WEBVTT - #1943 How And Why We Self-Sabotage - Harps 0:00:00.480 --> 0:00:02.280 A good a team. I hope you well, welcome to 0:00:02.279 --> 0:00:08.200 the You project. It's me So for a long time 0:00:08.600 --> 0:00:12.240 I've been working with people trying to help them become 0:00:12.280 --> 0:00:16.520 the best version of themselves, as you know, addressing all 0:00:16.600 --> 0:00:20.239 the physiological stuff and psychological stuff and emotional stuff and 0:00:20.320 --> 0:00:26.400 practical stuff and career stuff and personal stuff and the 0:00:26.440 --> 0:00:30.040 scene and the unseen and the physical and all of that. 0:00:31.920 --> 0:00:39.160 And I've really, I guess, had a real broad cross 0:00:39.200 --> 0:00:45.360 section of people and experiences and interactions and encounters and 0:00:46.320 --> 0:00:52.479 revelations around understanding how we If I'm a bit clunky 0:00:52.560 --> 0:00:56.200 right now, I apologize I haven't scripted this, but how 0:00:56.240 --> 0:00:58.960 we essentially, how we get in our own way, how 0:00:59.040 --> 0:01:03.920 we how we shoot ourselves in the foot, how we 0:01:03.960 --> 0:01:08.560 self sabotage? And while there are I reckon, I could 0:01:08.560 --> 0:01:10.400 come up with one hundred ways if I sat down 0:01:10.400 --> 0:01:14.560 and wrote a list. I just in the last four 0:01:14.640 --> 0:01:19.360 or five minutes jotted down ten ways that just dawn 0:01:19.400 --> 0:01:21.840 on me very quickly, that we get in our own 0:01:21.880 --> 0:01:24.920 way that and some of these might be relevant to use, 0:01:25.000 --> 0:01:27.679 some might not. But I think that one of the 0:01:27.720 --> 0:01:29.560 things that we need to do to learn to grow, 0:01:29.640 --> 0:01:31.760 to evolve all those things, I say, to become the 0:01:31.760 --> 0:01:35.440 best version of ourselves, to explore our potential, to produce 0:01:35.440 --> 0:01:37.920 the kind of outcomes that we want to produce, to 0:01:38.000 --> 0:01:40.880 create the change we want to create, and more importantly, 0:01:41.680 --> 0:01:46.520 keep that change sustained, so keep the wheels turning, keep 0:01:46.520 --> 0:01:50.480 building on the momentum. Is that sometimes we need to 0:01:50.520 --> 0:01:56.120 do an audit or an inventory on how we are 0:01:56.160 --> 0:02:00.680 the problem, because sometimes the problem on play at Craig 0:02:01.800 --> 0:02:06.920 is Craig. Sometimes what's getting in my way is me. 0:02:07.960 --> 0:02:10.000 And while of course there are a lot of variables 0:02:10.080 --> 0:02:14.440 in the transformational kind of journey or on the transformational journey, 0:02:14.840 --> 0:02:17.320 and of course there will be real world things that 0:02:17.520 --> 0:02:20.600 stop you or hinder you, or affect you or get 0:02:20.639 --> 0:02:24.360 in your way to some extent, there will always be 0:02:24.639 --> 0:02:30.480 a you element. There will always be a component of 0:02:31.520 --> 0:02:37.160 the journey that is either inhibited or accelerated because of 0:02:37.200 --> 0:02:40.440 you or in spite of you. And so this is 0:02:40.480 --> 0:02:44.680 a real exercise in self awareness, self reflection, self awareness, 0:02:45.360 --> 0:02:54.040 and eventually hopefully self regulation and self actualization. Self actualization 0:02:54.280 --> 0:02:57.320 me being I've recognized the thing that I do, I've 0:02:57.360 --> 0:03:02.400 acknowledged it, I've owned it, I understand it, and now 0:03:02.480 --> 0:03:06.320 I'm regulating or self managing, and I'm doing different and 0:03:06.360 --> 0:03:10.760 now I'm becoming different, self actualization, real change. I'm not 0:03:10.800 --> 0:03:12.520 going to dwell on all of these, but I'm going 0:03:12.560 --> 0:03:17.440 to go through them quite quickly, so in no particular 0:03:17.680 --> 0:03:22.520 order of importance. At the top of my self sabotaging 0:03:22.760 --> 0:03:28.280 habits for this list, number one is procrastination and avoidance. 