WEBVTT - #2025 Delaying Gratification - Dr. Jodi Richardson

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<v Speaker 1>I'll get a your bloody champs. It's the project that's you.

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<v Speaker 1>Oh god, it's four minutes past midday, it's Tuesday. I'm

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<v Speaker 1>sounding very much like a radio presenter right now, sitting

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<v Speaker 1>on sixteen degrees in Hampton, heading for a top of

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<v Speaker 1>twenty two joining me today in the studio, and by

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<v Speaker 1>that I mean the virtual studio.

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<v Speaker 2>Tiffany and Cook, Hi Cook, Craig, Anthony Harper reporting it for.

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<v Speaker 1>Judy sir ah, who's Judy? Oh see what I did there?

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<v Speaker 1>Doctor Jody Richardson is also in the studio, the virtual studio.

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<v Speaker 2>Hi Joe, Hi Harps, Hi tiv hi Ah.

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<v Speaker 1>I'll tell you what. The old radio days, I don't

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<v Speaker 1>really miss them, but sometimes it's a bit of fun

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<v Speaker 1>just to morph back into that bloody you know a

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<v Speaker 1>little bit of FM magic, isn't it. You're still doing

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<v Speaker 1>your weaving. Your not allowed to say magic because that's

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<v Speaker 1>inconsistent with Christianity, But are you still weaving your skills

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<v Speaker 1>over there at Light FM?

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<v Speaker 2>I am. We just had the Relate mental health events,

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<v Speaker 2>so two events, one in Mount Evelyn on Monday night

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<v Speaker 2>and one in West Meadows on Tuesday night. So yeah,

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<v Speaker 2>and the weekly podcast is keep on, keeping on. I

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<v Speaker 2>love working with the crew at Positive Media.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, they are very good, very good, and they do.

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<v Speaker 1>They do push a lot of great stuff out into

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<v Speaker 1>the world. And if ever we needed good stuff, positive stuff,

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<v Speaker 1>positive mental health and emotional health being shoved down our

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<v Speaker 1>faces better than something negative. Now is the time. How

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<v Speaker 1>is well, Hello anxiety. How's your little potty? Well, not little?

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<v Speaker 1>How's your big potty going?

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<v Speaker 2>Oh so good. We've had a change of potty artwork,

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<v Speaker 2>which is really lovely. So I actually designed the artwork

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<v Speaker 2>for the podcast myself, and that is evident when you

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<v Speaker 2>have a look at it, like, I'm reasonably happy with it.

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<v Speaker 2>But do you know, I was so anxious about starting.

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<v Speaker 2>There were so many the irony bread I know exactly exactly.

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<v Speaker 2>There were so many things that could have stopped me

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<v Speaker 2>from moving forward. And I thought, if I go down

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<v Speaker 2>the rabbit hole of getting artwork done, I think I

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<v Speaker 2>could probably push this thing out for another couple of months,

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<v Speaker 2>which was where my head was at. So I just thought,

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<v Speaker 2>you know, I'm just going to do it myself and

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<v Speaker 2>get on with it. But yeah, I've actually just had

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<v Speaker 2>a professional podcast cast artwork design, so that'll come through

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<v Speaker 2>in the feed soon, which is nice.

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<v Speaker 1>So you're not changing in the name of the show,

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<v Speaker 1>you're just changing the artwork.

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<v Speaker 2>No, they actually properly designed the logo using the same

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<v Speaker 2>fonts and the same kind of look and feel. But

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<v Speaker 2>the artwork, you know, the little tile, that little thumbnail

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<v Speaker 2>that goes with makes the podcast recognizable. It's completely changing

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<v Speaker 2>so that it's time and it looks beautiful. So podcast

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<v Speaker 2>is going well. Had some really really good interviews, and

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<v Speaker 2>just the feedback that I'm getting from people about the

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<v Speaker 2>way it's really supporting them is really beautiful. So thanks

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<v Speaker 2>for asking.

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<v Speaker 1>Well it is a good little show or a good

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<v Speaker 1>big show. It's called well, hello anxiety, everybody, So just

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<v Speaker 1>wright down a few things here as you chat that

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<v Speaker 1>I want to talk to you about today. It's so

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<v Speaker 1>funny when you talk about getting anxious about like the

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<v Speaker 1>queen of anxiety, getting anxious, which we know you've spoken

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<v Speaker 1>about many times. Understanding anxiety doesn't mean that you've dispensed

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<v Speaker 1>with anxiety, just like me talking about being a high

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<v Speaker 1>performer doesn't necessarily mean I'm a high performer at any

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<v Speaker 1>fucking stage. But it's so true though. I think that's

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<v Speaker 1>what makes hopefully us. Hopefully I'll let the audience be

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<v Speaker 1>a judge, but hopefully us. Three relatable is that we're

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<v Speaker 1>all still works in progress and we're okay with that.

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<v Speaker 1>But at the same time, I can be a bit

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<v Speaker 1>broken and a little bit amazing, and I can still

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<v Speaker 1>encourage and support people while not waiting for all of

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<v Speaker 1>my shit to be sorted necessarily. You know, we're not

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<v Speaker 1>aiming for perfection, as they say, just a bit of

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<v Speaker 1>growth and improvement, Jody.

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<v Speaker 2>And perfection doesn't exist really, and if you aim for

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<v Speaker 2>that and wait for that, which a lot of people do,

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<v Speaker 2>and I understand anxieties often at the heart of that,

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<v Speaker 2>then you actually don't ever get anywhere. We just need

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<v Speaker 2>to be consistent. And I honestly think like I relate

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<v Speaker 2>mostly to people when they show a few kinks in

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<v Speaker 2>their armor and they're honest and open. And I actually

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<v Speaker 2>shared something on Instagram last week because I won't do

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<v Speaker 2>the gymnastics required to show you, but I'm in a

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<v Speaker 2>moon boot at the moment, and it's been really getting

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<v Speaker 2>me down. Like I'm actually really good now because I've

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<v Speaker 2>worked out that I can go back to CrossFit and

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<v Speaker 2>just do everything seated, not everything, but I can do

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<v Speaker 2>a whole lot of stuff, and I shared I actually

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<v Speaker 2>just recorded a video. I was waiting to pick up

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<v Speaker 2>the kids, and I just kind of shared that, you know,

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<v Speaker 2>like you might see me traveling around the country, you know,

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<v Speaker 2>speaking and doing work that I love. But you know,

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<v Speaker 2>it doesn't mean necessarily mean like we're just that reminder

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<v Speaker 2>that when we're just because you see stuff on socials

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<v Speaker 2>doesn't mean people aren't going through stuff. And I always

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<v Speaker 2>like to kind of share a little bit, not from

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<v Speaker 2>a real place of I don't like to share when

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<v Speaker 2>things are super raw and it could be really like

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<v Speaker 2>you know, unprocessed, and but yeah, just to say, hey,

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<v Speaker 2>I'm having a bit of a hard time. It's frustrating,

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<v Speaker 2>it's limiting, it's affecting my mood. I can't do the

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<v Speaker 2>things I want to do, but putting into practice the

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<v Speaker 2>things that I teach so often. And then that afternoon,

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<v Speaker 2>I just saw it stuff I'm going to go to

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<v Speaker 2>CrossFit and I'm just going to see my mates and

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<v Speaker 2>I'm going to do what I can. And it turned

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<v Speaker 2>everything around. So I think, like I just think about

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<v Speaker 2>if we can just be consistent and just keep working

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<v Speaker 2>and persist towards our goals, you know, aside from injury

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<v Speaker 2>and exercise and not talking about that so much. But

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<v Speaker 2>there's no such thing as perfection. We all struggle. We

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<v Speaker 2>just don't always see that people are struggling underneath, you know,

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<v Speaker 2>everything else.

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<v Speaker 1>It's hard when you're emotional, which we all are, especially

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<v Speaker 1>when it's about ourselves. It's all well and good to go, well,

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<v Speaker 1>just do this or we'll just you know. It's like

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<v Speaker 1>I put a post up the other day about how

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<v Speaker 1>unhelpful it is to tell a worried person not to worry,

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<v Speaker 1>you know, like telling an insomniac just to go to sleep,

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<v Speaker 1>you know, and it all like while the intentions are good,

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<v Speaker 1>you know, like to put your arm around someone and say,

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<v Speaker 1>don't worry about it. It's a nice intention and the

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<v Speaker 1>empathy is there, but it actually doesn't help anyone. It

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<v Speaker 1>might make them feel temporarily or momentarily kind of cared for,

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<v Speaker 1>but it still doesn't solve anything. And I think that,

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<v Speaker 1>you know, when you're in that funk where you're like,

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<v Speaker 1>I'm in a moonboot. This is not this is not

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<v Speaker 1>what I want to be happening. It's not where I

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<v Speaker 1>want to be. This stops me from doing these things

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<v Speaker 1>that make me feel good or it limits me, or like,

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<v Speaker 1>in the middle of that kind of potential emotional and

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<v Speaker 1>psychological spiral of whatever right for me, a couple of

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<v Speaker 1>things happen really matter for me. Two is context. So

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<v Speaker 1>I've over said this, but it's never not going to

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<v Speaker 1>be true. When I do something to my back or

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<v Speaker 1>I'm in a bit of pain or I'm having a

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<v Speaker 1>shit time, I just think of Johnny, who I train,

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<v Speaker 1>Who's by the way, Johnny's in hospital. Everyone we love

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<v Speaker 1>john john just had a skin graft yesterday and just

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<v Speaker 1>he has ongoing, ongoing challenges and pains but never complains.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm going to go see him later today. So I

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<v Speaker 1>think of him, and I think, well, yeah, my problems

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<v Speaker 1>are one. And then also I think about in the

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<v Speaker 1>middle of my emotion and how I'm feeling, I think,

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<v Speaker 1>what's the best question that I can ask me? What's

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<v Speaker 1>the best question that I can ask me in the

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<v Speaker 1>light of what's going on in me emotionally, this is

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<v Speaker 1>how I feel. So I think, tell me what you

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<v Speaker 1>think about this. But I think, yeah, fully feel what

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<v Speaker 1>you feel. We're not saying don't feel what you feel.

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<v Speaker 1>We're not saying deny the feelings. We're not saying snap

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<v Speaker 1>out of it. We're not saying harden up, We're not

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<v Speaker 1>saying any of that. We're going I feel shit also,

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<v Speaker 1>And in other news, what can I do though, Oh,

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<v Speaker 1>I can go see my mates at CrossFit, and I

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<v Speaker 1>can probably figure out a few things to do for

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<v Speaker 1>my upper body or my core or my one good leg,

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<v Speaker 1>or at the very least I can have a meaningful

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<v Speaker 1>coral conversation, or I can laugh or you know. So

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<v Speaker 1>all of a sudden, we're not denying the feeling, but

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<v Speaker 1>we're now focusing on something positive from a cognitive or

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<v Speaker 1>a psychological perspective that we can do to move forward.

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<v Speaker 2>You must have watched that post that I recorded, because

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<v Speaker 2>I did.

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<v Speaker 1>I Yes, I did. I totally ripped it off, and

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<v Speaker 1>I'm just going to say that was all out of

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<v Speaker 1>my head.

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<v Speaker 2>No, no, no, just because one of the things that

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<v Speaker 2>I did say. And Carlie Taylor, who's been a guest

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<v Speaker 2>for you and a guess for me, she has studied

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<v Speaker 2>Japanese psychology and one of the things, one of the

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<v Speaker 2>philosophies or one of the learning's teachings is arugamama, which

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<v Speaker 2>is and I'm going to I'm going to like misquote this,

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<v Speaker 2>but paraphrasing, it's kind of with things as they are,

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<v Speaker 2>what can I do? So accepting the circumstances for what

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<v Speaker 2>they are? How can I move forward? What can I control?

