1 00:00:08,840 --> 00:00:11,840 Speaker 1: Hi everyone, It's Carli and welcome back to the Paul 2 00:00:11,880 --> 00:00:16,680 Speaker 1: Taylor Podcast for our weekly Mojo Monday. So today we're 3 00:00:16,720 --> 00:00:20,240 Speaker 1: tackling a common mindset that many of my clients are 4 00:00:20,239 --> 00:00:23,760 Speaker 1: struggling with and I have often struggled with too, and 5 00:00:23,840 --> 00:00:27,360 Speaker 1: that is the all or nothing approach. So it could 6 00:00:27,400 --> 00:00:31,880 Speaker 1: be about our fitness routine, or maybe our work with 7 00:00:31,960 --> 00:00:34,960 Speaker 1: the projects we've got to do at work, or personal goals. 8 00:00:35,520 --> 00:00:40,640 Speaker 1: And really it's a mindset that doesn't work. So let's 9 00:00:40,720 --> 00:00:43,520 Speaker 1: dive into it. Let's dive into why it doesn't work 10 00:00:43,640 --> 00:00:46,720 Speaker 1: and what we can do about it. So, first off, 11 00:00:47,320 --> 00:00:49,240 Speaker 1: what do we mean by the all or nothing approach? 12 00:00:49,479 --> 00:00:53,040 Speaker 1: So it's that black and white thinking where you're either 13 00:00:53,200 --> 00:00:57,600 Speaker 1: all in or you're completely out. So, for example, if 14 00:00:57,600 --> 00:00:59,400 Speaker 1: you can't go to the gym and work for an 15 00:00:59,400 --> 00:01:03,000 Speaker 1: hour do anything. If you're busy and you can't make 16 00:01:03,000 --> 00:01:05,960 Speaker 1: a class, you just don't do anything. If you can't 17 00:01:06,000 --> 00:01:10,360 Speaker 1: finish a project perfectly, you don't even start. You start 18 00:01:10,400 --> 00:01:13,080 Speaker 1: to eat healthily and you end up drinking a bottle 19 00:01:13,080 --> 00:01:15,520 Speaker 1: of wine and eating chips with a friend, so you 20 00:01:15,600 --> 00:01:19,440 Speaker 1: may as well just keep going. And so I'm wondering 21 00:01:19,560 --> 00:01:23,679 Speaker 1: whether this sounds familiar to you. So the problem with 22 00:01:23,840 --> 00:01:27,640 Speaker 1: this mindset is that there is this attitude that we 23 00:01:27,680 --> 00:01:31,480 Speaker 1: should be perfect humans who never stray from our intentions 24 00:01:31,520 --> 00:01:35,360 Speaker 1: and goals, and that when that happens, we're failed and 25 00:01:35,400 --> 00:01:37,920 Speaker 1: we may as well give up, and as a result, 26 00:01:38,040 --> 00:01:41,640 Speaker 1: we end up struggling with feelings like shame and hopelessness, 27 00:01:42,080 --> 00:01:45,440 Speaker 1: and we don't end up living aligned with what's important 28 00:01:45,440 --> 00:01:50,280 Speaker 1: to us. And look, we know that life is not perfect, 29 00:01:50,520 --> 00:01:55,000 Speaker 1: and it's very rarely so clear cut. There are always 30 00:01:55,000 --> 00:01:58,560 Speaker 1: shades of gray and unexpected hurdles to jump over, and 31 00:01:58,760 --> 00:02:02,560 Speaker 1: we shouldn't expect any anything else. In fact, we do 32 00:02:02,680 --> 00:02:05,840 Speaker 1: need to prepare ourselves for the hurdles so they don't 33 00:02:05,880 --> 00:02:09,040 Speaker 1: take us by surprise, and then when we're confronted with them, 34 00:02:09,560 --> 00:02:12,280 Speaker 1: we can pivot and we can know what course of 35 00:02:12,320 --> 00:02:16,000 Speaker 1: action to take. So let's look at a few aspects 36 00:02:16,040 --> 00:02:19,240 Speaker 1: of why they all or nothing approach doesn't work. So 37 00:02:19,280 --> 00:02:23,040 Speaker 1: the first one is perfectionism paralysis. So when we aim 38 00:02:23,200 --> 00:02:26,839 Speaker 1: for perfection, we often end up doing nothing at all 39 00:02:26,960 --> 00:02:30,000 Speaker 1: because the perfect conditions are rarely met, and this can 40 00:02:30,080 --> 00:02:34,080 Speaker 1: lead to procrastination and stagnation, and then it