1 00:00:05,921 --> 00:00:07,281 Speaker 1: Apoday production. 2 00:00:10,121 --> 00:00:13,521 Speaker 2: We begin today by acknowledging the traditional custodians of the 3 00:00:13,601 --> 00:00:16,441 Speaker 2: land on which we gather today and pay our respects 4 00:00:16,481 --> 00:00:19,641 Speaker 2: to their elders past and present. We extend that respect 5 00:00:19,721 --> 00:00:22,921 Speaker 2: to Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander people's here today. 6 00:00:25,081 --> 00:00:28,801 Speaker 3: Welcome to the Grow and Glow Podcast. I'm Ashy, I'm Kiara. 7 00:00:28,961 --> 00:00:31,321 Speaker 3: This is a podcast where we learn, laugh, and level 8 00:00:31,401 --> 00:00:31,841 Speaker 3: up together. 9 00:00:32,120 --> 00:00:34,641 Speaker 1: Let's go deep, let the emotions flow, and find the 10 00:00:34,721 --> 00:00:37,481 Speaker 1: lessons to grow and Glow. Nothing is off the table 11 00:00:37,521 --> 00:00:39,841 Speaker 1: with Grow and Glow and we're here to be your expander. 12 00:00:43,881 --> 00:00:48,241 Speaker 1: Welcome back to Hell. And you're saying, Wacky Wednesday. 13 00:00:47,961 --> 00:00:52,041 Speaker 3: Oh, wacky Wednesday. Wednesday, we always go a bit wacky 14 00:00:52,120 --> 00:00:53,400 Speaker 3: on the Wednesday episode. 15 00:00:53,521 --> 00:00:54,521 Speaker 1: Wacky Wednesday. 16 00:00:54,921 --> 00:00:57,401 Speaker 3: Everyone gets comfortable, so like the Monday, everyone's like a 17 00:00:57,441 --> 00:01:01,321 Speaker 3: little bit more eye and then Wednesday things just get 18 00:01:01,361 --> 00:01:02,121 Speaker 3: a little bit wacky. 19 00:01:02,161 --> 00:01:08,001 Speaker 1: Sometimes wonderful Wednesday. Wonderful Wednesday. So if you missed Monday's episode, 20 00:01:08,041 --> 00:01:10,440 Speaker 1: we had a beautiful guest, Uncle Tiana, one of my 21 00:01:10,481 --> 00:01:12,961 Speaker 1: good girlfriends, and we spoke all that insecurities. So if 22 00:01:12,961 --> 00:01:14,921 Speaker 1: you haven't listened to that, definitely go back to listen 23 00:01:14,961 --> 00:01:20,921 Speaker 1: to that one. But today we're talking about ego. I 24 00:01:20,920 --> 00:01:22,720 Speaker 1: don't know about you, guys. When I think about ego, 25 00:01:22,801 --> 00:01:25,041 Speaker 1: I really do think negatively towards it and. 26 00:01:25,121 --> 00:01:25,840 Speaker 3: Has a bad rap. 27 00:01:25,920 --> 00:01:28,640 Speaker 4: It does have a bad it really does. 28 00:01:28,961 --> 00:01:32,200 Speaker 1: So let's rewind it right back for people listening and 29 00:01:32,200 --> 00:01:33,841 Speaker 1: they're like, ego, I don't really know much about that. 30 00:01:34,041 --> 00:01:35,720 Speaker 1: How would you describe ego? 31 00:01:36,721 --> 00:01:38,081 Speaker 4: I actually want to do like a little bit of 32 00:01:38,081 --> 00:01:41,401 Speaker 4: an exercise fus, Yeah, because I want for both of 33 00:01:41,441 --> 00:01:43,281 Speaker 4: you and everyone who's listening to kind of get a 34 00:01:43,321 --> 00:01:45,360 Speaker 4: little bit of a grasp of like how they can 35 00:01:45,441 --> 00:01:46,881 Speaker 4: identify what their ego actually got. 36 00:01:46,920 --> 00:01:47,681 Speaker 1: The love is scared. 37 00:01:47,841 --> 00:01:49,561 Speaker 4: Let's say you were getting ready to go on a 38 00:01:49,601 --> 00:01:52,321 Speaker 4: first date. Right, You're at the date and you're in 39 00:01:52,361 --> 00:01:54,721 Speaker 4: the stage where that person is then asking you all 40 00:01:54,761 --> 00:01:57,481 Speaker 4: these questions about yourself, and you've got like your best 41 00:01:57,521 --> 00:02:00,681 Speaker 4: foot forward. Yeah, I want you to think about what 42 00:02:00,801 --> 00:02:02,601 Speaker 4: are some of the things, let's say, like top two 43 00:02:02,721 --> 00:02:05,681 Speaker 4: things that you would actively be comfortable to lead with. 44 00:02:05,841 --> 00:02:08,801 Speaker 4: Let's say, for an example, the fact that he wants 45 00:02:08,801 --> 00:02:11,481 Speaker 4: to know a little bit about your mindset. Are you optimistic? 46 00:02:12,081 --> 00:02:15,800 Speaker 4: Are you driven? Are you disciplined? What's the first thing 47 00:02:15,841 --> 00:02:21,441 Speaker 4: that actually comes to mind. Kind Yeah, I feel that. 48 00:02:21,841 --> 00:02:29,721 Speaker 3: Yeah, I feel like I'm kind and I'm funny and silly. 49 00:02:27,240 --> 00:02:32,361 Speaker 1: Caring and goofy car similar. Yeah yeah, good listener. But 50 00:02:32,401 --> 00:02:35,321 Speaker 1: then also which the shame straight away around it? I 51 00:02:35,361 --> 00:02:37,161 Speaker 1: would have wanted to talk about my success. 52 00:02:37,441 --> 00:02:40,601 Speaker 4: Yeah beautiful, No, this is beautiful. We'll dive into the shade. 53 00:02:40,721 --> 00:02:42,960 Speaker 4: I feel like we should go there later. But okay, 54 00:02:43,001 --> 00:02:45,680 Speaker 4: that's the first thing that you lead with. Yeah, that's beautiful. 55 00:02:46,481 --> 00:02:48,601 Speaker 4: I want you to now think about the type of 56 00:02:48,641 --> 00:02:50,921 Speaker 4: things that you would leave for like six months down 57 00:02:50,960 --> 00:02:54,001 Speaker 4: the track, so that the parts of you thinks about 58 00:02:54,041 --> 00:02:56,001 Speaker 4: yourself that you'd be like, oh yeah, like not going 59 00:02:56,081 --> 00:02:58,081 Speaker 4: to tell this person that, Like I'm probably going to 60 00:02:58,161 --> 00:03:00,401 Speaker 4: wait like eight weeks until we're on a fourth date 61 00:03:01,201 --> 00:03:03,241 Speaker 4: for me to show this person this part of me 62 00:03:03,361 --> 00:03:06,641 Speaker 4: think about, like what feeling that vokesphere? Yeah, a bit particular. 63 00:03:07,081 --> 00:03:09,680 Speaker 3: Yeah, I can definitely be a bit like wanting things 64 00:03:09,680 --> 00:03:15,281 Speaker 3: done a specific way. I think and need my space. Yeah, yeah, 65 00:03:15,361 --> 00:03:17,121 Speaker 3: in my space, I feel like sometimes I do like 66 00:03:17,201 --> 00:03:19,281 Speaker 3: just shut down, like leave me alone, like give me. 67 00:03:19,281 --> 00:03:22,440 Speaker 4: Face yep, ashy, probably a bit snappy. Sometimes it's beautiful 68 00:03:22,721 --> 00:03:23,240 Speaker 4: and if. 69 00:03:23,121 --> 00:03:25,680 Speaker 1: I'm triggered or not heard, I can bring out a weapon, 70 00:03:26,081 --> 00:03:29,441 Speaker 1: not a physical weapons. Thing is gonna be like she's 71 00:03:29,481 --> 00:03:32,481 Speaker 1: got a gun? No, just like I would criticize. Yeah, 72 00:03:32,520 --> 00:03:34,440 Speaker 1: with Steve, That's what I'll do sometimes if I don't 73 00:03:34,441 --> 00:03:38,121 Speaker 1: feel heard or I feel like I haven't had enough attention, 74 00:03:38,601 --> 00:03:41,481 Speaker 1: sometimes I'll just make a little like remark that's not 75 00:03:41,521 --> 00:03:44,681 Speaker 1: the kindest or the dagger he calls it. He's like, hmm, 76 00:03:44,721 --> 00:03:47,121 Speaker 1: that feels like a dugger like it definitely. 77 00:03:46,681 --> 00:03:52,041 Speaker 4: Was, Yes, that would be me throwing it. 78 00:03:52,121 --> 00:03:53,921 Speaker 1: That would be, yeah, the fault that I wouldn't want 79 00:03:53,921 --> 00:03:55,161 Speaker 1: to talk about straight away. 80 00:03:55,281 --> 00:03:57,281 Speaker 4: Okay, So the purpose that I wanted to bring with 81 00:03:57,321 --> 00:03:59,961 Speaker 4: this is okay, in the beginning, what was the feeling 82 00:03:59,961 --> 00:04:02,001 Speaker 4: that was associated with the thing that you're proud to 83 00:04:02,041 --> 00:04:07,521 Speaker 4: show somebody? What's the feeling like out like really proud, proud? 