Speaker 1: I want the fairy tale. I want the prince charming.
Speaker 2: She how do I put this? Isn't a fan of
Speaker 2: my kissing style with a.
Speaker 1: Boyfriend and girlfriend for about twelve hours.
Speaker 2: He's in a trash bin.
Speaker 1: He's non recyclable. Catching them up.
Speaker 2: I love being love. I love love.
Speaker 1: On today's episode of Where's Your Head At, we are
Speaker 1: discussing all things long distance relationships. After Matt and I
Speaker 1: have been apart for the past three weeks.
Speaker 2: We'll take a look at how long distance relationships work
Speaker 2: and where the absence really does make the heart grow fonder.
Speaker 1: Where's Your Head At is a podcast that talks all
Speaker 1: things relationships, breakups, reality TV, trending shows, and everything in between.
Speaker 2: This is your new go to destination for laughs, gossip,
Speaker 2: intimate details, advice, and much more.
Speaker 1: Hello, Matt, I've just spilt my coffee all over our
Speaker 1: podcasting table.
Speaker 2: Sorry about that smell like coffee, though, I do like
Speaker 2: that smell. How you going. I'm good. We're back in
Speaker 2: the studio and we've listened to you guys, and we're
Speaker 2: doing a topic episode.
Speaker 1: I know. So we put a poll on our Facebook
Speaker 1: page and we thought for sure that the hotlines we're
Speaker 1: gonna win, Like everyone loves the hot lines because we've
Speaker 1: had so much good feedback. But actually the winner was
Speaker 1: a topic episode followed closely behind by a hot line
Speaker 1: and then an interview.
Speaker 2: Well, let's not take away from our guests. We've had
Speaker 2: some beautiful guests over the time. But you guys just
Speaker 2: want to hear us talk about topics, don't you.
Speaker 1: I guess the thing about guests is maybe some people
Speaker 1: might not know some of the guests or they might
Speaker 1: have less interest, whereas like a topic is always interesting.
Speaker 1: So anyway, we have been separated for about three weeks,
Speaker 1: which is a long time for our platonic friendship to
Speaker 1: endure us. Not long enough, no, because we're on the
Speaker 1: phone like every single day, like certantly talking about the podcast.
Speaker 1: We're constantly like in communication, and we kind of had
Speaker 1: a bit of a break, to.
Speaker 2: Be fair, I didn't think it was that long because
Speaker 2: we're always in touch, and then it was brought to
Speaker 2: our at tension.
Speaker 1: Yeah, So I was in Hamilton Island and then I
Speaker 1: came back and then it was the Easter break and
Speaker 1: I went to Mildura. Michael is going to Sydney coming
Speaker 1: up for a work conference which he missed last year
Speaker 1: because we were in Bali, but this year he'll be
Speaker 1: going anyway. I looked at the dates because Matt and
Speaker 1: I are actually planning another Sydney trip but during Sydney
Speaker 1: Fashion Week.
Speaker 2: Excited for that.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and then I realized that Michael's conference is the
Speaker 1: week before, which means that he'll go to Sydney for
Speaker 1: the week, come home, and then on the Monday, I'll
Speaker 1: go to Sydney with you for the week.
Speaker 2: When you sent me the dates, I thought they were
Speaker 2: crossing over. No, okay, they crossed over, So I was
Speaker 2: like that will work then.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and so we were like, oh, that's so annoying.
Speaker 1: We're going to be separated for a couple of weeks.
Speaker 1: I mean we have been separated before. We got separated
Speaker 1: where and I got separated and like so like dramatic.
Speaker 1: People who actually have been in a long distance relationships
Speaker 1: are probably like shut up, shut up, But we did.
Speaker 1: I went to the UK last year and then Dubai.
Speaker 2: How long was that?
Speaker 1: It was about three weeks. I'm pretty sure what felt
Speaker 1: like a long time.
Speaker 2: Would you guys do to like keep it going, like
Speaker 2: keep you know, staying touch in that because the time
Speaker 2: difference is pretty difficult. I remember you go to trouble
Speaker 2: with it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, the time difference is really hard. I think it's
Speaker 1: kind of funny because Michael, he just ended up like
Speaker 1: when I would wake up, I would call him, and
Speaker 1: then he'd end up like staying awake during the middle
Speaker 1: of the night. So like when I actually came home
Speaker 1: from being overseas, I was like, I'm so jet lagged,
Speaker 1: and He's like, yeah, me too, because he'd been like
Speaker 1: half in the middle of the night, like because he
Speaker 1: just wanted to talk to me, which was very sweet
Speaker 1: and very cute. But obviously that was only for a
Speaker 1: very small three week period. So I guess we kind
Speaker 1: of wanted to chat today about what it really is
Speaker 1: like to be in a long distance relationship. Have either
Speaker 1: of us been in a long distance relationship and everything
Speaker 1: in between? Let's jump in, okay, Matt, So have you
Speaker 1: ever been in a long distance relationship?
Speaker 2: Look at that? Yes I have. So I actually was
Speaker 2: in a long distance relationship. This is actually you remember this,
Speaker 2: don't you. It was what it's two years ago exactly
Speaker 2: to the point, because I remember I was chatting with
Speaker 2: her watching the Anzac day game. It was actually two
Speaker 2: years to the day. So do you know McKenzie Ditman
Speaker 2: from Love Island, US, Well, I mean I.
Speaker 1: Do know her because you told me about it. For
Speaker 1: everyone listening, you can probably so find her online.
Speaker 2: I slid into her DMS around that time, and we
Speaker 2: chatted and like we were very chatting, Like I remember
Speaker 2: you were very chatting, well, like pretty intensely. Yeah, like
Speaker 2: so I was. Remember it was during like still borders
Speaker 2: were closed, so like I was trying to get her
Speaker 2: like a through my dad's work, a visa two. Yeah,
Speaker 2: she didn't know that. I didn't know that.
Speaker 1: I don't know that.
Speaker 2: I was getting my dad to try like figure out
Speaker 2: a visa like as so she could work and you know,
Speaker 2: still be yeah.
Speaker 1: At the full company.
Speaker 2: Yeah, so she'd be like in the office, I guess,
Speaker 2: taking like payroll, working and then she could come into
Speaker 2: the country.
Speaker 1: So hold on, let's just rewind because Matt jumps like
Speaker 1: a thousand miles ahead because I didn't even know this
Speaker 1: was happening. So you slid into her DMS and what
Speaker 1: did you say.
Speaker 2: I'm notinety nine percent sure it was a flame reaction, right, So.
Speaker 1: You flame reacted, and then the conversation obviously unraveled. From then,
Speaker 1: how did it become just like chatting in the DMS
Speaker 1: to something more serious very quickly.
Speaker 2: I think that it was maybe like a day or
Speaker 2: two that we moved from the DMS to I said,
Speaker 2: I was just like, I'll call you, yeah, and then
Speaker 2: she was like chatted on the phone. Yeah. I was like,
Speaker 2: I'll call you, and I was driving. I remember I
Speaker 2: was driving and I called her, and I remember she
Speaker 2: said it didn't go through because I didn't know how
Speaker 2: to call an international number at the time, so like
Speaker 2: we did, do you call an international Well, I thought
Speaker 2: it was just normally you do it on FaceTime, fame
Speaker 2: audio or whatever. So I just called it and it
Speaker 2: wasn't going through, and I was sort of driving, so
Speaker 2: I'm conscious of not being on my phone, and I
Speaker 2: remember she said that, like she told her family I
Speaker 2: was calling her and they were like, oh, yeah, like
Speaker 2: this is exciting. And then I just didn't call it
Speaker 2: because it didn't go through because I was driving. I
Speaker 2: didn't send a message anything much of it, you know
Speaker 2: what I mean, Like it's early days. But then I
Speaker 2: finally forgur playing it from the other side.
Speaker 1: Of the world's calling.
Speaker 2: Du Yeah, So then I got through we started chatting.
Speaker 2: What we found that we could chat on was American football,
Speaker 2: So my love for American football. You do love American Yeah,
Speaker 2: she lived in Arizona, so like we talked about them,
Speaker 2: the Cardinals and all that sort of stuff. And then
Speaker 2: I talked to her about AFL, try teacher about that.
