1
00:00:01,280 --> 00:00:04,320
Speaker 1: Oh good, are you bloody champs? Oh big yawn. I

2
00:00:04,400 --> 00:00:07,280
Speaker 1: nearly dislocated my face just then, Tiff, did you see

3
00:00:07,320 --> 00:00:10,240
Speaker 1: that look like a fucking wildlife documentary?

4
00:00:11,000 --> 00:00:12,920
Speaker 2: It looked like that scene on the Mask where his

5
00:00:13,080 --> 00:00:15,560
Speaker 2: chin drops to the ground and his tongue rolls out.

6
00:00:17,920 --> 00:00:20,400
Speaker 1: I felt a little bit. I feel a little bit

7
00:00:20,400 --> 00:00:23,880
Speaker 1: of Jim Carrey every now and then. Hello, everyone, Welcome

8
00:00:23,920 --> 00:00:26,600
Speaker 1: to the You Project. And as it turns out, roll

9
00:00:26,640 --> 00:00:28,680
Speaker 1: with the punches. Also, I'll do your intro for you.

10
00:00:28,720 --> 00:00:31,040
Speaker 1: Fucking I'll do both as roll with the punches. It's

11
00:00:31,320 --> 00:00:35,400
Speaker 1: the EU Project. It's stiff, it's harps, it's a Monday,

12
00:00:35,479 --> 00:00:38,839
Speaker 1: it's two thirty eight. I just got back. Before we

13
00:00:38,920 --> 00:00:41,640
Speaker 1: say low to you, I just got back from hanging

14
00:00:41,720 --> 00:00:45,520
Speaker 1: out with Ben Shurry from Attica.

15
00:00:46,240 --> 00:00:49,240
Speaker 2: Oh yes, yeah right, how was that? Did he whip

16
00:00:49,280 --> 00:00:50,200
Speaker 2: you up a storm?

17
00:00:50,680 --> 00:00:53,000
Speaker 1: No? He did not, because we all know I've got

18
00:00:53,159 --> 00:00:57,160
Speaker 1: food issues and eating issues, and I'd have to sell

19
00:00:57,240 --> 00:01:02,160
Speaker 1: my fucking left testicle to get a table there. I'm

20
00:01:02,200 --> 00:01:06,320
Speaker 1: not sure anyone would want one. But it's amazing. He's amazing,

21
00:01:06,400 --> 00:01:08,520
Speaker 1: The business is amazing, and everyone who goes there says

22
00:01:08,520 --> 00:01:11,320
Speaker 1: it's fucking incredible. So, but you know, when you meet

23
00:01:11,319 --> 00:01:14,919
Speaker 1: someone and you like, I hope they're a good dude,

24
00:01:15,200 --> 00:01:18,600
Speaker 1: you know, when you like you like them or you

25
00:01:18,600 --> 00:01:21,520
Speaker 1: you know, what you know of them is impressive and

26
00:01:21,680 --> 00:01:23,200
Speaker 1: you kind of want to catch up with them, and

27
00:01:23,240 --> 00:01:25,920
Speaker 1: if you if you not know who I'm talking about.

28
00:01:26,120 --> 00:01:30,000
Speaker 1: Ben Own's a restaurant called Attica, which has been voted

29
00:01:30,040 --> 00:01:33,080
Speaker 1: one of the top few restaurants in Australia multiple times,

30
00:01:33,120 --> 00:01:34,920
Speaker 1: if not the best, and one of the top fifty

31
00:01:34,959 --> 00:01:37,760
Speaker 1: restaurants on the planet, which is a pretty good effort. Anyway,

32
00:01:37,880 --> 00:01:39,640
Speaker 1: he was on the show a little while ago, and

33
00:01:40,000 --> 00:01:42,840
Speaker 1: we caught up today for coffee and chat, and he's

34
00:01:42,920 --> 00:01:46,280
Speaker 1: even better. He's not even a better person.

35
00:01:46,720 --> 00:01:50,560
Speaker 2: I cannot recall the discussion, but I can recall liking

36
00:01:50,680 --> 00:01:54,840
Speaker 2: him and being yeah, I don't know, you have expectations

37
00:01:54,880 --> 00:01:58,360
Speaker 2: of people, but also not really but I just remember thinking, oh,

38
00:01:58,400 --> 00:02:00,880
Speaker 2: he's a really great he's really great. Great episode. So

39
00:02:01,000 --> 00:02:02,400
Speaker 2: I'm gonna have to go back and re listen.

40
00:02:03,120 --> 00:02:06,640
Speaker 1: Yeah, good dude, good energy, nice human, down to earth,

41
00:02:07,080 --> 00:02:10,680
Speaker 1: causes spade a spade, but also like gets it quite compassionate,

42
00:02:12,240 --> 00:02:15,320
Speaker 1: Like I saw his his staff interact with him a bit.

43
00:02:15,400 --> 00:02:19,840
Speaker 1: They clearly like him. And then we sat in We

44
00:02:19,880 --> 00:02:23,640
Speaker 1: sat in Attica, just me and him, like in the restaurant,

45
00:02:23,880 --> 00:02:27,120
Speaker 1: two people in the restaurant, Me and him. And of

46
00:02:27,160 --> 00:02:30,560
Speaker 1: course I was the fanciest fucking thing they've ever seen

47
00:02:31,360 --> 00:02:33,520
Speaker 1: in my black T shirt and my Camo shorts, and

48
00:02:34,080 --> 00:02:34,359
Speaker 1: we had.

49
00:02:34,320 --> 00:02:37,560
Speaker 2: The good shorts. Did you wear the newer ones?

50
00:02:38,680 --> 00:02:40,760
Speaker 1: I wore the ones that are only three years old.

51
00:02:41,040 --> 00:02:45,160
Speaker 1: That's pretty much brands making good work. But nice, dude,

52
00:02:45,200 --> 00:02:49,160
Speaker 1: So shout out to Ben Shuri and the folk from Attica. Yeah,

53
00:02:49,160 --> 00:02:51,240
Speaker 1: it was nice. It's nice when you meet someone that's

54
00:02:53,080 --> 00:02:56,880
Speaker 1: that exceed your expectations and is everything you want and more.

55
00:02:58,080 --> 00:03:01,200
Speaker 1: But it hasn't been all and frills over at your

56
00:03:01,280 --> 00:03:05,640
Speaker 1: joint today. It's been a medical melodrama. Today.

57
00:03:05,960 --> 00:03:09,200
Speaker 2: We've been contending with the bullies, harps over here, the

58
00:03:09,200 --> 00:03:10,200
Speaker 2: bullies out there.

59
00:03:11,240 --> 00:03:13,799
Speaker 1: What the canine bullies or the yes.

60
00:03:13,639 --> 00:03:16,959
Speaker 2: The canine bullies at the park can't just mind their

61
00:03:16,960 --> 00:03:19,360
Speaker 2: own affairs. They've got to come out and take a

62
00:03:19,400 --> 00:03:20,280
Speaker 2: piece of someone.

63
00:03:21,200 --> 00:03:24,120
Speaker 1: So the very beautiful Luna, who is I mean, if

64
00:03:24,120 --> 00:03:26,680
Speaker 1: she was a human, she'd be a fucking international model.

65
00:03:26,720 --> 00:03:33,079
Speaker 1: She's so beautiful. She's the Claudia Shiffer of the Canine world.

66
00:03:33,160 --> 00:03:35,280
Speaker 1: I'm trying to think of her. I don't know any

67
00:03:35,320 --> 00:03:39,160
Speaker 1: fucking models the El McPherson of the Canine see. All

68
00:03:39,240 --> 00:03:41,480
Speaker 1: of those are like sixty years old. Not that they're

69
00:03:41,520 --> 00:03:44,240
Speaker 1: not incredibly beautiful women, but I'm trying to I don't

70
00:03:44,280 --> 00:03:47,280
Speaker 1: know any. Do you know, off the top of your head,

71
00:03:47,280 --> 00:03:50,040
Speaker 1: do you know a young world renowned model?

72
00:03:50,320 --> 00:03:52,360
Speaker 2: We don't ask me. The one I think of was

73
00:03:52,400 --> 00:03:55,120
Speaker 2: Miranda kirk Is. When I was sixteen and used to

74
00:03:55,120 --> 00:03:58,040
Speaker 2: read Dolly magazine. She won the Dolly cover girl and

75
00:03:58,040 --> 00:04:01,120
Speaker 2: then she's and she's just stunning. But she's think, I

76
00:04:01,160 --> 00:04:06,160
Speaker 2: don't know, she'd be old than me now as around

77
00:04:06,200 --> 00:04:07,680
Speaker 2: the same age. Is that young?

78
00:04:07,960 --> 00:04:11,520
Speaker 1: I think? I think she's also four kids in or something,

79
00:04:11,560 --> 00:04:14,839
Speaker 1: I think, But still, yeah, what I mean is she's

80
00:04:14,880 --> 00:04:19,039
Speaker 1: not she's not a teenage model anymore. She's well, she's

81
00:04:19,040 --> 00:04:24,280
Speaker 1: a world famous actor and model. And she's still married

82
00:04:24,320 --> 00:04:27,160
Speaker 1: to Orlando Bloom. Was that her that was married to him? Yeah?

83
00:04:27,160 --> 00:04:27,680
Speaker 1: I think it is.

84
00:04:27,720 --> 00:04:29,799
Speaker 2: But I've got no idea. I don't know who's married

85
00:04:29,800 --> 00:04:30,800
Speaker 2: to what in this world.

86
00:04:31,400 --> 00:04:33,320
Speaker 1: You know people who are much more up on all

87
00:04:33,360 --> 00:04:35,600
Speaker 1: this ship than you and me are yelling at their

88
00:04:35,640 --> 00:04:39,559
Speaker 1: phone or their car right now. YouTube, dumb fuck stay

89
00:04:39,640 --> 00:04:43,000
Speaker 1: with things like you and I are talking about self

90
00:04:43,040 --> 00:04:48,000
Speaker 1: management guys. Yeah yeah, yeah, talk about talk about how

91
00:04:48,000 --> 00:04:51,039
Speaker 1: to fucking get abs or something. YouTube, dumb idiots, stop

92
00:04:51,080 --> 00:04:58,240
Speaker 1: talking about bucking entertainment. That's you know, so what else? So, So,

93
00:04:58,320 --> 00:05:02,080
Speaker 1: what happened Luna? It it got bitten or what happened?

94
00:05:02,240 --> 00:05:04,800
Speaker 2: Yeah, she haded an altercation, which I didn't realize. I

95
00:05:04,800 --> 00:05:08,400
Speaker 2: were the park yesterday in the afternoon. She's doing her standard.

96
00:05:08,760 --> 00:05:11,840
Speaker 2: I throw the frisbee once and she just sprints for

97
00:05:11,839 --> 00:05:14,680
Speaker 2: forty five minutes straight and just loves life with the

98
00:05:14,680 --> 00:05:20,200
Speaker 2: frisbee in her mouth. And a big dog ran like,

99
00:05:20,400 --> 00:05:22,120
Speaker 2: ran at her and ran with her and had a

100
00:05:22,120 --> 00:05:23,680
Speaker 2: bit of a bucket it they you know, and they

101
00:05:23,720 --> 00:05:25,640
Speaker 2: get really close and they kind of both went and

102
00:05:25,680 --> 00:05:29,040
Speaker 2: she dropped the frisbee and yelped and run the other way,

103
00:05:29,080 --> 00:05:31,479
Speaker 2: and I thought it she just frightened her. It was

104
00:05:31,560 --> 00:05:34,919
Speaker 2: so quick. But this morning when she come in to

105
00:05:34,920 --> 00:05:36,760
Speaker 2: see me, I was like, what's that little there's a

106
00:05:36,760 --> 00:05:38,919
Speaker 2: little red mark on her neck. And when I lifted

107
00:05:38,920 --> 00:05:42,800
Speaker 2: a stretch her skin back, a big hole in the

108
00:05:42,800 --> 00:05:45,320
Speaker 2: back of her neck like it's ripped, ripped a hole

109
00:05:45,560 --> 00:05:48,719
Speaker 2: right through her. Yeah, they've got very thin sensitive skin.

110
00:05:48,880 --> 00:05:51,719
Speaker 2: So off to the we went. A couple of staples

111
00:05:51,760 --> 00:05:55,360
Speaker 2: and a big bandage on her neck and hopefully, hopefully

112
00:05:55,440 --> 00:05:59,400
Speaker 2: that will be the all she needs.

113
00:05:58,279 --> 00:05:59,920
Speaker 1: Just like her mum, thin sensitive skin.

114
00:06:00,560 --> 00:06:02,680
Speaker 2: Yeah, but so stoic. I mean I would have been

115
00:06:02,720 --> 00:06:05,720
Speaker 2: crying and carrying on and telling the world and Luna

116
00:06:05,800 --> 00:06:08,360
Speaker 2: was just like, oh, oh yeah, that old thing. Oh yeah,

117
00:06:08,400 --> 00:06:09,279
Speaker 2: they happened yesterday.

118
00:06:10,680 --> 00:06:13,480
Speaker 1: Yeah. Well dogs, I mean that is weird, isn't it.

119
00:06:13,800 --> 00:06:15,920
Speaker 1: Not that I mean, obviously it's not weird that they

120
00:06:15,960 --> 00:06:19,240
Speaker 1: can't talk, but yeah, where like, if there's something that's

121
00:06:19,279 --> 00:06:21,840
Speaker 1: bothering them, they're human needs to figure it out.

122
00:06:22,240 --> 00:06:24,640
Speaker 2: Yeah, and there's no like. We were at the park

123
00:06:24,680 --> 00:06:27,240
Speaker 2: for another half I just met was meeting someone there,

124
00:06:27,279 --> 00:06:28,760
Speaker 2: so then I met my friend. We were at the

125
00:06:28,800 --> 00:06:31,240
Speaker 2: park for another half an hour. She was running and

126
00:06:31,800 --> 00:06:34,080
Speaker 2: bouncing around, not a care in the world.

127
00:06:34,920 --> 00:06:36,720
Speaker 1: Oh well, it's a good thing she wasn't in too

128
00:06:36,800 --> 00:06:37,320
Speaker 1: much pain.

129
00:06:37,680 --> 00:06:38,720
Speaker 2: Yeah.

130
00:06:39,600 --> 00:06:43,120
Speaker 1: So, uh, I had a conversation. I wanted to talk

131
00:06:43,160 --> 00:06:46,440
Speaker 1: to you this morning today about a chat I had

132
00:06:46,440 --> 00:06:48,400
Speaker 1: this morning, which is often the way and people think,

133
00:06:48,640 --> 00:06:50,159
Speaker 1: do you really People have said to me, you know

134
00:06:50,200 --> 00:06:52,839
Speaker 1: the chats that you have, do you really have those chats?