84 00:04:07,641 --> 00:04:09,761 Speaker 1: Yeah, so it's like I'm like proud I am. 85 00:04:09,801 --> 00:04:12,281 Speaker 4: It's a good energy, right, You're like, I'm so happy 86 00:04:12,281 --> 00:04:14,761 Speaker 4: to show you this. And then what about the things 87 00:04:14,761 --> 00:04:16,440 Speaker 4: that you would wait eight weeks to show? How do 88 00:04:16,481 --> 00:04:17,281 Speaker 4: you feel. 89 00:04:20,321 --> 00:04:25,041 Speaker 1: It was so perfect? Yeah? 90 00:04:25,361 --> 00:04:30,401 Speaker 4: Make you clench your buttole you Why would anyone want 91 00:04:30,401 --> 00:04:32,241 Speaker 4: to be with me if I'm going to yeah, you 92 00:04:32,281 --> 00:04:34,521 Speaker 4: see that feeling, that's your ego? 93 00:04:34,961 --> 00:04:39,001 Speaker 1: Yeah, right, okay, now what with. 94 00:04:41,801 --> 00:04:44,241 Speaker 4: The bedroom, let's dive into it. Right. So part of 95 00:04:44,281 --> 00:04:46,361 Speaker 4: the reason why I wanted to take you through that 96 00:04:46,521 --> 00:04:49,320 Speaker 4: is because just to feel that the physical response of 97 00:04:49,361 --> 00:04:52,041 Speaker 4: what our body does when the ego is present, because 98 00:04:52,241 --> 00:04:55,481 Speaker 4: ego essentially is like a self protective mechanism. 99 00:04:55,641 --> 00:04:55,841 Speaker 1: Right. 100 00:04:56,001 --> 00:04:57,481 Speaker 4: It does have a bad rap, but I'll get into 101 00:04:57,521 --> 00:05:00,521 Speaker 4: that in a second. And it's formed in the imprint stage. 102 00:05:00,561 --> 00:05:02,440 Speaker 4: The imprint stage is one where zero to seven and 103 00:05:02,481 --> 00:05:04,681 Speaker 4: we're like a sponge. So you know, when we're growing 104 00:05:04,761 --> 00:05:09,641 Speaker 4: up learning you know, values, we're learning behaviors, we're learning beliefs, beliefs, 105 00:05:09,801 --> 00:05:12,361 Speaker 4: you know, ways of being and like essentially we're being 106 00:05:12,401 --> 00:05:15,721 Speaker 4: taught how to be you know, contributing members of society basically, right, 107 00:05:16,001 --> 00:05:18,241 Speaker 4: And so what happens is in that imprint stage we 108 00:05:18,320 --> 00:05:21,681 Speaker 4: go through this like observation phase, and what we do 109 00:05:21,801 --> 00:05:24,041 Speaker 4: is we learn to compartmentalize. And so what we do 110 00:05:24,121 --> 00:05:26,721 Speaker 4: is we go, Okay, this is good, this is bad. 111 00:05:26,921 --> 00:05:29,481 Speaker 4: And when we compartmentalize, we go, Okay, with the good things, 112 00:05:29,561 --> 00:05:33,561 Speaker 4: I receive praise, but with the bad things, I'm receiving punishment. 113 00:05:33,880 --> 00:05:36,601 Speaker 4: And so what the ego essentially does is every time 114 00:05:36,641 --> 00:05:39,521 Speaker 4: that you experience something where you are then punished, ego 115 00:05:39,601 --> 00:05:43,201 Speaker 4: then puts up like this veil almost across your heart, right. 116 00:05:43,281 --> 00:05:46,241 Speaker 4: And It's like, when I behaved this way, even though 117 00:05:46,241 --> 00:05:49,080 Speaker 4: it was a part of me, I got punished for it, 118 00:05:49,161 --> 00:05:51,841 Speaker 4: I got ridiculed for it, I got shamed for it. 119 00:05:52,161 --> 00:05:54,520 Speaker 4: And so it puts this protective layer over that behavior 120 00:05:54,561 --> 00:05:56,760 Speaker 4: and goes, Okay, I'm going to park that behavior and 121 00:05:56,801 --> 00:05:59,801 Speaker 4: I'm not going to do that anymore. And so because 122 00:05:59,841 --> 00:06:02,200 Speaker 4: of that, this is where like the nice girl and 123 00:06:02,201 --> 00:06:05,961 Speaker 4: the nice boy was born right, right, It's where they 124 00:06:05,961 --> 00:06:09,080 Speaker 4: come from, right. And so the ego is essentially, yes, 125 00:06:09,121 --> 00:06:11,281 Speaker 4: it has a bad rap, and yet we'll talk about 126 00:06:11,281 --> 00:06:14,241 Speaker 4: that in a sec but it's actually a self serving 127 00:06:14,320 --> 00:06:17,681 Speaker 4: mechanism that we use to protect ourselves from things that 128 00:06:17,721 --> 00:06:20,561 Speaker 4: we perceive is dangerous, things that we perceive are going 129 00:06:20,601 --> 00:06:24,361 Speaker 4: to create hurt, pain, discomfort, things that are actually going 130 00:06:24,361 --> 00:06:28,640 Speaker 4: to make us like physically in danger. And so coming 131 00:06:28,641 --> 00:06:31,561 Speaker 4: into why it essentially has a bad rap is because 132 00:06:31,961 --> 00:06:35,121 Speaker 4: you know, you see the shadow expression of ego, which 133 00:06:35,161 --> 00:06:38,121 Speaker 4: is essentially like you know, somebody who's really confident, who's 134 00:06:38,201 --> 00:06:42,281 Speaker 4: being arrogant? Right, But what's underneath the arrogance, because it 135 00:06:42,361 --> 00:06:44,880 Speaker 4: is ego, it's a protective layer. So even if that 136 00:06:44,880 --> 00:06:46,801 Speaker 4: person is coming off as like, oh, I'm being so confident, 137 00:06:46,880 --> 00:06:49,241 Speaker 4: arrogant and you know this and that about me, it's 138 00:06:49,281 --> 00:06:52,561 Speaker 4: actually a cover and a veil for the deeper insecurity 139 00:06:52,601 --> 00:06:55,721 Speaker 4: and like the young boy or girl who's underneath, who's 140 00:06:55,801 --> 00:06:58,121 Speaker 4: just dealing with something that was soft and tended, that 141 00:06:58,201 --> 00:06:59,640 Speaker 4: like was once hurt in the past. 142 00:06:59,681 --> 00:07:01,721 Speaker 1: That's where the compassion comes in because you can see 143 00:07:01,721 --> 00:07:03,640 Speaker 1: that with a lot of men when they put on 144 00:07:03,641 --> 00:07:05,400 Speaker 1: this big, like huffy, puffy like front. 145 00:07:05,521 --> 00:07:06,281 Speaker 4: Yeah, definitely so. 146 00:07:06,641 --> 00:07:10,121 Speaker 1: Confident, like hey, but it's like you can see straight 147 00:07:10,161 --> 00:07:11,721 Speaker 1: through and you can see that little boy that's just 148 00:07:11,761 --> 00:07:14,761 Speaker 1: like hey, accept me, yeah, love me, love me, like yeah, 149 00:07:14,761 --> 00:07:16,121 Speaker 1: probably like this, hopefully you will. 150 00:07:16,441 --> 00:07:18,721 Speaker 4: Yeah. And here's why people can be blind to it, 151 00:07:18,801 --> 00:07:21,281 Speaker 4: because you can only see what your ego allows you 152 00:07:21,321 --> 00:07:25,001 Speaker 4: to see based on what you identify with, which comes 153 00:07:25,041 --> 00:07:27,361 Speaker 4: back to the exercise that we did in the beginning. 