1 00:00:00,480 --> 00:00:02,280 Speaker 1: A good a team. I hope you well, welcome to 2 00:00:02,279 --> 00:00:08,200 Speaker 1: the You project. It's me So for a long time 3 00:00:08,600 --> 00:00:12,240 Speaker 1: I've been working with people trying to help them become 4 00:00:12,280 --> 00:00:16,520 Speaker 1: the best version of themselves, as you know, addressing all 5 00:00:16,600 --> 00:00:20,239 Speaker 1: the physiological stuff and psychological stuff and emotional stuff and 6 00:00:20,320 --> 00:00:26,400 Speaker 1: practical stuff and career stuff and personal stuff and the 7 00:00:26,440 --> 00:00:30,040 Speaker 1: scene and the unseen and the physical and all of that. 8 00:00:31,920 --> 00:00:39,160 Speaker 1: And I've really, I guess, had a real broad cross 9 00:00:39,200 --> 00:00:45,360 Speaker 1: section of people and experiences and interactions and encounters and 10 00:00:46,320 --> 00:00:52,479 Speaker 1: revelations around understanding how we If I'm a bit clunky 11 00:00:52,560 --> 00:00:56,200 Speaker 1: right now, I apologize I haven't scripted this, but how 12 00:00:56,240 --> 00:00:58,960 Speaker 1: we essentially, how we get in our own way, how 13 00:00:59,040 --> 00:01:03,920 Speaker 1: we how we shoot ourselves in the foot, how we 14 00:01:03,960 --> 00:01:08,560 Speaker 1: self sabotage? And while there are I reckon, I could 15 00:01:08,560 --> 00:01:10,400 Speaker 1: come up with one hundred ways if I sat down 16 00:01:10,400 --> 00:01:14,560 Speaker 1: and wrote a list. I just in the last four 17 00:01:14,640 --> 00:01:19,360 Speaker 1: or five minutes jotted down ten ways that just dawn 18 00:01:19,400 --> 00:01:21,840 Speaker 1: on me very quickly, that we get in our own 19 00:01:21,880 --> 00:01:24,920 Speaker 1: way that and some of these might be relevant to use, 20 00:01:25,000 --> 00:01:27,679 Speaker 1: some might not. But I think that one of the 21 00:01:27,720 --> 00:01:29,560 Speaker 1: things that we need to do to learn to grow, 22 00:01:29,640 --> 00:01:31,760 Speaker 1: to evolve all those things, I say, to become the 23 00:01:31,760 --> 00:01:35,440 Speaker 1: best version of ourselves, to explore our potential, to produce 24 00:01:35,440 --> 00:01:37,920 Speaker 1: the kind of outcomes that we want to produce, to 25 00:01:38,000 --> 00:01:40,880 Speaker 1: create the change we want to create, and more importantly, 26 00:01:41,680 --> 00:01:46,520 Speaker 1: keep that change sustained, so keep the wheels turning, keep 27 00:01:46,520 --> 00:01:50,480 Speaker 1: building on the momentum. Is that sometimes we need to 28 00:01:50,520 --> 00:01:56,120 Speaker 1: do an audit or an inventory on how we are 29 00:01:56,160 --> 00:02:00,680 Speaker 1: the problem, because sometimes the problem on play at Craig 30 00:02:01,800 --> 00:02:06,920 Speaker 1: is Craig. Sometimes what's getting in my way is me. 31 00:02:07,960 --> 00:02:10,000 Speaker 1: And while of course there are a lot of variables 32 00:02:10,080 --> 00:02:14,440 Speaker 1: in the transformational kind of journey or on the transformational journey, 33 00:02:14,840 --> 00:02:17,320 Speaker 1: and of course there will be real world things that 34 00:02:17,520 --> 00:02:20,600 Speaker 1: stop you or hinder you, or affect you or get 35 00:02:20,639 --> 00:02:24,360 Speaker 1: in your way to some extent, there will always be 36 00:02:24,639 --> 00:02:30,480 Speaker 1: a you element. There will always be a component