1 00:00:00,280 --> 00:00:03,920 Speaker 1: This podcast is recorded on gadigal Land Always was, always 2 00:00:03,920 --> 00:00:13,800 Speaker 1: will be Aboriginal Land. Hey chicks, I'm sal and home 3 00:00:13,800 --> 00:00:15,560 Speaker 1: Ow and this is two broad chicks to show that 4 00:00:15,560 --> 00:00:18,479 Speaker 1: shares life lessons and tips to help make you rich 5 00:00:19,360 --> 00:00:22,920 Speaker 1: in life. Baby. Today we're talking the ways that we're 6 00:00:22,960 --> 00:00:26,040 Speaker 1: self sabotaging in our twenties. Love a bit of a 7 00:00:26,040 --> 00:00:29,760 Speaker 1: self sabotage. Not gonna lie, love it. It's true. Raise 8 00:00:29,800 --> 00:00:33,520 Speaker 1: your hand if you have been sabotaged by yourself, You've 9 00:00:33,520 --> 00:00:38,280 Speaker 1: been personally victimized by your self sabotaging. So self sabotaging 10 00:00:38,360 --> 00:00:41,159 Speaker 1: stuff like scrolling on TikTok when you know that you 11 00:00:41,200 --> 00:00:45,199 Speaker 1: should be going to bed or procrastinating something until the 12 00:00:45,280 --> 00:00:47,960 Speaker 1: very last minute, which isn't going to be this episode 13 00:00:48,080 --> 00:00:52,000 Speaker 1: because we know we know these Yes, we're talking about 14 00:00:52,000 --> 00:00:55,320 Speaker 1: the things that you do not realize you were doing 15 00:00:55,720 --> 00:00:58,160 Speaker 1: and a self sabotaging that even in this episode when 16 00:00:58,160 --> 00:00:58,720 Speaker 1: we were doing. 17 00:00:58,600 --> 00:01:01,520 Speaker 2: The research, I was like all fuck yeah. On the 18 00:01:01,560 --> 00:01:05,280 Speaker 2: third one, I was like, shit, that is so me. 19 00:01:06,600 --> 00:01:09,600 Speaker 2: So the blinders are coming off, Hi, exactly. 20 00:01:09,280 --> 00:01:12,279 Speaker 1: It's going to be some rude awakenings happening on the pod. 21 00:01:12,800 --> 00:01:15,240 Speaker 1: We're all here to get into it. We are going 22 00:01:15,319 --> 00:01:18,240 Speaker 1: to talk about our obsessions of the week of the vig. 23 00:01:18,600 --> 00:01:22,679 Speaker 1: So my obsession of the week is to go get 24 00:01:23,040 --> 00:01:26,960 Speaker 1: ear mapping and styling because it is the coolest shit 25 00:01:27,000 --> 00:01:29,880 Speaker 1: in the world. So if you're not a tattoo girlie, 26 00:01:29,920 --> 00:01:33,679 Speaker 1: this is also a great option for you because basically 27 00:01:33,720 --> 00:01:36,160 Speaker 1: what ear mapping is is you go to a specialist 28 00:01:36,520 --> 00:01:39,080 Speaker 1: and they look at your ear and they map out 29 00:01:39,160 --> 00:01:43,520 Speaker 1: an entire style for your ear with piercings and the 30 00:01:43,680 --> 00:01:47,119 Speaker 1: actual drewy that all kind of goes together. And I've 31 00:01:47,160 --> 00:01:49,080 Speaker 1: always wanted to do this and I ended up doing 32 00:01:49,120 --> 00:01:51,960 Speaker 1: for like my birthday glow up series and our friend 33 00:01:52,080 --> 00:01:55,800 Speaker 1: Lucy Neville went to this place called Matalia Studios and 34 00:01:56,360 --> 00:02:00,600 Speaker 1: they're in Surrey Hills. Fucking amazing. I could not recommend 35 00:02:00,600 --> 00:02:00,920 Speaker 1: it more. 36 00:02:00,960 --> 00:02:04,400 Speaker 2: I literally went today and my ears look so cool, 37 00:02:04,840 --> 00:02:07,680 Speaker 2: Like I actually have really sexy ears. Now, what they 38 00:02:07,720 --> 00:02:10,079 Speaker 2: do is you can send them inspo or bring in 39 00:02:10,080 --> 00:02:13,520 Speaker 2: inspo to your appointment and they work with you on 40 00:02:13,600 --> 00:02:17,440 Speaker 2: like the piecings that you're comfortable with and literally map 41 00:02:17,480 --> 00:02:21,840 Speaker 2: out and style your jewelry to just look so cool. 42 00:02:22,440 --> 00:02:24,800 Speaker 1: And yeah, I could not recommend them enough. Also, there 43 00:02:25,200 --> 00:02:29,799 Speaker 1: pieces are like high quality gold silver, like you leave 44 00:02:29,840 --> 00:02:32,520 Speaker 1: them in and set and forget. And that's the thing 45 00:02:32,600 --> 00:02:34,240 Speaker 1: that I like, Like, I don't need to fuck around 46 00:02:34,240 --> 00:02:36,480 Speaker 1: with my ears. They just look cool now. Yeah, And 47 00:02:36,480 --> 00:02:40,040 Speaker 1: because we do always say that accessorizing is the easiest 48 00:02:40,040 --> 00:02:43,000 Speaker 1: way to elevate your outfit. I love it. That's so good, 49 00:02:43,120 --> 00:02:45,880 Speaker 1: can confirm. So I'm yeah, could not recommend them enough. 50 00:02:45,919 --> 00:02:48,720 Speaker 1: If you want to get some cool girl ear piercings, 51 00:02:48,919 --> 00:02:53,760 Speaker 1: go to Matalia Studios in Sydney. Not sponsored, just a slagh, 52 00:02:54,000 --> 00:02:56,200 Speaker 1: just love, just obsessed. 53 00:02:56,080 --> 00:02:58,359 Speaker 3: And also my obsession of the way. Yeah tell me. 54 00:02:58,520 --> 00:03:02,160 Speaker 1: Sorry, So it is you chicks probably know that we're 55 00:03:02,280 --> 00:03:04,840 Speaker 1: huge fans of nude sticks. But I have a new 56 00:03:04,919 --> 00:03:08,160 Speaker 1: shade to put you on. Okay, so is this what 57 00:03:08,200 --> 00:03:10,760 Speaker 1: you're wearing right now? Yes, it looks fucking great And 58 00:03:10,800 --> 00:03:12,840 Speaker 1: I wore it last night and jam was like, what 59 00:03:13,040 --> 00:03:15,639 Speaker 1: is that blush? I was like, Okay, I'm going to 60 00:03:15,680 --> 00:03:17,840 Speaker 1: share it as my obsession because it's it's making way 61 00:03:18,000 --> 00:03:19,440 Speaker 1: approved clearly. 62 00:03:19,400 --> 00:03:23,359 Speaker 2: Making the Nordesteak shade making ways across the globe exactly. 63 00:03:23,560 --> 00:03:26,919 Speaker 1: But if you want to get that Sabrina Carpenter blush. Look, 64 00:03:27,440 --> 00:03:29,600 Speaker 1: this is the blush that you need to get. It's 65 00:03:29,880 --> 00:03:33,120 Speaker 1: the shade Bubba, and it's the nude sticks all over face, 66 00:03:33,200 --> 00:03:36,720 Speaker 1: creamy blush, bible bulbo barble. 67 00:03:36,400 --> 00:03:38,280 Speaker 3: And it's just the most perfect pink. 68 00:03:38,520 --> 00:03:42,320 Speaker 1: It's gorgeous, like a peachy pink, but not too peachy, 69 00:03:42,400 --> 00:03:45,320 Speaker 1: not too pink, because I literally look like a whimsical 70 00:03:45,320 --> 00:03:48,840 Speaker 1: fairy goddess version of Sabrina Carpenter. You are Sabrina Carpenter, right, 71 00:03:48,960 --> 00:03:53,080 Speaker 1: welcome to the studio, y Sabby b waitby s I 72 00:03:53,120 --> 00:03:55,960 Speaker 1: fucked it up. That's fine, Well, I can't wait to 73 00:03:55,960 --> 00:04:00,400 Speaker 1: borrow it anytime, sweetie, anytime. All right, let's get into 74 00:04:00,440 --> 00:04:08,560 Speaker 1: the episode. All right, seth, give me the spiel, give 75 00:04:08,600 --> 00:04:11,560 Speaker 1: me the elevator pitch. For those who need a recap, 76 00:04:11,680 --> 00:04:13,040 Speaker 1: word is self sabotage. 