WEBVTT - Am I The Toxic One? 0:00:00.440 --> 0:00:02.920 I've definitely dated my fair share of douchebags. 0:00:03.040 --> 0:00:06.040 My time just get tinging balls. 0:00:06.720 --> 0:00:07.760 Oh I'm spiraling. 0:00:07.960 --> 0:00:11.559 Oh my god, tell us everything flame emojis, slept fright 0:00:11.600 --> 0:00:12.120 and center. 0:00:12.560 --> 0:00:15.360 Matt loves a bit of goth and I. 0:00:15.320 --> 0:00:17.599 Need affection back. I really need you with that. 0:00:17.960 --> 0:00:20.479 I know I'm jealous. I'm the most jealous person ever. 0:00:20.760 --> 0:00:23.000 Relationships like a fart. If you have to force it, 0:00:23.000 --> 0:00:23.880 it's probably shiit. 0:00:23.840 --> 0:00:25.400 Hisity dot Com for you. 0:00:25.640 --> 0:00:27.760 I'll be a bloody single and alone with ten cats 0:00:27.760 --> 0:00:31.080 for the rest of my life. Lie. On today's episode 0:00:31.080 --> 0:00:33.440 of Where's Your Head At, we will be discussing toxic 0:00:33.520 --> 0:00:35.199 relationships and love bombing. 0:00:35.800 --> 0:00:40.519 Stay tuned to find out if you are the toxic one. 0:00:43.520 --> 0:00:46.000 Where's Your Head At is a podcast that talks all 0:00:46.080 --> 0:00:51.400 things relationships, breakups, reality TV, trending shows, and everything in between. 0:00:51.680 --> 0:00:54.400 This is your new go to destination for laughs, gossip, 0:00:54.600 --> 0:00:56.760 intimate details, advice, and much more. 0:01:01.840 --> 0:01:03.880 Hello Matt, Hello Anna, how are you going? 0:01:04.120 --> 0:01:06.240 I'm going? Well, We're back for episode five. 0:01:06.680 --> 0:01:08.640 Excited to get into this one. This one's got some 0:01:08.680 --> 0:01:10.200 good stuff in there. Let's get into it. 0:01:10.400 --> 0:01:14.640 Yeah. So, I mean, last week we asked everyone to 0:01:14.680 --> 0:01:17.120 say a prayer for you at bed because you were 0:01:17.160 --> 0:01:20.640 telling us that you had potentially met the one, and 0:01:20.680 --> 0:01:23.160 I know I'm dying for an update, So why don't 0:01:23.200 --> 0:01:24.560 you give everyone an update? 0:01:24.680 --> 0:01:27.040 Well, first off, I'd like to thank everyone for keeping 0:01:27.080 --> 0:01:31.080 me in their prayers. It's it's obviously works because yeah, 0:01:31.080 --> 0:01:35.240 we're going really well. So yeah, so we're still tracking along. Obviously, 0:01:35.959 --> 0:01:40.600 after our the first magical date, we've we hung out 0:01:40.600 --> 0:01:43.720 for forty eight hours and then for another week on stop. 0:01:43.880 --> 0:01:46.440 So we've decided to take our foot off. 0:01:46.319 --> 0:01:48.840 The gas and like maybe take a couple of steps 0:01:48.880 --> 0:01:51.240 back and keep hanging out or keep like catching up, 0:01:51.280 --> 0:01:53.040 but not as intense. 0:01:52.760 --> 0:01:55.960 So quickly, so not going zero to one hundred, going 0:01:56.120 --> 0:01:56.800 zero to. 0:01:56.880 --> 0:02:02.120 Like eighty five ninety ninety nine, not as intense, but 0:02:02.120 --> 0:02:02.960 it's still intense. 0:02:03.680 --> 0:02:07.840 It's still very much true to that just. 0:02:07.760 --> 0:02:09.600 Going falls to the wall. 0:02:12.520 --> 0:02:14.560 No, And I'm really I really enjoy her company, So 0:02:14.560 --> 0:02:15.760 why would I not want to hang out with it? 0:02:15.840 --> 0:02:19.400 Well, exactly, if you're happy, I'm happy, We're all happy 0:02:19.440 --> 0:02:21.680 for you. It's just a collective happiness. 0:02:21.760 --> 0:02:22.480 Yeah, exactly. 