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Speaker 1: Apogee Production.

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Speaker 2: Welcome to Secrets of the Underworld. I am Neil the

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Speaker 2: Muscle comments.

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Speaker 3: In this episode, I speak with Katie Burns, who shares

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Speaker 3: her story of surviving abuse.

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Speaker 1: I was so scared to tell anyone because Daniel, We'll

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Speaker 1: just get worried different pet officers and how many would

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Speaker 1: being investigative. And I had a breakdown. But I think

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Speaker 1: listen that I was right and crawling about it and

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Speaker 1: very crops up. I'm gonna have to kill it.

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Speaker 4: I'll always leave right, you know, because then I don't

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Speaker 4: even have the half years of freedom.

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Speaker 2: Well, thank you for coming on.

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Speaker 3: When I seen your story in the Daily Mail, I

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Speaker 3: was intrigued and as I said, I wanted to get.

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Speaker 2: You on the podcast so I could talk about it

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Speaker 2: in person.

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Speaker 3: So before we get into everything that I know about you,

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Speaker 3: let's start off about and talk about you as a

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Speaker 3: family and growing up and what your family was like.

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Speaker 1: It was turbulent and my parents had their own issues,

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Speaker 1: you know, and if they tried as much as be could.

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Speaker 1: But as a parent myself, I know that if I'm struggling,

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Speaker 1: I struggle to be able to give anything back myself.

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Speaker 1: So it's taken me a long time to understand, to

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Speaker 1: understand that that they had their struggles, so it was

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Speaker 1: difficult for us all and I don't you know, it's

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Speaker 1: not something that I resent them for or anything like that,

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Speaker 1: but it's turned me into the parent that I am.

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Speaker 1: Maybe a little bit overbearing sometimes, but I would rather

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Speaker 1: know that my boy was safe all of the time

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Speaker 1: than not.

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Speaker 2: Did you have a good childhood don't?

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Speaker 1: Yeah? I mean I do remember before before the incident

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Speaker 1: with Alex, I remember I was always more of a

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Speaker 1: tumble I love being outside digging around in the dirt.

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Speaker 1: Myself and my brother. You know, we had a nice

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Speaker 1: relationship where we had lots of friends. We used to

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Speaker 1: have friends around, We used to go swimming, we used

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Speaker 1: to all sorts of stuff. And then slowly things started

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Speaker 1: to go downhill. We moved to a different house, and

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Speaker 1: slowly things started to go downhill, and then you know,

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Speaker 1: what happened with Alex happened, and I don't really remember

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Speaker 1: a lot of my childhood after that. I sort of

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Speaker 1: became an adult after that.

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Speaker 3: If you like, when this happened, you were eight years old, yeah, correct, Yeah,

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Speaker 3: and you you're you're had like your parents were. When

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Speaker 3: you say that they had their issues. Was it like

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Speaker 3: they were kind of separating or they were just what

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Speaker 3: was going through them.

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Speaker 2: At the time.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean my dad, he used to work a

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Speaker 1: lot to provide for the family. So again it's it's

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Speaker 1: from sort of my own experience as a parent. It

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Speaker 1: can get very lonely if you don't if you don't

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Speaker 1: have people around you, So I think there was just

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Speaker 1: looking for love in all the wrong places. Time that

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Speaker 1: should have been spent with the concentrating on kids, it wasn't.

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Speaker 1: It was either spent elsewhere or them button heads all

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Speaker 1: the time. So I mean there was there was. I

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Speaker 1: never witnessed any violence there, So that's you know, it

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Speaker 1: was just it was not a nice environment to grow

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Speaker 1: up in, was it was?

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Speaker 3: It was it the kind of like what what you're

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Speaker 3: saying is it was there was struggling because of work

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Speaker 3: and bills, that kind of that kind of thing.

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Speaker 2: That was that what's going on back on I.

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Speaker 1: Think, yeah, and not not spending time in the right places,

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Speaker 1: you know, not not actually making time for each other.

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Speaker 1: It was still very much and this was only you know,

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Speaker 1: twenty years ago, but it was still very much the

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Speaker 1: man goes to work, the woman's stays at home and

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Speaker 1: looks after the children. Well, my mother, you know, she

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Speaker 1: she had her own aspiration, She had around things that

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Speaker 1: she wanted to do, and you know, I think she

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Speaker 1: would never say that we were ever a hindrance to her.

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Speaker 1: But I don't ever think that her life was was

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Speaker 1: how she wanted her life to be, you know. So

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Speaker 1: it was then a knock on effect for the rest

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Speaker 1: of the family.

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Speaker 2: Enjoyed school.

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Speaker 1: No, I was bullied all the way through school because

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Speaker 1: I was a quiet, weird one. W yeah, but mainly

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Speaker 1: in school. So from when I was in first school.

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Speaker 1: This is what this is what's always bothered me. It

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Speaker 1: was it was mainly all with boys who used to

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Speaker 1: do it. And back in school, we were taught even

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Speaker 1: at that age, well if a boy, you know, just

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Speaker 1: something to you, it's because he likes you, if he's

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Speaker 1: been horrible to you, if he punches you, because he

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Speaker 1: likes you, and it's all bullshit. You know. I was

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Speaker 1: fucking battered in school. I had my head braided off walls,

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Speaker 1: I had my you know, I was punched in the face.

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Speaker 1: I was It was horrible. I was so scared to

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Speaker 1: tell anyone because I knew it would get worse. And

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Speaker 1: it wasn't until there was one day I had my

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Speaker 1: head smashed off a wall in first school. I was

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Speaker 1: only little, but myself and my friend and my mother

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Speaker 1: and her mother had gone swimming, and I'd cut the

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Speaker 1: fringe in to try and hide. I mean, I've got

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Speaker 1: a huge forehead as it is, but like this bruise,

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Speaker 1: it covered everything, and so I'd cut the fringe in

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Speaker 1: to try and hide it, and my mum went ape shit,

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Speaker 1: but I couldn't tell her why I'd done it, And

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Speaker 1: it wasn't until we'd gone swimming and my friend had

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Speaker 1: pulled her into the changing room and said, look at

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Speaker 1: her forehead. She was hit today at school. So my

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Speaker 1: mum thought that it was and it was the right

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Speaker 1: thing to go on and confront what was happening. But

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Speaker 1: it did make things so much worse because even the

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Speaker 1: teachers back then they didn't really give a shit either.

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Speaker 1: It was just something else that they had to deal

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Speaker 1: with because of the way that they had been brought up.

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Speaker 1: They didn't really see issue with it either. You know,

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Speaker 1: it was it's difficult, But then it got to middle

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Speaker 1: school and it was more because I've been bullied all

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Speaker 1: the way through first school. I didn't really have a

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Speaker 1: voice then either. And then I started middle school and

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Speaker 1: it was around that time Alex days what he did,

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Speaker 1: so it just got made everything so much worse.

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Speaker 3: I've never seen that in that when I went to school,

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Speaker 3: you know, I never liked seeing gills get bullied.

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Speaker 2: And that's that's that's so like it was awful.

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Speaker 1: No, it's awful, and it's this is the thing. The

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Speaker 1: majority of the time I have ever been physically attacked,

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Speaker 1: it's been by men from a very very young age.

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Speaker 1: So I can handle myself. Trust me, I can handle

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Speaker 1: myself because I've had to. But you shouldn't ever have to,

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Speaker 1: especially as a woman like you shouldn't ever have to

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Speaker 1: be able to hand yourself, handle yourself against a man ever.

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Speaker 1: But then in middle school, it it started in middle school.

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Speaker 1: It was more so than girls, and it was People

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Speaker 1: always used to say, well, it's a jealousy thing. It's

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Speaker 1: a jealousy thing. But I because of everything that's already happened,

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Speaker 1: I never saw anything about myself that could possibly ever

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Speaker 1: make anybody jealous. You know, it was it was it

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Speaker 1: was hard because you end up with no friends, you

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Speaker 1: do end up feeling weird and you end up with nobody.

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Speaker 1: And then it got to high school and it was

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Speaker 1: just it was exactly the same. But because of things

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Speaker 1: that have happened in my family life and because of

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Speaker 1: how small the place was, I also then got lots

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Speaker 1: of shit for for things that my parents had done

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Speaker 1: because I was then in school with people who whose children,

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Speaker 1: you know, their parents knew what was going on, and

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Speaker 1: it was all gossipy, gossipy, So I've got a load

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Speaker 1: of ship for that as well. So it was just

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Speaker 1: it was never a very nice experience. I couldn't wait

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Speaker 1: to leave. Everyone sair school is the best days of

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Speaker 1: your life. That's fucking not.

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Speaker 3: That's so weird, because the schooling for me was the

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Speaker 3: best days of my life. And as I said, I've

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Speaker 3: seen a lot of cat fights in school and like

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Speaker 3: guys haven't fights too, but never seen a guy hit

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Speaker 3: a girl and if he did, we would fucking crack

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Speaker 3: him one.

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Speaker 2: But like, that's it was. It was it a little

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Speaker 2: country town, was it is?

