WEBVTT - Are these parenting decisions controversial? 0:00:00.110 --> 0:00:03.270 I don't make my kids hug or kiss anyone, family included. 0:00:03.310 --> 0:00:06.090 They get to decide what physical affection they're comfortable with. 0:00:06.390 --> 0:00:08.090 Yeah, this is how I frame it in our household, 0:00:08.230 --> 0:00:11.240 especially with grandparents. I want to make sure that there 0:00:11.280 --> 0:00:12.600 is some reciprocation of. 0:00:12.940 --> 0:00:15.100 Yeah, because it's really upsetting when they don't want to. 0:00:15.100 --> 0:00:17.680 Physical touch, because obviously that's their need in like a 0:00:17.760 --> 0:00:20.140 nice way, but that doesn't necessarily mean they need to 0:00:20.160 --> 0:00:21.599 go in for a hug or a kiss or anything 0:00:21.620 --> 0:00:26.450 that's too close. This podcast was recorded on the lands 0:00:26.530 --> 0:00:29.320 of the Boon Wurrung people of the Kulin Nation, the 0:00:29.340 --> 0:00:31.520 land on which we're lucky enough to raise our sons 0:00:31.580 --> 0:00:35.270 and daughters. Always was and always will be Aboriginal land. 0:00:35.620 --> 0:00:38.209 Hello and welcome to Ready or Not, the show where 0:00:38.250 --> 0:00:40.570 two mums try to figure out how to make work work. 0:00:40.750 --> 0:00:43.170 I'm Lou. I'm Liz. And coming up on today's show. 0:00:43.729 --> 0:00:47.660 I've been loving Paige Connell's content ever since we interviewed 0:00:47.680 --> 0:00:48.500 her for Ready or Not. 0:00:48.540 --> 0:00:49.180 She's amazing. 0:00:49.240 --> 0:00:51.739 You put us onto her, Lizzie, and I loved chatting 0:00:51.780 --> 0:00:53.860 to her. And so I've really been following what she's 0:00:53.880 --> 0:00:56.920 been putting up lately. She's very smart, very insightful. And 0:00:56.960 --> 0:01:00.240 she had this post recently that said, 10 parenting decisions 0:01:00.340 --> 0:01:02.600 I've made as a mum of four kids that might 0:01:02.640 --> 0:01:05.360 be controversial. I'm going to go through these with you. 0:01:05.520 --> 0:01:08.459 And then I've also asked our community for theirs. So 0:01:08.500 --> 0:01:09.680 that's what we're talking about today. 0:01:09.760 --> 0:01:10.420 But first. 0:01:11.000 --> 0:01:13.559 I've been listening to a shitload of audiobooks. I'm obsessed 0:01:13.620 --> 0:01:15.820 with this. Like it's absolutely sick. Only because my kids 0:01:15.840 --> 0:01:18.120 were so sick for like fucking five weeks. They were 0:01:18.180 --> 0:01:20.000 up at all hours. I couldn't watch TV because it's 0:01:20.020 --> 0:01:21.740 the only way I could really soothe them and my 0:01:21.760 --> 0:01:24.550 own mental health. So because I had nothing to watch, 0:01:24.569 --> 0:01:28.169 I was like, well, I don't want to watch Sheriff 0:01:28.209 --> 0:01:31.190 Labrador another fucking time, which I actually think that show 0:01:31.250 --> 0:01:31.789 is very cute. 0:01:31.870 --> 0:01:32.990 I've never seen that, Sheriff Labrador. 0:01:33.010 --> 0:01:34.430 Oh, it teaches you all the rules. It's quite cute. 0:01:35.110 --> 0:01:37.210 But I'm sick of the rules. And so I listened 0:01:37.230 --> 0:01:39.630 to a shitload of books, a couple of good ones, 0:01:39.790 --> 0:01:40.350 good people. 0:01:40.830 --> 0:01:42.209 That's on my list, Lossie. 