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Speaker 1: I'll get a champions of taps. Who else would it be?

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Speaker 1: Of course it's me. It's typ And when I say

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Speaker 1: it's typ it's typ esque today. So recently, a few

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Speaker 1: weeks ago, I had a guy called Ian Williams. He's

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Speaker 1: a gun, he's an absolute ripper doing great things around

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Speaker 1: men and mental health is showing up and stepping up

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Speaker 1: and doing beautiful work. God bless his little socks while

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Speaker 1: in his case, fucking gigantic socks because he's a big unit.

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Speaker 1: Here's a podcast called the Artistry of Humanity, and he

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Speaker 1: kindly asked me to go chat with him there. Now,

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Speaker 1: what us podcasters do sometimes is we share each other's episodes,

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Speaker 1: so they'll record me on theirs and then they put

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Speaker 1: it up, and then a few days later I put

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Speaker 1: up the same conversation over here at typ Central. So

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Speaker 1: for those of you who didn't hear me on him,

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Speaker 1: which I'm guessing is most of you of my particular audience,

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Speaker 1: that is this is that this is the conversation that

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Speaker 1: he and I had a little while ago. And yeah,

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Speaker 1: I think, look, some of you are going to hear

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Speaker 1: stuff you've heard, so I'm going to give you the

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Speaker 1: heads up there might be some because remember, for me

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Speaker 1: in this instance, I'm talking to a new audience as

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Speaker 1: he's interviewing me. So for some of you you might go,

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Speaker 1: I've heard the old bloody Harper tropes and the old

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Speaker 1: bloody stories and oh these old chestnuts, so you might

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Speaker 1: want to listen. Some of it you won't have heard.

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Speaker 1: Some of it you will have heard if you're a regular.

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Speaker 1: Either way, I think it was a pretty good chat.

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Speaker 1: Here's a good dude and enter at own risk. All right, team, see.

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Speaker 2: Yup, Hey Craig, how are you my friends?

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Speaker 1: Oh buddy, I'm good. Thanks for having me on your show.

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Speaker 1: Thanks for coming on. Mind, it was nice to meet you.

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Speaker 1: We are probably a little bit kindred spirits, so I

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Speaker 1: don't know what's going to happen in the next hour.

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Speaker 2: Probably a lot of swear.

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Speaker 1: And you're misrepresenting me. You're misrepresenting me.

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Speaker 3: Represent myself. I was like, I'm a big fun I

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Speaker 3: have to tell it. I mean, missus keep telling me

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Speaker 3: to tone it down.

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Speaker 2: I said, I can't help it. I'm from Liverpool. This

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Speaker 2: is that we talk.

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Speaker 1: There's a lot of there's a fair bit of research

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Speaker 1: so that people that swear are more trustworthy. Maybe I'm

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Speaker 1: just cherry picking this research, but more trustworthy, some suggests

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Speaker 1: more socially and emotionally intelligent. I don't know. I'm going

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Speaker 1: to hold onto that.

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Speaker 2: So I've just noticed both of those down mates.

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Speaker 1: I'm let's just wheel that out whenever we can, because

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Speaker 1: also we're both insecure and we both need approval. But

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Speaker 1: other than that, we're fucking rock stars, all.

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Speaker 2: Right, mate. Look, as I say, appreciate you coming on.

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Speaker 3: What I like to do is obviously you're doing some

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Speaker 3: really great stuff and I really appreciate the work that

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Speaker 3: you're doing, and I love your honesty and author anticity

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Speaker 3: it shines through.

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Speaker 2: So I'd really like to understand who little Craig was.

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Speaker 3: You know what made this man that's sitting in filming

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Speaker 3: me today doing the great work that you do. And yeah,

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Speaker 3: just if you wouldn't mind take them on a haigh

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Speaker 3: level journey of you know what?

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Speaker 2: What what made you? My friend?

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Speaker 1: Thank you? So I grew up in the country in

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Speaker 1: rural Victoria and I was only kid, only child, so

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Speaker 1: mum and dad. Mum and dad are still around. God

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Speaker 1: blessed hern and Mary. And yeah, I was like a

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Speaker 1: really mediocre kid, not a great student, not a great athlete.

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Speaker 1: I was fat. I was more. I don't know, you

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Speaker 1: can say it when it's about yourself. I think I

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Speaker 1: was morbidly obese. I was the fattest kid in my school,

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Speaker 1: and at school my nickname was Jumbo, So parents and

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Speaker 1: teachers and kids called me that, so very few people

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Speaker 1: for quite a few years called me Craig. That was

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Speaker 1: obviously pre political correctness, but so kind of yeah, really

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Speaker 1: really average and in some ways probably below average kid,

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Speaker 1: like not a genius, not a creative talent, not a

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Speaker 1: great academic, not physiologically blessed, not genetically blessed, but you know,

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Speaker 1: a relatively happy kid. Had good friends, good friendships, good influences.

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Speaker 1: And I guess when I was about fourteen, I had

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Speaker 1: a I had a moment at the school swimming sports

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Speaker 1: the epiphany when I was the fourteen year old kid

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Speaker 1: who weighed ninety five kilos at five foot six or

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Speaker 1: seven or something like that. Right, So, yeah, I was

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Speaker 1: a big kid. Will now put that in context, I'm

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Speaker 1: I think I'm five ten now and I'm eighty kilos,

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Speaker 1: So I was literally four or five inches shorter and

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Speaker 1: fifteen kilos heavier when I was fourteen than I am now.

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Speaker 3: I'm six four and ninety seven kilos, so, you know,

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Speaker 3: putting that into comparison, meat woe.

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Speaker 1: Oh dude, I was a big kid. So and anyway,

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Speaker 1: I had a moment and in that moment where I

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Speaker 1: was very embarrassed and humiliated and all of the things

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Speaker 1: which were creations of my own doing in many ways,

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Speaker 1: but again I was a kid. I decided that I

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Speaker 1: was going to not look like that, or feel like that,

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Speaker 1: or experience that, or have to be that socially anymore.

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Speaker 1: And you know, I think a lot of times when

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Speaker 1: we create change, or when we do something that is

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Speaker 1: life changing, we make a decision, we take an action,

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Speaker 1: we change a behavior. I think that is often precipitated

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Speaker 1: by an event or an awakening or some kind of

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Speaker 1: internal switch. And so for me that I got really

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Speaker 1: humiliated at this point in time, just because I had

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Speaker 1: to swim in front of all of these people and

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Speaker 1: take off my T shirt and be there in my

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Speaker 1: big fat body that I really didn't want to do

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Speaker 1: this thing, and I tried to avoid it. And I

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Speaker 1: went to a private boys college where everyone had to

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Speaker 1: do everything, and that's nobody's fault. But so I went

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Speaker 1: through this experience and I came. I literally came out

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Speaker 1: of the water at the other end of the pool

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Speaker 1: after struggling through my fifty meters freestyle and went, I

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Speaker 1: didn't I probably didn't say it like this, but essentially

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Speaker 1: I went, fuck it, I'm never going to feel that again.

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Speaker 1: I'm never going to experience that again. I'm never going

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Speaker 1: to put myself in that situation again. And yeah, I

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Speaker 1: came out, and I just I just created a new

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Speaker 1: operating system. So I lost thirty five kilos in about

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Speaker 1: four or five months, and I went down to sixty

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Speaker 1: kilos probably within about six months, but maybe a little

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Speaker 1: bit less. And so obviously losing weight and not being

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Speaker 1: obese anymore and being fitter and being a bit stronger

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Speaker 1: and being a bit more healthy and functional and operational.

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Speaker 1: All of those things were good, of course from a

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Speaker 1: physiological point of view. But interestingly, for me, what kind

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Speaker 1: of really was the game changer was me starting to

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Speaker 1: realize my own potential, me starting to see the space

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Speaker 1: between what was possible and my story about what was possible,

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Speaker 1: my story about who I thought I was and the

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Speaker 1: reality of who I could become. And so that kind

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Speaker 1: of moment in time, and those subsequent months in time

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Speaker 1: were for me very cathartic and very influential and very

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Speaker 1: formative in terms of how I kind of progressed from

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Speaker 1: there and became a young man and started working in

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Speaker 1: gyms at eighteen and started you know, you know, honestly

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Speaker 1: becoming quite obsessed with it all and probably not in

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Speaker 1: a good way at times, with health and fitness and performance.

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Speaker 1: And then yeah, eventually going to university and doing a

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Speaker 1: degree in excise science and then becoming a university lecturer

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Speaker 1: and writing the first course. I wrote the first course

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Speaker 1: in Australia for with one of my friends for personal training.

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Speaker 1: I opened the first personal training facility in Australia in

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Speaker 1: nine ninety. I started pteeing people. So I was born

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Speaker 1: in sixty three. I started pteeing people. I started in

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Speaker 1: the fitness industry in eighty two. I started pteeing people

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Speaker 1: in eighty five, So nobody ever knew what a trainer was.

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Speaker 1: I spent my life explaining to people my job, and

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Speaker 1: most people thought that's not a real job, and it

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Speaker 1: kind of wasn't at that stage because there was no industry,

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Speaker 1: there was no regulation, there was no qualification, there was

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Speaker 1: no insurance, so I'm literally doing a job that doesn't exist.

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Speaker 1: I'm a personal trainer in a country where there are

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Speaker 1: no personal trainers. So it was very much, you know,

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Speaker 1: trial and error. Yeah, and it just kind of went

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Speaker 1: from there. Mate. I realized early that how much I

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Speaker 1: knew about bodies and anatomy and physiology and biomechanics and

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Speaker 1: nutrition and exercise programming and progressive overload and all of

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Speaker 1: these things that you need to know as an exercise

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Speaker 1: scientist or exercise professional. I realized that how much I

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Speaker 1: knew about that wasn't nearly as important is how much

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Speaker 1: I understood the human inside the body. Because I was

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Speaker 1: pretty good with bodies, but not brilliant with humans. So

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Speaker 1: probably from when I was about and you know, obviously

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Speaker 1: I'm an XI scientist, and I've worked with athletes and

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Speaker 1: teams and blokes in prison, and you know, tens of

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Speaker 1: thousands of the general public, and I employed five hundred trainers,

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Speaker 1: and so I did all that. I worked in the

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Speaker 1: fitness and strength and high performance space. But the thing

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Speaker 1: that I was really fascinated with and have been ever since,

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Speaker 1: is how human beings work. So you know, now, as

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Speaker 1: I said to you before we started recording. I'm in

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Speaker 1: the last four weeks of my PhD in psychology, so

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Speaker 1: it's you know, the last thirty five years have really

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Speaker 1: been me trying to understand how people work and how

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Speaker 1: potential works, and what success is and what failure is,

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Speaker 1: and you know, how we self sabotage and yeah, and

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Speaker 1: the journey continues.

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Speaker 2: That's beautiful.

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Speaker 3: I'm just looking back to that fourteen year old who

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Speaker 3: you know, was called, as you say, very politically, he

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Speaker 3: called jumbo, even by teachers.

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Speaker 2: That would have had.

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Speaker 3: A massive, massive impact on you, and obviously it would

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Speaker 3: have been seems like part of the drive of the person,

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Speaker 3: you know, influence of me today. Is that something that

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Speaker 3: you've had to kind of on peck and process and

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Speaker 3: kind of come to terms with as you've got older,

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Speaker 3: as that has there been some kind of trauma that

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Speaker 3: you're about to go through.

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Speaker 1: That Like, honestly, I try to be really self aware

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Speaker 1: around this and I look back and I think, were

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Speaker 1: any of the people who called me jumbo, Like my

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Speaker 1: best friends called me jumbo, so there was no malice.

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Speaker 1: They actually loved me. But I was just this big,

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Speaker 1: huge kid, and you know, it didn't it. Yeah, I

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Speaker 1: don't think it really traumatized me. But you know, trauma

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Speaker 1: is an interesting thing, and being affected emotionally and mentally

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Speaker 1: by things is It's complicated. When I look back, I

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Speaker 1: don't think that anyone was trying to hurt me. I

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Speaker 1: think they're probably I got picked on for being fat,

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Speaker 1: and that was very overt and very obvious, you know,

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Speaker 1: and there was probably I don't know that trauma is

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Speaker 1: the right word, but a bit of I guess sadness

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Speaker 1: and or anxiety around being bullied or picked on for

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Speaker 1: how I looked and for my weight. But at the

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Speaker 1: same time, I think, while I wouldn't suggest that for anyone,

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Speaker 1: and I don't think, you know, in an ideal world,

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Speaker 1: there'd be no bullying, there'd be no criticism, there'd be

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Speaker 1: none of that. But we don't live in that world.

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Speaker 1: And I look at my childhood compared to many other childhoods,

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Speaker 1: and I'm like, well, Craig, you like your trauma was

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Speaker 1: a one out of a hundred. So I don't, on

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Speaker 1: no level do I think I had it hard. I

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Speaker 1: had a few very minor social challenges, but for the

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Speaker 1: most part, I look back with fondness, and you know, gratitude.

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Speaker 1: I grew up with great parents, great friends, great time,

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Speaker 1: great environment, had all the opportunities. We weren't by any

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Speaker 1: means wealthy, Like I don't know how my parents paid

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Speaker 1: for me to go to a private school. I feel

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Speaker 1: there's a bit of sacrifice in there. But yeah, for

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Speaker 1: the most part, yeah, nothing but gratitude. Mate.

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Speaker 2: That's beautiful.

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Speaker 3: And the thing you touched on there about I think

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Speaker 3: in the pain, that's where we get our lessons, that's

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Speaker 3: what gives us those drivers. So being that fourteen year old,

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Speaker 3: you know, ninety five kilos guy has driven into where

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Speaker 3: you are today.

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Speaker 2: You've used that, you know, and I think you touched

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Speaker 2: on there.

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Speaker 3: You know, if people talk at traumas and everybody in school,

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Speaker 3: I believe the majority probably would have been bullied at

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Speaker 3: some stage.

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Speaker 2: I remember being bullied when hours, I don't know about

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Speaker 2: fourteen fifteen.

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Speaker 3: I came back and I lived in a different area

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Speaker 3: and it was the summer holidays, and I was.

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Speaker 2: Away from all my friends for a period of time

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Speaker 2: from the school.

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Speaker 3: And then I came back and for some reason I

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Speaker 3: felt a bit shy, thought, oh, they've all been buddies

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Speaker 3: together that I've been a bit and I came back

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Speaker 3: and I just sat back a little bit more and

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Speaker 3: those just kids have very you know, kids a lot

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Speaker 3: different than than maybe when you're adults, and me being

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Speaker 3: silent must have signaled this weakness that then they came.

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Speaker 2: Through and I sensed this bully and it was difficult.

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Speaker 3: But you talk about it's a once a hundred because

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Speaker 3: this but also everybody's biggest pain is their biggest pain,

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Speaker 3: because there's a lot of people have on the podcast

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Speaker 3: who've had sexual abuse, you know, physical abuse, real traumatic events.

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Speaker 3: But at that moment in time, that was my biggest

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Speaker 3: traumatic thing. And I remember thinking to myself, this life, shit,

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Speaker 3: it's not worth it, you know, And I was. I

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Speaker 3: wasn't genuinely starting to question stuff because I hated going

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Speaker 3: to school, so I hated the existence of it.