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Speaker 1: It?

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Speaker 2: Is that where you were living at the time.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean I still live up here, which is

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Speaker 1: why I can't wait to get away. My family don't

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Speaker 1: understand it. Well, Yeah, honestly, they're like, well, well we

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Speaker 1: like living here. I say, yeah, but you've had a

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Speaker 1: totally different experience to me. You know, I've had all

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Speaker 1: sorts and more that we'll talk about happen up here.

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Speaker 1: So but it is, it's very much if they don't know,

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Speaker 1: you've ald make up whatever and people there are so

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Speaker 1: many enablers, and there's so many places like this as well.

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Speaker 1: I mean it isn't just here. I'll get lots of

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Speaker 1: ship saying that about here now, but it's true, it's true,

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Speaker 1: and there are so many enablers because you know, when

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Speaker 1: it comes to smaller places, it's like these people are

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Speaker 1: big fish and little ponds. So I have lots of

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Speaker 1: lots of followers, lots of people who think that there's

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Speaker 1: something and they're absolutely nothing.

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Speaker 2: What was what was the main What was the main

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Speaker 2: reason why they picked on you? What was what was he?

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Speaker 1: Because I was quiet because I never stood up for

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Speaker 1: myself because I never had a voice, I never I

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Speaker 1: never stood up for myself ever, wow, Because it was

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Speaker 1: like it was an easy target because like.

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Speaker 3: Like I remember when I was in school and if

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Speaker 3: I went overseas to like Spain or Greece, when I

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Speaker 3: was a kid that came back brown. I remember that

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Speaker 3: I was teased for being like they say, you know,

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Speaker 3: the p wed to me, you're packing and all like that.

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Speaker 3: But I wasn't but you because they didn't have a suntan.

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Speaker 2: I was. I would, I would get fucking abused.

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Speaker 3: But I'm trying to picture you as as a little kid,

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Speaker 3: and I just can't see why they picked on you.

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Speaker 1: Because I was quiet, because and again because of things

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Speaker 1: that happened with my family. You know, it's like it

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Speaker 1: really is ancestral purses. Things do get passed down, and.

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Speaker 2: So what was the main issue there with the family.

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Speaker 2: There must have been something massive.

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Speaker 1: Like I said, people looked for love in the wrong places.

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Speaker 2: Wow, okay, so it was. It was difficult, not good.

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Speaker 3: So describe and talk me through your next door neighbor

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Speaker 3: before anything happened.

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Speaker 1: Oh so, Alex, he wasn't actually my next door neighbor.

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Speaker 1: He lived at the opposite end of the street to us,

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Speaker 1: like only a few houses right now. Before it happened,

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Speaker 1: there was a there was a group of us, you know,

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Speaker 1: from all all different ages. It was a really it's

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Speaker 1: a really small village. And back then there was lots

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Speaker 1: and loads of kids. It was a really family orientated

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Speaker 1: So there was kids from you know, my brother's age

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Speaker 1: at the time, four or five, right up until Alex's age,

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Speaker 1: and we wouldn't all necessarily play out together always at

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Speaker 1: the same time, but there was always a handful of

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Speaker 1: us from each age range. And there was him and

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Speaker 1: two older boys. And these two older boys they lived

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Speaker 1: across the road from me, and they were the main

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Speaker 1: ones that he was friendly with. The two who lived

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Speaker 1: across the road from me, they were nice, you know,

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Speaker 1: they were funny. They were like older brothers, who who

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Speaker 1: you could trust, who you could you know, they yeah, yeah, exactly.

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Speaker 1: They looked after me. I was safe with them. But

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Speaker 1: then Alex, he was just very different. And I know

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Speaker 1: it sounds strange, but you can always tell by somebody's eyes,

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Speaker 1: I think. And there was always just something that was

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Speaker 1: never quite right about him because he was always so

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Speaker 1: quiet compared to He was quiet around the little ones,

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Speaker 1: the younger ones, but when he was with the older ones,

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Speaker 1: he would be fine. Now, whether that's because he can't

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Speaker 1: say that you didn't know how to act around younger

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Speaker 1: children because he had younger siblings himself, or a younger

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Speaker 1: sibling himself. Like I said, he was more of an

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Speaker 1: observer rather than anything else. He would always sit back

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Speaker 1: and he would listen to what was going on. But

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Speaker 1: there was times that he would try to be protective

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Speaker 1: like the other ones. But it was never to be creepy. Yes,

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Speaker 1: it was never ever the same. There was always something

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Speaker 1: about him. And that's what I said to him in

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Speaker 1: one of our messages. You've always always had a side

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Speaker 1: to you, and he always has and he always.

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Speaker 3: Will describe that that that day because he went to

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Speaker 3: the he went to like the for a walk in

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Speaker 3: the woods or something like that.

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Speaker 2: He's always hang out or something like that.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, we went for a bike ride and it's

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Speaker 1: literally just five minutes away. And yeah, he came to

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Speaker 1: call on and we went out for a bike ride

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Speaker 1: myself from my brother, and it was just, you know,

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Speaker 1: another normal summer's day. If we weren't out on the bikes,

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Speaker 1: were in the garden, or I was out on the

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Speaker 1: horses with my friend. You know, we just it was

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Speaker 1: just a normal day as far as I was concerned.

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Speaker 1: And we got to the woods and there's there was

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Speaker 1: a there's a gate, so we left our bikes at

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Speaker 1: the gate and as you go through, it's a little

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Speaker 1: narrow path and at the time it was just covered

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Speaker 1: covered in nettles. I mean, I'm only five to three now,

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Speaker 1: so when I was eight, I was a very short ast,

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Speaker 1: so you know, I didn't want to be so I

257
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Speaker 1: was a bit nervous. My brother he couldn't give a task.

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Speaker 1: He was away, and and that was when Alex had said,

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Speaker 1: you know, I'll give you a piggyback. And as a child,

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Speaker 1: you don't ever ever, ever, I didn't even know what

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Speaker 1: he was going to do to and I didn't know

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Speaker 1: what that was. So as a child you don't necessarily think,

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Speaker 1: you don't or you wouldn't necessarily think that a piggyback

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Speaker 1: is going to be something abusive and threatening.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, well you thought he was gonna. He was been

266
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Speaker 3: he was looking after you, like to say, like I'm gonna,

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Speaker 3: I'll help you get over the nettles.

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Speaker 2: You know what I mean?

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Speaker 1: So yeah, yeah I did, so, Yeah, I wasn't. I know,

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Speaker 1: people tell me not call myself now when I say that,

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Speaker 1: because I'm talking about it from an adult's point of

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Speaker 1: view now, ruts and how I felt as a child

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Speaker 1: back then. So yeah, I trusted him. I did that. Yeah, right,

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Speaker 1: I just trusted him.

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Speaker 3: What so tell me so he before that had he

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Speaker 3: shown any signs of doing anything wrong towards you?

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Speaker 1: Not that I can remember. I mean there were times,

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Speaker 1: you know when and I have talked to polics when

279
00:14:47,841 --> 00:14:51,361
Speaker 1: we would there was a caravan and you know, they

280
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Speaker 1: would try and get us to or he was one

281
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Speaker 1: of them, would try and get us to play Strip

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Speaker 1: Parker and the Caravan. It sounds really silly again because

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Speaker 1: there were friends. You know, you don't ever, you don't

284
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Speaker 1: ever think that it's going to be a sinister side

285
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Speaker 1: to it, because again, you've never even really really when

286
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Speaker 1: you're a child, yeah.

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Speaker 3: Well we're being a kid like that age and doing

288
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Speaker 3: something like that. You're just a kid, so you're just

289
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Speaker 3: doing kid things and you think it's just yeah, okay,

290
00:15:20,201 --> 00:15:23,401
Speaker 3: we're doing we're doing something naughty. But it's not gnawty,

291
00:15:23,401 --> 00:15:26,321
Speaker 3: you know what I mean. Okay, let's you've been yeah,

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Speaker 3: and that's all you're thinking. We're all having a bit

293
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Speaker 3: of fun here, and that's it. You don't think no

294
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Speaker 3: one's going to harm you or hurt.

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Speaker 1: You, and you don't think you don't think at that

296
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Speaker 1: time either about the age difference and the mental age

297
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Speaker 1: difference between between them. Either, it's not until you get

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Speaker 1: to an adult and then you see that was fucking weird, Like, yeah,

299
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Speaker 1: that was weird.

300
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Speaker 3: Yeah, because you look at it and go, why would

301
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Speaker 3: someone that age want to be hanging around with someone

302
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Speaker 3: my age?

303
00:15:56,961 --> 00:15:59,401
Speaker 2: Yeah, and that's that's when you start thinking exactly.

304
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Speaker 3: So, so okay, so's he's about to give you a

305
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Speaker 3: piggyback through the nettles.

306
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Speaker 2: Then what happens? Then?

