WEBVTT - #1946 Are Your Thoughts Even Yours? - Harps 0:00:00.480 --> 0:00:01.319 Good a Groovers. 0:00:01.960 --> 0:00:04.160 Do you ever think about why you think the way 0:00:04.200 --> 0:00:08.080 you think, where your thinking comes from, how much of 0:00:08.119 --> 0:00:12.039 your thinking is actually yours? 0:00:13.800 --> 0:00:17.320 You know that saying? What is the saying? 0:00:17.720 --> 0:00:20.520 Is it like we become or we are the average 0:00:20.880 --> 0:00:23.400 of the five people we spend the most time with. 0:00:25.680 --> 0:00:29.240 It's interesting because there's not there's no real science to that, 0:00:30.640 --> 0:00:35.800 but there's some science that supports the idea very strongly, 0:00:35.880 --> 0:00:39.760 of course, that we kind of adopt the thinking or 0:00:39.800 --> 0:00:44.840 are heavily influenced by the thinking and behaving and beliefs 0:00:44.880 --> 0:00:50.000 and values and habits and lifestyle of people that we 0:00:50.159 --> 0:00:53.159 live with or hang out with, or socialize with, or 0:00:53.200 --> 0:00:56.360 know or trust or respect or look up to. So 0:00:56.560 --> 0:01:01.760 very much there is a social influence that impacts how 0:01:01.760 --> 0:01:06.040 we are. Social influence is powerful. We are at the 0:01:06.160 --> 0:01:09.600 very least influenced by the beliefs and behaviors and habits 0:01:09.640 --> 0:01:18.560 and thinking standards values of the people around us. So 0:01:19.120 --> 0:01:21.560 it's good to be mindful of this because sometimes we 0:01:21.600 --> 0:01:27.240 think where we are thinking critically when we're not really 0:01:27.319 --> 0:01:35.679 thinking critically or objectively or independently, where thinking through the 0:01:35.760 --> 0:01:38.560 filter of our programming without even being aware of the 0:01:38.600 --> 0:01:41.720 programming so we're starting with and by the way, this 0:01:41.840 --> 0:01:44.080 is everyone, this is me too. So this is not 0:01:44.160 --> 0:01:46.600 something we're going to fix or solve or resolve on 0:01:46.640 --> 0:01:48.920 today's show. We're just talking about it as we always do. 0:01:49.000 --> 0:01:52.240 But I think the beginning of the beginning of being 0:01:52.240 --> 0:01:57.040 able to think critically and clearly and independently of the 0:01:57.120 --> 0:01:59.920 programming and the influencers, and the church and the sinner 0:02:00.360 --> 0:02:03.640 and the culture and the habit and the environment, the 0:02:03.680 --> 0:02:06.080 media and the social media and all of those things 0:02:06.120 --> 0:02:10.280 and people and factors that influence how you and I 0:02:10.400 --> 0:02:14.640 think the beginning is to go, well, fuck my thinking. 0:02:14.680 --> 0:02:16.480 We probably don't have to say the well fuck, but 0:02:16.520 --> 0:02:22.360 you could probably just start after that is really really impacted, influenced, 0:02:22.520 --> 0:02:27.120 if not in some ways almost determined by who I 0:02:27.240 --> 0:02:31.320 pay attention to, who I listen to, who I trust, 0:02:31.600 --> 0:02:37.120 who I think is right, because invariably we kind of 0:02:37.120 --> 0:02:42.320 often adopt and adapt the thinking of others because we 0:02:42.360 --> 0:02:44.440 look up to them and we think they're clever or 0:02:44.480 --> 0:02:46.440 we think they're right, and we kind of want to 0:02:46.440 --> 0:02:50.360 be like them. So how better could we be like 0:02:50.480 --> 0:02:53.160 them than kind of adapt and adopt their thinking and 0:02:53.160 --> 0:02:55.880 their behaviors. Right, we look up to people. We think 0:02:56.000 --> 0:02:58.760 highly of them, we think they're cool, we think they 0:02:58.800 --> 0:03:02.600 are good people. And of course, and this includes me, 0:03:02.720 --> 0:03:06.280 this is all of us. We are influenced somewhere between 0:03:06.280 --> 0:03:09.280 a little bit and a great big bit in terms 0:03:09.360 --> 0:03:12.960 of how we then do life. We do life, so 0:03:13.000 --> 0:03:18.919 we very often can, in a social way and an 0:03:19.000 --> 0:03:22.240 experiential way and a practical way, become a version of 0:03:22.280 --> 0:03:26.440 someone else. And I guess that begs the question, is 0:03:26.480 --> 0:03:32.240 that terrible? My instinctive feeling is like, yes, that's fucking terrible. 