can also 41 00:02:34,280 --> 00:02:37,360 Speaker 1: lead to those motions and feelings that I talked about 42 00:02:37,400 --> 00:02:41,919 Speaker 1: before about shame and guilt. Then there's burnout. So going 43 00:02:42,080 --> 00:02:46,720 Speaker 1: all in can be exhausting and it's also unsustainable, and 44 00:02:46,760 --> 00:02:51,440 Speaker 1: this is particularly with people who are high achievers or 45 00:02:51,560 --> 00:02:55,400 Speaker 1: running their own business. You know, there's this need to 46 00:02:55,639 --> 00:03:01,240 Speaker 1: or this desire to push yourself too hard without any 47 00:03:01,280 --> 00:03:04,160 Speaker 1: sort of flexibility, and then you're likely to burn out 48 00:03:04,240 --> 00:03:09,680 Speaker 1: quickly and lose motivation. And also in this particular scenario 49 00:03:09,840 --> 00:03:13,840 Speaker 1: as well, you end up sacrificing other areas of your life. 50 00:03:14,880 --> 00:03:18,480 Speaker 1: There's missed opportunities. So by focusing only on the big 51 00:03:18,520 --> 00:03:22,040 Speaker 1: wins or major accomplishments, we miss out on the smaller 52 00:03:22,120 --> 00:03:26,960 Speaker 1: incremental progress that really adds up over time. So small 53 00:03:27,000 --> 00:03:30,520 Speaker 1: steps can lead to big changes. So I'll run through 54 00:03:31,040 --> 00:03:34,360 Speaker 1: some strategies that you could experiment with if you are 55 00:03:34,400 --> 00:03:38,320 Speaker 1: struggling with the all or nothing bug. So the first 56 00:03:38,360 --> 00:03:44,040 Speaker 1: one is to embrace your imperfect humanness, except that you 57 00:03:44,080 --> 00:03:48,240 Speaker 1: are human and not everything will be perfect. I have 58 00:03:48,480 --> 00:03:51,440 Speaker 1: never met a perfect human being, and I am confident 59 00:03:51,520 --> 00:03:54,360 Speaker 1: that I never will. So you can choose not to 60 00:03:54,440 --> 00:03:59,040 Speaker 1: listen to that perfectionistic voice in your head because it's 61 00:03:59,080 --> 00:04:02,200 Speaker 1: not helping you. And that's not to say that there 62 00:04:02,280 --> 00:04:05,680 Speaker 1: isn't a healthy level of perfectionism, but if you know 63 00:04:05,840 --> 00:04:08,680 Speaker 1: that your perfectionism has tipped over the edge and it's 64 00:04:08,800 --> 00:04:12,360 Speaker 1: not helping you, that's when you can choose whether you 65 00:04:12,480 --> 00:04:16,320 Speaker 1: listen to that voice or not. The next strategy is 66 00:04:16,360 --> 00:04:19,159 Speaker 1: one that I love, and that is to approach each 67 00:04:19,279 --> 00:04:22,880 Speaker 1: day as day one. So if each day is day 68 00:04:22,920 --> 00:04:26,160 Speaker 1: one and today didn't turn out how you wanted it 69 00:04:26,200 --> 00:04:29,440 Speaker 1: to be, then tomorrow is still day one, so you 70 00:04:29,480 --> 00:04:32,920 Speaker 1: can start again. And this fits in nicely with that 71 00:04:32,960 --> 00:04:37,160 Speaker 1: Buddhist approach of the beginner's mind. And so often we 72 00:04:37,200 --> 00:04:39,520 Speaker 1: go on these challenges. So you might go on like 73 00:04:39,560 --> 00:04:42,960 Speaker 1: a fourteen day challenge or a thirty day challenge, and 74 00:04:43,040 --> 00:04:46,159 Speaker 1: then at day nine you fall off the wagon and 75 00:04:46,240 --> 00:04:49,000 Speaker 1: something happens and then you just go, oh, well, I've 76 00:04:49,000 --> 00:04:51,880 Speaker 1: stuffed up, so I may as well just give up. 77 00:04:52,400 --> 00:04:55,640 Speaker 1: So if every day is day one, then you will 78 00:04:55,680 --> 00:04:58,839 Speaker 1: just approach the next day as being able to start again. 