Speaker 1: Apogee Production. Welcome to the She Rises Podcast. I'm Ashy
Speaker 1: and I'm Tiana. This podcast is.
Speaker 2: About female empowerment and encouraging you to be your biggest, boldest,
Speaker 2: and most authentic version of yourself.
Speaker 1: We'd help you shed the shame, grow to new level.
Speaker 1: We're gonna laugh, cry, and talk about the topics everyone
Speaker 1: else is too afraid to talk about.
Speaker 2: Get ready for your next level of self. Welcome back
Speaker 2: to she Rises podcast. In today's episode is all about
Speaker 2: friendship breakdown do but first share of the week, Hashy,
Speaker 2: what are you up for us?
Speaker 1: Mine is a TV show. It's on Prime and it's
Speaker 1: called The Cross. It's a crime one. It was just fantastic.
Speaker 1: It's a shorter series. I think there's only eight episodes,
Speaker 1: but if you love crime and mystery and being on
Speaker 1: the edge of your seat and all the twists and turns,
Speaker 1: absolutely loved it.
Speaker 2: Oh I love it.
Speaker 1: Is it scary or no gory? Not gory, but it's crime.
Speaker 1: I love crime. It's my favorite.
Speaker 2: So that gets you thinking and you yeah.
Speaker 1: And you've got to try and figure out the mystery
Speaker 1: and what's happened and oh why didn't it see that coming?
Speaker 1: Oh gosh, who's that person? I didn't think they were
Speaker 1: involved like that. Yeah, really cool.
Speaker 2: Well, my share of the week this week is honestly,
Speaker 2: just do a parties class.
Speaker 1: Oh we are loving our floor parties. Oh, we are
Speaker 1: so obsessed.
Speaker 2: It has been the best. Like I'm a full on
Speaker 2: weights girly like I've been. I've been training weights for
Speaker 2: almost a decade now and I love it.
Speaker 1: I love it.
Speaker 2: It's the best thing. But like anywhere between five and
Speaker 2: six days, and it's just it's been my thing for
Speaker 2: so long now, having done plarties with you and Meg,
Speaker 2: and it's been so fun and it feels really good
Speaker 2: on my body, Like I just love the weight that
Speaker 2: it feels soft and it feels feminine and it's easier
Speaker 2: on my body. Like, don't get me wrong, Plartis is
Speaker 2: very humbling.
Speaker 1: Oh it's harder than any weight session I've ever done.
Speaker 2: It's so humbling. However, when I have my period and
Speaker 2: on my cycle, it feels a little bit gentler on
Speaker 2: my body. And that's split between doing weight training and
Speaker 2: doing pilartis. I feel so happy with my training split now.
Speaker 2: I would highly recommend taking your girlfriends and going up
Speaker 2: for like a morning session.
Speaker 1: Definitely, and if you're a mum that's had babies. I
Speaker 1: don't love reformer polarates. I feel like it's a lot
Speaker 1: of upper body and shoulder work, which I don't love.
Speaker 1: But it's so good for your core strand it's so
Speaker 1: good for your balance, it's so good for your mind
Speaker 1: to muscle connection because of the breathing techniques that they use,
Speaker 1: and it's just so humbling. There is not one class
Speaker 1: where I can get through the whole set. Me and
Speaker 1: Tianna were stopping so much this week and I'm looking around,
Speaker 1: I'm like, how these bitches doing it? It is so fun.
Speaker 1: We actually want to incorporate it another time. So we
Speaker 1: only do it once a week. We're trying to figure
Speaker 1: out where we drop on. You do more weight than me.
Speaker 1: I only train four times a week, you're more five
Speaker 1: to six. Yeah, we're trying to figure out how we
Speaker 1: can put it into our schedule twice a week. We
Speaker 1: love it.
Speaker 2: Yeah, So today's episode is a little bit on the
Speaker 2: heavier side sometimes. So today's episode is all about friendship
Speaker 2: breakdowns and why they're so heartbreaking.
Speaker 1: They really are.
Speaker 2: It's almost as if you're grieving someone who's not dead.
Speaker 2: Because you're you're grieving the relationship, the time you spend,
Speaker 2: the memories, all of it, and it can be a
Speaker 2: really challenging thing. And just speaking from personal experience, I
Speaker 2: was best friends with this one girl. We were very
Speaker 2: very close, and we had a really beautiful relationship. I
Speaker 2: remember her helping me heal so many wounds with the
Speaker 2: feminine and I'm so grateful for it. And I remember
Speaker 2: as our friendship evolved, friendships with other women evolved as well,
Speaker 2: and we had another girlfriend come in and it was
Speaker 2: almost like a trio, so there was three of us
Speaker 2: we trypod, Yeah, and it was amazing and I loved it.
Speaker 2: At first, it became so triggering for me, Like, if
Speaker 2: I'm honest, I had so much stuff come up for
Speaker 2: me in that I had jealousy come up. I had
Speaker 2: fear of abandonment come up, rejection, wounds come up. It
Speaker 2: eventually became a dynamic where I felt and this doesn't
Speaker 2: necessarily have to be true, this is how it felt
Speaker 2: for me at the time, where I felt like I
Speaker 2: was being pushed.
Speaker 1: Out kind of were though on a reflection.
Speaker 2: Back, Yeah, there were a couple of things where you know,
Speaker 2: they could do things together that I couldn't be a
Speaker 2: part of Naturally, they ended up going in business together
Speaker 2: as well, so then it was more like me on
Speaker 2: the outside kind of thing. And in my head, I
Speaker 2: was like, oh my god, I'm gonna lose my best friend,
Speaker 2: Like she's taking my best friend.
