1 00:00:05,921 --> 00:00:13,721 Speaker 1: Apogha Production, life stuff, life, parenting. 2 00:00:14,281 --> 00:00:16,441 Speaker 2: We're doing life together and we're just going to tell 3 00:00:16,481 --> 00:00:17,161 Speaker 2: you all about it. 4 00:00:17,601 --> 00:00:22,041 Speaker 1: I hate the word perimenopause. I can't We're not in menopause. Like, 5 00:00:22,081 --> 00:00:23,001 Speaker 1: it's making me angry. 6 00:00:23,761 --> 00:00:28,081 Speaker 3: What welcome back to you? 7 00:00:28,201 --> 00:00:31,561 Speaker 1: Another episode of who even are we? It is the 8 00:00:31,761 --> 00:00:35,121 Speaker 1: question we're all asking and unboard who are we? Who 9 00:00:35,161 --> 00:00:35,840 Speaker 1: actually are we? 10 00:00:36,120 --> 00:00:38,641 Speaker 2: The identity piece they just kicked on giving. 11 00:00:38,881 --> 00:00:40,561 Speaker 1: In this episode. This is going to be like a 12 00:00:40,601 --> 00:00:42,321 Speaker 1: double whammy. This is going to be like a two 13 00:00:42,361 --> 00:00:45,961 Speaker 1: parter kind of because we've got two questions that we've 14 00:00:45,961 --> 00:00:50,561 Speaker 1: been given from listeners of topics that we want to cover. 15 00:00:50,801 --> 00:00:52,561 Speaker 2: It's kind of two extremes, Katie. 16 00:00:52,721 --> 00:00:54,360 Speaker 4: Yeah, it's going to throw it out there and go 17 00:00:54,761 --> 00:00:57,321 Speaker 4: kids and orgasms. 18 00:00:57,081 --> 00:00:59,321 Speaker 1: He said it weirdly because we said it together. 19 00:00:59,441 --> 00:01:03,241 Speaker 2: We're not saying it together. They're topic one and topic two. Yes, 20 00:01:03,401 --> 00:01:04,720 Speaker 2: they're very big topics. 21 00:01:05,361 --> 00:01:07,681 Speaker 1: Yeah, so there's your little teaser to make sure you 22 00:01:07,681 --> 00:01:09,961 Speaker 1: stick around to the second half of the episode because 23 00:01:10,000 --> 00:01:13,201 Speaker 1: that's going to be about orgasms. The first is going 24 00:01:13,280 --> 00:01:15,560 Speaker 1: to be about single moms doing one week on and 25 00:01:15,601 --> 00:01:18,360 Speaker 1: one week off with kids. We did think that it 26 00:01:18,401 --> 00:01:20,921 Speaker 1: was only right to get a friend on who actually 27 00:01:20,961 --> 00:01:23,041 Speaker 1: does do this. So she is a single mom and 28 00:01:23,081 --> 00:01:25,321 Speaker 1: she does one week on, one week off with her 29 00:01:25,401 --> 00:01:28,041 Speaker 1: kids and shares with her ex husband. 30 00:01:30,521 --> 00:01:30,881 Speaker 2: Hello. 31 00:01:31,481 --> 00:01:38,080 Speaker 5: Hello, So our topic in this particular podcast episode is 32 00:01:38,121 --> 00:01:41,041 Speaker 5: going to be about kids one week on, one week off, 33 00:01:41,081 --> 00:01:44,160 Speaker 5: and Rache and I don't really have any experience in that. 34 00:01:44,360 --> 00:01:47,921 Speaker 1: Unfortunately. We actually think it sounds like quite a lovely thing, 35 00:01:48,121 --> 00:01:51,001 Speaker 1: like a whole think of doing your own stuff. Is 36 00:01:51,041 --> 00:01:52,001 Speaker 1: it actually like that? 37 00:01:52,281 --> 00:01:54,161 Speaker 6: Yeah, look, I mean it comes to the right place 38 00:01:54,201 --> 00:01:57,800 Speaker 6: because yeah, I'm a massive advocate for it, and not 39 00:01:57,881 --> 00:02:00,321 Speaker 6: just for selfish reasons. Even when I think about my 40 00:02:00,521 --> 00:02:04,001 Speaker 6: kids as the first bet, like I appreciate them more 41 00:02:04,401 --> 00:02:06,321 Speaker 6: I am I am or president as a parent when 42 00:02:06,321 --> 00:02:08,560 Speaker 6: they're here because I know they're going to go right. 43 00:02:08,561 --> 00:02:10,921 Speaker 6: When you know your kids are never leaving, it's like, ah, 44 00:02:10,921 --> 00:02:12,561 Speaker 6: I can be nice to them tomorrow, but it's like 45 00:02:12,641 --> 00:02:14,161 Speaker 6: you might not have them on that next day. So 46 00:02:14,401 --> 00:02:16,641 Speaker 6: like I repair an argument when I can, which I 47 00:02:16,641 --> 00:02:20,041 Speaker 6: think is awesome. And I just think I do I 48 00:02:20,240 --> 00:02:23,161 Speaker 6: plan things with my kids. I don't think when you've 49 00:02:23,201 --> 00:02:25,961 Speaker 6: got them all the time. I know parents do plan, 50 00:02:26,041 --> 00:02:28,961 Speaker 6: but I think sometimes it becomes tiring, whereas it becomes 51 00:02:28,960 --> 00:02:31,681 Speaker 6: a focus for me. So from a kid's perspective, I 52 00:02:31,680 --> 00:02:33,921 Speaker 6: think it's good and I think it's consistent for them 53 00:02:34,001 --> 00:02:34,800 Speaker 6: the week as well. 54 00:02:34,841 --> 00:02:36,841 Speaker 3: They know exactly where they're going to be and not be. 55 00:02:37,401 --> 00:02:40,641 Speaker 6: But then when it comes to myself, I discovered myself again. 56 00:02:41,041 --> 00:02:44,201 Speaker 3: I felt like at the point before I got. 57 00:02:44,041 --> 00:02:46,881 Speaker 6: Divorced, I felt like I would describe myself as maybe 58 00:02:46,881 --> 00:02:47,321 Speaker 6: just a mom. 59 00:02:47,441 --> 00:02:50,000 Speaker 3: I'm not just a mom, you know, I'm Emma. 60 00:02:50,281 --> 00:02:53,201 Speaker 6: And Emma has things she likes and she doesn't like, 61 00:02:53,441 --> 00:02:56,881 Speaker 6: and she has like this whole other part of her 62 00:02:56,960 --> 00:02:58,680 Speaker 6: which I kind of lost for a period, which I 63 00:02:58,680 --> 00:03:02,960 Speaker 6: think a lot of people do. And so I guess, yes, 64 00:03:03,001 --> 00:03:06,161 Speaker 6: there's those adjustment periods at the beginning, but now the 65 00:03:06,281 --> 00:03:09,400 Speaker 6: value of like who I've become is just yeah, it's 66 00:03:09,441 --> 00:03:11,801 Speaker 6: been amazing, and like from a fun point of view, 67 00:03:11,841 --> 00:03:12,721 Speaker 6: I do get a week. 68 00:03:12,960 --> 00:03:15,481 Speaker 3: So on the weekend I do things like my. 69 00:03:15,481 --> 00:03:18,921 Speaker 6: Favorite thing is beach day, right, So I'll drive up 70 00:03:18,921 --> 00:03:21,201 Speaker 6: to the beach in the morning and just remember I'm 71 00:03:21,281 --> 00:03:22,881 Speaker 6: not packing for anybody else but me. 72 00:03:23,201 --> 00:03:24,521 Speaker 3: This is like super easy. 73 00:03:25,041 --> 00:03:27,001 Speaker 6: And then you get there and I walk past all 74 00:03:27,081 --> 00:03:30,201 Speaker 6: these families of parents screaming at their kids, and you 75 00:03:30,240 --> 00:03:32,561 Speaker 6: know what I mean, just all that dramatized laugh and 76 00:03:32,641 --> 00:03:35,201 Speaker 6: I find myself a quiet little spot and I will 77 00:03:35,281 --> 00:03:38,041 Speaker 6: sumbathe and I'll read, and then I might meet someone 78 00:03:38,081 --> 00:03:40,401 Speaker 6: for lunch. And then when I pack off, I just 79 00:03:40,441 --> 00:03:42,961 Speaker 6: pick up my towel and it's not having to clean 80 00:03:43,081 --> 00:03:46,281 Speaker 6: sand off children and they've drowned each other. 