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Speaker 1: This podcast is recorded on gaddigal Land Always was, always

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Speaker 1: will be Aboriginal Land, Hayti exigew and and we'll have

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Speaker 1: two Broke Checks to show that shares life lessons and

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Speaker 1: tips to make you rich in life. And today we're

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Speaker 1: talking about the things we forget are normal. Yeah, there

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Speaker 1: was a video on this topic that went absolutely viral,

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Speaker 1: and Sal and I wanted to share our own little

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Speaker 1: tidbits and things that we forget are normal. But before

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Speaker 1: we get into the episode, we have to talk about

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Speaker 1: our obsessions.

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Speaker 2: So what are you obsessed with? Sally?

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Speaker 3: My obsession of the week is the latest season of

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Speaker 3: Queer Eye. Have you seen that I haven't, But it's

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Speaker 3: got the new guy, right, Yeah, the new interior design expert, Jeremiah.

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Speaker 4: And I always loved Bobby.

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Speaker 3: I love them all, but I did really love Bobby,

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Speaker 3: so I was really sad to see him leave, and

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Speaker 3: you know, was wondering how Jeremiah was going to come

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Speaker 3: in and you know.

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Speaker 4: How the dynamics would changed. I'm obsessed.

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Speaker 3: I honestly think nobody could replace Bobby in my heart.

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Speaker 3: But I do think that out of all of the

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Speaker 3: cast members, I relate to Jeremiah the most.

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Speaker 2: It's got great style too. Yeah, we're going to talk

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Speaker 2: about the air lefon and I think he's cateecute and

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Speaker 2: I think it's I think it's gaming.

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Speaker 1: But I just in the current current climate, there's lots

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Speaker 1: of bad things happening in the world, lots of things

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Speaker 1: to make us stressed, and if you need something to

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Speaker 1: remind you that there is good in the world, put

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Speaker 1: on queer eye.

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Speaker 2: That's such a nice sentiment. I love that.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, what's your obsession?

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Speaker 1: My obsession of the week is a post I saw

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Speaker 1: from cash invest and it's an entire spreadsheet of high

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Speaker 1: interest savings accounts. It's like a cheat sheet of bank

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Speaker 1: accounts to find which is the best one to get

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Speaker 1: the most interest on your savings.

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Speaker 2: Wow, it's literally free.

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Speaker 1: She found it on Reddit and I'll put a link

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Speaker 1: in our bio to it and in the description. So

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Speaker 1: what it is is you can open it up and

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Speaker 1: it compares all the different accounts from banks, and it

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Speaker 1: also has a tab of the requirements, so if you

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Speaker 1: need to be within a certain age bracket, if you

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Speaker 1: need to save a certain amount to earn max, you

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Speaker 1: can on the interest, so it compares the minimum interest

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Speaker 1: you can get and the maximum interest you can get.

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Speaker 1: And we often get questions about what's the best bank

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Speaker 1: account to get the highest interest on your savings, and

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Speaker 1: we can't recommend because it borders financial advice. But this

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Speaker 1: is such a great way to do it because you

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Speaker 1: can just compare it yourself into your own kind of situation.

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Speaker 1: So whatever your age is, whatever your income is, whatever

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Speaker 1: you're planning on saving. I just think this is like

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Speaker 1: the best way to figure it out and it's just

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Speaker 1: such a good hack. So yeah, full credit to at

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Speaker 1: tash and best for that one.

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Speaker 2: I didn't what a sligh Yeah.

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Speaker 3: I literally was having a conversation with Chris last night

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Speaker 3: about how I want to do some.

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Speaker 1: Research and I'll send you a link by switch. I

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Speaker 1: was like, it's time, yeah, time to switch.

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Speaker 2: It's time, It's time.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, all right, shall we get into the things that

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Speaker 1: we forget are normal?

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Speaker 2: Let's do it.

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Speaker 3: My first thing that we forget is normal is feeling

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Speaker 3: behind in life because if you're in your late twenties

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Speaker 3: or early thirties, especially your social media feed is very

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Speaker 3: likely and onslaught of people getting engaged, people getting married,

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Speaker 3: having children, buying property, having amazing highlights in their career promotions.

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Speaker 3: That's fabulous. We love people celebrating their wins and achieving

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Speaker 3: milestones in their life. But the downside of this is

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Speaker 3: that it can often make us feel like we're lesser

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Speaker 3: than or that we haven't achieved everything that we thought

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Speaker 3: that we would buy a certain age, and we're constantly

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Speaker 3: comparing ourselves to other people. I think this is a

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Speaker 3: very common thing that happens as we enter our satin return,

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Speaker 3: that period between you know, sort of twenty seven and thirty,

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Speaker 3: and you think this isn't where I thought I would be, But.

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Speaker 2: No one is, isn't it.

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Speaker 3: The issue is, though, if you are always feeling like

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Speaker 3: you're behind in life, you're focusing on the past and

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Speaker 3: the future and not the present.

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Speaker 4: So I just want to say it's totally normal.

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Speaker 3: But I also think that there are some reminders that

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Speaker 3: we should all keep in mind if you are feeling

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Speaker 3: like you're behind in life.

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Speaker 4: So reminders. If you feel like you're.

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Speaker 3: Behind in life, you physically can't be behind in your

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Speaker 3: own life because it's your life and you are exactly

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Speaker 3: where you were meant to be. Like on your path

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Speaker 3: in life, there is nobody in front of you.

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Speaker 4: Or behind you. It's just you, so that's physically impossible.

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Speaker 3: Secondly, you're only behind in life if you're yourself to

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Speaker 3: other people. And I think that is completely normal, especially

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Speaker 3: in today's day and age, when we are looking into

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Speaker 3: other people's lives so much more than what we would

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Speaker 3: have been previously. But everybody is on their own journey,

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Speaker 3: and people are sharing the highlights, the highlight reel on

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Speaker 3: social media and even with your friends, like, you don't

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Speaker 3: know the things that they are going through, all the

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Speaker 3: things that they're telling themselves in their head, or all

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Speaker 3: the mistakes that they've made to get to the thing

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Speaker 3: that they've achieved, even like with some of the closest

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Speaker 3: people in your life, so you're never getting the full

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Speaker 3: picture of what somebody has gone through to get to

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Speaker 3: where they are in life. Also, stop comparing yourself to

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Speaker 3: your parents. I think that's a big that people in

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Speaker 3: our generation do, because if you look at where your

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Speaker 3: parents were when they were thirty in comparison to where

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Speaker 3: you might be in your late twenties and early thirties,

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Speaker 3: it's probably very very different. But we are living in

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Speaker 3: completely different circumstances to what our parents were, and in

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Speaker 3: some ways that can be a frustrating thing, but in

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Speaker 3: other ways that can be a really liberating thing.