154 00:07:27,761 --> 00:07:30,921 Speaker 4: You might identify with as kind, you might identify with 155 00:07:30,961 --> 00:07:35,321 Speaker 4: as successful, right, but you might not identify with the daggers, 156 00:07:35,841 --> 00:07:39,321 Speaker 4: and you might not identify with being particular, right, And 157 00:07:39,361 --> 00:07:41,721 Speaker 4: so we will only allow ourselves to see what we 158 00:07:41,801 --> 00:07:44,081 Speaker 4: identify with because we believe that that's who we are. 159 00:07:44,521 --> 00:07:46,321 Speaker 4: But then anything else we don't identify with, we don't 160 00:07:46,321 --> 00:07:48,441 Speaker 4: believe that that's us. We kind of park it, right, 161 00:07:48,481 --> 00:07:52,121 Speaker 4: So ego protects us to uphold this image that we 162 00:07:52,201 --> 00:07:54,721 Speaker 4: have of ourselves that we go, Okay, I'm going to 163 00:07:54,801 --> 00:07:57,681 Speaker 4: present myself to the world with everything that I identify with, 164 00:07:57,921 --> 00:08:00,841 Speaker 4: and everything else that I don't gets left behind. Does 165 00:08:00,841 --> 00:08:03,521 Speaker 4: that make sense? Yeah, that makes sense. Yeah, yeah, But 166 00:08:03,521 --> 00:08:05,681 Speaker 4: it's still a part of us, right, And so how 167 00:08:05,761 --> 00:08:07,641 Speaker 4: this would like manifest And this was a story that 168 00:08:07,641 --> 00:08:09,681 Speaker 4: I was going to tell you guys. I went out 169 00:08:09,721 --> 00:08:11,241 Speaker 4: to dinner with one of my girlfriends once and I 170 00:08:11,281 --> 00:08:14,001 Speaker 4: was out with her and her two kids. And this 171 00:08:14,161 --> 00:08:16,761 Speaker 4: was the point where I was still moving through like 172 00:08:16,881 --> 00:08:19,761 Speaker 4: basically like dropping my ego and coming more into vulnerability. 173 00:08:20,241 --> 00:08:22,361 Speaker 4: And you know, I was going to dinner with her 174 00:08:22,401 --> 00:08:23,801 Speaker 4: and I was, you know, sitting there and I like 175 00:08:23,841 --> 00:08:26,521 Speaker 4: flicking my hair and perfectly fixing it and like making 176 00:08:26,521 --> 00:08:29,241 Speaker 4: sure that my makeup was perfect. That we had a 177 00:08:29,281 --> 00:08:31,361 Speaker 4: conversation a week later and she was like, Tiana, you 178 00:08:31,361 --> 00:08:34,161 Speaker 4: weren't even there. You weren't even with me, Like, you 179 00:08:34,241 --> 00:08:37,321 Speaker 4: weren't present. We were with the kids, like and you 180 00:08:37,361 --> 00:08:39,881 Speaker 4: were just like too busy looking around seeing who was there, 181 00:08:40,961 --> 00:08:44,641 Speaker 4: you know. And that in itself is just the visual 182 00:08:44,641 --> 00:08:49,721 Speaker 4: representation of me identifying and my ego protecting me, showing 183 00:08:49,761 --> 00:08:52,601 Speaker 4: the world of like, this is me, I am perfect, 184 00:08:53,001 --> 00:08:55,201 Speaker 4: which is what I identified with. I was like, I 185 00:08:55,321 --> 00:08:58,841 Speaker 4: need to be perfect and present myself as perfect so 186 00:08:58,921 --> 00:09:01,321 Speaker 4: that people will see me that way because of the 187 00:09:01,361 --> 00:09:04,481 Speaker 4: deep wound that was underneath of the girl who felt unworthy. 188 00:09:04,681 --> 00:09:07,441 Speaker 1: Wow. Wow, is that a pivotal moment for you? 189 00:09:07,761 --> 00:09:10,201 Speaker 4: Such a pivotal moment. It honestly like. 190 00:09:10,961 --> 00:09:12,521 Speaker 1: Activated when she's ohso. 191 00:09:12,321 --> 00:09:14,761 Speaker 4: Activated by My ego came up in that moment because 192 00:09:14,761 --> 00:09:16,881 Speaker 4: I was like, well, I wanted to get defensive, right. 193 00:09:16,921 --> 00:09:19,401 Speaker 4: Anytime that you're defensive is when your ego is being triggered. 194 00:09:19,521 --> 00:09:21,801 Speaker 1: You could have heard, I'm not a good friend. You 195 00:09:21,801 --> 00:09:22,721 Speaker 1: think I wasn't there. 196 00:09:24,161 --> 00:09:26,761 Speaker 4: You think that I'm conceded. Do you think that our kids? 197 00:09:26,921 --> 00:09:27,121 Speaker 3: Yeah? 198 00:09:27,241 --> 00:09:29,801 Speaker 4: You think I'm materialistic, you think that I'm superficial. All 199 00:09:29,841 --> 00:09:31,721 Speaker 4: these things were running through my mind and I had 200 00:09:31,761 --> 00:09:33,841 Speaker 4: to sit with the discomfort that was coming up within 201 00:09:33,881 --> 00:09:37,681 Speaker 4: me and going, you know what, she's fucking right. She's 202 00:09:37,721 --> 00:09:40,841 Speaker 4: fucking right. And it was honestly such a pivotal moment 203 00:09:40,921 --> 00:09:44,041 Speaker 4: for me to be like, Okay, this is not the 204 00:09:44,121 --> 00:09:46,561 Speaker 4: version of myself that I want to be. What am 205 00:09:46,561 --> 00:09:49,401 Speaker 4: I not seeing within myself? And it was like that 206 00:09:49,521 --> 00:09:52,681 Speaker 4: moment of like, Okay, my ego is showing that I'm 207 00:09:52,721 --> 00:09:57,081 Speaker 4: presenting myself as perfect, but I'm actually not perfect. I 208 00:09:57,121 --> 00:09:59,641 Speaker 4: don't have to behave that way, but I'm doing my 209 00:09:59,881 --> 00:10:03,681 Speaker 4: fucking damnedest to present myself as perfect because I'm so 210 00:10:03,801 --> 00:10:05,761 Speaker 4: terrified of all happened if I'm not. 211 00:10:06,801 --> 00:10:10,441 Speaker 1: Wow, there's so many light bulbs for people listening to this, 212 00:10:10,801 --> 00:10:13,561 Speaker 1: And that's hard life to live trying to be perfect, 213 00:10:13,601 --> 00:10:13,881 Speaker 1: isn't It. 214 00:10:13,921 --> 00:10:17,521 Speaker 4: Must be exault. It's so exhausting because you just like 215 00:10:17,641 --> 00:10:20,521 Speaker 4: what I was doing in the restaurant was not connecting 216 00:10:20,561 --> 00:10:23,601 Speaker 4: with the people that I love, no vulnerability whatsoever. There 217 00:10:23,601 --> 00:10:26,281 Speaker 4: were kids there who I was like a second mom 218 00:10:26,321 --> 00:10:28,681 Speaker 4: to that I wasn't even present with, you know, And 219 00:10:28,721 --> 00:10:30,441 Speaker 4: I was looking around to see who was there, who 220 00:10:30,441 --> 00:10:32,881 Speaker 4: I could connect with, who important might be in the room. 221 00:10:33,321 --> 00:10:36,641 Speaker 4: I was leading a life that was entirely like disingenuine 222 00:10:37,121 --> 00:10:39,321 Speaker 4: from who I actually am as a person. 223 00:10:40,841 --> 00:10:44,201 Speaker 1: Wow, that's the power in vulnerability, isn't it. I think 224 00:10:44,201 --> 00:10:46,681 Speaker 1: it's such a superpower and it's something I don't know how, 225 00:10:46,721 --> 00:10:49,601 Speaker 1: but I adopted very early with social media because back 226 00:10:49,601 --> 00:10:51,961 Speaker 1: when I was on Instagram, Facebook was the first thing. 227 00:10:51,961 --> 00:10:54,321 Speaker 1: No one was doing videos, and Steve always really pushed 228 00:10:54,321 --> 00:10:56,481 Speaker 1: me to be on camera. I hated it first because 229 00:10:56,481 --> 00:10:58,241 Speaker 1: I was like, not pretty enough, have to win makeup, 230 00:10:58,361 --> 00:11:01,001 Speaker 1: Like I fuck up, I can't do this. I'm too dumb. 231 00:11:01,121 --> 00:11:02,321 Speaker 1: No one will to see what I'm saying. I'm not 232 00:11:02,401 --> 00:11:05,401 Speaker 1: qualified like all these things. And he pushed and pushed. 233 00:11:05,441 --> 00:11:07,881 Speaker 1: I would have full tantrums cry, we're can have massive 234 00:11:07,881 --> 00:11:09,721 Speaker 1: flights about it. Thank God he pushed me because he 235 00:11:09,721 --> 00:11:12,001 Speaker 1: could see he believed in me deep down. I love 236 00:11:12,041 --> 00:11:15,081 Speaker 1: the camera, yeah, but I just didn't want to. But 237 00:11:15,161 --> 00:11:18,441 Speaker 1: I always was very good at being my authentic self. 238 00:11:18,481 --> 00:11:20,161 Speaker 1: And I think that's how I've lasted so long on 239 00:11:20,201 --> 00:11:23,441 Speaker 1: social media, because it'd be so exhausting not being yourself. 