Speaker 1: Hi there, it's Chrissy Swan live from the Compound, and
Speaker 1: you're listening to the Chrissy Cast. They Ask Me Anything
Speaker 1: round of episodes. Geez, I've enjoyed them. I'm loving them,
Speaker 1: and I hope that you're loving them too, and I
Speaker 1: hope you're getting a little Do you remember in romper Room,
Speaker 1: Miss Helena would often say I see you Claire, and
Speaker 1: I see you Jimmy, and you would just get such
Speaker 1: a thrill if she said your name. Hopefully you're getting
Speaker 1: a thrill if Rachel is reading out your name as
Speaker 1: one of the contributors on Ask Me Anything.
Speaker 2: Speaking of welcome Rachel.
Speaker 1: Thank you, Chrissy, thank you for being such a wonderful
Speaker 1: moderator and asking all the deep and meaningful questions.
Speaker 3: It's a pleasure to be here. Glad to be darving it.
Speaker 2: Let's get crack in again.
Speaker 3: Well, this one's quite personal. Beck has said, you know,
Speaker 3: sorry forgetting so personal, but how are you handling co parenting.
Speaker 3: I'm six months in and I'm exhausted.
Speaker 1: Yes, well, co parenting is exhausting. Parenting is exhausting, particularly
Speaker 1: if you've got other you know, obligations and responsibilities. I
Speaker 1: hear you I mean, you know, do we even have
Speaker 1: time to talk about the mental load? It is extraordinary,
Speaker 1: you know. Even today I've got, you know, as well
Speaker 1: as earning all the money to keep everybody afloat. You know,
Speaker 1: I need to find time to swing past and get
Speaker 1: Leo's shorts that I've popped in yesterday to be altered.
Speaker 2: I've got to get them today because I'm running out of.
Speaker 1: Excuses to send to his school because he doesn't have
Speaker 1: the right shorts. It is utterly exhausting. But in terms
Speaker 1: of co parenting, it's all very new to me. So
Speaker 1: I'm working out what that looks, to be completely honest
Speaker 1: with you, And bottom line is I'm enjoying it.
Speaker 2: I'm enjoying it. I am enjoying it.
Speaker 1: As I said, it's very new, and I think my
Speaker 1: children are in the adjustment phase.
Speaker 2: But that's life. That is life.
Speaker 1: And I think that a little bit of discomfort is
Speaker 1: good for children.
Speaker 2: At any age.
Speaker 1: And I have been guilty of ensuring that there has
Speaker 1: never been any discomfort for my children, and I think
Speaker 1: that that is a mistake. I think it's a mistake
Speaker 1: to try and make everything so great well.
Speaker 3: Tam Russ has asked a question here that a lot
Speaker 3: of people have asked through You'll ask me any things,
Speaker 3: and it's about how do you juggle everything that you
Speaker 3: do and have the energy to do it. And there
Speaker 3: was a lot of this question being brought up around
Speaker 3: parenting as well as work. How do you do it?
Speaker 1: A lot of lists, a lot of what I call
Speaker 1: horizontal thinking, so which I've had to learn. It is
Speaker 1: not natural for me to think in terms of what
Speaker 1: do I need for this day coming up? What do
Speaker 1: I need for this month coming up? And I've learnt
Speaker 1: how to set alarms right, reminders all over my house
Speaker 1: are calendars that I can write on with whiteboard markers.
Speaker 1: You've got to find what works for you, because the
Speaker 1: bottom line is women in particular are responsible for a
Speaker 1: great many more people than just themselves. And it is
Speaker 1: very easy to drop the ball and miss the thing
Speaker 1: and forget the thing. And you know, I am guilty
Speaker 1: of that. And the more I take on, the more
Speaker 1: likelihood there is of me dropping balls. But there are systems,
Speaker 1: and again, you've just got to spend some time alone.
