1
00:00:01,280 --> 00:00:04,320
Speaker 1: Oh good, are you bloody champs? Oh big yawn. I

2
00:00:04,400 --> 00:00:07,280
Speaker 1: nearly dislocated my face just then, Tiff, did you see

3
00:00:07,320 --> 00:00:10,240
Speaker 1: that look like a fucking wildlife documentary?

4
00:00:11,000 --> 00:00:12,920
Speaker 2: It looked like that scene on the Mask where his

5
00:00:13,080 --> 00:00:13,760
Speaker 2: chin drops to.

6
00:00:13,760 --> 00:00:15,600
Speaker 3: The ground and his tongue rolls out.

7
00:00:17,920 --> 00:00:20,400
Speaker 1: I felt a little bit. I feel a little bit

8
00:00:20,400 --> 00:00:23,880
Speaker 1: of Jim Carrey every now and then. Hello, everyone, Welcome

9
00:00:23,920 --> 00:00:26,600
Speaker 1: to the You Project. And as it turns out, roll

10
00:00:26,640 --> 00:00:28,680
Speaker 1: with the punches. Also, I'll do your intro for you.

11
00:00:28,720 --> 00:00:31,040
Speaker 1: Fucking I'll do both as roll with the punches. It's

12
00:00:31,320 --> 00:00:35,400
Speaker 1: the EU Project. It's stiff, it's harps, it's a Monday,

13
00:00:35,479 --> 00:00:38,839
Speaker 1: it's two thirty eight. I just got back. Before we

14
00:00:38,920 --> 00:00:41,640
Speaker 1: say low to you, I just got back from hanging

15
00:00:41,720 --> 00:00:45,520
Speaker 1: out with Ben Shurry from Attica.

16
00:00:46,240 --> 00:00:49,240
Speaker 3: Oh yes, yeah right, how was that? Did he whip

17
00:00:49,280 --> 00:00:50,200
Speaker 3: you up a storm?

18
00:00:50,680 --> 00:00:53,000
Speaker 1: No? He did not, because we all know I've got

19
00:00:53,159 --> 00:00:57,160
Speaker 1: food issues and eating issues, and I'd have to sell

20
00:00:57,240 --> 00:01:02,160
Speaker 1: my fucking left testicle to get a table there. I'm

21
00:01:02,200 --> 00:01:06,320
Speaker 1: not sure anyone would want one. But it's amazing. He's amazing,

22
00:01:06,400 --> 00:01:08,520
Speaker 1: The business is amazing, and everyone who goes there says

23
00:01:08,520 --> 00:01:11,320
Speaker 1: it's fucking incredible. So, but you know, when you meet

24
00:01:11,319 --> 00:01:14,919
Speaker 1: someone and you like, I hope they're a good dude,

25
00:01:15,200 --> 00:01:18,600
Speaker 1: you know, when you like you like them or you

26
00:01:18,600 --> 00:01:21,520
Speaker 1: you know, what you know of them is impressive and

27
00:01:21,680 --> 00:01:23,200
Speaker 1: you kind of want to catch up with them, and

28
00:01:23,240 --> 00:01:25,920
Speaker 1: if you if you not know who I'm talking about.

29
00:01:26,120 --> 00:01:30,000
Speaker 1: Ben Own's a restaurant called Attica, which has been voted

30
00:01:30,040 --> 00:01:33,080
Speaker 1: one of the top few restaurants in Australia multiple times,

31
00:01:33,120 --> 00:01:34,920
Speaker 1: if not the best, and one of the top fifty

32
00:01:34,959 --> 00:01:37,760
Speaker 1: restaurants on the planet, which is a pretty good effort. Anyway,

33
00:01:37,880 --> 00:01:39,640
Speaker 1: he was on the show a little while ago, and

34
00:01:40,000 --> 00:01:42,840
Speaker 1: we caught up today for coffee and chat, and he's

35
00:01:42,920 --> 00:01:46,280
Speaker 1: even better. He's not even a better person.

36
00:01:46,720 --> 00:01:50,560
Speaker 2: I cannot recall the discussion, but I can recall liking

37
00:01:50,680 --> 00:01:54,840
Speaker 2: him and being yeah, I don't know, you have expectations

38
00:01:54,880 --> 00:01:57,280
Speaker 2: of people, but also not really but I.

39
00:01:57,320 --> 00:01:59,040
Speaker 3: Just remember thinking, oh, he's a really.

40
00:01:58,960 --> 00:01:59,800
Speaker 2: Great he's really great.

41
00:02:00,040 --> 00:02:01,840
Speaker 3: Great episode. So I'm gonna have to go back and

42
00:02:01,880 --> 00:02:02,400
Speaker 3: re listen.

43
00:02:03,120 --> 00:02:06,640
Speaker 1: Yeah, good dude, good energy, nice human, down to earth,

44
00:02:07,080 --> 00:02:10,680
Speaker 1: causes spade a spade, but also like gets it quite compassionate,

45
00:02:12,240 --> 00:02:15,320
Speaker 1: Like I saw his his staff interact with him a bit.

46
00:02:15,400 --> 00:02:19,840
Speaker 1: They clearly like him. And then we sat in We

47
00:02:19,880 --> 00:02:23,640
Speaker 1: sat in Attica, just me and him, like in the restaurant,

48
00:02:23,880 --> 00:02:27,120
Speaker 1: two people in the restaurant, Me and him. And of

49
00:02:27,160 --> 00:02:30,560
Speaker 1: course I was the fanciest fucking thing they've ever seen

50
00:02:31,360 --> 00:02:33,520
Speaker 1: in my black T shirt and my Camo shorts, and

51
00:02:34,080 --> 00:02:34,359
Speaker 1: we had.

52
00:02:34,320 --> 00:02:35,400
Speaker 3: The good shorts.

53
00:02:35,440 --> 00:02:37,560
Speaker 2: Did you wear the newer ones?

54
00:02:38,680 --> 00:02:40,760
Speaker 1: I wore the ones that are only three years old.

55
00:02:41,040 --> 00:02:45,160
Speaker 1: That's pretty much brands making good work. But nice, dude,

56
00:02:45,200 --> 00:02:49,160
Speaker 1: So shout out to Ben Shuri and the folk from Attica. Yeah,

57
00:02:49,160 --> 00:02:51,240
Speaker 1: it was nice. It's nice when you meet someone that's

58
00:02:53,080 --> 00:02:56,880
Speaker 1: that exceed your expectations and is everything you want and more.

59
00:02:58,080 --> 00:03:01,200
Speaker 1: But it hasn't been all and frills over at your

60
00:03:01,280 --> 00:03:05,640
Speaker 1: joint today. It's been a medical melodrama. Today.

61
00:03:05,960 --> 00:03:09,200
Speaker 2: We've been contending with the bullies, harps over here, the

62
00:03:09,200 --> 00:03:10,200
Speaker 2: bullies out there.

63
00:03:11,240 --> 00:03:13,799
Speaker 1: What the canine bullies or that, Yes.

64
00:03:13,639 --> 00:03:16,959
Speaker 2: The canine bullies at the park can't just mind their

65
00:03:16,960 --> 00:03:19,360
Speaker 2: own affairs. They've got to come out and take a

66
00:03:19,400 --> 00:03:20,280
Speaker 2: piece of someone.

67
00:03:21,200 --> 00:03:24,120
Speaker 1: So the very beautiful Luna, who is I mean, if

68
00:03:24,120 --> 00:03:26,680
Speaker 1: she was a human, she'd be a fucking international model.

69
00:03:26,720 --> 00:03:33,079
Speaker 1: She's so beautiful. She's the Claudia Shiffer of the Canine world.

70
00:03:33,160 --> 00:03:35,280
Speaker 1: I'm trying to think of her. I don't know any

71
00:03:35,320 --> 00:03:39,160
Speaker 1: fucking models the El McPherson of the Canine see. All

72
00:03:39,240 --> 00:03:41,480
Speaker 1: of those are like sixty years old. Not that they're

73
00:03:41,520 --> 00:03:44,240
Speaker 1: not incredibly beautiful women, but I'm trying to I don't

74
00:03:44,280 --> 00:03:47,280
Speaker 1: know any. Do you know, off the top of your head,

75
00:03:47,280 --> 00:03:50,040
Speaker 1: do you know a young world renowned model?

76
00:03:50,320 --> 00:03:52,360
Speaker 2: We don't ask me. The one I think of was

77
00:03:52,400 --> 00:03:55,120
Speaker 2: Miranda kirk Is. When I was sixteen and used to

78
00:03:55,120 --> 00:03:58,040
Speaker 2: read Dolly magazine. She won the Dolly cover girl and

79
00:03:58,040 --> 00:04:01,120
Speaker 2: then she's and she's just stunning. But she's think, I

80
00:04:01,160 --> 00:04:06,160
Speaker 2: don't know, she'd be old than me now as around

81
00:04:06,200 --> 00:04:07,000
Speaker 2: the same age.

82
00:04:07,120 --> 00:04:07,680
Speaker 3: Is that young?

83
00:04:07,960 --> 00:04:11,520
Speaker 1: I think? I think she's also four kids in or something,

84
00:04:11,560 --> 00:04:14,839
Speaker 1: I think, But still, yeah, what I mean is she's

85
00:04:14,880 --> 00:04:19,039
Speaker 1: not she's not a teenage model anymore. She's well, she's

86
00:04:19,040 --> 00:04:24,280
Speaker 1: a world famous actor and model. And she's still married

87
00:04:24,320 --> 00:04:27,160
Speaker 1: to Orlando Bloom. Was that her that was married to him? Yeah?

88
00:04:27,160 --> 00:04:27,680
Speaker 3: I think it is.

89
00:04:27,720 --> 00:04:29,799
Speaker 2: But I've got no idea. I don't know who's married

90
00:04:29,800 --> 00:04:30,800
Speaker 2: to what in this world.

91
00:04:31,400 --> 00:04:33,320
Speaker 1: You know people who are much more up on all

92
00:04:33,360 --> 00:04:35,600
Speaker 1: this ship than you and me are yelling at their

93
00:04:35,640 --> 00:04:39,559
Speaker 1: phone or their car right now. YouTube, dumb fuck stay

94
00:04:39,640 --> 00:04:42,680
Speaker 1: with things like you and I are talking.

95
00:04:42,440 --> 00:04:44,000
Speaker 3: About self management guys.

96
00:04:45,360 --> 00:04:48,599
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, yeah, talk about talk about how to fucking

97
00:04:48,600 --> 00:04:51,640
Speaker 1: get abs or something. YouTube, dumb idiots, stop talking about

98
00:04:51,839 --> 00:04:58,240
Speaker 1: bucking entertainment. That's you know, so what else? So, So,

99
00:04:58,320 --> 00:05:02,080
Speaker 1: what happened Luna? It it got bitten or what happened?

100
00:05:02,240 --> 00:05:04,800
Speaker 2: Yeah, she haded an altercation, which I didn't realize. I

101
00:05:04,800 --> 00:05:08,400
Speaker 2: were the park yesterday in the afternoon. She's doing her standard.

102
00:05:08,760 --> 00:05:11,840
Speaker 2: I throw the frisbee once and she just sprints for

103
00:05:11,839 --> 00:05:14,680
Speaker 2: forty five minutes straight and just loves life with the

104
00:05:14,680 --> 00:05:20,200
Speaker 2: frisbee in her mouth. And a big dog ran like,

105
00:05:20,400 --> 00:05:22,120
Speaker 2: ran at her and ran with her and had a

106
00:05:22,120 --> 00:05:23,680
Speaker 2: bit of a bucket it they you know, and they

107
00:05:23,720 --> 00:05:25,640
Speaker 2: get really close and they kind of both went and

108
00:05:25,680 --> 00:05:29,040
Speaker 2: she dropped the frisbee and yelped and run the other way,

109
00:05:29,080 --> 00:05:31,160
Speaker 2: and I thought it she just frightened her.

110
00:05:31,279 --> 00:05:32,119
Speaker 3: It was so quick.

111
00:05:32,160 --> 00:05:35,240
Speaker 2: But this morning when she come in to see me,

112
00:05:35,279 --> 00:05:37,240
Speaker 2: I was like, what's that little there's a little red

113
00:05:37,279 --> 00:05:39,839
Speaker 2: mark on her neck. And when I lifted a stretch

114
00:05:40,640 --> 00:05:43,200
Speaker 2: her skin back, a big hole in the back.

115
00:05:43,040 --> 00:05:45,720
Speaker 3: Of her neck like it's ripped, ripped a hole right

116
00:05:45,760 --> 00:05:46,080
Speaker 3: through her.

117
00:05:46,160 --> 00:05:49,960
Speaker 2: Yeah, they've got very thin sensitive skin. So off to

118
00:05:50,000 --> 00:05:52,640
Speaker 2: the we went. A couple of staples and a big

119
00:05:52,680 --> 00:05:55,839
Speaker 2: bandage on her neck and hopefully, hopefully that will be

120
00:05:55,920 --> 00:05:59,400
Speaker 2: the all she needs.

121
00:05:58,279 --> 00:05:59,920
Speaker 1: Just like her mum, thin sensitive skin.

122
00:06:00,560 --> 00:06:01,679
Speaker 3: Yeah, but so stoic.

123
00:06:01,760 --> 00:06:03,800
Speaker 2: I mean I would have been crying and carrying on

124
00:06:03,920 --> 00:06:06,800
Speaker 2: and telling the world and Luna was just like, oh,

125
00:06:06,880 --> 00:06:09,279
Speaker 2: oh yeah, that old thing. Oh yeah, they happened yesterday.

126
00:06:10,680 --> 00:06:13,480
Speaker 1: Yeah. Well dogs, I mean that is weird, isn't it.

127
00:06:13,800 --> 00:06:15,920
Speaker 1: Not that I mean, obviously it's not weird that they

128
00:06:15,960 --> 00:06:19,240
Speaker 1: can't talk, but yeah, where like, if there's something that's

129
00:06:19,279 --> 00:06:21,840
Speaker 1: bothering them, they're human needs to figure it out.

130
00:06:22,240 --> 00:06:23,719
Speaker 3: Yeah, and there's no like.

131
00:06:23,880 --> 00:06:25,719
Speaker 2: We were at the park for another half I just

132
00:06:25,880 --> 00:06:28,400
Speaker 2: met was meeting someone there, so then I met my friend.

133
00:06:28,400 --> 00:06:30,040
Speaker 2: We were at the park for another half an hour.

134
00:06:30,160 --> 00:06:33,640
Speaker 2: She was running and bouncing around, not a care in

135
00:06:33,680 --> 00:06:34,080
Speaker 2: the world.

136
00:06:34,920 --> 00:06:36,720
Speaker 1: Oh well, it's a good thing she wasn't in too

137
00:06:36,800 --> 00:06:37,320
Speaker 1: much pain.

138
00:06:37,680 --> 00:06:38,720
Speaker 3: Yeah.