0:02:22.800 --> 0:02:25.840 Tell me, is there any red flags? Because obviously you 0:02:25.880 --> 0:02:28.600 guys have been hanging out quite a lot. Yeap, Is 0:02:28.639 --> 0:02:30.359 there anything that's kind of come up for you where 0:02:30.360 --> 0:02:32.359 you're like, I'm not really sure about that. 0:02:32.840 --> 0:02:35.640 I wouldn't say that I've seen any red flags, but 0:02:36.200 --> 0:02:38.680 she might have a red flag with me. I think 0:02:39.919 --> 0:02:43.440 she's assured me that it's not, but I'm like, oh, well, yeah, 0:02:43.520 --> 0:02:46.799 let's talk about it. So she how do I put this? 0:02:47.000 --> 0:02:52.200 Isn't a fan of my kissing style? She's not, which 0:02:52.320 --> 0:02:58.200 to me was absolutely I was gobsmacked. In my twenty 0:02:58.200 --> 0:03:00.480 six years or how long I've been kissing for I 0:03:00.520 --> 0:03:04.440 have never had a bad review, and you'd know firsthand. 0:03:04.760 --> 0:03:09.000 I don't know if you kissed you well, your friend 0:03:09.040 --> 0:03:10.519 which said I'm a really good kisser. 0:03:10.880 --> 0:03:13.400 Okay, yeah that's true. Matt did kiss my friend and 0:03:13.400 --> 0:03:14.680 she said he was a good kisser. 0:03:14.960 --> 0:03:17.480 And this comes off the back as well of another 0:03:17.520 --> 0:03:19.959 girl I was seeing that said I wasn't a good kisser. 0:03:21.480 --> 0:03:22.680 What's happened to you that? 0:03:23.120 --> 0:03:26.720 I don't know? Have I gotten lazy? Have I gotten sloppy? 0:03:28.160 --> 0:03:29.960 I don't know. So I asked what's going on? Like, 0:03:30.040 --> 0:03:31.799 how am I a bad kisser? And she just. 0:03:31.760 --> 0:03:35.920 Said the wait did she frame it? Saying hey, like 0:03:36.280 --> 0:03:38.720 FYI you're a pretty bad kisser. 0:03:39.160 --> 0:03:41.920 We were pretty drunk and we're making out and she said, no, 0:03:41.960 --> 0:03:42.760 you're doing it wrong. 0:03:43.360 --> 0:03:46.000 The truth always comes out when you're drunk as well, so. 0:03:46.040 --> 0:03:46.920 That's not good. 0:03:47.680 --> 0:03:49.400 So yeah, I was like, what do you mean I'm 0:03:49.440 --> 0:03:52.040 doing it wrong? And then she just explained she wants 0:03:52.080 --> 0:03:54.120 this top lip to be like this, and then it's 0:03:54.280 --> 0:03:59.000 hungue here and there, and I was like what's I 0:03:59.040 --> 0:04:01.080 was like, okay, I can make at work blah blah blah, 0:04:01.080 --> 0:04:04.440 and then we get yeah. So look, I've been every 0:04:04.520 --> 0:04:07.200 movie that I've watched since then, every rom com when 0:04:07.200 --> 0:04:10.720 they start making out, I've just been intensely kissing style 0:04:11.120 --> 0:04:13.680 because I'm like, hang on, what are they doing? 0:04:14.560 --> 0:04:17.000 Are they doing that? I'm not kidding. Yeah, So you're 0:04:17.040 --> 0:04:20.320 saying that you've never had anyone say this to you 0:04:20.560 --> 0:04:23.120 from whenever you had your first kiss, back when you 0:04:23.160 --> 0:04:25.120 were probably like fourteen, was it? 0:04:25.560 --> 0:04:25.839 Yeah? 0:04:25.880 --> 0:04:30.000 Around then fourteen and now the last two people that 0:04:30.080 --> 0:04:33.360 you've kissed, I've been like, what the. 0:04:33.279 --> 0:04:34.119 Fuck are you doing? 0:04:34.640 --> 0:04:34.919 Yeah? 0:04:34.960 --> 0:04:36.880 So the other one said my lips were a bit dry. 0:04:37.200 --> 0:04:43.120 I was like, well, nah, I've hit I don't know 0:04:43.160 --> 0:04:46.080 what's going on, Like I said, maybe I'm getting lazy. 0:04:46.080 --> 0:04:47.440 Maybe I just need to practice a bit more on 0:04:47.440 --> 0:04:47.920 my pillow. 0:04:48.000 --> 0:04:52.880 We'll see what Jesus, that's back into kissing training. We'll 0:04:52.920 --> 0:04:54.960 get an update on that next week and see how 0:04:54.960 --> 0:04:56.560 it's going. That's back in school. 