WEBVTT - Why Tammin Sursok no longer ‘fakes it’

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<v Speaker 1>Hello, and welcome to Something to Talk About, the Stellar podcast.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm Sarah Lamarquin to your host, and every week I

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<v Speaker 1>sit down with some of the biggest names in the

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<v Speaker 1>country because when Australias celebrities are ready to talk, they

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<v Speaker 1>come to Something to talk about. On paper, Taman Sarsock's

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<v Speaker 1>life looks pretty glamorous. A well known actor with roles

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<v Speaker 1>in hits such as Home and Away, The Young and

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<v Speaker 1>the Restless and Pretty Little Liars on her CV, she

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<v Speaker 1>also hosts a successful podcast and, along with her film

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<v Speaker 1>producer husband and their two daughters, splits her time between

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<v Speaker 1>Sydney and Nashville. But Taman insist her life is far

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<v Speaker 1>from perfect. In fact, as the name of her podcast,

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<v Speaker 1>The Shit Show suggests, it's actually pretty messy and mundane.

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<v Speaker 2>And I don't do it because I need any accolades

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<v Speaker 2>or people to.

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<v Speaker 3>Go, oh my god, you're so brave.

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<v Speaker 2>I do it to make people fee less alone and

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<v Speaker 2>also like save me And on today's episode is something

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<v Speaker 2>to talk about?

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<v Speaker 1>She joins me to discuss this and finding her home

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<v Speaker 1>in two different countries, what it's really like to start

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<v Speaker 1>in a Hallmark Christmas movie. Her biggest musical regrets and

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<v Speaker 1>why she no longer feels she has to fake the

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<v Speaker 1>perfect life. Tamin Sursock, Welcome to the Stellar Podcast.

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<v Speaker 2>Thank you so much for having me. It's a great honor,

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<v Speaker 2>lovely to see you.

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<v Speaker 1>And happy New Year to you. One of our very

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<v Speaker 1>first episodes of twenty twenty five.

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<v Speaker 4>Now, how were the holidays?

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<v Speaker 1>You are one of these people that has to not

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<v Speaker 1>only juggle you know, family and in laws like so

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<v Speaker 1>many people too, but you're juggling a couple of different countries.

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<v Speaker 4>How does that factor to where.

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<v Speaker 1>You're going to spend Christmas in New Yay?

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<v Speaker 3>Goodness?

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<v Speaker 2>My family actually my mom and dad who I was

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<v Speaker 2>raised in Sydney, Australia from the ages of five. I

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<v Speaker 2>was actually born in South Africa. I don't know if

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<v Speaker 2>everyone knows that. So I was born in Johannesburg and

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<v Speaker 2>then immigrated to Australia. And we've been in Australia till

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<v Speaker 2>I was about twenty one. But my parents are still

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<v Speaker 2>there and my brother and his wife, so typically we go.

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<v Speaker 3>Back to Australia. But I've been to Australia I think

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<v Speaker 3>four times.

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<v Speaker 2>Last year twenty twenty four, I definitely spent about four

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<v Speaker 2>and a half months there last year, so.

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<v Speaker 3>It was their time to come to us.

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<v Speaker 2>I was like, it's time to do that twenty hour

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<v Speaker 2>flight because now I'm in.

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<v Speaker 3>Nashville, not in Los Angeles.

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<v Speaker 2>Los Angeles is only say twelve and a half hours,

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<v Speaker 2>but you have to attack on an extra four and

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<v Speaker 2>a half to get to Nashville.

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<v Speaker 3>So they were exhausted.

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<v Speaker 2>The poor things had to go to Hawaii first since

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<v Speaker 2>spent three days recovering, then to La a day to

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<v Speaker 2>recover in La.

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<v Speaker 3>And then to Nashville. So I said to them, you

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<v Speaker 3>know when any next coming back through? Like, I don't know.

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<v Speaker 2>So We're just really they're still here and I'm definitely

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<v Speaker 2>loving each and every moment of just the small things.

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<v Speaker 2>You know, we we do live in both countries. I

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<v Speaker 2>think we'll always live in both countries, but I think

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<v Speaker 2>I would like to make it more fifty to fifty.

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<v Speaker 2>And it's really just the kids schooling that we're navigating,

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<v Speaker 2>trying to figure that out. And I think we've got

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<v Speaker 2>one of the kids sorted. It's just a second what

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<v Speaker 2>we have to do. It's not an easy feat. But again,

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<v Speaker 2>my career kind of and my husband's career, we have

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<v Speaker 2>a foot in both places, so you know, when we

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<v Speaker 2>love both things, it's okay to say it took me

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<v Speaker 2>a long time to be like I'm allowed to say

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<v Speaker 2>I love being an Aussie, and I also there's so

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<v Speaker 2>much of America that I also love too, and it's

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<v Speaker 2>also given me a lot like my husband, So it's

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<v Speaker 2>okay to say that I love both and there are

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<v Speaker 2>different things in both that are just phenomenal, and I'm

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<v Speaker 2>really blessed and lucky to get to experience both.

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<v Speaker 1>I'd say absolutely, it's this idea that one must come

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<v Speaker 1>at the expensive another is this a really like old

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<v Speaker 1>fashioned regressive idea, isn't it? Your heart is big enough

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<v Speaker 1>to love a couple of different countries, and especially I

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<v Speaker 1>think when you have that story of growing up with

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<v Speaker 1>parents that migrated to a country, your heart expands more

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<v Speaker 1>and more with each country that becomes, i think, part

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<v Speaker 1>of your family tapestry. It's lovely to hear that, having

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<v Speaker 1>made the effort to do that Transpacific flight four times

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<v Speaker 1>in a year, that your family.

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<v Speaker 4>Came to you.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm assuming this means though, that maybe you hosted Tamin

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<v Speaker 1>and of course a lot of people will have seen

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<v Speaker 1>you over the summer break over the Christmas break in

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<v Speaker 1>the iconic Hallmark film. You were in the Christmas movie

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<v Speaker 1>Trivia at Saint Nick's. I know that is something that

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<v Speaker 1>you get asked about all the time. Now does that

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<v Speaker 1>raise the stakes? Does that raise the pressure? I mean,

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<v Speaker 1>if you have got any association with the Hallmark Christmas

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<v Speaker 1>that's gotten, I mean, that's.

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<v Speaker 4>A pressure cooker right there.

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<v Speaker 2>I didn't know how many people like I've done my goodness,

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<v Speaker 2>like including Home Away, probably one thousand, five hundred episodes

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<v Speaker 2>of television in some way, either with Prittle Liars or

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<v Speaker 2>Home and Away. I had a young on The Restless,

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<v Speaker 2>so I was on a few different shows, Hannah Montana

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<v Speaker 2>at here so like homework movies are like what people

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<v Speaker 2>live and die by here, Like it's just it's like

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<v Speaker 2>a cold. I didn't know that I was part of

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<v Speaker 2>the cult until I became part of it. And you know,

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<v Speaker 2>I think it's because life can be really intense, especially

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<v Speaker 2>as a parent, and I think especially the nature of

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<v Speaker 2>what's going on in politics, it's just to turn on

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<v Speaker 2>the news and it's just so much fear and division

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<v Speaker 2>and anger, and sometimes I think people just really need

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<v Speaker 2>that lukewarm water bath to get into and just be like,

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<v Speaker 2>it's not too hot, it's not too cold, but it

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<v Speaker 2>gives me comfort. And I think that is why homework

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<v Speaker 2>does so well and these movies do so well, is

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<v Speaker 2>because it really just speaks to there's just no drama,

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<v Speaker 2>and I think our limbic systems are constantly on attack

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<v Speaker 2>and we're a defense all the time, and it's so

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<v Speaker 2>stressful that I think people can just go, Okay, I'm

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<v Speaker 2>gonna watch a movie.

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<v Speaker 3>There's gonna be no blood.

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<v Speaker 2>It gutschool swearing like it is. I don't have to

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<v Speaker 2>be stressed about my kids watching it. And so people

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<v Speaker 2>love it. And yeah, it was just such a nice experience.

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<v Speaker 2>A lot of the films that I do, I'm either

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<v Speaker 2>screaming or crying, or you know, I'm thinking about the accent.