0:01:42.230 --> 0:01:43.770 So when you sent that to me and loved it, 0:01:43.830 --> 0:01:46.440 I was like, sweetie, it's so good to talk books 0:01:46.459 --> 0:01:46.850 with you. 0:01:46.900 --> 0:01:49.760 I just need to say though, there is for me 0:01:49.880 --> 0:01:52.760 a difference between what I would classify as a good 0:01:52.820 --> 0:01:55.850 reading book and what's a good audio book. When I 0:01:55.870 --> 0:01:58.230 say it's a good audiobook, it means I enjoy listening 0:01:58.270 --> 0:02:00.350 to it because there's something about the voice or the 0:02:00.390 --> 0:02:03.860 person narrating it that's worth listening to. Personally, I have 0:02:03.890 --> 0:02:05.640 listened to audiobooks and people have been like, oh, it's 0:02:05.660 --> 0:02:06.260 the best book. 0:02:06.300 --> 0:02:06.800 I loved it. 0:02:06.800 --> 0:02:09.079 And I'm like, I didn't love it. It's not a 0:02:09.080 --> 0:02:13.639 good audiobook. But these ones that I'm recommending are good audiobooks. 0:02:14.120 --> 0:02:16.420 I would strongly recommend listening to the audio and I'll 0:02:16.460 --> 0:02:20.380 tell you why specifically. For the Good People book, it 0:02:20.500 --> 0:02:25.570 is about a Muslim culture and And it's about people's perspectives. 0:02:25.669 --> 0:02:28.230 And what I loved about it is they brought in 0:02:28.290 --> 0:02:32.110 people that reflected the language and were in that culture. 0:02:32.130 --> 0:02:35.230 So it actually felt very immersive reading it. 0:02:35.250 --> 0:02:35.990 Fascinating. 0:02:36.030 --> 0:02:38.670 It's almost like watching a documentary or something even though 0:02:38.690 --> 0:02:39.130 it's fiction. 0:02:39.230 --> 0:02:42.770 And it really, because there was a lot of characters 0:02:42.790 --> 0:02:44.850 in this book and it's all about different people's perspectives 0:02:44.930 --> 0:02:47.690 and there's multiple people. That's right. And they come in 0:02:47.740 --> 0:02:49.340 and they come out. I felt like if I was 0:02:49.520 --> 0:02:53.600 reading it, I'd find it slightly difficult to, to chop 0:02:53.639 --> 0:02:54.060 and change. 0:02:54.080 --> 0:02:56.800 Yeah, but you could identify with all the different characters. Yes. 0:02:56.980 --> 0:03:00.240 Because the daughter sadly dies in that book. Yes, she does. 0:03:00.280 --> 0:03:02.660 And then it's about everyone's perspectives of what happens or something? 0:03:02.680 --> 0:03:03.070 Is that what it is? 0:03:03.080 --> 0:03:04.799 It is, but it's very cultural. 0:03:04.960 --> 0:03:05.120 Yeah. 0:03:05.360 --> 0:03:09.320 As in there's a lot of nuances around how people 0:03:09.360 --> 0:03:12.619 perceived her from a cultural perspective, what her own family 0:03:12.660 --> 0:03:15.169 and extended family thought. And when you listen to it, 0:03:15.180 --> 0:03:17.960 because it's read in in those, not in the language, 0:03:18.000 --> 0:03:19.540 but with authenticity. 0:03:19.660 --> 0:03:20.239 And the accent. 0:03:20.440 --> 0:03:24.570 Yeah, it's very easy to immerse yourself more in that book. 0:03:24.910 --> 0:03:25.570 So that's number one. 0:03:25.650 --> 0:03:28.110 And so it's by, who's it by? This book. I'm 0:03:28.130 --> 0:03:28.429 so bad. 0:03:28.470 --> 0:03:31.220 I'm going to look it up for you because Lozzie, 0:03:31.300 --> 0:03:33.980 our friend here, has forgotten. So it is fiction and 0:03:34.100 --> 0:03:38.260 the author is, give me one second. Pat Mina Sabit. 