of 37 00:02:31,520 --> 00:02:37,160 Speaker 1: the journey that is either inhibited or accelerated because of 38 00:02:37,200 --> 00:02:40,440 Speaker 1: you or in spite of you. And so this is 39 00:02:40,480 --> 00:02:44,680 Speaker 1: a real exercise in self awareness, self reflection, self awareness, 40 00:02:45,360 --> 00:02:54,040 Speaker 1: and eventually hopefully self regulation and self actualization. Self actualization 41 00:02:54,280 --> 00:02:57,320 Speaker 1: me being I've recognized the thing that I do, I've 42 00:02:57,360 --> 00:03:02,400 Speaker 1: acknowledged it, I've owned it, I understand it, and now 43 00:03:02,480 --> 00:03:06,320 Speaker 1: I'm regulating or self managing, and I'm doing different and 44 00:03:06,360 --> 00:03:10,760 Speaker 1: now I'm becoming different, self actualization, real change. I'm not 45 00:03:10,800 --> 00:03:12,520 Speaker 1: going to dwell on all of these, but I'm going 46 00:03:12,560 --> 00:03:17,440 Speaker 1: to go through them quite quickly, so in no particular 47 00:03:17,680 --> 00:03:22,520 Speaker 1: order of importance. At the top of my self sabotaging 48 00:03:22,760 --> 00:03:28,280 Speaker 1: habits for this list, number one is procrastination and avoidance. 49 00:03:28,400 --> 00:03:33,400 Speaker 1: Procrastination avoidance. We often know what we should do, but 50 00:03:33,440 --> 00:03:38,120 Speaker 1: we often don't do what we know. And the reason 51 00:03:38,160 --> 00:03:44,640 Speaker 1: that we procrastinate or avoid or pretend or ignore or 52 00:03:45,160 --> 00:03:47,680 Speaker 1: tread water or whatever metaphor you want to choose. The 53 00:03:47,720 --> 00:03:49,600 Speaker 1: reason that we do, or one of the reasons that 54 00:03:49,640 --> 00:03:53,080 Speaker 1: we do, is because the thing that we need to do, 55 00:03:53,160 --> 00:03:55,880 Speaker 1: the thing that we're ignoring, the thing that we're avoiding 56 00:03:57,120 --> 00:04:03,280 Speaker 1: scares us. It scares us, and we don't like being scared. 57 00:04:04,320 --> 00:04:07,760 Speaker 1: Or it's hard, and we don't like doing hardshit it's uncomfortable, 58 00:04:08,600 --> 00:04:13,120 Speaker 1: or doing this thing requires me to step into a 59 00:04:13,280 --> 00:04:17,760 Speaker 1: level of uncertainty and unfamiliarity, and I don't like uncertainty 60 00:04:17,800 --> 00:04:21,440 Speaker 1: and I don't like unfamiliarity. So I'm not going to 61 00:04:21,520 --> 00:04:24,719 Speaker 1: do it today. I'll do it soon. I'll do it soon, 62 00:04:25,440 --> 00:04:27,000 Speaker 1: but I'm not going to do it today. And this 63 00:04:27,040 --> 00:04:30,760 Speaker 1: is the underlying subtext or story for many people, is 64 00:04:30,800 --> 00:04:33,760 Speaker 1: that the thing that they know that they should do 65 00:04:34,279 --> 00:04:37,560 Speaker 1: that they're not currently doing. The story is yes, Craig, 66 00:04:37,640 --> 00:04:42,800 Speaker 1: but I'm gonna do it soon, which is really one. 67 00:04:42,839 --> 00:04:45,720 Speaker 1: It's bullshit, and it's too it's us giving ourselves a 68 00:04:45,800 --> 00:04:47,960 Speaker 1: get out of jail card. Yep, yep. Now it's not 69 00:04:48,000 --> 00:04:51,760 Speaker 1: a good time. It's too cold, it's too hot, my 70 00:04:51,839 --> 00:04:54,520 Speaker 1: ankle saw, the kids are on school holidays. It's not 71 00:04:54,560 --> 00:04:58,320 Speaker 1: a good time. And now it's two thousand and thirty, right, 72 00:04:58,640 --> 00:05:01,560 Speaker 1: And the thing that I've been avoiding and procrastinating about 73 00:05:02,200 --> 00:05:05,080 Speaker 1: the issue is now ten times bigger because I haven't 74 00:05:05,120 --> 00:05:10,560 Speaker 1: done anything, and so now I've backed myself into a corner. 