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<v Speaker 2>And that was something that that I shared. But you know,

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<v Speaker 2>context is it's so it's so good because I sit

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<v Speaker 2>here thinking, oh, I did have a bit of a

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<v Speaker 2>like a bit of a down week and it was

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<v Speaker 2>you know, pain and not being able to do the

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<v Speaker 2>things you want to do and all that kind of stuff.

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<v Speaker 2>But context what you just said, it's so true, Like

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<v Speaker 2>we don't want to discount our experience of things because

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<v Speaker 2>it is still you know, maybe a challenge for us.

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<v Speaker 2>But when you stop and think, think, if it's temporary,

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<v Speaker 2>I've got the resources to be how to get the

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<v Speaker 2>help I need. So I'm really privileged like that I

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<v Speaker 2>know where to go, I know who to see, and yeah,

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<v Speaker 2>and I because I needed to be basically off my

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<v Speaker 2>feet and hadn't been, i'd been into state working and

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<v Speaker 2>traveling and presenting, I'd kind of made things worse. And

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<v Speaker 2>so yeah, yeah, so I think throws. I just remember

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<v Speaker 2>my psychologists used to just say to me that life

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<v Speaker 2>throws all sorts of challenges at us and that is

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<v Speaker 2>just part of being human. Like you can't avoid it,

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<v Speaker 2>but if you can have some helpful ways of thinking

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<v Speaker 2>about it, reframing it, and taking control of what you

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<v Speaker 2>can do despite what you can't, I think that's really powerful.

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<v Speaker 1>I think, firstly, agree with all of that. I think

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<v Speaker 1>the thing with anxiety and mental health in issue and

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<v Speaker 1>sadness and depression and overthinking and all of these kind

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<v Speaker 1>of intersecting psychological and emotional first cousins, right, that all

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<v Speaker 1>kind of live in the same cognitive zip code trying

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<v Speaker 1>to figure out you know, it's different for different people,

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<v Speaker 1>Like for me, movement is a really big part of

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<v Speaker 1>mental health and whether I don't know if it's correlation

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<v Speaker 1>or causation, but definitely since I started walking rock bottom

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<v Speaker 1>ten thousand steps a day, you know, a year ago.

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<v Speaker 1>Now it's over a year ago, like that's there's definitely

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<v Speaker 1>since that time, my mental health is consistently better. And

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<v Speaker 1>by mental health I just mean I'm just consistently happier now.

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<v Speaker 1>I don't know if that's caused that or it's just

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<v Speaker 1>correlated in some way, because there have been some other

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<v Speaker 1>benefits too, But I also know that not just emotionally

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<v Speaker 1>but cognitively, my brain seems to work better. But I

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<v Speaker 1>know that what will be optimal for me won't be

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<v Speaker 1>optimal for TIF or you necessarily. And so this still

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<v Speaker 1>comes down to this self awareness piece around trying to

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<v Speaker 1>figure out not what works for everyone, but what works

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<v Speaker 1>for me. And there are certain broad principles I guess

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<v Speaker 1>where in general terms, a good diet doesn't hurt, and

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<v Speaker 1>sleep doesn't hurt, and movement doesn't hurt. But then when

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<v Speaker 1>we get into the micro in the middle of the macro,

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<v Speaker 1>trying to figure out how your brain and your emotional

0:12:31.360 --> 0:12:36.839
<v Speaker 1>system and your body best responds. So yeah, I think

0:12:36.920 --> 0:12:40.800
<v Speaker 1>there's that little bit of kind of self awareness and

0:12:41.120 --> 0:12:44.760
<v Speaker 1>even self experimenting in there. I think I'll shut up

0:12:44.800 --> 0:12:48.840
<v Speaker 1>after this. I think, like, when I'm feeling a bit shitty,

0:12:49.000 --> 0:12:52.760
<v Speaker 1>I think, what's the best investment of my emotions now, Like,

0:12:52.800 --> 0:12:56.120
<v Speaker 1>in other words, what should right now? What should have

0:12:56.240 --> 0:13:00.080
<v Speaker 1>my emotional energy and my attention or what could have it?

0:13:00.480 --> 0:13:02.439
<v Speaker 1>You know? And it might be that I go and write,

0:13:02.480 --> 0:13:05.040
<v Speaker 1>I go, I'm going to create a new whiteboard for Instagram,

0:13:05.080 --> 0:13:08.640
<v Speaker 1>and then I just step out of my emotional state

0:13:08.760 --> 0:13:11.200
<v Speaker 1>in or I try to step into my creative space

0:13:11.280 --> 0:13:15.000
<v Speaker 1>because when I'm creating, I'm having fun. And even though

0:13:15.080 --> 0:13:19.719
<v Speaker 1>I'm a scientist and a researcher, I am probably naturally

0:13:19.800 --> 0:13:23.400
<v Speaker 1>more of a creative than a scientist. I can do science,

0:13:24.280 --> 0:13:28.400
<v Speaker 1>and science is cool, but I love the freedom of creativity,

0:13:28.679 --> 0:13:33.000
<v Speaker 1>not the confinement of science. Yes, right, and I can

0:13:33.040 --> 0:13:36.840
<v Speaker 1>straddle both, as can anyone who wants to. But yeah,

0:13:36.840 --> 0:13:39.240
<v Speaker 1>and I think it's like some of the things that

0:13:39.320 --> 0:13:43.079
<v Speaker 1>for me are like very emotionally psychologically liberating, like riding

0:13:43.120 --> 0:13:47.480
<v Speaker 1>a motorbike, which for other people would instill fucking terror

0:13:47.480 --> 0:13:51.880
<v Speaker 1>and anxiety. That's isn't it funny? The exact same stimulus

0:13:51.960 --> 0:13:56.240
<v Speaker 1>being on a motorbike can literally change the biochemistry of

0:13:56.280 --> 0:14:01.439
<v Speaker 1>your body really positively or negatively depend on your experience

0:14:01.920 --> 0:14:04.080
<v Speaker 1>or your interpretation of that thing.

0:14:04.520 --> 0:14:08.160
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, it's so true. And just one of the things

0:14:08.160 --> 0:14:10.440
<v Speaker 2>that you said, I think is really I mean, so

0:14:10.559 --> 0:14:16.400
<v Speaker 2>much is really interesting, But just that awareness that when

0:14:16.440 --> 0:14:20.280
<v Speaker 2>you are not feeling good, that you can take a

0:14:20.360 --> 0:14:24.960
<v Speaker 2>moment and kind of step outside of what your experience

0:14:25.040 --> 0:14:28.040
<v Speaker 2>is in that moment and then have that space to think,

0:14:28.680 --> 0:14:30.920
<v Speaker 2>how could I best move forward? What could I do

0:14:31.280 --> 0:14:33.560
<v Speaker 2>considering how I'm feeling and where I'm at. And I

0:14:33.560 --> 0:14:38.640
<v Speaker 2>think that that is not easy for everyone that because

0:14:38.680 --> 0:14:40.520
<v Speaker 2>you know how you can just get so swept away

0:14:40.560 --> 0:14:46.160
<v Speaker 2>with how you feel and so overcome and overwhelmed that

0:14:46.160 --> 0:14:48.720
<v Speaker 2>that is like, yeah, I just wanted to note that

0:14:49.000 --> 0:14:51.080
<v Speaker 2>just the ability to kind of do that, and sometimes

0:14:51.080 --> 0:14:53.960
<v Speaker 2>that means just slowing down, because sometimes when we're not

0:14:53.960 --> 0:14:56.760
<v Speaker 2>feeling good, we just keep on keeping on, but when

0:14:56.760 --> 0:14:59.920
<v Speaker 2>there's just a moment to go, this is what I'm experiencing,

0:15:00.840 --> 0:15:03.520
<v Speaker 2>what would help? And it's not like you say, it's

0:15:03.520 --> 0:15:08.880
<v Speaker 2>not about necessarily feeling better. But this idea that I

0:15:08.960 --> 0:15:12.200
<v Speaker 2>posted something on LinkedIn a couple of weeks ago about

0:15:12.680 --> 0:15:14.720
<v Speaker 2>I might not feel like doing something, but it doesn't

0:15:14.720 --> 0:15:18.840
<v Speaker 2>mean I shouldn't do it. And it's something I'm teaching

0:15:18.840 --> 0:15:21.800
<v Speaker 2>the kids as well at seventeen and fifteen, that you know,

0:15:22.120 --> 0:15:23.920
<v Speaker 2>like you get asked to do an extra shift, you

0:15:24.000 --> 0:15:26.480
<v Speaker 2>might not feel like doing it, but should that be

0:15:26.600 --> 0:15:29.680
<v Speaker 2>the thing that dictates your answer to the question from

0:15:29.680 --> 0:15:33.800
<v Speaker 2>your boss? And sometimes yes and sometimes no, depending of course,

0:15:33.800 --> 0:15:37.760
<v Speaker 2>there's no flat rule. But I think this idea that

0:15:37.920 --> 0:15:41.480
<v Speaker 2>we can take our difficult emotions and still do important things.

0:15:42.360 --> 0:15:46.520
<v Speaker 2>Is so crucial because you know how we were saying earlier,

0:15:46.560 --> 0:15:48.640
<v Speaker 2>and you were saying that you can wait till you

0:15:48.680 --> 0:15:52.280
<v Speaker 2>get all your ducks in a row. But if any

0:15:52.320 --> 0:15:54.480
<v Speaker 2>of us wait till that happens, we'll be waiting the

0:15:54.520 --> 0:15:55.960
<v Speaker 2>rest of our lives, and then there'll be a lot

0:15:55.960 --> 0:15:58.040
<v Speaker 2>of regret that all the things we didn't do because

0:15:58.040 --> 0:16:00.000
<v Speaker 2>we kind of waited too long for things to be okay.

0:16:00.080 --> 0:16:08.480
<v Speaker 1>Hate, Yeah, I think we repeatedly see like a similar

0:16:08.520 --> 0:16:12.120
<v Speaker 1>thing play out, and that is when you know, it's

0:16:12.160 --> 0:16:13.760
<v Speaker 1>like you said, the thing that we need to do

0:16:14.280 --> 0:16:16.200
<v Speaker 1>is or the thing that we should do is not

0:16:16.240 --> 0:16:17.440
<v Speaker 1>always the thing we want to do.

0:16:17.560 --> 0:16:17.720
<v Speaker 2>Right.

0:16:17.800 --> 0:16:22.760
<v Speaker 1>So the dichotomy is that virtually everyone who listens to

0:16:22.800 --> 0:16:25.920
<v Speaker 1>this show wants to learn and grow and evolve and

0:16:26.000 --> 0:16:29.520
<v Speaker 1>improve and be a better version of themselves whatever that means. Right,

0:16:30.400 --> 0:16:33.360
<v Speaker 1>we want to be better. We want to know better health,

0:16:33.480 --> 0:16:36.480
<v Speaker 1>the better mindset, more calm. That is, we want to

0:16:36.560 --> 0:16:40.480
<v Speaker 1>change positively in some way. That's probably a pretty universal

0:16:41.560 --> 0:16:44.640
<v Speaker 1>state of mind for our listeners, or hope for our listeners.

0:16:45.160 --> 0:16:51.040
<v Speaker 1>At the same time, most of us don't like discomfort. Also,

0:16:51.960 --> 0:16:55.760
<v Speaker 1>change is uncomfortable, So the dichotomy is we want to

0:16:55.760 --> 0:16:58.800
<v Speaker 1>be comfortable, but also we want to change. And so

0:16:58.880 --> 0:17:02.440
<v Speaker 1>the challenge is what is the uncomfortable thing that I

0:17:02.480 --> 0:17:06.639
<v Speaker 1>don't really want to do but my goal requires me

0:17:06.720 --> 0:17:10.240
<v Speaker 1>to do? Like what is the what is my standard?