81 00:03:46,321 --> 00:03:48,401 Speaker 3: And yeah, it's actually one of the nicest days. 82 00:03:48,401 --> 00:03:52,481 Speaker 6: But I do prioritize self care, so like I book massages, 83 00:03:52,961 --> 00:03:55,160 Speaker 6: so on my week I don't have them, I'll go right, 84 00:03:55,281 --> 00:03:57,841 Speaker 6: gonna go gym these days, I'm gonna book a massage. 85 00:03:57,881 --> 00:03:59,681 Speaker 3: This day. I'm going to catch up with these friends, 86 00:03:59,761 --> 00:04:00,961 Speaker 3: Like I can actually catch up. 87 00:04:00,841 --> 00:04:04,801 Speaker 6: With people, all these things that I just probably wasn't 88 00:04:04,841 --> 00:04:07,201 Speaker 6: doing because I felt guilty doing it when I had 89 00:04:07,201 --> 00:04:07,681 Speaker 6: a partner. 90 00:04:08,041 --> 00:04:11,481 Speaker 1: You're really selling this whole divorcely you could do ads 91 00:04:11,601 --> 00:04:14,401 Speaker 1: for it, Like if they ever want to promote divorce. 92 00:04:14,241 --> 00:04:15,001 Speaker 3: I'm still going. 93 00:04:15,201 --> 00:04:18,281 Speaker 6: I mean, now I'm single, let's not talk about relationships, right. 94 00:04:18,521 --> 00:04:22,561 Speaker 6: I'm single, actively have been for a very long time, 95 00:04:22,601 --> 00:04:25,041 Speaker 6: eighteen months, the longest time I've ever been single. And 96 00:04:25,440 --> 00:04:27,801 Speaker 6: the interesting thing is I chose to build my business 97 00:04:27,880 --> 00:04:30,760 Speaker 6: and so I've been able to work massive hours guilt free. 98 00:04:30,801 --> 00:04:31,760 Speaker 2: So there's another bonus. 99 00:04:31,880 --> 00:04:33,841 Speaker 3: Yeah, on the weeks, I don't have my kids, But. 100 00:04:33,761 --> 00:04:36,161 Speaker 6: When it comes to having a relationship, you get to 101 00:04:36,201 --> 00:04:38,561 Speaker 6: experience a relationship when you have a week on your 102 00:04:38,601 --> 00:04:41,481 Speaker 6: own for just you two, like not the dynamic of 103 00:04:41,521 --> 00:04:43,881 Speaker 6: a family. And also, I don't want to bring someone 104 00:04:43,880 --> 00:04:46,401 Speaker 6: into the world of my kids until I'm absolutely sure 105 00:04:46,401 --> 00:04:48,241 Speaker 6: and I could have that perfect world of like have 106 00:04:48,281 --> 00:04:51,121 Speaker 6: a week, might have a partner, go and do stuff, 107 00:04:51,241 --> 00:04:52,520 Speaker 6: and then I've got my week. 108 00:04:52,320 --> 00:04:53,121 Speaker 3: With my kids. 109 00:04:53,361 --> 00:04:56,441 Speaker 1: I do have a friend who okay, and see this 110 00:04:56,481 --> 00:04:58,200 Speaker 1: is the thing. She's got one child, and I think 111 00:04:58,201 --> 00:05:01,641 Speaker 1: that makes the world of difference because she does one 112 00:05:01,681 --> 00:05:05,361 Speaker 1: week on, one week off with her ass and she 113 00:05:06,001 --> 00:05:08,320 Speaker 1: gets very upset and feels like she's missing out on 114 00:05:08,401 --> 00:05:10,561 Speaker 1: half her kid's life. Like that's the way she views it, 115 00:05:10,601 --> 00:05:12,441 Speaker 1: I'm missing out in half my kid's life. 116 00:05:13,161 --> 00:05:14,880 Speaker 2: It's the way that you view it, which is exactly 117 00:05:14,961 --> 00:05:15,601 Speaker 2: what you're saying. 118 00:05:16,081 --> 00:05:18,880 Speaker 4: And just for instance, like if the boys have got 119 00:05:18,880 --> 00:05:21,520 Speaker 4: something on and it's your week off and you're with 120 00:05:21,841 --> 00:05:24,801 Speaker 4: someone else, you still attend because I've bumped into you 121 00:05:25,361 --> 00:05:28,401 Speaker 4: at the school for the awards ceremony and where you've 122 00:05:28,401 --> 00:05:30,121 Speaker 4: both been there and both shown up. 123 00:05:30,201 --> 00:05:32,681 Speaker 2: Like I think there's a way around. 124 00:05:33,401 --> 00:05:36,361 Speaker 6: Absolutely, So I don't do don't speak to me for 125 00:05:36,401 --> 00:05:38,520 Speaker 6: the week, right, Like at the end of the day, 126 00:05:38,561 --> 00:05:39,921 Speaker 6: my boys both play sport. 127 00:05:40,001 --> 00:05:42,520 Speaker 3: One's about to go into high school. It's a juggle. 128 00:05:42,841 --> 00:05:45,281 Speaker 6: I will often take my children to Stocker on my 129 00:05:45,361 --> 00:05:48,200 Speaker 6: non day, but I drop them there and then their 130 00:05:48,281 --> 00:05:49,681 Speaker 6: dad comes and I leave and I go home and 131 00:05:49,721 --> 00:05:51,921 Speaker 6: I still have my night. So I'm still very disciplined 132 00:05:52,041 --> 00:05:55,521 Speaker 6: on that, like having that routine, not being like, oh well, 133 00:05:55,561 --> 00:05:57,481 Speaker 6: you may just stay here. We kind of stick to it. 134 00:05:57,561 --> 00:05:59,880 Speaker 6: But I'll go to any of their events. It doesn't 135 00:05:59,880 --> 00:06:01,760 Speaker 6: matter if it's on my week or not on maybe Yeah, 136 00:06:01,801 --> 00:06:04,880 Speaker 6: like that is a given. So I don't miss anything 137 00:06:05,121 --> 00:06:07,281 Speaker 6: of their schooling or their activities. 138 00:06:07,681 --> 00:06:09,121 Speaker 3: You know, kids are busy during the week. 139 00:06:09,241 --> 00:06:11,361 Speaker 6: And I do think it's a mindset, like there is 140 00:06:11,401 --> 00:06:13,440 Speaker 6: that part of you which if you'd sit back and 141 00:06:13,481 --> 00:06:16,241 Speaker 6: go if I could waive a magic wand and I 142 00:06:16,281 --> 00:06:19,361 Speaker 6: was in a relationship that worked and it was amazing, 143 00:06:19,401 --> 00:06:20,801 Speaker 6: and my kids were with me all the time and 144 00:06:20,841 --> 00:06:21,561 Speaker 6: we were super happy. 