Speaker 1: Today we're recording on Gadigul country and.
Speaker 2: We'd like to pay our respects to the traditional custodians
Speaker 2: of the Gaticol people. I know you're going to dig this.
Speaker 2: It's like I've been given like an extra sprinkle of something.
Speaker 1: You've got layers, Yeah, I got layers.
Speaker 3: I was just thinking, I'm like, we're just such beautiful storytellers.
Speaker 2: You're making a lot of sense to that girl. No,
Speaker 2: I'm done.
Speaker 1: I've been too honest to God.
Speaker 2: All right. Comparison is the thief for joy? Will you
Speaker 2: go for for me?
Speaker 1: So I was watching this video the other day, by
Speaker 1: the way, Yeah it is.
Speaker 3: It is.
Speaker 1: Comparison is the thief for Joey.
Speaker 2: Comparison culture. I remember you said this, yep.
Speaker 3: But today we're going to do some comparisons because I
Speaker 3: feel like there was this video I was watching right
Speaker 3: about this girl and she's in a lesbian relationship. But
Speaker 3: she was saying, like, since dating her girlfriend, and she's
Speaker 3: noticed all of these things in terms of the relationship
Speaker 3: that have like blown her mind. I guess in terms
Speaker 3: like haven't irked her? The opposite of earth?
Speaker 2: Okay, okay, And it.
Speaker 3: Was making me think about Yeah, I was like, oh, yeah,
Speaker 3: I haven't had those experiences yet with Mia, but it
Speaker 3: makes sense. Like, so I was trying to like think
Speaker 3: about some what's the joy, Like what is the comparison
Speaker 3: to dating a man to a woman, and what are
Speaker 3: the things right?
Speaker 1: And there's so many.
Speaker 2: I would love to hear from you. You have much
Speaker 2: more experience on both sides. Yeah, dating men and women.
Speaker 2: What is the number one difference that you see?
Speaker 3: I would say like emotional intelligence is the key top one.
Speaker 3: Like I can talk to Mia for hours and I
Speaker 3: just have a feeling and I'm not like a knowing
Speaker 3: like she understands yea, where with a man, it honestly
Speaker 3: feels like you're talking to a differ, like in a
Speaker 3: different language.
Speaker 1: Really you're literally like flab You're like what wow.
Speaker 3: It literally feels like when you're telling a guy to
Speaker 3: do something or you're you're literally explaining something to them,
Speaker 3: they just can't process it in the way that a
Speaker 3: woman can.
Speaker 2: Okay, so that sometimes it's.
Speaker 3: Not even like even words like I could give me
Speaker 3: a look and she'll like sometimes even just like no,
Speaker 3: you know.
Speaker 1: Like it's crazy.
Speaker 2: Wow.
Speaker 1: That's probably the top one.
Speaker 3: The second one for me is like the level of
Speaker 3: like hygiene levels increase like dramatically, like they're so much better.
Speaker 1: Like and I have lived with clean guys.
Speaker 2: And we're talking about heterosexuals here, yeah, heterosexual men.
Speaker 1: Because yeah, like yeah, but it's not like for gay men, Like.
Speaker 2: The hygiene is like top tier, Like hygiene is everything
Speaker 2: for us, Like we've got to be ready, girl, we
Speaker 2: are ready dot com.
Speaker 1: And house ready or like all of the above.
Speaker 2: Girl, the kitchen is clean, the oven is ready, and
Speaker 2: we are ready to cook. Trust me all the time.
Speaker 2: If you don't ready to be, you don't have to
Speaker 2: get ready if you stay ready. No, Look what I'm
Speaker 2: what I mean by that is that like gay men
Speaker 2: are different heterosexual men, I'm sure. Like I think my
Speaker 2: partner has like a twenty five step skincare routine that
Speaker 2: he does basically every day. He will get me to
Speaker 2: come in and wash his back for him, you know,
Speaker 2: like he's hygiene grub dub.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Yeah, love that. And this man.
Speaker 1: Walks I think asked me to do that just yet.
Speaker 2: Well you'll get there probably, yeah, he's he'll walk around
Speaker 2: the house naked and his body is clean. Girl, Like,
Speaker 2: I think gay men are a different ball game. So
Speaker 2: let's talk about your experience with heterosexual men, and yeah,
Speaker 2: I can talk about gay men.
Speaker 3: I mean I think, like there's so many layers to it.
