WEBVTT - #2011 Context, Perspective, Gratitude - Harps & Tiff 0:00:00.360 --> 0:00:01.960 I'll get a team. It's Harps and Tiff, it's the 0:00:02.000 --> 0:00:05.480 you project. It's Monday, as we record, it's the it's 0:00:05.519 --> 0:00:07.840 the sixth day of the tenth month of the twenty 0:00:07.960 --> 0:00:13.600 fifth year of the third century. And O dominie that 0:00:13.720 --> 0:00:16.959 is Latin for I think after Jesus died or something 0:00:17.120 --> 0:00:20.680 like that. But can you believe we're in the third millennia, 0:00:20.760 --> 0:00:23.959 not the second millennia, the third millennia? Who would have 0:00:24.000 --> 0:00:28.440 thought Tifts like couldn't be less interested? It is Monday 0:00:28.480 --> 0:00:32.040 in our fine city by the bay. It is. We're 0:00:32.120 --> 0:00:39.240 stumbling into summer and it just clocked over daylight savings 0:00:39.280 --> 0:00:43.279 here in Victoria. Where else is it daylight savings? It's 0:00:43.320 --> 0:00:46.479 not in Queensland, I know that. Is it in w A? 0:00:47.880 --> 0:00:49.960 I don't know. We don't need to have this conversation. 0:00:50.080 --> 0:00:55.720 Probably everybody's like, fuck, really, we tuned in for daylight savings. 0:00:57.400 --> 0:00:59.960 My life out and you're talking about and what time 0:01:00.080 --> 0:01:00.920 the sun goes down? 0:01:01.440 --> 0:01:04.160 Are you adapted? How quickly does it take you to 0:01:04.240 --> 0:01:05.679 adapt to daylight savings? 0:01:05.920 --> 0:01:08.440 I didn't go too bad it. In fact, this way around, 0:01:08.480 --> 0:01:11.000 I've been annoyed that I wake up way too early. 0:01:11.160 --> 0:01:14.600 Most mornings, and so it's nice to know as long 0:01:14.640 --> 0:01:18.399 as my as long as my sleep doesn't start scooting 0:01:18.440 --> 0:01:21.560 out the door on me getting to sleep, the waking 0:01:21.640 --> 0:01:24.959 up at six instead of five right now at this 0:01:25.040 --> 0:01:26.600 time of my life is a blessing. 0:01:28.720 --> 0:01:31.280 So do you do anything to adapt? Like you do? 0:01:31.319 --> 0:01:32.960 You just go I'm just going to go to bed 0:01:33.000 --> 0:01:36.400 at the same time as in the same Yeah. 0:01:37.360 --> 0:01:39.720 Yeah, I just pretend it's not happening. Ever, since it 0:01:39.800 --> 0:01:42.240 all just happens on your phone, I just pretend, because 0:01:42.280 --> 0:01:43.840 you know how my mind gets in the way of 0:01:43.880 --> 0:01:46.520 a lot of things, apps I get out of the way. 0:01:46.760 --> 0:01:51.000 I just pretend it hasn't happened, and then my psychological 0:01:51.320 --> 0:01:54.960 bloody warfare doesn't get heads up on me. 0:01:55.800 --> 0:01:59.360 Well, you think about the amount of psychology that really 0:01:59.400 --> 0:02:02.320 goes into it, and people are like, oh, we lose 0:02:02.360 --> 0:02:05.120 it out. No we don't, we don't. There's still twenty 0:02:05.120 --> 0:02:08.919 four hours. And I kind of know theoretically what you're saying, 0:02:09.160 --> 0:02:11.320 but it's like your body doesn't know the difference. Like, 0:02:11.840 --> 0:02:16.120 so if you normally go to bed at ten, and 0:02:16.160 --> 0:02:20.200 now we've put the clocks forward to eleven, well, then 0:02:20.520 --> 0:02:26.640 just go to bed at fucking nine. You know yesterday 0:02:27.280 --> 0:02:32.079 yesterday's nine is now today's ten. So just go, oh fuck, 0:02:32.120 --> 0:02:37.880 I don't know, I'm confused. But anyway, whatever, whatever, whatever 0:02:37.960 --> 0:02:41.440 time your body thinks it is. But I mean, here's 0:02:41.480 --> 0:02:44.320 the here's the you know, the luxury that you and 0:02:44.360 --> 0:02:46.560 I have is for a lot of what you do. 0:02:46.680 --> 0:02:49.760 Oh probably more than more me than you. But you 0:02:49.800 --> 0:02:52.000 don't have a job per se where you've got to 0:02:52.000 --> 0:02:54.919 get up every day at the same time and get 0:02:54.960 --> 0:02:57.880 on a bloody train or get in your car or 0:02:58.000 --> 0:03:00.440 arrive at the office at a certain time. And I'm 0:03:00.480 --> 0:03:04.040 probably a little bit lucky compared to many listeners who 0:03:04.080 --> 0:03:05.600 don't have that flexibility. 