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Speaker 1: Appodjay production.

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Speaker 2: We begin today by acknowledging the traditional custodians of the

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Speaker 2: land on which we gather today and pay our respects

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Speaker 2: to their elders past and present. We extend that respect

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Speaker 2: to Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander people's here today.

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Speaker 3: Welcome to the Grow and Glow Podcast. I'm ashy, I'm Kiara.

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Speaker 3: This is a podcast where we learn, laugh, and level

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Speaker 3: up together.

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Speaker 1: Let's go deep, let the emotions flow, and find the

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Speaker 1: lessons to grow and Glow. Nothing is off the table

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Speaker 1: with Grow and Glow, and we're here to be your expander.

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Speaker 3: Hello, gus, hi, guys, welcome back to Grow and Glow.

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Speaker 1: So we are doing a beautiful episode on what we

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Speaker 1: believe makes a great friendship. Yeah, friendship is something that

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Speaker 1: we get asked about all the time. Obviously we have

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Speaker 1: a beautiful friendship, we have other beautiful friends in our lives,

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Speaker 1: and we've just been talking about the importance of sisterhood.

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Speaker 1: It's just so beautiful. I honestly like a saying a

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Speaker 1: kiara on the way up here. I feel a difference

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Speaker 1: the same with my husband. If finally get quality time

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Speaker 1: with him, I feel I'm not as high vibe if.

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Speaker 4: I didn't get time with my girlfriends.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, they fill my cup and my caut my heart

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Speaker 1: up with so much love and I'm so playful and

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Speaker 1: silly and it's just the best.

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Speaker 4: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: But you know, I think a lot of us can

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Speaker 1: definitely relate and that we've had some friendships that have

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Speaker 1: drindled apart or you've had a falling out or doesn't

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Speaker 1: feel aligned and drained your energy. So you want to

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Speaker 1: talk about what we think makes it an amazing friendship

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Speaker 1: before you get started share all you're like, shut up,

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Speaker 1: let's do share it. My Share of the week is

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Speaker 1: just a recommendation of booking time with your girlfriends.

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Speaker 4: Ah.

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Speaker 1: Like actually, when we're talking about this, like, yeah, actually

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Speaker 1: scheduling it in because I just.

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Speaker 3: Said to you Ash all the way up, I was like,

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Speaker 3: we need to do that. We just don't miss you.

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Speaker 1: And it's so nice that, Like I'm so grateful because

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Speaker 1: we get to come up here and have a full

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Speaker 1: thirty six hours together.

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Speaker 3: Right, we have two full days pretty much, two full

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Speaker 3: days which had.

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Speaker 4: Forty eight hours.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, quality time, like actually booking it in. Yeah, you

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Speaker 1: just have to, especially if you've got kids and a

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Speaker 1: husband and commitments and the kids sporting like every week,

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Speaker 1: I will definitely like book things in to see girlfriends. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: it can be tricky to fit it all in, but

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Speaker 1: if you don't book it in, it's not going to.

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Speaker 3: You got to book it. You're right, you got to

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Speaker 3: book it.

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Speaker 1: And we've just realized how guilty we are of that.

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Speaker 5: So guilty, and like when I come up here, I

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Speaker 5: feel like being on the podcast sometimes you kind of

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Speaker 5: forget because we are catching up and genuinely love it

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Speaker 5: so much, but it's not the same.

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Speaker 3: It's not just it's not the same our intimate time.

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Speaker 3: It's nice, intimate time together together. It's just different, isn't it.

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Speaker 3: It is different.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, And it's also different if you catch up with

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Speaker 1: your friends and the kids and even like I want

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Speaker 1: to catch up with you and do more healing stuff together,

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Speaker 1: like do more like I don't know, like light the

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Speaker 1: beautiful candles and do it like the ceremonies too.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, just anything, really anything.

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Speaker 1: And I feel like I've got girlfriends that are all

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Speaker 1: into the same stuff as well, like bringing them together.

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Speaker 1: I feel like I've always been that first person that

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Speaker 1: like brings people together.

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Speaker 3: It's so nice.

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Speaker 1: We could like do a full moon ceremony. Just cute

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Speaker 1: little things like to do in your group, like sunset

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Speaker 1: walks whatever. So scheduling. If you're missing your friends, if

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Speaker 1: you don't see them often enough, you're craving that sisterhood

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Speaker 1: book it in.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, and I'm going to change my share of the

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Speaker 5: week because you've inspired me. Mine's going to be put

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Speaker 5: yourself out there, because I was saying to Actually, I

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Speaker 5: feel like I'm just wanting more people that are like

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Speaker 5: closer by, Like we can all jump in the chat

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Speaker 5: and be like dance class on Thursday nights, eyon, want

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Speaker 5: to come all meet up and you're holding each other accountable. Hey,

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Speaker 5: I'm going to go for a nice beach walk Saturday morning,

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Speaker 5: six o'clock. If anyone's to join, and you don't have

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Speaker 5: to go, everyone can just chuck your there's no pressure.

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Speaker 5: But then also, I've just been reflecting a little bit,

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Speaker 5: especially lately, tapping more into my feminine energy as we

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Speaker 5: both have been. And I feel like I have always

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Speaker 5: been really busy and not really prioritized as much my

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Speaker 5: sisterhood friendships, and I'm wanting to lean more into that.

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Speaker 5: And I think it really has come down to having

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Speaker 5: time and space and just prioritizing it really as well.

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Speaker 3: I think it's beautiful though, because you have been in

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Speaker 3: your mom's season. You have been thick in the mom's season.

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Speaker 3: That's beautiful.

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Speaker 1: Because we love our family so much. If we're going

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Speaker 1: to be away from them, it really has to be worthwhile.

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Speaker 1: Like I'm so careful with the friends that I choose

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Speaker 1: to hang around now because I'm careful when my energy

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Speaker 1: goes and if it doesn't light me up and make

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Speaker 1: me feel energized and really great, it's not worth being

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Speaker 1: away from my kids.

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Speaker 3: That makes sense.

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Speaker 1: So I think you've just been prioritizing your kids so much.

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Speaker 1: It's nice to have a balance just.

