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Speaker 1: Apoge production.

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Speaker 2: So today we'll be talking mainly about just our own experiences,

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Speaker 2: me with having a miscarriage and with us both like

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Speaker 2: just trying to conceive. I feel like this is such

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Speaker 2: a heavy topic and everyone has got their own situation.

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Speaker 2: I almost sometimes feel a little bit nervous talking about

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Speaker 2: this topic because I know, even though I've gone through

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Speaker 2: hard times and you have gone through hard times, your

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Speaker 2: heart always feels so heavy for the people that you

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Speaker 2: know and the stories that you hear of what other

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Speaker 2: people are going through and what they deal with, you know,

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Speaker 2: month to month.

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Speaker 3: It's just crazy how common it is, how many women

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Speaker 3: can't feel pregnant, struggle to for pregnant, lose babies, like

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Speaker 3: you just think it's something that will come so naturally

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Speaker 3: and it should come naturally. It's like breastfeeding too, you know,

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Speaker 3: it's something that you just expect is going to be

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Speaker 3: easy and just work, and it just doesn't know. But

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Speaker 3: it's such a gut wrenching, wrenching like journey for so

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Speaker 3: many females to go through. And how we thought would

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Speaker 3: share your story today, and we know so many women

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Speaker 3: out there go through this and if you do need support,

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Speaker 3: there's so many awesome forums out there too, but definitely

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Speaker 3: to make sure you've got the support around you when

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Speaker 3: you are going through tough times like this.

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Speaker 2: Definitely, and when I was personally going through it, this

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Speaker 2: was the stuff that really helped me listening to other

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Speaker 2: women sharing their stories and hearing other people being open about.

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Speaker 1: It, because it made me not feel alone.

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Speaker 2: We do not feel alone, but still to this day,

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Speaker 2: I do find it a struggle to talk about. I

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Speaker 2: think it's one of those things that I've kind of

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Speaker 2: like pushed down. Yeah, I guess get into how we

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Speaker 2: end up having our miscarriage and kind of the story

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Speaker 2: of what happened. We had had Miller. We were absolutely

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Speaker 2: so stoked to have her, like just young parents, like

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Speaker 2: so excited and have your that new little family, and

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Speaker 2: we always knew we wanted to have multiple kids if

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Speaker 2: we could. Yeah, we actually didn't know how our trying

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Speaker 2: to conceive journey would go because Kurt's mum and dad struggled.

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Speaker 2: Kurt was actually IVF and his brother was like a

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Speaker 2: miracle came afterwards, but we never really knew how we

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Speaker 2: were going to go because it was hereditary. So we

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Speaker 2: always kind of went in with being like, oh we

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Speaker 2: don't really know how everything is going to go. And

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Speaker 2: with Miller, we didn't try, but didn't not try, and

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Speaker 2: eight months later we were pregnant and we were like, oh.

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Speaker 1: My gosh for having a baby.

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Speaker 2: But yeah, after having her, we tried pretty early on.

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Speaker 2: I feel like she was maybe like just around one

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Speaker 2: and it was our very first go and I fell

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Speaker 2: pregnant and I remember being like, oh my.

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Speaker 3: Gosh, like that's crazy.

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Speaker 2: I was so excited. We did not wait, like as

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Speaker 2: soon as I had a positive pregnancy test, we like

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Speaker 2: told both of our families and just so excited to

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Speaker 2: bring a new little bubby into the world. And at

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Speaker 2: this time, Kurt was boxing, so I was at home

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Speaker 2: with Miller doing bits and pieces, and it was also plumbing,

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Speaker 2: so life was really really busy. But I remember one

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Speaker 2: day I was at home on my own with Miller

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Speaker 2: and Kurt was at work, and I was like, went

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Speaker 2: to the bathroom and I started to bleed. For me

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Speaker 2: in pregnancy. This has been a reoccurrence throughout Miller's pregnancy.

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Speaker 2: I bled the entire time. So to some people, they

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Speaker 2: might listen to that and be like but I was like, oh, sweet,

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Speaker 2: like it's all good. I've bled throughout my whole last pregnancy,

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Speaker 2: and Miller is here, she is safe, Everything is fine.

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Speaker 2: So I called Kurt. I feel like every time you

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Speaker 2: do see it though, you still do have that moment

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Speaker 2: of like oh shit, you know, like what's gonna happen?

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Speaker 1: So I rained Kurt.