0:03:28.400 --> 0:03:33.400 Procrastination avoidance. We often know what we should do, but 0:03:33.440 --> 0:03:38.120 we often don't do what we know. And the reason 0:03:38.160 --> 0:03:44.640 that we procrastinate or avoid or pretend or ignore or 0:03:45.160 --> 0:03:47.680 tread water or whatever metaphor you want to choose. The 0:03:47.720 --> 0:03:49.600 reason that we do, or one of the reasons that 0:03:49.640 --> 0:03:53.080 we do, is because the thing that we need to do, 0:03:53.160 --> 0:03:55.880 the thing that we're ignoring, the thing that we're avoiding 0:03:57.120 --> 0:04:03.280 scares us. It scares us, and we don't like being scared. 0:04:04.320 --> 0:04:07.760 Or it's hard, and we don't like doing hardshit it's uncomfortable, 0:04:08.600 --> 0:04:13.120 or doing this thing requires me to step into a 0:04:13.280 --> 0:04:17.760 level of uncertainty and unfamiliarity, and I don't like uncertainty 0:04:17.800 --> 0:04:21.440 and I don't like unfamiliarity. So I'm not going to 0:04:21.520 --> 0:04:24.719 do it today. I'll do it soon. I'll do it soon, 0:04:25.440 --> 0:04:27.000 but I'm not going to do it today. And this 0:04:27.040 --> 0:04:30.760 is the underlying subtext or story for many people, is 0:04:30.800 --> 0:04:33.760 that the thing that they know that they should do 0:04:34.279 --> 0:04:37.560 that they're not currently doing. The story is yes, Craig, 0:04:37.640 --> 0:04:42.800 but I'm gonna do it soon, which is really one. 0:04:42.839 --> 0:04:45.720 It's bullshit, and it's too it's us giving ourselves a 0:04:45.800 --> 0:04:47.960 get out of jail card. Yep, yep. Now it's not 0:04:48.000 --> 0:04:51.760 a good time. It's too cold, it's too hot, my 0:04:51.839 --> 0:04:54.520 ankle saw, the kids are on school holidays. It's not 0:04:54.560 --> 0:04:58.320 a good time. And now it's two thousand and thirty, right, 0:04:58.640 --> 0:05:01.560 And the thing that I've been avoiding and procrastinating about 0:05:02.200 --> 0:05:05.080 the issue is now ten times bigger because I haven't 0:05:05.120 --> 0:05:10.560 done anything, and so now I've backed myself into a corner. 0:05:10.880 --> 0:05:12.719 So the answer is, of course, the answer is not 0:05:12.760 --> 0:05:16.080 comfortable or convenient or quick or painless or easy. The 0:05:16.120 --> 0:05:19.920 answer is addressed the thing that you should address. And 0:05:19.960 --> 0:05:21.520 I know we want a magic pill, and I know 0:05:21.600 --> 0:05:24.920 we want something a bit smarter. Is that it? That's it? 0:05:25.920 --> 0:05:29.520 That's it, or at least start the wheels turning, take 0:05:29.560 --> 0:05:33.560 a step, have a conversation, open the door, press the button, 0:05:33.680 --> 0:05:38.960 do something which is a small or tiny step for 0:05:39.200 --> 0:05:45.040 you leaning into or starting on the path of the 0:05:45.200 --> 0:05:47.279 change that you need to make or the thing that 0:05:47.320 --> 0:05:53.800 you need to address. Right, So, the simple answer, but 0:05:53.880 --> 0:05:57.719 not comfortable answer, is stop avoiding it, stop fucking around, 0:05:57.760 --> 0:06:01.159 stop waiting for the mythical, mystical, magical right time. Number 0:06:01.160 --> 0:06:06.479 two on my list is imposter syndrome. Now I can't 0:06:06.480 --> 0:06:10.000 say to you, just turn that off with just that 0:06:10.040 --> 0:06:12.640 imposter syndrome, just turn that off. The self loathing, the 0:06:12.720 --> 0:06:16.719 self doubt, all of those internal kind of who do 0:06:16.800 --> 0:06:19.719 you think you are? You're not good enough, You're not 0:06:20.000 --> 0:06:23.440 smart enough, You're not pretty enough, handsome enough, qualified enough, 0:06:23.560 --> 0:06:29.200 tall enough, whatever enough, likable enough, lovable enough, all of 0:06:29.240 --> 0:06:34.800 that kind of I'm not enough dialogue. It's probably not 0:06:34.880 --> 0:06:38.960 going to go away quickly for most of us. Right 0:06:39.160 --> 0:06:44.440 But is it possible that I feel perhaps that I'm 0:06:44.440 --> 0:06:48.240 not good enough, but nonetheless I take a chance, Nonetheless 0:06:48.360 --> 0:06:53.080 I try. Is it possible that I think, look, I 0:06:53.120 --> 