Speaker 1: I've definitely dated my fair share of douchebags.
Speaker 2: My time just get tinging balls.
Speaker 1: Oh I'm spiraling.
Speaker 3: Oh my god, tell us everything flame emojis, slept fright
Speaker 3: and center.
Speaker 1: Matt loves a bit of goth and I.
Speaker 2: Need affection back. I really need you with that.
Speaker 1: I know I'm jealous. I'm the most jealous person ever.
Speaker 3: Relationships like a fart. If you have to force it,
Speaker 3: it's probably shiit.
Speaker 4: Hisity dot Com for you.
Speaker 1: I'll be a bloody single and alone with ten cats
Speaker 1: for the rest of my life. Lie. On today's episode
Speaker 1: of Where's Your Head At, we will be discussing toxic
Speaker 1: relationships and love bombing.
Speaker 3: Stay tuned to find out if you are the toxic one.
Speaker 1: Where's Your Head At is a podcast that talks all
Speaker 1: things relationships, breakups, reality TV, trending shows, and everything in between.
Speaker 3: This is your new go to destination for laughs, gossip,
Speaker 3: intimate details, advice, and much more.
Speaker 2: Hello Matt, Hello Anna, how are you going?
Speaker 1: I'm going? Well, We're back for episode five.
Speaker 3: Excited to get into this one. This one's got some
Speaker 3: good stuff in there. Let's get into it.
Speaker 1: Yeah. So, I mean, last week we asked everyone to
Speaker 1: say a prayer for you at bed because you were
Speaker 1: telling us that you had potentially met the one, and
Speaker 1: I know I'm dying for an update, So why don't
Speaker 1: you give everyone an update?
Speaker 3: Well, first off, I'd like to thank everyone for keeping
Speaker 3: me in their prayers. It's it's obviously works because yeah,
Speaker 3: we're going really well. So yeah, so we're still tracking along. Obviously,
Speaker 3: after our the first magical date, we've we hung out
Speaker 3: for forty eight hours and then for another week on stop.
Speaker 2: So we've decided to take our foot off.
Speaker 3: The gas and like maybe take a couple of steps
Speaker 3: back and keep hanging out or keep like catching up,
Speaker 3: but not as intense.
Speaker 1: So quickly, so not going zero to one hundred, going
Speaker 1: zero to.
Speaker 3: Like eighty five ninety ninety nine, not as intense, but
Speaker 3: it's still intense.
Speaker 1: It's still very much true to that just.
Speaker 2: Going falls to the wall.
Speaker 3: No, And I'm really I really enjoy her company, So
Speaker 3: why would I not want to hang out with it?
Speaker 1: Well, exactly, if you're happy, I'm happy, We're all happy
Speaker 1: for you. It's just a collective happiness.
Speaker 2: Yeah, exactly.
Speaker 1: Tell me, is there any red flags? Because obviously you
Speaker 1: guys have been hanging out quite a lot. Yeap, Is
Speaker 1: there anything that's kind of come up for you where
Speaker 1: you're like, I'm not really sure about that.
Speaker 3: I wouldn't say that I've seen any red flags, but
Speaker 3: she might have a red flag with me. I think
Speaker 3: she's assured me that it's not, but I'm like, oh, well, yeah,
Speaker 3: let's talk about it. So she how do I put this?
Speaker 3: Isn't a fan of my kissing style? She's not, which
Speaker 3: to me was absolutely I was gobsmacked. In my twenty
Speaker 3: six years or how long I've been kissing for I
Speaker 3: have never had a bad review, and you'd know firsthand.
Speaker 3: I don't know if you kissed you well, your friend
Speaker 3: which said I'm a really good kisser.
Speaker 1: Okay, yeah that's true. Matt did kiss my friend and
Speaker 1: she said he was a good kisser.
Speaker 3: And this comes off the back as well of another
Speaker 3: girl I was seeing that said I wasn't a good kisser.
Speaker 1: What's happened to you that?
Speaker 3: I don't know? Have I gotten lazy? Have I gotten sloppy?
Speaker 2: I don't know. So I asked what's going on? Like,
Speaker 2: how am I a bad kisser? And she just.
Speaker 1: Said the wait did she frame it? Saying hey, like
Speaker 1: FYI you're a pretty bad kisser.
Speaker 3: We were pretty drunk and we're making out and she said, no,
Speaker 3: you're doing it wrong.