Speaker 2: I remember that was really earlier. I sent her a
Speaker 2: video about AFL and then.
Speaker 1: Yeah, we just connected on your love of sport.
Speaker 2: A love of sport. Yeah, do you you like we
Speaker 2: were chatting pretty intensely for a long time, Like I
Speaker 2: reckon it was two months, like we were even like
Speaker 2: this is how wild. We hadn't even met, and we
Speaker 2: were like exclusive, like weren't like sleeping getting with other people,
Speaker 2: talking to other people. It was pretty intense.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I do remember that it's wild that needed to
Speaker 1: be exclusive with someone who you've never met. I mean,
Speaker 1: I guess you see it on the not that this
Speaker 1: was a catfish situation, but I mean on catfish people
Speaker 1: in relationships for like six years.
Speaker 2: Do you remind me of like catfish sort of thing?
Speaker 1: Because you guys video chatted, video chatted a lot. I
Speaker 1: mean I remember once I got into your car, I
Speaker 1: don't know where we were going, probably the podcast.
Speaker 2: No podcast wasn't around them, wasn't it.
Speaker 1: Okay, I got into your car and she was on
Speaker 1: the phone, and she had like she was like, hey
Speaker 1: Anna in her American accent, and I was like, hey
Speaker 1: what an American accent?
Speaker 2: Yeah. So, like we do different things to like, you know,
Speaker 2: make the relationship work. I would still go on dates.
Speaker 1: Well, how would you go on a date if you're
Speaker 1: in a long distance relationship for America to Australia.
Speaker 2: So we would obviously because of the time difference, it
Speaker 2: was pretty brutal, and I didn't me being meetn't give much.
Speaker 2: So like I was like, all right, well, when I'm
Speaker 2: having dinner, you have dinner. So it would probably be
Speaker 2: like two o'clock in the morning, four o'clock in the
Speaker 2: morning there.
Speaker 1: So she was having dinner at four o'clock in the.
Speaker 2: Morning something like that.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I don't do you want to do the fucking
Speaker 1: late shift.
Speaker 2: I'd work and stuff like I had to get up
Speaker 2: for work. So it all worked out.
Speaker 1: But she'd make a fake dinner or she'd eat actually
Speaker 1: eat dinner.
Speaker 2: I think she'd eat dinner and then so like we
Speaker 2: do stuff that we could both order. So we did
Speaker 2: Domino's on time, we did like KFC or market. Yeah,
Speaker 2: so stuff that we could both have the same thing
Speaker 2: and we'd FaceTime and eat together and just chat.
Speaker 1: That's quite cute, Matt. Yeah. See I loved the imagination,
Speaker 1: did you?
Speaker 2: And yeah, handle it dinner.
Speaker 1: He's a man to get hot, So you obviously really
Speaker 1: liked it.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I did you in your.
Speaker 1: Mind obviously when you entered into this exclusive long distance relationship,
Speaker 1: were you thinking, look, the borders are going to open soon.
Speaker 1: Were you planning on going there? Was she planning on
Speaker 1: going coming to Australia? What was the deal?
Speaker 2: It was a bit of both, like neither of us.
Speaker 2: I sort of didn't say I was going to go
Speaker 2: over there because I had work and other stuff, this
Speaker 2: podcast in the pipeline and all that sort of stuff.
Speaker 2: So I wasn't so And I'd already been to America,
Speaker 2: so I wasn't so like just going there. But I
Speaker 2: said I'll go and like go over there. If the
Speaker 2: borders were open, it would have been a completely different story.
Speaker 2: I would have flown over the next I would have
Speaker 2: flown over that week. Yeah, I would have flown over
Speaker 2: the next day, but the borders weren't open, so it
Speaker 2: was like I would if I flew over, I had
Speaker 2: to be there for three months or something. I can't
Speaker 2: remember the regulations at the time, so it was something
Speaker 2: like that. I was like, well, I can't really go
Speaker 2: there for three months, like you can come here for
Speaker 2: an extending amount of time. She was more gonna come here.
Speaker 2: But then like there was so strict on the borders
Speaker 2: that we were looking into it. You needed like a
Speaker 2: working visa and all this sort of stuff. So and
Speaker 2: we were always saying the borders will open soon, They're
Speaker 2: open soon, and it turns out that you're open for
Speaker 2: another year. Wow, So lucky, Yeah, lucky. It's sort of
Speaker 2: we fizzled. We fizzled out eventually, Like it just sort.
Speaker 1: Of like I made it fizzle out.
Speaker 2: To be fair, I'm pretty sure she ghosted me. It
Speaker 2: was just like it just wasn't working like the whole
Speaker 2: like we couldn't see anything like that.
Speaker 1: You were being slack and that's why, Yeah, that's not
Speaker 1: let's not paying yourself as a victim.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I was being shitty like I was. I could
Speaker 2: see that there was no like it was there was
Speaker 2: no end in sight. So I sort of, yeah, got shitty,
Speaker 2: like not shitty towards it, but like I was getting
Speaker 2: her toward the situation.
Speaker 1: Yeah, so she didn't go into that a bit more
Speaker 1: like what kind of happened?
Speaker 2: To be fair, I don't really remember, do you remember?
Speaker 1: Not really? I just remember that she was annoyed at you,
Speaker 1: and I think you were kind of taking a step back. Yeah, memory,
Speaker 1: but I can't like specifically remember details.
Speaker 2: Well, I've got a message that says, fuck, she's going
Speaker 2: to Crispin if she ever hears this. I said, what's wrong?
Speaker 2: Said nothing? All good talk later. Don't tell me you're
Speaker 2: clearly not happy. I'm not happy. We just didn't talk
Speaker 2: today because you blew me off, which is fine because
Speaker 2: we're casual now. But I'm busy tomorrow so we may
Speaker 2: not talk then.
Speaker 1: So obviously the long distance kind of got in the
Speaker 1: way the way I guess what happened? Question when the
Speaker 1: borders did open? What was your kind of relationship status?
Speaker 2: Well, I was with Jen right, got you? Yeah, so
Speaker 2: I remember that the borders opened. I did think to
Speaker 2: myself about it. She actually sent me a photo that
Speaker 2: the borders had opened.
Speaker 1: Wow.
Speaker 2: I ignored it, obviously because I was in a relationship
Speaker 2: with Jen yep, but I acknowledged it in my mind
Speaker 2: and I was like, oh yeah, and then nothing. I
Speaker 2: think she no, she was going to come out to
Speaker 2: Australia and was going to catch up with my family
Speaker 2: because she actually had met my family over FaceTime, so
Speaker 2: she was friendly with them.
Speaker 1: That is so weird.
Speaker 2: I don't find weird. Yeah, I don't find that weird
Speaker 2: at all.
Speaker 1: Well, meeting someone face some one time and they're going
Speaker 1: to catch up with them, Yeah.
Speaker 2: I don't think it's weird. I think it's like they
Speaker 2: got along. I would you're in a foreign country, you know,
Speaker 2: like some.
Speaker 1: People they're like, yeah, I get that, Like I definitely
Speaker 1: get the fact that, like you're trying to bit I
Speaker 1: mean you're in a relationship.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean yeah. So that sort of happened and
Speaker 2: then we and then we just think, yeah, it was
Speaker 2: pretty shame that that was just.
Speaker 1: The timing was off. Timing is off.
Speaker 2: The timing is everything.
Speaker 1: Timing is everything. We've spoken about that a lot, and
Speaker 1: I mean, what can you do if the borders are
Speaker 1: close and there's nowhere to go?
Speaker 2: Well, like I said, if the borders were open, I
Speaker 2: would have flown over there. Literally, this is like imagine right,
Speaker 2: like if I was in that situation, I'd just fly
Speaker 2: straight over. Like I've got no qualms jumping on a plane.
Speaker 2: I actually enjoy jumping on planes.
Speaker 3: I'm saving my penny and how should I want to
Speaker 3: go to LA at the moment? Yeah, you like, we
Speaker 3: do other things as well, Like I remember we would
Speaker 3: start movies at the same time, at the exact same time,
Speaker 3: press play and watch them at the same time.
