WEBVTT - #2069 The Success Charade - Ian Williams 0:00:00.520 --> 0:00:02.920 I'll get a champions of taps. Who else would it be? 0:00:03.120 --> 0:00:06.120 Of course it's me. It's typ And when I say 0:00:06.160 --> 0:00:12.760 it's typ it's typ esque today. So recently, a few 0:00:12.760 --> 0:00:16.040 weeks ago, I had a guy called Ian Williams. He's 0:00:16.040 --> 0:00:19.160 a gun, he's an absolute ripper doing great things around 0:00:19.800 --> 0:00:23.040 men and mental health is showing up and stepping up 0:00:23.079 --> 0:00:26.560 and doing beautiful work. God bless his little socks while 0:00:26.560 --> 0:00:29.800 in his case, fucking gigantic socks because he's a big unit. 0:00:30.200 --> 0:00:33.280 Here's a podcast called the Artistry of Humanity, and he 0:00:33.440 --> 0:00:37.520 kindly asked me to go chat with him there. Now, 0:00:37.560 --> 0:00:41.680 what us podcasters do sometimes is we share each other's episodes, 0:00:41.800 --> 0:00:45.320 so they'll record me on theirs and then they put 0:00:45.360 --> 0:00:47.239 it up, and then a few days later I put 0:00:47.320 --> 0:00:50.519 up the same conversation over here at typ Central. So 0:00:50.640 --> 0:00:53.840 for those of you who didn't hear me on him, 0:00:54.160 --> 0:00:57.360 which I'm guessing is most of you of my particular audience, 0:00:57.400 --> 0:01:00.800 that is this is that this is the conversation that 0:01:00.840 --> 0:01:06.839 he and I had a little while ago. And yeah, 0:01:06.959 --> 0:01:09.240 I think, look, some of you are going to hear 0:01:09.280 --> 0:01:12.360 stuff you've heard, so I'm going to give you the 0:01:12.400 --> 0:01:15.399 heads up there might be some because remember, for me 0:01:15.520 --> 0:01:18.080 in this instance, I'm talking to a new audience as 0:01:18.080 --> 0:01:20.840 he's interviewing me. So for some of you you might go, 0:01:21.000 --> 0:01:23.399 I've heard the old bloody Harper tropes and the old 0:01:23.440 --> 0:01:28.399 bloody stories and oh these old chestnuts, so you might 0:01:28.440 --> 0:01:32.120 want to listen. Some of it you won't have heard. 0:01:32.200 --> 0:01:34.640 Some of it you will have heard if you're a regular. 0:01:35.319 --> 0:01:37.720 Either way, I think it was a pretty good chat. 0:01:37.760 --> 0:01:43.760 Here's a good dude and enter at own risk. All right, team, see. 0:01:43.640 --> 0:01:53.320 Yup, Hey Craig, how are you my friends? 0:01:54.040 --> 0:01:57.000 Oh buddy, I'm good. Thanks for having me on your show. 0:01:57.040 --> 0:01:59.640 Thanks for coming on. Mind, it was nice to meet you. 0:02:00.440 --> 0:02:03.040 We are probably a little bit kindred spirits, so I 0:02:03.040 --> 0:02:04.760 don't know what's going to happen in the next hour. 0:02:05.480 --> 0:02:06.560 Probably a lot of swear. 0:02:06.680 --> 0:02:11.480 And you're misrepresenting me. You're misrepresenting me. 0:02:12.440 --> 0:02:15.600 Represent myself. I was like, I'm a big fun I 0:02:15.639 --> 0:02:17.360 have to tell it. I mean, missus keep telling me 0:02:17.400 --> 0:02:18.040 to tone it down. 0:02:18.120 --> 0:02:19.920 I said, I can't help it. I'm from Liverpool. This 0:02:20.040 --> 0:02:20.679 is that we talk. 0:02:21.520 --> 0:02:23.600 There's a lot of there's a fair bit of research 0:02:23.680 --> 0:02:27.079 so that people that swear are more trustworthy. Maybe I'm 0:02:27.160 --> 0:02:32.320 just cherry picking this research, but more trustworthy, some suggests 0:02:32.800 --> 0:02:36.240 more socially and emotionally intelligent. I don't know. I'm going 0:02:36.280 --> 0:02:37.120 to hold onto that. 0:02:37.400 --> 0:02:40.000 So I've just noticed both of those down mates. 