WEBVTT - Gina Chick on Her Inspiring Approach to Grief 0:00:00.360 --> 0:00:03.440 We'd like to acknowledge the traditional custodians of the land 0:00:03.520 --> 0:00:06.840 on which this podcast was produced, the Galligall people of 0:00:06.920 --> 0:00:10.479 the orination. We pay our respects to Elda's past and present. 0:00:12.680 --> 0:00:16.560 It's twenty twenty two and we're lakeside in remote Tasmania. 0:00:17.680 --> 0:00:20.920 Gina Chick is lying by the fire. She's just lit. 0:00:21.720 --> 0:00:24.520 She's one of ten contestants out here for the first 0:00:24.600 --> 0:00:29.880 Australian version of reality TV show Alone. The goal is 0:00:29.920 --> 0:00:32.720 to survive and stay out here as long as possible. 0:00:33.200 --> 0:00:37.640 This is no easy feat. The air is ice cold, 0:00:37.720 --> 0:00:42.000 the ground is soaking wet. Gina's been here for months 0:00:42.720 --> 0:00:46.839 and she could happily stay out here forever, but this 0:00:47.040 --> 0:00:52.640 night is tough. It's her late daughter's birthday. Blaze was 0:00:52.760 --> 0:00:56.240 just three years old when she lost her battle with cancer. 0:00:57.360 --> 0:01:05.679 Gina breaks down, crying and calling out for her baby girl. 0:01:12.600 --> 0:01:15.440 It's a scene that will break the hearts of millions 0:01:15.440 --> 0:01:23.240 watching I'm at Middleton and this is Headgame today. What 0:01:23.440 --> 0:01:27.840 audiences didn't get to see and how Gina Chick is 0:01:27.920 --> 0:01:35.200 scaling an endless wall of grief. Gina Chick, I am 0:01:35.280 --> 0:01:38.560 super excited to speak with you because talk about the 0:01:38.600 --> 0:01:44.880 epitome of free spirit of you know, psychological resilience, physical fortitude, 0:01:45.400 --> 0:01:48.160 you possess all of that. Take me back to your 0:01:48.280 --> 0:01:51.800 childhood and who Gina Chick is and how she grew 0:01:51.920 --> 0:01:54.760 up and because what fascinates me about your story is 0:01:55.160 --> 0:01:59.200 you've always been this free spirited individual that's sort of 0:01:59.200 --> 0:02:02.360 a you know, been super connected with mother Nature, been 0:02:02.480 --> 0:02:06.280 super grounded with the planet and with yourself. But take 0:02:06.320 --> 0:02:10.000 me back to your childhood and your upbringing and what 0:02:10.680 --> 0:02:12.160 life was like as a child. 0:02:13.600 --> 0:02:15.760 Well, first of all, thank you so much for that 0:02:16.320 --> 0:02:21.960 wonderful introduction. Yeah, and you're right, I have always been 0:02:22.240 --> 0:02:25.480 what you would call a free spirit. Although it's always 0:02:25.520 --> 0:02:27.120 the way when you're a kid, isn't it that you 0:02:27.160 --> 0:02:29.520 don't know any different. It's just like, well, that's just 0:02:29.600 --> 0:02:32.840 the way things are. And for me, I grew up 0:02:32.880 --> 0:02:38.200 in a family that really was quite unconventional. We spent 0:02:38.320 --> 0:02:41.840 a lot of time outdoors. My parents are both teachers, 0:02:42.120 --> 0:02:44.239 and so that just meant we had all of our 0:02:44.280 --> 0:02:47.960 weekends and our school holidays together, and they didn't have 0:02:48.040 --> 0:02:51.520 much money, so we would go on epic hikes and 0:02:51.639 --> 0:02:56.680 bushwalks and camping and adventures with you know, my dad 0:02:56.760 --> 0:02:59.840 would get a daggy little boat with they could be 0:03:00.200 --> 0:03:02.399 go put put, but we just go out on adventures 0:03:02.400 --> 0:03:05.120 in it. Or he'd make water skis that were so 0:03:05.160 --> 0:03:07.000 heavy you'd had to like drag them down to the 0:03:07.000 --> 0:03:08.960 beach and then try and pull us up on this 0:03:09.080 --> 0:03:10.000 crazy little boat. 0:03:10.400 --> 0:03:12.959 Or you'd have to survive by trying not to drown. 