0:04:57.040 --> 0:04:59.720 Yes, but enough about me. Let's talk about you and 0:04:59.760 --> 0:05:01.800 how you're exclusive with your lad. 0:05:01.920 --> 0:05:02.839 How's that thing going? 0:05:03.120 --> 0:05:05.560 My lad? I love it. There's just so many terms 0:05:05.560 --> 0:05:09.640 for it. He's my man, my lad, my blow old mate, 0:05:10.040 --> 0:05:16.080 old mate. Yeah. I mean, look, it's going well. As 0:05:16.120 --> 0:05:20.960 I said last episode, we're exclusive. We did have a 0:05:21.000 --> 0:05:22.239 bit of a road bump. 0:05:23.040 --> 0:05:24.960 How big was this bump? Is it a speed bump 0:05:25.040 --> 0:05:28.719 or was it just a little like that just drove 0:05:28.760 --> 0:05:29.640 over and kept driving. 0:05:30.360 --> 0:05:32.520 It was a lump that you like, drove over and 0:05:32.560 --> 0:05:41.840 it gave you like a bit of a like jerked you, Jake. 0:05:46.080 --> 0:05:50.000 I mean, look, basically what happened was we went out 0:05:50.240 --> 0:05:54.360 for some drinks. We were both pretty dry, so date night. 0:05:54.520 --> 0:05:56.440 It was a date night, yeah, and we were both 0:05:56.440 --> 0:05:59.000 pretty drunk. And you know what it's like, as you 0:05:59.120 --> 0:06:01.480 said before, the truth comes out when you're drunk, or 0:06:01.480 --> 0:06:04.640 at least that's what I thought anyway. So we had 0:06:04.680 --> 0:06:09.840 been exclusive for about four days, four days, four days, 0:06:09.839 --> 0:06:13.200 so this was fresh after fresh, after we recorded the 0:06:13.240 --> 0:06:16.560 last and yeah, we were drunk. Then we decided to 0:06:16.600 --> 0:06:19.640 have a really late dinner, and at dinner, in his 0:06:19.839 --> 0:06:23.760 drunken state and my drunken state, he gave me this speech. 0:06:24.960 --> 0:06:28.159 Do you want to repeat this speech? Just try and 0:06:28.200 --> 0:06:32.680 make it less. 0:06:30.720 --> 0:06:33.880 Less slurr more articulate. And the speech went a little 0:06:33.960 --> 0:06:39.440 something like I really like you, I feel like you 0:06:39.520 --> 0:06:43.400 really like me. Why be exclusive when we should just 0:06:43.560 --> 0:06:46.720 be official? I feel like that's so we're going anyway, 0:06:47.120 --> 0:06:50.960 so we might as well just be boyfriend and girlfriend. 0:06:51.440 --> 0:06:55.480 So we asked, don't get too excited yet, that's. 0:06:55.400 --> 0:06:58.080 Say you heard it here first everyone, Yeah. 0:06:57.920 --> 0:07:00.960 No, don't clap yeah, And he was like, what did 0:07:00.960 --> 0:07:01.240 you say? 0:07:01.279 --> 0:07:02.159 No? 0:07:02.160 --> 0:07:06.440 No? I said, well, okay. Initially I was a bit like, well, 0:07:06.440 --> 0:07:09.640 we've only just become exclusive, but this speech was so 0:07:09.800 --> 0:07:13.000 compelling that I was like, you're so right, Like you 0:07:13.040 --> 0:07:15.600 know what, like, why even being exclusive? We should just 0:07:15.600 --> 0:07:19.840 be boyfriend and girlfriend? Like we're both on the same page, YadA. 0:07:19.640 --> 0:07:21.360 YadA, YadA. 0:07:21.480 --> 0:07:23.600 Yeah, yeah, we were both doing a zero to one 0:07:23.680 --> 0:07:26.280 hundred mat. I mean even to the point where I 0:07:26.520 --> 0:07:28.600 like I called like a couple of friends that night, 0:07:28.600 --> 0:07:32.400 and I was like, I've got a boyfriend. But as 0:07:32.440 --> 0:07:36.280 you can imagine, like my drunkness level was quite high, 0:07:36.400 --> 0:07:39.680 as was his. So so you. 0:07:39.600 --> 0:07:41.880 Were calling all your friends and family telling. 