Speaker 1: Like Tatiana was like freaking the buck out. She was like,
Speaker 1: that's my best friend. How fucking do you territorial?
Speaker 2: Yes, my territorial fool came out. And I remember getting
Speaker 2: to a point where, taking full responsibility, I.
Speaker 1: Got super anxious. I got super.
Speaker 2: Anxious in the friendship, and you know, granted I didn't behave,
Speaker 2: you know, in the best way, because I acted on
Speaker 2: that anxiousness instead of fully owning it, and eventually got
Speaker 2: to a point where they weren't able to hold me
Speaker 2: in anxiousness. They didn't have the space of time to
Speaker 2: be able to hold me in.
Speaker 1: The tools or knowledge of how to hold someone with
Speaker 1: an anxious attachment.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, and so yeah, I ended up losing that friendship.
Speaker 2: I ended up losing not just one of them, both
Speaker 2: of them. So I lost my friendship with my best friend,
Speaker 2: and I lost my friendship with my other girlfriend as well.
Speaker 2: Just naturally, you know, went with her yes, and it
Speaker 2: was a really, really hard time. I remember I actually
Speaker 2: didn't know what to do with myself. I actually ended
Speaker 2: up hiring like a trauma coach for I think we
Speaker 2: worked together for a few months because I was just
Speaker 2: so full of grief and I just didn't know what
Speaker 2: to do. I felt isolated. I felt like, oh, like,
Speaker 2: this is very mean girl energy. Remember thinking I've had
Speaker 2: relationship breakups that were ten times fucking easier than this, like,
Speaker 2: and I was full having to do like exercises and
Speaker 2: you know, release emotion from my body and work with
Speaker 2: this coach. And every time I was coming in, I
Speaker 2: was bringing things in and being like this is coming
Speaker 2: up for me and projection and this and Tatiana was
Speaker 2: coming out because I was just I couldn't process that
Speaker 2: I had lost two people that I loved so dearly
Speaker 2: that I just never imagined my life without them, and
Speaker 2: that expectation of expecting that they were going to be
Speaker 2: my life forever to everything turning up on its head
Speaker 2: to never speaking to them again was fucking heartbreaking.
Speaker 1: That's really hard, isn't it. I think a lot of
Speaker 1: people listening will be able to relate to the three
Speaker 1: even maybe multimle more and being left out. I've experienced
Speaker 1: that as well, and I've done it online, and it's
Speaker 1: been really hard having an audience through their projections and
Speaker 1: their assumptions. And you know, for years we had such
Speaker 1: a close, beautiful friendship, and I still have a lot
Speaker 1: of love for the girls, like there's no hate, and
Speaker 1: I'm not here to spill any tea or spit any
Speaker 1: drama or anything. But yeah, it's hard when two of
Speaker 1: out of the three girls have a friendship breakdown, and
Speaker 1: then there's the other one and navigating that and that
Speaker 1: person not wanting to take sides and be friends with both.
Speaker 1: But people change and situations change and dynamic changes, and
Speaker 1: I just want this conversation to normalize it because I
Speaker 1: think for so long I took so much responsibility and
Speaker 1: same as you, you do that. Yeah, I can reflect
Speaker 1: back now and be like, ooh, I was so anxious.
Speaker 1: I had the biggest fomo in the whole world, and
Speaker 1: if I got left out or didn't get invited somewhere
Speaker 1: that would come up. And I can imagine I can't remember,
Speaker 1: and I can imagine I wouldn't have communicated that in
Speaker 1: the nicest way. I probably was a bit passive, aggressive,
Speaker 1: or did it in a way that wouldn't have made
Speaker 1: them feel very good. So I can take full responsibility
Speaker 1: for that, and it probably contributed to the breakdown of
Speaker 1: the friendship. And I'm so glad I've had that experience
Speaker 1: to make sure that doesn't show up in my future
Speaker 1: friendships and other relationships. But it's fucking hard.
Speaker 2: Everyone goes through it. Like think about like the people
Speaker 2: that you were friends with five years ago, they're probably
Speaker 2: not even in your life right now.
Speaker 1: And I think the hard thing with women connection is
Speaker 1: we connect on such a deep level. We share everything,
Speaker 1: we tell each other everything. There is such an intense
Speaker 1: amount of trust and this strong bond that you do
Speaker 1: expect it's never going to break. So when it breaks,
Speaker 1: it fucking breaks, and you feel like the rug has
Speaker 1: just been ripped out from underneath you. And yeah, it
Speaker 1: is sure grief. It's awful, even the feelings of it.
Speaker 1: I know. Another thing we want to talk about is
Speaker 1: just allowing different seasons in friendships, which I think is
Speaker 1: kind of cool and I've got some cool examples and
Speaker 1: I'm sure you do as well. A lot of my
Speaker 1: core close girlfriends. I've got a handful of them, like
Speaker 1: I think five or six that I've known since I
Speaker 1: was a teenager. Throughout the different seasons of life, you
Speaker 1: will be closer with them and maybe going your own
Speaker 1: separate ways for a while, but I love it you
Speaker 1: can come back together. And Nadan and Megsie are two
Speaker 1: people that I'm so close with now and have been
Speaker 1: since I was a teenager. But there was a couple
Speaker 1: of years in there when Nadan was single and she
Speaker 1: went off traveling and she was just partying and she's
Speaker 1: a party girl, loves to party, and we were just
Speaker 1: on completely different vibes, completely different wavelengths. I was not
Speaker 1: a party girl, not traveling and doing all that stuff.