0:03:14.639 --> 0:03:17.600 Well, actually, yeah, I mean there kind of was a 0:03:17.639 --> 0:03:22.919 bit of that in my family. There was absolutely this attitude, 0:03:23.000 --> 0:03:25.840 I think because my father had three daughters and he 0:03:26.000 --> 0:03:28.640 just grew us up like boys. We never had this 0:03:28.760 --> 0:03:31.240 idea of boys can do this or girls can do that. 0:03:31.560 --> 0:03:34.400 We just had adventures pretty much NonStop, and some of 0:03:34.400 --> 0:03:36.040 them were a little hair raising, and some of them 0:03:36.080 --> 0:03:40.840 are quite dangerous. And the attitude that I ended up 0:03:40.880 --> 0:03:43.480 with is like, there's no bones broken, are there Nope? 0:03:43.680 --> 0:03:45.760 And if ill out broken, are they sticking out? Okay? No, 0:03:45.920 --> 0:03:49.920 you can probably walk on that ben good to go. Yeah. 0:03:50.360 --> 0:03:55.880 And I think also I've always had this, I guess 0:03:55.920 --> 0:04:00.400 resilience when it comes to physical discomfort, and I think 0:04:00.400 --> 0:04:03.800 I got born with that. So whenever I would be 0:04:03.920 --> 0:04:08.160 cold or hungry or things would just go a bit 0:04:08.200 --> 0:04:11.800 pair shaped on an adventure. And I think that probably 0:04:11.840 --> 0:04:13.400 came also from my dad. 0:04:13.640 --> 0:04:15.520 I know what you mean, because you sort of feel 0:04:15.560 --> 0:04:17.520 like that's where the journey starts. Well, that's where the 0:04:17.600 --> 0:04:21.279 challenge starts. Is like, well, I'm tired, I'm hungry, I'm suffering. Well, 0:04:21.279 --> 0:04:24.440 guess what I'm learning about myself. This is actually really 0:04:24.520 --> 0:04:26.839 exciting and I'm going to push myself even further. 0:04:27.400 --> 0:04:29.880 Also, I think that you know, if you look back 0:04:29.920 --> 0:04:33.159 at your life, you don't really remember the bits where 0:04:33.160 --> 0:04:37.279 you're comfortable. You remember the things where you're uncomfortable, and 0:04:37.360 --> 0:04:40.320 at the time it's kind of miserable and horrible. But 0:04:40.400 --> 0:04:42.719 if you have one of those adventures with friends where 0:04:42.720 --> 0:04:45.280 you're all just gutting it through, you're kind of arguing, 0:04:45.360 --> 0:04:48.440 and somehow you get through, and then on the other side, 0:04:48.480 --> 0:04:52.719 you've made it because the story that is an actual 0:04:53.000 --> 0:04:55.640 like a marker for your friendship, for your life. It 0:04:55.680 --> 0:04:57.360 becomes almost like a rite of passage. 0:04:57.520 --> 0:05:00.800 Yeah, they're the memories, right, yeah, Yeah, And. 0:05:01.120 --> 0:05:04.920 It's like that was the adventure. And humans don't grow 0:05:04.960 --> 0:05:05.880 when we're comfortable. 0:05:06.400 --> 0:05:09.919 There's no growthing comfort. I always say, yeah, And. 0:05:10.240 --> 0:05:12.880 To me, that comes from the wisdom in our hunt 0:05:12.920 --> 0:05:15.479 to gather at DNA because for hunter gatherers it's like 0:05:15.520 --> 0:05:18.120 you don't want to waste the calorie. So things are comfy, 0:05:18.640 --> 0:05:20.599 is you know, you sit back and go, okay, I'm 0:05:20.600 --> 0:05:24.400 cruising now. And it just means that we're actually designed 0:05:24.480 --> 0:05:28.200 not to grow when we're comfortable. We grow when we're uncomfortable. 0:05:28.240 --> 0:05:30.920 But we live in a culture that papologizes discomfort. 0:05:31.000 --> 0:05:32.680 I knew I was going to get on with you, Gina. 0:05:32.839 --> 0:05:34.240 I knew I was going to get on with you. 0:05:34.400 --> 0:05:37.120 I love you already. I love you already. I want 0:05:37.160 --> 0:05:39.120 to jump down the screen and then sit by you 0:05:39.160 --> 0:05:44.080 and have this conversation, but unfortunately I can't. But it's amazing. 