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Speaker 4: If anything, I think that we have.

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Speaker 3: So much more choice and that should be normalized and celebrated.

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Speaker 3: But also it is harder than ever to be a

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Speaker 3: thirty year old in Australia right now, and I want

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Speaker 3: to play a clip to explain why is.

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Speaker 5: The hardest it's ever been for a thirty year old

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Speaker 5: illustrated in the Straights history. It is true thirty roles

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Speaker 5: are going to be less well off than their parents are.

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Speaker 2: That's a fact.

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Speaker 5: It's a fact that when I was thirty, the house

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Speaker 5: cost me three times my salary. Now eight times plus

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Speaker 5: for a thirty year old is what it's going to

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Speaker 5: cost you to get into the housing market. It's true

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Speaker 5: that hex has doubled in the last fifteen years, right

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Speaker 5: doubled from a fifteen thousand dollar bill to a thirty

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Speaker 5: thousand dollar bill. It's true that a baby boomer paid

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Speaker 5: half the tax that a thirty year old pays now

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Speaker 5: when they were thirty years of age. So the reality

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Speaker 5: is it is extremely difficult to be a thirty year

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Speaker 5: old in Australia right now.

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Speaker 3: Vindication that clip is from the Growing transfer. By the way,

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Speaker 3: we'll put a link in the show notes so you

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Speaker 3: can have a listen to it yourself. A bit black, No,

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Speaker 3: another reminder.

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Speaker 2: Thank you, one more done.

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Speaker 3: But I'm not sharing that to make anybody feel depressed

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Speaker 3: or helpless or hopeless, but more to normalize the things

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Speaker 3: that we are going through as young people in Australia,

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Speaker 3: and that if you are looking at where your parents

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Speaker 3: were in comparison to where you are now, that it

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Speaker 3: is completely different, and to give yourself a little bit

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Speaker 3: of grace and forgiveness that maybe you haven't achieved all

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Speaker 3: the things that they have, and that your life is going.

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Speaker 2: To look completely different theirs. I love that.

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Speaker 1: And can I just say, I am so happy that

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Speaker 1: half of the things that I thought I would have

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Speaker 1: or be at in my life at a certain age,

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Speaker 1: I'm so glad half of those didn't even happen, Right, Like,

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Speaker 1: I'm so happy that half the shit that I wanted

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Speaker 1: when I was twenty one, or when I was twenty three,

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Speaker 1: or when I was twenty five, that I thought I

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Speaker 1: would have or be at, I'm so fucking glad that

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Speaker 1: I'm not. Yeah, because everything that is supposed to happen

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Speaker 1: in your life will and you'll end up where you're

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Speaker 1: supposed to be, and you'll look back at like the

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Speaker 1: most fucked breakup you've ever had, and you'll be like,

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Speaker 1: if that didn't happen, then I wouldn't have moved here,

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Speaker 1: and I wouldn't have met my best friends or my partner,

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Speaker 1: or I wouldn't have gotten my dream.

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Speaker 2: Job or whatever.

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Speaker 1: It is like the roadmap of your life will lead

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Speaker 1: you to where you're meant to be, and like, I

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Speaker 1: think having faith in that is like one of the

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Speaker 1: best things you can do. My next thing that we

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Speaker 1: forget is normal is outgrowing friendships, not having a best friend,

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Speaker 1: and not having a friendship group. So, according to a

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Speaker 1: twenty fifteen study, social circles peak in size around the

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Speaker 1: age of twenty five, and then they begin to get

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Speaker 1: smaller as responsibilities pile up. And I think this is

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Speaker 1: so like when I analyzed my own life, I was like, yep,

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Speaker 1: that checks out. Because on top of that, women lose

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Speaker 1: more friends around that time than men.

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Speaker 2: And we do discuss this a lot in.

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Speaker 1: Our book, Finding Your People, but I really wanted to

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Speaker 1: include it in this episode as well. After the response

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Speaker 1: we got on an episode a few weeks back, about

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Speaker 1: two weeks back with GEM and we shared the stat

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Speaker 1: that ninety one percent of people no longer call a

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Speaker 1: best friend their best friend anymore, because outgrowing friendships is

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Speaker 1: just such a normal part of life and whether it's

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Speaker 1: like incredibly heartbreaking and it's like a friendship breakup or

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Speaker 1: it's just a fizzle, like these things happen. And for

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Speaker 1: so much of my life, I really put a value

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Speaker 1: on how many friends I had, or whether or not

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Speaker 1: I had a best friend, or you know, how much

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Speaker 1: my social life was busy, and if it wasn't, I

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Speaker 1: felt really lesser then, and I felt like it was

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Speaker 1: such a reflection on me.

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Speaker 2: And it's just not the case.

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Speaker 1: And especially even like having a friendship group, like that's

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Speaker 1: not even the most positive thing that can happen, Like

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Speaker 1: friendship groups can be incredibly toxic that you can end

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Speaker 1: up not being an individual, not being able to spend

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Speaker 1: time on your own and not having like an individual

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Speaker 1: thought and just being like what would the group do?

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Speaker 1: Or we do this, or we don't really know them,

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Speaker 1: so we won't go to that, or you know, we're

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Speaker 1: gonna go to brunch on Saturday. But we can do

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Speaker 1: what you want to do after, like it just you

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Speaker 1: stop being who you are sometimes.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, it's called group think.

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Speaker 1: It's like a psychological thing we talk about in the

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Speaker 1: book highly recommend and that is something that it is

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Speaker 1: normal to not have those things sometimes, and it's better

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Speaker 1: to not have those things, better to not have a

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Speaker 1: toxic friend or a toxic friendship group. And there is

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Speaker 1: this really popular saying that can keep you comfort if

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Speaker 1: you do relate to that, and it's that if you're

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Speaker 1: not outgrowing friendships, you're not growing up. You need to

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Speaker 1: be developing your values. You need to be developing yourself

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Speaker 1: as your own little character and human and that part

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Speaker 1: of that is outgrowing friendships.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: And while this does tend to happen once you leave

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Speaker 1: high school, it's going to happen in your twenties and

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Speaker 1: your thirties and your forties and so on and so forth.

