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Speaker 1: This podcast is recorded on gaddigal Land Always was, always

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Speaker 1: will be Aboriginal Land. Hey chicks, I'm sal and I'm

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Speaker 1: now sorry.

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Speaker 2: I said that and I stared at her right she

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Speaker 2: was saying you sip and welcome to two Broke Chicks

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Speaker 2: to show that she has life lessons and tips to

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Speaker 2: help make you rich in life. And today we are

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Speaker 2: joined by relationship and intimacy coach Susan Kim.

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Speaker 3: Hello, happy to be here.

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Speaker 2: We've got you on because this episode is dropping the

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Speaker 2: week of Valentine's Day, and we asked the chicks to

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Speaker 2: send in their dating and relationship and intimacy dilemmas and.

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Speaker 1: Oh boy, I think it was the most responses to

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Speaker 1: a story we've ever heard.

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Speaker 3: Oh wow, yeah, yeah.

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Speaker 2: So all of the questions that we're asking today are

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Speaker 2: inspired by the submissions from you chicks, So thank you

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Speaker 2: so much for writing in. And I'm sure we'll get

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Speaker 2: into all the details of all the dilemmas, but before

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Speaker 2: we do, we like to start with our life lesson

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Speaker 2: of the week. So, as our guest, would you like

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Speaker 2: to kick yourself?

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Speaker 3: Yes?

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Speaker 2: Love to.

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Speaker 4: So my life lesson this week is it's a bit

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Speaker 4: of like an oldie, but a goodie. But I feel

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Speaker 4: like best life lessons are kind of like they shouldpeat themselves.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, they're classics.

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Speaker 4: So I went on the weekend camping and hiking with

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Speaker 4: my husband and we kind of had a fight the

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Speaker 4: night before. So I was like grumpy because we were

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Speaker 4: getting there really late, and we had these things like well,

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Speaker 4: should I just drop you off there and youry to

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Speaker 4: do it by yourself and like yeah, and it's like no,

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Speaker 4: let's just get there, let's just do it. So we

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Speaker 4: like started at the trailhead at like four pm.

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Speaker 3: It was late. It was really grumpy, but.

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Speaker 4: Then you know, we walked down, got into the valley,

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Speaker 4: had to swim in the river, camped overnights, u sakatas,

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Speaker 4: blah blah blah blah blah, camped out, and like, you know,

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Speaker 4: the life lesson for me is like I think, firstly,

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Speaker 4: it's like always go to nature, always with it. Yeah,

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Speaker 4: but also it's like, even when things are a bit

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Speaker 4: grumpy and when things are a bit tense, like just

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Speaker 4: do the nice thing, like crowd that out with the

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Speaker 4: nice experience, and then that sometimes has its own momentum

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Speaker 4: and just takes over. Yeah, you know, because I think, like,

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Speaker 4: we're always going to fight about this thing, like getting

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Speaker 4: to nature late. We thought about it like so many

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Speaker 4: times before, yeah, and you.

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Speaker 3: Know, and then you get there and you're like, why

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Speaker 3: are we fighting? Yeah.

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Speaker 2: So true to get dragged down by the details like oh,

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Speaker 2: well we were supposedly fifteen minutes ago, or I told

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Speaker 2: you blah blah, like you took the wrong turn, like

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Speaker 2: all these little things. But and sometimes it's hard not

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Speaker 2: to hold on to that and be like, still be grumpy,

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Speaker 2: but then you're ruining the nice experience that you could

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Speaker 2: have had together. I feel like as an intimacy and

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Speaker 2: relationship coach, you would have the most mature fights ever.

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Speaker 4: Oh yes, and no, I think I think when I'm

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Speaker 4: having the non mature fights, I've got like a running

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Speaker 4: commentary in the back of my mind.

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Speaker 3: Being like, oh, I'm not really doing this properly, but

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Speaker 3: you know what, I don't want to be the mature

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Speaker 3: one right now.

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Speaker 1: Things actually nice to know like that, you know, even

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Speaker 1: experts are human, and like you're allowed to have your

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Speaker 1: moments where you're like, no, I don't want.

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Speaker 2: To be mature right now.

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Speaker 4: And I honestly think the best thing, like the most

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Speaker 4: mature part of fighting is like, just make sure you repair,

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Speaker 4: Just make sure you own your staff and repair, and

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Speaker 4: that's that's kind of all you need to do.

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Speaker 2: You love that. What's your life lesson?

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Speaker 1: My life lesson is a quote that I saw on

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Speaker 1: TikTok So I don't know where its origins are, but

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Speaker 1: and I thought it was helpful for this episode. But

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Speaker 1: it's the quote that if they couldn't speak, with their

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Speaker 1: actions be enough? Love it, I know, right, Like, if

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Speaker 1: they couldn't speak, would their actions be enough? Like if

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Speaker 1: you're not getting the apology messages and I'm sorry, I

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Speaker 1: actually do.

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Speaker 5: Really care about you, Like no, I won't do it again,

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Speaker 5: blah blah blah, take that away.

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Speaker 2: Actions speak out of them.

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Speaker 1: It hits yeah, right, And I feel like there was

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Speaker 1: definitely a time in my life that if I saw that,

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Speaker 1: I would have hurt my own feelings.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, I was like, fuck, no, it doesn't it's not enough.

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Speaker 2: I feel like a lot of chicks just went a shit.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I appreciate that.

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Speaker 3: What's your life lessen?

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Speaker 2: Okay, Well I'll be the odd one out because mine

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Speaker 2: isn't relationship themed, but that's okay. Mine is a reminder

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Speaker 2: to always put air tags in things that are important

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Speaker 2: to you. I got a pair of headphones for Christmas

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Speaker 2: and really cherish them and love them, and I left

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Speaker 2: them in a cafe yesterday and I was like, why

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Speaker 2: didn't I have an air tag in the case, because

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Speaker 2: I have an AirTag in my old headphones. And luckily

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Speaker 2: it all ended up fine. The lovely cafe owner had

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Speaker 2: found them and had them behind the cash red just

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Speaker 2: waiting for me this morning. But I was like, oh

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Speaker 2: my god, the peace of mind I would have had

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Speaker 2: last night if I had it and been like, oh,

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Speaker 2: it's at the cafe, I can go get it. Reminder

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Speaker 2: to use your air tags.

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Speaker 1: Love that turn out of ten. Yeah, all right, shall

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Speaker 1: we get into the episode.

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Speaker 2: Let's do it.

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Speaker 1: We're going to start with a big question first, and

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Speaker 1: it is probably like the most common question that we get,

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Speaker 1: and it is what are your top three dating red flags?

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Speaker 2: Or what are the top three dating red flags?

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Speaker 3: Okay, okay, this is a good one.

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Speaker 4: I think that one of the top red flags is

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Speaker 4: when someone tells you that they can't something like I

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Speaker 4: can't meet you, i'm not ready, I'm not available. When

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Speaker 4: they actually say those words, I think sometimes especially as women,

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Speaker 4: we kind of go, oh.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, but maybe they're just not ready, but they will be.

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Speaker 3: I can change him.

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Speaker 4: I can change him, you know, I can feel that

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Speaker 4: he actually really loves me, but actually he's saying something else.

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Speaker 3: Nah. If they're saying that straight out, take that for what.

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Speaker 5: It is, right, hate the words for what that.

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Speaker 4: Do not try to convince that or change that in

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Speaker 4: any way. That's one another two. The second one is like,

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Speaker 4: if you're talking about relationship history and they have no

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Speaker 4: insight or self awareness into like their part what happened

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Speaker 4: in their past relationships and they only have slightly bad

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Speaker 4: to say, or they just don't really have anything to say,

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Speaker 4: They don't really know anything. It just it just shows

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Speaker 4: you that they don't have that capacity to self reflect

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Speaker 4: on their behavior, and it's going to be a nightmare relationship.