77 00:04:13,800 --> 00:04:17,080 Speaker 3: So self sabotage are the actions. 78 00:04:16,600 --> 00:04:20,440 Speaker 1: Or thoughts that block our success and long term goals 79 00:04:20,600 --> 00:04:23,800 Speaker 1: and overall wellness. It's the things that we know that 80 00:04:23,839 --> 00:04:27,080 Speaker 1: we need to do, but we put off because it 81 00:04:27,120 --> 00:04:30,120 Speaker 1: seems too hard, or there's another easier way to do it, 82 00:04:30,480 --> 00:04:32,960 Speaker 1: or sometimes you're not even aware that you are doing 83 00:04:33,000 --> 00:04:36,360 Speaker 1: it exactly. Because these behaviors can be conscious or they 84 00:04:36,360 --> 00:04:39,320 Speaker 1: can be subconscious, and in today's episode, we're going to 85 00:04:39,360 --> 00:04:43,000 Speaker 1: be talking about the behaviors that are more so subconscious. 86 00:04:43,040 --> 00:04:45,200 Speaker 1: And then you don't actually realize what you're doing, which 87 00:04:45,240 --> 00:04:48,760 Speaker 1: is fun. Yeah, what's a fun way you self sabotage? 88 00:04:48,839 --> 00:04:51,600 Speaker 1: I don't know if it's fun, But I am a classic, 89 00:04:52,279 --> 00:04:56,159 Speaker 1: Like I will stay up late out of revenge knowing 90 00:04:56,200 --> 00:04:58,000 Speaker 1: that I have to get up early. But I'm like, 91 00:04:58,120 --> 00:05:00,600 Speaker 1: I'm not done with the day yet. I haven't had 92 00:05:00,680 --> 00:05:03,640 Speaker 1: enough me time. I haven't had enough fun yet, so. 93 00:05:03,600 --> 00:05:04,480 Speaker 3: I'll just stay up. 94 00:05:04,920 --> 00:05:05,880 Speaker 1: I need to have more fun. 95 00:05:06,000 --> 00:05:07,680 Speaker 3: Yeah, like I haven't had time for my shows. 96 00:05:07,720 --> 00:05:10,080 Speaker 1: I haven't had time to like fuck around and just 97 00:05:10,120 --> 00:05:12,080 Speaker 1: like dumb shit that I don't need to be doing. 98 00:05:12,600 --> 00:05:17,480 Speaker 1: Like I love revenge, procrastination, bedtime, love that. What's yours? 99 00:05:17,640 --> 00:05:18,960 Speaker 1: I love tool shop? 100 00:05:19,600 --> 00:05:20,800 Speaker 3: Oh yeah, I love to buy. 101 00:05:21,160 --> 00:05:23,320 Speaker 1: I love to spend my money. Oh do you know 102 00:05:23,360 --> 00:05:27,000 Speaker 1: what my self sabotage is? My fun self sabotage is. 103 00:05:27,640 --> 00:05:31,760 Speaker 2: I think I'm a fifty year old Wall Street man 104 00:05:32,200 --> 00:05:33,640 Speaker 2: when I'm at a bar with my friends. 105 00:05:33,760 --> 00:05:36,520 Speaker 1: Yeah, and I say you want to drink? You got drink? Baby? 106 00:05:36,760 --> 00:05:37,000 Speaker 4: Yeah? 107 00:05:37,080 --> 00:05:39,520 Speaker 1: You want shots? Round of shots? It's on me. 108 00:05:40,160 --> 00:05:42,880 Speaker 2: I think I am the richest man alive wants one 109 00:05:42,960 --> 00:05:46,320 Speaker 2: drop of alcohol hits my tongue. I'm buying everyone's drinks. 110 00:05:46,360 --> 00:05:49,600 Speaker 2: Literally every time I meet chicks in the wild and. 111 00:05:49,560 --> 00:05:52,000 Speaker 1: They're like you out, and I'm like, yeah, go on, kids, 112 00:05:52,040 --> 00:05:53,160 Speaker 1: let's go get. 113 00:05:52,800 --> 00:05:55,279 Speaker 2: One time I had to transfer money from my boyfriend's 114 00:05:55,279 --> 00:05:56,800 Speaker 2: account to my account. 115 00:05:56,600 --> 00:06:00,480 Speaker 1: To buy people arounded drinks because I didn't have money. 116 00:06:00,520 --> 00:06:02,839 Speaker 1: You make out. We've actually spoken about this on the 117 00:06:02,839 --> 00:06:07,120 Speaker 1: show before, but my fun self sabotage is actually it's 118 00:06:07,279 --> 00:06:09,640 Speaker 1: just one day. Oh fuck off, I hate that work. 119 00:06:09,720 --> 00:06:12,479 Speaker 1: That's what if you if you miss the episode. It's 120 00:06:12,640 --> 00:06:16,440 Speaker 1: just one day? Is my mantra when I'm twisting. Is 121 00:06:16,480 --> 00:06:17,640 Speaker 1: it a self sabotage? 122 00:06:17,720 --> 00:06:19,240 Speaker 3: That's a multi sabotage. 123 00:06:19,520 --> 00:06:22,960 Speaker 2: You sabotage everyone around you when you do this. 124 00:06:23,120 --> 00:06:25,640 Speaker 3: I know, yeah, I take everyone down with me. 125 00:06:25,839 --> 00:06:29,080 Speaker 1: And it's just like the mantra that if people are like, oh, like, 126 00:06:29,120 --> 00:06:31,800 Speaker 1: I think it's time to wrap it up, or we've 127 00:06:31,800 --> 00:06:34,840 Speaker 1: got to do something at nine am, and I'll be like, 128 00:06:35,120 --> 00:06:35,839 Speaker 1: but come on. 129 00:06:35,760 --> 00:06:38,360 Speaker 3: Like, we're out, we're having fun, and it's just one day. 130 00:06:38,720 --> 00:06:40,120 Speaker 3: It's just one day. 131 00:06:40,480 --> 00:06:42,240 Speaker 1: If the worst day of you. 132 00:06:42,760 --> 00:06:47,560 Speaker 4: If I do the amount of times I wanted to 133 00:06:47,640 --> 00:06:50,800 Speaker 4: murder out and she giggles the next day, going, it's 134 00:06:50,839 --> 00:06:54,159 Speaker 4: just like you out until I hit a wall and 135 00:06:54,160 --> 00:06:58,560 Speaker 4: then yeah, and then I'm like, oh, but we have 136 00:06:58,600 --> 00:07:02,640 Speaker 4: a quote. Tell me that perfect encapsulates self sabotage. 137 00:07:02,720 --> 00:07:06,919 Speaker 1: This quote from Jess Atridge. The reason you self sabotage 138 00:07:07,040 --> 00:07:09,760 Speaker 1: is because it allows you to predict what's going to happen, 139 00:07:09,960 --> 00:07:15,240 Speaker 1: which gives you an illusion of control, which I can 140 00:07:15,280 --> 00:07:19,440 Speaker 1: definitely relate to. Yeah, would that apply do you think 141 00:07:19,480 --> 00:07:22,320 Speaker 1: more to the conscious self sabotage or do you think 142 00:07:22,400 --> 00:07:24,800 Speaker 1: it applies to both. I think it applies to both 143 00:07:24,920 --> 00:07:27,840 Speaker 1: because I think like when we get down to even 144 00:07:27,840 --> 00:07:30,000 Speaker 1: our first one, we'll be able to see how it 145 00:07:30,080 --> 00:07:34,240 Speaker 1: relates because it's a subconscious thing, even in your subconscious 146 00:07:34,440 --> 00:07:37,720 Speaker 1: that is rooted from something deep. 147 00:07:37,520 --> 00:07:39,120 Speaker 3: Down that you are aware of. 148 00:07:39,400 --> 00:07:43,120 Speaker 1: Yeah, whether it's a fear or an anxiety, and it's 149 00:07:43,240 --> 00:07:45,680 Speaker 1: I think it's a self protection absolutely sure. 150 00:07:46,400 --> 00:07:49,800 Speaker 2: That quote really like encompasses what it's like like dating 151 00:07:50,040 --> 00:07:52,400 Speaker 2: and the self sabotage that can be associated with dating, 152 00:07:52,440 --> 00:07:55,200 Speaker 2: because that was something that I would do all the time. 153 00:07:55,360 --> 00:07:59,080 Speaker 2: That if you are constantly finding like the dumbest stupid 154 00:07:59,200 --> 00:08:02,040 Speaker 2: is IX about that you're not going to date them 155 00:08:02,040 --> 00:08:06,360 Speaker 2: anymore because they tie their shoelaces weird, like that self sabotage, 156 00:08:06,720 --> 00:08:10,040 Speaker 2: or because they wear sockheads, Like if you're dumping someone 157 00:08:10,080 --> 00:08:12,920 Speaker 2: over that, that's probably self sabotage, because if you like 158 00:08:13,000 --> 00:08:15,720 Speaker 2: someone enough, nothing's an ink. Yeah, okay, I want to 159 00:08:15,800 --> 00:08:20,360 Speaker 2: start strong because when I was researching this form of 160 00:08:20,360 --> 00:08:25,120 Speaker 2: self sabotage, I was so hyped. I was like, I 161 00:08:25,160 --> 00:08:28,360 Speaker 2: felt like I had taken like, what's the thing, pre gym, 162 00:08:28,440 --> 00:08:29,080 Speaker 2: pre workout? 