0:03:32.280 --> 0:03:33.280 But I guess it. 0:03:33.240 --> 0:03:35.720 Depends on the outcome, doesn't it. If you kind of 0:03:35.720 --> 0:03:37.440 look up to your mum and your mum's great, your 0:03:37.480 --> 0:03:39.760 mum does ABC and D, and then you go, fuck, 0:03:39.800 --> 0:03:42.600 I'm doing all of that, and I'm and mum's pretty 0:03:42.600 --> 0:03:44.920 functional and operational and happy, and so are you? 0:03:45.120 --> 0:03:47.680 Then who am I to go? Then you should stop that. 0:03:48.000 --> 0:03:53.080 But I think there's something to be said, definitely something 0:03:53.120 --> 0:03:57.040 to be said for starting to think about how we 0:03:57.120 --> 0:03:59.480 think and why we think the way that we do, 0:04:00.120 --> 0:04:03.560 because which of course has metacognition thinking about thinking, but 0:04:03.840 --> 0:04:09.240 so much of so much of our life where we're 0:04:09.320 --> 0:04:17.320 just plowing through days, situations, conversations and counters, interactions, experiences 0:04:18.680 --> 0:04:23.240 with kind of almost blinders on, so to speak. We 0:04:23.640 --> 0:04:27.880 just think how we think, and we don't even question 0:04:28.680 --> 0:04:32.960 whether or not how we're thinking in this moment is 0:04:33.000 --> 0:04:35.240 actually serving us or sabotaging us. 0:04:35.720 --> 0:04:36.760 Is the way that I. 0:04:36.720 --> 0:04:40.800 Think in this moment, helping or hindering this conversation, this 0:04:40.960 --> 0:04:45.960 problem solving session, this conflict resolution session, this meeting, this 0:04:46.120 --> 0:04:48.640 thing that I'm in the middle of with another person 0:04:49.360 --> 0:04:55.120 is my worldview, my thinking. The way that I look 0:04:55.160 --> 0:04:59.720 at this stuff, the way that I'm dissecting and processing 0:04:59.760 --> 0:05:02.400 and be meaning to this moment in time with this 0:05:02.480 --> 0:05:06.360 person or these people, Is that a positive or a negative? 0:05:07.040 --> 0:05:09.760 And if we're really brave and honest, sometimes the way 0:05:09.760 --> 0:05:13.160 that we look at things sometimes, the way that we think, sometimes, 0:05:13.160 --> 0:05:15.560 the way that we communicate sometimes, the way that we 0:05:15.600 --> 0:05:18.919 make decisions, sometimes, the way that we do All of 0:05:18.960 --> 0:05:24.200 that stuff which starts with a thought is problematic. And 0:05:24.279 --> 0:05:27.520 so again we default to self awareness, not self loathing, 0:05:28.000 --> 0:05:32.560 and we say, all right, well, what can I do 0:05:32.680 --> 0:05:35.720 about that? How can I get better? So we are 0:05:35.760 --> 0:05:39.560 around people who, of course have their own beliefs and 0:05:39.640 --> 0:05:42.719 values and ideas, and I think the challenge in the 0:05:42.720 --> 0:05:45.360 middle of that is to be able to listen to. 0:05:46.960 --> 0:05:47.440 Not everyone. 0:05:47.520 --> 0:05:49.520 We can't listen everyone, but listen to the people that 0:05:49.600 --> 0:05:53.000 you think are worth listening to. Pay attention, you know, 0:05:53.160 --> 0:05:55.839 like consider what they're saying, Like with this podcast, don't 0:05:55.839 --> 0:05:58.760 believe everything I say because you know some of you 0:05:58.839 --> 0:06:03.600 may like me or think I mildly interesting. Perhaps consider 0:06:03.640 --> 0:06:06.880 what I'm saying and then think about whether or not 0:06:07.000 --> 0:06:10.839 it's worth opening the door on the thoughts and ideas 0:06:11.160 --> 0:06:13.719 and advice that I might present over the next thirty 0:06:13.720 --> 0:06:16.839 minutes or so, and then go do your own research. 