0:03:06.240 --> 0:03:11.440 Yeah, yeah, so you've seen that, like the stats on 0:03:11.639 --> 0:03:17.040 things like car accidents and hard and yeah, Like I'm 0:03:17.080 --> 0:03:18.400 not a fan of the whole. 0:03:20.440 --> 0:03:24.079 I think, yeah, well, I think practically for a lot 0:03:24.080 --> 0:03:26.960 of people, because as I just said, with some people 0:03:26.960 --> 0:03:29.120 don't have the option of just listening to their body. 0:03:29.120 --> 0:03:34.240 They've actually got to get up an hour earlier. And 0:03:34.320 --> 0:03:36.120 because of that, like a lot of people have, Like 0:03:36.240 --> 0:03:39.360 the reason that there are so many increased car accidents 0:03:39.400 --> 0:03:42.320 and cardiac episodes and all of that is just correlates 0:03:42.360 --> 0:03:45.520 to less sleep, and when people are less well slept, 0:03:45.640 --> 0:03:48.720 then their bodies not recovered properly, and so there's more 0:03:49.840 --> 0:03:53.600 you know, cardio respiratory stress and nervous system stress and 0:03:53.720 --> 0:03:57.760 endocrine system stress, and so that equates to more deaths, 0:03:57.840 --> 0:04:01.120 which is pretty It's quite the common sequence of daylight 0:04:01.160 --> 0:04:05.960 savings when you think about it. But anyway, that's what 0:04:06.000 --> 0:04:08.400 we do. We're not changing it. I don't know that 0:04:08.600 --> 0:04:11.000 government are tuning in thinking fuck ups and Tiff have 0:04:11.120 --> 0:04:13.200 just blown the lid off that we've got to We've 0:04:13.200 --> 0:04:14.840 got to have a Head of government meeting. 0:04:15.320 --> 0:04:16.880 We've got to have a fucking We've got to get 0:04:16.880 --> 0:04:19.360 all the big wigs in and just rethink this whole 0:04:19.480 --> 0:04:23.359 Daylight savings because those motherfuckers are making some very salient 0:04:23.400 --> 0:04:28.040 points about their physiological and clinical consequences. 0:04:27.279 --> 0:04:30.080 Of this thing that we've implemented over the decades. We 0:04:30.200 --> 0:04:32.719 might have to just fucking swing the boat around and 0:04:32.880 --> 0:04:36.159 just undo that. We might have to pull the plugs. 0:04:36.200 --> 0:04:39.560 Thank god, pull the plug on daylight savings. Thank god 0:04:39.600 --> 0:04:42.599 we did this episode. Fuck, where would the world be 0:04:42.720 --> 0:04:49.320 without you and I solving problems that don't exist? Oh? Fuck, 0:04:49.880 --> 0:04:52.280 I wonder if that one person who's still listening is 0:04:52.320 --> 0:04:59.159 wondering why they're still listening. Yeah, dear, dear, you were 0:04:59.240 --> 0:05:01.480 summer person. If you could only have summer all year 0:05:01.600 --> 0:05:03.280 or winter all year, what would you have? Oh? 0:05:03.320 --> 0:05:07.640 You know the answer to that. I don't really I'm 0:05:07.720 --> 0:05:11.760 such a summer person. Winter is I really struggle. I 0:05:11.839 --> 0:05:15.120 really struggle. I'll get that seasonal effective. I'm a miserable 0:05:15.160 --> 0:05:16.520 I'm so miserable in winter. 0:05:17.360 --> 0:05:17.680 Really. 0:05:17.960 --> 0:05:21.120 Yeah, when the sun comes out, I feel like a 0:05:21.160 --> 0:05:25.719 different person. It's the best. What about you. 0:05:27.520 --> 0:05:30.000 On spring? I like this time of the year. I 0:05:30.040 --> 0:05:32.120 know that wasn't an option, but fuck it, I'm going 0:05:32.120 --> 0:05:36.400 option three, Eddie. I like it, you know, but if 0:05:36.400 --> 0:05:39.160 I could only what do I love? 0:05:39.480 --> 0:05:40.160 Yeah? 0:05:40.279 --> 0:05:42.240 It's because it's middle of the road. It's nice, it's 0:05:42.240 --> 0:05:43.640 not freezing, it's not hot. 0:05:44.240 --> 0:05:47.840 It's also it's all of the things. It's and cold 0:05:47.920 --> 0:05:50.160 and shit and miserable and thunderstorms. 