1
00:00:09,200 --> 00:00:13,320
Speaker 1: Hi, everyone, Welcome to this week's Mojo Monday. I'm Carl Taylor,

2
00:00:13,400 --> 00:00:17,000
Speaker 1: and today I want to give you some tips for

3
00:00:17,480 --> 00:00:22,160
Speaker 1: preparing for an event that might stir up worry or stress,

4
00:00:22,400 --> 00:00:27,280
Speaker 1: self doubt, or even full blown anxiety. And this episode

5
00:00:27,360 --> 00:00:31,240
Speaker 1: is actually inspired by my daughter. So Kira is about

6
00:00:31,280 --> 00:00:35,560
Speaker 1: to start her year twelve exams. So those who are

7
00:00:35,560 --> 00:00:40,080
Speaker 1: in Victoria, the year twelve students around the entire state

8
00:00:40,159 --> 00:00:43,720
Speaker 1: have their first exam, which is English, coming up this Tuesday.

9
00:00:44,120 --> 00:00:47,640
Speaker 1: I'm not sure what's happening with the students in other states,

10
00:00:48,159 --> 00:00:50,760
Speaker 1: but I know this is year twelve exam time, so

11
00:00:50,800 --> 00:00:53,760
Speaker 1: it can be really really stressful time for a lot

12
00:00:53,760 --> 00:00:57,120
Speaker 1: of students and also a lot of parents. But whether

13
00:00:57,200 --> 00:01:00,400
Speaker 1: you're a student facing exams or you know, you could

14
00:01:00,440 --> 00:01:03,800
Speaker 1: be someone who's preparing for a big presentation, or going

15
00:01:03,800 --> 00:01:06,760
Speaker 1: for a job interview, or even heading out on a

16
00:01:06,800 --> 00:01:10,559
Speaker 1: first date, which could be really nerve wracking. These tips

17
00:01:10,600 --> 00:01:15,319
Speaker 1: are all relevant for any situation that is coming up

18
00:01:15,880 --> 00:01:18,600
Speaker 1: in the near future. And I'll be looking at this

19
00:01:18,800 --> 00:01:23,039
Speaker 1: through the lenses of ACT, which is acceptance, commitment therapy,

20
00:01:23,480 --> 00:01:27,720
Speaker 1: Stoic philosophy, and Marita therapy. And I also will talk

21
00:01:27,760 --> 00:01:31,440
Speaker 1: about how we can work on our physiology when we're

22
00:01:31,520 --> 00:01:34,120
Speaker 1: under stressed, so we can then go to that event,

23
00:01:34,240 --> 00:01:36,920
Speaker 1: whether it's an exam or a talk or whatever it is,

24
00:01:37,520 --> 00:01:40,319
Speaker 1: so we can be as optimal as we can be.

25
00:01:41,480 --> 00:01:46,040
Speaker 1: So it's important to have an understanding and accept that

26
00:01:46,120 --> 00:01:50,320
Speaker 1: stress and anxiety are a natural human response to any

27
00:01:50,360 --> 00:01:55,480
Speaker 1: sort of challenge and any sort of important challenge. And

28
00:01:55,560 --> 00:01:59,160
Speaker 1: so instead of trying to get rid of these symptoms,

29
00:01:59,720 --> 00:02:03,720
Speaker 1: which is often what our Western approach is, we tend

30
00:02:03,760 --> 00:02:08,919
Speaker 1: to look at anxiety stress as being bad and so

31
00:02:09,000 --> 00:02:11,520
Speaker 1: it's something that we need to fix or we need

32
00:02:11,600 --> 00:02:15,160
Speaker 1: to get rid of. But with ACT and Marita therapy,

33
00:02:16,200 --> 00:02:18,639
Speaker 1: we accept that this is a normal part of the

34
00:02:18,720 --> 00:02:22,600
Speaker 1: human experience and then we focus our attention on what

35
00:02:22,800 --> 00:02:27,320
Speaker 1: is important to us and take effective action that serves

36
00:02:27,639 --> 00:02:32,880
Speaker 1: the moment. And so let's start with a mindset technique

37
00:02:32,960 --> 00:02:37,360
Speaker 1: called the Stockdale paradox. And this technique is named after

38
00:02:37,480 --> 00:02:43,080
Speaker 1: James Stopdale who was a Vietnam War prisoner in Northern Vietnam.