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Speaker 2: Only for a short period of time, but it got

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Speaker 2: pretty dark and the think about it.

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Speaker 3: But if you put that on the spectrum of somebody

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Speaker 3: over there, you know, people I've spoken to nowhere near

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Speaker 3: and similar to yourself. I had a mum and dad

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Speaker 3: who up until obviously recently, my dad just passed. They

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Speaker 3: stayed together fifty six years. But even within those dan

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Speaker 3: I've seen things that hang on a minute. There's a

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Speaker 3: lot of sometimes there's a lot of argument, there's a

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Speaker 3: lot of this. I felt like I was in Fatal

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Speaker 3: Flake quite a bit. They had two more others. One

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Speaker 3: took a bit of a Roague path. So although it

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Speaker 3: was kind of it wasn't as severe as others. I

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Speaker 3: do think it's worth Colin ow greg that those dark

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Speaker 3: times can't feel very dark when we're.

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Speaker 1: In them, right, Oh of course, yeah, yeah, one hundred percent.

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Speaker 1: And it's not to devalue anyone's feelings. It's a really

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Speaker 1: tricky thing, like you know, grief and trauma and sadness

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Speaker 1: and mental health, to try to navigate that and realize,

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Speaker 1: you know, it's like a really interesting thing is when

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Speaker 1: you see, say three people in the same situation, and

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Speaker 1: in that situation, one person is traumatized and one person

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Speaker 1: is curious, and one person is unaffected, and you go, oh,

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Speaker 1: is that a traumatic situation or not? And you go, well,

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Speaker 1: two people are not traumatized, one is. And this is

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Speaker 1: not to be critical, this is to try to dig

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Speaker 1: into how does trauma work, how does mental health? How

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Speaker 1: does anxiety work? You know, you go, oh, that's a

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Speaker 1: stressful situation. And you go, well, how come that guy

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Speaker 1: or that girl isn't stressed in the middle of that situation.

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Speaker 1: Why is that person not stressed? And that's because the

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Speaker 1: situation doesn't cause the stress. It might be it might

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Speaker 1: create a trigger in an individual, But if a situation

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Speaker 1: was let's say, universally categorically stressful, then every person in

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Speaker 1: that situation would experience the same emotional state, which is stress,

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Speaker 1: which is distress, which is anxiety. And so part of

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Speaker 1: navigating trauma and grief and mental health and sadness and

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Speaker 1: anxiety is not like you said, it's not to say

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Speaker 1: you're good or bad. It's not to say this is

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Speaker 1: more traumatic than that. This is it's not that at all.

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Speaker 1: It's starting to understand the self, the me, the individual,

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Speaker 1: the way that like my stories, and to understand the

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Speaker 1: relationship between your stories and your mind and your physiology. So,

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Speaker 1: if for example, I am in a situation and you

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Speaker 1: are in the same situation next to me, you and

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Speaker 1: I are in the same room on the same day,

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Speaker 1: being exposed to the same stimulus, and in the middle

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Speaker 1: of that moment in time, sitting next to you in

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Speaker 1: that room, my story is we are in danger. This

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Speaker 1: is terrifying. This is bad, something terrible is going to happen, etc. Etc.

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Speaker 1: This is my story. Then the fear response, or the

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Speaker 1: emotional response is fear and anxiety and dread and anger perhaps,

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Speaker 1: And then the physiological response is my sympathetic nervous system

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Speaker 1: kicks in. My blood pressure goes up, my heart rate

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Speaker 1: goes up, my body starts producing adrenaline and cortisol, and

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Speaker 1: blah blah blah. There is this cascade of physiological consequences

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Speaker 1: as a result of my story. And then all of

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Speaker 1: a sudden I am legitimately and genuinely in a state

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Speaker 1: of stress, and my body will tell you that. Conversely,

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Speaker 1: old mate Ian sitting next to me, cool as a cucumber,

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Speaker 1: is like, well, this is not stressful at all. This

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Speaker 1: is fine, and you're thinking about what you're going to

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Speaker 1: have for lunch once we get out of the room. Right,

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Speaker 1: So you are next to me in the same place

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Speaker 1: on the same day, I'm producing cortisol, adrenaline, Nora Perreefron,

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Speaker 1: you're producing dopamine and a bit of serotonin or whatever,

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Speaker 1: because you're actually having a bit of a good time.

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Speaker 1: Your heart rates low, your blood pressure is low, your

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Speaker 1: parasympathetic nervous systems just cruising along because you calm and

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Speaker 1: then you go, well, how does that work? Well? That

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Speaker 1: works that way because people respond differently to the same thing,

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Speaker 1: and the way that we respond, even physiologically, is often

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Speaker 1: a byproduct of the story that we tell ourselves about

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Speaker 1: what is happening. If my story is I'm in trouble,

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Speaker 1: then my body believes it. My nervous system, my cardiovascular system,

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Speaker 1: my respiratory system, my endocrime system believes it because my

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Speaker 1: body can't distinguish between my bullshit story and the objective truth.

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Speaker 1: The subjective story of Craig will be the determinant of

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Speaker 1: my physiology in that moment, not the objective reality of

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Speaker 1: the room, which is why you're in a good state.

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Speaker 1: I'm in a shit state, and understanding how this works

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Speaker 1: is really fucking important for people, that's not. And by

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Speaker 1: the way, this is not about self loathing. This is

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Speaker 1: about self awareness. This is like, oh, oh, you know

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Speaker 1: what creates anxiety in my life? I do?

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Speaker 2: Oh?

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Speaker 3: They again, great kind of overview there with depth and

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Speaker 3: simplistically explained, And as you're describing that, I'm kind of

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Speaker 3: reverse engineering the way that you use this as a strategy, right,

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Speaker 3: because what you're just describing to me is that's why

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Speaker 3: I think the importance of gratitude, of the story that

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Speaker 3: you're telling yourself on a daily basis. And what am

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Speaker 3: I looking at? What's my brain looking at? What am

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00:19:12,000 --> 00:19:16,040
Speaker 3: I thinking about? Because I become that I often describe

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Speaker 3: if I'm having a really shit day, and I've had

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Speaker 3: a few shit days recently, that I have this moment

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Speaker 3: in time. I love fucking Australia. I always wanted to

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Speaker 3: come here. I had something in me when I was younger.

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Speaker 3: I came here when I was twenty one. I spent

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Speaker 3: six weeks here.

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Speaker 2: I thought I'm gonna move there.

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Speaker 3: Life events happens, ill fated marriage, this, that and the other,

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Speaker 3: and I didn't come up here until I was thirty

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Speaker 3: five thirty six. And I remember the moment I landed

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Speaker 3: here and I got the job, and it was this

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Speaker 3: overwhelming feeling of joy which just consumed the shit.

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Speaker 1: Out of me.

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Speaker 3: I can remember that moment and it just gets rid

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Speaker 3: of all the crap and body and I just remember

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Speaker 3: that and it's like, in that moment of high gratitude

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Speaker 3: love the highest frequency, nothing else can li They and

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Speaker 3: I am. I'll preach it to the day I die.

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Speaker 3: That people don't realize there's a strategy to change your

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Speaker 3: physiological and mental state that is there for you, and

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Speaker 3: it's not as complex and hard as sometimes as people believe.

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Speaker 3: And what you've just described here, you know, it's the

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Speaker 3: story that we tell ourselves. I've just been back to

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Speaker 3: the UK. I've got two brothers. All three of us

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Speaker 3: see the world totally differently. And that thing that you're describing,

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Speaker 3: I was sitting in the room and what you described happened.

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Speaker 3: Three of us were seen reacting differently and three different things.

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Speaker 3: And there's a satin person I won't say a brother,

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Speaker 3: could be might be who sometimes sits in that victim

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Speaker 3: mentality and bloody, all that painful and I'm witnessing it,

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00:20:48,560 --> 00:20:52,720
Speaker 3: and I'm going, you are creating this crock of shit.

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Speaker 3: Whether it's be a relationships that aren't working, whether it

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Speaker 3: be this situation that you're sitting in this darkness and

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Speaker 3: you're staring at this darkness. Well, is that what this

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00:21:01,840 --> 00:21:02,480
Speaker 3: life's about?

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Speaker 2: Do we'd have to? It's like with grief? Am I do?

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Speaker 2: I do?

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Speaker 3: I love my dad less if I'm not sitting and

387
00:21:09,800 --> 00:21:11,919
Speaker 3: staying at the grief all day or not?

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Speaker 2: Is that is what? What is life about? His life about?

389
00:21:15,800 --> 00:21:20,000
Speaker 3: Is life about learning from that and honoring that? And

390
00:21:20,320 --> 00:21:22,320
Speaker 3: you know, trying to how do I look at grief?

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Speaker 3: And that's something I'm trying to explore it.

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Speaker 2: Now.

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Speaker 3: I'm far, I'm over here, I'm extracted from the situation.

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Speaker 3: Sometimes I feel a bit distant from it. And there's

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Speaker 3: a question, and I'm asking myself, should I be sitting

396
00:21:32,800 --> 00:21:34,879
Speaker 3: in this more? Should I be more upset because of

397
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Speaker 3: a want?

398
00:21:35,240 --> 00:21:37,160
Speaker 2: Who I can? I can go look at it and.

399
00:21:37,119 --> 00:21:39,879
Speaker 3: Put sad music on with Dad's sad music and staying

400
00:21:39,920 --> 00:21:42,720
Speaker 3: at his face and read the letter that I wrote

401
00:21:42,760 --> 00:21:45,440
Speaker 3: on the eulogy and I'll cry my eyes out?

402
00:21:45,920 --> 00:21:47,600
Speaker 2: What is that? You know?

403
00:21:47,680 --> 00:21:50,560
Speaker 3: And that's another question that I would maybe pose to

404
00:21:50,600 --> 00:21:53,160
Speaker 3: you because that's something that I'm kind of working through.

405
00:21:52,960 --> 00:21:53,440
Speaker 2: With the moment.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, It's it's so funny. We have these ideas of

407
00:21:57,800 --> 00:22:01,040
Speaker 1: how things should happen and how we should when they happen,

408
00:22:01,119 --> 00:22:05,800
Speaker 1: and ian you know that there's multiple steps of grieving

409
00:22:05,960 --> 00:22:08,600
Speaker 1: and you need to grieve the right way for the

410
00:22:08,680 --> 00:22:11,639
Speaker 1: right amount of time, in the right chronological you know,

411
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Speaker 1: it's like how about fuck that? How about how do

412
00:22:16,160 --> 00:22:18,439
Speaker 1: you feel? Mate? Well? I feel actually I don't know

413
00:22:18,440 --> 00:22:21,440
Speaker 1: why I feel okay, cool. We're not pretending that dad

414
00:22:21,520 --> 00:22:25,359
Speaker 1: didn't pass away. We're not we don't not love dad.

415
00:22:25,400 --> 00:22:29,800
Speaker 1: We're not being disrespectful. I think you know, there's no

416
00:22:30,040 --> 00:22:33,760
Speaker 1: set It's like, what's the best way to lose weight? Harps?

417
00:22:33,920 --> 00:22:36,000
Speaker 1: I don't know? Who are you? You know?

418
00:22:36,240 --> 00:22:36,400
Speaker 2: How?

419
00:22:36,520 --> 00:22:39,720
Speaker 1: I mean? It's probably involved some food, some exercise, some sleep,

420
00:22:39,840 --> 00:22:43,199
Speaker 1: maybe a supplement maybe not, Maybe some decisions, maybe some

421
00:22:43,320 --> 00:22:46,960
Speaker 1: fucking resilience, maybe some consistency. I can give you forty

422
00:22:47,000 --> 00:22:50,000
Speaker 1: different ingredients to help you lose weight. Oh cool, what's

423
00:22:50,000 --> 00:22:51,760
Speaker 1: the best way to build a business. We'll sit the

424
00:22:51,760 --> 00:22:54,359
Speaker 1: fuck down, let's workshop that. What's the best way to grieve?

425
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Speaker 1: It's the same, Like we have this stupid mentality that

426
00:22:58,760 --> 00:23:04,120
Speaker 1: there is only one way to create this particular outcome.

427
00:23:04,119 --> 00:23:05,720
Speaker 1: And the thing is that you are not me and

428
00:23:05,840 --> 00:23:09,840
Speaker 1: I am not you. What will work for you could

429
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Speaker 1: be a fucking disaster for me. I can eat a

430
00:23:12,480 --> 00:23:14,959
Speaker 1: handful of nuts and I go, that's a healthy snack.

431
00:23:15,359 --> 00:23:17,240
Speaker 1: One of my friends eats one nut, they have a

432
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Speaker 1: fucking anaphylactic reaction. So it's not a nuts good or

433
00:23:21,680 --> 00:23:24,600
Speaker 1: are nuts bad. It's about the individual response to the

434
00:23:24,640 --> 00:23:29,560
Speaker 1: same stimulus. It's like talk therapy. A lot of people

435
00:23:29,560 --> 00:23:35,320
Speaker 1: think talk therapy is the solution to all problems. That's absolutely,

436
00:23:35,359 --> 00:23:38,760
Speaker 1: unequivocally not true. Talk therapy is really good for some

437
00:23:38,920 --> 00:23:42,280
Speaker 1: people and not so great for other people. And it's

438
00:23:42,320 --> 00:23:46,320
Speaker 1: not that talk therapy is categorically good or bad. It's

439
00:23:46,400 --> 00:23:49,760
Speaker 1: just not optimal for everyone. It's just like, hey, should

440
00:23:49,800 --> 00:23:53,600
Speaker 1: I train with dumbbells, barbells and free weights or pinloaded machines? Well,

441
00:23:54,359 --> 00:23:56,760
Speaker 1: let me find out about your body and your background

442
00:23:56,800 --> 00:23:59,320
Speaker 1: and your injuries, and let's have a talk and let

443
00:23:59,359 --> 00:24:01,160
Speaker 1: me see what you can do, and then I will

444
00:24:01,200 --> 00:24:05,080
Speaker 1: help you make it like this idea? Right? So, mate,

445
00:24:05,080 --> 00:24:09,399
Speaker 1: you just fucking grieve, But I also think let's not

446
00:24:09,560 --> 00:24:12,400
Speaker 1: overthink it. Let's not get up and go, oh shit,

447
00:24:12,480 --> 00:24:15,119
Speaker 1: what should I be doing? Read my grief? What should

448
00:24:15,160 --> 00:24:18,040
Speaker 1: I do to fucking just do life? Bro? And if

449
00:24:18,080 --> 00:24:20,640
Speaker 1: you're sad, you're sad. If you're happy, you're happy. Don't

450
00:24:20,640 --> 00:24:24,639
Speaker 1: feel guilty for being happy. Don't feel guilty for being sad. Like,

451
00:24:24,800 --> 00:24:28,560
Speaker 1: we overthink the fuck out of things, and we invest

452
00:24:28,640 --> 00:24:31,800
Speaker 1: our time and emotional energy in things which do not

453
00:24:31,920 --> 00:24:36,000
Speaker 1: give us a good return, like you obsessing about how

454
00:24:36,080 --> 00:24:38,679
Speaker 1: you should grieve is a waste of your time.