0:05:50.680 --> 0:05:53.680 Oh wow, listen to that high performance coach tip cook. 0:05:53.720 --> 0:05:55.440 If you want to book in with her for some 0:05:55.520 --> 0:06:00.479 fucking inspiration, don't do it today. Oh my god, you 0:06:00.560 --> 0:06:03.320 need to go listen to this and remember what it 0:06:03.400 --> 0:06:07.240 is that you allegedly do for and with people fucking 0:06:07.320 --> 0:06:10.880 get some perspective. I was talking to you before this 0:06:10.960 --> 0:06:15.880 episode about perspective and context and gratitude. Oh what a 0:06:15.960 --> 0:06:21.239 hardship living in Melbourne, dealing with spring. Oh tif oh wow, 0:06:21.480 --> 0:06:23.640 some people have got cancer. But Tip's got to deal 0:06:23.680 --> 0:06:27.480 with Spring. Everyone, let's send her a card. Fuck and 0:06:27.600 --> 0:06:37.280 hew for you. 0:06:37.520 --> 0:06:38.640 That is it. 0:06:39.920 --> 0:06:43.080 I'm what you call right now. You're unreasonable friend, You're welcome. 0:06:44.200 --> 0:06:46.880 Do you know what? Though? This is the conversation that 0:06:46.920 --> 0:06:48.880 I wanted to have with you, though, and what you 0:06:49.040 --> 0:06:50.760 just did, I do the same. I think we all 0:06:50.800 --> 0:06:53.599 do that something where we go we just put Mayo 0:06:53.720 --> 0:06:56.599 on something and we go, oh fuck, and then you go, yeah, 0:06:56.760 --> 0:06:59.440 is it really? Is it really? That? Is it really 0:06:59.480 --> 0:07:03.800 a problem? And we were talking before we went live. 0:07:03.839 --> 0:07:07.479 We're talking about perspective and context. And I won't have 0:07:07.600 --> 0:07:10.559 the same conversation with you, even though the listeners didn't 0:07:10.560 --> 0:07:13.240 hear it. But you know today as we record at 0:07:13.600 --> 0:07:16.600 October six and Jane O'Brien, who's a friend of mine, 0:07:16.680 --> 0:07:21.440 who if you have not heard that episode, I cannot 0:07:21.520 --> 0:07:26.040 recommend it highly enough. Not because I'm brilliant, not because 0:07:26.080 --> 0:07:30.920 the actual recording audio quality is amazing, but just her story. 0:07:31.520 --> 0:07:35.320 If you can listen to Jane's story and not be 0:07:35.520 --> 0:07:40.200 impacted emotionally and mentally, not be inspired, not have a 0:07:40.320 --> 0:07:44.240 shift in perspective, I was going to say, then there's 0:07:44.240 --> 0:07:47.360 something wrong with you. That's a bit harsh, but it's like, 0:07:48.480 --> 0:07:50.920 you know, like I love. One of the things about 0:07:50.960 --> 0:07:54.800 my job is I'm often talking to people who really 0:07:55.600 --> 0:07:59.240 are dealing with like, genuinely, genuinely hard stuff. And I 0:07:59.240 --> 0:08:01.800 don't know anyone who's dealt with anything harder than her, 0:08:02.360 --> 0:08:04.920 who was literally a couple of hours away from death 0:08:05.080 --> 0:08:09.520 and in intensive care for eighty two days and had 0:08:09.560 --> 0:08:13.120 to literally say goodbye to her children because she was 0:08:13.240 --> 0:08:17.440 dying on a given day. And obviously that didn't happen. 0:08:18.120 --> 0:08:20.280 And that's me giving you two percent of the story. 0:08:20.360 --> 0:08:24.200 But to listen to her talk and to listen to 0:08:24.240 --> 0:08:27.200 the way that she dealt with things and deals with 0:08:27.240 --> 0:08:30.680 things much harder than I've ever even had to think 0:08:30.720 --> 0:08:36.120 about for myself, it just fills me. Well, it fills 0:08:36.120 --> 0:08:37.840 me with a little bit of guilt for what a 0:08:37.880 --> 0:08:41.160 big fucking baby I have been at times, but I 0:08:41.240 --> 0:08:45.600 can't change that. But it just shines a light on 0:08:45.960 --> 0:08:51.000 for me. It shines a light on whatever the term is, lucky, blessed. 