Speaker 1: We just went our separate ways for a few years
Speaker 1: and didn't really talk that much, and then we got
Speaker 1: back in contact with each other and we've been in
Speaker 1: separable ever since. Even though we don't see each other
Speaker 1: a lot because we're both working, we've both got kids.
Speaker 1: We talk all the time. It's not every day, it's
Speaker 1: every second day. There's a voice mess it's just checking
Speaker 1: in and say with Megsie, she went on a little
Speaker 1: different journey to what I did, and then when we
Speaker 1: came back together. We've been in several ever since and
Speaker 1: have the most beautiful, heart centered relationship and it's just
Speaker 1: one of my favorite things on earth. We're literally chosen family,
Speaker 1: but we allowed each other to go off and do
Speaker 1: our own things, and then we came back together and
Speaker 1: it's so lovely. And then CHESI, I've known since I
Speaker 1: was maybe fifteen or sixteen, and we don't see each
Speaker 1: other much at all, and even don't talk a whole lot,
Speaker 1: but when we do, it's exactly like it's always been.
Speaker 1: There is that unconditional love. We know if we were
Speaker 1: needing each other at three in the morning, we could
Speaker 1: call and they would pick up and they would be there.
Speaker 1: We never needed anything for our kids. We've just always
Speaker 1: got each other's back, and I honestly don't think they
Speaker 1: will ever change. I do feel like it's one of
Speaker 1: those friendships it's just unbreakable, which is really cool. And
Speaker 1: then there's some that you drift apart from and that
Speaker 1: is the end of your chapter. And I love that
Speaker 1: old saying that people come into your life for a reason,
Speaker 1: a season, or a lesson, and sometimes you are just
Speaker 1: there for a season, or you're there for a certain reason,
Speaker 1: whether it's to help them or they're there to help
Speaker 1: you through something, and then once you've kind of closed
Speaker 1: that loop, it goes on a different path. Yeah, and
Speaker 1: that's also okay as well.
Speaker 2: I think it's a really impressive thing because you've been
Speaker 2: friends with the girls for like almost twenty years.
Speaker 1: Yeah, a lot of them over twenty years now.
Speaker 2: And that's something that not a lot of people can say.
Speaker 2: I know for myself, even like I've probably got two
Speaker 2: girlfriends that I've been friends with for thirteen years. You know,
Speaker 2: everyone else has like drifted or fallen off or I've
Speaker 2: personally evolved so much like I've evolved out of that friendship.
Speaker 2: Like I've got friends that I had when I was
Speaker 2: in my party phase, and then once I stopped partying,
Speaker 2: I evolved out of those friendships, and not because I
Speaker 2: don't love them still, but because it's just it's not
Speaker 2: where I'm at in life on this journey. And then
Speaker 2: you know, when I went to the next level, then
Speaker 2: it was like I started to you know, maybe like
Speaker 2: a little bit of toxic positivity, and then I had
Speaker 2: friends who resonated with me there. And then once I
Speaker 2: got out of that, I evolved through that and every
Speaker 2: different stage that you have in life, you are going
Speaker 2: to grow as a person, especially if you value growth
Speaker 2: like hard. It's like, I know you do yes and
Speaker 2: myself included. And when you do those things and you
Speaker 2: value that in such a way, you're going to expect
Speaker 2: to have that. Yes, you know, it's a beautiful thing
Speaker 2: that we get to say that we have women in
Speaker 2: our lives that we've had for such a long time.
Speaker 1: And also it's a given on the journey.
Speaker 2: If you're changing and growing and constantly evolving, there are
Speaker 2: going to be people who trickle off at every level.
Speaker 1: One hundred percent. We had a conversation the other day.
Speaker 1: I think it was a conversation around friendships and oh,
Speaker 1: I wish I was there to hold you in that
Speaker 1: and to support you in that. And then I was like, oh,
Speaker 1: I don't think we would have messed back there. We
Speaker 1: were just different people, you.
Speaker 2: Know what we said, We were like we would have
Speaker 2: so both been passive aggressive to each other.
Speaker 1: Yeah, one hundred percent. We can really relate and I
Speaker 1: think that's why we love that about each other now
Speaker 1: because we have that relatability. But it goes back to trust.
Speaker 1: If you're in a season right now, where you're going
Speaker 1: through a friendship breakdown or something's happening, it's actually just
Speaker 1: trusting that it was all going to work out for
Speaker 1: the best. And I'm glad we didn't meet earlier because
Speaker 1: we met exactly when we were meant to me. Yeah,
Speaker 1: we did. The universe was guiding us, you know, And
Speaker 1: that is good evidence. And I hope even listening it
Speaker 1: gives you evidence and trusts that it's going to work
Speaker 1: out and you will meet your people. And if people
Speaker 1: are falling off, it's happening for a reason because you're
Speaker 1: not as aligned. And I know everyone's waiting to hear
Speaker 1: about my latest friendship breakdown with my old podcast host.
Speaker 1: If you were here hoping i'll say a bad word
Speaker 1: about here, you're in the wrong place. It's not how
Speaker 1: I want to show up. It's not what I ever
Speaker 1: want to do, and it's not what I will do.
Speaker 1: I have so much love for her and so much
Speaker 1: gratitude for her and our journey and what we went through.
