question like what do

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00:17:21,400 --> 00:17:23,639
Speaker 4: you think about this thing? Rather than this is what

377
00:17:23,720 --> 00:17:26,320
Speaker 4: I want. I'm not getting enough in this relationship. And

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00:17:26,400 --> 00:17:30,240
Speaker 4: often people feel those feelings and it's totally fine. It's

379
00:17:30,240 --> 00:17:32,280
Speaker 4: fine to feel that. It's fine to feel frustrated, to

380
00:17:32,280 --> 00:17:36,040
Speaker 4: feel like I need something else, But take those emotions,

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Speaker 4: sit with them, and then go into the conversation in

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00:17:38,880 --> 00:17:40,399
Speaker 4: the way that you would want someone to show up

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00:17:40,440 --> 00:17:41,560
Speaker 4: for you exactly.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, and as well, I don't want you to panic either, because,

385
00:17:44,280 --> 00:17:47,280
Speaker 1: like as someone who is by I don't really like

386
00:17:47,320 --> 00:17:50,720
Speaker 1: the labels, but like you know, take of the conversation

387
00:17:50,840 --> 00:17:52,920
Speaker 1: sake of the conversation, like kiss people I want to kiss,

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Speaker 1: and like vibe people that I vibe with, Like my

389
00:17:57,040 --> 00:18:00,000
Speaker 1: partner is straight, and where you're in like a monogol

390
00:18:00,080 --> 00:18:03,000
Speaker 1: mis relationship and it's not a death sentence to it,

391
00:18:03,480 --> 00:18:06,320
Speaker 1: Like it's actually kind of fun because we go on

392
00:18:06,359 --> 00:18:08,520
Speaker 1: and reward for rom coms and I'm like yes, smash

393
00:18:08,600 --> 00:18:11,879
Speaker 1: and he's like which one, I'm like boos, and like

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Speaker 1: I don't know, I feel like with and that hasn't

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Speaker 1: necessarily been with all partners as well.

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Speaker 3: I think you've got to be with the right person.

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00:18:18,760 --> 00:18:22,720
Speaker 1: But I do think like if you feel comfortable to

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Speaker 1: do so, your relationship will be strengthened by sharing it

399
00:18:26,320 --> 00:18:29,880
Speaker 1: with your partner. Absolutely, And like that might take time,

400
00:18:30,240 --> 00:18:32,160
Speaker 1: it might not be something that you feel comfortable doing

401
00:18:32,240 --> 00:18:35,280
Speaker 1: right now, but definitely like sitting with that and thinking

402
00:18:35,320 --> 00:18:38,720
Speaker 1: about that, about sharing that with your partner will only

403
00:18:38,760 --> 00:18:42,760
Speaker 1: help strengthen the relationship because I couldn't imagine like hiding

404
00:18:42,800 --> 00:18:45,520
Speaker 1: that from my partner now. And just because you're hiding

405
00:18:45,520 --> 00:18:47,399
Speaker 1: a part of yourself, like it's who you are, and

406
00:18:47,440 --> 00:18:48,400
Speaker 1: that's an amazing thing.

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00:18:49,400 --> 00:18:51,080
Speaker 3: Absolutely, gay people do it better.

408
00:18:51,200 --> 00:18:51,680
Speaker 4: Anyway.

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Speaker 1: Before this episode, we're looking at photos of me before

410
00:18:58,640 --> 00:19:02,359
Speaker 1: I was like comfortable with my sexuality and fucking it

411
00:19:02,440 --> 00:19:06,600
Speaker 1: was boring, I know.

412
00:19:06,640 --> 00:19:09,960
Speaker 3: But with like my little like blonde hair.

413
00:19:09,880 --> 00:19:13,320
Speaker 4: And like there's nothing, there's something.

414
00:19:13,080 --> 00:19:16,920
Speaker 1: Likely And I just look at photos and I look

415
00:19:16,960 --> 00:19:19,840
Speaker 1: at like who I was when I didn't know who

416
00:19:19,920 --> 00:19:20,960
Speaker 1: I was, and I'm like, I.

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Speaker 4: Don't know who that is totally. I don't know that girl.

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00:19:23,960 --> 00:19:25,160
Speaker 4: She didn't know who she was either.

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Speaker 5: She had coffin nails and everything. It's like a Pokemon evolution.

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00:19:33,560 --> 00:19:39,359
Speaker 2: Meant to me. Okay, dating dilemma number three. We broke

421
00:19:39,440 --> 00:19:43,680
Speaker 2: up three months ago and I was devastated, finally starting

422
00:19:43,720 --> 00:19:47,240
Speaker 2: to feel better, but they reached out asking to catch up.

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Speaker 3: What should I do?

424
00:19:49,040 --> 00:19:51,159
Speaker 2: I don't know if I want to get back together

425
00:19:51,320 --> 00:19:53,440
Speaker 2: or whether I can be friends with them.

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Speaker 5: We this is so odd.

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00:19:59,560 --> 00:20:02,159
Speaker 1: Can I just say before we get into it, the

428
00:20:02,200 --> 00:20:05,280
Speaker 1: breakup glow up is like the best thing in the world.

429
00:20:05,640 --> 00:20:10,040
Speaker 1: It's like, the breakup glow up is so dangerous because

430
00:20:10,840 --> 00:20:14,959
Speaker 1: you look so good and you look so fine that

431
00:20:15,000 --> 00:20:18,280
Speaker 1: they will come crawling back. Like every time, I think

432
00:20:18,400 --> 00:20:22,640
Speaker 1: everyone comes back at least once after a breakup, every

433
00:20:22,640 --> 00:20:26,600
Speaker 1: breakup I've had, they've always come back at least once.

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00:20:27,240 --> 00:20:28,639
Speaker 3: Because you look fucking fire.

435
00:20:28,960 --> 00:20:30,480
Speaker 5: Yeah, and you're like more confident.

436
00:20:30,680 --> 00:20:32,080
Speaker 4: Yeah yeah, this clear skin.

437
00:20:32,400 --> 00:20:33,119
Speaker 2: Yeah, you're like.

