Speaker 1: Appoge production. Self validation a very very important topic to
Speaker 1: talk about. What is that to you, Kiara?
Speaker 2: It is validating everything I feel and treating myself as
Speaker 2: I would others.
Speaker 1: It's just so important to validate yourself and it's so
Speaker 1: beautiful when the people around you can validate you. But
Speaker 1: it has to come from within, otherwise you just carry
Speaker 1: around like a big bag of guilt and shame. And
Speaker 1: that it is the lowest vibrational frequency that you can
Speaker 1: be on. And I've felt that it's awful.
Speaker 2: Yeah, And even like when you were talking to me
Speaker 2: yesterday and you're like, I've just cried so much this week,
Speaker 2: and I was.
Speaker 1: Like, how good.
Speaker 2: But like you're moving, You're moving all that emotion. Because
Speaker 2: if you don't let it out and you don't feel
Speaker 2: the things you want to feel, it's got to come
Speaker 2: back to bite your us, whether you end up getting
Speaker 2: sick or you have a day where you fucking have
Speaker 2: a panic attack. Like you're better off as you're feeling
Speaker 2: these things to just sit in it, feel it important,
Speaker 2: give yourself grace, release it, give yourself time. That's why
Speaker 2: I always say the support you have around you're so
Speaker 2: important because they remind you just validate yourself and it's
Speaker 2: so healing when you have people around you.
Speaker 1: To validate it. Yeah, but we have to get better
Speaker 1: at doing it for ourselves and that is something I'm
Speaker 1: working on now, Like, I've got to work on that more.
Speaker 1: And I think so many people listening will relate to that. Yeah.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm probably one of the harshest people that I
Speaker 2: am to anyone is like on myself, Yes, because you think,
Speaker 2: like I can handle this, I should be able to
Speaker 2: handle that, you know, I'm like even at work, you're
Speaker 2: the boss. With your family, I'm the mom, I'm the this.
Speaker 2: Like you feel like you always need to kind of
Speaker 2: have your shit together, Yes, but no one has their
Speaker 2: shit together all the time.
Speaker 1: All the time. So true.
Speaker 2: We all just need to not be so hard on
Speaker 2: ourselves and just hold more space for whatever it is
Speaker 2: that we are feeling and whatever season we are in
Speaker 2: and not hold shame and guilt around it.
Speaker 1: Yes, it's okay.
Speaker 2: And if we are in a season where we are
Speaker 2: feeling lower or we are feeling shit, like reminding ourselves
Speaker 2: it's not going to last forever. Yes, not going to
Speaker 2: be here, you know, we might still be here in
Speaker 2: a few months. Time, but hopefully we can move through it.
Speaker 1: And I think it's really important for us as parents
Speaker 1: as well to practice this because the more that we
Speaker 1: can do this on ourselves, our kids then witness and
Speaker 1: watch that. Yeah, Like I don't want my kids to
Speaker 1: ever feel guilty or shameful or frustrated at themselves that
Speaker 1: they're still upset about something. Yeah, Like you don't have
Speaker 1: to get over something in a certain period of time,
Speaker 1: Like healing is not linear, Like you don't know how
Speaker 1: long it's going to take for you to feel better
Speaker 1: about something. And I would say that to my children,
Speaker 1: like you can be upset for as long as you want,
Speaker 1: unless it's about spilt milk or something. Joking, but you
Speaker 1: know what I mean. Like, the more we can do
Speaker 1: that for ourselves, it shows those other people around us
Speaker 1: that they are okay to do that as well, and
Speaker 1: they've got that support. Yeah.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and sometimes too, like just validating that if we
Speaker 2: are feeling really shit and we can't move through it
Speaker 2: on our own, you can just reach out for some
Speaker 2: support and some help to help guide you to get through.
Speaker 2: And if you are wanting to get obviously things are
Speaker 2: last like months and months. Maybe that's where it's like going, Okay,
Speaker 2: maybe I need help with this, Maybe I need some
Speaker 2: sort of guidance, Maybe I need to take more time
Speaker 2: to really unpack what the fuck is going on and
Speaker 2: why am I feeling like this? And sometimes it's hard
Speaker 2: to actually figure out what is coming up, so you
Speaker 2: just feel shit. You're like, what the fuck?