0:08:51.360 --> 0:08:55.600 You know, I don't know how fortunate I am that 0:08:55.679 --> 0:08:57.280 I have the life I do in the city that 0:08:57.360 --> 0:08:59.280 I live in, with the people that I have around me. 0:08:59.360 --> 0:09:03.240 That in the context, you know, and I think about, oh, 0:09:03.280 --> 0:09:05.599 I'm us all back on my shoulder on this or that, 0:09:05.760 --> 0:09:11.480 and I just think how different life is life experiences 0:09:12.440 --> 0:09:17.800 when you look at your life situation, circumstance, environment, relationships, job, 0:09:17.960 --> 0:09:20.120 blah blah blah, all of the bits and pieces that 0:09:20.160 --> 0:09:23.720 make up your life when you look at it through 0:09:23.760 --> 0:09:29.360 a different window or a different lens. I got. I 0:09:29.360 --> 0:09:31.720 think I've cried on a podcast two or three times 0:09:31.720 --> 0:09:34.559 in two thousand episodes. I cried on that with her, 0:09:35.440 --> 0:09:39.400 and she, you know what, I'm going to share something 0:09:39.440 --> 0:09:45.560 with you, like, I've never met anyone who's just just 0:09:45.640 --> 0:09:51.800 got so many challenges but is so concerned about other 0:09:51.840 --> 0:09:55.880 people and not in a you know, when you meet people, Tiff, 0:09:56.080 --> 0:10:03.000 and it's like there, I don't know that they're very 0:10:03.000 --> 0:10:04.839 positive in all of that. And I try and be that. 0:10:05.240 --> 0:10:10.240 And it's not that it's not genuine, but it seems to. 0:10:10.360 --> 0:10:11.960 It's like with you and me, I think you and 0:10:12.000 --> 0:10:14.480 I can both be like super positive or a bit 0:10:14.559 --> 0:10:17.360 negative or and when we try and be the best 0:10:17.440 --> 0:10:20.640 versions of ourselves, right, but we're both flawed. And I'm 0:10:20.640 --> 0:10:23.160 not saying she's not flawed, but when she talks about 0:10:23.240 --> 0:10:27.080 stuff and when she is coming from a place of 0:10:28.360 --> 0:10:32.880 love and kindness and encouragement and support, there's no persona 0:10:33.000 --> 0:10:35.640 in it all right. So the other day we had 0:10:35.679 --> 0:10:40.840 this chat, and later on she sent me this message, 0:10:40.840 --> 0:10:43.440 which probably won't want me sending, but anyway, she wrote, Harps, 0:10:43.440 --> 0:10:45.360 thanks again for the interview. If there's one thing I 0:10:45.400 --> 0:10:47.960 know to be true about you, it's not a matter 0:10:48.000 --> 0:10:49.880 of if you'll speak to us, sellout crowd in a 0:10:49.880 --> 0:10:53.040 big stadium or arena. It's just a matter of when Yes, 0:10:53.080 --> 0:10:55.240 you're a hard worker, but you also have a quality 0:10:55.280 --> 0:10:58.240 that can't be taught. You are one of the great 0:10:58.280 --> 0:11:00.840 thought leaders of our time. I am blessed to be 0:11:00.920 --> 0:11:04.280 here to witness it. Have a great weekend, Jane. And 0:11:04.320 --> 0:11:07.440 I read that, I'm like, I don't know where that 0:11:07.520 --> 0:11:10.520 came from. Like that wasn't prompted by me, I didn't, 0:11:10.800 --> 0:11:14.679 you know, And it was just like she sat down 0:11:14.840 --> 0:11:18.160 and that's what she thinks, and that that's what she feels. 0:11:18.200 --> 0:11:20.959 I think she overestimates me by the way, thank you, Janie, 0:11:21.720 --> 0:11:25.600 but just for somebody to do that when they don't 0:11:25.600 --> 0:11:28.000 at all need to do that, Like I already think 0:11:28.080 --> 0:11:32.439 highly of her, but she's so concerned that in the 0:11:32.520 --> 0:11:36.120 middle of her still dealing with lots of stuff, she's 0:11:37.040 --> 0:11:40.440 she's trying to make me feel good, you know, like 0:11:40.520 --> 0:11:44.200 she's concerned about how I am. She's cheering me on. 0:11:44.840 --> 0:11:47.240 I'm like, oh my god, I need to do better. 0:11:49.280 --> 0:11:52.040 How beautiful? What do you reckon? 