75 00:05:10,880 --> 00:05:12,719 Speaker 1: So the answer is, of course, the answer is not 76 00:05:12,760 --> 00:05:16,080 Speaker 1: comfortable or convenient or quick or painless or easy. The 77 00:05:16,120 --> 00:05:19,920 Speaker 1: answer is addressed the thing that you should address. And 78 00:05:19,960 --> 00:05:21,520 Speaker 1: I know we want a magic pill, and I know 79 00:05:21,600 --> 00:05:24,920 Speaker 1: we want something a bit smarter. Is that it? That's it? 80 00:05:25,920 --> 00:05:29,520 Speaker 1: That's it, or at least start the wheels turning, take 81 00:05:29,560 --> 00:05:33,560 Speaker 1: a step, have a conversation, open the door, press the button, 82 00:05:33,680 --> 00:05:38,960 Speaker 1: do something which is a small or tiny step for 83 00:05:39,200 --> 00:05:45,040 Speaker 1: you leaning into or starting on the path of the 84 00:05:45,200 --> 00:05:47,279 Speaker 1: change that you need to make or the thing that 85 00:05:47,320 --> 00:05:53,800 Speaker 1: you need to address. Right, So, the simple answer, but 86 00:05:53,880 --> 00:05:57,719 Speaker 1: not comfortable answer, is stop avoiding it, stop fucking around, 87 00:05:57,760 --> 00:06:01,159 Speaker 1: stop waiting for the mythical, mystical, magical right time. Number 88 00:06:01,160 --> 00:06:06,479 Speaker 1: two on my list is imposter syndrome. Now I can't 89 00:06:06,480 --> 00:06:10,000 Speaker 1: say to you, just turn that off with just that 90 00:06:10,040 --> 00:06:12,640 Speaker 1: imposter syndrome, just turn that off. The self loathing, the 91 00:06:12,720 --> 00:06:16,719 Speaker 1: self doubt, all of those internal kind of who do 92 00:06:16,800 --> 00:06:19,719 Speaker 1: you think you are? You're not good enough, You're not 93 00:06:20,000 --> 00:06:23,440 Speaker 1: smart enough, You're not pretty enough, handsome enough, qualified enough, 94 00:06:23,560 --> 00:06:29,200 Speaker 1: tall enough, whatever enough, likable enough, lovable enough, all of 95 00:06:29,240 --> 00:06:34,800 Speaker 1: that kind of I'm not enough dialogue. It's probably not 96 00:06:34,880 --> 00:06:38,960 Speaker 1: going to go away quickly for most of us. Right 97 00:06:39,160 --> 00:06:44,440 Speaker 1: But is it possible that I feel perhaps that I'm 98 00:06:44,440 --> 00:06:48,240 Speaker 1: not good enough, but nonetheless I take a chance, Nonetheless 99 00:06:48,360 --> 00:06:53,080 Speaker 1: I try. Is it possible that I think, look, I 100 00:06:53,120 --> 00:06:55,320 Speaker 1: don't think I could do a PhD, or I'm not 101 00:06:55,480 --> 00:06:58,680 Speaker 1: sure that I could do a PhD. There's self doubt, 102 00:06:58,839 --> 00:07:05,400 Speaker 1: there's fear, there's anxiety, there's potential embarrassment, there's all of 103 00:07:05,440 --> 00:07:11,040 Speaker 1: this internal kind of combination of fear based emotions and 104 00:07:11,120 --> 00:07:16,800 Speaker 1: ideas and thoughts. But nonetheless, can I start the journey 105 00:07:17,480 --> 00:07:21,960 Speaker 1: while still feeling those things? So I don't think the 106 00:07:22,160 --> 00:07:29,880 Speaker 1: answer to self doubt