0:06:55.320 don't think I could do a PhD, or I'm not 0:06:55.480 --> 0:06:58.680 sure that I could do a PhD. There's self doubt, 0:06:58.839 --> 0:07:05.400 there's fear, there's anxiety, there's potential embarrassment, there's all of 0:07:05.440 --> 0:07:11.040 this internal kind of combination of fear based emotions and 0:07:11.120 --> 0:07:16.800 ideas and thoughts. But nonetheless, can I start the journey 0:07:17.480 --> 0:07:21.960 while still feeling those things? So I don't think the 0:07:22.160 --> 0:07:29.880 answer to self doubt or imposter syndrome is to flick 0:07:29.920 --> 0:07:33.840 a switch and it turns off tomorrow. I think the answer, 0:07:33.960 --> 0:07:36.240 or I think part of the answer and the challenge, 0:07:36.800 --> 0:07:41.200 and perhaps the smartest strategy is to feel what you feel, 0:07:41.280 --> 0:07:46.160 acknowledge the feeling, but realize that the feeling ain't necessarily 0:07:46.240 --> 0:07:50.920 the fact I'm not good enough. Many times in my life, 0:07:51.000 --> 0:07:54.120 and I'm sure you at times have had self doubt, 0:07:56.120 --> 0:08:00.240 imposter syndrome, self loathing, and then you've done some thing 0:08:00.280 --> 0:08:02.760 and you surprised yourself. You went, oh fuck, I did it. 0:08:03.240 --> 0:08:06.360 Or I'm not that dumb or I'm not that restricted. 0:08:06.480 --> 0:08:09.680 I actually have If I try, and if I persist, 0:08:09.800 --> 0:08:12.520 and if I'm brave and if I'm courageous and I 0:08:12.640 --> 0:08:14.520 take a step and I take a chance, and I 0:08:14.600 --> 0:08:16.920 make a hard decision and I do a hard thing, 0:08:17.000 --> 0:08:19.880 guess what, I can actually achieve some pretty cool shit. 0:08:21.960 --> 0:08:26.240 So the antidote, if you will, not the thing that'll 0:08:26.360 --> 0:08:30.480 unplug the imposter syndrome overnight. But the antidote is to 0:08:32.360 --> 0:08:36.840 over time turn down the volume on it by being brave, 0:08:37.240 --> 0:08:42.360 by doing things that are a challenge for you, that 0:08:42.840 --> 0:08:45.360 will not only by the way, when we say I'm 0:08:45.360 --> 0:08:48.120 going to try anyway, and then we start to make progress, 0:08:48.160 --> 0:08:50.640 we start to get some results. Well, one, the volume 0:08:50.679 --> 0:08:52.720 on the imposter syndrome and the self doubt and self 0:08:52.760 --> 0:08:55.600 loathing and all that shit go down. That happens, but 0:08:55.760 --> 0:09:00.000 also we start to build competence and confidence and understand 0:09:00.400 --> 0:09:04.800 in our own capacity. Number three on my self sabotage 0:09:04.880 --> 0:09:09.920 habits list is chronic people pleasing. Oh boy, I could 0:09:09.920 --> 0:09:11.800 do a whole show on this. I'm not gonna I'm 0:09:11.840 --> 0:09:14.880 just gonna say that it's nice to be nice, but 0:09:14.920 --> 0:09:17.080 it's not nice to be an emotional doormat. Some of 0:09:17.120 --> 0:09:20.000 you have written read my writing on this, some of 0:09:20.000 --> 0:09:23.480 you have heard me talking about this. You can be 0:09:24.360 --> 0:09:26.640 You can be a kind person, you can be a 0:09:26.679 --> 0:09:30.240 compassionate person. You can be a person that what people 0:09:30.280 --> 0:09:33.920 want to be around, and also be a little bit 0:09:33.960 --> 0:09:37.400 fucking terrifying because you won't let people dick you around, 0:09:38.320 --> 0:09:41.679 letting people fuck you around, letting people manipulate you, or 0:09:41.720 --> 0:09:45.360 control you, or influence you in a way that you 0:09:45.400 --> 0:09:49.720 don't want to be influenced, or to even coerce you. 0:09:50.960 --> 0:09:54.079 That's not kindness. That's not you being kind, that's not 0:09:54.200 --> 0:09:59.160 you being gracious. That's you being scared. And that's you 0:09:59.280 --> 0:10:03.079 allowing people to do something to you that you shouldn't. 0:10:03.480 --> 0:10:06.600 Now easier said than done, And this can apply to 0:10:06.640 --> 0:10:09.320 a range of situations, and there are a million variables 0:10:09.360 --> 0:10:12.680 around this, but what we