0:07:41.720 --> 0:07:46.400 Him I called, I called two friends. Anyway, the next morning, 0:07:46.640 --> 0:07:51.280 we woke up very hungover, might I add like very 0:07:51.600 --> 0:07:57.280 capital v e H why hungover? And I turned around 0:07:57.280 --> 0:08:00.520 and looked at him and I was like, are we 0:08:01.240 --> 0:08:05.600 and he was like no, and I was like and 0:08:05.680 --> 0:08:11.240 so basically we decided to take it back. So we 0:08:11.280 --> 0:08:15.120 were boyfriend and girlfriend for about twelve hours and then 0:08:15.200 --> 0:08:15.920 we were like. 0:08:15.880 --> 0:08:17.280 Another one bites the dust. Anna. 0:08:17.560 --> 0:08:20.600 You know what, it's my shortest relationship that I've ever had. 0:08:20.800 --> 0:08:23.800 Another breakup. How are you finding the breakup? You need 0:08:23.800 --> 0:08:25.960 to go back and listen to episode two for some advice. 0:08:26.480 --> 0:08:28.840 Look, I was thinking about heading back to episode two 0:08:28.920 --> 0:08:30.240 and taking listen. 0:08:31.600 --> 0:08:34.040 And it's a moving on technique. Yeah no, but in 0:08:34.080 --> 0:08:37.200 all seriousness, yeah, I just said to him, look like, 0:08:37.400 --> 0:08:40.480 we don't have to be boyfriend and girlfriend. And I 0:08:40.520 --> 0:08:42.559 didn't really know how I felt about it, but then 0:08:42.600 --> 0:08:45.280 he was like, yeah, it's probably way too soon. And 0:08:45.440 --> 0:08:48.959 although I agreed, with him. A part of me was like, ow, 0:08:50.880 --> 0:08:54.640 I'm so excited last night, and then I proceeded to 0:08:54.679 --> 0:08:56.360 get on the text with my friends and say, by 0:08:56.400 --> 0:08:58.760 the way, that was a twelve hour relationship and I'm 0:08:58.760 --> 0:08:59.880 back to being exclusive. 0:09:00.440 --> 0:09:02.640 All right. So he's asked you to be his girlfriend 0:09:02.640 --> 0:09:03.640 and then taken it back. 0:09:04.400 --> 0:09:05.600 That sounds so bad. 0:09:05.920 --> 0:09:09.320 Well, that's what I'm asking. Is that toxic? Is that 0:09:09.400 --> 0:09:10.280 toxic behavior? 0:09:10.679 --> 0:09:10.920 Look? 0:09:11.080 --> 0:09:14.880 Is that a red flag? Even I don't really. 0:09:14.720 --> 0:09:17.160 Know if it's toxic. I think it was more of 0:09:17.200 --> 0:09:21.200 a case that sometimes when you're drunk and you really 0:09:21.280 --> 0:09:23.400 like someone, you just get a bit carried away. And 0:09:23.440 --> 0:09:26.520 I think we both got a bit carried away. We 0:09:26.720 --> 0:09:31.920 became sober human beings and maybe decided that there was 0:09:31.960 --> 0:09:34.200 a reason why we became exclusive, and that was to 0:09:34.440 --> 0:09:36.640 try and take things slow and not to rush it, 0:09:36.679 --> 0:09:40.600 because I feel like rushing can sometimes be toxic. So yeah, 0:09:40.679 --> 0:09:43.880 so I feel like, is it toxic? I'm gonna say no, 0:09:45.920 --> 0:09:47.720 but it did sting a little. 0:09:48.360 --> 0:09:51.000 Well, at least you know that he's intense there and 0:09:51.200 --> 0:09:55.000 that he has been your boyfriend. I guess do we 0:09:55.040 --> 0:09:57.640 say that is what you say? 0:09:58.200 --> 0:10:00.760 He was a twelve hours Yeah, I at least I 0:10:00.880 --> 0:10:03.480 know that in those twelve hours he was a great boyfriend, 0:10:03.679 --> 0:10:08.200 so he passed the test and being a boyfriend. But 0:10:08.640 --> 0:10:12.400 you know what, moving forward, we won't have that chat. 0:10:12.160 --> 0:10:14.800 Until you know it's the right time. 0:10:14.880 --> 0:10:17.360 It's the right time, and we've both agreed that if 0:10:17.360 --> 0:10:19.160 we're going to have that chat, we will be sober. 0:10:19.440 --> 0:10:20.920 Yes, that's probably a smart idea. 0:10:21.000 --> 0:10:28.280 But in saying that, let's get into our toxic relationships. 