0:02:40.000 --> 0:02:42.919 I'm let's just wheel that out whenever we can, because 0:02:43.040 --> 0:02:45.800 also we're both insecure and we both need approval. But 0:02:45.840 --> 0:02:49.840 other than that, we're fucking rock stars, all. 0:02:49.800 --> 0:02:52.079 Right, mate. Look, as I say, appreciate you coming on. 0:02:52.680 --> 0:02:55.480 What I like to do is obviously you're doing some 0:02:55.520 --> 0:02:57.960 really great stuff and I really appreciate the work that 0:02:58.000 --> 0:03:00.519 you're doing, and I love your honesty and author anticity 0:03:00.560 --> 0:03:01.440 it shines through. 0:03:02.040 --> 0:03:05.000 So I'd really like to understand who little Craig was. 0:03:05.280 --> 0:03:08.680 You know what made this man that's sitting in filming 0:03:08.720 --> 0:03:12.200 me today doing the great work that you do. And yeah, 0:03:12.320 --> 0:03:13.919 just if you wouldn't mind take them on a haigh 0:03:13.960 --> 0:03:15.760 level journey of you know what? 0:03:15.919 --> 0:03:17.240 What what made you? My friend? 0:03:17.960 --> 0:03:20.240 Thank you? So I grew up in the country in 0:03:20.320 --> 0:03:26.720 rural Victoria and I was only kid, only child, so 0:03:26.800 --> 0:03:28.720 mum and dad. Mum and dad are still around. God 0:03:28.760 --> 0:03:32.600 blessed hern and Mary. And yeah, I was like a 0:03:32.639 --> 0:03:35.840 really mediocre kid, not a great student, not a great athlete. 0:03:35.920 --> 0:03:37.920 I was fat. I was more. I don't know, you 0:03:37.960 --> 0:03:40.120 can say it when it's about yourself. I think I 0:03:40.160 --> 0:03:44.000 was morbidly obese. I was the fattest kid in my school, 0:03:44.080 --> 0:03:47.560 and at school my nickname was Jumbo, So parents and 0:03:47.640 --> 0:03:50.920 teachers and kids called me that, so very few people 0:03:51.040 --> 0:03:53.320 for quite a few years called me Craig. That was 0:03:54.360 --> 0:04:00.320 obviously pre political correctness, but so kind of yeah, really 0:04:00.400 --> 0:04:04.400 really average and in some ways probably below average kid, 0:04:04.480 --> 0:04:08.720 like not a genius, not a creative talent, not a 0:04:08.720 --> 0:04:15.480 great academic, not physiologically blessed, not genetically blessed, but you know, 0:04:15.680 --> 0:04:20.400 a relatively happy kid. Had good friends, good friendships, good influences. 0:04:22.040 --> 0:04:23.920 And I guess when I was about fourteen, I had 0:04:23.920 --> 0:04:28.760 a I had a moment at the school swimming sports 0:04:29.360 --> 0:04:31.960 the epiphany when I was the fourteen year old kid 0:04:31.960 --> 0:04:34.840 who weighed ninety five kilos at five foot six or 0:04:34.920 --> 0:04:37.360 seven or something like that. Right, So, yeah, I was 0:04:37.400 --> 0:04:40.280 a big kid. Will now put that in context, I'm 0:04:40.520 --> 0:04:43.440 I think I'm five ten now and I'm eighty kilos, 0:04:43.680 --> 0:04:47.040 So I was literally four or five inches shorter and 0:04:47.600 --> 0:04:51.640 fifteen kilos heavier when I was fourteen than I am now. 0:04:52.279 --> 0:04:56.160 I'm six four and ninety seven kilos, so, you know, 0:04:56.560 --> 0:04:58.799 putting that into comparison, meat woe. 0:04:59.480 --> 0:05:02.480 Oh dude, I was a big kid. So and anyway, 0:05:02.480 --> 0:05:04.320 I had a moment and in that moment where I 0:05:04.360 --> 0:05:07.719 was very embarrassed and humiliated and all of the things 0:05:07.760 --> 0:05:10.679 which were creations of my own doing in many ways, 0:05:10.680 --> 0:05:14.280 but again I was a kid. I decided that I 0:05:14.360 --> 0:05:17.560 was going to not look like that, or feel like that, 0:05:17.720 --> 0:05:21.680 or experience that, or have to be that socially anymore. 