135
00:06:52,960 --> 00:06:56,400
Speaker 1: I really do have these chats. And so when I

136
00:06:56,440 --> 00:07:00,000
Speaker 1: say this is off the back of it always is otherwise,

137
00:07:00,000 --> 00:07:02,880
Speaker 1: as I would just bring up a topic. But I

138
00:07:03,000 --> 00:07:06,240
Speaker 1: was talking to somebody this morning and they literally said

139
00:07:06,240 --> 00:07:10,360
Speaker 1: to me, I don't coach them. I don't know them

140
00:07:10,360 --> 00:07:12,360
Speaker 1: that well. But they listened to the show a bit

141
00:07:12,400 --> 00:07:14,640
Speaker 1: and they know me. And they said, can I ask

142
00:07:14,680 --> 00:07:16,800
Speaker 1: you one question? It was a lady, and I go, yes,

143
00:07:16,880 --> 00:07:20,840
Speaker 1: she can ask me two or three. She goes, she goes,

144
00:07:21,960 --> 00:07:26,120
Speaker 1: how do we find our purpose? And I just went, oh,

145
00:07:26,160 --> 00:07:30,280
Speaker 1: that's that's such an interesting question. And it like that

146
00:07:30,440 --> 00:07:33,960
Speaker 1: question operates on the assumption that we only have one purpose,

147
00:07:34,640 --> 00:07:37,320
Speaker 1: you know, because it's how do we find the purpose

148
00:07:37,400 --> 00:07:40,880
Speaker 1: or our purpose? And you know, we're just talking about that.

149
00:07:40,920 --> 00:07:43,680
Speaker 1: We're talking about, you know, the idea that maybe we

150
00:07:43,760 --> 00:07:46,720
Speaker 1: have multiple purposes. You know. It's like, not like your

151
00:07:46,800 --> 00:07:51,360
Speaker 1: purpose is to is to go and save the world

152
00:07:51,480 --> 00:07:54,840
Speaker 1: doing this. Maybe it's to raise a family, or maybe

153
00:07:54,880 --> 00:07:58,120
Speaker 1: it's to become a world renowned academic, or maybe it's

154
00:07:58,120 --> 00:08:00,880
Speaker 1: to raise a family and become a world renowned academic,

155
00:08:01,160 --> 00:08:03,440
Speaker 1: it doesn't need to be. Or maybe it's to start

156
00:08:03,480 --> 00:08:05,960
Speaker 1: a charity where you're working with people in need who

157
00:08:06,560 --> 00:08:10,040
Speaker 1: who you know, require X, Y Z, and then maybe

158
00:08:10,120 --> 00:08:12,320
Speaker 1: ten years later you hand over the reins to someone

159
00:08:12,320 --> 00:08:15,480
Speaker 1: else and now your purpose is something different, you know.

160
00:08:15,800 --> 00:08:20,280
Speaker 1: So just the idea that not only not only do

161
00:08:20,760 --> 00:08:23,760
Speaker 1: we not necessarily have to have a single purpose, we

162
00:08:23,880 --> 00:08:27,840
Speaker 1: might have multiple, but also that you know, like there's

163
00:08:27,840 --> 00:08:30,360
Speaker 1: a fair chance that what you think is your or

164
00:08:30,360 --> 00:08:34,120
Speaker 1: what your focus is and your attention has and what

165
00:08:34,160 --> 00:08:37,000
Speaker 1: your your alleged purpose is at twenty five might not

166
00:08:37,120 --> 00:08:39,280
Speaker 1: be the same as fifty five, and that's not good

167
00:08:39,400 --> 00:08:43,640
Speaker 1: or bad. Things just change. And she's like, no one's

168
00:08:43,679 --> 00:08:46,520
Speaker 1: ever said that to me, Like I've always thought that

169
00:08:46,559 --> 00:08:50,400
Speaker 1: I have to have a purpose. And I go, well, like, we,

170
00:08:50,920 --> 00:08:53,040
Speaker 1: you know what, as we make this shit up as

171
00:08:53,080 --> 00:08:56,240
Speaker 1: we go. It's not like that's written in concrete anywhere,

172
00:08:56,240 --> 00:08:58,880
Speaker 1: and even if it is, a human wrote it, so

173
00:09:01,640 --> 00:09:05,200
Speaker 1: somebody made it up somewhere. So yeah, it was just

174
00:09:05,400 --> 00:09:07,559
Speaker 1: it was nice and I was talking to Ben oh

175
00:09:07,679 --> 00:09:15,160
Speaker 1: Ben from Attica and just the the idea of owning

176
00:09:15,240 --> 00:09:17,880
Speaker 1: one of the most famous restaurants in the world. But

177
00:09:18,120 --> 00:09:21,720
Speaker 1: also he sees himself as which he is an artist.

178
00:09:21,760 --> 00:09:25,120
Speaker 1: And also he's just written a new book which is

179
00:09:25,160 --> 00:09:30,000
Speaker 1: called Uses for Obsession, which I'm halfway through. It's fucking

180
00:09:30,280 --> 00:09:33,120
Speaker 1: it's I mean, you know people who are creative and talented.

181
00:09:33,160 --> 00:09:36,400
Speaker 1: It's like he could have been just an author. And

182
00:09:36,480 --> 00:09:38,200
Speaker 1: I don't mean just, but like he could have not

183
00:09:38,400 --> 00:09:41,840
Speaker 1: done the restaurant thing, and he could have been an artist,

184
00:09:42,000 --> 00:09:45,400
Speaker 1: or he could have been an author or like anything.

185
00:09:45,920 --> 00:09:50,520
Speaker 1: Like he is a creative. In my opinion, he's a

186
00:09:50,600 --> 00:09:56,880
Speaker 1: creative and he happens to do food like he happens

187
00:09:56,880 --> 00:09:57,880
Speaker 1: to be a great chef.

188
00:10:00,120 --> 00:10:03,839
Speaker 2: A question, what's your purpose right now?

189
00:10:06,520 --> 00:10:08,680
Speaker 1: So I don't think I have a single purpose, but

190
00:10:08,800 --> 00:10:12,480
Speaker 1: I think I think the you know, if we go

191
00:10:12,559 --> 00:10:14,720
Speaker 1: through the I'll answer your question. I have an answer

192
00:10:14,800 --> 00:10:17,400
Speaker 1: straight off, but I want to preface it. So the

193
00:10:17,440 --> 00:10:21,200
Speaker 1: whole kind of self reflection through to self actualization and

194
00:10:21,240 --> 00:10:24,640
Speaker 1: then self transcendence, which is me having a purpose bigger

195
00:10:24,640 --> 00:10:28,839
Speaker 1: than me. My bigger than me purpose is to help

196
00:10:28,880 --> 00:10:39,120
Speaker 1: people in a nutshell explore, expand, and operationalize and optimize

197
00:10:39,160 --> 00:10:44,520
Speaker 1: their potential. I feel like most people waste their potential

198
00:10:45,360 --> 00:10:48,760
Speaker 1: in terms of what is possible for them, you know,

199
00:10:48,880 --> 00:10:55,880
Speaker 1: genetic potential, intellectual potential, creative potential, professional potential. I think

200
00:10:56,040 --> 00:10:59,880
Speaker 1: most people really waste a lot of what they have

201
00:11:00,280 --> 00:11:03,800
Speaker 1: to work with because of fear or laziness or procrastination

202
00:11:04,040 --> 00:11:08,480
Speaker 1: or avoidance. And not that I'm the high watermark for

203
00:11:08,559 --> 00:11:12,920
Speaker 1: success by any means, but I don't see myself genuinely

204
00:11:13,000 --> 00:11:17,079
Speaker 1: as super gifted. Like I'm not bad at a few things,

205
00:11:17,160 --> 00:11:19,800
Speaker 1: but it's not like, oh, you know, we knew when

206
00:11:19,880 --> 00:11:22,400
Speaker 1: Craig was three, little fat fucking Craig, Oh we were

207
00:11:22,480 --> 00:11:26,679
Speaker 1: so gifted. You know, It's like that wasn't me. And

208
00:11:26,760 --> 00:11:34,120
Speaker 1: so I'm really fascinated with helping people get past whatever

209
00:11:34,120 --> 00:11:38,679
Speaker 1: it is that's in the way of them becoming the

210
00:11:38,720 --> 00:11:41,320
Speaker 1: best version of them, which is a cliche, I know,

211
00:11:41,480 --> 00:11:44,319
Speaker 1: But so I think my purpose is to help people

212
00:11:44,360 --> 00:11:48,120
Speaker 1: explore their potential. But that's not a single thing. That's

213
00:11:48,120 --> 00:11:53,679
Speaker 1: a multi variable process of you know, firstly recognizing, well,

214
00:11:53,720 --> 00:11:55,880
Speaker 1: what's stopping me, Well, that's probably going to be a

215
00:11:55,920 --> 00:11:59,839
Speaker 1: mixture of fear or self doubt or self loathing or

216
00:12:01,480 --> 00:12:04,120
Speaker 1: you know, a lack of knowledge or whatever. You know,

217
00:12:04,160 --> 00:12:08,840
Speaker 1: there's a bunch of things. And you know, so many

218
00:12:08,880 --> 00:12:12,560
Speaker 1: people get to fifty, as we've said a thousand times,

219
00:12:12,559 --> 00:12:17,040
Speaker 1: and say this wasn't my plan, you know, when truthfully

220
00:12:17,080 --> 00:12:19,840
Speaker 1: they didn't have an actual plan. They just had an

221
00:12:19,920 --> 00:12:22,360
Speaker 1: idea or a hope of how things might work out.

222
00:12:23,200 --> 00:12:26,160
Speaker 1: So I think my purpose is serving others in that

223
00:12:26,240 --> 00:12:28,559
Speaker 1: way where and whether or not it's becoming the best

224
00:12:28,600 --> 00:12:31,520
Speaker 1: parent in the world or in their world, or whether

225
00:12:31,600 --> 00:12:33,840
Speaker 1: or not it's getting a PhD, or whether or not

226
00:12:33,840 --> 00:12:36,880
Speaker 1: it's building a podcast, or you know, in your case,

227
00:12:37,280 --> 00:12:39,920
Speaker 1: you know, building a podcast, building a great speaking career,

228
00:12:39,960 --> 00:12:43,160
Speaker 1: being a good human, being a good dog slash cat, mum,

229
00:12:43,360 --> 00:12:46,320
Speaker 1: whatever it is. Like, I don't you know, I know

230
00:12:46,400 --> 00:12:50,040
Speaker 1: a lot of people who are from the outside looking in,

231
00:12:50,440 --> 00:12:55,960
Speaker 1: very very wealthy, successful rich, but I don't really consider

232
00:12:56,000 --> 00:12:58,320
Speaker 1: them to be successful because I see what's going on

233
00:12:58,400 --> 00:13:02,600
Speaker 1: behind the curtain. Like if the only KPI is things

234
00:13:02,960 --> 00:13:08,440
Speaker 1: is stuff, then they're doing pretty good. But if we

235
00:13:08,520 --> 00:13:13,080
Speaker 1: measure success in mental, emotional, social, physical health, which I

236
00:13:13,200 --> 00:13:17,240
Speaker 1: do part of it at least, then some of them

237
00:13:17,280 --> 00:13:20,520
Speaker 1: are poverty stricken despite having lots of money. So I

238
00:13:20,559 --> 00:13:23,199
Speaker 1: think it's about it's about all of it. That was

239
00:13:23,240 --> 00:13:25,320
Speaker 1: a long winded answer wasn't it wasn't it?

240
00:13:25,360 --> 00:13:29,520
Speaker 2: Ever, that's not like you look at.

241
00:13:29,280 --> 00:13:31,800
Speaker 1: I've never been particularly you know, I did get multiple

242
00:13:31,840 --> 00:13:35,080
Speaker 1: reports which says Craig has a tendency to be somewhat

243
00:13:35,200 --> 00:13:38,600
Speaker 1: verbose and loquacious in class, and I had to find

244
00:13:38,640 --> 00:13:42,200
Speaker 1: out what verbos and loquacious meant to My favorite words

245
00:13:42,240 --> 00:13:46,839
Speaker 1: now means I fucking talk too much. Nothing's changed. And

246
00:13:46,880 --> 00:13:50,440
Speaker 1: I also infamously was told that no one's ever going

247
00:13:50,480 --> 00:13:53,000
Speaker 1: to pay to listen to me talk, so I should

248
00:13:53,040 --> 00:13:58,640
Speaker 1: pay attention in class. Well, sister Catherine, you were fucking wrong.

249
00:13:59,240 --> 00:14:00,559
Speaker 2: Well you paid it to into that.

250
00:14:01,880 --> 00:14:04,920
Speaker 1: I did. I paid attention to that, and then I

251
00:14:04,920 --> 00:14:05,880
Speaker 1: ignored our advice.

252
00:14:06,400 --> 00:14:10,200
Speaker 2: It's interesting because one of the main one of the

253
00:14:10,200 --> 00:14:11,960
Speaker 2: big things that we spent a lot of time on

254
00:14:12,160 --> 00:14:18,840
Speaker 2: at the beginning of our retreat was it Purpose, was identity, Purpose, Mission,

255
00:14:20,400 --> 00:14:23,080
Speaker 2: those three things and how they fit and come together.

256
00:14:23,960 --> 00:14:28,280
Speaker 2: And it's and it's one of the practices because we

257
00:14:28,440 --> 00:14:32,920
Speaker 2: did we did two days of work stuff together, work,

258
00:14:32,960 --> 00:14:35,120
Speaker 2: we'll call it, and then we hit the mountains. Then

259
00:14:35,120 --> 00:14:38,520
Speaker 2: we hit this vast space that just shifts your perspective

260
00:14:38,600 --> 00:14:42,800
Speaker 2: and so just all of this processing happened, and that

261
00:14:43,160 --> 00:14:45,560
Speaker 2: whole idea of purpose sat with me, and I thought

262
00:14:45,560 --> 00:14:48,560
Speaker 2: about it, and it shifted and it changed, and I'm

263
00:14:48,560 --> 00:14:53,000
Speaker 2: still kind of figuring out how to best articulate the

264
00:14:53,040 --> 00:14:54,880
Speaker 2: meaning of it to me. But it has it hasn't

265
00:14:54,920 --> 00:14:58,520
Speaker 2: had a huge impact on how I see the world

266
00:14:58,640 --> 00:15:00,720
Speaker 2: and how I see what I'm doing, and how I

267
00:15:00,800 --> 00:15:04,160
Speaker 2: function and the choices and decisions I make, Which is

268
00:15:04,160 --> 00:15:05,640
Speaker 2: funny because it can sound like a bit of a

269
00:15:05,640 --> 00:15:08,000
Speaker 2: wank of a word, can't it, buck pet what's your purpose?

270
00:15:09,000 --> 00:15:13,280
Speaker 2: But it does. Really it is a guiding light to

271
00:15:13,520 --> 00:15:17,120
Speaker 2: understanding what you do and why you do it.