or imposter syndrome is to flick 107 00:07:29,920 --> 00:07:33,840 Speaker 1: a switch and it turns off tomorrow. I think the answer, 108 00:07:33,960 --> 00:07:36,240 Speaker 1: or I think part of the answer and the challenge, 109 00:07:36,800 --> 00:07:41,200 Speaker 1: and perhaps the smartest strategy is to feel what you feel, 110 00:07:41,280 --> 00:07:46,160 Speaker 1: acknowledge the feeling, but realize that the feeling ain't necessarily 111 00:07:46,240 --> 00:07:50,920 Speaker 1: the fact I'm not good enough. Many times in my life, 112 00:07:51,000 --> 00:07:54,120 Speaker 1: and I'm sure you at times have had self doubt, 113 00:07:56,120 --> 00:08:00,240 Speaker 1: imposter syndrome, self loathing, and then you've done some thing 114 00:08:00,280 --> 00:08:02,760 Speaker 1: and you surprised yourself. You went, oh fuck, I did it. 115 00:08:03,240 --> 00:08:06,360 Speaker 1: Or I'm not that dumb or I'm not that restricted. 116 00:08:06,480 --> 00:08:09,680 Speaker 1: I actually have If I try, and if I persist, 117 00:08:09,800 --> 00:08:12,520 Speaker 1: and if I'm brave and if I'm courageous and I 118 00:08:12,640 --> 00:08:14,520 Speaker 1: take a step and I take a chance, and I 119 00:08:14,600 --> 00:08:16,920 Speaker 1: make a hard decision and I do a hard thing, 120 00:08:17,000 --> 00:08:19,880 Speaker 1: guess what, I can actually achieve some pretty cool shit. 121 00:08:21,960 --> 00:08:26,240 Speaker 1: So the antidote, if you will, not the thing that'll 122 00:08:26,360 --> 00:08:30,480 Speaker 1: unplug the imposter syndrome overnight. But the antidote is to 123 00:08:32,360 --> 00:08:36,840 Speaker 1: over time turn down the volume on it by being brave, 124 00:08:37,240 --> 00:08:42,360 Speaker 1: by doing things that are a challenge for you, that 125 00:08:42,840 --> 00:08:45,360 Speaker 1: will not only by the way, when we say I'm 126 00:08:45,360 --> 00:08:48,120 Speaker 1: going to try anyway, and then we start to make progress, 127 00:08:48,160 --> 00:08:50,640 Speaker 1: we start to get some results. Well, one, the volume 128 00:08:50,679 --> 00:08:52,720 Speaker 1: on the imposter syndrome and the self doubt and self 129 00:08:52,760 --> 00:08:55,600 Speaker 1: loathing and all that shit go down. That happens, but 130 00:08:55,760 --> 00:09:00,000 Speaker 1: also we start to build competence and confidence and understand 131 00:09:00,400 --> 00:09:04,800 Speaker 1: in our own capacity. Number three on my self sabotage 132 00:09:04,880 --> 00:09:09,920 Speaker 1: habits list is chronic people pleasing. Oh boy, I could 133 00:09:09,920 --> 00:09:11,800 Speaker 1: do a whole show on this. I'm not gonna I'm 134 00:09:11,840 --> 00:09:14,880 Speaker 1: just gonna say that it's nice to be nice, but 135 00:09:14,920 --> 00:09:17,080 Speaker 1: it's not nice to be an emotional doormat. Some of 136 00:09:17,120 --> 00:09:20,000 Speaker 1: you have written read my writing on this, some of 137 00:09:20,000 --> 00:09:23,480 Speaker 1: you have heard me talking about this. You can be 138 00:09:24,360 --> 00:09:26,640 Speaker 1: You can be a kind person, you can be a 139 00:09:26,679 --> 00:09:30,240 Speaker 1: compassionate person. You can be a person that what people 140 00:09:30,280 --> 00:09:33,920 Speaker 1: want to be around, and also be a little bit 141 00:09:33,960 --> 00:09:37,400 Speaker 1: fucking terrifying because you won't let people dick you around, 142 00:09:38,320 --> 00:09:41,679 