0:11:53.360 --> 0:11:53.400 Like? 0:11:53.520 --> 0:11:58.080 How do we sit in that space between getting that 0:11:58.240 --> 0:12:03.040 from other people? And I've probably asked you this before, like, 0:12:03.120 --> 0:12:08.160 but honoring our own Like everything's relative, Like everyone everyone's 0:12:08.320 --> 0:12:11.200 hardest thing is their hardest thing relative to what they've 0:12:11.240 --> 0:12:15.920 been through. So how do we honor ourselves and our 0:12:16.000 --> 0:12:19.679 circumstance and what we might need out of something, but 0:12:19.880 --> 0:12:21.760 also draw from that. 0:12:23.040 --> 0:12:26.920 Yeah, that's a good question. I yeah, because I think 0:12:26.960 --> 0:12:30.400 correct me if I'm wrong. But I feel like you're saying, like, like, 0:12:30.520 --> 0:12:33.160 our pain is real, even if our pain is somewhat 0:12:33.280 --> 0:12:37.040 self created. Even like I've you know, where we can 0:12:37.080 --> 0:12:40.640 turn a one into a nine. You've done it. I've 0:12:40.679 --> 0:12:44.480 done it. Right, but nonetheless, as an experience, the nine 0:12:44.600 --> 0:12:48.400 is real. So the drama or the anxiety or the 0:12:48.600 --> 0:12:50.720 you know, we're not saying, and we're not saying you 0:12:50.720 --> 0:12:53.480 don't deserve your pain or you don't deserve the anxiety. 0:12:53.559 --> 0:12:55.800 You haven't earned this. No, that's not it at all. 0:12:56.480 --> 0:13:00.200 I think it's I think it's two things. It's it's 0:13:00.240 --> 0:13:03.920 having an awareness of how you feel and what you 0:13:04.000 --> 0:13:07.760 feel and acknowledging that and honoring that and not beating 0:13:07.800 --> 0:13:10.600 yourself up just going oh wow, right now I'm really 0:13:10.679 --> 0:13:14.320 anxious or I'm really sad, or I'm really but there's 0:13:14.360 --> 0:13:16.880 probably not a lot to be anxious or sad about. 0:13:16.920 --> 0:13:21.520 But nonetheless, my experience is real, so're validating that. But 0:13:21.720 --> 0:13:24.600 also part two is not to then immerse ourselves in 0:13:24.640 --> 0:13:29.800 maybe self pity. I think that's a separate a level 0:13:29.840 --> 0:13:37.080 of awareness. And then part three maybe of that is 0:13:37.120 --> 0:13:40.199 to then to try to be curious about it and 0:13:40.800 --> 0:13:47.280 realize that you know, there are people in better positions 0:13:47.320 --> 0:13:49.600 than you, there are people in worse positions than you, 0:13:50.520 --> 0:13:54.880 and you've been here before, and it's going to pass. 0:13:55.320 --> 0:13:59.480 Like this is not a permanent state. Hi, everybody, we're back. 0:13:59.520 --> 0:14:01.000 Sorry about that, we had a little moment, we had 0:14:01.000 --> 0:14:05.480 a little interruption here, but technicality we're back. So I 0:14:05.520 --> 0:14:09.480 think that, yeah, like having that self awareness around what 0:14:09.559 --> 0:14:12.480 I think and feel is real and I don't need 0:14:12.520 --> 0:14:15.080 to beat myself up about it. Like self awareness is 0:14:15.120 --> 0:14:20.320 not self loathing. But also at the same time consciously 0:14:21.240 --> 0:14:24.760 maybe consciously working towards dealing with things in a way 0:14:24.840 --> 0:14:29.400 where we don't respond so dramatically or it doesn't impact 0:14:29.520 --> 0:14:33.800 us so much. You know. It's like that, how do 0:14:33.880 --> 0:14:36.440 we get good at performing under pressure or dealing with 0:14:36.480 --> 0:14:38.880 pressure or dealing with hard things? And it's by putting 0:14:38.920 --> 0:14:42.120 ourselves in that situation. So the thing that gave me 0:14:42.160 --> 0:14:45.240 a one out of ten, sorry, a nine out of 0:14:45.240 --> 0:14:49.560 ten stress response or anxiety response, once I kind of 0:14:49.640 --> 0:14:53.000 desensitize myself to that situation or that challenge or that 0:14:53.160 --> 0:14:56.360 task or that whatever it is, maybe it only produces 0:14:56.360 --> 0:14:59.560 a one or two anxiety or stress response. And that's 0:14:59.600 --> 0:15:02.280 not because the task has changed or the situation or 0:15:02.320 --> 0:15:06.400 the challenge, but rather because I've changed me. I think 0:15:06.440 --> 0:15:09.400 it's I think so much of what we talk about 0:15:09.440 --> 0:15:12.600 here and whether or not we're dealing with stuff like Jane, 0:15:13.240 --> 0:15:16.320 you know, as when you listen to that episode, folks. 