know is the bottom line 0:10:12.720 --> 0:10:15.640 is in broad terms, that being a people pleaser is 0:10:15.760 --> 0:10:19.160 one a silly idea because you're not going to please 0:10:19.200 --> 0:10:21.320 everyone no matter what you do. You know that no 0:10:21.360 --> 0:10:24.080 matter what you do, how hard you try, how much 0:10:24.120 --> 0:10:30.680 you are the gracious you know, mother, father, brother, sister, friend, employee, employee, whatever, 0:10:30.720 --> 0:10:34.440 you're not going to keep people happy. And two, it's 0:10:34.480 --> 0:10:39.760 fucking exhausting. It's exhausting. So you are not built to 0:10:39.800 --> 0:10:43.640 be a people pleaser. You are built to be a 0:10:43.720 --> 0:10:47.880 person who can live their values. Hopefully they're kind of 0:10:47.920 --> 0:10:52.120 honorable values, but live your valuables. Be gracious and kind 0:10:52.200 --> 0:10:57.800 and thoughtful, but also be willing to say no, hey nah, 0:10:58.880 --> 0:11:01.000 And when people go why not? You don't need to 0:11:01.040 --> 0:11:05.640 explain No, not interested. Thanks the end and the moment 0:11:05.679 --> 0:11:10.120 that you are telling someone know and they are trying 0:11:10.120 --> 0:11:13.880 to coerce or manipulate you to change that answer to 0:11:13.920 --> 0:11:17.720 a yes, that's where you need to dig deep, that's 0:11:17.760 --> 0:11:21.800 where you need to go well fucking definitely no, Because 0:11:21.800 --> 0:11:25.000 if people are not respecting what you want in terms 0:11:25.000 --> 0:11:27.840 of your own reality, in your own life, and your 0:11:27.880 --> 0:11:32.720 own choices and your own behaviors, then they're not friends. 0:11:32.720 --> 0:11:34.600 For a start, they don't care about you. They're all 0:11:34.600 --> 0:11:36.800 about themselves, and they're all about what they can get 0:11:36.840 --> 0:11:41.360 from you, not what they can do for you. My 0:11:41.400 --> 0:11:46.839 next one is number four is not using our potential, 0:11:48.240 --> 0:11:54.880 not using our innate ability or talent, not optimizing or 0:11:54.920 --> 0:11:59.760 at least trying to optimize what we've been given to 0:11:59.760 --> 0:12:03.120 work with. What we have, our genetics, our brain are talent, 0:12:04.160 --> 0:12:10.679 the skills that we have, you know, the natural capacity 0:12:10.720 --> 0:12:13.320 that we were born with to do stuff. So I 0:12:13.360 --> 0:12:16.320 know that I am you know, I don't think I'm 0:12:16.400 --> 0:12:19.160 particularly gifted at anything. I think I'm naturally a reasonably 0:12:19.200 --> 0:12:24.240 good communicator. So I think I am obligated if I 0:12:24.280 --> 0:12:26.760 want to serve people, if I want to be a 0:12:26.760 --> 0:12:31.199 good friend and mentor and teacher and podcaster and educator 0:12:31.240 --> 0:12:34.960 and all of these things that it's in my interest 0:12:35.080 --> 0:12:38.920 to lean into my potential to optimize that natural ability 0:12:38.960 --> 0:12:41.840 that I was born with, but also with other things. 0:12:42.679 --> 0:12:44.440 You know, what is the potential or what is the 0:12:44.480 --> 0:12:48.160 capacity or what is the possibility of my brain, of 0:12:48.240 --> 0:12:55.880 my intellect, of my body, of my capacity to create 0:12:56.000 --> 0:13:00.480 a healthy paradigm for me to live in? But I'm 0:13:00.480 --> 0:13:03.800 building a reality. I'm building an operating system which is 0:13:03.840 --> 0:13:08.240 somewhere close to optimal for me, for me, not for 0:13:08.280 --> 0:13:12.560 anyone else, for me, so that I am doing based 0:13:12.600 --> 0:13:14.240 on who I want to be and how I want 0:13:14.280 --> 0:13:17.120 to be, and my values and my beliefs and my 0:13:17.240 --> 0:13:21.840 ideology and my philosophy. I am building an existence around 0:13:21.960 --> 0:13:26.760 those things and optimizing and being grateful for what I 0:13:26.840 --> 0:13:30.960 have to work with. I say this because I meet 0:13:31.080 --> 0:13:36.840 way too many people who are pretty smart, pretty gifted, 0:13:36.880 --> 0:13:40.040 