Speaker 1: The truth always comes out when you're drunk as well, so.
Speaker 2: That's not good.
Speaker 3: So yeah, I was like, what do you mean I'm
Speaker 3: doing it wrong? And then she just explained she wants
Speaker 3: this top lip to be like this, and then it's
Speaker 3: hungue here and there, and I was like what's I
Speaker 3: was like, okay, I can make at work blah blah blah,
Speaker 3: and then we get yeah. So look, I've been every
Speaker 3: movie that I've watched since then, every rom com when
Speaker 3: they start making out, I've just been intensely kissing style
Speaker 3: because I'm like, hang on, what are they doing?
Speaker 1: Are they doing that? I'm not kidding. Yeah, So you're
Speaker 1: saying that you've never had anyone say this to you
Speaker 1: from whenever you had your first kiss, back when you
Speaker 1: were probably like fourteen, was it?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 1: Around then fourteen and now the last two people that
Speaker 1: you've kissed, I've been like, what the.
Speaker 2: Fuck are you doing?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 3: So the other one said my lips were a bit dry.
Speaker 3: I was like, well, nah, I've hit I don't know
Speaker 3: what's going on, Like I said, maybe I'm getting lazy.
Speaker 3: Maybe I just need to practice a bit more on
Speaker 3: my pillow.
Speaker 1: We'll see what Jesus, that's back into kissing training. We'll
Speaker 1: get an update on that next week and see how
Speaker 1: it's going. That's back in school.
Speaker 3: Yes, but enough about me. Let's talk about you and
Speaker 3: how you're exclusive with your lad.
Speaker 2: How's that thing going?
Speaker 1: My lad? I love it. There's just so many terms
Speaker 1: for it. He's my man, my lad, my blow old mate,
Speaker 1: old mate. Yeah. I mean, look, it's going well. As
Speaker 1: I said last episode, we're exclusive. We did have a
Speaker 1: bit of a road bump.
Speaker 3: How big was this bump? Is it a speed bump
Speaker 3: or was it just a little like that just drove
Speaker 3: over and kept driving.
Speaker 1: It was a lump that you like, drove over and
Speaker 1: it gave you like a bit of a like jerked you, Jake.
Speaker 1: I mean, look, basically what happened was we went out
Speaker 1: for some drinks. We were both pretty dry, so date night.
Speaker 1: It was a date night, yeah, and we were both
Speaker 1: pretty drunk. And you know what it's like, as you
Speaker 1: said before, the truth comes out when you're drunk, or
Speaker 1: at least that's what I thought anyway. So we had
Speaker 1: been exclusive for about four days, four days, four days,
Speaker 1: so this was fresh after fresh, after we recorded the
Speaker 1: last and yeah, we were drunk. Then we decided to
Speaker 1: have a really late dinner, and at dinner, in his
Speaker 1: drunken state and my drunken state, he gave me this speech.
Speaker 2: Do you want to repeat this speech? Just try and
Speaker 2: make it less.
Speaker 1: Less slurr more articulate. And the speech went a little
Speaker 1: something like I really like you, I feel like you
Speaker 1: really like me. Why be exclusive when we should just
Speaker 1: be official? I feel like that's so we're going anyway,
Speaker 1: so we might as well just be boyfriend and girlfriend.
Speaker 1: So we asked, don't get too excited yet, that's.
Speaker 2: Say you heard it here first everyone, Yeah.
Speaker 1: No, don't clap yeah, And he was like, what did
Speaker 1: you say?
Speaker 2: No?
Speaker 1: No? I said, well, okay. Initially I was a bit like, well,
Speaker 1: we've only just become exclusive, but this speech was so
Speaker 1: compelling that I was like, you're so right, Like you
Speaker 1: know what, like, why even being exclusive? We should just
Speaker 1: be boyfriend and girlfriend? Like we're both on the same page, YadA.
Speaker 2: YadA, YadA.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, we were both doing a zero to one
Speaker 1: hundred mat. I mean even to the point where I
Speaker 1: like I called like a couple of friends that night,
Speaker 1: and I was like, I've got a boyfriend. But as
Speaker 1: you can imagine, like my drunkness level was quite high,
Speaker 1: as was his. So so you.
Speaker 2: Were calling all your friends and family telling.