Speaker 1: letting people fuck you around, letting people manipulate you, or 143 00:09:41,720 --> 00:09:45,360 Speaker 1: control you, or influence you in a way that you 144 00:09:45,400 --> 00:09:49,720 Speaker 1: don't want to be influenced, or to even coerce you. 145 00:09:50,960 --> 00:09:54,079 Speaker 1: That's not kindness. That's not you being kind, that's not 146 00:09:54,200 --> 00:09:59,160 Speaker 1: you being gracious. That's you being scared. And that's you 147 00:09:59,280 --> 00:10:03,079 Speaker 1: allowing people to do something to you that you shouldn't. 148 00:10:03,480 --> 00:10:06,600 Speaker 1: Now easier said than done, And this can apply to 149 00:10:06,640 --> 00:10:09,320 Speaker 1: a range of situations, and there are a million variables 150 00:10:09,360 --> 00:10:12,680 Speaker 1: around this, but what we know is the bottom line 151 00:10:12,720 --> 00:10:15,640 Speaker 1: is in broad terms, that being a people pleaser is 152 00:10:15,760 --> 00:10:19,160 Speaker 1: one a silly idea because you're not going to please 153 00:10:19,200 --> 00:10:21,320 Speaker 1: everyone no matter what you do. You know that no 154 00:10:21,360 --> 00:10:24,080 Speaker 1: matter what you do, how hard you try, how much 155 00:10:24,120 --> 00:10:30,680 Speaker 1: you are the gracious you know, mother, father, brother, sister, friend, employee, employee, whatever, 156 00:10:30,720 --> 00:10:34,440 Speaker 1: you're not going to keep people happy. And two, it's 157 00:10:34,480 --> 00:10:39,760 Speaker 1: fucking exhausting. It's exhausting. So you are not built to 158 00:10:39,800 --> 00:10:43,640 Speaker 1: be a people pleaser. You are built to be a 159 00:10:43,720 --> 00:10:47,880 Speaker 1: person who can live their values. Hopefully they're kind of 160 00:10:47,920 --> 00:10:52,120 Speaker 1: honorable values, but live your valuables. Be gracious and kind 161 00:10:52,200 --> 00:10:57,800 Speaker 1: and thoughtful, but also be willing to say no, hey nah, 162 00:10:58,880 --> 00:11:01,000 Speaker 1: And when people go why not? You don't need to 163 00:11:01,040 --> 00:11:05,640 Speaker 1: explain No, not interested. Thanks the end and the moment 164 00:11:05,679 --> 00:11:10,120 Speaker 1: that you are telling someone know and they are trying 165 00:11:10,120 --> 00:11:13,880 Speaker 1: to coerce or manipulate you to change that answer to 166 00:11:13,920 --> 00:11:17,720 Speaker 1: a yes, that's where you need to dig deep, that's 167 00:11:17,760 --> 00:11:21,800 Speaker 1: where you need to go well fucking definitely no, Because 168 00:11:21,800 --> 00:11:25,000 Speaker 1: if people are not respecting what you want in terms 169 00:11:25,000 --> 00:11:27,840 Speaker 1: of your own reality, in your own life, and your 170 00:11:27,880 --> 00:11:32,720 Speaker 1: own choices and your own behaviors, then they're not friends. 171 00:11:32,720 --> 00:11:34,600 Speaker 1: For a start, they don't care about you. They're all 172 00:11:34,600 --> 00:11:36,800 Speaker 1: about themselves, and they're all about what they can get 173 00:11:36,840 --> 00:11:41,360 Speaker 1: from you, not what they can do for you. My 174 00:11:41,400 --> 00:11:46,839 Speaker 1: next one is number four is not using our potential, 175 00:11:48,240 --> 00:11:54,880 Speaker 1: not using our innate ability or talent, not optimizing or 176 00:11:54,920 --> 00:11:59,760 Speaker 1: at least trying to optimize what we've been given