Speaker 3: But if we're gonna talk about hygiene specific like dating
Speaker 3: a man to dating a woman, like like I think
Speaker 3: the innately, like a woman cleans up after herself, a
Speaker 3: man will just like put something like down and just
Speaker 3: like forget about it and just it will stay there
Speaker 3: until he's rethought about it. Like but that will be
Speaker 3: like days later, all weeks later, do you know what
Speaker 3: I mean? Like with a woman, she's like, fuck, where
Speaker 3: did I put that something?
Speaker 1: Oh?
Speaker 3: There it is, bang, And then she'll put it in
Speaker 3: the spot where it belongs.
Speaker 2: Do you think all women are like that?
Speaker 1: I think most women are.
Speaker 3: Like I'm gonna overgeneralize here and say that I think
Speaker 3: most women are tapped into that like clean up after
Speaker 3: yourself kind of like or like oh god, like they're
Speaker 3: just not grubb.
Speaker 1: I mean they're not grubby.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I just I feel like they've just got that
Speaker 3: Like you know, when you open a bonnet of a
Speaker 3: car and it has like those little chip things what
Speaker 3: do you call them?
Speaker 1: They're like chips, you know, like you know, like the
Speaker 1: little chips and you pull them out and you pull
Speaker 1: them back.
Speaker 2: Oh you mean the oil tester.
Speaker 1: No no, no, no, in a car bonnet.
Speaker 2: Again and again. If over here doesn't anything. Oh, by
Speaker 2: the way, when I had the car accident, I had
Speaker 2: no idea what to do. I had to call like
Speaker 2: a family friend and be like, what's the process? Like
Speaker 2: I had no idea.
Speaker 3: Okay, so, like you know when you open your car
Speaker 3: bonnet and there's these little well I was calling chips before,
Speaker 3: but they're actually like fuses, right, and they're like little
Speaker 3: micro chips that you have in your car and they
Speaker 3: do different things like electronically. That's how I see. That's like, well,
Speaker 3: we as a person, we have an engine as in
Speaker 3: like we are like motoring through life.
Speaker 1: And I think some people have.
Speaker 3: Some people don't, do you know what I mean, they
Speaker 3: have those fuses and they don't.
Speaker 1: But you know, I feel like women have a lot
Speaker 1: of fuses. They've got a full.
Speaker 3: Thing of fuses, and men have very little, so they're
Speaker 3: not wired correctly, you know what I mean?
Speaker 1: That was the connection.
Speaker 2: Trying to well, obviously you're wide correctly. I had no
Speaker 2: idea what you're talking about.
Speaker 1: Users?
Speaker 2: Users, Yeah, they're like, and I think does that come
Speaker 2: into the saying you have a short fuse?
Speaker 1: Probably.
Speaker 3: I feel like there's women have like different skills, and
Speaker 3: you know they were kind of like not always.
Speaker 1: Born with them. They just you just learned, you know.
Speaker 1: Maybe it's a child within.
Speaker 3: I think not everyone is going to be the same,
Speaker 3: but like, I don't know, there's there's I think women
Speaker 3: are conditioned to, you know, from society from TV, to
Speaker 3: look a certain way. Yeah, exactly, it comes from the patriarchy.
Speaker 3: But I think with that looking a certain way, being
Speaker 3: a certain way, upholding like beauty standards a certain way,
Speaker 3: I think women generally this is just obviously just women presenting.
Speaker 3: And you know, I feel like maybe trans women maybe
Speaker 3: feel a different type of pressure. But I'm saying like women,
Speaker 3: I personally feel like that was like, well, I need
Speaker 3: to uphold and I need to be Like even when
Speaker 3: I was talking about miss smelling, like I was like, oh,
Speaker 3: I don't smell correctly, so I need to fix it.
Speaker 3: So I need to be clean, so I need to wash,
Speaker 3: and like you know that you taught those sort of
Speaker 3: things anyways, blah blah blah. I'm just saying, like women,
Speaker 3: I think have the type.
Speaker 1: Of fuse that is like.
Speaker 3: Clean, okay, so take care of dated hygiene is important
Speaker 3: to me?
Speaker 2: Is it not the same?
Speaker 3: Not always? There's very few men that really take pride
Speaker 3: in cleanliness and hygiene. Gay men, I would say, are
Speaker 3: like the highest percentage of men that you know.
Speaker 1: I mean, maybe that's like a vanity focus. I'm not
Speaker 1: too sure.
Speaker 3: I don't know, but like I'm just saying, like the
Speaker 3: men that I have dated who are heterosexual men have
Speaker 3: all been grubby as fuck. Really, Like there's been two
Speaker 3: nol and nick grubby.