0:05:21.720 --> 0:05:24.320 And you know, I think a lot of times when 0:05:24.360 --> 0:05:27.200 we create change, or when we do something that is 0:05:27.279 --> 0:05:29.880 life changing, we make a decision, we take an action, 0:05:30.000 --> 0:05:35.680 we change a behavior. I think that is often precipitated 0:05:35.720 --> 0:05:38.600 by an event or an awakening or some kind of 0:05:38.720 --> 0:05:43.400 internal switch. And so for me that I got really 0:05:43.480 --> 0:05:47.400 humiliated at this point in time, just because I had 0:05:47.440 --> 0:05:49.240 to swim in front of all of these people and 0:05:49.320 --> 0:05:51.240 take off my T shirt and be there in my 0:05:51.279 --> 0:05:53.320 big fat body that I really didn't want to do 0:05:53.400 --> 0:05:55.800 this thing, and I tried to avoid it. And I 0:05:55.880 --> 0:05:58.640 went to a private boys college where everyone had to 0:05:58.680 --> 0:06:02.920 do everything, and that's nobody's fault. But so I went 0:06:02.960 --> 0:06:05.680 through this experience and I came. I literally came out 0:06:05.680 --> 0:06:07.680 of the water at the other end of the pool 0:06:07.839 --> 0:06:13.120 after struggling through my fifty meters freestyle and went, I 0:06:13.120 --> 0:06:15.200 didn't I probably didn't say it like this, but essentially 0:06:15.240 --> 0:06:17.200 I went, fuck it, I'm never going to feel that again. 0:06:17.240 --> 0:06:19.200 I'm never going to experience that again. I'm never going 0:06:19.240 --> 0:06:23.720 to put myself in that situation again. And yeah, I 0:06:23.760 --> 0:06:26.680 came out, and I just I just created a new 0:06:26.720 --> 0:06:30.359 operating system. So I lost thirty five kilos in about 0:06:30.360 --> 0:06:33.279 four or five months, and I went down to sixty 0:06:33.360 --> 0:06:36.400 kilos probably within about six months, but maybe a little 0:06:36.440 --> 0:06:40.479 bit less. And so obviously losing weight and not being 0:06:40.520 --> 0:06:43.560 obese anymore and being fitter and being a bit stronger 0:06:43.600 --> 0:06:47.279 and being a bit more healthy and functional and operational. 0:06:47.360 --> 0:06:49.279 All of those things were good, of course from a 0:06:49.279 --> 0:06:54.599 physiological point of view. But interestingly, for me, what kind 0:06:54.680 --> 0:06:58.920 of really was the game changer was me starting to 0:06:59.040 --> 0:07:03.280 realize my own potential, me starting to see the space 0:07:03.320 --> 0:07:06.560 between what was possible and my story about what was possible, 0:07:07.600 --> 0:07:10.320 my story about who I thought I was and the 0:07:10.360 --> 0:07:14.720 reality of who I could become. And so that kind 0:07:14.760 --> 0:07:17.880 of moment in time, and those subsequent months in time 0:07:18.560 --> 0:07:22.000 were for me very cathartic and very influential and very 0:07:22.080 --> 0:07:25.200 formative in terms of how I kind of progressed from 0:07:25.240 --> 0:07:28.200 there and became a young man and started working in 0:07:28.280 --> 0:07:32.840 gyms at eighteen and started you know, you know, honestly 0:07:32.880 --> 0:07:36.080 becoming quite obsessed with it all and probably not in 0:07:36.120 --> 0:07:38.720 a good way at times, with health and fitness and performance. 0:07:38.760 --> 0:07:43.120 And then yeah, eventually going to university and doing a 0:07:43.160 --> 0:07:46.320 degree in excise science and then becoming a university lecturer 0:07:46.720 --> 0:07:49.480 and writing the first course. I wrote the first course 0:07:49.480 --> 0:07:53.680 in Australia for with one of my friends for personal training. 0:07:53.720 --> 0:07:56.840 I opened the first personal training facility in Australia in 0:07:56.920 --> 0:08:02.480 nine ninety. I started pteeing people. So I was born 0:08:02.520 --> 0:08:05.280 in sixty three. I started pteeing people. I started in 0:08:05.320 --> 0:08:09.320 the fitness industry in eighty two. I started pteeing people 0:08:09.520 --> 0:08:12.680 in eighty five, So nobody ever knew what a trainer was. 0:08:13.080 --> 0:08:15.880 I spent my life explaining to people my job, and 0:08:15.960 --> 0:08:18.400 most people thought that's not a real job, and it 0:08:18.520 --> 0:08:21.480 kind of wasn't at that stage because there was no industry, 0:08:21.520 --> 0:08:25.240 there was no regulation, there was no qualification, there was 0:08:25.280 --> 0:08:28.680 no insurance, so I'm literally doing a job that doesn't exist. 