39
00:02:43,520 --> 00:02:50,400
Speaker 1: He managed to survive horrendous conditions and he still in

40
00:02:50,680 --> 00:02:54,480
Speaker 1: that time was a leader and he stayed resilient by

41
00:02:54,600 --> 00:02:59,760
Speaker 1: balancing two things, and that is maintaining faith that he

42
00:02:59,840 --> 00:03:05,480
Speaker 1: get through it while also facing the reality of his situation.

43
00:03:06,800 --> 00:03:10,240
Speaker 1: And this morning my daughter told me that she has

44
00:03:10,440 --> 00:03:13,520
Speaker 1: faith that she will do well on her exam, and

45
00:03:13,680 --> 00:03:16,839
Speaker 1: that that's brilliant, that's fantastic. That's what every parent would

46
00:03:16,880 --> 00:03:20,960
Speaker 1: want to hear. There is another side to it. You know,

47
00:03:21,040 --> 00:03:24,360
Speaker 1: she doesn't know what questions will be asked on the exam.

48
00:03:25,000 --> 00:03:28,040
Speaker 1: She doesn't know who she's going to be sitting next

49
00:03:28,080 --> 00:03:29,440
Speaker 1: to you. You know, she's going to be sitting next to

50
00:03:29,720 --> 00:03:33,240
Speaker 1: somebody who's like coughing and sniffing, and she and she

51
00:03:33,280 --> 00:03:37,160
Speaker 1: certainly doesn't know what the outcome will be. So it's

52
00:03:37,200 --> 00:03:43,000
Speaker 1: all these unpredictable details of exam day that create a

53
00:03:43,040 --> 00:03:47,240
Speaker 1: bit of that uncertainty because they're in the future. So

54
00:03:47,360 --> 00:03:52,360
Speaker 1: the Stockdale paradox reminds us to keep that faith, which

55
00:03:52,400 --> 00:03:57,760
Speaker 1: is so important, but also at the same time accept

56
00:03:57,840 --> 00:04:01,920
Speaker 1: the uncertainty of what's to come, even when it's so

57
00:04:02,080 --> 00:04:05,800
Speaker 1: uncomfortable to do that, but just knowing that, yes, there

58
00:04:05,840 --> 00:04:08,680
Speaker 1: will be uncertainty. So we need to make room for

59
00:04:08,760 --> 00:04:13,840
Speaker 1: that without trying to change or fix it, which is

60
00:04:13,840 --> 00:04:17,120
Speaker 1: something that we can't do. So it's not about false

61
00:04:17,200 --> 00:04:22,480
Speaker 1: optimism or ignoring reality. It's about holding both truths, so

62
00:04:22,520 --> 00:04:27,280
Speaker 1: it's kind of that balance. And next is accepting where

63
00:04:27,279 --> 00:04:30,919
Speaker 1: we're at right now that this is really critical. So

64
00:04:31,080 --> 00:04:34,560
Speaker 1: leading up to a big event, it's easy to slip

65
00:04:34,640 --> 00:04:36,560
Speaker 1: into the oh, I should have done this, or I

66
00:04:36,560 --> 00:04:39,400
Speaker 1: should have done that, and thoughts like I should have

67
00:04:39,480 --> 00:04:42,280
Speaker 1: studied more or I shouldn't have gone out so late

68
00:04:42,360 --> 00:04:46,400
Speaker 1: on the weekend. But staying in this space of regret

69
00:04:46,640 --> 00:04:52,279
Speaker 1: isn't helpful. Reality is what it is, and we have

70
00:04:52,400 --> 00:04:56,280
Speaker 1: to not only accept where we're at right now, even

71
00:04:56,320 --> 00:04:59,839
Speaker 1: if it feels less than ideal, but accept the regret

72
00:05:00,240 --> 00:05:03,440
Speaker 1: thoughts that show up and then put our attention and

73
00:05:03,480 --> 00:05:05,719
Speaker 1: focus on, Okay, what needs to be done, what do

74
00:05:05,760 --> 00:05:08,239
Speaker 1: I need to do? What do I need to do now?