0:15:16.480 --> 0:15:20.840 It's like her her story is almost like the ultimate 0:15:20.880 --> 0:15:27.239 story of self management, self regulation, self awareness. Where everything 0:15:27.280 --> 0:15:31.960 that she could optimize and everything that she could control, 0:15:32.080 --> 0:15:35.800 and there wasn't much, but everything that she could control 0:15:35.920 --> 0:15:40.440 she did, right down to her thinking, right down to 0:15:40.520 --> 0:15:44.160 her responses. Like there was a time where she couldn't 0:15:44.200 --> 0:15:46.480 she couldn't communicate, she couldn't do anything, she couldn't talk, 0:15:46.520 --> 0:15:49.840 she couldn't breathe. She was on you know, live sport, 0:15:50.160 --> 0:15:53.000 a machine was breathing for her. She couldn't use her hands, fingers. 0:15:53.000 --> 0:15:56.760 She was paralyzed, essentially, And she was telling me that 0:15:56.840 --> 0:16:00.280 in the middle of that, every day she just found beauty. 0:16:00.400 --> 0:16:03.080 She found beauty and the people that would come over 0:16:03.200 --> 0:16:06.600 every in every two hours and turn her over in bed, 0:16:07.440 --> 0:16:09.920 and she found a way to communicate with her eyes 0:16:09.960 --> 0:16:12.840 for the people that were around her. And she came 0:16:12.920 --> 0:16:17.880 to love the people that basically served her and looked 0:16:17.920 --> 0:16:21.800 after her. She came to love them and demonstrate love 0:16:22.400 --> 0:16:28.480 for these strangers that became intertwined with her literally with 0:16:28.600 --> 0:16:33.800 her ability to exist in human form. I'm like, oh 0:16:33.840 --> 0:16:37.760 my god, you know it's for me, It's I think 0:16:37.880 --> 0:16:40.280 I kind of need to hear these stories and have 0:16:40.360 --> 0:16:44.440 these interactions because it keeps me grounded because I can, 0:16:45.760 --> 0:16:49.040 you know, I can lose perspectives sometimes. So for me, 0:16:49.160 --> 0:16:53.000 it's like it's that, you know, it's all about context, 0:16:53.040 --> 0:16:56.240 it's all about being able to realize and you know, 0:16:56.280 --> 0:16:58.960 there's this thing that's going on, but then there's also 0:16:59.040 --> 0:17:01.880 there's this story, and I'm telling myself about the thing 0:17:02.520 --> 0:17:04.879 and what's the real issue, and then what's my story 0:17:04.920 --> 0:17:08.119 about the issue, and those are quite often pretty different. 0:17:09.960 --> 0:17:13.920 It reminds me of obviously Victor Frankel, and it reminds 0:17:13.960 --> 0:17:16.600 me of Captain Charlie Plumb. We've both spoken to him 0:17:16.600 --> 0:17:22.080 and think about the worlds that they created in Captivity 0:17:22.119 --> 0:17:25.400 of sorts, which is kind of what your friend has done. 0:17:25.600 --> 0:17:29.520 And I think about how much that inspired myself and 0:17:29.920 --> 0:17:34.920 you and other listeners. And then how to it's how 0:17:34.960 --> 0:17:37.760 to pick the lessons out of that that to implement 0:17:37.800 --> 0:17:40.080 that actually have the effect, Because there's the theory and 0:17:40.119 --> 0:17:43.640 then there's the stuff, but then there's the practice. There's 0:17:43.680 --> 0:17:48.240 the practice of being around good people or taking the 0:17:48.320 --> 0:17:51.560 time to appreciate, like I'm having a big thing at 0:17:51.560 --> 0:17:53.560 the moment myself where I'm just like, you need to 0:17:53.600 --> 0:17:58.400 stop being so busy. People sold you for years about 0:17:58.440 --> 0:18:00.399 how much you do and how busy you