0:05:44.200 --> 0:05:47.000 It's amazing. So you went throughout your whole childhood like this, 0:05:47.640 --> 0:05:51.680 and your siblings did they go along this journey with you? 0:05:52.200 --> 0:05:56.400 Absolutely? We were and are a very tight family unit. 0:05:56.920 --> 0:06:00.960 And that meant because again, we didn't really have much choice. 0:06:01.080 --> 0:06:03.880 It was like, all right, well we're going out this weekend. 0:06:04.000 --> 0:06:05.880 There wasn't really the option of like, actually I'm going 0:06:05.960 --> 0:06:08.920 to stay at home. No, everybody, we're all going out 0:06:08.960 --> 0:06:13.159 together and so and because we would do things like 0:06:13.320 --> 0:06:16.359 you remember those old tents, the a frame tents before 0:06:16.360 --> 0:06:19.920 we have the new be bloody Yeah, absolutely, idea old 0:06:19.960 --> 0:06:22.440 a frame. You put the poles in and then the 0:06:22.440 --> 0:06:25.320 first wind that comes along it's proper bends all the 0:06:25.360 --> 0:06:27.400 poles and you end up with the tent landing on 0:06:27.440 --> 0:06:27.919 top of you. 0:06:28.279 --> 0:06:30.680 That was, Oh, you've got the poles mixed up. They're 0:06:30.680 --> 0:06:33.159 in the wrong in the wrong side of the tent. 0:06:33.800 --> 0:06:35.680 The tent sort of looks like a tent and that's 0:06:35.720 --> 0:06:38.920 good enough. Where made do Let's let's nail it down 0:06:38.960 --> 0:06:41.680 so it doesn't move. Then all of a sudden it's gone. 0:06:42.080 --> 0:06:44.760 Yeah, and then it's off. So yeah. So my sisters 0:06:44.800 --> 0:06:47.240 and I we all went through it all together and 0:06:47.320 --> 0:06:50.440 that was just a part of life for us. So 0:06:51.000 --> 0:06:54.080 I felt at the time, like I said, you don't 0:06:54.200 --> 0:06:56.880 know any different. So for me, that was just normal. 0:06:56.920 --> 0:06:59.120 It was only when I got older that I realized 0:06:59.160 --> 0:07:01.359 that I had been extraordinary childhood. 0:07:01.480 --> 0:07:04.320 Yeah, it's fascinating when you say that, because it's so true. 0:07:04.600 --> 0:07:07.440 You know, you are a product of your environment and 0:07:08.040 --> 0:07:11.320 the people around you. And when did you start realizing that, 0:07:11.400 --> 0:07:15.520 you know that this wasn't actually classed as the norm, 0:07:15.800 --> 0:07:18.560 and when did you start to realize all, wow, actually 0:07:18.600 --> 0:07:21.760 I'm probably a small percentage here that's been through this. 0:07:22.680 --> 0:07:27.920 Basically at school, I mean, school is a great leveler, 0:07:28.240 --> 0:07:32.480 and I went to, you know, a very standard public school. 0:07:32.800 --> 0:07:35.240 It wasn't any you know, there was no posh in 0:07:35.280 --> 0:07:38.200 my world. It was very much a coastal, little ossy 0:07:38.360 --> 0:07:43.280 seaside town and there was basically surfers and bogans and 0:07:43.600 --> 0:07:47.520 that's about as posha as it got. So it was 0:07:47.640 --> 0:07:53.520 real melting pot. And I learned pretty quickly at school 0:07:53.760 --> 0:07:56.920 that everyone didn't have the child that I had. But 0:07:57.880 --> 0:08:00.560 every day I would come home to this part advice 0:08:00.960 --> 0:08:03.880 and I would come home to this incredible sort of 0:08:03.920 --> 0:08:06.600 family of adventures. It meant that I really had the 0:08:06.600 --> 0:08:10.280 school life and then I had the home life. And 0:08:10.880 --> 0:08:13.640 I think that that home life really did plant the 0:08:13.680 --> 0:08:16.360 seeds of adventure. And I don't think there was ever 0:08:16.400 --> 0:08:19.360 going to be an option where I wasn't out pushing 0:08:19.400 --> 0:08:21.680 the boundaries of things, because I think it's actually in 0:08:21.680 --> 0:08:22.280 my makeup. 