438
00:20:36,400 --> 00:20:39,840
Speaker 1: Yourself again, And I feel like that's the thing. It's like,

439
00:20:40,240 --> 00:20:42,240
Speaker 1: I can't remember where I saw this, was probably on

440
00:20:42,280 --> 00:20:45,000
Speaker 1: the internet somewhere, and it was like women feel the

441
00:20:45,000 --> 00:20:48,000
Speaker 1: breakup the hardest when it happens, but men feel the

442
00:20:48,000 --> 00:20:51,359
Speaker 1: breakup the hardest like three months later. And it's like,

443
00:20:51,520 --> 00:20:54,399
Speaker 1: obviously you cannot paint everyone with the same brush, but

444
00:20:55,080 --> 00:20:58,960
Speaker 1: typically I feel like, especially in like heterosexual relationships, that's

445
00:20:59,000 --> 00:21:00,000
Speaker 1: like what you tend to say.

446
00:21:00,040 --> 00:21:02,560
Speaker 4: I so see that. Yeah, I see that all the time.

447
00:21:03,400 --> 00:21:06,919
Speaker 4: I feel like often women will like feel it quickly

448
00:21:07,480 --> 00:21:11,080
Speaker 4: and almost like internalized actually like take it in and

449
00:21:11,119 --> 00:21:14,800
Speaker 4: like process it and be like, Okay, this sucks so bad,

450
00:21:14,840 --> 00:21:16,960
Speaker 4: I'm gonna feel it all and like now I'm gonna

451
00:21:16,960 --> 00:21:19,480
Speaker 4: go and do it I need to do on my forward. Yeah,

452
00:21:19,560 --> 00:21:24,240
Speaker 4: Whereas I think there is a lot less like worgans

453
00:21:24,280 --> 00:21:27,080
Speaker 4: around emotion that are taught to men, so they actually

454
00:21:27,160 --> 00:21:29,359
Speaker 4: sometimes don't know how to process certain things that are happening,

455
00:21:29,560 --> 00:21:31,639
Speaker 4: but they'll feel it later. It'll kind of hit them later.

456
00:21:31,760 --> 00:21:34,600
Speaker 4: And often it's like action. You see more action rather

457
00:21:34,680 --> 00:21:37,880
Speaker 4: than like emotions and talking through it and processing it obviously,

458
00:21:38,080 --> 00:21:41,240
Speaker 4: so general yes, that's generalizing, but I see that.

459
00:21:41,600 --> 00:21:48,480
Speaker 1: Yeah, right, Okay, So three months ago she was devastated,

460
00:21:48,640 --> 00:21:52,200
Speaker 1: but she's slaying the game. Now, well she's finally started

461
00:21:52,200 --> 00:21:54,280
Speaker 1: to feel better. But they've reached out asking.

462
00:21:54,040 --> 00:21:55,560
Speaker 3: To catch up. What should I do?

463
00:21:56,200 --> 00:21:57,720
Speaker 1: I don't know if I want to get back together

464
00:21:57,840 --> 00:21:59,600
Speaker 1: or whether I can be friends with him. I think

465
00:21:59,640 --> 00:22:02,320
Speaker 1: the fact that getting back together is even potentially something

466
00:22:02,400 --> 00:22:05,560
Speaker 1: on your mind is a little bit of a red flag.

467
00:22:05,640 --> 00:22:05,840
Speaker 2: Yeah.

468
00:22:06,480 --> 00:22:10,000
Speaker 4: Yeah, I think I want to be empathetic here, I

469
00:22:10,040 --> 00:22:13,520
Speaker 4: really do. I also am just like if I know,

470
00:22:13,560 --> 00:22:16,119
Speaker 4: if I were your best friend, i'd be like, girl,

471
00:22:15,680 --> 00:22:21,800
Speaker 4: I'd be like, get delete that number. You know it

472
00:22:22,040 --> 00:22:25,480
Speaker 4: was blocked, Like what are you doing? Because in like,

473
00:22:25,520 --> 00:22:28,080
Speaker 4: she's saying she was devastated, and if she's still using

474
00:22:28,080 --> 00:22:31,199
Speaker 4: the language that it was devastating, there's probably still some

475
00:22:32,040 --> 00:22:34,119
Speaker 4: vibes going on where she's still feeling that and that

476
00:22:34,240 --> 00:22:38,040
Speaker 4: is totally fine. But you as she's saying, she's starting

477
00:22:38,040 --> 00:22:43,840
Speaker 4: to feel better, let's keep it, let's ride that way.

478
00:22:44,480 --> 00:22:47,280
Speaker 4: Like in my mind, I'm just like, like you said,

479
00:22:47,359 --> 00:22:49,960
Speaker 4: if there's this potential of, oh maybe we could get

480
00:22:49,960 --> 00:22:52,120
Speaker 4: back together, Oh maybe we could be friends, I would

481
00:22:52,119 --> 00:22:55,520
Speaker 4: say right now, friends probably off the table.

482
00:22:55,720 --> 00:22:59,680
Speaker 1: If there's even a thought that you could get back together, Like,

483
00:23:00,080 --> 00:23:03,560
Speaker 1: there is so many little things. I don't think it's

484
00:23:03,560 --> 00:23:06,440
Speaker 1: impossible to be friends with an ex. I do think

485
00:23:06,520 --> 00:23:12,320
Speaker 1: it is very hard, ye, Like, I think I know one.

486
00:23:12,119 --> 00:23:14,320
Speaker 3: Couple that has still be able to do it.

487
00:23:15,119 --> 00:23:18,320
Speaker 1: I know one person that I think is still friends

488
00:23:18,320 --> 00:23:22,199
Speaker 1: with their X and like genuinely genuinely friends. Yeah, And

489
00:23:22,240 --> 00:23:25,560
Speaker 1: I feel the difference there though, is that after the breakup,

490
00:23:25,640 --> 00:23:27,919
Speaker 1: there was never really a question of getting back together.

491
00:23:28,080 --> 00:23:30,240
Speaker 5: Yes, it was like, no, we're friends now.

492
00:23:30,400 --> 00:23:33,480
Speaker 2: Whereas because this is like weighing up, could we be

493
00:23:34,560 --> 00:23:38,200
Speaker 2: I think you're going to end up falling back into.