Speaker 1: But upon reflection, now that we're not doing the podcast
Speaker 1: together and our friendship has broken down, I can see
Speaker 1: that we were not aligned in our growth in where
Speaker 1: I wanted the podcast to go. To where she was
Speaker 1: going in her journey in her life to what we
Speaker 1: value in life was just very, very different. And it's
Speaker 1: not that one is wrong or good or bad, and
Speaker 1: neither should be shamed. But it wasn't aligned. You know.
Speaker 1: For example, wanting to do events, that was something I
Speaker 1: always really wanted to do. I wanted to expand this podcast,
Speaker 1: do little events, do big events, And for her that
Speaker 1: felt like a lot, felt like more pressure, it felt
Speaker 1: like more energy, more time away from her family. It
Speaker 1: wasn't aligned for her. So then I kind of pulled
Speaker 1: back and held back from doing that. And now that
Speaker 1: we're doing this together and I get to spread my
Speaker 1: wings and you're just as hungry for that. The alignments
Speaker 1: there were both after the same thing, and that's really cool.
Speaker 1: So I love the last two years I've had with
Speaker 1: her podcasting, and it was beautiful and I will be
Speaker 1: forever grateful for that. But that chapter did close, and
Speaker 1: instead of dwelling on that, and yes, I've grieved that,
Speaker 1: and I've cried so many fucking tears because I loved
Speaker 1: her so much and that was really hard to go
Speaker 1: through publicly as well, I'm also get to be excited
Speaker 1: about the next chapter and how different that can look.
Speaker 1: And I hope anyone listening that's going through that it's
Speaker 1: okay for chapters to close and for you to open
Speaker 1: up a new one that's more aligned, and you can
Speaker 1: meet yourself where you're at right now, not who you
Speaker 1: were a year ago or two years ago, and also
Speaker 1: find the people that can meet you where you are
Speaker 1: right now. And if they can't hold all of you,
Speaker 1: whether it is your anxious attachment, or is your jealousy,
Speaker 1: or is your territorial or your brightness or whatever it is,
Speaker 1: some people can't hold that. It's not because they don't
Speaker 1: love you. They just might not have the skills or
Speaker 1: the knowledge to do it. Looking back my tribod friendship,
Speaker 1: I was definitely very anxious and they couldn't hold that,
Speaker 1: and I should never expect them to either. But say, now,
Speaker 1: with you, we've both had moments. We understand attachment styles
Speaker 1: very well. We both had moments where we'll call each
Speaker 1: other and be like, oh, my anxious is just coming out.
Speaker 1: Can I just check to something come up with you?
Speaker 1: Just then I'm like, oh my gosh, no, girlfriend, all good, Okay,
Speaker 1: it's just in my head. I did that yesterday. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and I did it last week. But it's because we
Speaker 1: understand that we now have the tools and the knowledge
Speaker 1: to be able to hold someone with anxious attachment. I
Speaker 1: have another girlfriend really close to me who's quite avoidant.
Speaker 1: Five years ago, I would have taken that so fucking
Speaker 1: personally that she's avoiding me. Now, when she goes into avoidant,
Speaker 1: I know she needs her time and space, decompress, and
Speaker 1: she will come back to me when she's ready to talk. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and I don't pressure that anymore, Whereas five years ago,
Speaker 1: I would have come in like an anxious little puppy dog.
Speaker 1: Let's talk about it, let's sort it out. Are you okay?
Speaker 1: What have I done? And it would have pushed her
Speaker 1: away more so. Understanding the attachment styles will really help
Speaker 1: your friendships and help yourself self soothe through those moments.
Speaker 2: There's actually a book that I would recommend.
Speaker 1: It's called Attached. Oh you've told me to read this,
Speaker 1: I need to. I'll have this and pussy. It's a
Speaker 1: really good book, Attached.
Speaker 2: It will just help you understand yourself, past experiences, how
Speaker 2: to navigate attachment styles moving forward. It will just be
Speaker 2: a really beautiful tool that you can use in your
Speaker 2: everyday life. Also pussy really good recommendation for a book.
Speaker 2: Totally off topic, but if you feel disconnected from yourself,
Speaker 2: your pleasure, your body, your pussy, and even the word
Speaker 2: pussy makes you squirm a little bit when you hear
Speaker 2: me say it. Really recommend it's about a reclamation of
Speaker 2: connecting with yourself again. Very powerful, but something that I
Speaker 2: just wanted to add to what you were saying Ashley
Speaker 2: around friendship and I just wanted to say two things
Speaker 2: can coexist at once. You can be sad that a
Speaker 2: chapter has ended and also be grateful for what has been.
Speaker 2: And I think and I think it's really beautiful, you know,
Speaker 2: because it's what you've been holding a lot lately, and
Speaker 2: not a lot of people get to see this side
Speaker 2: of you, and you know, you do such a beautiful
Speaker 2: job of making sure that you're always taking into consideration
Speaker 2: everybody else's feelings and making sure that you're not in
Speaker 2: any way putting anybody else in harm's way. You can
Speaker 2: experience the pain of what you're feeling in this friendship
Speaker 2: breakdown and also be grateful for the time that you
Speaker 2: spend together and simultaneously be grateful and excited for what's
Speaker 2: coming next. And I just really wanted to voice that
Speaker 2: because I think.
Speaker 1: A lot of people are thinking that I've just moved
Speaker 1: on to another friendship and an a podcast host. Yeah,
Speaker 1: so easily. Yeah, And I would have said that it
Speaker 1: has not been easy. It has been far from that.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: It's been tears and grieving and trying to figure out
Speaker 1: a way to make it work and to keep everyone
Speaker 1: happy and to move on and excited whilst still crying,
Speaker 1: and you know, being really upset with how it all
Speaker 1: went down, and also choosing to stay silent, you know,
Speaker 1: because like you said, I don't want to bring this online.