272
00:15:18,560 --> 00:15:23,040
Speaker 1: And I think it's a really important component of the

273
00:15:23,120 --> 00:15:25,720
Speaker 1: thing that I have spoken about a lot. And you also,

274
00:15:26,280 --> 00:15:33,320
Speaker 1: which is living intentionally, living consciously rather than living unconsciously

275
00:15:33,480 --> 00:15:37,360
Speaker 1: and reactively you know, where you just deal with shit

276
00:15:37,440 --> 00:15:41,920
Speaker 1: that happens, rather than saying, you know, what do I

277
00:15:41,960 --> 00:15:44,360
Speaker 1: want my life to look like, feel like, function like,

278
00:15:44,480 --> 00:15:47,120
Speaker 1: be like in a year? And what do I need

279
00:15:47,160 --> 00:15:50,840
Speaker 1: to do today to make that? You know, a possibility

280
00:15:51,480 --> 00:15:53,920
Speaker 1: like one if we go like we're recording this on

281
00:15:54,000 --> 00:15:56,440
Speaker 1: the fourteenth of October. If I go well, on the

282
00:15:56,440 --> 00:16:00,960
Speaker 1: fourteenth of October, twenty twenty five. I would like to

283
00:16:01,000 --> 00:16:03,560
Speaker 1: be you know, fill in the blank, earning fifty percent more.

284
00:16:03,560 --> 00:16:05,520
Speaker 1: I would like to be ten kilos later. I would

285
00:16:05,600 --> 00:16:09,960
Speaker 1: like to have started a degree in bloody communications. I

286
00:16:10,000 --> 00:16:13,160
Speaker 1: would you know, It's like, it's pretty like the actual

287
00:16:13,240 --> 00:16:17,720
Speaker 1: planning process is not that difficult. The doing process is

288
00:16:17,760 --> 00:16:21,360
Speaker 1: pretty fucking difficult. But you know, I'm not going to

289
00:16:21,400 --> 00:16:26,200
Speaker 1: wake up on October fourteen, twenty twenty five and accidentally

290
00:16:26,240 --> 00:16:30,440
Speaker 1: be in a magical place because the universe conspired to

291
00:16:30,480 --> 00:16:36,400
Speaker 1: make my life shit hot, you know, And so there's that.

292
00:16:36,160 --> 00:16:44,440
Speaker 1: That's my ever present frustration. I guess with people who

293
00:16:44,680 --> 00:16:47,960
Speaker 1: listen to a lot of self help, personal development, beavor

294
00:16:48,000 --> 00:16:52,240
Speaker 1: or psychology read a lot, but I are always about

295
00:16:52,280 --> 00:16:54,880
Speaker 1: to do it but never actually doing it. And I'm

296
00:16:54,960 --> 00:16:58,840
Speaker 1: not trying to alienate any listeners, but it's like, there's

297
00:16:58,840 --> 00:17:01,520
Speaker 1: got to be a point where you go and whether

298
00:17:01,600 --> 00:17:03,440
Speaker 1: or not it's me they listen to or someone else,

299
00:17:03,480 --> 00:17:06,280
Speaker 1: it doesn't because I'm just the messenger. I'm not the message,

300
00:17:06,720 --> 00:17:09,160
Speaker 1: you know. But if you know, think about how many

301
00:17:09,200 --> 00:17:12,639
Speaker 1: times we hear something which is true for us or

302
00:17:12,720 --> 00:17:18,520
Speaker 1: relevant for us, or potentially transformational for us, but failure

303
00:17:18,760 --> 00:17:22,760
Speaker 1: fail to fucking apply it because it's not the right time,

304
00:17:23,880 --> 00:17:26,400
Speaker 1: you know. And I mean it's not really the right

305
00:17:26,440 --> 00:17:28,520
Speaker 1: time at all. It's just because it's fucking hard, and

306
00:17:28,600 --> 00:17:31,919
Speaker 1: so we rationalize not starting. But we're always have this

307
00:17:32,640 --> 00:17:35,960
Speaker 1: i'll start soon mindset. I'll start soon. I'll start soon.

308
00:17:36,040 --> 00:17:38,840
Speaker 1: I'll start soon. And then then you're fifty and you're

309
00:17:38,840 --> 00:17:42,320
Speaker 1: still telling yourself the same shit, you know, And I

310
00:17:42,359 --> 00:17:44,720
Speaker 1: know it's a bit of groundhog day here we come

311
00:17:44,760 --> 00:17:48,159
Speaker 1: full circle in the conversation. But all the all the

312
00:17:48,240 --> 00:17:51,439
Speaker 1: self help and professional development and all the conversations and

313
00:17:51,480 --> 00:17:54,720
Speaker 1: all the inspiration, all the fucking clever words and all

314
00:17:54,720 --> 00:17:58,000
Speaker 1: the all the you know, the memes and the whiteboard messages,

315
00:17:58,080 --> 00:18:03,280
Speaker 1: and they amount to shit. If one of your reasons

316
00:18:03,280 --> 00:18:05,280
Speaker 1: for listening to the show or reading my staff or

317
00:18:05,359 --> 00:18:08,320
Speaker 1: TIF staff or whatever is that you want to improve

318
00:18:08,359 --> 00:18:13,399
Speaker 1: your life, then eventually there needs to be some application

319
00:18:13,600 --> 00:18:16,919
Speaker 1: of the information. Otherwise we're just building this kind of

320
00:18:17,640 --> 00:18:20,840
Speaker 1: knowledge bank that we never exploit.

321
00:18:23,520 --> 00:18:28,600
Speaker 2: I think what's tricky is the understanding the deeper levels

322
00:18:28,600 --> 00:18:33,919
Speaker 2: of it, and unders until you can dig into the

323
00:18:33,960 --> 00:18:40,840
Speaker 2: deeper levels and understand what is driving decisions values and

324
00:18:40,880 --> 00:18:45,200
Speaker 2: what is drawing you towards these perceived purposes. What about

325
00:18:45,960 --> 00:18:50,880
Speaker 2: what someone chooses as a purpose, depending on how deeply

326
00:18:50,960 --> 00:18:55,560
Speaker 2: they see that, whether it is whether or not it's connected,

327
00:18:55,560 --> 00:18:56,920
Speaker 2: and whether or it's going to work for them, because

328
00:18:56,960 --> 00:19:00,960
Speaker 2: otherwise we look at surface level stuff, my purpose to

329
00:19:01,000 --> 00:19:04,479
Speaker 2: make this change to these people in whatever industry or

330
00:19:04,520 --> 00:19:07,080
Speaker 2: area of life. If it's very surface level and you're

331
00:19:07,119 --> 00:19:12,159
Speaker 2: not understanding really what you are connected to underneath that.

332
00:19:13,000 --> 00:19:17,879
Speaker 2: Like for me, I realized two really big things that

333
00:19:18,600 --> 00:19:21,760
Speaker 2: drive me, or maybe the biggest driver for me in

334
00:19:21,760 --> 00:19:25,600
Speaker 2: one of my values was integrity. And I realized how

335
00:19:25,640 --> 00:19:32,000
Speaker 2: many times I have pulled back on executing great ideas

336
00:19:32,440 --> 00:19:38,199
Speaker 2: or services because of my fear of not being enough

337
00:19:38,480 --> 00:19:43,720
Speaker 2: or good enough or smart enough or gonna bring the

338
00:19:43,760 --> 00:19:48,399
Speaker 2: results enough for that to be something of integrity. So

339
00:19:48,560 --> 00:19:50,439
Speaker 2: because I think, well, I don't know if I'm I

340
00:19:50,480 --> 00:19:53,159
Speaker 2: feel like a fraud. So if I don't bring the

341
00:19:53,240 --> 00:19:56,320
Speaker 2: results for this great idea, then I'm not a person

342
00:19:56,359 --> 00:19:59,240
Speaker 2: of integrity, and that makes me stop. And then certain

343
00:19:59,359 --> 00:20:02,760
Speaker 2: I've been abs with why people self sabotage over the years,

344
00:20:02,800 --> 00:20:05,480
Speaker 2: because there's been times I don't understand why I'm doing it.

345
00:20:06,359 --> 00:20:08,760
Speaker 1: But I think integrity is you wanting to do something,

346
00:20:08,840 --> 00:20:11,520
Speaker 1: trying to do it, fucking up and then talking about

347
00:20:11,560 --> 00:20:15,440
Speaker 1: how you fucked up and what you learned. That's integrity. Yeah,

348
00:20:15,480 --> 00:20:18,359
Speaker 1: integuity doesn't necessarily equate to I did a thing and

349
00:20:18,440 --> 00:20:23,879
Speaker 1: I succeeded. Like the fact that you are living in

350
00:20:24,440 --> 00:20:28,000
Speaker 1: with integrity to me is about being raw and real

351
00:20:28,000 --> 00:20:32,119
Speaker 1: and honest and walking your talk like it's about. Uh,

352
00:20:32,760 --> 00:20:37,679
Speaker 1: is how I actually live a reflection of what I say.

353
00:20:38,480 --> 00:20:43,280
Speaker 1: And this is one of my pet peeves in social

354
00:20:43,320 --> 00:20:45,719
Speaker 1: media in general. And yes, there's some great stuff in

355
00:20:45,760 --> 00:20:49,480
Speaker 1: social media, but I just think there's a huge, huge

356
00:20:49,480 --> 00:20:51,680
Speaker 1: amount of people who just say shit that's not true

357
00:20:52,960 --> 00:20:56,480
Speaker 1: or shit that they don't actually do. That annoys me,

358
00:20:56,520 --> 00:20:58,280
Speaker 1: and it should't annoy me. That's a flaw in me.

359
00:20:58,400 --> 00:21:02,320
Speaker 1: But you know, I'm I mean, I know people who

360
00:21:02,359 --> 00:21:05,840
Speaker 1: say one thing publicly and do another. I know them.

361
00:21:05,880 --> 00:21:08,359
Speaker 1: I would never name them, but I could name them

362
00:21:08,600 --> 00:21:12,400
Speaker 1: where how they live is not actually how they represent

363
00:21:12,520 --> 00:21:16,800
Speaker 1: themselves to the public. I'm like, you have fucking zero integrity,

364
00:21:16,840 --> 00:21:21,159
Speaker 1: and I don't respect you, you know, I'd rather And

365
00:21:21,200 --> 00:21:23,959
Speaker 1: what I don't get is I actually think when people

366
00:21:24,880 --> 00:21:28,520
Speaker 1: are real like and I understand why some people don't

367
00:21:28,560 --> 00:21:32,000
Speaker 1: share some things, of course, but when you're trying and

368
00:21:32,080 --> 00:21:36,520
Speaker 1: fucking up, sometimes winning, sometimes losing, sometimes getting embarrassed, sometimes

369
00:21:36,520 --> 00:21:40,000
Speaker 1: getting you know whatever, a round of applause and everything

370
00:21:40,040 --> 00:21:46,000
Speaker 1: in between. But and you share that, people people relate

371
00:21:46,000 --> 00:21:49,000
Speaker 1: to you more. Yeah, you know, when you operate with

372
00:21:49,080 --> 00:21:52,320
Speaker 1: integrity and you do you know, like five minutes before

373
00:21:52,320 --> 00:21:54,560
Speaker 1: we did this, not five fifteen minutes before we did

374
00:21:54,560 --> 00:21:59,280
Speaker 1: this podcast, Melissa rang me and went, which I'll tell

375
00:21:59,280 --> 00:22:00,800
Speaker 1: you off there, I can't tell you on air, But

376
00:22:01,320 --> 00:22:07,760
Speaker 1: had a sponsorship opportunity with a very very globally known brand,

377
00:22:08,600 --> 00:22:12,240
Speaker 1: and they want me to say something in the ad

378
00:22:12,440 --> 00:22:15,959
Speaker 1: that I can't say because I don't believe it, and

379
00:22:16,040 --> 00:22:19,000
Speaker 1: I said I will work with them, but I can't

380
00:22:19,080 --> 00:22:23,840
Speaker 1: say this sentence because that isn't true for me. Also, firstly,

381
00:22:23,880 --> 00:22:26,879
Speaker 1: I don't think it's true. I think what they're saying

382
00:22:26,960 --> 00:22:31,639
Speaker 1: is not true, and I definitely can't say it. And

383
00:22:32,000 --> 00:22:35,600
Speaker 1: you know, it's just like it's sometimes my integrity is

384
00:22:35,640 --> 00:22:39,560
Speaker 1: a fucking financial handy cap. But I'm just like I

385
00:22:39,600 --> 00:22:42,639
Speaker 1: said one even if nobody ever heard it, I can't

386
00:22:42,640 --> 00:22:44,359
Speaker 1: say that because I don't believe it, and I won't

387
00:22:44,400 --> 00:22:48,280
Speaker 1: say it just for money. And two, like my audience

388
00:22:48,400 --> 00:22:52,640
Speaker 1: know me if I if I came on and went,

389
00:22:53,760 --> 00:22:58,600
Speaker 1: hey everyone, Krispy Kreme, you know, look, don't have them

390
00:22:58,600 --> 00:23:01,399
Speaker 1: too often, but I reckon you know, once or twice

391
00:23:01,440 --> 00:23:04,600
Speaker 1: a week a couple of fucking couldn't do better. People

392
00:23:04,600 --> 00:23:08,000
Speaker 1: would be like, oh my god, you sold out. Now

393
00:23:08,480 --> 00:23:11,919
Speaker 1: I'm not saying I'm not saying everybody don't ever, you know,

394
00:23:12,000 --> 00:23:14,720
Speaker 1: I'm saying, do whatever you like. But what I'm saying

395
00:23:14,800 --> 00:23:18,960
Speaker 1: is I can't sell that on my show. I'm not

396
00:23:19,000 --> 00:23:22,320
Speaker 1: going to encourage people to put shit in their body

397
00:23:22,400 --> 00:23:25,240
Speaker 1: or what I think is shit. Okay, I'm not saying

398
00:23:25,320 --> 00:23:28,240
Speaker 1: Crispy Kreme. That would be terrible for me to say that, definitely,

399
00:23:28,600 --> 00:23:31,240
Speaker 1: but you can figure out, you know. And so that

400
00:23:32,520 --> 00:23:37,840
Speaker 1: to me, that's you know, for me, that's part of integrity,

401
00:23:38,040 --> 00:23:40,480
Speaker 1: you know. And I think, but also back to you,

402
00:23:40,560 --> 00:23:42,240
Speaker 1: I want to jump back to your purpose thing for

403
00:23:42,280 --> 00:23:48,320
Speaker 1: a moment. This is controversial. I reckon a lot of people.

404
00:23:48,480 --> 00:23:50,280
Speaker 1: If you look at how a lot of people live.

405
00:23:51,320 --> 00:23:54,159
Speaker 1: If how people live is a reflection of what matters

406
00:23:54,200 --> 00:23:59,440
Speaker 1: to the most, then for many people their purpose is comfort.