75
00:05:09,040 --> 00:05:11,599
Speaker 1: And if you've done the work, then go into that

76
00:05:11,720 --> 00:05:14,880
Speaker 1: exam or that speech or that interview proud of the

77
00:05:14,920 --> 00:05:19,040
Speaker 1: effort that you put in, regardless of the outcome. So

78
00:05:19,080 --> 00:05:23,520
Speaker 1: now let's talk about the body or what we would

79
00:05:23,560 --> 00:05:27,960
Speaker 1: call a physiological response to the worried thoughts that you

80
00:05:28,000 --> 00:05:30,640
Speaker 1: can have in the lead up to an event. And

81
00:05:30,720 --> 00:05:34,000
Speaker 1: of course this is anxiety showing up physically in our

82
00:05:34,040 --> 00:05:38,200
Speaker 1: body and it's a completely normal response to something that

83
00:05:38,279 --> 00:05:42,120
Speaker 1: we really care about. And Marita therapy teaches us that

84
00:05:42,680 --> 00:05:48,320
Speaker 1: anxiety and desire, the desire for something, are two sides

85
00:05:48,320 --> 00:05:50,680
Speaker 1: of the same coin. So it's like the desire to

86
00:05:50,800 --> 00:05:54,320
Speaker 1: do well, the desire to be competent, you know, the

87
00:05:54,400 --> 00:05:57,800
Speaker 1: desire to get the mark that you want. But there's

88
00:05:57,839 --> 00:06:00,920
Speaker 1: two sides to the coin here. You can't have one.

89
00:06:01,480 --> 00:06:04,600
Speaker 1: You can't have the desire without the anxiety. So if

90
00:06:04,600 --> 00:06:06,800
Speaker 1: you want to avoid the anxiety or get it rid

91
00:06:06,839 --> 00:06:09,880
Speaker 1: of the anxiety, you would have to give up what

92
00:06:09,920 --> 00:06:13,400
Speaker 1: you care about. So instead of trying to get rid

93
00:06:13,480 --> 00:06:16,960
Speaker 1: of the anxiety, which is normal response, we can accept

94
00:06:17,040 --> 00:06:19,840
Speaker 1: that side of the coin and then we can turn

95
00:06:19,880 --> 00:06:25,280
Speaker 1: it over to the why, the purpose, the reason we care.

96
00:06:26,040 --> 00:06:29,200
Speaker 1: And when we can balance the two sides of that coin,

97
00:06:29,760 --> 00:06:34,400
Speaker 1: then we can feel more balanced in ourselves. Next is

98
00:06:35,560 --> 00:06:37,400
Speaker 1: what we want to put our focus on. We want

99
00:06:37,440 --> 00:06:41,760
Speaker 1: to put our focus on the process, not the outcome.

100
00:06:42,640 --> 00:06:45,480
Speaker 1: Of course, there's an outcome that we desire, an outcome

101
00:06:45,520 --> 00:06:49,040
Speaker 1: that we want, but that is not what we can control.

102
00:06:49,080 --> 00:06:51,640
Speaker 1: What we can control is what we do now in

103
00:06:51,680 --> 00:06:55,520
Speaker 1: the process, and that's been an absolute game changer for

104
00:06:55,600 --> 00:06:59,360
Speaker 1: me when I'm stressed about an event, And this is

105
00:06:59,400 --> 00:07:02,880
Speaker 1: what we have tried to instill in Kira while she's

106
00:07:03,000 --> 00:07:08,160
Speaker 1: managing these emotions around exam time. So Epictetis the stoic

107
00:07:08,160 --> 00:07:12,640
Speaker 1: philosopher says that our lives are in two zones. Zone

108
00:07:12,680 --> 00:07:15,280
Speaker 1: one are all the things that we can control, and

109
00:07:15,400 --> 00:07:17,920
Speaker 1: zone two are all the things that we can't control.

