1 00:00:05,881 --> 00:00:13,241 Speaker 1: Apogee Production. Welcome to the She Rises Podcast. I'm Ashy 2 00:00:13,281 --> 00:00:15,201 Speaker 1: and I'm Tiana. This podcast is. 3 00:00:15,201 --> 00:00:18,800 Speaker 2: About female empowerment and encouraging you to be your biggest, boldest, 4 00:00:18,801 --> 00:00:20,801 Speaker 2: and most authentic version of yourself. 5 00:00:20,961 --> 00:00:23,281 Speaker 1: We'd help you shed the shame, grow to new level. 6 00:00:23,321 --> 00:00:26,241 Speaker 1: We're gonna laugh, cry, and talk about the topics everyone 7 00:00:26,281 --> 00:00:27,801 Speaker 1: else is too afraid to talk about. 8 00:00:28,401 --> 00:00:31,841 Speaker 2: Get ready for your next level of self. Welcome back 9 00:00:31,841 --> 00:00:34,961 Speaker 2: to she Rises podcast. In today's episode is all about 10 00:00:35,201 --> 00:00:39,921 Speaker 2: friendship breakdown do but first share of the week, Hashy, 11 00:00:40,161 --> 00:00:41,161 Speaker 2: what are you up for us? 12 00:00:41,361 --> 00:00:44,441 Speaker 1: Mine is a TV show. It's on Prime and it's 13 00:00:44,480 --> 00:00:48,800 Speaker 1: called The Cross. It's a crime one. It was just fantastic. 14 00:00:49,281 --> 00:00:51,961 Speaker 1: It's a shorter series. I think there's only eight episodes, 15 00:00:52,161 --> 00:00:54,681 Speaker 1: but if you love crime and mystery and being on 16 00:00:54,721 --> 00:00:57,241 Speaker 1: the edge of your seat and all the twists and turns, 17 00:00:57,881 --> 00:00:59,200 Speaker 1: absolutely loved it. 18 00:00:59,321 --> 00:01:00,000 Speaker 2: Oh I love it. 19 00:01:00,041 --> 00:01:05,640 Speaker 1: Is it scary or no gory? Not gory, but it's crime. 20 00:01:06,121 --> 00:01:07,521 Speaker 1: I love crime. It's my favorite. 21 00:01:07,601 --> 00:01:09,561 Speaker 2: So that gets you thinking and you yeah. 22 00:01:09,401 --> 00:01:11,041 Speaker 1: And you've got to try and figure out the mystery 23 00:01:11,081 --> 00:01:13,121 Speaker 1: and what's happened and oh why didn't it see that coming? 24 00:01:13,481 --> 00:01:15,200 Speaker 1: Oh gosh, who's that person? I didn't think they were 25 00:01:15,200 --> 00:01:17,721 Speaker 1: involved like that. Yeah, really cool. 26 00:01:17,840 --> 00:01:20,080 Speaker 2: Well, my share of the week this week is honestly, 27 00:01:20,321 --> 00:01:21,881 Speaker 2: just do a parties class. 28 00:01:22,161 --> 00:01:25,641 Speaker 1: Oh we are loving our floor parties. Oh, we are 29 00:01:25,681 --> 00:01:26,321 Speaker 1: so obsessed. 30 00:01:26,441 --> 00:01:28,401 Speaker 2: It has been the best. Like I'm a full on 31 00:01:28,481 --> 00:01:31,921 Speaker 2: weights girly like I've been. I've been training weights for 32 00:01:31,961 --> 00:01:33,800 Speaker 2: almost a decade now and I love it. 33 00:01:33,961 --> 00:01:34,481 Speaker 1: I love it. 34 00:01:34,481 --> 00:01:36,720 Speaker 2: It's the best thing. But like anywhere between five and 35 00:01:36,761 --> 00:01:38,921 Speaker 2: six days, and it's just it's been my thing for 36 00:01:38,961 --> 00:01:41,921 Speaker 2: so long now, having done plarties with you and Meg, 37 00:01:42,081 --> 00:01:45,041 Speaker 2: and it's been so fun and it feels really good 38 00:01:45,081 --> 00:01:47,641 Speaker 2: on my body, Like I just love the weight that 39 00:01:47,721 --> 00:01:50,441 Speaker 2: it feels soft and it feels feminine and it's easier 40 00:01:50,521 --> 00:01:52,201 Speaker 2: on my body. Like, don't get me wrong, Plartis is 41 00:01:52,281 --> 00:01:52,841 Speaker 2: very humbling. 42 00:01:52,961 --> 00:01:55,481 Speaker 1: Oh it's harder than any weight session I've ever done. 43 00:01:55,601 --> 00:01:58,601 Speaker 2: It's so humbling. However, when I have my period and 44 00:01:58,641 --> 00:02:01,081 Speaker 2: on my cycle, it feels a little bit gentler on 45 00:02:01,121 --> 00:02:04,641 Speaker 2: my body. And that's split between doing weight training and 46 00:02:04,681 --> 00:02:08,680 Speaker 2: doing pilartis. I feel so happy with my training split now. 47 00:02:08,761 --> 00:02:11,841 Speaker 2: I would highly recommend taking your girlfriends and going up 48 00:02:11,881 --> 00:02:13,361 Speaker 2: for like a morning session. 49 00:02:13,161 --> 00:02:15,321 Speaker 1: Definitely, and if you're a mum that's had babies. I 50 00:02:15,321 --> 00:02:17,481 Speaker 1: don't love reformer polarates. I feel like it's a lot 51 00:02:17,520 --> 00:02:20,601 Speaker 1: of upper body and shoulder work, which I don't love. 52 00:02:21,001 --> 00:02:23,041 Speaker 1: But it's so good for your core strand it's so 53 00:02:23,081 --> 00:02:25,041 Speaker 1: good for your balance, it's so good for your mind 54 00:02:25,081 --> 00:02:27,761 Speaker 1: to muscle connection because of the breathing techniques that they use, 55 00:02:28,441 --> 00:02:30,441 Speaker 1: and it's just so humbling. There is not one class 56 00:02:30,441 --> 00:02:33,481 Speaker 1: where I can get through the whole set. Me and 57 00:02:33,561 --> 00:02:35,961 Speaker 1: Tianna were stopping so much this week and I'm looking around, 58 00:02:35,960 --> 00:02:37,921 Speaker 1: I'm like, how these bitches doing it? It is so fun. 59 00:02:37,921 --> 00:02:40,081 Speaker 1: We actually want to incorporate it another time. So we 60 00:02:40,121 --> 00:02:41,721 Speaker 1: only do it once a week. We're trying to figure 61 00:02:41,721 --> 00:02:43,800 Speaker 1: out where we drop on. You do more weight than me. 62 00:02:43,800 --> 00:02:45,520 Speaker 1: I only train four times a week, you're more five 63 00:02:45,561 --> 00:02:47,321 Speaker 1: to six. Yeah, we're trying to figure out how we 64 00:02:47,361 --> 00:02:49,641 Speaker 1: can put it into our schedule twice a week. We 65 00:02:49,761 --> 00:02:50,001 Speaker 1: love it. 66 00:02:50,081 --> 00:02:53,521 Speaker 2: Yeah, So today's episode is a little bit on the 67 00:02:53,561 --> 00:02:56,960 Speaker 2: heavier side sometimes. So today's episode is all about friendship 68 00:02:56,960 --> 00:03:00,000 Speaker 2: breakdowns and why they're so heartbreaking. 69 00:03:00,201 --> 00:03:00,960 Speaker 1: They really are. 70 00:03:01,240 --> 00:03:03,761 Speaker 2: It's almost as if you're grieving someone who's not dead. 71 00:03:04,240 --> 00:03:08,641 Speaker 2: Because you're you're grieving the relationship, the time you spend, 72 00:03:09,161 --> 00:03:12,281 Speaker 2: the memories, all of it, and it can be a 73 00:03:12,281 --> 00:03:16,321 Speaker 2: really challenging thing. And just speaking from personal experience, I 74 00:03:16,361 --> 00:03:18,601 Speaker 2: was best friends with this one girl. We were very 75 00:03:18,721 --> 00:03:21,521 Speaker 2: very close, and we had a really beautiful relationship. I 76 00:03:21,561 --> 00:03:24,921 Speaker 2: remember her helping me heal so many wounds with the 77 00:03:25,001 --> 00:03:29,281 Speaker 2: feminine and I'm so grateful for it. And I remember 78 00:03:29,921 --> 00:03:33,680 Speaker 2: as our friendship evolved, friendships with other women evolved as well, 79 00:03:33,921 --> 00:03:36,401 Speaker 2: and we had another girlfriend come in and it was 80 00:03:36,401 --> 00:03:38,761 Speaker 2: almost like a trio, so there was three of us 81 00:03:38,881 --> 00:03:42,681 Speaker 2: we trypod, Yeah, and it was amazing and I loved it. 82 00:03:42,761 --> 00:03:45,561 Speaker 2: At first, it became so triggering for me, Like, if 83 00:03:45,601 --> 00:03:48,361 Speaker 2: I'm honest, I had so much stuff come up for 84 00:03:48,441 --> 00:03:51,401 Speaker 2: me in that I had jealousy come up. I had 85 00:03:51,761 --> 00:03:55,761 Speaker 2: fear of abandonment come up, rejection, wounds come up. It 86 00:03:55,841 --> 00:03:59,561 Speaker 2: eventually became a dynamic where I felt and this doesn't 87 00:03:59,601 --> 00:04:01,561 Speaker 2: necessarily have to be true, this is how it felt 88 00:04:01,561 --> 00:04:03,841 Speaker 2: for me at the time, where I felt like I 89 00:04:03,881 --> 00:04:04,801 Speaker 2: was being pushed. 90 00:04:04,521 --> 00:04:07,161 Speaker 1: Out kind of were though on a reflection. 91 00:04:06,881 --> 00:04:09,801 Speaker 2: Back, Yeah, there were a couple of things where you know, 92 00:04:09,881 --> 00:04:12,041 Speaker 2: they could do things together that I couldn't be a 93 00:04:12,081 --> 00:04:15,321 Speaker 2: part of Naturally, they ended up going in business together 94 00:04:15,441 --> 00:04:17,601 Speaker 2: as well, so then it was more like me on 95 00:04:17,641 --> 00:04:20,001 Speaker 2: the outside kind of thing. And in my head, I 96 00:04:20,001 --> 00:04:21,520 Speaker 2: was like, oh my god, I'm gonna lose my best friend, 97 00:04:21,601 --> 00:04:22,880 Speaker 2: Like she's taking my best friend. 98 00:04:23,001 --> 00:04:25,761 Speaker 1: Like Tatiana was like freaking the buck out. She was like, 99 00:04:26,041 --> 00:04:28,200 Speaker 1: that's my best friend. How fucking do you territorial? 