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Speaker 3: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: So when they're like sitting they're being like, oh my

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Speaker 1: X was crazy, isn't it.

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Speaker 3: Yeah? Yeah, And it's like, oh, what did you do?

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Speaker 3: What did you contribute to that?

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Speaker 1: What did you do that made her crazy?

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Speaker 3: Because I know you did for sure.

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Speaker 4: I think the third one is if they're being a

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Speaker 4: little bit mean to you, or if they're being a

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Speaker 4: little bit mean to other people. I just think like

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Speaker 4: in the beginning, you only want people to be open

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Speaker 4: and available and loving, and if you're sort of getting

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Speaker 4: hints that they're actually being really critical of you from

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Speaker 4: day one, it's like, nah, just get out of there,

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Speaker 4: get You're in for a lifetime of.

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Speaker 1: Hell yeah, because like at the start, that's when it's

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Speaker 1: supposed to be literally the smoothest of sailing, yes exactly.

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Speaker 1: And then I feel like sometimes and like I've done

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Speaker 1: this in the past as well. At the start, if

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Speaker 1: it's like spicy, you think that's exciting, and like the fighting,

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Speaker 1: it's like we bo but then we have great makeup.

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Speaker 2: Sex, it's like nothing that's passion. It's not passion.

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Speaker 3: They're a dick. Yeah, yeah, exactly.

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Speaker 2: And that's gonna get old real fast.

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Speaker 3: It's gonna get old real fast.

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Speaker 4: And like that beginning when people start new relationships and

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Speaker 4: it's really hectic in the beginning and on and off

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Speaker 4: and this and that, it's like you want that beginning

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Speaker 4: to be what you look back on years later, to

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Speaker 4: be like, remember we had that, Yeah, you could get

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Speaker 4: something why Yeah, like this reservoir of like happy memories.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, like a strong foundation for sure, and I've said

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Speaker 2: before on the show, but when people show their true colors,

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Speaker 2: believe them. Yes, yeah, what are some signs that they're

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Speaker 2: just not that into you?

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Speaker 6: Oh?

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Speaker 3: There are so many. There are so many.

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Speaker 4: And I think this is so important for like chicks

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Speaker 4: especially to just like have a little list in the

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Speaker 4: back of the mind, like not in a way where

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Speaker 4: they're weaponizing it and then you're jumping down, just in

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Speaker 4: a way of like all right, yeah, take no, I'm

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Speaker 4: just going to take this in calmly and then I

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Speaker 4: can make some rational decisions. Right, So I think that

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Speaker 4: one of them really is around. Are they replying to

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Speaker 4: you in a timely manner?

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Speaker 6: Right?

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Speaker 3: Because if a guy is really into you, yeah, you

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Speaker 3: will know.

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Speaker 4: You will know because you will feel like he's replying

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Speaker 4: to you, he's messaging you, he's making plans, he's considering you,

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Speaker 4: he's thinking about things that you said, and like maybe

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Speaker 4: giving you a little gift or maybe like making a

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Speaker 4: little comment like you will one hundred percent not with

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Speaker 4: the consistency and the.

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Speaker 3: Care and the consideration that he's showing you.

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Speaker 2: What would you consider timely? Yeah, I want an hourly

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Speaker 2: or daily breakdown.

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Speaker 4: I'd say, like within a day, yeah, for sure, or

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Speaker 4: like if he message at the start of the day,

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Speaker 4: at least by end of day.

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Speaker 1: Yeah.

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Speaker 4: I do think that like a guy, no matter how

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Speaker 4: busy he is, if he's really into you, he will

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Speaker 4: carve out time in his day too.

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Speaker 1: Reply. I completely agree when they'll be like sorry, like

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Speaker 1: life's just been hectic or it's been so busy there.

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Speaker 3: Unless they're like diying down a mind shaft.

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Speaker 4: Or something astronaut on Mars that they're like in surgery

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Speaker 4: for hours now, Yeah, that's okay, astronaut or surgeon.

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Speaker 2: These are only two exceptions.

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Speaker 4: Okay, what else it's around, Like, is is he getting

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Speaker 4: annoyed at little things that you do? Or does he

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Speaker 4: have actually quite a lot of grace around it? And

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Speaker 4: is he kind of like really open and curious about

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Speaker 4: just whoever you are? Because when a guys really into you,

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Speaker 4: everything you do is kind of shiny to them, but

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Speaker 4: it really is for a while exactly, everything's cute, everything's

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Speaker 4: like oh wow, like okay, it's not annoying, right, and

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Speaker 4: they're just sort of open and really like there's this

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Speaker 4: energy of like delight like when a guy's into you,

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Speaker 4: you know, like even if guys aren't expressive, it's like, oh, yeah,

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Speaker 4: that's cool. Okay, yeah that's nice, a little smile. And

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Speaker 4: I think that's really obvious to a girl because you just.

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Speaker 3: Feel so relaxed.

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Speaker 4: You can kind of say anything, do anything, be anything,

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Speaker 4: and they're just like, oh cool.

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Speaker 2: Yeah yeah. And also like showing interest in the things

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Speaker 2: that you're passionate about, right, Like what if they're sort

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Speaker 2: of like you're talking about your work or something that

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Speaker 2: you've got coming up, like a holiday or something. Is

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Speaker 2: how they respond to that important?

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Speaker 3: It is? Right, it is.

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Speaker 4: But at the same time, I really want to like

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Speaker 4: cater to some of the guys who are like more

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Speaker 4: introverted and they don't like express as much as maybe

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Speaker 4: some girls or maybe guys who more extroverted. So it's like, yeah,

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Speaker 4: they're sometimes they're not the greatest at asking questions, but

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Speaker 4: they are interested.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, you know, how.

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Speaker 2: Can you tell that distinction between somebody who isn't interested

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Speaker 2: or somebody who is maybe a little bit more introverted,

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Speaker 2: or maybe they just want to ease into the relationship,

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Speaker 2: So it's not that they're not committed, Like, how do

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Speaker 2: you know if they're not committed or they're just easing

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Speaker 2: into it.

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Speaker 4: How do you know if they're not committed or just

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Speaker 4: easing into it. I think there's like so in their energy.

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Speaker 4: I think there's like an openness if they're interested in you.

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Speaker 3: But they're just a little bit like withdrawal, a little

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Speaker 3: bit shy.

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Speaker 4: They will give you space when you talk, and when

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Speaker 4: you say stuff, they will probably say like a little

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Speaker 4: considerate thing back, which shows that they've been listening. When

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Speaker 4: a guy's not interested, like honestly, it's kind of it's

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Speaker 4: kind of obvious, Yeah, talk about themselves, or they're not

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Speaker 4: that or they're just not that receptive to what you

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Speaker 4: have to say, or they don't really have a response,

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Speaker 4: you know, like they just don't really respond the same way,

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Speaker 4: or they kind of like what do they do they like, Yeah,

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Speaker 4: it's like they don't really contact you. They're not really

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Speaker 4: that interested, they don't really respond. I think that they're

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Speaker 4: the things.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I feel like the biggest thing you said as

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Speaker 1: well is like if they're interested in you, you won't

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Speaker 1: be confused, like you'll know and if you're confused, they're

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Speaker 1: probably not that interested.

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Speaker 4: And it's either they're not interested or they don't have

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Speaker 4: the capacity to show up in the way that you

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Speaker 4: want them to.