139
00:06:39,600 --> 00:06:43,120
Speaker 1: So, uh, I had a conversation. I wanted to talk

140
00:06:43,160 --> 00:06:46,440
Speaker 1: to you this morning today about a chat I had

141
00:06:46,440 --> 00:06:48,400
Speaker 1: this morning, which is often the way and people think,

142
00:06:48,640 --> 00:06:50,159
Speaker 1: do you really People have said to me, you know

143
00:06:50,200 --> 00:06:52,839
Speaker 1: the chats that you have, do you really have those chats?

144
00:06:52,960 --> 00:06:56,400
Speaker 1: I really do have these chats. And so when I

145
00:06:56,440 --> 00:07:00,000
Speaker 1: say this is off the back of it always is otherwise,

146
00:07:00,000 --> 00:07:02,880
Speaker 1: as I would just bring up a topic. But I

147
00:07:03,000 --> 00:07:06,240
Speaker 1: was talking to somebody this morning and they literally said

148
00:07:06,240 --> 00:07:10,360
Speaker 1: to me, I don't coach them. I don't know them

149
00:07:10,360 --> 00:07:12,360
Speaker 1: that well. But they listened to the show a bit

150
00:07:12,400 --> 00:07:14,640
Speaker 1: and they know me. And they said, can I ask

151
00:07:14,680 --> 00:07:16,800
Speaker 1: you one question? It was a lady, and I go, yes,

152
00:07:16,880 --> 00:07:20,840
Speaker 1: she can ask me two or three. She goes, she goes,

153
00:07:21,960 --> 00:07:26,120
Speaker 1: how do we find our purpose? And I just went, oh,

154
00:07:26,160 --> 00:07:30,280
Speaker 1: that's that's such an interesting question. And it like that

155
00:07:30,440 --> 00:07:33,960
Speaker 1: question operates on the assumption that we only have one purpose,

156
00:07:34,640 --> 00:07:37,320
Speaker 1: you know, because it's how do we find the purpose

157
00:07:37,400 --> 00:07:40,880
Speaker 1: or our purpose? And you know, we're just talking about that.

158
00:07:40,920 --> 00:07:43,680
Speaker 1: We're talking about, you know, the idea that maybe we

159
00:07:43,760 --> 00:07:46,720
Speaker 1: have multiple purposes. You know. It's like, not like your

160
00:07:46,800 --> 00:07:51,360
Speaker 1: purpose is to is to go and save the world

161
00:07:51,480 --> 00:07:54,840
Speaker 1: doing this. Maybe it's to raise a family, or maybe

162
00:07:54,880 --> 00:07:58,120
Speaker 1: it's to become a world renowned academic, or maybe it's

163
00:07:58,120 --> 00:08:00,880
Speaker 1: to raise a family and become a world renowned academic,

164
00:08:01,160 --> 00:08:03,440
Speaker 1: it doesn't need to be. Or maybe it's to start

165
00:08:03,480 --> 00:08:05,960
Speaker 1: a charity where you're working with people in need who

166
00:08:06,560 --> 00:08:10,040
Speaker 1: who you know, require X, Y Z, and then maybe

167
00:08:10,120 --> 00:08:12,320
Speaker 1: ten years later you hand over the reins to someone

168
00:08:12,320 --> 00:08:15,480
Speaker 1: else and now your purpose is something different, you know.

169
00:08:15,800 --> 00:08:20,280
Speaker 1: So just the idea that not only not only do

170
00:08:20,760 --> 00:08:23,760
Speaker 1: we not necessarily have to have a single purpose, we

171
00:08:23,880 --> 00:08:27,840
Speaker 1: might have multiple, but also that you know, like there's

172
00:08:27,840 --> 00:08:30,360
Speaker 1: a fair chance that what you think is your or

173
00:08:30,360 --> 00:08:34,120
Speaker 1: what your focus is and your attention has and what

174
00:08:34,160 --> 00:08:37,000
Speaker 1: your your alleged purpose is at twenty five might not

175
00:08:37,120 --> 00:08:39,280
Speaker 1: be the same as fifty five, and that's not good

176
00:08:39,400 --> 00:08:43,640
Speaker 1: or bad. Things just change. And she's like, no one's

177
00:08:43,679 --> 00:08:46,520
Speaker 1: ever said that to me, Like I've always thought that

178
00:08:46,559 --> 00:08:50,400
Speaker 1: I have to have a purpose. And I go, well, like, we,

179
00:08:50,920 --> 00:08:53,040
Speaker 1: you know what, as we make this shit up as

180
00:08:53,080 --> 00:08:56,240
Speaker 1: we go. It's not like that's written in concrete anywhere,

181
00:08:56,240 --> 00:08:58,880
Speaker 1: and even if it is, a human wrote it, so

182
00:09:01,640 --> 00:09:05,200
Speaker 1: somebody made it up somewhere. So yeah, it was just

183
00:09:05,400 --> 00:09:07,559
Speaker 1: it was nice and I was talking to Ben oh

184
00:09:07,679 --> 00:09:15,160
Speaker 1: Ben from Attica and just the the idea of owning

185
00:09:15,240 --> 00:09:17,880
Speaker 1: one of the most famous restaurants in the world. But

186
00:09:18,120 --> 00:09:21,720
Speaker 1: also he sees himself as which he is an artist.

187
00:09:21,760 --> 00:09:25,120
Speaker 1: And also he's just written a new book which is

188
00:09:25,160 --> 00:09:30,000
Speaker 1: called Uses for Obsession, which I'm halfway through. It's fucking

189
00:09:30,280 --> 00:09:33,120
Speaker 1: it's I mean, you know people who are creative and talented.

190
00:09:33,160 --> 00:09:36,400
Speaker 1: It's like he could have been just an author. And

191
00:09:36,480 --> 00:09:38,200
Speaker 1: I don't mean just, but like he could have not

192
00:09:38,400 --> 00:09:41,840
Speaker 1: done the restaurant thing, and he could have been an artist,

193
00:09:42,000 --> 00:09:45,400
Speaker 1: or he could have been an author or like anything.

194
00:09:45,920 --> 00:09:50,520
Speaker 1: Like he is a creative. In my opinion, he's a

195
00:09:50,600 --> 00:09:56,880
Speaker 1: creative and he happens to do food like he happens

196
00:09:56,880 --> 00:09:57,880
Speaker 1: to be a great chef.

197
00:10:00,120 --> 00:10:03,839
Speaker 2: A question, what's your purpose right now?

198
00:10:06,520 --> 00:10:08,680
Speaker 1: So I don't think I have a single purpose, but

199
00:10:08,800 --> 00:10:12,480
Speaker 1: I think I think the you know, if we go

200
00:10:12,559 --> 00:10:14,720
Speaker 1: through the I'll answer your question. I have an answer

201
00:10:14,800 --> 00:10:17,400
Speaker 1: straight off, but I want to preface it. So the

202
00:10:17,440 --> 00:10:21,200
Speaker 1: whole kind of self reflection through to self actualization and

203
00:10:21,240 --> 00:10:24,640
Speaker 1: then self transcendence, which is me having a purpose bigger

204
00:10:24,640 --> 00:10:28,839
Speaker 1: than me. My bigger than me purpose is to help

205
00:10:28,880 --> 00:10:39,120
Speaker 1: people in a nutshell explore, expand, and operationalize and optimize

206
00:10:39,160 --> 00:10:44,520
Speaker 1: their potential. I feel like most people waste their potential

207
00:10:45,360 --> 00:10:48,760
Speaker 1: in terms of what is possible for them, you know,

208
00:10:48,880 --> 00:10:55,880
Speaker 1: genetic potential, intellectual potential, creative potential, professional potential. I think

209
00:10:56,040 --> 00:10:59,880
Speaker 1: most people really waste a lot of what they have

210
00:11:00,280 --> 00:11:03,800
Speaker 1: to work with because of fear or laziness or procrastination

211
00:11:04,040 --> 00:11:08,480
Speaker 1: or avoidance. And not that I'm the high watermark for

212
00:11:08,559 --> 00:11:12,920
Speaker 1: success by any means, but I don't see myself genuinely

213
00:11:13,000 --> 00:11:17,079
Speaker 1: as super gifted. Like I'm not bad at a few things,

214
00:11:17,160 --> 00:11:19,800
Speaker 1: but it's not like, oh, you know, we knew when

215
00:11:19,880 --> 00:11:22,400
Speaker 1: Craig was three, little fat fucking Craig, Oh we were

216
00:11:22,480 --> 00:11:26,679
Speaker 1: so gifted. You know, It's like that wasn't me. And

217
00:11:26,760 --> 00:11:34,120
Speaker 1: so I'm really fascinated with helping people get past whatever

218
00:11:34,120 --> 00:11:38,679
Speaker 1: it is that's in the way of them becoming the

219
00:11:38,720 --> 00:11:41,320
Speaker 1: best version of them, which is a cliche, I know,

220
00:11:41,480 --> 00:11:44,319
Speaker 1: But so I think my purpose is to help people

221
00:11:44,360 --> 00:11:48,120
Speaker 1: explore their potential. But that's not a single thing. That's

222
00:11:48,120 --> 00:11:53,679
Speaker 1: a multi variable process of you know, firstly recognizing, well,

223
00:11:53,720 --> 00:11:55,880
Speaker 1: what's stopping me, Well, that's probably going to be a

224
00:11:55,920 --> 00:11:59,839
Speaker 1: mixture of fear or self doubt or self loathing or

225
00:12:01,480 --> 00:12:04,120
Speaker 1: you know, a lack of knowledge or whatever. You know,

226
00:12:04,160 --> 00:12:08,840
Speaker 1: there's a bunch of things. And you know, so many

227
00:12:08,880 --> 00:12:12,560
Speaker 1: people get to fifty, as we've said a thousand times,

228
00:12:12,559 --> 00:12:17,040
Speaker 1: and say this wasn't my plan, you know, when truthfully

229
00:12:17,080 --> 00:12:19,840
Speaker 1: they didn't have an actual plan. They just had an

230
00:12:19,920 --> 00:12:22,360
Speaker 1: idea or a hope of how things might work out.

231
00:12:23,200 --> 00:12:26,120
Speaker 1: So I think my purpose is serving others in that

232
00:12:26,240 --> 00:12:28,559
Speaker 1: way where and whether or not it's becoming the best

233
00:12:28,600 --> 00:12:31,520
Speaker 1: parent in the world or in their world, or whether

234
00:12:31,600 --> 00:12:33,840
Speaker 1: or not it's getting a PhD, or whether or not

235
00:12:33,840 --> 00:12:36,880
Speaker 1: it's building a podcast, or you know, in your case,

236
00:12:37,280 --> 00:12:39,920
Speaker 1: you know, building a podcast, building a great speaking career,

237
00:12:39,960 --> 00:12:43,160
Speaker 1: being a good human, being a good dog slash cat, mum,

238
00:12:43,360 --> 00:12:46,320
Speaker 1: whatever it is. Like, I don't you know, I know

239
00:12:46,400 --> 00:12:50,040
Speaker 1: a lot of people who are from the outside looking in,

240
00:12:50,440 --> 00:12:55,960
Speaker 1: very very wealthy, successful rich, but I don't really consider

241
00:12:56,000 --> 00:12:58,320
Speaker 1: them to be successful because I see what's going on

242
00:12:58,400 --> 00:13:02,600
Speaker 1: behind the curtain. Like if the only KPI is things

243
00:13:02,960 --> 00:13:08,440
Speaker 1: is stuff, then they're doing pretty good. But if we

244
00:13:08,520 --> 00:13:13,080
Speaker 1: measure success in mental, emotional, social, physical health, which I

245
00:13:13,200 --> 00:13:17,240
Speaker 1: do part of it at least, then some of them

246
00:13:17,280 --> 00:13:20,520
Speaker 1: are poverty stricken despite having lots of money. So I

247
00:13:20,559 --> 00:13:23,199
Speaker 1: think it's about it's about all of it. That was

248
00:13:23,240 --> 00:13:25,320
Speaker 1: a long winded answer wasn't it wasn't it?

249
00:13:25,360 --> 00:13:29,520
Speaker 2: Ever, that's not like you look at.

250
00:13:29,280 --> 00:13:31,800
Speaker 1: I've never been particularly you know, I did get multiple

251
00:13:31,840 --> 00:13:35,080
Speaker 1: reports which says Craig has a tendency to be somewhat

252
00:13:35,200 --> 00:13:38,600
Speaker 1: verbose and loquacious in class, and I had to find

253
00:13:38,640 --> 00:13:41,000
Speaker 1: out what verbos and loquacious.

254
00:13:40,440 --> 00:13:42,640
Speaker 3: Meant to My favorite words now.

255
00:13:42,679 --> 00:13:46,960
Speaker 1: Means I fucking talk too much. Nothing's changed. And I

256
00:13:47,120 --> 00:13:50,560
Speaker 1: also infamously was told that no one's ever going to

257
00:13:50,559 --> 00:13:53,240
Speaker 1: pay to listen to me talk, so I should pay

258
00:13:53,240 --> 00:13:58,640
Speaker 1: attention in class. Well, sister Catherine, you were fucking wrong.

259
00:13:59,240 --> 00:14:00,559
Speaker 3: Well you paid it to into that.

260
00:14:01,880 --> 00:14:04,920
Speaker 1: I did. I paid attention to that, and then I

261
00:14:04,920 --> 00:14:05,880
Speaker 1: ignored our advice.

262
00:14:06,400 --> 00:14:10,200
Speaker 2: It's interesting because one of the main one of the

263
00:14:10,200 --> 00:14:11,960
Speaker 2: big things that we spent a lot of time on

264
00:14:12,160 --> 00:14:18,840
Speaker 2: at the beginning of our retreat was it Purpose, was identity, Purpose, Mission,

265
00:14:20,400 --> 00:14:23,080
Speaker 2: those three things and how they fit and come together.

266
00:14:23,960 --> 00:14:28,280
Speaker 2: And it's and it's one of the practices because we

267
00:14:28,440 --> 00:14:32,920
Speaker 2: did we did two days of work stuff together, work,

268
00:14:32,960 --> 00:14:35,120
Speaker 2: we'll call it, and then we hit the mountains. Then

269
00:14:35,120 --> 00:14:38,520
Speaker 2: we hit this vast space that just shifts your perspective

270
00:14:38,600 --> 00:14:42,800
Speaker 2: and so just all of this processing happened, and that

271
00:14:43,160 --> 00:14:45,560
Speaker 2: whole idea of purpose sat with me, and I thought

272
00:14:45,560 --> 00:14:48,560
Speaker 2: about it, and it shifted and it changed, and I'm

273
00:14:48,560 --> 00:14:53,000
Speaker 2: still kind of figuring out how to best articulate the

274
00:14:53,040 --> 00:14:54,880
Speaker 2: meaning of it to me. But it has it hasn't

275
00:14:54,920 --> 00:14:58,520
Speaker 2: had a huge impact on how I see the world

276
00:14:58,640 --> 00:15:00,720
Speaker 2: and how I see what I'm doing, and how I

277
00:15:00,800 --> 00:15:04,160
Speaker 2: function and the choices and decisions I make, Which is

278
00:15:04,160 --> 00:15:05,640
Speaker 2: funny because it can sound like a bit of a

279
00:15:05,640 --> 00:15:08,000
Speaker 2: wank of a word, can't it, buck pet what's your purpose?