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<v Speaker 2>I've got to change the accent for this, or it's

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<v Speaker 2>a period, whatever it is. It was just nice to

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<v Speaker 2>play like a version of myself, maybe a little more uptight,

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<v Speaker 2>and just enjoy it. I don't really get a lot

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<v Speaker 2>like oftentimes just being on set and just being like,

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<v Speaker 2>I'm just gonna enjoy this experience because I'm constantly thinking

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<v Speaker 2>about like what would the character want?

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<v Speaker 3>What am I thinking?

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<v Speaker 2>What is this motivation, and so yeah, it was a

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<v Speaker 2>really cool experience. And they say, so fingers crossed the

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<v Speaker 2>ones you do one, you're in the family, so you

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<v Speaker 2>end up doing like three the next year.

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<v Speaker 3>At least that's what I'm manifesting.

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<v Speaker 4>I love it.

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<v Speaker 1>People say that it becomes part of their tradition as well.

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<v Speaker 1>You know, obviously most of us are in a bit

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<v Speaker 1>of a rhythm about when we might start thinking about

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<v Speaker 1>the Christmas list and putting up the tree and the

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<v Speaker 1>decorations and inviting. But if you're part of the extended

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<v Speaker 1>Hallmark Christmas family, then you're factoring in midyear, presumably when

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<v Speaker 1>it's actually the northern summer. You're there in some beautiful

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<v Speaker 1>snow season pretending and channeling.

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<v Speaker 3>It's very hot. Honestly, it is so hot.

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<v Speaker 2>I had like Fanta and sprite cans down my butt

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<v Speaker 2>because it was I was dripping in sweat. And they

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<v Speaker 2>have like BM and a beanie and like a jacket

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<v Speaker 2>and a scuff and it is not glamorous. The whole time,

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<v Speaker 2>I'm like, just move your feets, you don't pass out.

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<v Speaker 2>Is very very It's like in the dead of heat,

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<v Speaker 2>in the dead of summer, when we issue these.

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<v Speaker 1>Tam, and you mentioned there's some of the work that

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<v Speaker 1>you've done over the years, including The Young and the Restless,

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<v Speaker 1>Pretty Little Liars, and of course where it all began

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<v Speaker 1>for you. Your acting career was on the set of Home

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<v Speaker 1>and Away. You were so young, you were only fifteen

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<v Speaker 1>when you auditioned while you were still at school for

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<v Speaker 1>the role of Danny Sutherland. You and I first met

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<v Speaker 1>back in that era. Actually, one of my first jobs

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<v Speaker 1>in media was the TV writer at TV Week, and

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<v Speaker 1>you were on the cover of TV Week I'm going

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<v Speaker 1>to say maybe every second or third week during that time,

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<v Speaker 1>shooting on location on Palm Beach in Sydney's Northern Beaches,

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<v Speaker 1>in the studio in Sydney's Epping as it was at

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<v Speaker 1>the time. Taman, what are your memories of that time,

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<v Speaker 1>because when we talk about overnight success, that was a

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<v Speaker 1>casing point one moment. You're at school, you're auditioning for

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<v Speaker 1>this role, you get it. You're like I say, You're

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<v Speaker 1>on all the covers, you won the LOGI for New

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<v Speaker 1>Talent that year.

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<v Speaker 2>It was.

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<v Speaker 1>Soap opera fandom at it's absolute peaque.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, I mean I look back at that time and

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<v Speaker 2>it was such gratitude. And you know, I was saying

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<v Speaker 2>this to someone recently, because no matter what I've done

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<v Speaker 2>in my life, there's always a question or a walk

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<v Speaker 2>down memory lane when it comes to Home and Away.

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<v Speaker 2>And I think it's because there are so many memories

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<v Speaker 2>of people's lives wrapped up in that time because there

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<v Speaker 2>wasn't any other real pay per view options back then,

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<v Speaker 2>so it.

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<v Speaker 3>Was really just Neighbors and Home and Away.

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<v Speaker 2>And I think that the characters were so big back

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<v Speaker 2>then because they.

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<v Speaker 3>Became our family.

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<v Speaker 2>They became you know, we learned from them, that became

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<v Speaker 2>our therapists, they became our you know, our friends out

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<v Speaker 2>like and and we wanted to see them every day

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<v Speaker 2>and we yearned to see them. And I I think

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<v Speaker 2>I was part of something greater than I knew at

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<v Speaker 2>the time that now, you know, you look back and

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<v Speaker 2>I go, wow, I was part of kind of the

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<v Speaker 2>end of that era of the way we consumed television.

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<v Speaker 2>I mean, it's so different now. It's all the apps

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<v Speaker 2>in the paper. I mean, there's so many different channels

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<v Speaker 2>and options and choice that I don't know if my

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<v Speaker 2>character would have been as received or as loved if

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<v Speaker 2>that was this day and eight like if it was now.

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<v Speaker 3>And I'm not sure.

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<v Speaker 2>I'm not in Australia one hundred percent of the time,

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<v Speaker 2>so maybe Home and Away still looked at and viewed

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<v Speaker 2>it as like that. But I just know that when

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<v Speaker 2>there wasn't many options, I think that's what made it

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<v Speaker 2>such a big deal, you know, And I'm very grateful.

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<v Speaker 2>I'm also a big believer in sort of your life

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<v Speaker 2>is laid out for you and you kind of are

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<v Speaker 2>meant to do what you're meant to do.

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<v Speaker 3>I don't know why.

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<v Speaker 2>I was there at the right time. I'm at the

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<v Speaker 2>right place with the right people. I was paired up

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<v Speaker 2>on many chemistry reads with a lot of different people,

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<v Speaker 2>and for some reason, it was just my it was

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<v Speaker 2>my moment and it was really cool looking back, and

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<v Speaker 2>I think when I was that young, it probably messed

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<v Speaker 2>me up a little bit because you you shouldn't have

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<v Speaker 2>success that young, I think, But I think I've dealt

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<v Speaker 2>with it as I've gotten older in therapy.

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<v Speaker 4>It is true.

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<v Speaker 1>I mean, it is hard for anyone to put in

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<v Speaker 1>proper context what they're going through at such a young

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<v Speaker 1>formative age. And you also just professionally had that experience

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<v Speaker 1>of landing that job and thinking well, this is what happens,

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<v Speaker 1>and then of course that is not how the industry works.

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<v Speaker 1>At twenty one, you packed up and went to Hollywood,

0:11:51.120 --> 0:11:55.880
<v Speaker 1>which is two suitcases. You arrived in LA How was that?

0:11:56.559 --> 0:11:57.800
<v Speaker 4>Did that world.

0:11:57.559 --> 0:12:03.240
<v Speaker 1>Feel scarier and more daunty to you than working in Australia.

0:12:03.360 --> 0:12:05.719
<v Speaker 2>So you might know this, but I announced that I

0:12:06.480 --> 0:12:09.280
<v Speaker 2>have an Australian book deal and I'm writing about this

0:12:09.400 --> 0:12:11.800
<v Speaker 2>period of my life and it's very interesting because I'm

0:12:11.920 --> 0:12:16.560
<v Speaker 2>really walking through it all and I didn't realize. I

0:12:16.600 --> 0:12:19.880
<v Speaker 2>don't really give myself a lot of grace or even

0:12:20.480 --> 0:12:22.679
<v Speaker 2>I'm never really proud of myself. But I look back

0:12:22.720 --> 0:12:24.840
<v Speaker 2>at that time and I go, oh, my goodness. You

0:12:24.840 --> 0:12:27.400
<v Speaker 2>were twenty one years old, you didn't know anyone, and

0:12:27.440 --> 0:12:29.640
<v Speaker 2>you had two suitcases and you had a one way

0:12:29.679 --> 0:12:33.200
<v Speaker 2>ticket to Los Angeles, Hollywood because in your mind there

0:12:33.280 --> 0:12:36.920
<v Speaker 2>was no other choice. And I don't know if i'd

0:12:36.920 --> 0:12:39.960
<v Speaker 2>do that at my age now, But then I had

0:12:40.000 --> 0:12:43.880
<v Speaker 2>the guts and the balls to like to just jump off,

0:12:44.840 --> 0:12:45.880
<v Speaker 2>just jump off the ledge.

0:12:45.920 --> 0:12:47.440
<v Speaker 3>And I actually went to the UK.