Speaker 1: No clean, oh clean clean? Even Nicko was krubby anyway.
Speaker 2: And grubby in the sense that like.
Speaker 1: Like a woman smells nice, okay.
Speaker 3: There's no pheromones. There's nice pheromones, nice smelling pheromones, not
Speaker 3: like stinky bo like they just went to the gym.
Speaker 1: I mean, my man hating error.
Speaker 2: Doesn't sound like it.
Speaker 3: But yeah, I would say, like that's one of the hygiene,
Speaker 3: the thoughtfulness acts of service, Like let's be honest, like
Speaker 3: when I have period pain, there's just like a nice,
Speaker 3: comfortable knowing that Mia knows exactly what the fuck I'm
Speaker 3: going through, even if she doesn't experience it. She cannot
Speaker 3: can kind of sympathize and understand, and she knows what
Speaker 3: to do in that where a man doesn't. So he
Speaker 3: doesn't know and if you even tell him, like what
Speaker 3: you need, he still doesn't do it.
Speaker 2: Okay, like give me.
Speaker 1: A fucking heatpack.
Speaker 3: Okay, this is a fault though, this is this is
Speaker 3: going the other way. So I'm obviously gone one way
Speaker 3: with disliking the comparison of men to women. But when
Speaker 3: I've been in previous women relationships, the emotions are really
Speaker 3: intense and really high. So sometimes the arguments or the conflict,
Speaker 3: like the conflict can be really intense, so it can be.
Speaker 1: Like zero to one hundred, like real quick.
Speaker 3: And sometimes that's really good, it's passionate, but like the
Speaker 3: other times it's not good.
Speaker 1: I haven't had that with me yet, it.
Speaker 3: So, but yeah, I think that's like a fault, not
Speaker 3: a fault, I guess, like, but like comparison to datty men,
Speaker 3: like sometimes men are just like I don't know, you
Speaker 3: give them grace. You're like you don't understand. It's fine,
Speaker 3: just get out, just get out, just like.
Speaker 2: Right now, you're what am I supposed to do? But
Speaker 2: very well want to compare men and women, I just
Speaker 2: don't have that comparison because I haven't been with women.
Speaker 2: So what I can say is that if you want
Speaker 2: a good in between, I'll sell you a gay man.
Speaker 2: So I think they have attributes of both, you know,
Speaker 2: the masculine side of things and the feminine side of things.
Speaker 2: And I think that I'm gonna make the best of
Speaker 2: both words, the best of both worlds, get the best,
Speaker 2: you know. So I had a friend who was an
Speaker 2: older friend, not in age, but not a friend anymore,
Speaker 2: past friend, and they were so like insecure about their
Speaker 2: identity about being gay. And I remember being like thinking
Speaker 2: to myself, like, are you kidding? Like we are the
Speaker 2: best of both worlds? Like I really feel like literally
Speaker 2: we are literally like the best thing that was ever made. No,
Speaker 2: but literally, I'm just gonna jump on and tell you no,
Speaker 2: I seriously, I seriously feel like gay men are at
Speaker 2: the nickel of society.
Speaker 1: Oh that's a bit call.
Speaker 2: It is, And I'm a stand by, I'm a stand
Speaker 2: on my truth. No, but I I just think on
Speaker 2: that hill when I when I say that, I don't
Speaker 2: mean the pinnacle of society and everyone's below us. I
Speaker 2: just feel like we've been given a little something extra.
Speaker 2: It's like a little sprinkle of Yeah, you know, all
Speaker 2: the flavors of the flavors of the world. Yeah, it's clean. No.
Speaker 3: I hate when people stereotype gay men because like, is
Speaker 3: there grubby men out Like is there grubby gay men
Speaker 3: out there?
Speaker 1: Or are they closet homosexuals? Like do you know what
Speaker 1: I mean?
Speaker 2: I'm sure there are grubby gay men out there? Of
Speaker 2: course there are.
Speaker 1: You know, listen of the things of like why gay
Speaker 1: men are the best?
Speaker 2: What do you mean why not?
Speaker 1: Like actually, like through your point, give me facts. I
Speaker 1: want facts.
Speaker 2: I'm a good bag.
Speaker 1: I say, what s it?
Speaker 2: No, okay, what I mean by that is.
Speaker 1: That you're clean.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but that's like the bare minimum. Girl. We got
Speaker 2: so much.
Speaker 1: But when you say feminine energy, like, what do you mean?
Speaker 2: Like gay men so emotionally intelligent, sensitive, We can emotionally connect.
Speaker 2: We can connect with our emotions much easier, and.
