1 00:00:01,880 --> 00:00:03,119 Speaker 1: Get a thanks for listening. 2 00:00:03,760 --> 00:00:07,240 Speaker 2: Have you ever heard of the Mandela effect? It is 3 00:00:07,280 --> 00:00:11,959 Speaker 2: when a large group of people collectively remember something incorrectly, 4 00:00:12,560 --> 00:00:17,000 Speaker 2: or they would call an event which never actually happened. 5 00:00:17,000 --> 00:00:17,200 Speaker 1: Now. 6 00:00:17,480 --> 00:00:23,080 Speaker 2: Famous examples of the Mandela effect are, oh, people believing 7 00:00:23,120 --> 00:00:25,200 Speaker 2: the show is called Sex in the City, it was 8 00:00:25,239 --> 00:00:26,200 Speaker 2: called Sex. 9 00:00:26,120 --> 00:00:27,240 Speaker 1: And the City. 10 00:00:27,960 --> 00:00:32,680 Speaker 2: Another one would be that C three po was all gold. 11 00:00:33,720 --> 00:00:37,239 Speaker 2: He was actually silver from the knee down on the 12 00:00:37,320 --> 00:00:41,360 Speaker 2: right leg. Now Never in my wildest dreams could I 13 00:00:41,400 --> 00:00:44,640 Speaker 2: have believed that one day I myself would be a 14 00:00:44,680 --> 00:00:49,240 Speaker 2: real life example of the Mandela effect in action. It 15 00:00:49,400 --> 00:00:51,440 Speaker 2: blew my mind when I realized it, And I'll. 16 00:00:51,280 --> 00:00:52,120 Speaker 1: Tell you after the break. 17 00:00:59,000 --> 00:01:00,280 Speaker 2: Thanks so much for listening to this. So this is 18 00:01:00,320 --> 00:01:02,920 Speaker 2: better than yesterday, making a better every episode since twenty 19 00:01:03,000 --> 00:01:05,720 Speaker 2: and thirteen. I'm glad you're here. My name is Boshy Ginsburg. 20 00:01:06,120 --> 00:01:09,440 Speaker 2: I'm a podcaster, I'm a best selling author. I may 21 00:01:09,640 --> 00:01:13,959 Speaker 2: soon to be dancer on a reality television show. I 22 00:01:14,000 --> 00:01:18,559 Speaker 2: have another book on the way, and I'm here twice 23 00:01:18,560 --> 00:01:20,600 Speaker 2: a week and I'm glad you're here too. I'm also 24 00:01:20,720 --> 00:01:23,240 Speaker 2: at the Factory Theater in Marrickville once a month with 25 00:01:23,360 --> 00:01:26,280 Speaker 2: Story Club We just had a show yesterday which was 26 00:01:26,280 --> 00:01:29,520 Speaker 2: a killer. Another one's coming up on the thirteenth of April, 27 00:01:29,560 --> 00:01:34,119 Speaker 2: and our lineup is sensational. The great and powerful Alex Lee, 28 00:01:34,200 --> 00:01:37,240 Speaker 2: She's absolutely brilliant. Annally's constable He is joining us on 29 00:01:37,240 --> 00:01:42,000 Speaker 2: the show. Linda McDougall also Dr McDougall, Lindsey from Friends 30 00:01:42,160 --> 00:01:45,000 Speaker 2: Rom and Duncan Fellow is the great Australian actor who 31 00:01:45,000 --> 00:01:48,920 Speaker 2: you may know as Ray Pyes from Deadlock. All those 32 00:01:48,960 --> 00:01:50,760 Speaker 2: four people are joining me and Zoe to tell stories 33 00:01:50,800 --> 00:01:52,120 Speaker 2: live on stage at the Factory. 34 00:01:51,920 --> 00:01:52,920 Speaker 1: Theater April thirteen. 35 00:01:53,560 --> 00:01:56,520 Speaker 2: The link to get the tickets is in the show notes. 