494
00:23:37,960 --> 00:23:40,439
Speaker 5: It and wanting to go into a relationship.

495
00:23:39,920 --> 00:23:42,560
Speaker 2: Probably because it feels comfortable and it feels safe and

496
00:23:42,560 --> 00:23:45,400
Speaker 2: you probably miss them and miss having a relationship. Yeah,

497
00:23:45,440 --> 00:23:47,679
Speaker 2: but it sounds like you're making a lot of progress

498
00:23:47,760 --> 00:23:51,080
Speaker 2: now and I think that you could potentially be taking

499
00:23:51,080 --> 00:23:54,080
Speaker 2: a few steps back if you go into that catch

500
00:23:54,119 --> 00:23:57,600
Speaker 2: up And also ask yourself genuinely, what are you going

501
00:23:57,680 --> 00:23:58,600
Speaker 2: to get from the catch up?

502
00:23:58,840 --> 00:23:59,560
Speaker 4: You guys know that.

503
00:23:59,720 --> 00:24:04,200
Speaker 1: Me, it's like, no, I'm going to go get closure.

504
00:24:04,640 --> 00:24:07,000
Speaker 2: And it's a brat style with a hair or messy

505
00:24:07,000 --> 00:24:09,919
Speaker 2: And that was.

506
00:24:10,080 --> 00:24:13,199
Speaker 4: Me, Like that's it. That's what I'm thinking, is like

507
00:24:13,280 --> 00:24:15,080
Speaker 4: it's so easy for us to want to go dip

508
00:24:15,080 --> 00:24:18,760
Speaker 4: our toes back in and like we consider all day

509
00:24:18,960 --> 00:24:21,879
Speaker 4: home with excuses and like rationalize it and be like

510
00:24:21,920 --> 00:24:25,560
Speaker 4: it's closure, And like a lot of the time life

511
00:24:25,720 --> 00:24:28,680
Speaker 4: just doesn't offer us closure in the way that we

512
00:24:28,720 --> 00:24:30,320
Speaker 4: want it or we think we're supposed to get it.

513
00:24:30,359 --> 00:24:32,359
Speaker 4: Like I think a lot of the time, closure looks

514
00:24:32,440 --> 00:24:36,359
Speaker 4: like sitting back and like accepting within yourself and working

515
00:24:36,400 --> 00:24:39,960
Speaker 4: through it yourself. Maybe eventually a conversation with that person

516
00:24:40,000 --> 00:24:41,640
Speaker 4: could help you work through a few things that happen

517
00:24:41,680 --> 00:24:44,040
Speaker 4: in the relationship. Maybe you want to talk about some things.

518
00:24:44,600 --> 00:24:48,080
Speaker 4: But like, statistically speaking, you know, I mean, it's not

519
00:24:48,160 --> 00:24:49,760
Speaker 4: looking good.

520
00:24:50,280 --> 00:24:51,560
Speaker 3: I feel like staggering.

521
00:24:51,600 --> 00:24:54,960
Speaker 1: A breakup is literally the equivalent to like after paying

522
00:24:54,960 --> 00:25:00,399
Speaker 1: your heartbreak being like, no, we catch up, but like no, maybe,

523
00:25:01,400 --> 00:25:03,240
Speaker 1: I mean, like on and off, you just are like

524
00:25:03,320 --> 00:25:05,240
Speaker 1: having after pay installments of heartbreak.

525
00:25:05,480 --> 00:25:08,119
Speaker 4: It just hurts. And you know that person with the

526
00:25:08,240 --> 00:25:10,160
Speaker 4: lens of being in a relationship. So if you're hanging

527
00:25:10,200 --> 00:25:12,800
Speaker 4: out with them, well, yeah, you act as if you're

528
00:25:12,840 --> 00:25:15,880
Speaker 4: in a relationship or it feels weird to not so

529
00:25:16,080 --> 00:25:19,280
Speaker 4: you feel everything so much more. Yeah, it's just even

530
00:25:19,280 --> 00:25:21,320
Speaker 4: picturing this right now, I'm like, this looks painful. Like

531
00:25:21,359 --> 00:25:23,320
Speaker 4: I want you to know, lass, I don't want you

532
00:25:23,359 --> 00:25:26,800
Speaker 4: to expect. I'm like, please don't, yeah, just keep going.

533
00:25:26,880 --> 00:25:29,439
Speaker 1: Okay, do you know what, collectively, as your best friends,

534
00:25:29,440 --> 00:25:31,639
Speaker 1: we're hitting like the block button for you.

535
00:25:31,920 --> 00:25:33,160
Speaker 5: Yeah. I feel like what you.

536
00:25:33,119 --> 00:25:37,400
Speaker 1: Could do is you could reply and you could say, look,

537
00:25:37,400 --> 00:25:39,800
Speaker 1: I'm still taking some time to process the breakup. I

538
00:25:39,840 --> 00:25:42,159
Speaker 1: appreciate your reaching out, but I'm not quite ready to

539
00:25:42,240 --> 00:25:43,760
Speaker 1: speak and.

540
00:25:43,880 --> 00:25:46,520
Speaker 3: Potentially blocking yeah.

541
00:25:46,080 --> 00:25:49,240
Speaker 1: Because I don't think from that boundary being set, any

542
00:25:49,320 --> 00:25:52,560
Speaker 1: further conversation is good conversation to have. Like, if they're

543
00:25:52,560 --> 00:25:55,760
Speaker 1: going to try and convince you to go, that's probably.

544
00:25:55,440 --> 00:25:56,879
Speaker 3: Going to be really hard to say no to.

545
00:25:57,359 --> 00:25:59,560
Speaker 1: So setting a boundary being like, I really appreciate you

546
00:25:59,600 --> 00:26:02,160
Speaker 1: reaching out, I'm still taking some time to process the breakup,

547
00:26:02,480 --> 00:26:05,160
Speaker 1: but wish you all the best, And then like a

548
00:26:04,760 --> 00:26:07,520
Speaker 1: little block button, even if it's just for like a week,

549
00:26:07,640 --> 00:26:08,800
Speaker 1: just so you don't get the response.

550
00:26:08,920 --> 00:26:10,840
Speaker 5: Yeah, in the heat of the moment.