Speaker 1: This is something that I wanted to just communicate and
Speaker 1: deal with behind closed doors. But it is really hard
Speaker 1: to have a spotlight on you, that's for sure. Yeah.
Speaker 2: And as well, it's like you've chosen to focus more
Speaker 2: on what is coming than what is lost because of
Speaker 2: the way that things kind of unfolded. What has been
Speaker 2: the previous podcast, the previous podcast host, your previous friendship
Speaker 2: doesn't take away no from our friendship. Yeah, And that
Speaker 2: friendship and dynamic and co hosting and all the things
Speaker 2: doesn't take away from what's here. And I just really
Speaker 2: wanted to say that because there's been a couple of
Speaker 2: little comments here, and there are people questioning things, and
Speaker 2: I just want to say, like, I'm not here to
Speaker 2: take someone's place. I'm not here to replace anybody, Ashy,
Speaker 2: and I on here to replace anybody. We are creating
Speaker 2: something of our own. Yeah, And they had created something
Speaker 2: of their own. You guys created something of your own
Speaker 2: as well, And I just want to celebrate that for
Speaker 2: what has been in yeah, and celebrate what is coming
Speaker 2: as well, because it's just as important each other, just
Speaker 2: as important as each other and our journey and it's grief.
Speaker 2: It's beautiful, it's amazing everything gets to exist at once.
Speaker 2: And yeah, it's holding all of the emotions of a
Speaker 2: friendship breakdown, a new friendship, evolving, creating something for the
Speaker 2: future that's coming as well, and holding all of it simultaneously.
Speaker 2: The duality of emotion is fucking hard and.
Speaker 1: Heavy, very hard and heavy.
Speaker 2: You might be so happy over here in this one
Speaker 2: relationship would be devastated that something over here happened, and
Speaker 2: you have to learn how to navigate all of it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's been a lot to hold. I don't feel
Speaker 1: like I realize it until I talk about it, and
Speaker 1: I'm like, oh, yeah, I've been talking about it with
Speaker 1: my coach and with other friends and steve to try
Speaker 1: and work through it. But sometimes you have to park
Speaker 1: it to the side because you have to get on
Speaker 1: with being a mum and showing up. And it also
Speaker 1: like you don't want to sit in it. It feels
Speaker 1: really uncomfortable. You want to allow it to all come up.
Speaker 1: But I just was so worried from past experience. Is
Speaker 1: the grief of a friendship loss A really drowned in it? Yeah,
Speaker 1: and it really took away my joy for so long
Speaker 1: because I was just so desperately wanting it to be
Speaker 1: what it once was, you know. So it's yeah, it's
Speaker 1: hard to close chapters. It really is. Yeah, it is.
Speaker 2: It's that grieving somebody who's not dead. Yeah, you know,
Speaker 2: it really does feel like that. Whether it's a friendship
Speaker 2: or a relationship.
Speaker 1: Whether there's hurt or no hurt, like whatever the situation,
Speaker 1: it's all valid and all really hard. Yeah. Yeah, So
Speaker 1: we want to talk about this because our audience is
Speaker 1: all females, and majority of you would have gone through
Speaker 1: some kind of relationship breakdown, whether it's with your friends
Speaker 1: or family or an intimate partner, and we can all
Speaker 1: head in our heart say it is one of the
Speaker 1: most difficult things you'll go through in life.
Speaker 2: I think I mentioned a little bit earlier where there
Speaker 2: was some kind of like mean girl energy that I
Speaker 2: kind of experienced. And there was actually a different experience
Speaker 2: that I had recently where I experienced like this mean
Speaker 2: girl energy in this new environment that I'd never been
Speaker 2: in before, around people who were all like labeled conscious
Speaker 2: and it was just a really interesting experience. So I
Speaker 2: went to this event and I was a guest speaker
Speaker 2: at the event. I was asked by the owner of
Speaker 2: the event to be a public speaker and to contribute
Speaker 2: to her business summit event. And there were a multitude
Speaker 2: of other different speakers there, predominantly male. I think there
Speaker 2: was only a couple of other women. I'd never really
Speaker 2: met this woman either, so I hadn't met her, only
Speaker 2: spoken through social media, and you know, it was all
Speaker 2: good and well leading up to the event, But what
Speaker 2: I noticed once I actually got there, I felt a
Speaker 2: little bit excluded, like a bit of an outcast.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: I felt there was this other woman who was an
Speaker 2: events manager there her and the owner of the actual event.
Speaker 2: It was almost like these little passive, aggressive, kind of
Speaker 2: little digs at being a princess and doing all these things.
Speaker 2: And in my head, I was like, oh, well, I'm
Speaker 2: wearing a very feminine dress and I've got my hair curled.
Speaker 2: I'm not in a suit like what women normally would
Speaker 2: when I go to a business summit. And I was like, no,
Speaker 2: I feel like I'm in my feminine error.
Speaker 1: I want to feel feminine, you know.
Speaker 2: When I'm upstage speaking about my story, and yeah, I
Speaker 2: just felt like they were all these little digs and
Speaker 2: things like that. And I noticed once I actually got
Speaker 2: off stage, the owner of the event was so short
Speaker 2: with me, so short, so blunt didn't have a bar
Speaker 2: of it. I was so genuinely trying to make conversation
Speaker 2: with her, and she just wouldn't have a bar of it.
