Speaker 1: Appodcay Production. Welcome to the She Rises Podcast. I'm Ashy
Speaker 1: and I'm Tiana.
Speaker 2: This podcast is about female empowerment and encouraging you to
Speaker 2: be your biggest, boldest, and most authentic version of yourself.
Speaker 1: We help you shed the shame, grow to a new level.
Speaker 1: We're gonna laugh, cry, and talk about the topics everyone
Speaker 1: else is too afraid to talk about.
Speaker 2: Get ready for your next level of self. Welcome back
Speaker 2: to another episode of She Rises Podcast.
Speaker 1: I'm Tiana, I'm Ashy, and.
Speaker 2: We are bringing to you Fears.
Speaker 1: You have a whole episode on it.
Speaker 2: Biggest fears something we all have.
Speaker 1: There's things that we're scared of, things that we worry about,
Speaker 1: things we have intrusive thoughts about. So we're going to
Speaker 1: talk about all of them today. Let's just start. What's
Speaker 1: your biggest fear? If you could name one fear, what
Speaker 1: would it be.
Speaker 2: This is gonna sound really heavy, but being sexually assaulted.
Speaker 1: Oh that's a real one, isn't it.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's my biggest fear. From being fully honest, my
Speaker 2: biggest fear is like being out in public or you know,
Speaker 2: you hear all these stories and there's lots of negative
Speaker 2: things on the news and things like that for real
Speaker 2: women and real stories of this being a reality for them.
Speaker 1: And it does.
Speaker 2: It's constantly in the back of my mind when I'm
Speaker 2: you know, walking in a place where I'm by myself
Speaker 2: or you know, I don't hap Ae with me, or
Speaker 2: I'm just you know, a place where it's a little
Speaker 2: bit darker than normal, and it does pop into my head,
Speaker 2: like the fear of you know, maybe there're being one
Speaker 2: person and multiple people and you know ending up, you know,
Speaker 2: having a story that a lot a lot of women
Speaker 2: can really resonate with, and it just it terrifies me.
Speaker 1: How often do you have that fear like pop in.
Speaker 2: Like anytime that I'm alone in public? So daily, sometimes
Speaker 2: a couple times a week, sometimes once a week, Like
Speaker 2: it just depends like where I am and what I'm doing,
Speaker 2: and if the situation seems remotely like something that starts
Speaker 2: of a horror story where it's you know, like a
Speaker 2: dark alleyway or you know, where it's really dark. Like
Speaker 2: I won't go out at night and walk at night,
Speaker 2: even though I love to do that, because it's.
Speaker 1: Just not worth it. Yeah, Jruci's thoughts come in.
Speaker 2: I have a fear of not being out to achieve
Speaker 2: the things that I want to achieve in this life.
Speaker 2: Oh and it's a kind of like a fear laced
Speaker 2: in like not feeling capable.
Speaker 1: Enough, So not like running out of time.
Speaker 2: It's multifaceted. Okay, it's multi layered is the word. Actually,
Speaker 2: So it's like there's a part of me that's still
Speaker 2: letting go of this belief and it pops up every
Speaker 2: now and again where if I'm not taking enough action
Speaker 2: towards the goal that I want, or I feel frustrated, whatever,
Speaker 2: I'll be like, oh, I notice the fear of being like, oh,
Speaker 2: you're not capable enough. And so then there's that aspect,
Speaker 2: and then there's like a what if I fear failure
Speaker 2: so much that it stops me from being able to
Speaker 2: get there?
Speaker 1: That's understandable.
Speaker 2: Yeah, so it's because it is. It's I think that's
Speaker 2: been a huge thing that I've had to overcome, is
Speaker 2: the fear of failure and fearing being able to get
Speaker 2: to that level. And then kind of like what you
Speaker 2: said as well, there's a layer of like then once
Speaker 2: you come overcome the fear of failure, it's like the
Speaker 2: fear of success and there's there's all these different layers
Speaker 2: when it comes to achieving all of the things that
Speaker 2: you want, and it comes out in different forms, but
Speaker 2: it's the same fear, you know, being like what happens
Speaker 2: when I do achieve this? Am I going to be
Speaker 2: able to hold it? Yeah?