0:10:24.520 --> 0:10:31.720 Say, all right, first of all, how does it feel 0:10:31.760 --> 0:10:33.559 to be in a toxic relationship? 0:10:33.960 --> 0:10:36.200 I mean, some of the things that you might feel 0:10:36.320 --> 0:10:38.920 if you are in a toxic relationship is you might 0:10:38.960 --> 0:10:45.120 feel suffocated, you feel undervalued, underloved, just generally annoyed by 0:10:45.160 --> 0:10:48.080 your partner in the situation that you're in. You might 0:10:48.160 --> 0:10:51.719 feel their competitive with you or you're competitive with them, 0:10:52.200 --> 0:10:55.679 and I think just generally negative about the relationship. So 0:10:55.720 --> 0:10:58.240 it's not a good feeling. And I know that we 0:10:58.280 --> 0:11:02.800 have both been in toxic relationships, so we know first 0:11:02.880 --> 0:11:05.520 and how it feels, and honestly, it sucks. 0:11:05.880 --> 0:11:06.080 Yeah. 0:11:06.120 --> 0:11:09.520 I mean I've been in a couple of relationships and 0:11:09.559 --> 0:11:12.439 I have definitely been in one that was toxic, and. 0:11:13.760 --> 0:11:15.920 Yeah, definitely it tears away. 0:11:15.760 --> 0:11:18.040 At you as a person because I feel like you 0:11:18.160 --> 0:11:20.400 have so much love and so much like you want 0:11:20.400 --> 0:11:22.960 to give that person so much, and then there's just 0:11:23.040 --> 0:11:26.200 so much toxicity and so much just stuff that happens. Like, 0:11:26.720 --> 0:11:28.720 So there's signs that you can look for that you 0:11:28.760 --> 0:11:30.840 are in a toxic relationship, and I think some of 0:11:30.880 --> 0:11:34.000 them are where there's a lack of support from your partner. 0:11:34.080 --> 0:11:36.000 You don't feel like they've got your back and they're 0:11:36.040 --> 0:11:37.440 supporting your goals. 0:11:37.160 --> 0:11:40.280 One hundred percent. I think another one is there's just 0:11:40.440 --> 0:11:44.800 a lot of toxic communication. So there's sarcasm or there's 0:11:44.800 --> 0:11:47.719 a lot of criticism and you just feel very belittled. 0:11:47.760 --> 0:11:49.960 And I guess they just talk to you with a 0:11:50.040 --> 0:11:51.839 lack of respect in general and. 0:11:51.840 --> 0:11:52.560 Talk down to you. 0:11:53.160 --> 0:11:56.360 Yeah, also jealousy and competitiveness. 0:11:56.720 --> 0:12:00.320 Yeah, there's controlling behaviors or walking on eggshells. I think 0:12:00.640 --> 0:12:03.040 you might do things to try and make them feel 0:12:03.040 --> 0:12:05.439 good and nothing is ever really good enough. 0:12:05.760 --> 0:12:08.920 Yeah, I learned how to walk on eggshells. I was 0:12:09.000 --> 0:12:11.080 walking on my Tiffy toasts for a year straight. 0:12:12.920 --> 0:12:14.040 Me got very good at that. 0:12:14.760 --> 0:12:18.280 They ignore your needs so they don't care about your 0:12:19.320 --> 0:12:21.760 like your love language or what you need from that relationship. 0:12:21.800 --> 0:12:24.600 They're very selfish and they focus mostly on what they need. 0:12:24.840 --> 0:12:27.120 Yeah, and I think it's interesting, Like I think a 0:12:27.120 --> 0:12:31.439 lot of people who were in toxic relationships they hold 0:12:31.559 --> 0:12:35.040 onto these good times and there's actually not a lot 0:12:35.120 --> 0:12:38.080 of them, but they view their partner in that way, 0:12:38.200 --> 0:12:41.959 like those good qualities, but most of the time they're 0:12:42.000 --> 0:12:45.360 actually not great to them. They're actually not a good partner, 0:12:45.400 --> 0:12:49.040 they're not a good communicator. They make you feel like shit, 0:12:49.640 --> 0:12:53.800 and you hold onto these small memories in the hopes 0:12:53.840 --> 0:12:56.240 that they're going to change, and that hope for change 0:12:56.280 --> 0:12:59.680 is something that's so toxic because that's not who that 0:12:59.760 --> 0:13:02.080 per person is core. 0:13:02.320 --> 0:13:04.560 It's not a reality. You're living in a fairy tale 0:13:04.640 --> 0:13:06.200 world where you think that they're going to change, but 0:13:06.240 --> 0:13:08.400 they're not. Yeah, before you know it, years months have 0:13:08.440 --> 0:13:11.080 passed by, you're still in a toxic relationship. 