36 00:01:56,800 --> 00:01:58,640 Speaker 2: The theme of the next Story Club show is no 37 00:01:59,080 --> 00:02:02,080 Speaker 2: Turning Back, So if you would like to have a 38 00:02:02,120 --> 00:02:06,240 Speaker 2: discount ticket, use the offer code turning and receive a 39 00:02:06,280 --> 00:02:07,760 Speaker 2: discount to check out. Everyone who was at the show 40 00:02:07,800 --> 00:02:09,640 Speaker 2: last night or he got this, but I'm giving it 41 00:02:09,680 --> 00:02:12,480 Speaker 2: to you today. I won't tell anybody else and they'll 42 00:02:12,520 --> 00:02:14,560 Speaker 2: only be available for today. So get the ticket, get 43 00:02:14,560 --> 00:02:18,680 Speaker 2: the discount, and get it happening now. So the Mandela effect, 44 00:02:19,280 --> 00:02:21,200 Speaker 2: I foind it really interesting. It was got coined when 45 00:02:21,360 --> 00:02:23,160 Speaker 2: a couple of people realized that they both believed that 46 00:02:23,200 --> 00:02:25,440 Speaker 2: Nelson Mandela had died, when in fact he was very 47 00:02:25,520 --> 00:02:27,480 Speaker 2: much alive and went on to be a leader of 48 00:02:27,520 --> 00:02:30,800 Speaker 2: South Africa after Aparthi. The Mandel effect is very very 49 00:02:30,800 --> 00:02:33,840 Speaker 2: interesting and it can skew a whole populations perspective on 50 00:02:33,880 --> 00:02:37,240 Speaker 2: something that people just start believing a thing that never happened. 51 00:02:37,280 --> 00:02:39,519 Speaker 2: For example, here in Australia, there's a whole cohort of 52 00:02:39,560 --> 00:02:42,200 Speaker 2: people who will swear up and down that John Jarrett 53 00:02:42,200 --> 00:02:44,440 Speaker 2: from Wolf Creek was once a presenter on play Score, 54 00:02:45,480 --> 00:02:48,440 Speaker 2: which would have made it very interesting whenever the noise 55 00:02:48,480 --> 00:02:52,040 Speaker 2: to go get your parents' sound happened and he reached 56 00:02:52,040 --> 00:02:54,680 Speaker 2: for a pair of scissors. But he was never on 57 00:02:54,680 --> 00:02:56,520 Speaker 2: Place School. John Jarrett was never on Place Caore. It 58 00:02:56,520 --> 00:02:58,639 Speaker 2: was John Waters. But there's a whole bunch of people 59 00:02:58,639 --> 00:03:01,360 Speaker 2: who believe it was John Jarrett. Now I realized the 60 00:03:01,400 --> 00:03:06,040 Speaker 2: other day that I myself am at the center of 61 00:03:06,080 --> 00:03:08,680 Speaker 2: an example, a real life example of the Mandela effect, 62 00:03:09,200 --> 00:03:13,240 Speaker 2: because not a week goes by without a well meaning 63 00:03:13,520 --> 00:03:16,120 Speaker 2: stranger coming up to me and. 64 00:03:16,160 --> 00:03:19,000 Speaker 1: Asking, hey, have you got a rose for me? 65 00:03:21,360 --> 00:03:23,240 Speaker 2: No, I understand why they would ask that, but it 66 00:03:23,320 --> 00:03:26,079 Speaker 2: is fascinating because out of twenty one. 67 00:03:25,919 --> 00:03:26,800 Speaker 1: Or twenty three. 68 00:03:26,919 --> 00:03:29,760 Speaker 2: I think series of the Bachelor franchise that I was 69 00:03:29,800 --> 00:03:33,600 Speaker 2: lucky enough to be a part of batch In Paradise Bachelorette, 70 00:03:34,240 --> 00:03:37,160 Speaker 2: the amount of roses that I gave out to people 71 00:03:38,400 --> 00:03:42,880 Speaker 2: was in fact zero at the start of a season. 72 00:03:42,920 --> 00:03:45,640 Speaker 2: In episode one, I would occasionally whip one out from 73 00:03:45,720 --> 00:03:46,360 Speaker 2: under a table. 74 00:03:46,400 --> 00:03:47,680 Speaker 1: I would hide it somewhere. 