WEBVTT - Opening Up About My Personal Life 0:00:04.200 --> 0:00:07.240 Hi, I'm Britney Saunders and welcome to Big Business, the 0:00:07.320 --> 0:00:10.200 place where business is far from boring. And today I'm 0:00:10.240 --> 0:00:13.920 recording on gadigal Land. Now I somehow manage to build 0:00:13.960 --> 0:00:17.000 an empire from the garage underneath my house, and I'm 0:00:17.040 --> 0:00:19.160 here to share it all with you, from the winds, 0:00:19.560 --> 0:00:23.880 the losses, the huge mistakes, the challenging times and funny 0:00:23.880 --> 0:00:27.320 moments in between. So whether you're in business already, you're 0:00:27.360 --> 0:00:29.520 not in the game at all, or if you simply 0:00:29.560 --> 0:00:31.960 just want to hear the tea or get some inspiration, 0:00:32.360 --> 0:00:35.320 this is the podcast for you. Now. Speaking of tea, 0:00:36.080 --> 0:00:40.200 I'm switching things up in this episode, and I mean, 0:00:40.760 --> 0:00:42.879 I guess you could say I'm spilling the tea on 0:00:42.960 --> 0:00:45.199 my life, but I have a lot of things to 0:00:45.280 --> 0:00:49.080 say about that, and I almost feel like this episode 0:00:49.120 --> 0:00:51.080 is going to be a form of therapy for me. 0:00:51.800 --> 0:00:54.600 And I've got producer Xander in the studio. You may 0:00:54.680 --> 0:00:57.640 jump in if you feel needed, but I'm going to 0:00:57.640 --> 0:01:02.000 be talking about my personal life. And I was inspired 0:01:02.000 --> 0:01:04.880 to make this episode by a DM that I got 0:01:04.959 --> 0:01:08.520 from someone, so I thought I would start by reading 0:01:08.560 --> 0:01:10.720 out the message. So this kind of makes sense and 0:01:10.760 --> 0:01:13.360 then we'll get into it. I'm honestly kind of scared 0:01:13.360 --> 0:01:18.120 to do this episode the nurse, So shout out to 0:01:18.120 --> 0:01:20.760 Stephanie for sending me this DM on my Big Business 0:01:20.800 --> 0:01:25.360 Podcast Instagram page. Hey, loving the podcast. I'm so curious 0:01:25.400 --> 0:01:28.399 about your upbringing. In one of your podcast episodes, you 0:01:28.480 --> 0:01:30.600 talk about how your mum was like, I don't care 0:01:30.640 --> 0:01:32.440 if you go to school or not. See if I care, 0:01:32.880 --> 0:01:35.600 And I'm just curious about if your family are also 0:01:35.680 --> 0:01:38.480 in business or what their background is. I find it 0:01:38.520 --> 0:01:42.120 interesting both ways if someone either has come from smart 0:01:42.120 --> 0:01:44.840 parents who can pass on the wisdom or even just 0:01:44.920 --> 0:01:49.160 confident parents who really instill confidence, or I also find 0:01:49.160 --> 0:01:51.480 it interesting on the other end, if someone has come 0:01:51.520 --> 0:01:54.760 from parents with not a lot of knowledge around making money, 0:01:55.040 --> 0:01:57.920 or who's like my mum and themselves are extremely not 0:01:58.080 --> 0:02:01.480 confident people and can be negative. Just would love to 0:02:01.520 --> 0:02:03.720 know more about that in an episode if it happened 0:02:03.720 --> 0:02:06.960 to fit into one. Thanks for the knowledge you're passing on. 0:02:07.400 --> 0:02:10.400 Love it. Thank you so much, Stephanie. I saw this 0:02:10.560 --> 0:02:14.720 DM and I thought that's a perfect topic for a podcast. 0:02:15.000 --> 0:02:19.280 I would love to talk about this because I often 0:02:19.520 --> 0:02:23.600 think and have thought so many times how interesting it is, 0:02:24.160 --> 0:02:27.079 how differently we are obviously all brought up, and then 0:02:27.200 --> 0:02:31.240 how that plays into, I guess essentially shaping us into 0:02:31.280 --> 0:02:34.520 who we are as adults. And I think the way 0:02:34.560 --> 0:02:36.800 that I have been brought up by both of my 0:02:36.960 --> 0:02:40.920 parents definitely and obviously has shaped me into who I 0:02:40.960 --> 0:02:43.880 am today. And I think that applies to every