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Speaker 3: Sometimes guys really really want to.

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Speaker 4: And I feel like, especially like maybe younger guys, also

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Speaker 4: older guys. Let's face it, everyone does this, but like

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Speaker 4: they will often say, oh, you know, I love you

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Speaker 4: and I want to be this person for you, But

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Speaker 4: it's like can they actually do that? Sometimes they just

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Speaker 4: don't have the capacity or the maturity to do it.

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Speaker 4: So I think that's about like judging do they have

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Speaker 4: the maturity as well as the desire.

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Speaker 3: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: So another thing that we got sent in a lot

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Speaker 1: was that the chicks are keen to get off the

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Speaker 1: dating apps. So what are some ways that people can

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Speaker 1: meet new people and make genuine connection?

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Speaker 4: Yes, okay, I love this question because I think that

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Speaker 4: what chicks do not do enough of is meet people

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Speaker 4: in real life. And I think that you know, a

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Speaker 4: lot of people tell me they're like, oh, I go

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Speaker 4: out and like I just do the same thing every

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Speaker 4: day and I'm not.

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Speaker 3: Really meeting anyone new.

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Speaker 4: But if you go out and you go about your

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Speaker 4: daily life, Okay, firstly, you want to be doing a

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Speaker 4: little bit more than your daily life, Like, yes, go

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Speaker 4: to some events, hang out with your friends, friends, like

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Speaker 4: just be like yourself.

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Speaker 3: But like times one point five social right, I love that.

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Speaker 4: But even when you're going out your DA daily life,

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Speaker 4: are going to your cafe, go to your gym, going

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Speaker 4: to this, Like, don't just stay buried in your phone.

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Speaker 3: If you see a Q guy, actually like get up

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Speaker 3: out of there, face him. Yeah, they eye contact, yeah,

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Speaker 3: and smile.

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Speaker 2: And I'm like, why am I? So I am very interested?

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Speaker 4: And that's what that's like such a big part of it.

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Speaker 4: It's like, are you're actually making eye contact and smiling

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Speaker 4: at people? And then are you just like making a

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Speaker 4: little bit of conversation if they smile back.

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Speaker 3: But it doesn't matter what.

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Speaker 4: You say, if they're interested in they're keen.

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Speaker 3: Oh, they will take that so quickly. Yeah, they will

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Speaker 3: reply right then and there because they just want an

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Speaker 3: excuse and they're excited.

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Speaker 2: They just want it opening.

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Speaker 1: And it's so interesting, especially because you know this is

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Speaker 1: audio people can't see. But even when you were just

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Speaker 1: saying that, you lifted like your shoulders back, like rather

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Speaker 1: than concaving in, you like lifted your shoulders back and

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Speaker 1: like open literally opened yourself up to conversation. That I

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Speaker 1: think is so interesting And yeah, just even like not

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Speaker 1: sitting on your phone and like being opened so that

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Speaker 1: someone can like take your headphones off.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, nobody's going to come up and strike a conversation

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Speaker 2: with you. Well, no respectable person is going to come

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Speaker 2: up and do that.

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Speaker 3: Well, I don't want to disturb you.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, what's like a pet talk though, that you can

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Speaker 1: say in your head because it's like nerve racking.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, I think that. Okay, So this is the thing

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Speaker 4: I think so many people are like, Oh, it's so awkward,

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Speaker 4: it's going to be so cringe. It's like, just be cringe,

328
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Speaker 4: be awkward. It's okay, Right, it's okay. I think like

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Speaker 4: I feel like I've heard you talk about this before,

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Speaker 4: Like if if anything that you want to do but

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Speaker 4: you're putting yourself out there is going to feel a

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Speaker 4: little bit cringe, it's fine, you know. And so it's

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Speaker 4: like it's okay to be cringe, and I'm just going

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Speaker 4: to be open and friendly. Like you're not really doing anything,

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Speaker 4: you're just literally being open and friendly.

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Speaker 3: And so many people don't do that.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, And those moments so often when you look back

338
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Speaker 2: on the early stages of your relationship, they're really endearing.

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Speaker 2: Like when you if you do pursue something with this person.

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Speaker 2: You'll be like, remember that time when I came up

341
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Speaker 2: to you and I like awkwardly tripped over my words

342
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Speaker 2: or I tried to hit on you and blah blah.

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Speaker 2: Like you guys will laugh about that together as well.

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Speaker 2: So maybe you can be like, this will be an

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Speaker 2: endearing origin story.

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Speaker 1: It's funny to tell your friends about it later exactly

347
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Speaker 1: and be like, guys, it is the stupidest thing.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, you have one of two options. It will be

349
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Speaker 2: really romantic one day or it will be fucking funny

350
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Speaker 2: for your friends. I love that those are two good options.

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Speaker 2: Do you have a formula for how to be more

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Speaker 2: confident for a first date?

353
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Speaker 3: Look my formula?

354
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Speaker 4: Okay, you know how everyone's like be yourself and then

355
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Speaker 4: like there was all these memes like but.

356
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Speaker 3: Myself is really weird.

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Speaker 4: So it's like, look, there's truth to that. But I

358
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Speaker 4: think it's like step one, get into your most relaxed version.

359
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Speaker 4: Whatever is available to you in that moment doesn't have

360
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Speaker 4: to be the most relaxed version, right, that's what. And

361
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Speaker 4: when you're relaxed, you're just naturally kind of who you

362
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Speaker 4: are a bit more.

363
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Speaker 3: Two, you're always having a narrative, right when you're an interaction.

364
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Speaker 3: Am I doing this? Okay? Am I showing up like this?

365
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Speaker 4: I'm a little bit more nervous down, I'm a bit

366
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Speaker 4: more tense today. The inner narrative that you want to

367
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Speaker 4: cultivate is like, whatever it is, however I'm showing up

368
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Speaker 4: is completely okay, right, So that's like that inner narrative

369
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Speaker 4: going on at the same time all the time. I'd

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Speaker 4: say as as a baseline, and.

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Speaker 3: Then three is then you just want to amplify a.

372
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Speaker 4: Tiny bit the more fun, playful parts of your personality,

373
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Speaker 4: the curious, the flirty. So you're just amplifying that like

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Speaker 4: a little bit, like split a little bit of dust on.

375
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Speaker 3: That littlest yeah, gst exactly.

376
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Speaker 2: Yeah, that's really good advice because on a first date

377
00:16:44,080 --> 00:16:46,240
Speaker 2: as well, people don't know you, so they don't know

378
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Speaker 2: that maybe you're amplifying it a little bit, whereas I

379
00:16:49,680 --> 00:16:51,360
Speaker 2: think people are like, well, like I feel like a

380
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Speaker 2: phony or I'm really nervous or whatever, and they feel

381
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Speaker 2: like they're going to be like not genuine if they're

382
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Speaker 2: amping it up.

383
00:16:58,720 --> 00:17:00,320
Speaker 3: Yeah, and you know, the person doesn't.

384
00:17:00,400 --> 00:17:02,200
Speaker 4: I have something to say to that, because yes, you're right,

385
00:17:02,240 --> 00:17:04,520
Speaker 4: the other person doesn't know and I think it's really

386
00:17:04,840 --> 00:17:08,520
Speaker 4: great to just say that you feel nervous day, you know,

387
00:17:08,680 --> 00:17:10,439
Speaker 4: like I have a really cracked thing that I used

388
00:17:10,440 --> 00:17:11,159
Speaker 4: to do on dates.

389
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Speaker 3: Oh my god, this is really cracked.

390
00:17:14,240 --> 00:17:17,000
Speaker 4: I used to play this game where okay, do you

391
00:17:17,000 --> 00:17:22,280
Speaker 4: want to play a game like yes, but the game

392
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Speaker 4: is do you want to share?