to 177 00:11:59,760 --> 00:12:03,120 Speaker 1: work with. What we have, our genetics, our brain are talent, 178 00:12:04,160 --> 00:12:10,679 Speaker 1: the skills that we have, you know, the natural capacity 179 00:12:10,720 --> 00:12:13,320 Speaker 1: that we were born with to do stuff. So I 180 00:12:13,360 --> 00:12:16,320 Speaker 1: know that I am you know, I don't think I'm 181 00:12:16,400 --> 00:12:19,160 Speaker 1: particularly gifted at anything. I think I'm naturally a reasonably 182 00:12:19,200 --> 00:12:24,240 Speaker 1: good communicator. So I think I am obligated if I 183 00:12:24,280 --> 00:12:26,760 Speaker 1: want to serve people, if I want to be a 184 00:12:26,760 --> 00:12:31,199 Speaker 1: good friend and mentor and teacher and podcaster and educator 185 00:12:31,240 --> 00:12:34,960 Speaker 1: and all of these things that it's in my interest 186 00:12:35,080 --> 00:12:38,920 Speaker 1: to lean into my potential to optimize that natural ability 187 00:12:38,960 --> 00:12:41,840 Speaker 1: that I was born with, but also with other things. 188 00:12:42,679 --> 00:12:44,440 Speaker 1: You know, what is the potential or what is the 189 00:12:44,480 --> 00:12:48,160 Speaker 1: capacity or what is the possibility of my brain, of 190 00:12:48,240 --> 00:12:55,880 Speaker 1: my intellect, of my body, of my capacity to create 191 00:12:56,000 --> 00:13:00,480 Speaker 1: a healthy paradigm for me to live in? But I'm 192 00:13:00,480 --> 00:13:03,800 Speaker 1: building a reality. I'm building an operating system which is 193 00:13:03,840 --> 00:13:08,240 Speaker 1: somewhere close to optimal for me, for me, not for 194 00:13:08,280 --> 00:13:12,560 Speaker 1: anyone else, for me, so that I am doing based 195 00:13:12,600 --> 00:13:14,240 Speaker 1: on who I want to be and how I want 196 00:13:14,280 --> 00:13:17,120 Speaker 1: to be, and my values and my beliefs and my 197 00:13:17,240 --> 00:13:21,840 Speaker 1: ideology and my philosophy. I am building an existence around 198 00:13:21,960 --> 00:13:26,760 Speaker 1: those things and optimizing and being grateful for what I 199 00:13:26,840 --> 00:13:30,960 Speaker 1: have to work with. I say this because I meet 200 00:13:31,080 --> 00:13:36,840 Speaker 1: way too many people who are pretty smart, pretty gifted, 201 00:13:36,880 --> 00:13:40,040 Speaker 1: pretty talented, got pretty good genetics, got pretty good resources, 202 00:13:40,080 --> 00:13:44,720 Speaker 1: pretty good opportunities. They're pretty good communicators. They've got a 203 00:13:44,760 --> 00:13:48,000 Speaker 1: lot to work with, and they're not really working with it. 204 00:13:48,040 --> 00:13:55,160 Speaker 1: They're working against it because their default setting is set 205 00:13:55,240 --> 00:14:05,400 Speaker 1: to comfort or instant gratification or convenience, or not being fearful, 206 00:14:06,320 --> 00:14:10,880 Speaker 1: not leaning into the uncertainty, not leaning into the thing 207 00:14:10,920 --> 00:14:13,840 Speaker 1: that scares them, the right thing, but the scary thing. 