0:13:11.120 --> 0:13:13.760 Matt and I have definitely been there. We've discussed this, 0:13:13.840 --> 0:13:17.840 Like with our toxic relationships, we were constantly hoping for 0:13:17.960 --> 0:13:22.160 change and constantly wanting that person to be the person 0:13:22.679 --> 0:13:25.720 like the twenty percent good that they were not the 0:13:25.800 --> 0:13:26.960 eighty percent bad. 0:13:28.160 --> 0:13:31.120 Does that mean just threw them under a bus there 0:13:33.080 --> 0:13:33.560 tell you that. 0:13:34.200 --> 0:13:36.559 But you know what, Like we were also talking about this, 0:13:37.080 --> 0:13:40.720 and I think that when you have a partner and 0:13:41.080 --> 0:13:45.520 you aren't compatible and things get really toxic, like you 0:13:45.640 --> 0:13:46.840 also become toxic. 0:13:46.960 --> 0:13:51.520 Right, Yeah, So I feel like I'm no, I'm no angel, right, 0:13:51.600 --> 0:13:53.600 I've got my I've got my flaws. 0:13:53.760 --> 0:13:56.760 But I feel like when I was dating someone that 0:13:56.960 --> 0:14:00.200 was toxic, I fought toxic with toxic behave. 0:14:00.360 --> 0:14:03.120 Because yah, just normal thing. It wasn't going to cut it. 0:14:03.200 --> 0:14:04.880 Like I had to be toxic. I had to talk 0:14:04.960 --> 0:14:07.240 down like I had to be match that or else 0:14:07.320 --> 0:14:09.080 I would have just got walked all over and would 0:14:09.080 --> 0:14:12.160 have just been treated like shit constantly. Yeah, and it 0:14:12.200 --> 0:14:13.800 doesn't it's not good. It didn't sit well with me 0:14:13.800 --> 0:14:15.120 because I don't like being that person. 0:14:15.400 --> 0:14:18.000 Yeah, it's not me, And I think, yeah, and that's 0:14:18.040 --> 0:14:23.840 an important point. Like I have had two very different relationships, 0:14:23.840 --> 0:14:27.760 a really healthy relationship and a very unhealthy relationship in 0:14:27.800 --> 0:14:32.000 the past, and it's just so crazy to see how 0:14:32.400 --> 0:14:35.840 your partner can bring out the absolute best in you 0:14:36.040 --> 0:14:39.320 or the absolute worst in you. And that's why it's 0:14:39.400 --> 0:14:42.960 so damaging being in those toxic relationships because you actually 0:14:43.000 --> 0:14:46.080 become a really bad version of yourself. Like I know, 0:14:46.200 --> 0:14:48.920 for me, when I was in a toxic relationship, I 0:14:48.920 --> 0:14:51.920 didn't really like the person who I was. I didn't 0:14:52.080 --> 0:14:56.200 like fighting fire with fire and being in constant conflicts. 0:14:56.240 --> 0:14:57.840 Like none of us want to do that. We want 0:14:57.840 --> 0:14:58.480 to be happy. 0:14:58.680 --> 0:15:00.800 Would you're our friends and family pointed out to you, 0:15:00.840 --> 0:15:03.720 because I remember pointing it out to you. Yeah, and 0:15:03.800 --> 0:15:06.080 then it's good to see now that you've left that 0:15:06.080 --> 0:15:10.000 that you're back to being Anna just. 0:15:09.880 --> 0:15:15.120 Like happy and happy visibly and yeah, like you after 0:15:15.280 --> 0:15:18.240 like coming out of a toxic relationship, you people look 0:15:18.240 --> 0:15:20.240 at you and they're like, oh, you're back to your 0:15:20.280 --> 0:15:23.080 old self. And it's such a nice compliment because