pretty talented, got pretty good genetics, got pretty good resources, 0:13:40.080 --> 0:13:44.720 pretty good opportunities. They're pretty good communicators. They've got a 0:13:44.760 --> 0:13:48.000 lot to work with, and they're not really working with it. 0:13:48.040 --> 0:13:55.160 They're working against it because their default setting is set 0:13:55.240 --> 0:14:05.400 to comfort or instant gratification or convenience, or not being fearful, 0:14:06.320 --> 0:14:10.880 not leaning into the uncertainty, not leaning into the thing 0:14:10.920 --> 0:14:13.840 that scares them, the right thing, but the scary thing. 0:14:14.160 --> 0:14:19.920 We need to step up, not down. And you know, 0:14:20.000 --> 0:14:21.880 here's the thing we're all going to I know I 0:14:21.920 --> 0:14:23.280 say this a lot, but it's true. We're all going 0:14:23.360 --> 0:14:24.800 to wake up in a minute, and it's going to 0:14:24.800 --> 0:14:27.240 be twenty thirty, it's going to be five years down 0:14:27.320 --> 0:14:31.280 the track. And some people sadly listening to this right now, 0:14:31.360 --> 0:14:34.760 Some people right now listening to this will still be 0:14:34.800 --> 0:14:38.560 wasting their potential. They'll still be talking about things they're 0:14:38.640 --> 0:14:42.320 not going to do. They'll talk about doing them, but 0:14:42.320 --> 0:14:45.160 they're not going to do them. They'll still talk about 0:14:45.600 --> 0:14:47.800 the things they want to do be create and change 0:14:48.280 --> 0:14:51.120 and do nothing or next to nothing. There will also 0:14:51.200 --> 0:14:53.440 be people listening right now, and I hope you're one 0:14:53.440 --> 0:14:55.240 of them that goes, fuck it. I don't want to 0:14:55.280 --> 0:14:57.960 be that, I don't want to do that. I'm a 0:14:58.000 --> 0:15:00.440 bit scared, I'm a bit uncomfortable, I'm a bit un certain. 0:15:00.600 --> 0:15:03.200 All of that's okay. I'm going to embrace that and 0:15:03.240 --> 0:15:05.440 I'm going to take all of that on and I 0:15:05.480 --> 0:15:07.320 want to see what I can do, even me at 0:15:07.360 --> 0:15:12.640 sixty one, I'm fucking fascinated with my potential. Not because 0:15:12.760 --> 0:15:15.800 I think I'm special. I know I'm not special, But 0:15:15.880 --> 0:15:18.920 I'm fascinated with, well, what what can a sixty one 0:15:18.960 --> 0:15:22.400 year old with average genetics and a bit of education 0:15:22.720 --> 0:15:26.600 and a good attitude, who makes good decisions, who creates 0:15:26.600 --> 0:15:31.000 good habits, who lives a certain lifestyle, who has a 0:15:31.040 --> 0:15:34.920 certain focus, who chooses a certain path. What can that 0:15:35.080 --> 0:15:38.520 guy do? Like? What can I do? And that ain't 0:15:38.520 --> 0:15:41.960 about ego. That's about for me, that's about curiosity. That's 0:15:42.000 --> 0:15:44.680 about I want to wake up when I'm sixty five 0:15:45.080 --> 0:15:46.800 and go, fuck, I think I'm as good as when 0:15:46.800 --> 0:15:49.520 I'm sixty or fifty, or maybe I'm a little bit better, 0:15:49.640 --> 0:15:52.400 or maybe this particular area of my life I've actually 0:15:52.480 --> 0:15:55.440 improved and grown and evolved, and I'm sixty five, and 0:15:55.480 --> 0:15:58.840 at sixty five, I'm the best version of me regarding 0:15:58.880 --> 0:16:02.840 this particular composing of my life. I'm the best version 0:16:02.880 --> 0:16:05.000 of me that I've ever been. Maybe I'm a better 0:16:05.040 --> 0:16:08.960 communicator or listener or teacher or coach or mentor, or 0:16:09.000 --> 0:16:11.880 maybe I'm better at self regulating or whatever it is. 0:16:12.000 --> 0:16:13.880 Or maybe I can do more chins than when I 0:16:13.920 --> 0:16:17.720 was thirty. Who the fuck knows. But if you're not 0:16:18.080 --> 0:16:24.680 consciously optimizing your potential and your talent and your natural ability, 0:16:25.200 --> 0:16:32.920 you're wasting it. Number five, Oh wow, time's flying. Number 0:16:32.920 --> 0:16:39.960 five will not surprise anyone, especially coming from me. The 0:16:40.000 --> 0:16:42.200 