455
00:24:39,920 --> 00:24:43,600
Speaker 3: I appreciate doublether and going back to that kind of

456
00:24:43,720 --> 00:24:46,560
Speaker 3: that victim mentality of you know and you know to tear.

457
00:24:46,680 --> 00:24:50,960
Speaker 3: Maybe overused, but I've there's people in and around my

458
00:24:51,200 --> 00:24:53,280
Speaker 3: world who I just watch and I just think that

459
00:24:53,520 --> 00:24:55,360
Speaker 3: the conversation where having now you're talking to me, I'm

460
00:24:55,359 --> 00:24:57,199
Speaker 3: talking to you, there's an awareness I can understand what

461
00:24:57,200 --> 00:24:57,520
Speaker 3: you're saying.

462
00:24:57,560 --> 00:24:58,840
Speaker 2: I grab it and go that makes sense.

463
00:24:58,880 --> 00:25:01,320
Speaker 3: That doesn't obey that, don't buy that, but I can

464
00:25:01,359 --> 00:25:05,639
Speaker 3: take I can consume the language. There's people I think

465
00:25:05,920 --> 00:25:09,119
Speaker 3: cannot consume our language at times. They just haven't got

466
00:25:09,160 --> 00:25:11,120
Speaker 3: the level of consciousness I'm seeing. I always say people

467
00:25:11,200 --> 00:25:13,720
Speaker 3: level conscious one to five and the same people, I

468
00:25:13,800 --> 00:25:17,399
Speaker 3: just think, you can't consume this. And my thing is,

469
00:25:17,440 --> 00:25:21,280
Speaker 3: and I'm witnessing that. I'm witnessing people who like, we're

470
00:25:21,320 --> 00:25:23,159
Speaker 3: just saying you as you were describing stuff to me,

471
00:25:23,320 --> 00:25:25,639
Speaker 3: I'm reading it. It's there's a story coming in place,

472
00:25:25,720 --> 00:25:27,720
Speaker 3: and I can Then we just spoke about gratitude and

473
00:25:27,960 --> 00:25:29,639
Speaker 3: we nod to each other and we explain and we

474
00:25:29,640 --> 00:25:31,240
Speaker 3: go Okay. Now, I might not do all these things

475
00:25:31,240 --> 00:25:34,040
Speaker 3: every day, but it brings it back to the forefront

476
00:25:34,080 --> 00:25:35,720
Speaker 3: of my mind. I'll probably come off this thing, I'll

477
00:25:35,720 --> 00:25:38,600
Speaker 3: get some stuff from it, and I'll do something. But

478
00:25:38,680 --> 00:25:40,520
Speaker 3: there's people, there's other people, and I think there's with

479
00:25:40,680 --> 00:25:42,560
Speaker 3: a lot of large parts of the suffering has come

480
00:25:42,640 --> 00:25:45,959
Speaker 3: from there's a language barrier to a lot of people.

481
00:25:46,119 --> 00:25:49,600
Speaker 3: They're not understand so they're suffering that are either suffering

482
00:25:49,600 --> 00:25:52,359
Speaker 3: in silence or the or the you know, telling everybody

483
00:25:52,440 --> 00:25:54,600
Speaker 3: under the son about the about the about the suffering

484
00:25:54,640 --> 00:25:58,760
Speaker 3: and making it worse. But I think there's a language

485
00:25:58,800 --> 00:26:00,000
Speaker 3: barrier to get to these people.

486
00:26:00,000 --> 00:26:00,200
Speaker 2: People.

487
00:26:00,240 --> 00:26:02,879
Speaker 3: And I think, you know, there's so much awareness out there,

488
00:26:02,880 --> 00:26:06,000
Speaker 3: but the suicide rates keep increasing, the mental health crisis

489
00:26:06,040 --> 00:26:08,879
Speaker 3: keeps increasing. There's a as I think we've foken on

490
00:26:08,920 --> 00:26:13,240
Speaker 3: your podcast, I think there's a there's no shortcomings in information,

491
00:26:13,640 --> 00:26:13,920
Speaker 3: you know.

492
00:26:14,040 --> 00:26:16,160
Speaker 2: Anywhere we go. I can tape into it. Now with AI,

493
00:26:16,280 --> 00:26:16,960
Speaker 2: I can tape anything.

494
00:26:16,960 --> 00:26:19,560
Speaker 3: Again, I get battered with everything, right, But I think

495
00:26:19,600 --> 00:26:23,560
Speaker 3: there's a real language barrier. My question to you is,

496
00:26:24,200 --> 00:26:27,280
Speaker 3: you know, is that something that you see and what

497
00:26:27,280 --> 00:26:29,760
Speaker 3: what do you believe? Is an anecdote to an antidote

498
00:26:29,760 --> 00:26:32,480
Speaker 3: to the how how can we tackle that? Because there's

499
00:26:32,480 --> 00:26:35,760
Speaker 3: a huge crisis, but some people just can't understand the language.

500
00:26:36,240 --> 00:26:39,400
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's a good question. So I think there's two

501
00:26:39,440 --> 00:26:45,480
Speaker 1: things that come to mind. I'm gonna answer that immediate question. Second,

502
00:26:45,560 --> 00:26:48,119
Speaker 1: but I'm going to speak to something else first. First

503
00:26:48,119 --> 00:26:51,680
Speaker 1: thing I think is, let's say, let's say you recognize

504
00:26:51,720 --> 00:26:55,360
Speaker 1: that I've got a problem, and you're my friend. You're educated,

505
00:26:55,400 --> 00:26:59,359
Speaker 1: you're knowledgeable, you're compassionate, you love me, you care about me,

506
00:26:59,520 --> 00:27:03,399
Speaker 1: you want the best for me. But I might not

507
00:27:03,440 --> 00:27:06,320
Speaker 1: be interested in what you've got to say. So you

508
00:27:06,359 --> 00:27:08,199
Speaker 1: can you can have the right language, you can have

509
00:27:08,240 --> 00:27:11,040
Speaker 1: the right intentions, you can have the metaphors, the stories

510
00:27:11,080 --> 00:27:13,120
Speaker 1: that all of that. And I'm like, hey, Ian, fuck

511
00:27:13,160 --> 00:27:14,639
Speaker 1: off right.

512
00:27:14,480 --> 00:27:17,920
Speaker 3: And I can ask you a question on that point there. Yeah,

513
00:27:18,080 --> 00:27:21,159
Speaker 3: is that ninety percent of the time, ego, do you believe?

514
00:27:22,359 --> 00:27:25,320
Speaker 1: I think it's fear. I think it's fear because if

515
00:27:25,359 --> 00:27:28,520
Speaker 1: you're right, then I'm gonna have to own up and

516
00:27:28,600 --> 00:27:31,439
Speaker 1: step up and listen to you and do something. And

517
00:27:31,480 --> 00:27:35,200
Speaker 1: I'm terrified. I'm a man, and I'm terrified of everything,

518
00:27:35,640 --> 00:27:39,600
Speaker 1: and this this fucking shell, this ego, this bullshit, this

519
00:27:39,800 --> 00:27:44,640
Speaker 1: alpha male fucking thing that I'm wearing. It's all bullshit.

520
00:27:44,720 --> 00:27:47,040
Speaker 1: It's all hiding fear and all of that stuff. Right,

521
00:27:47,119 --> 00:27:52,600
Speaker 1: So that the problem is that sometimes we and I

522
00:27:52,640 --> 00:27:54,760
Speaker 1: mean you and me and people like us, we have

523
00:27:54,840 --> 00:27:58,840
Speaker 1: good intentions because although we're flawed, we try to do

524
00:27:58,880 --> 00:28:01,320
Speaker 1: the right thing and you fuck, I fuck up. Welcome

525
00:28:01,359 --> 00:28:04,399
Speaker 1: to humanity, right, But there have been many times and

526
00:28:04,440 --> 00:28:06,480
Speaker 1: I do it less and less because I've learned my

527
00:28:06,640 --> 00:28:10,199
Speaker 1: lesson where I would, with very good intentions, try to

528
00:28:10,280 --> 00:28:13,760
Speaker 1: help someone who actually needed help, but they didn't want

529
00:28:13,760 --> 00:28:16,280
Speaker 1: the help. And so in the middle of that me

530
00:28:16,600 --> 00:28:19,880
Speaker 1: trying to tell them how it was going to work

531
00:28:19,920 --> 00:28:21,639
Speaker 1: and what they should do, and I go, you know,

532
00:28:21,680 --> 00:28:23,160
Speaker 1: I know you're a bit fucked up, but I've got

533
00:28:23,200 --> 00:28:25,600
Speaker 1: answers and I'm educated and I've been down there, and

534
00:28:25,640 --> 00:28:27,919
Speaker 1: that's cool. All I would do is I would create

535
00:28:28,000 --> 00:28:32,719
Speaker 1: more disconnection than connection, and more problems and solutions. So

536
00:28:33,040 --> 00:28:36,320
Speaker 1: recognizing that somebody needs help is not the same as

537
00:28:36,359 --> 00:28:39,520
Speaker 1: someone asking you for help, and so we need to

538
00:28:39,520 --> 00:28:43,200
Speaker 1: be very careful about one if at all we approach that,

539
00:28:43,400 --> 00:28:47,440
Speaker 1: or two if we do how we approach that now,

540
00:28:48,360 --> 00:28:54,920
Speaker 1: pursuant to your initial question, your honor language really matters, because,

541
00:28:57,080 --> 00:28:59,760
Speaker 1: like if I talk about my research with my doctorate,

542
00:29:00,040 --> 00:29:03,600
Speaker 1: talk about you know, metacognition and theory of mind and

543
00:29:03,640 --> 00:29:07,080
Speaker 1: metap perception and metaaccuracy and all of these fancy fucking

544
00:29:07,160 --> 00:29:10,720
Speaker 1: words and the consensus effect and all of this psychological

545
00:29:10,800 --> 00:29:14,040
Speaker 1: language that is actually relevant for every human that's got

546
00:29:14,040 --> 00:29:18,800
Speaker 1: a brain in a mind. It's broadly universally relevant. But

547
00:29:18,880 --> 00:29:22,000
Speaker 1: if I just start talking like a researcher or a scientist,

548
00:29:23,480 --> 00:29:26,320
Speaker 1: the average person who is not dumber than me, it's

549
00:29:26,400 --> 00:29:28,840
Speaker 1: just a different language. In fact, a lot of people

550
00:29:28,840 --> 00:29:31,200
Speaker 1: are smarter than me that have never set foot in

551
00:29:31,200 --> 00:29:35,000
Speaker 1: a university. Right, you're one of those people. You're a

552
00:29:35,160 --> 00:29:38,560
Speaker 1: very fucking smart human. And I was very impressed with you.

553
00:29:38,560 --> 00:29:43,080
Speaker 1: Your natural intellect, social, emotional and intellectors through the roof, right,

554
00:29:43,320 --> 00:29:47,080
Speaker 1: And I mean genuinely thank you. Yeah. But but then,

555
00:29:48,400 --> 00:29:51,680
Speaker 1: you know, so Craig needs to understand, well, how do

556
00:29:51,760 --> 00:29:55,920
Speaker 1: I share this thought, this idea, this message, this encouragement,

557
00:29:56,040 --> 00:30:00,680
Speaker 1: this insight in a way which resonates within, which resonates

558
00:30:00,760 --> 00:30:04,640
Speaker 1: with this audience, Because in fact, my whole PhD is

559
00:30:04,680 --> 00:30:08,520
Speaker 1: around trying to understand the Craig experience, you know, or

560
00:30:08,520 --> 00:30:11,800
Speaker 1: in your case, trying to understand the the Ean experience

561
00:30:11,840 --> 00:30:14,360
Speaker 1: for an audience, be that an audience of one at

562
00:30:14,360 --> 00:30:18,760
Speaker 1: a coffee table or an audience of fucking ten million

563
00:30:18,800 --> 00:30:23,400
Speaker 1: on the television, right. And so I need to try

564
00:30:23,400 --> 00:30:26,760
Speaker 1: to understand not only how other people perceive me and

565
00:30:26,800 --> 00:30:29,240
Speaker 1: whether or not this message is landing, but I need

566
00:30:29,280 --> 00:30:33,000
Speaker 1: to try to understand what is their language, what is

567
00:30:33,080 --> 00:30:37,000
Speaker 1: their level of knowledge, what is their current psychological, sociological,

568
00:30:37,040 --> 00:30:40,800
Speaker 1: emotional state in this moment. Not what do I want

569
00:30:40,800 --> 00:30:44,400
Speaker 1: to say at them. I need to try to understand

570
00:30:44,480 --> 00:30:48,600
Speaker 1: their present emotional and psychological state so I can build rapport,

571
00:30:49,040 --> 00:30:53,280
Speaker 1: build trust, build respect, build connection. And then once I

572
00:30:53,480 --> 00:30:58,400
Speaker 1: have that level of real world in the moment, interpersonal engagement,

573
00:30:59,400 --> 00:31:02,680
Speaker 1: then I can carefully wheel out some ideas and information.

574
00:31:03,680 --> 00:31:08,160
Speaker 3: What you've just described there is kind of really really

575
00:31:08,200 --> 00:31:09,000
Speaker 3: interesting for me.

576
00:31:09,600 --> 00:31:12,440
Speaker 2: And you know, if I look.

577
00:31:12,360 --> 00:31:17,760
Speaker 3: Back at everything that I've been through over you know,

578
00:31:18,000 --> 00:31:22,560
Speaker 3: my forty forty seven years and all of the work

579
00:31:22,600 --> 00:31:27,360
Speaker 3: I'm doing at the moment, there's not many men who

580
00:31:27,400 --> 00:31:32,000
Speaker 3: are actively going to reach out. They suffer in silence,

581
00:31:32,600 --> 00:31:34,960
Speaker 3: and they don't even know that they need help. And

582
00:31:35,000 --> 00:31:36,720
Speaker 3: they don't even know they need help. Then in this

583
00:31:37,200 --> 00:31:39,880
Speaker 3: I talk about that suicidality risk, you know, and I've

584
00:31:39,880 --> 00:31:41,800
Speaker 3: got this matrix of twenty questions.

585
00:31:42,000 --> 00:31:43,040
Speaker 2: If anybody sits.

586
00:31:42,840 --> 00:31:45,280
Speaker 3: Below fifteen, they're at risk as far as I can say,

587
00:31:45,320 --> 00:31:48,600
Speaker 3: because they've got no things to clamber too. They've got

588
00:31:48,600 --> 00:31:50,560
Speaker 3: no health and fitness, they've got no internal work, they've

589
00:31:50,560 --> 00:31:54,160
Speaker 3: got no safety net, and they don't even know. So

590
00:31:54,240 --> 00:31:56,560
Speaker 3: for me and the work that I'm trying to do

591
00:31:56,720 --> 00:31:59,880
Speaker 3: and scale and talking to you know, incredibly smart people

592
00:32:00,120 --> 00:32:03,280
Speaker 3: yourself can only add value because we're at the early

593
00:32:03,320 --> 00:32:06,200
Speaker 3: stages of what we're trying to achieve is how do

594
00:32:06,320 --> 00:32:09,600
Speaker 3: we bring awareness to the people who aren't aware, who

595
00:32:09,640 --> 00:32:13,480
Speaker 3: aren't looking. It's not even about sometimes you know, it's

596
00:32:13,520 --> 00:32:16,040
Speaker 3: about you know, they might just this language might get

597
00:32:16,120 --> 00:32:18,600
Speaker 3: them in passing. You know, they could be oh, and

598
00:32:18,600 --> 00:32:20,480
Speaker 3: it sticks to someone and they go, oh, I just

599
00:32:20,560 --> 00:32:22,440
Speaker 3: heard something there that resonated with me.