0:03:38.280 --> 0:03:40.080 So that looks amazing. The cover looks great too. 0:03:40.140 --> 0:03:40.940 It was really good. 0:03:40.960 --> 0:03:42.060 I can't wait to read it. Yeah. 0:03:42.540 --> 0:03:44.190 Next one, Look What You Made Me Do. 0:03:44.210 --> 0:03:46.990 Is that an old book, like the old one? Yeah. 0:03:47.050 --> 0:03:49.070 It's got an olive on the front. I don't think 0:03:49.130 --> 0:03:49.590 it's old. 0:03:50.170 --> 0:03:50.730 Okay. 0:03:50.930 --> 0:03:51.250 Okay. 0:03:51.930 --> 0:03:54.550 Loved the author of this book. I do think you 0:03:54.570 --> 0:03:55.470 could also read it. 0:03:55.530 --> 0:03:57.070 Oh, yeah, I've seen this cover. I do think you 0:03:57.090 --> 0:03:59.080 could also read it. And this one's by John Lanchester. Yeah. 0:03:59.120 --> 0:03:59.300 Yeah. 0:03:59.880 --> 0:04:02.000 I like that it was narrated by a female. The 0:04:02.160 --> 0:04:04.100 only thing that I would say with this book is 0:04:04.140 --> 0:04:06.910 that you've really got to get to the end of it. 0:04:07.000 --> 0:04:09.810 The end is like the in the coffin, the nail 0:04:09.820 --> 0:04:12.510 in the coffin. And my last one is Strangers. 0:04:12.750 --> 0:04:15.230 Babe, I've recommended that to you on this mic. 0:04:15.250 --> 0:04:16.850 Yeah, but you can't. It's so much better in an 0:04:16.890 --> 0:04:17.229 audio book. 0:04:18.380 --> 0:04:19.200 You haven't read it. 0:04:19.640 --> 0:04:22.000 I don't need to. I'll tell you why. I'll tell 0:04:22.020 --> 0:04:24.360 you why. I devoured it within eight hours. 0:04:24.380 --> 0:04:25.960 Yeah, I read it in a day. 0:04:25.980 --> 0:04:28.100 It was honestly up to 1.38 in the morning. The 0:04:28.240 --> 0:04:30.440 reason it is so good in an audiobook is because 0:04:30.480 --> 0:04:32.900 the person who wrote it, Annabelle? 0:04:33.040 --> 0:04:33.240 No. 0:04:33.360 --> 0:04:35.080 No, Belle Burden. Belle Burden. 0:04:35.420 --> 0:04:37.440 The person who wrote it is the same person that 0:04:37.580 --> 0:04:39.980 reads it and it's a true story that happened to her. 0:04:40.360 --> 0:04:43.219 So as she's narrating it, it's like you can hear 0:04:43.240 --> 0:04:46.620 the passion pain in her voice and the sadness and 0:04:46.640 --> 0:04:49.450 then the elation and then the frustration. Like you can really, 0:04:49.470 --> 0:04:52.410 it's like you're living it with her. 0:04:52.490 --> 0:04:52.790 Yeah. 0:04:52.850 --> 0:04:53.830 Like I loved it. 0:04:53.830 --> 0:04:55.850 Did you prefer the first half to the second half 0:04:55.910 --> 0:04:58.589 like I did? Because I was enraptured with the first 0:04:58.630 --> 0:05:00.110 half of that book and then it started to fall 0:05:00.150 --> 0:05:01.030 off a cliff a bit for me. 0:05:01.330 --> 0:05:01.800 Oh, no. 0:05:02.240 --> 0:05:05.440 I almost prefer the second half. Wow. Because I loved 0:05:05.600 --> 0:05:09.200 the way that she truly felt at the end when 0:05:09.279 --> 0:05:11.220 people were like, I can't believe you're doing this. 0:05:11.240 --> 0:05:11.460 Yeah. 0:05:11.839 --> 0:05:14.529 And she was like, well- What have I got to lose? 0:05:14.610 --> 0:05:16.409 As in I've already lost everything. 0:05:16.430 --> 0:05:16.630 Yeah. 0:05:17.130 --> 0:05:19.950 And I'm setting an example in how she was so 0:05:20.029 --> 0:05:23.060 shunned by society and how men just get away with 0:05:23.100 --> 0:05:24.320 literally getting up. 0:05:24.560 --> 0:05:24.960 And leaving. 