75 00:03:47,800 --> 00:03:49,560 Speaker 2: If it was like a power rose, like a power 76 00:03:49,640 --> 00:03:53,240 Speaker 2: up rose at white one or a brown one, I 77 00:03:53,240 --> 00:03:55,840 Speaker 2: would hold one only then and only then. But I 78 00:03:55,840 --> 00:03:58,320 Speaker 2: would never hand them to anybody. And other than that 79 00:03:58,400 --> 00:04:02,280 Speaker 2: one episode, every now and again, I never ever touched them. 80 00:04:02,880 --> 00:04:04,600 Speaker 2: I never touched a rose, and I never gave them 81 00:04:04,640 --> 00:04:08,160 Speaker 2: to anybody. I would only ever count them in a 82 00:04:08,240 --> 00:04:10,320 Speaker 2: very whispery voice. But I would only ever count them. 83 00:04:10,880 --> 00:04:13,520 Speaker 2: And I find that really fascinating, because people truly believe 84 00:04:13,600 --> 00:04:15,360 Speaker 2: that I will have a rose to give them. 85 00:04:15,680 --> 00:04:16,719 Speaker 1: It's wild. 86 00:04:17,240 --> 00:04:20,040 Speaker 2: The Mandela effect is really really interesting because it can 87 00:04:20,080 --> 00:04:23,279 Speaker 2: also be attributed to things like misquotations, like how Gandhy 88 00:04:23,360 --> 00:04:25,479 Speaker 2: never actually said, be the change you wish to see 89 00:04:25,480 --> 00:04:28,120 Speaker 2: in the world, no matter how many posters you might 90 00:04:28,120 --> 00:04:29,760 Speaker 2: see on that on the wall of a yoga studio, 91 00:04:30,279 --> 00:04:33,360 Speaker 2: and Einstein never said everyone's a genius. But if you 92 00:04:33,440 --> 00:04:35,360 Speaker 2: judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, 93 00:04:35,520 --> 00:04:36,400 Speaker 2: well live its whole. 94 00:04:36,200 --> 00:04:37,840 Speaker 1: Life believing that it is stupid. 95 00:04:38,480 --> 00:04:40,440 Speaker 2: Both of those things are really wonderful and powerful things, 96 00:04:40,480 --> 00:04:44,000 Speaker 2: but neither of those people said them. Remembering something that 97 00:04:44,040 --> 00:04:49,560 Speaker 2: never happened is one thing. However, if we're making significant 98 00:04:49,640 --> 00:04:53,480 Speaker 2: choices based on a version of reality that doesn't actually exist, 99 00:04:53,640 --> 00:04:55,200 Speaker 2: then that can start to be a. 100 00:04:55,160 --> 00:04:56,560 Speaker 1: Bit of a problem. 101 00:04:57,960 --> 00:05:03,760 Speaker 2: When we misremember or misunderstand reality, we have a version 102 00:05:03,760 --> 00:05:07,160 Speaker 2: of that reality. When we hold that, it essentially puts 103 00:05:07,160 --> 00:05:11,160 Speaker 2: a lens or a filter on everything else that we see. 104 00:05:11,360 --> 00:05:14,000 Speaker 2: It can be very very hard to change our mind 105 00:05:14,240 --> 00:05:19,920 Speaker 2: or accept what is actually happening, especially if accepting that 106 00:05:20,360 --> 00:05:24,880 Speaker 2: challenges our sense of self. For example, it's election time, 107 00:05:25,320 --> 00:05:27,560 Speaker 2: and say you're a lifelong Greens voter. You've got the 108 00:05:27,680 --> 00:05:30,080 Speaker 2: triangular shaped little sign in your yard, you've got a 109 00:05:30,080 --> 00:05:33,800 Speaker 2: pair of overalls, secondhand overalls, of course, and you've just 110 00:05:33,839 --> 00:05:36,159 Speaker 2: read that the Greens have announced a policy which is 111 00:05:36,320 --> 00:05:40,840 Speaker 2: kind of out of alignment with your values. Now you 112 00:05:40,920 --> 00:05:45,840 Speaker 2: might well willfully ignore parts of that policy or even 113 00:05:46,040 --> 00:05:49,320 Speaker 2: justify things which you'd otherwise disagree with or even distort 114 00:05:49,360 --> 00:05:52,839 Speaker 2: what the policy might actually mean. Because if you're challenging 115 00:05:53,040 --> 00:05:55,160 Speaker 2: the idea that this party is so good and can 116 00:05:55,200 --> 00:05:57,520 Speaker 2: do no wrong and you always wait for them, then 117 00:05:57,560 --> 00:05:58,520 Speaker 2: who even are you? 118 00:05:58,839 --> 00:06:00,279 Speaker 1: What are you going to do with these over rules 119 00:06:00,279 --> 00:06:03,360 Speaker 1: and the sign in your yard? It's really kind of fascinating. 