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Speaker 5: Missing a bit of that connection, I guess, so by

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Speaker 5: having like, you know, an hour a week where I'm

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Speaker 5: going for a walk and there's a few girls to

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Speaker 5: catch up with that are you know, similar wavelength and

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Speaker 5: just have a chat with and so much.

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Speaker 1: Yes, alrighty, So we're just going to go back and

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Speaker 1: forth with different things that I suppose we really value

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Speaker 1: in friendship and that makes us feel good and for me,

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Speaker 1: it's time, love and energy, Like there definitely is those

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Speaker 1: friendships which I love that you don't have to talk often,

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Speaker 1: and when you see each other, you pick it up

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Speaker 1: and it's still where it left off. It's beautiful. But

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Speaker 1: I do really value one of my highest values is connection.

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Speaker 1: And I just think, like any relationship, if you're not

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Speaker 1: pouring anything into it, it's going to dry up. So

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Speaker 1: just putting that effort in, putting that time, and it

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Speaker 1: doesn't always have to be catching up dinner, just even

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Speaker 1: the small voice messages. So for me, that's probably one

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Speaker 1: of my main ones is just the effort, the energy,

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Speaker 1: the time, the care for your friends.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, that's beautiful. My top one, kind of similar to yours,

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Speaker 5: is being there. I think just someone checking in when

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Speaker 5: you need it is the best. So like, for example,

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Speaker 5: if I've had a tough week and someone knows it,

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Speaker 5: just like you sending me a voice message and being like, hey, babe,

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Speaker 5: I know it's been going on. Just checking up and

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Speaker 5: you seeing how you feeling, you know, like means the world. Yeah,

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Speaker 5: it means so much, and vice versa. I really try

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Speaker 5: to do that. Being there and having someone that genuinely

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Speaker 5: cares and isn't just there through the highs, yes, but

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Speaker 5: actually when you're going through the lows, we're all nodding.

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Speaker 5: We all have had those friendships I think where when

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Speaker 5: you're going through a tough time, you know, just feel love.

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Speaker 1: Feel safe, feel supported. It's just oh, it helps you

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Speaker 1: get through it really does.

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Speaker 3: It truly does.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, it's beautiful, Absolutely love that one. I think another

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Speaker 1: one too, is just understanding that you all have different

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Speaker 1: lives and priorities and different schedules and being understanding around that.

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Speaker 1: Like I was saying on the way up here, like yeah,

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Speaker 1: we don't see each other often, but we don't know

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Speaker 1: unless we ask. But if you've got stuff on or

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Speaker 1: I've got stuff on, it doesn't work like Megsie know

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Speaker 1: this last week it just hasn't worked out. It's still okay,

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Speaker 1: but it's still like just just try and communicating and

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Speaker 1: just understanding that you've all got different priorities in life.

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Speaker 4: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, because you live your life a certain way and

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Speaker 1: have certain things in place, doesn't mean they're going to

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Speaker 1: and vice versa. Yeah, they have something that's really important.

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Speaker 1: You're like, oh, why do they need to do that?

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Speaker 1: It's really important to them.

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Speaker 4: Just be understanding around that.

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Speaker 5: Different seasons too, even different you know, financial burdens or

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Speaker 5: works priorities or you know, amount of kids that they've

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Speaker 5: got and stuff like that. Like I know some days

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Speaker 5: like with the kids, just stuff being on, like even

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Speaker 5: birthday parties, like because there's three kids, there's all different

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Speaker 5: things and it's.

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Speaker 3: Like, oh my gosh, but busy. Yeah, but that's a

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Speaker 3: really good one.

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Speaker 5: Just knowing that everyone's life is different, just trying your

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Speaker 5: best to be understanding and making them most of when

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Speaker 5: you do get together, hey, like making it just like

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Speaker 5: fun quality quality time. Yeah.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, it's something you take for greater when you're younger

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Speaker 1: and you just got all the time in the world.

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Speaker 1: I know, you just do whatever and everything together, and

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Speaker 1: then when you have kids, it's just like you get

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Speaker 1: to go out for dinner. It's just like this massive

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Speaker 1: deal and you just soak up every moment.

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Speaker 5: You know, you chat about everything in like one or

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Speaker 5: two hours home too late because getting out to the

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Speaker 5: kids next day.

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Speaker 3: It's so true, isn't it.

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Speaker 5: My next one is not judging you and knowing you

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Speaker 5: so well to be able to read where you're at

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Speaker 5: and having compassionate and understanding for different seasons you're navigating.

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Speaker 3: I love that that was a little bit of a

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Speaker 3: mouthful to be really in tune with your friends, to

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Speaker 3: be able to do.

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Speaker 5: That, really in tune with your friends, but just not

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Speaker 5: judging them whether they're being like extra silly, just accepting

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Speaker 5: and loving them for them, you know, silly or fun.

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Speaker 3: Also just like going through a little.

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Speaker 5: Bit of a harder fame, a bit of a lower vibration, Yeah,

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Speaker 5: and just knowing that they're in that space and being like,

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Speaker 5: you know, that's just what they're going through right now,

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Speaker 5: and having patience with them. That's not exactly that's not

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Speaker 5: who they are, it's just how they feel right now,

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Speaker 5: And I get it. I felt like that too, which

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Speaker 5: all go through phases in life where you know, we're high,

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Speaker 5: we're low with this, but that, and if you can

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Speaker 5: still be there for people when they're in those moments

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Speaker 5: going through the thick of things, that's what really creates

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Speaker 5: deep connection because they're the moments when people I think

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Speaker 5: it really highlights who is there and who's not, and

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Speaker 5: when they're not it can be really sad.

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Speaker 1: Definitely on the flip side of that too, having friendships

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Speaker 1: that you can communicate where you're at, so sometimes like

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Speaker 1: if makes its like.

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Speaker 3: Hey, I'm gonna pop around with the kids, whatever.

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Speaker 1: I'm like, you are more than welcome, but letting you

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Speaker 1: know I'm in a low vibe and she's like, cool,

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Speaker 1: I'm going to really high vibe.