0:08:29.080 --> 0:08:31.360 I'm a personal trainer in a country where there are 0:08:31.360 --> 0:08:35.400 no personal trainers. So it was very much, you know, 0:08:35.520 --> 0:08:39.000 trial and error. Yeah, and it just kind of went 0:08:39.000 --> 0:08:41.600 from there. Mate. I realized early that how much I 0:08:41.640 --> 0:08:45.200 knew about bodies and anatomy and physiology and biomechanics and 0:08:45.280 --> 0:08:50.360 nutrition and exercise programming and progressive overload and all of 0:08:50.400 --> 0:08:52.960 these things that you need to know as an exercise 0:08:53.000 --> 0:08:56.560 scientist or exercise professional. I realized that how much I 0:08:56.600 --> 0:09:00.720 knew about that wasn't nearly as important is how much 0:09:00.760 --> 0:09:03.679 I understood the human inside the body. Because I was 0:09:03.720 --> 0:09:07.600 pretty good with bodies, but not brilliant with humans. So 0:09:08.320 --> 0:09:10.640 probably from when I was about and you know, obviously 0:09:10.679 --> 0:09:13.000 I'm an XI scientist, and I've worked with athletes and 0:09:13.040 --> 0:09:16.800 teams and blokes in prison, and you know, tens of 0:09:16.840 --> 0:09:20.280 thousands of the general public, and I employed five hundred trainers, 0:09:20.320 --> 0:09:21.960 and so I did all that. I worked in the 0:09:22.000 --> 0:09:25.520 fitness and strength and high performance space. But the thing 0:09:25.559 --> 0:09:28.600 that I was really fascinated with and have been ever since, 0:09:28.720 --> 0:09:32.679 is how human beings work. So you know, now, as 0:09:32.720 --> 0:09:34.600 I said to you before we started recording. I'm in 0:09:34.600 --> 0:09:38.000 the last four weeks of my PhD in psychology, so 0:09:38.320 --> 0:09:40.679 it's you know, the last thirty five years have really 0:09:40.720 --> 0:09:44.280 been me trying to understand how people work and how 0:09:44.320 --> 0:09:47.560 potential works, and what success is and what failure is, 0:09:47.640 --> 0:09:51.040 and you know, how we self sabotage and yeah, and 0:09:51.120 --> 0:09:52.120 the journey continues. 0:09:53.720 --> 0:09:54.800 That's beautiful. 0:09:54.800 --> 0:09:57.240 I'm just looking back to that fourteen year old who 0:09:57.760 --> 0:10:00.360 you know, was called, as you say, very politically, he 0:10:00.600 --> 0:10:02.319 called jumbo, even by teachers. 0:10:02.640 --> 0:10:03.440 That would have had. 0:10:03.640 --> 0:10:08.880 A massive, massive impact on you, and obviously it would 0:10:08.880 --> 0:10:11.920 have been seems like part of the drive of the person, 0:10:12.400 --> 0:10:14.520 you know, influence of me today. Is that something that 0:10:14.559 --> 0:10:16.880 you've had to kind of on peck and process and 0:10:17.080 --> 0:10:20.000 kind of come to terms with as you've got older, 0:10:20.040 --> 0:10:21.719 as that has there been some kind of trauma that 0:10:21.760 --> 0:10:22.720 you're about to go through. 0:10:22.520 --> 0:10:28.200 That Like, honestly, I try to be really self aware 0:10:28.240 --> 0:10:30.360 around this and I look back and I think, were 0:10:30.360 --> 0:10:33.440 any of the people who called me jumbo, Like my 0:10:33.520 --> 0:10:36.520 best friends called me jumbo, so there was no malice. 0:10:36.640 --> 0:10:39.920 They actually loved me. But I was just this big, 0:10:40.679 --> 0:10:46.240 huge kid, and you know, it didn't it. Yeah, I 0:10:46.280 --> 0:10:48.760 don't think it really traumatized me. But you know, trauma 0:10:48.840 --> 0:10:51.320 is an interesting thing, and being affected emotionally and mentally 0:10:51.360 --> 0:10:55.839 by things is It's complicated. When I look back, I 0:10:56.320 --> 0:10:58.800 don't think that anyone was trying to hurt me. I 0:10:58.800 --> 0:11:01.920 think they're probably I got picked on for being fat, 0:11:02.440 --> 0:11:06.880 and