120 00:06:03,400 --> 00:06:06,240 Speaker 2: A slightly adjacent version of this can happen within a 121 00:06:06,279 --> 00:06:09,279 Speaker 2: personal relationship context as well. And there's a name for 122 00:06:09,360 --> 00:06:13,240 Speaker 2: this lens actually that sits between what we see and 123 00:06:13,760 --> 00:06:16,480 Speaker 2: the world that is actually happening. That lens is called 124 00:06:16,560 --> 00:06:19,880 Speaker 2: a schemer. Very basically, a schemer is like a mental 125 00:06:19,920 --> 00:06:23,680 Speaker 2: map of how we believe things should be when it 126 00:06:23,720 --> 00:06:27,000 Speaker 2: comes to people, kind of like your brain's shortcut helps 127 00:06:27,040 --> 00:06:28,880 Speaker 2: you make sense of the world very quickly and figure 128 00:06:28,880 --> 00:06:30,600 Speaker 2: out what to do in a situation. For example, you'll 129 00:06:30,640 --> 00:06:33,200 Speaker 2: have a friend schema. All right, You know that a 130 00:06:33,279 --> 00:06:36,000 Speaker 2: friend is usually supportive, they're fun to be around as 131 00:06:36,040 --> 00:06:39,080 Speaker 2: someone you can trust. So when you meet someone brand new, 132 00:06:39,680 --> 00:06:42,120 Speaker 2: part of you very very quickly compares them to your 133 00:06:42,120 --> 00:06:45,400 Speaker 2: friend schemer to figure out do they fit this description, 134 00:06:45,600 --> 00:06:47,640 Speaker 2: and if they do, then a whole new drop down 135 00:06:47,640 --> 00:06:50,600 Speaker 2: menu of responses and actions are available to you. But 136 00:06:50,640 --> 00:06:52,400 Speaker 2: if they're not in the friend schemer, then you kind 137 00:06:52,400 --> 00:06:54,240 Speaker 2: of do another thing, like you might keep them at 138 00:06:54,240 --> 00:06:56,359 Speaker 2: a distance and not exactly give them your phone number 139 00:06:57,080 --> 00:06:59,920 Speaker 2: from time to time. However, these schemers, they can get 140 00:07:01,000 --> 00:07:03,159 Speaker 2: a little messed up, and when they do, they're known 141 00:07:03,560 --> 00:07:07,320 Speaker 2: as a skewed schemer. Let's say, for example, you've got 142 00:07:07,520 --> 00:07:11,040 Speaker 2: a girlfriend schemer or a boyfriend schemer, and that's at 143 00:07:11,400 --> 00:07:13,600 Speaker 2: a little bit woky, little bit messed up. I don't know, 144 00:07:13,600 --> 00:07:15,360 Speaker 2: maybe you grew up watching too many episodes of the 145 00:07:15,360 --> 00:07:17,720 Speaker 2: OC or Love Island, or you had to run in 146 00:07:17,800 --> 00:07:21,760 Speaker 2: with an ex who was lying and unfaithful back when 147 00:07:21,800 --> 00:07:26,560 Speaker 2: you were younger, and whatever the reason, your boyfriend or 148 00:07:26,560 --> 00:07:28,760 Speaker 2: girlfriend schemer has a lot of trip wires, like kind 149 00:07:28,760 --> 00:07:29,720 Speaker 2: of all over it now. 150 00:07:30,600 --> 00:07:31,400 Speaker 1: And because as. 151 00:07:31,360 --> 00:07:34,000 Speaker 2: Humans, we are wired to protect ourselves based upon things 152 00:07:34,040 --> 00:07:37,920 Speaker 2: that have happened the girlfriend a boyfriend in that schemer, 153 00:07:38,000 --> 00:07:41,200 Speaker 2: you expect lying, you expect betrayal, you expect them to 154 00:07:41,320 --> 00:07:43,920 Speaker 2: leave you, to abandon you, to take your favorite T shirt. 