307
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Speaker 1: So I jumped on his back, and pretty much as

308
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Speaker 1: soon as I jumped on his back, his hands went

309
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Speaker 1: up inside my shorts. And I know it sounds there's

310
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Speaker 1: people and who have been through much much, much more

311
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Speaker 1: awful terrible things, but as a child, because he was

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Speaker 1: using his hands and he was inside me, I felt

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Speaker 1: like he was trying to snatch my soul from me,

314
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Speaker 1: and he did. He took part of me that day.

315
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Speaker 2: Because he he violated you, He violated you.

316
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Speaker 1: It was just horrible. Yeah yeah it.

317
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Speaker 2: Did you tell him to stop?

318
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Speaker 1: Oh? Yeah, I told him to stop. Yeah, yeah, I

319
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Speaker 1: told him as soon as he put his fingers inside me,

320
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Speaker 1: I told him, Well, as soon as he put his

321
00:16:59,721 --> 00:17:01,681
Speaker 1: fingers up my shorts, hands at my shorts. I told

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Speaker 1: him to stop. And what was his reaction, Well, he

323
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Speaker 1: told me he was going to drop me in the

324
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Speaker 1: nettles if I complained, truck me in the nettles if

325
00:17:13,360 --> 00:17:16,561
Speaker 1: I complained about it. So, and you know, back then

326
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Speaker 1: as well well even nowadays, children at all to like, yeah,

327
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Speaker 1: not speak unless I've spoken to and just to shut

328
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Speaker 1: up and do as they're told by their elders. So

329
00:17:28,721 --> 00:17:31,241
Speaker 1: because again, like I said before, he was a friend.

330
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Speaker 1: He was somebody I trusted as much as I knew,

331
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Speaker 1: and I felt that it was wrong and he was

332
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Speaker 1: hurting me. Still in my child's brain, I was thinking, well, no,

333
00:17:43,041 --> 00:17:46,761
Speaker 1: it what he's doing, it mustn't be hurting me, because

334
00:17:47,521 --> 00:17:50,321
Speaker 1: nobody who cares about, nobody who's supposed to be your friend,

335
00:17:50,321 --> 00:17:52,400
Speaker 1: would ever do anything like that to you know, would

336
00:17:52,400 --> 00:17:57,360
Speaker 1: ever hurt you. So he then molded how I viewed,

337
00:17:58,521 --> 00:18:01,121
Speaker 1: how I should be threaten, what love was since then?

338
00:18:01,201 --> 00:18:04,360
Speaker 1: So he was a bustard, always will be.

339
00:18:06,041 --> 00:18:09,561
Speaker 2: How like, how far was it did he have to

340
00:18:09,561 --> 00:18:12,081
Speaker 2: piggyback you? Was it? Was it a fair distance?

341
00:18:12,201 --> 00:18:16,400
Speaker 1: Or no? I mean it wasn't very far at all.

342
00:18:19,160 --> 00:18:20,760
Speaker 1: I would believe that, say, it was a chill wren

343
00:18:20,840 --> 00:18:24,880
Speaker 1: at walk. But when we got to the end, when

344
00:18:24,921 --> 00:18:29,160
Speaker 1: we got to the end of the past, it was

345
00:18:29,201 --> 00:18:32,920
Speaker 1: like a little hill and clearing, and he put me

346
00:18:32,961 --> 00:18:36,160
Speaker 1: down there and he did it again, and it was

347
00:18:36,201 --> 00:18:38,440
Speaker 1: worse that time because he was facing me and I

348
00:18:38,481 --> 00:18:41,201
Speaker 1: could see his fucking face and he.

349
00:18:41,281 --> 00:18:43,921
Speaker 3: Was so he actually put you down on the floor,

350
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Speaker 3: and then while you're standing.

351
00:18:46,160 --> 00:18:50,120
Speaker 1: There, and then it again. He sat me on the floor.

352
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Speaker 1: He made me sit down on the floor, and then

353
00:18:51,640 --> 00:18:57,001
Speaker 1: he did it again. Yeah, and then ah see this,

354
00:18:58,080 --> 00:19:00,440
Speaker 1: So this is this is what this is why I

355
00:19:00,441 --> 00:19:03,600
Speaker 1: find it difficult because this is the second time where

356
00:19:03,640 --> 00:19:06,880
Speaker 1: I've gone into detail with any body. My parents, my

357
00:19:06,921 --> 00:19:10,241
Speaker 1: friends only found out what you'd done when we were

358
00:19:10,241 --> 00:19:14,521
Speaker 1: in court, so I have never So when I spoke

359
00:19:14,600 --> 00:19:18,080
Speaker 1: to Phil and I did my video interview with Phil

360
00:19:18,201 --> 00:19:22,640
Speaker 1: Trotter as a detective who was doing the case, it

361
00:19:22,721 --> 00:19:25,761
Speaker 1: was so fucking difficult because when Alex was giving me

362
00:19:25,761 --> 00:19:30,400
Speaker 1: a piggyback, I had to describe it all and he

363
00:19:30,561 --> 00:19:34,921
Speaker 1: wasn't moving his hands. He was still, so he had

364
00:19:34,921 --> 00:19:36,680
Speaker 1: his fingers inside me and he was still when he

365
00:19:36,721 --> 00:19:38,400
Speaker 1: was giving me a piggyback. But then when he sat

366
00:19:38,441 --> 00:19:41,041
Speaker 1: me on the floor. That was when it was different,

367
00:19:41,640 --> 00:19:46,001
Speaker 1: you know, and there was movement and and it was, oh,

368
00:19:46,080 --> 00:19:47,401
Speaker 1: I don't know, I don't know.

369
00:19:47,801 --> 00:19:49,921
Speaker 2: It was Did you want to scream?

370
00:19:50,241 --> 00:19:53,480
Speaker 1: Yeah? Yeah I did. I wanted to scream out because

371
00:19:53,521 --> 00:19:55,881
Speaker 1: he had threatened to drop me when he was doing

372
00:19:55,921 --> 00:19:59,801
Speaker 1: what he was doing beforehand, I knew that what he

373
00:19:59,840 --> 00:20:03,721
Speaker 1: was doing was wrong because if he had stopped, if

374
00:20:03,721 --> 00:20:07,640
Speaker 1: he had listened to me, then I would have you know,

375
00:20:07,681 --> 00:20:10,600
Speaker 1: I felt safe, But I didn't feel safe. I knew

376
00:20:10,640 --> 00:20:14,041
Speaker 1: then I wasn't. I didn't feel safe the second time.

377
00:20:14,080 --> 00:20:17,080
Speaker 1: It didn't continue for very long either, And it only

378
00:20:17,080 --> 00:20:19,600
Speaker 1: didn't continue for very long, I think because my brother

379
00:20:19,880 --> 00:20:21,441
Speaker 1: he made a noise and he came back.

380
00:20:22,481 --> 00:20:24,321
Speaker 3: You didn't You didn't want to tell You didn't you

381
00:20:24,360 --> 00:20:26,961
Speaker 3: didn't think you know what, I don't care what you say,

382
00:20:27,001 --> 00:20:28,640
Speaker 3: I'm going to tell someone, or you.

383
00:20:29,201 --> 00:20:29,880
Speaker 2: Were that scared.

384
00:20:30,521 --> 00:20:32,680
Speaker 1: He threatened to kill my brother. So at the time,

385
00:20:33,201 --> 00:20:39,080
Speaker 1: with everything that was going on at home, my brother

386
00:20:39,360 --> 00:20:45,121
Speaker 1: was my best friend, you know, and what happens, if

387
00:20:45,120 --> 00:20:47,680
Speaker 1: he had hurt them, that would have been on me.

388
00:20:47,840 --> 00:20:52,680
Speaker 1: Then I would never ever let anything happen to you

389
00:20:52,840 --> 00:20:59,281
Speaker 1: or whatever. Never, So I've always been like that. Thought

390
00:20:59,360 --> 00:21:02,080
Speaker 1: was brother to protect other people than myself though, so

391
00:21:04,921 --> 00:21:09,520
Speaker 1: I did, and I didn't tell because I didn't want

392
00:21:09,561 --> 00:21:10,841
Speaker 1: him to be hurt.

393
00:21:11,241 --> 00:21:14,441
Speaker 3: What what happened as you walked off? Did he walk

394
00:21:14,521 --> 00:21:19,440
Speaker 3: with you, Alex? Or did he just h Yeah, like

395
00:21:19,521 --> 00:21:20,281
Speaker 3: nothing happened.

396
00:21:20,640 --> 00:21:26,521
Speaker 1: Yeah, nothing has happened. But again I can't remember even

397
00:21:26,600 --> 00:21:28,600
Speaker 1: walking back through the front door when I got home.

398
00:21:31,160 --> 00:21:33,880
Speaker 1: He took a lot from me that day, a lot.

399
00:21:34,761 --> 00:21:36,761
Speaker 1: But yeah, afterwards, it was all just a bit of

400
00:21:36,801 --> 00:21:37,801
Speaker 1: a blur really.