100 00:04:28,401 --> 00:04:32,281 Speaker 2: Yes, my territorial fool came out. And I remember getting 101 00:04:32,320 --> 00:04:34,841 Speaker 2: to a point where, taking full responsibility, I. 102 00:04:34,761 --> 00:04:36,801 Speaker 1: Got super anxious. I got super. 103 00:04:36,481 --> 00:04:39,521 Speaker 2: Anxious in the friendship, and you know, granted I didn't behave, 104 00:04:39,681 --> 00:04:41,801 Speaker 2: you know, in the best way, because I acted on 105 00:04:41,841 --> 00:04:45,681 Speaker 2: that anxiousness instead of fully owning it, and eventually got 106 00:04:45,721 --> 00:04:47,200 Speaker 2: to a point where they weren't able to hold me 107 00:04:47,241 --> 00:04:50,561 Speaker 2: in anxiousness. They didn't have the space of time to 108 00:04:50,601 --> 00:04:52,121 Speaker 2: be able to hold me in. 109 00:04:51,841 --> 00:04:54,361 Speaker 1: The tools or knowledge of how to hold someone with 110 00:04:54,401 --> 00:04:55,400 Speaker 1: an anxious attachment. 111 00:04:55,561 --> 00:04:58,601 Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, and so yeah, I ended up losing that friendship. 112 00:04:58,641 --> 00:05:00,760 Speaker 2: I ended up losing not just one of them, both 113 00:05:00,801 --> 00:05:03,401 Speaker 2: of them. So I lost my friendship with my best friend, 114 00:05:03,841 --> 00:05:06,801 Speaker 2: and I lost my friendship with my other girlfriend as well. 115 00:05:07,320 --> 00:05:10,041 Speaker 2: Just naturally, you know, went with her yes, and it 116 00:05:10,081 --> 00:05:13,760 Speaker 2: was a really, really hard time. I remember I actually 117 00:05:13,921 --> 00:05:16,401 Speaker 2: didn't know what to do with myself. I actually ended 118 00:05:16,481 --> 00:05:19,681 Speaker 2: up hiring like a trauma coach for I think we 119 00:05:19,721 --> 00:05:22,761 Speaker 2: worked together for a few months because I was just 120 00:05:23,041 --> 00:05:26,361 Speaker 2: so full of grief and I just didn't know what 121 00:05:26,401 --> 00:05:29,161 Speaker 2: to do. I felt isolated. I felt like, oh, like, 122 00:05:29,241 --> 00:05:33,041 Speaker 2: this is very mean girl energy. Remember thinking I've had 123 00:05:33,081 --> 00:05:36,361 Speaker 2: relationship breakups that were ten times fucking easier than this, like, 124 00:05:36,401 --> 00:05:39,961 Speaker 2: and I was full having to do like exercises and 125 00:05:40,281 --> 00:05:42,601 Speaker 2: you know, release emotion from my body and work with 126 00:05:42,601 --> 00:05:44,601 Speaker 2: this coach. And every time I was coming in, I 127 00:05:44,641 --> 00:05:46,681 Speaker 2: was bringing things in and being like this is coming 128 00:05:46,721 --> 00:05:49,601 Speaker 2: up for me and projection and this and Tatiana was 129 00:05:49,641 --> 00:05:52,681 Speaker 2: coming out because I was just I couldn't process that 130 00:05:52,721 --> 00:05:55,801 Speaker 2: I had lost two people that I loved so dearly 131 00:05:56,561 --> 00:05:59,201 Speaker 2: that I just never imagined my life without them, and 132 00:05:59,281 --> 00:06:01,881 Speaker 2: that expectation of expecting that they were going to be 133 00:06:01,961 --> 00:06:05,281 Speaker 2: my life forever to everything turning up on its head 134 00:06:05,801 --> 00:06:09,440 Speaker 2: to never speaking to them again was fucking heartbreaking. 135 00:06:09,841 --> 00:06:11,441 Speaker 1: That's really hard, isn't it. I think a lot of 136 00:06:11,440 --> 00:06:13,840 Speaker 1: people listening will be able to relate to the three 137 00:06:14,001 --> 00:06:18,320 Speaker 1: even maybe multimle more and being left out. I've experienced 138 00:06:18,320 --> 00:06:20,601 Speaker 1: that as well, and I've done it online, and it's 139 00:06:20,601 --> 00:06:24,281 Speaker 1: been really hard having an audience through their projections and 140 00:06:24,281 --> 00:06:27,561 Speaker 1: their assumptions. And you know, for years we had such 141 00:06:27,561 --> 00:06:29,481 Speaker 1: a close, beautiful friendship, and I still have a lot 142 00:06:29,481 --> 00:06:31,361 Speaker 1: of love for the girls, like there's no hate, and 143 00:06:31,401 --> 00:06:33,961 Speaker 1: I'm not here to spill any tea or spit any 144 00:06:34,041 --> 00:06:37,601 Speaker 1: drama or anything. But yeah, it's hard when two of 145 00:06:37,761 --> 00:06:40,001 Speaker 1: out of the three girls have a friendship breakdown, and 146 00:06:40,001 --> 00:06:43,521 Speaker 1: then there's the other one and navigating that and that 147 00:06:43,561 --> 00:06:46,081 Speaker 1: person not wanting to take sides and be friends with both. 148 00:06:46,241 --> 00:06:51,721 Speaker 1: But people change and situations change and dynamic changes, and 149 00:06:51,761 --> 00:06:55,921 Speaker 1: I just want this conversation to normalize it because I 150 00:06:55,961 --> 00:06:59,361 Speaker 1: think for so long I took so much responsibility and 151 00:06:59,681 --> 00:07:01,880 Speaker 1: same as you, you do that. Yeah, I can reflect 152 00:07:01,880 --> 00:07:04,721 Speaker 1: back now and be like, ooh, I was so anxious. 153 00:07:05,121 --> 00:07:07,841 Speaker 1: I had the biggest fomo in the whole world, and 154 00:07:07,961 --> 00:07:10,201 Speaker 1: if I got left out or didn't get invited somewhere 155 00:07:10,281 --> 00:07:13,001 Speaker 1: that would come up. And I can imagine I can't remember, 156 00:07:13,001 --> 00:07:14,561 Speaker 1: and I can imagine I wouldn't have communicated that in 157 00:07:14,561 --> 00:07:17,321 Speaker 1: the nicest way. I probably was a bit passive, aggressive, 158 00:07:17,521 --> 00:07:19,361 Speaker 1: or did it in a way that wouldn't have made 159 00:07:19,361 --> 00:07:22,081 Speaker 1: them feel very good. So I can take full responsibility 160 00:07:22,081 --> 00:07:24,721 Speaker 1: for that, and it probably contributed to the breakdown of 161 00:07:24,801 --> 00:07:27,961 Speaker 1: the friendship. And I'm so glad I've had that experience 162 00:07:28,001 --> 00:07:30,121 Speaker 1: to make sure that doesn't show up in my future 163 00:07:30,121 --> 00:07:33,121 Speaker 1: friendships and other relationships. But it's fucking hard. 164 00:07:33,441 --> 00:07:35,921 Speaker 2: Everyone goes through it. Like think about like the people 165 00:07:35,921 --> 00:07:37,721 Speaker 2: that you were friends with five years ago, they're probably 166 00:07:37,801 --> 00:07:39,001 Speaker 2: not even in your life right now. 167 00:07:39,481 --> 00:07:42,241 Speaker 1: And I think the hard thing with women connection is 168 00:07:42,281 --> 00:07:47,721 Speaker 1: we connect on such a deep level. We share everything, 169 00:07:48,081 --> 00:07:51,441 Speaker 1: we tell each other everything. There is such an intense 170 00:07:51,441 --> 00:07:56,081 Speaker 1: amount of trust and this strong bond that you do 171 00:07:56,201 --> 00:07:59,241 Speaker 1: expect it's never going to break. So when it breaks, 172 00:07:59,441 --> 00:08:01,961 Speaker 1: it fucking breaks, and you feel like the rug has 173 00:08:02,001 --> 00:08:04,441 Speaker 1: just been ripped out from underneath you. And yeah, it 174 00:08:04,481 --> 00:08:10,601 Speaker 1: is sure grief. It's awful, even the feelings of it. 175 00:08:10,721 --> 00:08:13,121 Speaker 1: I know. Another thing we want to talk about is 176 00:08:13,201 --> 00:08:15,961 Speaker 1: just allowing different seasons in friendships, which I think is 177 00:08:16,041 --> 00:08:17,721 Speaker 1: kind of cool and I've got some cool examples and 178 00:08:17,761 --> 00:08:20,081 Speaker 1: I'm sure you do as well. A lot of my 179 00:08:20,241 --> 00:08:22,641 Speaker 1: core close girlfriends. I've got a handful of them, like 180 00:08:22,641 --> 00:08:24,361 Speaker 1: I think five or six that I've known since I 181 00:08:24,401 --> 00:08:27,441 Speaker 1: was a teenager. Throughout the different seasons of life, you 182 00:08:27,481 --> 00:08:29,721 Speaker 1: will be closer with them and maybe going your own 183 00:08:29,761 --> 00:08:31,721 Speaker 1: separate ways for a while, but I love it you 184 00:08:31,721 --> 00:08:34,681 Speaker 1: can come back together. And Nadan and Megsie are two 185 00:08:34,721 --> 00:08:37,521 Speaker 1: people that I'm so close with now and have been 186 00:08:37,561 --> 00:08:39,601 Speaker 1: since I was a teenager. But there was a couple 187 00:08:39,641 --> 00:08:42,001 Speaker 1: of years in there when Nadan was single and she 188 00:08:42,041 --> 00:08:45,001 Speaker 1: went off traveling and she was just partying and she's 189 00:08:45,041 --> 00:08:47,121 Speaker 1: a party girl, loves to party, and we were just 190 00:08:47,121 --> 00:08:50,721 Speaker 1: on completely different vibes, completely different wavelengths. I was not 191 00:08:50,801 --> 00:08:52,841 Speaker 1: a party girl, not traveling and doing all that stuff. 