155 00:07:44,000 --> 00:07:45,600 Speaker 2: And yet they still get a text from your parents 156 00:07:45,600 --> 00:07:49,400 Speaker 2: at Christmas time, just like the last one. So with 157 00:07:49,520 --> 00:07:52,320 Speaker 2: that kind of lens between you and them when your 158 00:07:52,360 --> 00:07:54,600 Speaker 2: partner does something fairly benign, like I don't know, like 159 00:07:54,640 --> 00:07:58,120 Speaker 2: a post online that they scrolled past and looked at 160 00:07:58,160 --> 00:08:00,960 Speaker 2: for a few seconds, but that photo is of someone 161 00:08:01,000 --> 00:08:02,040 Speaker 2: younger and hotter than you. 162 00:08:03,400 --> 00:08:04,560 Speaker 1: With a healthy. 163 00:08:04,520 --> 00:08:08,040 Speaker 2: Schemer, you would see that pop up and go, oh yeah, 164 00:08:08,080 --> 00:08:09,880 Speaker 2: let me look at that photo. Yeah, I understand why 165 00:08:09,960 --> 00:08:12,200 Speaker 2: I like that and the person's hot and leave it 166 00:08:12,200 --> 00:08:15,600 Speaker 2: at that. You trust that they won't betray you, won't 167 00:08:15,680 --> 00:08:18,800 Speaker 2: leave you. However, if you have a skewed boyfriend or 168 00:08:18,800 --> 00:08:21,360 Speaker 2: girlfriend schemer, that little tap on a photo of a 169 00:08:21,360 --> 00:08:23,880 Speaker 2: stranger that they looked at for just a couple of 170 00:08:23,880 --> 00:08:26,560 Speaker 2: seconds is enough to send you immediately into an imagined 171 00:08:26,600 --> 00:08:29,040 Speaker 2: future where they've left you and the kids high and 172 00:08:29,160 --> 00:08:31,360 Speaker 2: dry for some person who gets paid by the post 173 00:08:31,360 --> 00:08:36,439 Speaker 2: for teeth whitening and creatain content. A skewed schemer is 174 00:08:36,440 --> 00:08:39,840 Speaker 2: a little bit like your brain seeing everything the world 175 00:08:39,920 --> 00:08:44,280 Speaker 2: really through a filter of past negative experiences. It's not 176 00:08:44,360 --> 00:08:47,720 Speaker 2: seeing the situation clearly. It jumps to conclusions based on old, 177 00:08:47,720 --> 00:08:50,920 Speaker 2: outdated information, and then you make choices based on those conclusions. 178 00:08:51,960 --> 00:08:54,400 Speaker 2: It's not great, But what do we do about it? 179 00:08:55,600 --> 00:08:56,959 Speaker 2: I'll talk to you about that in just a moment. 180 00:08:57,040 --> 00:08:58,760 Speaker 2: I do have to play some ads back in a second. 181 00:09:04,160 --> 00:09:06,720 Speaker 2: Thank you so much for listening. I started talking about 182 00:09:06,760 --> 00:09:08,880 Speaker 2: the Mandela effect, and that's start talking about roses, and 183 00:09:08,920 --> 00:09:10,960 Speaker 2: now we're hearing schemas. Sorry, this is what it's like 184 00:09:11,760 --> 00:09:14,680 Speaker 2: in my brain. Sometimes I'm simply speaking out loud what 185 00:09:14,720 --> 00:09:16,320 Speaker 2: my brain does as. 186 00:09:16,200 --> 00:09:17,719 Speaker 1: I go from my idea to where dear idea, to 187 00:09:17,720 --> 00:09:19,720 Speaker 1: try to weave them together. Open makes sense. 