0:12:47.400 --> 0:12:50.680
<v Speaker 2>First, and I was signed to Sony BMG, and I

0:12:50.720 --> 0:12:53.040
<v Speaker 2>had a record that I was going to an album

0:12:53.080 --> 0:12:54.280
<v Speaker 2>that I was going to put out in the UK,

0:12:54.840 --> 0:12:58.280
<v Speaker 2>and I spent six months recording music with the people

0:12:58.280 --> 0:13:01.440
<v Speaker 2>who did Britney Spears music and it was like the

0:13:01.559 --> 0:13:05.360
<v Speaker 2>coolest experience. And that song Dancing on my Own by

0:13:05.440 --> 0:13:07.960
<v Speaker 2>Robin was actually my song. And I was like, nah,

0:13:07.960 --> 0:13:08.960
<v Speaker 2>that's not going to be a hit.

0:13:09.120 --> 0:13:11.560
<v Speaker 3>Well that I know, it's like one of the biggest

0:13:11.559 --> 0:13:12.160
<v Speaker 3>suits ever.

0:13:12.640 --> 0:13:14.760
<v Speaker 2>I write about it in the book and I was like, no,

0:13:14.800 --> 0:13:15.880
<v Speaker 2>that's not gonna be good.

0:13:15.880 --> 0:13:19.360
<v Speaker 3>I'm gonna know. I don't see it, but I just.

0:13:20.160 --> 0:13:22.760
<v Speaker 2>I remember thinking, and I wrote this chapter the other

0:13:22.840 --> 0:13:26.000
<v Speaker 2>day that I was sitting in my room in London

0:13:26.040 --> 0:13:29.360
<v Speaker 2>and I thought, I can't do this.

0:13:29.520 --> 0:13:29.760
<v Speaker 1>Like I.

0:13:31.880 --> 0:13:35.440
<v Speaker 2>Love music, but I love acting more and being in

0:13:35.480 --> 0:13:38.840
<v Speaker 2>London is going to stifle what I really think I'm

0:13:38.880 --> 0:13:44.840
<v Speaker 2>born to do, which is to be an actor, to

0:13:45.600 --> 0:13:50.560
<v Speaker 2>be different characters, to put on different cloaks and costumes.

0:13:50.760 --> 0:13:55.720
<v Speaker 2>And I hold Sony BMG. I was like, thank you,

0:13:55.800 --> 0:14:00.240
<v Speaker 2>but I think I'm done, and I left. And if

0:14:00.240 --> 0:14:04.360
<v Speaker 2>anyone really knows that, but my mom asked me, and

0:14:04.440 --> 0:14:07.160
<v Speaker 2>she still reminds me to this day, makes me feel

0:14:07.200 --> 0:14:10.199
<v Speaker 2>very guilty, but she says it lovingly. She's like, I

0:14:10.240 --> 0:14:14.880
<v Speaker 2>remember when you said to me, she said how long

0:14:14.880 --> 0:14:16.680
<v Speaker 2>are you going to be there for? And you said

0:14:16.679 --> 0:14:19.400
<v Speaker 2>as long as it takes, and she's like, and as

0:14:19.440 --> 0:14:20.840
<v Speaker 2>a mother, it broke my heart.

0:14:21.000 --> 0:14:22.560
<v Speaker 3>And I know she's just saying it out of love,

0:14:22.640 --> 0:14:23.160
<v Speaker 3>of course.

0:14:25.400 --> 0:14:28.800
<v Speaker 2>But I think about now having daughters, I think, oh,

0:14:28.840 --> 0:14:31.640
<v Speaker 2>my goodness, if my girls said that they were leaving,

0:14:33.560 --> 0:14:35.280
<v Speaker 2>I don't know how I would feel.

0:14:35.600 --> 0:14:37.320
<v Speaker 3>I mean, I'd be broken.

0:14:37.600 --> 0:14:40.600
<v Speaker 2>Right, you love your children so much, and then your

0:14:40.640 --> 0:14:43.120
<v Speaker 2>whole purpose is to let them fly and to let

0:14:43.200 --> 0:14:43.560
<v Speaker 2>them go.

0:14:43.720 --> 0:14:45.440
<v Speaker 3>And but then when you're.

0:14:45.440 --> 0:14:48.480
<v Speaker 2>Faced with that, it's like you have to step back.

0:14:48.920 --> 0:14:51.800
<v Speaker 2>And I think that that is probably really difficult. At

0:14:51.800 --> 0:14:53.480
<v Speaker 2>the time, I was twenty one, so I was like,

0:14:53.680 --> 0:14:57.080
<v Speaker 2>I'm just going to go and make my dreams come true.

0:14:58.440 --> 0:14:59.080
<v Speaker 4>It's so true.

0:14:59.120 --> 0:15:03.000
<v Speaker 1>It's not of parenting, isn't it realizing as you become

0:15:03.240 --> 0:15:05.720
<v Speaker 1>a parent yourself, and as your daughters are growing up,

0:15:06.440 --> 0:15:10.640
<v Speaker 1>seeing the impact through the lens of your own mom

0:15:10.680 --> 0:15:14.640
<v Speaker 1>and dad, and realizing the selflessness and the sacrifice and

0:15:15.080 --> 0:15:18.080
<v Speaker 1>probably has instilled in you. As you say, it would

0:15:18.120 --> 0:15:20.160
<v Speaker 1>be difficult if your daughter has said that to you,

0:15:20.200 --> 0:15:23.560
<v Speaker 1>But because of what you had role modeled you would

0:15:23.720 --> 0:15:27.800
<v Speaker 1>find it within yourself whatever the decision, to put their

0:15:27.800 --> 0:15:32.600
<v Speaker 1>needs first, because you have seen and experience that.

0:15:32.680 --> 0:15:36.200
<v Speaker 2>Yourself, and you always want your children to follow their dreams.

0:15:37.720 --> 0:15:40.760
<v Speaker 2>But it's like grief. I think, as each each layer

0:15:40.920 --> 0:15:44.320
<v Speaker 2>and each chapter you walk through with your children, you

0:15:44.440 --> 0:15:48.160
<v Speaker 2>lose that chapter before it, you lose your children needing

0:15:48.200 --> 0:15:51.160
<v Speaker 2>you as much. And as I was growing up too,

0:15:51.320 --> 0:15:56.080
<v Speaker 2>I didn't need to be at my parents' house anymore.

0:15:56.120 --> 0:15:59.520
<v Speaker 2>I had to go fly. But there's definitely a loss

0:15:59.560 --> 0:16:02.560
<v Speaker 2>and a grief in that, and it's difficult for all

0:16:02.800 --> 0:16:03.720
<v Speaker 2>parties involved.

0:16:03.920 --> 0:16:06.120
<v Speaker 1>You know, Taman, you said to your mom, as long

0:16:06.160 --> 0:16:10.400
<v Speaker 1>as it takes. What did that mean to you in reality?

0:16:10.520 --> 0:16:12.320
<v Speaker 1>And then when you went to the States and you

0:16:12.440 --> 0:16:15.960
<v Speaker 1>landed that role on The Young and the Restless.

0:16:15.400 --> 0:16:18.120
<v Speaker 4>The hugely popular.

0:16:18.280 --> 0:16:20.640
<v Speaker 1>I mean it sold to so many countries around the world,

0:16:20.800 --> 0:16:25.920
<v Speaker 1>including Australia, that iconic daytime soap. Was that then part

0:16:26.080 --> 0:16:29.080
<v Speaker 1>of did you think, Okay, this is part of the

0:16:29.200 --> 0:16:30.240
<v Speaker 1>journey coming true?

0:16:30.400 --> 0:16:31.000
<v Speaker 3>Yes and no.

0:16:31.440 --> 0:16:34.240
<v Speaker 2>I spent six months there. I had a really big

0:16:34.280 --> 0:16:37.360
<v Speaker 2>Hollywood agent. And the thing about the US is when

0:16:37.400 --> 0:16:39.000
<v Speaker 2>you first go there, I don't know if it's the

0:16:39.040 --> 0:16:42.200
<v Speaker 2>same now, but definitely. When I was like there eighteen

0:16:42.240 --> 0:16:44.120
<v Speaker 2>years ago, it's very much.

0:16:43.960 --> 0:16:45.480
<v Speaker 3>Like you're going to be a star.