0:06:16.880 --> 0:06:20.440 So look like he's a really fundamental question. Does my 0:06:20.680 --> 0:06:25.800 thinking empower me or disempower me? For the most part, 0:06:27.400 --> 0:06:30.719 is it catapulting me forward? Or is it holding me back? 0:06:31.880 --> 0:06:35.960 Is the contents of my mind? Are the contents of 0:06:36.000 --> 0:06:40.000 my mind more of a positive or more of a 0:06:40.080 --> 0:06:45.240 negative on average? Again, self awareness, And if the answer 0:06:45.279 --> 0:06:47.680 is like, my mind is getting in the way, Sometimes 0:06:47.720 --> 0:06:50.520 my thoughts are getting in the way. Sometimes I am 0:06:50.560 --> 0:06:55.320 self sabotaging. I am wasting potential and time and energy. 0:06:55.800 --> 0:07:00.440 I am obsessing about shit that I can't change, certain 0:07:00.480 --> 0:07:03.680 beliefs that I didn't even choose I've got certain ways 0:07:03.720 --> 0:07:06.880 of thinking and looking at the world that I didn't choose. 0:07:07.000 --> 0:07:09.480 I just think like this because Dad thinks like this, 0:07:09.760 --> 0:07:12.160 or that dude that I love thinks like this, or 0:07:12.200 --> 0:07:13.120 this person. 0:07:13.040 --> 0:07:17.000 That I respect. I didn't actually choose this myself. 0:07:17.040 --> 0:07:23.320 This is just an an emotional contagion. This is social osmosis, 0:07:23.960 --> 0:07:28.160 where I've been around certain people who think and feel 0:07:28.280 --> 0:07:32.240 and communicate and behave and live a certain way, and 0:07:32.280 --> 0:07:34.600 now I'm a version of them. And like I said 0:07:34.600 --> 0:07:37.760 to you, if the byproduct of that is positive, probably 0:07:37.800 --> 0:07:39.239 don't need to worry. 0:07:39.840 --> 0:07:41.320 But there is. 0:07:41.320 --> 0:07:48.920 Definitely something to be said for becoming aware of your 0:07:48.960 --> 0:07:53.920 own programming, your own conditioning, the influence that others have 0:07:54.120 --> 0:07:57.320 had on you. And in this moment in time, as you, 0:07:57.520 --> 0:08:01.240 as I say this, for me, as you listen to this, 0:08:01.400 --> 0:08:06.720 for you to think about, why do I think the 0:08:06.760 --> 0:08:07.640 way that I do and. 0:08:07.760 --> 0:08:08.480 Is it working? 0:08:10.200 --> 0:08:13.400 So back to the original question or statement, is that 0:08:13.440 --> 0:08:15.679 we become the average of the five people we spend 0:08:15.680 --> 0:08:18.520 the most time with. I think the bottom line is 0:08:18.560 --> 0:08:24.840 that that's not literally true. It's interesting though, and it's 0:08:24.880 --> 0:08:30.880 generally I think generally somewhat true. You will see things 0:08:31.560 --> 0:08:36.000 in me that are a reflection of the five people 0:08:36.120 --> 0:08:39.240 or ten people or you know. However, many people that 0:08:39.280 --> 0:08:41.640 I respect or I look up to, or I love, 0:08:41.920 --> 0:08:45.520 or that are important to me, you will see things 0:08:45.600 --> 0:08:50.760 which in me are an expression of them. But it's 0:08:50.800 --> 0:08:54.680 not true that you know you are a numerical average 0:08:54.720 --> 0:08:59.240 of you know, your friends, I qus incomes traits, behavior's mindset. 0:08:59.760 --> 0:09:04.720 That's not literally true. And also, of course some people 0:09:04.800 --> 0:09:09.280 resist peer influence more than others. You know, personality, self awareness, 0:09:09.800 --> 0:09:14.280 and values matter. Some people are really are naturally I 0:09:14.280 --> 0:09:18.559 think more critical thinkers and question things and push back. 0:09:19.840 --> 0:09:24.760 I think even though I in my life have many 0:09:24.800 --> 0:09:29.440 times succumbed to I call it the enormity of conformity, 0:09:30.120 --> 0:09:36.559 where I've stepped into line where it's not my proudest moment, 0:09:36.640 --> 0:09:41.480 but times when I've really kind of compromised myself because 0:09:41.720 --> 0:09:44.679 I thought I wanted to belong to a certain group. 