110
00:07:18,800 --> 00:07:23,240
Speaker 1: And the future, the outcome, the uncertainty, they are all

111
00:07:23,280 --> 00:07:27,560
Speaker 1: in zone two. And it's really helpful to identify whether

112
00:07:27,600 --> 00:07:30,960
Speaker 1: the things that you are stressing about are they in

113
00:07:31,040 --> 00:07:33,680
Speaker 1: zone one or zone two? Are they the things that

114
00:07:33,760 --> 00:07:37,080
Speaker 1: we can control or is it something that we can't control.

115
00:07:38,000 --> 00:07:40,520
Speaker 1: And if you want to bring a sense of control,

116
00:07:41,080 --> 00:07:43,800
Speaker 1: then get clear on what is in your zone one

117
00:07:44,120 --> 00:07:48,520
Speaker 1: and focus on that. And that includes how we respond

118
00:07:48,720 --> 00:07:54,160
Speaker 1: to everything. In zone two includes where we put our attention.

119
00:07:55,000 --> 00:07:57,760
Speaker 1: If we talk about that flash light of attention, where

120
00:07:57,760 --> 00:08:00,200
Speaker 1: that beam of light is your attention, and you have

121
00:08:00,280 --> 00:08:04,240
Speaker 1: control over where that beam of light shines, and we

122
00:08:04,320 --> 00:08:09,360
Speaker 1: have control over how we behave And of course there

123
00:08:09,440 --> 00:08:12,200
Speaker 1: are things we can do to calm the body. And

124
00:08:12,280 --> 00:08:15,000
Speaker 1: this is in our zone one. And I thought i'd

125
00:08:15,000 --> 00:08:17,800
Speaker 1: go through what we advise Kira to do in the

126
00:08:17,920 --> 00:08:21,000
Speaker 1: lead up to her exam and also the morning of

127
00:08:21,080 --> 00:08:26,120
Speaker 1: her exam. So exercise is imperative for good brain function.

128
00:08:26,800 --> 00:08:29,560
Speaker 1: So what we advise Kira is to do some sort

129
00:08:29,600 --> 00:08:33,760
Speaker 1: of exercise every single day, and the more vigorously exercise,

130
00:08:33,840 --> 00:08:36,920
Speaker 1: the better. But even going for a fast paced walk

131
00:08:37,120 --> 00:08:39,440
Speaker 1: is really good as long as you get your heart

132
00:08:39,480 --> 00:08:43,240
Speaker 1: rate up. And what exercise does is it increases what

133
00:08:43,280 --> 00:08:47,440
Speaker 1: we call BDNF in the brain, which is critical for

134
00:08:47,600 --> 00:08:51,599
Speaker 1: learning and memory, and it boosts blood flow and oxygen

135
00:08:51,640 --> 00:08:56,880
Speaker 1: to the brain, and it boosts those levels of positive neurotransmitters,

136
00:08:56,960 --> 00:09:02,319
Speaker 1: the hormone such as serotonin, nora, drenaline, dopamine, and endorphins,

137
00:09:02,440 --> 00:09:05,199
Speaker 1: which I mean, who wouldn't want more of those? And

138
00:09:05,280 --> 00:09:09,960
Speaker 1: all these work together to enhance our mood, our focus,

139
00:09:10,160 --> 00:09:14,959
Speaker 1: and our motivation. And exercise will also help you burn

140
00:09:15,040 --> 00:09:17,839
Speaker 1: up those stress foremones because remember when we're stress, we're

141
00:09:17,880 --> 00:09:22,040
Speaker 1: going into that fight or flight mode and so helping

142
00:09:22,080 --> 00:09:26,400
Speaker 1: you to regain control. And it has a huge positive

143
00:09:26,440 --> 00:09:29,160
Speaker 1: impact on our sleep as well, and we know that

144
00:09:29,880 --> 00:09:34,679
Speaker 1: sleep is the fundamental of our wellness. So Kira will

145
00:09:34,760 --> 00:09:38,480
Speaker 1: exercise the morning of her exam. She'll do some short,

146
00:09:38,559 --> 00:09:43,160
Speaker 1: sharp and intense exercise like rowing or go for a run,

147
00:09:43,720 --> 00:09:47,040
Speaker 1: and that's in order for her to turn her brain

148
00:09:47,120 --> 00:09:52,199
Speaker 1: into a high performance machine. So staying hydrated is also

149
00:09:52,280 --> 00:09:56,439
Speaker 1: really imperative for brain function as the brain is mainly

150
00:09:56,480 --> 00:10:00,080
Speaker 1: made up largely of water and dehydration can be real

151
00:10:00,240 --> 00:10:05,839
Speaker 1: detrimental on cognitive function, so really important that we stay hydrated.