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Speaker 3: Can I bring you some of my energy? Perfect vice versa.

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Speaker 1: She's like, I'm real sleepy, I've been up all night

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Speaker 1: with Ramber. I'm like, what do you need? Don't want

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Speaker 1: to come and cook and clean? Or do you just

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Speaker 1: want me to like cuddle you? Or's m music so

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Speaker 1: you can go have a shower and piece. It's like

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Speaker 1: just communicating exactly what you want and need. And I

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Speaker 1: love having those friendships where you can and there's no shame,

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Speaker 1: there's no guilt, nothing, It's just this is.

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Speaker 4: Where I'm at.

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Speaker 1: You want to come cool, but I'm you know, and

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Speaker 1: I just think that's so special, so special.

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Speaker 4: Yeah.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, it takes deep trust to be able to do

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Speaker 3: that though, mm hmmm.

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Speaker 1: Which is rare in friendships. I think I think so too.

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Speaker 1: I definitely have it with a lot of mine. I'm

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Speaker 1: very very lucky, but yeah, I don't think a lot

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Speaker 1: of women have that safety. They can just be their

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Speaker 1: full selves and know their loved regardless.

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Speaker 3: Yes, yeah, they're no judgment thing.

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Speaker 1: I think that they're like ooh, or they get scared

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Speaker 1: maybe to be open, yes, and that they might scare

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Speaker 1: people away, but actually it might make people feel closer

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Speaker 1: to you because you're being more authentic. It's just finding

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Speaker 1: those people that just love you for who you are.

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Speaker 1: That's true friendship. So the next one is kind of

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Speaker 1: tapping on to the end of yours was just the

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Speaker 1: check ins. And I feel like in different stages. I

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Speaker 1: don't know when you're postpartum, or you're going through a divorce,

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Speaker 1: or you're going for a new job. Like sometimes I

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Speaker 1: feel like your friends need more regular check ins. And

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Speaker 1: I'm really in tune without my girlfriends. If I feel

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Speaker 1: like they're going through something really hard they need some

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Speaker 1: extra love or extra attention, I really try and lead

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Speaker 1: into that.

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Speaker 4: I do.

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Speaker 1: Like I've had a girlfriend that's gone through a divorce

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Speaker 1: and I felt like she just needed so much more

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Speaker 1: support than she ever has needed before. And I'm so

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Speaker 1: there for that because I put myself in her shoes.

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Speaker 1: I'm like, buck, if I was to go through a divorce,

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Speaker 1: I hope my friend would look up at my door

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Speaker 1: and say, I got you.

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Speaker 3: You know, yeah, absolutely.

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Speaker 1: So just yeah, like you said, being in tune with

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Speaker 1: their seasons and what they're going through so important.

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Speaker 4: I think that makes a great friend.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, when you both have boundaries and it's okay because

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Speaker 5: I feel like, you know, sometimes when we have boundaries

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Speaker 5: and it's with people who haven't done the work, they

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Speaker 5: can really take things the wrong way.

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Speaker 3: It can even ruin a friendship.

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Speaker 1: Definitely, they take it so personally or like they make

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Speaker 1: up stories to what it's about.

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Speaker 4: It's like, actually, no, yeah, it's.

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Speaker 3: About me, it's not about you. Yeah.

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Speaker 5: Being able to have boundaries and friendships, I feel like,

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Speaker 5: is it a beautiful I think it just goes to

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Speaker 5: show how close the friendship is as well.

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Speaker 1: When you can do Yeah, I think it's this a

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Speaker 1: new conversation for most people. Like I feel like the

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Speaker 1: whole word boundary is only you In the last couple

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Speaker 1: of years, Yeah, I think.

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Speaker 4: So I didn't grow up with boundaries. I don't know

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Speaker 4: I did what they were, No, neither, it's only.

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Speaker 1: Like having friends and just like so social media is

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Speaker 1: learning about them. The last couple of years. I even't

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Speaker 1: had a boundary On the weekend. It was a girlfriend's

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Speaker 1: birthday and she's the most beautiful girl, and I really

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Speaker 1: adore her, but that day I needed that day an app.

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Speaker 1: I was absolutely cooked, and I knew this would be

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Speaker 1: a big party vibe, which isn't my vibe anyway, but

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Speaker 1: it was going to be very very loud, a lot

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Speaker 1: of people I don't know, which just isn't my vibe anymore.

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Speaker 1: I get a bit like, I don't know, drains my energy.

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Speaker 1: So I just I message and I said, I'm so sorry.

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Speaker 1: I really would have loved to be in there for

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Speaker 1: you today, but I just don't have the capacity of

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Speaker 1: being a big crowd.

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Speaker 4: At the moment, she.

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Speaker 1: Was so understanding, Oh that's beautiful. That was a boundary

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Speaker 1: for myself, and that's hard that I felt uncomfortable for

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Speaker 1: me because I felt like, oh, I'm letting her down,

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Speaker 1: or like I hope she doesn't feel like she's not

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Speaker 1: worthy of me coming, like, of course I want to

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Speaker 1: show up for her. But I was like, no, it's

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Speaker 1: just a boundary I need in places there because I

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Speaker 1: just don't have the capacity. It would have tipped me

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Speaker 1: over the edge, and then you know, I wouldn't have

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Speaker 1: been able to show off with my kids. And yeah,

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Speaker 1: not needed a five hour and app instead of a

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Speaker 1: two hour and.

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Speaker 4: App yeah, honestly, But.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, boundaries important and having friends that just received them

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Speaker 1: so well, and you're like.

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Speaker 4: I get it.

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Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, And boundaries can feel uncomfortable too. You can

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Speaker 1: still be upset and feel something from a boundary, Like

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Speaker 1: I'm sure she would have felt sad, maybe even annoyed

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Speaker 1: that I didn't come. That's so normally I understand that,

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Speaker 1: but she still knows like I've just made a decisions

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Speaker 1: that right for me, and she's not holding that against me.

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Speaker 5: Definitely, And normally boundaries, Yeah, normally they don't feel uncomfortable

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Speaker 5: either party.

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Speaker 3: They're not comfortable to say, comfortable to receive. They're really hard.