600
00:32:22,840 --> 00:32:23,880
Speaker 2: Now going to come on board.

601
00:32:23,880 --> 00:32:28,720
Speaker 3: And that's why, because of what's happening, there's got to

602
00:32:28,760 --> 00:32:32,240
Speaker 3: be a commonality message and that needs to be getting

603
00:32:32,280 --> 00:32:36,560
Speaker 3: banged out on repeat for humanity right now because it's

604
00:32:36,600 --> 00:32:41,000
Speaker 3: not landing everything that's out there, whether Ian Craig, you know,

605
00:32:41,160 --> 00:32:45,360
Speaker 3: fucking Tony Robbins, fucking whoever, everything else, it ain't landing

606
00:32:45,400 --> 00:32:47,520
Speaker 3: with the people that needs to land with. They're suffering,

607
00:32:47,760 --> 00:32:52,720
Speaker 3: they're in silence, and they're killing themselves. So I'm really

608
00:32:52,840 --> 00:32:56,960
Speaker 3: intrigued and and hell bent on solving this. And my

609
00:32:57,160 --> 00:33:00,640
Speaker 3: one is about number one. I believe we have to

610
00:33:00,640 --> 00:33:02,760
Speaker 3: stay away from the word suicidality because of the stigma.

611
00:33:03,440 --> 00:33:06,320
Speaker 3: We have to have this kind of community brotherhood, you know,

612
00:33:06,720 --> 00:33:09,160
Speaker 3: and you know, the manly side of it. We're coming

613
00:33:09,200 --> 00:33:12,600
Speaker 3: together as men, right because and having this collective thing.

614
00:33:12,680 --> 00:33:15,200
Speaker 3: But then is attractive to people to come in and

615
00:33:15,320 --> 00:33:17,800
Speaker 3: once they come into our safe space, making sure that

616
00:33:17,840 --> 00:33:21,680
Speaker 3: the language is simple, so fucking simplistic that it captures.

617
00:33:21,720 --> 00:33:23,920
Speaker 3: And again I'm not you know, I'm not belittling anyone.

618
00:33:23,960 --> 00:33:25,960
Speaker 3: It might be of the lower intellect or the people

619
00:33:26,000 --> 00:33:28,200
Speaker 3: who haven't been through the skill system to a level

620
00:33:28,200 --> 00:33:31,920
Speaker 3: that you know other people have. And I think that's

621
00:33:31,960 --> 00:33:35,360
Speaker 3: the success equation. The success equation is simplifying the shit

622
00:33:35,440 --> 00:33:37,760
Speaker 3: out of it. And how do we draw people in

623
00:33:38,080 --> 00:33:42,520
Speaker 3: not into an ian you know, into a small community

624
00:33:42,600 --> 00:33:44,920
Speaker 3: or a Craig work short, but it's.

625
00:33:44,760 --> 00:33:48,360
Speaker 2: It's bigger than that. It's do you know what I mean?

626
00:33:48,400 --> 00:33:50,560
Speaker 3: And I'm trying to and I'm almost asking what's your

627
00:33:50,600 --> 00:33:54,560
Speaker 3: opinion or what ideas you have to to pull these

628
00:33:54,600 --> 00:33:56,880
Speaker 3: people through are taking their own lives.

629
00:33:57,560 --> 00:34:02,800
Speaker 1: Yeah, So I think when people I work with a

630
00:34:02,840 --> 00:34:08,879
Speaker 1: lot of people who are struggling, and you know we're

631
00:34:08,920 --> 00:34:12,840
Speaker 1: talking before about you know that my problems, if on

632
00:34:12,920 --> 00:34:15,359
Speaker 1: the one to one hundred minor are one, right, So

633
00:34:15,640 --> 00:34:19,960
Speaker 1: I'm my overwhelming every day. If it's not my default,

634
00:34:20,040 --> 00:34:23,000
Speaker 1: I try to make it that you know, is you know,

635
00:34:23,120 --> 00:34:27,960
Speaker 1: just gratitude. But I think with people who especially blokes,

636
00:34:28,000 --> 00:34:32,040
Speaker 1: because and again I don't I actually think some blokes

637
00:34:32,040 --> 00:34:35,120
Speaker 1: are better than people think. Everyone goes ah, men are

638
00:34:35,160 --> 00:34:39,400
Speaker 1: all fucking idiots. They can't that's not true. It's not true.

639
00:34:39,800 --> 00:34:44,000
Speaker 1: And no, culturally we really haven't been historically supported to

640
00:34:44,040 --> 00:34:48,880
Speaker 1: be overly expressive and emotive and conversational around feelings and

641
00:34:48,920 --> 00:34:52,239
Speaker 1: all of that, but that that's slowly becoming a thing

642
00:34:52,280 --> 00:34:54,440
Speaker 1: in the past. But having said that, I think ladies

643
00:34:54,480 --> 00:34:57,520
Speaker 1: are generally better, but I think blokes are improving. So

644
00:34:57,600 --> 00:35:01,879
Speaker 1: well done blokes, But I mean, you're an alpha male, right,

645
00:35:03,239 --> 00:35:06,480
Speaker 1: but you're also a compassionate dude. But you're a blokey bloke,

646
00:35:06,600 --> 00:35:10,080
Speaker 1: and I'm a little bit the same. I think what

647
00:35:10,320 --> 00:35:15,200
Speaker 1: people need is they need to know that you are authentic,

648
00:35:16,080 --> 00:35:19,560
Speaker 1: that you or me, that you are coming from a

649
00:35:19,600 --> 00:35:23,040
Speaker 1: place of love, That this is not a strategy to

650
00:35:23,160 --> 00:35:27,239
Speaker 1: build a business or make dough. Right. I say to

651
00:35:27,280 --> 00:35:30,120
Speaker 1: people all the time, like I've written seven books, I

652
00:35:30,200 --> 00:35:35,680
Speaker 1: reckon in two, I don't know, twenty one hundred episodes

653
00:35:35,719 --> 00:35:40,920
Speaker 1: of a podcast. I have never once advertised any of

654
00:35:41,000 --> 00:35:45,360
Speaker 1: my books. I've never ever encouraged anyone to buy one book.

655
00:35:45,400 --> 00:35:49,400
Speaker 1: I don't talk about it. I never sell anything. I

656
00:35:49,480 --> 00:35:54,880
Speaker 1: never push programs. You can go to my whiteboard my Instagram,

657
00:35:54,880 --> 00:35:58,840
Speaker 1: which is all handwritten whiteboards. There are over six thousand posts,

658
00:35:59,280 --> 00:36:02,560
Speaker 1: and there might be in six thousand, there might be

659
00:36:02,760 --> 00:36:05,320
Speaker 1: ten where I'm letting people know I've got a workshop

660
00:36:05,360 --> 00:36:10,160
Speaker 1: coming up, right, because one I make enough dough talking

661
00:36:10,200 --> 00:36:12,799
Speaker 1: of fat blokes in suits, right, I can just rock

662
00:36:12,920 --> 00:36:15,239
Speaker 1: up do that, and I know you're not allowed to

663
00:36:15,239 --> 00:36:18,960
Speaker 1: say that. I don't care. They know I'm fucking with it, right, right,

664
00:36:19,080 --> 00:36:21,799
Speaker 1: I turn up and I talk to them, and they

665
00:36:21,840 --> 00:36:24,880
Speaker 1: know I love them and the amazing women that are

666
00:36:24,920 --> 00:36:26,600
Speaker 1: part of the crowd as well. Right, I just turn

667
00:36:26,680 --> 00:36:28,160
Speaker 1: up and I do my thing, and I fuck off

668
00:36:28,200 --> 00:36:30,799
Speaker 1: and I get paid well. So it's not like, oh,

669
00:36:31,000 --> 00:36:33,640
Speaker 1: I need money from all of my I don't. I

670
00:36:33,719 --> 00:36:37,520
Speaker 1: don't because I actually money's not a high value for me.

671
00:36:38,320 --> 00:36:41,719
Speaker 1: That's not to say that, you know, it shouldn't be

672
00:36:41,760 --> 00:36:45,400
Speaker 1: for anyone else. Right, I'm just speaking personally, but what

673
00:36:45,760 --> 00:36:48,440
Speaker 1: I try to be, and this is just my philosophy.

674
00:36:49,800 --> 00:36:52,799
Speaker 1: The biggest compliment for me is when people meet me

675
00:36:52,880 --> 00:36:54,840
Speaker 1: and talk to me and go, oh my god, you

676
00:36:54,880 --> 00:36:56,239
Speaker 1: know what I love? I go, what do you love?

677
00:36:56,320 --> 00:36:59,439
Speaker 1: They go, I love that you're exactly the same here

678
00:36:59,440 --> 00:37:01,600
Speaker 1: at the coffee shop as you are on the podcast.

679
00:37:02,440 --> 00:37:05,839
Speaker 1: I love that that is actually how you are. And

680
00:37:06,000 --> 00:37:08,719
Speaker 1: because I don't have a persona, you know, I don't

681
00:37:08,719 --> 00:37:12,160
Speaker 1: get on the podcast. Get everyone, welcome to the You project.

682
00:37:12,200 --> 00:37:15,399
Speaker 1: It's harbs, it is number coming up today. There's none

683
00:37:15,440 --> 00:37:18,080
Speaker 1: of that. It's just like you're a bit of a

684
00:37:18,120 --> 00:37:20,920
Speaker 1: fuck with at times and you're a genius at times.

685
00:37:21,120 --> 00:37:23,600
Speaker 1: Welcome to being you know me too? Do I have

686
00:37:23,640 --> 00:37:26,719
Speaker 1: a fuck up? Yes? Am I smart? Depends on what

687
00:37:26,880 --> 00:37:31,080
Speaker 1: room I'm in sometimes I'm the dumbest in the fucking room, right,

688
00:37:31,760 --> 00:37:34,279
Speaker 1: But I think if people know that you have integrity

689
00:37:34,280 --> 00:37:36,760
Speaker 1: and authenticity and that you are coming from a place

690
00:37:36,800 --> 00:37:40,360
Speaker 1: of love. This is going to sound weird, and I

691
00:37:40,400 --> 00:37:42,960
Speaker 1: probably shouldn't fucking say it, but I'm going to be vulnerable.

692
00:37:43,480 --> 00:37:47,160
Speaker 1: When I was thirty, I was a millionaire when a

693
00:37:47,200 --> 00:37:49,920
Speaker 1: millionaire was a lot, so that's thirty two years ago.

694
00:37:50,000 --> 00:37:52,520
Speaker 1: I owned multiple businesses. I had a beautiful house. I

695
00:37:52,520 --> 00:37:55,160
Speaker 1: had a beach house because I had all kinds of shit.

696
00:37:55,239 --> 00:37:56,960
Speaker 1: I was writing for the Herald Sun, I was making

697
00:37:57,000 --> 00:37:59,359
Speaker 1: lots of dough, and in the middle of all of that,

698
00:37:59,440 --> 00:38:01,600
Speaker 1: I was fuck and miserable. Bro. And I'm not saying

699
00:38:01,640 --> 00:38:05,040
Speaker 1: one caused the other. I'm just saying, oh, so you

700
00:38:05,080 --> 00:38:10,080
Speaker 1: can actually be in inverted commas, successful and simultaneously sad

701
00:38:10,200 --> 00:38:14,200
Speaker 1: and anxious and not sleeping. Oh well, then that idea

702
00:38:14,239 --> 00:38:16,719
Speaker 1: that I had of what success is and what that

703
00:38:16,760 --> 00:38:20,360
Speaker 1: would mean emotionally and mentally, that for me, that was

704
00:38:20,400 --> 00:38:25,040
Speaker 1: a flawed concept. And so you know, that kind of

705
00:38:25,120 --> 00:38:28,759
Speaker 1: exposed me to the truth. My truth anyway early on

706
00:38:28,840 --> 00:38:32,640
Speaker 1: that wealth is about a lot of things that may

707
00:38:32,719 --> 00:38:35,480
Speaker 1: or may not involve money, wealth is about love and

708
00:38:35,600 --> 00:38:40,200
Speaker 1: kindness and connection and belief and truth and gratitude and

709
00:38:40,280 --> 00:38:44,720
Speaker 1: self awareness and compassion and empathy. And that sounds cheesy

710
00:38:44,760 --> 00:38:48,840
Speaker 1: and cliche, but I really don't care. So yeah, I

711
00:38:48,880 --> 00:38:49,799
Speaker 1: think if people.

712
00:38:49,560 --> 00:38:53,080
Speaker 2: Will see that in you, yeah, I love that. And no,

713
00:38:53,160 --> 00:38:55,080
Speaker 2: I don't think it's cliche, and I don't think it's cheesy.

714
00:38:55,160 --> 00:38:56,200
Speaker 2: I think it's absolutely right.

715
00:38:56,239 --> 00:38:58,560
Speaker 3: And I think I said that the two questions that

716
00:38:58,640 --> 00:39:00,399
Speaker 3: I've been I got this from one of the guys

717
00:39:00,400 --> 00:39:02,759
Speaker 3: early in the podcast, this line, and I think that's

718
00:39:02,760 --> 00:39:03,839
Speaker 3: something I try to live by.

719
00:39:03,840 --> 00:39:06,439
Speaker 2: It's that question of are the actions I'm.

720
00:39:06,360 --> 00:39:08,600
Speaker 3: About to take or the words I'm about to speak

721
00:39:08,880 --> 00:39:10,839
Speaker 3: going to intentionally calm harm to others?

722
00:39:11,360 --> 00:39:11,600
Speaker 1: Now?

723
00:39:11,719 --> 00:39:13,440
Speaker 2: If if I if the.