152
00:10:06,960 --> 00:10:12,000
Speaker 1: Kira also prioritizes her sleep, so getting to bed at

153
00:10:12,000 --> 00:10:15,360
Speaker 1: a reasonable time, she gets her mobile out of her

154
00:10:15,440 --> 00:10:18,360
Speaker 1: room and she has at least half an hour without

155
00:10:18,480 --> 00:10:22,000
Speaker 1: any screen before bed, which really helps her. It helps

156
00:10:22,040 --> 00:10:25,240
Speaker 1: her sleep and it helps her perform at her best.

157
00:10:25,320 --> 00:10:28,960
Speaker 1: And this is why many athletes and performance coaches say

158
00:10:29,000 --> 00:10:33,600
Speaker 1: that sleep is a weapon. And then breath works, so

159
00:10:33,679 --> 00:10:37,680
Speaker 1: slow controlled breathing is a really great way to control

160
00:10:37,720 --> 00:10:40,800
Speaker 1: your arousal and bring your brain and your body back

161
00:10:40,920 --> 00:10:44,960
Speaker 1: into that zone where you can perform at your best.

162
00:10:45,600 --> 00:10:48,880
Speaker 1: And a really good technique is box breathing, where you

163
00:10:48,920 --> 00:10:53,000
Speaker 1: breathe in for four seconds, hold your breath for four seconds,

164
00:10:53,200 --> 00:10:56,480
Speaker 1: breathe out for four seconds, then hold for four seconds,

165
00:10:57,320 --> 00:11:00,239
Speaker 1: or another one is to breathe in for four second

166
00:11:00,480 --> 00:11:03,040
Speaker 1: and then out for six seconds. As long as the

167
00:11:03,080 --> 00:11:05,760
Speaker 1: outbreath is longer than the in breadth, so you can

168
00:11:05,800 --> 00:11:09,959
Speaker 1: tap into that parasympathetic nervous system that will help calm

169
00:11:10,080 --> 00:11:15,640
Speaker 1: your body and your mind. So all these practices are

170
00:11:16,559 --> 00:11:19,679
Speaker 1: powerful ways to prepare for any challenge that brings up

171
00:11:19,800 --> 00:11:24,560
Speaker 1: stress and anxiety. So when that big day comes when

172
00:11:24,600 --> 00:11:28,120
Speaker 1: you need to perform at your best, you can do

173
00:11:28,200 --> 00:11:30,960
Speaker 1: these things so you can be as optimal as you

174
00:11:31,000 --> 00:11:35,000
Speaker 1: can be. And remember, your attention is one of your

175
00:11:35,000 --> 00:11:38,960
Speaker 1: best allies. If you can really take control over where

176
00:11:39,000 --> 00:11:42,920
Speaker 1: your attention is and notice if your attention is too

177
00:11:43,000 --> 00:11:47,960
Speaker 1: much on the internal experience, you can redirect it from

178
00:11:48,000 --> 00:11:51,120
Speaker 1: the internal to the external and really focus on what

179
00:11:51,160 --> 00:11:54,920
Speaker 1: you need to do. So thank you so much for listening.

180
00:11:55,040 --> 00:11:58,400
Speaker 1: I really hope this has helped, especially if you are

181
00:11:58,400 --> 00:12:00,920
Speaker 1: going into year twelve exams, you've got kids who are

182
00:12:00,960 --> 00:12:04,960
Speaker 1: going into year twelve exams, or any event that you

183
00:12:05,200 --> 00:12:08,840
Speaker 1: are working towards. And I hope it's been of value.

184
00:12:08,960 --> 00:12:18,800
Speaker 1: So I will see you next week. Bye,