single 0:02:43.880 --> 0:02:45.839 one of us. We are shaped by the people who 0:02:45.919 --> 0:02:49.519 raise us. But in my case, I would say it's 0:02:49.639 --> 0:02:52.600 not in the way that you would think, and I 0:02:52.639 --> 0:02:56.000 think it's worth talking about. But in the same breath, 0:02:56.520 --> 0:02:59.800 you know, I'm always talking about personal branding and you know, 0:03:00.120 --> 0:03:02.960 making content online about your life, personal brand this and that. 0:03:03.320 --> 0:03:06.480 But over the years, especially since my YouTube days, I 0:03:06.520 --> 0:03:11.000 have become more and more private in a sense where 0:03:11.040 --> 0:03:14.639 I don't really talk about my feelings online or anything 0:03:14.680 --> 0:03:17.680 that's happening in my personal life really. You know. I 0:03:17.720 --> 0:03:20.640 share bits and bobs on my Instagram story about my 0:03:20.720 --> 0:03:24.440 house and aj but that's really all anyone ever sees. 0:03:24.560 --> 0:03:28.160 And I think as I've gotten older, I have become 0:03:28.200 --> 0:03:31.720 a little more private and mindful of the personal things 0:03:31.720 --> 0:03:34.600 that I share online. And I don't know if that's 0:03:34.639 --> 0:03:37.560 like a maturity thing or just wanting a bit of privacy. 0:03:37.640 --> 0:03:41.360 But I definitely don't see my life being a topic 0:03:41.720 --> 0:03:45.200 of gossip. But I just read that message and felt 0:03:45.200 --> 0:03:49.440 compelled to, I guess, talk about my family and the 0:03:49.440 --> 0:03:51.520 way that I was brought up and why I think 0:03:51.640 --> 0:03:53.720 I am the way that I am today. I want 0:03:53.720 --> 0:03:57.600 to start out this episode with a disclaimer or an acknowledgment, 0:03:57.600 --> 0:03:58.920 which I feel like I do in a lot of 0:03:58.960 --> 0:04:02.440 my episodes, to whoever is listening to this podcast. If 0:04:02.480 --> 0:04:04.520 you are in my life or part of my family, 0:04:05.240 --> 0:04:08.680 listen at your own risk. I'm not making this episode 0:04:09.080 --> 0:04:12.880 to shame anyone or make anyone look bad, because I 0:04:12.920 --> 0:04:16.320 know everyone has their own issues. This is essentially just 0:04:16.440 --> 0:04:21.320 me talking about my experience and my upbringing and my childhood. 0:04:21.560 --> 0:04:24.720 Because who knows who's listening to this bloody podcast, And 0:04:24.920 --> 0:04:27.240 even though this is online and it almost doesn't feel real, 0:04:27.360 --> 0:04:29.680 I'm sure there's people that know me personally that will 0:04:29.680 --> 0:04:33.080 probably listen to this. So to put it in a nutshell, 0:04:33.240 --> 0:04:36.039 I have both of my parents to thank for who 0:04:36.040 --> 0:04:41.239 I am today one hundred percent. But it's not in 0:04:41.440 --> 0:04:44.320 a positive way. And I hate to say this, but 0:04:44.360 --> 0:04:47.400 it's not in a way where and I wish it was, 0:04:47.440 --> 0:04:49.520 but I wish I could be saying I'm so thankful 0:04:49.520 --> 0:04:51.440 for the person that I am today because my parents 0:04:51.480 --> 0:04:54.400 have raised me to be who I am today. They 0:04:54.440 --> 0:04:58.360 have guided me and led me and supported me. It's 0:04:58.440 --> 0:05:02.080 actually the complete opposite. It's the other end of the scale. 0:05:02.440 --> 0:05:06.200 But I'm still thankful because hand on heart, I can 0:05:06.240 --> 0:05:09.760 say my parents have taught me everything I don't want 0:05:09.800 --> 0:05:13.760 to be in a person everything. I do want to 0:05:13.800 --> 0:05:17.800 say as well that I have a lot to be 0:05:17.920 --> 0:05:20.800 grateful for in my life. I personally think that I 0:05:20.880 --> 0:05:25.040 have the most amazing life. Even though I have things 0:05:25.040 --> 0:05:27.000 missing in my life and I feel like there's parts 0:05:27.000 --> 0:05:29.880 of my life that I wish I had better. I 0:05:29.960 --> 0:05:33.400 do have an amazing life, and I've definitely learned since 0:05:33.440 --> 0:05:35.360 I was a kid that you can pick and choose 0:05:35.360 --> 0:05:37.000 who your family are. I know some people say that 0:05:37.040 --> 0:05:39.359 you can't, like you can't pick your family. Ah, in 0:05:39.400 --> 0:05:42.560 my experience, you absolutely can. And I know that I 0:05:42.600 --> 0:05:45.719 am privilege and have this wonderful life. But I will 0:05:45.720 --> 0:05:47.640 say the one thing that I feel like I am 0:05:47.720 --> 0:05:50.960 missing in my life now and have missed my whole life. 0:05:50.960 --> 0:05:54.960 If I'm being honest or majority of it is awesome 0:05:55.040 --> 0:05:58.240 parents that I can share my successes with and the 0:05:58.279 --> 0:06:01.320 success of Fate with. I do want to address one thing, 0:06:01.720 --> 0:06:04.359 a comment that I've been getting a lot lately, and 0:06:04.400 --> 0:06:06.120 I'm not going to go into detail about it, but 0:06:06.160 --> 0:06:08.599 I have had a lot of people ask me where 0:06:08.720 --> 0:06:11.159 is Chaz Who is my mum? As a lot of 0:06:11.160 --> 0:06:14.359 you would know, she was an employee of Fate and 0:06:14.400 --> 0:06:16.760 would show up on our social media every now and 0:06:16.839 --> 0:06:19.359 then in our reels and tiktoks and stuff. I just 0:06:19.400 --> 0:06:22.240 want to put it out there. As of last year, 0:06:22.440 --> 0:06:27.159 she's no longer working at Fate, and disappointingly, she's not 0:06:27.200 --> 0:06:29.960 in my life either. And that's all I'm going to 0:06:30.000 --> 0:06:32.240 say on that. It's not the business of everyone to 0:06:32.279 --> 0:06:34.159 know what happened or anything like that. You know, you 0:06:34.200 --> 0:06:37.080 can keep things private, and that is really kind of 0:06:37.080 --> 0:06:40.680 a business and personal thing for me. I am extremely disappointed, 0:06:41.120 --> 0:06:43.479 but this isn't the first time that I have been 0:06:43.480 --> 0:06:47.359 in no contact with her, and I'm not surprised at 0:06:47.400 --> 0:06:48.440 the end of the day. And that's all I'm going 0:06:48.520 --> 0:06:51.360 to say about that, because it isn't really a topic 0:06:51.400 --> 0:06:54.760 of gossip. So let's take it back to my childhood. Now, 0:06:54.880 --> 0:06:58.160 this is stuff that I have spoken about on YouTube 0:06:58.200 --> 0:07:01.159 many many years ago. I opened up about my relationship 0:07:01.240 --> 0:07:03.680 with my dad and at the time a lot of 0:07:03.680 --> 0:07:07.760 people resonated with that. So I know not all of 0:07:07.800 --> 0:07:09.800 you would have watched that particular video from eight or 0:07:09.880 --> 0:07:13.480 nine years ago, so I feel comfortable sharing the story again. 0:07:14.040 --> 0:07:16.560 But my childhood, in a nutshell, it was my sister 0:07:16.600 --> 0:07:18.800 and I and my mom and my dad. I don't 0:07:18.800 --> 0:07:21.520 have a single happy memory of my mom and dad 0:07:21.560 --> 0:07:24.640 being together. They divorced when I was nine. All my 0:07:24.720 --> 0:07:28.360 memories are of them is a lot of fighting, a 0:07:28.400 --> 0:07:30.880 lot of being locked in my room, getting sent to 0:07:30.920 --> 0:07:33.240 my room without dinner. That's kind of my memory of 0:07:33.280 --> 0:07:35.520 them being together. I don't have one happy memory, like 0:07:35.520 --> 0:07:37.240 we never went on a holiday or anything like that. 0:07:37.560 --> 0:07:40.400 But in saying that, we did always have everything we 0:07:40.440 --> 0:07:43.080 wanted when we were kids. You know, I did dancing 0:07:43.200 --> 0:07:46.800 and had all nice clothes and beanie kids. If anyone 0:07:46.840 --> 0:07:49.640 remembers those things us to collect those. We always had 0:07:49.920 --> 0:07:54.200 nice things. But from memory, what I didn't have was 0:07:54.240 --> 0:07:57.280 any love from my parents, which I think is really important. 