192 00:08:52,881 --> 00:08:54,921 Speaker 1: We just went our separate ways for a few years 193 00:08:54,961 --> 00:08:57,521 Speaker 1: and didn't really talk that much, and then we got 194 00:08:57,521 --> 00:08:59,561 Speaker 1: back in contact with each other and we've been in 195 00:08:59,561 --> 00:09:01,681 Speaker 1: separable ever since. Even though we don't see each other 196 00:09:01,721 --> 00:09:04,121 Speaker 1: a lot because we're both working, we've both got kids. 197 00:09:04,161 --> 00:09:06,441 Speaker 1: We talk all the time. It's not every day, it's 198 00:09:06,481 --> 00:09:08,281 Speaker 1: every second day. There's a voice mess it's just checking 199 00:09:08,361 --> 00:09:10,641 Speaker 1: in and say with Megsie, she went on a little 200 00:09:10,721 --> 00:09:12,321 Speaker 1: different journey to what I did, and then when we 201 00:09:12,441 --> 00:09:14,641 Speaker 1: came back together. We've been in several ever since and 202 00:09:14,681 --> 00:09:19,081 Speaker 1: have the most beautiful, heart centered relationship and it's just 203 00:09:19,321 --> 00:09:22,241 Speaker 1: one of my favorite things on earth. We're literally chosen family, 204 00:09:22,641 --> 00:09:24,041 Speaker 1: but we allowed each other to go off and do 205 00:09:24,081 --> 00:09:25,841 Speaker 1: our own things, and then we came back together and 206 00:09:25,881 --> 00:09:28,961 Speaker 1: it's so lovely. And then CHESI, I've known since I 207 00:09:29,081 --> 00:09:31,921 Speaker 1: was maybe fifteen or sixteen, and we don't see each 208 00:09:31,921 --> 00:09:35,161 Speaker 1: other much at all, and even don't talk a whole lot, 209 00:09:35,201 --> 00:09:37,521 Speaker 1: but when we do, it's exactly like it's always been. 210 00:09:37,641 --> 00:09:40,721 Speaker 1: There is that unconditional love. We know if we were 211 00:09:41,241 --> 00:09:43,401 Speaker 1: needing each other at three in the morning, we could 212 00:09:43,401 --> 00:09:44,961 Speaker 1: call and they would pick up and they would be there. 213 00:09:45,321 --> 00:09:48,281 Speaker 1: We never needed anything for our kids. We've just always 214 00:09:48,321 --> 00:09:50,201 Speaker 1: got each other's back, and I honestly don't think they 215 00:09:50,201 --> 00:09:52,241 Speaker 1: will ever change. I do feel like it's one of 216 00:09:52,241 --> 00:09:55,201 Speaker 1: those friendships it's just unbreakable, which is really cool. And 217 00:09:55,241 --> 00:09:58,241 Speaker 1: then there's some that you drift apart from and that 218 00:09:58,361 --> 00:10:00,321 Speaker 1: is the end of your chapter. And I love that 219 00:10:00,361 --> 00:10:02,561 Speaker 1: old saying that people come into your life for a reason, 220 00:10:02,681 --> 00:10:05,921 Speaker 1: a season, or a lesson, and sometimes you are just 221 00:10:05,961 --> 00:10:08,401 Speaker 1: there for a season, or you're there for a certain reason, 222 00:10:08,441 --> 00:10:11,201 Speaker 1: whether it's to help them or they're there to help 223 00:10:11,281 --> 00:10:14,441 Speaker 1: you through something, and then once you've kind of closed 224 00:10:14,481 --> 00:10:17,441 Speaker 1: that loop, it goes on a different path. Yeah, and 225 00:10:17,441 --> 00:10:18,721 Speaker 1: that's also okay as well. 226 00:10:18,801 --> 00:10:20,801 Speaker 2: I think it's a really impressive thing because you've been 227 00:10:20,801 --> 00:10:23,081 Speaker 2: friends with the girls for like almost twenty years. 228 00:10:23,161 --> 00:10:24,801 Speaker 1: Yeah, a lot of them over twenty years now. 229 00:10:24,641 --> 00:10:27,401 Speaker 2: And that's something that not a lot of people can say. 230 00:10:27,481 --> 00:10:29,681 Speaker 2: I know for myself, even like I've probably got two 231 00:10:29,721 --> 00:10:33,201 Speaker 2: girlfriends that I've been friends with for thirteen years. You know, 232 00:10:33,281 --> 00:10:36,401 Speaker 2: everyone else has like drifted or fallen off or I've 233 00:10:36,521 --> 00:10:40,681 Speaker 2: personally evolved so much like I've evolved out of that friendship. 234 00:10:40,761 --> 00:10:42,441 Speaker 2: Like I've got friends that I had when I was 235 00:10:42,481 --> 00:10:45,361 Speaker 2: in my party phase, and then once I stopped partying, 236 00:10:45,361 --> 00:10:47,481 Speaker 2: I evolved out of those friendships, and not because I 237 00:10:47,481 --> 00:10:50,161 Speaker 2: don't love them still, but because it's just it's not 238 00:10:50,201 --> 00:10:53,761 Speaker 2: where I'm at in life on this journey. And then 239 00:10:53,881 --> 00:10:55,401 Speaker 2: you know, when I went to the next level, then 240 00:10:55,401 --> 00:10:57,241 Speaker 2: it was like I started to you know, maybe like 241 00:10:57,241 --> 00:10:59,161 Speaker 2: a little bit of toxic positivity, and then I had 242 00:10:59,201 --> 00:11:01,841 Speaker 2: friends who resonated with me there. And then once I 243 00:11:01,881 --> 00:11:04,201 Speaker 2: got out of that, I evolved through that and every 244 00:11:04,241 --> 00:11:07,201 Speaker 2: different stage that you have in life, you are going 245 00:11:07,201 --> 00:11:09,481 Speaker 2: to grow as a person, especially if you value growth 246 00:11:09,521 --> 00:11:11,881 Speaker 2: like hard. It's like, I know you do yes and 247 00:11:12,041 --> 00:11:14,921 Speaker 2: myself included. And when you do those things and you 248 00:11:15,041 --> 00:11:17,961 Speaker 2: value that in such a way, you're going to expect 249 00:11:18,201 --> 00:11:21,241 Speaker 2: to have that. Yes, you know, it's a beautiful thing 250 00:11:21,241 --> 00:11:22,881 Speaker 2: that we get to say that we have women in 251 00:11:22,881 --> 00:11:24,881 Speaker 2: our lives that we've had for such a long time. 252 00:11:25,281 --> 00:11:27,601 Speaker 1: And also it's a given on the journey. 253 00:11:27,601 --> 00:11:31,121 Speaker 2: If you're changing and growing and constantly evolving, there are 254 00:11:31,161 --> 00:11:33,001 Speaker 2: going to be people who trickle off at every level. 255 00:11:33,081 --> 00:11:35,281 Speaker 1: One hundred percent. We had a conversation the other day. 256 00:11:35,401 --> 00:11:37,601 Speaker 1: I think it was a conversation around friendships and oh, 257 00:11:37,641 --> 00:11:39,761 Speaker 1: I wish I was there to hold you in that 258 00:11:39,881 --> 00:11:42,321 Speaker 1: and to support you in that. And then I was like, oh, 259 00:11:42,321 --> 00:11:44,601 Speaker 1: I don't think we would have messed back there. We 260 00:11:44,641 --> 00:11:46,241 Speaker 1: were just different people, you. 261 00:11:46,201 --> 00:11:47,641 Speaker 2: Know what we said, We were like we would have 262 00:11:47,761 --> 00:11:49,681 Speaker 2: so both been passive aggressive to each other. 263 00:11:49,841 --> 00:11:52,481 Speaker 1: Yeah, one hundred percent. We can really relate and I 264 00:11:52,481 --> 00:11:55,121 Speaker 1: think that's why we love that about each other now 265 00:11:55,121 --> 00:11:58,281 Speaker 1: because we have that relatability. But it goes back to trust. 266 00:11:58,681 --> 00:12:00,761 Speaker 1: If you're in a season right now, where you're going 267 00:12:00,801 --> 00:12:03,241 Speaker 1: through a friendship breakdown or something's happening, it's actually just 268 00:12:03,281 --> 00:12:05,601 Speaker 1: trusting that it was all going to work out for 269 00:12:05,601 --> 00:12:08,401 Speaker 1: the best. And I'm glad we didn't meet earlier because 270 00:12:08,401 --> 00:12:10,521 Speaker 1: we met exactly when we were meant to me. Yeah, 271 00:12:10,561 --> 00:12:13,921 Speaker 1: we did. The universe was guiding us, you know, And 272 00:12:14,001 --> 00:12:16,761 Speaker 1: that is good evidence. And I hope even listening it 273 00:12:16,801 --> 00:12:19,401 Speaker 1: gives you evidence and trusts that it's going to work 274 00:12:19,401 --> 00:12:22,201 Speaker 1: out and you will meet your people. And if people 275 00:12:22,241 --> 00:12:24,481 Speaker 1: are falling off, it's happening for a reason because you're 276 00:12:24,481 --> 00:12:27,921 Speaker 1: not as aligned. And I know everyone's waiting to hear 277 00:12:27,961 --> 00:12:30,921 Speaker 1: about my latest friendship breakdown with my old podcast host. 278 00:12:31,521 --> 00:12:33,281 Speaker 1: If you were here hoping i'll say a bad word 279 00:12:33,321 --> 00:12:35,641 Speaker 1: about here, you're in the wrong place. It's not how 280 00:12:35,681 --> 00:12:37,361 Speaker 1: I want to show up. It's not what I ever 281 00:12:37,441 --> 00:12:38,921 Speaker 1: want to do, and it's not what I will do. 282 00:12:39,201 --> 00:12:40,921 Speaker 1: I have so much love for her and so much 283 00:12:41,161 --> 00:12:44,361 Speaker 1: gratitude for her and our journey and what we went through. 