163 00:08:29,120 --> 00:08:31,040 Speaker 1: Oh yeah, yeah, I felt like I had taken pre 164 00:08:31,120 --> 00:08:36,360 Speaker 1: gym because I was like so hyped by how much 165 00:08:36,440 --> 00:08:40,400 Speaker 1: this way of self sabotaging and identifying it would literally 166 00:08:40,520 --> 00:08:44,160 Speaker 1: change lives. We're here to save lives. People Derreck Sheppard, 167 00:08:44,559 --> 00:08:48,200 Speaker 1: and your lack of audacity is the quiet killer of 168 00:08:48,320 --> 00:08:52,760 Speaker 1: experience and joy in your twenties and beyond. Let that settle, 169 00:08:52,800 --> 00:08:54,240 Speaker 1: let that marinate, let that maritate. 170 00:08:54,520 --> 00:09:00,160 Speaker 2: That you are self sabotaging by not having the audacity. 171 00:09:00,559 --> 00:09:04,920 Speaker 2: So I want to talk about the silent dream killer, 172 00:09:05,440 --> 00:09:10,160 Speaker 2: if you will, that just doesn't get enough attention, and 173 00:09:10,200 --> 00:09:13,280 Speaker 2: it's a lack of audacity, And I don't mean fear, 174 00:09:13,480 --> 00:09:14,199 Speaker 2: like not fear. 175 00:09:14,400 --> 00:09:19,400 Speaker 1: I'm talking the audacity with like sparkles around it. So 176 00:09:19,559 --> 00:09:20,440 Speaker 1: your twenties. 177 00:09:20,120 --> 00:09:24,640 Speaker 2: Are supposed to be these like messy magical I don't 178 00:09:24,640 --> 00:09:26,760 Speaker 2: know what's going on, but I'm going along. 179 00:09:26,520 --> 00:09:29,000 Speaker 1: For the ride, like what if I just tried years. 180 00:09:29,559 --> 00:09:35,559 Speaker 2: However, I think we've had this shift recently of obviously 181 00:09:35,640 --> 00:09:38,840 Speaker 2: a little bit more softer, but women in general just 182 00:09:38,920 --> 00:09:44,160 Speaker 2: don't have enough audacity Somewhere between being told to be realistic, 183 00:09:44,240 --> 00:09:47,440 Speaker 2: stay humble, and not take up too much space, a 184 00:09:47,480 --> 00:09:50,400 Speaker 2: lot of us have started just playing life really really small, 185 00:09:50,440 --> 00:09:54,520 Speaker 2: and we've lost our boldness, our ability to just like 186 00:09:54,800 --> 00:09:56,680 Speaker 2: shoot our shot and just like. 187 00:09:56,800 --> 00:09:59,120 Speaker 1: Balls to the wall. If you plot, do it for 188 00:09:59,160 --> 00:10:02,120 Speaker 1: the plot, and the thing is do it for the 189 00:10:02,200 --> 00:10:07,880 Speaker 1: plot has been really put into maybe like a party atmosphere. 190 00:10:08,040 --> 00:10:10,120 Speaker 1: Having the audacity isn't about. 191 00:10:09,840 --> 00:10:13,360 Speaker 2: Doing a round of shots and going and fucking some 192 00:10:13,440 --> 00:10:16,000 Speaker 2: guy you met that night, which slave so in trying 193 00:10:16,040 --> 00:10:20,240 Speaker 2: to kind of be maybe softer and humble and put 194 00:10:20,320 --> 00:10:24,319 Speaker 2: others first and maybe even realistic, I think we've accidentally 195 00:10:24,360 --> 00:10:28,840 Speaker 2: started sabotaging our own happiness because we're so concerned about 196 00:10:29,080 --> 00:10:34,319 Speaker 2: putting others first and being nice like this, this niceness 197 00:10:34,360 --> 00:10:37,840 Speaker 2: that women are so enriched in can also become a 198 00:10:37,880 --> 00:10:42,880 Speaker 2: part that we're like drowning in. And audacity is the 199 00:10:42,960 --> 00:10:47,959 Speaker 2: opposite of waiting until you're one hundred percent qualified or ready, 200 00:10:48,600 --> 00:10:51,560 Speaker 2: or like you're never going to be ready or you're 201 00:10:51,679 --> 00:10:54,760 Speaker 2: never going to be one hundred percent qualified. And I 202 00:10:54,840 --> 00:10:58,600 Speaker 2: also want to preface that it's not arrogance, it's not 203 00:10:58,760 --> 00:11:03,000 Speaker 2: being like like, there is a diffference between boldness and 204 00:11:03,720 --> 00:11:10,080 Speaker 2: thinking you can do no wrong, absolutely, because without the audacity, 205 00:11:10,160 --> 00:11:13,360 Speaker 2: and this is where the self sabotage element comes in, 206 00:11:13,679 --> 00:11:17,760 Speaker 2: is that you're missing opportunities that were never going to 207 00:11:17,880 --> 00:11:21,760 Speaker 2: come by neatly labeling them as perfect timing that was 208 00:11:21,800 --> 00:11:24,600 Speaker 2: never going to happen anyway. Yeah, so you're always waiting 209 00:11:24,640 --> 00:11:27,240 Speaker 2: for this thing to fall into your lap and be like, Okay, 210 00:11:27,240 --> 00:11:29,040 Speaker 2: now I can do it, but it's never going to 211 00:11:29,080 --> 00:11:31,040 Speaker 2: fall that apple ain't going to drop baby. 212 00:11:31,200 --> 00:11:33,600 Speaker 1: No, life doesn't work like that. You have to create 213 00:11:33,640 --> 00:11:37,000 Speaker 1: those moments a lot of the time, and a lot 214 00:11:37,000 --> 00:11:38,640 Speaker 1: of the time you're going to like trip and fall 215 00:11:38,679 --> 00:11:41,439 Speaker 1: in eat shit along the way anyway and then get 216 00:11:41,520 --> 00:11:43,600 Speaker 1: up and be like wait, no, okay, I'm back. I 217 00:11:43,640 --> 00:11:45,920 Speaker 1: got it, and that's where you get where you need 218 00:11:45,960 --> 00:11:49,360 Speaker 1: to be as well. There's a fear element or you're 219 00:11:49,400 --> 00:11:51,440 Speaker 1: embarrassed or you don't want to feel like you're taking 220 00:11:51,520 --> 00:11:55,480 Speaker 1: up space. Earlier in my career, like when I was 221 00:11:55,480 --> 00:11:59,560 Speaker 1: in my late teens early twenties first entering the corporate sphere, 222 00:12:00,040 --> 00:12:03,800 Speaker 1: I remember I would be so scared to like speak 223 00:12:03,880 --> 00:12:06,080 Speaker 1: up or put my hand up in a meeting or 224 00:12:06,120 --> 00:12:11,760 Speaker 1: make a suggestion or no, Ellen, that's wrong. See that's 225 00:12:11,800 --> 00:12:16,000 Speaker 1: an example of having the audacity. Yeah. Yes, Dakota Johnson 226 00:12:16,080 --> 00:12:18,760 Speaker 1: on The Ellen Show being like, actually, Ellen, that's not 227 00:12:18,800 --> 00:12:19,480 Speaker 1: what happened. 