0:07:57.800 --> 0:07:59.720 And it was always that way, and then it was 0:07:59.800 --> 0:08:01.840 kind of you know, the kids being thrown back and 0:08:01.880 --> 0:08:05.280 forth in between mum's house and Dad's house, and Dad 0:08:05.320 --> 0:08:08.160 had us every second weekend. That was like the custody thing. 0:08:08.240 --> 0:08:11.920 Every second weekend we were at Dad's and very quickly 0:08:12.480 --> 0:08:16.280 my dad got with another woman. And I remember being 0:08:16.320 --> 0:08:19.720 really upset by that at the time because I was 0:08:19.840 --> 0:08:21.920 nine or ten and I couldn't really understand what was 0:08:21.920 --> 0:08:23.560 going on, but it was really upset by the fact 0:08:23.560 --> 0:08:26.720 that my dad had this new girlfriend, who was named Jackie. 0:08:27.280 --> 0:08:30.920 And I remember so specifically one time when Dad and 0:08:31.000 --> 0:08:33.120 Jackie were first dating. Obviously, you know, when you're in 0:08:33.120 --> 0:08:36.880 a new relationship, you try your hardest kind of thing, 0:08:36.960 --> 0:08:39.560 like it's in that honeymoon phase or whatever. And I 0:08:39.600 --> 0:08:44.760 remember my dad went and purchased Jackie a gold watch 0:08:44.880 --> 0:08:48.600 and a matching bracelet. And I remember going home to 0:08:48.640 --> 0:08:52.240 my mum balling my eyes out, saying, why did he 0:08:52.360 --> 0:08:55.200 never buy you a gold watch and matching bracelet. I 0:08:55.320 --> 0:08:57.959 just so specifically remember that, and I remember just being 0:08:58.000 --> 0:09:00.320 really upset by the fact that my dad had a 0:09:00.360 --> 0:09:04.600 new partner. I really come around to liking Jackie. She 0:09:04.720 --> 0:09:07.200 went from you know, because she had two kids as well, 0:09:07.559 --> 0:09:09.240 were the same age as my sister and I. They 0:09:09.320 --> 0:09:12.280 moved into our family home that Dad was still living in, 0:09:12.360 --> 0:09:14.800 so I was dealing with them taking our bedrooms and 0:09:14.800 --> 0:09:16.800 then we were just there every second weekend. It was 0:09:17.200 --> 0:09:20.920 an adjustment for any kid, and I went from kind 0:09:20.920 --> 0:09:23.080 of hating Jackie, being like who is this woman to 0:09:23.160 --> 0:09:26.040 growing a really close bond with her. And it was 0:09:26.080 --> 0:09:29.240 also around this time when Dad and Jackie got together 0:09:29.280 --> 0:09:35.719 that I started having issues with my dad. I thought 0:09:35.720 --> 0:09:37.600 I would also do a little bit of a trigger 0:09:37.640 --> 0:09:39.640 warning to any of you that have had issues with 0:09:39.720 --> 0:09:41.480 your parents. I'm just going to talk a little bit 0:09:41.520 --> 0:09:44.000 about my relationship with my dad. If you don't want 0:09:44.040 --> 0:09:45.839 to hear about any of that, you may want to 0:09:45.880 --> 0:09:48.880 skip ahead or not listen to the episode. But it 0:09:48.960 --> 0:09:52.079 was around, you know, the ages of ten and eleven, 0:09:52.160 --> 0:09:56.240 that my relationship with my dad became really toxic. And 0:09:56.280 --> 0:09:57.680 I think it was just to do with everything with 0:09:57.760 --> 0:10:00.120 Mum and Dad divorcing and then being split and the 0:10:00.120 --> 0:10:02.520 separate houses and then my stepmum coming into the picture. 0:10:03.600 --> 0:10:08.480 But he was always i would say, quite abusive and controlling, 0:10:09.040 --> 0:10:15.200 very emotionally manipulative, playing mind games and overall really horrible. 