280
00:15:09,000 --> 00:15:09,560
Speaker 3: But it does.

281
00:15:10,240 --> 00:15:15,880
Speaker 2: Really it is a guiding light to understanding what you

282
00:15:16,000 --> 00:15:17,120
Speaker 2: do and why you do it.

283
00:15:18,560 --> 00:15:23,040
Speaker 1: And I think it's a really important component of the

284
00:15:23,120 --> 00:15:25,720
Speaker 1: thing that I have spoken about a lot. And you also,

285
00:15:26,280 --> 00:15:33,320
Speaker 1: which is living intentionally, living consciously rather than living unconsciously

286
00:15:33,480 --> 00:15:37,360
Speaker 1: and reactively you know, where you just deal with shit

287
00:15:37,440 --> 00:15:41,920
Speaker 1: that happens, rather than saying, you know, what do I

288
00:15:41,960 --> 00:15:44,360
Speaker 1: want my life to look like, feel like, function like,

289
00:15:44,480 --> 00:15:47,120
Speaker 1: be like in a year? And what do I need

290
00:15:47,160 --> 00:15:50,840
Speaker 1: to do today to make that? You know, a possibility

291
00:15:51,480 --> 00:15:53,920
Speaker 1: like one if we go like we're recording this on

292
00:15:54,000 --> 00:15:56,440
Speaker 1: the fourteenth of October. If I go well, on the

293
00:15:56,440 --> 00:16:00,960
Speaker 1: fourteenth of October, twenty twenty five. I would like to

294
00:16:01,000 --> 00:16:03,560
Speaker 1: be you know, fill in the blank, earning fifty percent more.

295
00:16:03,560 --> 00:16:05,520
Speaker 1: I would like to be ten kilos later. I would

296
00:16:05,600 --> 00:16:09,960
Speaker 1: like to have started a degree in bloody communications. I

297
00:16:10,000 --> 00:16:13,160
Speaker 1: would you know, It's like, it's pretty like the actual

298
00:16:13,240 --> 00:16:17,720
Speaker 1: planning process is not that difficult. The doing process is

299
00:16:17,760 --> 00:16:21,360
Speaker 1: pretty fucking difficult. But you know, I'm not going to

300
00:16:21,400 --> 00:16:26,200
Speaker 1: wake up on October fourteen, twenty twenty five and accidentally

301
00:16:26,240 --> 00:16:30,440
Speaker 1: be in a magical place because the universe conspired to

302
00:16:30,480 --> 00:16:36,400
Speaker 1: make my life shit hot, you know, And so there's that.

303
00:16:36,160 --> 00:16:44,440
Speaker 1: That's my ever present frustration. I guess with people who

304
00:16:44,680 --> 00:16:47,960
Speaker 1: listen to a lot of self help, personal development, beavor

305
00:16:48,000 --> 00:16:52,240
Speaker 1: or psychology read a lot, but I are always about

306
00:16:52,280 --> 00:16:54,880
Speaker 1: to do it but never actually doing it. And I'm

307
00:16:54,960 --> 00:16:58,840
Speaker 1: not trying to alienate any listeners, but it's like, there's

308
00:16:58,840 --> 00:17:01,520
Speaker 1: got to be a point where you go and whether

309
00:17:01,600 --> 00:17:03,440
Speaker 1: or not it's me they listen to or someone else,

310
00:17:03,480 --> 00:17:06,280
Speaker 1: it doesn't because I'm just the messenger. I'm not the message,

311
00:17:06,720 --> 00:17:09,160
Speaker 1: you know. But if you know, think about how many

312
00:17:09,200 --> 00:17:12,639
Speaker 1: times we hear something which is true for us or

313
00:17:12,720 --> 00:17:18,520
Speaker 1: relevant for us, or potentially transformational for us, but failure

314
00:17:18,760 --> 00:17:22,760
Speaker 1: fail to fucking apply it because it's not the right time,

315
00:17:23,880 --> 00:17:26,400
Speaker 1: you know. And I mean it's not really the right

316
00:17:26,440 --> 00:17:28,520
Speaker 1: time at all. It's just because it's fucking hard, and

317
00:17:28,600 --> 00:17:31,919
Speaker 1: so we rationalize not starting. But we're always have this

318
00:17:32,640 --> 00:17:35,960
Speaker 1: i'll start soon mindset. I'll start soon. I'll start soon.

319
00:17:36,040 --> 00:17:38,840
Speaker 1: I'll start soon. And then then you're fifty and you're

320
00:17:38,840 --> 00:17:42,320
Speaker 1: still telling yourself the same shit, you know, And I

321
00:17:42,359 --> 00:17:44,720
Speaker 1: know it's a bit of groundhog day here we come

322
00:17:44,760 --> 00:17:48,159
Speaker 1: full circle in the conversation. But all the all the

323
00:17:48,240 --> 00:17:51,439
Speaker 1: self help and professional development and all the conversations and

324
00:17:51,480 --> 00:17:54,720
Speaker 1: all the inspiration, all the fucking clever words and all

325
00:17:54,720 --> 00:17:58,000
Speaker 1: the all the you know, the memes and the whiteboard messages,

326
00:17:58,080 --> 00:18:03,280
Speaker 1: and they amount to shit. If one of your reasons

327
00:18:03,280 --> 00:18:05,320
Speaker 1: for listening to the show or reading my staff or

328
00:18:05,359 --> 00:18:08,320
Speaker 1: TIF staff or whatever is that you want to improve

329
00:18:08,359 --> 00:18:13,399
Speaker 1: your life, then eventually there needs to be some application

330
00:18:13,600 --> 00:18:16,919
Speaker 1: of the information. Otherwise we're just building this kind of

331
00:18:17,640 --> 00:18:20,840
Speaker 1: knowledge bank that we never exploit.

332
00:18:23,520 --> 00:18:28,600
Speaker 2: I think what's tricky is the understanding the deeper levels

333
00:18:28,600 --> 00:18:33,919
Speaker 2: of it, and unders until you can dig into the

334
00:18:33,960 --> 00:18:40,840
Speaker 2: deeper levels and understand what is driving decisions values and

335
00:18:40,880 --> 00:18:45,200
Speaker 2: what is drawing you towards these perceived purposes. What about

336
00:18:45,960 --> 00:18:50,880
Speaker 2: what someone chooses as a purpose, depending on how deeply

337
00:18:50,960 --> 00:18:55,560
Speaker 2: they see that, whether it is whether or not it's connected,

338
00:18:55,560 --> 00:18:56,920
Speaker 2: and whether or it's going to work for them, because

339
00:18:56,960 --> 00:19:00,960
Speaker 2: otherwise we look at surface level stuff, my purpose to

340
00:19:01,000 --> 00:19:04,479
Speaker 2: make this change to these people in whatever industry or

341
00:19:04,520 --> 00:19:07,080
Speaker 2: area of life. If it's very surface level and you're

342
00:19:07,119 --> 00:19:12,159
Speaker 2: not understanding really what you are connected to underneath that.

343
00:19:13,000 --> 00:19:17,879
Speaker 2: Like for me, I realized two really big things that

344
00:19:18,600 --> 00:19:21,760
Speaker 2: drive me, or maybe the biggest driver for me in

345
00:19:21,760 --> 00:19:25,600
Speaker 2: one of my values was integrity. And I realized how

346
00:19:25,640 --> 00:19:32,000
Speaker 2: many times I have pulled back on executing great ideas

347
00:19:32,440 --> 00:19:38,199
Speaker 2: or services because of my fear of not being enough

348
00:19:38,480 --> 00:19:43,720
Speaker 2: or good enough or smart enough or gonna bring the

349
00:19:43,760 --> 00:19:48,399
Speaker 2: results enough for that to be something of integrity. So

350
00:19:48,560 --> 00:19:50,439
Speaker 2: because I think, well, I don't know if I'm I

351
00:19:50,480 --> 00:19:53,159
Speaker 2: feel like a fraud. So if I don't bring the

352
00:19:53,240 --> 00:19:56,320
Speaker 2: results for this great idea, then I'm not a person

353
00:19:56,359 --> 00:19:59,240
Speaker 2: of integrity, and that makes me stop. And then certain

354
00:19:59,359 --> 00:20:02,800
Speaker 2: I've been abs with why people self sabotage over the years,

355
00:20:02,800 --> 00:20:05,480
Speaker 2: because there's been times I don't understand why I'm doing it.

356
00:20:06,359 --> 00:20:08,760
Speaker 1: But I think integrity is you wanting to do something,

357
00:20:08,840 --> 00:20:11,520
Speaker 1: trying to do it, fucking up and then talking about

358
00:20:11,560 --> 00:20:15,440
Speaker 1: how you fucked up and what you learned. That's integrity. Yeah,

359
00:20:15,480 --> 00:20:18,359
Speaker 1: integuity doesn't necessarily equate to I did a thing and

360
00:20:18,440 --> 00:20:23,879
Speaker 1: I succeeded. Like the fact that you are living in

361
00:20:24,440 --> 00:20:28,000
Speaker 1: with integrity to me is about being raw and real

362
00:20:28,000 --> 00:20:32,119
Speaker 1: and honest and walking your talk like it's about. Uh,

363
00:20:32,760 --> 00:20:37,679
Speaker 1: is how I actually live a reflection of what I say.

364
00:20:38,480 --> 00:20:43,280
Speaker 1: And this is one of my pet peeves in social

365
00:20:43,320 --> 00:20:45,719
Speaker 1: media in general. And yes, there's some great stuff in

366
00:20:45,760 --> 00:20:49,480
Speaker 1: social media, but I just think there's a huge, huge

367
00:20:49,480 --> 00:20:51,680
Speaker 1: amount of people who just say shit that's not true

368
00:20:52,960 --> 00:20:56,480
Speaker 1: or shit that they don't actually do. That annoys me,

369
00:20:56,520 --> 00:20:58,280
Speaker 1: and it should't annoy me. That's a flaw in me.

370
00:20:58,400 --> 00:21:02,320
Speaker 1: But you know, I'm I mean, I know people who

371
00:21:02,359 --> 00:21:05,840
Speaker 1: say one thing publicly and do another. I know them.

372
00:21:05,880 --> 00:21:08,359
Speaker 1: I would never name them, but I could name them

373
00:21:08,600 --> 00:21:12,400
Speaker 1: where how they live is not actually how they represent

374
00:21:12,520 --> 00:21:16,800
Speaker 1: themselves to the public. I'm like, you have fucking zero integrity,

375
00:21:16,840 --> 00:21:21,159
Speaker 1: and I don't respect you, you know, I'd rather And

376
00:21:21,200 --> 00:21:23,959
Speaker 1: what I don't get is I actually think when people

377
00:21:24,880 --> 00:21:28,520
Speaker 1: are real like and I understand why some people don't

378
00:21:28,560 --> 00:21:32,000
Speaker 1: share some things, of course, but when you're trying and

379
00:21:32,080 --> 00:21:36,520
Speaker 1: fucking up, sometimes winning, sometimes losing, sometimes getting embarrassed, sometimes

380
00:21:36,520 --> 00:21:40,000
Speaker 1: getting you know whatever, a round of applause and everything

381
00:21:40,040 --> 00:21:46,000
Speaker 1: in between. But and you share that, people people relate

382
00:21:46,000 --> 00:21:49,000
Speaker 1: to you more. Yeah, you know, when you operate with

383
00:21:49,080 --> 00:21:52,320
Speaker 1: integrity and you do you know, like five minutes before

384
00:21:52,320 --> 00:21:54,560
Speaker 1: we did this, not five fifteen minutes before we did

385
00:21:54,560 --> 00:21:59,280
Speaker 1: this podcast, Melissa rang me and went, which I'll tell

386
00:21:59,280 --> 00:22:00,800
Speaker 1: you off there, I can't tell you on air, But

387
00:22:01,320 --> 00:22:07,760
Speaker 1: had a sponsorship opportunity with a very very globally known brand,

388
00:22:08,600 --> 00:22:12,240
Speaker 1: and they want me to say something in the ad

389
00:22:12,440 --> 00:22:15,959
Speaker 1: that I can't say because I don't believe it, and

390
00:22:16,040 --> 00:22:19,000
Speaker 1: I said I will work with them, but I can't

391
00:22:19,080 --> 00:22:23,840
Speaker 1: say this sentence because that isn't true for me. Also, firstly,

392
00:22:23,880 --> 00:22:26,879
Speaker 1: I don't think it's true. I think what they're saying

393
00:22:26,960 --> 00:22:31,639
Speaker 1: is not true, and I definitely can't say it. And

394
00:22:32,000 --> 00:22:35,600
Speaker 1: you know, it's just like it's sometimes my integrity is

395
00:22:35,640 --> 00:22:39,560
Speaker 1: a fucking financial andy cap. But I'm just like I

396
00:22:39,600 --> 00:22:42,639
Speaker 1: said one even if nobody ever heard it, I can't

397
00:22:42,640 --> 00:22:44,359
Speaker 1: say that because I don't believe it, and I won't

398
00:22:44,400 --> 00:22:48,280
Speaker 1: say it just for money. And two, like my audience

399
00:22:48,400 --> 00:22:54,400
Speaker 1: know me if I if I came on and went, hey, everyone,

400
00:22:55,200 --> 00:22:59,080
Speaker 1: Krispy Kreme, you know, look, don't have them too often,

401
00:22:59,119 --> 00:23:01,760
Speaker 1: but I reckon you know, once or twice a week

402
00:23:01,840 --> 00:23:05,119
Speaker 1: a couple of fucking couldn't do better. People would be like,

403
00:23:06,000 --> 00:23:09,240
Speaker 1: oh my god, you sold out. Now I'm not saying

404
00:23:09,480 --> 00:23:12,400
Speaker 1: I'm not saying everybody don't ever, you know, I'm saying,

405
00:23:12,480 --> 00:23:15,479
Speaker 1: do whatever you like. But what I'm saying is I

406
00:23:15,640 --> 00:23:19,320
Speaker 1: can't sell that on my show. I'm not going to

407
00:23:19,480 --> 00:23:22,640
Speaker 1: encourage people to put shit in their body or what

408
00:23:22,720 --> 00:23:25,960
Speaker 1: I think is shit. Okay, I'm not saying Crispy Kreme.

409
00:23:26,000 --> 00:23:28,240
Speaker 1: Oh that would be terrible for me to say that, definitely,

410
00:23:28,600 --> 00:23:31,240
Speaker 1: but you can figure out, you know. And so that

411
00:23:32,520 --> 00:23:37,840
Speaker 1: to me, that's you know, for me, that's part of integrity,

412
00:23:38,040 --> 00:23:40,480
Speaker 1: you know. And I think, but also back to you,

413
00:23:40,560 --> 00:23:42,240
Speaker 1: I want to jump back to your purpose thing for

414
00:23:42,280 --> 00:23:48,320
Speaker 1: a moment. This is controversial. I reckon a lot of people.

415
00:23:48,480 --> 00:23:50,280
Speaker 1: If you look at how a lot of people live.

416
00:23:51,320 --> 00:23:54,159
Speaker 1: If how people live is a reflection of what matters

417
00:23:54,200 --> 00:23:59,440
Speaker 1: to the most, then for many people their purpose is comfort.