240 00:11:23,681 --> 00:11:26,121 Speaker 1: But I've shared all my ups and downs through like 241 00:11:26,321 --> 00:11:30,081 Speaker 1: bad skinned like troubles and friendships to like whatever it 242 00:11:30,121 --> 00:11:32,761 Speaker 1: is or always spoken about it. And that's such a 243 00:11:32,761 --> 00:11:35,041 Speaker 1: cool story you've told because it just shows the power 244 00:11:35,041 --> 00:11:38,161 Speaker 1: in vulnerability. It's so bad disconnecting it is if you're 245 00:11:38,201 --> 00:11:40,761 Speaker 1: not being your true self. Yeah, and you're letting your 246 00:11:40,761 --> 00:11:43,921 Speaker 1: ego kind of be the author of your story. How 247 00:11:43,961 --> 00:11:44,401 Speaker 1: do you feel? 248 00:11:44,401 --> 00:11:46,561 Speaker 3: Because I feel like I feel this when I've got 249 00:11:46,561 --> 00:11:48,321 Speaker 3: a personal situation going on that I don't want to 250 00:11:48,321 --> 00:11:50,521 Speaker 3: talk about or share online. But then you still have 251 00:11:50,561 --> 00:11:53,201 Speaker 3: to show up for other things. I feel like that 252 00:11:53,281 --> 00:11:55,641 Speaker 3: feeling you feel like you have to show up, say, 253 00:11:55,641 --> 00:11:58,281 Speaker 3: if I've got a job or if I've got something on, Like, 254 00:11:58,321 --> 00:12:00,041 Speaker 3: do you have those moments? Because I know I do. 255 00:12:00,081 --> 00:12:01,961 Speaker 3: Say if there's like something superperson it's not even my story, 256 00:12:02,001 --> 00:12:04,321 Speaker 3: it's like my friends or someone is going through something. 257 00:12:05,041 --> 00:12:06,641 Speaker 3: Sometimes I'll jump on and be like, oh this is happening. 258 00:12:06,721 --> 00:12:09,361 Speaker 3: Then also I'm like, I don't want to like, I don't. 259 00:12:09,121 --> 00:12:11,201 Speaker 1: Know, I don't know. I kind of so what you're saying. 260 00:12:11,441 --> 00:12:13,481 Speaker 1: I think if I've got a job booked and that's 261 00:12:13,481 --> 00:12:15,561 Speaker 1: my job, yes, I just do the job. 262 00:12:15,761 --> 00:12:20,281 Speaker 3: Yes, But I do feel in that moment, genuine feeling, 263 00:12:20,281 --> 00:12:22,161 Speaker 3: genuine when I show up and I've got shit going 264 00:12:22,241 --> 00:12:24,841 Speaker 3: up because I feel like when I show up each day, 265 00:12:24,881 --> 00:12:27,721 Speaker 3: I try to really say how I'm feeling or you know. 266 00:12:27,801 --> 00:12:29,321 Speaker 1: I think you're really good at and I think we've 267 00:12:29,361 --> 00:12:31,801 Speaker 1: both got better at this now. It's like you'll pre 268 00:12:31,841 --> 00:12:33,441 Speaker 1: frame it and you'll let them know the morning of. 269 00:12:33,481 --> 00:12:35,841 Speaker 3: And it's so true that they know. They're like, yeas 270 00:12:35,841 --> 00:12:36,241 Speaker 3: if you're. 271 00:12:36,161 --> 00:12:38,961 Speaker 1: Feeling shit, I feel like you communicate Hey, guys, I'm 272 00:12:39,001 --> 00:12:41,241 Speaker 1: not feeling it today. I've got stuff going on. I'm 273 00:12:41,281 --> 00:12:42,561 Speaker 1: in a lower mood, so I'm going to do X 274 00:12:42,641 --> 00:12:45,401 Speaker 1: y Z try and make myself feel better. And then 275 00:12:46,001 --> 00:12:47,681 Speaker 1: I don't know, I think you communicate that well. So 276 00:12:47,681 --> 00:12:49,401 Speaker 1: then when you go to do your job, maybe it's 277 00:12:49,441 --> 00:12:50,521 Speaker 1: just me who feels that. 278 00:12:50,921 --> 00:12:53,561 Speaker 3: Maybe it's just me who feels like pressure repect because 279 00:12:53,561 --> 00:12:55,321 Speaker 3: I'm not in a high goodbye mood. That's when I 280 00:12:55,401 --> 00:12:57,081 Speaker 3: like to go on and do stuff. 281 00:12:57,081 --> 00:12:59,281 Speaker 1: Sometimes sometimes we want to go internal when we're going 282 00:12:59,281 --> 00:13:01,321 Speaker 1: through something hard, and that is that is a harder 283 00:13:01,401 --> 00:13:04,281 Speaker 1: part about being online and sharing your life like you do, 284 00:13:05,121 --> 00:13:06,161 Speaker 1: a difficult part of it. 285 00:13:06,481 --> 00:13:08,521 Speaker 3: But there's definitely moments over the years where I feel 286 00:13:08,521 --> 00:13:12,121 Speaker 3: like I've kind of felt a bit in genuine. 287 00:13:12,121 --> 00:13:14,521 Speaker 1: Yes, so I feel that I'm sure like that too. 288 00:13:15,241 --> 00:13:18,081 Speaker 4: I'm curious with that part of like because you mentioned 289 00:13:18,121 --> 00:13:20,241 Speaker 4: like needing to be I'm not in my high vibe self. 290 00:13:20,641 --> 00:13:23,801 Speaker 4: Could that even be like an identity that you perceive 291 00:13:23,841 --> 00:13:25,001 Speaker 4: yourself to have to be. 292 00:13:25,281 --> 00:13:26,001 Speaker 1: I loved and accept it. 293 00:13:26,281 --> 00:13:28,521 Speaker 3: I feel like no, I feel like I have a 294 00:13:28,601 --> 00:13:30,521 Speaker 3: job to do, so I feel like if someone's paying 295 00:13:30,561 --> 00:13:37,041 Speaker 3: me to do something and you're going to sell, hey, guys, 296 00:13:36,561 --> 00:13:40,161 Speaker 3: I think it's more so me feeling like I'm not 297 00:13:40,201 --> 00:13:42,881 Speaker 3: doing a good job if I'm not in a high vibe. 298 00:13:42,921 --> 00:13:47,241 Speaker 4: I think, yeah, that makes feeling like incongruent, like being 299 00:13:47,241 --> 00:13:49,081 Speaker 4: like almost out of integrity, where you like, I just 300 00:13:49,121 --> 00:13:51,081 Speaker 4: want to show up for this role and make sure 301 00:13:51,081 --> 00:13:54,281 Speaker 4: that we love it. 302 00:13:54,361 --> 00:13:57,321 Speaker 1: There's also been times over the years where I've contacted 303 00:13:57,321 --> 00:13:59,241 Speaker 1: my manager and said I can't do this job today, 304 00:13:59,481 --> 00:14:00,761 Speaker 1: like can you put off to next week? 305 00:14:00,881 --> 00:14:01,081 Speaker 4: Yeah? 306 00:14:01,201 --> 00:14:02,521 Speaker 3: And a lot of people like to that they have 307 00:14:02,521 --> 00:14:03,961 Speaker 3: to go to work. They've had a huge fight with 308 00:14:04,001 --> 00:14:04,721 Speaker 3: their husband last night. 309 00:14:04,761 --> 00:14:08,201 Speaker 1: They would work customer cares, nurse, they have to like 310 00:14:08,281 --> 00:14:09,201 Speaker 1: show up other people. 311 00:14:09,361 --> 00:14:11,601 Speaker 4: And I think as well, like sometimes it's a mask 312 00:14:11,641 --> 00:14:14,441 Speaker 4: and then sometimes it's just compartmentalizing. You would do that, 313 00:14:15,401 --> 00:14:17,481 Speaker 4: both of you would do that as parents, right because 314 00:14:17,601 --> 00:14:20,001 Speaker 4: you know, like when you're going through something emotional, you 315 00:14:20,041 --> 00:14:22,081 Speaker 4: don't have the capacity right now where your child is 316 00:14:22,121 --> 00:14:25,201 Speaker 4: screaming to be able to process your emotions, so you 317 00:14:25,201 --> 00:14:27,721 Speaker 4: want to compartmentalize that. So I'm like, I'm curious if 318 00:14:27,721 --> 00:14:29,961 Speaker 4: it's like maybe you know, when it feels in genuine 319 00:14:29,961 --> 00:14:31,561 Speaker 4: it's a mask. But then it's like, sometimes you just 320 00:14:31,641 --> 00:14:35,641 Speaker 4: have to compartmentalize, you know so much. Yeah, you've got 321 00:14:35,681 --> 00:14:36,961 Speaker 4: to do what you've got to do, Like what you said, 322 00:14:36,961 --> 00:14:38,841 Speaker 4: like it's a job, you're getting paid for it. Sometimes 323 00:14:38,841 --> 00:14:41,601 Speaker 4: you just have to show up. That's also okay too, definitely. 