Speaker 1: Him I called, I called two friends. Anyway, the next morning,
Speaker 1: we woke up very hungover, might I add like very
Speaker 1: capital v e H why hungover? And I turned around
Speaker 1: and looked at him and I was like, are we
Speaker 1: and he was like no, and I was like and
Speaker 1: so basically we decided to take it back. So we
Speaker 1: were boyfriend and girlfriend for about twelve hours and then
Speaker 1: we were like.
Speaker 2: Another one bites the dust. Anna.
Speaker 1: You know what, it's my shortest relationship that I've ever had.
Speaker 3: Another breakup. How are you finding the breakup? You need
Speaker 3: to go back and listen to episode two for some advice.
Speaker 4: Look, I was thinking about heading back to episode two
Speaker 4: and taking listen.
Speaker 1: And it's a moving on technique. Yeah no, but in
Speaker 1: all seriousness, yeah, I just said to him, look like,
Speaker 1: we don't have to be boyfriend and girlfriend. And I
Speaker 1: didn't really know how I felt about it, but then
Speaker 1: he was like, yeah, it's probably way too soon. And
Speaker 1: although I agreed, with him. A part of me was like, ow,
Speaker 1: I'm so excited last night, and then I proceeded to
Speaker 1: get on the text with my friends and say, by
Speaker 1: the way, that was a twelve hour relationship and I'm
Speaker 1: back to being exclusive.
Speaker 2: All right. So he's asked you to be his girlfriend
Speaker 2: and then taken it back.
Speaker 1: That sounds so bad.
Speaker 3: Well, that's what I'm asking. Is that toxic? Is that
Speaker 3: toxic behavior?
Speaker 1: Look?
Speaker 2: Is that a red flag? Even I don't really.
Speaker 1: Know if it's toxic. I think it was more of
Speaker 1: a case that sometimes when you're drunk and you really
Speaker 1: like someone, you just get a bit carried away. And
Speaker 1: I think we both got a bit carried away. We
Speaker 1: became sober human beings and maybe decided that there was
Speaker 1: a reason why we became exclusive, and that was to
Speaker 1: try and take things slow and not to rush it,
Speaker 1: because I feel like rushing can sometimes be toxic. So yeah,
Speaker 1: so I feel like, is it toxic? I'm gonna say no,
Speaker 1: but it did sting a little.
Speaker 3: Well, at least you know that he's intense there and
Speaker 3: that he has been your boyfriend. I guess do we
Speaker 3: say that is what you say?
Speaker 1: He was a twelve hours Yeah, I at least I
Speaker 1: know that in those twelve hours he was a great boyfriend,
Speaker 1: so he passed the test and being a boyfriend. But
Speaker 1: you know what, moving forward, we won't have that chat.
Speaker 2: Until you know it's the right time.
Speaker 1: It's the right time, and we've both agreed that if
Speaker 1: we're going to have that chat, we will be sober.
Speaker 2: Yes, that's probably a smart idea.
Speaker 1: But in saying that, let's get into our toxic relationships.
Speaker 3: Say, all right, first of all, how does it feel
Speaker 3: to be in a toxic relationship?
Speaker 1: I mean, some of the things that you might feel
Speaker 1: if you are in a toxic relationship is you might
Speaker 1: feel suffocated, you feel undervalued, underloved, just generally annoyed by
Speaker 1: your partner in the situation that you're in. You might
Speaker 1: feel their competitive with you or you're competitive with them,
Speaker 1: and I think just generally negative about the relationship. So
Speaker 1: it's not a good feeling. And I know that we
Speaker 1: have both been in toxic relationships, so we know first
Speaker 1: and how it feels, and honestly, it sucks.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 3: I mean I've been in a couple of relationships and
Speaker 3: I have definitely been in one that was toxic, and.
Speaker 2: Yeah, definitely it tears away.
Speaker 3: At you as a person because I feel like you
Speaker 3: have so much love and so much like you want
Speaker 3: to give that person so much, and then there's just
Speaker 3: so much toxicity and so much just stuff that happens. Like,
Speaker 3: So there's signs that you can look for that you
Speaker 3: are in a toxic relationship, and I think some of
Speaker 3: them are where there's a lack of support from your partner.
Speaker 3: You don't feel like they've got your back and they're
Speaker 3: supporting your goals.
Speaker 1: One hundred percent. I think another one is there's just
Speaker 1: a lot of toxic communication. So there's sarcasm or there's
Speaker 1: a lot of criticism and you just feel very belittled.