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Speaker 3: They can be triggering, yeah, very triggering.

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Speaker 5: But I think it's just thinking the best of people

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Speaker 5: as well, right, Yes, knowing the good intentions.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, Okay.

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Speaker 1: The next thing that I really find helpful, and I

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Speaker 1: feel like I've gotten so much better over the years

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Speaker 1: is knowing my friends a love language and knowing their

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Speaker 1: attachment style.

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Speaker 3: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: So I've got a couple of friends that are very

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Speaker 1: anxious attachment style and a couple of friends that are

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Speaker 1: very avoidant. Yes, And I just know when to pull

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Speaker 1: away and when to lean in more and I also

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Speaker 1: know that my anxious attachment friends need more, and I'm

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Speaker 1: so okay to give that. I've got one particular girlfriend,

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Speaker 1: She is really insecure. She's very sensitive, she has very

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Speaker 1: low self worth, not very much confidence, and I check

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Speaker 1: in with her way more than I do in a

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Speaker 1: lot of my other friends. And I just know, I

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Speaker 1: don't know my wording, my tone just a little bit more,

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Speaker 1: not careful, but just tender with her.

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Speaker 3: I feel like I need to be soft with.

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Speaker 1: Her, whereas, yeah, the avoidant ones, I feel like sometimes

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Speaker 1: they just need a bit more space to get through

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Speaker 1: something and then they'll come back when they're ready. But

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Speaker 1: when you understand it, you don't take anything personally so

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Speaker 1: true in a way that feels good for them.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, and now we've learned, and we've actually done a

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Speaker 5: whole podcast episode about attachment styles. The more you know

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Speaker 5: about it, yeah, you really know, it's nothing personal to you,

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Speaker 5: you know.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, but that's a beautiful idea, it is.

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Speaker 1: And also, just because I realized that I'm in my

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Speaker 1: relationship with Steve very secure that in friendships, I definitely

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Speaker 1: have wounds there of thinking that they're going to abandon me,

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Speaker 1: Like there's definitely some wounds that I'm going to be

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Speaker 1: working with my coach on so I can have when

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Speaker 1: I have my anxious and friends, I like that I've

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Speaker 1: experienced it too because I have compassion. I understand how

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Speaker 1: they're feeling, and therefore it helps me to be able

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Speaker 1: to give the love the way I know they need it.

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Speaker 1: So that's been the light instead of looking at the

361
00:14:27,401 --> 00:14:29,801
Speaker 1: shadow of being anxious attachment like there's light in it

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Speaker 1: because it helps me understand what other people go through.

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Speaker 3: Definitely, which is really cool. And then me, I feel

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Speaker 3: like I have been more avoidant.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, I feel like I've definitely been someone who has

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Speaker 5: kind of detached from that part with friendships in my

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Speaker 5: relationship with Secure as well. But I feel like if

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Speaker 5: I leaned either way anxious or avoidant, I feel like

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Speaker 5: when I'm in zones of like going deep or different things.

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Speaker 3: Are happening, I tend to go more avoidant. Yeah.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, that's what I'm trying to work on right now

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Speaker 5: a little bit. So I'm trying to surround myself with

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Speaker 5: more women and what's in between.

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Speaker 4: So I don't feel like you're fully avoidant.

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Speaker 3: It's the mixture of avoidant and anxious. I don't feel

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Speaker 3: you're fully avoidant.

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00:15:09,561 --> 00:15:13,001
Speaker 5: Don't feel fully avoidant, but I feel like when I

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Speaker 5: have like something popping up, I go internal. I withdraw,

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Speaker 5: and it's obviously a safety mechanism, like you know, ow journal,

380
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Speaker 5: Like I really go in.

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Speaker 3: And you're soothing yourself.

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Speaker 5: Yeah yeah, yeah, but you know, I feel like I'm

383
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Speaker 5: definitely pretty good these days, but I feel like, what

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Speaker 5: need to open myself up more.

385
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Speaker 3: I don't know what it is right now. I love. Yeah,

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Speaker 3: I'm really receiving.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, I'm just really open to like hanging around people,

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Speaker 5: like just different energies and learning.

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Speaker 1: And I don't know what it is the feminine she's open, Yeah,

390
00:15:41,001 --> 00:15:44,481
Speaker 1: and she receives a lot, receives, loves, receives help, receives gifts,

391
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Speaker 1: receives all of it, and.

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Speaker 3: She like enjoys that.

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Speaker 1: Yeah.

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Speaker 3: That's so the feminine to a tea, isn't it? Yeah?

395
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Speaker 3: The work, the work is working.

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Speaker 5: Another one as well, is like, I know we speak

397
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Speaker 5: a lot about this with our husbands, but I feel

398
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Speaker 5: like it's also really important in friendships.

399
00:16:04,361 --> 00:16:07,921
Speaker 3: Is reading the room. Oh my gosh, if your friends.

400
00:16:07,641 --> 00:16:10,161
Speaker 5: Like having a time and you're gone over and you're

401
00:16:10,161 --> 00:16:11,761
Speaker 5: like party vibes.

402
00:16:11,401 --> 00:16:14,041
Speaker 3: Like turning the music up and doing this and then

403
00:16:14,201 --> 00:16:14,881
Speaker 3: you know what I mean.

404
00:16:15,361 --> 00:16:17,841
Speaker 5: But those friends that can actually really read your energy

405
00:16:17,921 --> 00:16:20,841
Speaker 5: and read the room just amazing. Like some of my

406
00:16:20,881 --> 00:16:22,921
Speaker 5: girlfriends walk in and I'm like, they know what I

407
00:16:23,001 --> 00:16:25,281
Speaker 5: need and the energy that they bring when they walk

408
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Speaker 5: through the door. I'm like, whether it's just like to

409
00:16:27,321 --> 00:16:29,721
Speaker 5: listen or to hold space, or to like have a

410
00:16:29,761 --> 00:16:32,761
Speaker 5: silly dance party like whatever it might be, but just

411
00:16:32,801 --> 00:16:36,361
Speaker 5: to read their room or the other person's energy. Love that, Yeah,

412
00:16:36,441 --> 00:16:38,761
Speaker 5: because I do it all the time. Obviously we all do,

413
00:16:38,841 --> 00:16:41,441
Speaker 5: I feel like in our relationships, but I also do

414
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Speaker 5: that in friendships.