284 00:12:45,601 --> 00:12:48,001 Speaker 1: But upon reflection, now that we're not doing the podcast 285 00:12:48,041 --> 00:12:50,841 Speaker 1: together and our friendship has broken down, I can see 286 00:12:50,841 --> 00:12:54,681 Speaker 1: that we were not aligned in our growth in where 287 00:12:54,721 --> 00:12:56,721 Speaker 1: I wanted the podcast to go. To where she was 288 00:12:56,761 --> 00:12:59,721 Speaker 1: going in her journey in her life to what we 289 00:12:59,921 --> 00:13:03,241 Speaker 1: value in life was just very, very different. And it's 290 00:13:03,281 --> 00:13:06,081 Speaker 1: not that one is wrong or good or bad, and 291 00:13:06,361 --> 00:13:09,641 Speaker 1: neither should be shamed. But it wasn't aligned. You know. 292 00:13:09,761 --> 00:13:11,881 Speaker 1: For example, wanting to do events, that was something I 293 00:13:11,961 --> 00:13:14,481 Speaker 1: always really wanted to do. I wanted to expand this podcast, 294 00:13:14,761 --> 00:13:16,761 Speaker 1: do little events, do big events, And for her that 295 00:13:16,801 --> 00:13:19,961 Speaker 1: felt like a lot, felt like more pressure, it felt 296 00:13:19,961 --> 00:13:23,041 Speaker 1: like more energy, more time away from her family. It 297 00:13:23,121 --> 00:13:25,721 Speaker 1: wasn't aligned for her. So then I kind of pulled 298 00:13:25,721 --> 00:13:27,841 Speaker 1: back and held back from doing that. And now that 299 00:13:27,881 --> 00:13:29,521 Speaker 1: we're doing this together and I get to spread my 300 00:13:29,561 --> 00:13:32,121 Speaker 1: wings and you're just as hungry for that. The alignments 301 00:13:32,121 --> 00:13:35,001 Speaker 1: there were both after the same thing, and that's really cool. 302 00:13:35,281 --> 00:13:36,961 Speaker 1: So I love the last two years I've had with 303 00:13:37,001 --> 00:13:39,281 Speaker 1: her podcasting, and it was beautiful and I will be 304 00:13:39,361 --> 00:13:42,761 Speaker 1: forever grateful for that. But that chapter did close, and 305 00:13:42,881 --> 00:13:45,601 Speaker 1: instead of dwelling on that, and yes, I've grieved that, 306 00:13:45,641 --> 00:13:48,441 Speaker 1: and I've cried so many fucking tears because I loved 307 00:13:48,481 --> 00:13:50,761 Speaker 1: her so much and that was really hard to go 308 00:13:50,801 --> 00:13:54,001 Speaker 1: through publicly as well, I'm also get to be excited 309 00:13:54,041 --> 00:13:56,121 Speaker 1: about the next chapter and how different that can look. 310 00:13:56,841 --> 00:13:59,961 Speaker 1: And I hope anyone listening that's going through that it's 311 00:14:00,001 --> 00:14:01,961 Speaker 1: okay for chapters to close and for you to open 312 00:14:02,041 --> 00:14:04,001 Speaker 1: up a new one that's more aligned, and you can 313 00:14:04,041 --> 00:14:06,521 Speaker 1: meet yourself where you're at right now, not who you 314 00:14:06,521 --> 00:14:08,921 Speaker 1: were a year ago or two years ago, and also 315 00:14:08,961 --> 00:14:11,321 Speaker 1: find the people that can meet you where you are 316 00:14:11,401 --> 00:14:13,481 Speaker 1: right now. And if they can't hold all of you, 317 00:14:13,521 --> 00:14:16,081 Speaker 1: whether it is your anxious attachment, or is your jealousy, 318 00:14:16,161 --> 00:14:19,601 Speaker 1: or is your territorial or your brightness or whatever it is, 319 00:14:20,001 --> 00:14:22,001 Speaker 1: some people can't hold that. It's not because they don't 320 00:14:22,001 --> 00:14:23,801 Speaker 1: love you. They just might not have the skills or 321 00:14:23,801 --> 00:14:26,881 Speaker 1: the knowledge to do it. Looking back my tribod friendship, 322 00:14:27,121 --> 00:14:29,161 Speaker 1: I was definitely very anxious and they couldn't hold that, 323 00:14:29,281 --> 00:14:31,961 Speaker 1: and I should never expect them to either. But say, now, 324 00:14:32,001 --> 00:14:35,961 Speaker 1: with you, we've both had moments. We understand attachment styles 325 00:14:36,081 --> 00:14:38,401 Speaker 1: very well. We both had moments where we'll call each 326 00:14:38,401 --> 00:14:41,081 Speaker 1: other and be like, oh, my anxious is just coming out. 327 00:14:41,161 --> 00:14:42,681 Speaker 1: Can I just check to something come up with you? 328 00:14:42,761 --> 00:14:45,281 Speaker 1: Just then I'm like, oh my gosh, no, girlfriend, all good, Okay, 329 00:14:45,281 --> 00:14:47,201 Speaker 1: it's just in my head. I did that yesterday. Yeah, 330 00:14:47,201 --> 00:14:49,601 Speaker 1: and I did it last week. But it's because we 331 00:14:49,721 --> 00:14:51,801 Speaker 1: understand that we now have the tools and the knowledge 332 00:14:51,801 --> 00:14:54,561 Speaker 1: to be able to hold someone with anxious attachment. I 333 00:14:54,561 --> 00:14:57,001 Speaker 1: have another girlfriend really close to me who's quite avoidant. 334 00:14:57,441 --> 00:14:59,961 Speaker 1: Five years ago, I would have taken that so fucking 335 00:15:00,041 --> 00:15:03,281 Speaker 1: personally that she's avoiding me. Now, when she goes into avoidant, 336 00:15:03,441 --> 00:15:06,241 Speaker 1: I know she needs her time and space, decompress, and 337 00:15:06,281 --> 00:15:09,121 Speaker 1: she will come back to me when she's ready to talk. Yeah, 338 00:15:09,161 --> 00:15:11,721 Speaker 1: and I don't pressure that anymore, Whereas five years ago, 339 00:15:12,121 --> 00:15:14,001 Speaker 1: I would have come in like an anxious little puppy dog. 340 00:15:14,281 --> 00:15:16,241 Speaker 1: Let's talk about it, let's sort it out. Are you okay? 341 00:15:16,241 --> 00:15:18,001 Speaker 1: What have I done? And it would have pushed her 342 00:15:18,041 --> 00:15:21,601 Speaker 1: away more so. Understanding the attachment styles will really help 343 00:15:21,641 --> 00:15:25,881 Speaker 1: your friendships and help yourself self soothe through those moments. 344 00:15:26,601 --> 00:15:28,241 Speaker 2: There's actually a book that I would recommend. 345 00:15:28,281 --> 00:15:31,001 Speaker 1: It's called Attached. Oh you've told me to read this, 346 00:15:31,121 --> 00:15:33,481 Speaker 1: I need to. I'll have this and pussy. It's a 347 00:15:33,481 --> 00:15:34,481 Speaker 1: really good book, Attached. 348 00:15:34,521 --> 00:15:37,761 Speaker 2: It will just help you understand yourself, past experiences, how 349 00:15:37,801 --> 00:15:40,361 Speaker 2: to navigate attachment styles moving forward. It will just be 350 00:15:40,441 --> 00:15:42,441 Speaker 2: a really beautiful tool that you can use in your 351 00:15:42,481 --> 00:15:45,881 Speaker 2: everyday life. Also pussy really good recommendation for a book. 352 00:15:45,921 --> 00:15:49,481 Speaker 2: Totally off topic, but if you feel disconnected from yourself, 353 00:15:49,521 --> 00:15:52,041 Speaker 2: your pleasure, your body, your pussy, and even the word 354 00:15:52,041 --> 00:15:53,921 Speaker 2: pussy makes you squirm a little bit when you hear 355 00:15:53,961 --> 00:15:58,081 Speaker 2: me say it. Really recommend it's about a reclamation of 356 00:15:58,161 --> 00:16:01,841 Speaker 2: connecting with yourself again. Very powerful, but something that I 357 00:16:01,881 --> 00:16:03,721 Speaker 2: just wanted to add to what you were saying Ashley 358 00:16:04,281 --> 00:16:06,321 Speaker 2: around friendship and I just wanted to say two things 359 00:16:06,361 --> 00:16:09,441 Speaker 2: can coexist at once. You can be sad that a 360 00:16:09,521 --> 00:16:13,561 Speaker 2: chapter has ended and also be grateful for what has been. 361 00:16:13,801 --> 00:16:16,921 Speaker 2: And I think and I think it's really beautiful, you know, 362 00:16:16,961 --> 00:16:19,321 Speaker 2: because it's what you've been holding a lot lately, and 363 00:16:19,361 --> 00:16:21,441 Speaker 2: not a lot of people get to see this side 364 00:16:21,441 --> 00:16:24,001 Speaker 2: of you, and you know, you do such a beautiful 365 00:16:24,081 --> 00:16:27,521 Speaker 2: job of making sure that you're always taking into consideration 366 00:16:27,601 --> 00:16:30,001 Speaker 2: everybody else's feelings and making sure that you're not in 367 00:16:30,041 --> 00:16:32,801 Speaker 2: any way putting anybody else in harm's way. You can 368 00:16:32,841 --> 00:16:35,361 Speaker 2: experience the pain of what you're feeling in this friendship 369 00:16:35,361 --> 00:16:38,321 Speaker 2: breakdown and also be grateful for the time that you 370 00:16:38,401 --> 00:16:43,041 Speaker 2: spend together and simultaneously be grateful and excited for what's 371 00:16:43,121 --> 00:16:45,441 Speaker 2: coming next. And I just really wanted to voice that 372 00:16:45,921 --> 00:16:46,841 Speaker 2: because I think. 373 00:16:46,841 --> 00:16:49,281 Speaker 1: A lot of people are thinking that I've just moved 374 00:16:49,321 --> 00:16:52,481 Speaker 1: on to another friendship and an a podcast host. Yeah, 375 00:16:52,521 --> 00:16:55,281 Speaker 1: so easily. Yeah, And I would have said that it 376 00:16:55,281 --> 00:16:57,041 Speaker 1: has not been easy. It has been far from that. 377 00:16:57,321 --> 00:16:57,521 Speaker 2: Yeah. 378 00:16:57,641 --> 00:17:00,961 Speaker 1: It's been tears and grieving and trying to figure out 379 00:17:00,961 --> 00:17:02,681 Speaker 1: a way to make it work and to keep everyone 380 00:17:02,761 --> 00:17:07,001 Speaker 1: happy and to move on and excited whilst still crying, 381 00:17:07,080 --> 00:17:09,841 Speaker 1: and you know, being really upset with how it all 382 00:17:09,880 --> 00:17:13,001 Speaker 1: went down, and also choosing to stay silent, you know, 383 00:17:13,721 --> 00:17:16,801 Speaker 1: because like you said, I don't want to bring this online. 