0:10:15.800 --> 0:10:18.280 Even as I got older, like he would still threaten 0:10:18.360 --> 0:10:20.880 to hit me, but you know, it wasn't like full 0:10:20.920 --> 0:10:24.520 on punching, but it was like whacking even though I'm 0:10:24.559 --> 0:10:27.080 like ten, eleven, twelve kind of thing. And I think 0:10:27.160 --> 0:10:31.360 as I was getting older, I was realizing that this 0:10:31.520 --> 0:10:34.440 wasn't on and you know, it would be his weekend 0:10:34.720 --> 0:10:38.079 every second weekend, but if I did something that upset him, 0:10:38.080 --> 0:10:40.120 he would blow up and drop me back to my mom's. 0:10:40.160 --> 0:10:42.199 Like he would just palm me off kind of thing, 0:10:42.200 --> 0:10:43.839 even though it was meant to be his weekend kind 0:10:43.840 --> 0:10:45.880 of thing. If he couldn't handle whatever it was that 0:10:45.920 --> 0:10:47.880 I was doing. And I wasn't a perfect child, like 0:10:47.920 --> 0:10:50.600 I was a little brat, but he would very easily 0:10:50.640 --> 0:10:52.480 just palm me off, like or he would call my 0:10:52.559 --> 0:10:54.560 mum and say, I'm fucking sick of her, where are you? 0:10:54.559 --> 0:10:55.960 I'm coming to meet you now, and he would just 0:10:56.559 --> 0:10:58.400 you know, drive like a madman to drop me back 0:10:58.400 --> 0:11:00.320 off to my mum when he couldn't star and me 0:11:00.360 --> 0:11:03.679 anymore or whatever. We went through a few stints of 0:11:03.720 --> 0:11:07.400 not talking, like going no contact so here and there. 0:11:07.520 --> 0:11:09.679 We'd go like two months of not seeing each other, 0:11:09.800 --> 0:11:14.880 three months sometimes six months over various things, and I 0:11:14.960 --> 0:11:17.120 guess Jackie was there to experience all of that with me. 0:11:17.120 --> 0:11:19.480 Like I wouldn't see Jackie and my stepbrother and stepsister 0:11:19.880 --> 0:11:22.280 for those periods of time, and then i'd eventually go back, 0:11:22.320 --> 0:11:23.640 like he'd call me up and say, oh, do you 0:11:23.640 --> 0:11:26.440 want to come back, And we'd never talk about anything 0:11:26.480 --> 0:11:29.199 that happened. It was always like we just brushed it 0:11:29.280 --> 0:11:31.520 under the rug kind of thing. And anyway, to cut 0:11:31.559 --> 0:11:34.480 a long story short, because this spanned over years. When 0:11:34.520 --> 0:11:38.840 I was fourteen, my dad had an affair on Jackie, 0:11:38.840 --> 0:11:42.319 my step mom, who by this point i'd grown really 0:11:42.360 --> 0:11:44.640 close to. I was fourteen, this is when I got 0:11:44.679 --> 0:11:47.400 my first job, and that was like the cherry on 0:11:47.480 --> 0:11:50.360 the cake was him having an affair, and it was 0:11:50.440 --> 0:11:55.199 really messy as well. He got me and my sister involved, 0:11:55.240 --> 0:11:58.440 and he took us to meet his new girlfriend and 0:11:58.559 --> 0:12:01.280 like introduced us, and I was old enough to go, 0:12:01.440 --> 0:12:03.880 this is wrong, Like he's taken us from the home 0:12:03.880 --> 0:12:05.600 that we were all living in with my step mom 0:12:05.920 --> 0:12:08.560 to meet this new woman and he was raving about her, 0:12:08.600 --> 0:12:11.880 saying how wonderful she is, and I'm fourteen, going, this 0:12:12.000 --> 0:12:14.319 is not on, Like you're married to my stepmom and 0:12:14.360 --> 0:12:17.840 you're introducing us as eleven and fourteen year olds to 0:12:17.920 --> 0:12:20.679 your new girlfriend. It was just messy. It dragged on 0:12:20.720 --> 0:12:22.520 for a couple of months, and I got really caught 0:12:22.600 --> 0:12:24.600 up in it because I was at the house that 0:12:24.640 --> 0:12:27.079 we lived in with Jackie. I might have even been 0:12:27.120 --> 0:12:29.559 living with them at the time and dealing with him 0:12:29.600 --> 0:12:31.640 like coming in, going from the other woman's house and 0:12:31.640 --> 0:12:34.800 coming home. And eventually, after all this shit like this 0:12:34.920 --> 0:12:37.679 spanned across a while, him and Jackie got a divorce 0:12:38.160 --> 0:12:40.400 and she moved out of our family home and I 0:12:40.440 --> 0:12:44.440 helped her move out. That was when my dad, I guess, 0:12:44.520 --> 0:12:47.400 abandoned me for good. I was to never hear from 0:12:47.480 --> 0:12:51.240 him again, but plot twist coming