that was very overt and very obvious, you know, 0:11:06.960 --> 0:11:09.559 and there was probably I don't know that trauma is 0:11:09.600 --> 0:11:12.800 the right word, but a bit of I guess sadness 0:11:12.800 --> 0:11:16.840 and or anxiety around being bullied or picked on for 0:11:16.960 --> 0:11:20.800 how I looked and for my weight. But at the 0:11:20.840 --> 0:11:24.640 same time, I think, while I wouldn't suggest that for anyone, 0:11:24.679 --> 0:11:26.680 and I don't think, you know, in an ideal world, 0:11:26.720 --> 0:11:29.839 there'd be no bullying, there'd be no criticism, there'd be 0:11:29.960 --> 0:11:31.720 none of that. But we don't live in that world. 0:11:32.400 --> 0:11:36.880 And I look at my childhood compared to many other childhoods, 0:11:36.880 --> 0:11:40.200 and I'm like, well, Craig, you like your trauma was 0:11:40.760 --> 0:11:45.160 a one out of a hundred. So I don't, on 0:11:45.280 --> 0:11:48.240 no level do I think I had it hard. I 0:11:48.280 --> 0:11:53.160 had a few very minor social challenges, but for the 0:11:53.160 --> 0:11:57.400 most part, I look back with fondness, and you know, gratitude. 0:11:57.440 --> 0:12:00.360 I grew up with great parents, great friends, great time, 0:12:00.840 --> 0:12:04.640 great environment, had all the opportunities. We weren't by any 0:12:04.720 --> 0:12:07.720 means wealthy, Like I don't know how my parents paid 0:12:07.760 --> 0:12:09.520 for me to go to a private school. I feel 0:12:09.520 --> 0:12:12.880 there's a bit of sacrifice in there. But yeah, for 0:12:12.920 --> 0:12:15.440 the most part, yeah, nothing but gratitude. Mate. 0:12:15.640 --> 0:12:16.439 That's beautiful. 0:12:16.480 --> 0:12:20.120 And the thing you touched on there about I think 0:12:20.240 --> 0:12:22.199 in the pain, that's where we get our lessons, that's 0:12:22.200 --> 0:12:24.960 what gives us those drivers. So being that fourteen year old, 0:12:25.080 --> 0:12:28.280 you know, ninety five kilos guy has driven into where 0:12:28.280 --> 0:12:28.800 you are today. 0:12:28.800 --> 0:12:31.280 You've used that, you know, and I think you touched 0:12:31.320 --> 0:12:31.760 on there. 0:12:32.120 --> 0:12:36.000 You know, if people talk at traumas and everybody in school, 0:12:36.040 --> 0:12:38.360 I believe the majority probably would have been bullied at 0:12:38.360 --> 0:12:38.839 some stage. 0:12:38.880 --> 0:12:41.680 I remember being bullied when hours, I don't know about 0:12:41.760 --> 0:12:42.800 fourteen fifteen. 0:12:43.240 --> 0:12:45.880 I came back and I lived in a different area 0:12:46.400 --> 0:12:48.760 and it was the summer holidays, and I was. 0:12:48.760 --> 0:12:50.560 Away from all my friends for a period of time 0:12:50.920 --> 0:12:51.560 from the school. 0:12:51.559 --> 0:12:53.000 And then I came back and for some reason I 0:12:53.000 --> 0:12:55.000 felt a bit shy, thought, oh, they've all been buddies 0:12:55.040 --> 0:12:56.600 together that I've been a bit and I came back 0:12:56.880 --> 0:12:59.080 and I just sat back a little bit more and 0:12:59.200 --> 0:13:01.840 those just kids have very you know, kids a lot 0:13:02.640 --> 0:13:05.200 different than than maybe when you're adults, and me being 0:13:05.320 --> 0:13:09.000 silent must have signaled this weakness that then they came. 0:13:08.800 --> 0:13:11.239 Through and I sensed this bully and it was difficult. 0:13:11.559 --> 0:13:14.360 But you talk about it's a once a hundred because 0:13:15.040 --> 0:13:18.280 this but also everybody's biggest pain is their biggest pain, 0:13:18.360 --> 0:13:20.160 because there's a lot of people have on the podcast 0:13:20.160 --> 0:13:24.559 who've had sexual abuse, you know, physical abuse, real traumatic events. 