Speaker 1: Is it going to be too big?
Speaker 2: Is it gonna get taken away? Like all of these
Speaker 2: different fears that you accumulate over time and over your
Speaker 2: life are just there when you want to achieve something,
Speaker 2: especially when it comes to business, life, money, whatever. Yes,
Speaker 2: And so for me it's like okay, cool, Like am
Speaker 2: I going to be willing enough to be able to
Speaker 2: face all those fears?
Speaker 1: You know?
Speaker 2: And then the moments where I have self doubt, like
Speaker 2: I'm not exempt from self doubt, Like I still have
Speaker 2: that come up for me, and like I am a
Speaker 2: self worth coach and all of the things, but I
Speaker 2: still have moments of like am I capable enough to
Speaker 2: do this? Do I have the resources enough to do this?
Speaker 2: Do I have enough knowledge? Do I have enough experience?
Speaker 2: But then it's just reminding myself that whilst I get
Speaker 2: to have all these fears, I get to choose if
Speaker 2: I let them dictate what I do next, or what
Speaker 2: I choose to take action towards next. So yes, they're
Speaker 2: all still there swelling in my head every time I
Speaker 2: do something scary or outside of my comfort zone or
Speaker 2: something that feels like an edge for me, Like they
Speaker 2: come along with me, Like they're in my fucking handbag,
Speaker 2: coming with me while I do all the things that
Speaker 2: like I really want to do.
Speaker 1: In this life. Yeah, so relatable. I have a lot
Speaker 1: of fears come up around business too. Even doing another
Speaker 1: podcast with another friends. Yeah, there was massive fears that
Speaker 1: if we have had really open dialogue about which has
Speaker 1: been really nice for me because at any point you
Speaker 1: could change your mind not want to do it again,
Speaker 1: and then I feel like I have to start again,
Speaker 1: and then what's everyone going to think? Yeah, what's the
Speaker 1: assumptions they're going to make? How am I going to feel?
Speaker 1: And we have to rebrand. It's all these fears that
Speaker 1: came up for me throughout this process, which fears come
Speaker 1: up often, but I just refuse to live my life
Speaker 1: in fear. I want to feel the fears and sometimes
Speaker 1: not act on them. Yeah, they don't have to actually
Speaker 1: mean anything. I can just feel it in that moment,
Speaker 1: and I can talk about it and it can be there.
Speaker 1: But then I do what actually feels right in my heart.
Speaker 1: And when I thought about doing the podcast by myself, Yes,
Speaker 1: I'm capable, and I prove that to myself doing the
Speaker 1: Twelve Days of Christmas, which is a little test for
Speaker 1: myself to see how much I could hold. Can I
Speaker 1: have conversations with myself for half an hour? Yes, proven
Speaker 1: can talk underwater? And then it was this decision of
Speaker 1: do I want to do this by myself? It's a
Speaker 1: hell no. I want to experience life with loved ones.
Speaker 1: I want to celebrate together. I want to go through
Speaker 1: the failurees together. I want to have someone to bounce off.
Speaker 1: I want to have someone to learn off. I want
Speaker 1: to have someone to lead me, which you do in
Speaker 1: so many beautiful ways. So that came up for me
Speaker 1: as well. And the fear of getting successful and being
Speaker 1: able to hold that, that's real. And I found that
Speaker 1: in the fitness industry over the last couple of years,
Speaker 1: I haven't been able to hold all of it because
Speaker 1: my passion wasn't there anymore. And I look back and
Speaker 1: reflect on how well it used to do. And then
Speaker 1: over the years, as I've stopped putting as much effort,
Speaker 1: and it hasn't felt as alive for me, and I've
Speaker 1: gone in different directions, my energy's gone elsewhere. I feared
Speaker 1: that happening in other parts on other businesses that I do.
Speaker 1: But then it's coming back to trusting that every part
Speaker 1: is a chapter that's a part of your whole book
Speaker 1: and your whole story, and you learn so much throughout
Speaker 1: each of those chapters that help you with your next
Speaker 1: project or your next business, or your next direction that
Speaker 1: you switch lanes in. It's all a part of it.