407
00:24:01,040 --> 00:24:06,440
Speaker 1: Think about how many people they prioritize comfort over everything,

408
00:24:07,200 --> 00:24:11,600
Speaker 1: which is why they don't work out or work out hard,

409
00:24:11,920 --> 00:24:14,440
Speaker 1: which is why they eat food that they don't need.

410
00:24:15,400 --> 00:24:21,240
Speaker 1: That's that's literally sabotaging their health, that's derailing their genetic

411
00:24:21,359 --> 00:24:24,760
Speaker 1: potential because it gives them comfort. I'm not there's no

412
00:24:24,880 --> 00:24:28,800
Speaker 1: judgment in this, just observation. Right by the way, Have

413
00:24:28,920 --> 00:24:31,679
Speaker 1: I done it? Yes? Have I have a prioritized comfort?

414
00:24:31,760 --> 00:24:35,280
Speaker 1: Fucking oath? Has it? You know, if you looked at

415
00:24:35,359 --> 00:24:37,679
Speaker 1: me over the years, you would have said, I was

416
00:24:37,800 --> 00:24:42,119
Speaker 1: just I was all about fucking pleasure and what's that

417
00:24:42,760 --> 00:24:46,800
Speaker 1: what's that term? Tip? What's that term where people and

418
00:24:46,880 --> 00:24:49,440
Speaker 1: we're back? I just I couldn't go on we're back.

419
00:24:49,560 --> 00:24:50,000
Speaker 2: I had.

420
00:24:51,400 --> 00:24:56,520
Speaker 1: Hedonistic living or hedonism is you know when everything's you know,

421
00:24:56,640 --> 00:25:01,680
Speaker 1: and so yeah, I just think that. But the challenge

422
00:25:01,760 --> 00:25:04,960
Speaker 1: for you know, when you say one of my values

423
00:25:05,040 --> 00:25:10,200
Speaker 1: is growth and service and you know personal development or

424
00:25:10,240 --> 00:25:14,840
Speaker 1: health or like that, that's going to be painful at times,

425
00:25:15,240 --> 00:25:19,240
Speaker 1: you know, maybe often you know, on the journey. But yeah,

426
00:25:19,320 --> 00:25:22,040
Speaker 1: so's it's that like there's the thing that we say

427
00:25:22,080 --> 00:25:24,760
Speaker 1: we're about, and then there's the thing that we're really about.

428
00:25:24,800 --> 00:25:28,240
Speaker 1: When no one's looking you know how we behave.

429
00:25:30,520 --> 00:25:33,800
Speaker 2: Well, that's where I think that values and purpose need

430
00:25:33,880 --> 00:25:36,480
Speaker 2: to Then it's a conversation that needs to happen together

431
00:25:36,520 --> 00:25:39,479
Speaker 2: because there's the purpose, which is this service base driven

432
00:25:39,760 --> 00:25:42,959
Speaker 2: and people can get messed up with how that sounds

433
00:25:43,000 --> 00:25:45,639
Speaker 2: to the world. Oh, it's my purpose is to help

434
00:25:46,359 --> 00:25:48,199
Speaker 2: you know how many coaches out there is like, my

435
00:25:48,280 --> 00:25:51,240
Speaker 2: purpose is to help these people do this, this, and

436
00:25:51,280 --> 00:25:53,920
Speaker 2: this is like actually, you're running an online course where

437
00:25:53,920 --> 00:25:55,840
Speaker 2: you don't even meet people. Your purpose is to make

438
00:25:55,880 --> 00:26:01,080
Speaker 2: a load of money the easiest way possible. But when

439
00:26:01,119 --> 00:26:03,520
Speaker 2: you look at Veulock, for me, looking at my values

440
00:26:05,000 --> 00:26:08,440
Speaker 2: and then linking it to why I love the aspects

441
00:26:08,440 --> 00:26:11,960
Speaker 2: of the things that I do, it's changed the way

442
00:26:12,359 --> 00:26:14,119
Speaker 2: like I come back and it's changed the way that

443
00:26:14,240 --> 00:26:16,920
Speaker 2: I feel and think about the stuff that I'm going

444
00:26:16,920 --> 00:26:19,679
Speaker 2: to put my energy into doing and the outcomes I

445
00:26:19,720 --> 00:26:21,720
Speaker 2: expect to make and what I want to see out

446
00:26:21,720 --> 00:26:23,800
Speaker 2: of it is very different because I now I know

447
00:26:24,480 --> 00:26:27,800
Speaker 2: what I'm connected to and why it matters to me.

448
00:26:29,359 --> 00:26:33,040
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think, and I think, well, back to the

449
00:26:33,640 --> 00:26:35,960
Speaker 1: you know, people just doing stuff because they want to

450
00:26:35,960 --> 00:26:38,679
Speaker 1: make keaps a dough and there's nothing wrong with that.

451
00:26:38,840 --> 00:26:42,199
Speaker 1: Either if we know what's going on, you know, if

452
00:26:42,280 --> 00:26:45,080
Speaker 1: you're clear about well this is, you know, like someone

453
00:26:45,160 --> 00:26:49,520
Speaker 1: like Alex Hermosi, who you know, he's all about helping

454
00:26:49,560 --> 00:26:53,119
Speaker 1: people build wealth and build systems and monetizing things and

455
00:26:53,200 --> 00:26:57,400
Speaker 1: programs and online this and that. And while I don't

456
00:26:57,440 --> 00:27:02,240
Speaker 1: see to eye on everything with him, he's definitely better

457
00:27:02,320 --> 00:27:06,159
Speaker 1: at creating wealth than I am. I'm fucking terrible, and

458
00:27:07,400 --> 00:27:10,800
Speaker 1: like some stuff, I listened to him and I'm like, nah, nah, nah,

459
00:27:10,840 --> 00:27:14,160
Speaker 1: that's no, not me. Then other stuff where I'm like, yeah,

460
00:27:14,400 --> 00:27:17,800
Speaker 1: you're smart as fuck. You know, I could learn in

461
00:27:17,920 --> 00:27:22,840
Speaker 1: terms of building business or building online funnels and creating

462
00:27:22,840 --> 00:27:25,440
Speaker 1: products and services and all of that stuff which I'm

463
00:27:25,440 --> 00:27:28,600
Speaker 1: not very good at. I definitely can learn from him.

464
00:27:29,000 --> 00:27:31,720
Speaker 1: But also what I like about him is he's not

465
00:27:31,920 --> 00:27:36,080
Speaker 1: pretending to be something else, Like he is all about

466
00:27:36,160 --> 00:27:40,560
Speaker 1: business make and doe crushing killing, and he doesn't pretend

467
00:27:40,600 --> 00:27:44,480
Speaker 1: that he is the Dalai Lama. Right, So I respect

468
00:27:44,600 --> 00:27:47,040
Speaker 1: him because whether or not you know, you like him

469
00:27:47,080 --> 00:27:49,359
Speaker 1: a lot. As a human being. I think he's fine.

470
00:27:49,800 --> 00:27:53,879
Speaker 1: I listened to him on Chris Williams on what is

471
00:27:53,920 --> 00:27:56,159
Speaker 1: It Modern Wisdom? And that was a great that was

472
00:27:56,200 --> 00:27:58,359
Speaker 1: a great chat. I think I referred you to that,

473
00:27:58,560 --> 00:28:00,800
Speaker 1: and I'm like, ah, this dude is really smart. I

474
00:28:00,800 --> 00:28:03,560
Speaker 1: don't align with him on everything, but he wouldn't align

475
00:28:03,600 --> 00:28:07,280
Speaker 1: with me either. But you know, when people are up

476
00:28:07,320 --> 00:28:12,040
Speaker 1: front and transparent and direct and real, I don't like

477
00:28:12,320 --> 00:28:14,480
Speaker 1: even if they're nothing like me and we don't have

478
00:28:14,560 --> 00:28:17,320
Speaker 1: the same values, But as long as they're being authentic,

479
00:28:18,000 --> 00:28:20,320
Speaker 1: I'm cool with it because we know what we're getting.

480
00:28:21,720 --> 00:28:25,760
Speaker 2: One of my favorite things on Chris's podcast recently, I

481
00:28:25,800 --> 00:28:28,280
Speaker 2: was listening to I Think It's Dan Martel. I listened

482
00:28:28,280 --> 00:28:29,880
Speaker 2: to it a couple of times. I really liked him,

483
00:28:29,960 --> 00:28:32,120
Speaker 2: and one of the things he said that I picked

484
00:28:32,160 --> 00:28:34,960
Speaker 2: up on the second or third time was if you're

485
00:28:35,000 --> 00:28:38,880
Speaker 2: not contradicting yourself, you're not growing fast enough. And I

486
00:28:38,960 --> 00:28:42,280
Speaker 2: love that, and when sometimes hearing things like that can

487
00:28:42,320 --> 00:28:44,920
Speaker 2: be really jarring because we can hold on to what

488
00:28:44,960 --> 00:28:48,160
Speaker 2: we say. We say things, especially in people like you

489
00:28:48,200 --> 00:28:51,720
Speaker 2: and I who are putting it out publicly, this is

490
00:28:51,760 --> 00:28:53,840
Speaker 2: what I think, and it can be really jarring to

491
00:28:53,880 --> 00:28:59,000
Speaker 2: go ooh, like, yep, I'm contradicting that now, Like I've

492
00:28:59,080 --> 00:29:02,200
Speaker 2: changed my tune on intimate and fasting for females.

493
00:29:03,120 --> 00:29:07,400
Speaker 1: Yep, Well that's I mean backflip. Yes, yeah, one hundred percent.

494
00:29:07,520 --> 00:29:11,440
Speaker 1: And if you I agree, I wouldn't when you say contradicting,

495
00:29:11,480 --> 00:29:14,320
Speaker 1: I was thinking something else, but it is that. It's like, yeah,

496
00:29:14,440 --> 00:29:15,160
Speaker 1: essentially it's.

497
00:29:15,120 --> 00:29:19,520
Speaker 2: Changing incongruent, but being able to get new information you

498
00:29:19,560 --> 00:29:21,240
Speaker 2: talk about all the times, you just don't say it

499
00:29:21,240 --> 00:29:23,600
Speaker 2: in that way. Getting new information and changing your mind

500
00:29:23,640 --> 00:29:24,560
Speaker 2: about something.

501
00:29:24,560 --> 00:29:27,280
Speaker 1: Yeah, I call it unlearning. Yeah, like that thing that

502
00:29:27,360 --> 00:29:30,120
Speaker 1: I thought, I don't think that anymore, the thing that

503
00:29:30,200 --> 00:29:32,720
Speaker 1: I believed, I don't believe that anymore. And the reason

504
00:29:32,760 --> 00:29:34,560
Speaker 1: I don't believe it is because I got new data,

505
00:29:34,600 --> 00:29:36,720
Speaker 1: or I got new information, or I had a new experience,

506
00:29:36,840 --> 00:29:39,880
Speaker 1: or I had a conversation, or there's been more research

507
00:29:40,000 --> 00:29:45,280
Speaker 1: or and I'm not emotionally attached to a particular idea

508
00:29:45,400 --> 00:29:49,160
Speaker 1: or stance like you know how, Like you said you

509
00:29:49,240 --> 00:29:51,880
Speaker 1: thought a certain way about intimate and fasting for women.

510
00:29:52,440 --> 00:29:54,400
Speaker 1: You got I would I would say you got some

511
00:29:54,480 --> 00:29:57,320
Speaker 1: new experience or insider understanding or something, And now you

512
00:29:57,320 --> 00:30:02,440
Speaker 1: don't think that. That's actually a sign of fucking See

513
00:30:02,560 --> 00:30:05,520
Speaker 1: that person. I want to listen to the person that

514
00:30:06,040 --> 00:30:10,840
Speaker 1: never unlearns anything. The person that's been right about everything

515
00:30:10,880 --> 00:30:13,760
Speaker 1: every time for the last thirty years. That's the person

516
00:30:13,760 --> 00:30:17,040
Speaker 1: you don't want to pay any attention to because that's

517
00:30:17,040 --> 00:30:20,720
Speaker 1: about emotion and ego and identity, because their sense of

518
00:30:20,800 --> 00:30:24,320
Speaker 1: self is tied into being right. Yes, you know, and

519
00:30:24,360 --> 00:30:28,800
Speaker 1: this is this is one of the challenges when you

520
00:30:28,840 --> 00:30:34,960
Speaker 1: know you're talking with people who they basically identify themselves

521
00:30:35,160 --> 00:30:40,040
Speaker 1: as a behavior or an idea or a practice. I

522
00:30:40,080 --> 00:30:44,160
Speaker 1: am fill in the blank, you know. I am a vegan,

523
00:30:44,200 --> 00:30:46,800
Speaker 1: I am a carnival, I am a Christian, I am

524
00:30:46,840 --> 00:30:49,760
Speaker 1: a Buddhist, I am an atheist, I am a business owner,

525
00:30:49,880 --> 00:30:54,320
Speaker 1: I am a podcast I am all these I am statements.

526
00:30:54,360 --> 00:30:58,840
Speaker 1: So I am is literally my identity. I am no

527
00:30:59,000 --> 00:31:04,080
Speaker 1: good at sport. I am genetically impaired. I am And

528
00:31:04,120 --> 00:31:07,440
Speaker 1: then we basically tell the world who we are without

529
00:31:07,480 --> 00:31:11,840
Speaker 1: telling the world who we are at all, trying to

530
00:31:11,960 --> 00:31:14,520
Speaker 1: understand who am I beyond all the labels I put

531
00:31:14,560 --> 00:31:15,240
Speaker 1: on myself.

532
00:31:17,920 --> 00:31:20,800
Speaker 2: I did heaps of that as well over in India,

533
00:31:20,840 --> 00:31:23,800
Speaker 2: and I've to put stuff in practice when I got

534
00:31:23,840 --> 00:31:28,040
Speaker 2: back to not get back into the same environment and

535
00:31:28,160 --> 00:31:31,720
Speaker 2: hold on tightly to that version of me that I

536
00:31:31,800 --> 00:31:33,280
Speaker 2: was getting boxed into.

537
00:31:34,960 --> 00:31:37,760
Speaker 1: How do you ever plan on for those who have

538
00:31:37,880 --> 00:31:41,880
Speaker 1: been under a rock or haven't listened to the last

539
00:31:41,920 --> 00:31:44,800
Speaker 1: few Tiff and me. TIFF's been in India and she's

540
00:31:44,880 --> 00:31:49,760
Speaker 1: come back with I would say a different perspective and energy.

541
00:31:49,800 --> 00:31:53,360
Speaker 1: I mean that honestly, like your energy is your energy

542
00:31:53,440 --> 00:31:55,840
Speaker 1: is genuinely different. And I won't say who will throw

543
00:31:55,880 --> 00:31:57,840
Speaker 1: you under the bus. But you were talking to someone

544
00:31:58,400 --> 00:32:01,800
Speaker 1: very recently that you were doing the session with and

545
00:32:01,840 --> 00:32:04,120
Speaker 1: you hadn't told them anything, and that like, what is

546
00:32:04,160 --> 00:32:06,840
Speaker 1: going on with you? You're weird? Have you been meditating

547
00:32:06,880 --> 00:32:10,560
Speaker 1: your debt? Like I don't know, Maybe you can share that,

548
00:32:10,560 --> 00:32:14,280
Speaker 1: but anyway, but I just thought, do you have a plan,

549
00:32:15,880 --> 00:32:18,920
Speaker 1: because when I've had experiences like that, I desperately don't

550
00:32:18,920 --> 00:32:19,959
Speaker 1: want it to go away.