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Speaker 1: That having a small group of friends or having one

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Speaker 1: friend that's okay.

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Speaker 3: It can be hard to go through, but it's a

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Speaker 3: really comforting reminder.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, And the second you accept that, I promise you

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Speaker 1: is the second that you will actually find the most

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Speaker 1: fruitful friendships of your life. The second that you're actually

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Speaker 1: okay with being on your own and being your own

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Speaker 1: best friend is when you will find the friendships that

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Speaker 1: you will have for the rest of your life.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, that's when you're not going to settle for anything

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Speaker 3: exactly like less. My next thing that we forget is

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Speaker 3: normal is not enjoying having fun Over the break, did

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Speaker 3: you see that TikTok from Molly May that went viral

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Speaker 3: of her saying I just don't think I like having fun.

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Speaker 2: Oh my gosh.

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Speaker 1: And she was talking about how when she goes on

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Speaker 1: a big night out and you know, she's having drinks

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Speaker 1: and hanging out with a big group of people and

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Speaker 1: doing all these things that are fun and considered fun. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: in quotations, she realized that she actually wasn't having fun

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Speaker 1: at all, and she doesn't like having fun. The things

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Speaker 1: that she enjoys doing that are considered not fun or boring.

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Speaker 1: That's how she likes to spend her time.

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Speaker 2: Fun looks different to everyone.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, you don't have to like the things are typically

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Speaker 3: associated with having fun.

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Speaker 1: If you like to go out and you like to

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Speaker 1: drink and have a night out with the girlies and

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Speaker 1: be loud and larry and you find that fun.

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Speaker 2: That's fabulous. Off same.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, But also but also if you like to snuggle

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Speaker 3: up in bed with a good book and go to

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Speaker 3: bed at nine pm and then wake up the next

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Speaker 3: morning and get a coffee and go to the markets

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Speaker 3: and you find that fun, that's also fabulous. A lot

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Speaker 3: of the time if you say, oh, I'm not going

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Speaker 3: to go out, I want to stay in, or people

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Speaker 3: ask what are you doing on the weekend and you say, oh,

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Speaker 3: I'm just going to stay at home and I'm going

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Speaker 3: to clean my apartment and watch Drag Race, or I'm

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Speaker 3: not going to drink tonight. I'll probably head off after this,

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Speaker 3: and people like, oh, you're no fun lighting up have

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Speaker 3: some fun. That can be really frustrating. You can also

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Speaker 3: be sitting there being like, wait, am I not fun?

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Speaker 2: Like? Am I boring? Yeah? Like second guessing yourself, especially

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Speaker 2: if you.

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Speaker 1: Were younger and you did enjoy doing those things and

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Speaker 1: now you feel like you've grown out.

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Speaker 2: Of it a little bit, You're like, what has happened?

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Speaker 1: Like?

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Speaker 3: Am I not fun anymore? Are people going to think

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Speaker 3: I'm boring? And the right friends won't think that you're boring?

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Speaker 3: And I think that's a completely normal part of life

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Speaker 3: to grow out of things.

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Speaker 4: And even for these things to fluctuate.

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Speaker 2: Yes, that's exactly what I was going to say.

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Speaker 1: Like, there are periods of my life that I'm like

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Speaker 1: such a social butterfly. I love like hanging out with

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Speaker 1: friends and going out and like having barbecues and stuff

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Speaker 1: like that. And then they're like, I think I've mentioned

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Speaker 1: this before, but I have like my two week fucking pie.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, periods where I'm like, I.

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Speaker 1: Just need to go in a shell and go in

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Speaker 1: my dinner and cocoon and I'll be back in a.

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Speaker 2: Little bit exactly, like and that's so fine.

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Speaker 4: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: So it's a reminder that you are fun. Yeah, no

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Speaker 2: matter what you like doing.

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Speaker 4: Lean into that. And also, if your friend doesn't want.

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Speaker 3: To drink and they want to stay in or they

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Speaker 3: want to head home, don't say that they're boring or

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Speaker 3: they're not fun.

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Speaker 2: Imagine say just let them being like you're a bit yuck.

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Speaker 4: Yeah.

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Speaker 3: A lot of the time I think it's coming from

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Speaker 3: a good place. People like I want you here, I

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Speaker 3: want you out, but but it's not it's not nice.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I get that, love it. Okay.

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Speaker 1: My next one that is totally normal is not having

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Speaker 1: a passion. Yeah, so the pressure to find a singular

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Speaker 1: passion can be incredibly overwhelming, but exploring different interests is

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Speaker 1: part of the journey. So there's a common saying, but

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Speaker 1: the full saying isn't normally said. And do you know

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Speaker 1: what the full saying of Jack of all trades is?

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Speaker 2: Yes, dear, no, I don't know the second half.

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Speaker 4: And I know there's another. Okay, I don't tell me.

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Speaker 2: Yes, actually not, I know that there's.

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Speaker 4: Like it's a full sentence.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, So the full saying of Jack of all

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Speaker 1: trades is actually jack of all trades, master of none,

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Speaker 1: though often times better than master of one. And so

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Speaker 1: it's completely normal to not have just one singular passion

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Speaker 1: in life. I think we get in our heads that

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Speaker 1: we have to be really really good at one thing

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Speaker 1: and we don't know what that one thing.

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Speaker 2: Is, and we don't know who or what or what

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Speaker 2: we want to be.

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Speaker 1: Like think of when you were growing up, I wanted

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Speaker 1: to be a chef, I wanted to be a vet,

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Speaker 1: I wanted to be an author tic that one. But like,

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Speaker 1: there are so many things that you can have multiple passions.

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Speaker 1: Your passions can change, Like life is about experiencing so

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Speaker 1: many different things and trying it and even enjoying it.

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Speaker 2: For a little bit and then getting over it. If

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Speaker 2: you were.