188 00:09:20,960 --> 00:09:23,240 Speaker 2: If anything I've been speaking about sounds familiar and you'd 189 00:09:23,320 --> 00:09:26,520 Speaker 2: rather not be making important choices based on a skewed schema, 190 00:09:26,880 --> 00:09:31,319 Speaker 2: it's okay. There's ways to get around it. Often talk 191 00:09:31,320 --> 00:09:33,360 Speaker 2: about it on this show. The first step in most things, 192 00:09:33,400 --> 00:09:37,080 Speaker 2: nearly anything, is just noticing, and just by noticing, you've 193 00:09:37,080 --> 00:09:39,840 Speaker 2: already nailed that part well not. The next move is 194 00:09:39,880 --> 00:09:43,199 Speaker 2: to trust in your brain's ability to rewire, and that 195 00:09:43,240 --> 00:09:46,160 Speaker 2: those automatic thoughts won't always be automatic, and you just 196 00:09:46,280 --> 00:09:48,960 Speaker 2: got to get to work on gradually shifting those thought 197 00:09:48,960 --> 00:09:51,360 Speaker 2: patterns and those expectations. It can help to keep a journal. 198 00:09:51,400 --> 00:09:53,240 Speaker 2: I found it very helpful to write it down, actually 199 00:09:53,240 --> 00:09:55,840 Speaker 2: physically write it down, not type it into your phone. Now, 200 00:09:56,280 --> 00:09:58,720 Speaker 2: when you notice that you're reacting strongly to something. For 201 00:09:58,800 --> 00:10:01,840 Speaker 2: me have to notice the feeling in my body. The 202 00:10:02,240 --> 00:10:04,520 Speaker 2: event itself doesn't really sometimes give me a clues. I 203 00:10:04,520 --> 00:10:06,280 Speaker 2: have to know, oh wow, my heart's doing that thing, 204 00:10:06,360 --> 00:10:07,960 Speaker 2: or my breathing's doing that thing. This must be one 205 00:10:07,960 --> 00:10:10,200 Speaker 2: of those moments. That's how I get a clue when 206 00:10:10,240 --> 00:10:13,280 Speaker 2: he know it's reacting strongly like that, or perhaps making 207 00:10:13,320 --> 00:10:14,760 Speaker 2: assumptions that feel a bit off. 208 00:10:14,640 --> 00:10:15,680 Speaker 1: With everybody else in the room. 209 00:10:16,120 --> 00:10:18,760 Speaker 2: Write it down, Write down the situation, exactly what happened, 210 00:10:18,800 --> 00:10:20,079 Speaker 2: Write down your thoughts about it. 211 00:10:20,120 --> 00:10:21,120 Speaker 1: Would you believe to be true? 212 00:10:21,200 --> 00:10:24,199 Speaker 2: Right out the feelings, and that can help you identify 213 00:10:24,240 --> 00:10:26,920 Speaker 2: the specific patterns that your skewed scheme is running. You 214 00:10:26,960 --> 00:10:30,319 Speaker 2: might be quite surprised by these. Some favorites are ah, 215 00:10:30,360 --> 00:10:33,040 Speaker 2: I never get what I want? Or fuck them, they're 216 00:10:33,040 --> 00:10:35,960 Speaker 2: all out to get me? Right, They're pretty common, but 217 00:10:36,000 --> 00:10:37,960 Speaker 2: it can go on from there. So the next thing 218 00:10:37,960 --> 00:10:42,480 Speaker 2: to do is to start to actually question, dispute, maybe 219 00:10:42,559 --> 00:10:45,079 Speaker 2: challenge some of those thoughts. Have the courage to ask, 220 00:10:45,840 --> 00:10:48,840 Speaker 2: so is there any real evidence for that, any real 221 00:10:48,880 --> 00:10:51,440 Speaker 2: evidence that they're all out to get me? How true 222 00:10:51,520 --> 00:10:53,160 Speaker 2: is it that I never get what I want? 223 00:10:54,280 --> 00:10:55,800 Speaker 1: Could there be another explanation. 224 00:10:56,880 --> 00:10:59,439 Speaker 2: There's an amazing book called The Art of Possibility, which 225 00:10:59,440 --> 00:11:01,800 Speaker 2: I've spoken of on the show before. Ben Xander wrote it, 226 00:11:01,800 --> 00:11:04,760 Speaker 2: a brilliant book, and he has this great question in there. 