Speaker 1: But the fears are real. Oh yeah, I feel that. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I think that too.
Speaker 2: Sometimes I think there are definitely for me as well,
Speaker 2: like elements of like next levels of money, yes, where
Speaker 2: like you have to actively work through those fears and
Speaker 2: like that just regulation that comes up around holding a
Speaker 2: new level of money and being like uncomfortable, yeah, and
Speaker 2: being like, oh, what's my thermometer for how comfortable I
Speaker 2: feel with a certain amount of money? You know, how
Speaker 2: far will I let myself go? You know, where's the
Speaker 2: point where I get uncomfortable? And then like looking at
Speaker 2: those fears and being able to just like face all
Speaker 2: of that break down those limiting beliefs and go like,
Speaker 2: this is a limitation I have in my mind, you know,
Speaker 2: But then it also is real. I feel like a
Speaker 2: lot of people might be able to like resonate with that.
Speaker 1: Or even if they're not resonating, you might be self
Speaker 1: sabotaging without even realizing it. Yes, so every time you
Speaker 1: get that little bit closer to getting more money or
Speaker 1: something else happening, you get scared and uncomfortable, and that's
Speaker 1: the frequency you're on, and then your self sabotage and
Speaker 1: you pull yourself back. But it's more comfortable to sit
Speaker 1: over here. And if I get rich, will people think
Speaker 1: I'm greedy? If I get successful, they think that I'm
Speaker 1: not going to fit in with everyone else. Well, i'd
Speaker 1: be the outcast. If I become the boss, or I
Speaker 1: get this promotion or I get this award or whatever
Speaker 1: it is, Are people not going to want to be
Speaker 1: my friend anymore?
Speaker 2: I want to be relatable.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I might just do my life to stay over
Speaker 1: here because it's a bit safer. I feels more comfortable
Speaker 1: easy to be here.
Speaker 2: I know how to behave in a space. I think
Speaker 2: something that came up for me around money was when
Speaker 2: I had a not a bad relationship. Yeah, a bad
Speaker 2: relationship with money. Let's say I wasn't responsible with money,
Speaker 2: and when I was in that phase, I was like
Speaker 2: to myself and would have conversations with myself being like,
Speaker 2: if I accumulate more money, am I going to blow it?
Speaker 1: Oh? Yeah?
Speaker 2: And it was a fear of gaining more money out
Speaker 2: of the way that I would behave when I got it.
Speaker 2: I hadn't yet built a responsible relationship with money for
Speaker 2: me to feel confident in myself and trust that I
Speaker 2: was capable of handling that amount of money.
Speaker 1: Interesting. Yes, relatable.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's really interesting.
Speaker 1: Yeah, isn't it. I feel like everyonem listening, I'm so
Speaker 1: curious if you're in our forum, I'd love everyone to
Speaker 1: start sharing some stories if they have any any stories
Speaker 1: around their relationship with money. I think it's a big
Speaker 1: wound and trigger for a lot of people. Oh yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: so interesting. The fear of success, the fear of sailing,
Speaker 1: the fear of growth, even the fear of growth, the
Speaker 1: fear of growth because when you grow. We've spoken a
Speaker 1: lot about relationships. Sometimes you can grow apart from people.
Speaker 1: You can outgrow a job or an environment that feels
Speaker 1: safe and feels nice, and you have to step it
Speaker 1: up and evolve and change. That can be really scary.
Speaker 2: It's almost like when you want to leave a relationship,
Speaker 2: sometimes the thing that stops.
Speaker 1: You is the fear of growth.
Speaker 2: Because when you choose to leave a relationship, you're choosing
Speaker 2: growth over the relationship.
Speaker 1: You choose growth for safety on your.
Speaker 2: Own, growth within yourself. That's something in you has changed
Speaker 2: and evolved. Yes, you're leaving this part of your life behind,
Speaker 2: and that's a scary thing. It's like, it doesn't matter
Speaker 2: whether change is good or bad, still are terrified of
Speaker 2: it because it means that something is changing, which means
Speaker 2: that our level of control over the situation is changing. Yeah,
Speaker 2: it's going to be different, the dynamic shifts. You're going
Speaker 2: to have to learn how to behave in a completely
Speaker 2: new way with different circumstances, different people. Yeah, brings up
Speaker 2: a lot of fear.