Speaker 1: And I guess they just talk to you with a
Speaker 1: lack of respect in general and.
Speaker 2: Talk down to you.
Speaker 3: Yeah, also jealousy and competitiveness.
Speaker 1: Yeah, there's controlling behaviors or walking on eggshells. I think
Speaker 1: you might do things to try and make them feel
Speaker 1: good and nothing is ever really good enough.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I learned how to walk on eggshells. I was
Speaker 3: walking on my Tiffy toasts for a year straight.
Speaker 1: Me got very good at that.
Speaker 3: They ignore your needs so they don't care about your
Speaker 3: like your love language or what you need from that relationship.
Speaker 3: They're very selfish and they focus mostly on what they need.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and I think it's interesting, Like I think a
Speaker 1: lot of people who were in toxic relationships they hold
Speaker 1: onto these good times and there's actually not a lot
Speaker 1: of them, but they view their partner in that way,
Speaker 1: like those good qualities, but most of the time they're
Speaker 1: actually not great to them. They're actually not a good partner,
Speaker 1: they're not a good communicator. They make you feel like shit,
Speaker 1: and you hold onto these small memories in the hopes
Speaker 1: that they're going to change, and that hope for change
Speaker 1: is something that's so toxic because that's not who that
Speaker 1: per person is core.
Speaker 3: It's not a reality. You're living in a fairy tale
Speaker 3: world where you think that they're going to change, but
Speaker 3: they're not. Yeah, before you know it, years months have
Speaker 3: passed by, you're still in a toxic relationship.
Speaker 1: Matt and I have definitely been there. We've discussed this,
Speaker 1: Like with our toxic relationships, we were constantly hoping for
Speaker 1: change and constantly wanting that person to be the person
Speaker 1: like the twenty percent good that they were not the
Speaker 1: eighty percent bad.
Speaker 2: Does that mean just threw them under a bus there
Speaker 2: tell you that.
Speaker 1: But you know what, Like we were also talking about this,
Speaker 1: and I think that when you have a partner and
Speaker 1: you aren't compatible and things get really toxic, like you
Speaker 1: also become toxic.
Speaker 3: Right, Yeah, So I feel like I'm no, I'm no angel, right,
Speaker 3: I've got my I've got my flaws.
Speaker 2: But I feel like when I was dating someone that
Speaker 2: was toxic, I fought toxic with toxic behave.
Speaker 3: Because yah, just normal thing. It wasn't going to cut it.
Speaker 3: Like I had to be toxic. I had to talk
Speaker 3: down like I had to be match that or else
Speaker 3: I would have just got walked all over and would
Speaker 3: have just been treated like shit constantly. Yeah, and it
Speaker 3: doesn't it's not good. It didn't sit well with me
Speaker 3: because I don't like being that person.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's not me, And I think, yeah, and that's
Speaker 1: an important point. Like I have had two very different relationships,
Speaker 1: a really healthy relationship and a very unhealthy relationship in
Speaker 1: the past, and it's just so crazy to see how
Speaker 1: your partner can bring out the absolute best in you
Speaker 1: or the absolute worst in you. And that's why it's
Speaker 1: so damaging being in those toxic relationships because you actually
Speaker 1: become a really bad version of yourself. Like I know,
Speaker 1: for me, when I was in a toxic relationship, I
Speaker 1: didn't really like the person who I was. I didn't
Speaker 1: like fighting fire with fire and being in constant conflicts.
Speaker 1: Like none of us want to do that. We want
Speaker 1: to be happy.
Speaker 3: Would you're our friends and family pointed out to you,
Speaker 3: because I remember pointing it out to you. Yeah, and
Speaker 3: then it's good to see now that you've left that
Speaker 3: that you're back to being Anna just.
Speaker 1: Like happy and happy visibly and yeah, like you after
Speaker 1: like coming out of a toxic relationship, you people look
Speaker 1: at you and they're like, oh, you're back to your
Speaker 1: old self. And it's such a nice compliment because you
Speaker 1: do feel like you're back to yourself. I think being
Speaker 1: in a toxic relationship, you can end up being a
Speaker 1: bit of a shell of yourself. And I mean I
Speaker 1: know personally seeing your toxic relationship, you became a shell
Speaker 1: of yourself for sure.
Speaker 3: Yeah, you definitely, Yeah, I definitely did. Remember that time
Speaker 3: you saw me get out of the car.