Speaker 1: It's probably communicate them.
Speaker 2: Yeah, like in multiple languages, okay, like a stare like.
Speaker 1: You kill me?
Speaker 3: Okay, yeah you well, I would say, okay, this is
Speaker 3: an over generalization, but I think he's about.
Speaker 2: To list all the things that game integrade at Well, No,
Speaker 2: I was just.
Speaker 3: Going to say, like, queer people in general, I think
Speaker 3: are like not gonna lie pretty elitists, like we're the
Speaker 3: best because one, I think because as a minority and
Speaker 3: a minority group and in society, like we've been oppressed, right,
Speaker 3: So there's history of like oppression and the fact that
Speaker 3: there's so much like history, like like horrible history, and
Speaker 3: it has had you know, like we've had to reclaim and.
Speaker 1: Like reassert ourselves, et cetera, et cetera.
Speaker 3: You know this history, Like I've only got thirty years
Speaker 3: of my life living in that. But like I think
Speaker 3: with that, when you when you are like a bit
Speaker 3: of when you have been oppressed, even as a First
Speaker 3: Nations person, you know, the feeling of like resistance, right,
Speaker 3: And so I feel like that makes us so much
Speaker 3: more Look, I'm going to say less judgy, but I'm
Speaker 3: going to use that lightly. But I'm also going to
Speaker 3: say we are more inclusive, and I think we're more accepting.
Speaker 2: Yeah, we are more accepted.
Speaker 3: And I think as a society, like if you put
Speaker 3: all the queer people in like you know, in the world,
Speaker 3: in one room, I can honestly say, like comfortably hand
Speaker 3: on heart that I feel like it would turn.
Speaker 2: Into an orgy, the world's world record orgy. You kill me.
Speaker 2: You were so serious, so serious, like people in the
Speaker 2: world into one, and I'm like.
Speaker 1: Like, hand on heart, no, but.
Speaker 3: Look like for real like that that that's like myni
Speaker 3: gral but like twenty times over.
Speaker 2: But I just think you're so right. I think what
Speaker 2: you're spot on about is the fact that as a community,
Speaker 2: we've always had to fight and prove our identity and
Speaker 2: stand up for ourselves and fight for who we are.
Speaker 2: So like there's this resilience that's built. And I think
Speaker 2: that as queen people, our lives have been a journey
Speaker 2: of always trying having to ask yourself questions about your identity,
Speaker 2: prove that y'a externally to people, and then at some point,
Speaker 2: I feel like you get to a place where you're
Speaker 2: just like fuck it, Like I don't need to I
Speaker 2: don't need to continue to like prove myself to anyone.
Speaker 2: I think that comes with being first nations as well
Speaker 2: in this country. So I feel like, you know how
Speaker 2: I said gay people are like the best in society.
Speaker 2: I think that like the intersection of blackfellows and queer so.
Speaker 3: Yeah, that that kind of takes me to my next No,
Speaker 3: but that kind of takes me to my next point,
Speaker 3: right because like when I'm so now being in a
Speaker 3: same sex relationship, I feel so much more comfortable. Not
Speaker 3: that I ever did feeling like straight, because it was
Speaker 3: never straight obviously, like being byed doesn't just go away.
Speaker 1: But I felt like.
Speaker 3: When I was in heteroonormative relationships, I didn't always feel
Speaker 3: like the places and the things that I was doing
Speaker 3: in those relationships were always the most like accepting and
Speaker 3: like most like more comfortable. Even though I have like
Speaker 3: all my queer friends, right yeah, and like when I
Speaker 3: hang out with them one on one, it's great, but
Speaker 3: when I hang out with them with my relationship, it
Speaker 3: kind of always feels.
Speaker 1: Like I am having to.
Speaker 3: Make my partner feel comfortable about being in that space
Speaker 3: where it doesn't that kind of feels like work, right,
Speaker 3: And I think that's probably a comparison that I I
Speaker 3: didn't really like being in a sort of heteronormative relationship,
Speaker 3: and I think like now being with me or I
Speaker 3: feel like all the spaces that I'm in like feel
Speaker 3: just easy, Like i feel like I'm just am I
Speaker 3: comfortable and just it's just like a.
Speaker 2: Brief that's really nice.
Speaker 1: Yeah it is.
Speaker 3: It's like I don't have to like prove myself, you
Speaker 3: know what I mean, not that I was or like
Speaker 3: have been. Like people know that I'm but every time
Speaker 3: I feel like I was in a like straight relationship
Speaker 3: or dating someone, they would just deny it and I
Speaker 3: was like yeah, and I get really upset about it.