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Speaker 1: Allowed to change your mind and you don't have to

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Speaker 1: know what your passion is, just try things like it's

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Speaker 1: just so much better. And there's this research from Stanford

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Speaker 1: University that suggests that the concept of finding one's passion

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Speaker 1: can be completely misleading. So these two psychologists found that

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Speaker 1: individuals who view interests as developed over time in brackets

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Speaker 1: a growth theory, are more open to new experiences and

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Speaker 1: resilient when facing challenges. Conversely, those who believe passions are

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Speaker 1: inherent and must be found, which is a fixed theory,

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Speaker 1: may abandon pursuits when they become difficult.

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Speaker 3: We feel a lot of pressure to have a purpose

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Speaker 3: in life and be like, this is my one thing.

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Speaker 3: I was born put on this earth to achieve this

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Speaker 3: one thing.

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Speaker 4: And then if you face a bump in.

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Speaker 3: The road or you pursue it and you're like, actually,

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Speaker 3: this is kind of bloring. I don't like this, not

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Speaker 3: for me, Yeah, then you let it go and you

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Speaker 3: feel like a failure. Whereas if you're letting these passions

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Speaker 3: come to you as you explore them, then you can

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Speaker 3: actually test and play and discover what you like rather

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Speaker 3: than being like, no, I'm meant to be a writer,

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Speaker 3: and that is it.

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Speaker 2: Yes, I must be a poet.

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Speaker 4: I can't spell.

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Speaker 2: That's me. I don't have a writer. I still can't spell.

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Speaker 2: That's why we have sub editors.

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Speaker 4: God, let's sell it love.

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Speaker 1: But yeah, I think if you are feeling like you're like,

359
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Speaker 1: what the fuck am I supposed to do in life?

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Speaker 1: I don't know what my passion is. I don't know

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Speaker 1: what like makes me want to jump out of the

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Speaker 1: bed in the morning. That's so fine because I actually

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Speaker 1: think ninety nine percent of the world feels that way. Yeah, like,

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Speaker 1: and that's okay. Just honestly, if you wake up, just

365
00:18:25,040 --> 00:18:27,479
Speaker 1: try to leave the day a little bit better than

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Speaker 1: when you started it. I think that's like the best

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Speaker 1: way that you can have as a guiding light for

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Speaker 1: life is just to leave the world.

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Speaker 2: A little bit better.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, don't put all of your eggs in one basket.

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Speaker 1: Nah, get the whole get the whole box and throw

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Speaker 1: them at different houses.

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Speaker 2: Egg different people's houses.

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Speaker 4: That's my purpose in life.

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Speaker 2: Vandalism jokes.

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Speaker 1: And I just had two quick little ones that I

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Speaker 1: also wanted to finish on that are totally normal, and

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Speaker 1: one well, my second last, needing attention.

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00:19:02,200 --> 00:19:04,240
Speaker 2: Yes, I am a needy little girl.

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00:19:04,800 --> 00:19:09,359
Speaker 1: I need words of affirmation, I need quality time, I

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00:19:09,400 --> 00:19:12,280
Speaker 1: need physical touch, I need it all. Yes, I'm an

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Speaker 1: independent girlie and I can absolutely froth a Friday night

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Speaker 1: on my own or a week or whatever that is.

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00:19:18,960 --> 00:19:21,480
Speaker 2: But I fucking love a little bit of attention. Give

385
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Speaker 2: me a compliment. Yeah, no I can. I've never been

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00:19:24,840 --> 00:19:28,040
Speaker 2: one that hates compliments. No, no, I'm.

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00:19:27,800 --> 00:19:29,639
Speaker 1: Not like if you give me a compliment, I'm not

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00:19:29,640 --> 00:19:34,840
Speaker 1: getting shy. You're so right, I am gassed im like absolutely,

389
00:19:34,880 --> 00:19:35,240
Speaker 1: what else?

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00:19:35,280 --> 00:19:40,000
Speaker 4: You got? A stude observation? One and another one and another.

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00:19:39,720 --> 00:19:42,080
Speaker 1: One, and then the next one that I want to

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00:19:42,080 --> 00:19:45,760
Speaker 1: finish on is feeling lazy. It is so normal to

393
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Speaker 1: wake up and you just know it in your bones

394
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Speaker 1: and you're like, today's not the day.

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Speaker 4: It's not a day.

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Speaker 2: You know, when you're at the gym and you're like

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00:19:53,920 --> 00:19:57,760
Speaker 2: ten minutes in and you're like this, fuck it sucks. Yeah,

398
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Speaker 2: you know what, pick your shit up, go home.

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Speaker 4: I had a day like that the other day.

400
00:20:02,280 --> 00:20:03,679
Speaker 2: What did you do? I left?

401
00:20:03,760 --> 00:20:04,000
Speaker 1: Yeah?

402
00:20:04,040 --> 00:20:06,480
Speaker 3: Good, I don't want to be here.

403
00:20:07,400 --> 00:20:10,040
Speaker 2: And I went every time I don't want.

404
00:20:09,960 --> 00:20:10,360
Speaker 1: To be here.

405
00:20:10,760 --> 00:20:11,760
Speaker 4: I really tried.

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00:20:11,840 --> 00:20:14,199
Speaker 1: I really tried to push the like maybe I just

407
00:20:14,200 --> 00:20:15,080
Speaker 1: need to put the tap.

408
00:20:15,160 --> 00:20:16,200
Speaker 4: I put the ten minute.

409
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Speaker 1: Time around good girl, and I said it got to

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Speaker 1: eleven minutes and I said, I'm gone.

411
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Speaker 2: He said, us the love easta baby. Yeah.

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00:20:21,600 --> 00:20:24,879
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's totally normal to feel lazy. It's totally normal

413
00:20:24,920 --> 00:20:28,040
Speaker 1: to not be productive and fucking life. Hack your entire

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00:20:28,119 --> 00:20:31,760
Speaker 1: day and like habit, stack and shower and go to

415
00:20:31,800 --> 00:20:32,880
Speaker 1: planties and drink your water.

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Speaker 2: If you're feeling lazy, give yourself the lazy day. It's

417
00:20:36,480 --> 00:20:39,919
Speaker 2: so fine. Put the blind down, get into bed and

418
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Speaker 2: go sleep.

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Speaker 4: Yeah.

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Speaker 3: And can I just say, if you're a person who menstruates,

421
00:20:44,800 --> 00:20:47,960
Speaker 3: that is biologically built into.

422
00:20:47,760 --> 00:20:50,040
Speaker 2: Us that there are maybe two weeks of the.