Speaker 1: If you can spend some time alone, you will work
Speaker 1: out what you need to make sure that you're ticking
Speaker 1: all the boxes for yourself and for everybody else, because
Speaker 1: there is no escaping the fact that we have to
Speaker 1: do that. It's no escaping it because if you in
Speaker 1: a dream state, if you go fuck it, I'm not
Speaker 1: doing it. That doesn't work either. We absolutely are obligated
Speaker 1: to do these things for other people, and even if
Speaker 1: we don't want to, we must. So we need to
Speaker 1: work out a way to make it happen in a
Speaker 1: way that doesn't come back and bite us on the ass.
Speaker 1: If we all did what we secretly want to do
Speaker 1: sometimes and just say fuck it all, he's not going
Speaker 1: to have his shorts, they're not going to have the
Speaker 1: right yo play yogurt that they love for lunch. I'm
Speaker 1: going to disconnect the direct debit for Spotify.
Speaker 2: Fuck them.
Speaker 1: They don't have to have live music whatever, you know,
Speaker 1: all of that stuff. If we did that are our
Speaker 1: secret moments that we want to do, that just causes
Speaker 1: us guilt fights all of that down the track. So
Speaker 1: you've got to choose your heart. And the fact of
Speaker 1: the matter is there is no escaping these obligations. We
Speaker 1: must do it. Nobody else can do it. Women are amazing.
Speaker 1: We can do it. All we do do it all,
Speaker 1: but you need to carve out something for yourself. And
Speaker 1: that's where my walking comes in. That's where my cooking
Speaker 1: comes in. That's where my building fires comes in. That's
Speaker 1: where my washing the cupboard fronts comes in. I know
Speaker 1: it sounds so crazy, but my idea of heaven is
Speaker 1: a house with nobody in it, a mop and some
Speaker 1: fresh cloths and a bottle of cleaner, and I absolutely
Speaker 1: love it. Also, containers. I like to put things in containers.
Speaker 2: This is what I mean.
Speaker 1: If you just spend a little bit of time really
Speaker 1: being honest with yourself, with your craziness, with your lady madness,
Speaker 1: because we're all mad, right, your list of things that
Speaker 1: can bring you joy and make you physically and mentally
Speaker 1: able to give to everybody else looks very different for
Speaker 1: other people. I had my haircut yesterday for the first time.
Speaker 2: I made her check two years.
Speaker 3: I mean, oh, my soul.
Speaker 1: And this is what I mean. It's so easy to
Speaker 1: just forget yourself. So I had my haircut and she
Speaker 1: was telling me she borrowed a beautiful jilly, she borrowed
Speaker 1: a carpet cleaner from her friend, and she said it
Speaker 1: was the most wonderful. Few hours of her life, and
Speaker 1: I thought, this sounds like a bit of me, which
Speaker 1: is what happens when you talk to a woman at
Speaker 1: any time. You always get something where you go, oh,
Speaker 1: hang on a minute. So of course I went straight
Speaker 1: onto Google and I got myself a like a Black
Speaker 1: Friday sale carpet steamer because I realized I had the
Speaker 1: carpets done in the house that I live in the
Speaker 1: compound this one, and I have not washed them or anything.
Speaker 1: I'm sure Murphy's pissed. There there's blue tag, do you
Speaker 1: know what I mean? There's got to be DNA everywhere.
Speaker 1: It'd light up like a Christmas tree if you put luminol.
Speaker 2: Right.
Speaker 1: So I was like, okay, So if I spend four
Speaker 1: hundred dollars on this carpet cleaner, I got a good one.
Speaker 2: I was on sale.
Speaker 1: I get the joy of doing it myself, right, which
Speaker 1: is good for my brain. I'm doing something and I'm alone.
Speaker 1: That's my favorite combo, and it's gonna save me money
Speaker 1: because in order to get someone to do that to
Speaker 1: your carpets, it's like minimum one thousand dollars. And now
Speaker 1: I've got the machine. I'm going to do my house
Speaker 1: and then I can say to my best friend back,
Speaker 1: hey do you want to use it? I can then
Speaker 1: be of service to others.