next way that we self sabotage is we do dumb 0:16:42.200 --> 0:16:46.200 shit to our body. We consciously do dumb shit in 0:16:46.240 --> 0:16:49.560 that we choose it. We put things in our body, 0:16:50.000 --> 0:16:56.280 a range of things, drugs, alcohol, cigarettes, junk food, crap. 0:16:56.480 --> 0:16:58.480 Let's just put it all under the banner of crap. 0:16:59.840 --> 0:17:03.720 We do dumb things to our body. We undersleep, we 0:17:05.000 --> 0:17:12.560 undernourish while overfeeding. There's a thought undernourishing while overfeeding. Our 0:17:12.640 --> 0:17:18.200 incidental activity is minimal because we spend our life sitting 0:17:18.280 --> 0:17:23.080 in chairs, some of us. And so this one amazing, 0:17:23.240 --> 0:17:26.360 beautiful gift that we have called the human body. You've 0:17:26.359 --> 0:17:29.640 got one, I've got one. You can't get a new one. 0:17:30.200 --> 0:17:32.800 I can't get a new one. And when do most 0:17:32.880 --> 0:17:37.600 people think about stop doing the dumb shit? Or when 0:17:37.640 --> 0:17:41.560 do they think about stopping the dumb shit? I should say, 0:17:41.600 --> 0:17:45.280 when do they think about that? Seriously? Well, usually when 0:17:45.320 --> 0:17:50.000 they're terrified, usually when something bad has happened, or they've 0:17:50.040 --> 0:17:54.320 been given some bad news, or they've been backed into 0:17:54.400 --> 0:17:59.679 a physiological or medical corner. And now if they don't 0:17:59.800 --> 0:18:03.280 change their operating system, if they don't stop doing the 0:18:03.400 --> 0:18:06.720 dumb shit to their body, they're fucked. If I get 0:18:06.760 --> 0:18:09.960 too scientific at any stage, let me know and I'll 0:18:10.000 --> 0:18:13.960 simplify it, right, But this is what we do. I 0:18:13.960 --> 0:18:16.119 don't need to go on any further, but you know, 0:18:17.640 --> 0:18:20.800 you know the things that you do to your body 0:18:21.640 --> 0:18:26.160 that are bad for your body. Our challenge with this 0:18:27.119 --> 0:18:29.800 is to be able to delay gratification. Yes, I know, 0:18:29.920 --> 0:18:34.479 the peta, the donut, the ice cream, the whatever. By 0:18:34.520 --> 0:18:36.119 the way, I'm not saying never have any of that. 0:18:36.200 --> 0:18:40.880 I'm not saying that. I'm saying everything comes at a cost. 0:18:41.200 --> 0:18:45.959 Putting crap food, low nutritional value food, too much food, 0:18:46.440 --> 0:18:51.080 putting cigarettes, putting drugs, putting excessive booze in your body, 0:18:51.320 --> 0:18:57.040 under resting your body, undersleeping your body, overstressing your body 0:18:57.119 --> 0:19:02.080 in a bad way. All of these things have significant consequences. 0:19:02.800 --> 0:19:05.359 And when we do this dumb shit to our body, 0:19:05.480 --> 0:19:09.919 we are literally, not metaphorically or figuratively, we are literally 0:19:10.680 --> 0:19:16.240 decreasing our lifespan. We are decreasing our health span. We 0:19:16.280 --> 0:19:21.360 are decreasing our own energy and health and the effectiveness 0:19:21.480 --> 0:19:25.880 of our immune system and our brain function and our 0:19:25.920 --> 0:19:30.960 cellular health every day by choosing to do the thing 0:19:31.160 --> 0:19:34.439 that is not good for or optimal for our body. 0:19:35.359 --> 0:19:38.920 Don't wait for an invitation, don't wait for some kind 0:19:38.960 --> 0:19:42.359 of sign. Don't wait for the angels to appear on 0:19:42.440 --> 0:19:45.600 the window to give you some kind of revelation, cosmic 0:19:45.720 --> 0:19:50.600 or divine intervention, like if you need one, this is it. 0:19:51.840 --> 0:19:56.480 This is it. Number six confirmation bias. Here's a thing 0:19:56.560 --> 0:20:00.840 we do. We only pay attention to the eye and 0:20:00.880 --> 0:20:06.960 the stories and the beliefs that reflect us. We cherry 0:20:07.040 --> 0:20:13.800 pick the evidence that proves that we're right. And I 0:20:13.960 --> 0:20:18.000 like being right. We like being right because being right 0:20:18.119 --> 0:20:21.840 makes us feel good about