Speaker 2: Who the fuck is this?
Speaker 1: Yeah? Like you you came like a bull, you came
Speaker 1: in you should we tell that story? I mean, yeah,
Speaker 1: like Matt, how do you.
Speaker 3: Tell about throwing anyone under the bas Yeah.
Speaker 1: I mean I just basically saw a side of that
Speaker 1: that was super angry, like very in his own head.
Speaker 1: Like it was like I was looking at him and
Speaker 1: the lights weren't even on. And yes, I knew he
Speaker 1: had been pushed and yeah, and in that relationship, I
Speaker 1: knew it was a toxic relationship. But to see you
Speaker 1: act that way, I was like, who are?
Speaker 2: Like, it wasn't me. And that's what I mean.
Speaker 3: I had to fight toxic with toxic because it was
Speaker 3: the only way to like, you know, I mean, survive,
Speaker 3: or I would have gone into life.
Speaker 1: You go into survival mode.
Speaker 2: All right.
Speaker 3: So obviously we've both put ourselves through toxic relationships and
Speaker 3: we were saying, we said that we stay in them
Speaker 3: because we hoped that they're going to change. Yeah, but
Speaker 3: why else do we get addicted to toxic relationships?
Speaker 1: I mean, look, I think we can both agree on this.
Speaker 1: The highs are super high and the lows are really low.
Speaker 1: And I think that when you're at those lows, you're
Speaker 1: addicted to check that high because you want it back
Speaker 1: so bad because you know how good it can be,
Speaker 1: and that becomes this addictive, negative, toxic cycle that's.
Speaker 3: Almost like a drug that it is a drug. You're
Speaker 3: looking for that release of dolphins, yeah.
Speaker 1: One percent, and you're just constantly chasing it, and you know,
Speaker 1: when you finally do get back to that high, it
Speaker 1: doesn't even last long enough to give you that like
Speaker 1: full you know what I mean, Like you just get
Speaker 1: filled up and then it's gone again and you're back
Speaker 1: to square one and you're fighting to get back there.
Speaker 1: So it's definitely that toxic cycle that continues. But I mean,
Speaker 1: another really important reason as to why people get into
Speaker 1: toxic relationships is the environment that they're brought up in.
Speaker 1: So people who are brought up in loving environments tend
Speaker 1: to actually stay away from chaotic, abusive, and neglectful relationships
Speaker 1: most of the time, not always. And then on the
Speaker 1: opposite end of the spectrum, people who are brought up
Speaker 1: in chaotic and toxic environments kind of feel safe being
Speaker 1: in that type of relationship, that anxious attachment type of bond.
Speaker 3: Well, I grew up in a very loving household, like
Speaker 3: nothing out of the ordinary, but I used to see
Speaker 3: my parents argue a lot growing up, So I think
Speaker 3: that I compartmentalized that almost with how relationships are meant
Speaker 3: to be. And then so when I would argue, I
Speaker 3: would be like, okay, well, like this must be how
Speaker 3: like you deal with this sort of stuff. You don't
Speaker 3: just talk it out. So I mean, going through that
Speaker 3: relationship definitely taught me that it's not how you do that,
Speaker 3: because I've obviously had relationships where we didn't argue. So
Speaker 3: I yeah, I think I lost myself a bit in
Speaker 3: that relationship and I started arguing and found myself falling
Speaker 3: more and more into.
Speaker 1: That hole and into those cycles, into that cycle of
Speaker 1: but I mean it's you know what, the great thing
Speaker 1: about being in these types of relationships is that produce
Speaker 1: the most growth that you can ever go through. Like
Speaker 1: in hindsight, you're like, wow, I see everything so clear,
Speaker 1: and you actually look for those red flags and future
Speaker 1: partners because you're like, there's no way I'm putting myself
Speaker 1: through that type of shit again, Like, no way.
Speaker 3: I know. If I ever feel anxious to rock up
Speaker 3: to my girlfriend's house again, I'm ditching that.
Speaker 2: Soon as I can again.
Speaker 1: Okay, So obviously with toxic behavior, there's definitely a spectrum.
Speaker 1: I think everyone in their own right, is some level
Speaker 1: of toxic, whether it be a little bit or a lot.