324 00:14:41,681 --> 00:14:43,601 Speaker 4: And then it's about like Okay, if I'm going through 325 00:14:43,601 --> 00:14:45,241 Speaker 4: something now and I feel like I need to put 326 00:14:45,281 --> 00:14:48,161 Speaker 4: on a quotations temporary mask, it's like, okay, how can 327 00:14:48,201 --> 00:14:50,521 Speaker 4: I compartmentalize this now and then go, Okay, whatever it 328 00:14:50,561 --> 00:14:52,201 Speaker 4: is that I need to deal with later, I'm going 329 00:14:52,241 --> 00:14:54,321 Speaker 4: to deal with it later, you know, as opposed to 330 00:14:54,441 --> 00:14:57,521 Speaker 4: like let me dissociate, let me distract, let me avoid 331 00:14:57,601 --> 00:14:59,321 Speaker 4: all of the things that I was trying to push down, 332 00:14:59,801 --> 00:15:01,121 Speaker 4: and then like look at those things. 333 00:15:01,281 --> 00:15:03,001 Speaker 1: But as your friend that knows most things it goes 334 00:15:03,041 --> 00:15:05,001 Speaker 1: on with your life. I think you're very very authentic, 335 00:15:05,361 --> 00:15:06,801 Speaker 1: and then when you're going through something, I feel like 336 00:15:06,801 --> 00:15:08,441 Speaker 1: you communicate that so well with everyone. 337 00:15:08,761 --> 00:15:11,161 Speaker 4: Thank you. I think it's beautiful as well. Like what 338 00:15:11,241 --> 00:15:13,161 Speaker 4: you just said about being authentic online is like there's 339 00:15:13,161 --> 00:15:16,281 Speaker 4: a level of vulnerability that I feel is like people 340 00:15:16,361 --> 00:15:18,921 Speaker 4: have to be deserving of that level of vulnerability. Like 341 00:15:18,961 --> 00:15:21,441 Speaker 4: I know you both are very open and honest as well, 342 00:15:21,441 --> 00:15:23,241 Speaker 4: but if there are times that you don't want to 343 00:15:23,241 --> 00:15:25,321 Speaker 4: share something, it's like you also don't have to. 344 00:15:25,401 --> 00:15:27,321 Speaker 3: I'm going through that right now with the situation so 345 00:15:27,441 --> 00:15:29,481 Speaker 3: to Actually we're driving up here and I said, I 346 00:15:29,561 --> 00:15:31,681 Speaker 3: just don't want anyone's input about this right now, and 347 00:15:31,761 --> 00:15:33,761 Speaker 3: I just don't want to share about it. I said 348 00:15:33,761 --> 00:15:35,161 Speaker 3: I might in like four or five months, but I 349 00:15:35,201 --> 00:15:36,121 Speaker 3: said right now. 350 00:15:36,041 --> 00:15:38,841 Speaker 1: Because you also have experience of energy exchange when all 351 00:15:38,841 --> 00:15:41,961 Speaker 1: the advice comes in, yes, I just don't surgery. I 352 00:15:42,001 --> 00:15:44,481 Speaker 1: just turned off my story replies, so yeah, I've experienced. 353 00:15:44,521 --> 00:15:46,841 Speaker 1: Now people are like, oh, asking me questions about or 354 00:15:46,881 --> 00:15:49,321 Speaker 1: like my uncle died, my nan died. I can't take 355 00:15:49,481 --> 00:15:52,881 Speaker 1: all this about to go into surgery. Having those boundaries, 356 00:15:52,921 --> 00:15:54,521 Speaker 1: but yeah, you definitely don't have to share, or you 357 00:15:54,521 --> 00:15:56,561 Speaker 1: can share when you're ready. Yeah. 358 00:15:56,601 --> 00:15:58,281 Speaker 4: I think that's a beautiful part, isn't it, Because it's 359 00:15:58,281 --> 00:16:00,361 Speaker 4: like it's your journey. You get to share what you 360 00:16:00,401 --> 00:16:02,481 Speaker 4: do feel comfortable with and what you don't feel comfortable with, 361 00:16:02,521 --> 00:16:04,041 Speaker 4: and then you know, if there are lessons that you 362 00:16:04,041 --> 00:16:05,481 Speaker 4: want to take from it that you want to share later, 363 00:16:05,561 --> 00:16:07,521 Speaker 4: you can. And then you also don't have to as well. 364 00:16:07,641 --> 00:16:09,281 Speaker 3: And you know, this is probably a little bit of 365 00:16:09,321 --> 00:16:12,241 Speaker 3: an ego thing in a way because people have probably 366 00:16:12,241 --> 00:16:13,521 Speaker 3: shamed you in the past and like, oh, you seem 367 00:16:13,521 --> 00:16:15,201 Speaker 3: like you're not genuine. It's probably comments that I've gotten 368 00:16:15,201 --> 00:16:16,961 Speaker 3: and I'm like, am I being genuine enough? 369 00:16:16,961 --> 00:16:18,601 Speaker 1: Why are you complaining about that? You've got a great 370 00:16:18,681 --> 00:16:20,561 Speaker 1: husband and you've got Yeah, you've got that. You shouldn't 371 00:16:20,521 --> 00:16:21,121 Speaker 1: be So. 372 00:16:21,081 --> 00:16:22,881 Speaker 3: This is just me having a little light more moments 373 00:16:23,561 --> 00:16:26,241 Speaker 3: that love that is, you know, the output. I mean, 374 00:16:26,281 --> 00:16:28,561 Speaker 3: it is hard being online. You've obviously constantly got people 375 00:16:28,641 --> 00:16:31,281 Speaker 3: judging YEA. Yeah, I think that's so interesting as well. 376 00:16:31,361 --> 00:16:32,961 Speaker 4: You're always going to get that, like there's always going 377 00:16:33,001 --> 00:16:34,521 Speaker 4: to be like that small percentage of people, you know, 378 00:16:34,601 --> 00:16:36,081 Speaker 4: all of the comments ninety eight because that of them 379 00:16:36,121 --> 00:16:38,841 Speaker 4: could be good, and then the two are like daggers and. 380 00:16:38,801 --> 00:16:45,201 Speaker 1: You just like three the crazy karens Nancy yeah, and. 381 00:16:45,201 --> 00:16:46,961 Speaker 4: The'ther one's telling you that you're in genuine, but you're 382 00:16:47,001 --> 00:16:49,761 Speaker 4: not like so genuine. When I watch your videos, I'm 383 00:16:49,801 --> 00:16:51,961 Speaker 4: just like, I'm like, I feel like I know you 384 00:16:52,041 --> 00:16:53,841 Speaker 4: on a deeper level than what I actually do. There's 385 00:16:53,841 --> 00:16:56,641 Speaker 4: that social media thing, you know, it's so beautiful as well. 386 00:16:56,681 --> 00:16:58,601 Speaker 3: If you're showing up, you're being super genuine. People like, oh, 387 00:16:58,641 --> 00:17:00,481 Speaker 3: you're over sharing. Do you really need to talk about that? 388 00:17:00,521 --> 00:17:03,001 Speaker 3: Like stop sooking blah blah, And then you hold back, 389 00:17:03,041 --> 00:17:04,640 Speaker 3: you know, share enough, and they're like, don't feel connected 390 00:17:04,681 --> 00:17:05,241 Speaker 3: to you. 391 00:17:05,121 --> 00:17:08,521 Speaker 1: If you got your life online, you try to share 392 00:17:06,921 --> 00:17:11,840 Speaker 1: it genuine. It's so funny. Oh my gosh. 393 00:17:11,921 --> 00:17:12,361 Speaker 4: Yeah. 394 00:17:12,400 --> 00:17:14,281 Speaker 1: I feel like we've put more of an understanding now 395 00:17:14,400 --> 00:17:16,640 Speaker 1: around our ego and how it's there to protect us 396 00:17:16,640 --> 00:17:19,160 Speaker 1: and where it comes from. Is there any positives to 397 00:17:19,201 --> 00:17:21,160 Speaker 1: having a big ego? That's a word that's thrown around 398 00:17:21,160 --> 00:17:22,801 Speaker 1: a lot. Hear people say, oh, it's just got such 399 00:17:22,801 --> 00:17:23,321 Speaker 1: a big ego. 400 00:17:23,640 --> 00:17:25,961 Speaker 4: Here's the thing, Like, I think ego is neither good 401 00:17:25,961 --> 00:17:28,400 Speaker 4: nor bad, Like it depends like the context, Like having 402 00:17:28,441 --> 00:17:30,360 Speaker 4: a big ego, Like I feel like that is not 403 00:17:30,481 --> 00:17:33,360 Speaker 4: necessarily a good thing if you're blind to it. Like 404 00:17:33,400 --> 00:17:35,241 Speaker 4: having an ego is not a bad thing, right, because 405 00:17:35,241 --> 00:17:37,921 Speaker 4: it makes you competitive. It makes you push for things 406 00:17:37,961 --> 00:17:39,761 Speaker 4: that you didn't think that you were capable of doing. 