227 00:11:04,760 --> 00:11:07,040 Speaker 2: Two great questions. The first one is what assumption am 228 00:11:07,080 --> 00:11:09,679 Speaker 2: I making that I'm not aware I'm making that gives 229 00:11:09,720 --> 00:11:13,000 Speaker 2: me what I see. It's a little like being, you know, 230 00:11:13,080 --> 00:11:16,160 Speaker 2: one of those people on the Detective Show. You're digging 231 00:11:16,200 --> 00:11:18,240 Speaker 2: around for the truth. You're not just accepting the first 232 00:11:18,240 --> 00:11:19,840 Speaker 2: bad guy that you pull in for questioning in the 233 00:11:19,840 --> 00:11:22,200 Speaker 2: second act before the third ad break. All right, yeah, 234 00:11:22,200 --> 00:11:23,839 Speaker 2: hang on, I don't believe I think this is the 235 00:11:23,840 --> 00:11:27,200 Speaker 2: first guy, and let's keep looking. The next part can 236 00:11:27,200 --> 00:11:30,840 Speaker 2: be quite tricky if you've never done it. Start to 237 00:11:31,320 --> 00:11:35,880 Speaker 2: actively look for evidence that contradicts that automatic thought of 238 00:11:35,920 --> 00:11:37,920 Speaker 2: everyone's out to get me or I never got what 239 00:11:37,960 --> 00:11:41,160 Speaker 2: I want. Start to actively seek it out. That's to 240 00:11:41,160 --> 00:11:44,040 Speaker 2: actually actively notice that when things happen the other way. 241 00:11:44,640 --> 00:11:46,360 Speaker 2: If you're convinced that everyone's out to get so you 242 00:11:46,400 --> 00:11:48,760 Speaker 2: make a conscious effort to notice, I don't know, when 243 00:11:48,880 --> 00:11:51,760 Speaker 2: people are kind or supportive, you know, start really small, 244 00:11:51,880 --> 00:11:54,280 Speaker 2: like oh, there was a friendly smile, from a stranger. Oh, 245 00:11:54,600 --> 00:11:56,640 Speaker 2: that was a very helpful gesture from that person that 246 00:11:56,679 --> 00:11:58,760 Speaker 2: I work with, that was really nice with them people 247 00:11:58,920 --> 00:12:01,560 Speaker 2: that's lovely. Didn't I do that than they did? And 248 00:12:01,559 --> 00:12:04,280 Speaker 2: that starts to help balance out this kind of negative 249 00:12:04,280 --> 00:12:09,000 Speaker 2: bias that your schema has created alongside this, just you know, 250 00:12:10,559 --> 00:12:13,440 Speaker 2: try to be mindful about it. When those automatic thoughts 251 00:12:13,480 --> 00:12:16,800 Speaker 2: starts showing up, take a moment, pause, breathe, Try to 252 00:12:16,840 --> 00:12:20,760 Speaker 2: notice those thoughts. Just notice them, acknowledge them, try to 253 00:12:20,800 --> 00:12:23,160 Speaker 2: let them pass by without judging them. Oh, look, you 254 00:12:23,160 --> 00:12:25,320 Speaker 2: know sometimes if the judgment shows up, well, of course 255 00:12:25,360 --> 00:12:26,959 Speaker 2: I feel that, you know, there's an X of mine 256 00:12:27,000 --> 00:12:29,240 Speaker 2: that did this and that, but this person's not that, 257 00:12:29,360 --> 00:12:31,040 Speaker 2: So of course I kind of feel a bit jumpy 258 00:12:31,040 --> 00:12:33,120 Speaker 2: about the stuff, but they're not there. Take a moment, 259 00:12:33,400 --> 00:12:35,280 Speaker 2: and that gives you a bit of space between you 260 00:12:35,679 --> 00:12:37,720 Speaker 2: and that schema. That can give you a lot more 261 00:12:37,720 --> 00:12:40,040 Speaker 2: control over your choices. And once you get to that point, 262 00:12:40,600 --> 00:12:44,240 Speaker 2: that's the second question that ben Zander asks, what might 263 00:12:44,320 --> 00:12:46,960 Speaker 2: I now invent which I have not yet invented? 264 00:12:47,400 --> 00:12:49,000 Speaker 1: Which gives me other choices? 