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Speaker 1: Entire two hours of the month that you feel physically productive.

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Speaker 1: And we're a program to think that we have to

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Speaker 1: be productive at all times. There is a good two

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00:21:02,480 --> 00:21:05,040
Speaker 1: weeks of every month where you're going to feel low energy.

427
00:21:05,359 --> 00:21:06,879
Speaker 4: Yeah, so leaning.

428
00:21:09,080 --> 00:21:11,600
Speaker 2: Write it off? Yeah, all right, shall we get into

429
00:21:11,600 --> 00:21:12,480
Speaker 2: advice with the chicks?

430
00:21:12,600 --> 00:21:20,760
Speaker 1: Yes? Do you believe in right person, wrong timing? Dearest chickies.

431
00:21:21,080 --> 00:21:23,080
Speaker 1: I found out my ex from a few years ago

432
00:21:23,200 --> 00:21:25,879
Speaker 1: is back on the dating scene. I've known this for

433
00:21:25,960 --> 00:21:28,800
Speaker 1: roughly two months now, but I can't shake the idea

434
00:21:28,840 --> 00:21:32,040
Speaker 1: of him moving on. For context, we broke up because

435
00:21:32,040 --> 00:21:34,119
Speaker 1: he said he wasn't ready to date, and to be honest,

436
00:21:34,200 --> 00:21:37,679
Speaker 1: it destroyed me. I accidentally made out with him a

437
00:21:37,720 --> 00:21:40,920
Speaker 1: few years back, drunk me whoop please, and a day

438
00:21:41,080 --> 00:21:43,320
Speaker 1: or two afterwards we met up. He said he wanted

439
00:21:43,320 --> 00:21:46,119
Speaker 1: to get back together. I rejected him, though, saying that

440
00:21:46,160 --> 00:21:47,919
Speaker 1: it was an accident and that I had moved on

441
00:21:48,040 --> 00:21:50,919
Speaker 1: and started dating again and so should he. However, this

442
00:21:51,080 --> 00:21:54,440
Speaker 1: was a lie. I never went on any dates after

443
00:21:54,440 --> 00:21:57,000
Speaker 1: we broke up. I thought that by saying I did,

444
00:21:57,080 --> 00:21:59,840
Speaker 1: it would help us both move on emotionally. I kept

445
00:22:00,000 --> 00:22:02,760
Speaker 1: repeating that narrative in my head, hoping it would eventually

446
00:22:02,800 --> 00:22:05,000
Speaker 1: feel true. I was at a point in my life

447
00:22:05,000 --> 00:22:08,160
Speaker 1: then where I was enjoying being independent. Now cut back

448
00:22:08,200 --> 00:22:10,720
Speaker 1: to present day, where I've lived my best single life,

449
00:22:10,800 --> 00:22:13,040
Speaker 1: learning to put me first and figuring out who I am.

450
00:22:13,480 --> 00:22:17,440
Speaker 1: Have eventually dated a bit now too, lol, and I'm

451
00:22:17,480 --> 00:22:20,320
Speaker 1: wondering whether we were a case of right person.

452
00:22:20,080 --> 00:22:20,840
Speaker 2: Wrong timing.

453
00:22:21,119 --> 00:22:23,439
Speaker 1: We have a semi similar friend group, so I do

454
00:22:23,480 --> 00:22:25,919
Speaker 1: bump into him on occasion, but we never hold a

455
00:22:25,960 --> 00:22:30,000
Speaker 1: conversation long enough, and I feel like I always get butterflies.

456
00:22:29,320 --> 00:22:32,879
Speaker 2: Around him and become too awkward to talk. Sally, be strong.

457
00:22:35,240 --> 00:22:37,359
Speaker 1: I'm about to see him at another social event, and

458
00:22:37,359 --> 00:22:40,320
Speaker 1: I've got the urge to give him a letter, a

459
00:22:40,440 --> 00:22:45,359
Speaker 1: love letter, perhaps, Sally, keep your cool, A love letter

460
00:22:45,400 --> 00:22:48,080
Speaker 1: perhaps about how I regret what I said, and that

461
00:22:48,160 --> 00:22:50,200
Speaker 1: I had wished I had told him how I really

462
00:22:50,240 --> 00:22:51,399
Speaker 1: felt the day we met up.

463
00:22:52,080 --> 00:22:54,240
Speaker 2: I wish I had said that he should find himself

464
00:22:54,520 --> 00:22:55,080
Speaker 2: and when.

465
00:22:54,920 --> 00:22:58,399
Speaker 1: He was ready to come find me. Side note, the

466
00:22:58,480 --> 00:23:01,040
Speaker 1: letter is well and truly in my journal.

467
00:23:01,080 --> 00:23:03,000
Speaker 2: It's giving unhinged.

468
00:23:02,960 --> 00:23:06,920
Speaker 1: So obs now knowing that he is kind of getting

469
00:23:06,920 --> 00:23:08,679
Speaker 1: to know someone else at the moment, is this a

470
00:23:08,720 --> 00:23:11,679
Speaker 1: bad move? I can't tell if I'm only feeling this

471
00:23:11,720 --> 00:23:15,000
Speaker 1: way out of jealousy that he's with someone and moving

472
00:23:15,080 --> 00:23:17,080
Speaker 1: forward in a relationship before.

473
00:23:16,760 --> 00:23:20,119
Speaker 2: Me, or if it's genuine feelings. Oh my god, this

474
00:23:20,160 --> 00:23:21,080
Speaker 2: is getting so hard.

475
00:23:21,800 --> 00:23:24,399
Speaker 1: I confided in a friend and they said, if I

476
00:23:24,480 --> 00:23:26,720
Speaker 1: do reach out to him and the relationship with the

477
00:23:26,760 --> 00:23:30,040
Speaker 1: other girl is something serious, there is a high chance

478
00:23:30,080 --> 00:23:33,000
Speaker 1: that she will find out and that I don't want

479
00:23:33,040 --> 00:23:37,640
Speaker 1: to be that girl who disrespects another fair point, especially

480
00:23:37,640 --> 00:23:41,200
Speaker 1: with our friend group scenario and others possibly finding out too.