228 00:12:19,640 --> 00:12:22,439 Speaker 2: That is having the audacity. That is what I'm talking about, 229 00:12:22,679 --> 00:12:26,240 Speaker 2: because imagine how much more powerful women could be if 230 00:12:26,280 --> 00:12:29,080 Speaker 2: they just had a little bit more audacity. 231 00:12:29,440 --> 00:12:32,800 Speaker 1: And you're never gonna feel ready, But that's why it's 232 00:12:32,800 --> 00:12:38,000 Speaker 1: tapping into this magic. Is like the secret behind landing 233 00:12:38,040 --> 00:12:40,480 Speaker 1: the dream job when you didn't study it at UNI, 234 00:12:40,600 --> 00:12:44,120 Speaker 1: or you didn't have every single requirement, starting a business 235 00:12:44,160 --> 00:12:46,880 Speaker 1: when no one believes in the product or the idea 236 00:12:46,920 --> 00:12:49,000 Speaker 1: and they're like, oh, are you sure, like that's a 237 00:12:49,000 --> 00:12:51,280 Speaker 1: big risk and you're like, no, I fucking believe in it, 238 00:12:51,840 --> 00:12:55,520 Speaker 1: or leaving the relationship that looks fine on paper, but 239 00:12:55,640 --> 00:12:59,640 Speaker 1: your gut is just saying this isn't it? Or asking 240 00:12:59,679 --> 00:13:02,400 Speaker 1: for more money, for more joy, for more rest, which 241 00:13:02,440 --> 00:13:04,640 Speaker 1: is something that women just do not get enough of. 242 00:13:05,000 --> 00:13:08,440 Speaker 1: And again there is also a limit to this because 243 00:13:08,480 --> 00:13:12,680 Speaker 1: you can also self sabotage by being a little too audacious, 244 00:13:13,200 --> 00:13:15,120 Speaker 1: which I love that word, by the way, Audacious is 245 00:13:15,160 --> 00:13:17,560 Speaker 1: a good one. Audacious and you have to say it 246 00:13:17,559 --> 00:13:18,559 Speaker 1: with a Southern accent. 247 00:13:19,080 --> 00:13:20,560 Speaker 3: Oh audacious. 248 00:13:21,360 --> 00:13:23,920 Speaker 1: I just think he was a little too aldacious. 249 00:13:24,000 --> 00:13:25,160 Speaker 3: Yeah, I do you know what I mean? 250 00:13:25,280 --> 00:13:28,280 Speaker 1: Yeah? And when I was looking into this, and I 251 00:13:28,320 --> 00:13:30,640 Speaker 1: think you'll know what I'm talking about with this sow. 252 00:13:31,000 --> 00:13:34,760 Speaker 1: But there is a gender audacity gap. The Harvard Business 253 00:13:34,840 --> 00:13:38,800 Speaker 1: Law reports that men will apply for a role if 254 00:13:38,800 --> 00:13:42,800 Speaker 1: they meet only sixty percent of the qualifications, whereas women 255 00:13:42,920 --> 00:13:46,360 Speaker 1: apply if they meet just about one hundred percent of 256 00:13:46,360 --> 00:13:50,600 Speaker 1: the requirements. Which is an interesting statistic from their research 257 00:13:50,760 --> 00:13:53,200 Speaker 1: was that a lot of women said they didn't think 258 00:13:53,280 --> 00:13:56,520 Speaker 1: they would get hired because they didn't meet the qualifications 259 00:13:56,559 --> 00:13:59,439 Speaker 1: and didn't want to put themselves out there when they 260 00:13:59,440 --> 00:14:02,839 Speaker 1: were likely to fail. And this is where having more 261 00:14:02,920 --> 00:14:06,240 Speaker 1: audacity allows you to shoot your shot and go for 262 00:14:06,280 --> 00:14:11,080 Speaker 1: those moments and not crumble if they don't work out either. 263 00:14:11,480 --> 00:14:14,080 Speaker 1: It's being able to be like, yeah, let's have a go, 264 00:14:14,800 --> 00:14:16,320 Speaker 1: and then if it doesn't work out, you're like, Okay, 265 00:14:16,400 --> 00:14:19,720 Speaker 1: I'll try next time, like people who have the audacity 266 00:14:20,160 --> 00:14:22,040 Speaker 1: is like it reminds me of the episode with Britney 267 00:14:22,080 --> 00:14:25,520 Speaker 1: Saunders where she was telling us about all her businesses 268 00:14:25,560 --> 00:14:28,320 Speaker 1: that she had that she was like, yeah, that didn't 269 00:14:28,320 --> 00:14:30,880 Speaker 1: work out. Yeah, but she had the audacity to keep 270 00:14:30,920 --> 00:14:33,520 Speaker 1: going and keep trying. So I have a little list 271 00:14:33,520 --> 00:14:34,680 Speaker 1: of audacity one oh one. 272 00:14:35,000 --> 00:14:38,440 Speaker 2: So audacity one oh one is setting your own priorities, 273 00:14:38,920 --> 00:14:42,760 Speaker 2: taking action with what aligns to your values. And this 274 00:14:42,880 --> 00:14:43,800 Speaker 2: is my favorite one. 275 00:14:44,240 --> 00:14:48,880 Speaker 1: The mop up mentality, So having a mentality of when 276 00:14:48,920 --> 00:14:51,800 Speaker 1: everything goes to shit, because it is a when, not 277 00:14:51,920 --> 00:14:53,760 Speaker 1: an if, I'll clean it up. 278 00:14:54,120 --> 00:14:56,640 Speaker 2: I'll figure it out and I'll go on with my day. 279 00:14:56,800 --> 00:14:59,480 Speaker 2: A mop up mentality means that when there is a 280 00:14:59,760 --> 00:15:01,440 Speaker 2: my my life is a mess. 281 00:15:01,680 --> 00:15:05,160 Speaker 1: I can clean it up and continue on and that's it. 282 00:15:05,160 --> 00:15:08,280 Speaker 1: It's not being like oh my god, because one, when 283 00:15:08,280 --> 00:15:10,440 Speaker 1: you clean a mess, you don't sit there looking at 284 00:15:10,440 --> 00:15:14,120 Speaker 1: the clean space thinking well that mess was crazy. Yeah, 285 00:15:14,200 --> 00:15:16,320 Speaker 1: you just go on your day. And that's what I 286 00:15:16,360 --> 00:15:18,440 Speaker 1: love about the mop up mentality, which is something I 287 00:15:18,440 --> 00:15:21,560 Speaker 1: definitely need to embrace more of because I can absolutely 288 00:15:21,640 --> 00:15:24,600 Speaker 1: get hung up on stuff and be like the end 289 00:15:24,640 --> 00:15:28,520 Speaker 1: of the world. Absolutely. I think for me, one that 290 00:15:28,680 --> 00:15:31,240 Speaker 1: I was thinking about when I was doing this is 291 00:15:31,280 --> 00:15:36,920 Speaker 1: how I'll overcompensate for a lack of availability. Yeah, I 292 00:15:36,960 --> 00:15:41,200 Speaker 1: do that, so like, for example, if I don't, like 293 00:15:41,240 --> 00:15:44,480 Speaker 1: if I forget to reply to a friend, or if 294 00:15:44,680 --> 00:15:47,200 Speaker 1: you know, I'm just not available or I haven't replied 295 00:15:47,320 --> 00:15:50,600 Speaker 1: or whatever that is, then I then have the guilt 296 00:15:50,920 --> 00:15:52,920 Speaker 1: of it. And then I'm like, but do you know what, 297 00:15:52,960 --> 00:15:54,640 Speaker 1: Then I can do this, and I'll do that, and 298 00:15:54,680 --> 00:15:56,120 Speaker 1: I'll call you and I'll text you and if you 299 00:15:56,200 --> 00:15:58,600 Speaker 1: need help with this, when really it just needs to 300 00:15:58,600 --> 00:15:59,560 Speaker 1: be like sorry, I was busy. 301 00:16:00,160 --> 00:16:02,520 Speaker 3: Yeah yeah, and just explained. 