724
00:39:13,400 --> 00:39:15,359
Speaker 3: Answer to that is yes, I am going to do that,

725
00:39:15,480 --> 00:39:17,440
Speaker 3: then I'm not being a good human I'm going against

726
00:39:17,520 --> 00:39:20,120
Speaker 3: the collective of humanity. And that's why I say we

727
00:39:20,160 --> 00:39:23,080
Speaker 3: have collective consciousness. We're all dropped from the same ocean,

728
00:39:23,560 --> 00:39:26,560
Speaker 3: and you know, and I believe that is what we're

729
00:39:26,560 --> 00:39:28,400
Speaker 3: trying to get to. And my thing is, if we're

730
00:39:28,440 --> 00:39:30,560
Speaker 3: all drops of the same ocean, some of these droplets

731
00:39:30,560 --> 00:39:33,000
Speaker 3: aren't hearing this message, and they suffering in silence. They

732
00:39:33,040 --> 00:39:36,279
Speaker 3: haven't got the tips and the tricks and the simple shit,

733
00:39:36,560 --> 00:39:39,680
Speaker 3: the stuff that you've spoken about, you know, which I'm

734
00:39:39,920 --> 00:39:42,920
Speaker 3: thinking gratitude is such a game changer. I don't do

735
00:39:43,000 --> 00:39:45,680
Speaker 3: it enough. When I do do it changes my state

736
00:39:46,000 --> 00:39:48,239
Speaker 3: and all the shit can't live there. And I think

737
00:39:48,360 --> 00:39:50,360
Speaker 3: we get rid of all of these pills and stuff

738
00:39:50,360 --> 00:39:53,080
Speaker 3: that people then get associated to. They're going to go, no,

739
00:39:53,360 --> 00:39:55,480
Speaker 3: I am this and I have to take these pills.

740
00:39:55,680 --> 00:39:57,680
Speaker 3: They then live in vanilla and for the rest of

741
00:39:57,680 --> 00:40:01,520
Speaker 3: the days, the self identify with this fucking illness and

742
00:40:01,560 --> 00:40:03,799
Speaker 3: they're not giving themselves the kind of an opportunity to

743
00:40:03,800 --> 00:40:06,960
Speaker 3: experience life, and they usually decline. I'm witnessing that with

744
00:40:07,000 --> 00:40:09,000
Speaker 3: a couple of friends around me at the moment. So

745
00:40:09,680 --> 00:40:13,200
Speaker 3: I totally agree with you there. And you talked about

746
00:40:13,280 --> 00:40:16,600
Speaker 3: those things within you know, people and emotional intelligence and

747
00:40:17,280 --> 00:40:19,719
Speaker 3: honesty and authenticity, and it does shine from you. I

748
00:40:19,719 --> 00:40:22,040
Speaker 3: said this at the beginning, and I think when you're

749
00:40:22,040 --> 00:40:24,640
Speaker 3: talking about you know, people in suits and stuff, that

750
00:40:24,800 --> 00:40:27,239
Speaker 3: is one of the things. The reason why And again

751
00:40:27,280 --> 00:40:28,640
Speaker 3: I teld you i'd to send you an email with

752
00:40:28,880 --> 00:40:31,279
Speaker 3: you know, the kind of mission that we're on you know,

753
00:40:31,360 --> 00:40:32,520
Speaker 3: I'm already working.

754
00:40:32,239 --> 00:40:33,480
Speaker 2: With companies at the moment.

755
00:40:33,680 --> 00:40:36,640
Speaker 3: And one of the biggest things that I see is

756
00:40:37,360 --> 00:40:40,960
Speaker 3: most people in organizations are wearing a mask. They're just

757
00:40:41,040 --> 00:40:44,319
Speaker 3: wearing this mask more so than even in everyday life

758
00:40:44,400 --> 00:40:46,200
Speaker 3: we all wear masks. But like it's like I want

759
00:40:46,200 --> 00:40:47,520
Speaker 3: to wear a mask and my boss because don't want

760
00:40:47,520 --> 00:40:48,640
Speaker 3: to piss them off, because I want to get that,

761
00:40:48,680 --> 00:40:50,000
Speaker 3: you know, pay increase and I want to get that,

762
00:40:50,080 --> 00:40:51,680
Speaker 3: you know, I need to get to where they need

763
00:40:51,760 --> 00:40:55,239
Speaker 3: to get to. And they're all kind of performing, sometimes

764
00:40:55,280 --> 00:40:58,680
Speaker 3: more so than others. And I believe as leaders, genuine leaders,

765
00:40:59,200 --> 00:41:02,360
Speaker 3: if we can remove our mask and and and actually

766
00:41:02,400 --> 00:41:05,040
Speaker 3: have a conversation with people where you know that that's

767
00:41:05,080 --> 00:41:08,560
Speaker 3: not a mask, and that leads in with the vulnerability

768
00:41:08,640 --> 00:41:09,600
Speaker 3: dissolves the mask.

769
00:41:10,160 --> 00:41:11,239
Speaker 2: It dissolves the mask.

770
00:41:11,320 --> 00:41:13,840
Speaker 3: And if we all it's like the biggest thing I

771
00:41:13,880 --> 00:41:16,279
Speaker 3: say in an organization I've seen a time and time again,

772
00:41:16,320 --> 00:41:19,120
Speaker 3: you get these you know, stereotypical bosses who are you know,

773
00:41:19,160 --> 00:41:22,799
Speaker 3: high performers driving for the business forward. Somebody comes through

774
00:41:22,800 --> 00:41:24,279
Speaker 3: to them with their team and they might have been

775
00:41:24,320 --> 00:41:27,960
Speaker 3: doing something wrong for five years and they identify, oh shit,

776
00:41:28,239 --> 00:41:29,799
Speaker 3: have cocked up and it might have cost a bit

777
00:41:29,840 --> 00:41:33,239
Speaker 3: of money and stuff. That boss then you know, beerates them,

778
00:41:33,440 --> 00:41:35,719
Speaker 3: gives them shit, this, that and the other. What's going

779
00:41:35,760 --> 00:41:38,279
Speaker 3: to happen That person's going to close up, put a

780
00:41:38,320 --> 00:41:41,480
Speaker 3: bigger mask on. They'll never reveal where the problems are

781
00:41:41,520 --> 00:41:46,160
Speaker 3: within an organization and we we we then block you

782
00:41:46,200 --> 00:41:48,759
Speaker 3: know what it is. And I think that happens within society.

783
00:41:48,800 --> 00:41:53,000
Speaker 3: That's like a microcosm within the workplace. And what we're

784
00:41:53,000 --> 00:41:57,040
Speaker 3: talking about is authenticity vulnerability. If we all just drop

785
00:41:57,120 --> 00:42:00,560
Speaker 3: the fucking mask, everybody having relationships with things that are real,

786
00:42:01,000 --> 00:42:05,200
Speaker 3: it's all facade. And it's so important with in business

787
00:42:05,239 --> 00:42:07,319
Speaker 3: because that's how we identify with our best return on

788
00:42:07,360 --> 00:42:11,960
Speaker 3: effort is to improve a business. And I think it's

789
00:42:12,000 --> 00:42:14,480
Speaker 3: so many people talk about it, it's on the walls,

790
00:42:15,040 --> 00:42:17,560
Speaker 3: but it's fucking bullshit. You know, it's it's on the walls,

791
00:42:17,560 --> 00:42:20,440
Speaker 3: it's the it's on the laptop, and they don't realize

792
00:42:20,480 --> 00:42:24,520
Speaker 3: that to connect with somebody, it's not actually that hard.

793
00:42:24,600 --> 00:42:26,839
Speaker 3: You've just got to be real and ask yourself, I'm

794
00:42:27,000 --> 00:42:28,799
Speaker 3: I being real, Do you know what I mean?

795
00:42:28,920 --> 00:42:31,000
Speaker 2: I don't know what you've experienced within the workplace.

796
00:42:31,840 --> 00:42:38,800
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean, I agree with you. Also, I think

797
00:42:40,200 --> 00:42:43,719
Speaker 1: there's an element of social awareness and social intelligence that

798
00:42:43,880 --> 00:42:48,319
Speaker 1: needs to be injected into that because people are at

799
00:42:48,320 --> 00:42:53,359
Speaker 1: different stages of their developmental journey. Like forty seven year

800
00:42:53,360 --> 00:42:56,719
Speaker 1: old a In. He could rock up and chat to

801
00:42:56,760 --> 00:42:59,200
Speaker 1: twenty three year old ay In and twenty three year

802
00:42:59,200 --> 00:43:01,239
Speaker 1: old ay And would think forty seven year old and

803
00:43:01,360 --> 00:43:04,800
Speaker 1: was a fucking idiot because twenty three year old and

804
00:43:04,960 --> 00:43:11,480
Speaker 1: wasn't ready well right then. So it's like, yeah, that's true.

805
00:43:11,560 --> 00:43:15,520
Speaker 1: What you're saying is true or relevant or appropriate, but

806
00:43:15,760 --> 00:43:18,959
Speaker 1: this person isn't where you are, and you can't make

807
00:43:19,000 --> 00:43:22,280
Speaker 1: them be where you are mentally and emotionally and developmentally.

808
00:43:23,080 --> 00:43:27,880
Speaker 1: So that's where wisdom and judgment and social intelligence and

809
00:43:27,960 --> 00:43:32,240
Speaker 1: situational and awareness come in. Where you go, Ah, even

810
00:43:32,280 --> 00:43:34,759
Speaker 1: though I have some insight and some wisdom and some

811
00:43:34,880 --> 00:43:38,680
Speaker 1: knowledge that could help this person, it is not appropriate

812
00:43:38,719 --> 00:43:42,760
Speaker 1: that I share it. And that's just wisdom.

813
00:43:42,960 --> 00:43:44,840
Speaker 2: No, No, I totally agree.

814
00:43:45,120 --> 00:43:48,320
Speaker 3: But how do you how do you foster the truth

815
00:43:48,640 --> 00:43:53,160
Speaker 3: within an organization? You know, remove the mask to collectively

816
00:43:53,320 --> 00:43:56,239
Speaker 3: the majority of the workforce. We need to hear the truth.

817
00:43:56,280 --> 00:43:59,400
Speaker 3: That's why we identify problems. You understand how people tick

818
00:44:00,080 --> 00:44:01,920
Speaker 3: bring in those ideas because a lot of people who

819
00:44:01,920 --> 00:44:05,520
Speaker 3: sit silent in meetings because they're afraid that they might

820
00:44:05,560 --> 00:44:08,959
Speaker 3: get clipped for something wrong. So we don't get those

821
00:44:09,040 --> 00:44:11,080
Speaker 3: you know, we get those people a bit more silent.

822
00:44:11,160 --> 00:44:13,759
Speaker 3: You might have fantastic ideas and in an organization, we

823
00:44:13,800 --> 00:44:16,040
Speaker 3: might not get them. So what would your kind of

824
00:44:16,680 --> 00:44:21,400
Speaker 3: tip be, then, to foster truth as much as possible

825
00:44:21,400 --> 00:44:24,440
Speaker 3: through organizations considering those social kind of elements.

826
00:44:25,160 --> 00:44:28,640
Speaker 1: Oh that's tricky, dude, I mean they think. I mean,

827
00:44:28,800 --> 00:44:31,239
Speaker 1: depending on which research you look at, you know that

828
00:44:31,520 --> 00:44:35,480
Speaker 1: maybe I'm just saying maybe everyone, maybe twenty percent of

829
00:44:35,560 --> 00:44:39,840
Speaker 1: CEOs a sociopaths. Right, yeah, yeah, right, you've heard that

830
00:44:40,080 --> 00:44:43,480
Speaker 1: or a similar figure. So that's one in five. Well,

831
00:44:43,520 --> 00:44:46,799
Speaker 1: good luck telling that ny or that girl that you

832
00:44:46,920 --> 00:44:51,680
Speaker 1: disagree with them. That is not a great career move.

833
00:44:51,880 --> 00:44:54,600
Speaker 1: Oh no, I was really honest, and now I don't

834
00:44:54,640 --> 00:45:00,959
Speaker 1: have a job. So you know, they like being being

835
00:45:01,040 --> 00:45:05,279
Speaker 1: honest and being truthful and being direct. It seems like

836
00:45:05,360 --> 00:45:06,560
Speaker 1: that's what we should all do.

837
00:45:07,040 --> 00:45:09,960
Speaker 2: But there, but that's that drag. It has to come

838
00:45:10,000 --> 00:45:11,120
Speaker 2: from the top, right.

839
00:45:12,560 --> 00:45:16,719
Speaker 1: Oh, you know, one like I've been a leader of

840
00:45:16,800 --> 00:45:19,600
Speaker 1: sorts my whole life in that I've managed people, led people,

841
00:45:19,680 --> 00:45:21,920
Speaker 1: coach people. I'm not saying I'm a great leader, by

842
00:45:21,920 --> 00:45:24,280
Speaker 1: the way. It just happens to have been my journey.

843
00:45:25,400 --> 00:45:29,720
Speaker 1: But when I employed my first person, like in my company,

844
00:45:29,719 --> 00:45:31,880
Speaker 1: I was twenty six. I had no idea how to

845
00:45:31,920 --> 00:45:34,080
Speaker 1: do that. I didn't know how to be a good

846
00:45:34,160 --> 00:45:36,719
Speaker 1: boss or a good role model or like it. But

847
00:45:36,800 --> 00:45:39,799
Speaker 1: I kind of like you. I think you and I

848
00:45:39,840 --> 00:45:43,799
Speaker 1: are quite similar because you've kind of figured stuff out

849
00:45:44,160 --> 00:45:46,600
Speaker 1: experientially and in the moment, and I figured it out

850
00:45:46,640 --> 00:45:50,400
Speaker 1: as I went along, and I we used to have

851
00:45:50,440 --> 00:45:53,080
Speaker 1: these monthly staff meetings. At this stage. When we had

852
00:45:53,160 --> 00:45:57,000
Speaker 1: these monthly meetings, I had three different gyms, and I

853
00:45:57,080 --> 00:45:59,799
Speaker 1: used to get all of my staff members to one

854
00:45:59,840 --> 00:46:02,319
Speaker 1: of the gyms. It was usually Friday, at midday when

855
00:46:02,400 --> 00:46:04,320
Speaker 1: we were the quietest. I'd get all of them to

856
00:46:04,400 --> 00:46:08,680
Speaker 1: my main gym, which was huge, a huge place in

857
00:46:08,680 --> 00:46:11,720
Speaker 1: Brighton on the Peene Highway and Victoria. I'd get everyone

858
00:46:11,719 --> 00:46:13,520
Speaker 1: there and we'd sit down and I'd try and make

859
00:46:13,560 --> 00:46:16,960
Speaker 1: it pretty productive, pretty light, pretty quick. But the first

860
00:46:17,000 --> 00:46:20,520
Speaker 1: thing that I would say to my group is how

861
00:46:20,560 --> 00:46:24,719
Speaker 1: am I going go? Don't tell me what I want

862
00:46:24,760 --> 00:46:26,719
Speaker 1: to hear, tell me what I need to here, Don't

863
00:46:26,760 --> 00:46:29,879
Speaker 1: be inappropriate, don't be a bit sure you know, don't

864
00:46:29,880 --> 00:46:32,319
Speaker 1: be a prick just for the sake. But if I

865
00:46:32,360 --> 00:46:35,160
Speaker 1: am doing in your eyes, if I'm doing a bad job,

866
00:46:35,560 --> 00:46:38,160
Speaker 1: tell me what it is. I will take it on

867
00:46:38,239 --> 00:46:39,920
Speaker 1: board and I will do my best to address it.