0:16:45.920 --> 0:16:48.800
<v Speaker 2>You're just like the next big thing, and when you

0:16:48.840 --> 0:16:51.600
<v Speaker 2>think that, you're phenomenal, like I don't know if they

0:16:51.680 --> 0:16:55.120
<v Speaker 2>do that as much these days, but I got definitely

0:16:55.200 --> 0:16:59.920
<v Speaker 2>sold the dream. And then for six months I auditioned

0:17:00.040 --> 0:17:04.119
<v Speaker 2>and furiously and didn't get a job at all. And

0:17:04.200 --> 0:17:07.120
<v Speaker 2>I remember all my money was tied up. I'd bought

0:17:07.119 --> 0:17:10.080
<v Speaker 2>a property. My parents were really smart with finances, and

0:17:10.080 --> 0:17:11.679
<v Speaker 2>I'd been on home and away for so long, and

0:17:11.960 --> 0:17:14.960
<v Speaker 2>They're like, just buy property, like, just put it in something.

0:17:15.440 --> 0:17:18.960
<v Speaker 2>So I bought a place in Balmain, but I didn't.

0:17:19.000 --> 0:17:19.399
<v Speaker 4>I wasn't.

0:17:19.440 --> 0:17:21.560
<v Speaker 2>I was kind of cash poor, like I didn't have

0:17:22.200 --> 0:17:25.840
<v Speaker 2>any money. So my parents were supporting me for like

0:17:25.920 --> 0:17:29.000
<v Speaker 2>the hotels and the hair and the nails and all

0:17:29.080 --> 0:17:31.800
<v Speaker 2>those things. And then at some point they said, we

0:17:31.840 --> 0:17:34.320
<v Speaker 2>love you, but like you're on your own, and I

0:17:34.359 --> 0:17:37.879
<v Speaker 2>remember going, oh my goodness, I'm here. Of course, they

0:17:37.880 --> 0:17:40.400
<v Speaker 2>would always be a backstop, but I'm like, I don't

0:17:40.440 --> 0:17:42.760
<v Speaker 2>really have all this money in the bank. My money's

0:17:42.760 --> 0:17:45.240
<v Speaker 2>tied up in Australia. What am I going to do?

0:17:45.320 --> 0:17:47.680
<v Speaker 3>And I believe that there's a God.

0:17:47.720 --> 0:17:49.919
<v Speaker 2>I believe that there's something greater, because how can there

0:17:49.960 --> 0:17:52.440
<v Speaker 2>be so much magic without there being something greater.

0:17:52.480 --> 0:17:53.480
<v Speaker 3>But I wouldn't say I'm.

0:17:53.359 --> 0:17:55.520
<v Speaker 2>Like a deeply religi, like I don't need to go

0:17:55.520 --> 0:17:57.960
<v Speaker 2>to a church to believe that there's something more. And

0:17:58.040 --> 0:18:00.840
<v Speaker 2>I on that day though, I'd go to a church.

0:18:01.000 --> 0:18:06.760
<v Speaker 2>Funnily enough, and I fell to the floor. I was like, Lord, Savior,

0:18:07.280 --> 0:18:10.520
<v Speaker 2>if you are there, if you are real, please.

0:18:10.240 --> 0:18:14.520
<v Speaker 3>I need a job. I think I was just super desperate.

0:18:14.720 --> 0:18:17.320
<v Speaker 2>And you know, it's funny even people who say they

0:18:17.359 --> 0:18:20.480
<v Speaker 2>don't believe in something higher, like when Rubber meets the Road,

0:18:20.520 --> 0:18:23.200
<v Speaker 2>we pray to something. We played as something that's higher

0:18:23.240 --> 0:18:26.960
<v Speaker 2>than us. And within the next week I got three gigs.

0:18:27.520 --> 0:18:29.359
<v Speaker 2>One of them was Young and the Restless, one was

0:18:29.400 --> 0:18:31.399
<v Speaker 2>the movie I met my husband on, and one was

0:18:31.400 --> 0:18:35.080
<v Speaker 2>a show called Rules of Engagement. And whether it was

0:18:35.280 --> 0:18:40.840
<v Speaker 2>divine intervention, manifestation, God or luck, it is the reason

0:18:40.920 --> 0:18:44.399
<v Speaker 2>I ended up getting a green card, which then I

0:18:44.480 --> 0:18:46.760
<v Speaker 2>was able to stay in the States because your visa

0:18:46.800 --> 0:18:48.720
<v Speaker 2>is up every three months if you don't have a

0:18:48.760 --> 0:18:52.280
<v Speaker 2>green card. But that was not making it for me,

0:18:53.040 --> 0:18:54.800
<v Speaker 2>and I still don't feel like I've made it. I

0:18:54.800 --> 0:18:57.840
<v Speaker 2>don't even think I'm close to what I know I

0:18:57.840 --> 0:19:00.640
<v Speaker 2>could do and what I want to do and what

0:19:00.760 --> 0:19:04.040
<v Speaker 2>I think is on the horizon to do. I think

0:19:04.040 --> 0:19:06.840
<v Speaker 2>I've been very grateful and lucky to have got the

0:19:06.880 --> 0:19:09.880
<v Speaker 2>opportunities that I have, but I also feel like I've

0:19:09.880 --> 0:19:13.560
<v Speaker 2>had a lot of near misses of some really big

0:19:13.640 --> 0:19:18.359
<v Speaker 2>projects that would be completely life changing. And sometimes I

0:19:19.600 --> 0:19:23.639
<v Speaker 2>can sit in my own mind and hear thoughts of

0:19:23.720 --> 0:19:26.879
<v Speaker 2>people that might or might not be true, like you know,

0:19:27.000 --> 0:19:29.119
<v Speaker 2>she hasn't made it, or she had, she could have

0:19:29.200 --> 0:19:33.119
<v Speaker 2>been bigger. And there's like a as I get older,

0:19:33.160 --> 0:19:37.439
<v Speaker 2>there's like a quiet confidence of there is no choice

0:19:37.480 --> 0:19:41.359
<v Speaker 2>for me but to continue. And I think that I

0:19:41.400 --> 0:19:44.000
<v Speaker 2>think it's going to be exciting for me. But I

0:19:44.040 --> 0:19:47.040
<v Speaker 2>do also have that little thing of like proving people wrong.

0:19:47.600 --> 0:19:49.399
<v Speaker 2>It's like, I don't know where it comes from, but

0:19:50.240 --> 0:19:54.520
<v Speaker 2>I think I think that the future there's going to

0:19:54.600 --> 0:19:58.840
<v Speaker 2>be some good stuff happening and coming up.

0:19:59.000 --> 0:20:02.080
<v Speaker 1>Taman on the Jane of Compare and Despair in the

0:20:02.119 --> 0:20:09.240
<v Speaker 1>age of social media. Part of what you work on

0:20:09.520 --> 0:20:13.920
<v Speaker 1>as well is a podcast called The Shit Show Love

0:20:14.000 --> 0:20:15.760
<v Speaker 1>the name did you come up with that name.

0:20:17.640 --> 0:20:20.240
<v Speaker 2>That's what I utter every day of my life.

0:20:20.800 --> 0:20:23.760
<v Speaker 1>I really relate, and of course one of its missions

0:20:23.800 --> 0:20:26.600
<v Speaker 1>is to look at life behind the Highlights Reel. And

0:20:26.640 --> 0:20:31.400
<v Speaker 1>your previous answer, really, I think gives listeners a glimpse

0:20:31.440 --> 0:20:34.960
<v Speaker 1>into your approach, Tamman, which is that, Okay, everything looks

0:20:34.960 --> 0:20:37.479
<v Speaker 1>a certain way, but actually in reality you're going, I

0:20:37.480 --> 0:20:40.359
<v Speaker 1>don't know if I have made it, and I still

0:20:40.359 --> 0:20:44.120
<v Speaker 1>think about the opportunities that were lost or that things

0:20:44.160 --> 0:20:49.080
<v Speaker 1>could be better, and that vulnerability and honesty is something

0:20:49.200 --> 0:20:53.199
<v Speaker 1>that is, as you and I both know, lacking sometimes

0:20:53.240 --> 0:20:57.320
<v Speaker 1>in this era of the Highlights real and there is

0:20:57.400 --> 0:21:01.840
<v Speaker 1>obviously some people would think, well, jamn, you are a famous,

0:21:01.880 --> 0:21:05.080
<v Speaker 1>successful actor with the Young Family, you host a popular podcast,

0:21:05.280 --> 0:21:08.520
<v Speaker 1>got a successful career in multiple continents.

0:21:09.560 --> 0:21:11.440
<v Speaker 4>Surely the highlights.

0:21:10.880 --> 0:21:14.480
<v Speaker 1>Reel is the real And of course that is not true,

0:21:14.560 --> 0:21:17.760
<v Speaker 1>is it? And very much? What part of you what

0:21:17.880 --> 0:21:20.040
<v Speaker 1>informs your work on the shit Show?