393
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Speaker 3: What would like? What's the most vulnerable thing for you

394
00:17:26,359 --> 00:17:29,960
Speaker 3: to share right now? I hate it? What would people say?

395
00:17:30,760 --> 00:17:30,920
Speaker 2: Well?

396
00:17:30,920 --> 00:17:33,640
Speaker 4: I did it with my husband our first date, and

397
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Speaker 4: he shared that he's not a short guy, but he's

398
00:17:37,280 --> 00:17:39,439
Speaker 4: not six foot used to be under six foot, and

399
00:17:39,440 --> 00:17:41,199
Speaker 4: he said, you know, when I went on dating apps,

400
00:17:41,920 --> 00:17:43,640
Speaker 4: a lot of girls are saying they only want six

401
00:17:43,640 --> 00:17:45,720
Speaker 4: foot and over. So now, like, it just made me

402
00:17:45,760 --> 00:17:48,440
Speaker 4: a little bit self conscious about my height. So that's

403
00:17:48,600 --> 00:17:50,240
Speaker 4: what I wondered, you know.

404
00:17:50,440 --> 00:17:52,960
Speaker 3: Oh my god, what did you say for me?

405
00:17:53,200 --> 00:17:53,440
Speaker 5: Yeah?

406
00:17:53,440 --> 00:17:54,719
Speaker 3: Oh my mind was so similar.

407
00:17:54,800 --> 00:17:56,920
Speaker 4: Mine was like, oh, I feel a little bit self

408
00:17:56,960 --> 00:17:58,320
Speaker 4: conscious in what I'm wearing because it was a really

409
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Speaker 4: quick day and I feel like I might not look

410
00:18:00,200 --> 00:18:00,960
Speaker 4: the best right now.

411
00:18:02,119 --> 00:18:04,399
Speaker 2: Oh I hate it.

412
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Speaker 5: I mean, I just hate being.

413
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Speaker 3: It's really it's really intense thing to do. I wouldn't

414
00:18:10,440 --> 00:18:11,000
Speaker 3: recommend it.

415
00:18:11,080 --> 00:18:13,960
Speaker 4: Unless you're like a real like emotional depth junkie.

416
00:18:14,840 --> 00:18:17,880
Speaker 3: But it does lead to some pretty cute results.

417
00:18:19,200 --> 00:18:20,240
Speaker 2: It's a good icebreaker.

418
00:18:20,440 --> 00:18:21,320
Speaker 5: Yeah, and it.

419
00:18:21,280 --> 00:18:23,560
Speaker 3: Could just be I feel really awkward and nervous right now.

420
00:18:23,840 --> 00:18:27,000
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think that's okay to acknowledge that the elephant

421
00:18:27,040 --> 00:18:28,080
Speaker 2: in the room.

422
00:18:28,160 --> 00:18:30,359
Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah, Okay.

423
00:18:30,440 --> 00:18:32,400
Speaker 1: This one was also a spicy question that we got

424
00:18:32,440 --> 00:18:36,200
Speaker 1: sent in a lot, and it's is this saying, once

425
00:18:36,240 --> 00:18:38,119
Speaker 1: a cheater, always a cheat out true?

426
00:18:38,760 --> 00:18:40,040
Speaker 5: Can you ever move on.

427
00:18:40,040 --> 00:18:41,480
Speaker 3: From cheating in a relationship?

428
00:18:41,520 --> 00:18:41,600
Speaker 2: Like?

429
00:18:41,600 --> 00:18:43,399
Speaker 3: I think that's a two parter. I don't think so.

430
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Speaker 4: I think it really depends on like, Okay, I think

431
00:18:46,440 --> 00:18:49,880
Speaker 4: there's a big difference between a one off cheating and

432
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Speaker 4: like a repeated pattern of compulsive or just repetitive behavior.

433
00:18:54,760 --> 00:18:57,960
Speaker 4: Like so, if they've cheated in every single relationship, yeah,

434
00:18:58,080 --> 00:18:59,880
Speaker 4: that would be a red flag, right. There's something going

435
00:18:59,880 --> 00:19:03,240
Speaker 4: on and there's something subconscious that's driving them or maybe conscious, right,

436
00:19:03,240 --> 00:19:05,960
Speaker 4: which means that it's likely going to happen in your

437
00:19:05,960 --> 00:19:09,879
Speaker 4: relationship if it's just a one off and they've really

438
00:19:09,960 --> 00:19:12,560
Speaker 4: like went into it and they felt really bad about it,

439
00:19:12,640 --> 00:19:15,359
Speaker 4: and you know, they've done their own reflection on it

440
00:19:15,480 --> 00:19:18,639
Speaker 4: and know how it happened. I don't think it's necessarily

441
00:19:18,640 --> 00:19:20,600
Speaker 4: a red flag. A lot of people have cheated, you know,

442
00:19:20,720 --> 00:19:23,680
Speaker 4: men and women. It happens. It's just a fact of life,

443
00:19:24,240 --> 00:19:26,640
Speaker 4: you know. So I think if you have that that

444
00:19:26,760 --> 00:19:29,719
Speaker 4: circumspection and that reflection and that self awareness around it,

445
00:19:29,720 --> 00:19:31,200
Speaker 4: it doesn't have to be a red flag.

446
00:19:31,240 --> 00:19:32,720
Speaker 3: I think it could be could be a green.

447
00:19:32,520 --> 00:19:35,760
Speaker 5: Flag even honest about the situation.

448
00:19:35,600 --> 00:19:37,920
Speaker 4: Honest and they have the learnings right because I think

449
00:19:37,960 --> 00:19:40,560
Speaker 4: sometimes like what I see is cheating happens, and it's

450
00:19:40,640 --> 00:19:44,239
Speaker 4: so like excoriated people like that's so bad. But what

451
00:19:44,320 --> 00:19:46,720
Speaker 4: I see is like, you know what, cheating happens, and

452
00:19:47,119 --> 00:19:50,199
Speaker 4: it sometimes happens in a way that's so powerful you

453
00:19:50,320 --> 00:19:53,480
Speaker 4: almost like can't prevent it, you know, And that's a

454
00:19:53,520 --> 00:19:58,199
Speaker 4: really uncomfortable fact for something, you know.

455
00:19:58,240 --> 00:19:58,760
Speaker 5: I don't like it.

456
00:20:00,000 --> 00:20:00,200
Speaker 2: I don't.

457
00:20:00,280 --> 00:20:04,600
Speaker 4: It's uncomfortable, right, But it can be so powerful how

458
00:20:04,640 --> 00:20:07,600
Speaker 4: it happens, but it doesn't also doesn't just happen. So

459
00:20:07,640 --> 00:20:10,119
Speaker 4: it's like, if you know how it happened, there was

460
00:20:10,160 --> 00:20:12,600
Speaker 4: all this disconnection in the relationship, or you're going through

461
00:20:12,600 --> 00:20:14,160
Speaker 4: a personally a hard time, you didn't want to share

462
00:20:14,160 --> 00:20:16,360
Speaker 4: it with your partner, whatever, there was someone at work

463
00:20:16,359 --> 00:20:18,360
Speaker 4: you got close to them slowly did and then at

464
00:20:18,359 --> 00:20:20,760
Speaker 4: a party it happened, you know, whatever the circumstances. I

465
00:20:20,760 --> 00:20:24,440
Speaker 4: think it can give you a lot to reflect on. Yeah,

466
00:20:24,480 --> 00:20:27,879
Speaker 4: I think it really like warrants a big conversation.