401
00:21:37,840 --> 00:21:40,801
Speaker 5: Because I felt like I didn't have anywhere I know

402
00:21:40,840 --> 00:21:44,680
Speaker 5: about when like, being eight years old, you don't you know,

403
00:21:44,721 --> 00:21:47,001
Speaker 5: when you're eight, you don't know much about you know,

404
00:21:48,321 --> 00:21:50,400
Speaker 5: all that kind of stuff, you know, being.

405
00:21:51,801 --> 00:21:56,201
Speaker 3: What sexual parts are and all like that. So what

406
00:21:56,281 --> 00:21:58,600
Speaker 3: was going for your mind? Were you talking to yourself

407
00:21:58,600 --> 00:22:00,761
Speaker 3: about this? Were you saying that you know? Did you

408
00:22:00,840 --> 00:22:07,801
Speaker 3: feel that it's hard to Maybe I'm trying to I know,

409
00:22:07,880 --> 00:22:10,201
Speaker 3: I'm trying to picture what's going for your mind as

410
00:22:10,241 --> 00:22:13,441
Speaker 3: an eight year old kid, and you're trying to Did

411
00:22:13,441 --> 00:22:15,640
Speaker 3: you think that you've done something wrong to deserve this?

412
00:22:16,080 --> 00:22:18,160
Speaker 3: You looked up to all the friends that in your

413
00:22:18,201 --> 00:22:20,001
Speaker 3: in your street, and you go to play with, and

414
00:22:20,041 --> 00:22:22,961
Speaker 3: then all of a sudden one of them was violated

415
00:22:23,001 --> 00:22:26,001
Speaker 3: you when you just wanted help to get across the nettles,

416
00:22:26,321 --> 00:22:30,680
Speaker 3: you know what I mean. Like your head must have

417
00:22:30,801 --> 00:22:34,481
Speaker 3: been like I know if that you know, if that

418
00:22:34,640 --> 00:22:38,200
Speaker 3: happens it any any kids that I had, Like I've.

419
00:22:38,080 --> 00:22:40,361
Speaker 2: Been losing the plot, you know what I mean.

420
00:22:43,600 --> 00:22:46,041
Speaker 3: And to not tell anyone for so many Like how

421
00:22:46,041 --> 00:22:47,561
Speaker 3: long was it till you did tell someone?

422
00:22:48,080 --> 00:22:49,521
Speaker 2: How many? How many years later?

423
00:22:49,721 --> 00:22:49,961
Speaker 4: Was it?

424
00:22:50,281 --> 00:22:55,601
Speaker 1: Twenty six years? Twenty six It's funny. I've had people, well,

425
00:22:55,681 --> 00:22:58,721
Speaker 1: I've had people since the story came out, men who

426
00:22:58,721 --> 00:23:01,840
Speaker 1: have abused me. Also who sent me messages, Oh I

427
00:23:01,921 --> 00:23:03,920
Speaker 1: remember you telling me that? And I just think you

428
00:23:04,080 --> 00:23:06,801
Speaker 1: ask whole like I don't want I don't remember ever

429
00:23:06,840 --> 00:23:09,561
Speaker 1: telling you that. And two if I did, why why

430
00:23:09,600 --> 00:23:12,160
Speaker 1: didn't you fucking help me? Either? Like why didn't you

431
00:23:12,201 --> 00:23:14,600
Speaker 1: make me feel safe enough to help me? Either? Don't

432
00:23:14,600 --> 00:23:16,440
Speaker 1: come at me now and tell me that I told

433
00:23:16,481 --> 00:23:20,600
Speaker 1: you if you weren't prepared to help me, you know.

434
00:23:22,640 --> 00:23:28,041
Speaker 1: But yeah, twenty six years and I only it got

435
00:23:28,080 --> 00:23:31,521
Speaker 1: to the point where I had been assaulted, so I'd

436
00:23:31,521 --> 00:23:35,840
Speaker 1: moved away to get away from my violent ex and

437
00:23:36,961 --> 00:23:41,361
Speaker 1: just everything that had happened around here, and I moved

438
00:23:41,400 --> 00:23:49,281
Speaker 1: not far, but it was beautiful. And then one day

439
00:23:50,201 --> 00:23:53,360
Speaker 1: a woman in the village who had previously helped, she

440
00:23:53,481 --> 00:23:57,360
Speaker 1: was an addict. She came and knocked on my door.

441
00:23:57,721 --> 00:24:00,840
Speaker 1: We thought it was my son's friend, so we opened

442
00:24:00,880 --> 00:24:04,961
Speaker 1: the door and she punched my tears out of my head.

443
00:24:06,561 --> 00:24:10,761
Speaker 1: So then we didn't feel safe there, so we had

444
00:24:10,801 --> 00:24:14,120
Speaker 1: to leave. And the only place that was available that

445
00:24:14,160 --> 00:24:15,960
Speaker 1: I could afford at the time was back in the

446
00:24:15,961 --> 00:24:21,041
Speaker 1: same village. So I was abused, and I think it

447
00:24:21,120 --> 00:24:23,680
Speaker 1: was almost, you know, the universe's way of saying this

448
00:24:23,761 --> 00:24:25,641
Speaker 1: is this is the final time I'm going to warn

449
00:24:25,681 --> 00:24:27,561
Speaker 1: you need to go back and sort this shit out,

450
00:24:28,880 --> 00:24:34,561
Speaker 1: because nothing, nothing that I was doing to help myself

451
00:24:35,961 --> 00:24:40,360
Speaker 1: get off out other traumas I'd suffered, was helping because

452
00:24:40,360 --> 00:24:42,720
Speaker 1: I'd never dealt with the root cause of it, and

453
00:24:42,761 --> 00:24:46,720
Speaker 1: he was the root cause. So when I ended up

454
00:24:46,721 --> 00:24:50,960
Speaker 1: coming back here every fucking morning on the news, it

455
00:24:51,080 --> 00:24:54,880
Speaker 1: was different, all the numbers about different MECH officers and

456
00:24:54,921 --> 00:24:58,521
Speaker 1: how many were being investigated, and I had a breakdown.

457
00:24:59,120 --> 00:25:01,520
Speaker 1: For two weeks solid. I would drop my son off

458
00:25:01,521 --> 00:25:04,160
Speaker 1: at school and I would come back and start on

459
00:25:04,160 --> 00:25:08,640
Speaker 1: my bedroom floor. I literally drunks of hair because I

460
00:25:08,761 --> 00:25:13,321
Speaker 1: just couldn't. I just didn't know what to do anymore.

461
00:25:14,961 --> 00:25:17,761
Speaker 1: So it was either that or try and kill myself again,

462
00:25:18,400 --> 00:25:25,721
Speaker 1: and that that's never worked. So I just I lost

463
00:25:25,721 --> 00:25:29,161
Speaker 1: my ship one day and burst in at my dad's house,

464
00:25:29,880 --> 00:25:31,801
Speaker 1: told my dad and said, listen, I need to take

465
00:25:31,840 --> 00:25:33,801
Speaker 1: me to the police station. I need I need to

466
00:25:33,840 --> 00:25:34,481
Speaker 1: report him.

467
00:25:34,880 --> 00:25:36,921
Speaker 3: Did you feel when you did, when your family did

468
00:25:37,001 --> 00:25:39,241
Speaker 3: do that, that was a big weight off your shoulders?

469
00:25:39,521 --> 00:25:41,801
Speaker 1: It was, yeah, But then I was terrified. I was

470
00:25:41,880 --> 00:25:45,400
Speaker 1: terrified because one I knew then that he was a

471
00:25:45,400 --> 00:25:48,360
Speaker 1: police officer, and I had known that he was a

472
00:25:48,360 --> 00:25:50,801
Speaker 1: police officer for a long time because obviously he told

473
00:25:50,880 --> 00:25:53,840
Speaker 1: me because he'd contacted me and messages. This is what

474
00:25:54,001 --> 00:25:55,521
Speaker 1: took me off as well. You know, for all of it.

475
00:25:55,640 --> 00:25:57,961
Speaker 1: It wasn't just the incident. It wasn't just what you did.

476
00:25:58,241 --> 00:26:02,161
Speaker 1: For years later he tormented me. Never ever ever let

477
00:26:02,201 --> 00:26:02,881
Speaker 1: me forget him.

478
00:26:03,241 --> 00:26:05,041
Speaker 2: So he tormented you years later?

479
00:26:06,241 --> 00:26:10,001
Speaker 1: Yeah, Yeah, he kept finding me on Facebook, so after

480
00:26:10,080 --> 00:26:13,321
Speaker 1: we'd done what he'd done. Sorry, I know, it's fetely scattered.