0:21:20.280 --> 0:21:24.000
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, I don't know, Well, yes I do.

0:21:24.080 --> 0:21:25.560
<v Speaker 2>I was gonna say, I don't know why we only

0:21:25.560 --> 0:21:28.919
<v Speaker 2>put up the highlightrail, and I think I do know,

0:21:29.119 --> 0:21:32.359
<v Speaker 2>and I think it's because the scariest thing in the

0:21:32.400 --> 0:21:37.719
<v Speaker 2>world is to show up in vulnerability, right, because when

0:21:37.760 --> 0:21:44.880
<v Speaker 2>you're vulnerable, then you're open to attack, fear, feeling awful,

0:21:45.880 --> 0:21:51.920
<v Speaker 2>And so I do something called compare and despair, which

0:21:51.960 --> 0:21:55.440
<v Speaker 2>is when I go on social media. I scroll, and

0:21:55.600 --> 0:21:59.680
<v Speaker 2>I don't drink alcohol, I don't drink caffeine. I don't

0:22:00.080 --> 0:22:04.760
<v Speaker 2>have really any addiction, but social media is and has

0:22:04.880 --> 0:22:08.639
<v Speaker 2>been a really deep addiction for me that I find

0:22:08.680 --> 0:22:12.040
<v Speaker 2>hard to break because within three minutes of being on it,

0:22:12.680 --> 0:22:18.639
<v Speaker 2>I compare and despair. I look at everyone's life and

0:22:18.680 --> 0:22:21.560
<v Speaker 2>I think I'm not doing enough. My family isn't as

0:22:21.600 --> 0:22:24.919
<v Speaker 2>great as everyone else's family. My husband isn't as loving

0:22:25.000 --> 0:22:28.280
<v Speaker 2>as all the other husband's. My house isn't big enough.

0:22:29.080 --> 0:22:34.000
<v Speaker 2>Why don't my glasses match the plates that go perfectly

0:22:34.040 --> 0:22:37.080
<v Speaker 2>with the table setting? And everyone's making all these healthy,

0:22:37.200 --> 0:22:43.800
<v Speaker 2>unprocessed foods for their kids, And I think that from

0:22:43.920 --> 0:22:47.880
<v Speaker 2>me to show up in that space.

0:22:49.640 --> 0:22:52.359
<v Speaker 3>I don't know how to fake it. I don't know

0:22:52.440 --> 0:22:53.560
<v Speaker 3>how to lie about it.

0:22:54.440 --> 0:22:58.359
<v Speaker 2>Yes do I always put every bad moment up on No,

0:22:58.560 --> 0:23:00.480
<v Speaker 2>And I do respect my kids price a scene and

0:23:00.520 --> 0:23:02.719
<v Speaker 2>I don't really talk about them if they're not feeling

0:23:02.760 --> 0:23:03.560
<v Speaker 2>whatever that is.

0:23:03.600 --> 0:23:06.520
<v Speaker 3>But I really try to talk about the things that.

0:23:08.200 --> 0:23:13.840
<v Speaker 2>Like turn my pain into purpose because I look for

0:23:13.880 --> 0:23:16.760
<v Speaker 2>that and I don't find it a lot. And I

0:23:16.800 --> 0:23:20.600
<v Speaker 2>think when I see someone else really struggling, I go, oh,

0:23:20.640 --> 0:23:24.120
<v Speaker 2>thank God, Like, thank god, I'm not the only one.

0:23:24.160 --> 0:23:26.320
<v Speaker 2>Thank God, I'm not the only one who thinks about

0:23:26.320 --> 0:23:28.880
<v Speaker 2>these things. Thank God, I'm not the only one who

0:23:29.440 --> 0:23:31.880
<v Speaker 2>doomed scrolls. Thank God, I'm not the only one who

0:23:31.880 --> 0:23:36.560
<v Speaker 2>feels like a shit mom, like at least fifty five

0:23:36.600 --> 0:23:40.440
<v Speaker 2>percent of the time. And I'm not, but I feel

0:23:40.440 --> 0:23:44.240
<v Speaker 2>that way, and I just want to kind of show

0:23:44.359 --> 0:23:46.439
<v Speaker 2>up in a way that I think will help other people,

0:23:46.920 --> 0:23:49.520
<v Speaker 2>but to be honest, selfishly, it also really helps me.

0:23:49.840 --> 0:23:54.479
<v Speaker 2>Like when I feel like I'm my most authentic, I

0:23:54.560 --> 0:23:58.639
<v Speaker 2>feel good, you know, I feel like, yeah, like I

0:23:58.960 --> 0:24:03.440
<v Speaker 2>suffer from general anxiety, Like it really fucking sucks sometimes.

0:24:03.520 --> 0:24:07.760
<v Speaker 2>And when I tell people that, it's almost like like

0:24:08.080 --> 0:24:10.520
<v Speaker 2>your secrets keep you sick, right, So when I say

0:24:10.560 --> 0:24:13.119
<v Speaker 2>I'm really struggling today and people I see you I

0:24:13.160 --> 0:24:15.879
<v Speaker 2>am too, I'm like, oh, oh my god, maybe I'm

0:24:15.920 --> 0:24:20.080
<v Speaker 2>not as sick as I thought I was. And yeah,

0:24:20.119 --> 0:24:22.480
<v Speaker 2>like that's like super important to me. And I don't

0:24:22.480 --> 0:24:25.359
<v Speaker 2>do it because I need any accolades or people to go,

0:24:25.359 --> 0:24:25.879
<v Speaker 2>oh my god.

0:24:25.760 --> 0:24:26.320
<v Speaker 3>You're so brave.

0:24:26.880 --> 0:24:29.359
<v Speaker 2>I do it to make people feel less alone and

0:24:29.359 --> 0:24:30.760
<v Speaker 2>also to like save me.

0:24:31.480 --> 0:24:34.960
<v Speaker 1>So it's it's I love everything that you've just said,

0:24:34.960 --> 0:24:38.840
<v Speaker 1>and I so agree. I think being authentic, which I

0:24:38.880 --> 0:24:41.560
<v Speaker 1>realize is an overused word. Like a lot of words,

0:24:41.560 --> 0:24:44.880
<v Speaker 1>it becomes a bit of a buzzword, but it's soul

0:24:45.000 --> 0:24:48.080
<v Speaker 1>the truth about as you say, just being honest and

0:24:48.560 --> 0:24:53.560
<v Speaker 1>saying I'm feeling this way is really empowering and liberating

0:24:53.640 --> 0:24:56.439
<v Speaker 1>because it does help other people feel less alone. And

0:24:56.480 --> 0:25:00.359
<v Speaker 1>if you're feeling that way, statistically, there's going to be

0:25:00.520 --> 0:25:03.119
<v Speaker 1>quite literally millions of people feeling the same way that

0:25:03.200 --> 0:25:06.199
<v Speaker 1>didn't feel that they necessarily have permission to acknowledge it.

0:25:06.280 --> 0:25:08.560
<v Speaker 4>But also I agree with you.

0:25:08.640 --> 0:25:11.800
<v Speaker 1>I think when you are honest about those things, it's

0:25:11.880 --> 0:25:14.080
<v Speaker 1>so liberating for yourself as well.

0:25:16.280 --> 0:25:17.000
<v Speaker 4>I know that.

0:25:17.000 --> 0:25:20.560
<v Speaker 1>You spoke to Stella about when you went through postpartum

0:25:20.600 --> 0:25:23.399
<v Speaker 1>depression after you had your first baby, and that was

0:25:23.440 --> 0:25:25.199
<v Speaker 1>one of the first times it sort of went a

0:25:25.200 --> 0:25:29.200
<v Speaker 1>bit public and shared that with people, and the response

0:25:29.240 --> 0:25:33.000
<v Speaker 1>that you got, I imagine, was an early indicator of

0:25:33.080 --> 0:25:38.160
<v Speaker 1>how other people and women especially really are crying out

0:25:38.320 --> 0:25:42.520
<v Speaker 1>for seeing their experiences reflected back. Because I think we're

0:25:42.560 --> 0:25:45.280
<v Speaker 1>all everything that you said I relate to, like feeling

0:25:45.359 --> 0:25:48.399
<v Speaker 1>like a shit mum and thinking, oh, everyone else has

0:25:48.440 --> 0:25:51.359
<v Speaker 1>got the perfect matching plates and glasses. I mean, the

0:25:51.359 --> 0:25:54.080
<v Speaker 1>whole thing I think everyone is struggling with and to

0:25:54.160 --> 0:25:58.360
<v Speaker 1>have somebody like you. When you first spoke out about

0:25:58.400 --> 0:26:01.280
<v Speaker 1>the postpartum depression, like I say, imagine that gave you

0:26:01.320 --> 0:26:04.680
<v Speaker 1>an indication of the power of honesty and vulnerability.