384 00:17:16,840 --> 00:17:19,081 Speaker 1: This is something that I wanted to just communicate and 385 00:17:19,360 --> 00:17:22,161 Speaker 1: deal with behind closed doors. But it is really hard 386 00:17:22,160 --> 00:17:24,041 Speaker 1: to have a spotlight on you, that's for sure. Yeah. 387 00:17:24,080 --> 00:17:26,401 Speaker 2: And as well, it's like you've chosen to focus more 388 00:17:26,441 --> 00:17:28,920 Speaker 2: on what is coming than what is lost because of 389 00:17:28,961 --> 00:17:32,201 Speaker 2: the way that things kind of unfolded. What has been 390 00:17:32,721 --> 00:17:36,360 Speaker 2: the previous podcast, the previous podcast host, your previous friendship 391 00:17:36,840 --> 00:17:41,521 Speaker 2: doesn't take away no from our friendship. Yeah, And that 392 00:17:41,681 --> 00:17:44,281 Speaker 2: friendship and dynamic and co hosting and all the things 393 00:17:44,321 --> 00:17:46,241 Speaker 2: doesn't take away from what's here. And I just really 394 00:17:46,241 --> 00:17:48,321 Speaker 2: wanted to say that because there's been a couple of 395 00:17:48,321 --> 00:17:50,680 Speaker 2: little comments here, and there are people questioning things, and 396 00:17:50,721 --> 00:17:52,120 Speaker 2: I just want to say, like, I'm not here to 397 00:17:52,160 --> 00:17:55,080 Speaker 2: take someone's place. I'm not here to replace anybody, Ashy, 398 00:17:55,080 --> 00:17:57,480 Speaker 2: and I on here to replace anybody. We are creating 399 00:17:57,521 --> 00:18:00,400 Speaker 2: something of our own. Yeah, And they had created something 400 00:18:00,400 --> 00:18:02,121 Speaker 2: of their own. You guys created something of your own 401 00:18:02,120 --> 00:18:04,440 Speaker 2: as well, And I just want to celebrate that for 402 00:18:04,521 --> 00:18:07,201 Speaker 2: what has been in yeah, and celebrate what is coming 403 00:18:07,241 --> 00:18:10,600 Speaker 2: as well, because it's just as important each other, just 404 00:18:10,640 --> 00:18:14,041 Speaker 2: as important as each other and our journey and it's grief. 405 00:18:14,080 --> 00:18:17,640 Speaker 2: It's beautiful, it's amazing everything gets to exist at once. 406 00:18:17,761 --> 00:18:21,561 Speaker 2: And yeah, it's holding all of the emotions of a 407 00:18:21,600 --> 00:18:26,281 Speaker 2: friendship breakdown, a new friendship, evolving, creating something for the 408 00:18:26,321 --> 00:18:29,561 Speaker 2: future that's coming as well, and holding all of it simultaneously. 409 00:18:29,921 --> 00:18:32,600 Speaker 2: The duality of emotion is fucking hard and. 410 00:18:32,521 --> 00:18:33,840 Speaker 1: Heavy, very hard and heavy. 411 00:18:33,921 --> 00:18:36,041 Speaker 2: You might be so happy over here in this one 412 00:18:36,080 --> 00:18:39,760 Speaker 2: relationship would be devastated that something over here happened, and 413 00:18:39,801 --> 00:18:41,400 Speaker 2: you have to learn how to navigate all of it. 414 00:18:42,241 --> 00:18:44,281 Speaker 1: Yeah, it's been a lot to hold. I don't feel 415 00:18:44,281 --> 00:18:45,840 Speaker 1: like I realize it until I talk about it, and 416 00:18:45,880 --> 00:18:49,521 Speaker 1: I'm like, oh, yeah, I've been talking about it with 417 00:18:49,561 --> 00:18:51,921 Speaker 1: my coach and with other friends and steve to try 418 00:18:51,961 --> 00:18:54,161 Speaker 1: and work through it. But sometimes you have to park 419 00:18:54,160 --> 00:18:55,600 Speaker 1: it to the side because you have to get on 420 00:18:55,921 --> 00:18:58,001 Speaker 1: with being a mum and showing up. And it also 421 00:18:58,160 --> 00:19:01,720 Speaker 1: like you don't want to sit in it. It feels 422 00:19:01,721 --> 00:19:04,081 Speaker 1: really uncomfortable. You want to allow it to all come up. 423 00:19:04,120 --> 00:19:06,961 Speaker 1: But I just was so worried from past experience. Is 424 00:19:07,001 --> 00:19:10,561 Speaker 1: the grief of a friendship loss A really drowned in it? Yeah, 425 00:19:10,600 --> 00:19:12,880 Speaker 1: and it really took away my joy for so long 426 00:19:13,441 --> 00:19:16,120 Speaker 1: because I was just so desperately wanting it to be 427 00:19:16,201 --> 00:19:19,281 Speaker 1: what it once was, you know. So it's yeah, it's 428 00:19:19,321 --> 00:19:22,160 Speaker 1: hard to close chapters. It really is. Yeah, it is. 429 00:19:22,201 --> 00:19:25,400 Speaker 2: It's that grieving somebody who's not dead. Yeah, you know, 430 00:19:25,681 --> 00:19:27,521 Speaker 2: it really does feel like that. Whether it's a friendship 431 00:19:27,640 --> 00:19:29,321 Speaker 2: or a relationship. 432 00:19:29,080 --> 00:19:31,720 Speaker 1: Whether there's hurt or no hurt, like whatever the situation, 433 00:19:31,880 --> 00:19:34,801 Speaker 1: it's all valid and all really hard. Yeah. Yeah, So 434 00:19:34,801 --> 00:19:36,680 Speaker 1: we want to talk about this because our audience is 435 00:19:36,721 --> 00:19:40,001 Speaker 1: all females, and majority of you would have gone through 436 00:19:40,281 --> 00:19:43,360 Speaker 1: some kind of relationship breakdown, whether it's with your friends 437 00:19:43,441 --> 00:19:46,161 Speaker 1: or family or an intimate partner, and we can all 438 00:19:46,321 --> 00:19:47,680 Speaker 1: head in our heart say it is one of the 439 00:19:47,721 --> 00:19:49,680 Speaker 1: most difficult things you'll go through in life. 440 00:19:49,921 --> 00:19:51,881 Speaker 2: I think I mentioned a little bit earlier where there 441 00:19:51,921 --> 00:19:53,801 Speaker 2: was some kind of like mean girl energy that I 442 00:19:53,880 --> 00:19:56,441 Speaker 2: kind of experienced. And there was actually a different experience 443 00:19:56,441 --> 00:20:00,321 Speaker 2: that I had recently where I experienced like this mean 444 00:20:00,360 --> 00:20:03,361 Speaker 2: girl energy in this new environment that I'd never been 445 00:20:03,400 --> 00:20:07,481 Speaker 2: in before, around people who were all like labeled conscious 446 00:20:08,281 --> 00:20:12,200 Speaker 2: and it was just a really interesting experience. So I 447 00:20:12,281 --> 00:20:15,440 Speaker 2: went to this event and I was a guest speaker 448 00:20:15,481 --> 00:20:17,240 Speaker 2: at the event. I was asked by the owner of 449 00:20:17,281 --> 00:20:20,681 Speaker 2: the event to be a public speaker and to contribute 450 00:20:20,681 --> 00:20:23,761 Speaker 2: to her business summit event. And there were a multitude 451 00:20:23,761 --> 00:20:26,561 Speaker 2: of other different speakers there, predominantly male. I think there 452 00:20:26,561 --> 00:20:28,961 Speaker 2: was only a couple of other women. I'd never really 453 00:20:29,001 --> 00:20:31,360 Speaker 2: met this woman either, so I hadn't met her, only 454 00:20:31,400 --> 00:20:34,641 Speaker 2: spoken through social media, and you know, it was all 455 00:20:34,640 --> 00:20:36,240 Speaker 2: good and well leading up to the event, But what 456 00:20:36,360 --> 00:20:40,120 Speaker 2: I noticed once I actually got there, I felt a 457 00:20:40,160 --> 00:20:43,440 Speaker 2: little bit excluded, like a bit of an outcast. 458 00:20:43,521 --> 00:20:43,721 Speaker 1: Yeah. 459 00:20:44,160 --> 00:20:46,160 Speaker 2: I felt there was this other woman who was an 460 00:20:46,160 --> 00:20:50,160 Speaker 2: events manager there her and the owner of the actual event. 461 00:20:50,400 --> 00:20:53,801 Speaker 2: It was almost like these little passive, aggressive, kind of 462 00:20:53,840 --> 00:20:57,161 Speaker 2: little digs at being a princess and doing all these things. 463 00:20:57,241 --> 00:20:59,440 Speaker 2: And in my head, I was like, oh, well, I'm 464 00:20:59,481 --> 00:21:02,400 Speaker 2: wearing a very feminine dress and I've got my hair curled. 465 00:21:02,441 --> 00:21:04,840 Speaker 2: I'm not in a suit like what women normally would 466 00:21:04,840 --> 00:21:07,120 Speaker 2: when I go to a business summit. And I was like, no, 467 00:21:07,241 --> 00:21:08,840 Speaker 2: I feel like I'm in my feminine error. 468 00:21:08,840 --> 00:21:10,601 Speaker 1: I want to feel feminine, you know. 469 00:21:10,521 --> 00:21:14,561 Speaker 2: When I'm upstage speaking about my story, and yeah, I 470 00:21:14,600 --> 00:21:16,960 Speaker 2: just felt like they were all these little digs and 471 00:21:17,001 --> 00:21:19,000 Speaker 2: things like that. And I noticed once I actually got 472 00:21:19,041 --> 00:21:23,041 Speaker 2: off stage, the owner of the event was so short 473 00:21:23,080 --> 00:21:26,281 Speaker 2: with me, so short, so blunt didn't have a bar 474 00:21:26,360 --> 00:21:28,920 Speaker 2: of it. I was so genuinely trying to make conversation 475 00:21:29,041 --> 00:21:31,120 Speaker 2: with her, and she just wouldn't have a bar of it. 476 00:21:31,160 --> 00:21:33,761 Speaker 2: And I just had the worst taste in my mouth. 