0:09:45.000 --> 0:09:46.080 Without going into it. 0:09:46.160 --> 0:09:51.000 But eventually, even within the context of that group or 0:09:51.120 --> 0:09:54.320 those groups that I belong to, at times I would 0:09:54.320 --> 0:09:58.760 get in inverted commas in trouble because I would question 0:09:58.960 --> 0:10:04.000 the group think. I would not agree with an idea, 0:10:04.520 --> 0:10:07.640 I would not agree with an attitude or a belief, 0:10:07.760 --> 0:10:12.319 or at the very least I would question that. Now, 0:10:13.040 --> 0:10:16.160 remember that the price of membership to a lot of 0:10:16.200 --> 0:10:21.880 groups is that you believe what we believe, you think, 0:10:21.920 --> 0:10:26.280 what you think, you behave how we behave you conform, 0:10:26.480 --> 0:10:31.000 and to belong to this group, you can't have other beliefs. 0:10:31.440 --> 0:10:35.040 You have to have these beliefs. You can't think unless 0:10:35.080 --> 0:10:39.040 you unless you're independent thinking happens to align with the 0:10:39.080 --> 0:10:42.400 group thinking. Well, then that's cool, that's tickety boo, that's fine, 0:10:42.440 --> 0:10:47.079 big tick for you. But if your independent thinking doesn't 0:10:47.120 --> 0:10:52.679 align with the group thinking, with the mantra, with the mission, 0:10:52.880 --> 0:10:57.360 with the ideology or theology or philosophy or whatever the 0:10:57.360 --> 0:11:02.640 group is, well then you can't belong because your membership 0:11:03.240 --> 0:11:08.480 to that group is dependent on you not disagreeing. It's 0:11:08.520 --> 0:11:14.240 dependent on you not thinking individually, independently or critically unless 0:11:14.280 --> 0:11:19.240 that critical thought aligns with the group thought. And not 0:11:19.280 --> 0:11:22.880 only can you not think for yourself unless we're happy 0:11:22.920 --> 0:11:25.439 with it, of course, unless we the group are happy 0:11:25.480 --> 0:11:28.960 with your independent thinking or it meets certain criteria. Not 0:11:29.000 --> 0:11:31.240 only can you not we will then make you feel 0:11:31.280 --> 0:11:38.320 bad and guilty and less than and potentially scared because 0:11:39.120 --> 0:11:44.120 there is a very real nudge, nudge, wink wink price 0:11:44.200 --> 0:11:47.240 to pay for not thinking like we think and for 0:11:47.320 --> 0:11:52.319 pushing back and questioning. Here's the fucking kicker, the truth 0:11:53.360 --> 0:11:56.320 because our group, fuck all the other groups. Our group 0:11:56.800 --> 0:12:00.320 has the truth. I'm not just talking about religion, think, 0:12:00.320 --> 0:12:01.560 I'm just talking about religon. 0:12:01.559 --> 0:12:01.880 Oh no. 0:12:02.720 --> 0:12:09.480 There are so many groups which basically are cults. They 0:12:09.520 --> 0:12:13.559 are thought cults where they try to control people. And 0:12:13.640 --> 0:12:15.719 why do they want to control people? Why do they 0:12:15.760 --> 0:12:19.360 want to manipulate people, you know, with all of this 0:12:19.720 --> 0:12:23.440 fear based ideology in philosophy and theology, because it's in 0:12:23.600 --> 0:12:28.079 their interest to have people scared, it's in their interest 0:12:28.160 --> 0:12:32.600 to have people fully committed, because we can only grow 0:12:32.880 --> 0:12:35.880 if we can control and manipulate people. And as you 0:12:35.920 --> 0:12:38.679 probably are becoming aware, I farcking hate this. 0:12:40.160 --> 0:12:40.480 Now. 0:12:41.240 --> 0:12:42.559 Does that to say all groups are bad? 0:12:42.600 --> 0:12:43.000 Of course not. 0:12:43.040 --> 0:12:46.480 There are some great groups. There are some great groups. 