are, and 0:18:00.440 --> 0:18:03.040 you're like, yeah, no, no, not now. I'm like, God, 0:18:03.160 --> 0:18:06.280 you'd stop it stop And it's like you're not ready 0:18:06.280 --> 0:18:10.639 to realize until you're ready to realize, And yeah, so 0:18:10.680 --> 0:18:14.720 I guess I'm just thinking about the what like what 0:18:14.840 --> 0:18:17.399 did you draw from hers? But did you draw anything 0:18:17.480 --> 0:18:21.040 specifically where you went I'm going to implement this or 0:18:21.080 --> 0:18:24.159 I'm going to do something differently, or or I'm going 0:18:24.240 --> 0:18:28.639 to try and hold on this piece of change just 0:18:28.680 --> 0:18:28.960 for me. 0:18:29.200 --> 0:18:35.560 I realize how how much we can all but putting 0:18:35.640 --> 0:18:37.920 myself at the center of this because I can only 0:18:37.960 --> 0:18:42.399 control and change and manage me. But just waste energy 0:18:42.400 --> 0:18:47.040 on bullshit, just waste you know, Like and I'm not 0:18:47.160 --> 0:18:49.199 ruining the story because there's so much more than this, 0:18:49.320 --> 0:18:54.080 But could you imagine you're you're in bed and you 0:18:54.160 --> 0:18:56.800 know that this is the last day of your life 0:18:57.760 --> 0:19:01.000 and your children have to come in and say goodbye 0:19:01.040 --> 0:19:05.119 to you. They have to come in and go, Mum's 0:19:05.200 --> 0:19:10.120 dying today. We're going to say goodbye. Like that's even 0:19:10.160 --> 0:19:13.920 a hard sentence to say. And I didn't even want 0:19:13.960 --> 0:19:17.639 to say it, but that's literally the truth of the situation. 0:19:18.840 --> 0:19:22.920 We're going into a hospital to say goodbye to our mother. 0:19:26.800 --> 0:19:30.679 You know. After that, I'm like, oh god, yeah, this 0:19:30.840 --> 0:19:33.399 is I need to rethink. I need to look at 0:19:33.440 --> 0:19:36.359 life through a different lens. And I'm still working on 0:19:36.440 --> 0:19:40.919 that now. I'm still I'm still unpacking that conversation with 0:19:41.000 --> 0:19:48.240 her for myself. And you know, look, I mean, different 0:19:48.240 --> 0:19:50.879 things affect people in a different way, and the same 0:19:50.960 --> 0:19:56.840 thing affects different people differently, right. But I think one 0:19:56.880 --> 0:19:59.760 of the dangers of or one of the dangers one 0:19:59.800 --> 0:20:01.760 of the traps maybe I don't know if it's danger, 0:20:01.840 --> 0:20:03.879 but one of the traps of self help and personal 0:20:03.920 --> 0:20:09.320 development and behavioral psychology and podcast is it is easy 0:20:09.760 --> 0:20:13.840 to say stuff. It's easy. It's relatively easy to have 0:20:13.920 --> 0:20:17.959 this conversation. But really, for me, Craig Harper, not the 0:20:18.000 --> 0:20:20.480 podcast and not the whatever the fuck I am, not 0:20:20.560 --> 0:20:23.840 the academic, not the coach, but just me, the human being. 0:20:25.160 --> 0:20:29.320 Like I think what really matters, like who I really 0:20:29.359 --> 0:20:31.400 am is what I do when I'm not on this show. 0:20:31.440 --> 0:20:34.960 It's like, what like when it's just me and me, 0:20:35.760 --> 0:20:38.159 or perhaps me and God or my higher power or 0:20:38.200 --> 0:20:41.800 whatever it is that we think we have access to me, 0:20:42.080 --> 0:20:46.960 divine intelligence, whatever it is. I think that's really that's 0:20:47.000 --> 0:20:50.400 where I really get to know me better, because it's 0:20:50.400 --> 0:20:54.359 the you that nobody sees, that's the real you, you know. Now, 0:20:54.440 --> 0:20:57.159 I think I try very hard on this show to 0:20:57.240 --> 0:21:01.480 be as authentic as somebody can be in front of 0:21:01.520 --> 0:21:05.560 thousands of people listening. But I also know that I 0:21:05.600 --> 0:21:09.200 have an ego. I also know that I want people 0:21:09.240 --> 0:21:11.879 to like me. I also know that I want people 0:21:11.920 --> 0:21:14.560 to come