418
00:24:01,040 --> 00:24:06,440
Speaker 1: Think about how many people they prioritize comfort over everything,

419
00:24:07,200 --> 00:24:11,600
Speaker 1: which is why they don't work out or work out hard,

420
00:24:11,920 --> 00:24:14,440
Speaker 1: which is why they eat food that they don't need.

421
00:24:15,400 --> 00:24:21,240
Speaker 1: That's that's literally sabotaging their health, that's derailing their genetic

422
00:24:21,359 --> 00:24:24,760
Speaker 1: potential because it gives them comfort. I'm not there's no

423
00:24:24,880 --> 00:24:28,800
Speaker 1: judgment in this, just observation. Right by the way, Have

424
00:24:28,920 --> 00:24:31,679
Speaker 1: I done it? Yes? Have I have a prioritized comfort?

425
00:24:31,760 --> 00:24:35,280
Speaker 1: Fucking oath? Has it? You know, if you looked at

426
00:24:35,359 --> 00:24:37,679
Speaker 1: me over the years, you would have said, I was

427
00:24:37,800 --> 00:24:42,119
Speaker 1: just I was all about fucking pleasure and what's that

428
00:24:42,760 --> 00:24:46,800
Speaker 1: what's that term? Tip? What's that term where people and

429
00:24:46,880 --> 00:24:49,440
Speaker 1: we're back? I just I couldn't go on we're back.

430
00:24:49,560 --> 00:24:50,000
Speaker 3: I had.

431
00:24:51,400 --> 00:24:56,520
Speaker 1: Hedonistic living or hedonism is you know when everything's you know,

432
00:24:56,640 --> 00:25:01,680
Speaker 1: and so yeah, I just think that. But the challenge

433
00:25:01,760 --> 00:25:04,960
Speaker 1: for you know, when you say one of my values

434
00:25:05,040 --> 00:25:10,200
Speaker 1: is growth and service and you know personal development or

435
00:25:10,240 --> 00:25:14,840
Speaker 1: health or like that, that's going to be painful at times,

436
00:25:15,240 --> 00:25:19,240
Speaker 1: you know, maybe often you know, on the journey. But yeah,

437
00:25:19,320 --> 00:25:22,040
Speaker 1: so's it's that like there's the thing that we say

438
00:25:22,080 --> 00:25:24,760
Speaker 1: we're about, and then there's the thing that we're really about.

439
00:25:24,800 --> 00:25:28,240
Speaker 1: When no one's looking you know how we behave.

440
00:25:30,520 --> 00:25:33,800
Speaker 2: Well, that's where I think that values and purpose need

441
00:25:33,880 --> 00:25:36,440
Speaker 2: to Then it's a conversation that needs to happen together

442
00:25:36,520 --> 00:25:39,479
Speaker 2: because there's the purpose, which is this service base driven

443
00:25:39,760 --> 00:25:41,840
Speaker 2: and people can get messed up with.

444
00:25:42,119 --> 00:25:43,400
Speaker 3: How that sounds to the world.

445
00:25:43,520 --> 00:25:46,760
Speaker 2: Oh, it's my purpose is to help you know how

446
00:25:46,800 --> 00:25:48,879
Speaker 2: many coaches out there is like, my purpose is to

447
00:25:48,960 --> 00:25:52,280
Speaker 2: help these people do this, this, and this is like actually,

448
00:25:52,440 --> 00:25:54,800
Speaker 2: you're running an online course where you don't even meet people.

449
00:25:54,840 --> 00:25:58,119
Speaker 2: Your purpose is to make a load of money the

450
00:25:58,160 --> 00:26:02,280
Speaker 2: easiest way possible. But when you look at Veulock, for me,

451
00:26:02,400 --> 00:26:06,560
Speaker 2: looking at my values and then linking it to why

452
00:26:06,640 --> 00:26:09,560
Speaker 2: I love the aspects of the things that I do,

453
00:26:11,119 --> 00:26:13,280
Speaker 2: it's changed the way like I come back and it's

454
00:26:13,400 --> 00:26:16,000
Speaker 2: changed the way that I feel and think about the

455
00:26:16,040 --> 00:26:18,160
Speaker 2: stuff that I'm going to put my energy into doing

456
00:26:18,760 --> 00:26:20,960
Speaker 2: and the outcomes I expect to make and what I

457
00:26:21,040 --> 00:26:23,200
Speaker 2: want to see out of it is very different because

458
00:26:23,200 --> 00:26:27,000
Speaker 2: I now I know what I'm connected to and why

459
00:26:27,080 --> 00:26:27,800
Speaker 2: it matters to me.

460
00:26:29,359 --> 00:26:33,040
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think, and I think, well, back to the

461
00:26:33,640 --> 00:26:35,960
Speaker 1: you know, people just doing stuff because they want to

462
00:26:35,960 --> 00:26:38,679
Speaker 1: make keaps a dough and there's nothing wrong with that.

463
00:26:38,840 --> 00:26:42,199
Speaker 1: Either if we know what's going on, you know, if

464
00:26:42,280 --> 00:26:45,080
Speaker 1: you're clear about well this is, you know, like someone

465
00:26:45,160 --> 00:26:49,520
Speaker 1: like Alex Hermosi, who you know, he's all about helping

466
00:26:49,560 --> 00:26:53,119
Speaker 1: people build wealth and build systems and monetizing things and

467
00:26:53,200 --> 00:26:57,400
Speaker 1: programs and online this and that. And while I don't

468
00:26:57,440 --> 00:27:02,240
Speaker 1: see to eye on everything with him, he's definitely better

469
00:27:02,320 --> 00:27:06,159
Speaker 1: at creating wealth than I am. I'm fucking terrible, and

470
00:27:07,400 --> 00:27:10,800
Speaker 1: like some stuff, I listened to him and I'm like, nah, nah, nah,

471
00:27:10,840 --> 00:27:14,160
Speaker 1: that's no, not me. Then other stuff where I'm like, yeah,

472
00:27:14,400 --> 00:27:17,800
Speaker 1: you're smart as fuck. You know, I could learn in

473
00:27:17,920 --> 00:27:22,840
Speaker 1: terms of building business or building online funnels and creating

474
00:27:22,840 --> 00:27:25,440
Speaker 1: products and services and all of that stuff which I'm

475
00:27:25,440 --> 00:27:28,600
Speaker 1: not very good at. I definitely can learn from him.

476
00:27:29,000 --> 00:27:31,720
Speaker 1: But also what I like about him is he's not

477
00:27:31,920 --> 00:27:36,080
Speaker 1: pretending to be something else, Like he is all about

478
00:27:36,160 --> 00:27:40,560
Speaker 1: business make and doe crushing killing, and he doesn't pretend

479
00:27:40,600 --> 00:27:44,480
Speaker 1: that he is the Dalai Lama. Right, So I respect

480
00:27:44,600 --> 00:27:47,040
Speaker 1: him because whether or not you know, you like him

481
00:27:47,080 --> 00:27:49,359
Speaker 1: a lot. As a human being. I think he's fine.

482
00:27:49,800 --> 00:27:53,879
Speaker 1: I listened to him on Chris Williams on what is

483
00:27:53,920 --> 00:27:56,159
Speaker 1: It Modern Wisdom? And that was a great that was

484
00:27:56,200 --> 00:27:58,359
Speaker 1: a great chat. I think I referred you to that,

485
00:27:58,560 --> 00:28:00,800
Speaker 1: and I'm like, ah, this dude is really smart. I

486
00:28:00,800 --> 00:28:03,560
Speaker 1: don't align with him on everything, but he wouldn't align

487
00:28:03,600 --> 00:28:07,280
Speaker 1: with me either. But you know, when people are up

488
00:28:07,280 --> 00:28:12,040
Speaker 1: front and transparent and direct and real, I don't like

489
00:28:12,320 --> 00:28:14,480
Speaker 1: even if they're nothing like me and we don't have

490
00:28:14,560 --> 00:28:17,320
Speaker 1: the same values, But as long as they're being authentic,

491
00:28:18,000 --> 00:28:20,320
Speaker 1: I'm cool with it because we know what we're getting.

492
00:28:21,720 --> 00:28:25,760
Speaker 2: One of my favorite things on Chris's podcast recently, I

493
00:28:25,800 --> 00:28:28,280
Speaker 2: was listening to I Think It's Dan Martel. I listened

494
00:28:28,280 --> 00:28:29,880
Speaker 2: to it a couple of times. I really liked him,

495
00:28:29,960 --> 00:28:32,120
Speaker 2: and one of the things he said that I picked

496
00:28:32,160 --> 00:28:34,960
Speaker 2: up on the second or third time was if you're

497
00:28:35,000 --> 00:28:38,880
Speaker 2: not contradicting yourself, you're not growing fast enough. And I

498
00:28:38,960 --> 00:28:42,280
Speaker 2: love that, and when sometimes hearing things like that can

499
00:28:42,320 --> 00:28:44,920
Speaker 2: be really jarring because we can hold on to what

500
00:28:44,960 --> 00:28:48,160
Speaker 2: we say. We say things, especially in people like you

501
00:28:48,200 --> 00:28:51,720
Speaker 2: and I who are putting it out publicly, this is

502
00:28:51,760 --> 00:28:53,840
Speaker 2: what I think, and it can be really jarring to

503
00:28:53,880 --> 00:28:59,000
Speaker 2: go ooh, like, yep, I'm contradicting that now, Like I've

504
00:28:59,080 --> 00:29:02,200
Speaker 2: changed my tune on intimate and fasting for females.

505
00:29:03,120 --> 00:29:07,400
Speaker 1: Yep, Well that's I mean backflip. Yes, yeah, one hundred percent.

506
00:29:07,520 --> 00:29:11,440
Speaker 1: And if you I agree, I wouldn't when you say contradicting,

507
00:29:11,480 --> 00:29:14,320
Speaker 1: I was thinking something else, but it is that. It's like, yeah,

508
00:29:14,440 --> 00:29:15,160
Speaker 1: essentially it's.

509
00:29:15,120 --> 00:29:19,520
Speaker 2: Changing incongruent, but being able to get new information you

510
00:29:19,560 --> 00:29:21,240
Speaker 2: talk about all the times, you just don't say it

511
00:29:21,240 --> 00:29:23,600
Speaker 2: in that way. Getting new information and changing your mind

512
00:29:23,640 --> 00:29:24,560
Speaker 2: about something.

513
00:29:24,560 --> 00:29:27,280
Speaker 1: Yeah, I call it unlearning. Yeah, like that thing that

514
00:29:27,360 --> 00:29:30,120
Speaker 1: I thought, I don't think that anymore, the thing that

515
00:29:30,200 --> 00:29:32,720
Speaker 1: I believed, I don't believe that anymore. And the reason

516
00:29:32,760 --> 00:29:34,560
Speaker 1: I don't believe it is because I got new data,

517
00:29:34,600 --> 00:29:36,720
Speaker 1: or I got new information, or I had a new experience,

518
00:29:36,840 --> 00:29:39,880
Speaker 1: or I had a conversation, or there's been more research

519
00:29:40,000 --> 00:29:45,280
Speaker 1: or and I'm not emotionally attached to a particular idea

520
00:29:45,400 --> 00:29:49,160
Speaker 1: or stance like you know how, Like you said you

521
00:29:49,240 --> 00:29:51,880
Speaker 1: thought a certain way about intimate and fasting for women.

522
00:29:52,440 --> 00:29:54,400
Speaker 1: You got I would I would say you got some

523
00:29:54,480 --> 00:29:57,320
Speaker 1: new experience or insider understanding or something, And now you

524
00:29:57,320 --> 00:30:02,440
Speaker 1: don't think that. That's actually a sign of fucking See

525
00:30:02,560 --> 00:30:05,520
Speaker 1: that person. I want to listen to the person that

526
00:30:06,040 --> 00:30:10,840
Speaker 1: never unlearns anything. The person that's been right about everything

527
00:30:10,880 --> 00:30:13,760
Speaker 1: every time for the last thirty years. That's the person

528
00:30:13,760 --> 00:30:17,040
Speaker 1: you don't want to pay any attention to because that's

529
00:30:17,040 --> 00:30:20,720
Speaker 1: about emotion and ego and identity, because their sense of

530
00:30:20,800 --> 00:30:24,320
Speaker 1: self is tied into being right. Yes, you know, and

531
00:30:24,360 --> 00:30:28,800
Speaker 1: this is this is one of the challenges when you

532
00:30:28,840 --> 00:30:34,960
Speaker 1: know you're talking with people who they basically identify themselves

533
00:30:35,160 --> 00:30:40,040
Speaker 1: as a behavior or an idea or a practice. I

534
00:30:40,080 --> 00:30:44,160
Speaker 1: am fill in the blank, you know. I am a vegan,

535
00:30:44,200 --> 00:30:46,800
Speaker 1: I am a carnival, I am a Christian, I am

536
00:30:46,840 --> 00:30:49,760
Speaker 1: a Buddhist, I am an atheist, I am a business owner,

537
00:30:49,880 --> 00:30:54,320
Speaker 1: I am a podcast I am all these I am statements.

538
00:30:54,360 --> 00:30:58,840
Speaker 1: So I am is literally my identity. I am no

539
00:30:59,000 --> 00:31:04,080
Speaker 1: good at sport. I am genetically impaired. I am And

540
00:31:04,120 --> 00:31:07,440
Speaker 1: then we basically tell the world who we are without

541
00:31:07,480 --> 00:31:11,840
Speaker 1: telling the world who we are at all, trying to

542
00:31:11,960 --> 00:31:14,520
Speaker 1: understand who am I beyond all the labels I put

543
00:31:14,560 --> 00:31:15,760
Speaker 1: on myself.

544
00:31:17,920 --> 00:31:20,800
Speaker 2: But did heaps of that as well over in India.

545
00:31:20,840 --> 00:31:23,800
Speaker 2: And I've to put stuff in practice when I got

546
00:31:23,840 --> 00:31:28,040
Speaker 2: back to not get back into the same environment and

547
00:31:28,160 --> 00:31:31,720
Speaker 2: hold on tightly to that version of me that I

548
00:31:31,800 --> 00:31:33,280
Speaker 2: was getting boxed into.

549
00:31:34,960 --> 00:31:37,760
Speaker 1: How do you ever plan on for those who have

550
00:31:37,880 --> 00:31:41,880
Speaker 1: been under a rock or haven't listened to the last

551
00:31:41,920 --> 00:31:44,800
Speaker 1: few Tiff and me. TIFF's been in India and she's

552
00:31:44,880 --> 00:31:49,760
Speaker 1: come back with I would say a different perspective and energy.