0:12:47.000 --> 0:12:49.920 But the best groups are the groups where we're not 0:12:50.000 --> 0:12:52.560 living in an echo chamber. We don't all have to 0:12:52.640 --> 0:12:56.360 think identically, we don't all have to conform to a 0:12:56.400 --> 0:13:01.280 certain paradigm or philosophy of thought. We don't all have 0:13:01.440 --> 0:13:06.760 to We might actually have quite divergent thinking and ideas 0:13:06.800 --> 0:13:11.840 and lifestyles and behaviors. There's probably some commonality, like we 0:13:11.920 --> 0:13:15.880 don't do horrible shit and we don't hurt people. Maybe 0:13:15.920 --> 0:13:18.160 we operate in love as much as we can. But 0:13:18.240 --> 0:13:23.440 there can be a broad cross section of ideas and 0:13:23.480 --> 0:13:26.880 beliefs and philosophies and ideologies even within the same group, 0:13:27.000 --> 0:13:30.720 if it's not one of the aforementioned groups. 0:13:31.280 --> 0:13:34.240 So, in other words, if it's the right kind of group. 0:13:36.679 --> 0:13:39.160 Now, I know I've spoken about this many times when 0:13:39.200 --> 0:13:41.880 I talk about our programming, but I just think it's 0:13:41.960 --> 0:13:48.559 important to revisit again. And why Because because we've all 0:13:48.600 --> 0:13:51.000 been programmed or influenced. 0:13:52.120 --> 0:13:53.200 As to how we. 0:13:53.120 --> 0:13:56.480 Think and how we live and how we behave and 0:13:56.520 --> 0:13:58.960 what we eat, and whether or not we exercise, and 0:13:59.000 --> 0:14:00.839 who we hang out with and why we hang out 0:14:00.880 --> 0:14:03.640 with them, and whether or not we believe in God 0:14:03.760 --> 0:14:06.560 or multiple gods or this God or that God, or 0:14:07.840 --> 0:14:13.120 most of that kind of internal reality is a byproduct 0:14:13.200 --> 0:14:15.400 of who we've been around, or what we've seen or 0:14:15.400 --> 0:14:19.960 what we've been exposed to, And at the very least 0:14:20.480 --> 0:14:24.280 it's a byproduct of influence, if not control and manipulation 0:14:24.400 --> 0:14:30.400 in some cases, So the really big challenge, as I 0:14:30.480 --> 0:14:32.480 see it again, this is just me thinking out loud. 0:14:32.520 --> 0:14:34.960 If you think it's bullshit, ignore me, turn off right now, 0:14:35.000 --> 0:14:36.920 and I'll see you. I'll never see you next time. 0:14:37.160 --> 0:14:37.600 All good. 0:14:38.120 --> 0:14:40.840 But as I see it, and this is someone who 0:14:40.840 --> 0:14:47.480 grew up in a very specific school or echo chamber 0:14:47.800 --> 0:14:54.760 of thought, the challenge for us is to recognize the 0:14:54.800 --> 0:15:02.240 gap between what is happening or what is true, what 0:15:02.440 --> 0:15:08.520 is objectively true, and what we think is true. So 0:15:08.600 --> 0:15:10.680 even in a practical sense, out in the world when 0:15:10.720 --> 0:15:14.240 things are going on, so the gap between the thing 0:15:14.320 --> 0:15:17.400 that's going on, the event, the circumstances, situation, what the 0:15:17.400 --> 0:15:24.040 person's saying, and my story, my story about that thing, 0:15:24.120 --> 0:15:28.920 because the thing and my story are quite different. One 0:15:29.040 --> 0:15:33.600 is a stimulus. One is a response. So something goes 0:15:33.680 --> 0:15:36.480 on in the world, I tell myself a story, and 0:15:36.640 --> 0:15:40.280 my story might be, Oh, that guy is a bad 0:15:40.360 --> 0:15:45.000 guy because that guy is in the wrong religion, or 0:15:45.040 --> 0:15:47.840 that guy does this or does that, or looks a 0:15:47.880 --> 0:15:50.640 certain way or dresses a certain way that doesn't fit 0:15:50.720 --> 0:15:54.640 into my version or my story of how he or 0:15:54.680 --> 0:15:58.560 she should dress or live, or worship or eat or 0:15:58.600 --> 0:16:02.520 behave or interaction act or marry or not marry. It 0:16:02.560 --> 0:16:05.240 doesn't fit in with my story of what is right. 