481
00:26:13,441 --> 00:26:18,521
Speaker 1: My head's like I just get loads of different side quests,

482
00:26:18,561 --> 00:26:24,001
Speaker 1: and so when he'd done what he'd done. The next

483
00:26:24,001 --> 00:26:27,441
Speaker 1: time I'd seen him was when I was about fifteen

484
00:26:28,521 --> 00:26:31,521
Speaker 1: and myself and a few friends had gone down into

485
00:26:31,521 --> 00:26:35,001
Speaker 1: a pub after school and he was there and he

486
00:26:35,080 --> 00:26:36,640
Speaker 1: tried to come over but speak to me, and I

487
00:26:36,761 --> 00:26:38,840
Speaker 1: just ignore him, and I remember him saying, so right,

488
00:26:38,840 --> 00:26:42,761
Speaker 1: I'll come up and see you. A few days later,

489
00:26:43,241 --> 00:26:45,561
Speaker 1: i'd finished school, I was still in my school uniform,

490
00:26:46,360 --> 00:26:47,761
Speaker 1: and I was in my bedroom and there was a

491
00:26:47,801 --> 00:26:50,561
Speaker 1: knock at the door. My mum shouted, Alex to see it,

492
00:26:50,640 --> 00:26:53,880
Speaker 1: to see you. And I can just remember, like I

493
00:26:53,961 --> 00:26:56,360
Speaker 1: picked to the deck I have never dropped to the floor,

494
00:26:56,481 --> 00:26:59,240
Speaker 1: was fast, and I was, you know, I was a

495
00:26:59,321 --> 00:27:03,001
Speaker 1: fucking so pathetic. But I can just remember trying to

496
00:27:03,041 --> 00:27:06,801
Speaker 1: crawl into my bed, thinking here, I'm gonna have to

497
00:27:06,880 --> 00:27:10,720
Speaker 1: kill him. I just didn't want him anywhere near me,

498
00:27:11,681 --> 00:27:16,680
Speaker 1: and I just refused to go down, and I was

499
00:27:16,721 --> 00:27:20,201
Speaker 1: absolutely petrified, And I can remember my mom she went

500
00:27:20,321 --> 00:27:22,561
Speaker 1: ape shit with me afterwards. Well he fucking came here

501
00:27:22,600 --> 00:27:24,120
Speaker 1: to see you. We didn't come here to see me.

502
00:27:25,600 --> 00:27:30,760
Speaker 1: But even then I just couldn't. I couldn't. I couldn't

503
00:27:30,761 --> 00:27:36,801
Speaker 1: find the words. I couldn't find the words because in school,

504
00:27:37,801 --> 00:27:40,880
Speaker 1: you know, the basic sex education that we got back

505
00:27:40,921 --> 00:27:45,521
Speaker 1: then was only people who love and care for you

506
00:27:45,561 --> 00:27:48,481
Speaker 1: will ever touch you in that way. That never went

507
00:27:48,521 --> 00:27:51,480
Speaker 1: into you know, sexual abuse or anything like that stuff.

508
00:27:51,840 --> 00:27:54,520
Speaker 1: And this is the really fucked up part which gets married.

509
00:27:54,600 --> 00:27:59,761
Speaker 1: So for yees, I thought that he loved me because of.

510
00:27:59,681 --> 00:28:00,360
Speaker 2: What you'd done.

511
00:28:01,921 --> 00:28:10,961
Speaker 1: So everybody else since him, who I love me, has

512
00:28:11,001 --> 00:28:15,281
Speaker 1: done similar things, because that was that was what I

513
00:28:15,360 --> 00:28:21,761
Speaker 1: thought love was, you know, because I never heard but

514
00:28:21,840 --> 00:28:29,640
Speaker 1: there are examples of it, or it's self respect. It

515
00:28:29,761 --> 00:28:32,721
Speaker 1: was hard, so he would turn up at the house.

516
00:28:32,761 --> 00:28:35,200
Speaker 1: He turned up at the house that day anyway, and

517
00:28:36,400 --> 00:28:39,761
Speaker 1: my mom and ancient and then a couple of years later, no, no,

518
00:28:39,841 --> 00:28:42,601
Speaker 1: I'm good obviously if I if I take time out,

519
00:28:42,761 --> 00:28:45,921
Speaker 1: I'll you'll end up on a different side. Question will

520
00:28:45,921 --> 00:28:54,121
Speaker 1: be somewhere somewhere else, And so yeah. Then a few

521
00:28:54,161 --> 00:28:58,361
Speaker 1: years later I had done some modeling. I ended up

522
00:28:58,361 --> 00:29:01,281
Speaker 1: playing in a couple of magazines that I wasn't awfully

523
00:29:01,401 --> 00:29:06,561
Speaker 1: proud of, but I needed money. And again I thought

524
00:29:06,681 --> 00:29:09,561
Speaker 1: that that was how it'll be loved, you know, that

525
00:29:09,681 --> 00:29:11,681
Speaker 1: was how it'll be loved. So I don't know whether

526
00:29:11,721 --> 00:29:14,321
Speaker 1: that was that was where it started with him, but

527
00:29:14,401 --> 00:29:16,841
Speaker 1: it wasn't long after that that he'd started getting in

528
00:29:16,881 --> 00:29:21,081
Speaker 1: touch with me on Facebook. And it was never a

529
00:29:21,121 --> 00:29:25,121
Speaker 1: picture of him. It was always a police car, okay,

530
00:29:26,121 --> 00:29:28,721
Speaker 1: and then he would he would tell me. So he

531
00:29:28,801 --> 00:29:33,041
Speaker 1: told me that he joined the met Police. He sent

532
00:29:33,081 --> 00:29:35,561
Speaker 1: me through pictures of himself, him in the back of

533
00:29:35,601 --> 00:29:38,001
Speaker 1: a varan holding a gun. And it was that. It

534
00:29:38,081 --> 00:29:40,801
Speaker 1: was that that really really terrified me, because I just thought,

535
00:29:41,401 --> 00:29:45,521
Speaker 1: you know, whatever train and he's got, if we wanted to,

536
00:29:47,041 --> 00:29:49,441
Speaker 1: it could take my brother away, and he could take

537
00:29:49,481 --> 00:29:52,881
Speaker 1: me away. I mean not that I was. I was

538
00:29:52,921 --> 00:29:55,921
Speaker 1: never bothered about me, but I never ever wanted him

539
00:29:55,961 --> 00:29:59,041
Speaker 1: to touch my brother, so I'd never I wouldn't. I

540
00:29:59,161 --> 00:30:01,321
Speaker 1: never said anything, you know, I pretended like I was

541
00:30:01,361 --> 00:30:04,801
Speaker 1: happy for him, and that was the hardest thing. And

542
00:30:04,881 --> 00:30:08,281
Speaker 1: I I used to get so angry with myself that

543
00:30:08,481 --> 00:30:11,200
Speaker 1: even pretending to be nice to him when all I

544
00:30:11,241 --> 00:30:16,801
Speaker 1: wanted to do was you know, rip right into him.

545
00:30:16,961 --> 00:30:18,521
Speaker 1: But for years and years and years he.

546
00:30:18,521 --> 00:30:21,121
Speaker 2: Would contact me, how old how old were you then.

547
00:30:22,841 --> 00:30:25,961
Speaker 1: Late teens, early twenties, and how old was your brother?

548
00:30:26,201 --> 00:30:29,200
Speaker 1: My brother? He was a couple of years younger than me.

549
00:30:29,601 --> 00:30:32,801
Speaker 2: You didn't. You didn't want to. You did so, Yeah,

550
00:30:32,801 --> 00:30:34,841
Speaker 2: but you did. You didn't want to when you when you.

551
00:30:34,761 --> 00:30:36,720
Speaker 3: Got to like your late teens, and he and you

552
00:30:36,801 --> 00:30:38,361
Speaker 3: just found out he was in the police force, or

553
00:30:38,481 --> 00:30:41,200
Speaker 3: even when he came round to your house, you just

554
00:30:41,281 --> 00:30:43,241
Speaker 3: didn't want to go and just.

555
00:30:45,001 --> 00:30:47,440
Speaker 2: Go offer him for what he did. You still feel

556
00:30:47,641 --> 00:30:50,440
Speaker 2: feed for your life? Still you're you're still scared.

557
00:30:50,841 --> 00:30:54,200
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah I was. And because of my experience with

558
00:30:55,081 --> 00:31:01,161
Speaker 1: my experiences after him with people, because I've been I'd

559
00:31:01,201 --> 00:31:03,361
Speaker 1: never been allowed to have a voice, to speak or

560
00:31:04,401 --> 00:31:07,921
Speaker 1: anything like that. As soon as I did have a meltdown,

561
00:31:08,641 --> 00:31:12,521
Speaker 1: I was shamed for it. So I was shamed into

562
00:31:12,641 --> 00:31:16,521
Speaker 1: never ever speaking about how I felt. I don't know,

563
00:31:18,881 --> 00:31:20,201
Speaker 1: downward spiral.

564
00:31:20,521 --> 00:31:21,921
Speaker 2: Wow, how did it?

565
00:31:22,321 --> 00:31:25,001
Speaker 3: How did your parents take it when they finally found

566
00:31:25,001 --> 00:31:29,000
Speaker 3: out and you had to tell them and take them

567
00:31:29,041 --> 00:31:30,921
Speaker 3: to the police, Like, what was their reaction?

568
00:31:31,041 --> 00:31:31,801
Speaker 2: Did they believe you?