0:08:22.760 --> 0:08:25.440 Yeah, it was this. It was the moment you left it, 0:08:25.560 --> 0:08:28.760 left the room you were, you were there, thrown into 0:08:28.800 --> 0:08:32.840 this life of an adventure. I love that pretty much. 0:08:33.679 --> 0:08:37.320 And so what did you want to do? 0:08:37.360 --> 0:08:37.560 You know? 0:08:37.600 --> 0:08:39.800 When we saw of get to that stage of people 0:08:39.840 --> 0:08:42.199 asking the question what do you want to do? You know, 0:08:42.280 --> 0:08:44.640 who do you want to become? And it's sort of 0:08:44.679 --> 0:08:47.160 forced upon us to make a decision, you know there 0:08:47.200 --> 0:08:49.520 and then how did that work out for you? 0:08:50.400 --> 0:08:54.400 I guess there were a few options, and most of 0:08:54.440 --> 0:08:57.280 the things that I wanted to do were either to 0:08:57.320 --> 0:09:00.760 do with being outside or there were to do with writing. 0:09:01.280 --> 0:09:05.520 I've been writing since I remember, and it was only 0:09:06.320 --> 0:09:09.840 much later, I think, in my very early twenties, that 0:09:10.000 --> 0:09:15.319 I discovered that my grandmother was an incredible Australian author 0:09:15.720 --> 0:09:20.400 and writer, and that writing is actually in my and 0:09:20.440 --> 0:09:22.240 I didn't know that when I was a kid. But 0:09:22.400 --> 0:09:27.600 I have been writing the whole time, and I definitely 0:09:27.640 --> 0:09:30.320 wanted to be a writer. That was that was always 0:09:30.400 --> 0:09:32.840 part of the plan, but also the plan. You know what, 0:09:32.840 --> 0:09:34.160 You're like me, you're a kid, You're like, well, I'm 0:09:34.160 --> 0:09:35.440 going to be this, and then I'm going to be that, 0:09:35.480 --> 0:09:36.640 and I'm going to be that, and then I'm going 0:09:36.640 --> 0:09:37.679 to do all of that at all, and then I'm 0:09:37.720 --> 0:09:39.319 going to sail around the world and I'm going to 0:09:39.960 --> 0:09:42.560 new lands that haven't been found yet, and I'm going 0:09:42.640 --> 0:09:46.000 to name animals that haven't been discovered yet and all 0:09:46.040 --> 0:09:49.400 of that. I was devastated actually to find out that 0:09:49.480 --> 0:09:51.960 everything already had been named on the map. So I 0:09:52.000 --> 0:09:53.640 remember there was a moment of going, what do you 0:09:53.720 --> 0:09:56.600 mean I can't go and discover the lost world? 0:09:56.720 --> 0:09:59.200 Yeah, find a new island? Or do you know what 0:09:59.240 --> 0:10:01.600 I think you're think it's out there? Gena, I don't 0:10:01.640 --> 0:10:04.000 think that we have I think if you go, we 0:10:04.000 --> 0:10:05.640 should go. We should go on a on a on 0:10:05.679 --> 0:10:07.800 a dual search. I'm sure we're fine. 0:10:07.880 --> 0:10:12.600 Something I reckon, So I think I thought it big. 0:10:12.720 --> 0:10:14.880 I love what you say about you know, writing is 0:10:14.920 --> 0:10:18.720 in our DNA, because we we're constantly writing our own 0:10:18.760 --> 0:10:21.040 story just by going on these adventures. You know, we're 0:10:21.080 --> 0:10:23.800 not physically they're writing them down, but we're writing them 0:10:23.800 --> 0:10:26.000 in our head. We're writing them in our memories, we're 0:10:26.000 --> 0:10:28.679 writing them in our you know, in our DNA, and 0:10:28.760 --> 0:10:30.920 all it takes for them is just to transfer that 0:10:31.040 --> 0:10:34.000 onto a pen and paper. But you you've had this 0:10:34.160 --> 0:10:38.760 super sort of adventures as a child into your teen 0:10:38.840 --> 0:10:42.520 years and then then you you meet a fine gentleman 0:10:42.520 --> 0:10:48.320 along the way and you you you you feel pregnant. 0:10:48.360 --> 0:10:48.960 Is that correct. 