Speaker 1: But I think that's the best.
Speaker 3: Thing about my current relationship is that, like I'm with
Speaker 3: a partner who he's you know, my day to day
Speaker 3: shit is like can listen and not judge. It's the
Speaker 3: best and understands to a level that I've actually needed
Speaker 3: my whole life, like whole life, like just just someone
Speaker 3: to listen to or like and but have this like
Speaker 3: feeling like, oh I feel understood.
Speaker 1: It's the best.
Speaker 3: But like, yeah, I don't think I've really felt like that.
Speaker 3: I think other relationships have been pretty superficial and a
Speaker 3: bit like like transactional.
Speaker 2: I guess, yeah, yeah, I definitely feel like.
Speaker 3: Also, I gained a whole new wardrobe being with a girl,
Speaker 3: you like, you get a whole new wardrobe.
Speaker 1: Do you get that as well? With Denny? Do you
Speaker 1: guys share clothes.
Speaker 2: H some one of us has bigger muscles.
Speaker 1: Who is it?
Speaker 2: Yeah, who is it? You tell me? No, just it's God.
Speaker 1: From comparing just being Maddy, just being like I'm the best.
Speaker 2: We do share clothes, but specific clothes, yeah, sometimes actually
Speaker 2: and sex toys now okay, No, Look when he is
Speaker 2: one thing that I really admire about Danny, and I
Speaker 2: think that, like sometimes in the gay community can can
Speaker 2: be something that many people need to work on. But
Speaker 2: being judgmental, Danny's really not judgmental at all. You know.
Speaker 2: He's actually taught me to not judge and be more
Speaker 2: compassionate towards people, even people who have made mistakes in
Speaker 2: their lives. Like we watch documentaries and I'm always thinking,
Speaker 2: like that person needs to go to hell and jail forever.
Speaker 2: They're the worst person on the planet, and I'm judging
Speaker 2: them hard. Denny's like, people can make mistakes in their lives,
Speaker 2: mat and this person now has to spend the rest
Speaker 2: of their time. There's consequences, and they should, you know,
Speaker 2: face the consequences, but you can still feel empathy for them.
Speaker 1: And I'm like, no, I usually was talking about that.
Speaker 2: Yeah, And so like he's taught me a lot about
Speaker 2: compassion and empathy. Even though I thought I was a
Speaker 2: compassionate person, He's sort of brought this next level of
Speaker 2: that and has really resisted me with a relationship with
Speaker 2: my mum actually, you know, like he's so passionate towards
Speaker 2: my family dynamics as well. So yeah, I think being
Speaker 2: less judgmental is something that the gay community need to
Speaker 2: work on.
Speaker 1: I have a question on that. I mean, so, like
Speaker 1: Danny's not like an Australian or he's Australian citizen.
Speaker 2: Now well he has his citizenship test.
Speaker 3: In like a week, Okay, so yeah, Danny's not quite
Speaker 3: an Australian citizen yet, so this is a citizenship is
Speaker 3: coming up.
Speaker 2: He doesn't have any Australian in him, but he has
Speaker 2: had it in him.
Speaker 3: And then that is when you put up the kangaroo
Speaker 3: and the and you emoji.
Speaker 2: No my question today, I'm yeah, No, I was gonna ask.
Speaker 3: A really good question, like in terms, because obviously you
Speaker 3: can't compare it to women and men, but you can
Speaker 3: compare someone who is Australian slash English speaking, where Danny
Speaker 3: isn't English is in his first language, right, Spanish is Yeah,
Speaker 3: so like have you, what's the difference between like dating
Speaker 3: someone where you you're having to understand him on a
Speaker 3: different level of like language, Barrows.
Speaker 1: You know what I mean.
Speaker 2: I think language, but also privilege, like when you come
Speaker 2: from a country like Columbia where you don't have the
Speaker 2: support systems that our country have, and you can definitely
Speaker 2: see that to make it or to be successful, you
Speaker 2: have to work your fucking ass off. You don't have
Speaker 2: any back back out. You know, if you fall to
Speaker 2: the ground, you're going to be on the penut. So
Speaker 2: for him to come here without a word of English,
Speaker 2: to work his for the last six years, create his
Speaker 2: business and be successful and still be a kind and
Speaker 2: empathetic person and show me that like empathy and compassion
Speaker 2: is paramount his values for me. It has cemented this
Speaker 2: level of respect that I have for him, and that's
Speaker 2: at the foundation of a relationship. I really have learned
Speaker 2: a lot from Denny over the last few years, like
Speaker 2: hanging out and hanging out being with him, So I yeah,
Speaker 2: I think that the foundation of my relationship is respect
Speaker 2: for Denny, and I think I haven't had that in
Speaker 2: the past. I think that I probably didn't respect my
Speaker 2: previous partner like I respect Danny, Wow. And so that's
Speaker 2: not huge. That's something that has like definitely that I've
Speaker 2: come to know. That's like, that's the foundation.