481
00:23:41,880 --> 00:23:44,680
Speaker 1: But also, if I can picture myself married to him,

482
00:23:44,800 --> 00:23:48,879
Speaker 1: then maybe it's worth the risk. I haven't fantasized about

483
00:23:48,960 --> 00:23:52,040
Speaker 1: marriage to him in forever because after we broke up,

484
00:23:52,080 --> 00:23:54,480
Speaker 1: I worked for a long time to let that all go.

485
00:23:54,880 --> 00:23:57,359
Speaker 1: But now I've started thinking about it again and what

486
00:23:57,440 --> 00:23:58,240
Speaker 1: I want in life.

487
00:23:58,280 --> 00:23:59,920
Speaker 2: I'm at a crossroads.

488
00:24:00,200 --> 00:24:03,560
Speaker 1: Oh my god, shit, I'm at the point now where

489
00:24:03,600 --> 00:24:06,720
Speaker 1: I fantasized about this so much, picturing a new and

490
00:24:06,760 --> 00:24:09,760
Speaker 1: mature relationship between us that I don't care if anyone

491
00:24:09,800 --> 00:24:12,560
Speaker 1: finds out that I told him my feelings because there's

492
00:24:12,560 --> 00:24:15,600
Speaker 1: a chance that they could be reciprocated. Am I at

493
00:24:15,640 --> 00:24:19,360
Speaker 1: a dangerous point in my spiraling? Do I show signs

494
00:24:19,400 --> 00:24:22,880
Speaker 1: of a crazy ex girlfriend? I'm wondering if I ride

495
00:24:22,880 --> 00:24:25,880
Speaker 1: out these waves of familiar emotions and eventually they will

496
00:24:25,960 --> 00:24:28,080
Speaker 1: wash over me. But what if they don't and then

497
00:24:28,119 --> 00:24:29,520
Speaker 1: it's too late to say anything?

498
00:24:29,760 --> 00:24:32,719
Speaker 2: What would you do? Thanks, gals, appreciate your input.

499
00:24:32,920 --> 00:24:36,280
Speaker 4: Oh my god, my god, that was an emotional role.

500
00:24:36,320 --> 00:24:41,080
Speaker 1: Oh my god, I feel so many different points.

501
00:24:41,280 --> 00:24:44,159
Speaker 2: Say is like, give them the fucking letter, bitch. Ye,

502
00:24:45,600 --> 00:24:48,960
Speaker 2: But I'm like, if you were his, like new booty

503
00:24:49,480 --> 00:24:53,119
Speaker 2: you like. I feel so many different things.

504
00:24:53,720 --> 00:24:59,840
Speaker 1: I don't know. I feel like, though, what my overriding

505
00:25:00,080 --> 00:25:04,439
Speaker 1: emotion is that you have to say something, really, I

506
00:25:04,480 --> 00:25:08,239
Speaker 1: think so, I don't know if the letter is the

507
00:25:08,359 --> 00:25:11,120
Speaker 1: right way to go about it.

508
00:25:11,359 --> 00:25:12,159
Speaker 4: I'm not sure.

509
00:25:12,520 --> 00:25:15,320
Speaker 3: I would love to see a draft. I'm happy to

510
00:25:16,359 --> 00:25:17,080
Speaker 3: read over it.

511
00:25:17,520 --> 00:25:22,040
Speaker 1: Yeah, can you send them some suggestions proofread. But I

512
00:25:22,320 --> 00:25:25,639
Speaker 1: just think that you might regret it if you don't

513
00:25:26,080 --> 00:25:31,040
Speaker 1: say anything, like you might always wonder what if and

514
00:25:31,800 --> 00:25:34,680
Speaker 1: even if he says it's not reciprocated.

515
00:25:34,720 --> 00:25:36,959
Speaker 2: I really want to pursue that you can move on.

516
00:25:37,160 --> 00:25:38,080
Speaker 2: You can move on.

517
00:25:38,240 --> 00:25:41,159
Speaker 3: You at least know you put it out there, and

518
00:25:41,200 --> 00:25:43,880
Speaker 3: then you can the fantasies will peter off. I think

519
00:25:43,920 --> 00:25:46,080
Speaker 3: once you've got a conversation.

520
00:25:45,760 --> 00:25:47,560
Speaker 1: The only thing I would say is that if you're

521
00:25:47,600 --> 00:25:51,000
Speaker 1: friends with the girl that he's seeing, I wouldn't say anything. Yes,

522
00:25:51,080 --> 00:25:53,080
Speaker 1: I think I like if you're friends, because I think

523
00:25:53,119 --> 00:25:57,160
Speaker 1: that will just that will become too much exactly. Yeah.

524
00:25:57,560 --> 00:26:00,240
Speaker 4: Yeah, I wasn't sure if she was a friend in

525
00:26:00,240 --> 00:26:00,520
Speaker 4: the group.

526
00:26:00,560 --> 00:26:02,320
Speaker 2: I know, I didn't get the vibe that they are.

527
00:26:02,359 --> 00:26:05,600
Speaker 2: But I'm just definitely I agree coding with that.

528
00:26:06,440 --> 00:26:10,040
Speaker 6: But yeah, I kind of want you to give him

529
00:26:10,040 --> 00:26:14,000
Speaker 6: a letter, especially because you weren't honest about how you

530
00:26:14,040 --> 00:26:17,720
Speaker 6: actually felt when you first said I don't want to

531
00:26:17,760 --> 00:26:18,520
Speaker 6: be with you.

532
00:26:18,520 --> 00:26:21,919
Speaker 3: You can apologize for not telling your truth and that

533
00:26:21,960 --> 00:26:25,040
Speaker 3: you were trying to protect yourself and you know, and

534
00:26:25,040 --> 00:26:27,000
Speaker 3: you can say like you don't have to reciprocate.

535
00:26:27,560 --> 00:26:29,960
Speaker 2: Also, you're really funny.

536
00:26:30,040 --> 00:26:32,080
Speaker 3: I love the way you wrote that. You really took

537
00:26:32,160 --> 00:26:34,920
Speaker 3: us on a jymnel. So I feel like the letter.

538
00:26:35,200 --> 00:26:38,440
Speaker 1: Is probably my God, can you send this for the

539
00:26:38,560 --> 00:26:41,160
Speaker 1: letter or can you please tell us what happens?

540
00:26:41,280 --> 00:26:42,760
Speaker 4: I don't know, am I choosing chaotic?

541
00:26:42,800 --> 00:26:43,919
Speaker 2: Even am I telling her?