0:10:50.080 --> 0:10:57.079 So I met Lee at a primitive skills in New 0:10:57.160 --> 0:11:00.960 Jersey called Tom Brown Junior's Track of School, like that 0:11:01.120 --> 0:11:04.960 was just the biggest adventure ever. And met this kind 0:11:05.000 --> 0:11:10.160 of cockney cocky cockney lad who followed me home. So 0:11:10.240 --> 0:11:10.760 I kept it. 0:11:12.440 --> 0:11:15.480 There you go, You're like, I'm having you. Thanks you 0:11:15.640 --> 0:11:18.360 very much. Listen, my tracking skills and my and my 0:11:18.400 --> 0:11:21.560 survival skills have come in handy your mine. I've caught you. 0:11:21.760 --> 0:11:25.800 Yeah, well I think we caught each other actually, And 0:11:25.840 --> 0:11:30.560 then but then yes, then I I got pregnant and 0:11:32.000 --> 0:11:33.880 four days after I found out I was pregnant, I 0:11:33.920 --> 0:11:36.199 found out I had breast cancer, which was a bit 0:11:36.320 --> 0:11:37.200 of a shock. 0:11:37.960 --> 0:11:41.240 And I went on this huge journey of healing and 0:11:41.760 --> 0:11:45.480 slobby and ended up having my daughter. 0:11:45.720 --> 0:11:48.640 So when you when you fell pregnant four days later 0:11:49.400 --> 0:11:54.560 you got diagnosed with breast cancer, God, that must have 0:11:54.640 --> 0:11:58.920 been not only a shock to you, to yourself, but 0:11:59.760 --> 0:12:05.640 all so really detrimental to your daughter. You know, did 0:12:05.720 --> 0:12:08.800 you did you go through treatment? Were you was there 0:12:08.880 --> 0:12:11.840 moments that you were told that you couldn't have have 0:12:12.080 --> 0:12:15.040 the baby? You know? Just just take me back to 0:12:15.200 --> 0:12:16.760 to that period if you can. 0:12:17.040 --> 0:12:21.400 I was advised because it was a cancer that set 0:12:21.480 --> 0:12:25.760 on hormones, and pregnancy has lots of those, and I 0:12:25.880 --> 0:12:28.360 was told that I basically had to terminate the pregnancy 0:12:28.440 --> 0:12:31.800 or I would die. And I threaded a needle with 0:12:31.840 --> 0:12:34.480 a very small hole, with a very fine piece of thread. 0:12:35.000 --> 0:12:37.440 I found that, you know, I managed to stitch myself 0:12:37.480 --> 0:12:43.000 through that whole experience and brought together tools that I'd 0:12:43.000 --> 0:12:47.200 assembled my whole life to be able to go through 0:12:47.240 --> 0:12:50.720 that experience, and I guess not be broken by it, 0:12:51.040 --> 0:12:53.400 you know, constantly saying well, what is the what is 0:12:53.440 --> 0:12:55.360 the thing that I can do right now? I can't 0:12:55.360 --> 0:12:58.680 think about tomorrow, next week, or next year or any 0:12:58.679 --> 0:13:01.880 of that, but right now is where I can take responsibility. 0:13:02.360 --> 0:13:04.959 This is the information that I have. And as a 0:13:04.960 --> 0:13:07.640 as I was completely present in that so that in 0:13:07.679 --> 0:13:11.160 every moment I could make that choice, just that choice, 0:13:11.240 --> 0:13:14.880 just that choice. So I managed to, yeah, find my 0:13:14.960 --> 0:13:16.320 way through and. 0:13:17.000 --> 0:13:20.600 Small commitments at a time, right like with anything in life, 0:13:20.720 --> 0:13:22.920 Like you said, you know that time, that time is 0:13:23.040 --> 0:13:26.920 just adding all of those up. And it must have 0:13:27.000 --> 0:13:33.120 been incredibly sort of difficult to ignore such sort of 0:13:33.480 --> 0:13:36.760 you know, medical advice. But what was it like, you know, 0:13:36.760 --> 0:13:41.120 knowing this information and then giving birth to Blaze. 