you 0:15:23.120 --> 0:15:25.520 do feel like you're back to yourself. I think being 0:15:25.560 --> 0:15:28.040 in a toxic relationship, you can end up being a 0:15:28.040 --> 0:15:30.160 bit of a shell of yourself. And I mean I 0:15:30.200 --> 0:15:34.640 know personally seeing your toxic relationship, you became a shell 0:15:34.720 --> 0:15:36.000 of yourself for sure. 0:15:36.320 --> 0:15:38.920 Yeah, you definitely, Yeah, I definitely did. Remember that time 0:15:38.960 --> 0:15:39.960 you saw me get out of the car. 0:15:41.160 --> 0:15:42.080 Who the fuck is this? 0:15:42.920 --> 0:15:46.440 Yeah? Like you you came like a bull, you came 0:15:46.480 --> 0:15:51.560 in you should we tell that story? I mean, yeah, 0:15:51.600 --> 0:15:53.960 like Matt, how do you. 0:15:53.960 --> 0:15:56.120 Tell about throwing anyone under the bas Yeah. 0:15:56.000 --> 0:16:00.640 I mean I just basically saw a side of that 0:16:00.640 --> 0:16:04.320 that was super angry, like very in his own head. 0:16:04.920 --> 0:16:06.880 Like it was like I was looking at him and 0:16:06.920 --> 0:16:09.800 the lights weren't even on. And yes, I knew he 0:16:09.880 --> 0:16:13.520 had been pushed and yeah, and in that relationship, I 0:16:13.960 --> 0:16:16.720 knew it was a toxic relationship. But to see you 0:16:16.840 --> 0:16:18.400 act that way, I was like, who are? 0:16:18.760 --> 0:16:20.120 Like, it wasn't me. And that's what I mean. 0:16:20.160 --> 0:16:22.560 I had to fight toxic with toxic because it was 0:16:22.560 --> 0:16:24.880 the only way to like, you know, I mean, survive, 0:16:25.000 --> 0:16:27.600 or I would have gone into life. 0:16:28.800 --> 0:16:35.320 You go into survival mode. 0:16:35.640 --> 0:16:36.000 All right. 0:16:36.040 --> 0:16:39.280 So obviously we've both put ourselves through toxic relationships and 0:16:39.360 --> 0:16:43.160 we were saying, we said that we stay in them 0:16:43.160 --> 0:16:45.200 because we hoped that they're going to change. Yeah, but 0:16:45.240 --> 0:16:47.840 why else do we get addicted to toxic relationships? 0:16:48.960 --> 0:16:52.160 I mean, look, I think we can both agree on this. 0:16:52.280 --> 0:16:56.000 The highs are super high and the lows are really low. 0:16:56.040 --> 0:16:58.920 And I think that when you're at those lows, you're 0:16:58.960 --> 0:17:01.840 addicted to check that high because you want it back 0:17:02.000 --> 0:17:04.080 so bad because you know how good it can be, 0:17:04.600 --> 0:17:09.720 and that becomes this addictive, negative, toxic cycle that's. 0:17:09.440 --> 0:17:11.800 Almost like a drug that it is a drug. You're 0:17:11.840 --> 0:17:15.560 looking for that release of dolphins, yeah. 0:17:15.200 --> 0:17:18.520 One percent, and you're just constantly chasing it, and you know, 0:17:18.560 --> 0:17:20.879 when you finally do get back to that high, it 0:17:20.920 --> 0:17:24.199 doesn't even last long enough to give you that like 0:17:24.760 --> 0:17:27.480 full you know what I mean, Like you just get 0:17:27.520 --> 0:17:29.960 filled up and then it's gone again and you're back 0:17:30.000 --> 0:17:32.320 to square one and you're fighting to get back there. 