Speaker 1: It does. Another big fear of mine, which I've openly
Speaker 1: spoken about in social media for years. It's fear of flying.
Speaker 1: I'm terrified. I hate the takeoff, I hate any turbulence.
Speaker 1: I hate the thought of floating in this little machine
Speaker 1: up in the air. How are we not falling? To
Speaker 1: our death. I look around people falling asleep, and I
Speaker 1: think to myself, are you crazy? You're worried that we're
Speaker 1: just floating in mid air? Yeah, like that is insidly
Speaker 1: to me.
Speaker 2: It's a pretty incredible concept when you think about it.
Speaker 1: I used to have crazy panic attacks. Is one that
Speaker 1: stands out to me. We're on our way back from America.
Speaker 1: Steve nights before we had targed years and years ago.
Speaker 1: You know, like, picture someone on a roller coaster screaming
Speaker 1: their guts out because the ride's so scary. That was
Speaker 1: me the back of the plane, oh, screaming the flight
Speaker 1: it and had said to Steve, you need to calm
Speaker 1: her down. She's scaring other passengers. He got like four
Speaker 1: or five value and shoved them down my throat and
Speaker 1: then I was so like docile and calm, but I
Speaker 1: was still We're sorry. I should have given more context.
Speaker 1: We were in the middle of a storm, so I'm
Speaker 1: talking bumpy seatbell signs on like lightning, dark clouds. It
Speaker 1: was horrific, and I was saying, to tell me what,
Speaker 1: I love her, Just tell her I love her, because
Speaker 1: I thought that was the end. Yeah, I don't know
Speaker 1: why I'm asking him to say that, because if we're
Speaker 1: going down, he's going down with it. But yeah, I
Speaker 1: was that petrified the flight. Egendent was said, you need
Speaker 1: to calm her down. He's like, I'm trying. See, I'm
Speaker 1: doing the best that I can. Yeah, that was terrifying
Speaker 1: for me. And over the years the seven videos of
Speaker 1: me on YouTube when I did the online series of
Speaker 1: me like crying and full holding on people's hands and shaking,
Speaker 1: and I just could not calm myself down. But over
Speaker 1: the years, as I've learned to regulate my nervous system
Speaker 1: and learn how to breathe trust the process, I just
Speaker 1: said to myself, I'm never going to stop this fear
Speaker 1: from me being able to experience the world and take
Speaker 1: my kids traveling and say yes to opportunities. I never
Speaker 1: wanted to stop me, So I still get on that
Speaker 1: plane every single time. I've never let it get in
Speaker 1: the way of anything. But now I can breathe through it.
Speaker 2: How is your experience going on the plane overseas to
Speaker 2: Europe with TAJ.
Speaker 1: It's very interesting you ask that, because when I'm in
Speaker 1: business class, I'm a lot more comfortable. So I think
Speaker 1: I've learned lately too that it's a little bit of costrophobia, yes,
Speaker 1: actually being stuck in a small, confined space. And when
Speaker 1: you're in business class. I hate to say this, but
Speaker 1: they treat you a lot nicer different. That's what it is.
Speaker 1: The service. I don't treat nice. It's a service. You're
Speaker 1: paying for more service, so they're very attentive. I've got
Speaker 1: a lot more space, and I've had pilots actually tell
Speaker 1: me that the front of the plane is not as
Speaker 1: bumpy and loud as the back, so it's actually a
Speaker 1: lot more quiet at the front. So now I will
Speaker 1: pay extra money to sit at the front of a plane,
Speaker 1: even if it's economy. But yeah, we've business class and
Speaker 1: funny enough, TAJA's passion is aeroplanes. So he's actually my
Speaker 1: favorite person to travel with because his joy almost overrides
Speaker 1: my fear. And when it got bumpy, he would hold
Speaker 1: my hand and say things like, Mum, you're more likely
Speaker 1: gonna eat him by a shark. It's just the turbulent.
Speaker 1: See the clouds. No planes are made to ride in storms.