569
00:31:32,161 --> 00:31:34,881
Speaker 1: Yeah? My dad, to be honest, it was my dad,

570
00:31:35,561 --> 00:31:40,081
Speaker 1: my dad I spoke to, and yeah, he believed me. However,

571
00:31:40,801 --> 00:31:44,081
Speaker 1: I also struggled telling him anything more than just the

572
00:31:44,241 --> 00:31:47,761
Speaker 1: very basics because my parents have shut me down quite

573
00:31:47,761 --> 00:31:50,321
Speaker 1: a lot when I've gone to them with issues, so

574
00:31:50,401 --> 00:31:54,481
Speaker 1: I find it difficult to again, you know, have a

575
00:31:54,601 --> 00:31:57,841
Speaker 1: voice to tell them anything. So that was difficult in itself,

576
00:31:57,881 --> 00:31:58,761
Speaker 1: even telling him.

577
00:31:58,761 --> 00:32:02,201
Speaker 2: But yeah, he believed me, didn't you want to confront him.

578
00:32:02,281 --> 00:32:04,441
Speaker 1: He's not that sort of man. He never has been.

579
00:32:05,521 --> 00:32:07,521
Speaker 1: I've got bigger balls than him.

580
00:32:07,761 --> 00:32:10,401
Speaker 3: But still it's still it's still you're still his daughter,

581
00:32:10,561 --> 00:32:12,801
Speaker 3: like you're you're's he's the protector over you.

582
00:32:15,241 --> 00:32:19,161
Speaker 1: What. So wow, that's that's and that's painful, Like that

583
00:32:19,241 --> 00:32:22,401
Speaker 1: in itself is painful, you know, because there have been

584
00:32:22,441 --> 00:32:26,440
Speaker 1: times when I've needed him when it's come to, you know,

585
00:32:26,521 --> 00:32:27,601
Speaker 1: people being violent, and.

586
00:32:28,241 --> 00:32:31,961
Speaker 3: Because I actually feel I feel sorry for you because

587
00:32:32,001 --> 00:32:34,960
Speaker 3: the fact is not just because of your whole story,

588
00:32:35,001 --> 00:32:37,841
Speaker 3: but I feel more sorry for you now because your

589
00:32:37,841 --> 00:32:41,561
Speaker 3: own father didn't stand up for you and go and

590
00:32:41,681 --> 00:32:45,881
Speaker 3: confront somebody who's touched his daughter and violated his daughter

591
00:32:46,201 --> 00:32:49,041
Speaker 3: many years ago. Like it doesn't matter if he's if

592
00:32:49,081 --> 00:32:50,801
Speaker 3: you've got bigger balls than him or not. At the

593
00:32:50,841 --> 00:32:53,321
Speaker 3: end of the day, you're his daughter. No one should

594
00:32:53,361 --> 00:32:55,321
Speaker 3: touch it is that no one should touch his daughter.

595
00:32:55,841 --> 00:32:58,801
Speaker 1: It's always been more about, you know, what other people think.

596
00:32:58,841 --> 00:33:04,321
Speaker 1: And how other people perceivers. So I've been stuck from

597
00:33:04,361 --> 00:33:08,881
Speaker 1: doing a lot of text myself in order to to

598
00:33:08,961 --> 00:33:10,921
Speaker 1: keep the family happy.

599
00:33:11,401 --> 00:33:16,161
Speaker 3: Should we say, so, okay, tell me what it was

600
00:33:16,241 --> 00:33:19,440
Speaker 3: like when you went into the police station, too, like

601
00:33:19,921 --> 00:33:22,161
Speaker 3: to tell them what had happened to you, because now

602
00:33:22,201 --> 00:33:25,081
Speaker 3: you're going in to tell a police officer, give a

603
00:33:25,121 --> 00:33:26,961
Speaker 3: statement on a police officer.

604
00:33:27,281 --> 00:33:28,960
Speaker 2: So that would have been hard in itself.

605
00:33:29,081 --> 00:33:32,161
Speaker 1: Yeah, well, this was the thing. So I was very well.

606
00:33:32,241 --> 00:33:34,801
Speaker 1: I asked if I could speak to a female officer,

607
00:33:36,041 --> 00:33:43,201
Speaker 1: because my dealings with male police officers locally, again when

608
00:33:43,201 --> 00:33:45,361
Speaker 1: I've needed them to help me and protect me and

609
00:33:45,401 --> 00:33:51,201
Speaker 1: my son, have been abysmal. So I didn't trust male

610
00:33:51,241 --> 00:33:57,361
Speaker 1: police officers at all. So speaking with a female she

611
00:33:57,521 --> 00:34:01,241
Speaker 1: was lovely. She was so kind, she was so courteous.

612
00:34:03,041 --> 00:34:05,321
Speaker 1: Halfway through, she stopped and she was like, was going

613
00:34:05,361 --> 00:34:07,641
Speaker 1: to stop for one second. She got up, she walked

614
00:34:07,681 --> 00:34:09,841
Speaker 1: up and she came back and she was like, I'm

615
00:34:09,881 --> 00:34:11,841
Speaker 1: just going to let you know it's been reported, it

616
00:34:11,921 --> 00:34:14,761
Speaker 1: is officially a crime. Now it's you know, don't worry,

617
00:34:14,881 --> 00:34:15,841
Speaker 1: we believe you.

618
00:34:16,521 --> 00:34:16,921
Speaker 2: Keep going.

619
00:34:17,041 --> 00:34:19,001
Speaker 1: Tell me what else you need to tell me. And

620
00:34:19,041 --> 00:34:22,641
Speaker 1: it was when she said that. I just thought, finally

621
00:34:23,001 --> 00:34:26,521
Speaker 1: somebody actually believes me, because so much has happened in

622
00:34:26,561 --> 00:34:30,681
Speaker 1: my life and when I've told people about it, shout up, Katie,

623
00:34:30,681 --> 00:34:33,161
Speaker 1: that's never happened, you know. So I've never ever been

624
00:34:33,201 --> 00:34:36,721
Speaker 1: believed about anything. I've always told the truth about stuff.

625
00:34:36,761 --> 00:34:40,121
Speaker 1: And this one time where I didn't think I was

626
00:34:40,161 --> 00:34:42,881
Speaker 1: ever going to be believed, I really was. And had

627
00:34:42,881 --> 00:34:46,041
Speaker 1: it not been for her, I probably wouldn't have reported it.

628
00:34:46,681 --> 00:34:52,281
Speaker 3: You know what I've actually I've actually found lately that

629
00:34:52,921 --> 00:34:56,801
Speaker 3: when I've read articles about things like what You've been

630
00:34:56,881 --> 00:35:00,161
Speaker 3: through and other kind of abuses and all like that

631
00:35:00,201 --> 00:35:03,521
Speaker 3: in the UK, that a lot of the police don't

632
00:35:03,561 --> 00:35:06,041
Speaker 3: believe the victims until it's too late.

633
00:35:07,321 --> 00:35:09,521
Speaker 2: There's a problem over there in the police force.

634
00:35:11,001 --> 00:35:14,961
Speaker 1: Yeah, this is it. So the violent relationship I was in,

635
00:35:16,161 --> 00:35:18,441
Speaker 1: he came up. He's threatened to take me away and

636
00:35:18,481 --> 00:35:21,761
Speaker 1: never kill me. He said no, no, that can see

637
00:35:21,801 --> 00:35:23,721
Speaker 1: you again, and went round to my parents' house he

638
00:35:23,761 --> 00:35:26,841
Speaker 1: said the same thing. The police came up. I reported

639
00:35:26,841 --> 00:35:30,121
Speaker 1: it because he was driving past my house every single day.

640
00:35:30,961 --> 00:35:33,961
Speaker 1: My then partner, he was stalking him, following him around,

641
00:35:34,921 --> 00:35:38,921
Speaker 1: and a policeman came up, sat in my house and

642
00:35:39,081 --> 00:35:40,681
Speaker 1: said to me, well, you should have just done what

643
00:35:40,681 --> 00:35:43,721
Speaker 1: you want to want you to do. I said, are

644
00:35:43,761 --> 00:35:46,801
Speaker 1: you're for real? He went, well, he's not done anything

645
00:35:46,841 --> 00:35:49,681
Speaker 1: to you. He's threatened to take me away on I said,

646
00:35:49,721 --> 00:35:51,601
Speaker 1: you didn't live with him, you didn't see what he

647
00:35:51,761 --> 00:35:54,641
Speaker 1: was like. I know that he is capable of doing

648
00:35:54,681 --> 00:35:57,081
Speaker 1: these things. I said, what have you got to wait

649
00:35:57,121 --> 00:35:59,801
Speaker 1: until he actually he does it? You've got to wait

650
00:35:59,801 --> 00:36:03,161
Speaker 1: where you'll do anything. He's not doing anything yet. Don't

651
00:36:03,161 --> 00:36:05,881
Speaker 1: be so silly. Don't be so sick. I believe that's

652
00:36:05,881 --> 00:36:11,121
Speaker 1: the thing. Don't be so don't tell me I'm silly,

653
00:36:12,081 --> 00:36:14,480
Speaker 1: all of these fears that I am telling you, all

654
00:36:14,481 --> 00:36:17,201
Speaker 1: of these things that I'm getting stressed about to put

655
00:36:17,201 --> 00:36:20,601
Speaker 1: a panic button in my house. So they must have known.