Speaker 2: And I just had the worst taste in my mouth.
Speaker 2: And I remember thinking this was before I'd even gotten
Speaker 2: on stage. I was like, oh, I feel really uncomfortable here.
Speaker 2: I can feel projections, I can feel that they're having
Speaker 2: a process in their head while they're talking to me
Speaker 2: and looking at me like you know that day and
Speaker 2: so people get yes, and I just remember thinking, Wow,
Speaker 2: what a way to make somebody feel so uncomfortable before
Speaker 2: they go on stage.
Speaker 1: You're already so nervous.
Speaker 2: I'm really grateful that I could hold it. Like I
Speaker 2: was like, all right, I'm going to compartmentalize and want
Speaker 2: to park that for a second. I need to focus
Speaker 2: on what I'm going to share, what I can provide,
Speaker 2: the value that I can offer for the audience who
Speaker 2: have come here and paid to listen to this. And yeah,
Speaker 2: it was a really disappointing experience and I was just like,
Speaker 2: oh my god, I just don't fit in here. And
Speaker 2: I'm really grateful for that, Like I'm grateful for my
Speaker 2: awareness of that and also being able to see these
Speaker 2: things and other people. But I just remember thinking, like,
Speaker 2: this is a conscious community. People who claim that their XYZ,
Speaker 2: and I just didn't get any of that. And yeah,
Speaker 2: it was a really unfortunate experience because it really left
Speaker 2: a bad taste in my mouth. And it also makes
Speaker 2: me compassionate to people who do judge the coaching industry,
Speaker 2: Like I'm a part of the coaching industry, and sometimes
Speaker 2: I'm like I don't want to be, you know, because
Speaker 2: I see the judgment and I understand why because people
Speaker 2: can kind of like, you know, be on their high
Speaker 2: horse and kind of you know, claim that there's something
Speaker 2: but behind closed doors be doing something different. And that
Speaker 2: was what I felt. It was like these women were
Speaker 2: claiming that they were big coaches in the industry and
Speaker 2: projecting onto me, you know, at an event, and all
Speaker 2: the insecurities and stuff came up.
Speaker 1: And don't get me wrong, everyone.
Speaker 2: Is human, I get that for sure. It wasn't what
Speaker 2: I expected for women who were selling high ticket stuff
Speaker 2: like what their self.
Speaker 1: Teach women how not to do this stuff.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you know, it was very Yeah, it was a
Speaker 2: disappointing experience for sure.
Speaker 1: I think we can all relate to being in an
Speaker 1: environment where we've felt that mean girl energy. There hasn't
Speaker 1: been many, but I remember years and years ago I
Speaker 1: went to a big event. I won't say the brand,
Speaker 1: and I'm going by myself, which is really no racking,
Speaker 1: but they were all a lot bigger than what I
Speaker 1: was in the influencing world, and I just remember trying
Speaker 1: to sparkle conversation with all of them and it's like
Speaker 1: they were just too cool. They just didn't want a
Speaker 1: bar of me, and it was really hard to make conversation.
Speaker 1: There was another girl there as well. We ended up
Speaker 1: clicking and she felt exactly the same. They were very
Speaker 1: clique and it's just the same thing and put such
Speaker 1: a bad taste in my mouth, and I just thought, oh,
Speaker 1: and it's a compliment I get quite often as Oh,
Speaker 1: you're so kind and you applied to all your dms
Speaker 1: and you're just as you are online, and it's like,
Speaker 1: why would I not be? Yeah, why does having a
Speaker 1: following or being Instagram famous, like YouTube famous or TikTok
Speaker 1: famous make you any better than any any when else
Speaker 1: it doesn't. We should be treating every single person with
Speaker 1: kindness and respect, regardless of who you are or how
Speaker 1: far you've come or how much money you've made. You
Speaker 1: can still be nice. Yeah, you can still have a conversation.
Speaker 2: Comes down to personal values. Yeah, those things people say often,
Speaker 2: those things only exacerbate traits.
Speaker 1: Of you that are already there.
Speaker 2: True, you know, so it's like maybe, you know, you
Speaker 2: just come to learn who people really are when they
Speaker 2: do experience these things. Now, it's like they see those
Speaker 2: traits of themselves are exacerbated. They come out stronger. You know,
Speaker 2: what was already under the surface is kind of there
Speaker 2: to see now that they have a platform, so like,
Speaker 2: it's not good or bad, wrong, whatever, it just is.
Speaker 1: This is an observation. I think most of us have
Speaker 1: experienced that. But it's also why I think I got
Speaker 1: into being a personal trainer for women, as I never
Speaker 1: wanted anyone to feel alone because I felt like that
Speaker 1: growing up, where it's being left out or different groups
Speaker 1: or clickiness. And it's also why we want to do
Speaker 1: these smaller intimate events. Anyone that's had push trauma with
Speaker 1: friendships or sisterhood wounds, give you ever evidence that it
Speaker 1: doesn't have to be like that. And women can meet
Speaker 1: you where you're at, and they can hold all of
Speaker 1: you and they can love all of you. And that's
Speaker 1: a big goal of ours this year is to actually
Speaker 1: bring that together. And everyone who's listening to this podcast,
Speaker 1: we trust and believe that you're on the same vibration
Speaker 1: as us and you're wanting the same things as us.