302 00:16:03,000 --> 00:16:07,960 Speaker 1: Having more audacity to be unavailable all the time is 303 00:16:08,000 --> 00:16:09,840 Speaker 1: something that I think I can do a bit more 304 00:16:09,920 --> 00:16:14,120 Speaker 1: because I am not available all the time and I 305 00:16:14,200 --> 00:16:16,680 Speaker 1: have that bit downpat that I don't reply to everyone 306 00:16:16,720 --> 00:16:18,600 Speaker 1: as soon as I get the text. But that's also 307 00:16:18,720 --> 00:16:21,840 Speaker 1: just my brain. But it's the guilt I have that 308 00:16:21,920 --> 00:16:25,000 Speaker 1: I'm not available to everyone all the time that I 309 00:16:25,080 --> 00:16:30,280 Speaker 1: need to be a little bit more audacious dacious, And 310 00:16:30,360 --> 00:16:33,120 Speaker 1: I want to wrap this bit up with saying that 311 00:16:33,160 --> 00:16:36,120 Speaker 1: you need to look at audacity as the bridge of 312 00:16:36,200 --> 00:16:39,760 Speaker 1: what you want and where you want to be. There 313 00:16:39,800 --> 00:16:44,080 Speaker 1: are so many worse things that you could be than audacious, 314 00:16:44,480 --> 00:16:47,920 Speaker 1: and that's unhappy. Moving on to the next way that 315 00:16:47,960 --> 00:16:51,240 Speaker 1: we are self sabotaging in our twenties and beyond without 316 00:16:51,280 --> 00:16:52,040 Speaker 1: realizing it. 317 00:16:52,680 --> 00:16:55,280 Speaker 3: Are you really mad or do you just want attention? 318 00:16:56,840 --> 00:17:04,560 Speaker 1: I'm both honestly, because conflict in relationships is totally normal 319 00:17:04,800 --> 00:17:07,200 Speaker 1: and there have actually been some studies done that prove 320 00:17:07,280 --> 00:17:10,520 Speaker 1: that there are healthy ways to fight and it can 321 00:17:10,560 --> 00:17:14,320 Speaker 1: actually improve intimacy and connection and even your sex life 322 00:17:14,840 --> 00:17:17,800 Speaker 1: in a relationship. So, yeah, it is important to speak 323 00:17:17,880 --> 00:17:20,600 Speaker 1: up for yourself and have conflict in a relationship and 324 00:17:20,720 --> 00:17:24,200 Speaker 1: to have the courage and the audacity to have those 325 00:17:24,240 --> 00:17:30,240 Speaker 1: difficult conversations. But if you find yourself constantly having conflict 326 00:17:30,240 --> 00:17:35,240 Speaker 1: in your relationship or constantly instigating things, you may be 327 00:17:35,440 --> 00:17:38,080 Speaker 1: using that as a means of self sabotage. Well, maybe 328 00:17:38,080 --> 00:17:41,520 Speaker 1: you know someone that does this. Yeah, like you, I 329 00:17:41,560 --> 00:17:44,359 Speaker 1: feel like when you're listening to this, you may be 330 00:17:44,520 --> 00:17:46,520 Speaker 1: like Okay, yeah, I do some of these things, or 331 00:17:46,720 --> 00:17:49,159 Speaker 1: oh I know someone who does this. We're not just 332 00:17:49,200 --> 00:17:53,639 Speaker 1: talking romantic relationships either. I think this can apply to romantic, 333 00:17:53,720 --> 00:17:59,040 Speaker 1: platonic family, any sort of relationship or dynamic in your life. 334 00:17:59,400 --> 00:18:04,760 Speaker 1: But pick fights to get attention, feel heard, or maybe 335 00:18:04,760 --> 00:18:06,960 Speaker 1: you feel like your needs aren't being met, could be 336 00:18:07,000 --> 00:18:11,000 Speaker 1: a sign of something called protest behavior. Have you heard 337 00:18:11,000 --> 00:18:12,320 Speaker 1: of this before? Now I haven't. 338 00:18:12,600 --> 00:18:13,840 Speaker 3: We're taking you to school. 339 00:18:14,520 --> 00:18:18,760 Speaker 1: So, especially in the case of anxious attachment styles, protest 340 00:18:18,840 --> 00:18:21,960 Speaker 1: behavior refers to the way that people aim to get 341 00:18:22,240 --> 00:18:26,399 Speaker 1: attention or reassurance, and it stems from a fear of 342 00:18:26,520 --> 00:18:31,480 Speaker 1: abandonment or a desire to get connection with people. And 343 00:18:32,000 --> 00:18:34,280 Speaker 1: I think a lot of people can relate to I 344 00:18:34,320 --> 00:18:37,280 Speaker 1: don't feel like my needs are being met in this relationship, 345 00:18:37,359 --> 00:18:40,520 Speaker 1: I don't feel like we have connection, or I feel 346 00:18:40,560 --> 00:18:45,160 Speaker 1: like you're distant. I'm going to start a fight, actually factual, Yeah, 347 00:18:45,200 --> 00:18:47,320 Speaker 1: and that's going to be a sure fire away for 348 00:18:47,400 --> 00:18:50,520 Speaker 1: you to show your emotions and show that you care 349 00:18:50,640 --> 00:18:52,960 Speaker 1: and show that you're invested and then also guess what 350 00:18:53,080 --> 00:18:55,760 Speaker 1: you have to consult me? Yeah, because we're in a fight. 351 00:18:55,960 --> 00:19:00,879 Speaker 2: Absolutely, Because when I was with an X. This was 352 00:19:00,920 --> 00:19:03,400 Speaker 2: one hundred percent what I would do. Like when I 353 00:19:03,480 --> 00:19:07,000 Speaker 2: was in my early twenties, they like wouldn't really give 354 00:19:07,040 --> 00:19:09,159 Speaker 2: me attention, wouldn't tell me that they cared about me. 355 00:19:09,720 --> 00:19:14,480 Speaker 2: But whenever we would have a disagreement, then that's when 356 00:19:14,520 --> 00:19:17,679 Speaker 2: they would actually show their emotions. And so it creates 357 00:19:17,720 --> 00:19:22,040 Speaker 2: this toxic kind of rewards system basically that it's like, Okay, well, 358 00:19:22,080 --> 00:19:24,240 Speaker 2: if we're having a fight, then I actually finally get 359 00:19:24,240 --> 00:19:26,680 Speaker 2: to hear that you love me. And so that's also 360 00:19:26,800 --> 00:19:30,400 Speaker 2: why I don't want anyone to hear this self sabotage 361 00:19:30,640 --> 00:19:33,240 Speaker 2: like tactic and think, oh, so I'm just an asshole 362 00:19:33,280 --> 00:19:35,920 Speaker 2: because I pick fights, And it's like, no, you kind 363 00:19:35,960 --> 00:19:39,040 Speaker 2: of need to look at the environment and see why 364 00:19:39,240 --> 00:19:42,120 Speaker 2: you're picking a fight, because if you're picking a fight 365 00:19:42,200 --> 00:19:44,919 Speaker 2: with a friend or a family member or someone that 366 00:19:44,920 --> 00:19:47,720 Speaker 2: you're in a situationship with or a relationship with, you 367 00:19:47,840 --> 00:19:52,000 Speaker 2: need to understand and address as to what's lacking as 368 00:19:52,000 --> 00:19:52,960 Speaker 2: to why you're doing it. 369 00:19:53,200 --> 00:19:56,199 Speaker 1: The thing with protest behavior is it can manifest in 370 00:19:56,520 --> 00:19:59,520 Speaker 1: picking fights, but it can also manifest in other things 371 00:19:59,560 --> 00:20:03,400 Speaker 1: like the violent treatment or stomping around the house when 372 00:20:03,440 --> 00:20:06,879 Speaker 1: you're cranky, or it can even be clinginess as well. 373 00:20:07,080 --> 00:20:09,080 Speaker 1: There's a few different ways that it can manifest. And 374 00:20:09,160 --> 00:20:11,400 Speaker 1: like you were saying, there's nothing wrong with you if 375 00:20:11,440 --> 00:20:14,359 Speaker 1: you do these things, but it is a sign that 376 00:20:14,400 --> 00:20:18,719 Speaker 1: there are