145 00:06:21,601 --> 00:06:23,961 Speaker 3: We had balanced Sure, but that's just not the way 146 00:06:23,961 --> 00:06:24,761 Speaker 3: the world works. 147 00:06:24,521 --> 00:06:27,961 Speaker 6: Sometimes, And so this arrangement where I'm happy and I'm 148 00:06:27,961 --> 00:06:30,121 Speaker 6: a good version of me and their dad is too, 149 00:06:30,681 --> 00:06:31,841 Speaker 6: is actually better for them. 150 00:06:31,921 --> 00:06:33,200 Speaker 3: Yeah, getting the best of both words. 151 00:06:33,361 --> 00:06:36,041 Speaker 6: Like, I would even argue that if you are married 152 00:06:36,081 --> 00:06:39,121 Speaker 6: and you have kids and you're living together or whatever situation, 153 00:06:39,521 --> 00:06:42,561 Speaker 6: you still should not spend seven days straight without a 154 00:06:42,561 --> 00:06:43,281 Speaker 6: break on your own. 155 00:06:43,440 --> 00:06:44,441 Speaker 3: I actually believe that. 156 00:06:44,801 --> 00:06:50,200 Speaker 4: Hypothetically speaking, let's just say mister perfect like comes along 157 00:06:50,401 --> 00:06:54,161 Speaker 4: on the horse and he's amazing. He ticks every box, 158 00:06:54,201 --> 00:07:04,081 Speaker 4: he's emotionally available, he is physically attractive, he gps. Yeah, 159 00:07:04,201 --> 00:07:08,281 Speaker 4: he's amazing, all right, But hypothetically speaking, he comes along 160 00:07:08,561 --> 00:07:11,481 Speaker 4: and he's got two kids, and now his two kids 161 00:07:11,721 --> 00:07:12,921 Speaker 4: are the opposite. 162 00:07:13,081 --> 00:07:16,881 Speaker 2: Oh, no, to your week off? What happens there? 163 00:07:17,281 --> 00:07:20,481 Speaker 4: Do we leave the night and channing armor and just 164 00:07:20,521 --> 00:07:22,361 Speaker 4: say we can't do that because I don't know, have 165 00:07:22,441 --> 00:07:25,761 Speaker 4: the week off, or do you, hypothetically speaking, take this 166 00:07:25,921 --> 00:07:28,841 Speaker 4: on board and then have no weeks off because you've 167 00:07:28,841 --> 00:07:30,601 Speaker 4: got one week with your kids and then one week. 168 00:07:30,841 --> 00:07:33,081 Speaker 1: But then you don't really want it to be fully 169 00:07:33,161 --> 00:07:35,801 Speaker 1: the other way around either, because then you're not actually 170 00:07:35,881 --> 00:07:37,721 Speaker 1: having quality time with your kids, because then you got 171 00:07:37,721 --> 00:07:40,321 Speaker 1: his kids as well, So it's like just the funk. 172 00:07:40,321 --> 00:07:42,841 Speaker 4: Cad you imagine if you mean this night and channing Ama, 173 00:07:43,281 --> 00:07:46,921 Speaker 4: he's got two kids. His week off is the week 174 00:07:46,921 --> 00:07:49,601 Speaker 4: that you have your kids. So then therefore you're got 175 00:07:49,681 --> 00:07:52,441 Speaker 4: your two kids one week, and then the next week 176 00:07:52,641 --> 00:07:53,721 Speaker 4: you're his kids. 177 00:07:53,801 --> 00:07:55,720 Speaker 2: Yeah, back to your kids. 178 00:07:55,601 --> 00:07:59,681 Speaker 3: Rachure, this is a very easy question to answer. If 179 00:07:59,681 --> 00:08:01,681 Speaker 3: he wants me, he comes on my week. 180 00:08:03,041 --> 00:08:05,361 Speaker 6: I mean, I've done enough therapy to put my self 181 00:08:05,401 --> 00:08:07,961 Speaker 6: first and stop accommodating other people. If I'm worth it, 182 00:08:07,961 --> 00:08:10,361 Speaker 6: he comes to my weeks, there is no chance on 183 00:08:10,401 --> 00:08:13,121 Speaker 6: God's green earth that I would have my kid and. 184 00:08:13,001 --> 00:08:19,641 Speaker 2: His kids okay, well yeah and be lining up the 185 00:08:19,681 --> 00:08:21,361 Speaker 2: divorce papers. 186 00:08:21,761 --> 00:08:23,961 Speaker 6: And I know you have to suffer through both of you, 187 00:08:24,121 --> 00:08:26,401 Speaker 6: through knowing me where I'm like, hey, let's go do 188 00:08:26,481 --> 00:08:27,121 Speaker 6: this this weekend. 189 00:08:27,161 --> 00:08:27,681 Speaker 3: And it's tough. 190 00:08:27,681 --> 00:08:28,441 Speaker 2: I feel for all of you. 191 00:08:28,681 --> 00:08:29,281 Speaker 3: I have to see it. 192 00:08:29,441 --> 00:08:32,001 Speaker 6: And don't get me wrong, like I'm looking forward to 193 00:08:32,161 --> 00:08:34,401 Speaker 6: having a great relationship at some point, but there is 194 00:08:34,441 --> 00:08:36,361 Speaker 6: a lot to be said, and I'm sure there's research 195 00:08:36,401 --> 00:08:40,161 Speaker 6: behind it where women, particularly getting into your forties finding 196 00:08:40,201 --> 00:08:42,241 Speaker 6: time for you. I think a lot of us go 197 00:08:42,321 --> 00:08:44,281 Speaker 6: through that with kids will be kind of lose ourselves 198 00:08:44,281 --> 00:08:46,281 Speaker 6: a bit and without having that time. 199 00:08:46,241 --> 00:08:48,601 Speaker 2: To your felt, you don't get it. 200 00:08:48,881 --> 00:08:49,601 Speaker 3: We like who am I? 201 00:08:49,641 --> 00:08:50,241 Speaker 2: What do I like? 202 00:08:50,281 --> 00:08:50,961 Speaker 3: What am I into? 203 00:08:51,161 --> 00:08:52,881 Speaker 6: Like, you know, when I make kids at a time, 204 00:08:52,921 --> 00:08:56,521 Speaker 6: it even though I've struggled to actually articulate all those things, 205 00:08:56,561 --> 00:08:58,761 Speaker 6: and so, yeah, it is a gift in that way. 206 00:08:58,921 --> 00:09:02,521 Speaker 2: And yeah, in so emotional space to be able to 207 00:09:02,601 --> 00:09:05,481 Speaker 2: open up those boxes that you might want to look at, 208 00:09:05,641 --> 00:09:09,041 Speaker 2: but you need time and availability of your brain to 209 00:09:09,081 --> 00:09:09,601 Speaker 2: be able. 210 00:09:09,441 --> 00:09:12,241 Speaker 4: To get there and that space, you know, minus children. 211 00:09:12,281 --> 00:09:14,641 Speaker 4: And that's not a negative reflection on the kids. That's 212 00:09:14,761 --> 00:09:17,961 Speaker 4: more so just showing that as a human being, you 213 00:09:18,041 --> 00:09:21,441 Speaker 4: do need that little bit of you time in order 214 00:09:21,481 --> 00:09:23,401 Speaker 4: to get to those places. 