Speaker 3: Respect is a big value when people talk about values
Speaker 3: and you know what you need in a partner and
Speaker 3: in a relationship, Like I go to like my top three,
Speaker 3: which is like respect, honesty, and like truth, and I
Speaker 3: think there's an or like like loyalty should come with
Speaker 3: all those things. If you're honest, you know your truthe
Speaker 3: like loyalty should come. So I don't really put that
Speaker 3: in my top three, but respect is like my top one.
Speaker 1: And I feel like a lot of the.
Speaker 3: Again not man hating, but like a lot of the
Speaker 3: men that I have dated haven't valued respect, Like haven't
Speaker 3: understood what it's like to respect women in a level
Speaker 3: that I've needed in a way. But the thing is
Speaker 3: also like I was challenging my brothers when I was
Speaker 3: in Perth. Yeah, he said something really like misogynistic and.
Speaker 1: I blew up. I was like, how fucking dare you
Speaker 1: say something like that? Right?
Speaker 3: And I was like if my mum was sitting right
Speaker 3: there next to you, you would never say that, Like
Speaker 3: you wouldn't you wouldn't say something like that. And I'm like,
Speaker 3: we've grown, We've fallen from the same tree. But how
Speaker 3: do I value something so strongly and I'm so passionate
Speaker 3: about it, but my brothers probably don't on that same.
Speaker 2: Well, I'll tell you why. I'll tell you why, Linda. Linda, listen,
Speaker 2: You've made a million and one choices to create the
Speaker 2: life that you have now, which has enabled you to
Speaker 2: have all these other experiences, which has created the worldview
Speaker 2: that you have. Our families have a very specific and
Speaker 2: sometimes small minded look at the world, you know. I
Speaker 2: noticed that with my own family. So it's like we
Speaker 2: went off and we had all these experiences that shaped
Speaker 2: us to think these certain ways to create this level
Speaker 2: of respect. And people who don't get outside their own
Speaker 2: environments are very narrow minded and that comes to their
Speaker 2: worldview and how they treat people too. So it's like
Speaker 2: to them, that's not even like to for them, maybe
Speaker 2: that misogynistic mindset isn't a priority to change because they
Speaker 2: actually haven't experienced people who who what's the word model that, Yeah,
Speaker 2: So in the communities that you know, with what they're in,
Speaker 2: maybe they don't get to see it differently. You know.
Speaker 2: That's that's how because my brothers, my brothers can be
Speaker 2: like that too.
Speaker 3: I whipped you know, I whip them into shape, you
Speaker 3: know that, Like I go pretty hard on like things
Speaker 3: like that. But I also like think of my sister
Speaker 3: in laws who have put up with that bullshit behavior And.
Speaker 2: Do your sisters voice that or is that your view
Speaker 2: that you think issues?
Speaker 1: Like problem is like where is the self confidence?
Speaker 3: And I guess like self value on them to speak
Speaker 3: up and like challenge that as well.
Speaker 2: Is it a priority to them mindset?
Speaker 3: I don't know, but I just think like self worth
Speaker 3: enough and I I mean, I wouldn't say it directly,
Speaker 3: like I would privately say to her like, don't ever
Speaker 3: let him speak to you like that ever again, and
Speaker 3: I'd be like, this is why, and if you are
Speaker 3: allowing it in your life, you're pretty much you're not
Speaker 3: valu valuing yourself and you're.
Speaker 1: Worth what I think, Like, I just.
Speaker 3: Don't like when women like degrade themselves and like put
Speaker 3: them under people like whether whoever you're dating, right, Like
Speaker 3: I get really like and any person not to be fair,
Speaker 3: like not just women.
Speaker 2: Do you think maybe and this is just a question
Speaker 2: because you're in and out of that environment. You can go,
Speaker 2: you can have your opinion, you can leave, you don't
Speaker 2: have to deal with it. She's in that environment one
Speaker 2: hundred percent of the time, so she's going to continuously
Speaker 2: fight this and try and stand up for herself. Do
Speaker 2: you think it's safe or do you think that that
Speaker 2: is like an uphill battle that she's just like fuck,
Speaker 2: that too much for me.