467
00:20:28,920 --> 00:20:31,560
Speaker 2: I was gonna ask, what if you're in a relationship

468
00:20:31,840 --> 00:20:34,880
Speaker 2: and your partner has cheated on you, can you ever

469
00:20:35,119 --> 00:20:37,120
Speaker 2: come back from that? Or do you have any advice

470
00:20:38,000 --> 00:20:39,399
Speaker 2: for somebody who has gone through that?

471
00:20:40,480 --> 00:20:40,920
Speaker 3: Yeah?

472
00:20:41,080 --> 00:20:44,840
Speaker 4: Yeah, so that was obviously like so painful to go through,

473
00:20:44,880 --> 00:20:48,199
Speaker 4: and it's like a big it's a big trauma for

474
00:20:48,240 --> 00:20:51,720
Speaker 4: the relationship. It's a big relationship trauma. You can come

475
00:20:51,760 --> 00:20:54,520
Speaker 4: back from it. I think like it takes a while,

476
00:20:54,800 --> 00:20:56,520
Speaker 4: you know, And I think it takes like so much

477
00:20:56,560 --> 00:21:00,440
Speaker 4: willingness on the person who cheated to really be right

478
00:21:00,680 --> 00:21:03,240
Speaker 4: and revealing. And I think like what it does is

479
00:21:03,280 --> 00:21:05,560
Speaker 4: it reveals like everything that hasn't been addressed in the

480
00:21:05,560 --> 00:21:07,960
Speaker 4: relationship has to kind of come up and be seen.

481
00:21:09,040 --> 00:21:11,600
Speaker 3: Is generally how it happens. Surely what works.

482
00:21:11,960 --> 00:21:13,960
Speaker 4: And I think for the person who's been cheated on,

483
00:21:14,359 --> 00:21:18,520
Speaker 4: at some stage, like not immediately, but at some stage

484
00:21:18,800 --> 00:21:21,119
Speaker 4: you've got to decide like, am I actually going to

485
00:21:21,160 --> 00:21:25,240
Speaker 4: forgive my partner and let go even though it really

486
00:21:25,359 --> 00:21:27,440
Speaker 4: hurt me and it completely brought me to my knees

487
00:21:27,480 --> 00:21:28,680
Speaker 4: and it's so scary and I don't know if I

488
00:21:28,720 --> 00:21:29,119
Speaker 4: can trust you.

489
00:21:29,160 --> 00:21:30,160
Speaker 3: Am I still going to forgive them?

490
00:21:30,440 --> 00:21:32,160
Speaker 4: Like you kind of have to go through that process

491
00:21:32,600 --> 00:21:34,720
Speaker 4: or you know, you let you let it go? You know,

492
00:21:35,040 --> 00:21:37,320
Speaker 4: I think it's hell to stay in a relationship not

493
00:21:37,400 --> 00:21:39,679
Speaker 4: forgive them and then just have that drag out for

494
00:21:39,760 --> 00:21:42,080
Speaker 4: like five years. You know, if you've been cheated on,

495
00:21:42,480 --> 00:21:45,359
Speaker 4: there's a lot of pain that you also need to

496
00:21:45,359 --> 00:21:46,720
Speaker 4: deal with, Like, yes, you need to deal with as

497
00:21:46,720 --> 00:21:51,640
Speaker 4: a couple, preferably in some sessions, but you personally need

498
00:21:51,680 --> 00:21:54,159
Speaker 4: to deal with the pain that you're feeling, you know,

499
00:21:54,280 --> 00:21:56,280
Speaker 4: and that like I think being cheated on can also

500
00:21:56,280 --> 00:21:59,040
Speaker 4: bring up a lot of other stuff, Like you know,

501
00:21:59,080 --> 00:22:02,480
Speaker 4: it really depends like it's your earlier attachment trauma, Like

502
00:22:02,520 --> 00:22:05,240
Speaker 4: did you have a parent who wasn't like emotionally present

503
00:22:05,359 --> 00:22:06,920
Speaker 4: or did you have a parent who literally left?

504
00:22:06,960 --> 00:22:08,560
Speaker 3: Like what what else has been going on?

505
00:22:08,760 --> 00:22:10,720
Speaker 4: Because I think if you're cheated on, it's such a

506
00:22:10,760 --> 00:22:14,080
Speaker 4: big trauma you can bring up anything that's like any

507
00:22:14,080 --> 00:22:17,000
Speaker 4: other insecurities that were there already in yourself which aren't

508
00:22:17,000 --> 00:22:17,320
Speaker 4: really to.

509
00:22:17,320 --> 00:22:18,040
Speaker 3: Do with your partner.

510
00:22:18,520 --> 00:22:21,080
Speaker 4: So I think there's definitely a measure of like self

511
00:22:21,119 --> 00:22:23,960
Speaker 4: healing and self responsibility as well as couple healing.

512
00:22:24,160 --> 00:22:26,520
Speaker 1: It's such a thing that it's like there's no blanket,

513
00:22:26,920 --> 00:22:29,399
Speaker 1: blanket term I can do it, and it is a

514
00:22:29,440 --> 00:22:33,080
Speaker 1: case by case. But you just mentioned attachment styles, which

515
00:22:33,080 --> 00:22:34,919
Speaker 1: for the chicks, if you don't know what attachment styles are,

516
00:22:34,960 --> 00:22:37,400
Speaker 1: there's three types secure, anxiety.

517
00:22:36,960 --> 00:22:39,080
Speaker 5: And avoidant, and then you can kind of break them down.

518
00:22:38,960 --> 00:22:41,880
Speaker 4: Right, yeah, and then there's just disorganized Oh that's right, Yeah,

519
00:22:41,880 --> 00:22:42,119
Speaker 4: which is.

520
00:22:42,119 --> 00:22:42,399
Speaker 1: Like that.

521
00:22:44,119 --> 00:22:46,760
Speaker 5: That's me that like a mix between anxiety and avoidant.

522
00:22:46,840 --> 00:22:47,760
Speaker 3: Yeah, you sort of go between.

523
00:22:48,640 --> 00:22:51,800
Speaker 1: But one kind of type that we get a lot

524
00:22:51,840 --> 00:22:55,760
Speaker 1: of messages that relate to is the avoidant person. So

525
00:22:56,080 --> 00:22:59,360
Speaker 1: what are three tips if you're dating an avoidant person?

526
00:23:00,000 --> 00:23:03,160
Speaker 4: Okay, So I would say if you are an anxious

527
00:23:03,200 --> 00:23:06,240
Speaker 4: girlie and you're dating someone avoidant, I would say, look,

528
00:23:06,359 --> 00:23:08,760
Speaker 4: just think twice about that. I think it's a lesson

529
00:23:08,800 --> 00:23:12,119
Speaker 4: that a lot of people go through, and at some

530
00:23:12,240 --> 00:23:14,720
Speaker 4: point you might go, you know what, it's actually going

531
00:23:14,800 --> 00:23:17,119
Speaker 4: to be better for me to date someone who's a

532
00:23:17,160 --> 00:23:19,280
Speaker 4: little bit more secure. It's actually just going to be

533
00:23:19,280 --> 00:23:21,240
Speaker 4: a better experience for me, right, because I think they're

534
00:23:21,240 --> 00:23:25,440
Speaker 4: anxious and avoidance. They're like drawn together like magnet for sure,

535
00:23:25,440 --> 00:23:28,040
Speaker 4: because you've got like corresponding wounds, you know, So you're

536
00:23:28,040 --> 00:23:31,159
Speaker 4: like drawn together like magnets. It feels so good, but

537
00:23:31,240 --> 00:23:33,680
Speaker 4: then you realize you're just in a pattern. Oh, we're

538
00:23:33,680 --> 00:23:37,440
Speaker 4: just playing out our attachment patterns right now. Yeah, So

539
00:23:37,520 --> 00:23:39,840
Speaker 4: like just have that awareness maybe you don't want to

540
00:23:39,840 --> 00:23:42,760
Speaker 4: be there, maybe we choose something else, that's.