0:16:06.120 --> 0:16:10.720 So I'm not just observing something. I'm telling myself about 0:16:10.760 --> 0:16:14.160 the something that I'm observing. And so in the middle 0:16:14.160 --> 0:16:20.000 of that is a story. Now consciousness awareness is me 0:16:20.320 --> 0:16:24.240 and you being able to recognize the thing or there's 0:16:24.280 --> 0:16:25.560 a person on the other side. 0:16:25.320 --> 0:16:25.800 Of the street. 0:16:26.800 --> 0:16:30.240 That's the thing, that's just that's the recognition, and then 0:16:30.280 --> 0:16:33.560 the story is what I tell myself about that person 0:16:33.600 --> 0:16:36.760 on the other side of the street. Now, awareness and 0:16:36.800 --> 0:16:41.560 opening the door on consciousness and critical thinking is being 0:16:41.560 --> 0:16:45.640 able to recognize the gap between the objective reality of 0:16:45.680 --> 0:16:47.320 the person on the other side of the street and 0:16:47.320 --> 0:16:53.320 your subsequent story about it. That's awareness, that's step one. 0:16:53.480 --> 0:16:57.840 That's consciousness. That's opening a door to a different level 0:16:58.360 --> 0:17:01.120 of thinking and experiencing. 0:17:01.680 --> 0:17:04.359 And so for us as we move through the world, 0:17:04.400 --> 0:17:05.720 as we move through. 0:17:05.560 --> 0:17:09.240 Days, is to be able to in the moment, which 0:17:09.280 --> 0:17:13.280 is really hard because this is like level nine self awareness, 0:17:13.560 --> 0:17:17.160 which is difficult, is to be able to recognize, oh, 0:17:17.280 --> 0:17:20.280 I reacted that way, or I think this way, or 0:17:20.320 --> 0:17:24.440 I'm processing this experience this way, or in fact, I'm 0:17:24.480 --> 0:17:31.160 even having this experience because of how I think, and 0:17:31.240 --> 0:17:38.040 how I think is because of my programming. Now, programming 0:17:38.080 --> 0:17:40.960 is not bad. Programming is part of the human experience. 0:17:41.600 --> 0:17:47.600 But it's recognizing what are the components or what of 0:17:47.760 --> 0:17:52.280 my programming, which you know came via my education and 0:17:52.280 --> 0:17:54.439 my parents and my friends and where I grew up 0:17:54.480 --> 0:17:56.399 and how I grew up and what I did and 0:17:56.440 --> 0:17:59.920 who I hung out with. That's all programming, that's all influence. 0:18:01.680 --> 0:18:04.280 What of that is really working for me? And what 0:18:04.800 --> 0:18:08.840 has become a problem for me? What is a limitation? 0:18:09.600 --> 0:18:12.200 How does the way that I see the world, How 0:18:12.240 --> 0:18:14.480 does the way that I think, How does the way 0:18:14.480 --> 0:18:17.960 that I process life and do life as a result 0:18:18.040 --> 0:18:19.000 of that programming? 0:18:19.720 --> 0:18:21.040 How does that affect me? 0:18:21.200 --> 0:18:21.520 Now? 0:18:21.960 --> 0:18:25.160 For good and for bad? 0:18:26.800 --> 0:18:31.240 Personally, I always have to be aware that I'm looking 0:18:31.280 --> 0:18:34.000 through the Craig window, and the Craig window sometimes is 0:18:34.040 --> 0:18:36.560 a fucked up window. Sometimes the Craig window is not 0:18:36.600 --> 0:18:40.919 a great window. Sometimes I'm looking at something through a 0:18:41.000 --> 0:18:46.480 lens that is not particularly uplifting or empowering or positive. 0:18:47.920 --> 0:18:50.600 Sometimes that is what's going on for me, and I'm 0:18:50.600 --> 0:18:53.679 sure that's going on for you sometimes. But here's what 0:18:53.920 --> 0:18:57.640 not to do. When you're doing that, don't beat yourself up, 0:18:58.440 --> 0:19:01.080 done self loath. Guess what that jeeves fuck all, Well, 0:19:01.119 --> 0:19:03.920 that's not true. What it achieves is you putting yourself 0:19:03.960 --> 0:19:07.240 in a worse place emotionally and psychologically. So what I 0:19:07.320 --> 0:19:09.080 do is, or what I try to do is and 0:19:09.119 --> 0:19:11.920 I tend to most of the time these days, when 0:19:11.920 --> 0:19:15.000 I'm looking through that shit window or that shit filter 0:19:15.440 --> 0:19:18.560 and I'm telling myself of stories or a story of 0:19:18.600 --> 0:19:21.080 doom and gloom, I try to catch myself in the 0:19:21.080 --> 0:19:22.240 moment and go, oh, listen to me. 0:19:23.240 --> 0:19:24.560 I can Debbie Downer. 