Speaker 1: And I think, obviously, as we've mentioned, depending on who
Speaker 1: you're with, that can either really bring out that toxicity
Speaker 1: in you or it can really diminish the toxicity in
Speaker 1: you because you feel secure. I mean, we've both spoken
Speaker 1: about we are very needy and jealous, which is both
Speaker 1: like they're two toxic traits.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean, there could be worse toxic traits out there,
Speaker 3: but yeah.
Speaker 4: Matt actually hates it called toxic on so many levels,
Speaker 4: Like you can't even sit here and admit it, even
Speaker 4: though he's number one, the most needy guy I've ever
Speaker 4: met and super jealous.
Speaker 3: Yeah, you're right, but like there's worse traits in that.
Speaker 3: So what if I want to kiss in a cuddle
Speaker 3: here and there?
Speaker 1: Yeah okay, but yeah, so obviously we've both mat like
Speaker 1: it's funny, difficult to admit it, but we both admitted
Speaker 1: to being those toxic traits. But what are the other
Speaker 1: toxic traits that you can think of that might impact
Speaker 1: your relationships? Would you say?
Speaker 2: So?
Speaker 3: I have to think long and hard about this. Called
Speaker 3: up some ex's after them asked asked around.
Speaker 1: They were all like his perfect I don't worry about that,
Speaker 1: non toxic.
Speaker 2: Can we go on another day? And I was like, sorry,
Speaker 2: that's done?
Speaker 1: Oh my god, no, But dream.
Speaker 3: I think that I find myself doing this And I
Speaker 3: wouldn't say I overly do it, but I would be
Speaker 3: manipulative in a way to get something that I want
Speaker 3: from my partner. I would manipulate a situation without well
Speaker 3: that's what manipulating means, but.
Speaker 2: Without their knowing.
Speaker 3: I would so I could get something or something could
Speaker 3: go a certain way that I want, if it's to
Speaker 3: where we eat for dinner, or if it's what we.
Speaker 2: Were going to do that day.
Speaker 3: I will find myself, yeah, putting things into motion that
Speaker 3: makes them think that.
Speaker 2: They want to do that or do that as well.
Speaker 1: You know what, Matt, I'm actually proud of you if
Speaker 1: we're saying this, because I actually know how hard it
Speaker 1: is for you to admit that. But yeah, being manipulative
Speaker 1: is definitely a toxic trait, and I know that you're
Speaker 1: working on it.
Speaker 3: Yeah, definitely, now that I've flagged it and we've had
Speaker 3: this conversation, I've definitely flagged it, and I will try
Speaker 3: to be less like that and more willing to oph
Speaker 3: into what they want to do and what they want
Speaker 3: to watch and all that.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean, look, I think one of my toxic
Speaker 1: traits that I also thought about was that I can
Speaker 1: be a little bit controlling. And I think that's sometimes
Speaker 1: because if I'm feeling out of control in a relationship
Speaker 1: or out of control in other ways, I try to
Speaker 1: control things to make sure that the relationship is going
Speaker 1: the way I want it to go, which I guess
Speaker 1: is kind of manipulative as well. Like I guess they
Speaker 1: all kind of flow into one another. But as you said,
Speaker 1: like it's definitely something that I've now flagged and I
Speaker 1: have been working on for a while.
Speaker 3: What would you need to control? What would you say
Speaker 3: go into? What would be a situation?
Speaker 1: I mean, like obviously, like in my last relationship, I
Speaker 1: definitely was with Josh, I was very like wanted to
Speaker 1: see his DMS or something because there was a lot
Speaker 1: of girls messaging him. And I think, like moving forward,
Speaker 1: that's not something that I would want to do. I
Speaker 1: think it makes me feel uncomfortable now. And I think
Speaker 1: giving people their own like personal space and trust and
Speaker 1: like letting them do the right thing without making sure
Speaker 1: they're doing the right thing is something that I'm definitely
Speaker 1: learning to do, and I think it's has been really
Speaker 1: important for me and for my personal growth. And I'm
Speaker 1: actually really proud of myself because I've been so much better.
Speaker 1: And I know that the situation with Josh was a
Speaker 1: little bit of a different situation just because of the
Speaker 1: whole winning a Love Island type of thing. But I think, yeah,
Speaker 1: moving forward, like, I'm really proud of myself and the
Speaker 1: progress that I've made.