0:05:25.260 --> 0:05:26.140 Leaving and doing their own shit. 0:05:26.220 --> 0:05:26.460 Yeah. 0:05:26.560 --> 0:05:28.110 I thought it was incredible. Loved it. 0:05:28.300 --> 0:05:30.440 Good on you for being such an audio book girlie. 0:05:30.500 --> 0:05:30.720 I am. 0:05:30.860 --> 0:05:32.680 I've got three more on the go. London is Falling. 0:05:32.720 --> 0:05:34.900 I'm really struggling. I'm not going to lie. I think 0:05:34.960 --> 0:05:36.800 I might have to read it because the audio book's 0:05:36.839 --> 0:05:37.400 not doing it for me. 0:05:37.420 --> 0:05:38.700 London's Calling. Is that what it's called? 0:05:38.740 --> 0:05:39.440 London is Falling. 0:05:39.460 --> 0:05:40.860 Sorry, London's Falling. Yeah. 0:05:40.940 --> 0:05:43.990 Everyone's like, it's amazing. Audio's not hitting, so I might 0:05:44.010 --> 0:05:45.310 have to swap to the analog. 0:05:45.330 --> 0:05:48.370 London Falling. Sorry, that's what's throwing me. London Falling. Yeah. 0:05:48.589 --> 0:05:51.230 Yeah, by Patrick Radden Keefe, whose book last year won 0:05:51.250 --> 0:05:52.570 the Booker or something. 0:05:52.690 --> 0:05:53.170 I can't remember. 0:05:53.270 --> 0:05:56.510 I don't know. Anyway, I don't recommend that as an audiobook, sadly, 0:05:56.550 --> 0:05:57.770 because I just can't get into it. 0:05:57.770 --> 0:05:58.130 Okay. 0:05:58.330 --> 0:06:01.109 One other reminder, Halloween's coming up. Buy your costumes, peeps. 0:06:01.170 --> 0:06:02.490 Now's the time. Get your cash. 0:06:02.790 --> 0:06:04.850 I'm just so anti. I know, you hate it. 0:06:04.890 --> 0:06:05.940 But you've got to get involved. 0:06:05.980 --> 0:06:06.600 Consumerism. 0:06:06.630 --> 0:06:09.300 You've got to get involved. The amount of ways. Just 0:06:09.420 --> 0:06:11.680 fucking put a cloth over their heads, cut some holes 0:06:11.740 --> 0:06:12.040 in it. 0:06:12.160 --> 0:06:16.140 Oh, my God, I love it. I love it. Get involved. 0:06:16.220 --> 0:06:16.799 I do not. 0:06:17.100 --> 0:06:18.739 Okay, well, we'll agree to great discussion. 0:06:18.779 --> 0:06:20.979 Hey, I want you to have a great time. It 0:06:21.000 --> 0:06:21.560 will be fun. 0:06:21.960 --> 0:06:24.140 I'm not dressing up, by the way. Karen's a dress-up. 0:06:24.170 --> 0:06:26.210 Give me the ick. I'm sorry. I said it. I 0:06:26.250 --> 0:06:28.230 said it. Wow, you've just offended thousands of people. 0:06:28.290 --> 0:06:30.410 I've offended all my friends. I'm all for everybody else 0:06:30.450 --> 0:06:32.089 doing it. I don't want to do it. 0:06:32.190 --> 0:06:32.310 No. 0:06:32.650 --> 0:06:36.150 I've written here, I'm tired and have no motivation. I 0:06:36.170 --> 0:06:38.030 had a really hard morning the other day. 0:06:37.870 --> 0:06:38.270 With the kids. 0:06:38.290 --> 0:06:39.240 Then you said blah, blah, blah. 0:06:39.310 --> 0:06:42.279 Blah, blah, blah. Refer to notes. Then I've gone to 0:06:42.320 --> 0:06:44.159 my notes and I've said, oh, this was actually good. 0:06:44.620 --> 0:06:46.600 Went for a walk this morning without headphones and it 0:06:46.620 --> 0:06:48.440 was actually so nice to. 0:06:48.339 --> 0:06:49.400 Just like listen to nature. 0:06:49.440 --> 0:06:50.870 Oh, take in the air. It was good. 0:06:50.910 --> 0:06:52.730 I was like, when is my brain this quiet? So 0:06:52.750 --> 0:06:55.370 I actually really recommend that. I also have a funny 0:06:55.410 --> 0:06:57.540 story for you. Ray had to dress up recently for kinder. 