0:13:24.600 --> 0:13:27.240 But at that moment in time, that was my biggest 0:13:27.240 --> 0:13:31.120 traumatic thing. And I remember thinking to myself, this life, shit, 0:13:31.679 --> 0:13:33.960 it's not worth it, you know, And I was. I 0:13:34.000 --> 0:13:37.520 wasn't genuinely starting to question stuff because I hated going 0:13:37.559 --> 0:13:40.920 to school, so I hated the existence of it. 0:13:40.960 --> 0:13:42.840 Only for a short period of time, but it got 0:13:42.880 --> 0:13:44.240 pretty dark and the think about it. 0:13:44.320 --> 0:13:46.320 But if you put that on the spectrum of somebody 0:13:46.320 --> 0:13:49.800 over there, you know, people I've spoken to nowhere near 0:13:50.320 --> 0:13:54.360 and similar to yourself. I had a mum and dad 0:13:54.360 --> 0:13:56.679 who up until obviously recently, my dad just passed. They 0:13:56.679 --> 0:13:59.880 stayed together fifty six years. But even within those dan 0:14:00.400 --> 0:14:02.240 I've seen things that hang on a minute. There's a 0:14:02.280 --> 0:14:04.599 lot of sometimes there's a lot of argument, there's a 0:14:04.640 --> 0:14:06.720 lot of this. I felt like I was in Fatal 0:14:06.840 --> 0:14:09.360 Flake quite a bit. They had two more others. One 0:14:09.400 --> 0:14:12.319 took a bit of a Roague path. So although it 0:14:12.400 --> 0:14:14.480 was kind of it wasn't as severe as others. I 0:14:14.520 --> 0:14:17.040 do think it's worth Colin ow greg that those dark 0:14:17.080 --> 0:14:19.360 times can't feel very dark when we're. 0:14:19.200 --> 0:14:22.720 In them, right, Oh of course, yeah, yeah, one hundred percent. 0:14:22.800 --> 0:14:26.200 And it's not to devalue anyone's feelings. It's a really 0:14:26.200 --> 0:14:29.720 tricky thing, like you know, grief and trauma and sadness 0:14:29.760 --> 0:14:34.480 and mental health, to try to navigate that and realize, 0:14:35.280 --> 0:14:39.200 you know, it's like a really interesting thing is when 0:14:39.240 --> 0:14:43.040 you see, say three people in the same situation, and 0:14:43.120 --> 0:14:47.760 in that situation, one person is traumatized and one person 0:14:47.840 --> 0:14:53.680 is curious, and one person is unaffected, and you go, oh, 0:14:54.000 --> 0:14:56.760 is that a traumatic situation or not? And you go, well, 0:14:56.840 --> 0:14:59.920 two people are not traumatized, one is. And this is 0:15:00.120 --> 0:15:02.200 not to be critical, this is to try to dig 0:15:02.280 --> 0:15:05.520 into how does trauma work, how does mental health? How 0:15:05.560 --> 0:15:09.160 does anxiety work? You know, you go, oh, that's a 0:15:09.200 --> 0:15:12.000 stressful situation. And you go, well, how come that guy 0:15:12.120 --> 0:15:15.360 or that girl isn't stressed in the middle of that situation. 0:15:15.840 --> 0:15:18.520 Why is that person not stressed? And that's because the 0:15:18.600 --> 0:15:22.560 situation doesn't cause the stress. It might be it might 0:15:22.640 --> 0:15:26.920 create a trigger in an individual, But if a situation 0:15:27.280 --> 0:15:32.040 was let's say, universally categorically stressful, then every person in 0:15:32.080 --> 0:15:36.120 that situation would experience the same emotional state, which is stress, 0:15:36.240 --> 0:15:41.360 which is distress, which is anxiety. And so part of 0:15:41.920 --> 0:15:45.720 navigating trauma and grief and mental health and sadness and 0:15:45.760 --> 0:15:49.160 anxiety is not like you said, it's not to say 0:15:49.200 --> 0:15:51.160 you're good or bad. It's not to say this is 0:15:51.200 --> 0:15:55.520 more traumatic than that. This is it's not that at all. 0:15:55.560 --> 0:15:59.920 It's starting to understand the self, the me, the individual, 0:16:00.160 --> 0:16:03.800 the way that like my stories, and to understand the 0:16:03.840 --> 0:16:08.600 relationship between your stories and your mind and your physiology. So, 0:16:08.680 --> 0:16:11.440 if for example, I am in a situation and you 0:16:11.520 --> 0:16:14.560 are in the same situation next to me, you and 0:16:14.640 --> 0:16:16.560 I are in the same room on the same day, 0:16:17.080 --> 0:16:20.880 