0:17:10.280 --> 0:17:13.840
<v Speaker 1>What are my values? What is my potential? What do

0:17:13.920 --> 0:17:16.240
<v Speaker 1>I want my life to look like in one year?

0:17:16.280 --> 0:17:21.200
<v Speaker 1>My relationships, business, career, mental state, physiology? Right, my one

0:17:21.280 --> 0:17:24.120
<v Speaker 1>year version of me and my life, and what's required

0:17:24.160 --> 0:17:27.720
<v Speaker 1>of me today day one of that year. If we're

0:17:27.760 --> 0:17:31.119
<v Speaker 1>working from as we're recording October twenty one, twenty twenty

0:17:31.119 --> 0:17:34.199
<v Speaker 1>five to October twenty one, twenty twenty six, So this

0:17:34.280 --> 0:17:36.879
<v Speaker 1>is my day one. What are the things that I

0:17:36.920 --> 0:17:39.320
<v Speaker 1>can do on day one to make day three hundred

0:17:39.320 --> 0:17:42.400
<v Speaker 1>and sixty five where I want to be Like that

0:17:42.840 --> 0:17:45.639
<v Speaker 1>projection or that theory in my head, how do I

0:17:45.680 --> 0:17:48.159
<v Speaker 1>turn that into reality? And a lot of that is

0:17:48.200 --> 0:17:49.879
<v Speaker 1>really going to be well, Craig, you need to do

0:17:49.960 --> 0:17:52.400
<v Speaker 1>probably quite a few things that you don't really want

0:17:52.440 --> 0:17:55.639
<v Speaker 1>to do or enjoy, and that might not be comfortable,

0:17:56.160 --> 0:17:58.359
<v Speaker 1>and there might be a fair bit of unknown and

0:17:58.560 --> 0:18:02.960
<v Speaker 1>uncertain and unfamiliar. So all the best, right, and this

0:18:03.080 --> 0:18:05.760
<v Speaker 1>is the well I mean, this is the never ending

0:18:05.960 --> 0:18:09.680
<v Speaker 1>kind of conundrum really with self help, personal development, behavioral

0:18:09.680 --> 0:18:14.240
<v Speaker 1>psychology is that growth is just fucking hard and uncomfortable,

0:18:14.400 --> 0:18:18.840
<v Speaker 1>and many people are perpetually looking for growth without the discomfort. Well,

0:18:18.880 --> 0:18:22.760
<v Speaker 1>good luck. It's like getting strong without doing strength training.

0:18:23.200 --> 0:18:24.359
<v Speaker 1>Fucking good luck, Brian.

0:18:25.040 --> 0:18:27.960
<v Speaker 2>That's it. That's so true. And muscle is one of

0:18:27.960 --> 0:18:30.960
<v Speaker 2>those things you can't pay for it, you can't outsource it,

0:18:31.080 --> 0:18:35.159
<v Speaker 2>You got to work hard for it. Yeah, it's and

0:18:35.200 --> 0:18:37.400
<v Speaker 2>I think it's so it's very easy to put it off.

0:18:38.000 --> 0:18:41.199
<v Speaker 2>I'm a personal Like my example this week was I

0:18:41.320 --> 0:18:45.240
<v Speaker 2>really I've kind of overhauled my nutrition and feeling so

0:18:45.320 --> 0:18:47.800
<v Speaker 2>much better for it, and I more or less kind

0:18:47.840 --> 0:18:49.800
<v Speaker 2>of wound back a lot of the sugar I used

0:18:49.840 --> 0:18:52.440
<v Speaker 2>to have, Like I just used to be just craving

0:18:52.520 --> 0:18:59.200
<v Speaker 2>sugar a lot. Anyway, we had friends over on Saturday night.

0:18:59.280 --> 0:19:03.919
<v Speaker 2>Friday night. Friday night, we just Peter brought home some

0:19:03.960 --> 0:19:05.960
<v Speaker 2>of my favorite ice cream, so we shared a little

0:19:06.000 --> 0:19:08.720
<v Speaker 2>thing of ice cream, and then I'm like, oh, that's

0:19:08.800 --> 0:19:11.359
<v Speaker 2>kind of it. I've sort of splurged. Saturday night, friends

0:19:11.400 --> 0:19:14.240
<v Speaker 2>came over, and Saturday night ended up being a bit

0:19:14.280 --> 0:19:16.760
<v Speaker 2>of a splurge, and then we didn't eat the apple

0:19:16.800 --> 0:19:21.240
<v Speaker 2>pies that I'd purchased for Saturday nights desert. So Sunday night,

0:19:21.320 --> 0:19:24.960
<v Speaker 2>I'm like, oh, I'll just have an apple pie. And

0:19:25.000 --> 0:19:28.159
<v Speaker 2>then I realized it's that easy. It's that easy just

0:19:28.200 --> 0:19:31.040
<v Speaker 2>to say tomorrow. And now it's not like I'm starting

0:19:31.080 --> 0:19:33.320
<v Speaker 2>a diet or anything, but I just to be true

0:19:33.359 --> 0:19:35.040
<v Speaker 2>to myself and what I know works for me and

0:19:35.080 --> 0:19:37.480
<v Speaker 2>my body and my mental health. I don't want to

0:19:37.520 --> 0:19:39.880
<v Speaker 2>eat as much sugar, but it was just so easy

0:19:40.280 --> 0:19:44.240
<v Speaker 2>to just go yes to the next temptation. And I

0:19:44.280 --> 0:19:46.520
<v Speaker 2>think with that three hundred and sixty five days, like

0:19:46.560 --> 0:19:49.399
<v Speaker 2>if literally you're just saying twenty first to the twenty

0:19:49.400 --> 0:19:53.720
<v Speaker 2>first in one year's time, we do need to We

0:19:53.800 --> 0:19:57.760
<v Speaker 2>can't keep putting things off. Yet it's very easy to

0:19:57.760 --> 0:20:01.359
<v Speaker 2>just say I'll do it next week or tomorrow. But

0:20:02.000 --> 0:20:05.080
<v Speaker 2>the beauty of starting is that sooner you start, the

0:20:05.119 --> 0:20:08.840
<v Speaker 2>easier it gets. But you only learn that through experience.

0:20:09.040 --> 0:20:11.560
<v Speaker 2>You have to begin, and you're the only one who

0:20:11.560 --> 0:20:13.680
<v Speaker 2>can do it one.

0:20:13.680 --> 0:20:17.720
<v Speaker 1>Hundred percent like once you My analogy is if you've

0:20:17.720 --> 0:20:21.920
<v Speaker 1>ever tried to push a car in a driveway or

0:20:21.960 --> 0:20:25.520
<v Speaker 1>a car park, when it's you know, it's not in gear,

0:20:25.560 --> 0:20:29.639
<v Speaker 1>obviously it's in neutral, but it's stopped. It's really fucking

0:20:29.760 --> 0:20:33.360
<v Speaker 1>hard to get it moving. But once the car is moving,

0:20:34.000 --> 0:20:36.080
<v Speaker 1>like once it's moving at three or four or five

0:20:36.160 --> 0:20:39.760
<v Speaker 1>kilometers an hour, then it takes so much less effort

0:20:39.840 --> 0:20:43.800
<v Speaker 1>to keep the same weight moving because now you've got momentum.

0:20:44.359 --> 0:20:49.520
<v Speaker 1>And it's that initial kind of resistance, mental, emotional, physical,

0:20:49.760 --> 0:20:56.120
<v Speaker 1>whatever resistance, that kind of I think it keeps people trapped.

0:20:56.160 --> 0:21:00.360
<v Speaker 1>I think that that lack of willingness to just look

0:21:00.359 --> 0:21:02.360
<v Speaker 1>this is going to suck. But I'm okay with it,

0:21:03.160 --> 0:21:06.960
<v Speaker 1>you know. And for me as someone who has many

0:21:07.000 --> 0:21:09.679
<v Speaker 1>of these conversations with a lot of people, and you know,

0:21:09.760 --> 0:21:12.040
<v Speaker 1>I find it what's the word I was gonna say, sad? Sad,

0:21:12.040 --> 0:21:13.239
<v Speaker 1>it's not the right I don't know what the right

0:21:13.280 --> 0:21:17.119
<v Speaker 1>word is. Not even frustrating, But like I see it

0:21:17.160 --> 0:21:20.400
<v Speaker 1>with people who I know have got at least as

0:21:20.480 --> 0:21:24.639
<v Speaker 1>much talent or more than me, at least as much intelligence,

0:21:24.760 --> 0:21:30.280
<v Speaker 1>intellect resources as me, if not more, but constantly just

0:21:31.920 --> 0:21:35.320
<v Speaker 1>not fucking doing what they could do for a range

0:21:35.359 --> 0:21:40.159
<v Speaker 1>of reasons that are not really real but rather psychological constructs,

0:21:41.119 --> 0:21:43.880
<v Speaker 1>you know, it's like, and it's not about self loathing.

0:21:43.920 --> 0:21:48.080
<v Speaker 1>It's about self awareness, because everyone's going to wake up

0:21:48.119 --> 0:21:50.240
<v Speaker 1>at some stage. If not everyone, most people are going

0:21:50.320 --> 0:21:52.040
<v Speaker 1>to wake up at some stage and go, fuck, this

0:21:52.200 --> 0:21:54.879
<v Speaker 1>wasn't my plan. You know how many people have a

0:21:54.920 --> 0:22:00.000
<v Speaker 1>health scare and then go, oh shit, I better do something. Well, okay, good,

0:22:00.160 --> 0:22:02.560
<v Speaker 1>but maybe you could have done that five years ago

0:22:02.600 --> 0:22:05.840
<v Speaker 1>before we got to this point. Or and again, this

0:22:06.000 --> 0:22:09.680
<v Speaker 1>is about for me. This is about being proactive, not reactive,

0:22:09.720 --> 0:22:12.280
<v Speaker 1>going well, you've got one body, let's not fuck it. Ahah.

0:22:12.800 --> 0:22:15.159
<v Speaker 1>Let's not wait for the diabetes, Let's not wait for

0:22:15.200 --> 0:22:17.840
<v Speaker 1>the heart disease. Let's not wait for all of the

0:22:17.880 --> 0:22:21.520
<v Speaker 1>associated conditions that come with maybe not looking after yourself.

0:22:22.440 --> 0:22:25.200
<v Speaker 1>It's not about appearance. It's not about vanity. We don't

0:22:25.240 --> 0:22:28.119
<v Speaker 1>care about the numbers. It's not about what you look like.