Speaker 3: So the lady madness, it just keeps on giving.
Speaker 2: It just keeps giving. That's the thing.
Speaker 1: Costs me four hundred dollars for this, but the benefits
Speaker 1: for me and for others are priceless.
Speaker 3: Hey, Chrissy, Lola girl in Melbourne has asked, being over
Speaker 3: fifty hour, do you find life more liberating?
Speaker 2: Absolutely? Absolutely?
Speaker 1: And you know everybody is talking about how you know
Speaker 1: it's so great to be fifty And I remember when
Speaker 1: I wasn't fifty.
Speaker 2: I would read that like, I really is it?
Speaker 1: And I am here to tell you it is because
Speaker 1: like the zero fuckness of it is so amazing, because
Speaker 1: you've been on a journey getting to know somebody for
Speaker 1: fifty years. Fifty years you've been living in your body,
Speaker 1: in your mind, and if you're anything like me, you
Speaker 1: just know yourself so well now and it's so joyous
Speaker 1: to live with somebody that you know so well, which
Speaker 1: is yourself.
Speaker 3: How do you feel about the phrase fifty is the
Speaker 3: new forty and forty is the near thirty.
Speaker 1: I don't love it for this reason. It implies that
Speaker 1: being younger is somehow better than being on. So the
Speaker 1: fact that you know fifty is the new forty means
Speaker 1: that you know being older is not as good as
Speaker 1: being younger, and I vehemently disagree, vehemently disagree. Having said that,
Speaker 1: there is a risk if you don't stop the constant
Speaker 1: pulls on your time and energy, if you don't stop
Speaker 1: to reassess them and see how they really sit with you,
Speaker 1: then I think you run the risk of getting beyond
Speaker 1: fifty and being miserable. It really does involve for fifty
Speaker 1: to be amazing. It involves a little bit of selfishness.
Speaker 1: It involves occasionally saying I don't think that sits well
Speaker 1: with me. And you don't need to say those words
Speaker 1: to anybody else. You just need to say them to yourself.
Speaker 1: You just need to keep it all in house. Nobody
Speaker 1: needs to know that you are carving out something for yourself.
Speaker 1: Nobody needs to know you can just do it. In fact,
Speaker 1: I started therapy for the very first time and I've
Speaker 1: got to go back, but iulation thank you. I really
Speaker 1: recommend it. Having said that, it is so hard to
Speaker 1: get in to see anybody, and it's expensive, and for
Speaker 1: those reasons and many more. You know, I haven't been
Speaker 1: for years, but I when I started, I think I
Speaker 1: did maybe five or six sessions. And it was great
Speaker 1: because I got to start every conversation with this, is
Speaker 1: it normal to blah blah blah, And it was so
Speaker 1: good to ask all these questions of somebody else, impartial,
Speaker 1: just to see where I was at in terms of
Speaker 1: is it normal? I remember the first one I asked,
Speaker 1: was is it normal that sometimes I don't want to
Speaker 1: be contactable? I just found myself everywhere I went, I
Speaker 1: was checking in with someone, you know, I was like, oh,
Speaker 1: I'm I was telling somebody, a colleague, you know, my
Speaker 1: partner at the time, one of the kids. I've just
Speaker 1: left work, I've got to go past the supermarket. I'll
Speaker 1: be home at six.
Speaker 3: It's like being a kid all over again.
Speaker 2: I just didn't want to do it. I didn't not
Speaker 2: all the time.