0:06:57.600 --> 0:06:59.420 It was like dress up is what you want to 0:06:59.440 --> 0:07:01.260 be when you grow up. Gave him all these options. 0:07:01.320 --> 0:07:03.080 What do you want to do? He doesn't really like 0:07:03.100 --> 0:07:04.820 dress ups, which that's fair. 0:07:04.839 --> 0:07:05.740 It's so surprising for Ray. 0:07:05.760 --> 0:07:07.240 That surprises me. 0:07:07.520 --> 0:07:09.260 Well, I think he doesn't like things on mass where 0:07:09.290 --> 0:07:10.670 he's going to walk into a room with like, I 0:07:10.690 --> 0:07:13.130 think he's like, I don't want to prescribe who he 0:07:13.170 --> 0:07:14.430 is to him because I feel bad doing that. 0:07:14.470 --> 0:07:17.050 But he's just on the reserved side. Yeah, he is. Yeah. 0:07:17.740 --> 0:07:19.920 as you know, as you can imagine, Posey would be like, 0:07:20.220 --> 0:07:22.080 where's my Elsa dress? Let me dress up. 0:07:22.080 --> 0:07:23.640 Yeah. She'd be like, I've got three different things I 0:07:23.660 --> 0:07:25.800 want to go as today and I'm going to have an. 0:07:25.520 --> 0:07:26.640 Outfit change at 11. 0:07:26.640 --> 0:07:27.320 Yeah, correct. 0:07:27.380 --> 0:07:29.460 She's like, first the queen. I want to be the 0:07:29.480 --> 0:07:31.860 queen when I grow up. So funny. 0:07:31.960 --> 0:07:34.250 So I remember listening to someone, I think it was 0:07:34.310 --> 0:07:36.950 Casey Edwards, who I love. I'm not poo-pooing this piece 0:07:36.970 --> 0:07:38.750 of advice from her. She was on Ready or Not 0:07:38.850 --> 0:07:42.480 years ago. She's amazing. She wrote raising girls who like themselves. 0:07:42.940 --> 0:07:45.760 And she said to me, obviously little girls are very 0:07:45.800 --> 0:07:48.480 gorgeous and it's very easy to comment on their appearance, 0:07:48.580 --> 0:07:52.180 but we're teaching women that their appearance is the foremost 0:07:52.200 --> 0:07:53.300 thing that matters about themselves. 0:07:53.340 --> 0:07:54.400 That's where they get their value. 0:07:54.940 --> 0:07:56.880 And so she was saying what she does and what 0:07:56.920 --> 0:07:58.940 she recommends is sort of, if you're talking about their 0:07:59.000 --> 0:08:01.300 outfit or whatever, instead of being like beautiful dress, you'd 0:08:01.320 --> 0:08:03.120 be like, wow, that's creative the way you've put your 0:08:03.140 --> 0:08:04.020 outfit together today. 0:08:04.460 --> 0:08:06.790 You look great or whatever it is. Maybe not the 0:08:06.810 --> 0:08:07.510 you look great part. 0:08:07.610 --> 0:08:09.290 No, but it's more like I love what you've done. 0:08:09.310 --> 0:08:09.970 Yeah, exactly. 0:08:09.990 --> 0:08:11.190 I love how you've expressed yourself. 0:08:11.330 --> 0:08:15.470 Exactly. So I've always done that with Ray. 0:08:15.530 --> 0:08:18.250 Lately he goes to me, I don't like creative things 0:08:18.300 --> 0:08:20.880 because I always say, gee, that's creative what you've come 0:08:20.920 --> 0:08:24.120 up with today. And he started going, I don't like 0:08:24.180 --> 0:08:27.480 creative things. I don't like creative and I don't like costumes. 0:08:27.600 --> 0:08:29.940 And so he wouldn't dress up for this day because 0:08:30.260 --> 0:08:33.940 basically I've ruined creativity for him. So, yeah, it's not 0:08:33.980 --> 0:08:35.680 always working out for me when I try to be 0:08:35.700 --> 0:08:36.439 a conscious parent. 