0:22:29.040 --> 0:22:31.080
<v Speaker 1>You know. This is not a shallow thing. This is

0:22:31.080 --> 0:22:34.800
<v Speaker 1>about you living long and strong and well. You know, so,

0:22:34.840 --> 0:22:36.840
<v Speaker 1>what the fuck do you want to live long and

0:22:36.880 --> 0:22:39.440
<v Speaker 1>strong and well? I do cool? What are you doing

0:22:39.440 --> 0:22:43.760
<v Speaker 1>to make that a reality? Nothing? Okay? Right? And this

0:22:43.840 --> 0:22:48.520
<v Speaker 1>is the uncomfortable conversation. It's like, oh, you're harsh, No,

0:22:48.640 --> 0:22:53.280
<v Speaker 1>I'm fucking honest, but we'd rather call me harsh because then, oh,

0:22:53.320 --> 0:22:56.160
<v Speaker 1>he's just harsh. You don't want to call him honest

0:22:56.200 --> 0:22:58.159
<v Speaker 1>because if he's just being honest, then I need to

0:22:58.160 --> 0:23:00.080
<v Speaker 1>deal with it. So what I'm going to do. So

0:23:00.119 --> 0:23:02.400
<v Speaker 1>I'm going to call Craig harsh and blunt and brutal

0:23:02.720 --> 0:23:05.359
<v Speaker 1>because that makes me feel better because then I don't

0:23:05.520 --> 0:23:07.760
<v Speaker 1>need to do anything because Craig's the problem, not my

0:23:07.960 --> 0:23:11.399
<v Speaker 1>inability to fucking take action, you know. And it's like

0:23:11.960 --> 0:23:15.600
<v Speaker 1>what needs to happen for you to just fucking look

0:23:15.640 --> 0:23:19.280
<v Speaker 1>after yourself? You know. For me, that's that's what I

0:23:19.440 --> 0:23:22.960
<v Speaker 1>care about people, And I care about them actually not

0:23:23.119 --> 0:23:26.359
<v Speaker 1>wasting the next ten years of their life bullshitting themselves

0:23:26.960 --> 0:23:29.640
<v Speaker 1>and not not using what they've got to work with.

0:23:30.320 --> 0:23:33.119
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, I know, I know it comes from a place

0:23:33.119 --> 0:23:36.040
<v Speaker 2>of love. And you know, well, there are people who

0:23:36.880 --> 0:23:41.200
<v Speaker 2>you know, have have you know, barriers in their life

0:23:41.240 --> 0:23:47.800
<v Speaker 2>that you know, the fundamentals like supporting their you know,

0:23:48.040 --> 0:23:51.199
<v Speaker 2>psychological safety and putting food on the table and all

0:23:51.200 --> 0:23:53.680
<v Speaker 2>those sorts of things that you know, those kinds of stresses.

0:23:53.720 --> 0:23:58.800
<v Speaker 2>But for the for the vast majority of people, there's

0:23:59.680 --> 0:24:01.880
<v Speaker 2>I think if we're all honest with ourselves. There are

0:24:02.200 --> 0:24:04.040
<v Speaker 2>things that we could do that would make a really

0:24:04.080 --> 0:24:07.480
<v Speaker 2>significant difference to our mental health, our well being, our longevity.

0:24:08.359 --> 0:24:11.240
<v Speaker 2>And I'll often say, if I'm speaking to a group,

0:24:11.320 --> 0:24:13.280
<v Speaker 2>that put your hand up, if you can think of

0:24:13.359 --> 0:24:16.439
<v Speaker 2>one thing that would make a really meaningful difference to

0:24:17.240 --> 0:24:20.480
<v Speaker 2>your well being right now, But you're not doing it,

0:24:20.800 --> 0:24:23.800
<v Speaker 2>and everyone's hands goes up, and those that don't put

0:24:23.840 --> 0:24:27.159
<v Speaker 2>their head up are probably not being honest with themselves.

0:24:27.160 --> 0:24:31.480
<v Speaker 2>But it you know, I think about people I know

0:24:31.520 --> 0:24:34.040
<v Speaker 2>who've had heart attacks, for example, like you know, I'm

0:24:34.040 --> 0:24:38.880
<v Speaker 2>in my fifties now you're in your sixties. Sixties, yes, yes, yes, yes,

0:24:40.119 --> 0:24:43.240
<v Speaker 2>and so you know now kind of demographic. You can

0:24:43.240 --> 0:24:47.240
<v Speaker 2>start to see some health some choices catching up with people.

0:24:47.240 --> 0:24:50.640
<v Speaker 2>And often when the heart attack comes or the significant

0:24:50.640 --> 0:24:56.960
<v Speaker 2>health event comes, then that's the impetus for significant change,

0:24:56.960 --> 0:24:59.359
<v Speaker 2>because all of a sudden, the life's on the line.

0:25:00.240 --> 0:25:03.000
<v Speaker 2>Some do, some don't, Some fall back into old habits.

0:25:03.040 --> 0:25:06.240
<v Speaker 2>But I sort of think, well, if you can do it,

0:25:06.280 --> 0:25:10.359
<v Speaker 2>then you can do it now. But to have the

0:25:10.400 --> 0:25:13.479
<v Speaker 2>control and not be forced out of action for weeks

0:25:13.520 --> 0:25:17.720
<v Speaker 2>with heart surgery or being laid up in hospital. You know,

0:25:17.840 --> 0:25:21.280
<v Speaker 2>like I think the idea of thinking about if something

0:25:21.400 --> 0:25:23.480
<v Speaker 2>terrible happened, if I got a diagnosis, what would I

0:25:23.520 --> 0:25:25.480
<v Speaker 2>do Differently, we don't have to wait for that.

0:25:27.160 --> 0:25:31.120
<v Speaker 1>Course like heart disease and diabetes don't give a fuck

0:25:31.160 --> 0:25:34.600
<v Speaker 1>about your emotional state. It's like, ah, I'm not ready

0:25:34.640 --> 0:25:37.800
<v Speaker 1>for diabetes. Will you fucking got it? Well, had a

0:25:37.840 --> 0:25:39.960
<v Speaker 1>heart attack. I'm not ready to deal with a heart attack.

0:25:40.000 --> 0:25:43.040
<v Speaker 1>I'll deal with it on Monday. No, it's today. Do

0:25:43.119 --> 0:25:45.520
<v Speaker 1>you know what I mean? I mean, the bottom line is, yes,

0:25:45.640 --> 0:25:49.120
<v Speaker 1>I'm all for protecting people and being aware and being

0:25:49.240 --> 0:25:52.720
<v Speaker 1>you know, empathetic and understanding. But also life doesn't give

0:25:52.720 --> 0:25:56.000
<v Speaker 1>a fuck about any of that. Like life is unfair,

0:25:56.040 --> 0:25:58.720
<v Speaker 1>Life is messy. Bad things happen to good people. This

0:25:58.760 --> 0:26:01.720
<v Speaker 1>is why five year old kids get cancer. That five

0:26:01.800 --> 0:26:04.400
<v Speaker 1>year old kid that gets diagnosed today, and there's probably

0:26:04.480 --> 0:26:08.640
<v Speaker 1>a lot of them sadly that happens. That's horrible, that's unfair,

0:26:08.720 --> 0:26:12.359
<v Speaker 1>that's fucking I don't even get that. If there's he

0:26:12.480 --> 0:26:14.840
<v Speaker 1>and I'll have a conversation one day about that. I'm

0:26:14.880 --> 0:26:17.600
<v Speaker 1>not sure. But the truth is, the uncomfortable truth is

0:26:18.280 --> 0:26:22.240
<v Speaker 1>that happens. So you know, we need to go, Oh,

0:26:22.359 --> 0:26:25.760
<v Speaker 1>life is a bitch. You know, horrible shit happens. And

0:26:26.000 --> 0:26:28.800
<v Speaker 1>I have one life and I have one body, and

0:26:29.040 --> 0:26:31.639
<v Speaker 1>every day from now is one less day that I

0:26:31.840 --> 0:26:35.000
<v Speaker 1>have to use what I've got and figure out what

0:26:35.119 --> 0:26:38.600
<v Speaker 1>the fuck I'm about my life is about. And yes,

0:26:39.000 --> 0:26:41.520
<v Speaker 1>we need to be empathetic and aware. It's like I

0:26:41.640 --> 0:26:45.239
<v Speaker 1>care about people who have got body image issues and

0:26:45.320 --> 0:26:48.320
<v Speaker 1>body dysmorphia and all of those things because I've had

0:26:48.440 --> 0:26:53.040
<v Speaker 1>all of that. But at the same time, I want

0:26:53.080 --> 0:26:55.800
<v Speaker 1>you to be physically healthy. I don't want you to

0:26:55.800 --> 0:26:58.080
<v Speaker 1>be physically healthy because I don't like the way you

0:26:58.160 --> 0:27:00.879
<v Speaker 1>look or I don't like I want you to be

0:27:00.880 --> 0:27:03.800
<v Speaker 1>physically healthy because that's going to help you have a

0:27:03.800 --> 0:27:07.000
<v Speaker 1>good and a long life. You know, let's not wait

0:27:07.040 --> 0:27:09.800
<v Speaker 1>another five years until you get over this issue or

0:27:09.840 --> 0:27:13.760
<v Speaker 1>that issue before we stop eating KFC every fucking day,

0:27:14.160 --> 0:27:18.000
<v Speaker 1>so you could stop that today. You don't need psychological

0:27:18.080 --> 0:27:22.320
<v Speaker 1>safety to not eat fucking KFC. We can do both.

0:27:22.600 --> 0:27:25.359
<v Speaker 1>We can try to page your mental health and we

0:27:25.400 --> 0:27:30.359
<v Speaker 1>can be loving and compassionate. Also, we can make radical changes.

0:27:30.480 --> 0:27:32.879
<v Speaker 1>It doesn't need to be one or the other. But

0:27:33.200 --> 0:27:36.280
<v Speaker 1>we live in this paradigm where everyone's like, Oh, we

0:27:36.359 --> 0:27:39.159
<v Speaker 1>need to do this and then we'll do that. You know,

0:27:39.720 --> 0:27:41.960
<v Speaker 1>think about all the people in the world right now

0:27:42.280 --> 0:27:45.440
<v Speaker 1>who live in abject poverty and I mean real poverty,

0:27:45.440 --> 0:27:47.520
<v Speaker 1>and people who live in war zones, and people who

0:27:47.560 --> 0:27:50.720
<v Speaker 1>live under constant threat of death and bombing and all

0:27:50.720 --> 0:27:54.760
<v Speaker 1>of that. They're just doing what they have to do. Like,

0:27:54.840 --> 0:27:57.240
<v Speaker 1>they don't get up each day and go wars not fair.

0:27:57.800 --> 0:28:00.679
<v Speaker 1>They go fuck oar's here, what do I have to

0:28:00.680 --> 0:28:03.800
<v Speaker 1>do today to survive? Now, I know that's melodramatic, but

0:28:03.880 --> 0:28:08.160
<v Speaker 1>it's also the real fucking existence for millions of people

0:28:08.160 --> 0:28:11.360
<v Speaker 1>in the world who don't have the luxury that we

0:28:11.480 --> 0:28:15.440
<v Speaker 1>have to just wait forever to take action. Yeah, if

0:28:15.480 --> 0:28:18.280
<v Speaker 1>you're in the middle of the war, you dealing with

0:28:18.320 --> 0:28:22.200
<v Speaker 1>the war every fucking morning. Yes, you don't have that.

0:28:22.320 --> 0:28:24.239
<v Speaker 1>You can't go fuck the war. I'm not doing it.

0:28:24.240 --> 0:28:26.639
<v Speaker 1>I'm going to start the war on Monday. And I

0:28:26.760 --> 0:28:31.080
<v Speaker 1>just think that there's so much of this where mental

0:28:31.119 --> 0:28:36.080
<v Speaker 1>toughness and resilience can coexist with compassion and self care.

0:28:36.400 --> 0:28:39.480
<v Speaker 1>It can. They don't need to be separate things.

0:28:40.160 --> 0:28:44.000
<v Speaker 2>And with AI, with chat GPT, it's I mean, it's

0:28:44.080 --> 0:28:46.000
<v Speaker 2>easy enough just to do it in our heads. But

0:28:46.600 --> 0:28:49.280
<v Speaker 2>you can use a tool if you want to to

0:28:49.440 --> 0:28:53.080
<v Speaker 2>start making small incremental changes. I think if people make

0:28:53.320 --> 0:28:57.600
<v Speaker 2>significant changes. It's really hard for anybody to turn a ship.