407 00:17:39,840 --> 00:17:40,801 Speaker 1: It serves a purpose. 408 00:17:40,840 --> 00:17:42,801 Speaker 4: So it's like, if you didn't have that sense of ego, 409 00:17:43,080 --> 00:17:44,840 Speaker 4: you wouldn't believe that you could do something that you've 410 00:17:44,880 --> 00:17:47,480 Speaker 4: never done before. You wouldn't believe that you were capable 411 00:17:47,521 --> 00:17:49,480 Speaker 4: of trying something that you know only three people have 412 00:17:49,521 --> 00:17:51,600 Speaker 4: ever done in the world. Right, it's like that's the 413 00:17:51,640 --> 00:17:54,521 Speaker 4: competitive edge. Ego is good because it helps you drive, push, 414 00:17:54,721 --> 00:17:57,801 Speaker 4: become better, make you want to do more in personal development, 415 00:17:58,160 --> 00:18:00,041 Speaker 4: you know. So it's like it has this negative rap, 416 00:18:00,080 --> 00:18:03,521 Speaker 4: but only because people see the arrogant aspect of what 417 00:18:03,600 --> 00:18:06,120 Speaker 4: ego presents, which is insecure already anyway, you know, it 418 00:18:06,160 --> 00:18:08,080 Speaker 4: serves a purpose when it needs to. And then also 419 00:18:08,160 --> 00:18:11,240 Speaker 4: even when it is quotations more negative or whatever, it 420 00:18:11,400 --> 00:18:14,321 Speaker 4: is also serving a purpose because it's protecting you from something. 421 00:18:14,761 --> 00:18:17,520 Speaker 4: The only time that it's unproductive is when you are 422 00:18:17,721 --> 00:18:20,280 Speaker 4: blind to your ego. When you are unaware of how 423 00:18:20,281 --> 00:18:22,961 Speaker 4: it's actually playing out, because it can be detrimental. You 424 00:18:23,041 --> 00:18:24,920 Speaker 4: might present yourself as like really like, let's say, for 425 00:18:24,961 --> 00:18:27,801 Speaker 4: an example, somebody who's really kind, really genuine, really caring. 426 00:18:28,041 --> 00:18:29,761 Speaker 4: But then you have three people who come to you 427 00:18:29,761 --> 00:18:31,521 Speaker 4: who are really close to you, you'll be like, dude, 428 00:18:31,521 --> 00:18:35,360 Speaker 4: you're really passive, aggressive, you're really like not nice sometimes, 429 00:18:35,400 --> 00:18:37,841 Speaker 4: you know. And that was something that I experienced. And 430 00:18:37,921 --> 00:18:40,481 Speaker 4: so that's how ego can keep you blind, and it 431 00:18:40,521 --> 00:18:43,720 Speaker 4: can be unproductive because it's keeping you blind from yourself 432 00:18:44,001 --> 00:18:46,440 Speaker 4: and taking accountability for the things that you need to 433 00:18:46,441 --> 00:18:47,440 Speaker 4: take accountability for. 434 00:18:47,761 --> 00:18:49,520 Speaker 1: It's cool to be aware of your own ego, though, 435 00:18:49,721 --> 00:18:52,001 Speaker 1: because I'll find myself now saying like, oh, that's a 436 00:18:52,080 --> 00:18:54,641 Speaker 1: nice stroke in the ego. Yeah. Other times I'm like, oh, 437 00:18:54,640 --> 00:18:55,600 Speaker 1: I don't really hit my ego. 438 00:18:55,721 --> 00:18:58,201 Speaker 4: Yeah like that, yeah, But like being aware of it. 439 00:18:58,281 --> 00:19:00,600 Speaker 1: Not shaming either parts of her. 440 00:19:01,281 --> 00:19:04,120 Speaker 3: It's just neutral to give my ego another name once 441 00:19:05,160 --> 00:19:07,160 Speaker 3: name you don't like or don't like. 442 00:19:07,201 --> 00:19:08,160 Speaker 1: That's what I got told. 443 00:19:08,281 --> 00:19:10,161 Speaker 3: And then when she shows up like with bad self 444 00:19:10,201 --> 00:19:11,960 Speaker 3: talk or whatever, like what are you doing that for? 445 00:19:12,001 --> 00:19:12,561 Speaker 3: You're not good enough? 446 00:19:17,241 --> 00:19:21,360 Speaker 4: Totally. I like that is that you or yours. 447 00:19:23,281 --> 00:19:24,201 Speaker 1: Sexy dance name. 448 00:19:24,640 --> 00:19:29,521 Speaker 4: Yeah, Tatiana is my alter ego. So she's like my 449 00:19:29,721 --> 00:19:35,281 Speaker 4: shadow self. Yeah, so she's the one who's like naughty, yeah, seductress, 450 00:19:35,441 --> 00:19:39,041 Speaker 4: all the deceitful liar, you know, all those parts of 451 00:19:39,080 --> 00:19:41,600 Speaker 4: myself that like, you know, people shame and judge. It's 452 00:19:41,600 --> 00:19:43,880 Speaker 4: like that's the part of me that's like, Yeah. 453 00:19:44,481 --> 00:19:47,440 Speaker 3: What are some ego traits that you see really stand out? 454 00:19:47,481 --> 00:19:49,640 Speaker 3: The people at home might listen be like, oh, that's me, 455 00:19:49,761 --> 00:19:51,520 Speaker 3: Like what are some different ones we can kind of 456 00:19:52,241 --> 00:19:53,241 Speaker 3: go through that comment. 457 00:19:54,120 --> 00:19:57,241 Speaker 4: Yeah, it's the arrogant side of confidence. Could be one 458 00:19:57,281 --> 00:19:59,640 Speaker 4: where it's like, you know, somebody compliments Yeah, I know, 459 00:19:59,880 --> 00:20:04,841 Speaker 4: it's not certainty. It comes from a place of likeliness, cockiness. Yeahs, 460 00:20:05,120 --> 00:20:08,761 Speaker 4: my shit doesn't stink like I you know, like it's 461 00:20:08,761 --> 00:20:11,161 Speaker 4: a terrible saying, but the first thing that came to mind, 462 00:20:11,201 --> 00:20:13,801 Speaker 4: So like, yeah, that side of things. I would say 463 00:20:13,961 --> 00:20:16,440 Speaker 4: the best wait for everyone to discern kind of whether 464 00:20:16,481 --> 00:20:18,280 Speaker 4: this is going to ping for them or not is 465 00:20:18,801 --> 00:20:21,001 Speaker 4: more so to pay attention to the things that they 466 00:20:21,281 --> 00:20:24,681 Speaker 4: automatically reject. So things that they automatically reject. So let's 467 00:20:24,721 --> 00:20:27,240 Speaker 4: say you we're in a conversation and somebody's like, you 468 00:20:27,281 --> 00:20:29,840 Speaker 4: know or x y Z person cheated and dah da dah, 469 00:20:29,880 --> 00:20:32,201 Speaker 4: and then they're automatically like, I would never fucking do that. 470 00:20:32,441 --> 00:20:35,960 Speaker 4: It's those moments in conversations like that where you're automatically 471 00:20:36,001 --> 00:20:39,561 Speaker 4: rejecting things is where your ego is actually being triggered 472 00:20:39,561 --> 00:20:41,921 Speaker 4: in the moment to go, hey there's something underneath here. 473 00:20:42,721 --> 00:20:43,321 Speaker 1: So true. 474 00:20:43,600 --> 00:20:44,960 Speaker 4: Yeah, so it's kind of like, yeah, when you are 475 00:20:44,961 --> 00:20:48,281 Speaker 4: triggered then essentially yeah, yeah, when it feels like that 476 00:20:48,321 --> 00:20:51,561 Speaker 4: bruised sense of vego your arises every time you're triggered. Yeah, 477 00:20:51,880 --> 00:20:52,321 Speaker 4: so true. 478 00:20:52,441 --> 00:20:58,561 Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, yeah, So it's always good to wait to react. 