unresolved issues either in the relationship or perhaps 377 00:20:18,800 --> 00:20:21,760 Speaker 1: within yourself and what you deserve and what you need 378 00:20:21,840 --> 00:20:24,840 Speaker 1: out of a relationship and how you're not getting that. Well. 379 00:20:24,880 --> 00:20:27,360 Speaker 1: A lot of the time with things like this, it's 380 00:20:27,480 --> 00:20:30,399 Speaker 1: learned behavior from maybe when you've been growing up or 381 00:20:30,440 --> 00:20:36,040 Speaker 1: in school or something within your younger years that knowing 382 00:20:36,119 --> 00:20:40,160 Speaker 1: this doesn't actually make you a bad person. It makes you. 383 00:20:40,200 --> 00:20:43,080 Speaker 2: So much stronger and smarter to be like, well, that's 384 00:20:43,080 --> 00:20:45,679 Speaker 2: why I'm doing that, and so you can literally be 385 00:20:45,880 --> 00:20:49,800 Speaker 2: like hacking your life that in those moments. Maybe it'll 386 00:20:49,840 --> 00:20:52,520 Speaker 2: be after it, maybe you'll have your protest behavior flare 387 00:20:52,600 --> 00:20:55,120 Speaker 2: up and you'll be like, ah, shit, that was that exactly, 388 00:20:55,119 --> 00:20:56,240 Speaker 2: and you don't have to beat. 389 00:20:56,119 --> 00:20:57,640 Speaker 1: Yourself up for it. You can be like okay, cool, 390 00:20:57,640 --> 00:21:00,120 Speaker 1: and then maybe the next time it happens, you'll be. 391 00:21:00,200 --> 00:21:02,960 Speaker 2: Mid protest and you'll be like, oh, that's what I'm doing. 392 00:21:03,119 --> 00:21:05,920 Speaker 2: I'm self sabotaging, and you'll be able to wrap it up, 393 00:21:06,280 --> 00:21:09,240 Speaker 2: and then the next time before you protest, you'll be like, 394 00:21:09,520 --> 00:21:12,480 Speaker 2: hold on, take a breath, take a beat, go masturbate, 395 00:21:12,640 --> 00:21:14,000 Speaker 2: come back, you'll be great. 396 00:21:14,080 --> 00:21:18,520 Speaker 3: I mean, that's always the ca to every Yeah, every 397 00:21:18,720 --> 00:21:19,000 Speaker 3: I mean. 398 00:21:19,440 --> 00:21:21,840 Speaker 1: So, there are a few different ways that you're self 399 00:21:21,840 --> 00:21:26,639 Speaker 1: sabotaging if you are, I guess, showing protest behaviors. So, 400 00:21:26,680 --> 00:21:31,040 Speaker 1: according to an article written by counselor Hannah Dorscher, the 401 00:21:31,080 --> 00:21:34,240 Speaker 1: attention you receive is rewarded from unhealthy behavior, which is 402 00:21:34,240 --> 00:21:36,760 Speaker 1: what you were saying before, which means the inner wounds 403 00:21:36,920 --> 00:21:40,359 Speaker 1: of the source of the problem aren't being resolved. You 404 00:21:40,440 --> 00:21:43,360 Speaker 1: kin't putting a band aid on top of it by 405 00:21:43,600 --> 00:21:47,200 Speaker 1: getting the attention or getting the reassurance that you get 406 00:21:47,240 --> 00:21:49,639 Speaker 1: in the moment. But it doesn't actually fix it, and 407 00:21:49,680 --> 00:21:54,800 Speaker 1: it just turns into a pattern. And frequent conflict is 408 00:21:54,840 --> 00:21:59,120 Speaker 1: going to create instability in a relationship and can erode 409 00:21:59,200 --> 00:22:02,600 Speaker 1: that intimacy connection that you do have with somebody, and 410 00:22:02,640 --> 00:22:06,960 Speaker 1: it also just reinforces anxious attachment styles. Yeah, I also 411 00:22:07,040 --> 00:22:10,240 Speaker 1: think we can glorify it a little bit in like 412 00:22:10,320 --> 00:22:13,919 Speaker 1: pop culture and society of like heat sex or like 413 00:22:14,160 --> 00:22:19,240 Speaker 1: post fight coital. It's like the relationship had passion and 414 00:22:19,720 --> 00:22:22,160 Speaker 1: passion and fight all the time, and then the sex 415 00:22:22,280 --> 00:22:25,120 Speaker 1: is so great. I'm like, I couldn't think of anything 416 00:22:25,160 --> 00:22:29,119 Speaker 1: worse such with someone after they just made me cry. Yeah. 417 00:22:29,480 --> 00:22:31,840 Speaker 3: Yeah, and look, we're not here to yuck anybody's young. 418 00:22:32,080 --> 00:22:34,400 Speaker 1: But there's a I've had. 419 00:22:34,640 --> 00:22:37,479 Speaker 2: I've had the relationship where it was like passion and 420 00:22:37,520 --> 00:22:40,880 Speaker 2: spicy and like kind of angry flirting and you'd be like, yeah, 421 00:22:40,920 --> 00:22:43,080 Speaker 2: but then there's a difference between someone just being a 422 00:22:43,160 --> 00:22:44,160 Speaker 2: dick totally. 423 00:22:44,920 --> 00:22:46,920 Speaker 3: That's where it gets blurred exactly. 424 00:22:47,320 --> 00:22:51,520 Speaker 1: We think it's passion, but really they're just an asshole. Yeah. Yeah, 425 00:22:51,760 --> 00:22:54,280 Speaker 1: But like we said, if you did listen to this 426 00:22:54,520 --> 00:22:57,439 Speaker 1: and you're like as shit, like I relate to a 427 00:22:57,480 --> 00:22:58,159 Speaker 1: few of these. 428 00:22:58,040 --> 00:23:00,720 Speaker 3: Things, there are definitely things that you can do to 429 00:23:01,119 --> 00:23:04,320 Speaker 3: improve upon this, because it is better for you in 430 00:23:04,400 --> 00:23:06,800 Speaker 3: the long run to not be feeling. 431 00:23:07,000 --> 00:23:10,000 Speaker 1: Stressed and upset and like you do need constant reassurance 432 00:23:10,040 --> 00:23:12,440 Speaker 1: from somebody else, because of course you need attention from 433 00:23:12,440 --> 00:23:15,080 Speaker 1: someone in a relationship, but you should also be able 434 00:23:15,080 --> 00:23:18,119 Speaker 1: to self soothe, yeah, in some moments as well. So 435 00:23:18,600 --> 00:23:21,520 Speaker 1: monitor your emotions, be conscious of those moments where you 436 00:23:21,560 --> 00:23:24,119 Speaker 1: do feel like something happens, and then you give your 437 00:23:24,160 --> 00:23:28,239 Speaker 1: partner the silent treatment, or you're nitpicking something because you 438 00:23:28,280 --> 00:23:30,880 Speaker 1: want to start a fight, or you're nagging about things 439 00:23:30,960 --> 00:23:34,600 Speaker 1: that you know you truly don't actually care about clear communication. 440 00:23:34,840 --> 00:23:37,840 Speaker 1: Sometimes it's easier to pick a fight with someone then 441 00:23:38,160 --> 00:23:41,240 Speaker 1: to sit down and have a mature conversation where you 442 00:23:41,240 --> 00:23:44,120 Speaker 1: can't just be like, well, fuck you and leave, because 443 00:23:44,160 --> 00:23:46,120 Speaker 1: then you actually have to bear your emotions and say 444 00:23:46,160 --> 00:23:49,080 Speaker 1: how you truly feel, and that's vulnerable. I also think 445 00:23:49,160 --> 00:23:51,720 Speaker 1: when you do that, it feels good in the moment, 446 00:23:52,280 --> 00:23:56,520 Speaker 1: when you like choose the immature route, Like sometimes you're like, 447 00:23:56,600 --> 00:23:59,800 Speaker 1: it'll feel good in the moment, but then like an 448 00:23:59,800 --> 00:24:04,359 Speaker 1: hour later, when you've like come back to said you're like, eh, shit, yeah, 449 00:24:04,400 --> 00:24:07,280 Speaker 1: because you're naw, you good to say sorry exactly you know, 450 00:24:07,560 --> 00:24:09,480 Speaker 1: or you know it's going to happen again and you're 451 00:24:09,520 --> 00:24:12,359 Speaker 1: not really getting anywere kind of spinning your wheels. And 452 00:24:12,400 --> 00:24:16,480 Speaker 1: then if you are aware of these things self soothing. 