0:28:58.080 --> 0:29:00.480
<v Speaker 2>I mean we can't. You can't turn a ship around

0:29:00.560 --> 0:29:03.800
<v Speaker 2>on a dime. It takes time. And so even if

0:29:03.840 --> 0:29:06.960
<v Speaker 2>it's just a swapout, it's just like, you know, instead

0:29:06.960 --> 0:29:10.080
<v Speaker 2>of whatever you might normally have with you know, a

0:29:10.080 --> 0:29:12.200
<v Speaker 2>biscuit with your tea and coffee, just have an extra

0:29:12.240 --> 0:29:14.360
<v Speaker 2>piece of fruit in the day, or just start the

0:29:14.440 --> 0:29:17.000
<v Speaker 2>day with a glass of water. And I always say,

0:29:17.240 --> 0:29:21.240
<v Speaker 2>if the first step feels unattainable, just break it down

0:29:21.280 --> 0:29:23.160
<v Speaker 2>a little bit further. It's like you say, just getting

0:29:23.200 --> 0:29:27.760
<v Speaker 2>that momentum, getting that momentum going. And we're certainly not

0:29:27.800 --> 0:29:31.080
<v Speaker 2>at a loss for information and of what to do,

0:29:31.960 --> 0:29:37.120
<v Speaker 2>but yeah, it's just putting it off until a significant

0:29:37.200 --> 0:29:40.360
<v Speaker 2>life event or until it's too late, you know, until

0:29:40.400 --> 0:29:42.720
<v Speaker 2>it's too late, when all of a sudden you haven't

0:29:42.720 --> 0:29:45.040
<v Speaker 2>done any strength training, Like as a midlife woman, I

0:29:45.120 --> 0:29:46.840
<v Speaker 2>like to think midlife, I like to think I'd be

0:29:46.920 --> 0:29:49.480
<v Speaker 2>like tw one hundred and two spounds better than middle age,

0:29:49.520 --> 0:29:50.120
<v Speaker 2>don't you reckon?

0:29:51.040 --> 0:29:55.080
<v Speaker 1>Definitely definitely let's go mid life mid life you bloody

0:29:55.120 --> 0:29:56.080
<v Speaker 1>mid life woman. You.

0:29:57.560 --> 0:30:02.120
<v Speaker 2>But just like strength training, if you're not strength training

0:30:02.160 --> 0:30:05.520
<v Speaker 2>you're a midlife woman, you might end up paying for

0:30:05.560 --> 0:30:08.560
<v Speaker 2>it with your bone density, with your metabolism, with your mood,

0:30:08.640 --> 0:30:12.760
<v Speaker 2>with your sleep. Like just that loss of muscle is

0:30:12.840 --> 0:30:18.400
<v Speaker 2>so significant and so impactful. And my kids the other day,

0:30:18.400 --> 0:30:22.960
<v Speaker 2>we saw a woman with osteoporosis, like a lady who

0:30:23.000 --> 0:30:28.600
<v Speaker 2>was really bent over, and my daughter just sort of

0:30:29.680 --> 0:30:33.000
<v Speaker 2>notice and sort of said, I wonder what that lady's

0:30:33.120 --> 0:30:34.840
<v Speaker 2>you know, like, you know, I wonder what's going on

0:30:34.880 --> 0:30:37.640
<v Speaker 2>there kind of thing. And I explained to her why

0:30:37.680 --> 0:30:41.160
<v Speaker 2>that happens. And you know, we talk about kelcium and

0:30:41.200 --> 0:30:44.240
<v Speaker 2>she's at the gym strength training. She's fifteen. But I

0:30:44.360 --> 0:30:47.480
<v Speaker 2>just think, you know, getting out of this pattern of

0:30:47.840 --> 0:30:50.120
<v Speaker 2>especially in tiff Gosh, you know, you're all over it.

0:30:50.200 --> 0:30:52.800
<v Speaker 2>Like so many women my age will just go for

0:30:52.880 --> 0:30:55.880
<v Speaker 2>their walk and they run because it's about how do

0:30:55.920 --> 0:30:59.320
<v Speaker 2>I fit in my clothes? And I had the pleasure

0:30:59.320 --> 0:31:01.720
<v Speaker 2>of interviewing do to Stacy Simms, and she said they

0:31:02.160 --> 0:31:05.520
<v Speaker 2>end up skinny, fat, skinny in a size whatever. They

0:31:05.560 --> 0:31:10.200
<v Speaker 2>feel comfortable in their clothes. But the fat distribution around organs,

0:31:10.240 --> 0:31:13.640
<v Speaker 2>the subcutaneous fat, the just all the health implications that

0:31:13.720 --> 0:31:17.040
<v Speaker 2>comes with that. But on the outside, you look at

0:31:17.040 --> 0:31:20.600
<v Speaker 2>the person and they've got you know, I'm using air

0:31:20.680 --> 0:31:27.000
<v Speaker 2>quotes a good figure. So yeah, it's just I don't know.

0:31:27.240 --> 0:31:29.720
<v Speaker 2>I'm like you heart so I just get so passionate

0:31:29.840 --> 0:31:34.520
<v Speaker 2>about it because I just know that starting is so hard.

0:31:35.400 --> 0:31:38.760
<v Speaker 2>But once you get going, you fall into a groove,

0:31:39.000 --> 0:31:40.600
<v Speaker 2>it just gets easier.

0:31:42.080 --> 0:31:48.320
<v Speaker 1>I'm going to throw out a question, my question, is

0:31:48.360 --> 0:31:51.720
<v Speaker 1>it so hard or is that just our story? It's

0:31:51.800 --> 0:31:55.640
<v Speaker 1>like somebody has to do something today, they have no option.

0:31:56.280 --> 0:32:00.680
<v Speaker 1>They start because there's no option. The problem is we go,

0:32:01.520 --> 0:32:04.640
<v Speaker 1>I have an option. I don't have to start today.

0:32:05.920 --> 0:32:10.440
<v Speaker 1>I think practically, you're right, it is hard, and experientially

0:32:10.480 --> 0:32:14.520
<v Speaker 1>it's hard. But when you think about, okay, what makes

0:32:14.560 --> 0:32:16.920
<v Speaker 1>it hard? Well, you know for me to go and

0:32:17.000 --> 0:32:21.240
<v Speaker 1>let's say i'm you know that whatever, somebody who typically

0:32:21.240 --> 0:32:23.800
<v Speaker 1>walks two thousand steps a day, and they decide, well,

0:32:23.800 --> 0:32:25.520
<v Speaker 1>I'm going to from today, I'm going to do four,

0:32:25.560 --> 0:32:28.840
<v Speaker 1>I'm going to double it, and you might conceptually go, wow,

0:32:28.920 --> 0:32:31.400
<v Speaker 1>walking twice as far as I normally do from now

0:32:31.440 --> 0:32:36.000
<v Speaker 1>on that's hard. And then you go, no, cancer is hard. Yeah,

0:32:36.000 --> 0:32:39.680
<v Speaker 1>oh oh, cancers hard, walk in two thousand steps if

0:32:39.720 --> 0:32:43.000
<v Speaker 1>you can walk, of course, not hard. Diabetes, you know

0:32:43.120 --> 0:32:48.080
<v Speaker 1>hard like family tragedy hard. Ah, because we tell ourselves

0:32:48.160 --> 0:32:51.120
<v Speaker 1>a story and you go, oh, two thousand steps, that's

0:32:51.120 --> 0:32:53.720
<v Speaker 1>so hard. And then I go, oh, let me take

0:32:53.760 --> 0:32:56.600
<v Speaker 1>you to Cabrini Hospital in malven Let me introduce you

0:32:56.680 --> 0:32:59.880
<v Speaker 1>to John who's got a spinal cord injury, brain injury,

0:33:00.280 --> 0:33:02.120
<v Speaker 1>all these other things, and he just had a skin

0:33:03.200 --> 0:33:05.640
<v Speaker 1>a skin graphic. Da da da da, And then tell

0:33:05.680 --> 0:33:07.959
<v Speaker 1>me about how hard your two thousand steps are. Now,

0:33:08.000 --> 0:33:11.520
<v Speaker 1>I'm not trying to demean anyone, right, What I'm trying

0:33:11.560 --> 0:33:14.360
<v Speaker 1>to do is go, oh, yeah, that's right. It depends

0:33:14.400 --> 0:33:17.920
<v Speaker 1>which fucking lens I look through. If I look through that,

0:33:18.000 --> 0:33:20.240
<v Speaker 1>this is hard lens, it's hard.

0:33:20.800 --> 0:33:21.080
<v Speaker 2>Yeah.

0:33:21.120 --> 0:33:23.440
<v Speaker 1>If I go what about this? What about this? For

0:33:23.480 --> 0:33:27.360
<v Speaker 1>a reframe? How exciting is it that I get to

0:33:27.480 --> 0:33:30.640
<v Speaker 1>walk two thousand How amazing is it that I can

0:33:30.840 --> 0:33:34.880
<v Speaker 1>walk two thousand steps? More, isn't it amazing that I

0:33:34.960 --> 0:33:38.560
<v Speaker 1>have a body that can do that? How grateful am I?

0:33:38.720 --> 0:33:43.360
<v Speaker 1>Now it becomes an experience of gratitude and an experience

0:33:43.400 --> 0:33:46.080
<v Speaker 1>of something positive rather than ah thing, I have to

0:33:46.160 --> 0:33:50.800
<v Speaker 1>do a hard thing, right, you know, it's like you

0:33:50.840 --> 0:33:56.000
<v Speaker 1>know this better than me. If you call something hard

0:33:56.880 --> 0:34:00.880
<v Speaker 1>and you believe it's hard, that becomes your experience because

0:34:00.920 --> 0:34:04.760
<v Speaker 1>you create your if you think something's you know, down

0:34:04.800 --> 0:34:07.600
<v Speaker 1>to a really obvious example, if I say fuck and

0:34:07.640 --> 0:34:11.280
<v Speaker 1>someone thinks the word fuck is offensive, well, they literally

0:34:11.360 --> 0:34:14.440
<v Speaker 1>just got offended. I'm not saying they should or shouldn't.

0:34:14.560 --> 0:34:17.960
<v Speaker 1>I'm talking it's not even about swearing. It's about psychology.

0:34:18.160 --> 0:34:21.600
<v Speaker 1>It's about stimulus and response. You know. And then even

0:34:21.640 --> 0:34:25.480
<v Speaker 1>though I just said fuck twice, most of our listeners

0:34:25.600 --> 0:34:29.279
<v Speaker 1>are not offended. Then you go, oh, what is that about. Well,

0:34:29.320 --> 0:34:32.200
<v Speaker 1>it's not about the stimulus, it's about the response. Well

0:34:32.200 --> 0:34:35.840
<v Speaker 1>who's that up to? It's up to the individual, because

0:34:35.880 --> 0:34:39.680
<v Speaker 1>the individual gets to decide what things mean in their

0:34:39.719 --> 0:34:43.479
<v Speaker 1>own life. Right. If your story is this is hard,

0:34:43.480 --> 0:34:45.239
<v Speaker 1>this is hard, well guess what, you're having a whole

0:34:45.280 --> 0:34:47.600
<v Speaker 1>lot of hard in your life. If you're like, wow,

0:34:47.760 --> 0:34:51.000
<v Speaker 1>I can walk, I can walk. What a gift? How

0:34:51.040 --> 0:34:53.520
<v Speaker 1>greatful am I? How fucking amazing? Because you know what,

0:34:53.560 --> 0:34:55.360
<v Speaker 1>a lot of people can't walk a lot of people

0:34:55.400 --> 0:34:57.400
<v Speaker 1>can't get out of a chair. A lot of people

0:34:57.440 --> 0:34:59.960
<v Speaker 1>don't live in a beautiful city. Like all of a sudden,

0:35:00.040 --> 0:35:04.919
<v Speaker 1>we're reframing, and we're not pretending that it's not hard

0:35:04.960 --> 0:35:09.200
<v Speaker 1>at times. We're not trying to discount anyone's real feelings

0:35:09.320 --> 0:35:13.480
<v Speaker 1>or emotions, but we're also saying, is there a way

0:35:13.520 --> 0:35:16.480
<v Speaker 1>that I can reframe things so that rather than being

0:35:16.520 --> 0:35:20.800
<v Speaker 1>managed by my mind, I can perhaps manage my mind.