Speaker 3: Well, realistically, you can't control anyone, Like you can't control anyone,
Speaker 3: but you can control yourself correct, So by controlling yourself,
Speaker 3: you can control someone else, if you know what I mean,
Speaker 3: If you give them that space and give him that trust,
Speaker 3: then I feel like then they know that they can
Speaker 3: do you know what I mean, goes If they want
Speaker 3: to fuck up, they'll fuck up.
Speaker 1: And I mean that's I guess what it boils down to.
Speaker 1: I think I've been hurt so much from being cheated
Speaker 1: on that maybe in doing these things, I do them
Speaker 1: because I'm trying to make sure that I don't get
Speaker 1: cheated on, because I'm so worried about it happening. And
Speaker 1: I think by me being overbearing in that way, it
Speaker 1: kind of just pushes people away anyway. Like, Yeah, as
Speaker 1: you said, people are gonna do what they want to do.
Speaker 1: And if you don't trust some the person that you're
Speaker 1: in a relationship with, like what's the point You.
Speaker 3: Can't spell trust without us?
Speaker 1: Okay, So after all this toxic chat, can toxic relationships
Speaker 1: actually be saved? Like? Are they worth saving? And can
Speaker 1: they be saved?
Speaker 2: Look, I think it's a case by case.
Speaker 3: Some may have gotten way too out of hand and
Speaker 3: way too toxic, and then I'm not telling you, but
Speaker 3: I suggest maybe leaving that because you need to put
Speaker 3: yourself first and you need to respect yourself. And if
Speaker 3: you're going to continue to try and make something work
Speaker 3: that isn't can and can't be saved, I think you
Speaker 3: should leave. But if both partners are willing to meet
Speaker 3: the other one halfway, they're willing to put in the
Speaker 3: time and effort, they're willing to have the right chats,
Speaker 3: they're willing to see what the other one wants, and
Speaker 3: they're willing to change, then I think it can be saved.
Speaker 3: And it's just got to suss out your partner and
Speaker 3: be open for that change.
Speaker 2: Yeah, do you think I.
Speaker 1: Really don't think that they can be saved. I really yeah.
Speaker 1: I think that if you're with someone who is bringing
Speaker 1: out the worst and here, I think that you should
Speaker 1: move on and find someone who you're more compatible with.
Speaker 1: And I mean I think that's.
Speaker 3: Where we're a little bit different. I like to put
Speaker 3: in the fight and I like to see if I
Speaker 3: can fix a relationship as.
Speaker 1: We're yeah, I mean I'm not. I'd definitely like to
Speaker 1: put in the fight. I mean with my last relationship
Speaker 1: with Josh, we went to counseling for like three or
Speaker 1: four months, and it just elongated the relationship. Like me
Speaker 1: and Josh were always going to be toxic together, and
Speaker 1: I think sometimes it's better to be able to see
Speaker 1: that straight up and be like, actually, maybe we're just
Speaker 1: not right for each other. There's a lot of love here,
Speaker 1: but that's not enough. I don't believe that love is
Speaker 1: enough for a relationship to work. I think compatibility is everything,
Speaker 1: and I think why try and force something to work.
Speaker 1: When you can meet someone who's like the perfect match
Speaker 1: for you and who's going to bring out the best
Speaker 1: in you.
Speaker 3: You're never going to meet them. If you keep hanging
Speaker 3: out with someone that's bringing out the worst of you.
Speaker 4: Exactly right, all right, So there's so much to touch
Speaker 4: on on toxic relationships.
Speaker 3: Obviously, we've just scratched the top of the iceberg here,
Speaker 3: so we're going to touch on it a lot more
Speaker 3: in upcoming episodes. But what are we touching on next week?
Speaker 1: Okay? On next episode, we're going to be talking all
Speaker 1: things love languages. I can't wait for this. Me and
Speaker 1: that have had so many amazing conversations based around this,
Speaker 1: so get excited for that episode. It's going to be
Speaker 1: a really fun one. Also, guys, just a reminder that
Speaker 1: if you get a chance, give us a five star rating.
Speaker 1: As you know, we're a small podcast and it means
Speaker 1: so much to us seeing all of your reviews. We
Speaker 1: read them all and they're really warming our hearts at
Speaker 1: the moment reading them.
Speaker 3: All right, make sure you follow us on social media
Speaker 3: at Where's your Head at pod where you can catch
Speaker 3: up on all our videos and see what's happening.
Speaker 1: Okay, guys, until next time, we'll see you later, you guys.
Speaker 2: Bye.