477 00:21:33,801 --> 00:21:36,721 Speaker 2: And I remember thinking this was before I'd even gotten 478 00:21:36,801 --> 00:21:40,121 Speaker 2: on stage. I was like, oh, I feel really uncomfortable here. 479 00:21:40,160 --> 00:21:42,561 Speaker 2: I can feel projections, I can feel that they're having 480 00:21:42,561 --> 00:21:44,360 Speaker 2: a process in their head while they're talking to me 481 00:21:44,400 --> 00:21:46,200 Speaker 2: and looking at me like you know that day and 482 00:21:46,321 --> 00:21:49,081 Speaker 2: so people get yes, and I just remember thinking, Wow, 483 00:21:49,120 --> 00:21:51,281 Speaker 2: what a way to make somebody feel so uncomfortable before 484 00:21:51,281 --> 00:21:52,360 Speaker 2: they go on stage. 485 00:21:52,521 --> 00:21:53,681 Speaker 1: You're already so nervous. 486 00:21:53,801 --> 00:21:56,160 Speaker 2: I'm really grateful that I could hold it. Like I 487 00:21:56,201 --> 00:21:57,920 Speaker 2: was like, all right, I'm going to compartmentalize and want 488 00:21:57,961 --> 00:21:59,840 Speaker 2: to park that for a second. I need to focus 489 00:21:59,880 --> 00:22:02,161 Speaker 2: on what I'm going to share, what I can provide, 490 00:22:02,201 --> 00:22:03,801 Speaker 2: the value that I can offer for the audience who 491 00:22:03,801 --> 00:22:07,241 Speaker 2: have come here and paid to listen to this. And yeah, 492 00:22:07,281 --> 00:22:10,761 Speaker 2: it was a really disappointing experience and I was just like, 493 00:22:10,840 --> 00:22:13,241 Speaker 2: oh my god, I just don't fit in here. And 494 00:22:13,761 --> 00:22:15,880 Speaker 2: I'm really grateful for that, Like I'm grateful for my 495 00:22:15,921 --> 00:22:18,081 Speaker 2: awareness of that and also being able to see these 496 00:22:18,080 --> 00:22:21,120 Speaker 2: things and other people. But I just remember thinking, like, 497 00:22:21,201 --> 00:22:24,361 Speaker 2: this is a conscious community. People who claim that their XYZ, 498 00:22:24,561 --> 00:22:27,641 Speaker 2: and I just didn't get any of that. And yeah, 499 00:22:27,640 --> 00:22:29,881 Speaker 2: it was a really unfortunate experience because it really left 500 00:22:29,921 --> 00:22:32,080 Speaker 2: a bad taste in my mouth. And it also makes 501 00:22:32,120 --> 00:22:36,001 Speaker 2: me compassionate to people who do judge the coaching industry, 502 00:22:36,041 --> 00:22:39,001 Speaker 2: Like I'm a part of the coaching industry, and sometimes 503 00:22:39,001 --> 00:22:41,521 Speaker 2: I'm like I don't want to be, you know, because 504 00:22:41,521 --> 00:22:44,201 Speaker 2: I see the judgment and I understand why because people 505 00:22:44,281 --> 00:22:45,721 Speaker 2: can kind of like, you know, be on their high 506 00:22:45,801 --> 00:22:48,920 Speaker 2: horse and kind of you know, claim that there's something 507 00:22:48,961 --> 00:22:51,240 Speaker 2: but behind closed doors be doing something different. And that 508 00:22:51,400 --> 00:22:53,081 Speaker 2: was what I felt. It was like these women were 509 00:22:53,120 --> 00:22:55,721 Speaker 2: claiming that they were big coaches in the industry and 510 00:22:56,080 --> 00:22:59,240 Speaker 2: projecting onto me, you know, at an event, and all 511 00:22:59,281 --> 00:23:00,681 Speaker 2: the insecurities and stuff came up. 512 00:23:00,721 --> 00:23:03,201 Speaker 1: And don't get me wrong, everyone. 513 00:23:02,840 --> 00:23:05,640 Speaker 2: Is human, I get that for sure. It wasn't what 514 00:23:05,721 --> 00:23:08,720 Speaker 2: I expected for women who were selling high ticket stuff 515 00:23:08,721 --> 00:23:09,521 Speaker 2: like what their self. 516 00:23:09,360 --> 00:23:11,481 Speaker 1: Teach women how not to do this stuff. 517 00:23:11,600 --> 00:23:14,120 Speaker 2: Yeah, you know, it was very Yeah, it was a 518 00:23:14,120 --> 00:23:16,600 Speaker 2: disappointing experience for sure. 519 00:23:16,801 --> 00:23:18,480 Speaker 1: I think we can all relate to being in an 520 00:23:18,561 --> 00:23:21,521 Speaker 1: environment where we've felt that mean girl energy. There hasn't 521 00:23:21,561 --> 00:23:23,440 Speaker 1: been many, but I remember years and years ago I 522 00:23:23,481 --> 00:23:25,440 Speaker 1: went to a big event. I won't say the brand, 523 00:23:26,400 --> 00:23:29,321 Speaker 1: and I'm going by myself, which is really no racking, 524 00:23:29,721 --> 00:23:32,080 Speaker 1: but they were all a lot bigger than what I 525 00:23:32,241 --> 00:23:34,801 Speaker 1: was in the influencing world, and I just remember trying 526 00:23:34,801 --> 00:23:37,360 Speaker 1: to sparkle conversation with all of them and it's like 527 00:23:37,441 --> 00:23:39,801 Speaker 1: they were just too cool. They just didn't want a 528 00:23:39,840 --> 00:23:42,001 Speaker 1: bar of me, and it was really hard to make conversation. 529 00:23:42,360 --> 00:23:44,520 Speaker 1: There was another girl there as well. We ended up 530 00:23:44,521 --> 00:23:46,920 Speaker 1: clicking and she felt exactly the same. They were very 531 00:23:47,041 --> 00:23:49,120 Speaker 1: clique and it's just the same thing and put such 532 00:23:49,120 --> 00:23:51,840 Speaker 1: a bad taste in my mouth, and I just thought, oh, 533 00:23:51,880 --> 00:23:53,920 Speaker 1: and it's a compliment I get quite often as Oh, 534 00:23:54,080 --> 00:23:55,960 Speaker 1: you're so kind and you applied to all your dms 535 00:23:56,001 --> 00:23:57,761 Speaker 1: and you're just as you are online, and it's like, 536 00:23:57,761 --> 00:24:00,120 Speaker 1: why would I not be? Yeah, why does having a 537 00:24:00,160 --> 00:24:03,680 Speaker 1: following or being Instagram famous, like YouTube famous or TikTok 538 00:24:03,761 --> 00:24:05,481 Speaker 1: famous make you any better than any any when else 539 00:24:05,481 --> 00:24:08,440 Speaker 1: it doesn't. We should be treating every single person with 540 00:24:08,561 --> 00:24:11,281 Speaker 1: kindness and respect, regardless of who you are or how 541 00:24:11,321 --> 00:24:13,400 Speaker 1: far you've come or how much money you've made. You 542 00:24:13,441 --> 00:24:16,001 Speaker 1: can still be nice. Yeah, you can still have a conversation. 543 00:24:16,681 --> 00:24:20,640 Speaker 2: Comes down to personal values. Yeah, those things people say often, 544 00:24:20,681 --> 00:24:23,001 Speaker 2: those things only exacerbate traits. 545 00:24:22,640 --> 00:24:24,001 Speaker 1: Of you that are already there. 546 00:24:24,120 --> 00:24:26,480 Speaker 2: True, you know, so it's like maybe, you know, you 547 00:24:26,600 --> 00:24:29,160 Speaker 2: just come to learn who people really are when they 548 00:24:29,160 --> 00:24:31,840 Speaker 2: do experience these things. Now, it's like they see those 549 00:24:31,880 --> 00:24:35,720 Speaker 2: traits of themselves are exacerbated. They come out stronger. You know, 550 00:24:35,801 --> 00:24:38,161 Speaker 2: what was already under the surface is kind of there 551 00:24:38,201 --> 00:24:40,801 Speaker 2: to see now that they have a platform, so like, 552 00:24:40,840 --> 00:24:43,761 Speaker 2: it's not good or bad, wrong, whatever, it just is. 553 00:24:43,761 --> 00:24:45,960 Speaker 1: This is an observation. I think most of us have 554 00:24:46,041 --> 00:24:49,081 Speaker 1: experienced that. But it's also why I think I got 555 00:24:49,080 --> 00:24:51,120 Speaker 1: into being a personal trainer for women, as I never 556 00:24:51,160 --> 00:24:53,400 Speaker 1: wanted anyone to feel alone because I felt like that 557 00:24:53,481 --> 00:24:56,480 Speaker 1: growing up, where it's being left out or different groups 558 00:24:56,561 --> 00:24:59,041 Speaker 1: or clickiness. And it's also why we want to do 559 00:24:59,041 --> 00:25:02,120 Speaker 1: these smaller intimate events. Anyone that's had push trauma with 560 00:25:02,281 --> 00:25:05,761 Speaker 1: friendships or sisterhood wounds, give you ever evidence that it 561 00:25:05,801 --> 00:25:08,001 Speaker 1: doesn't have to be like that. And women can meet 562 00:25:08,001 --> 00:25:09,561 Speaker 1: you where you're at, and they can hold all of 563 00:25:09,561 --> 00:25:11,961 Speaker 1: you and they can love all of you. And that's 564 00:25:12,001 --> 00:25:13,720 Speaker 1: a big goal of ours this year is to actually 565 00:25:13,721 --> 00:25:16,680 Speaker 1: bring that together. And everyone who's listening to this podcast, 566 00:25:17,241 --> 00:25:19,400 Speaker 1: we trust and believe that you're on the same vibration 567 00:25:19,481 --> 00:25:21,240 Speaker 1: as us and you're wanting the same things as us. 568 00:25:21,681 --> 00:25:23,401 Speaker 1: That's so freaking cool to be in a room full 569 00:25:23,400 --> 00:25:26,681 Speaker 1: of women who all matching that you can only thrive 570 00:25:26,880 --> 00:25:30,920 Speaker 1: and grow and sparkle ten times brighter when you're in 571 00:25:30,961 --> 00:25:31,360 Speaker 1: that room. 572 00:25:31,441 --> 00:25:33,521 Speaker 2: Yeah, and as well, like I just wanted to speak 573 00:25:33,561 --> 00:25:36,600 Speaker 2: too quickly, the women who maybe you feel like you 574 00:25:36,681 --> 00:25:38,880 Speaker 2: really want to fit in and you end up making 575 00:25:38,921 --> 00:25:41,201 Speaker 2: friends with a mean girl kind of group, and then 576 00:25:41,241 --> 00:25:43,761 Speaker 2: you maybe even think that you need to become the 577 00:25:43,880 --> 00:25:45,920 Speaker 2: mean girl because you think that that's what you need 578 00:25:45,961 --> 00:25:47,441 Speaker 2: to do in order to fit in. I just want 579 00:25:47,481 --> 00:25:50,120 Speaker 2: you to know, like you never need to abandon yourself 580 00:25:50,441 --> 00:25:52,600 Speaker 2: to fit in a place that you don't fit, you know, 581 00:25:52,640 --> 00:25:53,960 Speaker 2: because I know that there can be a lot of 582 00:25:54,001 --> 00:25:56,640 Speaker 2: pressure when it comes to fitting in that you know, 583 00:25:56,640 --> 00:25:58,721 Speaker 2: maybe there's a cool girl group or women who behave 584 00:25:58,761 --> 00:26:00,281 Speaker 2: a certain way and you're like, oh, do I need 585 00:26:00,321 --> 00:26:02,880 Speaker 2: to be like them in order to be accepted? But 586 00:26:03,001 --> 00:26:05,481 Speaker 2: the truth of the matter is if you feel that way, 587 00:26:05,640 --> 00:26:06,521 Speaker 2: they're not your people. 