0:17:32.400 --> 0:17:36.600 So it's definitely that toxic cycle that continues. But I mean, 0:17:37.119 --> 0:17:40.400 another really important reason as to why people get into 0:17:40.440 --> 0:17:44.240 toxic relationships is the environment that they're brought up in. 0:17:44.760 --> 0:17:48.600 So people who are brought up in loving environments tend 0:17:48.640 --> 0:17:53.399 to actually stay away from chaotic, abusive, and neglectful relationships 0:17:53.600 --> 0:17:57.080 most of the time, not always. And then on the 0:17:57.119 --> 0:18:00.320 opposite end of the spectrum, people who are brought up 0:18:00.320 --> 0:18:04.840 in chaotic and toxic environments kind of feel safe being 0:18:05.080 --> 0:18:09.879 in that type of relationship, that anxious attachment type of bond. 0:18:10.320 --> 0:18:14.080 Well, I grew up in a very loving household, like 0:18:14.240 --> 0:18:17.480 nothing out of the ordinary, but I used to see 0:18:17.520 --> 0:18:19.920 my parents argue a lot growing up, So I think 0:18:19.960 --> 0:18:25.200 that I compartmentalized that almost with how relationships are meant 0:18:25.200 --> 0:18:27.679 to be. And then so when I would argue, I 0:18:27.680 --> 0:18:30.520 would be like, okay, well, like this must be how 0:18:30.760 --> 0:18:32.320 like you deal with this sort of stuff. You don't 0:18:32.359 --> 0:18:35.000 just talk it out. So I mean, going through that 0:18:35.040 --> 0:18:38.320 relationship definitely taught me that it's not how you do that, 0:18:38.359 --> 0:18:42.000 because I've obviously had relationships where we didn't argue. So 0:18:42.280 --> 0:18:44.679 I yeah, I think I lost myself a bit in 0:18:44.720 --> 0:18:48.000 that relationship and I started arguing and found myself falling 0:18:48.560 --> 0:18:49.440 more and more into. 0:18:49.280 --> 0:18:52.159 That hole and into those cycles, into that cycle of 0:18:53.000 --> 0:18:55.560 but I mean it's you know what, the great thing 0:18:55.920 --> 0:19:01.040 about being in these types of relationships is that produce 0:19:01.160 --> 0:19:04.000 the most growth that you can ever go through. Like 0:19:04.520 --> 0:19:08.800 in hindsight, you're like, wow, I see everything so clear, 0:19:09.040 --> 0:19:12.560 and you actually look for those red flags and future 0:19:12.560 --> 0:19:15.760 partners because you're like, there's no way I'm putting myself 0:19:16.400 --> 0:19:20.320 through that type of shit again, Like, no way. 0:19:20.560 --> 0:19:23.119 I know. If I ever feel anxious to rock up 0:19:23.160 --> 0:19:25.320 to my girlfriend's house again, I'm ditching that. 0:19:25.560 --> 0:19:29.040 Soon as I can again. 0:19:34.160 --> 0:19:38.680 Okay, So obviously with toxic behavior, there's definitely a spectrum. 0:19:38.920 --> 0:19:42.520 I think everyone in their own right, is some level 0:19:42.520 --> 0:19:44.800 of toxic, whether it be a little bit or a lot. 0:19:45.760 --> 0:19:48.720 And I think, obviously, as we've mentioned, depending on who 0:19:48.760 --> 0:19:52.680 you're with, that can either really bring out that toxicity 0:19:52.680 --> 0:19:55.320 in you or it can really diminish the toxicity in 0:19:55.359 --> 0:19:58.880 you because you feel secure. I mean, we've both spoken 0:19:58.920 --> 0:20:04.639 about we are very needy and jealous, which is both 0:20:05.119 --> 0:20:07.160 like they're two toxic traits. 0:20:07.560 --> 0:20:10.920 Yeah, I mean, there could be worse toxic traits out there, 0:20:10.960 --> 0:20:14.760 but yeah. 0:20:13.359 --> 0:20:17.159 Matt actually hates it called toxic on so many levels, 0:20:17.240 --> 0:20:19.840 Like you can't even sit here and admit it, even 0:20:19.840 --> 0:20:22.280 though he's number one, the most needy guy I've ever 0:20:22.359 --> 0:20:25.119 met and super jealous. 0:20:25.359 --> 0:20:29.560 Yeah, you're right, but like there's worse traits in that. 0:20:30.200 --> 0:20:31.679 So what if I want to kiss in a cuddle 0:20:31.720 --> 0:20:32.160 here and there? 0:20:34.440 --> 0:20:40.119 Yeah okay, but yeah, so obviously we've both mat like 0:20:40.440 --> 0:20:42.880 it's funny, difficult to admit it, but we both admitted 0:20:42.920 --> 0:20:47.440 to being those toxic traits. But what are the other 0:20:47.640 --> 0:20:51.320