541
00:23:42,840 --> 00:23:44,720
Speaker 3: My So if you're an anxious girl, like don't do that,

542
00:23:45,359 --> 00:23:48,880
Speaker 3: Like yeah, just be a little bit wary. Yeah.

543
00:23:48,920 --> 00:23:52,720
Speaker 4: And then most second one is I guess the growth

544
00:23:52,760 --> 00:23:55,800
Speaker 4: opportunity of dealing of like being with an avoidant is

545
00:23:55,880 --> 00:23:58,720
Speaker 4: like you learning to kind of self regulate. Because the

546
00:23:58,720 --> 00:24:02,520
Speaker 4: thing with like an anxious attached person is they always

547
00:24:02,680 --> 00:24:04,920
Speaker 4: like need to coregulate and they don't kind of self

548
00:24:04,960 --> 00:24:06,919
Speaker 4: soothe as much. Right, And then the thing with an

549
00:24:06,920 --> 00:24:09,040
Speaker 4: avoidant is they need to self regulate and it's not

550
00:24:09,080 --> 00:24:12,080
Speaker 4: a safe for them to like connect and co regulate.

551
00:24:12,119 --> 00:24:14,200
Speaker 3: So it's like the lesson is like, great, maybe.

552
00:24:13,960 --> 00:24:16,320
Speaker 4: You can do a bit more to grow your own

553
00:24:16,640 --> 00:24:19,840
Speaker 4: self soothing abilities like speak to your own girlfriends, do

554
00:24:19,960 --> 00:24:22,000
Speaker 4: your own thing, go to your own classes, do your

555
00:24:22,000 --> 00:24:24,160
Speaker 4: own journaling, like do all those things and actually try

556
00:24:24,200 --> 00:24:24,919
Speaker 4: to grow that muscle.

557
00:24:25,080 --> 00:24:27,760
Speaker 5: Yeah, so it be like a little bit more independent.

558
00:24:27,520 --> 00:24:28,960
Speaker 3: Yeaheah, yeah for sure.

559
00:24:29,240 --> 00:24:31,480
Speaker 4: And then the final one is if you're in because

560
00:24:31,480 --> 00:24:33,440
Speaker 4: sometimes like you're just a little bit anxious and they're

561
00:24:33,480 --> 00:24:35,479
Speaker 4: just a little bit avoidant and that's fine, happens all

562
00:24:35,480 --> 00:24:37,680
Speaker 4: the time. And then it's like, yeah, just learn to

563
00:24:37,680 --> 00:24:40,440
Speaker 4: give them space. You know, it's fine, Like just get

564
00:24:40,480 --> 00:24:42,960
Speaker 4: okay with giving them space and knowing that they're going

565
00:24:43,040 --> 00:24:43,800
Speaker 4: to need a bit more of that.

566
00:24:44,040 --> 00:24:46,760
Speaker 1: Then you what are some signs that someone is an

567
00:24:46,800 --> 00:24:49,560
Speaker 1: avoidant person? What if someone's dating someone they don't realize

568
00:24:49,600 --> 00:24:52,160
Speaker 1: that they are, and they're listening to this and they're.

569
00:24:52,000 --> 00:24:54,439
Speaker 5: Like, oh shit, maybe I am dating an avoidant person.

570
00:24:55,080 --> 00:24:55,439
Speaker 3: Yeah.

571
00:24:55,560 --> 00:25:00,240
Speaker 4: I mean it's things like okay, so it's kind of

572
00:25:00,240 --> 00:25:05,640
Speaker 4: in the name, right, like they kind of maybe avoid closeness.

573
00:25:05,680 --> 00:25:08,640
Speaker 4: So like often like you'll get really close and even

574
00:25:08,640 --> 00:25:10,120
Speaker 4: in the beginning and avoid and you can get really

575
00:25:10,119 --> 00:25:11,919
Speaker 4: close for like say like the first month or something,

576
00:25:12,240 --> 00:25:15,960
Speaker 4: and then they suddenly need distance, right, they suddenly lose consistency,

577
00:25:16,040 --> 00:25:19,240
Speaker 4: like they suddenly need space. Or sometimes it can be

578
00:25:19,320 --> 00:25:22,199
Speaker 4: like when things get more vulnerable, or if you have

579
00:25:22,280 --> 00:25:25,840
Speaker 4: your first disagreement, they suddenly need to avoid.

580
00:25:25,640 --> 00:25:27,720
Speaker 3: The intensity and they can't be available for that.

581
00:25:27,840 --> 00:25:29,920
Speaker 4: It's kind of like that, like they want to avoid

582
00:25:30,160 --> 00:25:34,720
Speaker 4: emotional intimacy which includes conflict, or emotional intimacy which includes

583
00:25:34,880 --> 00:25:36,400
Speaker 4: like closeness.

584
00:25:37,280 --> 00:25:42,359
Speaker 2: And speaking of I guess differences in relationships. Do you

585
00:25:42,400 --> 00:25:46,160
Speaker 2: have any advice for people who have different sex drives

586
00:25:46,359 --> 00:25:47,320
Speaker 2: in their relationship?

587
00:25:47,560 --> 00:25:49,760
Speaker 4: Yes, yes, I do, right, because I think it's super

588
00:25:49,800 --> 00:25:52,720
Speaker 4: common for people to have like different appetites, right, different

589
00:25:52,760 --> 00:25:57,120
Speaker 4: relationships to sex. And for me, like when people come in,

590
00:25:57,320 --> 00:25:59,360
Speaker 4: I think that's such a great sign to actually get

591
00:25:59,359 --> 00:26:02,879
Speaker 4: some external se because it's such a tender, sensitive area

592
00:26:02,960 --> 00:26:04,680
Speaker 4: that brings uple is stuff and it's really hard to

593
00:26:04,720 --> 00:26:08,000
Speaker 4: talk about. So I think the most difficult position is

594
00:26:08,000 --> 00:26:11,199
Speaker 4: when one person feels really pressured and judged for not

595
00:26:11,240 --> 00:26:13,680
Speaker 4: wanting to have sex, and the other person feels really

596
00:26:13,720 --> 00:26:16,560
Speaker 4: like bereft and lonely and left because they're not getting

597
00:26:16,600 --> 00:26:18,760
Speaker 4: the connection that they want. And the one question that

598
00:26:18,800 --> 00:26:21,160
Speaker 4: I would always ask is, like, what does this mean

599
00:26:21,200 --> 00:26:23,080
Speaker 4: to you, like what does sex mean to you? And

600
00:26:23,119 --> 00:26:25,639
Speaker 4: what does sex mean to you? And often it means

601
00:26:25,680 --> 00:26:27,560
Speaker 4: you know, to this person like, oh, it's how I connect,

602
00:26:27,640 --> 00:26:29,680
Speaker 4: it's how I go to these magical places.

603
00:26:29,720 --> 00:26:30,800
Speaker 3: It's really it's beautiful.