215 00:09:24,121 --> 00:09:26,281 Speaker 6: Yeah, and I would argue not completely, but like I 216 00:09:26,281 --> 00:09:28,521 Speaker 6: would challenge that people who heard the kids all the 217 00:09:28,561 --> 00:09:30,041 Speaker 6: time and be like, oh, how could you go a 218 00:09:30,041 --> 00:09:33,321 Speaker 6: week without them? Yeah, the dedicated time I spend with them, 219 00:09:33,361 --> 00:09:36,561 Speaker 6: Like last night we played two hours of Cludo, which 220 00:09:36,561 --> 00:09:37,921 Speaker 6: sounds like a nightmare for a lot of people, but 221 00:09:38,121 --> 00:09:40,481 Speaker 6: by light bool games, you know, it's like it's real time, 222 00:09:40,721 --> 00:09:42,641 Speaker 6: but it's just being in the same room as you 223 00:09:42,801 --> 00:09:45,001 Speaker 6: and being on my phone and being like I just 224 00:09:45,041 --> 00:09:47,361 Speaker 6: need to be distracted so I don't feel like my 225 00:09:47,441 --> 00:09:49,841 Speaker 6: kids are missing out. This in pretty pretty well rounded. 226 00:09:49,881 --> 00:09:51,961 Speaker 6: But can see but yeah. 227 00:09:51,641 --> 00:09:53,721 Speaker 1: I've heard that from some other friends as well, like 228 00:09:53,761 --> 00:09:57,001 Speaker 1: they're really really present for that week, and they also 229 00:09:57,161 --> 00:09:59,841 Speaker 1: like if there's an invite to something, they're like, no, 230 00:09:59,961 --> 00:10:03,641 Speaker 1: this is my kid week, so I'm not going to that. 231 00:10:03,681 --> 00:10:05,041 Speaker 3: Whereas I'm the same. 232 00:10:05,201 --> 00:10:07,841 Speaker 1: Like I got home from work yesterday and my kids 233 00:10:07,881 --> 00:10:09,841 Speaker 1: are like, oh, mom, you haven't seen us all day, 234 00:10:09,881 --> 00:10:11,401 Speaker 1: Like can you be a bit nicer because I've gone 235 00:10:11,441 --> 00:10:13,321 Speaker 1: straight in and going why is the house a mess? 236 00:10:13,361 --> 00:10:16,041 Speaker 1: Blah blah blah, couldn't even empty the dish or washer 237 00:10:16,321 --> 00:10:17,961 Speaker 1: And they're like, why have been so into us and 238 00:10:18,361 --> 00:10:20,201 Speaker 1: like you've only just seen us for the day, And 239 00:10:20,201 --> 00:10:21,681 Speaker 1: I'm like, I see you all the fucking time. 240 00:10:21,801 --> 00:10:24,481 Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, see time you don't give me a break. 241 00:10:24,561 --> 00:10:27,041 Speaker 3: The point, they're right, there's always tomorrow. I'll do it tomorrow. 242 00:10:27,081 --> 00:10:28,961 Speaker 6: I'll catch up them tomorrow, I'll hang out with them tomorrow. 243 00:10:29,201 --> 00:10:32,121 Speaker 6: Whereas I know I've got to define. You know, their 244 00:10:32,161 --> 00:10:34,161 Speaker 6: dad will come this afternoon and pick up the kids. 245 00:10:34,161 --> 00:10:36,281 Speaker 6: So I've worked faster and harder this morning, so I 246 00:10:36,321 --> 00:10:37,961 Speaker 6: can knock off early and we're gonna go playing mini. 247 00:10:37,841 --> 00:10:38,921 Speaker 3: Golf together this afternoon. 248 00:10:38,961 --> 00:10:40,641 Speaker 6: And then I hand them back and then I go 249 00:10:40,641 --> 00:10:42,681 Speaker 6: straight to a friend's house for a wine and then 250 00:10:42,681 --> 00:10:44,081 Speaker 6: I just go, you know, lie in bed and have 251 00:10:44,121 --> 00:10:47,641 Speaker 6: a sleep until did I mention the sleeping till nine? 252 00:10:47,801 --> 00:10:49,441 Speaker 2: If I want that, I think you've sold it. I 253 00:10:49,481 --> 00:10:50,281 Speaker 2: think you've sold it. 254 00:10:50,361 --> 00:10:52,160 Speaker 1: Yeah, let's all get divorced. 255 00:10:54,401 --> 00:10:58,241 Speaker 6: Please don't, but just go make time for yourself. Yeah, mum, 256 00:10:58,321 --> 00:10:58,841 Speaker 6: free time. 257 00:10:59,161 --> 00:11:01,841 Speaker 1: It's important, thank you, and just on the like just 258 00:11:01,881 --> 00:11:04,841 Speaker 1: going back to the beach reference just quickly, yes, taking 259 00:11:04,841 --> 00:11:08,481 Speaker 1: care to the beach, especially younger kids, fucking horrible. And 260 00:11:08,601 --> 00:11:11,681 Speaker 1: the amount of times I've laughed when I've looked down 261 00:11:11,761 --> 00:11:14,441 Speaker 1: at my bag and seen the book that I packed, 262 00:11:14,681 --> 00:11:17,321 Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, and kind of giggled it to myself, like 263 00:11:17,881 --> 00:11:19,481 Speaker 1: if you thought you were going to be sat. 264 00:11:19,361 --> 00:11:21,561 Speaker 2: Reading with me, I wait, you know what, don't even 265 00:11:21,601 --> 00:11:22,161 Speaker 2: worry about it. 266 00:11:22,201 --> 00:11:24,401 Speaker 4: I took a book and I carried it around in 267 00:11:24,441 --> 00:11:26,841 Speaker 4: my bag for four weeks on a holiday and I 268 00:11:26,881 --> 00:11:27,481 Speaker 4: didn't pick it. 269 00:11:27,481 --> 00:11:30,961 Speaker 2: Up fucking one. That's because what are you doing? You're 270 00:11:31,041 --> 00:11:35,521 Speaker 2: just managing your kids and people and anyway, don't get 271 00:11:35,521 --> 00:11:36,321 Speaker 2: me started. 272 00:11:36,001 --> 00:11:37,961 Speaker 6: On you know, I fell asleep on the beach for 273 00:11:38,001 --> 00:11:40,401 Speaker 6: the first time ever last weekend. 274 00:11:41,041 --> 00:11:42,401 Speaker 3: And it's because if. 275 00:11:42,241 --> 00:11:43,761 Speaker 6: You think about it as a parent of your kids, 276 00:11:43,761 --> 00:11:46,401 Speaker 6: you're worried they're gonna drown, right or yeah, we're worried 277 00:11:46,401 --> 00:11:46,881 Speaker 6: where they are. 278 00:11:47,001 --> 00:11:48,081 Speaker 3: Yeah, I just fell asleep. 279 00:11:48,361 --> 00:11:51,081 Speaker 4: Just just worried about yourself. Don't worry about your phone 280 00:11:51,121 --> 00:11:52,921 Speaker 4: getting so you don't have to worry about that. 281 00:11:52,921 --> 00:11:54,681 Speaker 1: I don't ever tell you the story about I took 282 00:11:54,681 --> 00:11:56,801 Speaker 1: the kids to the beach. It was the four of us, 283 00:11:56,841 --> 00:11:59,521 Speaker 1: the whole family went to the beach. We also took 284 00:11:59,521 --> 00:12:01,601 Speaker 1: the dog. It was a dog beach, and we sat 285 00:12:01,641 --> 00:12:03,881 Speaker 1: up one of those like little tents, you know, those little. 