551
00:32:20,680 --> 00:32:23,920
Speaker 2: Yeah I do. It's not going I will not let

552
00:32:23,920 --> 00:32:26,920
Speaker 2: it go. I've got post it notes, I've got I've

553
00:32:26,920 --> 00:32:29,640
Speaker 2: got shit written all over I've got different things that

554
00:32:29,640 --> 00:32:32,440
Speaker 2: I'm practicing. And I went for dinner last night and

555
00:32:32,840 --> 00:32:34,680
Speaker 2: I walked there and it was a thirty minute walk.

556
00:32:35,160 --> 00:32:37,120
Speaker 2: And on the way there and on the way back,

557
00:32:38,280 --> 00:32:41,960
Speaker 2: I walk at half the pace now and I can't

558
00:32:42,000 --> 00:32:44,560
Speaker 2: even make myself Harry because the thought of making myself

559
00:32:44,600 --> 00:32:48,120
Speaker 2: Harry almost invites that old persona back. It's like, you know,

560
00:32:48,440 --> 00:32:52,280
Speaker 2: we're not We're not rushing everything anymore. Like life is

561
00:32:52,480 --> 00:32:55,800
Speaker 2: really good now, and you've wasted four years of it

562
00:32:55,880 --> 00:32:58,959
Speaker 2: worrying about the next thing and rushing and worrying about

563
00:32:59,040 --> 00:33:03,480
Speaker 2: all the shit that is not and you've missed out

564
00:33:03,480 --> 00:33:04,920
Speaker 2: on so much.

565
00:33:06,040 --> 00:33:10,840
Speaker 1: That's that's interesting. Why four years? Why did you say

566
00:33:11,000 --> 00:33:11,640
Speaker 1: four years?

567
00:33:11,880 --> 00:33:16,200
Speaker 2: I guess because I probably from the big shift of

568
00:33:16,880 --> 00:33:19,480
Speaker 2: COVID and that was a really big time for me.

569
00:33:19,560 --> 00:33:22,880
Speaker 2: A lot of things went on, But I would say that,

570
00:33:24,280 --> 00:33:27,040
Speaker 2: and I remember at the time saying, are you just

571
00:33:27,400 --> 00:33:30,000
Speaker 2: is this a trauma response? You do real good in chaos?

572
00:33:30,040 --> 00:33:32,239
Speaker 2: You do you do good when when the chips are

573
00:33:32,280 --> 00:33:36,560
Speaker 2: down and ship's falling down. So I was like, is

574
00:33:36,600 --> 00:33:38,960
Speaker 2: this creating a podcast and a new brand and a

575
00:33:39,000 --> 00:33:41,280
Speaker 2: new thing and all that that picked up real quick?

576
00:33:41,400 --> 00:33:43,120
Speaker 2: Is that just is that all going to fall away?

577
00:33:43,120 --> 00:33:45,719
Speaker 2: And it didn't. But I do feel like I stayed

578
00:33:45,720 --> 00:33:54,240
Speaker 2: in that state, and I don't like, I don't feel

579
00:33:55,280 --> 00:33:59,640
Speaker 2: proud of how I've been for the last few years.

580
00:34:00,360 --> 00:34:02,560
Speaker 2: And I didn't know I was, and I didn't mean

581
00:34:02,600 --> 00:34:07,320
Speaker 2: to be but I feel if I was watching someone

582
00:34:07,320 --> 00:34:09,680
Speaker 2: else right now and knowing that was their experience, I

583
00:34:09,680 --> 00:34:15,040
Speaker 2: would feel very compassionate and sad for them because I'll

584
00:34:15,080 --> 00:34:19,200
Speaker 2: be like, you're missing so much, all of the little things.

585
00:34:19,400 --> 00:34:23,480
Speaker 1: So when you say you don't feel proud, tell me

586
00:34:23,520 --> 00:34:24,480
Speaker 1: a bit more about that.

587
00:34:25,840 --> 00:34:31,640
Speaker 2: Ah, just what This is hard because I don't want

588
00:34:31,680 --> 00:34:34,319
Speaker 2: to judge it because it just is and I wasn't.

589
00:34:34,520 --> 00:34:37,400
Speaker 2: I'm not a bad person, but I just it was

590
00:34:37,440 --> 00:34:48,200
Speaker 2: a very hectic, self absorbed, self protective, selfish headspace all

591
00:34:48,280 --> 00:34:54,040
Speaker 2: the time, Like I'm so protective of me that no

592
00:34:54,120 --> 00:34:56,839
Speaker 2: one can come in so no one can fuck me over.

593
00:34:57,400 --> 00:34:59,440
Speaker 2: But that means that no one can help. And then

594
00:34:59,440 --> 00:35:02,560
Speaker 2: I'm angry that no one's helping, and I'm angry that

595
00:35:01,920 --> 00:35:05,000
Speaker 2: I'm angry that i feel alone, and I'm sad and

596
00:35:05,040 --> 00:35:09,080
Speaker 2: I'm all of these things. Wow, but I'm creating.

597
00:35:08,640 --> 00:35:15,400
Speaker 1: That Wow, Like fucking wow, that is that is really

598
00:35:15,400 --> 00:35:16,839
Speaker 1: good awareness.

599
00:35:17,200 --> 00:35:18,319
Speaker 2: Yeah you are.

600
00:35:18,400 --> 00:35:20,520
Speaker 1: I'm not saying this because we're on the I haven't

601
00:35:20,560 --> 00:35:23,400
Speaker 1: even told you there's face to face, but you are different,

602
00:35:24,120 --> 00:35:28,080
Speaker 1: Like it's like there's been a real shift. That's nice.

603
00:35:28,239 --> 00:35:32,680
Speaker 1: It's nice, and that's not the that's not an adequate word,

604
00:35:32,760 --> 00:35:39,600
Speaker 1: but it's for it's good to see, like it's good

605
00:35:39,640 --> 00:35:43,160
Speaker 1: to see. And even even at the gym, you know,

606
00:35:43,200 --> 00:35:45,480
Speaker 1: when I see you at the gym, like your energy

607
00:35:45,560 --> 00:35:51,319
Speaker 1: is different, like yeah, there's it's like you used to

608
00:35:51,360 --> 00:35:54,200
Speaker 1: come to the gym because you do or you did,

609
00:35:54,320 --> 00:35:57,400
Speaker 1: you had that you know pretty much fuck off sign

610
00:35:57,440 --> 00:36:01,239
Speaker 1: on your forehead like you're like easy going to a

611
00:36:01,320 --> 00:36:03,640
Speaker 1: point and open to a point. But then it was

612
00:36:03,760 --> 00:36:07,480
Speaker 1: like no, a fucking vault right. It was like one

613
00:36:07,480 --> 00:36:10,480
Speaker 1: of those I picture those old in those old movies

614
00:36:10,560 --> 00:36:13,760
Speaker 1: with the bank vault door that you've got to spin

615
00:36:13,840 --> 00:36:16,759
Speaker 1: around the thing, and you know that that was like

616
00:36:16,920 --> 00:36:21,120
Speaker 1: your heart like fuck off. You know, I can do

617
00:36:21,239 --> 00:36:24,920
Speaker 1: the cheeky fun thing. But and when you used to

618
00:36:25,000 --> 00:36:29,480
Speaker 1: hug like it was it was a Ron Harper hug.

619
00:36:29,520 --> 00:36:33,759
Speaker 1: It was like almost like I know this is social etiquette,

620
00:36:33,800 --> 00:36:35,799
Speaker 1: so I'll do it and it's just in an and

621
00:36:35,840 --> 00:36:38,799
Speaker 1: not that it's like some big embrace now, but but

622
00:36:38,880 --> 00:36:41,840
Speaker 1: your your energy is different to be around your physical

623
00:36:41,960 --> 00:36:46,200
Speaker 1: energy and even when you yeah, it's it's it's nice.

624
00:36:46,239 --> 00:36:48,880
Speaker 2: So yeah, I'm glad to hear that because I feel

625
00:36:49,280 --> 00:36:52,960
Speaker 2: I feel different. And I said to some of the others.

626
00:36:53,280 --> 00:36:56,200
Speaker 2: I one, especially with you because I work so closely

627
00:36:56,239 --> 00:36:59,400
Speaker 2: with you, and I'm like, I wonder what the experience

628
00:36:59,800 --> 00:37:02,879
Speaker 2: was like and how much you could see and what

629
00:37:02,960 --> 00:37:07,200
Speaker 2: that felt like. I declined in today just speaking about energy,

630
00:37:07,239 --> 00:37:10,040
Speaker 2: and I've trained them for a long time. Won't say

631
00:37:10,080 --> 00:37:11,839
Speaker 2: hull it is or anything about the situation. But they

632
00:37:11,880 --> 00:37:15,799
Speaker 2: came in and started talking and I can't remember what

633
00:37:15,960 --> 00:37:18,840
Speaker 2: question because we sat down afterwards and had a session

634
00:37:18,880 --> 00:37:21,760
Speaker 2: after the session and deep and meaningful, but I said,

635
00:37:22,320 --> 00:37:24,799
Speaker 2: they were talking and I just stopped, put my hands

636
00:37:24,840 --> 00:37:28,280
Speaker 2: we're doing pad work boxing my hands on my side,

637
00:37:28,280 --> 00:37:30,719
Speaker 2: and I asked a question. I can't remember which one

638
00:37:30,880 --> 00:37:34,239
Speaker 2: it might have been. I don't know what it was,

639
00:37:34,280 --> 00:37:37,160
Speaker 2: but they just water works. They just broke down. They

640
00:37:37,280 --> 00:37:39,880
Speaker 2: just cried, and we just had a big hug, and

641
00:37:39,880 --> 00:37:42,680
Speaker 2: we probably had four big hugs throughout the session. And

642
00:37:42,719 --> 00:37:44,800
Speaker 2: I said, you're going to stop and have a coffee

643
00:37:44,840 --> 00:37:46,200
Speaker 2: with me after this, and we're going to do a

644
00:37:46,200 --> 00:37:49,320
Speaker 2: whole other sort of session after this session. And thankfully

645
00:37:49,360 --> 00:37:51,800
Speaker 2: I had the time after that, but it was beautiful

646
00:37:52,000 --> 00:37:57,399
Speaker 2: to see that she had the space and the opportunity

647
00:37:57,960 --> 00:38:01,279
Speaker 2: to do that with me, and I had to just

648
00:38:01,400 --> 00:38:04,799
Speaker 2: stop and see the opportunity and ask a question that

649
00:38:04,840 --> 00:38:06,480
Speaker 2: was going to matter in that moment.

650
00:38:07,280 --> 00:38:08,920
Speaker 1: Yeah that's so nice.

651
00:38:09,200 --> 00:38:09,959
Speaker 2: Yeah nice.

652
00:38:11,520 --> 00:38:15,839
Speaker 1: I met similarly, I met there's a lot that used

653
00:38:15,840 --> 00:38:18,319
Speaker 1: to work me for me. So I met one of

654
00:38:18,360 --> 00:38:22,120
Speaker 1: my ex trainers who used to work for me. And

655
00:38:22,160 --> 00:38:24,400
Speaker 1: there were hundreds, so I'm not giving away anything. A

656
00:38:24,480 --> 00:38:27,439
Speaker 1: guy I saw him the other day. I only send

657
00:38:27,480 --> 00:38:30,920
Speaker 1: two or three times a year, but and I was

658
00:38:31,200 --> 00:38:33,880
Speaker 1: asking him how things are, and we ended up sitting

659
00:38:33,920 --> 00:38:36,600
Speaker 1: down outside a cafe. He was getting a coffee, I

660
00:38:36,640 --> 00:38:38,719
Speaker 1: was getting a coffee, and I said, you know, let's sit.

661
00:38:38,840 --> 00:38:42,719
Speaker 1: So we sat and he gave me the rundown on everything,

662
00:38:43,360 --> 00:38:45,440
Speaker 1: you know, like there's plenty going on in his life.

663
00:38:45,480 --> 00:38:48,560
Speaker 1: He's not old, but he's older of course than when

664
00:38:48,560 --> 00:38:52,120
Speaker 1: we worked. And then we then it just went quiet,

665
00:38:52,160 --> 00:38:56,239
Speaker 1: and I went and what about you, mate? And I

666
00:38:56,280 --> 00:39:00,280
Speaker 1: didn't say anything, and he just went and he's eyes

667
00:39:00,280 --> 00:39:03,040
Speaker 1: filled up too, and I go, what's going on with you?

668
00:39:04,760 --> 00:39:07,960
Speaker 1: And he goes ah, and then he just looked away

669
00:39:08,000 --> 00:39:11,040
Speaker 1: and he's like, I can't talk about it. And he's

670
00:39:11,080 --> 00:39:13,279
Speaker 1: just like you know when you just see and he's

671
00:39:13,320 --> 00:39:17,800
Speaker 1: a dude, like he's an alpha male, like nice human,

672
00:39:18,400 --> 00:39:21,400
Speaker 1: not an alpha male buff ed, but like a man's man,

673
00:39:21,960 --> 00:39:26,440
Speaker 1: like good guy, and yeah, and anyway, I didn't push it,

674
00:39:26,520 --> 00:39:30,080
Speaker 1: but yeah, there's just isn't it funny? You know sometimes

675
00:39:30,800 --> 00:39:35,000
Speaker 1: when you're having this surface level conversation and it's like

676
00:39:35,120 --> 00:39:37,680
Speaker 1: it's not that it's bullshit, but it's like it's yeah,

677
00:39:37,719 --> 00:39:40,120
Speaker 1: and they're ah, yeah, good, and that yeah yep, and

678
00:39:40,160 --> 00:39:44,239
Speaker 1: the kids yep, and the old mate yep, yep, mom

679
00:39:44,280 --> 00:39:47,319
Speaker 1: and dad good yep, yep, yep, and it's all like

680
00:39:48,000 --> 00:39:51,840
Speaker 1: it's okay, and we need those conversations because not everything

681
00:39:51,880 --> 00:39:53,719
Speaker 1: has got to be a fucking deep dive into the

682
00:39:54,600 --> 00:39:58,080
Speaker 1: human psyche, right, But every now and then you go,

683
00:39:58,600 --> 00:40:01,960
Speaker 1: like you're talking to someone and you go, oh, I

684
00:40:02,440 --> 00:40:04,840
Speaker 1: don't know about you, but I just sometimes feel compelled

685
00:40:04,880 --> 00:40:07,920
Speaker 1: to go, all right, so what else? And they go

686
00:40:07,960 --> 00:40:09,360
Speaker 1: what do you mean? And I go, I think, you

687
00:40:09,400 --> 00:40:12,080
Speaker 1: know what I mean? What else? What else is going

688
00:40:12,160 --> 00:40:14,920
Speaker 1: on with you? Like? What's going on? And you know,

689
00:40:15,040 --> 00:40:20,160
Speaker 1: sometimes even with men, especially just if I go because

690
00:40:20,200 --> 00:40:25,239
Speaker 1: men don't generally say something like how's your heart, mate,

691
00:40:25,520 --> 00:40:29,800
Speaker 1: and that's it, just how's your heart? Oh? The amount

692
00:40:29,840 --> 00:40:35,600
Speaker 1: of times where men have just like just teared up

693
00:40:36,120 --> 00:40:38,560
Speaker 1: or you know, and it like you and your friend. Yeah,

694
00:40:38,600 --> 00:40:41,880
Speaker 1: it's just like it's and not that we need to

695
00:40:41,920 --> 00:40:44,120
Speaker 1: have a deep and meaningful every time, but yeah, it's

696
00:40:44,200 --> 00:40:47,000
Speaker 1: just like people. You know, it's are you okay? Day?