868
00:46:40,680 --> 00:46:44,640
Speaker 1: And so for me realizing that I'm flawed, realizing I'm

869
00:46:44,640 --> 00:46:47,759
Speaker 1: not the best boss, I'm not the best leader, realizing

870
00:46:47,840 --> 00:46:51,719
Speaker 1: that they are going to talk about me anyway, realizing

871
00:46:51,760 --> 00:46:54,759
Speaker 1: that they think that I could do things better anyway,

872
00:46:55,560 --> 00:46:59,440
Speaker 1: as much as my ego didn't want to hear it,

873
00:46:59,440 --> 00:47:02,960
Speaker 1: it was actually it didn't always prove to be fruitful.

874
00:47:03,000 --> 00:47:06,600
Speaker 1: But you can't do much more than that. So, yes,

875
00:47:06,680 --> 00:47:09,400
Speaker 1: you are absolutely right. I think it needs to start

876
00:47:09,440 --> 00:47:12,000
Speaker 1: at the top. I think the boss, the leader, whoever

877
00:47:12,120 --> 00:47:16,240
Speaker 1: she or he is, needs to walk the talk because

878
00:47:16,280 --> 00:47:19,000
Speaker 1: what you do teaches people way more about you than

879
00:47:19,000 --> 00:47:22,040
Speaker 1: what you say. You can say all the words, but

880
00:47:22,160 --> 00:47:25,759
Speaker 1: unless the words are backed up with behavior and consistent behavior,

881
00:47:26,080 --> 00:47:28,640
Speaker 1: people won't trust you or believe you.

882
00:47:28,680 --> 00:47:31,200
Speaker 3: No, I couldn't agree more and I've seen that. I've

883
00:47:31,200 --> 00:47:34,520
Speaker 3: seen that time and time again. I remember in a

884
00:47:34,600 --> 00:47:37,040
Speaker 3: large organization I was working for. As said, I've been

885
00:47:37,080 --> 00:47:40,680
Speaker 3: in senior roles similar to yourself and led large kind

886
00:47:40,680 --> 00:47:41,920
Speaker 3: of companies and whatnot.

887
00:47:41,920 --> 00:47:44,520
Speaker 2: But I've kind of I found the higher upper God.

888
00:47:45,000 --> 00:47:47,520
Speaker 3: The more I was aware of the bullshit, as like,

889
00:47:47,560 --> 00:47:49,080
Speaker 3: because when you're down here, you think when it was

890
00:47:49,239 --> 00:47:51,400
Speaker 3: up there, it must be like they're like God's you

891
00:47:51,440 --> 00:47:53,160
Speaker 3: know what I mean, We've got this philosophy and stuff.

892
00:47:53,200 --> 00:47:55,360
Speaker 3: But then you kind of realize, hang on a minute,

893
00:47:55,719 --> 00:47:57,880
Speaker 3: this is pretty horrendous the way they're talking.

894
00:47:57,960 --> 00:47:58,759
Speaker 2: They really don't give.

895
00:47:58,680 --> 00:48:01,360
Speaker 3: A shit about the people, and it's like they're just

896
00:48:01,440 --> 00:48:03,719
Speaker 3: driving for the dollars. And what I always think is

897
00:48:03,880 --> 00:48:06,680
Speaker 3: they don't understand that you can if you do it

898
00:48:06,719 --> 00:48:09,480
Speaker 3: the right way. It's not like all fluffy, just people.

899
00:48:09,920 --> 00:48:11,480
Speaker 3: There's a business to be run, and we have to

900
00:48:11,480 --> 00:48:14,040
Speaker 3: make big decisions and we have to, you know, coach people.

901
00:48:14,080 --> 00:48:15,960
Speaker 3: Sometimes there's a lot of people have removed out of

902
00:48:16,040 --> 00:48:19,240
Speaker 3: organizations because they were never going to change, and unfortunately

903
00:48:19,280 --> 00:48:21,719
Speaker 3: that happens. But there's an ethought the reason that would

904
00:48:21,760 --> 00:48:24,600
Speaker 3: be done is to protect others within the organization, for example,

905
00:48:25,560 --> 00:48:28,920
Speaker 3: And I think there's a big lack in what I

906
00:48:28,960 --> 00:48:31,160
Speaker 3: saw and I went through my toughest time. I remember

907
00:48:31,160 --> 00:48:33,640
Speaker 3: looking out on Cougie Beach as the manager director of

908
00:48:33,640 --> 00:48:37,000
Speaker 3: a business and achieving my goals living exactly in the

909
00:48:37,040 --> 00:48:38,120
Speaker 3: area I want to live. When I used to be

910
00:48:38,120 --> 00:48:39,319
Speaker 3: in the UK, I used to do in the pits

911
00:48:39,400 --> 00:48:43,640
Speaker 3: and down Liverpool, go for runs, wind Chap that was

912
00:48:43,680 --> 00:48:45,640
Speaker 3: my son town. It was fucking wind and rain and

913
00:48:45,680 --> 00:48:47,759
Speaker 3: I have a red face. Now I've got bronze time,

914
00:48:47,840 --> 00:48:50,640
Speaker 3: running in the sun, fantastic coffee. But I was looking

915
00:48:50,640 --> 00:48:53,520
Speaker 3: at the beach going is this it? In a more

916
00:48:53,560 --> 00:48:57,000
Speaker 3: money than I've ever ends, the job that I always wanted,

917
00:48:57,200 --> 00:48:58,799
Speaker 3: And I'm looking out at the water to go, and

918
00:48:58,840 --> 00:49:01,880
Speaker 3: I couldn't even beans the water and the beats the

919
00:49:01,960 --> 00:49:04,799
Speaker 3: thing that I wanted because I was so frustrated in

920
00:49:04,840 --> 00:49:08,160
Speaker 3: my head with the toxic things I was witnessing from

921
00:49:08,200 --> 00:49:08,560
Speaker 3: the people.

922
00:49:08,560 --> 00:49:11,160
Speaker 2: I was trying to protect my team and I was hearing.

923
00:49:10,920 --> 00:49:13,840
Speaker 3: Such horrendous Then going back to those questions, are the

924
00:49:13,880 --> 00:49:15,560
Speaker 3: actions of the words I'm about to speak or take?

925
00:49:15,800 --> 00:49:17,920
Speaker 3: They were happening in left, right and center, and they

926
00:49:17,960 --> 00:49:20,840
Speaker 3: were they were happening on my watch with people above me,

927
00:49:21,600 --> 00:49:23,680
Speaker 3: and I was trying to protect my team, and it

928
00:49:24,200 --> 00:49:26,480
Speaker 3: was so harsh that over a period of time I

929
00:49:26,480 --> 00:49:29,800
Speaker 3: had to exit. I couldn't exist in this anymore. Because

930
00:49:30,200 --> 00:49:33,400
Speaker 3: that's the thing, if you genuinely are a good human being,

931
00:49:33,880 --> 00:49:36,440
Speaker 3: there's only so long that you can sit in.

932
00:49:36,280 --> 00:49:38,680
Speaker 2: That environment because it's so toxic.

933
00:49:38,320 --> 00:49:40,239
Speaker 3: For you as a human being that you're gonna go

934
00:49:40,320 --> 00:49:44,960
Speaker 3: pop and you have to remove. And you know, so,

935
00:49:45,080 --> 00:49:47,480
Speaker 3: as leaders, we have to look out for underneath us.

936
00:49:47,480 --> 00:49:48,880
Speaker 3: But as a leader, if you've got someone above you,

937
00:49:48,880 --> 00:49:50,880
Speaker 3: you've got to protect your own energy as well. Because

938
00:49:51,360 --> 00:49:54,160
Speaker 3: what I've seen a lot I call them, I've used

939
00:49:54,200 --> 00:49:58,239
Speaker 3: my own little term unhappy journeymen, the people who kind

940
00:49:58,280 --> 00:50:00,680
Speaker 3: of maybe want to aspire for things and they get

941
00:50:00,719 --> 00:50:03,000
Speaker 3: all these clips and they haven't got that role that

942
00:50:03,040 --> 00:50:05,160
Speaker 3: they want to. And then you look at them, thinking,

943
00:50:05,440 --> 00:50:09,760
Speaker 3: you're quite smart, but you've accepted you're in this company.

944
00:50:09,760 --> 00:50:12,719
Speaker 3: It's been there like thirty years and they've just accepted

945
00:50:12,760 --> 00:50:15,040
Speaker 3: that this is it. But you can see life they

946
00:50:15,160 --> 00:50:17,680
Speaker 3: just kicked the shit out of them. They don't put

947
00:50:17,680 --> 00:50:19,880
Speaker 3: the head above the pulpit. They don't defend the team.

948
00:50:20,360 --> 00:50:22,520
Speaker 3: They just go along for the ride and they can

949
00:50:22,560 --> 00:50:24,960
Speaker 3: talk to talk when they need to. For customers and stuff,

950
00:50:25,000 --> 00:50:26,719
Speaker 3: and they just I just look at them and go

951
00:50:26,760 --> 00:50:29,160
Speaker 3: unhappy journeymen. And I used to look at them and think,

952
00:50:29,440 --> 00:50:31,600
Speaker 3: I never want to be one of you. But I

953
00:50:31,640 --> 00:50:34,440
Speaker 3: felt myself getting kicked along at some point like that.

954
00:50:35,600 --> 00:50:37,920
Speaker 3: Does that make sense to you in the corporate environment.

955
00:50:38,040 --> 00:50:40,120
Speaker 3: Is that something that you've seen or experienced.

956
00:50:40,920 --> 00:50:46,920
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean, I think zooming backwards from the micro

957
00:50:47,080 --> 00:50:51,239
Speaker 1: of that story, zooming back to the macro of most

958
00:50:51,280 --> 00:50:53,400
Speaker 1: of us are going to work, not all of us,

959
00:50:53,440 --> 00:50:54,640
Speaker 1: but a lot of us are going to work for

960
00:50:54,680 --> 00:51:00,520
Speaker 1: about forty years, right, fifty years, forty five whatever. I

961
00:51:00,520 --> 00:51:03,600
Speaker 1: think it's really important that we think about that, the

962
00:51:03,680 --> 00:51:06,600
Speaker 1: impact of one the impact that we have on those

963
00:51:06,640 --> 00:51:10,400
Speaker 1: that we work with. And you know, if my and

964
00:51:10,440 --> 00:51:12,479
Speaker 1: you've done this, and I've done this, if your work

965
00:51:12,560 --> 00:51:16,920
Speaker 1: and intersect with your passion and your purpose and your

966
00:51:16,920 --> 00:51:19,799
Speaker 1: people skills and your person if you can actually, like

967
00:51:19,920 --> 00:51:22,399
Speaker 1: I realized early on, I wrote about this the other day,

968
00:51:22,520 --> 00:51:25,120
Speaker 1: I didn't want a job. I wanted to work, but

969
00:51:25,160 --> 00:51:27,560
Speaker 1: I didn't want a job. I was shit at having

970
00:51:27,600 --> 00:51:29,680
Speaker 1: a job. I was shit at having a boss. I

971
00:51:29,680 --> 00:51:33,360
Speaker 1: don't like working in that ecosystem. It's like, oh, clock

972
00:51:33,400 --> 00:51:35,279
Speaker 1: on it this time, go home at that time, and

973
00:51:35,360 --> 00:51:37,920
Speaker 1: basically do a version of that for the next ten years.

974
00:51:38,000 --> 00:51:41,600
Speaker 1: Oh fuck, punch me in the face now. And it's

975
00:51:41,600 --> 00:51:43,600
Speaker 1: not good or bad, but it's not good for me.

976
00:51:43,760 --> 00:51:47,640
Speaker 1: So I think trying to recognize where do I flourish

977
00:51:47,680 --> 00:51:51,040
Speaker 1: in what environment, in what situation, in what context, doing

978
00:51:51,080 --> 00:51:55,680
Speaker 1: what job, with what people? Might I flourish Because if

979
00:51:55,719 --> 00:51:58,200
Speaker 1: I'm flourishing, then I'm going to be fucking great to

980
00:51:58,239 --> 00:52:00,520
Speaker 1: be around, or at the very least, I'm going to

981
00:52:00,520 --> 00:52:02,360
Speaker 1: be better to be around. I'm going to be a

982
00:52:02,360 --> 00:52:05,719
Speaker 1: better teacher, better problem solver, a better conflict resolver, a

983
00:52:05,760 --> 00:52:09,120
Speaker 1: better human, a better connector, a better communicator, more compassionate,

984
00:52:09,440 --> 00:52:12,960
Speaker 1: more loving, more empathetic, more aware because I'm doing what

985
00:52:13,000 --> 00:52:15,239
Speaker 1: I'm meant to do, and what I'm not meant to

986
00:52:15,280 --> 00:52:19,399
Speaker 1: do is a job. Fuck that, that's not what I'm

987
00:52:19,440 --> 00:52:22,719
Speaker 1: meant to do. Now. I'm not superior or better, but

988
00:52:22,920 --> 00:52:25,840
Speaker 1: me and a job don't work. I haven't had a

989
00:52:25,920 --> 00:52:28,319
Speaker 1: job since I was twenty six, which was thirty six

990
00:52:28,400 --> 00:52:32,520
Speaker 1: years ago. I don't this sounds melodramatic. I don't even

991
00:52:32,560 --> 00:52:34,399
Speaker 1: know if I'd be alive if I had a job.

992
00:52:34,680 --> 00:52:36,720
Speaker 1: If I had to just rock up and do now

993
00:52:36,920 --> 00:52:41,120
Speaker 1: for other people. Their job equals fulfillment and purpose and growth.

994
00:52:41,719 --> 00:52:45,040
Speaker 1: So jobs aren't bad. As I said before, Arman's aren't bad,

995
00:52:45,120 --> 00:52:48,480
Speaker 1: this workout's not again. I'm not an anti job or career.

996
00:52:49,080 --> 00:52:51,719
Speaker 1: I think for probably the majority of people, having the

997
00:52:51,800 --> 00:52:54,719
Speaker 1: right job with the right organization and the right conditions

998
00:52:55,520 --> 00:52:56,360
Speaker 1: is really smart.

999
00:52:57,239 --> 00:52:57,680
Speaker 2: I love that.

1000
00:52:57,800 --> 00:53:00,239
Speaker 3: And I can even dial into a little bit bit

1001
00:53:00,280 --> 00:53:02,880
Speaker 3: more and we'll close this out shortly. But like I

1002
00:53:02,960 --> 00:53:06,399
Speaker 3: remember being in a in a corporate environment and kind

1003
00:53:06,440 --> 00:53:09,520
Speaker 3: of going, what do I really like to do? And

1004
00:53:09,560 --> 00:53:11,600
Speaker 3: I found myself one time I created this kind of

1005
00:53:12,280 --> 00:53:14,120
Speaker 3: I used to call it the execution of excellence. I

1006
00:53:14,120 --> 00:53:16,880
Speaker 3: created my own thing in this organization I used to

1007
00:53:16,920 --> 00:53:19,759
Speaker 3: have and it once a week within the I had

1008
00:53:19,840 --> 00:53:22,000
Speaker 3: multiple warehous as. I go to these warehouse and bring

1009
00:53:22,040 --> 00:53:25,120
Speaker 3: all these managers together and they would kind of talk

1010
00:53:25,160 --> 00:53:27,239
Speaker 3: to me about what they had done. And I had

1011
00:53:27,280 --> 00:53:29,919
Speaker 3: a segment each week in this thing. And I found

1012
00:53:29,960 --> 00:53:34,600
Speaker 3: myself one time, in complete flow, had this unbelievable feeling

1013
00:53:34,760 --> 00:53:37,000
Speaker 3: of just you know, when you've got the whole audience

1014
00:53:37,040 --> 00:53:39,080
Speaker 3: and they're looking at you, and you've got this collective consciouness.