415
00:16:42,601 --> 00:16:42,961
Speaker 4: Yeah.

416
00:16:43,081 --> 00:16:44,961
Speaker 1: Yeah, Well, feel like we were having a conversation about

417
00:16:44,961 --> 00:16:47,041
Speaker 1: this year ago with Stephen Kurt, and I think we

418
00:16:47,081 --> 00:16:49,321
Speaker 1: were both learning, oh shit, there is a time to

419
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Speaker 1: talk about this things.

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Speaker 4: Sometimes at night I would be like, oh, what do

421
00:16:52,241 --> 00:16:54,161
Speaker 4: you think about this? And He's like, Babe, not.

422
00:16:54,241 --> 00:16:57,401
Speaker 1: Now, we talk about the finances tomorrow, not at seven

423
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Speaker 1: thirty at night when the kids have just gone to bed.

424
00:16:59,081 --> 00:17:02,441
Speaker 1: Yeah shit, Yeah I didn't think that he looks drained

425
00:17:02,481 --> 00:17:04,561
Speaker 1: and stressed and like tapped out for the night. Here

426
00:17:04,561 --> 00:17:06,801
Speaker 1: I am been like, wow, let's talk about this. I

427
00:17:06,840 --> 00:17:09,201
Speaker 1: feel like we've all been there, but it wasn't until

428
00:17:09,241 --> 00:17:11,361
Speaker 1: we had that conversation that I was way more conscious

429
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Speaker 1: of it.

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Speaker 3: Yes, it's so true to bring that into your friendships

431
00:17:14,041 --> 00:17:14,321
Speaker 3: as well.

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Speaker 4: I love that.

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Speaker 1: My next one is open communication and hard conversations.

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Speaker 3: They need to be had.

435
00:17:23,201 --> 00:17:26,081
Speaker 1: I don't feel like often with friendships, but every now

436
00:17:26,120 --> 00:17:29,080
Speaker 1: and again, if something's popped up, or you're feeling resentful

437
00:17:29,160 --> 00:17:32,240
Speaker 1: or something didn't feel good, to lean and actually have

438
00:17:32,241 --> 00:17:34,480
Speaker 1: a hard conversation. But you know, what I've learned is

439
00:17:34,521 --> 00:17:37,640
Speaker 1: just not everyone can meet you there. People can only

440
00:17:37,681 --> 00:17:41,321
Speaker 1: meet you where they've met themselves. And there's definitely some

441
00:17:41,360 --> 00:17:43,321
Speaker 1: friendships have had that I'm like, I just can't.

442
00:17:43,120 --> 00:17:43,840
Speaker 4: Go there with them.

443
00:17:44,281 --> 00:17:46,280
Speaker 1: I still have love for them, but I feel like

444
00:17:46,400 --> 00:17:48,761
Speaker 1: the friendship isn't as deeply connected as someone that I

445
00:17:48,801 --> 00:17:51,561
Speaker 1: can have those conversations with and they can hear me

446
00:17:51,921 --> 00:17:54,080
Speaker 1: and still love on me and work through it together.

447
00:17:54,721 --> 00:17:57,600
Speaker 1: Whereas if I can't have those conversations and fully speak

448
00:17:57,640 --> 00:18:00,240
Speaker 1: my truth and how I'm feeling, it just feels like

449
00:18:00,360 --> 00:18:03,880
Speaker 1: there's a shield up between you, like an invisible energetic wall.

450
00:18:04,360 --> 00:18:06,561
Speaker 1: They can't allow you to fully deeply connect.

451
00:18:06,721 --> 00:18:08,521
Speaker 5: I get why so many people are so scared of

452
00:18:08,561 --> 00:18:11,241
Speaker 5: hard conversations because I feel like they really can kind

453
00:18:11,241 --> 00:18:14,321
Speaker 5: of make or break a friendship sometimes. And I feel

454
00:18:14,321 --> 00:18:16,880
Speaker 5: like though those friendships where you can have hard conversations

455
00:18:16,880 --> 00:18:18,561
Speaker 5: and you make it out the other side.

456
00:18:18,360 --> 00:18:20,400
Speaker 3: They feel so much nicer.

457
00:18:20,880 --> 00:18:22,680
Speaker 5: It feel so much more safer because you know you

458
00:18:22,761 --> 00:18:24,761
Speaker 5: can have them feel so much more connected.

459
00:18:25,360 --> 00:18:27,680
Speaker 3: But yeah, there are ones definitely where you kind of

460
00:18:27,681 --> 00:18:28,841
Speaker 3: fluff around them and you're like.

461
00:18:29,160 --> 00:18:31,200
Speaker 1: It's the same with the intimate relationships about you. But

462
00:18:31,241 --> 00:18:33,201
Speaker 1: some of the biggest disagreement Steve and I have had

463
00:18:33,241 --> 00:18:36,201
Speaker 1: all the hardest times have bought so much more closeness.

464
00:18:36,281 --> 00:18:36,681
Speaker 4: Oh gosh.

465
00:18:36,721 --> 00:18:38,481
Speaker 1: Yeah, And I'm like, for I would not want to

466
00:18:38,481 --> 00:18:41,001
Speaker 1: go through that again with you. But that was actually

467
00:18:41,001 --> 00:18:43,481
Speaker 1: really powerful. Yeah, that was so pivotal for us. If

468
00:18:43,481 --> 00:18:45,440
Speaker 1: we did not go through that, I don't know if

469
00:18:45,441 --> 00:18:47,321
Speaker 1: we would still be here today doing what we're doing now,

470
00:18:47,561 --> 00:18:49,761
Speaker 1: like feeling how we feel now. It can be the

471
00:18:49,761 --> 00:18:52,600
Speaker 1: same with your friendships. There's something there that you need

472
00:18:52,640 --> 00:18:54,921
Speaker 1: to talk about, and if it's not spoken about, it

473
00:18:55,041 --> 00:18:56,440
Speaker 1: just yeah the walls.