453 00:24:16,760 --> 00:24:19,280 Speaker 1: So that is different for every single person. But if 454 00:24:19,320 --> 00:24:22,840 Speaker 1: you feel heated in the moment, leave the situation and 455 00:24:22,880 --> 00:24:25,639 Speaker 1: go for a walk, do some breath work, call a 456 00:24:25,680 --> 00:24:28,640 Speaker 1: friend that you can confide in go to sleep, go 457 00:24:28,680 --> 00:24:30,320 Speaker 1: to bed, Have something to. 458 00:24:30,280 --> 00:24:33,520 Speaker 3: Eat, yeah, whatever to bed, Yeah, go to bed. 459 00:24:33,640 --> 00:24:39,200 Speaker 1: Honestly, truly, nothing is ever as dramatic after bedtime. 460 00:24:39,560 --> 00:24:42,359 Speaker 2: Our final self sabotage. And this was the one that 461 00:24:42,400 --> 00:24:45,199 Speaker 2: I was like, oh, this is read like, this is 462 00:24:46,119 --> 00:24:46,879 Speaker 2: so you hate me. 463 00:24:47,960 --> 00:24:51,160 Speaker 1: And it was inspired by this book that I came 464 00:24:51,200 --> 00:24:54,119 Speaker 1: across on Instagram that I was like, fuck, I've got 465 00:24:54,160 --> 00:24:57,119 Speaker 1: to read that. And it's called Tiny Experiments, How to 466 00:24:57,200 --> 00:25:01,520 Speaker 1: Live Freely in a goal obsessed Well, I know, right, 467 00:25:01,560 --> 00:25:03,960 Speaker 1: And I was like, oh God, this hits the nail 468 00:25:03,960 --> 00:25:07,320 Speaker 1: on the head. And he's a little excerpt from the 469 00:25:07,359 --> 00:25:13,720 Speaker 1: blurb neuroscientists and entrepreneur Anna law lecunff. I think it's 470 00:25:13,800 --> 00:25:17,640 Speaker 1: Anne law Le comfe if it's French, I liked how 471 00:25:17,680 --> 00:25:20,520 Speaker 1: I said. It reveals that all you need is an 472 00:25:20,560 --> 00:25:24,679 Speaker 1: experimental mindset to turn challenges into self discovery and doubt 473 00:25:24,800 --> 00:25:28,600 Speaker 1: into opportunity. Readers will replace the old linear model of 474 00:25:28,640 --> 00:25:32,040 Speaker 1: success with a circular model of growth, in which goals 475 00:25:32,040 --> 00:25:35,480 Speaker 1: are discovered, pursued, and adapted not in a vacuum, but 476 00:25:35,600 --> 00:25:38,879 Speaker 1: in conversation with the larger world. 477 00:25:39,080 --> 00:25:44,760 Speaker 2: And basically, this self sabotage is goals have somehow morphed 478 00:25:44,800 --> 00:25:50,760 Speaker 2: into burnout masked as ambition exactly, and we are literally 479 00:25:50,960 --> 00:25:52,600 Speaker 2: in a burnout epidemic. 480 00:25:53,119 --> 00:25:56,320 Speaker 1: I think you'd be very hard pressed to find anyone 481 00:25:56,880 --> 00:26:01,040 Speaker 1: that is in their twenties, thirties, forties that doesn't feel 482 00:26:01,119 --> 00:26:04,600 Speaker 1: burnt out. With the cost of living crisis, the upcoming election, 483 00:26:04,920 --> 00:26:08,720 Speaker 1: the current news cycle, like, there is a lot to 484 00:26:08,840 --> 00:26:13,640 Speaker 1: take on, and especially with work from home being so popular, 485 00:26:13,840 --> 00:26:17,399 Speaker 1: overtime hours bleed into that that are unpaid. It's just 486 00:26:18,000 --> 00:26:22,239 Speaker 1: there's a lot. And we also now live in a 487 00:26:22,320 --> 00:26:25,560 Speaker 1: world where other people's success is in up the palm 488 00:26:25,600 --> 00:26:29,639 Speaker 1: of our hand, which can act as a motivation, but 489 00:26:29,840 --> 00:26:33,040 Speaker 1: now just feels more as a competition that we're constantly 490 00:26:33,080 --> 00:26:37,960 Speaker 1: watching other people do seventy five hard resets or whatever 491 00:26:38,000 --> 00:26:40,400 Speaker 1: their routine is. My nine to five before my five 492 00:26:40,440 --> 00:26:42,679 Speaker 1: to nine. That was the wrong way round. But you 493 00:26:42,760 --> 00:26:44,800 Speaker 1: know what I mean that we're like, oh, I want 494 00:26:44,800 --> 00:26:45,840 Speaker 1: to do that, I need to do that. 495 00:26:46,400 --> 00:26:50,959 Speaker 2: And it's like with the obsession of becoming is a 496 00:26:50,960 --> 00:26:54,800 Speaker 2: trap that we don't ever get to just be because 497 00:26:54,800 --> 00:26:59,280 Speaker 2: we always need to be becoming something that what's next, yeah, yeah, 498 00:26:59,320 --> 00:27:01,399 Speaker 2: And it's like you actually don't get to sit with 499 00:27:01,480 --> 00:27:03,800 Speaker 2: yourself and just enjoy the now. 500 00:27:04,280 --> 00:27:09,480 Speaker 1: And I everyone's like, oh no, because I am the 501 00:27:09,800 --> 00:27:13,520 Speaker 1: first one to jump on a trend or do a 502 00:27:13,560 --> 00:27:17,479 Speaker 1: reset or just like fall in love with like a 503 00:27:17,520 --> 00:27:20,400 Speaker 1: new routine that's going to change my life, or like literally, 504 00:27:20,440 --> 00:27:22,439 Speaker 1: like a couple of weeks ago, I couldn't shut up 505 00:27:22,440 --> 00:27:24,680 Speaker 1: about the let them theory, which I still can't. 506 00:27:24,800 --> 00:27:25,560 Speaker 3: I still love it. 507 00:27:25,960 --> 00:27:29,480 Speaker 1: And that's the thing is this is such a delicate 508 00:27:29,680 --> 00:27:35,480 Speaker 1: line to toe, a towy line, it's a toy line. 509 00:27:35,920 --> 00:27:39,280 Speaker 1: And there's this quote from Ben Whiting and it says 510 00:27:39,320 --> 00:27:44,960 Speaker 1: an alcohol hangover comes after binge drinking. A productivity hangover 511 00:27:45,119 --> 00:27:50,439 Speaker 1: comes after binge doing. And we are all binge doing 512 00:27:50,800 --> 00:27:54,280 Speaker 1: too much, and so now we have productivity hangovers and 513 00:27:54,320 --> 00:27:57,560 Speaker 1: we're burnt out because we're self sabotaging by thinking that 514 00:27:57,640 --> 00:28:01,480 Speaker 1: we can literally do everything, and our need for pace 515 00:28:01,520 --> 00:28:06,800 Speaker 1: and productivity in tasks that should be enjoyment has sabotaged 516 00:28:06,880 --> 00:28:09,840 Speaker 1: not only the ability to be still and rest, but 517 00:28:09,960 --> 00:28:13,200 Speaker 1: to actually enjoy your life. And it was just making me. 518 00:28:13,080 --> 00:28:18,760 Speaker 2: Think that there are these trending like hobbies. Yeah, so 519 00:28:19,280 --> 00:28:23,520 Speaker 2: like running and half marathons. Everyone's doing a fucking half 520 00:28:23,560 --> 00:28:26,800 Speaker 2: marathon now, right, Yeah, power to them, love that, do 521 00:28:26,880 --> 00:28:30,560 Speaker 2: your half marathon. But if you hate running, don't run. 522 00:28:31,400 --> 00:28:34,720 Speaker 1: If you hate reading, don't read. You don't need to 523 00:28:34,760 --> 00:28:37,479 Speaker 1: become a reader. You don't need to become a runner. 