Speaker 3: I honestly think, like, imagine like the things that you
Speaker 3: know she is juggling day to day, Like it would
Speaker 3: be purely.
Speaker 1: Survival mode and it would be like choose my battles.
Speaker 1: And I think that is motherhood.
Speaker 3: I think that like can be a motherhood in a
Speaker 3: nutshell is literally choosing your battles with your partner and.
Speaker 1: With your kids. And I feel for that. I sympathize
Speaker 1: for that.
Speaker 3: But at the same time, how many women in that
Speaker 3: phoso stop devaluing yourself Like I can't deal with that.
Speaker 3: Like not that I put myself on a high pedestal,
Speaker 3: but I know, like if someone is trying to make
Speaker 3: me feel like shit. My brother does it quite often
Speaker 3: and I call him out for all the time. He
Speaker 3: will say shit like like uh, you know, Petty, really
Speaker 3: petty things and I and like, but he thinks in
Speaker 3: his mind, this is where it's comparison to a man's
Speaker 3: brain and a woman's brain in some way.
Speaker 1: Is that he thinks that that is a love language, Like.
Speaker 3: He thinks that picking on me and like saying these
Speaker 3: like things to me, like petty things or like narki
Speaker 3: things or yeah, it's like this brotherly love that Like
Speaker 3: it's okay because like you know, like innately he loves me,
Speaker 3: but like he doesn't know, like I don't translate that
Speaker 3: the same Like I actually like it affects me. It
Speaker 3: hurts my feelings and I don't want to be spoken
Speaker 3: I'll talk to like that ever. Yeah, so you know,
Speaker 3: like I had to pick him up on that. But
Speaker 3: like that's sometimes like it's like this whole mentality around
Speaker 3: men who like it's like that teasing culture, like if
Speaker 3: you'd be mean to her, you like her, and it's like, no,
Speaker 3: that should be nipped in the bart. One thing I also,
Speaker 3: I was having this conversation with me the other day
Speaker 3: about what's happening in the playground is the use of
Speaker 3: like the words gas and homosexual. It's used, It's been
Speaker 3: used in the playground from like young kids as a
Speaker 3: derogatory term. Like it's not being like, oh no, like
Speaker 3: they're queer or they're gay, it's being like that's gay. Yeah,
Speaker 3: run away and I'll catch you. And if you don't
Speaker 3: run away, catch you, you're gay, like you're stupid, kind.
Speaker 1: Of saying like and it's like still happening. Yeah, but
Speaker 1: we don't want them.
Speaker 3: Me and I were talking about how we don't want
Speaker 3: them to like stop using the terminologies or the words.
Speaker 3: It's just like providing a better context. But like, how
Speaker 3: are you meant to do that? That comes from parenting?
Speaker 3: And if my brother's like saying quite homophobic or like
Speaker 3: derogatory things or misogynistic things, what does his what does
Speaker 3: his children growing and grow.
Speaker 2: Up thinking total product of their environment?
Speaker 1: Exactly?
Speaker 2: That's why you nip it in the butt, show them
Speaker 2: the world, show.
Speaker 3: Them the other Anyways, I don't know how this got
Speaker 3: into this weird ass rant, but like.
Speaker 1: I actually really needed it. Thank you so much. I
Speaker 1: feel lighter.
Speaker 2: That's good.
Speaker 3: These are the battles that I think people don't understand
Speaker 3: that I have daily, like you know, being this ugh.
Speaker 3: I mean I spoke about it on a post and
Speaker 3: like I had like one hundred and thirty thousand people
Speaker 3: like see it, and that's the highest my engagement's been
Speaker 3: in a while because it was me crying, and I
Speaker 3: think that's horrible, Like why do people want to see
Speaker 3: me cry? Like I don't want to see myself cry,
Speaker 3: but like they relate to it post it.
Speaker 1: I think because I just felt.
Speaker 3: Really alone in the process, and not like I felt
Speaker 3: alone like I don't have support network. I just also
Speaker 3: like wanted like people who did feel like the same
Speaker 3: sort of feelings. And I know that there are because
Speaker 3: like the amount of mob who messaged me saying this
Speaker 3: is me, like so many like you have no idea,
Speaker 3: people that I thought like would never have those problems
Speaker 3: are in that same boat.
Speaker 1: And I was like, wow, like it was insane.
Speaker 3: And I knew that in some degree, but not to
Speaker 3: the amount that had messaged me.