553
00:31:49,800 --> 00:31:53,360
Speaker 1: I mean that honestly, like your energy is your energy

554
00:31:53,440 --> 00:31:55,840
Speaker 1: is genuinely different. And I won't say who will throw

555
00:31:55,880 --> 00:31:57,840
Speaker 1: you under the bus. But you were talking to someone

556
00:31:58,400 --> 00:32:01,800
Speaker 1: very recently that you were doing the session with and

557
00:32:01,840 --> 00:32:04,120
Speaker 1: you hadn't told them anything, and that like, what is

558
00:32:04,160 --> 00:32:06,840
Speaker 1: going on with you? You're weird? Have you been meditating

559
00:32:06,880 --> 00:32:10,560
Speaker 1: your debt? Like I don't know, Maybe you can share that,

560
00:32:10,560 --> 00:32:14,280
Speaker 1: but anyway, but I just thought, do you have a plan,

561
00:32:15,880 --> 00:32:18,920
Speaker 1: because when I've had experiences like that, I desperately don't

562
00:32:18,920 --> 00:32:19,959
Speaker 1: want it to go away.

563
00:32:20,680 --> 00:32:21,200
Speaker 3: Yeah I do.

564
00:32:21,320 --> 00:32:24,800
Speaker 2: It's not going I will not let it go. I've

565
00:32:24,800 --> 00:32:27,640
Speaker 2: got post it notes, I've got I've got shit written

566
00:32:27,640 --> 00:32:30,360
Speaker 2: all over I've got different things that I'm practicing. And

567
00:32:30,400 --> 00:32:33,440
Speaker 2: I went for dinner last night and I walked there

568
00:32:33,480 --> 00:32:35,560
Speaker 2: and it was a thirty minute walk. And on the

569
00:32:35,600 --> 00:32:39,240
Speaker 2: way there and on the way back, I walk at

570
00:32:39,320 --> 00:32:42,800
Speaker 2: half the pace now and I can't even make myself

571
00:32:42,840 --> 00:32:46,240
Speaker 2: Harry because the thought of making myself Harry almost invites

572
00:32:46,280 --> 00:32:48,720
Speaker 2: that old persona back. It's like, you know, we're not

573
00:32:49,440 --> 00:32:53,960
Speaker 2: We're not rushing everything anymore. Like life is really good now,

574
00:32:54,040 --> 00:32:56,640
Speaker 2: and you've wasted four years of it worrying about the

575
00:32:56,680 --> 00:32:59,880
Speaker 2: next thing and rushing and worrying about all the shit

576
00:33:00,920 --> 00:33:04,920
Speaker 2: that is not and you've missed out on so much.

577
00:33:06,040 --> 00:33:10,840
Speaker 1: That's that's interesting. Why four years? Why did you say

578
00:33:11,000 --> 00:33:11,640
Speaker 1: four years?

579
00:33:11,880 --> 00:33:16,200
Speaker 2: I guess because I probably from the big shift of

580
00:33:16,880 --> 00:33:19,480
Speaker 2: COVID and that was a really big time for me.

581
00:33:19,560 --> 00:33:22,880
Speaker 2: A lot of things went on, But I would say that,

582
00:33:24,280 --> 00:33:27,040
Speaker 2: and I remember at the time saying, are you just

583
00:33:27,400 --> 00:33:30,000
Speaker 2: is this a trauma response? You do real good in chaos?

584
00:33:30,040 --> 00:33:32,239
Speaker 2: You do you do good when when the chips are

585
00:33:32,280 --> 00:33:36,560
Speaker 2: down and ship's falling down. So I was like, is

586
00:33:36,600 --> 00:33:38,960
Speaker 2: this creating a podcast and a new brand and a

587
00:33:39,000 --> 00:33:39,960
Speaker 2: new thing and all that that.

588
00:33:40,400 --> 00:33:42,520
Speaker 3: Picked up real quick? Is that just is that all.

589
00:33:42,440 --> 00:33:43,120
Speaker 2: Going to fall away?

590
00:33:43,120 --> 00:33:43,760
Speaker 3: And it didn't.

591
00:33:44,240 --> 00:33:47,640
Speaker 2: But I do feel like I stayed in that state,

592
00:33:47,840 --> 00:33:57,280
Speaker 2: and I don't like, I don't feel proud of how

593
00:33:57,360 --> 00:34:00,920
Speaker 2: I've been for the last few years. And I didn't

594
00:34:01,240 --> 00:34:03,720
Speaker 2: know I was, and I didn't mean to be but

595
00:34:03,800 --> 00:34:08,040
Speaker 2: I feel if I was watching someone else right now

596
00:34:08,080 --> 00:34:10,720
Speaker 2: and knowing that was their experience, I would feel very

597
00:34:11,400 --> 00:34:15,480
Speaker 2: compassionate and sad for them because I'll be like, you're

598
00:34:15,520 --> 00:34:19,200
Speaker 2: missing so much, all of the little things.

599
00:34:19,400 --> 00:34:23,480
Speaker 1: So when you say you don't feel proud, tell me

600
00:34:23,520 --> 00:34:24,480
Speaker 1: a bit more about that.

601
00:34:25,840 --> 00:34:31,640
Speaker 2: Ah, just what This is hard because I don't want

602
00:34:31,680 --> 00:34:34,319
Speaker 2: to judge it because it just is and I wasn't.

603
00:34:34,520 --> 00:34:37,400
Speaker 2: I'm not a bad person, but I just it was

604
00:34:37,440 --> 00:34:48,200
Speaker 2: a very hectic, self absorbed, self protective, selfish headspace all

605
00:34:48,280 --> 00:34:54,040
Speaker 2: the time, Like I'm so protective of me that no

606
00:34:54,120 --> 00:34:56,839
Speaker 2: one can come in so no one can fuck me over.

607
00:34:57,400 --> 00:34:59,440
Speaker 2: But that means that no one can help. And then

608
00:34:59,440 --> 00:35:02,560
Speaker 2: I'm angry that no one's helping, and I'm angry that

609
00:35:01,920 --> 00:35:05,000
Speaker 2: I'm angry that i feel alone, and I'm sad and

610
00:35:05,040 --> 00:35:09,080
Speaker 2: I'm all of these things. Wow, but I'm creating.

611
00:35:08,640 --> 00:35:15,400
Speaker 1: That Wow, Like fucking wow, that is that is really

612
00:35:15,400 --> 00:35:16,799
Speaker 1: good awareness.

613
00:35:17,200 --> 00:35:18,319
Speaker 3: Yeah you are.

614
00:35:18,400 --> 00:35:20,520
Speaker 1: I'm not saying this because we're on the I haven't

615
00:35:20,560 --> 00:35:23,400
Speaker 1: even told you there's face to face, but you are different,

616
00:35:24,120 --> 00:35:28,080
Speaker 1: Like it's like there's been a real shift. That's nice.

617
00:35:28,239 --> 00:35:32,680
Speaker 1: It's nice, and that's not the that's not an adequate word,

618
00:35:32,760 --> 00:35:39,600
Speaker 1: but it's for it's good to see, like it's good

619
00:35:39,640 --> 00:35:43,160
Speaker 1: to see. And even even at the gym, you know,

620
00:35:43,200 --> 00:35:45,480
Speaker 1: when I see you at the gym, like your energy

621
00:35:45,560 --> 00:35:51,319
Speaker 1: is different, like yeah, there's it's like you used to

622
00:35:51,360 --> 00:35:54,200
Speaker 1: come to the gym because you do or you did,

623
00:35:54,320 --> 00:35:57,400
Speaker 1: you had that you know pretty much fuck off sign

624
00:35:57,440 --> 00:36:01,239
Speaker 1: on your forehead like you're like easy going to a

625
00:36:01,320 --> 00:36:03,640
Speaker 1: point and open to a point. But then it was

626
00:36:03,760 --> 00:36:07,480
Speaker 1: like no, a fucking vault right. It was like one

627
00:36:07,480 --> 00:36:10,480
Speaker 1: of those I picture those old in those old movies

628
00:36:10,560 --> 00:36:13,760
Speaker 1: with the bank vault door that you've got to spin

629
00:36:13,840 --> 00:36:16,759
Speaker 1: around the thing, and you know that that was like

630
00:36:16,920 --> 00:36:21,120
Speaker 1: your heart like fuck off. You know, I can do

631
00:36:21,239 --> 00:36:24,920
Speaker 1: the cheeky fun thing. But and when you used to

632
00:36:25,000 --> 00:36:29,480
Speaker 1: hug like it was it was a Ron Harper hug.

633
00:36:29,520 --> 00:36:33,759
Speaker 1: It was like almost like I know this is social etiquette,

634
00:36:33,800 --> 00:36:35,799
Speaker 1: so I'll do it and it's just in an and

635
00:36:35,840 --> 00:36:38,799
Speaker 1: not that it's like some big embrace now, but but

636
00:36:38,880 --> 00:36:41,840
Speaker 1: your your energy is different to be around your physical

637
00:36:41,960 --> 00:36:46,200
Speaker 1: energy and even when you yeah, it's it's it's nice.

638
00:36:46,239 --> 00:36:48,880
Speaker 2: So yeah, I'm glad to hear that because I feel

639
00:36:49,280 --> 00:36:52,960
Speaker 2: I feel different. And I said to some of the others.

640
00:36:53,280 --> 00:36:56,200
Speaker 2: I one, especially with you because I work so closely

641
00:36:56,239 --> 00:36:59,400
Speaker 2: with you, and I'm like, I wonder what the experience

642
00:36:59,800 --> 00:37:02,879
Speaker 2: was like and how much you could see and what

643
00:37:02,960 --> 00:37:06,839
Speaker 2: that felt like. I dontclined in today just speaking about

644
00:37:06,920 --> 00:37:09,879
Speaker 2: energy and I've trained them for a long time. Won't

645
00:37:09,880 --> 00:37:11,480
Speaker 2: say hull it is or anything about the situation.

646
00:37:11,600 --> 00:37:14,000
Speaker 3: But they came in and.

647
00:37:14,200 --> 00:37:16,640
Speaker 2: Started talking and I can't remember what question because we

648
00:37:16,680 --> 00:37:19,640
Speaker 2: sat down afterwards and had a session after the session

649
00:37:19,640 --> 00:37:23,040
Speaker 2: and deep and meaningful, but I said, they were talking

650
00:37:23,120 --> 00:37:25,439
Speaker 2: and I just stopped, put my hands we're doing pad

651
00:37:25,480 --> 00:37:28,799
Speaker 2: work boxing my hands on my side, and I asked

652
00:37:28,800 --> 00:37:31,520
Speaker 2: a question. I can't remember which one it might have been.

653
00:37:33,360 --> 00:37:36,040
Speaker 2: I don't know what it was, but they just water works.

654
00:37:36,120 --> 00:37:36,959
Speaker 3: They just broke down.

655
00:37:37,000 --> 00:37:39,439
Speaker 2: They just cried, and we just had a big hug,

656
00:37:39,800 --> 00:37:42,280
Speaker 2: and we probably had four big hugs throughout the session.

657
00:37:42,560 --> 00:37:44,440
Speaker 2: And I said, you're going to stop and have a

658
00:37:44,440 --> 00:37:46,080
Speaker 2: coffee with me after this, and we're going to do

659
00:37:46,120 --> 00:37:48,880
Speaker 2: a whole other sort of session after this session. And

660
00:37:48,920 --> 00:37:50,719
Speaker 2: thankfully I had the time after that, but it was

661
00:37:51,280 --> 00:37:56,640
Speaker 2: beautiful to see that she had the space and the

662
00:37:56,680 --> 00:38:00,920
Speaker 2: opportunity to do that with me. And I had to

663
00:38:01,160 --> 00:38:04,640
Speaker 2: just stop and see the opportunity and ask a question

664
00:38:04,719 --> 00:38:06,480
Speaker 2: that was going to matter in that moment.

665
00:38:07,280 --> 00:38:08,920
Speaker 1: Yeah that's so nice.

666
00:38:09,200 --> 00:38:09,959
Speaker 3: Yeah nice.

667
00:38:11,520 --> 00:38:15,839
Speaker 1: I met similarly, I met there's a lot that used

668
00:38:15,840 --> 00:38:18,319
Speaker 1: to work me for me. So I met one of

669
00:38:18,360 --> 00:38:22,120
Speaker 1: my ex trainers who used to work for me. And

670
00:38:22,160 --> 00:38:24,400
Speaker 1: there were hundreds, so I'm not giving away anything. A

671
00:38:24,480 --> 00:38:27,439
Speaker 1: guy I saw him the other day. I only send

672
00:38:27,480 --> 00:38:30,920
Speaker 1: two or three times a year, but and I was

673
00:38:31,200 --> 00:38:33,880
Speaker 1: asking him how things are, and we ended up sitting

674
00:38:33,920 --> 00:38:36,600
Speaker 1: down outside a cafe. He was getting a coffee, I

675
00:38:36,640 --> 00:38:38,719
Speaker 1: was getting a coffee, and I said, you know, let's sit.

676
00:38:38,840 --> 00:38:42,719
Speaker 1: So we sat and he gave me the rundown on everything,

677
00:38:43,360 --> 00:38:45,440
Speaker 1: you know, like there's plenty going on in his life.

678
00:38:45,480 --> 00:38:48,560
Speaker 1: He's not old, but he's older of course than when

679
00:38:48,560 --> 00:38:52,120
Speaker 1: we worked. And then we then it just went quiet,

680
00:38:52,160 --> 00:38:56,239
Speaker 1: and I went and what about you, mate? And I

681
00:38:56,280 --> 00:39:00,280
Speaker 1: didn't say anything, and he just went and he's eyes

682
00:39:00,280 --> 00:39:03,120
Speaker 1: filled up too, and I go, what's going on with you?

683
00:39:04,760 --> 00:39:07,960
Speaker 1: And he goes ah, and then he just looked away

684
00:39:08,000 --> 00:39:11,040
Speaker 1: and he's like, I can't talk about it. And he's

685
00:39:11,080 --> 00:39:13,279
Speaker 1: just like you know when you just see and he's

686
00:39:13,320 --> 00:39:17,800
Speaker 1: a dude, like he's an alpha male, like nice human,

687
00:39:18,400 --> 00:39:21,400
Speaker 1: not an alpha male buff ed, but like a man's man,

688
00:39:21,960 --> 00:39:26,440
Speaker 1: like good guy, and yeah, and anyway, I didn't push it,

689
00:39:26,520 --> 00:39:30,080
Speaker 1: but yeah, there's just isn't it funny? You know sometimes

690
00:39:30,800 --> 00:39:35,000
Speaker 1: when you're having this surface level conversation and it's like

691
00:39:35,120 --> 00:39:37,680
Speaker 1: it's not that it's bullshit, but it's like it's yeah,

692
00:39:37,719 --> 00:39:40,120
Speaker 1: and they're ah, yeah, good, and that yeah yep, and

693
00:39:40,160 --> 00:39:44,239
Speaker 1: the kids yep, and the old mate yep, yep, mom

694
00:39:44,280 --> 00:39:47,319
Speaker 1: and dad good yep, yep, yep, and it's all like

695
00:39:48,000 --> 00:39:51,840
Speaker 1: it's okay, and we need those conversations because not everything

696
00:39:51,880 --> 00:39:53,719
Speaker 1: has got to be a fucking deep dive into the

697
00:39:54,600 --> 00:39:58,080
Speaker 1: human psyche, right, But every now and then you go,

698
00:39:58,600 --> 00:40:01,960
Speaker 1: like you're talking to someone and you go, oh, I

699
00:40:02,440 --> 00:40:04,840
Speaker 1: don't know about you, but I just sometimes feel compelled

700
00:40:04,880 --> 00:40:07,920
Speaker 1: to go, all right, so what else? And they go

701
00:40:07,960 --> 00:40:09,360
Speaker 1: what do you mean? And I go, I think, you

702
00:40:09,400 --> 00:40:12,080
Speaker 1: know what I mean? What else? What else is going

703
00:40:12,160 --> 00:40:14,920
Speaker 1: on with you? Like? What's going on? And you know,

704
00:40:15,040 --> 00:40:20,160
Speaker 1: sometimes even with men, especially just if I go because

705
00:40:20,200 --> 00:40:25,239
Speaker 1: men don't generally say something like how's your heart, mate,

706
00:40:25,520 --> 00:40:29,800
Speaker 1: and that's it, just how's your heart? Oh, the amount

707
00:40:29,840 --> 00:40:35,600
Speaker 1: of times where men have just like just teared up

708
00:40:36,120 --> 00:40:38,560
Speaker 1: or you know, and it like you and your friend. Yeah,

709
00:40:38,600 --> 00:40:41,880
Speaker 1: it's just like it's and not that we need to

710
00:40:41,920 --> 00:40:44,120
Speaker 1: have a deep and meaningful every time, but yeah, it's

711
00:40:44,200 --> 00:40:47,000
Speaker 1: just like people. You know, it's are you okay? Day?