588 00:26:06,721 --> 00:26:09,361 Speaker 1: Yes, so true, you know. So it's like, just know. 589 00:26:09,721 --> 00:26:12,801 Speaker 2: The people you spend time with will influence you, whether 590 00:26:12,840 --> 00:26:15,480 Speaker 2: it's towards the person you want to be or away 591 00:26:15,481 --> 00:26:17,801 Speaker 2: from the person you want to be. So just remember 592 00:26:17,840 --> 00:26:21,001 Speaker 2: that because there will always be environments like what we're 593 00:26:21,001 --> 00:26:24,080 Speaker 2: trying to create, places where you can come where you 594 00:26:24,120 --> 00:26:26,281 Speaker 2: can be all of who you are. Be the softer 595 00:26:26,400 --> 00:26:29,400 Speaker 2: version of you, yes, be the more brady version of you. 596 00:26:29,640 --> 00:26:32,240 Speaker 2: Whatever it is that you are, and whatever your flavor is, 597 00:26:32,921 --> 00:26:35,881 Speaker 2: you get to be accepted within this place without molding 598 00:26:35,921 --> 00:26:37,001 Speaker 2: into something that you're not. 599 00:26:37,080 --> 00:26:38,761 Speaker 1: I love that because that's what this is about. 600 00:26:38,840 --> 00:26:42,400 Speaker 2: It's really about finding your people and being willing to 601 00:26:42,441 --> 00:26:46,080 Speaker 2: take off the masks. Yes, but I think that's a 602 00:26:46,080 --> 00:26:48,521 Speaker 2: lot of what we want to include into these events 603 00:26:48,600 --> 00:26:52,120 Speaker 2: is actually giving you permission to be the vibe that 604 00:26:52,160 --> 00:26:54,920 Speaker 2: you want to attract in, you know, being that first 605 00:26:54,961 --> 00:26:58,681 Speaker 2: and foremost before you attract the people that you want, 606 00:26:58,801 --> 00:27:01,120 Speaker 2: instead of the opposite way around. Because we tend to 607 00:27:01,120 --> 00:27:02,880 Speaker 2: do that, we're like, how do I find the people 608 00:27:02,921 --> 00:27:04,440 Speaker 2: and then I'll become the person I want to be? 609 00:27:04,521 --> 00:27:06,120 Speaker 2: But it's that the opposite way around. 610 00:27:06,120 --> 00:27:07,360 Speaker 1: It's such a good way to put it. It's the 611 00:27:07,400 --> 00:27:09,440 Speaker 1: opposite way around. We do it backwards. 612 00:27:09,721 --> 00:27:13,281 Speaker 2: We have to look within ourselves and go, what is 613 00:27:13,321 --> 00:27:15,561 Speaker 2: it that I am being right now that I'm attracting 614 00:27:15,561 --> 00:27:18,600 Speaker 2: the people I'm attracting. How can I become the version 615 00:27:18,721 --> 00:27:21,681 Speaker 2: I want to be person I'm proud of, and then 616 00:27:21,721 --> 00:27:23,720 Speaker 2: that would be the energetic match for the people I 617 00:27:23,880 --> 00:27:26,880 Speaker 2: want and desire to call in, Like who would I 618 00:27:27,001 --> 00:27:29,521 Speaker 2: have to be for that type of person to want 619 00:27:29,561 --> 00:27:32,281 Speaker 2: to be friends? With me. Yes, And it's true, not 620 00:27:32,400 --> 00:27:34,600 Speaker 2: about changing who you are at your core. It's not 621 00:27:34,640 --> 00:27:37,680 Speaker 2: about that. It's just about being the best version of 622 00:27:37,721 --> 00:27:40,521 Speaker 2: you that you can be with the freedom to be 623 00:27:40,640 --> 00:27:43,360 Speaker 2: all of who you are and know that when you 624 00:27:43,481 --> 00:27:47,680 Speaker 2: are that they can find you. And it happens every time, 625 00:27:47,921 --> 00:27:48,400 Speaker 2: you know, when. 626 00:27:48,241 --> 00:27:50,081 Speaker 1: People say, oh, I wish the world was a kind 627 00:27:50,160 --> 00:27:53,080 Speaker 1: of place, I wish the world would change, I always 628 00:27:53,120 --> 00:27:55,881 Speaker 1: put it back on them or back on myself be like, Okay, well, 629 00:27:55,961 --> 00:27:57,521 Speaker 1: if I want the world to be kinder, I need 630 00:27:57,521 --> 00:27:59,761 Speaker 1: to be kinder. If I want to see change the world, 631 00:27:59,801 --> 00:28:01,600 Speaker 1: I need to be the change. If you wanted to 632 00:28:01,600 --> 00:28:05,240 Speaker 1: attract people that are more conscious, more health focused us 633 00:28:05,241 --> 00:28:08,801 Speaker 1: into their fitness, love self like you do, that's what 634 00:28:08,840 --> 00:28:10,400 Speaker 1: you've got to become. That's what you've got to be. 635 00:28:10,481 --> 00:28:12,521 Speaker 1: And I feel like it naturally comes in when you 636 00:28:12,600 --> 00:28:14,521 Speaker 1: become all of that. And I feel like we're a 637 00:28:14,521 --> 00:28:17,080 Speaker 1: perfect example of that. Even all the stuff that we 638 00:28:17,201 --> 00:28:20,281 Speaker 1: value in friendships and our wounds, Yeah, we kind have 639 00:28:20,321 --> 00:28:23,481 Speaker 1: attracted like a mirror, but it's helped us overcome them 640 00:28:23,481 --> 00:28:25,881 Speaker 1: and heal them because we have such compassion for where 641 00:28:26,001 --> 00:28:27,920 Speaker 1: like the other person is at. Yeah, it's cool when 642 00:28:27,961 --> 00:28:29,801 Speaker 1: you can bring people in like that. Yeah it is. 643 00:28:30,080 --> 00:28:33,200 Speaker 2: It's like a deeper understanding as well as yeah, yeah, 644 00:28:33,201 --> 00:28:36,600 Speaker 2: it's beautiful and as well, even though we are able 645 00:28:36,640 --> 00:28:39,321 Speaker 2: to relate to you know, what we've both been through 646 00:28:39,321 --> 00:28:41,441 Speaker 2: because we've been through similar things in our own way, 647 00:28:41,481 --> 00:28:45,001 Speaker 2: of course, but lots of people react differently to a 648 00:28:45,081 --> 00:28:48,440 Speaker 2: lot of situations and scenarios, you know, like us both 649 00:28:48,521 --> 00:28:51,401 Speaker 2: we realize we resonate with each other on certain things 650 00:28:51,441 --> 00:28:54,520 Speaker 2: because we respond in the same way. We've had similar wounds, 651 00:28:54,521 --> 00:28:57,281 Speaker 2: so we can have compassion for that, whereas like you 652 00:28:57,361 --> 00:29:00,281 Speaker 2: might meet people in your life who respond differently than 653 00:29:00,321 --> 00:29:02,881 Speaker 2: the way that you do, especially in friendships. We both 654 00:29:02,921 --> 00:29:05,801 Speaker 2: have a value of loyalty, whereas like somebody else might 655 00:29:05,841 --> 00:29:08,841 Speaker 2: have a different expectation on loyalty and go, oh wow, 656 00:29:09,041 --> 00:29:11,281 Speaker 2: you know, me doing this isn't even going to be 657 00:29:11,281 --> 00:29:13,960 Speaker 2: a problem for that person when the other person is like, 658 00:29:14,001 --> 00:29:15,561 Speaker 2: oh my god, why did you do that? I think 659 00:29:15,561 --> 00:29:16,601 Speaker 2: that shows up as well. 660 00:29:16,681 --> 00:29:16,881 Speaker 1: You know. 661 00:29:17,281 --> 00:29:19,041 Speaker 2: Let's say, for example, like in the past, I've had, 662 00:29:19,121 --> 00:29:20,960 Speaker 2: you know, a girlfriend of mine who was really close 663 00:29:21,161 --> 00:29:23,841 Speaker 2: and I ended up having a falling out with another 664 00:29:23,881 --> 00:29:26,681 Speaker 2: friend who we were both friends with and she was 665 00:29:26,681 --> 00:29:28,440 Speaker 2: still like wanting to be her friend, and like, of 666 00:29:28,481 --> 00:29:31,281 Speaker 2: course everyone can. She has, you know, freedom of choice, 667 00:29:31,281 --> 00:29:33,720 Speaker 2: She can absolutely do that. But me at the time, 668 00:29:33,881 --> 00:29:36,480 Speaker 2: being so young and being super territorial, I was like, 669 00:29:36,801 --> 00:29:39,881 Speaker 2: how fucking do you you want to be on my side? 670 00:29:40,121 --> 00:29:41,881 Speaker 1: You want to do this like halfuck a day? You 671 00:29:41,961 --> 00:29:42,441 Speaker 1: what do you mean? 672 00:29:42,521 --> 00:29:44,161 Speaker 2: Like You're not just going to automatically cut her off? 673 00:29:44,201 --> 00:29:47,321 Speaker 2: Like all of those feelings naturally came up because I 674 00:29:47,361 --> 00:29:50,961 Speaker 2: had that expectation and that deep thing of loyalty, whereas 675 00:29:51,001 --> 00:29:54,121 Speaker 2: for her it looked a little differently. And so I 676 00:29:54,121 --> 00:29:56,841 Speaker 2: think that's a huge thing about friendships is just learning 677 00:29:56,921 --> 00:29:59,601 Speaker 2: to understand each other, be willing to take time to 678 00:29:59,601 --> 00:30:02,841 Speaker 2: get to know that person. And also a huge thing 679 00:30:02,921 --> 00:30:07,481 Speaker 2: is open communication, able to have hard conversations around this stuff. Hey, 680 00:30:07,481 --> 00:30:10,361 Speaker 2: what's your expectation of loyalty? How would you want me 681 00:30:10,441 --> 00:30:12,200 Speaker 2: to behave in that in that experience? 