Speaker 1: He would love if we got caught in a storm.
Speaker 2: Oh my god, is he so sweet?
Speaker 1: Yeah, so his joy is almost overrides my fear, So yeah,
Speaker 1: it was great. There was a couple of in between
Speaker 1: flights that got a bit bumpy, that were a bit scary,
Speaker 1: but yeah, I got through it with him. And I
Speaker 1: have gotten better as I've got older, because I just
Speaker 1: feel safer in my own body and I know how
Speaker 1: to bring myself back down and just breathe through the process. So, yeah,
Speaker 1: does he have any weird fears like that, heights, cars, motorbikes,
Speaker 1: paranormal Oh yes, you said this the other day.
Speaker 2: He scares the living down that out of me. Like,
Speaker 2: I don't watch can movies. Yeah, I don't watch I
Speaker 2: don't watch school. I don't like it. It makes me
Speaker 2: not think that it's safe to leave my feet out
Speaker 2: of the blanket at night. It makes me when I
Speaker 2: turn the lights off neat run down the hallway. It's
Speaker 2: just not a good time for me. I just get
Speaker 2: so scared. And I think it comes from I've shared
Speaker 2: this on a previous Freaky Friday episode about a horror
Speaker 2: like a ghost story where I lived in a house
Speaker 2: where a man had committed like a homicide in the house,
Speaker 2: and so there was like, I mean, I don't know
Speaker 2: if you guys are into this or not if you
Speaker 2: believe this whatsoever, but from what I remember, there was
Speaker 2: some really like paranormal things that happened in that house.
Speaker 2: And I was quite young at the time, and I
Speaker 2: just remember from their experiencing those things, I was so
Speaker 2: terrified of paranormal activity or anything to do with it
Speaker 2: that it just like scares me.
Speaker 1: Like a traumatic moment as aid, Yeah.
Speaker 2: The fear of being out of control of something that
Speaker 2: is wanting to harm me or like obviously that's a
Speaker 2: movie no depiction, and not being able to control whether
Speaker 2: it's good, whether it's bad, whether it's a negative experience,
Speaker 2: like even sleep paralysis. Like I was talking about sleep
Speaker 2: prolysis with my girlfriend Darcy the other day, and that
Speaker 2: scares me. I remember I had this one sleep paralysis
Speaker 2: experience and it's apparently there's spirits, Like, oh yeah, apparently
Speaker 2: that's spirit. I mean, I don't know how treats is
Speaker 2: passing on information, So apparently sleep paralysis are spirits that
Speaker 2: kind of able to penetrate like your energy when you're
Speaker 2: in a weak mental state. Yeah, so like people who
Speaker 2: do drugs and are drinking and stuff like that, they
Speaker 2: get that stuff more frequently. And I remember when I
Speaker 2: went through my party phase. I was getting sleep prolysis
Speaker 2: a lot, and I had this one thing and I
Speaker 2: remember I had a partner at the time, and I
Speaker 2: was laying on my bed on the left side, and
Speaker 2: I was laying on my left hand side, and I
Speaker 2: remember not being able to say anything, move, scream, nothing,
Speaker 2: And it was like this figure or ghost or it
Speaker 2: was a woman. She was laying on top of my body. No,
Speaker 2: she had long, dark haired, like white gown the whole
Speaker 2: like exorcist kind of vibe. And she was laying on
Speaker 2: me smiling at me, like staring at me.
Speaker 1: Like this, Oh my god, that's so creepy baby.
Speaker 2: And I couldn't scream, I couldn't move. I was like
Speaker 2: to my part like like and I woke up, and
Speaker 2: I got angry at him because I was like, you
Speaker 2: didn't do anything. You didn't help me, you didn't do anything.
Speaker 2: You didn't see it, Like, why didn't you wake up?
Speaker 2: Because I couldn't comprehend when it just happened. That stuff
Speaker 2: for me, it's a.
Speaker 1: No go zone. It's come out. Yes, Thanks so much
Speaker 1: for joining us. If you love this episode, share it around,
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Speaker 1: like minded women. It's beautiful and we'll see you in
Speaker 1: the next episode. Bye bye.