Speaker 1: That's so freaking cool to be in a room full
Speaker 1: of women who all matching that you can only thrive
Speaker 1: and grow and sparkle ten times brighter when you're in
Speaker 1: that room.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and as well, like I just wanted to speak
Speaker 2: too quickly, the women who maybe you feel like you
Speaker 2: really want to fit in and you end up making
Speaker 2: friends with a mean girl kind of group, and then
Speaker 2: you maybe even think that you need to become the
Speaker 2: mean girl because you think that that's what you need
Speaker 2: to do in order to fit in. I just want
Speaker 2: you to know, like you never need to abandon yourself
Speaker 2: to fit in a place that you don't fit, you know,
Speaker 2: because I know that there can be a lot of
Speaker 2: pressure when it comes to fitting in that you know,
Speaker 2: maybe there's a cool girl group or women who behave
Speaker 2: a certain way and you're like, oh, do I need
Speaker 2: to be like them in order to be accepted? But
Speaker 2: the truth of the matter is if you feel that way,
Speaker 2: they're not your people.
Speaker 1: Yes, so true, you know. So it's like, just know.
Speaker 2: The people you spend time with will influence you, whether
Speaker 2: it's towards the person you want to be or away
Speaker 2: from the person you want to be. So just remember
Speaker 2: that because there will always be environments like what we're
Speaker 2: trying to create, places where you can come where you
Speaker 2: can be all of who you are. Be the softer
Speaker 2: version of you, yes, be the more brady version of you.
Speaker 2: Whatever it is that you are, and whatever your flavor is,
Speaker 2: you get to be accepted within this place without molding
Speaker 2: into something that you're not.
Speaker 1: I love that because that's what this is about.
Speaker 2: It's really about finding your people and being willing to
Speaker 2: take off the masks. Yes, but I think that's a
Speaker 2: lot of what we want to include into these events
Speaker 2: is actually giving you permission to be the vibe that
Speaker 2: you want to attract in, you know, being that first
Speaker 2: and foremost before you attract the people that you want,
Speaker 2: instead of the opposite way around. Because we tend to
Speaker 2: do that, we're like, how do I find the people
Speaker 2: and then I'll become the person I want to be?
Speaker 2: But it's that the opposite way around.
Speaker 1: It's such a good way to put it. It's the
Speaker 1: opposite way around. We do it backwards.
Speaker 2: We have to look within ourselves and go, what is
Speaker 2: it that I am being right now that I'm attracting
Speaker 2: the people I'm attracting. How can I become the version
Speaker 2: I want to be person I'm proud of, and then
Speaker 2: that would be the energetic match for the people I
Speaker 2: want and desire to call in, Like who would I
Speaker 2: have to be for that type of person to want
Speaker 2: to be friends? With me. Yes, And it's true, not
Speaker 2: about changing who you are at your core. It's not
Speaker 2: about that. It's just about being the best version of
Speaker 2: you that you can be with the freedom to be
Speaker 2: all of who you are and know that when you
Speaker 2: are that they can find you. And it happens every time,
Speaker 2: you know, when.
Speaker 1: People say, oh, I wish the world was a kind
Speaker 1: of place, I wish the world would change, I always
Speaker 1: put it back on them or back on myself be like, Okay, well,
Speaker 1: if I want the world to be kinder, I need
Speaker 1: to be kinder. If I want to see change the world,
Speaker 1: I need to be the change. If you wanted to
Speaker 1: attract people that are more conscious, more health focused us
Speaker 1: into their fitness, love self like you do, that's what
Speaker 1: you've got to become. That's what you've got to be.
Speaker 1: And I feel like it naturally comes in when you
Speaker 1: become all of that. And I feel like we're a
Speaker 1: perfect example of that. Even all the stuff that we
Speaker 1: value in friendships and our wounds, Yeah, we kind have
Speaker 1: attracted like a mirror, but it's helped us overcome them
Speaker 1: and heal them because we have such compassion for where
Speaker 1: like the other person is at. Yeah, it's cool when
Speaker 1: you can bring people in like that. Yeah it is.
Speaker 2: It's like a deeper understanding as well as yeah, yeah,
Speaker 2: it's beautiful and as well, even though we are able
Speaker 2: to relate to you know, what we've both been through
Speaker 2: because we've been through similar things in our own way,
Speaker 2: of course, but lots of people react differently to a
Speaker 2: lot of situations and scenarios, you know, like us both
Speaker 2: we realize we resonate with each other on certain things
Speaker 2: because we respond in the same way. We've had similar wounds,
Speaker 2: so we can have compassion for that, whereas like you
Speaker 2: might meet people in your life who respond differently than
Speaker 2: the way that you do, especially in friendships. We both
Speaker 2: have a value of loyalty, whereas like somebody else might
Speaker 2: have a different expectation on loyalty and go, oh wow,
Speaker 2: you know, me doing this isn't even going to be
Speaker 2: a problem for that person when the other person is like,
Speaker 2: oh my god, why did you do that? I think
Speaker 2: that shows up as well.
Speaker 1: You know.
Speaker 2: Let's say, for example, like in the past, I've had,
Speaker 2: you know, a girlfriend of mine who was really close
Speaker 2: and I ended up having a falling out with another
Speaker 2: friend who we were both friends with and she was
Speaker 2: still like wanting to be her friend, and like, of
Speaker 2: course everyone can. She has, you know, freedom of choice,
Speaker 2: She can absolutely do that. But me at the time,
Speaker 2: being so young and being super territorial, I was like,
Speaker 2: how fucking do you you want to be on my side?
Speaker 1: You want to do this like halfuck a day? You
Speaker 1: what do you mean?
Speaker 2: Like You're not just going to automatically cut her off?