0:35:21.160 --> 0:35:25.919
<v Speaker 2>Yeah. Well, one of the things that I've talked about before.

0:35:25.960 --> 0:35:28.440
<v Speaker 2>I'm not sure if we've talked about it, but my

0:35:28.560 --> 0:35:34.640
<v Speaker 2>training and acceptance and commitment therapy is coming to mind now,

0:35:34.680 --> 0:35:40.879
<v Speaker 2>where we talk about values aligned goals, so setting something

0:35:40.920 --> 0:35:43.680
<v Speaker 2>that's important, you know, like striving for something that might

0:35:43.719 --> 0:35:47.200
<v Speaker 2>be really important to us, and knowing that despite the

0:35:47.239 --> 0:35:50.000
<v Speaker 2>circumstances that we're in, we can take steps towards that

0:35:50.640 --> 0:35:52.840
<v Speaker 2>each and every day. Like you might think being a

0:35:52.840 --> 0:35:56.480
<v Speaker 2>good parent means having a table tennis table in a

0:35:56.520 --> 0:35:59.400
<v Speaker 2>suming pool for your kids and taking them on a

0:35:59.400 --> 0:36:02.279
<v Speaker 2>couple of on holidays a year, Well, that might be

0:36:02.320 --> 0:36:05.040
<v Speaker 2>out of reach, but if your value is being a

0:36:05.040 --> 0:36:07.600
<v Speaker 2>good parent, you can be a good parent each and

0:36:07.840 --> 0:36:10.880
<v Speaker 2>every day by giving your kids time and attention and

0:36:10.960 --> 0:36:14.560
<v Speaker 2>listening and playing games and doing other things. And so

0:36:15.239 --> 0:36:18.000
<v Speaker 2>I think sometimes we think about the big stuff and

0:36:18.000 --> 0:36:21.000
<v Speaker 2>forget that the day to day kind of efforts that

0:36:21.080 --> 0:36:26.160
<v Speaker 2>we make can really align with what actually matters. But

0:36:26.560 --> 0:36:31.120
<v Speaker 2>also this idea that we're in a world of instant

0:36:31.160 --> 0:36:35.400
<v Speaker 2>gratification and everything at our fingertips, and you know, I

0:36:35.400 --> 0:36:38.160
<v Speaker 2>find myself sometimes kind of twiddling my thumbs with my

0:36:38.440 --> 0:36:40.440
<v Speaker 2>maintenet's a little bit slow, and then I have to

0:36:40.440 --> 0:36:43.759
<v Speaker 2>think about dial up and how lucky we are to

0:36:44.200 --> 0:36:46.920
<v Speaker 2>have access to what we've got. But I think when

0:36:47.000 --> 0:36:50.560
<v Speaker 2>you are making change, like for example, cutting back on

0:36:50.640 --> 0:36:53.120
<v Speaker 2>fast food or starting to walk those extra couple of

0:36:53.120 --> 0:37:01.080
<v Speaker 2>thousand steps a day, the immediate benefit isn't evident. You

0:37:01.160 --> 0:37:03.840
<v Speaker 2>might feel a little bit better, sleep better. There's a

0:37:03.840 --> 0:37:06.880
<v Speaker 2>few little things that you can be curious about notice changes,

0:37:06.920 --> 0:37:10.920
<v Speaker 2>but it's again it's looking at the long term cumulative

0:37:10.920 --> 0:37:14.759
<v Speaker 2>effect of those And for anyone who really needs that

0:37:14.800 --> 0:37:18.160
<v Speaker 2>little dopamine kind of tick the box I'm kind of

0:37:18.160 --> 0:37:21.239
<v Speaker 2>getting somewhere. Just a brilliant thing to do is just

0:37:21.280 --> 0:37:23.680
<v Speaker 2>to mark an X in a calendar each day that

0:37:23.760 --> 0:37:26.040
<v Speaker 2>you do the thing you said you do, and all

0:37:26.040 --> 0:37:27.759
<v Speaker 2>of a sudden, you've got three or four in a row,

0:37:28.000 --> 0:37:32.520
<v Speaker 2>and you're building a streak. But I do think that

0:37:32.560 --> 0:37:36.880
<v Speaker 2>one of the things that we're not used to is

0:37:36.920 --> 0:37:40.719
<v Speaker 2>resisting urges and temptations and having the skills to be

0:37:40.760 --> 0:37:43.840
<v Speaker 2>able to notice what's happening in our head and in

0:37:43.920 --> 0:37:46.200
<v Speaker 2>our body when we have an urge to do something

0:37:46.320 --> 0:37:49.239
<v Speaker 2>or to say no to doing something we said we do,

0:37:50.040 --> 0:37:53.240
<v Speaker 2>and how to move through that moment. Like you said earlier,

0:37:53.280 --> 0:37:56.879
<v Speaker 2>about that moment when you're able to recognize not feeling good.

0:37:57.000 --> 0:38:01.000
<v Speaker 2>Things aren't great, But in this moment, what can I

0:38:01.040 --> 0:38:03.600
<v Speaker 2>do with what I've got? You And you'll go and

0:38:03.640 --> 0:38:06.280
<v Speaker 2>you you know, create a whiteboard or do something creative perhaps,

0:38:06.400 --> 0:38:09.920
<v Speaker 2>But in that moment that you've said to yourself, well,

0:38:10.520 --> 0:38:12.360
<v Speaker 2>I am going to do my walk every day, but

0:38:12.800 --> 0:38:14.520
<v Speaker 2>you've had a big day. You sit on the couch,

0:38:14.560 --> 0:38:17.080
<v Speaker 2>you get the remote. You know, obviously, all of a

0:38:17.080 --> 0:38:20.960
<v Speaker 2>sudden you're into YouTube or Netflix or whatever, and you're like,

0:38:21.160 --> 0:38:24.439
<v Speaker 2>I don't want to, I don't feel like it. It's

0:38:24.600 --> 0:38:29.879
<v Speaker 2>having the psychological skills in that moment to first of all,

0:38:30.160 --> 0:38:34.160
<v Speaker 2>notice that your actions are being influenced by what you're thinking,

0:38:35.000 --> 0:38:39.040
<v Speaker 2>and then have the skills to be able to reframe

0:38:39.120 --> 0:38:40.960
<v Speaker 2>it so that you can get your bum off the

0:38:41.000 --> 0:38:42.839
<v Speaker 2>couch and get out for your walk and then come

0:38:42.840 --> 0:38:44.480
<v Speaker 2>back and sit and watch your Netflix or whatever you

0:38:44.480 --> 0:38:47.480
<v Speaker 2>want to do. And I think that that is you know,

0:38:47.520 --> 0:38:50.480
<v Speaker 2>we're obviously, you know, three quarts of the way into

0:38:50.520 --> 0:38:54.319
<v Speaker 2>our chat today, but I think that little moment, that

0:38:54.360 --> 0:38:58.040
<v Speaker 2>little you know, that little that little space, that little gap,

0:38:58.560 --> 0:39:03.000
<v Speaker 2>like you know, mind the gap in London. I just

0:39:03.080 --> 0:39:04.800
<v Speaker 2>recently in my head, I'm like, we've got to find

0:39:04.880 --> 0:39:10.080
<v Speaker 2>the gap, Like just it's just being a bit more mindful.

0:39:10.239 --> 0:39:12.640
<v Speaker 2>And I think for all of us, if we can

0:39:12.880 --> 0:39:16.080
<v Speaker 2>practice a bit more mindfulness and being a bit more

0:39:16.120 --> 0:39:18.919
<v Speaker 2>putting our head where our hands are, then we can

0:39:18.960 --> 0:39:22.080
<v Speaker 2>capture that moment and do something different with it. But

0:39:23.200 --> 0:39:25.319
<v Speaker 2>you know, if you're in a habit, a pattern of

0:39:25.360 --> 0:39:28.680
<v Speaker 2>doing something, awareness of that pattern, and what are you

0:39:28.680 --> 0:39:31.680
<v Speaker 2>going to do when your mind says I don't want

0:39:31.760 --> 0:39:34.080
<v Speaker 2>to how are you going to approach that? I think

0:39:34.080 --> 0:39:36.440
<v Speaker 2>they're really really powerful skills.

0:39:38.280 --> 0:39:41.120
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, yeah, you raise a lot of good points there.

0:39:41.120 --> 0:39:44.680
<v Speaker 1>One I want to circle back to, which is essentially

0:39:44.760 --> 0:39:49.520
<v Speaker 1>delaying gratification. You know, that's that's a biggie, you know,

0:39:49.600 --> 0:39:54.799
<v Speaker 1>because we are. We are the instant gratification generation. It's like,

0:39:54.880 --> 0:39:57.920
<v Speaker 1>we're the instant gratification culture. If you want to know,

0:39:58.040 --> 0:40:00.879
<v Speaker 1>if you want to sell something, if you can make

0:40:00.920 --> 0:40:03.520
<v Speaker 1>it a form of instant gratification where somebody gets a

0:40:03.520 --> 0:40:08.239
<v Speaker 1>great reward without the work, then you'll be able to

0:40:08.239 --> 0:40:10.520
<v Speaker 1>sell it, especially if it's got anything to do with

0:40:10.600 --> 0:40:15.480
<v Speaker 1>appearance or weight or weight loss or muscle gain or yeah,

0:40:15.520 --> 0:40:20.200
<v Speaker 1>and that's it is that whole kind of for me,

0:40:20.480 --> 0:40:23.640
<v Speaker 1>for me personally. This is not my recommendation for the world,

0:40:23.680 --> 0:40:27.720
<v Speaker 1>but for me personally managing me, and I'm a fucking

0:40:27.840 --> 0:40:36.520
<v Speaker 1>handful because my mind is extremely busy trying to and

0:40:36.560 --> 0:40:39.560
<v Speaker 1>also the x only kid who needed attention or the

0:40:39.600 --> 0:40:42.319
<v Speaker 1>only child I should say who needed attention, and blah

0:40:42.320 --> 0:40:45.640
<v Speaker 1>blah blah blah, all those things like trying to separate

0:40:45.719 --> 0:40:49.399
<v Speaker 1>between you know, what I'm doing because it's the thing

0:40:49.480 --> 0:40:53.560
<v Speaker 1>that I think I really should be doing, and I'm

0:40:53.600 --> 0:40:57.320
<v Speaker 1>doing it when no one's looking, when there's no accolade,

0:40:57.360 --> 0:41:00.960
<v Speaker 1>there's no approval, there's no instant gratification, no quick fix.

0:41:01.440 --> 0:41:05.239
<v Speaker 1>It doesn't even fucking feel good. But I'm doing it

0:41:05.280 --> 0:41:09.040
<v Speaker 1>because I know that I know it's the right thing

0:41:09.080 --> 0:41:11.440
<v Speaker 1>for me. Not necessarily it's the global right thing, but

0:41:11.480 --> 0:41:12.520
<v Speaker 1>it's the right thing for me.

0:41:13.080 --> 0:41:13.480
<v Speaker 2>Yeah.