being exposed to the same stimulus, and in the middle 0:16:20.920 --> 0:16:23.760 of that moment in time, sitting next to you in 0:16:23.840 --> 0:16:28.320 that room, my story is we are in danger. This 0:16:28.440 --> 0:16:33.960 is terrifying. This is bad, something terrible is going to happen, etc. Etc. 0:16:35.000 --> 0:16:39.120 This is my story. Then the fear response, or the 0:16:39.120 --> 0:16:43.120 emotional response is fear and anxiety and dread and anger perhaps, 0:16:43.200 --> 0:16:47.040 And then the physiological response is my sympathetic nervous system 0:16:47.120 --> 0:16:49.360 kicks in. My blood pressure goes up, my heart rate 0:16:49.400 --> 0:16:52.880 goes up, my body starts producing adrenaline and cortisol, and 0:16:52.920 --> 0:16:57.200 blah blah blah. There is this cascade of physiological consequences 0:16:57.520 --> 0:17:00.560 as a result of my story. And then all of 0:17:00.600 --> 0:17:05.960 a sudden I am legitimately and genuinely in a state 0:17:06.000 --> 0:17:10.640 of stress, and my body will tell you that. Conversely, 0:17:11.440 --> 0:17:14.480 old mate Ian sitting next to me, cool as a cucumber, 0:17:15.480 --> 0:17:17.399 is like, well, this is not stressful at all. This 0:17:17.560 --> 0:17:20.200 is fine, and you're thinking about what you're going to 0:17:20.280 --> 0:17:23.280 have for lunch once we get out of the room. Right, 0:17:23.359 --> 0:17:25.040 So you are next to me in the same place 0:17:25.040 --> 0:17:28.760 on the same day, I'm producing cortisol, adrenaline, Nora Perreefron, 0:17:28.800 --> 0:17:32.520 you're producing dopamine and a bit of serotonin or whatever, 0:17:32.560 --> 0:17:34.440 because you're actually having a bit of a good time. 0:17:34.520 --> 0:17:37.359 Your heart rates low, your blood pressure is low, your 0:17:37.400 --> 0:17:42.480 parasympathetic nervous systems just cruising along because you calm and 0:17:42.520 --> 0:17:46.119 then you go, well, how does that work? Well? That 0:17:46.280 --> 0:17:50.880 works that way because people respond differently to the same thing, 0:17:50.920 --> 0:17:55.119 and the way that we respond, even physiologically, is often 0:17:55.160 --> 0:17:58.800 a byproduct of the story that we tell ourselves about 0:17:58.800 --> 0:18:02.320 what is happening. If my story is I'm in trouble, 0:18:02.400 --> 0:18:07.080 then my body believes it. My nervous system, my cardiovascular system, 0:18:07.119 --> 0:18:11.560 my respiratory system, my endocrime system believes it because my 0:18:11.760 --> 0:18:17.200 body can't distinguish between my bullshit story and the objective truth. 0:18:17.800 --> 0:18:21.639 The subjective story of Craig will be the determinant of 0:18:21.760 --> 0:18:25.000 my physiology in that moment, not the objective reality of 0:18:25.000 --> 0:18:27.600 the room, which is why you're in a good state. 0:18:27.760 --> 0:18:32.160 I'm in a shit state, and understanding how this works 0:18:32.800 --> 0:18:37.440 is really fucking important for people, that's not. And by 0:18:37.480 --> 0:18:39.680 the way, this is not about self loathing. This is 0:18:39.720 --> 0:18:43.639 about self awareness. This is like, oh, oh, you know 0:18:43.720 --> 0:18:46.359 what creates anxiety in my life? I do? 0:18:48.119 --> 0:18:48.439 Oh? 0:18:48.520 --> 0:18:53.280 They again, great kind of overview there with depth and 0:18:53.359 --> 0:18:57.879 simplistically explained, And as you're describing that, I'm kind of 0:18:57.920 --> 0:19:01.760 reverse engineering the way that you use this as a strategy, right, 0:19:01.800 --> 0:19:04.800 because what you're just describing to me is that's why 0:19:04.840 --> 0:19:07.639 I think the importance of gratitude, of the story that 0:19:07.680 --> 0:19:09.720 you're telling yourself on a daily basis. And what am 0:19:09.720 --> 0:19:11.959 I looking at? What's my brain looking at? What am 0:19:12.000 --> 0:19:16.040 I thinking about? Because I become that I often describe 0:19:16.040 --> 0:19:17.639 if I'm having a really shit day, and I've had 0:19:17.640 --> 0:19:20.760 a few shit days recently, that I have this moment 0:19:20.840 --> 0:19:24.159 in time. I love fucking Australia. I always wanted to 0:19:24.160 --> 0:19:27.440 come here. I had something in me when I was younger. 