697
00:40:47,040 --> 00:40:50,640
Speaker 1: It's all that with men and women, old and young.

698
00:40:51,320 --> 00:40:54,080
Speaker 1: You know when when somebody like you did with your

699
00:40:54,120 --> 00:40:57,520
Speaker 1: client today, where you don't need to sessions done, you've

700
00:40:57,520 --> 00:41:00,319
Speaker 1: done your job, but you go, no, we're just going

701
00:41:00,360 --> 00:41:04,239
Speaker 1: to hang around and do this just because you know

702
00:41:04,400 --> 00:41:06,880
Speaker 1: you want to help someone. You know. That's to me,

703
00:41:07,080 --> 00:41:10,880
Speaker 1: that's when we spoke before about purpose. It's about that stuff.

704
00:41:11,520 --> 00:41:15,919
Speaker 1: It's about the unpredictable, it's about the unpaid. Sometimes it's

705
00:41:15,960 --> 00:41:19,040
Speaker 1: about the end, the moment, the spontaneous reading the signs,

706
00:41:19,880 --> 00:41:22,560
Speaker 1: just unconditionally just loving someone and being there.

707
00:41:23,160 --> 00:41:29,280
Speaker 2: Yeah, and it's so desensitized to experiencing somebody asking how

708
00:41:29,320 --> 00:41:32,440
Speaker 2: we are and meaning how we are? But just I

709
00:41:32,520 --> 00:41:35,239
Speaker 2: know that. I mean, there was that time after the

710
00:41:35,320 --> 00:41:38,160
Speaker 2: Marklebust workshop I did where I was emotional and you

711
00:41:38,320 --> 00:41:42,520
Speaker 2: just text through and how bluck and how are you?

712
00:41:42,880 --> 00:41:45,840
Speaker 2: And that just sent me like it's the moment the

713
00:41:45,880 --> 00:41:49,200
Speaker 2: caring door is opened, and you know that someone's actually

714
00:41:49,280 --> 00:41:51,640
Speaker 2: not asking about how is your day? How is work?

715
00:41:51,719 --> 00:41:53,480
Speaker 2: How is the people? What was the what is the

716
00:41:53,560 --> 00:41:57,400
Speaker 2: surface stuff? How are you? It's a really emotional question.

717
00:41:58,120 --> 00:41:59,480
Speaker 2: I just don't open the door to it.

718
00:42:00,120 --> 00:42:05,080
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah, well I think you know, I'm not

719
00:42:05,120 --> 00:42:08,480
Speaker 1: the best at it, but I'm better. I'm pretty good

720
00:42:08,480 --> 00:42:13,520
Speaker 1: at it, you know, but I still have. Like I've

721
00:42:13,520 --> 00:42:17,600
Speaker 1: said this before, but sometimes I catch myself just being

722
00:42:17,640 --> 00:42:20,600
Speaker 1: the persona not the person I'm like, oh, shut the fuck.

723
00:42:20,680 --> 00:42:23,920
Speaker 1: Even my own persona gives me the shits, you know,

724
00:42:23,960 --> 00:42:26,839
Speaker 1: because I'm ah, here's another story, here's another joke. Tip,

725
00:42:26,960 --> 00:42:31,200
Speaker 1: pull my finger, he he you know, but sometimes that's

726
00:42:31,360 --> 00:42:33,520
Speaker 1: the fucking Craig Show. It makes me want to spew

727
00:42:33,560 --> 00:42:37,480
Speaker 1: in my own mouth, you know. Ah. Fuck, I exhaust

728
00:42:37,520 --> 00:42:43,000
Speaker 1: me and I am me geez, shut up like fucking

729
00:42:44,640 --> 00:42:48,960
Speaker 1: But I think one of the challenges too, is I'm

730
00:42:49,000 --> 00:42:52,800
Speaker 1: digressing and fucking there's no rhyme or reason to this conversation. Everybody,

731
00:42:52,920 --> 00:42:58,040
Speaker 1: I apologize, But also as a you know, as a speaker,

732
00:42:58,080 --> 00:43:01,600
Speaker 1: you're part performer, right because you've got to get up there.

733
00:43:01,600 --> 00:43:03,600
Speaker 1: You can be real and raw, but you've also got

734
00:43:03,600 --> 00:43:09,560
Speaker 1: to create connection, you know, tell stories hopefully make or

735
00:43:10,200 --> 00:43:13,440
Speaker 1: enable people to have a good experience as well. Yes, yes,

736
00:43:13,800 --> 00:43:18,960
Speaker 1: So it's this combination of vulnerability and performance and psychology

737
00:43:19,200 --> 00:43:24,040
Speaker 1: and sociology and reading the room and being of value.

738
00:43:24,360 --> 00:43:27,759
Speaker 1: You know. It's like, it's not just that where you

739
00:43:27,800 --> 00:43:29,840
Speaker 1: can just get up and pour out your heart, because

740
00:43:29,840 --> 00:43:35,000
Speaker 1: that ain't going to work either. Yeah, and so just

741
00:43:35,120 --> 00:43:38,240
Speaker 1: like it's knowing when to ask the question to the person,

742
00:43:39,080 --> 00:43:41,640
Speaker 1: because you might ask someone the same question in the

743
00:43:41,680 --> 00:43:45,480
Speaker 1: wrong situation and it doesn't work. Yeah, So you've got

744
00:43:45,520 --> 00:43:48,400
Speaker 1: to be all about that awareness and that like what's

745
00:43:48,960 --> 00:43:54,560
Speaker 1: and their energy and your energy and yeah, it's and

746
00:43:54,600 --> 00:43:58,960
Speaker 1: that's something that I think you can talk about, but

747
00:43:59,000 --> 00:44:02,480
Speaker 1: you can't teach it like you can talk about it

748
00:44:03,320 --> 00:44:05,840
Speaker 1: like you can't. The only way that people can really

749
00:44:06,000 --> 00:44:11,080
Speaker 1: develop that is just by being in the moment and

750
00:44:11,120 --> 00:44:14,360
Speaker 1: going in with that kind of I'm going to be aware,

751
00:44:14,440 --> 00:44:15,880
Speaker 1: I'm going to be present. I'm not going to be

752
00:44:15,960 --> 00:44:19,080
Speaker 1: thinking about other shits. I'm going to pay attention to

753
00:44:19,120 --> 00:44:23,120
Speaker 1: what their word, their words and there and the non

754
00:44:23,160 --> 00:44:27,279
Speaker 1: words are telling me, you know, and go in with

755
00:44:27,360 --> 00:44:30,319
Speaker 1: a good intention, which sounds fucking fluffy, but it's true.

756
00:44:31,120 --> 00:44:35,279
Speaker 2: And you also have to have such control over your

757
00:44:35,320 --> 00:44:40,719
Speaker 2: own emotional regulation and the ability to remove that personal

758
00:44:40,719 --> 00:44:43,080
Speaker 2: stuff in the situation. I know there's been times in

759
00:44:43,120 --> 00:44:50,480
Speaker 2: the past where I see something in someone and but

760
00:44:50,719 --> 00:44:53,920
Speaker 2: I am so emotionally attached to the idea around it

761
00:44:53,960 --> 00:44:56,279
Speaker 2: that I can't articulate or be of any service to

762
00:44:56,360 --> 00:44:58,520
Speaker 2: them because it's just going to come out as me

763
00:44:58,600 --> 00:45:00,879
Speaker 2: being a fuck with or judge or you know, so

764
00:45:00,920 --> 00:45:03,240
Speaker 2: you just I'd be like, I can't even say anything.

765
00:45:03,360 --> 00:45:05,240
Speaker 2: I'm so irritated they do.

766
00:45:05,160 --> 00:45:07,400
Speaker 1: That this way, do you know?

767
00:45:07,440 --> 00:45:08,959
Speaker 2: It's like this way to be better? Like I could

768
00:45:08,960 --> 00:45:11,799
Speaker 2: be more helpful if I could fuck my emotions off

769
00:45:11,920 --> 00:45:15,359
Speaker 2: out of it so that I can convey some sort

770
00:45:15,400 --> 00:45:19,080
Speaker 2: of information or idea to them in a way that

771
00:45:19,239 --> 00:45:20,280
Speaker 2: they would receive.

772
00:45:21,320 --> 00:45:25,520
Speaker 1: Yeah, well again, good self awareness. But that's the I mean,

773
00:45:26,600 --> 00:45:30,719
Speaker 1: like for better or where's all your emotions go everywhere

774
00:45:30,719 --> 00:45:34,600
Speaker 1: with you your bias, your your flaws, your good stuff,

775
00:45:34,640 --> 00:45:36,759
Speaker 1: your bad stuff, you know, and the stuff that like

776
00:45:36,800 --> 00:45:40,640
Speaker 1: there's stuff that annoys me that it annoys me that

777
00:45:40,719 --> 00:45:45,360
Speaker 1: I get annoyed, like I shouldn't like it. It's like

778
00:45:45,600 --> 00:45:49,040
Speaker 1: I know that I'm the problem, you know, Like people

779
00:45:49,080 --> 00:45:52,960
Speaker 1: that annoy me sometimes where it's probably they're doing something

780
00:45:52,960 --> 00:45:57,480
Speaker 1: that reminds me of me, whereas they're not actually the problem.

781
00:45:57,640 --> 00:46:01,440
Speaker 1: I'm actually the problem. But I have this aware of, Oh,

782
00:46:01,480 --> 00:46:04,920
Speaker 1: this person shits me in the moment, what is that about?

783
00:46:05,680 --> 00:46:07,799
Speaker 1: And it's like, oh, they're doing the thing that I do,

784
00:46:08,000 --> 00:46:11,320
Speaker 1: or they're you know whatever. It might even be jealousy,

785
00:46:11,400 --> 00:46:15,680
Speaker 1: or it might even be you know, it's I desperately

786
00:46:15,719 --> 00:46:19,160
Speaker 1: try not to be that, but you know, still raises

787
00:46:19,239 --> 00:46:20,200
Speaker 1: its ugly head.

788
00:46:20,520 --> 00:46:25,920
Speaker 2: You've been my guru in and kind of the story

789
00:46:26,000 --> 00:46:28,239
Speaker 2: I tell the people when I talk about boundaries. I

790
00:46:28,280 --> 00:46:31,080
Speaker 2: was talking about my client with a client today about

791
00:46:31,640 --> 00:46:35,680
Speaker 2: how you have set boundaries in cafes when people that

792
00:46:35,800 --> 00:46:37,600
Speaker 2: it's not okay for you to be rude to me.

793
00:46:38,800 --> 00:46:43,320
Speaker 2: I've told countless people that as an example of, you know,

794
00:46:43,440 --> 00:46:46,400
Speaker 2: if you can remove your own shitty emotion and angst

795
00:46:46,560 --> 00:46:49,880
Speaker 2: and just convey the message of setting a boundary, like

796
00:46:50,080 --> 00:46:52,200
Speaker 2: if it's okay if you want to treat people like that,

797
00:46:52,239 --> 00:46:54,040
Speaker 2: but it's not okay with me, so I either find

798
00:46:54,080 --> 00:46:59,000
Speaker 2: someone else to serve me or be kind like that

799
00:46:59,080 --> 00:47:03,560
Speaker 2: is that is God in the ability to begin understanding

800
00:47:03,800 --> 00:47:06,600
Speaker 2: that setting a boundary doesn't mean that you're telling someone

801
00:47:06,640 --> 00:47:09,239
Speaker 2: what to do to you. You're just saying you can

802
00:47:09,320 --> 00:47:11,480
Speaker 2: do that, but you can't do I won't accept it

803
00:47:11,520 --> 00:47:11,719
Speaker 2: for me.

804
00:47:12,719 --> 00:47:17,719
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, and that's just it's true. I won't let

805
00:47:17,760 --> 00:47:22,000
Speaker 1: people be rude to me, or I'll walk away or on. Yeah,

806
00:47:22,040 --> 00:47:25,040
Speaker 1: And it's like, also, neither should I be rude to

807
00:47:25,080 --> 00:47:28,200
Speaker 1: anyone else ever, I mean even you know, I mean

808
00:47:28,239 --> 00:47:32,120
Speaker 1: in extreme situations, if someone's doing something fucking violent or

809
00:47:32,200 --> 00:47:35,759
Speaker 1: dangerous to someone, that's different. But in general terms, you know,

810
00:47:35,800 --> 00:47:38,480
Speaker 1: there have been times when I have been rude, or

811
00:47:38,520 --> 00:47:43,200
Speaker 1: I have been inconsiderate, or I have been unaware, And

812
00:47:43,360 --> 00:47:47,640
Speaker 1: every time that I realized that, I apologize unequivocally, and

813
00:47:47,680 --> 00:47:51,319
Speaker 1: I go, that was one hundred percent me, zero percent you.

814
00:47:51,880 --> 00:47:55,120
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, But I think what is interesting, you know,

815
00:47:55,200 --> 00:47:57,360
Speaker 1: to that comment that you made about the cafe and

816
00:47:57,400 --> 00:48:00,360
Speaker 1: if you missed that, what tip's talking about it everyone.

817
00:48:00,360 --> 00:48:03,920
Speaker 1: I've spoken a few times about how when people are

818
00:48:04,000 --> 00:48:06,040
Speaker 1: rude to me, I just stopped them and say it's

819
00:48:06,040 --> 00:48:09,439
Speaker 1: not okay. It's not okay with me that you're rude

820
00:48:09,480 --> 00:48:11,600
Speaker 1: to me. So if you want to be rude, that's cool,

821
00:48:11,600 --> 00:48:14,920
Speaker 1: but don't be rude to me, and it's you know,

822
00:48:15,080 --> 00:48:20,080
Speaker 1: it's people get a shock, and nobody ever goes off.