0:41:13.520 --> 0:41:16.160
<v Speaker 1>And you know, we were chatting about my research my

0:41:16.200 --> 0:41:19.120
<v Speaker 1>PhD before we came on here, and yeah, I mean

0:41:19.160 --> 0:41:21.759
<v Speaker 1>there have been one thousand times probably more where I've

0:41:21.800 --> 0:41:23.759
<v Speaker 1>thought why am I doing this? Like this is I

0:41:23.760 --> 0:41:25.799
<v Speaker 1>don't need this? Why am I doing this? I'm lucky?

0:41:25.840 --> 0:41:28.399
<v Speaker 1>You know, there are so many as you go, well,

0:41:28.800 --> 0:41:31.279
<v Speaker 1>you chose that, and you can stop at any time.

0:41:31.320 --> 0:41:34.320
<v Speaker 1>But if you stop, then take ownership and don't pretend

0:41:34.600 --> 0:41:37.279
<v Speaker 1>you're not the problem, because if you stop, you're the

0:41:37.320 --> 0:41:41.000
<v Speaker 1>fucking problem. And if you get through then that's also

0:41:41.080 --> 0:41:44.279
<v Speaker 1>on you. Well done. But it's like this. There's a

0:41:44.320 --> 0:41:47.640
<v Speaker 1>guy called Jocko Willing who kind of polarizes people. He's

0:41:47.640 --> 0:41:51.239
<v Speaker 1>an ex marine and he's written a book called Extreme Ownership,

0:41:51.440 --> 0:41:54.160
<v Speaker 1>and you know, this is one of the ideas. It's like, well,

0:41:54.200 --> 0:41:56.960
<v Speaker 1>if you create good outcomes, well done. If you create

0:41:57.000 --> 0:41:59.600
<v Speaker 1>bad outcomes, own them. You know, you don't have to

0:41:59.640 --> 0:42:02.560
<v Speaker 1>hate you, you don't have to I was thinking before,

0:42:02.600 --> 0:42:04.320
<v Speaker 1>and I'll shut up after this, but I was thinking

0:42:04.320 --> 0:42:09.520
<v Speaker 1>before how much information just gets pumped out and people

0:42:09.640 --> 0:42:13.920
<v Speaker 1>basically on the Internet and you know, reels and all

0:42:13.960 --> 0:42:16.879
<v Speaker 1>the various platforms and all the various mediums that get

0:42:16.960 --> 0:42:20.799
<v Speaker 1>used on those platforms where everyone's shouting a message and

0:42:20.840 --> 0:42:24.640
<v Speaker 1>everyone thinks whatever it is they're saying that they're right.

0:42:25.280 --> 0:42:27.480
<v Speaker 1>And I just think, how often do people think with

0:42:27.600 --> 0:42:29.719
<v Speaker 1>whatever it is that they think or believe or that

0:42:29.800 --> 0:42:35.320
<v Speaker 1>they preach. I wonder if they think, oh, am I wrong?

0:42:36.080 --> 0:42:38.759
<v Speaker 1>Like could I be wrong? I think about that. I

0:42:38.760 --> 0:42:42.000
<v Speaker 1>think about that a lot, and I think I've been

0:42:42.000 --> 0:42:45.080
<v Speaker 1>wrong a lot, you know, So, which is why when

0:42:45.120 --> 0:42:47.560
<v Speaker 1>I say something, I don't go this is what people

0:42:47.640 --> 0:42:50.840
<v Speaker 1>should do. I go, this is what worked for me. Yeah,

0:42:51.040 --> 0:42:53.600
<v Speaker 1>this is what I think. This is my story, this

0:42:53.680 --> 0:42:58.480
<v Speaker 1>is my experience, rather than putting out some global mandate

0:42:58.880 --> 0:43:03.759
<v Speaker 1>everyone who deals with anxiety should do this. No, no,

0:43:03.880 --> 0:43:06.400
<v Speaker 1>I don't think so. But when I'm anxious and I

0:43:06.440 --> 0:43:08.920
<v Speaker 1>do this, this helps me. It may or may not

0:43:09.080 --> 0:43:13.680
<v Speaker 1>help you. You know, for me, success E calls ABC,

0:43:13.960 --> 0:43:18.000
<v Speaker 1>but for you success might be d E F. But

0:43:18.239 --> 0:43:21.960
<v Speaker 1>I just think that that being grounded, where you're okay

0:43:22.000 --> 0:43:25.480
<v Speaker 1>to get shit wrong, you're okay to be scared, you're

0:43:25.520 --> 0:43:28.919
<v Speaker 1>okay to be embarrassed, and you're just going to keep

0:43:28.960 --> 0:43:31.440
<v Speaker 1>grinding and when you fuck up, you'll go I fucked up.

0:43:31.440 --> 0:43:33.480
<v Speaker 1>And when you did great, you go, hey, I did great.

0:43:34.000 --> 0:43:36.920
<v Speaker 1>And there's no ego in either, there's no self hate

0:43:36.960 --> 0:43:37.359
<v Speaker 1>in either.

0:43:37.760 --> 0:43:42.920
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, yeah, I agree. I think I think that just

0:43:43.040 --> 0:43:47.400
<v Speaker 2>some humility and just and inherent in that word is

0:43:47.440 --> 0:43:49.560
<v Speaker 2>just being human. None of us get it right all

0:43:49.600 --> 0:43:54.560
<v Speaker 2>the time. Nobody does. But like you say, you know,

0:43:54.600 --> 0:43:57.200
<v Speaker 2>and I think, I think what part of the problem

0:43:57.320 --> 0:44:01.319
<v Speaker 2>is that there's so there's so much in There's so

0:44:01.440 --> 0:44:04.080
<v Speaker 2>much that people can and a lot of it's conflicting,

0:44:05.719 --> 0:44:08.080
<v Speaker 2>you know, and it depends on your belief systems and

0:44:08.280 --> 0:44:11.719
<v Speaker 2>depends on your you know, kind of like what kind

0:44:11.719 --> 0:44:13.239
<v Speaker 2>of floats your boat as to who you're going to

0:44:13.320 --> 0:44:17.040
<v Speaker 2>listen to. But sometimes it can it can feel like

0:44:17.120 --> 0:44:19.600
<v Speaker 2>it's overwhelming and I don't know, I don't know where

0:44:19.640 --> 0:44:21.640
<v Speaker 2>to start, I don't know who to believe. It's it's

0:44:21.680 --> 0:44:27.320
<v Speaker 2>all a bit much. One thing that I found really

0:44:27.400 --> 0:44:32.080
<v Speaker 2>helpful for me was that just a little in terms

0:44:32.080 --> 0:44:35.680
<v Speaker 2>of making change is using the word I don't instead

0:44:35.680 --> 0:44:43.239
<v Speaker 2>of I can't. And when I because I used to

0:44:43.280 --> 0:44:45.480
<v Speaker 2>love Bailey's I know you're not a drinker, and I'm

0:44:45.520 --> 0:44:48.640
<v Speaker 2>no longer a drinker. I've been about two years alcohol free.

0:44:48.840 --> 0:44:52.839
<v Speaker 2>But when I was a drinker, my kind of kryptonite

0:44:52.920 --> 0:44:58.359
<v Speaker 2>was Bailey's. And I sort of said to myself, I'm

0:44:58.400 --> 0:45:00.919
<v Speaker 2>contradicting myself because for a period time it did work.

0:45:00.960 --> 0:45:04.200
<v Speaker 2>But I was just like, instead of saying I don't

0:45:04.280 --> 0:45:06.399
<v Speaker 2>want to drink Baileyes, because once I start it's hard

0:45:06.400 --> 0:45:09.160
<v Speaker 2>to kind of, you know, stop, like a jocotma, I

0:45:09.160 --> 0:45:12.560
<v Speaker 2>would say to myself, I don't, I actually don't drink Bailey's.

0:45:12.920 --> 0:45:15.040
<v Speaker 2>That was kind of like the reframe that I used

0:45:15.080 --> 0:45:19.040
<v Speaker 2>for myself, and for months that actually really helped me

0:45:19.280 --> 0:45:24.879
<v Speaker 2>to make really good decisions, until it didn't. But sometimes

0:45:24.960 --> 0:45:28.400
<v Speaker 2>it's worth trying these things on and seeing like if

0:45:28.440 --> 0:45:31.600
<v Speaker 2>you consider, say I don't eat after seven o'clock, or

0:45:31.640 --> 0:45:34.440
<v Speaker 2>I don't have dessert every night, or I instead of

0:45:34.480 --> 0:45:37.160
<v Speaker 2>like I'm choosing not to, it's just reframing kind of

0:45:37.160 --> 0:45:41.400
<v Speaker 2>almost your identity around it. And ultimately it worked for

0:45:41.440 --> 0:45:46.440
<v Speaker 2>a while, so it's worth trying. But also that didn't

0:45:46.520 --> 0:45:49.200
<v Speaker 2>last forever for me, and ultimately I just decided I'm

0:45:49.200 --> 0:45:52.839
<v Speaker 2>just actually going to just I just don't drink now.

0:45:52.840 --> 0:45:53.800
<v Speaker 2>And actually that's stuck.

0:45:55.640 --> 0:45:59.919
<v Speaker 1>It takes because I mean, your subconscious programming isn't really

0:46:00.120 --> 0:46:04.520
<v Speaker 1>tuned into your conscious decision making, or it's like yeah,

0:46:04.600 --> 0:46:06.960
<v Speaker 1>in your conscious mind, you're like, oh, I do this,

0:46:07.000 --> 0:46:09.560
<v Speaker 1>and I don't do that. In your subconscious mind's like no,

0:46:09.680 --> 0:46:12.920
<v Speaker 1>you don't. You fucking drink. You're just diluting yourself and

0:46:13.120 --> 0:46:15.960
<v Speaker 1>dreaming and again, yeah, this is just a story you're

0:46:15.960 --> 0:46:20.160
<v Speaker 1>telling yourself. And that's why you know, over time we're

0:46:20.200 --> 0:46:23.440
<v Speaker 1>trying to I mean, it starts with a conscious decision

0:46:23.480 --> 0:46:27.080
<v Speaker 1>and you know, the prefrontal cortex and you know, being

0:46:27.120 --> 0:46:29.879
<v Speaker 1>strategic and all of those things, but ultimately we need

0:46:29.920 --> 0:46:33.400
<v Speaker 1>to hardwire that shit into our subconscious so that it

0:46:33.520 --> 0:46:38.120
<v Speaker 1>becomes our new normal. So once it becomes hardwired, once

0:46:38.160 --> 0:46:41.640
<v Speaker 1>it's basically an expression of who we are. But this

0:46:41.800 --> 0:46:44.440
<v Speaker 1>is just me. I don't need to get motivated to

0:46:44.480 --> 0:46:46.720
<v Speaker 1>go to the gym. I don't need discipline, self control,

0:46:46.800 --> 0:46:50.600
<v Speaker 1>or willpower. I don't need any of that because it's

0:46:50.920 --> 0:46:53.759
<v Speaker 1>just in my DNA. I don't need to try. I

0:46:53.760 --> 0:46:57.760
<v Speaker 1>don't need nobody needs to compliment me for being fucking

0:46:57.880 --> 0:47:01.200
<v Speaker 1>disciplined or anything, because I'm actually because there are other

0:47:01.239 --> 0:47:04.040
<v Speaker 1>things that I probably should do that I avoid because

0:47:04.080 --> 0:47:07.279
<v Speaker 1>I'm not disciplined or no, not that, but because that's

0:47:07.320 --> 0:47:09.200
<v Speaker 1>not part of my normal operating system.

0:47:09.280 --> 0:47:09.440
<v Speaker 2>Right.