Speaker 1: And I was like, this is crazy.
Speaker 3: And I just kind of wanted I feel isolated and
Speaker 3: I just wanted to like express like my feelings and
Speaker 3: I was feeling frustrated and like overstimulated as well, So
Speaker 3: I was like, maybe if I like write my feelings
Speaker 3: or like voice how I'm feeling, maybe it will help.
Speaker 1: And it did.
Speaker 3: But then like reading everyone's messages, ye, reading everyone's messages
Speaker 3: was the thing that like kind of got me through
Speaker 3: the day. But then my brother really fucking pissed me
Speaker 3: off that.
Speaker 1: Day as well.
Speaker 2: Did they what did they say about it?
Speaker 1: Nothing?
Speaker 3: They saw my post that morning. I posted that afternoon,
Speaker 3: like three o'clock in the afternoon. I literally met them
Speaker 3: an hour later, and like none of them said something,
Speaker 3: if anything. My brother obviously read it, and my sister
Speaker 3: in law, but they mentioned like my brother because obviously
Speaker 3: I mentioned like financial burdens sometimes because it is a
Speaker 3: financial burden, like the amount of shit that I've had
Speaker 3: to pay for these fuckers I love them, but like
Speaker 3: fuck me, Like I mean the amount of times I've
Speaker 3: had to pay things, you know. And then like I said,
Speaker 3: you you pay for balance and I'll pay for lunch,
Speaker 3: and like it was a deal. And then I got
Speaker 3: to lunch and he was like, oh, I'll split you
Speaker 3: for lunch. And I was like, it's okay, Like we
Speaker 3: made a promise. It's we made a deal. It's fine,
Speaker 3: and he was like, oh no, I'll do it. So
Speaker 3: then you don't have a hold a grudge, Like why
Speaker 3: do you need to say stuff like that. I don't
Speaker 3: hold grudges. I actually have no grudge against anything financially.
Speaker 3: I'm just telling you that I feel sometimes the weight
Speaker 3: of it because you guys aren't appreciative.
Speaker 1: If you were just appreciative, it would be fine.
Speaker 3: So if you're listening giving, they don't listen to they
Speaker 3: don't they've never read my book, they don't listen to
Speaker 3: the podcast. They don't congratulate me on any fucking thing
Speaker 3: that I do in my life. They do absolutely fuck all.
Speaker 3: This is the reality. And people think, oh, I have
Speaker 3: a glamorous life or a bachelorette.
Speaker 1: Fuck off.
Speaker 3: I literally literally live like a lone wolf in Melbourne.
Speaker 3: And because when I do go back to Perth and
Speaker 3: I have to deal with their shit makes me want
Speaker 3: to move away.
Speaker 1: Anyways. Blah blah blah, rant over. This episode is going
Speaker 1: to be called brook rant. I felt good. Thank you.
Speaker 3: I'll invoice you like literally therapy session and I love it.
Speaker 3: Thank you for letting me, thank you for holding space
Speaker 3: to me. You are like the brother that I've actually
Speaker 3: always needed. So I appreciate that you always check this.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you are your finger. I feel a lighter as well.
Speaker 2: That's all we have time for today, but thanks for
Speaker 2: listening to First Things First. If you are dealing with
Speaker 2: any struggles and your MOB, you can also reach out
Speaker 2: to one three Yarn. Brooke did that during the week
Speaker 2: when she was having her in a bit of a
Speaker 2: moment and they helped her. So they're a good source
Speaker 2: for MOB.
Speaker 3: And they really are, honestly, guys, I really mean it.
Speaker 3: I had like an hour chat with them and it
Speaker 3: was great and I loved it.
Speaker 2: And if you're white.
Speaker 3: Guys, if you're not Indigenous and other resources Lifeline which
Speaker 3: is thirteen eleven fourteen.
Speaker 2: That's all we have time for today. Thanks so much
Speaker 2: for being so open about your story Brook and sharing.
Speaker 2: I know that a lot of MOB listening to this
Speaker 2: probably resonate with you, So yeah, and thank you mom
Speaker 2: for listening to the First Things First. If you love here,
Speaker 2: leave us a rating in a little review, And if
Speaker 2: you want to reach out to one threeyn you can
Speaker 2: Their details and lifelines details are in the show notes.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and if you want us to cover anything on
Speaker 3: the next episode.
Speaker 1: Reach out by our socials.
Speaker 3: My handles at prop Doublin and Mattie's handle is at
Speaker 3: It's Maddie Mills, we'll see you next week.
Speaker 1: Bye, gotcha.