0:19:24.760 --> 0:19:27.360 Shout out to Debbie, I don't know why people say that, 0:19:27.560 --> 0:19:30.720 or Dave Downer or Craig Downer. Let's go with Craig Downer, 0:19:31.320 --> 0:19:33.960 and to realize what I am doing and then try 0:19:34.000 --> 0:19:36.560 to And this is like, this is one of the 0:19:36.560 --> 0:19:37.040 tough things. 0:19:37.040 --> 0:19:39.359 I was saying this to Tiff the other day. 0:19:39.520 --> 0:19:42.840 One of the hardest things about, truly about personal growth 0:19:44.040 --> 0:19:47.560 is in the middle of the shit, to be able 0:19:47.640 --> 0:19:50.119 to lean into the lessons and the wisdom and the 0:19:50.160 --> 0:19:54.040 truth and in that moment when you want to tell 0:19:54.119 --> 0:19:57.840 someone or something to fuck off, is to then to 0:19:57.920 --> 0:20:00.959 be able to self manage self regulate, be self aware. 0:20:01.640 --> 0:20:04.880 It's easy to apply all this stuff when life's good 0:20:04.920 --> 0:20:06.920 and the day's good and the winds at our back 0:20:06.920 --> 0:20:09.679 and it's sunny and shit's great. 0:20:10.160 --> 0:20:12.520 But that's not really where we learn and grow and evolve. 0:20:12.560 --> 0:20:16.080 The tough thing is, you know, when I'm in the 0:20:16.080 --> 0:20:17.840 middle of something and I want to be right. 0:20:17.960 --> 0:20:19.320 That's another thing too. 0:20:19.600 --> 0:20:23.480 How attached are we to our thinking and our beliefs 0:20:23.920 --> 0:20:28.160 and our version of truth, our version of what is real. 0:20:28.560 --> 0:20:32.720 We are super attached to that. And so when you 0:20:32.840 --> 0:20:35.800 come into the picture and then you come in with 0:20:35.920 --> 0:20:40.000 a dialogue or a version that is not like my version, 0:20:40.080 --> 0:20:45.400 your story ain't my story, Well that means either one 0:20:45.440 --> 0:20:47.680 of us is wrong or both of us are wrong. 0:20:47.720 --> 0:20:50.800 But either way, I don't be the one that's wrong. 0:20:50.960 --> 0:20:54.960 So you can fuck off. Because my identity and my 0:20:55.119 --> 0:20:58.880 happiness and my calm and the way that I manage 0:20:58.880 --> 0:21:01.400 my fear is I tell myself I'm right. 0:21:03.040 --> 0:21:06.240 But guess what. Let's be honest. 0:21:06.720 --> 0:21:09.520 I'm wrong a lot, You're wrong a lot. How many 0:21:09.520 --> 0:21:13.040 times in your life have you thought something that was untrue? 0:21:13.880 --> 0:21:16.639 How many times have you had an idea that turned 0:21:16.680 --> 0:21:20.560 out to be fucking stupid. I'm thinking, unless you're super 0:21:20.600 --> 0:21:27.560 special a lot. And so to move through life assuming 0:21:27.640 --> 0:21:31.160 that I am right, Assuming that no matter whatever situation 0:21:31.320 --> 0:21:34.160 or argument or confrontation or whatever it is that I'm 0:21:34.160 --> 0:21:37.480 in the middle of, they're wrong, I'm right. Bibbity bobby boo. 0:21:37.520 --> 0:21:41.280 That's great for my ego, great for my self esteem, 0:21:41.320 --> 0:21:46.199 great for you know, my personal comfort because I couldn't 0:21:46.240 --> 0:21:49.720 possibly be wrong. That's too fucking terrifying for me because 0:21:49.760 --> 0:21:54.320 I can't cope. So therefore I'm always right, which again 0:21:54.520 --> 0:21:58.280 that's me building my own emotional and psychological prison. And 0:21:58.359 --> 0:22:00.719 of course I can't be right, of course, so fuck up. 0:22:00.760 --> 0:22:03.120 Of course I get things wrong. But you know what's 0:22:03.160 --> 0:22:10.640 actually liberating is going I got it wrong, not justify, justify, rationalized, justify, explained. 