0:08:36.540 --> 0:08:37.569 Okay. Good news. 0:08:37.610 --> 0:08:40.030 Hey, this comes back to your episode about maybe bringing 0:08:40.050 --> 0:08:41.910 back some old school parenting. 0:08:41.970 --> 0:08:42.610 Exactly. 0:08:43.290 --> 0:08:47.679 Exactly. Good news. New South Wales just funded mental health 0:08:47.720 --> 0:08:48.819 checks for new dads. 0:08:49.020 --> 0:08:49.600 Oh, I love that. 0:08:49.640 --> 0:08:52.300 So it's a $ 1 million pilot where New South Wales 0:08:52.380 --> 0:08:56.329 Health has partnered with Movember. It screens new and expecting 0:08:56.370 --> 0:08:59.570 fathers for depression and anxiety and connects them straight to support. 0:09:00.410 --> 0:09:02.820 One in 10 dads get depression between the first trimester 0:09:02.880 --> 0:09:07.440 and baby's first birthday. One in six get anxiety during pregnancy. 0:09:07.679 --> 0:09:11.420 And one in five postnatally. Most people only ever hear 0:09:11.460 --> 0:09:14.780 about mothers. So I thought this was very interesting that 0:09:14.820 --> 0:09:16.679 we're now hearing about dads. 0:09:17.050 --> 0:09:20.050 And I think that is really important because supporting a 0:09:20.110 --> 0:09:23.349 dad supports a mom supports a family in mom-dad dynamics, 0:09:23.410 --> 0:09:23.770 that is. 0:09:24.490 --> 0:09:25.150 I'm all for it. 0:09:25.170 --> 0:09:25.930 What a great pilot. 0:09:25.950 --> 0:09:26.650 I want support. 0:09:26.690 --> 0:09:29.360 I want dads to know and men to know. that 0:09:29.380 --> 0:09:31.360 they do not need to be okay and that they 0:09:31.400 --> 0:09:35.710 can seek help because as we know, the people most 0:09:35.809 --> 0:09:39.470 likely to die by suicide are men in their mid-30s. Yep. 0:09:39.610 --> 0:09:41.770 So that's a time where a lot of men are 0:09:41.790 --> 0:09:43.810 becoming dads. I want to see more support for them. 0:09:44.309 --> 0:09:48.710 Great news story, Lozzie. Now let's get into it. 10 0:09:50.690 --> 0:09:53.420 parenting decisions I've made as a mum of four kids 0:09:53.480 --> 0:09:56.500 that might be controversial. So this is from Paige Connell, 0:09:56.620 --> 0:09:58.330 aka she is a page turner. 0:09:58.690 --> 0:09:59.450 I'll go through hers. 0:09:59.809 --> 0:10:01.670 Then I want you to talk about them with me 0:10:01.730 --> 0:10:04.530 as we go. Then we'll go to some from our. 0:10:04.790 --> 0:10:05.830 Audience, our listeners. 0:10:06.270 --> 0:10:09.410 First up, does that bring anything to mind for you 0:10:09.500 --> 0:10:12.920 about like decisions you've made for your household for your kids? 0:10:13.730 --> 0:10:15.250 Like is there anything that you're like, this is a 0:10:15.270 --> 0:10:16.010 rule in our house? 0:10:16.130 --> 0:10:17.590 You're like, what are we fucking talking about? 0:10:17.610 --> 0:10:20.870 I wish people could see Loz's face. Yeah, it's like 0:10:20.890 --> 0:10:25.840 she stops listening. So any decisions that I've made around 0:10:25.860 --> 0:10:26.219 a household? 0:10:26.340 --> 0:10:28.300 Only if they come to you immediately, otherwise we can 0:10:28.340 --> 0:10:29.980 unpack it as we go. Does anything come to you 0:10:30.000 --> 0:10:31.800 immediately that you're like, this is a hard rule in 0:10:31.890 --> 0:10:32.250 our house? 