823
00:48:20,120 --> 00:48:23,480
Speaker 1: Most people either totally change their tune or go away

824
00:48:23,840 --> 00:48:26,640
Speaker 1: and find somebody else. I say, listen, find me a

825
00:48:26,640 --> 00:48:30,360
Speaker 1: customer service person who's not rude, or you stop being rude.

826
00:48:30,400 --> 00:48:33,160
Speaker 1: They're the two options. But you being rude to me

827
00:48:33,239 --> 00:48:35,000
Speaker 1: and me putting up with it, that's not one of

828
00:48:35,040 --> 00:48:40,440
Speaker 1: the options. So you figure it out. But when when

829
00:48:40,520 --> 00:48:42,799
Speaker 1: you do that, but you're not screaming, and you're not

830
00:48:42,880 --> 00:48:45,920
Speaker 1: jumping up and down, and you're not getting elevated, and

831
00:48:45,960 --> 00:48:49,520
Speaker 1: you're not being emotional, you're just, you know, a matter

832
00:48:49,560 --> 00:48:53,719
Speaker 1: of fact, people are. People don't know how to respond sometimes,

833
00:48:53,920 --> 00:48:56,160
Speaker 1: you know. And I remember, I don't know if I

834
00:48:56,600 --> 00:48:59,480
Speaker 1: may have told this story once or twice, but in

835
00:48:59,600 --> 00:49:02,480
Speaker 1: sixty six years so I'm sure most people haven't heard it.

836
00:49:02,520 --> 00:49:05,560
Speaker 1: But I had a lady that I trained, so she

837
00:49:05,680 --> 00:49:08,360
Speaker 1: was my client for quite a while, and when she

838
00:49:08,480 --> 00:49:10,319
Speaker 1: first started training with me, I don't know if I've

839
00:49:10,360 --> 00:49:13,200
Speaker 1: ever told you this, but she was so fucking rude

840
00:49:13,520 --> 00:49:20,240
Speaker 1: to me, and like she treated me like a servant

841
00:49:20,560 --> 00:49:24,319
Speaker 1: or you know, the hired help. Like the way that

842
00:49:24,400 --> 00:49:29,440
Speaker 1: she spoke to me, was so denigrating and so so

843
00:49:29,640 --> 00:49:34,040
Speaker 1: much talking down, like I was lucky to have her

844
00:49:34,120 --> 00:49:38,960
Speaker 1: as a client, and I just I fixed that in

845
00:49:39,320 --> 00:49:43,200
Speaker 1: fucking seventeen seconds. And anyway, she was rude to me

846
00:49:43,239 --> 00:49:45,279
Speaker 1: the first session, and I gave her the benefit of

847
00:49:45,320 --> 00:49:47,959
Speaker 1: the doubt. And then second session, and by the way,

848
00:49:48,600 --> 00:49:52,320
Speaker 1: you know, quite well known, very very wealthy, like fucking

849
00:49:53,440 --> 00:49:56,200
Speaker 1: more wealth than I would ever will ever have all that,

850
00:49:56,280 --> 00:49:59,080
Speaker 1: and that's cool, well done, you're rich, well done. Cool.

851
00:49:59,560 --> 00:50:03,640
Speaker 1: But so the second session, halfway through, same just treating

852
00:50:03,680 --> 00:50:07,520
Speaker 1: me like shit. And I just said, I took her

853
00:50:07,560 --> 00:50:10,880
Speaker 1: into my office at the gym and I just said,

854
00:50:11,000 --> 00:50:13,880
Speaker 1: I said, I don't know. I said this whole the

855
00:50:13,880 --> 00:50:16,239
Speaker 1: way that you talk to me, and I just said,

856
00:50:16,280 --> 00:50:19,560
Speaker 1: it's not okay. I don't you know. I don't need

857
00:50:19,600 --> 00:50:22,080
Speaker 1: to train you. I'm training you because you want to be.

858
00:50:22,200 --> 00:50:24,200
Speaker 1: I've got lots of other clients, I've got lots of stuff.

859
00:50:24,239 --> 00:50:27,799
Speaker 1: I'm real busy. You're not doing me a favor. And

860
00:50:28,480 --> 00:50:31,279
Speaker 1: when I pointed out the way that she spoke to

861
00:50:31,320 --> 00:50:37,879
Speaker 1: me was she was rude, she was super apologetic, embarrassed

862
00:50:38,920 --> 00:50:43,359
Speaker 1: and truly didn't I don't think she really knew what

863
00:50:43,400 --> 00:50:46,719
Speaker 1: she was doing, and I explained her, you know, the

864
00:50:46,760 --> 00:50:48,879
Speaker 1: whole kind of what's it like being around me? I said,

865
00:50:48,920 --> 00:50:52,200
Speaker 1: maybe you don't know or realize, and if you don't,

866
00:50:52,280 --> 00:50:54,880
Speaker 1: that's good, that would explain it. I said, but wow,

867
00:50:55,040 --> 00:50:56,920
Speaker 1: the way that you come across like you have the

868
00:50:56,960 --> 00:51:01,680
Speaker 1: biggest fucking superiority complex of all time, you know, and

869
00:51:01,680 --> 00:51:04,759
Speaker 1: you're just another fucking human in the gym lifting shit,

870
00:51:04,880 --> 00:51:07,759
Speaker 1: you're not special, and you can't talk to me or

871
00:51:07,800 --> 00:51:11,319
Speaker 1: anyone like that, not here. And she apologized, and it

872
00:51:11,400 --> 00:51:13,719
Speaker 1: was different forever from then, you know, And I think

873
00:51:13,760 --> 00:51:17,360
Speaker 1: sometimes I don't know how we got to this conversation,

874
00:51:17,440 --> 00:51:20,800
Speaker 1: but I think sometimes it's as long as you're speaking

875
00:51:20,840 --> 00:51:23,839
Speaker 1: to people with a level of care and insight and

876
00:51:23,840 --> 00:51:27,640
Speaker 1: compassion and you're not you know, you're not elevating and

877
00:51:27,680 --> 00:51:30,680
Speaker 1: you're not you're not meeting them in aggression or whatever.

878
00:51:31,760 --> 00:51:34,040
Speaker 1: I think it's that can produce good outcomes.

879
00:51:34,760 --> 00:51:38,800
Speaker 2: Where did you learn or how were you influenced to

880
00:51:39,719 --> 00:51:43,560
Speaker 2: get to that point? Did someone teach you or show

881
00:51:43,600 --> 00:51:46,560
Speaker 2: you or guide you or was it amalgamation of some

882
00:51:46,640 --> 00:51:46,799
Speaker 2: of the.

883
00:51:47,040 --> 00:51:50,280
Speaker 1: Yes, it was just a lot of a lot of conversations,

884
00:51:50,360 --> 00:51:52,960
Speaker 1: Like I don't. I don't. I mean, I don't know.

885
00:51:53,040 --> 00:51:55,040
Speaker 1: This is a silly thing to say, but I've spent

886
00:51:55,120 --> 00:51:58,680
Speaker 1: my life having conversations like a lot, all day every day,

887
00:51:59,080 --> 00:52:04,400
Speaker 1: training people. And I remember, like I started working in

888
00:52:04,480 --> 00:52:06,320
Speaker 1: gyms at eighteen, and all day every day I was

889
00:52:06,360 --> 00:52:10,520
Speaker 1: writing programs, talking to people, you know, full on just

890
00:52:10,960 --> 00:52:13,200
Speaker 1: I was never sitting around looking at a computer. I

891
00:52:13,200 --> 00:52:16,120
Speaker 1: was talking to people all day on the gym floor,

892
00:52:16,200 --> 00:52:21,040
Speaker 1: at reception, in the assessment room, taking people through shit.

893
00:52:21,239 --> 00:52:24,200
Speaker 1: And then and then when I started training people one

894
00:52:24,239 --> 00:52:26,799
Speaker 1: on one, and I started my own business, which was

895
00:52:26,880 --> 00:52:29,960
Speaker 1: a business within a business initially, so I had a

896
00:52:30,000 --> 00:52:33,200
Speaker 1: little kind of micro business within the public gym that

897
00:52:33,239 --> 00:52:37,680
Speaker 1: I worked at. And I remember the way that some

898
00:52:37,760 --> 00:52:41,200
Speaker 1: of the men that I trained would talk to me

899
00:52:41,440 --> 00:52:44,600
Speaker 1: because they were more important in inverted commas. They were richer,

900
00:52:44,600 --> 00:52:48,040
Speaker 1: they were older, they were smarter in inverted commas, and

901
00:52:48,080 --> 00:52:52,359
Speaker 1: they treated me like a low level employee, you know,

902
00:52:52,560 --> 00:52:57,160
Speaker 1: And I was and I remember saying too, I was

903
00:52:57,239 --> 00:53:03,080
Speaker 1: quite terrified. But I remember having basically an issue with

904
00:53:03,120 --> 00:53:06,759
Speaker 1: one of my clients who was a prick, and I

905
00:53:06,880 --> 00:53:09,680
Speaker 1: sacked him and I just said, I'm not going to

906
00:53:09,680 --> 00:53:14,719
Speaker 1: train you anymore. And he was fucking flabbergasted. And why,

907
00:53:14,760 --> 00:53:17,239
Speaker 1: I said, because I was. I mean I was. I

908
00:53:17,280 --> 00:53:20,200
Speaker 1: was working in pubs, I was doing security. I was

909
00:53:20,239 --> 00:53:23,880
Speaker 1: one hundred and five kilos. I was you know, I

910
00:53:23,960 --> 00:53:27,879
Speaker 1: was not incapable of looking after myself or being if

911
00:53:27,880 --> 00:53:31,759
Speaker 1: I needed to be somewhat assertive in that way. But

912
00:53:32,080 --> 00:53:35,799
Speaker 1: in the context of my business, I was always uber respectful,

913
00:53:35,960 --> 00:53:38,400
Speaker 1: uber polite, and he was a bit of a bully

914
00:53:39,320 --> 00:53:43,080
Speaker 1: and he just bullied people and he tried to bully me,

915
00:53:43,160 --> 00:53:46,560
Speaker 1: and I fucking I just I didn't lose my shit.

916
00:53:47,520 --> 00:53:51,720
Speaker 1: But I remember where I'd been polite, polite, polite, polite, polite,

917
00:53:51,760 --> 00:53:54,799
Speaker 1: and then I got fucked off and he was terrified.

918
00:53:55,400 --> 00:53:59,840
Speaker 1: And I remember looking at him, thinking, ah, he's not that.

919
00:54:00,080 --> 00:54:03,520
Speaker 1: He's not a tough guy at all. And I just

920
00:54:03,600 --> 00:54:06,960
Speaker 1: said to him, you know, one, I'm not going to

921
00:54:06,960 --> 00:54:09,600
Speaker 1: train you anymore. And I just said to him, I

922
00:54:09,600 --> 00:54:12,160
Speaker 1: can't remember exactly, but like the way that he treats

923
00:54:12,200 --> 00:54:15,120
Speaker 1: people as shit. Then he apologized to my said nah,

924
00:54:15,200 --> 00:54:17,799
Speaker 1: and I didn't. I never trained him again because it

925
00:54:17,840 --> 00:54:22,160
Speaker 1: was just it was just a C word at that time. Anyway,

926
00:54:22,640 --> 00:54:25,719
Speaker 1: maybe he got better after that, but then I realized, Oh,

927
00:54:25,800 --> 00:54:27,759
Speaker 1: why did I put up with that for so long?

928
00:54:28,520 --> 00:54:31,359
Speaker 1: Why did I let that person treat me like shit

929
00:54:31,520 --> 00:54:34,799
Speaker 1: for so long? It's not like I'm dumb. I'm not

930
00:54:35,040 --> 00:54:37,520
Speaker 1: scared of him, I'm not like, why am I doing that?

931
00:54:38,239 --> 00:54:40,520
Speaker 1: And I think part of my self esteem was, well,

932
00:54:40,520 --> 00:54:44,160
Speaker 1: that's all your worth, creak, and you're lucky to have

933
00:54:44,239 --> 00:54:47,400
Speaker 1: this guy paying you this money, you know. So I

934
00:54:47,440 --> 00:54:49,920
Speaker 1: think it was my shit self esteem and self worth

935
00:54:49,960 --> 00:54:55,960
Speaker 1: that made me at times allow people to treat me badly.

936
00:54:56,960 --> 00:55:03,719
Speaker 2: M Yeah, I think. Well. Another thing I was talking

937
00:55:03,719 --> 00:55:07,880
Speaker 2: about today was that idea of actually addressing things openly

938
00:55:08,239 --> 00:55:10,920
Speaker 2: and with that idea that when I talked about this

939
00:55:11,000 --> 00:55:13,279
Speaker 2: with two other guests before, one was she's been on

940
00:55:13,320 --> 00:55:21,080
Speaker 2: your show? What she's doctor? H anyway? The opposite Hannah, Hannah,

941
00:55:21,920 --> 00:55:26,520
Speaker 2: doctor thank you? The opposite of being like, what's the

942
00:55:26,880 --> 00:55:30,560
Speaker 2: ask every anyone, what's the opposite of nice? And ninety

943
00:55:30,680 --> 00:55:33,800
Speaker 2: nine point nine percent of the time they'll say nasty.

944
00:55:34,840 --> 00:55:37,920
Speaker 2: And the opposite of nice is not nasty. The opposite

945
00:55:37,920 --> 00:55:42,360
Speaker 2: of nice is honest. And especially with females, this idea

946
00:55:42,400 --> 00:55:45,080
Speaker 2: of conditioning to be nice, to be polite, to be this.

947
00:55:45,160 --> 00:55:46,799
Speaker 2: So what we do is we hold on and we

948
00:55:46,880 --> 00:55:50,200
Speaker 2: hold on and we suppress it and we're nice and

949
00:55:50,320 --> 00:55:53,640
Speaker 2: until we have to set a boundary. But because we

950
00:55:53,680 --> 00:55:55,800
Speaker 2: think that's nasty, there's kind of a bit of self

951
00:55:55,800 --> 00:55:57,920
Speaker 2: hate and self loathing when we do it. So it's

952
00:55:57,960 --> 00:56:01,680
Speaker 2: a horrible experience. And the reality is you don't have

953
00:56:01,800 --> 00:56:05,520
Speaker 2: to be nasty. You just don't have to be nice

954
00:56:06,320 --> 00:56:09,440
Speaker 2: about everything if it's not doing you any good, if

955
00:56:09,440 --> 00:56:11,280
Speaker 2: it's putting you in a shitty position.

956
00:56:12,040 --> 00:56:14,280
Speaker 1: All right, now you've opened the door that I'm fucking

957
00:56:14,400 --> 00:56:19,280
Speaker 1: fascinated with. Okay, what are the rules though about honesty?