Speaker 2: And TV shows.
Speaker 1: Didn't you have a bath together ones? I'm sure you
Speaker 1: like put rose petals.
Speaker 2: In your I think that sounds familiar.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm yeah, that's so mad of mat.
Speaker 2: We'd also do like romantic things, like right before we finished,
Speaker 2: she sent me a box and it had like her
Speaker 2: favorite snacks in there. It had like a nice cool
Speaker 2: T shirt. I don't think I've worn that yet get
Speaker 2: it out, had like her favorite snacks. It had she
Speaker 2: was just in a magazine, so she sent me the magazine,
Speaker 2: which was really sweet. She also sent me a pair
Speaker 2: of her underwear. It's pretty sweet. Carry else was in there,
Speaker 2: some sweet stuff and they're like it was really cute,
Speaker 2: and I was actually putting together one for her I
Speaker 2: had tim Tams VEGGIEMI like the equivalent of the snacks
Speaker 2: that we have of hers in there.
Speaker 1: Hold on, I'm still in the underwear thing. I have
Speaker 1: not heard anything that you said. I think I heard
Speaker 1: tim tawn at one point. Were they used under it?
Speaker 2: No, they weren't. They weren't used, and they were sprayed
Speaker 2: in her perfume. So so you did smell, well, it
Speaker 2: was when you opened them you could smell it, and
Speaker 2: it was coming from them. It was nice, so sweet, romantic, romantic,
Speaker 2: Like I said, putting.
Speaker 1: A good pair of my underwrown a box and sending
Speaker 1: it to the other side of the world, I'd be
Speaker 1: wearing them. It's true, this is true, but I mean,
Speaker 1: look it is yeah, like since they're not worn and used,
Speaker 1: it is quite sweet.
Speaker 2: And then I was packing on for her, so I
Speaker 2: put the equivalent of the version of her snack that
Speaker 2: she liked in there with watching the Mandalorian at the
Speaker 2: time together, So I had like a baby Yoda that
Speaker 2: probably doesn't mean anything to you, but like it's like
Speaker 2: the things I had a soft plush toy of that.
Speaker 2: She collects Starbucks mugs from every city she went to.
Speaker 2: So I brought her a Melbourne one cue. I that
Speaker 2: in there, but we stopped talking before I could send
Speaker 2: that off.
Speaker 1: She still got it.
Speaker 2: I had it in my room for a while because
Speaker 2: I moved out within the week with my mates at
Speaker 2: the time, because I moved out, so it was sitting
Speaker 2: in my bedroom at my mum's for a while because
Speaker 2: obviously wasn't there right. And then eventually, I think like
Speaker 2: Christmas time, so like nearly a year later, I was
Speaker 2: just eventually these things to go, like it's like it's
Speaker 2: with gen now this is clearly not and it ain't
Speaker 2: going anywhere. Wow.
Speaker 1: We that's so interesting. Yeah, So when obviously it started
Speaker 1: to fizzle out, was there a talk of the fact
Speaker 1: that you guys were no longer exclusive or did it just.
Speaker 2: I think it just fizzled. I think there was talk
Speaker 2: of it.
Speaker 1: I don't remember the in that message before she did
Speaker 1: say I know we're casual now. Maybe it was kind
Speaker 1: of spoken about.
Speaker 2: I don't remember things. I remember getting really jealous though.
Speaker 1: Really.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's well, my love language is obviously quality time
Speaker 2: and intimate touch. So intimacy, yeah, touching like intimacy. Yeah,
Speaker 2: it's just funny, it's fun Yeah, So like none of
Speaker 2: that really like hurt like that. So I struggled with
Speaker 2: and then to know that she was going out and
Speaker 2: at the time, I wasn't really going out. I was
Speaker 2: like sort of standing, you're in COVID lockdown, COVID lockdown,
Speaker 2: So I was like knuckling down saving all that sort
Speaker 2: of stuff as well. So she was like going out
Speaker 2: like flying. I remember to New York when we came
Speaker 2: to Miami, and I was sort of just like this sucks,
Speaker 2: Like I'm just sitting here.
Speaker 1: Who you're meeting and who with the people you're with?
Speaker 2: Yeah, and I'm jealous of the best.
Speaker 1: Of times speaking to the choiet preaching. Yeah no, but
Speaker 1: like it's kind of true. It's like even if you're
Speaker 1: it's not like an attractive male that she's hanging out with,
Speaker 1: it you're jealous, it's still like you're jealous of the
Speaker 1: time she's spending with other people because you don't get
Speaker 1: to spend that time.
Speaker 2: It's exactly what I said. I was like, I'd love
Speaker 2: to be spending this time, and it just hurts it
Speaker 2: like other people get to do you know what I mean?
Speaker 1: Yeah, And I think that's one of the most challenging
Speaker 1: things about long distance relationships is the jealousy. That's the
Speaker 1: There was a study done where people spoke about the
Speaker 1: feeling that they feel the most in long distance relationships,
Speaker 1: and the number one thing that keeps popping up is jealousy.
Speaker 1: Is the jealousy of the other people around you and
Speaker 1: the time that people are spending with you and they're
Speaker 1: not getting to see you and spend that time with
Speaker 1: you not feeling like a priority. Yeah.
Speaker 2: And then they've obviously got other things going on in
Speaker 2: their life over there which you can't be involved in.
Speaker 2: So like at the time she was well share, she
Speaker 2: had her she was doing all her stuff over there,
Speaker 2: and I wanted to be a part of it obviously,
Speaker 2: you know when you like someone, Yeah, like stuff and
Speaker 2: what they're doing absolutely okay. So there's seven stages to
Speaker 2: a long distance relationship when you first initiate it. So
Speaker 2: we're now talking from the side of when you're in
Speaker 2: a relationship, and then you are going to be long distance,
Speaker 2: so you're living together or you're in the same town
Speaker 2: the same area. So the first step is decision. You're
Speaker 2: also going to decide whether you want to continue it
Speaker 2: long distance, yeah, or alternative is breaking up.
Speaker 1: Yeah. So Basically, people decide to go long distance because
Speaker 1: maybe an opportunity might arise, something to do with work
Speaker 1: or study, or like a lifelong dream, or a family
Speaker 1: member moving or someone's ill, whatever it might be.
Speaker 2: One person might just want to travel the world and
Speaker 2: the other one can't for work, and come to the
Speaker 2: decision that like you're I'm happy with you to travel,
Speaker 2: I'm going to stay here.
Speaker 1: Yeah, And so part of that first stage is a
Speaker 1: decision to actually be in a long distance relationship or
Speaker 1: to break up. And then the second stage is as.
Speaker 2: If you decide to stay in a long distance If.
Speaker 1: You decide to stay in long distance, the second stage
Speaker 1: is the parting. So during the parting, there's a lot
Speaker 1: of boundaries that need to be set. There's basically like
Speaker 1: a whole new set of rules that you need to
Speaker 1: make for your relationship, Like this is what I'm comfortable with,
Speaker 1: this is what.
Speaker 2: I'm not it'd be so hard, so hard, right, it
Speaker 2: would be like imagine partying, like knowing that they're about
Speaker 2: to hop on a plane or take off in the
Speaker 2: car and you're not going to see them. Yeah, you're
Speaker 2: not going to be able to just fall on them.
Speaker 1: For like cud cuddle. Yeah, your love language no longer there.
Speaker 2: That's it's I think it might even be correct me
Speaker 2: if I'm wrong, But like nearly as bad as breaking.
Speaker 1: Up, almost, because you're like, I really don't want to
Speaker 1: break up. We belong together, we love each.
Speaker 2: Time, and we're still together.
Speaker 1: Technically, we're technically still together. And now I need to
Speaker 1: put all of my faith and trust in you that
Speaker 1: this is you know, we're going to get to the
Speaker 1: other end and eventually be back together.
Speaker 2: Yeah, which feel like that would be intense.
Speaker 1: It's extremely intense. I can't even like imagine imagine at all.
Speaker 2: Could you imagine Michael going, Okay, I've got to go
Speaker 2: to Europe for my work.