474
00:18:56,201 --> 00:18:57,161
Speaker 3: Up, Yes it's there.

475
00:18:57,281 --> 00:18:58,641
Speaker 4: It does doesn't feel.

476
00:18:58,521 --> 00:19:00,120
Speaker 1: Nice for you or for them, And then it either

477
00:19:00,201 --> 00:19:02,680
Speaker 1: Dwins is away or the friendship just isn't as authentic.

478
00:19:03,481 --> 00:19:04,801
Speaker 1: I think as you get older, you just so much

479
00:19:04,801 --> 00:19:07,401
Speaker 1: more with that. It just doesn't feel good.

480
00:19:07,441 --> 00:19:09,161
Speaker 3: Definitely, You're so right.

481
00:19:09,201 --> 00:19:11,401
Speaker 5: As you get older and you start to have those

482
00:19:11,441 --> 00:19:14,721
Speaker 5: friendships that are like that and so well aligned, yeah.

483
00:19:14,561 --> 00:19:17,161
Speaker 1: It highlights the ones that aren't, and it makes it harder,

484
00:19:17,640 --> 00:19:20,121
Speaker 1: I think, to even maintain those friendships because you've been

485
00:19:20,201 --> 00:19:23,321
Speaker 1: shown what it's like to have a safer friendship like that.

486
00:19:23,880 --> 00:19:25,520
Speaker 1: And that's where I think you can grow apart from

487
00:19:25,600 --> 00:19:28,120
Speaker 1: some people, is when you have these friendships that have

488
00:19:28,201 --> 00:19:30,680
Speaker 1: truly aligned, you can be yourself and be so held

489
00:19:30,721 --> 00:19:33,840
Speaker 1: and safe. Yeah, it highlights it. It does really just

490
00:19:33,840 --> 00:19:35,600
Speaker 1: great because you're so grateful for those friends. But then

491
00:19:35,600 --> 00:19:37,880
Speaker 1: there's also the grieving of like, wow, I don't have

492
00:19:37,961 --> 00:19:40,280
Speaker 1: that with this person. No, but you can also like

493
00:19:40,400 --> 00:19:42,080
Speaker 1: I don't know, I've got friends that I can't do

494
00:19:42,160 --> 00:19:44,360
Speaker 1: that with. They're not as close, but I still love them. Yeah,

495
00:19:44,360 --> 00:19:45,481
Speaker 1: you know, it's still my energy.

496
00:19:45,640 --> 00:19:46,801
Speaker 4: I still have respect for them.

497
00:19:46,840 --> 00:19:50,801
Speaker 3: It's just a bit more fluffy and they're not your

498
00:19:50,801 --> 00:19:53,521
Speaker 3: people that you go to for like your hard time. No,

499
00:19:53,880 --> 00:19:56,721
Speaker 3: definitely not. Or you wouldn't be as open even sharing things.

500
00:19:56,801 --> 00:20:00,761
Speaker 1: No, isn't that another one? The more open you are

501
00:20:00,801 --> 00:20:03,441
Speaker 1: that creates safety. Like I feel like when my girlfriends

502
00:20:03,441 --> 00:20:06,801
Speaker 1: share like the deepest, darkest like secrets or hard times,

503
00:20:07,400 --> 00:20:09,201
Speaker 1: I'm just like, Oh, it makes me feel so nice

504
00:20:09,201 --> 00:20:11,001
Speaker 1: that they feel so safe to come to me, So

505
00:20:11,041 --> 00:20:13,481
Speaker 1: then I feel safe to go to them the mutually,

506
00:20:13,521 --> 00:20:16,041
Speaker 1: You've got this beautiful container where you're both so.

507
00:20:16,160 --> 00:20:17,041
Speaker 4: Help no matter what.

508
00:20:17,281 --> 00:20:19,561
Speaker 1: Yeah, because if they're not sharing a lot of their stuff,

509
00:20:19,880 --> 00:20:21,440
Speaker 1: you don't want to share yours because it's like, oh,

510
00:20:21,640 --> 00:20:22,360
Speaker 1: will they charge you all?

511
00:20:22,400 --> 00:20:24,720
Speaker 4: They don't understand or it's truly safe.

512
00:20:25,360 --> 00:20:29,321
Speaker 1: So the sharing is just so important for female relationships.

513
00:20:29,801 --> 00:20:33,441
Speaker 1: Vulnerable vulnerability is connection, Yeah, definitely.

514
00:20:33,561 --> 00:20:36,321
Speaker 5: And then also making sure that you keep that trust

515
00:20:36,321 --> 00:20:36,681
Speaker 5: as well.

516
00:20:36,761 --> 00:20:40,321
Speaker 4: Yes, yeah, definitely, just.

517
00:20:40,281 --> 00:20:41,561
Speaker 3: Common ground and values.

518
00:20:42,321 --> 00:20:45,001
Speaker 5: Having you know, somebody tang out with that is on

519
00:20:45,041 --> 00:20:47,761
Speaker 5: the same path as you, it's just so much nicer.

520
00:20:47,880 --> 00:20:50,281
Speaker 5: You have so much to talk about, you want to

521
00:20:50,281 --> 00:20:50,961
Speaker 5: do the same things.

522
00:20:50,961 --> 00:20:52,480
Speaker 3: It's like, oh, let's go for a walk. Amazing, go

523
00:20:52,521 --> 00:20:54,080
Speaker 3: for a walk together, go do this together.