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Speaker 2: He came home, went to the doctors and they can't.

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Speaker 2: This is a hard thing when it's early pregnancy. This

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Speaker 2: is probably around about six weeks I want to say,

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Speaker 2: maybe seven six weeks. They took my bloods and blood

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Speaker 2: results came back a couple days later and they were like,

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Speaker 2: it's fine, like everything's all good. It looks like it's

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Speaker 2: totally fine, and they said they'll keep taking the bloods

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Speaker 2: actually to watch to see if they go lower or higher.

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Speaker 2: Went back a couple days later and they had risen,

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Speaker 2: but they hadn't doubled.

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Speaker 1: They meant to double.

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Speaker 2: They're meant to double every I think forty eight hours.

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Speaker 2: It might be yeah, every couple of days, we'd have

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Speaker 2: to go back in. They were rising, but they weren't

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Speaker 2: rising enough. This is the hard thing about early pregnancy.

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Speaker 2: It was so early on that they couldn't really like

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Speaker 2: tell what was going on. They could see that there

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Speaker 2: was the yo because that would it is the yoke,

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Speaker 2: and then there was like the sack of the Yeah,

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Speaker 2: so the yoke part wasn't there yet, but it wasn't

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Speaker 2: supposed to be formed yet. That's how early on it was.

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Speaker 2: What ended up happening was like I had a big

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Speaker 2: bleed again, and I was like, oh my god. And

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Speaker 2: then there was a thought of like maybe you're losing

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Speaker 2: a twin. Maybe this is happening, because there's so many

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Speaker 2: different things that it can be. Kurt was out at a

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Speaker 2: boxing thing one night and the bleeding just came on

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Speaker 2: like hectic, and I was like, Fuck, that's not good.

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Speaker 2: It's not just a little bit of blood.

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Speaker 1: There is a lot.

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Speaker 2: He came home and then it's just so hard to

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Speaker 2: because when you're that early on, there's nothing they can do.

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Speaker 2: They go, let's just wait and see what happens kind

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Speaker 2: of thing. So when in the next day tried to

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Speaker 2: do a scan again, they could see it like my

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Speaker 2: uterus growing, but they couldn't actually see anything, and they

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Speaker 2: were like it could turn into something, it might not.

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Speaker 2: I just remember feeling like what the hell is going on?

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Speaker 2: Like I just want to be excited or I just

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Speaker 2: want this to end because I just felt so. So anyways,

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Speaker 2: we went to one specific hospital. They basically kept taking

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Speaker 2: bloods and they kept doing the same thing. I got

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Speaker 2: to nine weeks pregnant, I was still having HGG and

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Speaker 2: it wasn't going down. It was still rising.

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Speaker 1: Which is a good sign, which is a good.

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Speaker 2: Sign normally, but then it was nothing on ultrasound. So

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Speaker 2: my obstetricians was like, something is not right, and I

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Speaker 2: was like, I know. I was like, I knew something

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Speaker 2: wasn't right. She's like, there is no that I can

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Speaker 2: see from your old town. There's no viable pregnancy there.

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Speaker 2: But the fact that your hCG is still rising you're

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Speaker 2: not actually losing the baby, so something is going on.

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Speaker 2: She's like, I'm going to put you in for emergency surgery.

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Speaker 2: So I think it's like the next morning she took

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Speaker 2: me in, opened me up, and there was a mass

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Speaker 2: in my left tube, so the baby had actually implanted

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Speaker 2: inside my tube.

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Speaker 1: So because that other.

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Speaker 2: Place that I went to just waited so long, you

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Speaker 2: can get a shit and it just like helps you

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Speaker 2: to miscarry and it's all fine. But because they waited

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Speaker 2: so long, they had no choice. Actually had to remove

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Speaker 2: my left tube. So it's called an ectopic pregnancy, but basically, yeah,

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Speaker 2: it just gets stuck in the process of going through

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Speaker 2: your falopian tube into your uterus. It's uncommon, but it

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Speaker 2: is also something that you do hear of, Like the

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Speaker 2: more you open up about it and you talk to

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Speaker 2: other people about it, people like, oh, I know this

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Speaker 2: person who had it can be life threatening because you

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Speaker 2: start to bleed internally. It was pretty gnali and I

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Speaker 2: think just the fact of them having to take my

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Speaker 2: tube out too, and knowing that my fertility wasn't going

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Speaker 2: to be as great was something that was really hard.