0:13:41.160 --> 0:13:46.280 Well, I mean birth, birth is a doorway, and birth 0:13:46.400 --> 0:13:51.400 is a death, and anyone who has birth knows this. 0:13:51.600 --> 0:13:55.600 The person that we are before we birth is they 0:13:55.640 --> 0:13:58.200 die in the process of birth. You know. It's like 0:13:58.240 --> 0:14:02.720 a new creature come into the world and we leave 0:14:02.800 --> 0:14:05.439 ourselves behind in the process, and a you us has 0:14:05.480 --> 0:14:07.800 to come in to touch that creature. And so for me, 0:14:08.440 --> 0:14:12.480 I was so pressent through that whole journey because every 0:14:12.640 --> 0:14:15.720 decision I made was life or death. That came to 0:14:15.760 --> 0:14:18.920 the birth. It was actually amazing and freeing to be 0:14:19.000 --> 0:14:21.160 able to go, oh my god, I'm just I can 0:14:21.280 --> 0:14:24.560 just birth like a normal woman who's just pregnant. And 0:14:25.880 --> 0:14:28.960 birth is one of the most incredible experiences I've ever 0:14:29.000 --> 0:14:31.800 been through in my life. And I'm so so grateful 0:14:31.880 --> 0:14:35.520 that that my body knows this. So many women who 0:14:35.560 --> 0:14:38.000 don't get to experience that and then get to be 0:14:38.080 --> 0:14:42.280 mothers in very different ways and our mothers just as much. 0:14:42.320 --> 0:14:47.920 But the actual experience of birth in myself has definitely 0:14:48.720 --> 0:14:51.680 helped sort of create me as a person. 0:14:52.160 --> 0:14:55.240 Yeah, I suppose it's the most natural, purest form of life, 0:14:55.320 --> 0:14:58.480 isn't it. It's that whole circle of life. So it's 0:14:58.600 --> 0:14:59.760 so so cool. 0:15:00.440 --> 0:15:04.840 Yeah, it really is. And for me, there was something 0:15:04.880 --> 0:15:09.480 about like this little creature and this little creature, where 0:15:09.520 --> 0:15:13.360 did she come from? Her eyes were open and I'm like, 0:15:13.880 --> 0:15:17.760 she's not like what's looking through those eyes? Is this 0:15:17.920 --> 0:15:21.720 like mystery that's wrapped in skin? And oh my god, 0:15:21.840 --> 0:15:24.760 that somehow grew in my body? But she is her 0:15:24.800 --> 0:15:25.480 own person. 0:15:25.720 --> 0:15:31.200 All of that like fireworks, fireworks insane. It is because 0:15:31.240 --> 0:15:33.800 I've got five children myself and I'm not I remember 0:15:33.880 --> 0:15:37.080 holding them, you know, soon it's seen as soon as 0:15:37.080 --> 0:15:40.280 they came out onto mum once once mum was it 0:15:40.360 --> 0:15:42.520 then just and looking at the eyes, you know, thinking 0:15:42.560 --> 0:15:44.320 they can't even see me, you know, they can just 0:15:44.520 --> 0:15:48.280 probably see shadows. What's the little mind going through? How 0:15:48.400 --> 0:15:51.520 is that little heart pumping? And you know I've got 0:15:51.720 --> 0:15:56.880 I've got something that's completely reliant on myself and my 0:15:56.920 --> 0:16:01.320 wife to you know, to survive. You know, talk about responsibility. 0:16:01.400 --> 0:16:03.880 It's like and that made me excited that that that 0:16:03.960 --> 0:16:07.360 gave me the the buzz to to to really want 0:16:07.360 --> 0:16:09.960 to not only better myself, but you know, to to 0:16:09.960 --> 0:16:13.120 to better people around me. So I sort of understand 0:16:13.120 --> 0:16:15.960 it on a on a on a on a fatherhood scale. 0:16:16.160 --> 0:16:18.120 But you know, like you say to that, when that 0:16:18.320 --> 0:16:20.640 when that baby is growing inside of you, you know, 0:16:20.840 --> 0:16:22.600 Car and you say that, you leave a part of 0:16:22.640 --> 0:16:25.360 you behind, of who you were. I can sort of 0:16:25.920 --> 0:16:28.760 understand that in a way, but Car, to go through 0:16:28.800 --> 0:16:32.680 that not sort of envious, but I'm like, wow, that 0:16:32.760 --> 0:16:35.360 must be some you know, talk about the purest form 0:16:35.360 --> 0:16:37.280 of life, some experience to be able to do that 0:16:37.400 --> 0:16:40.240 is especially with the way that you think, Gina, you know, 0:16:40.320 --> 0:16:42.760 the way that you're connected, the way that you're you're 0:16:42.800 --> 0:16:46.280 grounded with with the planet. It's a I can only 0:16:46.320 --> 0:16:50.040 imagine