958
00:56:19,840 --> 00:56:24,680
Speaker 1: What are the guidelines because you know, sometimes I mean honestly,

959
00:56:25,160 --> 00:56:28,200
Speaker 1: obviously I would never do this, but like, no, I

960
00:56:28,200 --> 00:56:30,040
Speaker 1: don't even want to say that that's a bad example.

961
00:56:30,080 --> 00:56:33,400
Speaker 1: But you know it's like, okay, let me use myself

962
00:56:33,440 --> 00:56:37,879
Speaker 1: as an example. So there are times when there were

963
00:56:37,920 --> 00:56:41,200
Speaker 1: times when I was had a high profile working in

964
00:56:41,200 --> 00:56:45,160
Speaker 1: the fitness industry. I own multiple gyms, very well known,

965
00:56:46,280 --> 00:56:48,759
Speaker 1: all that shit writing for the Herald's son and at

966
00:56:48,800 --> 00:56:52,160
Speaker 1: one stage they're just eating everything that wasn't nailed down.

967
00:56:52,840 --> 00:56:56,680
Speaker 1: I was borderline. Well, I wasn't borderline. I was from

968
00:56:56,680 --> 00:57:01,520
Speaker 1: a highweight point of view, obese and like, if somebody

969
00:57:01,520 --> 00:57:03,239
Speaker 1: had to come up to me and gone, you're a

970
00:57:03,280 --> 00:57:07,520
Speaker 1: fucking embarrassment. You're morbidly obese, you own a gym, you

971
00:57:07,600 --> 00:57:10,200
Speaker 1: don't walk, your talk, you're all of that would have

972
00:57:10,200 --> 00:57:12,200
Speaker 1: been true. But that's not.

973
00:57:12,440 --> 00:57:16,200
Speaker 2: That's been nasty. That's not being honest. That's that's been nasty.

974
00:57:16,880 --> 00:57:20,280
Speaker 1: But what if what if? Yeah? And I agree, but

975
00:57:20,400 --> 00:57:24,240
Speaker 1: then so how do we how and when do we

976
00:57:25,880 --> 00:57:29,400
Speaker 1: exercise this honesty? Like what are the guardrails?

977
00:57:29,640 --> 00:57:34,320
Speaker 2: So I think that if you are being if you

978
00:57:34,360 --> 00:57:39,880
Speaker 2: are just expressing your own experience and being honest about it, right,

979
00:57:42,760 --> 00:57:47,680
Speaker 2: then you know, like this interaction that somebody's having like

980
00:57:47,760 --> 00:57:50,760
Speaker 2: I can't you know, I say, somebody's not getting treated

981
00:57:50,760 --> 00:57:53,600
Speaker 2: well at work and they're always getting then and they're

982
00:57:54,240 --> 00:57:56,439
Speaker 2: taken advantage of and they work over time and they're

983
00:57:56,440 --> 00:58:00,480
Speaker 2: all of these things and just saying like I love

984
00:58:00,520 --> 00:58:05,480
Speaker 2: you and I love working here. However, this is not

985
00:58:05,520 --> 00:58:07,760
Speaker 2: good for me and this is my personal experience, so

986
00:58:07,840 --> 00:58:09,640
Speaker 2: I need to set a boundary for me. And it's

987
00:58:09,680 --> 00:58:12,880
Speaker 2: hard for me because I really love you and the work,

988
00:58:13,400 --> 00:58:15,880
Speaker 2: but it's not good for me. So this is, you know,

989
00:58:16,360 --> 00:58:19,440
Speaker 2: that is being honest without being nasty, so that person

990
00:58:19,520 --> 00:58:22,160
Speaker 2: gets the choice to hear them and go, oh, okay,

991
00:58:22,240 --> 00:58:25,520
Speaker 2: well there's all the nice stuff in there, that's all true.

992
00:58:25,720 --> 00:58:28,080
Speaker 2: I've had plenty of people that are like, oh, workI shit,

993
00:58:28,200 --> 00:58:29,919
Speaker 2: I have to do overtime all the time. There's such

994
00:58:30,080 --> 00:58:32,920
Speaker 2: fucking assholes, why do you do it? But also they

995
00:58:32,960 --> 00:58:34,880
Speaker 2: love them, they love their work, they love the people,

996
00:58:34,920 --> 00:58:37,560
Speaker 2: but they're angry, and they've been angry for a long

997
00:58:37,560 --> 00:58:41,320
Speaker 2: time because they're always feeling undervalued. Yes, and it's like,

998
00:58:41,760 --> 00:58:45,160
Speaker 2: you know, you can say no to doing that extra

999
00:58:45,240 --> 00:58:47,520
Speaker 2: work that you don't have to do, but you can

1000
00:58:47,600 --> 00:58:50,120
Speaker 2: explain yourself and say, hey, this is not good for

1001
00:58:50,200 --> 00:58:52,200
Speaker 2: my health, and it's not been good for my health

1002
00:58:52,200 --> 00:58:53,720
Speaker 2: for a long time, and I wish it was because

1003
00:58:53,720 --> 00:58:58,640
Speaker 2: I fucking love you, but it's hurting me. I've had

1004
00:58:58,680 --> 00:59:02,160
Speaker 2: so many of those conversations. And what's funny is I've

1005
00:59:02,160 --> 00:59:05,480
Speaker 2: been able to have those conversations on hypotheticals for years

1006
00:59:06,480 --> 00:59:08,760
Speaker 2: when I didn't have the ability to enter into a

1007
00:59:08,760 --> 00:59:12,040
Speaker 2: difficult conversation myself because the emotions around it were too

1008
00:59:12,080 --> 00:59:14,400
Speaker 2: fucking much. I couldn't do that. But I had the

1009
00:59:14,440 --> 00:59:18,840
Speaker 2: clarity to see other situations and understand it and be like,

1010
00:59:18,840 --> 00:59:21,840
Speaker 2: well that that could be so easily resolved because there's

1011
00:59:21,840 --> 00:59:23,080
Speaker 2: nothing bad in this person.

1012
00:59:23,440 --> 00:59:25,960
Speaker 1: Well we need to do a whole our times up,

1013
00:59:25,960 --> 00:59:28,120
Speaker 1: but we need to do a whole fucking change, you know,

1014
00:59:28,160 --> 00:59:32,680
Speaker 1: because it's like sometimes people come up to me and

1015
00:59:32,960 --> 00:59:35,200
Speaker 1: you know, like, for example, I'm doing my mentoring group

1016
00:59:35,200 --> 00:59:37,200
Speaker 1: at the moment on Monday nights. I've got one tonight,

1017
00:59:38,040 --> 00:59:40,320
Speaker 1: and part of that is I'm doing one on ones

1018
00:59:40,360 --> 00:59:42,600
Speaker 1: with everyone in the group, as you know, has a

1019
00:59:42,640 --> 00:59:46,560
Speaker 1: one on one yep, you know, And sometimes people unpack

1020
00:59:46,640 --> 00:59:49,920
Speaker 1: stuff with you, and what they think is the problem,

1021
00:59:50,040 --> 00:59:55,160
Speaker 1: ain't the problem? Like sometimes they're the problem, you know.

1022
00:59:55,240 --> 00:59:57,360
Speaker 1: And the interesting thing is when you talk to people

1023
00:59:57,360 --> 01:00:03,040
Speaker 1: about their problems, do they say I'm in this relationship

1024
01:00:03,040 --> 01:00:08,440
Speaker 1: and I'm the problem, Like it's always the other person

1025
01:00:09,520 --> 01:00:14,760
Speaker 1: and or if they're out of shape, it's always their

1026
01:00:14,840 --> 01:00:18,200
Speaker 1: mum's cooking or work, or they're sore ankle that they

1027
01:00:18,240 --> 01:00:22,440
Speaker 1: can't you know, it's and then I'm like, okay, are

1028
01:00:22,480 --> 01:00:26,240
Speaker 1: you any part of the problem, And they're like recoil

1029
01:00:26,400 --> 01:00:31,960
Speaker 1: in shock, what do you mean. I'm like, well, all

1030
01:00:32,000 --> 01:00:36,080
Speaker 1: this shit's going wrong, I'm not I'm not being nasty.

1031
01:00:36,120 --> 01:00:39,480
Speaker 1: I'm just curious, is any of it you like? It

1032
01:00:39,560 --> 01:00:43,760
Speaker 1: can't always be the other person, you know. It can't

1033
01:00:43,800 --> 01:00:47,200
Speaker 1: always be your dad or your boss or and so

1034
01:00:47,360 --> 01:00:51,080
Speaker 1: not everybody that goes my boss is a cunt, is right?

1035
01:00:52,120 --> 01:00:54,120
Speaker 1: Do you know what I mean? It's not like all

1036
01:00:54,200 --> 01:00:57,880
Speaker 1: bosses are cunts and therefore anyone who's got a gripe

1037
01:00:58,080 --> 01:01:01,480
Speaker 1: is right. And it's like when Ricky giv says, just

1038
01:01:01,520 --> 01:01:04,800
Speaker 1: because you're offended doesn't mean you're right. It just means

1039
01:01:04,840 --> 01:01:09,720
Speaker 1: you're offended, you know, are you like? It can't? So

1040
01:01:09,840 --> 01:01:12,640
Speaker 1: that's the thing too. It's like when I say things

1041
01:01:12,640 --> 01:01:18,640
Speaker 1: sometimes people go, you're brutal, and I'm like, well, is

1042
01:01:18,640 --> 01:01:21,360
Speaker 1: what I'm saying true? I go, yeah, it's true, And

1043
01:01:21,400 --> 01:01:23,800
Speaker 1: I go, well, why don't you just say I'm honest?

1044
01:01:24,880 --> 01:01:28,400
Speaker 2: Because because we expect when we are going into conflict

1045
01:01:28,520 --> 01:01:31,760
Speaker 2: or confrontation that we want the outcome to be that

1046
01:01:31,840 --> 01:01:34,480
Speaker 2: the other person changes, and that's out of our hands.

1047
01:01:34,680 --> 01:01:37,400
Speaker 2: If the bosses are cun't the bosses are cunt. But

1048
01:01:37,560 --> 01:01:41,120
Speaker 2: what I have control of is the boundary I put up,

1049
01:01:41,240 --> 01:01:45,560
Speaker 2: and they're communicating to the boss that, okay, if you're

1050
01:01:45,600 --> 01:01:48,120
Speaker 2: if this is the way you're going to handle this situation.

1051
01:01:48,240 --> 01:01:51,040
Speaker 2: But I'm I'm not going to be handled like that,

1052
01:01:51,120 --> 01:01:54,960
Speaker 2: So I'm going to walk away right now. Yeah, Like,

1053
01:01:55,080 --> 01:01:58,080
Speaker 2: I'm not going to stay here and allow that to continue.

1054
01:01:58,120 --> 01:01:59,800
Speaker 2: So if you're going to continue it, that's cool. I'm

1055
01:01:59,800 --> 01:02:01,720
Speaker 2: not never be able to change it, but I'm not

1056
01:02:01,720 --> 01:02:03,040
Speaker 2: going to stand here and endure it.

1057
01:02:03,920 --> 01:02:09,720
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, yeah, But what if the boss isn't the problem?

1058
01:02:10,560 --> 01:02:13,160
Speaker 2: Well, if the person is the problem, well they are

1059
01:02:13,200 --> 01:02:15,160
Speaker 2: going to continue to have a lot of problems, aren't they.

1060
01:02:16,440 --> 01:02:20,040
Speaker 2: I think? And you know, then you just start yourself.

1061
01:02:20,040 --> 01:02:22,680
Speaker 2: We'll watch the common denominator. How many of these problem

1062
01:02:22,800 --> 01:02:24,800
Speaker 2: people are in my life? And if it's most of them,

1063
01:02:25,560 --> 01:02:29,360
Speaker 2: we're starting to get a clue. It's not the other people.

1064
01:02:30,320 --> 01:02:34,000
Speaker 2: I remember when I started working with you, and once

1065
01:02:34,040 --> 01:02:36,640
Speaker 2: you pulled me up on something really mine and you

1066
01:02:36,760 --> 01:02:40,440
Speaker 2: just said, hey, you made a joke on this topic,

1067
01:02:40,440 --> 01:02:44,200
Speaker 2: this particular topic, and I'm pretty sure you meant nothing

1068
01:02:44,240 --> 01:02:48,440
Speaker 2: by it, and we're joking, but that particular topic, Like,

1069
01:02:48,480 --> 01:02:50,160
Speaker 2: I don't like it, it's not good. It just made

1070
01:02:50,160 --> 01:02:52,880
Speaker 2: me feel good, and I just felt like this was

1071
01:02:52,920 --> 01:02:56,240
Speaker 2: like less than one in having a difficult conversation with

1072
01:02:56,320 --> 01:02:58,720
Speaker 2: someone you love. Like I hung up from that call

1073
01:02:58,800 --> 01:03:03,000
Speaker 2: and was like, I felt so fucking awful. I was like,

1074
01:03:03,080 --> 01:03:06,560
Speaker 2: I never want to be responsible for making someone I

1075
01:03:06,600 --> 01:03:11,040
Speaker 2: love feel like that. Oh God, but also going, oh,

1076
01:03:11,200 --> 01:03:15,400
Speaker 2: you can say that to someone and it doesn't have

1077
01:03:15,440 --> 01:03:17,480
Speaker 2: to be nasty, and you weren't angry about it. You

1078
01:03:17,520 --> 01:03:19,160
Speaker 2: just said, I'm just letting you know that that's not

1079
01:03:19,200 --> 01:03:21,200
Speaker 2: good for me, and oh God, Like I never forget it.

1080
01:03:21,240 --> 01:03:23,640
Speaker 2: But it was like those little moments for me have

1081
01:03:23,760 --> 01:03:29,680
Speaker 2: been so powerful, just learning, yeah, you know how to

1082
01:03:30,120 --> 01:03:34,040
Speaker 2: set about like I've used that since I'm like cool, Oh,

1083
01:03:34,160 --> 01:03:38,040
Speaker 2: I get to tell someone the behavior isn't good for me.

1084
01:03:38,040 --> 01:03:39,760
Speaker 2: They can choose whether or not they're going to I'm

1085
01:03:39,800 --> 01:03:41,560
Speaker 2: not telling you not to do it, but I'm going

1086
01:03:41,640 --> 01:03:43,040
Speaker 2: to tell you when you do that. This is how

1087
01:03:43,080 --> 01:03:43,560
Speaker 2: I feel.

1088
01:03:44,240 --> 01:03:49,800
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's interesting. I did not know that. Well, it's

1089
01:03:49,840 --> 01:03:53,880
Speaker 1: been real. It's been long. It's been long and real, uh,

1090
01:03:54,120 --> 01:03:57,080
Speaker 1: Tiffany and Cook Roll with the Punches, Crag Anything Up

1091
01:03:57,080 --> 01:04:03,040
Speaker 1: of the Year Project listeners. Thanks we did you see

1092
01:04:03,040 --> 01:04:03,520
Speaker 1: you next time?

1093
01:04:03,560 --> 01:04:05,440
Speaker 2: Tiff signing off farewell