us. Being right makes us 0:20:21.920 --> 0:20:26.200 feel self righteous about our decisions and our choices and 0:20:26.280 --> 0:20:31.359 our operating system and our lifestyle. And we know that 0:20:32.000 --> 0:20:35.560 we are right, and so therefore everyone else in the 0:20:35.560 --> 0:20:38.479 world who doesn't agree with us, everyone who isn't in 0:20:38.520 --> 0:20:42.800 our little echo chamber of confirmation bias, everyone who doesn't 0:20:42.880 --> 0:20:46.760 live in our little thought cult or theological cult or 0:20:47.000 --> 0:20:50.520 behavioral cult, or exercise cult or eating cult or whatever 0:20:50.560 --> 0:20:52.720 the fucking cult is. There are a million of political 0:20:52.800 --> 0:20:57.360 cult I could go on. All the people that don't 0:20:57.400 --> 0:21:00.240 live in our echo chamber or our cult. They the 0:21:00.320 --> 0:21:03.439 enemy and they're wrong. And so we go through life 0:21:03.480 --> 0:21:05.560 because we don't want to be wrong. We don't want 0:21:05.600 --> 0:21:08.840 to be embarrassed. We don't want to have to undo 0:21:08.920 --> 0:21:12.800 anything or unlearn anything, because that's real hard and we 0:21:12.960 --> 0:21:17.720 like easy. That's real uncomfortable, and we like comfortable. So 0:21:17.800 --> 0:21:20.879 it's much easier to tell ourselves the story that we 0:21:20.960 --> 0:21:23.280 are not wrong. I am not wrong. I know I'm 0:21:23.280 --> 0:21:27.159 not wrong, because when I say that I know that 0:21:27.320 --> 0:21:30.439 I am right about this particular issue, then I'm also 0:21:30.520 --> 0:21:32.680 saying everyone in the world who doesn't agree with Craig 0:21:32.720 --> 0:21:37.479 Harper on this issue is wrong. Wow, that's fucking arrogant. Also, 0:21:38.160 --> 0:21:42.320 and in other breaking news, also, I have been wrong 0:21:43.560 --> 0:21:48.399 about so many things in my life. How arrogant would 0:21:48.400 --> 0:21:52.439 I be to now think, at sixty one, having gotten 0:21:52.560 --> 0:21:56.800 a million things wrong and been you know, embarrassed and 0:21:57.040 --> 0:22:02.840 totally inept and totally incore with many things that I 0:22:02.880 --> 0:22:06.960 would now think at sixty one. I absolutely know I 0:22:07.000 --> 0:22:12.080 am absolutely right, and any piece of information or any message, 0:22:12.280 --> 0:22:17.480 or any story or anything that comes across my path 0:22:17.520 --> 0:22:21.600 of awareness that doesn't align with me, I don't listen 0:22:21.640 --> 0:22:24.240 to it. I don't pay attention to it. I don't 0:22:24.280 --> 0:22:28.600 respect it. Well. That one, that's a stupid way to live. 0:22:29.840 --> 0:22:31.639 And it doesn't mean that, of course you're wrong all 0:22:31.680 --> 0:22:34.080 the time about everything. Of course, it doesn't mean that. 0:22:34.119 --> 0:22:38.440 It just means that we are wrong often, and opening 0:22:38.440 --> 0:22:42.320 ourselves to other people's thoughts and ideas is not weakness. 0:22:42.400 --> 0:22:48.760 It's humility, it's objectivity. You might you might say, look, 0:22:48.800 --> 0:22:52.520 this is what I think, I think ABC, Craig thinks 0:22:52.600 --> 0:22:56.639 d EF. I'm pretty sure ABC is right. Craig's pretty 0:22:56.680 --> 0:23:00.720 sure about DF. I'm just going to park ABC for 0:23:00.760 --> 0:23:03.040 a moments. I still think that, I still believe that, 0:23:03.080 --> 0:23:05.119 but I'm going to open the door, and I'm going 0:23:05.200 --> 0:23:08.520 to try to open the door without bias, and I'm 0:23:08.520 --> 0:23:10.399 going to try to listen. I'm going to try to 0:23:10.440 --> 0:23:15.160 be curious, not condemning, so I might consider something else. Now, 0:23:15.200 --> 0:23:18.439 you might do all of that, a real exercise in 0:23:18.560 --> 0:23:22.320 hopefully objectivity and self awareness and curiosity, and you might 0:23:22.440 --> 0:23:25.600 come back having considered my story or my philosophy or 0:23:25.600 --> 0:23:29.080 my ideology, and you might circle back to your version 0:23:29.119 --> 0:23:31.400 of what is which is ABC, and you