479 00:20:56,840 --> 00:20:59,001 Speaker 4: True, right, because it's your ego response. 480 00:20:59,241 --> 00:21:01,561 Speaker 1: And when your ego response is like say, it's with 481 00:21:01,600 --> 00:21:03,480 Speaker 1: your curd on me or Steve. When we react and 482 00:21:03,521 --> 00:21:06,161 Speaker 1: say something because the dag is right, you don't feel good, 483 00:21:06,321 --> 00:21:06,761 Speaker 1: like you're like. 484 00:21:07,001 --> 00:21:10,361 Speaker 4: I wanted to say mean, because it's coming from your 485 00:21:10,400 --> 00:21:12,961 Speaker 4: wounded self, right, It's coming from like the wounded part 486 00:21:13,001 --> 00:21:15,401 Speaker 4: of you that feels the need to protect and defend yourself, 487 00:21:15,400 --> 00:21:17,680 Speaker 4: as opposed to like, you know, the conscious part of 488 00:21:17,681 --> 00:21:20,201 Speaker 4: you who wants to respond in like a respectful way 489 00:21:20,241 --> 00:21:22,600 Speaker 4: or whatever else you know, And so like that ego 490 00:21:22,640 --> 00:21:24,640 Speaker 4: then comes up when you are triggered. It's like that veil, 491 00:21:24,721 --> 00:21:27,321 Speaker 4: that self protective mechanism, like I need to protect myself 492 00:21:27,321 --> 00:21:28,241 Speaker 4: in this moment, and it. 493 00:21:28,201 --> 00:21:32,121 Speaker 1: Doesn't matter what comes Yeah yeah. 494 00:21:31,321 --> 00:21:35,041 Speaker 4: Yeah, passive aggressiveness, reactivity, and any sense of the word 495 00:21:35,080 --> 00:21:37,880 Speaker 4: of like someone who is like cocky, arrogant, they think. 496 00:21:37,761 --> 00:21:40,600 Speaker 1: They're above other people. Yeah, yeah, it's not nice to 497 00:21:40,640 --> 00:21:41,041 Speaker 1: be around. 498 00:21:41,681 --> 00:21:43,281 Speaker 4: No. The best way that I could describe it is 499 00:21:43,281 --> 00:21:45,921 Speaker 4: almost like this superior energy. Yeah you know what I mean. 500 00:21:45,961 --> 00:21:47,720 Speaker 4: So it's like this superior energy of like I am 501 00:21:47,761 --> 00:21:50,480 Speaker 4: superior than everybody else, and everybody else is inferior. But 502 00:21:50,640 --> 00:21:54,880 Speaker 4: ego is actually the opposite. So like oftentimes when you 503 00:21:54,921 --> 00:21:57,561 Speaker 4: are in your ego, you're presenting yourself as superior, but 504 00:21:57,880 --> 00:22:01,080 Speaker 4: oftentimes you are actually feeling inferior. So you have the 505 00:22:01,201 --> 00:22:03,801 Speaker 4: need to go, I need to one up you, to 506 00:22:03,880 --> 00:22:06,241 Speaker 4: feel superior because I'm actually trying to cover the fact 507 00:22:06,241 --> 00:22:09,201 Speaker 4: that I feel inferior in this environment. That makes sense, 508 00:22:09,360 --> 00:22:12,161 Speaker 4: That makes so much sense. Yes, yeah, it's called inferior 509 00:22:12,201 --> 00:22:13,120 Speaker 4: superior complex. 510 00:22:13,600 --> 00:22:16,640 Speaker 1: Oh that's so interesting my mind just like thinking. 511 00:22:18,801 --> 00:22:21,520 Speaker 4: Yeah, so say, for an example, how that might show up. 512 00:22:21,521 --> 00:22:23,681 Speaker 4: How did that show for me? There was a friendship 513 00:22:23,721 --> 00:22:27,441 Speaker 4: dynamic that I had, and I remember I just constantly 514 00:22:27,441 --> 00:22:30,761 Speaker 4: compared myself to her and just wasn't healthy. I automatically 515 00:22:30,801 --> 00:22:33,080 Speaker 4: fell into like this competition energy with her because I 516 00:22:33,160 --> 00:22:34,481 Speaker 4: used to do that with my sisters growing up. I 517 00:22:34,521 --> 00:22:37,561 Speaker 4: have three older sisters, And yeah, it played out with her. 518 00:22:38,001 --> 00:22:40,321 Speaker 4: It would be like she would like celebrate something and 519 00:22:40,360 --> 00:22:42,521 Speaker 4: then I have to add something on top to be like, 520 00:22:42,600 --> 00:22:44,921 Speaker 4: oh what about me in this? And did that right? 521 00:22:45,360 --> 00:22:49,000 Speaker 4: And so that's the inferiority coming through, being like I 522 00:22:49,041 --> 00:22:51,281 Speaker 4: need to one up you in order to feel superior 523 00:22:51,360 --> 00:22:54,600 Speaker 4: because right now this situation and dynamic is making me 524 00:22:54,640 --> 00:22:55,400 Speaker 4: feel insecure. 525 00:22:55,721 --> 00:22:59,721 Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, so much sense. Yeah so interesting. 526 00:22:59,801 --> 00:23:04,161 Speaker 4: So you do this work with clients as well? Yeah yeah, 527 00:23:04,241 --> 00:23:05,041 Speaker 4: yeah so cool. 528 00:23:05,080 --> 00:23:06,281 Speaker 1: Do they find it quite confronting? 529 00:23:06,481 --> 00:23:10,681 Speaker 4: I've attracted really beautiful human beings who were just so driven, 530 00:23:11,041 --> 00:23:13,601 Speaker 4: ready and willing to look at these things, and they 531 00:23:13,721 --> 00:23:15,440 Speaker 4: just like are so mind blown, like the way that 532 00:23:15,481 --> 00:23:17,680 Speaker 4: I was when I first did this work, where you know, 533 00:23:17,961 --> 00:23:20,160 Speaker 4: you just can't comprehend. Almost at first you're like, oh 534 00:23:20,241 --> 00:23:22,080 Speaker 4: my god, this is a whole other world. But It's 535 00:23:22,120 --> 00:23:24,721 Speaker 4: so freeing as well, because when you can understand where 536 00:23:24,721 --> 00:23:26,601 Speaker 4: everything kind of comes from and the way that it's 537 00:23:26,600 --> 00:23:29,120 Speaker 4: playing out in your life, you can then go wow, actually, 538 00:23:29,561 --> 00:23:32,360 Speaker 4: I take back that sense of power and control of 539 00:23:32,400 --> 00:23:35,000 Speaker 4: my life and go, well, I'm no longer like victim 540 00:23:35,001 --> 00:23:37,761 Speaker 4: to these things anymore. And you're always identifying new things. 541 00:23:37,761 --> 00:23:40,121 Speaker 3: Hey, there's always new things popular you think you've done 542 00:23:40,160 --> 00:23:41,481 Speaker 3: something like oh what about this? 543 00:23:41,761 --> 00:23:45,440 Speaker 4: Yeah, honestly Pandora's box. 544 00:23:45,761 --> 00:23:48,041 Speaker 1: Yeah, I think I used to get really triggered around 545 00:23:48,080 --> 00:23:50,200 Speaker 1: people that had a big ego. Yeah, I don't go 546 00:23:50,241 --> 00:23:52,241 Speaker 1: as deep. Well I will now as he was having 547 00:23:52,241 --> 00:23:54,761 Speaker 1: compassion for like the little boy little girl that needs 548 00:23:54,761 --> 00:23:58,240 Speaker 1: to be seen, but I more just was like, hmm, interesting, 549 00:23:58,281 --> 00:24:00,440 Speaker 1: I can see straight through this is a your authentic self, 550 00:24:00,840 --> 00:24:02,840 Speaker 1: but I don't like being around it. I think that's 551 00:24:02,880 --> 00:24:05,400 Speaker 1: my work now, is to have more compassion, underst standing 552 00:24:05,400 --> 00:24:07,041 Speaker 1: and just see where they're at and still love on 553 00:24:07,080 --> 00:24:07,761 Speaker 1: them for being there. 