656
00:36:20,921 --> 00:36:24,641
Speaker 1: They know, Oh, they know what he is. He's a

657
00:36:24,681 --> 00:36:28,521
Speaker 1: drug dealer. He's still carrying out and they fall the

658
00:36:28,641 --> 00:36:33,041
Speaker 1: fuck all album. So they knew, and they did nothing

659
00:36:33,441 --> 00:36:36,281
Speaker 1: to help me. And later on that day, my then

660
00:36:36,401 --> 00:36:40,921
Speaker 1: partner went down to the petrol station and saw Dex

661
00:36:41,241 --> 00:36:43,801
Speaker 1: and police officer who had been in my house stood

662
00:36:43,841 --> 00:36:50,801
Speaker 1: on the forecourt having a laughing joke together. So my

663
00:36:50,801 --> 00:36:59,081
Speaker 1: my view at that time was not very good. They

664
00:36:59,081 --> 00:37:02,681
Speaker 1: had let me and my son so many fucking times,

665
00:37:03,201 --> 00:37:07,921
Speaker 1: and uh that was I was terrified reporting it. I

666
00:37:07,961 --> 00:37:13,681
Speaker 1: was terrified. And like I said, she she was amazing

667
00:37:13,801 --> 00:37:17,961
Speaker 1: and she was brilliant. And she had said to me,

668
00:37:18,241 --> 00:37:20,440
Speaker 1: it might take a couple of weeks before and hebe

669
00:37:20,481 --> 00:37:23,281
Speaker 1: gets in touch with you, she said, but please be assured.

670
00:37:24,081 --> 00:37:27,161
Speaker 1: We are going to deal with this. And I came

671
00:37:27,201 --> 00:37:34,521
Speaker 1: away and I was still right. And I'll always be frightened,

672
00:37:34,641 --> 00:37:37,481
Speaker 1: you know, because I don't even have two and a

673
00:37:37,561 --> 00:37:39,761
Speaker 1: half years you got and a half sense, I don't

674
00:37:39,801 --> 00:37:42,601
Speaker 1: even have to half years of freedom because he'll get

675
00:37:42,761 --> 00:37:50,481
Speaker 1: after half of that. So it's it's still an interstice.

676
00:37:51,681 --> 00:37:56,921
Speaker 1: But they believed me. And then when Phil trotted death

677
00:37:59,601 --> 00:38:01,161
Speaker 1: and I thought it was a man, I just thought,

678
00:38:03,281 --> 00:38:06,761
Speaker 1: but he was brilliant. He was you know, he made

679
00:38:07,041 --> 00:38:09,721
Speaker 1: me feel comfortable. What could what could have a laugh?

680
00:38:10,201 --> 00:38:12,961
Speaker 1: You know, it wasn't already doing my glue really serious

681
00:38:13,001 --> 00:38:19,761
Speaker 1: and and there was one point during the interview and

682
00:38:19,841 --> 00:38:21,961
Speaker 1: I could just remember look him and he was like,

683
00:38:23,281 --> 00:38:29,321
Speaker 1: I believe you, I believe just keep on h and uh,

684
00:38:29,481 --> 00:38:32,081
Speaker 1: nobody has ever really said that to kill me before,

685
00:38:32,121 --> 00:38:39,481
Speaker 1: you know, nobody had ever really said that before. So

686
00:38:39,601 --> 00:38:45,201
Speaker 1: he saved my life as well because it's being had

687
00:38:45,321 --> 00:38:48,601
Speaker 1: not been sent away, I I would have felt like

688
00:38:48,681 --> 00:38:50,281
Speaker 1: it was all just a massive waste of time and

689
00:38:50,641 --> 00:38:54,401
Speaker 1: killed myself after if if we left that court free,

690
00:38:55,921 --> 00:38:58,321
Speaker 1: because I just wouldn't have I would have wanted to

691
00:38:58,321 --> 00:39:01,201
Speaker 1: deal with it anymore. I would have felt like I

692
00:39:01,201 --> 00:39:06,361
Speaker 1: had everyone's time, So was that. It's really it's a

693
00:39:06,401 --> 00:39:10,001
Speaker 1: really bittersweet thing, all of it. It's really bitter sweet,

694
00:39:13,481 --> 00:39:15,961
Speaker 1: and it's it's just a huge headpuck.

695
00:39:18,641 --> 00:39:22,161
Speaker 2: Yeah, how on your mind it must be. You still

696
00:39:22,241 --> 00:39:26,641
Speaker 2: must be thinking about when he does get released, because.

697
00:39:29,881 --> 00:39:34,521
Speaker 1: Shout they called man a blank an end your neighbor.

698
00:39:35,801 --> 00:39:37,881
Speaker 1: You know he knows you, knows where I live, which

699
00:39:37,881 --> 00:39:40,281
Speaker 1: is why I'm desperate to move. He used to tell

700
00:39:40,321 --> 00:39:42,361
Speaker 1: me in some of these messages when he was up

701
00:39:42,361 --> 00:39:46,881
Speaker 1: here visiting family in the same village. His family didn't

702
00:39:46,921 --> 00:39:48,921
Speaker 1: know he smoked, so we would go out on a

703
00:39:49,041 --> 00:39:50,721
Speaker 1: night time and walk around so we could have a

704
00:39:51,601 --> 00:39:54,521
Speaker 1: How do I know he wasn't outside my house? You know?

705
00:39:54,561 --> 00:39:57,961
Speaker 1: How how do I know that? So when I was

706
00:39:58,001 --> 00:40:00,321
Speaker 1: on the phone tell during the investigationist and Phil and

707
00:40:00,401 --> 00:40:04,601
Speaker 1: fucking terrified what happens to ye? And he said, but

708
00:40:04,721 --> 00:40:08,241
Speaker 1: the many and then junction, I wouldn't be worth the papers.

709
00:40:08,361 --> 00:40:11,161
Speaker 1: I'm here like spring straight away if he comes near you,

710
00:40:11,201 --> 00:40:14,681
Speaker 1: but I don't think he will. And I can remember

711
00:40:15,201 --> 00:40:19,801
Speaker 1: going wild up and down the phone one day. And

712
00:40:19,841 --> 00:40:22,961
Speaker 1: it wasn't because I was crossed with Phil, because I

713
00:40:23,041 --> 00:40:25,441
Speaker 1: knew he still in his job, but I was terrified,

714
00:40:25,681 --> 00:40:30,441
Speaker 1: like you shouldn't ever been break your own home. But

715
00:40:30,841 --> 00:40:35,961
Speaker 1: yet again I asked, and I just needed I don't know,

716
00:40:35,961 --> 00:40:37,241
Speaker 1: I just needed to feel safe.

717
00:40:37,281 --> 00:40:42,081
Speaker 3: So can I ask you something does because you still

718
00:40:42,121 --> 00:40:45,121
Speaker 3: because you still live in the same village of where

719
00:40:45,121 --> 00:40:47,401
Speaker 3: all this happened, and he's from there, and he's from

720
00:40:47,441 --> 00:40:50,401
Speaker 3: the same village and all this would have hit the

721
00:40:50,441 --> 00:40:51,681
Speaker 3: news when it all happened.

722
00:40:52,161 --> 00:40:54,641
Speaker 2: Did the village turn on you?

723
00:40:54,641 --> 00:40:58,481
Speaker 1: No, I had. I had a messages from from people

724
00:40:59,161 --> 00:41:01,921
Speaker 1: who knew me when I was a kid, you know,

725
00:41:01,921 --> 00:41:03,841
Speaker 1: I saw me growing up and were like, I'm so

726
00:41:03,881 --> 00:41:06,481
Speaker 1: sorry that ever happened to you. But a lot of

727
00:41:06,681 --> 00:41:08,681
Speaker 1: people who are still in the village, who were here

728
00:41:08,721 --> 00:41:12,440
Speaker 1: at the time, they about the family stuff. They knew

729
00:41:12,481 --> 00:41:15,321
Speaker 1: about what was happening and at home, so we were

730
00:41:15,361 --> 00:41:18,041
Speaker 1: sort of. It sounds terrible and I hate certain stuff

731
00:41:18,041 --> 00:41:21,281
Speaker 1: about my fife, but we were we were always the

732
00:41:21,401 --> 00:41:25,281
Speaker 1: talk about family in the village anyway because of my parents.

733
00:41:25,681 --> 00:41:27,241
Speaker 1: So really it makes no difference.

734
00:41:27,481 --> 00:41:31,801
Speaker 3: But what about as parents, parents still live there, How

735
00:41:31,801 --> 00:41:33,681
Speaker 3: have they treated you since all this happened.

736
00:41:33,841 --> 00:41:35,561
Speaker 1: I haven't seen them, to be quite honest with you,

737
00:41:35,601 --> 00:41:37,641
Speaker 1: I'm a right home. I hardly leave the house. I

738
00:41:37,761 --> 00:41:40,281
Speaker 1: really struggle, I really struggle.