Speaker 1: I just have a feeling that wherever Michael would go,
Speaker 1: you just go with. I would follow. But that's because
Speaker 1: I'm in a position where I can do that. I know
Speaker 1: that I'm in a very lucky and blessed position to
Speaker 1: be able to just pick up, like I can call
Speaker 1: into this podcast and we can still have the podcast running,
Speaker 1: other things that I have going on in the side,
Speaker 1: it can all be picked up and moved. And I
Speaker 1: realize how fortunate I am to be able to do that.
Speaker 1: But not everyone is in a position where they can
Speaker 1: just pick up their life and move Like people, you know,
Speaker 1: they make friends and they set roots, and you know,
Speaker 1: they don't want to just pick it up.
Speaker 2: Even on the weekend. My sister's fiance wants to go travel.
Speaker 2: That's why I brought up before. He just wants to
Speaker 2: go travel. And obviously my sister's got a job now
Speaker 2: that she's fully in and she loves it and she
Speaker 2: can't take time off like that. Yeah, so they're a
Speaker 2: not a crossroads. But she literally said go travel. Like
Speaker 2: I said, Okay, I've got to focus on my job
Speaker 2: and compromise.
Speaker 1: And I think all relationships there needs to be compromises made.
Speaker 1: Let's move into stage three, which is a transition.
Speaker 2: So this is when you're like tin positioning from a
Speaker 2: like were saying before, like from a relationship where you're
Speaker 2: with your partner. You can rely on your partner to
Speaker 2: go out for breakfast in a drink, or you can
Speaker 2: ask them to get something from the shops on the
Speaker 2: way home. Now you can't. You're by yourself.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and that transitional period is very hard. There's a
Speaker 1: lot of big emotions encompassing that stage. There's a lot
Speaker 1: of sadness. You know, you're kind of finding your independence again,
Speaker 1: you're finding your new normal.
Speaker 2: What You've still got them there, so that's still got them.
Speaker 1: So that's why it's like you've still got them, but
Speaker 1: also your life.
Speaker 2: That's what I mean out there. So I find I
Speaker 2: find it harder than a breakup, I reckon because you've
Speaker 2: still got them, like on the phone, and like you're
Speaker 2: still part of each other's lives, but they're not there.
Speaker 1: But I guess you just you want to be in
Speaker 1: a lot of communication with them, and you know, to
Speaker 1: be like really like a part of their life and
Speaker 1: to be finding out what they're doing and facetiming and
Speaker 1: calling and all of those things to stay to feel
Speaker 1: really connected. The great thing about this day and age
Speaker 1: doing a long distance relationship is it's so much easier
Speaker 1: than before. Like people were writing letters and waiting for
Speaker 1: weeks for a reply. These days, you can send someone
Speaker 1: a text message and it's instantaneous.
Speaker 2: You know what I mean, Like, yeah, you'd have to
Speaker 2: call from either like a payphone or from like your
Speaker 2: house phone.
Speaker 1: Yeah, And I think long distance relationships are much more
Speaker 1: common now, I would say because of the fact that
Speaker 1: we have so many means of communication.
Speaker 2: M hm. The next step, step four is realization. So
Speaker 2: when it sinks in and you've you've come to let's
Speaker 2: say terms, or you've come to accept what's happening.
Speaker 1: There's a lot of processing to do with the situation.
Speaker 1: And I think after you're spending a bit of time
Speaker 1: away from someone and starting to find that new normal,
Speaker 1: it really like I think the reality of the situation
Speaker 1: then sets in and you're like, Okay, that's what it's like,
Speaker 1: this is how my life now is. And I guess
Speaker 1: it's kind of like is there an end in sight?
Speaker 1: Can I do?
Speaker 2: This?
Speaker 1: Is this gonna?
Speaker 2: You know?
Speaker 1: Is this suitable for me? Which brings us to stage five,
Speaker 1: which is the jealousy, which we spoke a lot about before.
Speaker 1: A lot of people who are in long distance relationships
Speaker 1: experience this overwhelming feeling of jealousy. Man.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean, as like I said before, I was
Speaker 2: I was very jealous. I'm a jealous person at heart,
Speaker 2: So like I found it very hard to be in
Speaker 2: that situation where, like I said, you see you're like
Speaker 2: your partner having like a good time with other people
Speaker 2: or just stuff that you can't be involved in. It
Speaker 2: it's like like I want to take you out for dinner,
Speaker 2: and like, yeah, you get green with jealousy?
Speaker 1: Did she ever get jealous with you?
Speaker 2: Maybe? I don't really remember. I don't remember. I can't.
Speaker 2: I don't. Yeah, remember that thing stands out. Nothing stands
Speaker 2: out to me really, I mean I feel like anyone
Speaker 2: in that situation probably could or would.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, Okay, moving on to stage six. So stage
Speaker 1: six and seven are the most crucial. So stage six
Speaker 1: is doubt. So that's when you start to second guess yourself.
Speaker 1: Is this a good idea? Can I do this long term?
Speaker 1: Can I do this for another six months or however
Speaker 1: long it's going to be? I better off single. The
Speaker 1: doubt is like the really crucial stage of a long
Speaker 1: distance relationship where you either go from strength to strength
Speaker 1: or you decide this isn't going to work out for me.
Speaker 2: So if you don't think it's going to work out,
Speaker 2: that's the end of it. You're breaking up with them. Well,
Speaker 2: there's no seventh step.
Speaker 1: So the seventh stage is validation, and that is like
Speaker 1: the optimal thing that you need in a long distance
Speaker 1: relationship to make it work. So that's the validation, the communication,
Speaker 1: the reassurance, and that's the things that really does stop
Speaker 1: you from breaking up. So the doubt sets in, and
Speaker 1: then you need really good communication with your partner for
Speaker 1: them to say, like if, for instance, we're in a
Speaker 1: long distance relationship and I'm like, I don't know if
Speaker 1: this is working for me, I'm really missing you, I'm
Speaker 1: not doing well. Then you have an amazing partner who
Speaker 1: says it's okay, this is only temporary. We're gonna see
Speaker 1: each other in a month when you come to visit me,
Speaker 1: and we're gonna have the best time ever. I love
Speaker 1: you so much. I'm here for you, I support you,
Speaker 1: I love you. We're gonna do this.
Speaker 2: I think, teammate, I think that there could never be
Speaker 2: too much validation and words of affirmation in a long
Speaker 2: distance relationship.
Speaker 1: Do you feel better from our fate relationship from that?
Speaker 2: Yeah, like you need? I reckon, There could never be
Speaker 2: too much, Like I reckon, You could just keep going,
Speaker 2: keep taling them it's skinning, be all right, I'll see
Speaker 2: you in be and then it would lift both everyone's
Speaker 2: spirits up, don't you reckon?
Speaker 1: Yeah? When I was saying that little spiel, Matt's like
Speaker 1: nodding and smiling like.
Speaker 2: Cool, Yeah, yeah, we're gonna be good. I love validation.
Speaker 2: How good is it? I agree? I have Well that's
Speaker 2: the seven steps. But I think that a validation you
Speaker 2: could never have enough in a long distance relationship.
Speaker 1: Absolutely, And the communication and like, I think a lot
Speaker 1: of relationships break down because of a lack of communication,
Speaker 1: and so before you're entering into a long distance relationship,
Speaker 1: you really need to be crystal clear and if you're
Speaker 1: feeling a certain feeling to tell your partner, like, you know,
Speaker 1: we don't ever, I don't think you do. Do you
Speaker 1: bottle things up? Because I don't bottle anything. As soon
Speaker 1: as I feel an emotion, I'm like, so forthcoming.
Speaker 2: It's probably something I should probably work on bottling some
Speaker 2: stuff up, not picking out everything. I reckon. No, I
Speaker 2: don't bottle anything up. I'm pretty straight to it. I
Speaker 2: tell you how I feel, I speak my mind.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, but I think it's positive, especially like it.
Speaker 2: Can be sometimes I find that like I didn't need
Speaker 2: to say that. I'm like, oh, I don't need to
Speaker 2: say that, Like, just let us slide this one cushions.
Speaker 1: I mean, I don't know.
Speaker 2: What you talking, Like, is it worth it?
Speaker 1: Really I'm just saying you feel like I'm feeling insecure.