0:10:32.730 --> 0:10:37.230 Hard rules. I mean, probably as we go, I'll be like, oh, yes, 0:10:37.309 --> 0:10:37.670 we do that. 0:10:37.690 --> 0:10:39.250 Yeah, it's hard to think of up top. So we 0:10:39.270 --> 0:10:41.469 won't do that to you. First up, I don't make 0:10:41.510 --> 0:10:44.730 my kids hug or kiss anyone, family included. They get 0:10:44.750 --> 0:10:47.740 to decide what physical affection they're comfortable with. 0:10:47.960 --> 0:10:49.620 Yeah, this is how I frame it in our household. 0:10:50.100 --> 0:10:52.580 especially with grandparents. You know, grandparents are usually like that generation. 0:10:52.600 --> 0:10:54.260 It's like, can I have a hug or give me 0:10:54.280 --> 0:10:57.780 a kiss goodbye? And it's never meant with malice or 0:10:57.900 --> 0:11:00.420 ill intent. It's always meant from a loving place. 0:11:00.440 --> 0:11:00.740 Totally. 0:11:00.780 --> 0:11:03.360 But I always say, do you want to give grandma 0:11:03.380 --> 0:11:06.000 a high five before she goes? Or I give options. 0:11:06.020 --> 0:11:07.559 Do you want to give her a cuddle or a 0:11:07.600 --> 0:11:09.620 high five or a fist pump before she goes? Yeah. 0:11:09.700 --> 0:11:12.439 So I want to make sure that there is some 0:11:12.540 --> 0:11:13.460 reciprocation of. 0:11:13.800 --> 0:11:16.030 Yeah, because it's really upsetting when they don't want to. 0:11:16.040 --> 0:11:18.530 Physical touch because obviously that's. they need in like a 0:11:18.630 --> 0:11:19.490 nice way. 0:11:19.510 --> 0:11:19.650 Yeah. 0:11:20.130 --> 0:11:21.610 But that doesn't necessarily mean they need to go in 0:11:21.650 --> 0:11:23.569 for a hug or a kiss or anything that's too close. 0:11:23.650 --> 0:11:26.810 It's a really challenging one because I definitely don't make 0:11:26.850 --> 0:11:28.910 my kids hug or kiss anyone, but it does break 0:11:28.950 --> 0:11:30.460 my heart when a grandparent doesn't get. 0:11:30.360 --> 0:11:32.339 The hug or kiss that they want. It's usually grandparents, 0:11:32.360 --> 0:11:33.900 to be honest. Like with everybody else, I'm like, I 0:11:33.960 --> 0:11:35.980 actually don't give a shit. Like if they're like, do 0:11:36.400 --> 0:11:38.319 you want to give a kiss goodbye? I'm like, no, three, no, 0:11:38.320 --> 0:11:39.079 I don't want to do that. 0:11:39.120 --> 0:11:39.620 We don't know you. 0:11:39.640 --> 0:11:41.120 But it is with your own family. 0:11:41.160 --> 0:11:41.319 Yeah. 0:11:41.640 --> 0:11:42.890 I'm always like, what about a fist pump? 0:11:42.970 --> 0:11:43.650 Or what about a high five? 0:11:43.670 --> 0:11:46.309 Like I just try and like, Yeah. Give options. 0:11:46.330 --> 0:11:46.790 Yeah. 0:11:46.809 --> 0:11:48.730 Which also part of that, I reckon, is us trying 0:11:48.750 --> 0:11:50.770 to be good girls because we don't want to offend people, 0:11:50.830 --> 0:11:52.809 which is an interesting sort of thing to think about. 0:11:52.950 --> 0:11:53.130 Yeah. 0:11:53.510 --> 0:11:55.810 No contact sports is the next one. There are plenty 0:11:55.830 --> 0:11:58.110 of sports they can play. We're skipping the ones where 0:11:58.150 --> 0:12:00.240 repeated head contact is part of the game. 0:12:00.410 --> 0:12:01.920 I mean, we don't do that, but we're also not 0:12:01.940 --> 0:12:02.260 the age of that. 0:12:02.620 --> 0:12:03.699 Yeah. I don't mind it. 0:12:03.960 --> 0:12:06.199 I don't mind it, but I will say kids will 0:12:06.220 --> 0:12:09.020 gravitate towards whatever sport their friends are doing, number one, 0:12:09.500 --> 0:12:10.920 and whatever they're really interested in. 0:12:10.980 --> 0:12:11.580 Yeah. 0:12:11.760 --> 0:12:13.240 It'd be hard to be like, no, you're not playing 0:12:13.300 --> 0:12:14.420 AFL if they loved it. 0:12:14.640 --> 0:12:17.040 Yeah, but also we're in– I mean, we live in Victoria. 