0:19:27.480 --> 0:19:29.000 I came here when I was twenty one. I spent 0:19:29.040 --> 0:19:29.600 six weeks here. 0:19:29.640 --> 0:19:30.840 I thought I'm gonna move there. 0:19:31.840 --> 0:19:34.720 Life events happens, ill fated marriage, this, that and the other, 0:19:34.720 --> 0:19:37.040 and I didn't come up here until I was thirty 0:19:37.040 --> 0:19:41.000 five thirty six. And I remember the moment I landed 0:19:41.040 --> 0:19:42.719 here and I got the job, and it was this 0:19:42.880 --> 0:19:46.720 overwhelming feeling of joy which just consumed the shit. 0:19:46.520 --> 0:19:46.879 Out of me. 0:19:47.440 --> 0:19:51.600 I can remember that moment and it just gets rid 0:19:51.600 --> 0:19:54.159 of all the crap and body and I just remember 0:19:54.200 --> 0:19:57.600 that and it's like, in that moment of high gratitude 0:19:57.720 --> 0:20:01.199 love the highest frequency, nothing else can li They and 0:20:01.840 --> 0:20:05.760 I am. I'll preach it to the day I die. 0:20:05.800 --> 0:20:08.760 That people don't realize there's a strategy to change your 0:20:08.760 --> 0:20:12.959 physiological and mental state that is there for you, and 0:20:13.000 --> 0:20:16.080 it's not as complex and hard as sometimes as people believe. 0:20:16.920 --> 0:20:19.879 And what you've just described here, you know, it's the 0:20:20.040 --> 0:20:22.399 story that we tell ourselves. I've just been back to 0:20:22.400 --> 0:20:24.399 the UK. I've got two brothers. All three of us 0:20:24.400 --> 0:20:27.240 see the world totally differently. And that thing that you're describing, 0:20:27.359 --> 0:20:30.320 I was sitting in the room and what you described happened. 0:20:30.800 --> 0:20:34.959 Three of us were seen reacting differently and three different things. 0:20:35.480 --> 0:20:39.160 And there's a satin person I won't say a brother, 0:20:39.320 --> 0:20:42.560 could be might be who sometimes sits in that victim 0:20:42.560 --> 0:20:48.000 mentality and bloody, all that painful and I'm witnessing it, 0:20:48.560 --> 0:20:52.720 and I'm going, you are creating this crock of shit. 0:20:53.440 --> 0:20:55.959 Whether it's be a relationships that aren't working, whether it 0:20:56.000 --> 0:20:58.520 be this situation that you're sitting in this darkness and 0:20:58.520 --> 0:21:01.720 you're staring at this darkness. Well, is that what this 0:21:01.840 --> 0:21:02.480 life's about? 0:21:02.680 --> 0:21:06.240 Do we'd have to? It's like with grief? Am I do? 0:21:06.280 --> 0:21:06.760 I do? 0:21:06.840 --> 0:21:09.719 I love my dad less if I'm not sitting and 0:21:09.800 --> 0:21:11.919 staying at the grief all day or not? 0:21:12.160 --> 0:21:14.920 Is that is what? What is life about? His life about? 0:21:15.800 --> 0:21:20.000 Is life about learning from that and honoring that? And 0:21:20.320 --> 0:21:22.320 you know, trying to how do I look at grief? 0:21:22.359 --> 0:21:23.800 And that's something I'm trying to explore it. 0:21:23.920 --> 0:21:24.080 Now. 0:21:24.520 --> 0:21:27.120 I'm far, I'm over here, I'm extracted from the situation. 0:21:27.560 --> 0:21:30.040 Sometimes I feel a bit distant from it. And there's 0:21:30.080 --> 0:21:32.800 a question, and I'm asking myself, should I be sitting 0:21:32.800 --> 0:21:34.879 in this more? Should I be more upset because of 0:21:34.920 --> 0:21:35.160 a want? 0:21:35.240 --> 0:21:37.160 Who I can? I can go look at it and. 0:21:37.119 --> 0:21:39.879 Put sad music on with Dad's sad music and staying 0:21:39.920 --> 0:21:42.720 at his face and read the letter that I wrote 0:21:42.760 --> 0:21:45.440