524
00:20:54,241 --> 00:20:57,041
Speaker 5: Like I have had friendships where I've been friends with

525
00:20:57,201 --> 00:21:00,121
Speaker 5: someone when I was really young, like honestly all through

526
00:21:00,160 --> 00:21:02,520
Speaker 5: school and I just kept like sticking it through, sticking

527
00:21:02,521 --> 00:21:04,561
Speaker 5: it through the way, Like how we lived just went

528
00:21:04,600 --> 00:21:07,161
Speaker 5: so different. Friend So, like you know, catch on someone,

529
00:21:07,201 --> 00:21:08,521
Speaker 5: it might be like, oh, let's go out and party

530
00:21:08,561 --> 00:21:10,480
Speaker 5: and catch up. But then for you, it's like I

531
00:21:10,481 --> 00:21:11,920
Speaker 5: want to go for like a beach walk and go

532
00:21:11,961 --> 00:21:15,840
Speaker 5: get a DCA cofee, you know, or go to a

533
00:21:15,921 --> 00:21:19,761
Speaker 5: dance class. So it's just having that common ground and

534
00:21:19,801 --> 00:21:21,801
Speaker 5: similar values. I feel like if you don't have that,

535
00:21:21,801 --> 00:21:24,360
Speaker 5: it's really hard to build a connection or keep it

536
00:21:24,400 --> 00:21:25,561
Speaker 5: like maintain true.

537
00:21:25,840 --> 00:21:27,400
Speaker 4: Yeah, you wort it that really well.

538
00:21:27,561 --> 00:21:29,281
Speaker 1: I don't think it makes a great friendship when it

539
00:21:29,281 --> 00:21:32,761
Speaker 1: feels so one sided. Like you know, you're just constantly

540
00:21:32,801 --> 00:21:35,161
Speaker 1: the one that puts the effort in. You're always reaching out,

541
00:21:35,160 --> 00:21:38,520
Speaker 1: you're always organizing, You're constantly doing everything, and it's not

542
00:21:38,681 --> 00:21:40,881
Speaker 1: received back. I think in friendships is probably a more

543
00:21:40,880 --> 00:21:44,160
Speaker 1: dominant person that like initiates more and organizes more. Like

544
00:21:44,201 --> 00:21:46,001
Speaker 1: I've always been quite an organized person when it comes

545
00:21:46,001 --> 00:21:47,521
Speaker 1: to birthday parties. I'm the one to get the cake

546
00:21:47,600 --> 00:21:49,801
Speaker 1: and like do all that stuff. But I don't know,

547
00:21:49,801 --> 00:21:52,080
Speaker 1: I feel like it's got to not feel even but

548
00:21:52,120 --> 00:21:54,080
Speaker 1: it's got to feel like there's similar efforts.

549
00:21:54,441 --> 00:21:57,840
Speaker 5: Yeah, definitely, you're not be messaging someone checking in or

550
00:21:57,840 --> 00:22:00,041
Speaker 5: doing this or doing that and then never no, they

551
00:22:00,080 --> 00:22:01,801
Speaker 5: never have an it.

552
00:22:01,880 --> 00:22:03,720
Speaker 4: So I don't know, I think that's an important one

553
00:22:03,721 --> 00:22:04,120
Speaker 4: as well.

554
00:22:04,201 --> 00:22:07,401
Speaker 5: Yeah, definitely, and that sometimes again when they start to dwindle.

555
00:22:07,761 --> 00:22:10,521
Speaker 3: Yes, the word dwindle windle, I know, why do we

556
00:22:10,561 --> 00:22:13,401
Speaker 3: say that? You came up with it? It's like, what's

557
00:22:13,481 --> 00:22:16,401
Speaker 3: so funny? You know? I always there was two weaks

558
00:22:16,481 --> 00:22:18,440
Speaker 3: to say, there was like dwindle and something else, and

559
00:22:18,761 --> 00:22:21,120
Speaker 3: I think we say, I'm flip flopping away now flip

560
00:22:21,360 --> 00:22:24,561
Speaker 3: you said that, you're I was like, never had no idea.

561
00:22:24,801 --> 00:22:25,681
Speaker 4: My goodness.

562
00:22:26,201 --> 00:22:29,161
Speaker 5: Deep the friendships at a surface level, just not being

563
00:22:29,201 --> 00:22:31,600
Speaker 5: in them for the sake of it just feel so

564
00:22:31,721 --> 00:22:34,080
Speaker 5: not aligned for me personally. I'll always aim to try

565
00:22:34,080 --> 00:22:36,281
Speaker 5: to grow a connection with someone, but if it's not there,

566
00:22:36,400 --> 00:22:39,361
Speaker 5: it ain't there. Yeah, So just having that deep connection

567
00:22:39,840 --> 00:22:42,441
Speaker 5: and not trying to force it. And like we said before,

568
00:22:42,481 --> 00:22:44,600
Speaker 5: it's okay to have those friendships and just catch up

569
00:22:44,640 --> 00:22:46,720
Speaker 5: and you know, go for a walk or do this

570
00:22:46,880 --> 00:22:49,041
Speaker 5: or go dance class, and then yeah, there's not that,

571
00:22:49,120 --> 00:22:50,840
Speaker 5: but to have like good deep connection.

572
00:22:51,880 --> 00:22:53,041
Speaker 3: Yeah, so true.

573
00:22:53,281 --> 00:22:55,840
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, And last one I was thinking about was

574
00:22:56,001 --> 00:22:59,240
Speaker 1: how I have different friends for different reasons. And I

575
00:22:59,321 --> 00:23:02,160
Speaker 1: love this because I feel like everyone's had such different

576
00:23:02,201 --> 00:23:04,680
Speaker 1: walks of life and different experiences and have different values

577
00:23:04,681 --> 00:23:07,281
Speaker 1: in a pen and sometimes like I'll ask, say, like

578
00:23:07,321 --> 00:23:09,281
Speaker 1: my top three friends are opinion on a certain situation.

579
00:23:09,321 --> 00:23:12,080
Speaker 1: They might be completely different advice, but they're also awesome.

580
00:23:12,481 --> 00:23:14,680
Speaker 1: Or if I'm going through something in a relationship, wise

581
00:23:14,721 --> 00:23:16,761
Speaker 1: I would go to someone who's in a relationship that

582
00:23:16,801 --> 00:23:18,960
Speaker 1: I really value their relationship and I know they have

583
00:23:19,001 --> 00:23:21,281
Speaker 1: a healthy relationship. I wouldn't go to my friends that

584
00:23:21,281 --> 00:23:23,321
Speaker 1: have a really toxic relationship and take their advice.

585
00:23:23,481 --> 00:23:24,561
Speaker 4: Yeah, you know what I mean.