712
00:40:47,040 --> 00:40:50,640
Speaker 1: It's all that with men and women, old and young.

713
00:40:51,320 --> 00:40:54,080
Speaker 1: You know when when somebody like you did with your

714
00:40:54,120 --> 00:40:57,520
Speaker 1: client today, where you don't need to sessions done, you've

715
00:40:57,520 --> 00:41:00,319
Speaker 1: done your job, but you go, no, we're just going

716
00:41:00,360 --> 00:41:04,239
Speaker 1: to hang around and do this just because you know

717
00:41:04,400 --> 00:41:06,880
Speaker 1: you want to help someone. You know. That's to me,

718
00:41:07,080 --> 00:41:10,880
Speaker 1: that's when we spoke before about purpose. It's about that stuff.

719
00:41:11,520 --> 00:41:15,919
Speaker 1: It's about the unpredictable, it's about the unpaid. Sometimes it's

720
00:41:15,960 --> 00:41:19,040
Speaker 1: about the end, the moment, the spontaneous reading the signs,

721
00:41:19,880 --> 00:41:22,560
Speaker 1: just unconditionally just loving someone and being there.

722
00:41:23,160 --> 00:41:29,280
Speaker 2: Yeah, and it's so desensitized to experiencing somebody asking how

723
00:41:29,320 --> 00:41:31,080
Speaker 2: we are and meaning how we are?

724
00:41:31,280 --> 00:41:32,799
Speaker 3: But just I know that.

725
00:41:33,680 --> 00:41:36,600
Speaker 2: I mean, there was that time after the Marklebust workshop

726
00:41:36,640 --> 00:41:38,840
Speaker 2: I did where I was emotional and you just text

727
00:41:38,880 --> 00:41:43,120
Speaker 2: through and how bluck and how are you? And that

728
00:41:43,320 --> 00:41:46,720
Speaker 2: just sent me like it's the moment, the caring door

729
00:41:46,880 --> 00:41:49,720
Speaker 2: is opened, and you know that someone's actually not asking

730
00:41:49,760 --> 00:41:52,040
Speaker 2: about how is your day? How is work? How is

731
00:41:52,040 --> 00:41:54,320
Speaker 2: the people? What was the what is the surface stuff?

732
00:41:54,640 --> 00:41:55,439
Speaker 2: How are you?

733
00:41:55,920 --> 00:41:57,400
Speaker 3: It's a really emotional question.

734
00:41:58,120 --> 00:41:59,480
Speaker 2: I just don't open the door to it.

735
00:42:00,120 --> 00:42:05,080
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, yeah, well I think you know, I'm not

736
00:42:05,120 --> 00:42:08,480
Speaker 1: the best at it, but I'm better. I'm pretty good

737
00:42:08,480 --> 00:42:13,520
Speaker 1: at it, you know, but I still have. Like I've

738
00:42:13,520 --> 00:42:17,600
Speaker 1: said this before, but sometimes I catch myself just being

739
00:42:17,640 --> 00:42:20,600
Speaker 1: the persona not the person I'm like, oh, shut the fuck.

740
00:42:20,680 --> 00:42:23,920
Speaker 1: Even my own persona gives me the shits, you know,

741
00:42:23,960 --> 00:42:26,839
Speaker 1: because I'm ah, here's another story, here's another joke. Tip,

742
00:42:26,960 --> 00:42:31,200
Speaker 1: pull my finger he he you know, but sometimes that's

743
00:42:31,360 --> 00:42:33,520
Speaker 1: the fucking Craig Show. It makes me want to spew

744
00:42:33,560 --> 00:42:37,480
Speaker 1: in my own mouth, you know. Ah. Fuck, I exhaust

745
00:42:37,520 --> 00:42:43,000
Speaker 1: me and I am me geez, shut up like fucking

746
00:42:44,640 --> 00:42:48,960
Speaker 1: But I think one of the challenges too, is I'm

747
00:42:49,000 --> 00:42:52,800
Speaker 1: digressing and fucking there's no rhyme or reason to this conversation. Everybody,

748
00:42:52,920 --> 00:42:58,040
Speaker 1: I apologize. But also as a you know, as a speaker,

749
00:42:58,080 --> 00:43:01,600
Speaker 1: you're part performer, right because you've got to get up there.

750
00:43:01,600 --> 00:43:03,600
Speaker 1: You can be real and raw, but you've also got

751
00:43:03,600 --> 00:43:09,560
Speaker 1: to create connection, you know, tell stories hopefully make or

752
00:43:10,200 --> 00:43:13,440
Speaker 1: enable people to have a good experience as well. Yes, yes,

753
00:43:13,800 --> 00:43:18,960
Speaker 1: So it's this combination of vulnerability and performance and psychology

754
00:43:19,200 --> 00:43:24,200
Speaker 1: and sociology and reading the room and being of value.

755
00:43:24,360 --> 00:43:27,759
Speaker 1: You know. It's like, it's not just that where you

756
00:43:27,800 --> 00:43:29,799
Speaker 1: can just get up and pour out your heart, because

757
00:43:29,840 --> 00:43:35,000
Speaker 1: that ain't going to work either. Yeah, And so just

758
00:43:35,120 --> 00:43:38,240
Speaker 1: like it's knowing when to ask the question to the person,

759
00:43:39,080 --> 00:43:41,640
Speaker 1: because you might ask someone the same question in the

760
00:43:41,680 --> 00:43:45,480
Speaker 1: wrong situation and it doesn't work. Yeah, So you've got

761
00:43:45,520 --> 00:43:48,400
Speaker 1: to be all about that awareness and that like what's

762
00:43:48,960 --> 00:43:54,560
Speaker 1: and their energy and your energy and yeah, it's and

763
00:43:54,600 --> 00:43:58,960
Speaker 1: that's something that I think you can talk about, but

764
00:43:59,000 --> 00:44:02,480
Speaker 1: you can't teach it like you can talk about it,

765
00:44:03,320 --> 00:44:05,840
Speaker 1: like you can't. The only way that people can really

766
00:44:06,000 --> 00:44:11,080
Speaker 1: develop that is just by being in the moment and

767
00:44:11,120 --> 00:44:14,360
Speaker 1: going in with that kind of I'm going to be aware,

768
00:44:14,440 --> 00:44:15,880
Speaker 1: I'm going to be present. I'm not going to be

769
00:44:15,960 --> 00:44:19,080
Speaker 1: thinking about other shits. I'm going to pay attention to

770
00:44:19,120 --> 00:44:23,120
Speaker 1: what their word, their words and there and the non

771
00:44:23,160 --> 00:44:27,279
Speaker 1: words are telling me, you know, and go in with

772
00:44:27,360 --> 00:44:29,879
Speaker 1: a good intention, which sounds fucking fluffy, but.

773
00:44:29,840 --> 00:44:34,520
Speaker 2: It's true, and you also have to have such control

774
00:44:34,760 --> 00:44:38,920
Speaker 2: over your own emotional regulation and the ability to remove

775
00:44:39,239 --> 00:44:42,520
Speaker 2: that personal stuff in the situation. I know there's been

776
00:44:42,600 --> 00:44:49,080
Speaker 2: times in the past where I see something in someone

777
00:44:49,600 --> 00:44:53,320
Speaker 2: and but I am so emotionally attached to the idea

778
00:44:53,400 --> 00:44:55,799
Speaker 2: around it that I can't articulate or be of any

779
00:44:55,840 --> 00:44:58,239
Speaker 2: service to them because it's just going to come out

780
00:44:58,280 --> 00:45:00,640
Speaker 2: as me being a fuck with or judge or you know,

781
00:45:00,719 --> 00:45:03,240
Speaker 2: so you just i'd be like, I can't even say anything.

782
00:45:03,360 --> 00:45:05,240
Speaker 2: I'm so irritated they do.

783
00:45:05,160 --> 00:45:08,040
Speaker 3: That this way, do you know? It's like this way

784
00:45:08,080 --> 00:45:08,480
Speaker 3: to be better?

785
00:45:08,520 --> 00:45:10,600
Speaker 2: Like I could be more helpful if I could fuck

786
00:45:10,719 --> 00:45:13,600
Speaker 2: my emotions off out of it so that I can

787
00:45:13,719 --> 00:45:18,560
Speaker 2: convey some sort of information or idea to them in

788
00:45:18,600 --> 00:45:20,280
Speaker 2: a way that they would receive.

789
00:45:21,320 --> 00:45:25,520
Speaker 1: Yeah, well again, good self awareness. But that's the I mean,

790
00:45:26,600 --> 00:45:30,719
Speaker 1: like for better or where's all your emotions go everywhere

791
00:45:30,719 --> 00:45:34,600
Speaker 1: with you your bias, your your flaws, your good stuff,

792
00:45:34,640 --> 00:45:36,759
Speaker 1: your bad stuff, you know, and the stuff that like

793
00:45:36,800 --> 00:45:40,640
Speaker 1: there's stuff that annoys me that it annoys me that

794
00:45:40,719 --> 00:45:45,360
Speaker 1: I get annoyed, like I shouldn't like it. It's like

795
00:45:45,600 --> 00:45:49,040
Speaker 1: I know that I'm the problem, you know, Like people

796
00:45:49,080 --> 00:45:52,960
Speaker 1: that annoy me sometimes where it's probably they're doing something

797
00:45:52,960 --> 00:45:57,480
Speaker 1: that reminds me of me, whereas they're not actually the problem.

798
00:45:57,640 --> 00:46:01,440
Speaker 1: I'm actually the problem. But I have this aware of, Oh,

799
00:46:01,480 --> 00:46:04,920
Speaker 1: this person shits me in the moment, what is that about?

800
00:46:05,680 --> 00:46:07,879
Speaker 1: And it's like, Oh, they're doing the thing that I do,

801
00:46:08,000 --> 00:46:11,320
Speaker 1: or they're you know whatever. It might even be jealousy,

802
00:46:11,400 --> 00:46:15,680
Speaker 1: or it might even be you know, it's I desperately

803
00:46:15,719 --> 00:46:19,160
Speaker 1: try not to be that, but you know, still raises

804
00:46:19,239 --> 00:46:20,200
Speaker 1: its ugly head.

805
00:46:20,520 --> 00:46:25,920
Speaker 2: You've been my guru in and kind of the story

806
00:46:26,000 --> 00:46:28,239
Speaker 2: I tell the people when I talk about boundaries. I

807
00:46:28,280 --> 00:46:31,080
Speaker 2: was talking about my client with a client today about

808
00:46:31,640 --> 00:46:35,680
Speaker 2: how you have set boundaries in cafes when people that

809
00:46:35,800 --> 00:46:37,600
Speaker 2: it's not okay for you to be rude to me.

810
00:46:38,800 --> 00:46:43,320
Speaker 2: I've told countless people that as an example of, you know,

811
00:46:43,440 --> 00:46:46,400
Speaker 2: if you can remove your own shitty emotion and angst

812
00:46:46,560 --> 00:46:49,880
Speaker 2: and just convey the message of setting a boundary, like

813
00:46:50,080 --> 00:46:52,200
Speaker 2: if it's okay if you want to treat people like that,

814
00:46:52,239 --> 00:46:54,040
Speaker 2: but it's not okay with me, so I either find

815
00:46:54,080 --> 00:46:59,000
Speaker 2: someone else to serve me or be kind like that?

816
00:46:59,080 --> 00:47:03,560
Speaker 2: Is that is God in the ability to begin understanding

817
00:47:03,800 --> 00:47:06,600
Speaker 2: that setting a boundary doesn't mean that you're telling someone

818
00:47:06,640 --> 00:47:09,239
Speaker 2: what to do to you. You're just saying you can

819
00:47:09,320 --> 00:47:11,480
Speaker 2: do that, but you can't do I won't accept it

820
00:47:11,520 --> 00:47:11,759
Speaker 2: for me.

821
00:47:12,719 --> 00:47:17,719
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, and that's just it's true. I won't let

822
00:47:17,760 --> 00:47:22,000
Speaker 1: people be rude to me, or I'll walk away or on. Yeah,

823
00:47:22,040 --> 00:47:25,040
Speaker 1: and it's like, also, neither should I be rude to

824
00:47:25,080 --> 00:47:28,200
Speaker 1: anyone else ever, I mean even you know, I mean

825
00:47:28,239 --> 00:47:32,120
Speaker 1: in extreme situations, if someone's doing something fucking violent or

826
00:47:32,200 --> 00:47:35,719
Speaker 1: dangerous to someone, that's different. But in general terms, you.

827
00:47:35,680 --> 00:47:38,240
Speaker 4: Know, there have been times when I have been rude,

828
00:47:38,400 --> 00:47:41,920
Speaker 4: or I have been inconsiderate, or I have been unaware,

829
00:47:43,120 --> 00:47:47,480
Speaker 4: And every time that I realized that, I apologize unequivocally,

830
00:47:47,520 --> 00:47:50,800
Speaker 4: and I go, that was one hundred percent me, zero

831
00:47:50,840 --> 00:47:51,319
Speaker 4: percent you.

832
00:47:51,880 --> 00:47:55,120
Speaker 1: I'm sorry. But I think what is interesting, you know,

833
00:47:55,200 --> 00:47:57,360
Speaker 1: to that comment that you made about the cafe and

834
00:47:57,400 --> 00:48:00,360
Speaker 1: if you missed that, what tip's talking about it everyone.

835
00:48:00,360 --> 00:48:03,920
Speaker 1: I've spoken a few times about how when people are

836
00:48:04,000 --> 00:48:06,040
Speaker 1: rude to me, I just stopped them and say it's

837
00:48:06,040 --> 00:48:09,439
Speaker 1: not okay. It's not okay with me that you're rude

838
00:48:09,480 --> 00:48:11,600
Speaker 1: to me. So if you want to be rude, that's cool.