Speaker 1: There are times that you know, that's fine, but it
Speaker 1: was really getting all my tits that everybody knew, someone
Speaker 1: knew where I was all the time, and that when
Speaker 1: I said to him, is it okay? Is it normal
Speaker 1: that I just want to disappear Sometimes I just want
Speaker 1: to be nowhere? Sometimes and he's like, yeah, of course
Speaker 1: it is. And that is when I started to walk, actually,
Speaker 1: because I thought, how can I disappear but in a
Speaker 1: palatable way, and you can say I'm going for a walk,
Speaker 1: and then that's the end of the conversation. I don't
Speaker 1: then have to say, in twenty minutes, I'm around the corner,
Speaker 1: I'm walking past a servo, I'm here. You know, It's
Speaker 1: like you get two hours under the umbrella of I'm
Speaker 1: going for a walk where you can go and do
Speaker 1: whatever you want. And look, you know, I'm not saying
Speaker 1: that I was doing anything underward, but just to be
Speaker 1: walking in the world was huge for me.
Speaker 3: Well, lots of people have questions about your walking, and
Speaker 3: this one just a bit of an icebreaker. And Marie
Speaker 3: Lee wants to know what is your favorite walking outfit
Speaker 3: or shoes and what else do you have to take
Speaker 3: with you on your walk?
Speaker 2: This is genius.
Speaker 1: So I love active where I love it, and I
Speaker 1: don't care about the articles that say active where it
Speaker 1: is not leg like leggings aren't pants and whatever. Could
Speaker 1: not give a shit what people think I like it?
Speaker 3: Can I interrupt just for one mo? Sure have you
Speaker 3: heard that cameltoes are the new it thing. No, it's
Speaker 3: genuinely it was like the gg had did or someone
Speaker 3: like that, and they're like, it's in.
Speaker 2: The camel toe is in.
Speaker 3: The cameltoe is in.
Speaker 2: Good lord, Well, good news for anyone who's got a cameltoe.
Speaker 3: I do not muff knuckle the house knuckle.
Speaker 2: You know what.
Speaker 1: The man version of the cameltoe is the moose knuckle,
Speaker 1: and I love that so much. It's very thrilling to
Speaker 1: see a moose knuckle in the wild. Anyway, I wear
Speaker 1: active wear most days. Today, I'm in jeans because i'm,
Speaker 1: you know, putting in an effort. But I wear activewear
Speaker 1: and Hokker Runners or Hoker I don't know how you
Speaker 1: pronounced them. But I wear them exclusively every single day.
Speaker 1: And this is not a paid whatever. I paid good
Speaker 1: money for them. I find them on sale and I
Speaker 1: wear them every day. And it was a game changer
Speaker 1: for me to do this because when I was starting
Speaker 1: my escape from a life that I wanted to escape from,
Speaker 1: I needed to be ready to go at.
Speaker 2: A moment's notice.
Speaker 1: So my first commitment four years ago, when I started
Speaker 1: my breakdown and rebuild my renovation, was every single day.
Speaker 1: The very first thing I did was put on my
Speaker 1: runners and my active wear, and that remains.
Speaker 2: I thought it would wear off.
Speaker 1: I thought once I was in the swing of things
Speaker 1: that I would be able to, you know, wear exercise
Speaker 1: gear and change out of it. But that has been
Speaker 1: the case. I am ready to go at a moment's notice,
Speaker 1: even with my genes. Today I'm doing the Jerry seinfeldt
Speaker 1: of my hawkers, Oh love, because there may be a
Speaker 1: twenty minute window where I can walk to the post
Speaker 1: office and pick something up for the kids, or there
Speaker 1: might be a fifteen minute window where you know, I
Speaker 1: can walk somewhere. And that's the other thing. My walking
Speaker 1: isn't just a selfish thing. Sometimes it is, but more
Speaker 1: often than not, it involves, as most things do for women,
Speaker 1: an active service in there. So I've got to go
Speaker 1: to kmart for a click and collect for a school
Speaker 1: sports carnival for my daughter. Yeah, yellow T shirt and
Speaker 1: yellow streamers whatever, anyway, I will walk there, even though
Speaker 1: you know, the cam up things got nothing to do
Speaker 1: with me. It's an active service. But to get it,
Speaker 1: I'm sneaking in a little bit of me and that
Speaker 1: has worked for me so well. Oh and what else
Speaker 1: do I need? Obviously my bum bag. I wear my
Speaker 1: belly bag every single day for every reason. In the
Speaker 1: front of it is my po box key, So in
Speaker 1: case I'm on my walk and I'm in the vicinity
Speaker 1: of my po box, I'll go in and check that.