0:22:11.080 --> 0:22:13.440 Oh yeah, A fuck all that, just go I. 0:22:13.400 --> 0:22:17.080 Got it wrong. I'm sorry, I will do better. I'll 0:22:17.080 --> 0:22:17.520 do better. 0:22:18.920 --> 0:22:23.560 I would assume most days, if not all days, every 0:22:23.640 --> 0:22:27.119 day I get something wrong. I might not even be 0:22:27.200 --> 0:22:29.560 aware of it on the same day. I might learn 0:22:30.080 --> 0:22:31.800 a month later, or a week later, a day or 0:22:31.800 --> 0:22:33.960 a year later that I was wrong. But I am 0:22:34.040 --> 0:22:36.320 sure that I get things wrong every single day. In fact, 0:22:36.359 --> 0:22:39.680 I might have done something or said something on this podcast, 0:22:40.040 --> 0:22:42.080 even in the last twenty minutes or so, which is wrong, 0:22:42.119 --> 0:22:44.600 which is flawed, which is less than optimal, which is 0:22:44.640 --> 0:22:48.560 not You know, I'm always second guessing myself, even right now. 0:22:48.680 --> 0:22:51.680 I could, I could right now second guess about fuck? 0:22:51.760 --> 0:22:55.480 Has this been any good? Should I start again? Have 0:22:55.560 --> 0:22:59.000 I explained myself? Is this confusing? Could I have done 0:22:59.040 --> 0:23:00.879 this better? The answer is, of course I could have 0:23:00.920 --> 0:23:04.800 done this better. Virtually everything I do I could have 0:23:04.880 --> 0:23:08.320 done better. But could I have done it worse? Or 0:23:08.359 --> 0:23:11.320 it could have been a complete shitfest? It could have 0:23:11.359 --> 0:23:16.159 been indecipherable garbage. I don't think it's that. 0:23:16.400 --> 0:23:17.840 It could be that. You'll let me know. 0:23:19.720 --> 0:23:23.280 So all right, let's try to end on something constructive. 0:23:23.359 --> 0:23:29.480 So how there's no three step plan? But how can 0:23:29.520 --> 0:23:32.600 we potentially change the way that we think or become 0:23:32.640 --> 0:23:38.760 more aware of our thinking and more conscious so that 0:23:38.840 --> 0:23:42.399 we can start to truly think as much as it 0:23:42.440 --> 0:23:48.560 is possible, critically and independently of you know, the echo 0:23:48.680 --> 0:23:50.800 chamber that we've lived in for much of our life. 0:23:50.880 --> 0:23:53.480 So I think a big part of. 0:23:53.440 --> 0:23:57.399 It is to be open, truly open, And this takes 0:23:57.480 --> 0:24:01.720 courage guts, humility to the idea that our thinking quite 0:24:01.800 --> 0:24:10.080 often is somewhere between limited and somewhat flaw. Somewhat flawed, 0:24:10.160 --> 0:24:18.240 I should say two completely false, completely incorrect. Sometimes I'll 0:24:18.280 --> 0:24:21.600 say something and it's it's you know, it's like, is 0:24:21.640 --> 0:24:24.280 it accurate to say that we become the average of 0:24:24.280 --> 0:24:27.360 the five person people we spend the most time with. No, 0:24:27.600 --> 0:24:33.040 it's not accurate, but there's some truth in it, Like 0:24:33.240 --> 0:24:38.199 it's it's a limited perspective, but there's some insight in 0:24:38.320 --> 0:24:40.840 some truth. And what it's really saying is that the 0:24:40.880 --> 0:24:43.600 people we spend time around, they influence us the way 0:24:43.640 --> 0:24:44.840 that we think and behave. 0:24:44.600 --> 0:24:46.080 And move through the world all of that. 0:24:46.200 --> 0:24:51.399 So yeah, it's but is it totally categorically accurate five people, 0:24:51.480 --> 0:24:54.840 not four, not six, and that we are the average 0:24:54.960 --> 0:25:00.400 numerically and statistically. No, it's not true, right, but it's 0:25:00.440 --> 0:25:04.360 also neither is it complete bullshit? But there have been 0:25:04.400 --> 0:25:08.160 times in my life where I've had to own up 0:25:08.200 --> 0:25:11.480 and step up and say I thought this, but. 0:25:11.520 --> 0:25:16.800