265 00:12:50,640 --> 00:12:55,400 Speaker 2: Because now you're impossibility and now you know you've got 266 00:12:55,400 --> 00:12:58,280 Speaker 2: a bit more choice than They're all out to get me, 267 00:12:58,320 --> 00:13:00,839 Speaker 2: so I'm going to get them first. Whatever you've got 268 00:13:00,880 --> 00:13:03,400 Speaker 2: over choices. Now, none of this is easy. Of course, 269 00:13:04,040 --> 00:13:07,160 Speaker 2: it's important to be patient, you be kind to yourself. 270 00:13:08,240 --> 00:13:11,520 Speaker 2: You're going to not get it perfect deeply ingrain thought 271 00:13:11,520 --> 00:13:14,520 Speaker 2: patterns are there for a reason. They want to hold 272 00:13:14,600 --> 00:13:17,000 Speaker 2: on and protect you and they don't like letting go. 273 00:13:17,120 --> 00:13:18,920 Speaker 2: And it can take time and effort, but it's worth it. 274 00:13:19,600 --> 00:13:21,319 Speaker 2: Don't get upset at yourself if you can't get it 275 00:13:21,400 --> 00:13:23,960 Speaker 2: right early. It takes a bit of time, but you 276 00:13:24,000 --> 00:13:27,680 Speaker 2: know one day, sooner than you think, Actually, a moment 277 00:13:28,280 --> 00:13:32,240 Speaker 2: will pass you by and you'll go hang what only 278 00:13:32,320 --> 00:13:34,000 Speaker 2: afterwards when you go your shit like that used to 279 00:13:34,040 --> 00:13:38,080 Speaker 2: really mess me up, and that just happened. I saw 280 00:13:38,120 --> 00:13:40,920 Speaker 2: that my partner liked a photo of someone and I 281 00:13:41,000 --> 00:13:45,480 Speaker 2: just kept it didn't destroy my day. So have a 282 00:13:45,520 --> 00:13:47,200 Speaker 2: think about the schemers that you've got in your life. 283 00:13:47,280 --> 00:13:51,600 Speaker 2: You know, what does your work schema look like? Your partner, wife, husband, boyfriend, 284 00:13:51,640 --> 00:13:55,199 Speaker 2: girlfriend schema? What does your schema look like of your kids, 285 00:13:55,200 --> 00:13:59,920 Speaker 2: of your parents? The big questions, but their questions worth 286 00:14:00,320 --> 00:14:03,120 Speaker 2: asking and the question's worth answering. 287 00:14:04,120 --> 00:14:04,920 Speaker 1: Thank you for listening. 288 00:14:05,040 --> 00:14:08,400 Speaker 2: Thank you for coming on that adventurous journey between the 289 00:14:08,440 --> 00:14:12,800 Speaker 2: Mandela Effect and this I'm very much appreciated. If you 290 00:14:12,840 --> 00:14:14,920 Speaker 2: want to come and see us live, We're doing a 291 00:14:15,000 --> 00:14:18,240 Speaker 2: show every month at the Factory Theater Americville Story Club 292 00:14:18,520 --> 00:14:22,320 Speaker 2: on the thirteenth of April six o'clock. Alex Lee, Lindsay McDougall, 293 00:14:22,400 --> 00:14:25,320 Speaker 2: Duncan Fellows and Annalie's constable joins Zoe nott in Lodge 294 00:14:25,320 --> 00:14:26,119 Speaker 2: and myself. 295 00:14:26,640 --> 00:14:28,040 Speaker 1: The offer code is turning. 296 00:14:28,680 --> 00:14:30,600 Speaker 2: Get yourself a discount, but do it today because the 297 00:14:30,600 --> 00:14:33,920 Speaker 2: discount will not exist tomorrow. Thank you very much to 298 00:14:33,920 --> 00:14:36,760 Speaker 2: add A Buncher, who produced this episode, and also Mike 299 00:14:36,840 --> 00:14:38,800 Speaker 2: mill Is also known as Toehider, who made the music. 300 00:14:38,840 --> 00:14:40,640 Speaker 2: I when saw his solo show in Syney last Weekain 301 00:14:40,640 --> 00:14:41,200 Speaker 2: it was awkward. 302 00:14:42,440 --> 00:14:57,080 Speaker 1: Thanks for listening. I'll see you Wednesday.