Speaker 1: I always have a backpack on my back, usually empty.
Speaker 1: Sometimes I come home with an empty backpack, but I
Speaker 1: just never know where I'm going to end up. And
Speaker 1: sometimes I end up in like a funny little jam
Speaker 1: shop and I want to buy a jam and where
Speaker 1: am I going to put it? So I've got to
Speaker 1: have my hands free put it in the bag.
Speaker 3: That is the best life hack I've ever heard, Chris
Speaker 3: this one.
Speaker 1: Always carry an empty backpack. Always love that.
Speaker 3: All right, we need to ask a really important question here.
Speaker 3: Joanna Desusa wants to know what moment in time would
Speaker 3: you go back and revisit h would you ever do
Speaker 3: the birth thing over again?
Speaker 1: No? I feel like that is see it on my memory.
Speaker 1: I can like astral travel. Yeah, I can as still
Speaker 1: travel right back to those moments. I don't need to
Speaker 1: tell you. I'd love to see my birth That is
Speaker 1: a very significant moment that I have not seen. Yes,
Speaker 1: I would love to see that. I want to see
Speaker 1: what Patti Swan looked like that time. I want to
Speaker 1: check a mood.
Speaker 3: Do you think it had change your relationship with her?
Speaker 1: Now?
Speaker 2: It could? It could?
Speaker 1: Yeah, God, I've only just thought of that. Wouldn't that
Speaker 1: be fascinating? Would you love to see your birth?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 3: I'm obsessed with birth. Show me any births. I'm down.
Speaker 3: It's weird, it's an obsession.
Speaker 1: But do you watch that show one morn every minute
Speaker 1: or something?
Speaker 3: Absolutely? Yeah. I actually follow a lot of Instagram accounts.
Speaker 3: I have a specific Instagram called womb Mate that I
Speaker 3: go on and that's where all the birthing videos come through,
Speaker 3: so that they don't come through on my normal Instagram feed.
Speaker 2: Which brings me. This is a very neat segue.
Speaker 1: You have come into my life and it feels like,
Speaker 1: you know, it's just magic.
Speaker 2: Because let's go back and have a look at me
Speaker 2: birthy you.
Speaker 1: I've always been fascinated in the concept of surrogacy, and
Speaker 1: I always thought, for this podcast, I really want to
Speaker 1: find somebody that's been a surrogate, because for me, it
Speaker 1: is the ultimate selfless act, and as selfless as I am,
Speaker 1: I've always thought I just couldn't do that. I don't
Speaker 1: think I could find I just don't think I could
Speaker 1: find it in myself to carry a baby and give
Speaker 1: it to somebody else. And you have arrived in my life,
Speaker 1: and you have been a surrogate I have. I just
Speaker 1: think it's the most extraordinary thing. And we are going
Speaker 1: the tables are going to be turned, Rachel, and I'm
Speaker 1: going to be asking you many many questions about that
Speaker 1: in an upcoming podcast on the Christy Cast.
Speaker 3: Best thing I've ever done.
Speaker 2: Really love the meeting you.
Speaker 1: Of course, of course, don't tell me anything else. Just
Speaker 1: keep your powder dry for the full deep dive. Well,
Speaker 1: there you have it. Are you getting the answers you
Speaker 1: are require?
Speaker 2: Got a hope.
Speaker 1: So that's it for another episode of Ask Me Anything,
Speaker 1: the very special series me and Rachel are putting together
Speaker 1: for you on the Christy Cast Live from the Compound.
Speaker 2: We'll be back with more as soon as I've had
Speaker 2: a little rest and a breather.