the fascination going through your head. 0:16:50.520 --> 0:16:54.320 I think that humans are designed to search for ways 0:16:54.360 --> 0:16:57.400 to be in service to something greater than selves. And 0:16:57.520 --> 0:17:00.480 when that happens, when we find a purpose greater themselves, 0:17:00.560 --> 0:17:03.760 whatever it is, there is past that feels at home. 0:17:03.840 --> 0:17:06.280 It's like, Okay, now I get to bring my gifts, 0:17:06.359 --> 0:17:08.560 Now I get to bring my wisdom. Now I am 0:17:08.560 --> 0:17:11.720 not the most important thing in my universe. We go 0:17:11.840 --> 0:17:14.159 from the selfishness of a child, it's like I'm the 0:17:14.160 --> 0:17:16.960 only thing that exists, and then you know, the entitlement 0:17:17.000 --> 0:17:19.439 of a teenager is like I deserve, and then we 0:17:19.480 --> 0:17:22.080 get broken in our twenties into their like the universe 0:17:22.119 --> 0:17:24.919 doesn't actually give a shit, and you know if you 0:17:25.320 --> 0:17:28.159 if you don't find a way to fit into the 0:17:28.200 --> 0:17:30.960 greater context of life, then then life is going to 0:17:31.000 --> 0:17:33.159 slap your hard until you get it. And by the 0:17:33.240 --> 0:17:36.440 time we have a child, then there's this oh. 0:17:36.119 --> 0:17:38.560 Wow, now it makes sense. 0:17:39.000 --> 0:17:41.359 I will yeah, I will never again be the most 0:17:41.359 --> 0:17:44.119 important thing in my life. As long as this child 0:17:44.280 --> 0:17:46.479 is breathing, then I am in service to them in 0:17:46.520 --> 0:17:48.480 some way. And then of course there's the parts of 0:17:48.480 --> 0:17:49.120 as like. 0:17:49.119 --> 0:17:51.359 Oh my god, I've ruined my life and your little 0:17:51.400 --> 0:17:53.840 bugger and why can't I just go back to my 0:17:54.080 --> 0:17:55.280 care free life. 0:17:55.680 --> 0:17:58.280 I was so great before. But then there is that 0:17:58.520 --> 0:18:01.119 deeper like you can't help it. You just get cracked 0:18:01.160 --> 0:18:02.520 open over and over. 0:18:11.320 --> 0:18:12.639 Beautiful Blaze was born. 0:18:14.240 --> 0:18:15.320 And then. 0:18:16.520 --> 0:18:19.160 I suppose every parent's worst nightmare, I know it would 0:18:19.160 --> 0:18:23.959 certainly be mine. Three years later, you find a lump 0:18:24.480 --> 0:18:29.359 in Blaze's belly. Can you just take me back to 0:18:29.400 --> 0:18:32.840 when you when you identified that and how you identified it? 0:18:32.880 --> 0:18:35.399 Were you playing with Blaze? And how old of a 0:18:35.440 --> 0:18:39.240 suddenly did you come across the lump that was on 0:18:39.720 --> 0:18:41.400 her belly. 0:18:42.000 --> 0:18:45.440 Ah, if you've ever had a toddler, you know they've 0:18:45.440 --> 0:18:47.560 got a big tummy, you know, they just get this 0:18:47.600 --> 0:18:50.400 big belly and then they grow out of it. And 0:18:50.680 --> 0:18:53.560 I just had a moment of seeing her going, yeah, 0:18:53.880 --> 0:18:57.359 tommy's too big. Y's that's too big, and you know, 0:18:57.520 --> 0:19:00.439 just one of those little instinctive moments and then come here, 0:19:00.520 --> 0:19:03.960 let me feel it. And so it was big. I felt. 0:19:03.960 --> 0:19:06.320 It's like if anyone who's ever had cancer, you know 0:19:06.359 --> 0:19:08.520 how it feels. It's hard. It's like a rock. It's 0:19:08.520 --> 0:19:11.639 like a stone, you know, and it's it's it's like 0:19:12.240 --> 0:19:16.400 running into a wall, feeling a tumor lump. And so 0:19:16.520 --> 0:19:20.480 I felt that inside her and I immediately. 0:19:19.880 --> 0:19:21.280 Knew how big. 0:19:22.000 --> 0:19:25.080 To me, it felt like a fist, like that's in her. 0:19:25.359 --> 0:19:28.760 It was like it was big. It's all a blurn. 