586
00:23:25,400 --> 00:23:27,240
Speaker 1: And then I've got friends that, like, I know that

587
00:23:27,281 --> 00:23:30,600
Speaker 1: will stroke my ego. That friends will be like yeah,

588
00:23:30,921 --> 00:23:33,321
Speaker 1: full team Ashy, and that feels.

589
00:23:33,001 --> 00:23:33,720
Speaker 3: Great in the moment.

590
00:23:33,761 --> 00:23:35,721
Speaker 1: But then I've also got friends who are like, Okay,

591
00:23:35,880 --> 00:23:38,281
Speaker 1: let's unpack this a little bit, you know, Yeah, I

592
00:23:38,321 --> 00:23:40,880
Speaker 1: think this, you know, gives different perspectives. So it's just

593
00:23:40,921 --> 00:23:42,720
Speaker 1: cool to have different friends for whatever you need in

594
00:23:42,721 --> 00:23:44,160
Speaker 1: the moment or the situation.

595
00:23:44,521 --> 00:23:46,881
Speaker 5: Yeah, and I even love getting a few people's advice

596
00:23:47,281 --> 00:23:50,561
Speaker 5: like when something happens. Sometimes to see like different takee resonates,

597
00:23:50,681 --> 00:23:52,920
Speaker 5: see different takes on things, because it might make you go, like,

598
00:23:52,961 --> 00:23:55,041
Speaker 5: you know how I spoken the last episode from last

599
00:23:55,080 --> 00:23:57,400
Speaker 5: Monday talking about the five different things that could be

600
00:23:57,441 --> 00:24:00,720
Speaker 5: going on. They might give you three different so alternatives, or.

601
00:24:00,761 --> 00:24:02,600
Speaker 1: Just might help you see or think of it. Yeah,

602
00:24:02,640 --> 00:24:05,321
Speaker 1: situation that you never even thought of. Yea, and over

603
00:24:05,360 --> 00:24:07,600
Speaker 1: here has been like no, fuck them, They've definitely fucked

604
00:24:07,600 --> 00:24:10,561
Speaker 1: you off for this person whatever. Friends like oh no, no,

605
00:24:10,840 --> 00:24:12,921
Speaker 1: you know I saw she was really struggling with this. Yes,

606
00:24:13,001 --> 00:24:14,360
Speaker 1: oh shit, think about that.

607
00:24:14,600 --> 00:24:18,761
Speaker 3: Yes, yeah, so cool, so cool. My last one is

608
00:24:18,840 --> 00:24:21,561
Speaker 3: it's not forceful. It's just flowy and easy.

609
00:24:21,681 --> 00:24:25,761
Speaker 5: Those friendships that are just flowy, easy, same wavelength, just

610
00:24:25,840 --> 00:24:26,241
Speaker 5: the best.

611
00:24:26,360 --> 00:24:28,681
Speaker 1: You need that when you're older and have kids too. Yeah,

612
00:24:28,880 --> 00:24:31,041
Speaker 1: I feel like it can't not be like.

613
00:24:31,041 --> 00:24:33,281
Speaker 4: That because it would just be too hard. It is true.

614
00:24:33,321 --> 00:24:34,920
Speaker 1: It's hard enough as it is to catch up with

615
00:24:34,961 --> 00:24:39,961
Speaker 1: your girlfriends not having it's feeling hard, yeah, definitely, but.

616
00:24:39,961 --> 00:24:48,121
Speaker 5: Yeah, just flowy easy, Yeah, nice, nice, Yes, ps, your

617
00:24:48,241 --> 00:24:50,681
Speaker 5: vibes speak louder than your words.

618
00:24:50,840 --> 00:24:51,521
Speaker 4: Isn't it true?

619
00:24:51,721 --> 00:24:52,121
Speaker 5: So true?

620
00:24:52,120 --> 00:24:54,160
Speaker 1: It's like energy you can just feel it way bigger

621
00:24:54,160 --> 00:24:57,721
Speaker 1: than words. Yeahs. The biggest lesson I learned this year

622
00:24:57,801 --> 00:25:02,481
Speaker 1: is to not force anything conversations, friendships, relationships, attention, or love.

623
00:25:02,880 --> 00:25:06,401
Speaker 1: Anything forced is just not worth fighting for. Whatever flows

624
00:25:06,441 --> 00:25:09,280
Speaker 1: flows and whatever crashes crashes. It is what it is,

625
00:25:09,400 --> 00:25:10,361
Speaker 1: accept it and be.

626
00:25:10,921 --> 00:25:13,400
Speaker 4: I love that. So nice, so good.

627
00:25:13,640 --> 00:25:15,761
Speaker 3: Thanks for joining us, guys. We'll see you Wednesday, see

628
00:25:15,761 --> 00:25:15,920
Speaker 3: you that.

629
00:25:16,160 --> 00:25:16,600
Speaker 4: Oh.

630
00:25:16,640 --> 00:25:18,840
Speaker 1: Also, if you have not subscribed to click follow, please do.

631
00:25:18,921 --> 00:25:21,080
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, please do leave us a nice review if

632
00:25:21,120 --> 00:25:21,961
Speaker 3: you want while you're there.

633
00:25:22,160 --> 00:25:24,801
Speaker 1: Yeah, any of our episodes if you feel like one

634
00:25:24,840 --> 00:25:27,600
Speaker 1: of your girlfriends needs to hear this, or you just

635
00:25:27,640 --> 00:25:29,801
Speaker 1: really enjoyed it. Really appreciate you taking your screenshot and

636
00:25:29,840 --> 00:25:31,961
Speaker 1: uploading it to your stories. We love seeing your tat.

637
00:25:31,840 --> 00:25:33,961
Speaker 3: Oh we love sharing them too. It always reposts.

638
00:25:34,041 --> 00:25:36,160
Speaker 1: Yeah, it really makes our days. So don't get to

639
00:25:36,160 --> 00:25:36,840
Speaker 1: do that as well.

640
00:25:37,041 --> 00:25:37,801
Speaker 3: Thanks guys.

641
00:25:38,120 --> 00:25:38,480
Speaker 5: Bye,