839
00:48:11,600 --> 00:48:14,920
Speaker 1: But don't be rude to me, and it's you know,

840
00:48:15,080 --> 00:48:20,080
Speaker 1: it's people get a shock, and nobody ever goes off.

841
00:48:20,120 --> 00:48:23,480
Speaker 1: Most people either totally change their tune or go away

842
00:48:23,840 --> 00:48:26,640
Speaker 1: and find somebody else. I say, listen, find me a

843
00:48:26,640 --> 00:48:30,360
Speaker 1: customer service person who's not rude, or you stop being rude.

844
00:48:30,400 --> 00:48:33,160
Speaker 1: They're the two options. But you being rude to me

845
00:48:33,239 --> 00:48:35,000
Speaker 1: and me putting up with it, that's not one of

846
00:48:35,040 --> 00:48:40,440
Speaker 1: the options. So you figure it out. But when when

847
00:48:40,520 --> 00:48:42,799
Speaker 1: you do that, but you're not screaming, and you're not

848
00:48:42,880 --> 00:48:45,920
Speaker 1: jumping up and down, and you're not getting elevated, and

849
00:48:46,000 --> 00:48:49,520
Speaker 1: you're not being emotional, you're just, you know, a matter

850
00:48:49,560 --> 00:48:53,719
Speaker 1: of fact, people are. People don't know how to respond sometimes,

851
00:48:53,920 --> 00:48:56,160
Speaker 1: you know. And I remember, I don't know if I

852
00:48:56,600 --> 00:48:59,480
Speaker 1: may have told this story once or twice, but in

853
00:48:59,560 --> 00:49:02,480
Speaker 1: sixty six years so I'm sure most people haven't heard it.

854
00:49:02,520 --> 00:49:05,560
Speaker 1: But I had a lady that I trained, so she

855
00:49:05,680 --> 00:49:08,360
Speaker 1: was my client for quite a while, and when she

856
00:49:08,480 --> 00:49:10,359
Speaker 1: first started training with me, I don't know if I've

857
00:49:10,360 --> 00:49:13,200
Speaker 1: ever told you this, but she was so fucking rude

858
00:49:13,520 --> 00:49:20,240
Speaker 1: to me, and like she treated me like a servant

859
00:49:20,560 --> 00:49:24,319
Speaker 1: or you know, the hired help, Like the way that

860
00:49:24,400 --> 00:49:29,440
Speaker 1: she spoke to me, was so denigrating and so so

861
00:49:29,640 --> 00:49:34,040
Speaker 1: much talking down, like I was lucky to have her

862
00:49:34,120 --> 00:49:38,960
Speaker 1: as a client, and I just I fixed that in

863
00:49:39,320 --> 00:49:43,200
Speaker 1: fucking seventeen seconds. And anyway, she was rude to me

864
00:49:43,239 --> 00:49:45,279
Speaker 1: the first session, and I gave her the benefit of

865
00:49:45,320 --> 00:49:47,959
Speaker 1: the doubt. And then second session, and by the way,

866
00:49:48,600 --> 00:49:52,320
Speaker 1: you know, quite well known, very very wealthy, like fucking

867
00:49:53,440 --> 00:49:56,200
Speaker 1: more wealth than I would ever will ever have all that,

868
00:49:56,280 --> 00:49:59,080
Speaker 1: and that's cool, well done, you're rich, well done. Cool.

869
00:49:59,560 --> 00:50:03,640
Speaker 1: But so the second session, halfway through, same just treating

870
00:50:03,680 --> 00:50:07,520
Speaker 1: me like shit. And I just said, I took her

871
00:50:07,560 --> 00:50:10,880
Speaker 1: into my office at the gym, and I just said,

872
00:50:11,000 --> 00:50:13,880
Speaker 1: I said, I don't know. I said this whole the

873
00:50:13,880 --> 00:50:16,239
Speaker 1: way that you talk to me, and I just said,

874
00:50:16,280 --> 00:50:19,560
Speaker 1: it's not okay. I don't you know. I don't need

875
00:50:19,600 --> 00:50:22,080
Speaker 1: to train you. I'm training you because you want to be.

876
00:50:22,200 --> 00:50:24,200
Speaker 1: I've got lots of other clients, I've got lots of stuff.

877
00:50:24,239 --> 00:50:27,799
Speaker 1: I'm real busy. You're not doing me a favor. And

878
00:50:28,480 --> 00:50:31,279
Speaker 1: when I pointed out the way that she spoke to

879
00:50:31,320 --> 00:50:37,879
Speaker 1: me was she was rude, she was super apologetic, embarrassed

880
00:50:38,920 --> 00:50:43,359
Speaker 1: and truly didn't I don't think she really knew what

881
00:50:43,400 --> 00:50:46,719
Speaker 1: she was doing, and I explained her, you know, the

882
00:50:46,760 --> 00:50:48,879
Speaker 1: whole kind of what's it like being around me? I said,

883
00:50:48,920 --> 00:50:52,200
Speaker 1: maybe you don't know or realize, and if you don't,

884
00:50:52,280 --> 00:50:54,880
Speaker 1: that's good, that would explain it. I said, but wow,

885
00:50:55,040 --> 00:50:56,920
Speaker 1: the way that you come across like you have the

886
00:50:56,960 --> 00:51:01,680
Speaker 1: biggest fucking superiority complex of all time, you know, and

887
00:51:01,680 --> 00:51:04,759
Speaker 1: you're just another fucking human in the gym lifting. Shit,

888
00:51:04,880 --> 00:51:07,759
Speaker 1: you're not special, and you can't talk to me or

889
00:51:07,800 --> 00:51:11,319
Speaker 1: anyone like that, not here. And she apologized, and it

890
00:51:11,400 --> 00:51:13,719
Speaker 1: was different forever from then, you know, And I think

891
00:51:13,760 --> 00:51:17,360
Speaker 1: sometimes I don't know how we got to this conversation,

892
00:51:17,440 --> 00:51:20,800
Speaker 1: but I think sometimes it's as long as you're speaking

893
00:51:20,840 --> 00:51:23,839
Speaker 1: to people with a level of care and insight and

894
00:51:23,840 --> 00:51:27,640
Speaker 1: compassion and you're not you know, you're not elevating and

895
00:51:27,680 --> 00:51:30,680
Speaker 1: you're not you're not meeting them in aggression or whatever.

896
00:51:31,760 --> 00:51:34,040
Speaker 1: I think it's that can produce good outcomes.

897
00:51:34,760 --> 00:51:38,800
Speaker 2: Where did you learn or how were you influenced to

898
00:51:39,719 --> 00:51:43,560
Speaker 2: get to that point? Did someone teach you or show

899
00:51:43,600 --> 00:51:46,560
Speaker 2: you or guide you or was it amalgamation of some

900
00:51:46,640 --> 00:51:46,799
Speaker 2: of the.

901
00:51:47,040 --> 00:51:50,280
Speaker 1: Yes, it was just a lot of a lot of conversations,

902
00:51:50,360 --> 00:51:52,960
Speaker 1: Like I don't. I don't. I mean, I don't know.

903
00:51:53,040 --> 00:51:55,040
Speaker 1: This is a silly thing to say, but I've spent

904
00:51:55,120 --> 00:51:58,680
Speaker 1: my life having conversations like a lot, all day every day,

905
00:51:59,080 --> 00:52:04,400
Speaker 1: training people. And I remember, like I started working in

906
00:52:04,480 --> 00:52:06,320
Speaker 1: gyms at eighteen, and all day every day I was

907
00:52:06,360 --> 00:52:10,520
Speaker 1: writing programs, talking to people, you know, full on just

908
00:52:10,960 --> 00:52:13,200
Speaker 1: I was never sitting around looking at a computer. I

909
00:52:13,200 --> 00:52:16,120
Speaker 1: was talking to people all day on the gym floor,

910
00:52:16,200 --> 00:52:21,040
Speaker 1: at reception, in the assessment room, taking people through shit.

911
00:52:21,239 --> 00:52:24,200
Speaker 1: And then and then when I started training people one

912
00:52:24,239 --> 00:52:26,799
Speaker 1: on one, and I started my own business, which was

913
00:52:26,880 --> 00:52:29,960
Speaker 1: a business within a business initially, so I had a

914
00:52:30,000 --> 00:52:33,200
Speaker 1: little kind of micro business within the public gym that

915
00:52:33,239 --> 00:52:37,680
Speaker 1: I worked at. And I remember the way that some

916
00:52:37,760 --> 00:52:41,200
Speaker 1: of the men that I trained would talk to me

917
00:52:41,440 --> 00:52:44,600
Speaker 1: because they were more important in inverted commas. They were richer,

918
00:52:44,600 --> 00:52:48,040
Speaker 1: they were older, they were smarter in inverted commas, and

919
00:52:48,080 --> 00:52:52,359
Speaker 1: they treated me like a low level employee, you know,

920
00:52:52,560 --> 00:52:57,160
Speaker 1: And I was and I remember saying too, I was

921
00:52:57,239 --> 00:53:03,080
Speaker 1: quite terrified. But I remember having basically an issue with

922
00:53:03,120 --> 00:53:06,759
Speaker 1: one of my clients who was a prick, and I

923
00:53:06,880 --> 00:53:09,680
Speaker 1: sacked him and I just said, I'm not going to

924
00:53:09,680 --> 00:53:14,719
Speaker 1: train you anymore. And he was fucking flabbergasted. And why,

925
00:53:14,760 --> 00:53:17,239
Speaker 1: I said, because I was. I mean I was. I

926
00:53:17,280 --> 00:53:20,200
Speaker 1: was working in pubs, I was doing security. I was

927
00:53:20,239 --> 00:53:23,880
Speaker 1: one hundred and five kilos. I was you know, I

928
00:53:23,960 --> 00:53:27,879
Speaker 1: was not incapable of looking after myself or being if

929
00:53:27,880 --> 00:53:31,759
Speaker 1: I needed to be somewhat assertive in that way. But

930
00:53:32,080 --> 00:53:35,799
Speaker 1: in the context of my business, I was always uber respectful,

931
00:53:35,960 --> 00:53:38,400
Speaker 1: uber polite, and he was a bit of a bully

932
00:53:39,320 --> 00:53:43,080
Speaker 1: and he just bullied people and he tried to bully me,

933
00:53:43,160 --> 00:53:46,560
Speaker 1: and I fucking I just I didn't lose my shit.

934
00:53:47,520 --> 00:53:51,720
Speaker 1: But I remember where I'd been polite, polite, polite, polite, polite,

935
00:53:51,760 --> 00:53:54,799
Speaker 1: and then I got fucked off and he was terrified.

936
00:53:55,400 --> 00:53:59,840
Speaker 1: And I remember looking at him, thinking, ah, he's not that.

937
00:54:00,080 --> 00:54:03,520
Speaker 1: He's not a tough guy at all. And I just

938
00:54:03,600 --> 00:54:06,960
Speaker 1: said to him, you know, one, I'm not going to

939
00:54:06,960 --> 00:54:09,600
Speaker 1: train you anymore. And I just said to him, I

940
00:54:09,600 --> 00:54:12,160
Speaker 1: can't remember exactly, but like the way that he treats

941
00:54:12,200 --> 00:54:15,120
Speaker 1: people as shit. Then he apologized to my said nah,

942
00:54:15,200 --> 00:54:17,799
Speaker 1: and I didn't. I never trained him again because it

943
00:54:17,840 --> 00:54:22,160
Speaker 1: was just it was just a C word at that time. Anyway,

944
00:54:22,640 --> 00:54:25,719
Speaker 1: maybe he got better after that, but then I realized, Oh,

945
00:54:25,800 --> 00:54:27,759
Speaker 1: why did I put up with that for so long?

946
00:54:28,520 --> 00:54:31,359
Speaker 1: Why did I let that person treat me like shit

947
00:54:31,520 --> 00:54:34,799
Speaker 1: for so long? It's not like I'm dumb. I'm not

948
00:54:35,040 --> 00:54:37,520
Speaker 1: scared of him, I'm not like, why am I doing that?

949
00:54:38,239 --> 00:54:40,520
Speaker 1: And I think part of my self esteem was, well,

950
00:54:40,520 --> 00:54:44,160
Speaker 1: that's all your worth, creak, and you're lucky to have

951
00:54:44,239 --> 00:54:47,400
Speaker 1: this guy paying you this money, you know. So I

952
00:54:47,440 --> 00:54:49,920
Speaker 1: think it was my shit self esteem and self worth

953
00:54:49,960 --> 00:54:55,960
Speaker 1: that made me at times allow people to treat me badly.

954
00:54:56,960 --> 00:55:01,239
Speaker 3: M Yeah, I think.

955
00:55:02,560 --> 00:55:04,440
Speaker 2: Well. Another thing I was talking about today was that

956
00:55:04,560 --> 00:55:09,440
Speaker 2: idea of actually addressing things openly and with that idea

957
00:55:09,520 --> 00:55:11,960
Speaker 2: that when I talked about this with two other guests before,

958
00:55:12,040 --> 00:55:16,480
Speaker 2: one was she's been on your show? What she's doctor?

959
00:55:17,400 --> 00:55:24,880
Speaker 2: H anyway? The opposite Hannah, Hannah, doctor thank you? The

960
00:55:24,920 --> 00:55:28,359
Speaker 2: opposite of being like, what's the ask every anyone, what's

961
00:55:28,360 --> 00:55:31,720
Speaker 2: the opposite of nice? And ninety nine point nine percent

962
00:55:32,239 --> 00:55:36,320
Speaker 2: of the time they'll say nasty. And the opposite of

963
00:55:36,400 --> 00:55:39,000
Speaker 2: nice is not nasty. The opposite of nice is honest.

964
00:55:39,080 --> 00:55:43,880
Speaker 2: And especially with females, this idea of conditioning to be nice,

965
00:55:43,920 --> 00:55:45,759
Speaker 2: to be polite, to be this. So what we do

966
00:55:45,880 --> 00:55:47,560
Speaker 2: is we hold on and we hold on and we

967
00:55:47,719 --> 00:55:52,080
Speaker 2: suppress it and we're nice and until we have to

968
00:55:52,120 --> 00:55:55,000
Speaker 2: set a boundary. But because we think that's nasty, there's

969
00:55:55,040 --> 00:55:56,880
Speaker 2: kind of a bit of self hate and self loathing

970
00:55:56,920 --> 00:56:00,160
Speaker 2: when we do it. So it's a horrible experience. And

971
00:56:00,200 --> 00:56:03,680
Speaker 2: the reality is you don't have to be nasty. You

972
00:56:03,760 --> 00:56:07,600
Speaker 2: just don't have to be nice about everything if it's

973
00:56:07,640 --> 00:56:10,200
Speaker 2: not doing you any good, if it's putting you in

974
00:56:10,239 --> 00:56:11,280
Speaker 2: a shitty position.

975
00:56:12,040 --> 00:56:14,280
Speaker 1: All right, now you've opened the door that I'm fucking

976
00:56:14,400 --> 00:56:19,280
Speaker 1: fascinated with. Okay, what are the rules though about honesty?