286 00:12:03,721 --> 00:12:06,521 Speaker 2: Like not a kabana half chick, Yeah, like a. 287 00:12:06,441 --> 00:12:10,001 Speaker 1: Little half half and it's got like a mesh window 288 00:12:10,041 --> 00:12:12,841 Speaker 1: at the back to let the airflow through. Anyway, the 289 00:12:12,881 --> 00:12:15,521 Speaker 1: kids were young, and it was NonStop. 290 00:12:15,121 --> 00:12:16,481 Speaker 2: I want to go in the water, and I want 291 00:12:16,521 --> 00:12:17,281 Speaker 2: to do this, I want to do. 292 00:12:17,201 --> 00:12:20,081 Speaker 1: That, And there was no break, like it was full on. 293 00:12:20,441 --> 00:12:23,601 Speaker 1: And there was one point where Jay, my husband, said, 294 00:12:23,721 --> 00:12:25,041 Speaker 1: I'm just gonna take them down to the water. 295 00:12:25,081 --> 00:12:26,401 Speaker 2: You just relax for a minute. 296 00:12:26,641 --> 00:12:29,681 Speaker 1: I have like laid back in the sand. I've got 297 00:12:29,681 --> 00:12:33,081 Speaker 1: my head in the kind of half tent shade thing, 298 00:12:33,721 --> 00:12:36,521 Speaker 1: and I'm thinking to myself, I've got five minutes tops here, 299 00:12:36,841 --> 00:12:38,961 Speaker 1: it's going to relax for five minutes. I'm going to 300 00:12:39,041 --> 00:12:44,841 Speaker 1: close my eyes. And as that happened five minutes tops right, 301 00:12:44,961 --> 00:12:49,361 Speaker 1: I've got five minutes. A dog came up to the 302 00:12:49,481 --> 00:12:54,481 Speaker 1: mesh window at the back of my half tent, cocked 303 00:12:54,521 --> 00:13:00,481 Speaker 1: its leg up and pissed through the window. I had 304 00:13:00,601 --> 00:13:01,881 Speaker 1: five minutes. 305 00:13:02,121 --> 00:13:08,481 Speaker 6: Wow, wow' a smashing the sad Dare you have five minutes. 306 00:13:08,841 --> 00:13:10,081 Speaker 1: Take the kids to the beach? 307 00:13:10,441 --> 00:13:10,521 Speaker 4: No? 308 00:13:10,641 --> 00:13:14,721 Speaker 1: Whatever? So yeah, that's what happens. So anyway, we're all 309 00:13:14,761 --> 00:13:15,881 Speaker 1: for divorce. 310 00:13:15,721 --> 00:13:19,401 Speaker 3: One week after and it wasn't about that, was it. 311 00:13:19,481 --> 00:13:22,561 Speaker 1: I don't doubt also, like for one second, because any 312 00:13:22,601 --> 00:13:24,801 Speaker 1: single moms that are listening, I don't doubt for one 313 00:13:24,841 --> 00:13:27,841 Speaker 1: second that that week on with your kids. I'm sure 314 00:13:27,881 --> 00:13:30,281 Speaker 1: that's really fucking hard sometimes, especially when you've got the 315 00:13:30,361 --> 00:13:33,201 Speaker 1: two of them and then having meltdowns and we have 316 00:13:33,321 --> 00:13:35,881 Speaker 1: the luxury of mum and dad being there to you know, 317 00:13:36,201 --> 00:13:38,921 Speaker 1: help out with that situation where you've got it all 318 00:13:39,121 --> 00:13:43,041 Speaker 1: on you solo. So I don't doubt for a second 319 00:13:43,041 --> 00:13:45,321 Speaker 1: that that's not not really hard. But I reckon the 320 00:13:45,441 --> 00:13:51,361 Speaker 1: takeaway piece for this is that whether you're co parenting 321 00:13:51,561 --> 00:13:54,081 Speaker 1: or whether you're you know, still married for the moment, 322 00:13:55,961 --> 00:14:00,001 Speaker 1: the takeaway piece I reckon is make time for yourself 323 00:14:00,641 --> 00:14:03,641 Speaker 1: and make sure you've booked stuff in that only you're 324 00:14:03,721 --> 00:14:07,001 Speaker 1: doing without kids, without your husband anybody else. 325 00:14:07,521 --> 00:14:10,081 Speaker 2: Fill your cup up, ye, feel it? Feel it? Feel 326 00:14:10,081 --> 00:14:12,641 Speaker 2: it well? Thank you? Yeah, thank you? 327 00:14:12,961 --> 00:14:14,401 Speaker 3: Not come join me my week off? 328 00:14:17,041 --> 00:14:17,441 Speaker 1: Thank you? 329 00:14:17,561 --> 00:14:18,481 Speaker 2: All right, bye bye. 330 00:14:18,561 --> 00:14:18,881 Speaker 6: Thanks. 331 00:14:19,681 --> 00:14:23,641 Speaker 1: So that brings us onto our second topic of this 332 00:14:23,721 --> 00:14:25,481 Speaker 1: particular episode, and that's orgasms. 333 00:14:25,521 --> 00:14:25,681 Speaker 2: Now. 334 00:14:25,721 --> 00:14:27,921 Speaker 1: I had a chat with her friend the other day 335 00:14:28,081 --> 00:14:30,521 Speaker 1: who has never had an orgasm. 336 00:14:30,921 --> 00:14:31,961 Speaker 2: I feel sad for her. 337 00:14:33,081 --> 00:14:35,601 Speaker 4: How many years are we talking like, I mean, someone 338 00:14:35,641 --> 00:14:37,881 Speaker 4: in their early twenties. If you were saying to me, 339 00:14:38,001 --> 00:14:40,761 Speaker 4: my friend, she's in her early twenties, she's never had 340 00:14:40,801 --> 00:14:41,961 Speaker 4: an orgasm. 341 00:14:41,641 --> 00:14:44,361 Speaker 2: I would go, Okay, I get it. 342 00:14:45,121 --> 00:14:47,321 Speaker 4: There's a lot of time that you maybe need to 343 00:14:47,361 --> 00:14:52,681 Speaker 4: spend in self exploration to understand what you like yourself 344 00:14:52,841 --> 00:14:56,081 Speaker 4: before then adding someone else into the mix as well. 345 00:14:56,361 --> 00:15:00,841 Speaker 2: But like, that's a long time of unpleasurable sex. 346 00:15:01,161 --> 00:15:04,721 Speaker 1: Yeah, I think there's an element of being comfortable with 347 00:15:04,721 --> 00:15:07,521 Speaker 1: your own bodied Remember you know about this, but remember 348 00:15:07,561 --> 00:15:08,721 Speaker 1: I used to have a sex pillow. 349 00:15:09,241 --> 00:15:13,641 Speaker 2: So I can't believe you're bringing this up already. This 350 00:15:13,721 --> 00:15:15,441 Speaker 2: is yes, yes, you did. 351 00:15:15,361 --> 00:15:18,721 Speaker 1: So because I didn't want and this is even my husband, 352 00:15:18,761 --> 00:15:20,481 Speaker 1: I didn't want him to see my. 353 00:15:20,641 --> 00:15:23,801 Speaker 2: Face no viewing. It was a no viewing. 