Speaker 1: I'll be like, oh, I'm feeling a bit insecure. Then
Speaker 1: I'll get some validation and then I'll be like Okay,
Speaker 1: then good.
Speaker 2: I don't know what you're I just about everything in general.
Speaker 1: Some one annoys you, heap. I mean, you can probably
Speaker 1: still annoy someone.
Speaker 2: It's pritty easy. It's surprisingly easier than you think.
Speaker 1: Okay, I have a question for you. Way, would you
Speaker 1: ever do another long distance relationship?
Speaker 2: I guess it's the old fashioned thing of what I
Speaker 2: know now. I probably could and probably be a lot
Speaker 2: better at it.
Speaker 1: So you feel comfortable no, but you do it.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but if it was the one, if it was
Speaker 2: the one.
Speaker 1: So if it wasn't the one, then you'd be.
Speaker 2: Like yeah, I mean, I mean yeah, yeah. I mean
Speaker 2: it depends on the situation, wouldn't it If it's like what, Well,
Speaker 2: it's easier now borders are open, like you can just
Speaker 2: jump on a plane. I've got the flexibility of moving
Speaker 2: wherever and doing whatever as well, so I could just
Speaker 2: slake off on a plane.
Speaker 1: But sometimes it's not that easy. I mean, popping on
Speaker 1: a plane is expensive.
Speaker 2: True, for you know, paying for accommodation, but you'd stay there,
Speaker 2: but there they've got a house. Yeah, I don't know.
Speaker 2: I think that you know, you know what you know
Speaker 2: now you would? Yeah, have you been in a long
Speaker 2: distance relationship, Hannah, I've.
Speaker 1: Not been in a long distance relationship. But I was
Speaker 1: in a six year relationship and I decided to go
Speaker 1: to Hong Kong for work to model for three months.
Speaker 1: I don't know if you remember that.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I downed Hong Kong.
Speaker 1: Yeah, so I went to Hong Kong for three months
Speaker 1: and I was in a relationship the whole time.
Speaker 2: And how'd you find that?
Speaker 1: You know what? I found it like pretty chill, like
Speaker 1: pretty easy. We spoke like every day I would wake
Speaker 1: up to like a good morning message. We'd kind of
Speaker 1: text all day. We'd FaceTime, so there's a time difference
Speaker 1: a couple of hours. It wasn't too bad. And yeah,
Speaker 1: like I think the only challenging thing would be like
Speaker 1: if it was like a weekend and he was out
Speaker 1: with his friend friends, I'd be a bit like you're
Speaker 1: in Hong Kong bottles, Well.
Speaker 2: Yeah, more jealous.
Speaker 1: I think he was mildly jealous, but like I was
Speaker 1: probably more jealous, But yeah, I was staying with my
Speaker 1: friends Serah because she was working at Disneyland as a
Speaker 1: Disney princess, so she had accommodation in Hong Kong, so
Speaker 1: I just moved in with her, which was really fun.
Speaker 1: Like when I think back to like my memories of
Speaker 1: my younger life in my twenties, that's probably a highlight
Speaker 1: and I'm so glad I did it. It was like
Speaker 1: so random, and obviously I didn't have the best experience
Speaker 1: modeling there because they would just like line fifty girls
Speaker 1: up and choose the skinniest one, so it just made
Speaker 1: you feel like shit. It actually got to a point
Speaker 1: where I broke even from doing a couple of modeling jobs.
Speaker 1: And then I was like, Okay, that's it. I'm going
Speaker 1: to party because I was taking a hit on my
Speaker 1: self esteem because I was just like, I'm not going
Speaker 1: to like starve myself to do this.
Speaker 2: I'm yeah, that's it. It's very interesting. I like, I'm
Speaker 2: hearing you talk about modeling overseas. I've got my stories
Speaker 2: about it as well. It's it's not everyone glamorous, is it.
Speaker 2: It's not Glamorous's not glamorous at all. But I mean,
Speaker 2: I think I was like, how old were you?
Speaker 1: I think I was like twenty three, twenty two.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and back to the long distance thing, how did
Speaker 2: you guys make that work? Then? Facetiming all the time?
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, FaceTime. I ended up going to Thailand as
Speaker 1: well with my girlfriends. I directed that trip.
Speaker 2: And you were the one that was more jealous. Well,
Speaker 2: you're galliber galibating around.
Speaker 1: I mean the thing is is you trust yourself. You
Speaker 1: know that you're not going to do anything wrong. So
Speaker 1: it's like, you know, you're like, well, it's not a
Speaker 1: big deal that I'm in Hong Kong and Thailand and
Speaker 1: having the best time ever. But like I was, like,
Speaker 1: what are you doing in Melbourne when I'm not there?
Speaker 1: You know, like it's always that like what are you
Speaker 1: up to? Type of like feeling that you have inside and.
Speaker 2: I think which brings us back to number seven.
Speaker 1: Validation, which I got and it made it like a
Speaker 1: very simipol process. And then obviously coming back to Melbourne
Speaker 1: and getting to see him like I missed him, and
Speaker 1: we carried on with our relationship until it entered three
Speaker 1: years later.
Speaker 2: There you go where you want to be here?
Speaker 1: Now?
Speaker 2: Would you?
Speaker 1: Okay, let's talk about how to make a long distance
Speaker 1: relationship work. Next.
Speaker 2: Okay, so we shouldn't be asking me about this, but
Speaker 2: we've got some why not. He didn't make it work.
Speaker 2: But that's the best bit. Ask someone that knows how
Speaker 2: from their failure how to succeed, who's learned their lessons.
Speaker 1: Look, look, if you are going to enter into another
Speaker 1: long term relationship in your life, then these could be
Speaker 1: some good tips. The first one is to set the
Speaker 1: ground rules, like we said before, setting boundaries, setting expectations
Speaker 1: and knowing where you both stand.
Speaker 2: Keep the communication as well regular and keep it interesting.
Speaker 2: So like, but I do like you can just chat
Speaker 2: all the time, like I reckon just always on the text.
Speaker 2: It depends on the time difference as well. But yeah,
Speaker 2: you've got to make it work, and you've got to
Speaker 2: find certain times that you can, you know, take some
Speaker 2: times make FaceTime calls or when you can text. Like
Speaker 2: I think you both need to sacrifice something in your life.
Speaker 2: Like if that means if the time difference is when
Speaker 2: you normally would train, then if that's the time they
Speaker 2: can talk, then you have to push your training back,
Speaker 2: sacrifice something to make it work.
Speaker 1: I think it's interesting, like when you aren't like around
Speaker 1: someone sending them photos of your day, like photos of
Speaker 1: like maybe what you're eating, or photos of where you are,
Speaker 1: and it just makes them feel like a little bit
Speaker 1: more a part of your life. I think that really helps.
Speaker 1: Even when my friends are like overseas, I love seeing
Speaker 1: pictures of where they are. I'm like, send me photos,
Speaker 1: like I want to see the photos of where you are.
Speaker 1: I think also seeing it as an opportunity to test
Speaker 1: your commitment to one another and to kind of like
Speaker 1: strengthen your bond. Obviously, it's not ideal to be in
Speaker 1: a long distance relationship, like, no one's out there strive
Speaker 1: to be in a long distance relationship. It's it's a
Speaker 1: shitty situation. No one really wants to be there. But
Speaker 1: I guess looking kind of at the bigger picture and
Speaker 1: kind of telling yourself, like, you know, i want that
Speaker 1: person to feel fulfilled in their life, so I'm not
Speaker 1: going to hold them back, And so we're doing this
Speaker 1: for the greater good and if we are meant to be,
Speaker 1: then it will be stronger. You can come out definitely stronger.
Speaker 2: Definitely come out stronger. Keep it flirty, like you know,
Speaker 2: to keep the messages like you know, like fit dirty,
Speaker 2: like you know, don't take it too seriously the whole time.
Speaker 1: Like yeah, like you can FaceTime or send like, you know,
Speaker 1: naughty photos to keep them excited. Like obviously you're not
Speaker 1: physically with each other, but like you can still kind
Speaker 1: of like hit those spots of course.