0:47:10.200 --> 0:47:13.439
<v Speaker 1>So it's that, you know, just trying to figure out

0:47:13.640 --> 0:47:18.480
<v Speaker 1>over time, what is the thing that is a needs

0:47:18.520 --> 0:47:21.439
<v Speaker 1>to become just hardwired into who I am and how

0:47:21.480 --> 0:47:25.120
<v Speaker 1>I am, not a thing that I do because I'm

0:47:25.160 --> 0:47:28.520
<v Speaker 1>in the zone or I'm disciplined, or I'm doing a

0:47:28.560 --> 0:47:32.080
<v Speaker 1>program or i'm you know, And I mean, that's not

0:47:32.160 --> 0:47:35.759
<v Speaker 1>a three month process. That's sometimes that's a three year process,

0:47:36.239 --> 0:47:40.600
<v Speaker 1>especially when you've been doing something for thirty years a

0:47:40.640 --> 0:47:42.960
<v Speaker 1>certain way and now you can't undo that or you

0:47:43.000 --> 0:47:46.879
<v Speaker 1>can't write new code by Wednesday, you know. So it's

0:47:46.920 --> 0:47:51.480
<v Speaker 1>a journey. It's a psychological, emotional, behavioral, and physiological journey.

0:47:52.080 --> 0:47:55.719
<v Speaker 1>And when you tell people, I get asked often in

0:47:55.840 --> 0:47:58.120
<v Speaker 1>talks how long does it take to break a habit?

0:47:59.400 --> 0:48:01.360
<v Speaker 1>And I go, well, there's no answer to that, and

0:48:01.400 --> 0:48:03.799
<v Speaker 1>it's it's I wouldn't say this to them, but it's

0:48:03.840 --> 0:48:06.600
<v Speaker 1>a really ignorant question because it's assuming there's a number,

0:48:06.640 --> 0:48:10.759
<v Speaker 1>which is completely unscientific. Are we talking about giving up

0:48:10.760 --> 0:48:15.200
<v Speaker 1>sugar or heroin? We you know, are we talking about

0:48:15.280 --> 0:48:17.640
<v Speaker 1>I've been having sugar in my coffee for six months,

0:48:17.719 --> 0:48:21.040
<v Speaker 1>or have been you know, addicted to drugs for twenty

0:48:21.080 --> 0:48:24.200
<v Speaker 1>five years, and my life is you know, not in

0:48:24.239 --> 0:48:25.879
<v Speaker 1>a great way, and I'm not in a great way.

0:48:25.920 --> 0:48:29.319
<v Speaker 1>And this is a very very very complicated issue. Well

0:48:29.360 --> 0:48:32.640
<v Speaker 1>it's different, and you know, and nothing but love and

0:48:32.680 --> 0:48:37.480
<v Speaker 1>empathy for people with addictive challenges, right, but it's well this,

0:48:37.840 --> 0:48:41.160
<v Speaker 1>you know, you're not gonna you're not going to fix

0:48:41.239 --> 0:48:45.560
<v Speaker 1>that quickly. You know that that doesn't get fixed quickly. Also,

0:48:46.160 --> 0:48:50.560
<v Speaker 1>and in other news, that's fine, that's fine, you don't

0:48:50.560 --> 0:48:53.640
<v Speaker 1>have to you know, you can change your behavior straight away.

0:48:54.360 --> 0:48:57.920
<v Speaker 1>You can change your decision making straight away, you can

0:48:58.000 --> 0:49:01.239
<v Speaker 1>change your lifestyle trade away, straight up way, but you

0:49:01.280 --> 0:49:06.080
<v Speaker 1>can't change your default setting straight away. Can't rewire your

0:49:06.120 --> 0:49:11.120
<v Speaker 1>brain straight away. No, this is a journey. So be

0:49:11.280 --> 0:49:13.080
<v Speaker 1>patient or you're going to be disappointed.

0:49:14.120 --> 0:49:19.000
<v Speaker 2>I share occasionally the idea of kind of rewiring. If

0:49:19.000 --> 0:49:21.399
<v Speaker 2>you think of like a field of like neck high

0:49:21.440 --> 0:49:25.319
<v Speaker 2>grass that's really thick and lush and you're walking through

0:49:25.320 --> 0:49:29.080
<v Speaker 2>it for the first time. It is so hard to do.

0:49:29.200 --> 0:49:31.719
<v Speaker 2>There's a lot of resistance. It's difficult. But the more

0:49:31.760 --> 0:49:34.440
<v Speaker 2>you walk that path. The more you lay down that grass,

0:49:34.480 --> 0:49:38.359
<v Speaker 2>the easier that path can, you know, take you from

0:49:38.440 --> 0:49:41.280
<v Speaker 2>A to B. And that's kind of what can happen

0:49:41.320 --> 0:49:44.600
<v Speaker 2>in our brain, building those new connections and creating those

0:49:44.680 --> 0:49:49.080
<v Speaker 2>new patterns. But something you said before too is that

0:49:50.239 --> 0:49:54.200
<v Speaker 2>we do have a choice, and we can make a

0:49:54.239 --> 0:49:56.759
<v Speaker 2>different choice. And I think when we remind ourselves that

0:49:56.800 --> 0:50:00.839
<v Speaker 2>we have a choice, that can often be quite liberating

0:50:01.040 --> 0:50:04.239
<v Speaker 2>because we can choose to stay. You know, you can

0:50:04.320 --> 0:50:09.719
<v Speaker 2>choose to have I'm just trying to think of an example.

0:50:11.400 --> 0:50:13.760
<v Speaker 2>I can't think of an example at the moment. KFC

0:50:13.840 --> 0:50:17.080
<v Speaker 2>keeps coming to mind, which I hate. But you know,

0:50:17.239 --> 0:50:19.600
<v Speaker 2>like you, when you do have a choice, I think

0:50:19.640 --> 0:50:23.680
<v Speaker 2>it shows you that you've you can do something different

0:50:23.840 --> 0:50:28.480
<v Speaker 2>and that ultimately we are the ones that are responsible.

0:50:30.200 --> 0:50:33.640
<v Speaker 2>But yeah, I don't know, I've lost my train of thought. Actually,

0:50:33.680 --> 0:50:35.640
<v Speaker 2>perhaps I'm not sure where I'm going with that, but

0:50:35.719 --> 0:50:38.600
<v Speaker 2>I just know in personally in my own life, like

0:50:38.680 --> 0:50:41.640
<v Speaker 2>when I was teaching and I needed to move out

0:50:41.640 --> 0:50:46.680
<v Speaker 2>of teaching, but I chose to stay because I wasn't

0:50:46.680 --> 0:50:48.920
<v Speaker 2>sure where I was going. But I was finding it

0:50:48.960 --> 0:50:51.160
<v Speaker 2>really hard because my mental health hadn't been good. I

0:50:51.280 --> 0:50:54.440
<v Speaker 2>just remember my psychologist saying to me, you've got a

0:50:54.520 --> 0:50:56.880
<v Speaker 2>choice here. You could go and get a job at Woolly's.

0:50:57.600 --> 0:50:59.759
<v Speaker 2>You could go and work in a cafe. You know

0:50:59.800 --> 0:51:02.400
<v Speaker 2>that back back in the day, there was no shortage

0:51:02.400 --> 0:51:06.040
<v Speaker 2>of work. So we said, if you're staying in teaching,

0:51:06.200 --> 0:51:08.719
<v Speaker 2>you're choosing to am I right in that, And I'm like, yeah,

0:51:08.719 --> 0:51:12.400
<v Speaker 2>I absolutely am. So. I just felt so liberated by

0:51:12.480 --> 0:51:16.359
<v Speaker 2>just this recognition that I have autonomy here. I can

0:51:16.440 --> 0:51:19.240
<v Speaker 2>make a choice. I don't have to do the things

0:51:19.360 --> 0:51:22.719
<v Speaker 2>that I'm doing. It's what I'm choosing to do. And

0:51:22.760 --> 0:51:25.640
<v Speaker 2>I think when it comes to behavior change, I think

0:51:25.880 --> 0:51:28.200
<v Speaker 2>just recognizing that we have a choice about what we do,

0:51:28.239 --> 0:51:30.120
<v Speaker 2>and that every day we don't do something that's a

0:51:30.200 --> 0:51:30.719
<v Speaker 2>choice too.

0:51:31.560 --> 0:51:35.600
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, one hundred percent, and that's yeah, let's not beat

0:51:35.640 --> 0:51:38.239
<v Speaker 1>ourselves up over that. Let's just acknowledge that. I mean,

0:51:38.280 --> 0:51:41.160
<v Speaker 1>there have been times in my life where there were

0:51:41.200 --> 0:51:43.880
<v Speaker 1>things that I really needed to do and for a

0:51:43.960 --> 0:51:46.719
<v Speaker 1>range of reasons that we don't have time to explore,

0:51:47.040 --> 0:51:50.440
<v Speaker 1>I didn't do them, and you know, and then I

0:51:50.480 --> 0:51:52.560
<v Speaker 1>got to a point where I was ready and I

0:51:52.560 --> 0:51:56.520
<v Speaker 1>did it for me. I try very hard to once

0:51:56.560 --> 0:51:58.399
<v Speaker 1>I go. I'm doing it. I need to make sure

0:51:58.400 --> 0:52:00.920
<v Speaker 1>that I'm really really ready because I don't want to

0:52:00.960 --> 0:52:04.720
<v Speaker 1>do it and then stop. Yeah, you know, Hey, Tiffany

0:52:04.800 --> 0:52:06.799
<v Speaker 1>and Cook's got to go. I've got to go, You've

0:52:06.840 --> 0:52:10.360
<v Speaker 1>got to go. Well. Hello Anxiety is the name of

0:52:10.440 --> 0:52:15.200
<v Speaker 1>Jody's podcast. Dr Jody's podcast where Else. Yes, let's pump

0:52:15.280 --> 0:52:18.200
<v Speaker 1>that if we could tell people what you're holding. Because

0:52:18.200 --> 0:52:20.680
<v Speaker 1>I'm the world's worst friend, I haven't promoted that yet.

0:52:20.840 --> 0:52:22.960
<v Speaker 1>I promise you I will do it on my socials

0:52:22.960 --> 0:52:25.040
<v Speaker 1>this week. Tell people about what you're holding.

0:52:26.040 --> 0:52:29.120
<v Speaker 2>Oh my gosh, My Anxiety Toolkit a seventy card deck

0:52:29.200 --> 0:52:32.640
<v Speaker 2>that is designed to support parents and educators with supporting

0:52:32.760 --> 0:52:36.399
<v Speaker 2>anxious kids and teens. So available on my website, Dr

0:52:36.440 --> 0:52:37.800
<v Speaker 2>Jodiichison dot com.

0:52:38.440 --> 0:52:40.560
<v Speaker 1>Perfect And there's a few books on there that bloody

0:52:40.640 --> 0:52:43.200
<v Speaker 1>sell like hotcakes too. So if you be very good,

0:52:43.280 --> 0:52:45.600
<v Speaker 1>she might sign one for you and write a little message.

0:52:45.640 --> 0:52:47.359
<v Speaker 1>Would you do that? Would you write a little hello?

0:52:48.200 --> 0:52:51.200
<v Speaker 2>Oh yeah, if somebody would like for me to dedicate

0:52:51.200 --> 0:52:53.279
<v Speaker 2>it to someone in particular, then yeah, I sign every

0:52:53.280 --> 0:52:55.560
<v Speaker 2>book I sell. Yeah, definitely, very good.

0:52:55.600 --> 0:53:00.480
<v Speaker 1>Well, say goodbye a fair but Dr Joe thanks. Dr Tiff, Thanks, audience,

0:53:00.600 --> 0:53:02.680
<v Speaker 1>thanks thanks guys Mite, thank you.