Speaker 1: And that's frustrating in itself, so frustrating, and that's where
Speaker 1: the girl can come. It's like I've even had thought
Speaker 1: process and I've caught it, but I'm like, well, you
Speaker 1: shouldn't be frustrated this, you shouldn't be stressed about this,
Speaker 1: Like how lucky you get to do this? And I
Speaker 1: start like being a bully. Yeah, I'm like, no, that's
Speaker 1: not what we do anymore.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's nice to be positive, and it's nice to
Speaker 2: look on the bright side.
Speaker 1: It's toxic positive. That's it.
Speaker 2: That's what I was about to say. But also we
Speaker 2: need to have whole compassion for yourself.
Speaker 1: Grateful and how are you twenty four seven? Like all
Speaker 1: emotions are just that they're not who you are, but
Speaker 1: there's something that you feel and that comes and goes,
Speaker 1: just like happy and joyful and excited, angry, frustrated and
Speaker 1: sad are also emotions that you're gonna feel.
Speaker 2: So something as well. That's like popped up for me
Speaker 2: the last couple of weeks where I've caught myself of
Speaker 2: being like too harsh on myself is going to dancing
Speaker 2: because I've darted going back and I fucking loved it,
Speaker 2: and I'm like, this is filling my carp this is
Speaker 2: making me so happy, and I'm like doing it for
Speaker 2: me and as well, like you show up online you're like, yes,
Speaker 2: like I'm doing this, I'm going to dance class. And
Speaker 2: then I've just been fucking exhausted. I've been so tired
Speaker 2: and I've had to ask myself. I'm like, no, you
Speaker 2: should go, you should go, And it's like should I
Speaker 2: go because I think it's going to make me feel good?
Speaker 2: Or am I trying to make myself go because I
Speaker 2: feel like now I need to because I've like committed
Speaker 2: to like even though it doesn't feel right right now. Yeah,
Speaker 2: And it was kind of like going, I'm getting frustrated
Speaker 2: at myself if I don't show up because I told
Speaker 2: myself I was going to do this. It was like
Speaker 2: I'd made a commitment. But it's like yes, but back
Speaker 2: then your kids were sleeping. This was happening. Right now,
Speaker 2: you don't have the capacity to stay up till ten
Speaker 2: o'clock at nine, when you might only get a few
Speaker 2: hours sleep.
Speaker 1: It's so wide after dance, not just the physical dance class,
Speaker 1: it's exhausting. It's like coming home you're like excited and
Speaker 1: on a high, and then looking back at your routine
Speaker 1: and your brain's on fire. All the lights, the music.
Speaker 1: It's so stimulating.
Speaker 2: I know. But I had a moment to where I
Speaker 2: had this little chat back and my head and it's like,
Speaker 2: why do you feel like it's so important to go?
Speaker 2: How do you feel like fucking exhausted?
Speaker 1: Are you sure?
Speaker 2: Yes, I'm sure. I also went to the gym like
Speaker 2: that day too, and I was like, just listen to
Speaker 2: what you feel right now. I know that you want
Speaker 2: to go and you want to be committed, but it's
Speaker 2: like you can just go next week.
Speaker 1: You're not training to be a professional dancing's okay, skip it.
Speaker 2: But it's like you get frustrated letting yourself down almost.
Speaker 2: It's like you want to commit to something, but then
Speaker 2: that's just the way life goes.
Speaker 1: It's that high expectation that we have on ourselves. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I think being online, which not everyone can relate to,
Speaker 1: but I feel like there's that extra added pressure, yeah,
Speaker 1: that people expect of you to show up a certain
Speaker 1: way or you get scared of the backlash of talking
Speaker 1: about being sad about something or frustrated something or something
Speaker 1: not feeling good, And there's a lot of projections that
Speaker 1: come your way that then you have to That's still
Speaker 1: energy that you're consuming and taking on being online. It's
Speaker 1: an energy exchange when you're communicating with a bunch of strangers,
Speaker 1: whether that's hundreds thousands or tens of thousands, it's a
Speaker 1: lot to take on. So there's all that to navigate
Speaker 1: as well, Because you could be validating yourself and then
Speaker 1: you know, fifty people swipe up and say something awful.
