WEBVTT - Why People Feel The Need To Be Mean // Maritza Barone

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<v Speaker 1>Before we jump into this episode, I want to let

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<v Speaker 1>you know about something new I've created just for you now.

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<v Speaker 1>I've been interviewing health and wellbeing experts for more than

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<v Speaker 1>for you, Let's live better together. Welcome back to the podcast.

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<v Speaker 1>Thank you for being here on things you can't un

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<v Speaker 1>here now. Usually on this podcast, I speak to the

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<v Speaker 1>person who is what I believe to be person, someone

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<v Speaker 1>who is ultimately kind hearted, who wants the best for

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<v Speaker 1>others and shows empathy when others are struggling, and who

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<v Speaker 1>also wants to be the best they can be for themselves.

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<v Speaker 1>I have this somewhat glass half full view of the

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<v Speaker 1>world where I see good in people first, and I

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<v Speaker 1>like to believe that most people are good, kind humans.

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<v Speaker 1>But unfortunately, I've come to see this a lot lately,

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<v Speaker 1>that this world is also filled with people who don't

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<v Speaker 1>want the best for others. I've been noticing it a lot,

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<v Speaker 1>mostly on social media recently, and also on Facebook community posts,

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<v Speaker 1>where people literally don't know each other, but they might

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<v Speaker 1>share a particular concern they have and they're met with rude, nasty, uncompassionate,

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<v Speaker 1>and unhelpful comments that are really truly hurtful and for

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<v Speaker 1>no good reason. So today I want to talk about this,

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<v Speaker 1>about why people find the need to project their own

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<v Speaker 1>negativity onto others. This is an opportunity for people people

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<v Speaker 1>to potentially identify this and if they are finding themselves

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<v Speaker 1>in a loop of negativity that they are relaxing onto

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<v Speaker 1>the world, this could potentially be a way to let

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<v Speaker 1>go of that. Because when we project negativity onto others,

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<v Speaker 1>it really is a reflection of how we feel within ourselves.

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<v Speaker 1>It's an opportunity to walk over to the mirror and

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<v Speaker 1>say to ourselves, deep down, what is it that has

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<v Speaker 1>made me feel so bitter about others and my view

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<v Speaker 1>of life? I'm saying this with so much love and

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<v Speaker 1>compassion for people who are in this space. And I've

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<v Speaker 1>spoken to spiritual teacher after spiritual teacher who has the

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<v Speaker 1>view that we are all connected as one, So hurting

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<v Speaker 1>others is ultimately hurting ourselves. When we judge other people

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<v Speaker 1>or when we hurt them to make ourselves feel better,

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<v Speaker 1>it's not actually about the other person, It's about us,

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<v Speaker 1>and that might be hard with some people to hear.

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<v Speaker 1>So if you're seeing this too, if you're seeing other

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<v Speaker 1>people lash out on others for no good reason, or

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<v Speaker 1>if you have noticed yourself even doing it, it really

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<v Speaker 1>is an opportunity to ask the questions to understand why

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<v Speaker 1>you might react in this way towards people. The questions

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<v Speaker 1>I'd be asking is what is lacking in my life?

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<v Speaker 1>Where can I look at my past or even my

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<v Speaker 1>current life situation to see what is causing me to

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<v Speaker 1>be bitter and where I could possibly make changes to

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<v Speaker 1>help me have a more peaceful state of mind. I

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<v Speaker 1>am not a psychologist, but I am deeply interested and

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<v Speaker 1>curious about what it is that makes minds tick, and

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<v Speaker 1>I am certain that people behave in these bitter ways

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<v Speaker 1>most of the time. To complete strangers for no good

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<v Speaker 1>reason because they are unhappy with their own current state.

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<v Speaker 1>Maybe it's not the people around us that need to change,

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<v Speaker 1>Maybe it's us. Amazing practice I ever did was to

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<v Speaker 1>list my life to finding moments. These were significant life

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<v Speaker 1>milestones or even conversation like key conversations I'd had in

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<v Speaker 1>my life that had stayed with me. But I think

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<v Speaker 1>we can go a little bit further than just listing

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<v Speaker 1>our life to finding moments. I think we can list

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<v Speaker 1>the beliefs that we may have inherited because of these moments.