551
00:26:11,040 --> 00:26:12,199
Speaker 3: Yeah, Okay.

552
00:26:12,720 --> 00:26:17,760
Speaker 1: Dating dilemma number four. Okay, well I love this one.

553
00:26:18,520 --> 00:26:21,840
Speaker 1: How to find your own hobbies. So hard to juggle work,

554
00:26:21,960 --> 00:26:26,879
Speaker 1: relationships and everything else. So you mentioned on your IG

555
00:26:27,200 --> 00:26:29,600
Speaker 1: story how although you're in a relationship, it's been so

556
00:26:29,760 --> 00:26:32,720
Speaker 1: nice embracing your own time and independence while dating.

557
00:26:33,200 --> 00:26:33,880
Speaker 3: So teach us.

558
00:26:35,080 --> 00:26:40,960
Speaker 4: Look, look, I have been the person to go into

559
00:26:41,000 --> 00:26:45,560
Speaker 4: a relationship and make them my life. Yeah, and listen

560
00:26:45,560 --> 00:26:48,040
Speaker 4: to the music they listen to and go to the

561
00:26:48,040 --> 00:26:52,520
Speaker 4: places I'm calling some people out here listen to go

562
00:26:52,560 --> 00:26:55,199
Speaker 4: to the places they go to get really comfortable with

563
00:26:55,280 --> 00:26:59,200
Speaker 4: doing the things that they like, and sometimes even so

564
00:26:59,240 --> 00:27:02,280
Speaker 4: that they like me more. Like sometimes because I think, oh,

565
00:27:02,320 --> 00:27:04,400
Speaker 4: if I'm relating with them, They're gonna feel like I'm

566
00:27:04,440 --> 00:27:06,520
Speaker 4: so in their world and they're gonna love me so much.

567
00:27:06,560 --> 00:27:09,040
Speaker 4: And it's been like a subconscious thing that I've noticed

568
00:27:09,040 --> 00:27:12,760
Speaker 4: myself do in my younger years of dating. I've now

569
00:27:12,920 --> 00:27:16,760
Speaker 4: learned that it is so much hotter and more fun,

570
00:27:17,080 --> 00:27:20,359
Speaker 4: and you feel better in yourself if you hold on

571
00:27:20,400 --> 00:27:23,080
Speaker 4: to who you are in a relationship. If someone meets

572
00:27:23,119 --> 00:27:25,560
Speaker 4: you and they go, wow, I love this person that

573
00:27:25,560 --> 00:27:27,760
Speaker 4: I've just met, we should go on a date, we

574
00:27:27,760 --> 00:27:29,679
Speaker 4: should hang out, or we should have this kind of relationship.

575
00:27:30,200 --> 00:27:32,919
Speaker 4: They are meeting you because they like you and they

576
00:27:33,000 --> 00:27:37,040
Speaker 4: like the things about you, so don't try to become them.

577
00:27:37,280 --> 00:27:38,600
Speaker 4: Like and I think people.

578
00:27:38,359 --> 00:27:39,040
Speaker 5: Don't want to date them.

579
00:27:40,720 --> 00:27:43,960
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, it's real.

580
00:27:44,400 --> 00:27:46,439
Speaker 4: So I think it's really important to hold on to

581
00:27:46,920 --> 00:27:50,960
Speaker 4: who you are in a relationship, not out of fear

582
00:27:51,080 --> 00:27:53,360
Speaker 4: that you're not going to have that relationship one day,

583
00:27:53,600 --> 00:27:57,040
Speaker 4: but so that you don't lose yourself. Like, keeping yourself

584
00:27:57,080 --> 00:28:00,280
Speaker 4: is so important and you've lived your whole life and

585
00:28:00,280 --> 00:28:02,919
Speaker 4: you've learned so many things and you've picked up different

586
00:28:03,000 --> 00:28:05,639
Speaker 4: like hobbies, Like for me, it's like playing piano and

587
00:28:05,760 --> 00:28:11,000
Speaker 4: doing music and yeah, bitch, ye.

588
00:28:12,520 --> 00:28:17,720
Speaker 5: Can do It's not fair, it stupid piano.

589
00:28:18,480 --> 00:28:19,320
Speaker 4: Please allow me.

590
00:28:20,080 --> 00:28:20,399
Speaker 2: It's like.

591
00:28:25,640 --> 00:28:28,360
Speaker 3: The one song everyone knows it's good.

592
00:28:28,200 --> 00:28:31,080
Speaker 4: Though, like something like that for me, playing piano, like singing,

593
00:28:31,760 --> 00:28:34,879
Speaker 4: doing like beauty and like makeup stuff, my content, everything

594
00:28:34,920 --> 00:28:37,439
Speaker 4: that I do, Like, I know, I love those things.

595
00:28:37,960 --> 00:28:40,840
Speaker 4: And if I were to be with somebody that wasn't

596
00:28:41,480 --> 00:28:44,040
Speaker 4: encourage me, encouraging me to do those things. And also

597
00:28:44,120 --> 00:28:46,479
Speaker 4: if they didn't have their own things, I just wouldn't

598
00:28:46,480 --> 00:28:49,080
Speaker 4: be able to handle it. Like I need someone who

599
00:28:49,160 --> 00:28:53,080
Speaker 4: is firm in themselves enough they enjoy the things that

600
00:28:53,120 --> 00:28:55,600
Speaker 4: they enjoy. They have their own life going on that

601
00:28:55,840 --> 00:28:58,320
Speaker 4: I'm allowed to have my own life going on. And

602
00:28:58,400 --> 00:29:01,120
Speaker 4: I think that just allows you to walk into every

603
00:29:01,160 --> 00:29:04,320
Speaker 4: space as who you are. You're not going, oh yeah,

604
00:29:04,400 --> 00:29:07,320
Speaker 4: let me ask my boyfriend if I can. Oh yeah,

605
00:29:07,400 --> 00:29:09,120
Speaker 4: let me see what we're doing that night.

606
00:29:09,320 --> 00:29:12,520
Speaker 5: Oh, couples that talk in ways, right, Yeah, it's.