1015
00:53:39,120 --> 00:53:41,080
Speaker 3: I thought and a lot of time and I went,

1016
00:53:41,640 --> 00:53:44,520
Speaker 3: what the hell was that? And I was like, I

1017
00:53:44,560 --> 00:53:46,640
Speaker 3: think I'm meant to do this, you know, I think

1018
00:53:46,680 --> 00:53:47,440
Speaker 3: I'm meant to do this.

1019
00:53:47,760 --> 00:53:47,920
Speaker 2: Now.

1020
00:53:48,080 --> 00:53:51,279
Speaker 3: If I put that two years later, I've I carried on.

1021
00:53:51,520 --> 00:53:53,799
Speaker 2: I started the naxt Own business. I've just exited that.

1022
00:53:54,000 --> 00:53:56,920
Speaker 3: You know that that that I now do this and

1023
00:53:56,920 --> 00:53:59,719
Speaker 3: and folcas and I've worked with in organizations, work for

1024
00:53:59,760 --> 00:54:03,160
Speaker 3: another leadership company. I've done workshops. But the workshop wasn't mine.

1025
00:54:03,480 --> 00:54:05,880
Speaker 3: And I was standing there talking, I didn't get the

1026
00:54:05,920 --> 00:54:08,879
Speaker 3: flow state. It felt like a job. I wasn't as

1027
00:54:08,880 --> 00:54:11,080
Speaker 3: passionate about the thing I was talking about, if that

1028
00:54:11,120 --> 00:54:13,879
Speaker 3: makes sense, because I was talking about something else now,

1029
00:54:14,000 --> 00:54:16,080
Speaker 3: So it's not up. Sometimes the job can actually be

1030
00:54:16,239 --> 00:54:20,719
Speaker 3: what are you passionate about? What are you feeling?

1031
00:54:21,320 --> 00:54:21,640
Speaker 1: Do you know?

1032
00:54:21,800 --> 00:54:23,760
Speaker 3: And that's something that I think a lot of people

1033
00:54:24,320 --> 00:54:27,080
Speaker 3: in their job and what they do, there'll be aspects

1034
00:54:27,120 --> 00:54:31,600
Speaker 3: of the way they'll go, and it's be conscious and

1035
00:54:31,680 --> 00:54:34,040
Speaker 3: think about what it is that you really really enjoy.

1036
00:54:34,040 --> 00:54:36,279
Speaker 3: Because people ask how do you find your passion? How

1037
00:54:36,320 --> 00:54:40,120
Speaker 3: do you find your purpose? It's that excitement sometimes that

1038
00:54:40,239 --> 00:54:42,799
Speaker 3: comes across. But if you're not a word of it.

1039
00:54:42,800 --> 00:54:46,359
Speaker 3: It can scape pasture, and I think it doesn't almost

1040
00:54:46,400 --> 00:54:49,000
Speaker 3: have this overwhelming feeling. And not everybody's going to get

1041
00:54:49,120 --> 00:54:52,239
Speaker 3: the Craig thing or even where hopefully I'm going to

1042
00:54:52,280 --> 00:54:55,120
Speaker 3: get to with Dean thing. But you can improve your job.

1043
00:54:55,200 --> 00:54:57,040
Speaker 3: You can improve the enjoyment of your job. It could

1044
00:54:57,040 --> 00:54:59,960
Speaker 3: be a sixty forty. You could be a sixty enjoyful

1045
00:55:00,320 --> 00:55:02,919
Speaker 3: grind rather than an eighty grind ten percent and enjoy

1046
00:55:03,239 --> 00:55:04,959
Speaker 3: you know what I mean. And I'm just thinking think

1047
00:55:04,960 --> 00:55:07,200
Speaker 3: about those exciting things. Where did you get a bit

1048
00:55:07,239 --> 00:55:09,319
Speaker 3: of a flow and where'd you get that enjoyment? And

1049
00:55:09,440 --> 00:55:11,319
Speaker 3: it really really resonated with me that.

1050
00:55:12,080 --> 00:55:14,719
Speaker 1: Yeah, man, Look, I think a really good question for

1051
00:55:14,840 --> 00:55:18,920
Speaker 1: all of us to ask is how do I manage me?

1052
00:55:20,000 --> 00:55:22,120
Speaker 1: How do I manage my mind and my body and

1053
00:55:22,160 --> 00:55:25,200
Speaker 1: my emotions and my choices and my relationships and my

1054
00:55:25,320 --> 00:55:29,000
Speaker 1: money and my career? And where do I work best?

1055
00:55:29,120 --> 00:55:32,560
Speaker 1: How do I work best? Like? What? What lights me up?

1056
00:55:32,640 --> 00:55:37,160
Speaker 1: You know? It's like right now I'm in my office

1057
00:55:37,200 --> 00:55:40,800
Speaker 1: at home. I have a recording studio downstairs, a beautiful,

1058
00:55:41,560 --> 00:55:45,480
Speaker 1: commercial quality recording studio right outside my window. I've got

1059
00:55:45,480 --> 00:55:48,320
Speaker 1: a whole garden full of forty foot tall bamboo trees.

1060
00:55:48,840 --> 00:55:50,840
Speaker 1: I've got a gym in the front garden, which is

1061
00:55:50,920 --> 00:55:54,120
Speaker 1: fucking beautiful. I've got all this, and I'm not that.

1062
00:55:54,280 --> 00:55:57,239
Speaker 1: If that sounds braggy, I apologize. What I've done is

1063
00:55:57,239 --> 00:56:00,640
Speaker 1: I've built an environment where I work best. You know,

1064
00:56:00,760 --> 00:56:03,120
Speaker 1: right now, I'm wearing shorts and bare feet. I never

1065
00:56:03,160 --> 00:56:06,279
Speaker 1: wear shoes ever, unless I have to wear shoes. I

1066
00:56:06,320 --> 00:56:09,960
Speaker 1: never wear long pants. Fuck long pants. Like you know,

1067
00:56:10,960 --> 00:56:13,640
Speaker 1: I almost resent having to put on long pants, right,

1068
00:56:14,760 --> 00:56:17,360
Speaker 1: And it's not, you know, Like every day I get up,

1069
00:56:17,400 --> 00:56:19,279
Speaker 1: I put on a pair of cargo shorts and a

1070
00:56:19,280 --> 00:56:21,439
Speaker 1: black T shirt usually, and I walk down the road

1071
00:56:21,440 --> 00:56:23,040
Speaker 1: and I get some coffee and I sit there and

1072
00:56:23,080 --> 00:56:25,120
Speaker 1: I think about shit, and I go, how good's my life?

1073
00:56:25,120 --> 00:56:27,680
Speaker 1: And by the way I can walk, How lucky am I?

1074
00:56:28,040 --> 00:56:30,800
Speaker 1: By the way, I don't live in poverty? How lucky

1075
00:56:30,800 --> 00:56:33,200
Speaker 1: am I? By the way my life's not under threat,

1076
00:56:33,239 --> 00:56:35,799
Speaker 1: I don't live in a war zone. How blessed am I?

1077
00:56:35,920 --> 00:56:39,360
Speaker 1: By the way, somebody loves me, at least a few people,

1078
00:56:39,680 --> 00:56:43,440
Speaker 1: God knows why. Like when you navigate, when you do

1079
00:56:43,480 --> 00:56:46,680
Speaker 1: a treasure hunt on your life, when you go not

1080
00:56:46,760 --> 00:56:50,440
Speaker 1: what's wrong, But what's right, what's fucking great. You know,

1081
00:56:50,960 --> 00:56:53,160
Speaker 1: one of my best friends got blown up eight years

1082
00:56:53,200 --> 00:56:56,040
Speaker 1: ago the other day, December one, So yesterday you got

1083
00:56:56,040 --> 00:56:59,880
Speaker 1: blown up in an industrial accident by gas bottles. And

1084
00:57:00,320 --> 00:57:02,759
Speaker 1: he was meant to die in inverted commas. Then he

1085
00:57:02,840 --> 00:57:04,799
Speaker 1: was meant to be a paraplegic, and he was meant

1086
00:57:04,840 --> 00:57:08,120
Speaker 1: to be essentially brain dead, and so on and so on.

1087
00:57:08,200 --> 00:57:09,800
Speaker 1: I used to go visit him in the hospital. He

1088
00:57:09,880 --> 00:57:11,440
Speaker 1: was in a coma for a long time. Then he

1089
00:57:11,480 --> 00:57:13,719
Speaker 1: came out of a coma. They couldn't believe that he

1090
00:57:13,760 --> 00:57:16,120
Speaker 1: didn't die. Then they couldn't believe he's got a traumatic

1091
00:57:16,160 --> 00:57:19,200
Speaker 1: brain injury and a spinal cord injury, and they didn't

1092
00:57:19,240 --> 00:57:21,400
Speaker 1: believe that he didn't die. And then they were saying

1093
00:57:21,400 --> 00:57:23,680
Speaker 1: to everyone who would listen, and he'll never walk, he'll

1094
00:57:23,680 --> 00:57:26,640
Speaker 1: never talk, he'll never have any quality of life. And

1095
00:57:26,680 --> 00:57:28,439
Speaker 1: I used to go and just talk to him and go, mate,

1096
00:57:28,480 --> 00:57:30,840
Speaker 1: that's all bullshit. You know it's bullshit. I know it's bullshit.

1097
00:57:30,880 --> 00:57:33,000
Speaker 1: Stop fucking around. Let's get you in the gym and

1098
00:57:33,080 --> 00:57:35,880
Speaker 1: let's rehab you. And six months after he was meant

1099
00:57:35,920 --> 00:57:38,080
Speaker 1: to be dead, I started rehabbing him in the gym

1100
00:57:38,120 --> 00:57:41,320
Speaker 1: in a wheelchair, and now he walks, and now he talks,

1101
00:57:41,360 --> 00:57:45,320
Speaker 1: and now he's operational and functional. He's in pain and

1102
00:57:45,320 --> 00:57:47,960
Speaker 1: he's not brand new, but he drives himself to the gym.

1103
00:57:48,320 --> 00:57:50,720
Speaker 1: I see him three days a week. He's one million

1104
00:57:50,800 --> 00:57:55,680
Speaker 1: times more inspirational than I will ever be. And because

1105
00:57:55,720 --> 00:57:58,640
Speaker 1: he's in my life, I just thank God that I

1106
00:57:58,680 --> 00:58:02,160
Speaker 1: can walk, can open a fridge and there's food, I

1107
00:58:02,240 --> 00:58:05,680
Speaker 1: can get out of this chair. I can stand up

1108
00:58:05,720 --> 00:58:08,960
Speaker 1: and give you a fucking hug. I can like, can

1109
00:58:09,000 --> 00:58:11,680
Speaker 1: you do that? Can you? You know? For somebody who's

1110
00:58:11,720 --> 00:58:15,040
Speaker 1: in a wheelchair, like my friend Joel Sardi, who's a quadriplegic,

1111
00:58:15,760 --> 00:58:19,760
Speaker 1: Joel can't say, oh, I'm not doing quadriplegia today, fuck it,

1112
00:58:19,840 --> 00:58:23,760
Speaker 1: I'll start Monday. Like he doesn't have a choice, So

1113
00:58:23,800 --> 00:58:27,680
Speaker 1: he's just got to navigate life from a wheelchair, you know.

1114
00:58:27,760 --> 00:58:30,440
Speaker 1: For Johnny, who my friend that I was just talking about,

1115
00:58:30,760 --> 00:58:34,280
Speaker 1: he has constant pain twenty four hours a day, and

1116
00:58:34,360 --> 00:58:36,440
Speaker 1: I've trained him for seven and a half years. He

1117
00:58:36,560 --> 00:58:38,800
Speaker 1: had his accident eight years ago. Three days a week

1118
00:58:38,840 --> 00:58:40,920
Speaker 1: we see each other, and in seven and a half

1119
00:58:41,040 --> 00:58:46,240
Speaker 1: years he has complained to me zero times. Every time

1120
00:58:46,320 --> 00:58:48,960
Speaker 1: I see him, I hug him. Every time I tell

1121
00:58:49,080 --> 00:58:52,520
Speaker 1: him I love him, he tells me the same. And

1122
00:58:53,840 --> 00:58:58,640
Speaker 1: it is a privilege to spend time with him, and

1123
00:58:58,720 --> 00:59:01,080
Speaker 1: a privilege to be able to just get out of

1124
00:59:01,080 --> 00:59:03,480
Speaker 1: this chair and go for a walk and turn on

1125
00:59:03,520 --> 00:59:06,080
Speaker 1: a tap and there's cold water, push a baton and

1126
00:59:06,160 --> 00:59:09,320
Speaker 1: there's air, there's warmth. Fuck, you know, I am the

1127
00:59:09,400 --> 00:59:10,480
Speaker 1: luckiest person I know.

1128
00:59:12,360 --> 00:59:15,040
Speaker 3: May First of all, thank you for sharing those stories.

1129
00:59:15,080 --> 00:59:18,760
Speaker 3: I could feel like emotion coming through there. I really

1130
00:59:18,880 --> 00:59:23,440
Speaker 3: love that those powerhouses of men that you know, they

1131
00:59:23,440 --> 00:59:26,840
Speaker 3: are a kind of a blessing to humanity, that they

1132
00:59:26,840 --> 00:59:28,880
Speaker 3: are a message folders out there who are struggling.

1133
00:59:28,920 --> 00:59:31,120
Speaker 2: If they can fucking do that, we can all fucking

1134
00:59:31,280 --> 00:59:31,920
Speaker 2: do that, right.

1135
00:59:32,000 --> 00:59:34,000
Speaker 3: And I also want to touch on the fact that

1136
00:59:34,040 --> 00:59:35,760
Speaker 3: you said that you love them and they said they

1137
00:59:35,800 --> 00:59:39,520
Speaker 3: love you too, because something that I got through, you know,

1138
00:59:39,520 --> 00:59:41,120
Speaker 3: one of the most beautiful things and it kind of

1139
00:59:41,160 --> 00:59:44,320
Speaker 3: gets me emotion when I think about it, grieving in

1140
00:59:44,360 --> 00:59:47,560
Speaker 3: the UK, going through what I was going through, and

1141
00:59:47,600 --> 00:59:51,480
Speaker 3: there were several moments when I realized, fu me, there's

1142
00:59:51,520 --> 00:59:54,080
Speaker 3: a lot of people messaging me, and I've got a

1143
00:59:54,080 --> 00:59:56,520
Speaker 3: lot of men telling me I love you and I

1144
00:59:56,600 --> 00:59:59,600
Speaker 3: haven't hit a lot before. And there was friends who

1145
00:59:59,640 --> 01:00:02,440
Speaker 3: turned up I han't seen for twenty five years and

1146
01:00:02,480 --> 01:00:04,760
Speaker 3: they were there at the funeral and they were talking

1147
01:00:04,760 --> 01:00:07,200
Speaker 3: to me saying I miss you, and we were talking

1148
01:00:07,200 --> 01:00:10,600
Speaker 3: about the times it spent together and it was unbelievable.