542
00:26:43,920 --> 00:26:44,399
Speaker 1: I know?

543
00:26:44,800 --> 00:26:46,360
Speaker 2: I feel like this is the first one that I'm

544
00:26:46,400 --> 00:26:51,600
Speaker 2: like so stumped on. But like, if they are boyfriend

545
00:26:51,640 --> 00:26:53,720
Speaker 2: and girlfriend, don't like.

546
00:26:55,520 --> 00:26:59,280
Speaker 1: For me, it really depends on how early the stage

547
00:26:59,320 --> 00:27:01,199
Speaker 1: is of this girl that he seeing. If they've been

548
00:27:01,200 --> 00:27:04,240
Speaker 1: on like two dates, go for it, yeah, like I

549
00:27:04,280 --> 00:27:06,679
Speaker 1: think given the letter, But if they are like if

550
00:27:06,680 --> 00:27:09,320
Speaker 1: they've been dating for like six months, even like maybe

551
00:27:09,359 --> 00:27:14,199
Speaker 1: even three months, I would potentially think about it because

552
00:27:14,280 --> 00:27:18,440
Speaker 1: that's when like you don't want to like step into

553
00:27:18,440 --> 00:27:21,640
Speaker 1: something that doesn't involve you, And like, then I think

554
00:27:21,720 --> 00:27:24,680
Speaker 1: if that's the case, you need to let him go

555
00:27:24,840 --> 00:27:26,720
Speaker 1: and date this person if they've been dating for like

556
00:27:26,760 --> 00:27:29,320
Speaker 1: six months, and then if they break up, then then

557
00:27:29,400 --> 00:27:29,919
Speaker 1: jump back in.

558
00:27:30,040 --> 00:27:30,359
Speaker 6: Yeah.

559
00:27:30,359 --> 00:27:33,720
Speaker 1: But like, I think it just depends on how developed

560
00:27:33,720 --> 00:27:37,120
Speaker 1: that dating scenario that he's seeing someone is, yah, and

561
00:27:37,160 --> 00:27:40,639
Speaker 1: making sure that you just remain respectful of that, because

562
00:27:40,680 --> 00:27:42,600
Speaker 1: I completely understand what she's saying, being like I don't

563
00:27:42,640 --> 00:27:46,480
Speaker 1: want to be like the crazy ex girlfriend, yeah and

564
00:27:46,520 --> 00:27:50,919
Speaker 1: disrespect somebody else, So just keep that in mind. But

565
00:27:51,080 --> 00:27:52,880
Speaker 1: if they've only been on like two dates.

566
00:27:52,720 --> 00:27:54,080
Speaker 2: Give him the fucking letter girl.

567
00:27:54,240 --> 00:27:54,440
Speaker 6: Yeah.

568
00:27:54,520 --> 00:27:56,760
Speaker 1: And I know I'm also not like a no, don't

569
00:27:56,760 --> 00:27:59,280
Speaker 1: get back with the next person, but sometimes it works out.

570
00:27:59,359 --> 00:28:02,160
Speaker 1: I know I'm not normally like I'm normally like if

571
00:28:02,200 --> 00:28:04,000
Speaker 1: it didn't work the first time, like, what's going to

572
00:28:04,040 --> 00:28:05,760
Speaker 1: make it work the second time? I think I would

573
00:28:05,840 --> 00:28:09,199
Speaker 1: also really like analyze that, like is it actually going

574
00:28:09,280 --> 00:28:09,800
Speaker 1: to be different?

575
00:28:09,880 --> 00:28:12,239
Speaker 2: Like have you changed? Has he changed? Why did you

576
00:28:12,280 --> 00:28:14,239
Speaker 2: break up in the first time? Broke up with her?

577
00:28:14,359 --> 00:28:14,560
Speaker 6: Yeah?

578
00:28:14,720 --> 00:28:16,240
Speaker 2: Why did he break up? Then he wanted to get

579
00:28:16,280 --> 00:28:19,879
Speaker 2: back together with her? Yeah. Well, even that, I feel

580
00:28:19,920 --> 00:28:23,320
Speaker 2: like we're being very helpful. I wish I had.

581
00:28:23,160 --> 00:28:27,320
Speaker 3: More detail, and I wish I knew like with circumstances.

582
00:28:27,160 --> 00:28:29,679
Speaker 1: Give a thumbs up if you think she should give

583
00:28:29,760 --> 00:28:35,359
Speaker 1: him the letter, or give her thumbs down thumbs down,

584
00:28:35,760 --> 00:28:40,280
Speaker 1: she so stay out of it. Okay, maybe that's yeah,

585
00:28:40,360 --> 00:28:41,320
Speaker 1: I've got my period.

586
00:28:41,360 --> 00:28:42,480
Speaker 4: I feel like I'm emotional.

587
00:28:42,520 --> 00:28:46,920
Speaker 1: Okay, I think yeah maybe, Oh no, do you know

588
00:28:47,000 --> 00:28:47,680
Speaker 1: what as well?

589
00:28:47,680 --> 00:28:49,440
Speaker 2: Okay, I need you to just I need you to

590
00:28:49,440 --> 00:28:50,920
Speaker 2: make the decisions sound okay.

591
00:28:51,120 --> 00:28:54,360
Speaker 3: What I will say is that she's got a lot

592
00:28:54,400 --> 00:28:57,920
Speaker 3: of conflicting feelings here, and she's also mentioned that she

593
00:28:58,000 --> 00:28:59,800
Speaker 3: doesn't know if she's just jealous.

594
00:29:00,560 --> 00:29:02,080
Speaker 4: And there are two options here.

595
00:29:02,280 --> 00:29:04,760
Speaker 2: It's either this one is a stunt.

596
00:29:04,960 --> 00:29:05,360
Speaker 4: It does.

597
00:29:05,840 --> 00:29:10,240
Speaker 1: It's either right person, wrong time, or you always want

598
00:29:10,360 --> 00:29:14,280
Speaker 1: what you can't have. True. I think you need to

599
00:29:14,320 --> 00:29:18,880
Speaker 1: sit down in a quiet room, light a candle and

600
00:29:19,200 --> 00:29:23,560
Speaker 1: really assess do you actually want to be with him

601
00:29:24,320 --> 00:29:27,400
Speaker 1: or do you want a boyfriend? And you miss what

602
00:29:27,440 --> 00:29:30,160
Speaker 1: you used to have and now that he's with somebody else,

603
00:29:30,200 --> 00:29:31,240
Speaker 1: you're like, oh.