607
00:29:13,000 --> 00:29:16,000
Speaker 4: To be your own person. You want to hold on

608
00:29:16,160 --> 00:29:18,280
Speaker 4: to those things that you've always wanted to do and

609
00:29:18,480 --> 00:29:21,160
Speaker 4: keep going on them. And sometimes people say that relationships

610
00:29:21,200 --> 00:29:23,760
Speaker 4: will hold you back from going after what you want.

611
00:29:24,880 --> 00:29:27,400
Speaker 4: I don't fully think that. I think you can absolutely

612
00:29:27,720 --> 00:29:30,040
Speaker 4: have a great relationship with somebody and also go after

613
00:29:30,080 --> 00:29:32,280
Speaker 4: what you want, But you just need the boundaries to

614
00:29:32,320 --> 00:29:34,080
Speaker 4: do that. You need to make sure that you're still

615
00:29:34,200 --> 00:29:37,680
Speaker 4: on top of you. Yeah, enjoying you like you have

616
00:29:37,720 --> 00:29:40,280
Speaker 4: so much to offer, don't mimic that person you're with.

617
00:29:40,520 --> 00:29:43,360
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think it's like viewing relationships as like a team,

618
00:29:43,560 --> 00:29:46,960
Speaker 1: but like parallel. So it's like you're going through all

619
00:29:46,960 --> 00:29:49,040
Speaker 1: the steps of your life, but you're doing it like together,

620
00:29:49,440 --> 00:29:51,840
Speaker 1: like you're there to support each other. They're like intertwine

621
00:29:51,840 --> 00:29:54,560
Speaker 1: at times, and then also there to be independent. Yeah.

622
00:29:54,880 --> 00:29:57,560
Speaker 2: I think if you are already in a relationship and

623
00:29:57,640 --> 00:30:01,280
Speaker 2: you found yourself with all the same friends, all the

624
00:30:01,280 --> 00:30:04,880
Speaker 2: same hobbies, you spend all your time together, you can

625
00:30:05,000 --> 00:30:08,880
Speaker 2: pursue something just for yourself without it being a big deal.

626
00:30:09,280 --> 00:30:11,120
Speaker 2: Like you can be like, oh, I've decided that I'm

627
00:30:11,160 --> 00:30:14,320
Speaker 2: actually going to start doing piano lessons because that's something

628
00:30:14,320 --> 00:30:16,480
Speaker 2: that you can only do on your own. Or I

629
00:30:16,520 --> 00:30:18,400
Speaker 2: want to do pilates, so I'm going to go do

630
00:30:18,480 --> 00:30:21,080
Speaker 2: this class every Sunday and that's just for me. You're

631
00:30:21,080 --> 00:30:24,600
Speaker 2: not coming, or like make an effort to reach out

632
00:30:24,600 --> 00:30:26,880
Speaker 2: to your girlfriends and be like I'm having a girl's

633
00:30:26,960 --> 00:30:30,000
Speaker 2: night tonight, or like, you know, every Wednesday, I go

634
00:30:30,040 --> 00:30:31,720
Speaker 2: and get dinner with my best friend.

635
00:30:31,800 --> 00:30:32,920
Speaker 3: It's therapeutic too.

636
00:30:33,000 --> 00:30:36,040
Speaker 1: And time away from your partner and got a whinge

637
00:30:36,080 --> 00:30:40,640
Speaker 1: about your partner. Yeah, Like, you can have the most beautiful, amazing,

638
00:30:41,080 --> 00:30:43,720
Speaker 1: wonderful partner in the world, but there's going.

639
00:30:43,640 --> 00:30:45,280
Speaker 3: To be times where they fuck you up the wall,

640
00:30:45,640 --> 00:30:46,800
Speaker 3: both in good ways and bad ways.

641
00:30:48,040 --> 00:30:49,640
Speaker 2: You want to talk about them both with your girlfriends,

642
00:30:51,040 --> 00:30:53,480
Speaker 2: but it's just like stupid things that you need your

643
00:30:53,480 --> 00:30:56,800
Speaker 2: girl time that's not your identity mixed with your partner. Yeah,

644
00:30:56,840 --> 00:30:59,240
Speaker 2: and encourage your partner to do the same thing, yeah,

645
00:30:59,320 --> 00:31:01,840
Speaker 2: because like, yeah, it's so important to invest that time

646
00:31:01,880 --> 00:31:02,320
Speaker 2: in yourself.

647
00:31:02,320 --> 00:31:05,280
Speaker 5: But also then you actually have shit to talk about.

648
00:31:05,280 --> 00:31:08,440
Speaker 2: With each other because if you do everything together, you're like,

649
00:31:08,440 --> 00:31:09,480
Speaker 2: oh my god, I saw this movie.

650
00:31:09,760 --> 00:31:11,400
Speaker 5: Oh yeah, you were fucking there because you're.

651
00:31:11,320 --> 00:31:19,080
Speaker 4: Always Yeah, prioritize your alone time and prioritize your friendships absolutely,

652
00:31:19,440 --> 00:31:21,600
Speaker 4: Like even my boyfriend and I. We've had moments where

653
00:31:21,720 --> 00:31:23,600
Speaker 4: I've been like, yeah, come to pilates, come do this,

654
00:31:23,640 --> 00:31:25,440
Speaker 4: come do that, and we've done all these things together,

655
00:31:25,480 --> 00:31:27,480
Speaker 4: and then we've gone to the point where we've gone, actually,

656
00:31:27,680 --> 00:31:30,560
Speaker 4: I'm going to like go alone, like ick alone, I'm

657
00:31:30,560 --> 00:31:32,280
Speaker 4: going to do this alone. And it was kind of

658
00:31:32,280 --> 00:31:35,640
Speaker 4: funny like going back like getting close with everything and

659
00:31:35,760 --> 00:31:36,560
Speaker 4: being like, actually, just.

660
00:31:36,560 --> 00:31:38,760
Speaker 3: Get it, I'm alone.

661
00:31:38,520 --> 00:31:40,920
Speaker 1: Normal alone because at the start, you're like, yeah, I

662
00:31:40,920 --> 00:31:42,240
Speaker 1: want to like crawl inside your skin.