554 00:24:08,281 --> 00:24:09,561 Speaker 4: Do you think that that's what it was? Do you 555 00:24:09,600 --> 00:24:11,321 Speaker 4: think it was that you could tell that they were 556 00:24:11,360 --> 00:24:13,640 Speaker 4: being inauthentic, that was like, oh, I don't want to 557 00:24:13,640 --> 00:24:14,080 Speaker 4: be around that. 558 00:24:14,120 --> 00:24:16,001 Speaker 1: I don't feel safe around it. If people are not 559 00:24:16,041 --> 00:24:18,521 Speaker 1: being authentic and can't be truthful. I don't feel safe. 560 00:24:18,600 --> 00:24:21,760 Speaker 1: So I'm like, yeah, yeah, but I think I need 561 00:24:21,801 --> 00:24:23,881 Speaker 1: to work on my compassion for like that little girl 562 00:24:23,880 --> 00:24:25,721 Speaker 1: a little boy inside of them that just wants to 563 00:24:25,761 --> 00:24:26,120 Speaker 1: be seen. 564 00:24:26,241 --> 00:24:27,960 Speaker 4: Yeah, that's compassion work for me. 565 00:24:27,961 --> 00:24:30,280 Speaker 1: I think around ego because it was all negative to 566 00:24:30,321 --> 00:24:33,321 Speaker 1: me ego, but now these conversations helped me have a 567 00:24:33,321 --> 00:24:35,761 Speaker 1: deeper understanding to where it comes from, why it's there, 568 00:24:36,041 --> 00:24:37,280 Speaker 1: but it's actually trying to protect us. 569 00:24:38,001 --> 00:24:40,401 Speaker 4: And also as well, like when there is ego, there 570 00:24:40,441 --> 00:24:42,801 Speaker 4: is no vulnerability, and where there is vulnerability, there is 571 00:24:42,801 --> 00:24:43,201 Speaker 4: no ego. 572 00:24:43,521 --> 00:24:45,840 Speaker 1: Sorry, true, that's perfectly said, right. 573 00:24:46,080 --> 00:24:48,321 Speaker 4: So that's why it doesn't feel safe because when the 574 00:24:48,360 --> 00:24:51,200 Speaker 4: ego is present, they're not being vulnerable. They're not letting 575 00:24:51,241 --> 00:24:53,561 Speaker 4: you in. They're going, I'm going to meet you here 576 00:24:53,640 --> 00:24:55,241 Speaker 4: at this wall, and I'm not going to let you 577 00:24:55,241 --> 00:24:57,561 Speaker 4: know a company closer. On the opposite end of that, 578 00:24:57,600 --> 00:25:00,720 Speaker 4: when somebody is vulnerable with you, there's no grounds and 579 00:25:00,801 --> 00:25:04,161 Speaker 4: room for ego exist connected. And so yeah, you. 580 00:25:04,080 --> 00:25:06,561 Speaker 1: Can feel it straight up about you guys. The moment 581 00:25:06,561 --> 00:25:07,921 Speaker 1: I meet someone, I feel I don't know if it's 582 00:25:07,921 --> 00:25:12,120 Speaker 1: a women's intuition or just like ego radar, I just 583 00:25:12,160 --> 00:25:14,241 Speaker 1: can feel it. Within a couple of minutes, I will 584 00:25:14,281 --> 00:25:16,401 Speaker 1: know if I'm safe and if they're not their authentic self. 585 00:25:16,400 --> 00:25:18,440 Speaker 1: It's almost like I put my shield up to and 586 00:25:18,441 --> 00:25:20,441 Speaker 1: then I'm like, yeah, not my true self. 587 00:25:20,600 --> 00:25:22,281 Speaker 4: You know it's not safe, and you're like, ooh, I'm. 588 00:25:22,120 --> 00:25:27,561 Speaker 1: Not gonna do the bare minimum, and then see so 589 00:25:27,600 --> 00:25:29,721 Speaker 1: many cool things to be aware of. Yeah, I feel 590 00:25:29,761 --> 00:25:31,120 Speaker 1: like there's so much more we could talk about. 591 00:25:31,241 --> 00:25:33,920 Speaker 3: I know, yeah, we will. 592 00:25:34,521 --> 00:25:35,201 Speaker 1: I would love that. 593 00:25:36,041 --> 00:25:38,481 Speaker 3: Love that let me just write them down. I feel 594 00:25:38,521 --> 00:25:41,001 Speaker 3: like both these topics I've spoken about so many women 595 00:25:41,080 --> 00:25:43,801 Speaker 3: struggle with always really interesting maye. People don't know much 596 00:25:43,801 --> 00:25:44,920 Speaker 3: information about how do. 597 00:25:44,921 --> 00:25:47,080 Speaker 1: We learn about this? Like, no, you don't learn about 598 00:25:47,080 --> 00:25:49,680 Speaker 1: this in school. My parents didn't know anything about this. 599 00:25:50,360 --> 00:25:52,281 Speaker 1: I love that, Like that's what you're tired of yourself 600 00:25:52,281 --> 00:25:55,041 Speaker 1: as like self worth, because that's the stem of most 601 00:25:55,080 --> 00:25:59,440 Speaker 1: of our insecurities and issues and patterns and everything. So 602 00:25:59,640 --> 00:26:00,520 Speaker 1: we always go back to that. 603 00:26:00,600 --> 00:26:02,160 Speaker 4: I truly believe that too as well, Like I have 604 00:26:02,201 --> 00:26:04,600 Speaker 4: this conversation often with my clients where I'm like, every 605 00:26:04,640 --> 00:26:07,161 Speaker 4: single decision that you make is rooted from your self. 606 00:26:07,001 --> 00:26:08,241 Speaker 1: Worthy so true. 607 00:26:08,321 --> 00:26:09,801 Speaker 4: It's grounded in your self worth. 608 00:26:09,640 --> 00:26:11,681 Speaker 1: If you choose as a partner what kind of work. 609 00:26:11,521 --> 00:26:13,480 Speaker 4: You do exactly. And like the beautiful thing as well 610 00:26:13,521 --> 00:26:16,121 Speaker 4: about self worth is that like self worth is a continuum, right, 611 00:26:16,160 --> 00:26:17,801 Speaker 4: So it's not like do you have self worth or 612 00:26:17,801 --> 00:26:20,041 Speaker 4: do you not? It's how much self worth do you have? 613 00:26:20,880 --> 00:26:23,720 Speaker 4: And so true, constant evolution every single time that you 614 00:26:23,721 --> 00:26:25,281 Speaker 4: look at this work and you look at yourself and 615 00:26:25,360 --> 00:26:27,760 Speaker 4: you grow that sense of like that strong sense of self. 616 00:26:28,201 --> 00:26:30,961 Speaker 4: You continuously increasingly get better with time and it's never 617 00:26:31,080 --> 00:26:33,001 Speaker 4: ending change. 618 00:26:34,721 --> 00:26:37,801 Speaker 1: Yeah, reflect on yourself like five years ago, even a 619 00:26:37,880 --> 00:26:41,561 Speaker 1: year ago, and order changed so much. So cool. So 620 00:26:41,561 --> 00:26:43,321 Speaker 1: if anyone wants to connect with you, maybe they want 621 00:26:43,321 --> 00:26:45,561 Speaker 1: to work with you, do your free self love audit 622 00:26:45,840 --> 00:26:47,720 Speaker 1: or just send your DM to connect. Where can they 623 00:26:47,761 --> 00:26:48,161 Speaker 1: find you? 624 00:26:48,321 --> 00:26:51,480 Speaker 4: Tiana Mandalo on Instagram and TikTok and you spell it 625 00:26:51,521 --> 00:26:54,321 Speaker 4: like t I j A n A b U n 626 00:26:54,561 --> 00:26:55,440 Speaker 4: d A l O. 627 00:26:55,681 --> 00:26:57,880 Speaker 1: We'll leave all of your details in our show notes too, 628 00:26:57,921 --> 00:26:59,641 Speaker 1: so you guys and click straight to it. But thank 629 00:26:59,681 --> 00:27:02,481 Speaker 1: you so much for being you. Make sure you subscribe 630 00:27:02,481 --> 00:27:04,561 Speaker 1: to our podcast. It really helps leave a review and 631 00:27:04,600 --> 00:27:06,880 Speaker 1: also give and I out for our Friday Bonus episode, 632 00:27:06,921 --> 00:27:09,120 Speaker 1: where our producer picks out one of our best parts 633 00:27:09,120 --> 00:27:11,640 Speaker 1: from a previous episode. It's like a little bite sized 634 00:27:11,681 --> 00:27:16,041 Speaker 1: chunk takeaway of like the real deep stuff, the good takeaways. 635 00:27:15,281 --> 00:27:16,920 Speaker 3: Perfect for like getting ready in the morning. 636 00:27:17,080 --> 00:27:20,801 Speaker 1: Yeah, quick car right to the grocery store. Love you guys, 637 00:27:20,801 --> 00:27:22,720 Speaker 1: Thank you. We'll see you next week. See then Bye.