Speaker 2: Yeah there's like I said, phone sex, FaceTime sex, you
Speaker 2: can really do whatever.
Speaker 1: Yeah, okay, this one's an important one for me. And
Speaker 1: this also comes down to like communication and just being
Speaker 1: really aware of what you're doing whilst you're away from
Speaker 1: your partner. So I guess not putting your partner in
Speaker 1: anxious situations where they might see a photo of you
Speaker 1: at a bar with you know, a person of the
Speaker 1: opposite sex. It's attractive, you know, doing little things like
Speaker 1: that where they go, what are they doing? Question mark
Speaker 1: over your name? Like what's going on? Can I trust you?
Speaker 1: You know, planting seeds of doubt. So making sure that
Speaker 1: you're always reassuring your partner and always making them feel
Speaker 1: super comfortable is you know the key to making this work.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean that would suck. You know, you're sitting
Speaker 2: you're sitting at home on the time difference, and they're out.
Speaker 1: In a bar twiddling your thumbs, being like all.
Speaker 2: At work because of the time difference, You're sitting at
Speaker 2: work and they're out getting drunk.
Speaker 1: You know what's so funny is I had a friend
Speaker 1: once because there's like a little bit off topic, but
Speaker 1: also kind of on topic. She was like the FBI,
Speaker 1: like to a t. She was like the best FBI
Speaker 1: agent of all time in the land of anyway, all
Speaker 1: women the point, but she went to like a whole
Speaker 1: different level. So I remember once she had been on
Speaker 1: like three dates with this guy and then he was
Speaker 1: going to Bali and they had gotten along really well,
Speaker 1: they'd had sex. She was really into him, he was
Speaker 1: really into her, et cetera. And he basically said like,
Speaker 1: I'm not going to hook up with anyone when I
Speaker 1: go to Bali because I'm really into you. Blah blah
Speaker 1: blah blah blah. Anyway, he was at a restaurant in
Speaker 1: Bali and he tagged like a couple of people, and
Speaker 1: what she did is she went through all of the
Speaker 1: tagged people ended up finding because he had obviously like
Speaker 1: shown everyone who he was with. So it was like
Speaker 1: lots of people, probably like a group of like ten people,
Speaker 1: most of them women. She had gone out of her
Speaker 1: way from one or two tags to find every single
Speaker 1: person who was at that dinner. She went to the
Speaker 1: place that he had tagged, She went to their stories,
Speaker 1: looked to see people in the background, Like she went
Speaker 1: to like extreme length.
Speaker 2: That's just three days.
Speaker 1: And then and then he kind of went a bit
Speaker 1: i A for like three hours or something during the night,
Speaker 1: and she got like a late night message. So she's
Speaker 1: like and then she's like, where has he been. He's
Speaker 1: obviously been like you know, he was texting her flat
Speaker 1: out like they were like.
Speaker 2: They were on and man fell asleep.
Speaker 1: No. And then so what she did is because she
Speaker 1: had been able to identify every single person in the story,
Speaker 1: I know this. Yeah, she had found like a couple
Speaker 1: of like the girls who she thought he was like
Speaker 1: sitting close to slash for his type, and sent a
Speaker 1: message on Instagram being like, Hey, I'm this person's girlfriend girlfriend.
Speaker 2: I just wanted to, like an FBI agent, I just want.
Speaker 1: To know if you guys hooked up, because like he's
Speaker 1: been a bit sneaky in the past, and I just
Speaker 1: like want to know from girl to girl. And then
Speaker 1: the girl was like, oh my god, I'm so sorry
Speaker 1: I kissed him that night. I'm really sorry. I didn't
Speaker 1: know he didn't tell me he had a girlfriend. He
Speaker 1: technically didn't have a girlfriend, but he did say that
Speaker 1: he wasn't going to hook up with people. And she
Speaker 1: is such an FBI agent that she found out. I'm like,
Speaker 1: you know, what, is it a bit crazy? Yes? Can
Speaker 1: I get around it?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 1: Because she called him out and like he fully lied,
Speaker 1: and like you can't lie to women, because we have
Speaker 1: a sixth sense.
Speaker 2: You feel it in your waters and.
Speaker 1: We can feel it in our bones and something's off.
Speaker 1: She felt it, and she, you know, proceeded accordingly and
Speaker 1: found out the truth.
Speaker 2: Good honor, Yeah, good honor. Has she called up the FBI.
Speaker 2: She's going to Quanico next week. She's getting a job,
Speaker 2: getting a job. She is detective on I on literally alright,
Speaker 2: So back to our list. Make visits to see each
Speaker 2: other as much as possible. So whenever you can get
Speaker 2: a free weekend and you have obviously cash or you
Speaker 2: can afford to go, go, Yeah, maybe find.
Speaker 1: Place even if it's for like two nights, Like just
Speaker 1: make the long trip or halfway.
Speaker 2: You both go halfway, Yeah, both go halfway, and you
Speaker 2: can meet there and then it's easier on both of you.
Speaker 1: There's no Yeah, yeah, absolutely, try to enjoy the same activity.
Speaker 1: Is kind of like what you were saying with Mackenzie before,
Speaker 1: watching the same TV show together, or watching a movie together,
Speaker 1: reading the same book. I guess that way you can
Speaker 1: kind of connect on those things, discuss them with one another,
Speaker 1: have a little chat going about a movie, and I
Speaker 1: think that's really bonding.
Speaker 2: Yeah. I agree. Have a planned end date. So obviously
Speaker 2: when the borders aren't closed, you can't think of a
Speaker 2: date when they keep just pushing it back, pushing it back,
Speaker 2: So that's really kills the desire for it, like you
Speaker 2: know what I mean, It just dampens the mood. But
Speaker 2: if if you don't have an endset end date, because
Speaker 2: that could be the end of the contract when they're
Speaker 2: working in receipts or the end of their studying or
Speaker 2: something like that.
Speaker 1: Absolutely, yeah, I think an end date is extremely important
Speaker 1: so that you can feel like it's not just forever.
Speaker 2: Get a calendar count down the days or get one
Speaker 2: on your phone and you can see how many days
Speaker 2: are left, and it will make it a lot easier.
Speaker 1: For you whilst they're away. Spend quality time with your
Speaker 1: friends and family, time that you might not have had.
Speaker 1: I think that's an important one. Surround yourself with people
Speaker 1: that love you, you know, get all the love, even although
Speaker 1: it's not that intimate love, it's still love.
Speaker 2: Keep on top of each other's schedules so you can
Speaker 2: understand where they'll be, why they're not talking to you.
Speaker 2: Not in a creepy way like your friend did, but
Speaker 2: like you know, just like so, yeah, you can understand
Speaker 2: why they're not talking to you, and then that could
Speaker 2: save you from getting ch other'd beout. Okay they're in
Speaker 2: a meeting, or Okay they're getting their hair done or
Speaker 2: okay they're doing this, so you're not getting too frantic
Speaker 2: and your anxiety levels aren't peaking.
Speaker 1: Yeah, make a time to video call as well. I
Speaker 1: think video calling is I mean it feels face to
Speaker 1: face right, Like you know, we talk to our podcast
Speaker 1: team who are in Sydney and we feel like we
Speaker 1: know them. I mean we've met most of them multiple times,
Speaker 1: but we speak to them on a weekly basis on
Speaker 1: FaceTime on FaceTime and it's very connecting and it's something
Speaker 1: that can really help if you are in a long
Speaker 1: distance relationship and just make sure they're very frequent, like
Speaker 1: there's no need to not be facetiming your partner.
Speaker 2: Also, one is a boundaries, so like you've got to
Speaker 2: set the boundaries as your partner. Obviously that means you
Speaker 2: could like stay exclusive or also it could mean that
Speaker 2: you have some sort of boundaries that help you guys
Speaker 2: through it. Like you could be like, okay, like if
Speaker 2: you really are desiring intimacy so much, you know, you
Speaker 2: could have some monogamish relationship that you could figure out
Speaker 2: between the two of you, if that's what boths you want.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean I guess like every relationship is different,
Speaker 1: and it wouldn't be right for us to not mention that,
Speaker 1: like if yeah, if that's something, because you can't do
Speaker 1: it just because we would absolutely hate that. Like even
Speaker 1: hearing you say it, I was like, no.