1149
01:00:11,200 --> 01:00:15,919
Speaker 3: And I was like, when we need it, it's there.

1150
01:00:16,600 --> 01:00:19,959
Speaker 3: And I think something you've picked up on before. You said,

1151
01:00:20,800 --> 01:00:22,440
Speaker 3: men aren't as bad as what we make out with

1152
01:00:22,560 --> 01:00:26,400
Speaker 3: stuff when we you know, men, when when the shit

1153
01:00:26,520 --> 01:00:30,920
Speaker 3: hits the fan, men step up. And I felt that

1154
01:00:31,440 --> 01:00:34,920
Speaker 3: and it was beautiful. And I also think if more

1155
01:00:34,960 --> 01:00:37,280
Speaker 3: men would take it on a daily basis, Hey, I

1156
01:00:37,320 --> 01:00:40,160
Speaker 3: love you brother. It means a lot because it's hard

1157
01:00:40,200 --> 01:00:44,200
Speaker 3: to say sometimes. And yeah, I just thought i'd pause

1158
01:00:44,240 --> 01:00:45,880
Speaker 3: on that. It's something that I've felt and I could

1159
01:00:45,880 --> 01:00:47,640
Speaker 3: feel it coming through from you there too, Craig.

1160
01:00:48,280 --> 01:00:51,600
Speaker 1: Yeah, mate, it's that you know, there are things happen

1161
01:00:51,640 --> 01:00:53,760
Speaker 1: in your life. I'll tell you one more brief story

1162
01:00:53,880 --> 01:00:55,920
Speaker 1: if you want to. I think you'll like it. It's

1163
01:00:55,960 --> 01:01:00,680
Speaker 1: a fucking belter rise. So six years ago, I was

1164
01:01:00,720 --> 01:01:02,320
Speaker 1: at the gym with one of my best mates in

1165
01:01:02,320 --> 01:01:04,640
Speaker 1: the world. We've been training partners for twenty years. His

1166
01:01:04,760 --> 01:01:08,080
Speaker 1: name is Mark Lampard. He was a pro bodybuilder. He

1167
01:01:08,160 --> 01:01:10,720
Speaker 1: looks and walks like a crab, right, so I call

1168
01:01:10,800 --> 01:01:16,120
Speaker 1: him the crab. So he gets called he gets called yeah, yeah, yeah,

1169
01:01:16,160 --> 01:01:19,080
Speaker 1: So we just called him the crab. Anyway, we're at

1170
01:01:19,080 --> 01:01:21,880
Speaker 1: the gym. It was a Friday night, I think it

1171
01:01:21,920 --> 01:01:29,440
Speaker 1: was November seventeen, Friday night, seventeen oh five. He was

1172
01:01:29,440 --> 01:01:31,560
Speaker 1: doing so five oh five pm. He was doing a

1173
01:01:31,560 --> 01:01:35,120
Speaker 1: set of chins. He did twenty chins. He came down

1174
01:01:35,160 --> 01:01:37,720
Speaker 1: because he's a genius. He held his breath the whole time,

1175
01:01:37,760 --> 01:01:41,320
Speaker 1: which is clearly not a good idea had I don't

1176
01:01:41,360 --> 01:01:44,360
Speaker 1: know about a million milligrams of coffee that day. He'd

1177
01:01:44,400 --> 01:01:47,360
Speaker 1: been working outside, he was dehydrated, and all of that

1178
01:01:47,440 --> 01:01:49,640
Speaker 1: culminated in a cardiac arrest.

1179
01:01:50,040 --> 01:01:50,480
Speaker 2: Wow.

1180
01:01:50,640 --> 01:01:53,240
Speaker 1: So so he died in front of me at five

1181
01:01:53,280 --> 01:01:58,120
Speaker 1: minutes past five, in between the cable crossovers, the cable crossovers,

1182
01:01:58,680 --> 01:02:03,080
Speaker 1: and he fell on the floor and five kilos face down,

1183
01:02:03,240 --> 01:02:05,760
Speaker 1: smashed his face, blood coming out of his mouth. I

1184
01:02:05,800 --> 01:02:09,080
Speaker 1: won't get too graphic, but and within a very short

1185
01:02:09,080 --> 01:02:12,840
Speaker 1: period and no heart rate like dead, like dead, flat

1186
01:02:12,840 --> 01:02:20,960
Speaker 1: lined cardiac arrest. So I started working on him straight away.

1187
01:02:21,040 --> 01:02:23,680
Speaker 1: He was face down, and it's funny what happens in

1188
01:02:24,440 --> 01:02:27,720
Speaker 1: moments like that. So he was probably twenty twenty five

1189
01:02:27,800 --> 01:02:30,480
Speaker 1: kilos heavier than me. I turned him over like he

1190
01:02:30,560 --> 01:02:33,520
Speaker 1: was a toddler. I flipped him over. I don't know

1191
01:02:33,560 --> 01:02:35,640
Speaker 1: how my lower back did that, because my lower back's

1192
01:02:35,680 --> 01:02:38,400
Speaker 1: a bit dodgy. No pain, no anything. Flipped him over,

1193
01:02:38,840 --> 01:02:43,800
Speaker 1: started working on him for straight away. Within twenty seconds.

1194
01:02:44,200 --> 01:02:47,439
Speaker 1: He was dead for seventeen minutes. So he went off

1195
01:02:47,480 --> 01:02:50,320
Speaker 1: line at seventeen oh five, came back online at seventeen

1196
01:02:50,400 --> 01:02:52,880
Speaker 1: twenty two. I worked on him for eleven minutes before

1197
01:02:52,880 --> 01:02:55,920
Speaker 1: the paramedics got there. They worked on him for another

1198
01:02:55,960 --> 01:02:59,360
Speaker 1: six before he took a breath. Wow, And I know

1199
01:02:59,440 --> 01:03:01,920
Speaker 1: this sounds dramatic, but this is just a story as

1200
01:03:02,000 --> 01:03:04,880
Speaker 1: part of my life. Probably the best thing I've ever

1201
01:03:04,920 --> 01:03:08,680
Speaker 1: done in my life, and I've done some cool things, right,

1202
01:03:08,880 --> 01:03:11,640
Speaker 1: And I don't mean an no great I'm not saying

1203
01:03:11,640 --> 01:03:15,040
Speaker 1: that at all. Because you get in a situation like

1204
01:03:15,080 --> 01:03:20,000
Speaker 1: that where your best mate is fucking dead, and there's

1205
01:03:20,000 --> 01:03:23,720
Speaker 1: some interesting conversations that go on in your head and

1206
01:03:23,720 --> 01:03:29,320
Speaker 1: you're like Oh, if anything is ever going to give

1207
01:03:29,400 --> 01:03:34,360
Speaker 1: me perspective about what actually matters in the context of

1208
01:03:34,400 --> 01:03:38,360
Speaker 1: being a human, in the context of my life, Craig,

1209
01:03:38,440 --> 01:03:45,000
Speaker 1: this is the fucking ultimate teaching moment. And I've done

1210
01:03:45,040 --> 01:03:47,240
Speaker 1: lots of great things. I've spoken all over the world.

1211
01:03:47,320 --> 01:03:50,720
Speaker 1: I've built businesses and money and blah blah blah blah.

1212
01:03:51,000 --> 01:03:53,960
Speaker 1: Fucking none of it even comes close to being able

1213
01:03:54,000 --> 01:03:57,880
Speaker 1: to be part of helping him live, you know. And

1214
01:03:57,920 --> 01:04:01,240
Speaker 1: he's we still train. We're training together at four o'clock,

1215
01:04:01,280 --> 01:04:03,720
Speaker 1: which is three and a half hours from now. It's

1216
01:04:03,760 --> 01:04:07,600
Speaker 1: got a pacemaker, thankfully hasn't died lately. He is healthy

1217
01:04:07,640 --> 01:04:11,280
Speaker 1: as fuck, you know. But it's just that's what it's about, mate.

1218
01:04:11,280 --> 01:04:14,040
Speaker 1: It's about love. It's about looking after each other. It's

1219
01:04:14,040 --> 01:04:17,760
Speaker 1: about being there. Like, to me, one of the greatest

1220
01:04:17,800 --> 01:04:21,120
Speaker 1: gifts of my life, not his mine, is that I

1221
01:04:21,200 --> 01:04:22,000
Speaker 1: could do that.

1222
01:04:21,920 --> 01:04:26,960
Speaker 3: For him, brother, that's beautiful, and tell him alone from me,

1223
01:04:27,040 --> 01:04:31,000
Speaker 3: I feel like I know him after that story. Yeah, wow,

1224
01:04:31,480 --> 01:04:35,400
Speaker 3: it is. You've given him the greatest gift. But it's

1225
01:04:35,440 --> 01:04:37,440
Speaker 3: almost selfish for you because you would have felt so

1226
01:04:37,560 --> 01:04:39,000
Speaker 3: fucking good after doing that.

1227
01:04:40,080 --> 01:04:42,640
Speaker 2: You know, mate. That's rough.

1228
01:04:42,760 --> 01:04:46,800
Speaker 3: Tears to my eyes, beautiful story and thank you for sharing.

1229
01:04:47,720 --> 01:04:49,240
Speaker 2: Just to close, I mean.

1230
01:04:49,120 --> 01:04:52,360
Speaker 3: You've given us heaps of golden snippets there to help

1231
01:04:52,360 --> 01:04:55,120
Speaker 3: people as it is. But for anybody out there who's

1232
01:04:55,160 --> 01:04:59,000
Speaker 3: struggling in any form of mental you know, health crisis

1233
01:04:59,000 --> 01:05:01,880
Speaker 3: at the moment, what would you what would you recommend,

1234
01:05:01,920 --> 01:05:05,160
Speaker 3: what would you say? You know it would be a

1235
01:05:05,240 --> 01:05:09,600
Speaker 3: priority that maybe could assist them in their dark times.

1236
01:05:10,080 --> 01:05:13,440
Speaker 1: Yeah. Well, firstly, I know you don't know me whoever's

1237
01:05:13,440 --> 01:05:15,880
Speaker 1: listening to this and struggling, but I'm sending you love.

1238
01:05:18,760 --> 01:05:23,000
Speaker 1: I think, you know, I think sometimes it's about starting

1239
01:05:23,080 --> 01:05:25,960
Speaker 1: when you're not ready. You know, we have this story

1240
01:05:26,000 --> 01:05:28,480
Speaker 1: in our head. It's not the right time, it's not

1241
01:05:28,560 --> 01:05:31,120
Speaker 1: the right moment. I'm this, I'm that, And it's like,

1242
01:05:32,120 --> 01:05:34,520
Speaker 1: you know, sometimes it's in the middle of the discomfort

1243
01:05:34,560 --> 01:05:37,640
Speaker 1: and the uncertainty and the unfamiliarity and the unknown that

1244
01:05:37,680 --> 01:05:40,960
Speaker 1: we have to be brave. And as I say to

1245
01:05:41,000 --> 01:05:45,480
Speaker 1: people all of the time, you know, courage can't operate

1246
01:05:45,640 --> 01:05:50,520
Speaker 1: in the absence of fear, like courage only operates when

1247
01:05:50,520 --> 01:05:53,720
Speaker 1: we're scared. And so if you're scared, I get it.

1248
01:05:53,840 --> 01:05:55,880
Speaker 1: I'm scared too, and I'm not saying that to make

1249
01:05:55,920 --> 01:06:01,360
Speaker 1: you feel good. I have fear about things constantly. I

1250
01:06:01,480 --> 01:06:04,000
Speaker 1: worry about things. I don't over worry. But do I

1251
01:06:04,000 --> 01:06:06,080
Speaker 1: ever worry? Yes? Do I ever get anxious? Yes? And

1252
01:06:06,120 --> 01:06:10,160
Speaker 1: I just think, you know, if you're depressed, if you're sad,

1253
01:06:10,240 --> 01:06:12,520
Speaker 1: if you're anxious, if you're lonely, if you feel like

1254
01:06:12,600 --> 01:06:18,520
Speaker 1: no one cares, you're not broken, You're normal. Like that's human,

1255
01:06:19,080 --> 01:06:22,640
Speaker 1: that's human, and you know, reach out to someone and

1256
01:06:22,680 --> 01:06:26,800
Speaker 1: do something. I know it's hard, because you know, sometimes

1257
01:06:26,840 --> 01:06:28,760
Speaker 1: it's what we do when no one's looking and no

1258
01:06:28,840 --> 01:06:32,040
Speaker 1: one's cheering, and no one's helping. Sometimes it's what we

1259
01:06:32,160 --> 01:06:34,520
Speaker 1: do in those moments that are truly transformative.

1260
01:06:36,480 --> 01:06:40,640
Speaker 3: Right, great, great way to finish some real gold.

1261
01:06:41,640 --> 01:06:41,880
Speaker 2: Look.

1262
01:06:41,920 --> 01:06:45,200
Speaker 3: I really enjoy speaking to you. I really enjoy I

1263
01:06:45,240 --> 01:06:50,440
Speaker 3: could converse with you all day. Let's let's continue, you know, talking.

1264
01:06:51,120 --> 01:06:52,520
Speaker 3: I'm going to say, I'm going to hit you up

1265
01:06:52,520 --> 01:06:54,520
Speaker 3: whether it's there, with an email after this, because I

1266
01:06:54,600 --> 01:06:58,400
Speaker 3: definitely could do with some guidance on a few things

1267
01:06:58,440 --> 01:07:01,840
Speaker 3: from somebody who's been there, done it, you know. And Yeah,

1268
01:07:02,240 --> 01:07:05,960
Speaker 3: I think it was a beautiful conversation and hopefully some men,

1269
01:07:06,040 --> 01:07:08,080
Speaker 3: some women, some people will get some real value from that,

1270
01:07:08,160 --> 01:07:08,880
Speaker 3: So thank you, Craig.

1271
01:07:09,720 --> 01:07:13,040
Speaker 1: Pleasure mate. We're friends now, so giddy up butter Cup.

1272
01:07:14,520 --> 01:07:16,840
Speaker 2: Thanks mate. I have a great day you.

1273
01:07:16,840 --> 01:07:28,520
Speaker 1: Too, buddy. Alrighty, team, there you have it. Me and

1274
01:07:28,560 --> 01:07:32,280
Speaker 1: the young boy just having a chat around the peaks

1275
01:07:32,280 --> 01:07:34,920
Speaker 1: and troughs and the ins and outs of the human experience.

1276
01:07:35,440 --> 01:07:38,360
Speaker 1: I really enjoyed my time with him, young Ian. His

1277
01:07:38,520 --> 01:07:42,080
Speaker 1: podcast is the Artistry of humanity. Good Man, I hope

1278
01:07:42,080 --> 01:07:45,400
Speaker 1: you enjoyed it. I'll see you tomorrow at t YP Central.