663
00:31:42,520 --> 00:31:43,920
Speaker 3: Yeah, like I'm obsessed with you.

664
00:31:44,120 --> 00:31:46,600
Speaker 1: And then you're like, I don't know, maybe like let's

665
00:31:46,600 --> 00:31:48,600
Speaker 1: say six months, but it's different for everyone. You're like,

666
00:31:49,440 --> 00:31:52,400
Speaker 1: I haven't sat and read a book by myself.

667
00:31:52,000 --> 00:31:54,480
Speaker 3: In a really long time, and I really like doing that.

668
00:31:54,520 --> 00:31:58,320
Speaker 1: And you start kind of leveling out in terms of

669
00:31:58,400 --> 00:32:02,240
Speaker 1: like the healthy routine time together and time apart, especially

670
00:32:02,280 --> 00:32:05,720
Speaker 1: when you start living with each other. Yeah, when that's

671
00:32:05,760 --> 00:32:08,239
Speaker 1: when it blurs. So it's like when my when I

672
00:32:08,240 --> 00:32:10,240
Speaker 1: need my Loane time, I'm like you.

673
00:32:10,160 --> 00:32:12,280
Speaker 3: Should play Xbox, It's.

674
00:32:12,200 --> 00:32:17,080
Speaker 1: Like yes, And he's like you can go read your

675
00:32:17,120 --> 00:32:18,640
Speaker 1: fairy porn book and I'm like yes.

676
00:32:19,880 --> 00:32:21,320
Speaker 3: So it's just like little things like that.

677
00:32:22,000 --> 00:32:28,360
Speaker 2: Yeah, Okay. Our last dilemma, Yeah, dilemma number five, he's

678
00:32:28,440 --> 00:32:29,480
Speaker 2: moving for work.

679
00:32:29,920 --> 00:32:32,440
Speaker 5: We've been together for five years and are happy.

680
00:32:32,960 --> 00:32:37,000
Speaker 2: Do I make the push to move in with him?

681
00:32:37,040 --> 00:32:42,080
Speaker 5: So long distance relationships? Hey, what do we think I have?

682
00:32:42,160 --> 00:32:42,320
Speaker 2: Look?

683
00:32:42,400 --> 00:32:44,080
Speaker 4: First of all, I have kind of questions about this

684
00:32:44,160 --> 00:32:46,760
Speaker 4: one because I feel like there's so much context that

685
00:32:46,800 --> 00:32:49,320
Speaker 4: you need for this kind of decision. You've been together

686
00:32:49,320 --> 00:32:53,400
Speaker 4: for five years and you're happy moving for work, but

687
00:32:53,440 --> 00:32:55,440
Speaker 4: you're moving in with him, So I don't know if

688
00:32:55,480 --> 00:32:56,520
Speaker 4: they were living together before.

689
00:32:56,720 --> 00:32:57,560
Speaker 5: Sounds like they weren't.

690
00:32:57,880 --> 00:33:00,680
Speaker 4: Like they were I think they would have been.

691
00:33:00,960 --> 00:33:02,520
Speaker 3: Yeah, let's go with that.

692
00:33:02,640 --> 00:33:06,000
Speaker 4: Okay, so they're living together before? Also, how far are

693
00:33:06,000 --> 00:33:06,280
Speaker 4: we going?

694
00:33:07,960 --> 00:33:08,240
Speaker 2: Question?

695
00:33:09,160 --> 00:33:12,240
Speaker 4: How far is this long distance? So I have to say,

696
00:33:12,360 --> 00:33:14,480
Speaker 4: out of all of these dilemmas, this is the only

697
00:33:14,520 --> 00:33:17,840
Speaker 4: one that I'm like, I'm actually going into this. My

698
00:33:17,960 --> 00:33:20,320
Speaker 4: boyfriend is about to be moving to LA for about

699
00:33:20,360 --> 00:33:23,840
Speaker 4: six months. Eli's a far aways away from Sydney, like

700
00:33:23,880 --> 00:33:27,760
Speaker 4: ah haarways away. We've only been together for about eight

701
00:33:27,880 --> 00:33:31,080
Speaker 4: months something, So it's one of those things where I'm

702
00:33:31,360 --> 00:33:33,120
Speaker 4: I have this. I'm like, do I go to l

703
00:33:33,160 --> 00:33:36,200
Speaker 4: Way for a bit? Like, what do I do? I

704
00:33:36,280 --> 00:33:40,160
Speaker 4: think the hardest thing right now is going how do

705
00:33:40,240 --> 00:33:42,240
Speaker 4: I enjoy the moment and what we have right now

706
00:33:42,280 --> 00:33:45,400
Speaker 4: before he goes away, because naturally there will be a shift.

707
00:33:45,600 --> 00:33:45,719
Speaker 2: Ye.

708
00:33:46,720 --> 00:33:48,800
Speaker 4: What I'm doing in this scenario, like, because this is

709
00:33:48,840 --> 00:33:53,560
Speaker 4: literally me right now, is letting him go, taking some

710
00:33:53,720 --> 00:33:57,160
Speaker 4: time to see how the long distance feels, planning a

711
00:33:57,240 --> 00:34:01,080
Speaker 4: trip to go and visit, but not committing to a

712
00:34:01,200 --> 00:34:05,720
Speaker 4: full move, because I think every relationship has its different

713
00:34:05,760 --> 00:34:10,080
Speaker 4: seasons and shifts regardless, but obviously this is a big

714
00:34:10,200 --> 00:34:13,440
Speaker 4: thing that's going to cause this person's relationship to shift.

715
00:34:14,320 --> 00:34:16,520
Speaker 4: I would take it one day at a time and

716
00:34:16,560 --> 00:34:18,439
Speaker 4: take it step by step because that's what I'm doing,

717
00:34:18,880 --> 00:34:21,680
Speaker 4: and it's the only thing that's given me peace. Because

718
00:34:21,680 --> 00:34:24,799
Speaker 4: if I picture myself in six months like missing him

719
00:34:24,800 --> 00:34:27,319
Speaker 4: like crazy, or I picture myself in a year and

720
00:34:27,360 --> 00:34:32,120
Speaker 4: I'm going, what if it doesn't work out, It's yeah,

721
00:34:32,200 --> 00:34:35,480
Speaker 4: it doesn't actually help you. I think, take it day

722
00:34:35,480 --> 00:34:38,440
Speaker 4: at a time, see how you feel, let him go,

723
00:34:38,760 --> 00:34:41,640
Speaker 4: let him move, take your little long distance moment, see

724
00:34:41,640 --> 00:34:43,560
Speaker 4: how you feel you It might hit you and you

725
00:34:43,640 --> 00:34:45,400
Speaker 4: might just be like, you know what, this is killing me.