Speaker 2: It's like, oh gosh, you raise your expectation, probably subconsciously
Speaker 2: because like all they're telling me, I should be doing this.
Speaker 1: Especially if you're already feeling in a low vibe move
Speaker 1: when you're so sure of yourself, like it doesn't really
Speaker 1: shake you, but you're going through a hard time, you've
Speaker 1: got a bit of self doubt, and you're navigating some
Speaker 1: new things, Like I am now, I'm definitely a bit
Speaker 1: more sensitive. Yeah, I'm not as sure of myself right now.
Speaker 1: I'm feeling a little bit lost, a little bit stark.
Speaker 1: I'm trying to navigate a new way of being, a
Speaker 1: new way of doing. It's like undoing having my foot
Speaker 1: in the pedal and running and showing up a certain
Speaker 1: way that doesn't feel good anymore. Now I'm getting to
Speaker 1: know myself in this new normal. It's like anything if
Speaker 1: you listen to the news and the media and you're
Speaker 1: always scrolling on TikTok and really like it's information that
Speaker 1: your brain is consuming. When you stop and slow and
Speaker 1: you can be with your thoughts, And that's what I
Speaker 1: did in hospital. When I was in there, I just
Speaker 1: wanted to be with my thoughts. What's coming up for me?
Speaker 1: How am I feeling about all of this? What are
Speaker 1: my options?
Speaker 2: Was?
Speaker 1: When you're distracting and numbing out and listen and reading
Speaker 1: everything else, you can get so noisy and then you
Speaker 1: question things m.
Speaker 2: And you feel so out of tune with who you are.
Speaker 1: Is ungrounding a word, it's so ungrounding to be on
Speaker 1: social d What do you call that?
Speaker 2: If you're not grounded, you're lifted.
Speaker 1: Yeah, like this regulated and disregulated. Yeah maybe. But when
Speaker 1: you just sit with yourself and you stop and you
Speaker 1: are slow, and you're tuned into yourself rather than tuned
Speaker 1: into your phone and other people, you can really get
Speaker 1: clarity on what's feeling good for you. So true, and
Speaker 1: take the time to validate yourself. You need time and
Speaker 1: space to do that. Yeah, you're busy distracting. You can't
Speaker 1: meet yourself where you need to be met.
Speaker 2: That's so true. Like if things are coming up and
Speaker 2: you're being emotional and you know you're not feeling like
Speaker 2: you like, that's another one thing to do.
Speaker 1: Stop, stop slow, Yeah, fill your cut back up and
Speaker 1: just be with yourself and validate it and acknowledge it,
Speaker 1: have awareness around it all. And then you've got clarage
Speaker 1: to be like, Okay, what's my next move. If you
Speaker 1: don't do that, you're just going to be fucking floating
Speaker 1: around like a chicken with my head. Bad analogy, but
Speaker 1: you know what I mean? What is it running around
Speaker 1: like a headless chort kit? That's what I meant.
Speaker 2: I saw this post on Instagram and I wanted to
Speaker 2: read it out. So it's from the page The Brain
Speaker 2: Coach so it says self validation. Sounds like I was
Speaker 2: right to stand up for myself. I did the best
Speaker 2: I could with what I knew at that time. I
Speaker 2: am proud of me for challenging my fears slashed outs.
Speaker 2: Today has been a difficult day for me. I can
Speaker 2: do hard things. It's okay to say no to something
Speaker 2: I really didn't want to do. I feel overworked and
Speaker 2: need to prioritize rest. I tried my best and that
Speaker 2: is enough. I'm feeling upset right now. I feel misunderstood.
Speaker 2: That was a difficult conversation, but it was needed. Not
Speaker 2: everyone will like me, and that's okay. Today was tough.