soon. I remember calling 0:12:51.320 --> 0:12:53.920 him in that first year of him not talking to 0:12:53.960 --> 0:12:56.520 me because he'd moved on with the woman that he 0:12:56.559 --> 0:12:58.600 had the affair with, and I would call him on 0:12:58.600 --> 0:13:03.080 the home phone bawling my eyes out, and he would 0:13:03.160 --> 0:13:06.880 say to me, you're not my daughter anymore. And a 0:13:06.880 --> 0:13:08.840 lot of things have stuck with me that he said 0:13:08.840 --> 0:13:11.520 to me. Even before that, when he used to be 0:13:11.559 --> 0:13:13.720 really horrible and nasty, he would say things to me 0:13:13.840 --> 0:13:16.240 like you're going to amount to nothing, You're going to 0:13:16.320 --> 0:13:19.880 be a no one and those things I've never ever forgotten. 0:13:20.200 --> 0:13:23.280 And when I think back to it, I think the 0:13:23.360 --> 0:13:25.840 reason I am the way that I am is because 0:13:25.880 --> 0:13:27.480 of a lot of what he said and did to me. 0:13:27.920 --> 0:13:31.720 In those early teenage years, I really struggled. I couldn't 0:13:31.760 --> 0:13:34.280 go to school. I've never cried so much in my 0:13:34.360 --> 0:13:36.720 life in those years, and I often think, is that 0:13:36.760 --> 0:13:39.079 why I don't really have that many emotions today. I 0:13:39.080 --> 0:13:41.760 feel like I got all my tears out fourteen fifteen sixteen, 0:13:42.280 --> 0:13:45.720 And during this time, if I'm being completely honest, I 0:13:45.760 --> 0:13:48.520 didn't feel like I had any support from my mum. 0:13:48.720 --> 0:13:51.160 It was very much if I'd be laying in bed 0:13:51.200 --> 0:13:53.040 crying about Dad not talking to me for the last 0:13:53.080 --> 0:13:54.520 two years, I'd be like, yeah, over it. He's a 0:13:54.559 --> 0:13:57.719 fucking dickhead anyway, because you know, understandably that's her ex 0:13:57.800 --> 0:14:00.560 husband that she absolutely hates. But there was never any 0:14:00.600 --> 0:14:03.640 compassion towards the fact that I'd essentially lost my dad, 0:14:04.720 --> 0:14:08.240 and I don't know, I didn't feel supported in that. 0:14:09.040 --> 0:14:13.200 My relationship with my mum also became really rocky. We 0:14:13.320 --> 0:14:15.719 fought a lot, clashed heads. I moved out with a 0:14:15.760 --> 0:14:18.040 high school boyfriend at one point when I was sixteen, 0:14:18.920 --> 0:14:22.120 without going into too much detail. As well as having 0:14:22.120 --> 0:14:25.160 a really rocky relationship with my dad in my earlier years, 0:14:25.200 --> 0:14:27.320 I also had the same kind of issues with my 0:14:27.480 --> 0:14:31.240 mum as well. We would go through periods of absolutely 0:14:31.280 --> 0:14:33.680 clashing heads. I would say, my mom and I have 0:14:33.760 --> 0:14:37.760 never had a loving relationship. I've always wished that we did, 0:14:38.120 --> 0:14:41.120 and I honestly feel like that's what I have missed 0:14:41.240 --> 0:14:44.440 my whole life. I then moved out of home when 0:14:44.480 --> 0:14:47.480 I was seventeen. I couldn't wait to move out, and 0:14:47.520 --> 0:14:51.880 I think dealing with tough relationships with my parents forced 0:14:51.920 --> 0:14:55.120 me to really become independent from a young age. And 0:14:55.200 --> 0:14:58.040 I think this is where the whole entrepreneurship thing comes 0:14:58.080 --> 0:15:00.280 into play as well. But from a really young age, 0:15:00.320 --> 0:15:02.440 I felt like I became mature and had gone through 0:15:02.480 --> 0:15:05.320 a lot of things and felt like I could be 0:15:05.600 --> 0:15:10.200 out on my own. Honestly, from a teenager, I felt 0:15:10.200 --> 0:15:12.480 like I had no other option than to just vend 0:15:12.520 --> 0:15:15.720 for myself. I never really felt supported by either of 0:15:15.760 --> 0:15:19.400 my parents or encouraged at all in anything, and I 0:15:19.440 --> 0:15:22.880 often wonder I wonder how different