726
00:34:45,680 --> 00:34:47,600
Speaker 4: I love this person. I'll do anything for this person,

727
00:34:47,680 --> 00:34:50,080
Speaker 4: I know, I can have an opportunity out there. Let's go,

728
00:34:50,160 --> 00:34:52,759
Speaker 4: let's make that jump. Yeah, but you also might not

729
00:34:52,760 --> 00:34:54,560
Speaker 4: feel that way. You just don't know, And I think

730
00:34:54,600 --> 00:34:57,280
Speaker 4: you have to give things time sometimes and not expect

731
00:34:57,280 --> 00:34:58,960
Speaker 4: that you're gonna have the answer straight away and.

732
00:34:58,960 --> 00:35:01,160
Speaker 1: Just maybe taking it as it comes, like taking every

733
00:35:01,200 --> 00:35:03,760
Speaker 1: day as it comes. Yeah. I think having the trip,

734
00:35:03,880 --> 00:35:07,120
Speaker 1: like having a trip to go visit them, like maybe

735
00:35:07,160 --> 00:35:09,800
Speaker 1: not taking the plunge like you said at the start,

736
00:35:10,440 --> 00:35:12,920
Speaker 1: seeing how it goes, but having like a trip booked

737
00:35:12,960 --> 00:35:15,239
Speaker 1: in either way, like he comes back to visit you

738
00:35:15,400 --> 00:35:17,480
Speaker 1: or you go to visit him, is something that's really

739
00:35:17,480 --> 00:35:20,200
Speaker 1: helpful because you've always got something to look forward to, totally.

740
00:35:20,520 --> 00:35:23,359
Speaker 2: Yeah. And then I think as well, because then if

741
00:35:23,360 --> 00:35:27,680
Speaker 2: you do decide to move there with them, then it's

742
00:35:27,719 --> 00:35:31,839
Speaker 2: still your choice. You've still made a conscious decision saying no,

743
00:35:31,920 --> 00:35:34,400
Speaker 2: I'm doing this for me because I went there and

744
00:35:34,440 --> 00:35:35,480
Speaker 2: I actually loved it.

745
00:35:35,520 --> 00:35:38,520
Speaker 5: I loved the city, I loved the vibe, like I

746
00:35:38,560 --> 00:35:42,280
Speaker 5: could really see myself living there. And you're not following

747
00:35:42,320 --> 00:35:43,239
Speaker 5: this person.

748
00:35:43,040 --> 00:35:46,000
Speaker 2: Purely for them, because if you do that and then

749
00:35:46,040 --> 00:35:48,400
Speaker 2: you end up there and you don't like it, you

750
00:35:48,440 --> 00:35:51,480
Speaker 2: could end up resenting your partner for feeling like you've

751
00:35:51,480 --> 00:35:54,080
Speaker 2: been dragged away from the rest of your life just

752
00:35:54,239 --> 00:35:57,919
Speaker 2: for them in quotation marks. But it is your life too,

753
00:35:58,239 --> 00:35:59,719
Speaker 2: And I think that if you go there and kind

754
00:35:59,719 --> 00:36:01,919
Speaker 2: of life take it day by day, see what it's

755
00:36:02,040 --> 00:36:04,600
Speaker 2: like doing long distance, but then also see what it's

756
00:36:04,680 --> 00:36:08,359
Speaker 2: like having a relationship in a different place together and

757
00:36:08,400 --> 00:36:10,399
Speaker 2: how that works. It gives you options and you feel

758
00:36:10,400 --> 00:36:13,160
Speaker 2: like you have a little bit more control and choice

759
00:36:13,200 --> 00:36:15,920
Speaker 2: and a say in the situation. Because we've had somebody

760
00:36:15,920 --> 00:36:19,000
Speaker 2: writing before and they were living on a farm in

761
00:36:19,080 --> 00:36:21,600
Speaker 2: like a rural area with their partner because their partner

762
00:36:21,640 --> 00:36:23,920
Speaker 2: owned a farm, and they felt like they had no

763
00:36:24,000 --> 00:36:26,640
Speaker 2: choice but to go because they loved their partner so much,

764
00:36:27,000 --> 00:36:30,640
Speaker 2: but they really were starting to resent it and felt trapped,

765
00:36:30,680 --> 00:36:33,719
Speaker 2: didn't have any friends, didn't really like their job, and

766
00:36:33,920 --> 00:36:35,200
Speaker 2: felt like kind of.

767
00:36:35,160 --> 00:36:37,000
Speaker 5: This pool because they were like, well, I have to

768
00:36:37,000 --> 00:36:37,479
Speaker 5: stay here.

769
00:36:37,400 --> 00:36:40,480
Speaker 2: For my partner. So yeah, yeah, I think that's a

770
00:36:40,520 --> 00:36:42,120
Speaker 2: good way to sort of test the waters. And yet

771
00:36:42,160 --> 00:36:43,759
Speaker 2: it's like then you take it day by day, it's

772
00:36:43,800 --> 00:36:44,880
Speaker 2: not like a huge shock.

773
00:36:45,560 --> 00:36:48,800
Speaker 4: And I think fool that you're talking about is so important.