0:26:05.280 --> 0:26:09.399
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, I mean, I didn't mention. It's almost like I

0:26:09.440 --> 0:26:11.199
<v Speaker 2>have to get through the pain to be able to

0:26:11.200 --> 0:26:14.480
<v Speaker 2>talk about it. I remember with my miscarriages, if I

0:26:14.520 --> 0:26:18.159
<v Speaker 2>didn't have my second daughter, I don't know if I

0:26:18.160 --> 0:26:19.560
<v Speaker 2>would have been able to share.

0:26:19.720 --> 0:26:21.280
<v Speaker 3>I mean, I hope I would.

0:26:20.960 --> 0:26:23.840
<v Speaker 2>But it's almost like I needed to walk through it

0:26:24.119 --> 0:26:27.800
<v Speaker 2>to then be able to compartmentalize it in my brain

0:26:27.920 --> 0:26:30.000
<v Speaker 2>and to take a step back and almost look at

0:26:30.000 --> 0:26:32.760
<v Speaker 2>it and then go, Okay, what was that. I find

0:26:32.760 --> 0:26:36.480
<v Speaker 2>it really difficult to share when I'm in something really painful,

0:26:37.440 --> 0:26:40.080
<v Speaker 2>when I'm really grieving something, because I don't have a

0:26:40.080 --> 0:26:44.480
<v Speaker 2>lot of I don't have a lot of perspective, and

0:26:44.520 --> 0:26:48.320
<v Speaker 2>when I really share my first miscarriage was really bad.

0:26:48.400 --> 0:26:52.160
<v Speaker 2>I was really far along, like not right at the end,

0:26:52.280 --> 0:26:55.800
<v Speaker 2>but you know, there was trigger warning, some formation of

0:26:56.920 --> 0:26:59.960
<v Speaker 2>the feet of slash baby, and we ended up birthing

0:27:00.160 --> 0:27:06.040
<v Speaker 2>that baby at my house a house, and I don't

0:27:06.359 --> 0:27:09.280
<v Speaker 2>it was like so much grief and so much pain

0:27:09.560 --> 0:27:13.680
<v Speaker 2>and so much I even had postpartum from that because

0:27:13.720 --> 0:27:18.560
<v Speaker 2>I was pregnant for quite a while and I couldn't

0:27:18.600 --> 0:27:22.640
<v Speaker 2>even see out of the darkness. And I find it

0:27:22.840 --> 0:27:26.360
<v Speaker 2>even when I really struggle with my anxiety, it's very

0:27:26.400 --> 0:27:28.800
<v Speaker 2>hard for me to show up while i'm doing it

0:27:28.880 --> 0:27:31.600
<v Speaker 2>and go, this is what anxiety looks like. But I

0:27:31.680 --> 0:27:34.159
<v Speaker 2>do feel like when I'm out of it, then I

0:27:34.200 --> 0:27:36.080
<v Speaker 2>can give it back as some kind of gift to

0:27:36.119 --> 0:27:36.760
<v Speaker 2>help someone.

0:27:37.440 --> 0:27:39.119
<v Speaker 3>And for the longest time.

0:27:39.000 --> 0:27:40.800
<v Speaker 2>I was like, oh, I should I should be able

0:27:40.800 --> 0:27:42.720
<v Speaker 2>to just show up in my pain and grief. But

0:27:42.760 --> 0:27:47.080
<v Speaker 2>I also think social media has made us feel like

0:27:48.040 --> 0:27:51.159
<v Speaker 2>we're not allowed to be quiet, We're not allowed to

0:27:51.160 --> 0:27:53.160
<v Speaker 2>take a step back. I actually haven't been on social

0:27:53.200 --> 0:27:57.480
<v Speaker 2>media for five days and I feel I feel better,

0:27:57.680 --> 0:28:01.800
<v Speaker 2>but I also feel guilty. I feel like I'm missing something.

0:28:01.920 --> 0:28:05.000
<v Speaker 2>I feel like people are waiting for something. I feel

0:28:05.040 --> 0:28:08.040
<v Speaker 2>like people are maybe thinking something's wrong with me, when

0:28:08.080 --> 0:28:10.760
<v Speaker 2>all I need is just it's been a really great,

0:28:10.960 --> 0:28:14.800
<v Speaker 2>intense year and I you know, and a new year,

0:28:14.840 --> 0:28:17.440
<v Speaker 2>and I just want to take a bit of a breath,

0:28:17.920 --> 0:28:21.800
<v Speaker 2>you know. And we should allow that, and we should

0:28:21.920 --> 0:28:26.119
<v Speaker 2>normalize taking breaks from social media and also taking breaks

0:28:26.160 --> 0:28:31.200
<v Speaker 2>from sharing. Sometimes there is so much beauty in not.

0:28:31.280 --> 0:28:32.720
<v Speaker 3>Sharing at times.

0:28:33.280 --> 0:28:35.840
<v Speaker 2>You know, you don't have to share everything all the time,

0:28:35.840 --> 0:28:37.000
<v Speaker 2>and people go, we share everything.

0:28:37.040 --> 0:28:39.200
<v Speaker 3>I'm like, no, there's definitely some things I do not share.

0:28:40.200 --> 0:28:43.880
<v Speaker 1>I think it is a really important point that you've

0:28:43.920 --> 0:28:48.600
<v Speaker 1>made there about this authenticity and honesty and being vulnerable

0:28:48.640 --> 0:28:53.040
<v Speaker 1>and sometimes choosing to share your story doesn't mean that

0:28:53.080 --> 0:28:54.720
<v Speaker 1>you have to do it all the time, and that

0:28:54.800 --> 0:28:58.960
<v Speaker 1>the timeline is really important because it is in the process.

0:28:59.080 --> 0:29:01.880
<v Speaker 1>I imagine timing of working on your memoir, as you've

0:29:01.880 --> 0:29:05.800
<v Speaker 1>already alluded to, your going back and processing some different

0:29:05.840 --> 0:29:09.560
<v Speaker 1>chapters of your life and remembering things and thinking about things.

0:29:09.560 --> 0:29:12.640
<v Speaker 1>I'm sure it's bringing up all sorts of emotions as well,

0:29:12.720 --> 0:29:16.880
<v Speaker 1>and I would we often will hear about different experiences

0:29:16.920 --> 0:29:20.880
<v Speaker 1>in people's life when a memoir comes out because they

0:29:20.880 --> 0:29:22.920
<v Speaker 1>didn't want to talk about it. At the time, and

0:29:23.000 --> 0:29:25.120
<v Speaker 1>I imagine that will happen with you as well, because

0:29:25.160 --> 0:29:25.800
<v Speaker 1>I think that's.

0:29:25.600 --> 0:29:27.440
<v Speaker 4>A really valid part of it.

0:29:27.520 --> 0:29:30.840
<v Speaker 1>You don't have to necessarily speak through the raw emotion

0:29:31.240 --> 0:29:33.000
<v Speaker 1>as it's unfolding in real time.

0:29:33.560 --> 0:29:36.240
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, and I also have some chapters that I'm writing

0:29:36.280 --> 0:29:37.840
<v Speaker 2>that I don't know if I'll put in the book

0:29:38.000 --> 0:29:42.320
<v Speaker 2>because I don't know yet. You know, I'm like, that's personal,

0:29:42.520 --> 0:29:46.240
<v Speaker 2>not about anyone else, because I'm like, once the door

0:29:46.320 --> 0:29:49.080
<v Speaker 2>is open to some things that people know about you,

0:29:49.080 --> 0:29:49.480
<v Speaker 2>you can.

0:29:49.360 --> 0:29:50.040
<v Speaker 3>Never go back.

0:29:50.440 --> 0:29:53.960
<v Speaker 2>I also have to ask myself, do people have the

0:29:54.080 --> 0:29:58.080
<v Speaker 2>right to judge me or judge based on a person

0:29:58.160 --> 0:30:03.440
<v Speaker 2>that they don't really even Oh, and so I'm writing

0:30:03.480 --> 0:30:07.600
<v Speaker 2>it as like phathosis, and you know, it's cathartic, but

0:30:07.680 --> 0:30:09.120
<v Speaker 2>I'm like, maybe it will, maybe it won't.