might go, 0:23:31.480 --> 0:23:35.800 I consider DF, but I don't think so. I really 0:23:35.840 --> 0:23:38.040 did consider it, though, and I would go good for you. 0:23:38.920 --> 0:23:42.800 And by the way, you being in the ABC paradigm 0:23:42.800 --> 0:23:45.320 and me being in the dof paradigm. That doesn't mean 0:23:45.320 --> 0:23:48.320 that we've got to be opposition. That doesn't mean we've 0:23:48.320 --> 0:23:50.760 got to go to war. In fact, we could probably 0:23:50.840 --> 0:23:55.639 have for most things different ideas and different beliefs and 0:23:55.720 --> 0:23:59.000 still probably be pretty fucking good friends. There's a crazy 0:23:59.080 --> 0:24:03.280 idea we probably don't have to hate each other. Amazing. 0:24:04.240 --> 0:24:06.200 I've got four to go. I better be quick because 0:24:06.200 --> 0:24:08.159 I've got to go to the gym in ten minutes. Bucket, 0:24:08.200 --> 0:24:12.399 you fuck. Number seven is waiting for the right time. 0:24:12.720 --> 0:24:14.959 Some of us have been waiting for the right time, 0:24:15.440 --> 0:24:18.520 the mystical, mythical, magical right time, the right time. It's 0:24:18.560 --> 0:24:22.720 not the right time. It's a timing issue. I don't 0:24:22.720 --> 0:24:26.160 have data on this, but I've had thousands of conversations 0:24:26.200 --> 0:24:29.160 with thousands of people about this. My guess, your honor, 0:24:29.280 --> 0:24:31.800 this is my guess. This is my observation. This is 0:24:31.840 --> 0:24:37.119 my experience, this is my anecdotal evidence. My thinking is 0:24:37.160 --> 0:24:42.720 that it's a time issue for about ninety percent of us. 0:24:43.040 --> 0:24:46.280 Is not true. But we like to say it's not 0:24:46.320 --> 0:24:49.560 about me, it's about time, because then if it's about time, 0:24:50.920 --> 0:24:54.800 it's not my fault, because there's twenty four hours in 0:24:54.840 --> 0:24:57.240 a day. I just want to do it. It's not 0:24:57.320 --> 0:25:00.399 about me. I have the motivation and I have the will, 0:25:00.880 --> 0:25:02.919 and I recognize that I need to do it, but 0:25:03.119 --> 0:25:07.320 right now I just can't because I don't have the time. Now, 0:25:07.440 --> 0:25:11.000 sometimes that's true, but when you see the person five 0:25:11.080 --> 0:25:13.359 years down the track and they're still telling you the 0:25:13.400 --> 0:25:16.199 same story about the same thing that they should change, 0:25:16.640 --> 0:25:19.560 and five years later they still don't have the time, 0:25:20.040 --> 0:25:25.119 then probably it's not a time issue. Number eight is 0:25:25.560 --> 0:25:33.199 waiting for an opportunity to present itself. It's so funny 0:25:33.240 --> 0:25:37.040 how many people say to me something like I never 0:25:37.119 --> 0:25:41.280 get an opportunity, Like somebody is going to bang on 0:25:41.320 --> 0:25:43.640 their door and go that ah on a silver tray 0:25:43.680 --> 0:25:46.320 with a ribbon on it. Good ay, Dave, here it 0:25:46.359 --> 0:25:50.800 is your opportunity. You welcome, and then you get the 0:25:50.840 --> 0:25:53.840 opportunity and you do all the right things and you 0:25:53.920 --> 0:25:58.680 turn the opportunity into a raging success and bibbity bobby boo, 0:25:59.160 --> 0:26:06.840 thank goodness. Or here's another idea. What if we create opportunities. 0:26:07.840 --> 0:26:11.720 What if instead of waiting for someone to ask me, 0:26:11.880 --> 0:26:15.040 for example, to start a podcast, what if I started 0:26:15.040 --> 0:26:18.640 a podcast with no invitation and what if it failed? 0:26:18.720 --> 0:26:20.399 Which it did the first one, and what if the 0:26:20.440 --> 0:26:23.359 second one failed that also did, and the third one 0:26:23.520 --> 0:26:25.960 that also did, and then the fourth one, which is 0:26:25.960 --> 0:26:28.040 the one you're listening to now, the You Project, Well, 0:26:28.119 --> 0:26:31.359 that also failed for six hundred episodes. In that I 0:26:31.480 --> 0:26:37.199 was commercially losing go and going backwards. Eventually, eventually it 0:26:37.359 --> 0:26:39.560