354 00:15:23,961 --> 00:15:26,361 Speaker 1: I was real self conscious about it. It was like, 355 00:15:26,441 --> 00:15:29,361 Speaker 1: so I'd put a pillow in front, whereas a lot 356 00:15:29,401 --> 00:15:32,161 Speaker 1: of people find that a turn on the face, like oh. 357 00:15:32,121 --> 00:15:34,161 Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, I thought you meant the pillow And I 358 00:15:34,201 --> 00:15:39,001 Speaker 2: was like, okay, yeah, let's go there. We're going into 359 00:15:39,001 --> 00:15:42,601 Speaker 2: a different world. Yeah, I've like I think maybe with 360 00:15:42,721 --> 00:15:46,801 Speaker 2: it comes a level of confidence within yourself sexually that 361 00:15:46,881 --> 00:15:50,521 Speaker 2: you can then feel like you can express your facial 362 00:15:51,081 --> 00:15:54,681 Speaker 2: expressions as well as everything else. There was a stage 363 00:15:54,721 --> 00:15:56,001 Speaker 2: maybe that I went. 364 00:15:55,921 --> 00:15:59,401 Speaker 4: Through where I was like, it's easier to like, you know, 365 00:15:59,521 --> 00:16:03,201 Speaker 4: surely you don't want to see the ugly orgasm face 366 00:16:04,321 --> 00:16:07,481 Speaker 4: over if you had a pillow over your face kind 367 00:16:07,481 --> 00:16:08,161 Speaker 4: of thing. It was. 368 00:16:09,321 --> 00:16:10,801 Speaker 1: I thought you were going to say that you did 369 00:16:10,921 --> 00:16:14,041 Speaker 1: like a bit of acting like you put on it. 370 00:16:14,641 --> 00:16:18,201 Speaker 2: No, you can't tell me something. 371 00:16:18,281 --> 00:16:21,241 Speaker 4: I mean, a porn expert, but then are they really orgasming? 372 00:16:21,521 --> 00:16:26,081 Speaker 2: But like, porn is not real, porn is not reality. 373 00:16:26,161 --> 00:16:29,721 Speaker 2: We shouldn't even like be basing any of your own 374 00:16:29,841 --> 00:16:32,161 Speaker 2: sexual acts off of porn because it's not for me. 375 00:16:32,521 --> 00:16:35,041 Speaker 2: In my personal opinion, I look at that and go, 376 00:16:35,441 --> 00:16:38,441 Speaker 2: it's not real. No, like, and most of the time 377 00:16:38,481 --> 00:16:42,121 Speaker 2: it's very you know, one sided to one gender. But 378 00:16:42,121 --> 00:16:44,001 Speaker 2: we're not going to go down that. That's not the topic. 379 00:16:44,241 --> 00:16:45,721 Speaker 2: Let's go back to your friend. 380 00:16:46,081 --> 00:16:50,321 Speaker 4: I feel for her that she hasn't had that point 381 00:16:50,361 --> 00:16:53,921 Speaker 4: in a relationship where she feels comfortable enough to completely 382 00:16:54,641 --> 00:16:55,681 Speaker 4: let go of control. 383 00:16:55,961 --> 00:16:58,281 Speaker 1: Do you know what I would suggest? First of all, 384 00:16:58,401 --> 00:17:01,201 Speaker 1: like I am not a sex expert by any means, 385 00:17:01,241 --> 00:17:05,600 Speaker 1: but I would probably suggest a bit of like exploring 386 00:17:05,641 --> 00:17:08,160 Speaker 1: your own bodies, yeah, doing it by yourself. 387 00:17:08,281 --> 00:17:08,761 Speaker 6: Yeah. 388 00:17:08,881 --> 00:17:11,600 Speaker 4: First my question to her would be, why hasn't she 389 00:17:12,160 --> 00:17:16,840 Speaker 4: explored just herself self exploration solo. 390 00:17:17,281 --> 00:17:20,041 Speaker 1: Have you heard of those like crystal ones? Yeah, so 391 00:17:20,120 --> 00:17:22,761 Speaker 1: we all know what vibrators are and things like that, 392 00:17:22,801 --> 00:17:25,321 Speaker 1: but they're like rose quarts. 393 00:17:25,521 --> 00:17:26,641 Speaker 2: It's like a crystal one. 394 00:17:26,840 --> 00:17:30,321 Speaker 1: Yeah, Like it's crystal so it's like hard. Yeah, because 395 00:17:30,360 --> 00:17:32,561 Speaker 1: it's all the energy of the crystal. 396 00:17:32,880 --> 00:17:35,640 Speaker 4: Yeah, no, I read into it. I read into a 397 00:17:35,681 --> 00:17:38,321 Speaker 4: lot about it. There's one particular podcast that I listened to, 398 00:17:38,561 --> 00:17:41,481 Speaker 4: and I think she has her own that she sells, 399 00:17:41,840 --> 00:17:44,121 Speaker 4: and she's an amazing human being. 400 00:17:44,201 --> 00:17:47,161 Speaker 2: She's elsy as well. She talks about it as well. 401 00:17:47,160 --> 00:17:50,600 Speaker 4: But it is to do energetically with it and then 402 00:17:50,761 --> 00:17:52,961 Speaker 4: your body aligning to the energy of it. 403 00:17:53,041 --> 00:17:54,161 Speaker 2: Is that right? Yeah? 404 00:17:54,201 --> 00:17:56,121 Speaker 1: Well, I've got a friend that did it. She did 405 00:17:56,120 --> 00:17:59,200 Speaker 1: the whole thing candles On. I think she had like 406 00:17:59,321 --> 00:18:03,840 Speaker 1: nice body oils to massage and she used the crystal 407 00:18:04,640 --> 00:18:07,001 Speaker 1: and and she said by the end of it, she 408 00:18:07,120 --> 00:18:12,241 Speaker 1: was crying, okay because it was such an overwhelming that's headspace. 409 00:18:12,521 --> 00:18:14,680 Speaker 1: Like you've got to be able to really get in 410 00:18:14,761 --> 00:18:17,880 Speaker 1: that zone, Like you can't have your like worried that 411 00:18:18,001 --> 00:18:20,321 Speaker 1: a child's going to walk in or you know, you 412 00:18:20,441 --> 00:18:22,440 Speaker 1: have to be Yeah, well. 413 00:18:22,360 --> 00:18:26,001 Speaker 4: Yeah that would be on your week off you'll let go, Yeah, yeah, 414 00:18:26,041 --> 00:18:26,441 Speaker 4: you would. 415 00:18:26,600 --> 00:18:28,640 Speaker 2: And you think about, like if you were. 416 00:18:28,561 --> 00:18:32,561 Speaker 4: To break down what an orgasm is emotionally, we know 417 00:18:32,681 --> 00:18:35,480 Speaker 4: what an orgasm is physically. We know that it's like 418 00:18:35,600 --> 00:18:38,360 Speaker 4: the blood and the rush and this and that, like 419 00:18:38,400 --> 00:18:40,920 Speaker 4: we know physically what it feels like, I mean some 420 00:18:40,961 --> 00:18:43,921 Speaker 4: of us, not everyone. So then you start to tap 421 00:18:43,961 --> 00:18:48,041 Speaker 4: in emotionally what an orgasm means and how that is 422 00:18:48,160 --> 00:18:50,080 Speaker 4: for some people, and that's where it leads you down 423 00:18:50,201 --> 00:18:52,720 Speaker 4: these different experiences, kind of like your friend with the 424 00:18:52,721 --> 00:18:56,241 Speaker 4: emotional release of crying, and then you know, like your 425 00:18:56,241 --> 00:18:59,241 Speaker 4: other friend that has never had one. That's where I 426 00:18:59,281 --> 00:19:02,721 Speaker 4: would go emotionally, what is blocking you to be able 427 00:19:02,761 --> 00:19:05,680 Speaker 4: to feel comfortable enough in all order for you to 428 00:19:05,801 --> 00:19:09,801 Speaker 4: let go of that control to feel that experience. We 429 00:19:09,840 --> 00:19:11,200 Speaker 4: can sit here and make a joke out of it 430 00:19:11,241 --> 00:19:12,920 Speaker 4: and go like, you know, you've got a sex pillow 431 00:19:12,961 --> 00:19:16,401 Speaker 4: for your face, and like everyone's got different things. 