0:30:09.400 --> 0:30:11.360
<v Speaker 3>We will see, Tamon.

0:30:11.480 --> 0:30:14.239
<v Speaker 1>I just wanted to ask you finally a little bit

0:30:14.240 --> 0:30:17.280
<v Speaker 1>about your family and being the mum of two daughters

0:30:18.200 --> 0:30:20.480
<v Speaker 1>who I believe, at the time of us speaking, Phoenix

0:30:20.600 --> 0:30:24.360
<v Speaker 1>is eleven and Lenin is five. Everything that you have

0:30:24.520 --> 0:30:26.880
<v Speaker 1>been through the world, that you saw growing up, the

0:30:26.880 --> 0:30:29.880
<v Speaker 1>things that you saw in the industry, what would you

0:30:30.000 --> 0:30:33.120
<v Speaker 1>hope for your daughters as they grow up about the

0:30:33.160 --> 0:30:36.280
<v Speaker 1>world that they will live in, whatever they choose to

0:30:36.360 --> 0:30:39.680
<v Speaker 1>do with their lives, what would you hope would be

0:30:40.320 --> 0:30:43.480
<v Speaker 1>different for them, and what would you hope would be

0:30:43.520 --> 0:30:46.640
<v Speaker 1>the same for them as they navigate As we talked

0:30:46.640 --> 0:30:49.360
<v Speaker 1>about the grief and the heartache that might bring for

0:30:49.440 --> 0:30:51.880
<v Speaker 1>you as they go out on their own separate paths.

0:30:53.640 --> 0:30:56.600
<v Speaker 2>I think what I would like similar is I'm very

0:30:56.680 --> 0:30:59.240
<v Speaker 2>close to my family, so that that's important.

0:30:59.280 --> 0:31:00.440
<v Speaker 3>We don't have a big family.

0:31:00.880 --> 0:31:03.720
<v Speaker 2>Immigrating from South Africa, was just the four of us,

0:31:03.840 --> 0:31:08.320
<v Speaker 2>so we've got a very tight nucleus. Nucleus and my

0:31:08.440 --> 0:31:10.920
<v Speaker 2>kids are still obsessed with us. We all sleep in

0:31:10.920 --> 0:31:13.160
<v Speaker 2>the sun. I was so anti sleeping in the same room.

0:31:13.240 --> 0:31:15.440
<v Speaker 2>Not everyone on the dog. Everyone's in the same room.

0:31:16.680 --> 0:31:20.040
<v Speaker 4>Serious sleep every.

0:31:19.560 --> 0:31:22.120
<v Speaker 2>Well, everyone's got their rooms, like my five year old's

0:31:22.160 --> 0:31:24.280
<v Speaker 2>got hers, lemony old's get hers, we've got owls. The

0:31:24.320 --> 0:31:28.840
<v Speaker 2>dog has fur room. But everyone decides. So we've actually

0:31:28.880 --> 0:31:31.200
<v Speaker 2>pulled like another bed. So my eleven year old sleeps

0:31:31.200 --> 0:31:34.720
<v Speaker 2>on a actual bed on the floor now mattress, and

0:31:34.800 --> 0:31:37.080
<v Speaker 2>the baby sleeps in the werystal gol baby in the middle.

0:31:37.160 --> 0:31:39.000
<v Speaker 2>Sean sleeps one and I sleeping on the other and

0:31:39.040 --> 0:31:41.840
<v Speaker 2>the dog sleeps on the bottom, and it's just they

0:31:41.880 --> 0:31:44.760
<v Speaker 2>won't get out. And I was so anti in the beginning,

0:31:44.840 --> 0:31:47.959
<v Speaker 2>especially with my first No, no one's allowed in the room.

0:31:48.520 --> 0:31:52.080
<v Speaker 2>And now I just really feel the march of time,

0:31:52.280 --> 0:31:54.560
<v Speaker 2>like I can hear it, and I can feel it

0:31:54.560 --> 0:31:56.440
<v Speaker 2>in my body, and I can see it in their

0:31:56.480 --> 0:31:59.080
<v Speaker 2>hands and their fingers as they grow, and I'm like,

0:32:00.560 --> 0:32:03.680
<v Speaker 2>I just don't care anymore, like if one more night

0:32:03.720 --> 0:32:06.360
<v Speaker 2>with them, you know, And people like, what about intimacy

0:32:06.360 --> 0:32:08.400
<v Speaker 2>with your husband, I'm like, we have an office, like

0:32:08.720 --> 0:32:11.200
<v Speaker 2>we have, Like there's other places like you don't you know,

0:32:11.360 --> 0:32:13.280
<v Speaker 2>that doesn't have to be the only place you have

0:32:13.320 --> 0:32:17.440
<v Speaker 2>any intimacy with your husband. And yeah, so we anyway,

0:32:17.720 --> 0:32:20.320
<v Speaker 2>I digress from the same and so what I would

0:32:20.360 --> 0:32:25.280
<v Speaker 2>like is the closeness that we had. I didn't know this,

0:32:25.440 --> 0:32:30.600
<v Speaker 2>but my mom was quite a big feminist, which is

0:32:30.720 --> 0:32:34.479
<v Speaker 2>just equal rights for women, and I am such I

0:32:34.520 --> 0:32:37.560
<v Speaker 2>am such an advocate for women, and I didn't realize

0:32:37.560 --> 0:32:41.920
<v Speaker 2>how much until I spend half my life in America,

0:32:41.960 --> 0:32:45.600
<v Speaker 2>where I really think women here have sort of a

0:32:45.640 --> 0:32:49.480
<v Speaker 2>fight for their lives here. And I am raising two

0:32:49.560 --> 0:32:53.680
<v Speaker 2>girls and they are not equal here, and women are

0:32:53.720 --> 0:32:58.160
<v Speaker 2>still paid less and their rights are at stake, and

0:32:58.440 --> 0:33:03.120
<v Speaker 2>I fear for their future. But the thing that I

0:33:03.240 --> 0:33:07.160
<v Speaker 2>do know is because we have been given the gift

0:33:07.520 --> 0:33:11.800
<v Speaker 2>of travel, being like half Ausies and Australians travel so much.

0:33:11.920 --> 0:33:14.600
<v Speaker 2>Eighty percent of Americans do not have that passport. Eighty

0:33:14.720 --> 0:33:17.960
<v Speaker 2>percent of Americans do not have that passport. Because I've

0:33:18.000 --> 0:33:22.440
<v Speaker 2>been given that gift of travel. What I want for

0:33:22.560 --> 0:33:28.120
<v Speaker 2>them is to see all different religions, ethnicities, places, so

0:33:28.160 --> 0:33:30.280
<v Speaker 2>they can just not that I didn't have this. I

0:33:30.320 --> 0:33:32.400
<v Speaker 2>didn't travel as much. But I just want them to

0:33:32.480 --> 0:33:39.000
<v Speaker 2>always lead with kindness and understanding and empathy. And again

0:33:39.040 --> 0:33:40.720
<v Speaker 2>I had that growing up, but I don't think I

0:33:40.800 --> 0:33:42.320
<v Speaker 2>traveled as much to.

0:33:42.280 --> 0:33:43.400
<v Speaker 3>Maybe understand it all.

0:33:43.560 --> 0:33:47.040
<v Speaker 2>So my girls, I want them to have big voices

0:33:47.200 --> 0:33:51.040
<v Speaker 2>and to speak up and if someone says they're bossy,

0:33:51.120 --> 0:33:54.480
<v Speaker 2>to say no, I'm assertive. And I don't know, I've

0:33:54.480 --> 0:33:59.000
<v Speaker 2>become like a huge feminist lightly because I just want.

0:33:59.040 --> 0:34:00.880
<v Speaker 2>I see my little girl and I'm like, I need

0:34:00.920 --> 0:34:04.280
<v Speaker 2>you to feel like you have a voice and you

0:34:04.640 --> 0:34:05.480
<v Speaker 2>are equal.

0:34:05.600 --> 0:34:09.600
<v Speaker 3>And I think that answered the question. Maybe it didn't.

0:34:09.640 --> 0:34:12.919
<v Speaker 2>It's a great answer it's Tam.