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<v Speaker 1>Beliefs about love, belief about others, beliefs about ourselves, about money,

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<v Speaker 1>about helping people, about whether you think people are generally

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<v Speaker 1>kind or evil. Maybe you were ripped off with money

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<v Speaker 1>at some stage of your life and now you feel

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<v Speaker 1>like everyone's out to get you. Maybe your partner was

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<v Speaker 1>unfaithful to you, and now you believe every person you

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<v Speaker 1>date is untrustworthy. Maybe you keep getting rejected and believe

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<v Speaker 1>you're not good enough. These are beliefs that we can inherit,

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<v Speaker 1>And when we think about this belief and what it

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<v Speaker 1>makes you do, and how it makes you think or

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<v Speaker 1>how makes you act in the world, that's where the

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<v Speaker 1>real power is. If we snipe at people, if we

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<v Speaker 1>attack strangers on Facebook posts, if we verbally abuse people

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<v Speaker 1>in the car next to us for making a mistake,

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<v Speaker 1>these are keys to understanding our beliefs. These things happen

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<v Speaker 1>at times. Of course, we might be tired, we might

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<v Speaker 1>be having about day. But if this is our common

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<v Speaker 1>state of mind, maybe we need to stop and do

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<v Speaker 1>the work on ourselves. Because the tools are out there.

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<v Speaker 1>There really are. They're in podcasts like this, they're in

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<v Speaker 1>becoming more aware of your actions. They're in seeking professional

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<v Speaker 1>help in some way. Like I said, this is not

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<v Speaker 1>just for the sake of others. This is literally for

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<v Speaker 1>the sake of yourself and your own happiness, because no

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<v Speaker 1>one really wants to be miserable if they can choose

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<v Speaker 1>a different option, and unfortunately, misery likes company. Detaching ourselves

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<v Speaker 1>from our own misery really can be done by figuring

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<v Speaker 1>out why you are so miserable in the first place,

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<v Speaker 1>and being aware that you're miserable in the first place.

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<v Speaker 1>We might actually just be lonely. We might be unwell,

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<v Speaker 1>we might be bored. We might most likely be frustrated

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<v Speaker 1>with something that is not going the way we want

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<v Speaker 1>it to. And if that is the case, it's okay,

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<v Speaker 1>or it's going to be eventually. But it's humans sharing

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<v Speaker 1>the same space we call Earth and having to inhabitate

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<v Speaker 1>the same planet. Perhaps we can all just be a

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<v Speaker 1>little bit softer with those around us. We don't know

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<v Speaker 1>what others are going through and what might tip people

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<v Speaker 1>over the edge with unnecessary nastiness. And if you listen

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<v Speaker 1>to this podcast and you've heard it for a long time,

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<v Speaker 1>you hear it in my intro. My wish is to

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<v Speaker 1>inspire people to become the happiest, healthiest, kindest version of themselves.

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<v Speaker 1>And even one small act of kindness goes so far

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<v Speaker 1>in the lives of others, and unfortunately, so does the

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<v Speaker 1>flip side of that. You know. I said to my

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<v Speaker 1>friend last week, I said, I see the best in

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<v Speaker 1>people too easily because something happened in a different way

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<v Speaker 1>to how I expected it to with someone else in

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<v Speaker 1>my life. And she said, but that's what we love

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<v Speaker 1>about you. And I don't ever want to change the

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<v Speaker 1>way that I see good in people. It's who I am,

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<v Speaker 1>it's who I want to continue to be, and I

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<v Speaker 1>want people to understand that the good in them is

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<v Speaker 1>actually stronger than the need to bring other people down,

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<v Speaker 1>and if listening to this helps us reflect on some

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<v Speaker 1>of our own behaviors that might need tweaking. In other words,

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<v Speaker 1>if we are pulling people down on a Facebook group

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<v Speaker 1>by leaving dirty remarks, maybe we can think about how

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<v Speaker 1>we can be better. We can choose to become more aware,

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<v Speaker 1>we can question the stories we've inherited, we can get help,

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<v Speaker 1>and we can decide that whatever has happened to us

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<v Speaker 1>doesn't get to determine who we become. I'm going to

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<v Speaker 1>continue personally surrounding myself with good humans and reducing the

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<v Speaker 1>amount of time that I read any of these comments

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<v Speaker 1>or subject myself to unnecessary negativity. But it definitely is

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<v Speaker 1>out there, and if this can reach someone who might

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<v Speaker 1>need to take a little bit of reflection on themselves,

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<v Speaker 1>then I hope it lands in the way it's supposed to. Now.

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<v Speaker 1>Unrelated to this reflection, last week, we had a very

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<v Speaker 1>popular episode drop with the renowned sports physiologists doctor Stacy Simms.

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<v Speaker 1>We talked about the new have around peptides, how women

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<v Speaker 1>train to get the best results, and how to maximize

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<v Speaker 1>our health span. If you haven't tuned in yet make

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<v Speaker 1>sure you hit play on that episode you love it,

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<v Speaker 1>and I'll leave the link in the show notes for you. So,

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<v Speaker 1>as always, what I say to everyone when I sign

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<v Speaker 1>off be happy, be healthy, be conscious, and be kind