977
00:56:19,840 --> 00:56:24,680
Speaker 1: What are the guidelines because you know, sometimes I mean honestly,

978
00:56:25,160 --> 00:56:28,200
Speaker 1: obviously I would never do this, but like, no, I

979
00:56:28,200 --> 00:56:30,040
Speaker 1: don't even want to say that that's a bad example.

980
00:56:30,080 --> 00:56:33,400
Speaker 1: But you know it's like, okay, let me use myself

981
00:56:33,440 --> 00:56:37,879
Speaker 1: as an example. So there are times when there were

982
00:56:37,920 --> 00:56:41,200
Speaker 1: times when I was had a high profile working in

983
00:56:41,200 --> 00:56:45,160
Speaker 1: the fitness industry. I own multiple gyms, very well known,

984
00:56:46,280 --> 00:56:48,759
Speaker 1: all that shit writing for the Herald's son and at

985
00:56:48,800 --> 00:56:52,160
Speaker 1: one stage they're just eating everything that wasn't nailed down.

986
00:56:52,840 --> 00:56:56,680
Speaker 1: I was borderline. Well, I wasn't borderline. I was from

987
00:56:56,680 --> 00:57:01,520
Speaker 1: a highweight point of view, obese and like, if somebody

988
00:57:01,520 --> 00:57:03,239
Speaker 1: had to come up to me and gone, you're a

989
00:57:03,280 --> 00:57:07,520
Speaker 1: fucking embarrassment. You're morbidly obese, you own a gym, you

990
00:57:07,600 --> 00:57:10,200
Speaker 1: don't walk, your talk, you're all of that would have

991
00:57:10,200 --> 00:57:10,720
Speaker 1: been true.

992
00:57:11,680 --> 00:57:12,160
Speaker 3: But that's not.

993
00:57:12,440 --> 00:57:16,200
Speaker 2: That's been nasty. That's not being honest. That's that's been nasty.

994
00:57:16,880 --> 00:57:20,280
Speaker 1: But what if what if? Yeah? And I agree, but

995
00:57:20,400 --> 00:57:24,240
Speaker 1: then so how do we how and when do we

996
00:57:25,880 --> 00:57:29,400
Speaker 1: exercise this honesty? Like what are the guardrails?

997
00:57:29,640 --> 00:57:34,320
Speaker 2: So I think that if you are being if you

998
00:57:34,360 --> 00:57:39,880
Speaker 2: are just expressing your own experience and being honest about it, right,

999
00:57:42,760 --> 00:57:47,680
Speaker 2: then you know, like this interaction that somebody's having like

1000
00:57:47,760 --> 00:57:50,760
Speaker 2: I can't you know, I say, somebody's not getting treated

1001
00:57:50,760 --> 00:57:53,600
Speaker 2: well at work and they're always getting then and they're

1002
00:57:54,240 --> 00:57:56,439
Speaker 2: taking advantage of and they work over time and they're

1003
00:57:56,440 --> 00:58:00,480
Speaker 2: all of these things and just saying like I love

1004
00:58:00,520 --> 00:58:05,480
Speaker 2: you and I love working here. However, this is not

1005
00:58:05,520 --> 00:58:07,760
Speaker 2: good for me and this is my personal experience, so

1006
00:58:07,840 --> 00:58:09,280
Speaker 2: I need to set a boundary for me.

1007
00:58:09,360 --> 00:58:10,240
Speaker 3: And it's hard for me.

1008
00:58:10,680 --> 00:58:14,520
Speaker 2: Because I really love you and the work, but it's

1009
00:58:14,520 --> 00:58:16,400
Speaker 2: not good for me. So this is, you know, that

1010
00:58:17,080 --> 00:58:19,800
Speaker 2: is being honest without being nasty, so that person gets

1011
00:58:19,840 --> 00:58:22,400
Speaker 2: the choice to hear them and go, oh, okay, well

1012
00:58:22,720 --> 00:58:25,520
Speaker 2: there's all the nice stuff in there, that's all true.

1013
00:58:25,720 --> 00:58:28,080
Speaker 2: I've had plenty of people that are like, oh, workI shit,

1014
00:58:28,200 --> 00:58:29,919
Speaker 2: I have to do overtime all the time. There's such

1015
00:58:30,080 --> 00:58:32,920
Speaker 2: fucking assholes, why do you do it? But also they

1016
00:58:32,960 --> 00:58:34,880
Speaker 2: love them, they love their work, they love the people,

1017
00:58:34,920 --> 00:58:37,560
Speaker 2: but they're angry, and they've been angry for a long

1018
00:58:37,560 --> 00:58:41,320
Speaker 2: time because they're always feeling undervalued. Yes, and it's like,

1019
00:58:41,760 --> 00:58:45,160
Speaker 2: you know, you can say no to doing that extra

1020
00:58:45,240 --> 00:58:47,520
Speaker 2: work that you don't have to do, but you can

1021
00:58:47,600 --> 00:58:50,120
Speaker 2: explain yourself and say, hey, this is not good for

1022
00:58:50,200 --> 00:58:52,200
Speaker 2: my health, and it's not been good for my health

1023
00:58:52,200 --> 00:58:53,720
Speaker 2: for a long time, and I wish it was because

1024
00:58:53,720 --> 00:58:58,640
Speaker 2: I fucking love you, but it's hurting me. I've had

1025
00:58:58,680 --> 00:59:02,160
Speaker 2: so many of those conversations. And what's funny is I've

1026
00:59:02,160 --> 00:59:05,480
Speaker 2: been able to have those conversations on hypotheticals for years

1027
00:59:06,480 --> 00:59:08,760
Speaker 2: when I didn't have the ability to enter into a

1028
00:59:08,760 --> 00:59:12,040
Speaker 2: difficult conversation myself because the emotions around it were too

1029
00:59:12,080 --> 00:59:14,400
Speaker 2: fucking much. I couldn't do that. But I had the

1030
00:59:14,440 --> 00:59:18,840
Speaker 2: clarity to see other situations and understand it and be like,

1031
00:59:18,880 --> 00:59:21,840
Speaker 2: well that that could be so easily resolved because there's

1032
00:59:21,840 --> 00:59:23,080
Speaker 2: nothing bad in this person.

1033
00:59:23,440 --> 00:59:25,960
Speaker 1: Well we need to do a whole our times up,

1034
00:59:25,960 --> 00:59:28,120
Speaker 1: but we need to do a whole fucking change, you know,

1035
00:59:28,160 --> 00:59:32,680
Speaker 1: because it's like sometimes people come up to me and

1036
00:59:32,960 --> 00:59:35,200
Speaker 1: you know, like, for example, I'm doing my mentoring group

1037
00:59:35,200 --> 00:59:37,200
Speaker 1: at the moment on Monday nights. I've got one tonight,

1038
00:59:38,040 --> 00:59:40,320
Speaker 1: and part of that is I'm doing one on ones

1039
00:59:40,360 --> 00:59:42,600
Speaker 1: with everyone in the group, as you know, has a

1040
00:59:42,640 --> 00:59:46,560
Speaker 1: one on one yep, you know, And sometimes people unpack

1041
00:59:46,640 --> 00:59:49,920
Speaker 1: stuff with you, and what they think is the problem,

1042
00:59:50,040 --> 00:59:55,160
Speaker 1: ain't the problem? Like sometimes they're the problem, you know.

1043
00:59:55,240 --> 00:59:57,360
Speaker 1: And the interesting thing is when you talk to people

1044
00:59:57,360 --> 01:00:03,040
Speaker 1: about their problems, do they say I'm in this relationship

1045
01:00:03,040 --> 01:00:08,440
Speaker 1: and I'm the problem, Like it's always the other person

1046
01:00:09,520 --> 01:00:14,760
Speaker 1: and or if they're out of shape, it's always their

1047
01:00:14,840 --> 01:00:18,200
Speaker 1: mum's cooking or work, or they're sore ankle that they

1048
01:00:18,240 --> 01:00:22,440
Speaker 1: can't you know, it's and then I'm like, okay, are

1049
01:00:22,480 --> 01:00:26,240
Speaker 1: you any part of the problem, And they're like recoil

1050
01:00:26,400 --> 01:00:31,960
Speaker 1: in shock, what do you mean. I'm like, well, all

1051
01:00:32,000 --> 01:00:36,080
Speaker 1: this shit's going wrong, I'm not I'm not being nasty.

1052
01:00:36,120 --> 01:00:39,480
Speaker 1: I'm just curious, is any of it you like? It

1053
01:00:39,560 --> 01:00:43,760
Speaker 1: can't always be the other person, you know. It can't

1054
01:00:43,800 --> 01:00:47,200
Speaker 1: always be your dad or your boss or and so

1055
01:00:47,360 --> 01:00:51,080
Speaker 1: not everybody that goes my boss is a cunt, is right?

1056
01:00:52,120 --> 01:00:54,120
Speaker 1: Do you know what I mean? It's not like all

1057
01:00:54,200 --> 01:00:57,880
Speaker 1: bosses are cunts and therefore anyone who's got a gripe

1058
01:00:58,080 --> 01:01:01,480
Speaker 1: is right. And it's like when Ricky giv says, just

1059
01:01:01,520 --> 01:01:04,800
Speaker 1: because you're offended doesn't mean you're right. It just means

1060
01:01:04,840 --> 01:01:09,720
Speaker 1: you're offended, you know, are you like? It can't? So

1061
01:01:09,840 --> 01:01:12,640
Speaker 1: that's the thing too. It's like when I say things

1062
01:01:12,640 --> 01:01:18,640
Speaker 1: sometimes people go, you're brutal, and I'm like, well, is

1063
01:01:18,640 --> 01:01:21,360
Speaker 1: what I'm saying true? I go, yeah, it's true, And

1064
01:01:21,400 --> 01:01:23,800
Speaker 1: I go, well, why don't you just say I'm honest?

1065
01:01:24,880 --> 01:01:28,400
Speaker 2: Because because we expect when we are going into conflict

1066
01:01:28,520 --> 01:01:31,760
Speaker 2: or confrontation that we want the outcome to be that

1067
01:01:31,840 --> 01:01:34,480
Speaker 2: the other person changes, and that's out of our hands.

1068
01:01:34,680 --> 01:01:37,400
Speaker 2: If the bosses are cun't the bosses are cunt. But

1069
01:01:37,560 --> 01:01:41,120
Speaker 2: what I have control of is the boundary I put up,

1070
01:01:41,240 --> 01:01:45,560
Speaker 2: and they're communicating to the boss that, okay, if you're

1071
01:01:45,600 --> 01:01:48,120
Speaker 2: if this is the way you're going to handle this situation.

1072
01:01:48,240 --> 01:01:51,040
Speaker 2: But I'm I'm not going to be handled like that,

1073
01:01:51,120 --> 01:01:54,960
Speaker 2: So I'm going to walk away right now. Yeah, Like,

1074
01:01:55,080 --> 01:01:58,080
Speaker 2: I'm not going to stay here and allow that to continue.

1075
01:01:58,120 --> 01:01:59,800
Speaker 2: So if you're going to continue it, that's cool. I'm

1076
01:01:59,800 --> 01:02:01,720
Speaker 2: not never be able to change it, but I'm not

1077
01:02:01,720 --> 01:02:03,040
Speaker 2: going to stand here and endure it.

1078
01:02:03,920 --> 01:02:09,720
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, yeah, But what if the boss isn't the problem.

1079
01:02:10,560 --> 01:02:13,280
Speaker 2: If the person is the problem, well, they are going

1080
01:02:13,360 --> 01:02:15,160
Speaker 2: to continue to have a lot of problems, aren't they?

1081
01:02:16,440 --> 01:02:20,040
Speaker 3: I think? And you know, then you just ask yourself.

1082
01:02:20,040 --> 01:02:22,680
Speaker 2: We'll watch the common denominate how many of these problem

1083
01:02:22,800 --> 01:02:24,800
Speaker 2: people are in my life. And if it's most of them,

1084
01:02:25,560 --> 01:02:29,360
Speaker 2: we're starting to get a clue. It's not the other people.

1085
01:02:30,320 --> 01:02:34,000
Speaker 2: I remember when I started working with you, and once

1086
01:02:34,040 --> 01:02:36,640
Speaker 2: you pulled me up on something really mine and you

1087
01:02:36,760 --> 01:02:40,440
Speaker 2: just said, hey, you made a joke on this topic,

1088
01:02:40,440 --> 01:02:44,200
Speaker 2: this particular topic, and I'm pretty sure you meant nothing

1089
01:02:44,240 --> 01:02:48,440
Speaker 2: by it, and we're joking, but that particular topic, Like,

1090
01:02:48,480 --> 01:02:50,160
Speaker 2: I don't like it, it's not good. It just made

1091
01:02:50,160 --> 01:02:52,880
Speaker 2: me feel good, and I just felt like this was

1092
01:02:52,920 --> 01:02:56,240
Speaker 2: like less than one in having a difficult conversation with

1093
01:02:56,320 --> 01:02:58,720
Speaker 2: someone you love. Like I hung up from that call

1094
01:02:58,800 --> 01:03:03,000
Speaker 2: and was like, I felt so fucking awful. I was like,

1095
01:03:03,080 --> 01:03:06,560
Speaker 2: I never want to be responsible for making someone I

1096
01:03:06,600 --> 01:03:11,040
Speaker 2: love feel like that. Oh God, but also going, oh,

1097
01:03:11,200 --> 01:03:15,400
Speaker 2: you can say that to someone and it doesn't have

1098
01:03:15,440 --> 01:03:17,480
Speaker 2: to be nasty, and you weren't angry about it. You

1099
01:03:17,520 --> 01:03:19,160
Speaker 2: just said, I'm just letting you know that that's not

1100
01:03:19,200 --> 01:03:21,200
Speaker 2: good for me, and oh God, Like I never forget it.

1101
01:03:21,240 --> 01:03:23,640
Speaker 2: But it was like those little moments for me have

1102
01:03:23,760 --> 01:03:29,680
Speaker 2: been so powerful, just learning, yeah, you know how to

1103
01:03:30,120 --> 01:03:34,040
Speaker 2: set about like I've used that since I'm like cool, Oh,

1104
01:03:34,160 --> 01:03:38,040
Speaker 2: I get to tell someone the behavior isn't good for me.

1105
01:03:38,040 --> 01:03:39,760
Speaker 2: They can choose whether or not they're going to I'm

1106
01:03:39,800 --> 01:03:41,560
Speaker 2: not telling you not to do it, but I'm going

1107
01:03:41,640 --> 01:03:42,600
Speaker 2: to tell you when you do that.

1108
01:03:42,680 --> 01:03:43,560
Speaker 3: This is how I feel.

1109
01:03:44,240 --> 01:03:49,800
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's interesting. I did not know that. Well, it's

1110
01:03:49,840 --> 01:03:53,880
Speaker 1: been real. It's been long. It's been long and real, uh,

1111
01:03:54,120 --> 01:03:57,080
Speaker 1: Tiffany and Cook Roll with the Punches, Crag Anything Up

1112
01:03:57,080 --> 01:04:03,040
Speaker 1: of the Year Project listeners. Thanks we did you see

1113
01:04:03,040 --> 01:04:03,520
Speaker 1: you next time?

1114
01:04:03,560 --> 01:04:05,440
Speaker 3: Tiff signing off farewell