604
00:29:31,200 --> 00:29:33,920
Speaker 2: Fuck, we've done a one eighty, haven't we. Yeah?

605
00:29:34,080 --> 00:29:37,560
Speaker 3: Okay, but I think, like, really, think about that, like

606
00:29:37,800 --> 00:29:41,360
Speaker 3: asking you, honestly, during times in previous relationships for you

607
00:29:41,400 --> 00:29:45,240
Speaker 3: where you've had conflicting feelings, do you think you knew

608
00:29:45,640 --> 00:29:48,240
Speaker 3: deep down what the right thing was to do.

609
00:29:48,440 --> 00:29:52,440
Speaker 4: Yeah, see what I'm saying, I do it. But that's

610
00:29:52,480 --> 00:29:54,880
Speaker 4: what I mean. I think that deep down you know

611
00:29:55,360 --> 00:29:56,320
Speaker 4: the right thing to do.

612
00:29:56,800 --> 00:29:59,400
Speaker 3: And it might be a case of maybe you need

613
00:29:59,440 --> 00:30:01,720
Speaker 3: to do a prop list, maybe you need to write,

614
00:30:01,800 --> 00:30:02,960
Speaker 3: do some journaling something.

615
00:30:03,560 --> 00:30:06,280
Speaker 1: The one thing I will add is that, like when

616
00:30:07,320 --> 00:30:12,400
Speaker 1: I had an X break my heart and like we

617
00:30:12,800 --> 00:30:15,239
Speaker 1: you know, played the get back together, don't get back

618
00:30:15,280 --> 00:30:19,640
Speaker 1: together and the hot and cold thing, My one thing

619
00:30:19,720 --> 00:30:22,880
Speaker 1: that I do wish I did was just leave it

620
00:30:22,920 --> 00:30:26,960
Speaker 1: where it was when it did end, because I kind

621
00:30:26,960 --> 00:30:29,920
Speaker 1: of just put my heartbreak into.

622
00:30:29,680 --> 00:30:31,040
Speaker 2: Like after pay installments.

623
00:30:31,200 --> 00:30:31,560
Speaker 4: Yeah.

624
00:30:31,800 --> 00:30:35,040
Speaker 1: So sometimes as hard as it is to walk away

625
00:30:35,040 --> 00:30:38,600
Speaker 1: from something that is actually the best thing for you,

626
00:30:39,440 --> 00:30:40,520
Speaker 1: But please still.

627
00:30:40,320 --> 00:30:44,440
Speaker 4: Send us the letter. Oh my god, maybe she should

628
00:30:44,520 --> 00:30:44,920
Speaker 4: burn it.

629
00:30:45,040 --> 00:30:48,040
Speaker 2: Burn the letter. Yeah, rip it out of your journal. Yeah,

630
00:30:48,120 --> 00:30:51,120
Speaker 2: rip it out of your journal and burn it. Did

631
00:30:51,200 --> 00:30:52,800
Speaker 2: I say sit there and look stupid?

632
00:30:52,920 --> 00:30:56,560
Speaker 1: No, I said burn it.

633
00:30:56,680 --> 00:30:57,880
Speaker 2: That was not a good advice.

634
00:30:58,480 --> 00:30:59,479
Speaker 4: I'm so sorry.

635
00:30:59,600 --> 00:31:02,160
Speaker 2: I think actually confused her more than when she started.

636
00:31:02,320 --> 00:31:06,960
Speaker 1: I okay, ruling jury, what is your delivery?

637
00:31:07,480 --> 00:31:09,760
Speaker 2: I think she's got to sit on it, and I think.

638
00:31:09,920 --> 00:31:12,840
Speaker 1: You know what, if it's meant for, you'll find, it'll find,

639
00:31:12,840 --> 00:31:13,400
Speaker 1: it will.

640
00:31:13,280 --> 00:31:16,960
Speaker 2: Not be difficult. Yeah, okay, let's wrap it there. It's

641
00:31:17,040 --> 00:31:18,800
Speaker 2: otherwise we can go back and forth. I agree.

642
00:31:18,840 --> 00:31:21,120
Speaker 3: I'm really sorry for sending you mixed messages. I was

643
00:31:21,120 --> 00:31:22,600
Speaker 3: going on emotional roller coaster.

644
00:31:24,680 --> 00:31:24,920
Speaker 2: Yeah.

645
00:31:25,000 --> 00:31:26,880
Speaker 4: I think I really got swept up in the rom

646
00:31:26,880 --> 00:31:27,600
Speaker 4: com of it all.

647
00:31:27,760 --> 00:31:29,360
Speaker 1: I still stand by the fact that if they've been

648
00:31:29,360 --> 00:31:31,240
Speaker 1: on like one date, you can still shoot your shop.

649
00:31:31,360 --> 00:31:34,600
Speaker 1: Thank you chicks for listening to another episode of two

650
00:31:34,640 --> 00:31:37,200
Speaker 1: Broke Jig Jokes. So we love being in your ear holes.

651
00:31:37,280 --> 00:31:40,960
Speaker 1: Big kisses, big smooches, and I hope this episode has

652
00:31:41,000 --> 00:31:42,880
Speaker 1: felt like a little bit of a hug except for

653
00:31:42,880 --> 00:31:46,560
Speaker 1: that last bit. Don't know what happened there, don't you pick?

654
00:31:46,600 --> 00:31:47,120
Speaker 2: Don't you think?

655
00:31:47,920 --> 00:31:51,200
Speaker 1: But thank you so much, we love you and yeah,

656
00:31:51,360 --> 00:31:53,840
Speaker 1: we'll see you on Thursday for another chat.

657
00:31:54,680 --> 00:31:56,240
Speaker 2: Another gorgeous chat.

658
00:31:56,080 --> 00:31:59,000
Speaker 4: With the chicks. Bye bye, now bye. Thanks to MKA

659
00:31:59,000 --> 00:32:01,560
Speaker 4: I made for making today's up. So it happened he

660
00:32:01,880 --> 00:32:01,920
Speaker 4: is

661
00:32:10,320 --> 00:32:10,440
Speaker 2: HM