Speaker 2: What do I need to do to feel better? And
Speaker 2: that last one today was tough? What do I need
Speaker 2: to do to feel better? I feel like that's where
Speaker 2: it all kind of starts, Like when you start to
Speaker 2: feel like there's days that are rolling on and it's
Speaker 2: like not feeling aligned to not feeling aligned, not feel aligned?
Speaker 2: It okay?
Speaker 1: That I feel misunderstood is really validating in a conversation,
Speaker 1: because if you need to have a hard conversation or
Speaker 1: this conflict or disagreements whatever, how many times in your
Speaker 1: life have you been like I'm fine, that's all good. Yep,
Speaker 1: no worries.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, no worries.
Speaker 1: Yep, no worries. Like just go with what they say
Speaker 1: because you don't want to ruffle the feathers and upset anyone.
Speaker 1: But to actually look some of the eye and say, I,
Speaker 1: actually I feel really misunderstood by you. That's so validating.
Speaker 1: You're validating that I do not feel good in this moment,
Speaker 1: and let's chat about it.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Such a good example, isn't it. Yeah, even just today
Speaker 1: has been a difficult day for me. That's so validating.
Speaker 1: Just for yourself. Yep, today sucked. It was hard. I
Speaker 1: did not do my best today. But tomorrow's new day.
Speaker 1: You know, you don't have to sit there, but just
Speaker 1: to acknowledge it, Yeah, it was a hard day.
Speaker 2: Another thing, too, is like acknowledging our accomplishments. I feel
Speaker 2: like I'm getting better at this as I get older.
Speaker 1: Celebrating the winds.
Speaker 2: Celebrating the winds like acknowledging yourself, just taking moment to
Speaker 2: validate and be like, yeah, I just did something hard
Speaker 2: and I'm proud of me.
Speaker 1: So so good. How much to we celebrate our best
Speaker 1: friends and our kids and our partners for everything. It's like, oh,
Speaker 1: I know, but to ourselves we kind of like just.
Speaker 2: The difference too, is like I feel like for my
Speaker 2: friends and my kids, I feel it, I feel it
Speaker 2: in my heart. I feel so proud, I feel so
Speaker 2: happy for them.
Speaker 1: I feel so busy.
Speaker 2: I feel so that we need to just sometimes just
Speaker 2: take a moment for ourselves and feel like, feel it,
Speaker 2: like I'm proud of you, I love you. You've done an
Speaker 2: amazing job. Stay it's been hard, Like, yeah, feel those
Speaker 2: same feelings you feel for everyone else.
Speaker 1: Yes, myself. I've read something the other day and it
Speaker 1: was like, we get scared to share that we're great
Speaker 1: because we're scared that we will get hate. Yeah, And
Speaker 1: I find that online, like I find it really inspiring
Speaker 1: when you know influencers or just public profiles, just anyone.
Speaker 1: It's like celebrating that's got a job promotion, they've bought
Speaker 1: this fancy in new car, or they're safe for this handbag.
Speaker 1: I'm like, fuck yeah, but yes, I would never if
Speaker 1: I was to buy a new handbag or get a
Speaker 1: new car. No, Like I think I would feel like
Speaker 1: I'm bragging or triggering other people, Like that's what would
Speaker 1: go through my syndrome. Yeah, and get slammed, Like I
Speaker 1: would get scared to share that I've done great and
Speaker 1: earned this and worked hard of that, because I know
Speaker 1: that I would get a lot of hate and backlash
Speaker 1: when I see other people doing I'm like, fuck, Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's interesting, Hey how we celebrate other people but not ourselves.
Speaker 1: And I'm super aware of it now, but yeah, it's
Speaker 1: just interesting.
Speaker 2: It is interesting society. It's just the way our brains
Speaker 2: have been molded to conditions. But it's like just that
Speaker 2: old question why, Like why shouldn't I be celebrating myself?
Speaker 1: And the more that we are sure of who we
Speaker 1: are and our attentions and all of that, Like when
Speaker 1: you were so sure of yourself that stuff, like you
Speaker 1: wouldn't care what people say. Yeah, you know, But when
Speaker 1: you are feeling a bit fragile and you're not super
Speaker 1: confident and you're listening to the outside noise, you get scared.
Speaker 2: Yeah,