Speaker 2: Like all of those feelings naturally came up because I
Speaker 2: had that expectation and that deep thing of loyalty, whereas
Speaker 2: for her it looked a little differently. And so I
Speaker 2: think that's a huge thing about friendships is just learning
Speaker 2: to understand each other, be willing to take time to
Speaker 2: get to know that person. And also a huge thing
Speaker 2: is open communication, able to have hard conversations around this stuff. Hey,
Speaker 2: what's your expectation of loyalty? How would you want me
Speaker 2: to behave in that in that experience?
Speaker 1: How would you feel if that happened? Ye? But a
Speaker 1: good example of that, I won't say her name, but
Speaker 1: an old friend of mine pole opposites. We are to
Speaker 1: the point that we have almost just depart a little
Speaker 1: bit at the moment. But I say, for example, if
Speaker 1: I didn't get invited to a birthday or to my
Speaker 1: friend's kids' birthday, I take that very personally. It is
Speaker 1: such an honor to me if I get invited to
Speaker 1: something so special like that. I did not take that lightly.
Speaker 1: That is just feels really good for me to be
Speaker 1: invited and included where she could not give two fucks.
Speaker 1: I remember saying to her, you know, I want to
Speaker 1: invite everyone to Tyler's birthday party, but I also don't
Speaker 1: because then in my experience, and I feel like I
Speaker 1: spent my whole time looking after everyone and not spending
Speaker 1: time with my daughter. And she's like, OHNA give a fuck,
Speaker 1: you don't invite me. I don't care if no one
Speaker 1: ever hearts me ever again. In fact, I get to
Speaker 1: stay home and be my introverted self. Oh, she would
Speaker 1: never be offended if she wasn't invited. She could not
Speaker 1: care less. I got upset one day when someone followed me.
Speaker 1: She's like, I wouldn't even notice that someone and followed me.
Speaker 1: Just two completely different people. We have to remember we've
Speaker 1: grown up so differently. We had different wounds, we have
Speaker 1: different nervous systems, different triggers. And I used to look
Speaker 1: at her and be like, how would that not upset you?
Speaker 1: And she's like, I didn't get invited to you know,
Speaker 1: someone says birthday, I don't care. I would to stay
Speaker 1: home with my husband. She couldn't care less, and I
Speaker 1: just could not understand and relate and she couldn't understand
Speaker 1: why it would be upset. It's just a cool example
Speaker 1: of everyone is so different. But I had to have
Speaker 1: that conversation with her and say, well, look, if you're
Speaker 1: having a birthday event, these always invite me because I'd
Speaker 1: be really sad if I see everyone else celebrating. And
Speaker 1: she's like, oh, you always will because I know that
Speaker 1: you'd have a look. Yeah, oh love on me, love
Speaker 1: on me. Yeah.
Speaker 2: Young people in the way they need to be loved.
Speaker 1: Exactly, exactly and respecting, understanding, have compassion where everyone's at.
Speaker 1: And I feel like when you're close with your girlfriends too,
Speaker 1: you do get to know where their nervous systems are at,
Speaker 1: where they're at in their journey. And it's not that
Speaker 1: you were ahead of them or anything, but I feel
Speaker 1: like when you do self development, and you do so
Speaker 1: much work on yourself, you can recognize where people are at,
Speaker 1: what stage throughout what's coming up for them. We have
Speaker 1: a close girlfriend too that we support through things that
Speaker 1: come up for her because we've been there, we've done that,
Speaker 1: and we can hold all of her. And she gets
Speaker 1: quite anxious and feels bad when she says things to us. Yes,
Speaker 1: we get it, bring it in, bring it in. We
Speaker 1: love you anyway. We love you more when you bring
Speaker 1: it to us and you trust us and you feel
Speaker 1: safe with us that we can hold you in all
Speaker 1: of that so beautiful. But not everyone will be able
Speaker 1: to do that, and that's also okay. That's where they're at,
Speaker 1: and that's where they're at with their understanding of it.
Speaker 2: All and what you just said as well, not everyone's
Speaker 2: going to be able to hold you. But even though
Speaker 2: the emotions are valid and you get to be sad
Speaker 2: of those things, it's not taking it personally.
Speaker 1: Which is so hard.
Speaker 2: It's challenging, right, it's simple, but it's not easy, yes,
Speaker 2: because it's understanding that where that person is at has
Speaker 2: everything to do with what's going on in their head
Speaker 2: and not the person in front of them. And when
Speaker 2: you can see everything from that lens, you go, wow,
Speaker 2: this actually isn't about me. This isn't the tea on
Speaker 2: a show right now?
Speaker 1: The world doesn't rend me, And it's this.
Speaker 2: Person is having like a real experience that is triggering
Speaker 2: something in them.
Speaker 1: It's so real for.
Speaker 2: Them, and it's just yeah, it's being able to hold space.
Speaker 2: And again, even if they can't hold you, it has
Speaker 2: nothing to do with you. It doesn't mean that you're
Speaker 2: too much. It doesn't mean that you're not good enough
Speaker 2: or not worthy of someone holding you. It just means
Speaker 2: that that person is showing you where they are at.
Speaker 1: You never do too much for the right people. I
Speaker 1: think you said that to me. It made me feel
Speaker 1: so loved and supported and held, and I just think
Speaker 1: it's really true. With most of you listening, I think
Speaker 1: like ninety nine percent of you are females. It's an
Speaker 1: important one to talk about. So thank you so much
Speaker 1: for listening. We really appreciate it. A bye