Speaker 2: Kiss anyone out.
Speaker 1: But yeah, like whatever works for you, guys, whatever is
Speaker 1: going to keep the relationship alive, you know, whatever makes
Speaker 1: you feel comfortable. I think it's important to not do
Speaker 1: anything like that because you think it's what your partner wants.
Speaker 1: I think set your own boundaries really, like dive deep
Speaker 1: within yourself and figure out what you want and then
Speaker 1: share that. I think gifting as well. Like you said before,
Speaker 1: I can't not put that one on there. Sending gifts
Speaker 1: to the other person, making them feel really loved is
Speaker 1: super important, and I think sentimental gifts are very cute,
Speaker 1: especially from the place that you are.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I agree. Like you could send them like, yeah,
Speaker 2: plush toy and hug it and then send it to.
Speaker 1: Them and say perfumed underwear maybe.
Speaker 2: Yeah, And you could transfer the hug through that that
Speaker 2: plush toy. You could keep sending it back and forth
Speaker 2: you have enough money hugging it and then send it
Speaker 2: back the next day.
Speaker 1: Okay, man, let's talk about the benefit of a long
Speaker 1: distance relationship, but also the red flags to look out for. Next.
Speaker 2: Okay, so, there's a lot of pros to a long
Speaker 2: distance relationship as well as cons. But let's touch on
Speaker 2: the pros first.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Absolutely, so. I think it really encourages you to
Speaker 1: refine your emotional connection with your partner so much. At
Speaker 1: the start of a relationship, or at least for the
Speaker 1: first couple of years, it's very physical. You know, I
Speaker 1: love being smothered with love and affection and touch, but
Speaker 1: when that's taken away from you, You're forced to really
Speaker 1: develop that emotional connection.
Speaker 2: I agree, You've got to search you within yourself to
Speaker 2: know that it's real. So it's a great way to
Speaker 2: test the love and see if your feelings for one
Speaker 2: another are actually real or it's not just that they're
Speaker 2: in front of you and they're convenient I guess, or
Speaker 2: the person that's in front of you that you're feeling towards. Yeah.
Speaker 1: Absolutely. I think it also makes you appreciate spending time
Speaker 1: together when you actually do get to spend it with
Speaker 1: one another. I mean the whole like them having to
Speaker 1: leave and longing for them and like and there's the
Speaker 1: Yearney you put them on this massive pedestal and you're like,
Speaker 1: all I want is just one kiss and one cuddle
Speaker 1: from them. So I think getting to see them again
Speaker 1: and also just like really embracing that excitement when you
Speaker 1: do get to see them, and you know, just kind
Speaker 1: of like really like living in the highs and the
Speaker 1: lows of what a long distance relationship brings.
Speaker 2: My mate I was talking to a gym the other day.
Speaker 2: He he's in a long distance one. He lives in
Speaker 2: Melbourne obviously with us, and his girlfriend lives in Sydney,
Speaker 2: so they he loves it and he reckons he gets
Speaker 2: so much time to himself. He can, like you know,
Speaker 2: hanging out, find time for himself as well as when
Speaker 2: he sees her, he's with her and they're spending that
Speaker 2: time together and they're literally like quality time together, which
Speaker 2: I guess that his love language because he enjoys it
Speaker 2: a lot.
Speaker 1: Yeah, And really like being able to learn to enjoy
Speaker 1: your own company, and that's something that I struggled with
Speaker 1: a lot. I think I really only learned to enjoy
Speaker 1: my own company when I moved into an apartment by myself,
Speaker 1: and then I started to really embrace that time. And
Speaker 1: I think you just don't understand how good it is
Speaker 1: until there's literally no one around.
Speaker 2: You get while you're in a relationship.
Speaker 1: Forget when you're in a relationship. You forget when you're
Speaker 1: living with other people, when there's constantly people.
Speaker 2: Alone time was still good to get away from the
Speaker 2: hustle and bustle of it all.
Speaker 1: Your house was very busy. I mean, imagine just being
Speaker 1: in your own home and doing what you want with it,
Speaker 1: and you know, like there's just nothing like it. So
Speaker 1: really just like enjoying that alone time. It's so valuable
Speaker 1: and I think is something that not a lot of
Speaker 1: people get in their life or will only get for
Speaker 1: a very short period of time.
Speaker 2: Yes, and it also allows you to grow as an
Speaker 2: individual and develop healthy relationship while being alone and enjoying
Speaker 2: your own company.
Speaker 1: Like you said, absolutely and came out, let's talk about
Speaker 1: the red flags of being in a long dist relationship,
Speaker 1: things that you might need to look out for if
Speaker 1: you are in a long distance relationship, if you're feeling
Speaker 1: a bit insecure, if you're feeling that deep jealousy and
Speaker 1: you aren't getting the reassurance that you need.
Speaker 2: The first one would be you are the only one
Speaker 2: initiating conversations. So that's rough i'd be for any relationship.
Speaker 1: Really, yeah, that's any relationship. I would not be happy
Speaker 1: about that.
Speaker 2: What is it the expression we say nothing is louder
Speaker 2: than words or something? What was it when they say nothing,
Speaker 2: it's louder than if they oh.
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, yeah yeah yeah, like being ghosted. Yeah, Like
Speaker 1: that's that's more of like a.
Speaker 2: That's louder than if they were saying anything.
Speaker 1: Correct, I don't know what they're saying is.
Speaker 2: If you guys remember it, let us know so the other.
Speaker 1: Day I cracked it at Michaels. I was like, you
Speaker 1: have a message with me all day and he's like, Babe,
Speaker 1: at nine am, I sent you three messages and you
Speaker 1: haven't replied, and I was like, yeah, but like I
Speaker 1: forgot about those, and then you didn't message you all
Speaker 1: day and it's now three o'clock.
Speaker 2: He had you sent messages in between.
Speaker 1: No, and that's like the most that we hadn't spoken.
Speaker 1: But he had sent me three messages at nine and
Speaker 1: he's like, I just thought you were busy, So I
Speaker 1: just left you to it because you had a busy day.
Speaker 2: What a chilled life, not worry, what a blissful life
Speaker 2: he lives. It is to get in your own head
Speaker 2: for six hours, your partner not.
Speaker 1: Replying, So yeah, someone didn't reply to you for six hours,
Speaker 1: Like what the fuck?
Speaker 2: You dead? Sending out to search fucking party.
Speaker 1: We're very much in communication always, but I just like,
Speaker 1: I think I was so busy all day. And then
Speaker 1: at like three o'clock I realized. I was like, oh,
Speaker 1: I haven't spoken to Michael all day, and I was like,
Speaker 1: why haven't you called me?
Speaker 2: You thought you're busy. He was just living his flissful
Speaker 2: life work.
Speaker 1: Okay. Another red flag in a long distance relationship is
Speaker 1: that you feel like you're arguing a lot more than usual.
Speaker 1: There's nothing worse than conflict in a relationship.
Speaker 2: Right then, Yeah, but I think that would be for
Speaker 2: the reasons are because it's long distance. Absolutely over if
Speaker 2: you're arguing over those things and the boundaries you've set.
Speaker 1: Sometimes when people aren't happy as well in the situation
Speaker 1: that they're in, ie a long distance relationship, you can
Speaker 1: start really pulling people apart, you can pull things apart,
Speaker 1: you can get more grumpy, and I think when those
Speaker 1: little arguments start to arise and become more frequent, it
Speaker 1: really does make you feel like very on edge and
Speaker 1: Matt smiling because you've been in a lot of relationships
Speaker 1: where there's lots of fights.
Speaker 2: Yeah, because well I find that true. If you're not
Speaker 2: happy of what's going on, you're going to pick arguments
Speaker 2: about just random stuff because you're trying to, you know,
Speaker 2: find places to to make it uneasy on each other
Speaker 2: to end the relationship.
Speaker 1: What about when the communication gets really stale, that's hard
Speaker 1: and there's just.
Speaker 2: Like it's hard to keep the conversation going. Well, that
Speaker 2: would just be someone that's just not interested, and they're,
Speaker 2: like I said before, you're initiating conversation, so you're the
Speaker 2: one who's trying to keep it going. Take the hint
Speaker 2: they're not interested.