739
00:41:40,721 --> 00:41:44,881
Speaker 3: You can't keep living your life, but you can't keep

740
00:41:44,921 --> 00:41:48,641
Speaker 3: living your life like hiding in a village that you

741
00:41:48,721 --> 00:41:52,961
Speaker 3: don't like, and like, sure, it's.

742
00:41:52,801 --> 00:41:56,801
Speaker 1: Just I am desperate. I am desperate to move away,

743
00:41:57,801 --> 00:42:00,721
Speaker 1: but because of the situation, I mean at the minute,

744
00:42:01,521 --> 00:42:05,841
Speaker 1: it's difficult, and like I said, not have thought of

745
00:42:07,561 --> 00:42:12,521
Speaker 1: my parents. Even at thirty six, I still feel like

746
00:42:15,201 --> 00:42:18,121
Speaker 1: sounds so stupid. I can't need to do what some

747
00:42:18,321 --> 00:42:23,561
Speaker 1: old you know, and I don't keep up Scotland mastern

748
00:42:23,841 --> 00:42:26,121
Speaker 1: and ruining his life because.

749
00:42:25,801 --> 00:42:28,681
Speaker 2: Hal you know, yeah, but you're not. You're not ruining

750
00:42:28,761 --> 00:42:29,241
Speaker 2: his life.

751
00:42:29,321 --> 00:42:33,881
Speaker 3: But by moving away so you feel safe, like you

752
00:42:33,921 --> 00:42:36,801
Speaker 3: want your son, your son needs you. And and the

753
00:42:36,881 --> 00:42:40,281
Speaker 3: fact that if you're still feeling for this for your

754
00:42:40,281 --> 00:42:44,961
Speaker 3: safety when he gets released and you're you're you're already thinking.

755
00:42:44,681 --> 00:42:49,401
Speaker 2: About suicidal stuff. You need to move When when does

756
00:42:49,441 --> 00:42:51,201
Speaker 2: he get released next summer?

757
00:42:51,241 --> 00:42:55,881
Speaker 1: At some point I'm not doing I'm not sure and

758
00:42:55,921 --> 00:43:00,121
Speaker 1: I don't understand how how they can really steps offenders early.

759
00:43:00,441 --> 00:43:05,441
Speaker 1: So Gurman German Sentencing. We've found out that since he

760
00:43:05,441 --> 00:43:08,641
Speaker 1: had been suspended in November, he'd been retraining to be

761
00:43:08,721 --> 00:43:11,201
Speaker 1: I can't remember whether it was a plumber or an electrician.

762
00:43:11,881 --> 00:43:15,440
Speaker 1: So he didn't want to go to prison because he

763
00:43:15,441 --> 00:43:19,401
Speaker 1: heard becoming Adam's and I can remember saying to Phil

764
00:43:19,441 --> 00:43:22,281
Speaker 1: when we came, when we came out of court, how

765
00:43:22,361 --> 00:43:26,361
Speaker 1: is that? How could he if he said, if he

766
00:43:26,521 --> 00:43:32,641
Speaker 1: passed on what company stood sex offenders? Sex offender's registerant

767
00:43:32,681 --> 00:43:34,681
Speaker 1: has been since I think it was February the year,

768
00:43:35,201 --> 00:43:37,361
Speaker 1: so how would that be possible? Who the fuck would

769
00:43:37,361 --> 00:43:41,121
Speaker 1: want to employ him? And suddenly if he went self employed,

770
00:43:41,481 --> 00:43:43,761
Speaker 1: he was going to be doing the texts because when

771
00:43:43,801 --> 00:43:46,601
Speaker 1: we'll come in bour homes, it's not one of the

772
00:43:46,641 --> 00:43:50,401
Speaker 1: first things we asked them. Excuse me, are you're an offender?

773
00:43:50,521 --> 00:43:53,041
Speaker 1: Do you have any offenses? Blah blah blah on their

774
00:43:53,161 --> 00:43:55,921
Speaker 1: name badge? Is it going to be their actual name,

775
00:43:56,721 --> 00:44:00,001
Speaker 1: or will they have been given identity When Alex was

776
00:44:00,041 --> 00:44:02,721
Speaker 1: not identified by the papers, when he wasn't identified on

777
00:44:02,801 --> 00:44:05,881
Speaker 1: his miscontract report with the police. That's why it really

778
00:44:05,921 --> 00:44:08,281
Speaker 1: really fucked me off, because I just thought, yet again,

779
00:44:08,361 --> 00:44:11,441
Speaker 1: nobody know who he is, what he looks like, or

780
00:44:11,481 --> 00:44:15,001
Speaker 1: what he's done. And that's not right that especially especially

781
00:44:15,041 --> 00:44:17,561
Speaker 1: if he's gone into a job which is a trade

782
00:44:17,681 --> 00:44:20,401
Speaker 1: where he's going to be in people's houses and possibly

783
00:44:20,441 --> 00:44:23,041
Speaker 1: around to the children. So it was me who the

784
00:44:23,081 --> 00:44:25,001
Speaker 1: papers about him. It was me push to have his

785
00:44:25,121 --> 00:44:28,241
Speaker 1: fucking flace put out there, you know, otherwise he would

786
00:44:28,281 --> 00:44:30,481
Speaker 1: have still gotten away all, he would have still been

787
00:44:30,521 --> 00:44:33,681
Speaker 1: able to hide behind everything.

788
00:44:35,881 --> 00:44:38,081
Speaker 3: That's what I'm well, that's why when I when I

789
00:44:38,121 --> 00:44:40,801
Speaker 3: read your story, and that's the whole reason why I

790
00:44:40,801 --> 00:44:43,121
Speaker 3: wanted you on here so I could point the finger

791
00:44:43,121 --> 00:44:44,721
Speaker 3: at him if you if you really want me to know,

792
00:44:44,761 --> 00:44:46,761
Speaker 3: so I can get it out there more, you know

793
00:44:46,801 --> 00:44:51,440
Speaker 3: what I mean, Because yeah, it's fucking disgusting what he's

794
00:44:51,441 --> 00:44:54,721
Speaker 3: done to you and and the way he still makes

795
00:44:54,721 --> 00:44:59,961
Speaker 3: you fear for your safety. I'm just so it's you

796
00:45:00,121 --> 00:45:02,721
Speaker 3: just seem so lonely because you've got no help.

797
00:45:03,201 --> 00:45:06,801
Speaker 2: And it seems like you've had no help for years,

798
00:45:06,841 --> 00:45:08,641
Speaker 2: bottling all it up inside you.

799
00:45:10,561 --> 00:45:14,441
Speaker 3: I want to really say, you know, a massive, massive

800
00:45:14,481 --> 00:45:15,481
Speaker 3: thank you for coming on.

801
00:45:16,161 --> 00:45:19,121
Speaker 2: But I really like when we going off.

802
00:45:19,201 --> 00:45:21,121
Speaker 3: When we get off here, I'm going to talk to

803
00:45:21,161 --> 00:45:24,081
Speaker 3: you to get someone who's been on the show, and

804
00:45:24,121 --> 00:45:25,761
Speaker 3: I'm going to try and get her to contact you

805
00:45:26,401 --> 00:45:29,121
Speaker 3: to try and help you, because she went through the

806
00:45:29,121 --> 00:45:31,721
Speaker 3: same thing, because she does a lot of work for

807
00:45:31,801 --> 00:45:35,001
Speaker 3: all this, and I think you need it. You need

808
00:45:35,081 --> 00:45:37,681
Speaker 3: someone in your corner who can help you and your son.

809
00:45:38,401 --> 00:45:39,801
Speaker 3: So I'm going to reach out to her to get

810
00:45:39,801 --> 00:45:42,441
Speaker 3: in touch with you. But I want to thank you

811
00:45:42,481 --> 00:45:48,361
Speaker 3: for coming on and sharing this because you don't deserve that.

812
00:45:48,601 --> 00:45:52,480
Speaker 3: And now there's your son, and hopefully this episode when

813
00:45:52,481 --> 00:45:56,440
Speaker 3: it drops that people will reach out to you and

814
00:45:56,761 --> 00:45:57,121
Speaker 3: help you.

815
00:45:57,561 --> 00:46:00,361
Speaker 1: I just I just don't want to keep going through

816
00:46:00,641 --> 00:46:04,561
Speaker 1: any of It's we end up with fucking generations and

817
00:46:04,641 --> 00:46:08,041
Speaker 1: generation should have really really broken people if it doesn't stop,

818
00:46:09,681 --> 00:46:13,121
Speaker 1: and it's not right because our children don't say it.

819
00:46:13,921 --> 00:46:15,681
Speaker 1: I just I just want to feel safe and I

820
00:46:15,721 --> 00:46:18,921
Speaker 1: want Hindu basel. But thank you for asking me, and

821
00:46:19,001 --> 00:46:26,961
Speaker 1: I really really appreciate it. H M