524 00:28:38,120 --> 00:28:40,960 Speaker 1: Go find what you like doing. If you like sitting 525 00:28:41,000 --> 00:28:44,160 Speaker 1: on the couch and watching movies, do that. 526 00:28:44,560 --> 00:28:45,080 Speaker 3: Yeah. 527 00:28:45,120 --> 00:28:48,239 Speaker 1: Like, we are just so wrapped up and me me like, 528 00:28:48,400 --> 00:28:51,280 Speaker 1: this is why I was like, oh my god, existential 529 00:28:51,360 --> 00:28:54,200 Speaker 1: crisis when I was reading this out, because I was like, 530 00:28:54,360 --> 00:28:59,160 Speaker 1: I actually think so much of the last two years 531 00:28:59,440 --> 00:29:03,360 Speaker 1: of my life has been trying to become something else. 532 00:29:04,120 --> 00:29:07,520 Speaker 1: That only this year when I kind of said earlier 533 00:29:07,520 --> 00:29:09,320 Speaker 1: in the year that my goal this year was to 534 00:29:09,360 --> 00:29:12,960 Speaker 1: do less that I've actually only started enjoying my time 535 00:29:13,560 --> 00:29:17,520 Speaker 1: more because I'm doing less. What do you think? Yeah, 536 00:29:17,880 --> 00:29:22,040 Speaker 1: I think we view ourselves as projects to be worked on. 537 00:29:22,480 --> 00:29:25,040 Speaker 1: And while I do think part of that is true, 538 00:29:25,160 --> 00:29:28,040 Speaker 1: and we're always evolving and we should always be looking 539 00:29:28,080 --> 00:29:31,720 Speaker 1: for ways to make ourselves happier and a better version 540 00:29:31,720 --> 00:29:34,200 Speaker 1: of ourselves, but I don't think the better version of 541 00:29:34,200 --> 00:29:37,840 Speaker 1: ourself is more productive, or has more hobbies, or has 542 00:29:37,920 --> 00:29:39,280 Speaker 1: more achievements. 543 00:29:40,160 --> 00:29:43,280 Speaker 3: And by that I mean achievements on a piece of paper. Yeah, 544 00:29:43,440 --> 00:29:44,280 Speaker 3: because in. 545 00:29:44,200 --> 00:29:46,600 Speaker 1: The last I would say, in the last six months 546 00:29:46,680 --> 00:29:49,080 Speaker 1: or so, I've been trying to do the same and 547 00:29:49,200 --> 00:29:52,239 Speaker 1: I've been doing that by leaning into hobbies that I 548 00:29:52,280 --> 00:29:54,400 Speaker 1: love doing when I was a little kid in a 549 00:29:54,520 --> 00:29:58,280 Speaker 1: child vibe, yeah, and like really leaning into that in 550 00:29:58,360 --> 00:30:01,520 Speaker 1: a child and being like, what did I enjoy doing 551 00:30:01,720 --> 00:30:04,040 Speaker 1: as a little girl, because I am still that person 552 00:30:04,800 --> 00:30:08,000 Speaker 1: and none of these things are like, well, I guess 553 00:30:08,120 --> 00:30:10,000 Speaker 1: junk journaling maybe I was gonna say, none of them 554 00:30:10,000 --> 00:30:13,080 Speaker 1: are like when I sent you, Yes I did. I did, 555 00:30:13,120 --> 00:30:14,560 Speaker 1: and one of the chicks sent it to me as well, 556 00:30:14,600 --> 00:30:16,800 Speaker 1: Oh my god, I love that. What we're referencing is 557 00:30:16,840 --> 00:30:20,760 Speaker 1: that Dimick Sydney is holding a junk journaling event with 558 00:30:20,880 --> 00:30:23,760 Speaker 1: Martina Marshall, who is like the Queen of the junk 559 00:30:23,840 --> 00:30:26,200 Speaker 1: j the goddess of the Queen of junk. 560 00:30:27,520 --> 00:30:28,959 Speaker 3: Oh my god, in the best way possible. 561 00:30:29,040 --> 00:30:31,480 Speaker 1: It's just amazing. But yeah, I think a lot of 562 00:30:31,520 --> 00:30:34,320 Speaker 1: the things that I've been tapping into aren't trending, and 563 00:30:34,360 --> 00:30:37,080 Speaker 1: they're not necessarily the things that I'm like posting about 564 00:30:37,200 --> 00:30:40,560 Speaker 1: and whatever, because it's just for myself and it's just 565 00:30:40,640 --> 00:30:43,240 Speaker 1: something that I want to focus on because it makes 566 00:30:43,280 --> 00:30:46,680 Speaker 1: me happy, and that's it. Yeah, Because people are self 567 00:30:46,720 --> 00:30:50,200 Speaker 1: sabotaging their own lives because they've stopped living their lives 568 00:30:50,480 --> 00:30:55,400 Speaker 1: and started project managing it. Yeah, and self improvement has 569 00:30:55,920 --> 00:31:01,400 Speaker 1: become a toxic evolution into self erasion. But it's like, oh, 570 00:31:01,680 --> 00:31:05,720 Speaker 1: that habit is now no longer viewed as successful. That 571 00:31:05,880 --> 00:31:08,000 Speaker 1: now I need to change this thing that I enjoy 572 00:31:08,080 --> 00:31:11,400 Speaker 1: doing and start like, if it is if you like 573 00:31:11,560 --> 00:31:16,720 Speaker 1: watching reality TV, do that. Whereas it's like, oh reality TV, 574 00:31:16,800 --> 00:31:18,760 Speaker 1: that's not successful, that's not a good thing, that's not 575 00:31:18,920 --> 00:31:21,560 Speaker 1: twelve so CEOs don't do that, whereas they all read 576 00:31:21,600 --> 00:31:23,520 Speaker 1: seventeen self improvement books a day. So now I have 577 00:31:23,640 --> 00:31:26,040 Speaker 1: to do that even though I don't like it. Yeah, 578 00:31:26,160 --> 00:31:27,880 Speaker 1: And it's like, fuck me, bro, we only get one 579 00:31:27,960 --> 00:31:30,800 Speaker 1: chance of this. Honestly, I think that's what I'm realizing 580 00:31:31,240 --> 00:31:34,120 Speaker 1: more is I just want to be happy. Yeah, whatever 581 00:31:34,240 --> 00:31:36,440 Speaker 1: is the simplest way to do that, That's. 582 00:31:36,280 --> 00:31:37,160 Speaker 3: What I'm gonna fucking do. 583 00:31:37,360 --> 00:31:40,800 Speaker 1: Yeah, And so we'll leave on this note is that 584 00:31:41,280 --> 00:31:44,440 Speaker 1: maybe the most radical thing you can do in your 585 00:31:44,480 --> 00:31:48,600 Speaker 1: twenties is to stop trying to self improve yourself into 586 00:31:48,640 --> 00:31:52,680 Speaker 1: someone else. And just enjoy being yourself. I would love 587 00:31:52,720 --> 00:31:56,920 Speaker 1: to know in the comments how the chicks have kind 588 00:31:56,960 --> 00:31:59,760 Speaker 1: of listened to this episode and ways that they've realized 589 00:31:59,760 --> 00:32:02,880 Speaker 1: that they self sabotaging. Put it in the comments so 590 00:32:02,920 --> 00:32:05,840 Speaker 1: that we can also help identify some traits in ourselves 591 00:32:06,440 --> 00:32:09,520 Speaker 1: in there safe space and bonus point if you can 592 00:32:09,560 --> 00:32:13,440 Speaker 1: think of a healthy habit or thought or routine you 593 00:32:13,440 --> 00:32:16,760 Speaker 1: could replace it with instead. Love it. Now, let's get 594 00:32:16,800 --> 00:32:20,400 Speaker 1: a little old day. Thank you Mike getting made for 595 00:32:20,480 --> 00:32:22,440 Speaker 1: week News episode to bro Chick Tabin and thanks for 596 00:32:22,520 --> 00:32:26,080 Speaker 1: having us in your audacious little eels. We love to 597 00:32:26,120 --> 00:32:32,680 Speaker 1: be here by Chiky Bye,