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Speaker 2: And then also like you just go in and you

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Speaker 2: don't know what your outcome is going to be or

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Speaker 2: what is going on. They took the tube out, then

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Speaker 2: they said that I had to wait a certain amount

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Speaker 2: of time before trying again. And when we started to

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Speaker 2: try again, that six months from having that miscarriage to

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Speaker 2: actually falling pregnant was so fun tough and I cannot

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Speaker 2: even imagine. I cannot even start to try to imagine

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Speaker 2: what other women go through when they are yearning for

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Speaker 2: a baby, Like it literally makes me like breaks my

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Speaker 2: heart because I remember every single month when my period

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Speaker 2: was due and it would come. All I wanted was

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Speaker 2: that baby that I lost. I remember just being like

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Speaker 2: I just want like and I was honestly probably as

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Speaker 2: well a little bit trying to fill the void because

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Speaker 2: like I just want another one here. So I've like

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Speaker 2: got like that outcome that I was wanting, that exciting outcome.

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Speaker 2: But so many people that I know go through multiple miscarriages,

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Speaker 2: and we've had a couple other ones that we've had

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Speaker 2: before I've tested early and then my period has come.

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Speaker 2: You just hear of women's stories and what they go through,

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Speaker 2: and my heart just like fully goes.

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Speaker 1: Out to them. I can't even imagine.

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Speaker 2: Nun there's words, nuh, But yeah, I just remember that time,

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Speaker 2: Like that was the longest six months.

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Speaker 1: I remember. I was just like miserable.

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Speaker 2: I nearly got like obsessed with it.

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Speaker 1: Oh yeah, you do when you're trying.

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Speaker 3: Once you decide you want to have a baby and

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Speaker 3: you try, it's all you think about, consume things.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, it's so consuming.

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Speaker 2: But then after having one, like you can see why, yes,

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Speaker 2: like you can. It's so like understandable for these women

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Speaker 2: to be like trying everything they can because it's like

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Speaker 2: the most incredible experience, and I feel so blessed to

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Speaker 2: have my babies. Like, yeah, I know you do as well,

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Speaker 2: but yeah, I just thought that that's like a little

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Speaker 2: story that I could kind of open up and share.

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Speaker 2: In that time of my life, I felt so alone

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Speaker 2: and I used to just go watch and listen to

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Speaker 2: all this type of stuff. Yeah, anything for me to

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Speaker 2: feel like a little bit more connected or for somebody

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Speaker 2: to say how they felt and for me too.

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Speaker 1: But they get it.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, me to understand.

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Speaker 3: Because people that haven't been through it, Like I haven't

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Speaker 3: been through a miscarriage, so I can't say I understand,

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Speaker 3: Like I can only imagine the pain, but I can't

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Speaker 3: say I understand.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, it's so hard.

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Speaker 2: I think the hardest part as well is it's because

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Speaker 2: when you find out you're pregnant, you're so excited, so

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Speaker 2: many emotions, You're so happy, and you'll like straight away

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Speaker 2: start planning so we can do this in that room

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Speaker 2: that one can have this year and this can do this,

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Speaker 2: so you like have this whole life of plan of

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Speaker 2: what you're wanting to do, and then it's just like

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Speaker 2: get snatched away from you and it happens like so.

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Speaker 1: Quickly, really does so tough. Yeah, I'm so sorry you

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Speaker 1: had to go through that.

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Speaker 3: Oh thanks, just same, Oh so hard. Yeah, I've got

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Speaker 3: so many girlfriends that go through similar things. It just

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Speaker 3: breaks my heart. Yeah, honestly makes me also, Yeah, very

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Speaker 3: very grateful to have my two babies. But yeah, we

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Speaker 3: were really really lucky. With Taj we fell pregnant first,

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Speaker 3: go really really lucky. But with Tyler it is so

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Speaker 3: much longer. It was nearly a year. We got tested

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Speaker 3: and Steve froze sperm as well in case like took

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Speaker 3: longer or nothing was technically wrong or anything. It's actually

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Speaker 3: normal for it to take six to twelve months, So

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Speaker 3: I thought, Okay, at twelve months, if I haven't fallen pregnant,

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Speaker 3: that's when I'm going to go and see a fertility

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Speaker 3: specialist and get some further testing done. But yeah, it

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Speaker 3: was just consuming trying to fall pregnant. It's like once

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Speaker 3: I decide, and I'd wait a long time, like there's

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Speaker 3: a six and a half year age gap between my kids,

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Speaker 3: it's a long time to fully be ready. And then

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Speaker 3: once I decided, it was like every month. It's so

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Speaker 3: disheartening and you do start to think, like, what is

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Speaker 3: wrong with my body, like, my body is supposed to

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Speaker 3: do this, but it's just not that simple. It's actually

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Speaker 3: so much harder to full pregnant. What you think when

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Speaker 3: you actually learn about it, like the small window you

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Speaker 3: have in each month to full pregnant.