682 00:30:12,401 --> 00:30:14,480 Speaker 1: How would you feel if that happened? Ye? But a 683 00:30:14,481 --> 00:30:16,361 Speaker 1: good example of that, I won't say her name, but 684 00:30:16,441 --> 00:30:19,121 Speaker 1: an old friend of mine pole opposites. We are to 685 00:30:19,161 --> 00:30:21,041 Speaker 1: the point that we have almost just depart a little 686 00:30:21,041 --> 00:30:24,440 Speaker 1: bit at the moment. But I say, for example, if 687 00:30:24,441 --> 00:30:27,561 Speaker 1: I didn't get invited to a birthday or to my 688 00:30:27,641 --> 00:30:30,521 Speaker 1: friend's kids' birthday, I take that very personally. It is 689 00:30:30,601 --> 00:30:32,720 Speaker 1: such an honor to me if I get invited to 690 00:30:32,721 --> 00:30:35,440 Speaker 1: something so special like that. I did not take that lightly. 691 00:30:35,481 --> 00:30:37,480 Speaker 1: That is just feels really good for me to be 692 00:30:37,521 --> 00:30:41,601 Speaker 1: invited and included where she could not give two fucks. 693 00:30:41,841 --> 00:30:43,601 Speaker 1: I remember saying to her, you know, I want to 694 00:30:43,601 --> 00:30:46,801 Speaker 1: invite everyone to Tyler's birthday party, but I also don't 695 00:30:46,841 --> 00:30:48,881 Speaker 1: because then in my experience, and I feel like I 696 00:30:48,881 --> 00:30:52,001 Speaker 1: spent my whole time looking after everyone and not spending 697 00:30:52,041 --> 00:30:53,681 Speaker 1: time with my daughter. And she's like, OHNA give a fuck, 698 00:30:53,681 --> 00:30:55,121 Speaker 1: you don't invite me. I don't care if no one 699 00:30:55,121 --> 00:30:56,961 Speaker 1: ever hearts me ever again. In fact, I get to 700 00:30:56,961 --> 00:30:59,801 Speaker 1: stay home and be my introverted self. Oh, she would 701 00:30:59,881 --> 00:31:02,241 Speaker 1: never be offended if she wasn't invited. She could not 702 00:31:02,361 --> 00:31:04,960 Speaker 1: care less. I got upset one day when someone followed me. 703 00:31:05,121 --> 00:31:06,881 Speaker 1: She's like, I wouldn't even notice that someone and followed me. 704 00:31:07,601 --> 00:31:11,001 Speaker 1: Just two completely different people. We have to remember we've 705 00:31:11,041 --> 00:31:13,521 Speaker 1: grown up so differently. We had different wounds, we have 706 00:31:13,601 --> 00:31:16,440 Speaker 1: different nervous systems, different triggers. And I used to look 707 00:31:16,441 --> 00:31:19,081 Speaker 1: at her and be like, how would that not upset you? 708 00:31:19,121 --> 00:31:20,881 Speaker 1: And she's like, I didn't get invited to you know, 709 00:31:20,961 --> 00:31:23,161 Speaker 1: someone says birthday, I don't care. I would to stay 710 00:31:23,201 --> 00:31:25,561 Speaker 1: home with my husband. She couldn't care less, and I 711 00:31:25,641 --> 00:31:28,921 Speaker 1: just could not understand and relate and she couldn't understand 712 00:31:28,921 --> 00:31:31,441 Speaker 1: why it would be upset. It's just a cool example 713 00:31:31,481 --> 00:31:34,001 Speaker 1: of everyone is so different. But I had to have 714 00:31:34,081 --> 00:31:36,281 Speaker 1: that conversation with her and say, well, look, if you're 715 00:31:36,281 --> 00:31:39,081 Speaker 1: having a birthday event, these always invite me because I'd 716 00:31:39,081 --> 00:31:41,200 Speaker 1: be really sad if I see everyone else celebrating. And 717 00:31:41,201 --> 00:31:42,881 Speaker 1: she's like, oh, you always will because I know that 718 00:31:42,881 --> 00:31:46,481 Speaker 1: you'd have a look. Yeah, oh love on me, love 719 00:31:46,521 --> 00:31:47,201 Speaker 1: on me. Yeah. 720 00:31:47,401 --> 00:31:49,001 Speaker 2: Young people in the way they need to be loved. 721 00:31:49,041 --> 00:31:55,081 Speaker 1: Exactly, exactly and respecting, understanding, have compassion where everyone's at. 722 00:31:55,121 --> 00:31:57,401 Speaker 1: And I feel like when you're close with your girlfriends too, 723 00:31:57,401 --> 00:31:59,441 Speaker 1: you do get to know where their nervous systems are at, 724 00:31:59,721 --> 00:32:01,801 Speaker 1: where they're at in their journey. And it's not that 725 00:32:01,801 --> 00:32:03,681 Speaker 1: you were ahead of them or anything, but I feel 726 00:32:03,721 --> 00:32:05,521 Speaker 1: like when you do self development, and you do so 727 00:32:05,561 --> 00:32:07,921 Speaker 1: much work on yourself, you can recognize where people are at, 728 00:32:08,241 --> 00:32:10,801 Speaker 1: what stage throughout what's coming up for them. We have 729 00:32:10,841 --> 00:32:13,001 Speaker 1: a close girlfriend too that we support through things that 730 00:32:13,041 --> 00:32:15,081 Speaker 1: come up for her because we've been there, we've done that, 731 00:32:15,441 --> 00:32:17,721 Speaker 1: and we can hold all of her. And she gets 732 00:32:17,801 --> 00:32:20,241 Speaker 1: quite anxious and feels bad when she says things to us. Yes, 733 00:32:20,401 --> 00:32:22,960 Speaker 1: we get it, bring it in, bring it in. We 734 00:32:23,001 --> 00:32:25,481 Speaker 1: love you anyway. We love you more when you bring 735 00:32:25,521 --> 00:32:27,721 Speaker 1: it to us and you trust us and you feel 736 00:32:27,761 --> 00:32:29,081 Speaker 1: safe with us that we can hold you in all 737 00:32:29,121 --> 00:32:32,361 Speaker 1: of that so beautiful. But not everyone will be able 738 00:32:32,401 --> 00:32:35,001 Speaker 1: to do that, and that's also okay. That's where they're at, 739 00:32:35,001 --> 00:32:37,801 Speaker 1: and that's where they're at with their understanding of it. 740 00:32:37,801 --> 00:32:40,121 Speaker 2: All and what you just said as well, not everyone's 741 00:32:40,161 --> 00:32:42,241 Speaker 2: going to be able to hold you. But even though 742 00:32:42,281 --> 00:32:44,241 Speaker 2: the emotions are valid and you get to be sad 743 00:32:44,281 --> 00:32:47,001 Speaker 2: of those things, it's not taking it personally. 744 00:32:47,041 --> 00:32:48,761 Speaker 1: Which is so hard. 745 00:32:47,881 --> 00:32:52,361 Speaker 2: It's challenging, right, it's simple, but it's not easy, yes, 746 00:32:52,441 --> 00:32:55,521 Speaker 2: because it's understanding that where that person is at has 747 00:32:55,561 --> 00:32:57,681 Speaker 2: everything to do with what's going on in their head 748 00:32:58,081 --> 00:33:00,281 Speaker 2: and not the person in front of them. And when 749 00:33:00,281 --> 00:33:03,161 Speaker 2: you can see everything from that lens, you go, wow, 750 00:33:03,201 --> 00:33:05,121 Speaker 2: this actually isn't about me. This isn't the tea on 751 00:33:05,241 --> 00:33:05,881 Speaker 2: a show right now? 752 00:33:07,241 --> 00:33:10,401 Speaker 1: The world doesn't rend me, And it's this. 753 00:33:10,321 --> 00:33:13,681 Speaker 2: Person is having like a real experience that is triggering 754 00:33:13,681 --> 00:33:14,161 Speaker 2: something in them. 755 00:33:14,241 --> 00:33:15,321 Speaker 1: It's so real for. 756 00:33:15,321 --> 00:33:18,161 Speaker 2: Them, and it's just yeah, it's being able to hold space. 757 00:33:18,161 --> 00:33:20,201 Speaker 2: And again, even if they can't hold you, it has 758 00:33:20,321 --> 00:33:22,241 Speaker 2: nothing to do with you. It doesn't mean that you're 759 00:33:22,241 --> 00:33:24,361 Speaker 2: too much. It doesn't mean that you're not good enough 760 00:33:24,481 --> 00:33:26,841 Speaker 2: or not worthy of someone holding you. It just means 761 00:33:27,201 --> 00:33:29,001 Speaker 2: that that person is showing you where they are at. 762 00:33:29,161 --> 00:33:31,081 Speaker 1: You never do too much for the right people. I 763 00:33:31,081 --> 00:33:32,681 Speaker 1: think you said that to me. It made me feel 764 00:33:32,801 --> 00:33:34,721 Speaker 1: so loved and supported and held, and I just think 765 00:33:34,721 --> 00:33:37,401 Speaker 1: it's really true. With most of you listening, I think 766 00:33:37,441 --> 00:33:39,681 Speaker 1: like ninety nine percent of you are females. It's an 767 00:33:39,681 --> 00:33:42,401 Speaker 1: important one to talk about. So thank you so much 768 00:33:42,441 --> 00:33:44,841 Speaker 1: for listening. We really appreciate it. A bye