0:34:13.040 --> 0:34:16.399
<v Speaker 1>And my final question for you, since it's January, are

0:34:16.440 --> 0:34:20.600
<v Speaker 1>you a believer and you use resolutions? Is there anything

0:34:20.640 --> 0:34:23.480
<v Speaker 1>that you have a practice of doing in terms of

0:34:23.520 --> 0:34:28.560
<v Speaker 1>self reflection or some predictions or hopes or aspirations for

0:34:28.600 --> 0:34:29.920
<v Speaker 1>the year ahead.

0:34:30.360 --> 0:34:34.680
<v Speaker 2>So I'm putting a real together about this, and I

0:34:34.760 --> 0:34:38.560
<v Speaker 2>really offer this to people and they can take it

0:34:38.640 --> 0:34:41.880
<v Speaker 2>or not. But I think instead of in twenty twenty

0:34:41.920 --> 0:34:47.040
<v Speaker 2>five looking too thinking about looking better, if we can

0:34:47.120 --> 0:34:51.480
<v Speaker 2>focus on feeling better, and that means so much. And

0:34:51.520 --> 0:34:55.840
<v Speaker 2>it also leads to kindness because kindness feels good, empathy

0:34:55.920 --> 0:34:59.880
<v Speaker 2>feels good, health and wellbeing feels good. If you're just

0:35:00.280 --> 0:35:02.960
<v Speaker 2>to stop drinking for some reason, it's because you want

0:35:02.960 --> 0:35:06.520
<v Speaker 2>to feel good. And I think when you feel good,

0:35:06.680 --> 0:35:10.120
<v Speaker 2>you do good. And for me, I gave up drinking

0:35:10.120 --> 0:35:12.319
<v Speaker 2>two years ago, not because I had an issue with it,

0:35:12.360 --> 0:35:14.760
<v Speaker 2>because when I say sober, people like you read a problem,

0:35:14.800 --> 0:35:16.120
<v Speaker 2>which is fine. I just don't want to take it

0:35:16.160 --> 0:35:18.640
<v Speaker 2>away from people who did because it is hard to

0:35:18.640 --> 0:35:20.319
<v Speaker 2>give up. But I thought, I'm just so sick of

0:35:20.400 --> 0:35:23.280
<v Speaker 2>feeling like crap, Like I just don't want to feel

0:35:23.320 --> 0:35:26.360
<v Speaker 2>bad anymore. And I feel that way with even social

0:35:26.400 --> 0:35:30.520
<v Speaker 2>media again, compare in despair. I have boundaries with that.

0:35:30.600 --> 0:35:32.600
<v Speaker 2>I feel like that way with people. There's been some

0:35:32.760 --> 0:35:36.760
<v Speaker 2>friends that have gone their own way and it didn't

0:35:37.200 --> 0:35:38.400
<v Speaker 2>feel good anymore.

0:35:39.920 --> 0:35:42.000
<v Speaker 3>So I'm going to lean more into that. In twenty

0:35:42.080 --> 0:35:42.640
<v Speaker 3>twenty five.

0:35:43.719 --> 0:35:46.440
<v Speaker 2>My big news resolution, which I was so proud of

0:35:46.920 --> 0:35:49.560
<v Speaker 2>in twenty twenty four was I was never a reader,

0:35:50.480 --> 0:35:53.279
<v Speaker 2>and I read thirty two books in twenty twenty four,

0:35:53.760 --> 0:35:56.960
<v Speaker 2>and I'm so proud of myself because I thought, damn,

0:35:57.040 --> 0:35:59.240
<v Speaker 2>you've you know so all of the stories we tell ourselves.

0:35:59.280 --> 0:36:01.960
<v Speaker 2>I thought, I've got eight. I'm stressed. I have anxiety.

0:36:02.000 --> 0:36:04.480
<v Speaker 2>How I'm going to finish a book. Not only did

0:36:04.480 --> 0:36:06.840
<v Speaker 2>I finish books that were easy to read, I finished

0:36:06.840 --> 0:36:09.880
<v Speaker 2>books that were four hundred and seventy five pages because

0:36:09.880 --> 0:36:13.360
<v Speaker 2>they were so beautiful and I got lost in stories

0:36:13.400 --> 0:36:15.759
<v Speaker 2>and I fell in love with characters, and it took

0:36:15.800 --> 0:36:19.600
<v Speaker 2>me into a world away from my anxiety and grief

0:36:19.719 --> 0:36:23.320
<v Speaker 2>and pain and hurt. And I'm like, oh my goodness,

0:36:23.480 --> 0:36:26.320
<v Speaker 2>I feel like I'm part of the world that I

0:36:26.360 --> 0:36:30.239
<v Speaker 2>didn't even know was there. And now I'm like a bookworm,

0:36:30.280 --> 0:36:32.760
<v Speaker 2>like I have a book club and all these things.

0:36:33.320 --> 0:36:35.040
<v Speaker 3>So for me, that was twenty twenty four.

0:36:35.960 --> 0:36:38.040
<v Speaker 2>Twenty twenty five is every year is always like, drink

0:36:38.120 --> 0:36:41.680
<v Speaker 2>more water because we're drinking that water. My husband's always like,

0:36:41.719 --> 0:36:44.520
<v Speaker 2>you're dehydrated. I'm always like, I'm dizzy, you're dehydrated. I'm anxious,

0:36:44.520 --> 0:36:50.400
<v Speaker 2>you're dehydrated. I'm constipated, you're dehydrated. It's always water. So

0:36:50.480 --> 0:36:52.880
<v Speaker 2>that's always my number one. But it is really twenty

0:36:52.880 --> 0:36:56.960
<v Speaker 2>twenty five is just lean into like like feeling good

0:36:57.200 --> 0:37:05.439
<v Speaker 2>and and not controlling the situation and not I heard

0:37:05.440 --> 0:37:09.799
<v Speaker 2>this on glennon Doyle's podcast, Like I control because it

0:37:09.840 --> 0:37:14.520
<v Speaker 2>makes me feel better. And I also like, when I'm

0:37:14.560 --> 0:37:17.040
<v Speaker 2>suffering in my own grief and pain, I want everyone

0:37:17.080 --> 0:37:19.759
<v Speaker 2>to be suffering because it makes me feel better. And

0:37:19.840 --> 0:37:21.759
<v Speaker 2>I realize, like I don't have to put that on

0:37:21.800 --> 0:37:25.760
<v Speaker 2>other people. I don't have to be codependent with people

0:37:26.040 --> 0:37:29.319
<v Speaker 2>or stuff or Instagram or like, I don't have to

0:37:29.360 --> 0:37:32.320
<v Speaker 2>move one addiction, whether it's sugar addiction, which I kicked

0:37:32.680 --> 0:37:35.920
<v Speaker 2>now as a social media or a person, like I

0:37:36.000 --> 0:37:41.680
<v Speaker 2>have to learn how to not be codependent. And yeah,

0:37:41.840 --> 0:37:46.239
<v Speaker 2>just leaning into boundaries and feeling good. It's really twenty

0:37:46.280 --> 0:37:49.200
<v Speaker 2>twenty five is just more mental health stuff because I

0:37:49.239 --> 0:37:53.400
<v Speaker 2>feel like that's the only way to be happy, is

0:37:53.480 --> 0:37:57.480
<v Speaker 2>just kind of learning how to be better in that respect.

0:37:58.120 --> 0:37:59.640
<v Speaker 4>I love all of that.

0:38:00.200 --> 0:38:02.400
<v Speaker 1>Taman, Thanks for your company today. All the best to

0:38:02.440 --> 0:38:03.600
<v Speaker 1>you for twenty twenty five.

0:38:03.680 --> 0:38:05.959
<v Speaker 3>Thank you so much, you too, and you.

0:38:05.880 --> 0:38:08.359
<v Speaker 1>Can hear more from Tamman on her podcast The Shit

0:38:08.440 --> 0:38:11.400
<v Speaker 1>Show wherever you get your podcasts. Thank you for your

0:38:11.480 --> 0:38:14.239
<v Speaker 1>company this week. If you've enjoyed this episode, we'd love

0:38:14.239 --> 0:38:16.160
<v Speaker 1>it if you take a moment to leave a review

0:38:16.520 --> 0:38:18.719
<v Speaker 1>and make sure you're following us, because we'll be back

0:38:18.719 --> 0:38:22.280
<v Speaker 1>again soon with another exclusive guest on Something to Talk About.