0:19:28.800 --> 0:19:30.719 Now I can't tell you exactly how big it was 0:19:30.760 --> 0:19:33.879 because it's you know, so much more happened, but it 0:19:34.440 --> 0:19:37.919 was definitely. The cancer that I had was quite small, 0:19:38.160 --> 0:19:40.800 it was like one or two centimeters, but on that 0:19:40.880 --> 0:19:44.080 she had definitely like I was like, whoa, there's a 0:19:44.200 --> 0:19:47.680 that's not just a lump that's a rock and yeah, 0:19:47.720 --> 0:19:51.240 and then I knew. I knew that because I've felt Yeah, 0:19:51.240 --> 0:19:55.400 because I'd felt it in my own breast. I felt 0:19:55.520 --> 0:19:58.520 I've felt that, you know, thousands of times in my 0:19:58.560 --> 0:20:01.440 own breast. What's that? It is there? It is there? 0:20:01.440 --> 0:20:02.680 It is there. It is you know when you're like 0:20:02.720 --> 0:20:04.399 you get a hole in you, like you when you 0:20:04.520 --> 0:20:06.240 pulled out a tooth or something, is it getting you 0:20:06.280 --> 0:20:07.959 stick your tongue in it and you're worry at it 0:20:08.080 --> 0:20:11.400 or it's the same thing. It's that that, Well, there's 0:20:11.400 --> 0:20:14.679 something there. I'll just poke at it and feel it. 0:20:15.359 --> 0:20:18.000 So you knew, you knew before you even took her 0:20:18.040 --> 0:20:20.560 to the to the doctors took her to you knew. 0:20:21.359 --> 0:20:27.280 So when when Blaze was diagnosed with cancer, were you 0:20:27.359 --> 0:20:32.919 already you know, preparing for the worst. I expect, you know, 0:20:33.000 --> 0:20:35.280 you actually knowing in your head or what was going 0:20:35.320 --> 0:20:37.800 through your head once once the doctor sort of confirmed 0:20:38.680 --> 0:20:39.520 what you already knew. 0:20:40.520 --> 0:20:48.560 M I think, I mean I did know, But then again, 0:20:48.720 --> 0:20:52.960 having been through it all myself, I know, and I 0:20:53.080 --> 0:20:56.840 knew that there's all of the tests, what kind is it, 0:20:56.880 --> 0:20:59.080 what does it do? Has it gone? And outside? Is 0:20:59.119 --> 0:21:01.000 it in the lymph nodes as have gone through the body. 0:21:01.119 --> 0:21:03.880 Is it malignant? Is it this? Is it that? So 0:21:03.880 --> 0:21:07.399 so again, there are probably a lot of people who 0:21:07.440 --> 0:21:09.840 are listening to this who have been through cancer, and 0:21:09.880 --> 0:21:12.880 when you have been through cancer, it becomes a hurry 0:21:12.960 --> 0:21:17.840 up and wait situation. There's okay, there's a diagnosis, but 0:21:17.960 --> 0:21:20.719 now we need to know, we need pathology. So then 0:21:20.760 --> 0:21:22.040 you've got a test and you've got to sit there 0:21:22.040 --> 0:21:24.399 and you've got to go to do and wait for 0:21:24.480 --> 0:21:26.960 that to come back. And then when it comes back, 0:21:27.000 --> 0:21:28.560 then you've got to wait for doctors to tell you 0:21:28.560 --> 0:21:31.040 what it means. And then they give you some options 0:21:31.480 --> 0:21:33.560 and then it's like well you can do this or 0:21:33.560 --> 0:21:36.000 this or this or this or this and then make 0:21:36.040 --> 0:21:38.040 a decision, and then you've got to wait to be 0:21:38.080 --> 0:21:40.560 able to let that start. So there's these kind of 0:21:40.600 --> 0:21:45.280 like this stutter stops like yes, no, it's like having 0:21:45.320 --> 0:21:47.760 someone driving a cab and you're in the cab and 0:21:47.800 --> 0:21:49.480 that you know those people and they put on the 0:21:49.520 --> 0:21:51.199 accelereta and then they put on the brake and you're 0:21:51.240 --> 0:21:55.040 like you're like this, like just decide, dude, just like 0:21:55.400 --> 0:21:58.640 go one way or the other. So I think there 0:21:58.840 --> 0:22:03.200 wasn't really a lot of room in that moment for 0:22:03.640 --> 0:22:07.800 really even projecting. It was it was what information is 0:22:07.840 --> 0:22:13.720