604
00:26:30,920 --> 00:26:32,520
Speaker 4: And to the other person it's like, oh, it's like

605
00:26:32,560 --> 00:26:35,000
Speaker 4: a sign of like how deficient I am and how

606
00:26:35,040 --> 00:26:37,480
Speaker 4: I'm not giving you what you want and you know,

607
00:26:37,640 --> 00:26:41,119
Speaker 4: and just being able to see that already like loosen

608
00:26:41,200 --> 00:26:43,960
Speaker 4: some of the pressure. And then the other thing that

609
00:26:44,000 --> 00:26:47,720
Speaker 4: I see as well, especially in hetero relationships, because I

610
00:26:47,720 --> 00:26:50,359
Speaker 4: think like when it's like a girl or girl or

611
00:26:50,400 --> 00:26:52,880
Speaker 4: like a fab with a fab, it's like it's different,

612
00:26:53,280 --> 00:26:56,880
Speaker 4: like girl's touched differently.

613
00:26:57,119 --> 00:26:57,479
Speaker 5: Yeah.

614
00:26:57,600 --> 00:27:01,080
Speaker 1: And I just think as well, like because when I've

615
00:27:01,080 --> 00:27:03,879
Speaker 1: been with girls in the past, like the communication is

616
00:27:04,000 --> 00:27:07,880
Speaker 1: just like completely different, like it's more heartfelt. Yeah, and

617
00:27:07,960 --> 00:27:12,040
Speaker 1: like I feel like it's less confusing because like I

618
00:27:12,080 --> 00:27:15,639
Speaker 1: don't know, it's like men the language barrier, the gender

619
00:27:15,840 --> 00:27:18,200
Speaker 1: language barriers just isn't there, but yeah, they just don't

620
00:27:18,200 --> 00:27:21,000
Speaker 1: always say how they feel, yeah, whereas like with women's

621
00:27:21,160 --> 00:27:22,240
Speaker 1: and not all the time.

622
00:27:22,040 --> 00:27:23,919
Speaker 5: But women can be a little bit more open with

623
00:27:24,000 --> 00:27:25,120
Speaker 5: that yeah.

624
00:27:24,880 --> 00:27:27,040
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, And I see that like a lot of

625
00:27:27,400 --> 00:27:29,760
Speaker 4: what happens eventually is like women they kind of in

626
00:27:29,800 --> 00:27:32,639
Speaker 4: the beginning they're okay with like really exciting hot like sex,

627
00:27:32,680 --> 00:27:34,239
Speaker 4: and then at a certain point in time, maybe when

628
00:27:34,280 --> 00:27:36,400
Speaker 4: they get older, maybe when they have a child, maybe

629
00:27:36,440 --> 00:27:39,120
Speaker 4: it's just been a while, they want more attune men.

630
00:27:39,320 --> 00:27:41,320
Speaker 4: You know, they want to be like touched and approached

631
00:27:41,320 --> 00:27:43,440
Speaker 4: in a way where they can kind of like open

632
00:27:43,520 --> 00:27:46,080
Speaker 4: and where there is this sensitivity to their feelings and

633
00:27:46,480 --> 00:27:49,040
Speaker 4: they want that presence and it's slower and like I'm

634
00:27:49,080 --> 00:27:51,080
Speaker 4: kind of like touching like my body in this really

635
00:27:51,119 --> 00:27:53,600
Speaker 4: like feathery, kind of lightweight, and you know a lot

636
00:27:53,680 --> 00:27:57,600
Speaker 4: of men, especially in Australia, they're not really trained.

637
00:27:57,320 --> 00:27:59,239
Speaker 3: To do that. They're not really educated to do that.

638
00:27:59,280 --> 00:28:01,200
Speaker 4: And I think that I see that a lot where

639
00:28:01,200 --> 00:28:03,320
Speaker 4: women are like, oh, I don't want him to just

640
00:28:03,359 --> 00:28:06,120
Speaker 4: grab my ass and be ready, you know, I really

641
00:28:06,440 --> 00:28:08,560
Speaker 4: like want that slowness and that presence, and I want

642
00:28:08,640 --> 00:28:10,440
Speaker 4: him to know like how to approach.

643
00:28:10,119 --> 00:28:14,600
Speaker 5: Me yeah or play yeah or play yeah.

644
00:28:14,800 --> 00:28:16,280
Speaker 1: I saw this thing once and it was like four

645
00:28:16,320 --> 00:28:18,639
Speaker 1: play starts in the morning, and I was like fuck.

646
00:28:18,440 --> 00:28:21,280
Speaker 3: Yes, four plase twenty four yeah, yeah.

647
00:28:21,200 --> 00:28:25,840
Speaker 2: Yeah, even just asking you about your day or showing

648
00:28:25,920 --> 00:28:28,720
Speaker 2: interest in your life, or you know you've had a

649
00:28:28,720 --> 00:28:30,760
Speaker 2: busy day, so they pick up the groceries for you.

650
00:28:31,040 --> 00:28:33,760
Speaker 2: Like showing that they care about you, that is non

651
00:28:33,840 --> 00:28:38,680
Speaker 2: sexual is also as important as like the sexual stuff

652
00:28:38,720 --> 00:28:41,200
Speaker 2: when it comes down to it, because so often you'll

653
00:28:41,200 --> 00:28:43,080
Speaker 2: hear somebody will be like, oh well I just don't

654
00:28:43,080 --> 00:28:45,360
Speaker 2: want them to touch me, so pissing me off.

655
00:28:45,560 --> 00:28:47,480
Speaker 5: Yeah, you lose that connection.

656
00:28:47,560 --> 00:28:48,560
Speaker 2: You can't just switch that.

657
00:28:48,800 --> 00:28:49,720
Speaker 3: On for sure.

658
00:28:50,080 --> 00:28:52,000
Speaker 5: Should you ever date anyone from work?

659
00:28:54,640 --> 00:28:56,440
Speaker 2: Because I feel very hard.

660
00:29:00,080 --> 00:29:04,920
Speaker 1: Indication, but I would like to have an expert's opinion on.

661
00:29:04,920 --> 00:29:08,880
Speaker 4: This, Okay, So you know before dating apps, right, the

662
00:29:08,880 --> 00:29:11,440
Speaker 4: way that we used to meet people the most was

663
00:29:11,480 --> 00:29:14,320
Speaker 4: firstly through our friends and then it was through work.

664
00:29:15,200 --> 00:29:18,080
Speaker 3: So I think the reality is a lot of people.

665
00:29:18,120 --> 00:29:20,520
Speaker 4: It's one of like the main ways where we're exposed

666
00:29:20,560 --> 00:29:23,360
Speaker 4: to new people. And I think it is okay to

667
00:29:23,480 --> 00:29:25,959
Speaker 4: date people from work. I think the only time when

668
00:29:26,000 --> 00:29:28,040
Speaker 4: you need to be really careful is when there are

669
00:29:28,120 --> 00:29:32,040
Speaker 4: like different lines of power and power hierarchies, right, So

670
00:29:32,120 --> 00:29:34,640
Speaker 4: that's what you have to be careful about. But I'm like,

671
00:29:34,720 --> 00:29:37,160
Speaker 4: it's a reality, it's how a lot of people meet

672
00:29:37,240 --> 00:29:40,520
Speaker 4: and you're sort of in the same pool of people

673
00:29:40,720 --> 00:29:42,920
Speaker 4: and the same job kind of thing.

674
00:29:43,000 --> 00:29:50,239
Speaker 6: So I think it's personally that I'm very sorry, Like

675
00:29:50,360 --> 00:29:52,360
Speaker 6: that's so fair because Al and I have like a

676
00:29:52,400 --> 00:29:55,760
Speaker 6: really hard and fast rule awhere, like never fuck.

677
00:29:55,640 --> 00:29:58,440
Speaker 2: Anyone from work. But the reality is that we spend

678
00:29:58,440 --> 00:30:01,680
Speaker 2: the majority of our time at work, your enforced proximity

679
00:30:01,760 --> 00:30:05,600
Speaker 2: with people, and sometimes genuine connections do happen.