0:12:17.090 --> 0:12:18.290 It's a huge AFL state. 0:12:18.410 --> 0:12:18.610 Yeah. 0:12:18.690 --> 0:12:22.370 A lot of boys grow up, and girls, idolising AFLW 0:12:23.070 --> 0:12:24.310 and AFL players. 0:12:24.530 --> 0:12:24.630 Yeah. 0:12:24.650 --> 0:12:26.210 That's what they want to be, and it's a very 0:12:26.350 --> 0:12:29.719 high-contact sport. One conversation I had recently was with a 0:12:29.760 --> 0:12:32.420 girl who was saying, oh, God, you know, hopefully– She 0:12:32.440 --> 0:12:33.640 said something about Zabe. You know how he's good with 0:12:33.679 --> 0:12:36.579 ball sports? I mean, it's right. Let's not freak ourselves out. 0:12:36.600 --> 0:12:37.780 She's like, oh, how good would it be if he 0:12:37.800 --> 0:12:39.220 was a footy player? I'm like, that's actually my worst 0:12:39.300 --> 0:12:40.020 fucking nightmare. 0:12:40.040 --> 0:12:40.400 Worst nightmare. 0:12:40.420 --> 0:12:42.080 I couldn't think of anything worse. As in, not that 0:12:42.100 --> 0:12:44.660 I don't love footy players. They're great. They're very talented. 0:12:44.679 --> 0:12:46.800 I think they're great. They're very talented. 0:12:46.840 --> 0:12:48.610 It's probably not the best time to be saying footy players. 0:12:48.620 --> 0:12:50.970 Not all footy players. I didn't think of that. No, 0:12:51.010 --> 0:12:52.089 but do you know what I mean? I'm like I 0:12:52.110 --> 0:12:53.010 have nothing against them. 0:12:53.030 --> 0:12:53.420 No, you're not. 0:12:53.429 --> 0:12:54.750 But would I wish that for my own son? 0:12:54.770 --> 0:12:55.910 Probably not, if I'm honest. 0:12:55.950 --> 0:12:56.890 And I wouldn't wish it as the. 0:12:56.809 --> 0:12:57.989 Mum of that son. No. 0:12:58.090 --> 0:12:59.290 It'd be awful watching it. 0:12:59.410 --> 0:12:59.950 It'd be awful. 0:12:59.970 --> 0:13:00.750 It's so physical. 0:13:00.790 --> 0:13:01.650 Yeah. 0:13:01.670 --> 0:13:03.330 I feel like they get so much money so young 0:13:03.390 --> 0:13:04.540 and they have no idea what to do with it. 0:13:04.650 --> 0:13:06.929 Media pressure. I just don't want that media pressure on 0:13:06.960 --> 0:13:08.640 anyone in my life. Yeah, I agree. Like it's just 0:13:08.679 --> 0:13:09.040 too much. 0:13:09.059 --> 0:13:09.660 Become a tradie. 0:13:10.160 --> 0:13:12.340 Yeah. Do that. Learn a skill. 0:13:12.360 --> 0:13:12.940 Learn a skill. 0:13:13.100 --> 0:13:14.660 I get it from a head knock point of view, 0:13:14.679 --> 0:13:16.300 but I also think that we live in an era 0:13:16.340 --> 0:13:18.260 where it's been much more focused on. 0:13:18.440 --> 0:13:18.680 Yeah. 0:13:18.720 --> 0:13:21.170 So I totally get that and appreciate it. It's probably 0:13:21.210 --> 0:13:22.469 not going to be a hard rule in our house. 0:13:22.490 --> 0:13:25.450 I also, like if Zaev said, oh, if I cut 0:13:25.530 --> 0:13:27.190 all physical sports out, what am I doing? 0:13:27.550 --> 0:13:30.309 Golf. He would be so bored. That kid needs to move. 0:13:30.429 --> 0:13:32.460 He needs some movement. And he'd be frustrated. 0:13:32.480 --> 0:13:35.320 He needs to feel someone else tugging on that ball 0:13:35.340 --> 0:13:37.640 with him, you know? Get the energy out. 0:13:37.679 --> 0:13:38.440 He does. I agree. 0:13:38.460 --> 0:13:40.720