432 00:19:16,080 --> 00:19:18,721 Speaker 2: That they love and don't love in the. 433 00:19:18,681 --> 00:19:21,681 Speaker 4: Bedroom and like fetishes, and like we could go everywhere 434 00:19:21,681 --> 00:19:21,960 Speaker 4: with this. 435 00:19:22,120 --> 00:19:24,281 Speaker 2: But going back to your friend, I feel for her. 436 00:19:24,321 --> 00:19:27,080 Speaker 2: I think that there's so much availability now if you 437 00:19:27,120 --> 00:19:28,400 Speaker 2: want to read about it. 438 00:19:28,521 --> 00:19:32,001 Speaker 4: There's so much content around it. There's so many specialists out. 439 00:19:31,840 --> 00:19:32,920 Speaker 2: There, sex specialists. 440 00:19:32,961 --> 00:19:36,600 Speaker 1: Now, what about is it massage? 441 00:19:36,681 --> 00:19:38,041 Speaker 2: You can go and explore that. 442 00:19:38,241 --> 00:19:38,920 Speaker 1: Have you done that? 443 00:19:39,201 --> 00:19:39,401 Speaker 2: No? 444 00:19:39,681 --> 00:19:42,120 Speaker 1: You know that message? Like I don't know too much 445 00:19:42,160 --> 00:19:44,400 Speaker 1: about it, so correct me if I'm wrong. But it's 446 00:19:44,481 --> 00:19:50,440 Speaker 1: somebody an expert and they massage your vadina like inside. 447 00:19:51,281 --> 00:19:55,761 Speaker 4: Yeah, so I think, but apparently I don't know how 448 00:19:55,840 --> 00:19:58,440 Speaker 4: long you want to or not sexual No, no. 449 00:19:58,281 --> 00:19:58,801 Speaker 2: No, it's not. 450 00:19:58,961 --> 00:20:02,440 Speaker 4: It's like, is exploration the right word. I'm unsure, but 451 00:20:02,561 --> 00:20:09,761 Speaker 4: it is like untapping any blockages emotionally maybe holding you 452 00:20:09,801 --> 00:20:13,680 Speaker 4: back from certain things. So for people listening, I think 453 00:20:13,840 --> 00:20:15,561 Speaker 4: there's a part to it that they can help you 454 00:20:15,640 --> 00:20:20,600 Speaker 4: release maybe trauma if you've had sexual trauma, and that 455 00:20:20,640 --> 00:20:22,961 Speaker 4: doesn't have to mean that something has happened to you, 456 00:20:23,201 --> 00:20:25,801 Speaker 4: like it could mean that you've had a really bad 457 00:20:26,120 --> 00:20:30,561 Speaker 4: birth experience with children and it's left you know, your 458 00:20:31,281 --> 00:20:34,241 Speaker 4: vagina feeling really like it's out of sorts and it's 459 00:20:34,281 --> 00:20:35,121 Speaker 4: all traumatized. 460 00:20:35,201 --> 00:20:37,240 Speaker 2: You know, Like there are so many different ways to 461 00:20:37,281 --> 00:20:38,001 Speaker 2: look at it. 462 00:20:37,840 --> 00:20:41,761 Speaker 1: Sexual traumas, even like if you think as a teenager 463 00:20:41,921 --> 00:20:44,281 Speaker 1: early twenties, we've all had sex with people that we 464 00:20:44,321 --> 00:20:48,241 Speaker 1: don't really want or even married. We've all gone, oh yeah, 465 00:20:48,321 --> 00:20:50,920 Speaker 1: it's you know, second Tuesday of the month probably should 466 00:20:52,041 --> 00:20:53,241 Speaker 1: like we've all had. 467 00:20:53,241 --> 00:20:56,720 Speaker 2: I think, yeah, me personally, I've had so many injuries 468 00:20:57,281 --> 00:21:01,960 Speaker 2: to my tailbone that then that's affected certain things you know, 469 00:21:02,001 --> 00:21:06,401 Speaker 2: for my pelvic region from sport, from sport, from horse riding, 470 00:21:06,600 --> 00:21:09,640 Speaker 2: from falling out of a tree. So then that in 471 00:21:09,721 --> 00:21:12,840 Speaker 2: my later years, especially after children, I've had to go 472 00:21:12,880 --> 00:21:16,521 Speaker 2: and do some like internal work myself. Not the massage, 473 00:21:16,600 --> 00:21:20,041 Speaker 2: the Yeny massage, but like that is from my like 474 00:21:20,201 --> 00:21:23,161 Speaker 2: it was like not one injury, it was like three 475 00:21:23,241 --> 00:21:25,640 Speaker 2: or four of the same thing to that area, I guess. 476 00:21:25,880 --> 00:21:27,441 Speaker 2: And so then leads you down. 477 00:21:27,241 --> 00:21:29,281 Speaker 4: That track of going like, oh my gosh, like why 478 00:21:29,360 --> 00:21:30,681 Speaker 4: is sex unpleasurable? 479 00:21:30,801 --> 00:21:32,801 Speaker 2: Like why is sex painful? 480 00:21:33,041 --> 00:21:36,281 Speaker 4: Like there's so many other things that could be holding 481 00:21:36,321 --> 00:21:39,321 Speaker 4: your friend back from orgasming as well. There's so much there, 482 00:21:39,360 --> 00:21:41,880 Speaker 4: But there is also so many people out there that 483 00:21:41,921 --> 00:21:45,080 Speaker 4: can help now because there's like women's physiotherapists, Like there's 484 00:21:45,120 --> 00:21:50,920 Speaker 4: a Yuni massage, there's women's specialist just around sex and 485 00:21:51,041 --> 00:21:54,640 Speaker 4: pleasure and understanding that you're allowed to use it as 486 00:21:54,681 --> 00:21:57,601 Speaker 4: a pleasurable state, not just the state where you have 487 00:21:57,681 --> 00:21:59,321 Speaker 4: to do something for somebody else. 488 00:21:59,441 --> 00:22:01,961 Speaker 1: And yeah, and I feel like our age group as 489 00:22:02,001 --> 00:22:06,600 Speaker 1: well has grown up in a world then where it 490 00:22:06,801 --> 00:22:10,321 Speaker 1: wasn't always okay to not that it wasn't okay to 491 00:22:10,400 --> 00:22:12,721 Speaker 1: talk about it, but it just wasn't really a thing, 492 00:22:12,761 --> 00:22:14,960 Speaker 1: like you didn't really talk about I mean, we all, like, 493 00:22:15,521 --> 00:22:18,001 Speaker 1: you know, we're millennials, we all slept around a bit, 494 00:22:21,561 --> 00:22:24,600 Speaker 1: you know. I've talked many a time about being fingered 495 00:22:24,600 --> 00:22:30,561 Speaker 1: in a phone party like that shit all happened, Like, yeah, 496 00:22:30,561 --> 00:22:33,041 Speaker 1: it's okay to talk about that stuff now, and it's 497 00:22:33,080 --> 00:22:35,480 Speaker 1: o now. You feel like there used to be so 498 00:22:35,561 --> 00:22:38,521 Speaker 1: much shame around