my life would be 0:15:23.000 --> 0:15:26.160 if I had parents that were supportive and encouraged me 0:15:26.200 --> 0:15:28.200 to do things. I always think, what have I ended 0:15:28.240 --> 0:15:31.320 up going to university and went down a completely different 0:15:31.560 --> 0:15:34.440 career path? Like who knows? Isn't it funny how the 0:15:34.480 --> 0:15:37.000 way that our family can essentially shape us into who 0:15:37.000 --> 0:15:39.120 we are, and if they were slightly different, my life 0:15:39.160 --> 0:15:42.080 could be completely different. But the one person I will 0:15:42.120 --> 0:15:46.480 say that stayed supportive to me and has been one 0:15:46.480 --> 0:15:49.480 of the most loving and mother figures in my life 0:15:49.560 --> 0:15:52.840 even up until this day is Jackie, my stepmom. So 0:15:52.880 --> 0:15:55.000 her and dad divorced when I was fourteen, and to 0:15:55.160 --> 0:15:57.720 this day she is my step mom. I know she 0:15:57.800 --> 0:16:00.840 listens to my podcast, So shout out to you, Jackie. 0:16:01.120 --> 0:16:06.520 Even though I haven't grown up with supportive parents, Jackie 0:16:06.800 --> 0:16:10.440 has been that supportive parent figure to me and still 0:16:10.640 --> 0:16:13.480 is to this day. I still call her my stepmom 0:16:13.560 --> 0:16:16.640 even though they divorced over fifteen years ago. I'm like, yeah, 0:16:16.680 --> 0:16:19.280 that's my stepmom and people like, what your step mom? 0:16:19.640 --> 0:16:22.440 So I really have her to thank for a lot. 0:16:22.960 --> 0:16:24.880 Her and I were meant to meet by my dad 0:16:24.880 --> 0:16:27.720 and her getting married and getting divorced because we've both 0:16:27.800 --> 0:16:31.880 won in that instance. Fast forward back to my whole 0:16:31.960 --> 0:16:35.280 dad situation. I really thought that that was it for 0:16:35.360 --> 0:16:37.520 him and I my whole life from the ages of 0:16:37.560 --> 0:16:40.720 fourteen up and not last year, but the year before. 0:16:40.920 --> 0:16:46.080 He called me and he said he was sorry, which 0:16:46.080 --> 0:16:48.840 I never thought would happen. I remember I was at 0:16:48.840 --> 0:16:51.240 the warehouse and my phone rang and it was him, 0:16:51.440 --> 0:16:53.040 and he said, I just want to call and I 0:16:53.040 --> 0:16:55.680 want to say I'm sorry. He did say I don't 0:16:55.720 --> 0:16:58.000 want to talk about anything that happened, and I'm like, 0:16:58.040 --> 0:17:02.000 of course, typical, typical. But I did get an apology, 0:17:02.160 --> 0:17:06.200 which I was, I guess a little relieved to hear. 0:17:06.240 --> 0:17:07.600 I didn't know how to feel at the time. I 0:17:07.600 --> 0:17:09.320 was at work, I'm like, what the fuck is going on? 0:17:09.960 --> 0:17:12.520 And he said he knows that nothing will ever be 0:17:12.520 --> 0:17:14.600 the same because we have honestly not been in each 0:17:14.600 --> 0:17:16.040 other's lives for fifteen years. 0:17:16.640 --> 0:17:20.280 Hello producers, Andy heard jumping in with a question. Do 0:17:20.320 --> 0:17:22.679 you think that your dad contacted you after all these 0:17:22.800 --> 0:17:26.240 years because he saw the success that you've had. Do 0:17:26.280 --> 0:17:28.760 you think that if you had had this success, would 0:17:28.800 --> 0:17:30.360 he have reached out the way he did. 0:17:30.880 --> 0:17:33.879 I think he would have regardless, because I guess I 0:17:33.920 --> 0:17:36.760 missed one point here. He broke up with the woman 0:17:37.200 --> 0:17:39.520 that he had the affair with, and it was after 0:17:39.560 --> 0:17:43.159 that that he contacted me. And he also has a 0:17:43.280 --> 0:17:45.879 really wonderful, nice girlfriend now and I have a feeling 0:17:45.960 --> 0:17:49.240 that she has played a huge part in him contacting me. 0:17:50.080 --> 0:17:51.840 So that was a year and a half ago that 0:17:51.880 --> 0:17:55.000 he reached out, and I've seen