79 00:04:58,960 --> 00:05:03,359 Speaker 1: So it's a really good mindset to get into to 80 00:05:03,640 --> 00:05:07,320 Speaker 1: prevent you from giving up. And then the next one 81 00:05:07,360 --> 00:05:11,800 Speaker 1: is practicing flexibility. And this is flexibility in our minds 82 00:05:12,000 --> 00:05:17,359 Speaker 1: and flexibility in our actions because life happens and plans changed. 83 00:05:17,960 --> 00:05:22,320 Speaker 1: You'll get injured, you know, last minute meetings will be scheduled, 84 00:05:22,400 --> 00:05:24,919 Speaker 1: your internet will go down, the kids will be sick. 85 00:05:25,600 --> 00:05:30,719 Speaker 1: So being adaptable and being open to pivoting when these 86 00:05:30,760 --> 00:05:34,440 Speaker 1: situations arise. And this is where you can use the 87 00:05:34,520 --> 00:05:38,600 Speaker 1: Japanese concept of urugamama, So with things as they are, 88 00:05:39,120 --> 00:05:42,160 Speaker 1: what needs to be done, and this is a staunch 89 00:05:42,200 --> 00:05:46,000 Speaker 1: acceptance of what has happened, even if you don't like it, 90 00:05:46,560 --> 00:05:49,479 Speaker 1: and then taking that next step of like what can 91 00:05:49,520 --> 00:05:52,599 Speaker 1: I do? So if you can't do a full workout, 92 00:05:53,200 --> 00:05:55,520 Speaker 1: you may be able to do a few push ups, 93 00:05:55,839 --> 00:05:57,839 Speaker 1: you may be able to go for a ten minute walk, 94 00:05:58,560 --> 00:06:01,960 Speaker 1: you may be able to do twenty kettlebell swings. It's 95 00:06:02,000 --> 00:06:05,960 Speaker 1: about doing something, So just do something, doesn't matter if 96 00:06:06,000 --> 00:06:09,680 Speaker 1: it's small. It's still taking you on that path and 97 00:06:09,720 --> 00:06:14,799 Speaker 1: you're still moving forward, not backwards. So the other one 98 00:06:15,000 --> 00:06:21,080 Speaker 1: that just in closing is to observe your thoughts. Observe 99 00:06:21,120 --> 00:06:24,840 Speaker 1: those all or nothing thoughts with a bit of curiosity. 100 00:06:25,360 --> 00:06:28,560 Speaker 1: And what that can do is help you distance yourself 101 00:06:28,600 --> 00:06:31,960 Speaker 1: from your thoughts so you don't get so entangled up 102 00:06:32,040 --> 00:06:35,000 Speaker 1: in them and they don't take control and push you 103 00:06:35,080 --> 00:06:36,880 Speaker 1: down the path that you don't want to be on. 104 00:06:37,600 --> 00:06:40,560 Speaker 1: So remember your mind is always trying to problem solve, 105 00:06:40,920 --> 00:06:44,440 Speaker 1: but it's often not helpful and you don't always have 106 00:06:44,560 --> 00:06:47,480 Speaker 1: to do what your mind tells you. And this is 107 00:06:47,680 --> 00:06:52,480 Speaker 1: why observing your thoughts with curiosity means that there's space 108 00:06:52,560 --> 00:06:54,680 Speaker 1: between you and the thoughts and it gives you more 109 00:06:54,720 --> 00:06:59,400 Speaker 1: control over what decisions that you make next. So the 110 00:06:59,520 --> 00:07:03,520 Speaker 1: all on approach I think most of you will agree, 111 00:07:03,640 --> 00:07:08,320 Speaker 1: doesn't work. So if we can embrace our imperfect humanness, 112 00:07:08,680 --> 00:07:13,600 Speaker 1: practice flexibility in our minds and our actions, focus on 113 00:07:13,680 --> 00:07:18,720 Speaker 1: every day being day one, and observe our thoughts with curiosity, 114 00:07:19,320 --> 00:07:23,040 Speaker 1: then we can take control over our choices to keep 115 00:07:23,120 --> 00:07:28,400 Speaker 1: going and make meaningful progress because life isn't all or nothing. 116 00:07:28,600 --> 00:07:32,040 Speaker 1: It's about that balance and making the best of each moment. 117 00:07:33,120 --> 00:07:36,720 Speaker 1: So thanks for listening. You can catch Paul this Wednesday 118 00:07:36,800 --> 00:07:40,760 Speaker 1: for his weekly Wednesa Wisdom Wednesday, and I will catch 119 00:07:40,800 --> 00:07:41,520 Speaker 1: you next week.