680
00:30:06,680 --> 00:30:08,480
Speaker 1: Maybe it's the fact that it's like, don't fuck people

681
00:30:08,480 --> 00:30:11,160
Speaker 1: from work. If you're dating and it's like really nice

682
00:30:11,160 --> 00:30:15,400
Speaker 1: and sweet and healthy, then like go for gold. But

683
00:30:15,480 --> 00:30:18,040
Speaker 1: it's like when you just be there working and it's

684
00:30:18,080 --> 00:30:20,960
Speaker 1: like just like a friends with benefits thing, like that's

685
00:30:20,960 --> 00:30:23,920
Speaker 1: only gonna just lead to drama a mess. Yeah.

686
00:30:24,040 --> 00:30:26,920
Speaker 2: I think, like ask yourself genuinely, would you date them.

687
00:30:27,240 --> 00:30:28,600
Speaker 5: If you didn't work together?

688
00:30:28,680 --> 00:30:28,920
Speaker 3: Yeah?

689
00:30:28,960 --> 00:30:32,800
Speaker 2: Would you? Yeah? Like would you swipe yes to them

690
00:30:33,000 --> 00:30:35,160
Speaker 2: on a dating app? Or if you met them out

691
00:30:35,280 --> 00:30:38,760
Speaker 2: through friends? Do you think that you would date?

692
00:30:39,280 --> 00:30:39,480
Speaker 3: Yeah?

693
00:30:39,520 --> 00:30:41,200
Speaker 2: Sometimes I think it is just like.

694
00:30:41,440 --> 00:30:44,720
Speaker 1: The people at the airport, the people the airport and you're.

695
00:30:44,600 --> 00:30:46,960
Speaker 2: Bored at work, yeah, you know, yeah. No.

696
00:30:47,120 --> 00:30:50,640
Speaker 4: I also I've dated multiple people from work personally because

697
00:30:50,640 --> 00:30:54,200
Speaker 4: I just have met people, and yeah, it's awkward when

698
00:30:54,200 --> 00:30:55,760
Speaker 4: you break up, like you have to deal with the

699
00:30:55,840 --> 00:30:56,800
Speaker 4: ramifications of that.

700
00:30:56,960 --> 00:31:00,400
Speaker 1: What has been your biggest life lesson in regard to

701
00:31:00,680 --> 00:31:02,080
Speaker 1: dating and relationships?

702
00:31:02,120 --> 00:31:05,960
Speaker 4: Okay, my biggest life lesson is really that like love

703
00:31:06,760 --> 00:31:08,400
Speaker 4: by itself not enough?

704
00:31:09,720 --> 00:31:11,920
Speaker 2: Your face elabor right, Well.

705
00:31:11,800 --> 00:31:14,120
Speaker 4: Listen, Like, I've been in love quite a lot of

706
00:31:14,120 --> 00:31:16,719
Speaker 4: times in my life, and I've been in a lot

707
00:31:16,760 --> 00:31:19,800
Speaker 4: of heartbreaks, and I think what I've learned is it's

708
00:31:19,800 --> 00:31:21,920
Speaker 4: not really about the other person When I fall in love.

709
00:31:21,960 --> 00:31:24,880
Speaker 4: I fall in love because I love a lot. And

710
00:31:25,280 --> 00:31:28,640
Speaker 4: just because you fall in love, like you still need

711
00:31:28,680 --> 00:31:29,440
Speaker 4: to be compatible.

712
00:31:29,680 --> 00:31:29,920
Speaker 2: You know.

713
00:31:30,200 --> 00:31:31,880
Speaker 4: Just because you fall in love, it doesn't mean you

714
00:31:31,880 --> 00:31:33,840
Speaker 4: can live together. Just because you fall in love, it

715
00:31:33,880 --> 00:31:35,720
Speaker 4: doesn't mean you can have children with this person.

716
00:31:36,200 --> 00:31:36,400
Speaker 3: You know.

717
00:31:36,480 --> 00:31:38,080
Speaker 4: Just because you fall in love doesn't mean it's a

718
00:31:38,080 --> 00:31:41,000
Speaker 4: good relationship, right, It doesn't really mean anything. It's like,

719
00:31:41,120 --> 00:31:45,000
Speaker 4: love by itself is this beautiful experience, and if you're

720
00:31:45,040 --> 00:31:46,480
Speaker 4: the kind of person who falls in love a lot,

721
00:31:46,520 --> 00:31:49,320
Speaker 4: it's probably just you, babe.

722
00:31:49,960 --> 00:31:52,440
Speaker 2: So shit, that's good.

723
00:31:57,640 --> 00:31:58,360
Speaker 3: That's good stuff.

724
00:31:58,720 --> 00:31:59,080
Speaker 1: Shit.

725
00:32:00,160 --> 00:32:03,400
Speaker 2: I was gonna ask, like, what makes it enough? If

726
00:32:03,400 --> 00:32:06,680
Speaker 2: you could give like a one sentence or three.

727
00:32:06,480 --> 00:32:09,040
Speaker 3: Things, as in like what makes a relationship enough?

728
00:32:09,160 --> 00:32:11,240
Speaker 2: Yeah, so you've got love a lot of the other

729
00:32:11,280 --> 00:32:12,480
Speaker 2: three things that you need.

730
00:32:12,520 --> 00:32:18,040
Speaker 4: Like deep values driven compatibility, like lifestyle match like are

731
00:32:18,040 --> 00:32:20,200
Speaker 4: you in the same stage of your life and you

732
00:32:20,240 --> 00:32:23,800
Speaker 4: want the same kind of a life. And then it's

733
00:32:23,920 --> 00:32:28,240
Speaker 4: like can you get through conflict like easifully enough?

734
00:32:29,240 --> 00:32:30,320
Speaker 3: Yeah?

735
00:32:30,400 --> 00:32:33,480
Speaker 2: So I love that. Yeah that was good. Oh, thank

736
00:32:33,480 --> 00:32:34,719
Speaker 2: you so much for coming on.

737
00:32:35,080 --> 00:32:37,760
Speaker 1: I could honestly talk to you for so long. I

738
00:32:37,760 --> 00:32:39,280
Speaker 1: think you have to say so interesting.

739
00:32:39,600 --> 00:32:42,120
Speaker 2: But where can the chicks learn more about you and

740
00:32:42,160 --> 00:32:42,560
Speaker 2: find you?

741
00:32:42,680 --> 00:32:44,840
Speaker 3: Yeah, they can find me on Instagram It's at Suzi

742
00:32:44,920 --> 00:32:45,360
Speaker 3: Kim Love.

743
00:32:45,480 --> 00:32:47,840
Speaker 4: Or they can go to my website www dot czkim

744
00:32:47,880 --> 00:32:49,080
Speaker 4: dot com.

745
00:32:49,160 --> 00:32:50,320
Speaker 3: Yeah, they're the main way.

746
00:32:50,440 --> 00:32:52,280
Speaker 2: Thank you so much for coming on, and thank you

747
00:32:52,320 --> 00:32:55,240
Speaker 2: to all the chicks who wrote in and shared their dilemmas.

748
00:32:55,920 --> 00:32:58,240
Speaker 2: And thank you to m ik Made for making today's

749
00:32:58,240 --> 00:33:07,200
Speaker 2: episode happen. Love it Chicks, Hi, cheeky Happy Valentinees. M

750
00:33:07,400 --> 00:33:07,440
Speaker 2: h

751
00:33:11,560 --> 00:33:11,920
Speaker 3: M HM