Speaker 1: I don't actually think I've initiated a conversation more than
Speaker 1: once in a row. And I don't think it's me
Speaker 1: being toxic. I think it's just like I really like
Speaker 1: things to be equal and it to be very give
Speaker 1: and take, and if I don't, if I feel like
Speaker 1: I'm giving too much, then I fully pull back.
Speaker 2: I'm the opposite. I would just yeah, I'm no shame
Speaker 2: of starting the conversation again if it's fizzled out.
Speaker 1: See whereas I'm well obviously not with Michael, but like
Speaker 1: I'm talking about like other previous relationships, like it would
Speaker 1: always have to feel very like equal for me, Like
Speaker 1: I would not want to like be constantly like messaging
Speaker 1: them first. That would feel really like off to me.
Speaker 2: Yeah, like we said, that means that if you're doing that,
Speaker 2: maybe they're just really shit at texting or they're just
Speaker 2: not interested.
Speaker 1: And also when the conversation is hard to keep going,
Speaker 1: like it's like, hey, okay, how are you?
Speaker 2: If someone could just be really shit chat game. But
Speaker 2: no one wants to date song with the shit chat game, you.
Speaker 1: Know what I mean. Some people do, but if someone
Speaker 1: has a shit chat game, it's kind of on you
Speaker 1: to be like you need to up your your text message. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I think you need to tell them if you're not
Speaker 1: happy with the way someone's texting, you need to be
Speaker 1: like you need to up your text messages or if
Speaker 1: you're not going to then you need to call me,
Speaker 1: and you know, on that, simulate me mentally on that.
Speaker 2: I looked across at my sister's phone. She was texting
Speaker 2: her partner and don't out your What I said to
Speaker 2: her was, how funny is looking at other people's ship
Speaker 2: chats with their partner their ship chat. I can't remember
Speaker 2: exactly what it was. They were out for dinner and
Speaker 2: I think they were just saying like, oh, I'm having this,
Speaker 2: and he was just like, yeah, well I'm eating this.
Speaker 2: It was just a real ship it's funny thing, like
Speaker 2: we all do it.
Speaker 1: We all.
Speaker 2: We all do ship chats, but like it's funny watching
Speaker 2: other people ship chats.
Speaker 1: Yeah, okay, they rarely open up about their life outside
Speaker 1: of the relationship.
Speaker 2: Big red flag, huge red flag. Couldn't be any better
Speaker 2: than that.
Speaker 1: You want to if you're with someone, you want to
Speaker 1: know every different facet of their life, whether it be work,
Speaker 1: whether it be hobbies, friends, everything. If they're leaving all
Speaker 1: of that out, there's a problem.
Speaker 2: I feel the same way if you if you've got
Speaker 2: a partner and they go out or something and they
Speaker 2: very vague on the night or don't really want to
Speaker 2: talk about it, and that's a red flag.
Speaker 1: What about when your anxiety is just peaking before, during,
Speaker 1: and after you're talking to them? That is a red
Speaker 1: flag if I've ever heard of one. Have you ever
Speaker 1: been in a relationship where you're just anxious? Twenty four
Speaker 1: to seven.
Speaker 2: Lay that shall not be named, Yes, Lay you shall
Speaker 2: not be named. They that shall not be named. Yes,
Speaker 2: I did feel like that with her.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, red flag, just a red flag.
Speaker 2: You don't know what you're going to get, what sort
Speaker 2: of version of them you're going to get, how they're
Speaker 2: going to be acting that day.
Speaker 1: Yeah, very anxious, red flag they got mission.
Speaker 2: Yeah, they attempt to gaslight you?
Speaker 1: Exciting.
Speaker 2: I think that's very self explainatory.
Speaker 1: Spanish self explanatorue. You hate gas lighting, someone's doing it?
Speaker 2: I feel like that gets thrown around a bit though
Speaker 2: at the moment it.
Speaker 1: Gets it gets thrown around a bit. But I think
Speaker 1: it's because it's very common. Yeah, it's very common. And
Speaker 1: I mean once you know what it is and you're
Speaker 1: able to look out for it, you spot it quicker. Yeah, exactly,
Speaker 1: you identify it, you bring it to the table, you
Speaker 1: say this is not okay. I mean, gaslighting is an
Speaker 1: extreme form of manipulation and no one should be getting
Speaker 1: away with doing it. So I think it's good that
Speaker 1: people are more aware.
Speaker 2: Yeah. I've heard just my mates and stuff bring it
Speaker 2: up a lot recently, like in different situations, and I'm like,
Speaker 2: is it though, I was like, I don't know, Like
Speaker 2: sometimes I just don't feel like people use it in
Speaker 2: the right context.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean I've heard someone explaining gaslighting. And it
Speaker 1: can't just be like a one time like of course,
Speaker 1: like a one time thing where someone does something you
Speaker 1: feel it has to be like, you know, it's happened
Speaker 1: a couple of times.
Speaker 2: You know where it comes from. Gaslighting. No, it's about
Speaker 2: the It's so it's a story about a woman and
Speaker 2: a guy who lived together and he kept turning the
Speaker 2: gas on the stove and then she would turn it
Speaker 2: off and she said the gas on the stoves on
Speaker 2: and he's like, no, it's not. And then you keep
Speaker 2: turning on sick to make her feel like she was
Speaker 2: going crazy, and she'd go turn it off and she'd
Speaker 2: be like, yes it was. He's like, it's off.
Speaker 1: Look that scares the shit out of me.
Speaker 2: That sliding comes from, so that it's a continuous You're
Speaker 2: continuous generously like making someone feel like they're crazy for
Speaker 2: feeling the way or believing what they believe. So whence
Speaker 2: people say it one not feel like no, that's just
Speaker 2: like when youflating someone or like but I'd.
Speaker 1: Be like, look at the lever, it's not straight.
Speaker 2: Then he'd just say, yes it is. Is it was off?
Speaker 2: I turned it off. You've turned it off before.
Speaker 1: Wild scenes and the last red flag is there seems
Speaker 1: to be a lack of trust on both of your behalf.
Speaker 1: This kind of takes us back to the seven stages
Speaker 1: of entering into a long distance relationship and that doubt
Speaker 1: and the validation, And I think the best way to
Speaker 1: overcome that is just by validating your partner.
Speaker 2: I agree, just to let him feel about let us
Speaker 2: feel heard acknowledge their feelings and just feel like that's
Speaker 2: the best way to go.
Speaker 1: Show them that they can trust you, you know what
Speaker 1: I mean. Like FaceTime them, Introduce them to people wherever
Speaker 1: you are, Like make them feel really comfortable with who
Speaker 1: you are surrounding yourself with as well.
Speaker 2: Get them to know people around you.
Speaker 1: Yeah, guys, if you are in a long distance relationship,
Speaker 1: we know that it's really hard. It's a really taxing,
Speaker 1: stressful time. We're thinking of you. Keep going, keep making
Speaker 1: it work, and we're wishing you all of our luck.
Speaker 2: We hope these help you and give you some advice.
Speaker 1: If you do have any long distance relationship crazy stories,
Speaker 1: send them into our hotline. We'd love to cover it
Speaker 1: next week. It can be anything from a crazy gas lighting, cheating, cheating,
Speaker 1: double timing, long distance relationship, partner going overseas.
Speaker 2: That mate that I was telling about before, he's he
Speaker 2: had a long distance relationship before. You must fucking love
Speaker 2: him or something. He's so he went to meet her
Speaker 2: in England and she had a boyfriend.
Speaker 1: Yeah, we want to hear it. Do you have a
Speaker 1: story like that or similar to that, or anything in
Speaker 1: between it. Send them to our hotline and we'll cover
Speaker 1: it next week. Also, just a reminder for those of
Speaker 1: you who want to give us a review on Apple
Speaker 1: or Spotify, we are giving out some merch, so make
Speaker 1: sure you leave us a review and we will contact
Speaker 1: the winner in a couple of weeks.
Speaker 2: Time five stars only please.
Speaker 1: Okay, guys, until next time, say ya bye bye.