things like that. I talk about being 499 00:22:38,561 --> 00:22:40,480 Speaker 1: fingered in a phone party now, I would not have 500 00:22:40,521 --> 00:22:41,481 Speaker 1: talked about it back then. 501 00:22:41,600 --> 00:22:42,160 Speaker 2: At the time. 502 00:22:42,321 --> 00:22:45,000 Speaker 1: No, it was a feeling of, oh, you're a bit 503 00:22:45,041 --> 00:22:45,880 Speaker 1: of a slut, you know. 504 00:22:46,201 --> 00:22:48,521 Speaker 2: But I think that's a stigma between women and men, 505 00:22:48,801 --> 00:22:52,121 Speaker 2: the whole idea of going like women don't and maybe 506 00:22:52,321 --> 00:22:55,720 Speaker 2: just like let's say, when we were more sexually active 507 00:22:56,001 --> 00:22:58,721 Speaker 2: than we are now, you didn't. 508 00:22:58,400 --> 00:23:01,961 Speaker 4: Say anything because you were going to be branded as 509 00:23:02,120 --> 00:23:06,121 Speaker 4: that because straight away we were like if women did it, 510 00:23:06,360 --> 00:23:08,521 Speaker 4: you were labeled if men did it? 511 00:23:08,761 --> 00:23:11,121 Speaker 2: High five. Yeah, I have to agree with you. There 512 00:23:11,160 --> 00:23:15,121 Speaker 2: was so much stigma around if you were highly sexually active. 513 00:23:15,321 --> 00:23:18,441 Speaker 4: Yeah, how it was negatively viewed on women more so 514 00:23:18,481 --> 00:23:19,121 Speaker 4: than men. 515 00:23:19,360 --> 00:23:23,080 Speaker 1: And also negatively viewed in your own mind too, because 516 00:23:23,481 --> 00:23:25,121 Speaker 1: you kind of gave yourself a little. 517 00:23:24,921 --> 00:23:27,481 Speaker 4: Bit you knew, but they didn't see it around you, 518 00:23:27,600 --> 00:23:29,561 Speaker 4: like I didn't grow up seeing it around me of 519 00:23:29,600 --> 00:23:33,401 Speaker 4: like promiscuous women. Yeah, you know, like even like us 520 00:23:33,441 --> 00:23:35,880 Speaker 4: just talking about it now, sitting around talking about how 521 00:23:35,921 --> 00:23:37,041 Speaker 4: I never saw that. 522 00:23:37,160 --> 00:23:39,801 Speaker 2: I grew up listening to Sultan Pepper and TLC. I 523 00:23:39,840 --> 00:23:43,441 Speaker 2: think they sang about it, but if it was. 524 00:23:43,521 --> 00:23:48,001 Speaker 1: Now going back to my teenage early twenties self, yeah, 525 00:23:48,041 --> 00:23:51,360 Speaker 1: and the shame around thinking, oh, you're rid of a slut. 526 00:23:51,441 --> 00:23:52,920 Speaker 1: Like I remember I had a book I used to 527 00:23:52,921 --> 00:23:54,840 Speaker 1: write down how many people had slept with I think 528 00:23:55,761 --> 00:24:01,121 Speaker 1: I did that one stopped, but there was shame around that, 529 00:24:01,160 --> 00:24:04,041 Speaker 1: Like you didn't really say that out loud, Whereas I 530 00:24:04,080 --> 00:24:07,041 Speaker 1: think if that was, if that was me now, i'd 531 00:24:07,080 --> 00:24:07,880 Speaker 1: go good on you. 532 00:24:07,921 --> 00:24:10,321 Speaker 2: As long as you're saying, yeah, we're. 533 00:24:10,360 --> 00:24:13,201 Speaker 1: Doing it because you want to and you're enjoying it, Yeah, 534 00:24:13,321 --> 00:24:16,640 Speaker 1: then why not? Yeah, I mean, I'm not promoting Bonnie 535 00:24:16,681 --> 00:24:18,200 Speaker 1: Blue kind of vibes. 536 00:24:19,880 --> 00:24:22,000 Speaker 2: Still mind blowing. I was like, if she hits us 537 00:24:22,120 --> 00:24:24,360 Speaker 2: up to speak on this podcast, I still have so 538 00:24:24,400 --> 00:24:24,960 Speaker 2: many questions. 539 00:24:25,001 --> 00:24:27,201 Speaker 1: Oh, I mean, if she enjoys it, good on her. 540 00:24:27,241 --> 00:24:30,120 Speaker 2: But really, really, you're not enjoying it. You're just cashing 541 00:24:30,120 --> 00:24:31,360 Speaker 2: down some chicks. 542 00:24:31,041 --> 00:24:33,681 Speaker 1: At some point. The nine hundred and ninety ninth guy, 543 00:24:34,120 --> 00:24:35,080 Speaker 1: you gotta be sore. 544 00:24:36,201 --> 00:24:38,521 Speaker 4: There's so many questions going back to your friend. I 545 00:24:38,600 --> 00:24:41,441 Speaker 4: just hope that she gets on board with herself. This 546 00:24:41,481 --> 00:24:44,041 Speaker 4: is the other question you can ask her is like, 547 00:24:44,201 --> 00:24:47,161 Speaker 4: would she know if she was having an orgasm then 548 00:24:47,521 --> 00:24:49,161 Speaker 4: if she's never experienced one? 549 00:24:49,360 --> 00:24:52,120 Speaker 1: Oh, I think you would. I remember being a teenager 550 00:24:52,321 --> 00:24:57,921 Speaker 1: and I remember being in a swimming pool, and I 551 00:24:58,001 --> 00:25:02,481 Speaker 1: remember I've never told anyone this, right, I was out 552 00:25:02,521 --> 00:25:06,281 Speaker 1: of my depth and I was like treading water. Yeah, 553 00:25:06,321 --> 00:25:09,201 Speaker 1: but I was doing it so vigorously with my legs 554 00:25:09,400 --> 00:25:12,241 Speaker 1: that I started to get a little bit of a twinge. 555 00:25:13,120 --> 00:25:16,961 Speaker 1: And I remember the time thinking, oh, what's that same 556 00:25:17,001 --> 00:25:18,561 Speaker 1: as when I go to the gym now when I 557 00:25:18,640 --> 00:25:19,761 Speaker 1: do the leg raisers. 558 00:25:20,001 --> 00:25:24,080 Speaker 4: Yeah, you've definitely got some connection to leg raisers or 559 00:25:24,160 --> 00:25:27,080 Speaker 4: knees to chest kind of vibe going on, Yeah. 560 00:25:27,001 --> 00:25:30,321 Speaker 1: Leg raisers definitely, Like I have a lovely time tried. 561 00:25:30,521 --> 00:25:33,360 Speaker 4: I've gone to the gym many of times and tried 562 00:25:33,360 --> 00:25:35,961 Speaker 4: the leg raisers and I get nothing. 563 00:25:36,201 --> 00:25:37,321 Speaker 1: Well, I feel sad for you. 564 00:25:37,400 --> 00:25:40,001 Speaker 4: I feel sad for myself because I would love my 565 00:25:40,160 --> 00:25:42,480 Speaker 4: gym experience to be exactly that. 566 00:25:43,041 --> 00:25:47,881 Speaker 1: I look around the gym, like, does anyone know? Does 567 00:25:47,921 --> 00:25:54,840 Speaker 1: anyone notice this? I think the future episode of the podcast, 568 00:25:55,281 --> 00:25:57,801 Speaker 1: we need to go and get a Yoni message. 569 00:25:57,961 --> 00:26:00,641 Speaker 2: Oh my, go a report back. Okay, I'll look forward 570 00:26:00,681 --> 00:26:01,241 Speaker 2: to your report