him maybe less than 0:17:55.040 --> 0:17:58.680 five times since then. I actually went out for dinner 0:17:58.800 --> 0:18:01.440 with him and his new partner, and I took AJ, 0:18:02.480 --> 0:18:05.320 and we were both a little bit nervous before we went, 0:18:05.359 --> 0:18:08.080 and AJ was sculling some peers because he's like, I'm 0:18:08.119 --> 0:18:10.480 meeting your dad for the first time, and you know, 0:18:10.560 --> 0:18:13.000 AJ and I've been together for like six years by 0:18:13.000 --> 0:18:15.320 this point or whatever. So AJ got a little bit 0:18:15.359 --> 0:18:18.359 pissed before we went to the dinner, and it was 0:18:18.440 --> 0:18:21.399 honestly great. We just talked about everything in life, and 0:18:21.640 --> 0:18:24.000 I had wondered if he had told his new partner 0:18:24.080 --> 0:18:28.320 that I hadn't been in contact with him for fifteen years, 0:18:28.359 --> 0:18:29.720 Like that's what I was wondering before I went to 0:18:29.720 --> 0:18:32.320 the dinner. But she did say things and was asking 0:18:32.320 --> 0:18:36.080 me questions which made me realize she knows that we 0:18:36.119 --> 0:18:38.200 haven't been in each other's lives for fifteen years, which 0:18:38.200 --> 0:18:40.240 I thought was a good thing. Does she know everything 0:18:40.240 --> 0:18:44.240 that happened? No, but that's fine. She might now if 0:18:44.240 --> 0:18:46.800 she's listening. That's why. Ah. And I'll tell you one 0:18:46.800 --> 0:18:49.160 thing that I did that really made me feel powerful 0:18:49.240 --> 0:18:53.080 and I felt like I claimed my position. We went 0:18:53.080 --> 0:18:56.119 out for this lovely dinner, cocktails, food share plates, a 0:18:56.119 --> 0:18:58.480 whole lot at this really nice place, and then at 0:18:58.520 --> 0:19:01.119 the end, I said, I've got the I've got it, 0:19:01.640 --> 0:19:05.120 Like I just really wanted to fucking say, don't you worry, guys, 0:19:05.160 --> 0:19:07.800 this dinner's what four hundred bucks? Five hundred bucks? I 0:19:07.880 --> 0:19:10.000 fucking got it. And I tapped my card in front 0:19:10.040 --> 0:19:11.280 of them both, and it was just like a real 0:19:11.359 --> 0:19:14.560 powerful moment for me to be like yeah, And I 0:19:14.560 --> 0:19:16.720 guess it was therapy for me in a way to 0:19:17.040 --> 0:19:20.680 talk to my dad's new partner about everything that I do. 0:19:20.720 --> 0:19:22.600 And she has an amazing job and she seems really 0:19:22.600 --> 0:19:25.200 switched on. So we were talking about everything from staffing 0:19:25.280 --> 0:19:28.520 and companies, and she was really engaging with me in 0:19:28.560 --> 0:19:31.040 this conversation. I could see my dad sitting there looking 0:19:31.119 --> 0:19:33.000 at me, and I feel like he was in awe 0:19:33.040 --> 0:19:36.080 a little bit, and I felt really powerful in that moment. 0:19:36.600 --> 0:19:38.920 I never thought in a million years that my dad 0:19:38.920 --> 0:19:40.960 would ever come back into the picture because it had been, 0:19:41.000 --> 0:19:44.480 you know, fifteen years, and I'm happy to have him 0:19:44.920 --> 0:19:48.080 in the picture at the distance that we have now. 0:19:48.240 --> 0:19:50.919 As he said, nothing's ever gonna be the same. But 0:19:51.200 --> 0:19:53.920 now you know, we send each other happy Birthday message, 0:19:54.080 --> 0:19:57.119 we send each other Merry Christmas. I'm happy with that. 0:19:57.480 --> 0:20:02.680 Have I forgiven him for everything? I'm beyond even forgiveness. 0:20:02.720 --> 0:20:04.240 I don't know how to explain it, but I just 0:20:04.240 --> 0:20:06.720 feel like I'm beyond that everything that I've built in 0:20:06.760 --> 0:20:10.080 my entire life, essentially without the support of either of 0:20:10.119 --> 0:20:13.160 my parents, to the point where I know that I 0:20:13.200 --> 0:20:16.240 am fine without them in my life if they weren't. 0:20:16.800 --> 0:20:18.919