774
00:36:48,960 --> 00:36:51,200
Speaker 4: I think at the end of the day. Sometimes it

775
00:36:51,239 --> 00:36:53,200
Speaker 4: takes a little bit of time. But like we know,

776
00:36:53,880 --> 00:36:56,960
Speaker 4: we know if we're in a relationship that we know

777
00:36:57,120 --> 00:36:58,880
Speaker 4: just isn't right, and we can feel it in the

778
00:36:58,880 --> 00:37:00,360
Speaker 4: back of our minds, like it's probably it's not going

779
00:37:00,440 --> 00:37:02,560
Speaker 4: to work out, but you're kind of delaying it. We

780
00:37:02,600 --> 00:37:04,960
Speaker 4: do that all the time. We do that with our jobs,

781
00:37:05,040 --> 00:37:08,400
Speaker 4: we do that with hard conversations and our families. We

782
00:37:08,440 --> 00:37:10,359
Speaker 4: do it all the time. And the more you can

783
00:37:10,400 --> 00:37:13,799
Speaker 4: try to sink into that feeling of like, Okay, well

784
00:37:13,880 --> 00:37:16,440
Speaker 4: this sucks, but I love my partner so much, but

785
00:37:16,520 --> 00:37:19,120
Speaker 4: I know that this life isn't working for me. You

786
00:37:19,239 --> 00:37:21,280
Speaker 4: have to take action on that. And I'm not saying

787
00:37:21,280 --> 00:37:24,200
Speaker 4: pack your bags and leave the farm straight away. Sit

788
00:37:24,239 --> 00:37:26,880
Speaker 4: down with your partner and be like, hey, I'm actually

789
00:37:26,920 --> 00:37:30,080
Speaker 4: like not super happy right now, and I love you,

790
00:37:30,400 --> 00:37:32,640
Speaker 4: but I'm not happy with what my life looks like,

791
00:37:33,040 --> 00:37:35,480
Speaker 4: and I want to talk about how we can do

792
00:37:35,560 --> 00:37:38,319
Speaker 4: something to move forward and what you're willing to move

793
00:37:38,360 --> 00:37:40,799
Speaker 4: forward in or change in your life. Because I want

794
00:37:40,800 --> 00:37:42,239
Speaker 4: to be with you. I love you so much, but

795
00:37:42,840 --> 00:37:45,000
Speaker 4: I have to listen to that part of me that

796
00:37:45,280 --> 00:37:47,360
Speaker 4: is telling me what I need and you have to

797
00:37:47,360 --> 00:37:48,719
Speaker 4: listen to it, like you have to listen to it.

798
00:37:48,800 --> 00:37:58,960
Speaker 1: Yeah you got Yeah, Okay. And finally, what's been your

799
00:37:59,000 --> 00:38:02,080
Speaker 1: biggest life lesson on your entire journey so far?

800
00:38:02,560 --> 00:38:02,759
Speaker 2: Oh?

801
00:38:02,840 --> 00:38:10,239
Speaker 4: My god, just one happened through it. I actually just

802
00:38:10,280 --> 00:38:12,279
Speaker 4: want to kind of go back to what I was

803
00:38:12,360 --> 00:38:14,800
Speaker 4: just saying. I think that is one of the biggest

804
00:38:14,880 --> 00:38:17,000
Speaker 4: lessons I've learned in my life, is that you have

805
00:38:17,080 --> 00:38:20,120
Speaker 4: to listen to that little voice in your head that's

806
00:38:20,280 --> 00:38:21,879
Speaker 4: telling you what you need to do.

807
00:38:22,120 --> 00:38:22,600
Speaker 1: Yeah.

808
00:38:22,680 --> 00:38:24,759
Speaker 4: I think sometimes it feels like a whisper. I think

809
00:38:24,760 --> 00:38:28,000
Speaker 4: sometimes it feels like a gut feeling. Some people relate

810
00:38:28,040 --> 00:38:31,120
Speaker 4: it back to spirituality. It doesn't really matter what you

811
00:38:31,160 --> 00:38:35,319
Speaker 4: want to name that thing. But we often know what

812
00:38:35,360 --> 00:38:37,760
Speaker 4: we need to work towards and what we need to change,

813
00:38:37,760 --> 00:38:39,720
Speaker 4: and we know those dreams we had as a child,

814
00:38:39,719 --> 00:38:42,600
Speaker 4: and we know those things that we connect to so

815
00:38:43,280 --> 00:38:47,279
Speaker 4: deeply that it feels ingrained into our beings. I think

816
00:38:47,360 --> 00:38:49,640
Speaker 4: the closer we get to being able to listen to

817
00:38:49,680 --> 00:38:54,000
Speaker 4: that more often, the easier it is to move forward

818
00:38:54,400 --> 00:38:56,560
Speaker 4: and not be so uncomfortable every time you make a step,

819
00:38:56,600 --> 00:38:59,440
Speaker 4: Because you start to believe in yourself and believe in

820
00:38:59,640 --> 00:39:00,680
Speaker 4: trusting that feeling.

821
00:39:02,120 --> 00:39:08,000
Speaker 3: That's beautiful. Thank you so much. That was so amazing.

822
00:39:08,040 --> 00:39:09,359
Speaker 3: You're so insightful.

823
00:39:09,440 --> 00:39:18,080
Speaker 5: I love it's beautiful, amazing. We're going to a song, yeah,

824
00:39:18,680 --> 00:39:19,160
Speaker 5: the piano.

825
00:39:20,880 --> 00:39:23,440
Speaker 2: But for anyone who doesn't already follow you, where can

826
00:39:23,480 --> 00:39:25,040
Speaker 2: the Chicks find you?

827
00:39:25,040 --> 00:39:28,320
Speaker 4: You can find me on TikTok and Instagram at Alissa

828
00:39:28,360 --> 00:39:30,680
Speaker 4: Taylor Harper, and you can find me on my podcast

829
00:39:30,719 --> 00:39:35,160
Speaker 4: called she Said What she said? What you know what

830
00:39:35,200 --> 00:39:35,560
Speaker 4: I'm saying?

831
00:39:37,280 --> 00:39:39,480
Speaker 5: Thank you, chicks. Yeah, thanks so much for sending in

832
00:39:39,520 --> 00:39:40,319
Speaker 5: your submissions.

833
00:39:40,400 --> 00:39:41,920
Speaker 4: Chicks, we absolutely love it.

834
00:39:41,960 --> 00:39:43,920
Speaker 5: And thanks to m I k Made for making today's

835
00:39:43,920 --> 00:39:44,640
Speaker 5: episode happened.

836
00:39:45,320 --> 00:39:45,960
Speaker 3: Bye Chicks