back and listen to the show. I want 0:21:14.560 --> 0:21:18.720 people to go away and say good things. So I 0:21:18.760 --> 0:21:23.480 would be kidding myself and lying to myself if I 0:21:23.520 --> 0:21:31.480 didn't acknowledge that there are times when I'm not being 0:21:31.520 --> 0:21:35.679 fully transparent where you know where of course, there's a 0:21:35.680 --> 0:21:38.320 persona to an extent, of course, there's the I want 0:21:38.320 --> 0:21:40.440 to be the version of me that I think people 0:21:40.440 --> 0:21:45.320 will connect with, you know, And and we can't be 0:21:45.400 --> 0:21:48.240 everything to everyone, and we can't just show up in 0:21:48.280 --> 0:21:51.000 every conversation and in every moment in time just our 0:21:51.119 --> 0:21:56.800 rawst most base, falling apart self. But you know, for me, 0:21:56.880 --> 0:22:00.159 it's trying to think about all right, get away from that, 0:22:00.200 --> 0:22:02.320 get away from the attention and the love and the 0:22:03.040 --> 0:22:05.240 you know, the likes and all that stuff, Like what 0:22:05.359 --> 0:22:08.399 actually are you about? And what is this for? Like 0:22:08.480 --> 0:22:10.720 what are your motives? Like why do you do this thing? 0:22:10.760 --> 0:22:12.720 Why do you do these things? You say you want 0:22:12.760 --> 0:22:15.960 to help people? But is that really number one? Or 0:22:16.000 --> 0:22:19.000 is that number four? There's number one. Your fucking ego 0:22:19.800 --> 0:22:23.160 is number one, you know it's and without beating myself up, 0:22:23.440 --> 0:22:26.119 it's for me. It's self awareness. I'm trying to understand 0:22:26.160 --> 0:22:29.080 me in real time, like I try to understand me 0:22:29.240 --> 0:22:31.439 right now in this conversation with you that people are 0:22:31.440 --> 0:22:37.360 going to listen to, because I think and again, these 0:22:37.400 --> 0:22:39.840 are just my thoughts everyone. This is not it's not 0:22:39.880 --> 0:22:43.080 based on research what I'm about to say. But I think, 0:22:43.680 --> 0:22:46.000 like we all want to be loved and approved of, 0:22:46.160 --> 0:22:48.440 and we all want want connection. We all want people 0:22:48.520 --> 0:22:51.240 to think highly of us, and nobody wants people to 0:22:51.280 --> 0:22:55.159 think badly of us or them, and and you know, 0:22:55.600 --> 0:22:57.840 we all want to impress someone, and we all want 0:22:57.840 --> 0:22:59.600 to be safe, and we all want to be you know, 0:22:59.680 --> 0:23:02.600 and when you factor all that in, well, of course 0:23:02.640 --> 0:23:05.520 that's going to influence how you present yourself to others, 0:23:06.640 --> 0:23:10.760 you know, And that's not a bad thing, that's a 0:23:10.840 --> 0:23:14.240 human thing. But it's went I'm by myself. It's when 0:23:14.240 --> 0:23:16.800 you're by yourself and there is no judge, there is 0:23:16.920 --> 0:23:22.879 no audience, there is no external observation or critique. Nobody's 0:23:23.000 --> 0:23:27.040 judging me, nobody's listening to me, nobody's seeing me, nobody's 0:23:28.520 --> 0:23:31.240 giving me anything. It's like, well, what am I doing 0:23:31.280 --> 0:23:34.280 now when no one's looking? Like? What am I really 0:23:34.320 --> 0:23:37.679 paying attention to? What really has my focus and my energy? 0:23:38.400 --> 0:23:40.720 Do I really want to love and serve people? Or 0:23:40.760 --> 0:23:44.240 am I just a good fucking communicator who knows how 0:23:44.280 --> 0:23:48.520 to say the right things? Because that's a trap, you know. 0:23:49.000 --> 0:23:52.160 I told you this. I've shared this maybe once or twice. 0:23:52.280 --> 0:23:55.120 But when I was young and I had this pastor 0:23:55.119 --> 0:23:59.359 in a church I was at and he he came up. 0:23:59.440 --> 0:24:04.159 He was beyond wise. He was old, like super old. Compare. 0:24:04.200 --> 0:24:06.879 I was like twenty one or two. He was heading 0:24:06.880 --> 0:24:10.399