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Speaker 1: But yeah, definitely consume me. I was struggling.

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Speaker 2: I remember each month, like when your period would come.

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Speaker 1: I'll just text you negative. Yeah. It was just so hard.

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Speaker 3: I cried every single time, and I'd always do the

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Speaker 3: test by myself and just like sit in the toilet

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Speaker 3: and just cry for hours. It's in the shower and

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Speaker 3: cry for hours. It's just you disappointed, and then you

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Speaker 3: go back on that cycle. And it also your sex

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Speaker 3: life too, like it's very structured.

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Speaker 1: Like you're booking it in.

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Speaker 3: It's just kind of takes that fun away as well.

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Speaker 3: It was weird I found out because I think it

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Speaker 3: was like I can't remember what mark, maybe eleven months.

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Speaker 3: I was in the shower and I was due to

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Speaker 3: take a test within the next couple of days. But

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Speaker 3: I put my hand on my tummy. I was like, oh,

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Speaker 3: look down.

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Speaker 1: I was like, what is that hand doing there?

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Speaker 3: Wow? I was like I got out immediately into the

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Speaker 3: test straight away because I was just in the shower,

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Speaker 3: like washing my hair or something, and then like I

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Speaker 3: looked down and my hand was just on my stomach.

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Speaker 1: Isn't that great? And I was like, oh my gosh.

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Speaker 1: So I got out to test and I was pregnant.

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Speaker 3: Oh my. It's like my Injuris would like already was

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Speaker 3: like holding her, not I was girl holding her. So

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Speaker 3: I was just, yeah, it's the best thing ever when

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Speaker 3: it does happen, and going through all that hardship like

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Speaker 3: a hand on my heart. I can honestly say, like,

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Speaker 3: if I was to go through that journey again, I

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Speaker 3: think now, yes, it would still be hard if it

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Speaker 3: took a year, but I would fully trust that that

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Speaker 3: baby is not quite ready to come for me, because

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Speaker 3: I'm so glad it happened when it did because I

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Speaker 3: got Tala, like she was always meant for me. So

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Speaker 3: if it once to go through it again, I would

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Speaker 3: like trust that process a bit more and try not

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Speaker 3: to let it get me down so much and let

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Speaker 3: it consume my life so much.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, and just trust.

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Speaker 3: That the universe has my back and my baby will

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Speaker 3: come to me when I'm ready.

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Speaker 2: And yeah, I think as well, like with the miscarriage.

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Speaker 2: Just give yourself time, be kind to yourself. You will

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Speaker 2: think you are fine and you'll be like, okay, like

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Speaker 2: I'm getting over it, and then you might have a

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Speaker 2: day and you'll just be really down in the dumps.

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Speaker 2: And I remember doing that. I was like, oh, I'm

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Speaker 2: all good. And it was more so, I think because

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Speaker 2: we were trying and then I get my period. It

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Speaker 2: was like nearly like I was so sad we got period,

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Speaker 2: but I'd also be crying and like just wanting that baby. Yes,

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Speaker 2: so I'd be like, you know, grieving that baby being lost.

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Speaker 2: But it's a rollercoaster. Be kind yourself. It's such a

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Speaker 2: hard time to go through it, even trying to conceive,

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Speaker 2: trying to have a baby, any of those things. And

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Speaker 2: I love the way that everything's moving and there is

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Speaker 2: so much more help out there, which is great, and

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Speaker 2: so many more people are open about it now like

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Speaker 2: back in the day, no one's spoken like people used

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Speaker 2: to do this and not even tell their friends and

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Speaker 2: family that they're going through it.

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Speaker 1: Everyone's journey is so different. But yeah, man, it's not

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Speaker 1: an East One no Quoe quote.

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Speaker 3: Do you be

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Speaker 2: Mhm