208 00:14:14,160 --> 00:14:19,920 Speaker 1: We need to step up, not down. And you know, 209 00:14:20,000 --> 00:14:21,880 Speaker 1: here's the thing we're all going to I know I 210 00:14:21,920 --> 00:14:23,280 Speaker 1: say this a lot, but it's true. We're all going 211 00:14:23,360 --> 00:14:24,800 Speaker 1: to wake up in a minute, and it's going to 212 00:14:24,800 --> 00:14:27,240 Speaker 1: be twenty thirty, it's going to be five years down 213 00:14:27,320 --> 00:14:31,280 Speaker 1: the track. And some people sadly listening to this right now, 214 00:14:31,360 --> 00:14:34,760 Speaker 1: Some people right now listening to this will still be 215 00:14:34,800 --> 00:14:38,560 Speaker 1: wasting their potential. They'll still be talking about things they're 216 00:14:38,640 --> 00:14:42,320 Speaker 1: not going to do. They'll talk about doing them, but 217 00:14:42,320 --> 00:14:45,160 Speaker 1: they're not going to do them. They'll still talk about 218 00:14:45,600 --> 00:14:47,800 Speaker 1: the things they want to do be create and change 219 00:14:48,280 --> 00:14:51,120 Speaker 1: and do nothing or next to nothing. There will also 220 00:14:51,200 --> 00:14:53,440 Speaker 1: be people listening right now, and I hope you're one 221 00:14:53,440 --> 00:14:55,240 Speaker 1: of them that goes, fuck it. I don't want to 222 00:14:55,280 --> 00:14:57,960 Speaker 1: be that, I don't want to do that. I'm a 223 00:14:58,000 --> 00:15:00,440 Speaker 1: bit scared, I'm a bit uncomfortable, I'm a bit un certain. 224 00:15:00,600 --> 00:15:03,200 Speaker 1: All of that's okay. I'm going to embrace that and 225 00:15:03,240 --> 00:15:05,440 Speaker 1: I'm going to take all of that on and I 226 00:15:05,480 --> 00:15:07,320 Speaker 1: want to see what I can do, even me at 227 00:15:07,360 --> 00:15:12,640 Speaker 1: sixty one, I'm fucking fascinated with my potential. Not because 228 00:15:12,760 --> 00:15:15,800 Speaker 1: I think I'm special. I know I'm not special, But 229 00:15:15,880 --> 00:15:18,920 Speaker 1: I'm fascinated with, well, what what can a sixty one 230 00:15:18,960 --> 00:15:22,400 Speaker 1: year old with average genetics and a bit of education 231 00:15:22,720 --> 00:15:26,600 Speaker 1: and a good attitude, who makes good decisions, who creates 232 00:15:26,600 --> 00:15:31,000 Speaker 1: good habits, who lives a certain lifestyle, who has a 233 00:15:31,040 --> 00:15:34,920 Speaker 1: certain focus, who chooses a certain path. What can that 234 00:15:35,080 --> 00:15:38,520 Speaker 1: guy do? Like? What can I do? And that ain't 235 00:15:38,520 --> 00:15:41,960 Speaker 1: about ego. That's about for me, that's about curiosity. That's 236 00:15:42,000 --> 00:15:44,680 Speaker 1: about I want to wake up when I'm sixty five 237 00:15:45,080 --> 00:15:46,800 Speaker 1: and go, fuck, I think I'm as good as when 238 00:15:46,800 --> 00:15:49,520 Speaker 1: I'm sixty or fifty, or maybe I'm a little bit better, 239 00:15:49,640 --> 00:15:52,400 Speaker 1: or maybe this particular area of my life I've actually 240 00:15:52,480 --> 00:15:55,440 Speaker 1: improved and grown and evolved, and I'm sixty five, and 241 00:15:55,480 --> 00:15:58,840 Speaker 1: at sixty five, I'm the best version of me regarding 242 00:15:58,880 --> 00:16:02,840 Speaker 1: this particular composing of my life. I'm the best version 243 00:16:02,880 --> 00:16:05,000 Speaker 1: of me that I've ever been. Maybe I'm a better 244 00:16:05,040 --> 00:16:08,960 Speaker 1: communicator or listener or teacher or coach or mentor, or 245 00:16:09,000 --> 00:16:11,880 Speaker 1: maybe I'm better at self regulating or whatever it is. 246 00:16:12,000 --> 00:16:13,880 Speaker 1: Or maybe I can do more chins than when I 247 00:16:13,920 --> 00:16:17,720 Speaker 1: was thirty. Who the fuck knows. But if you're not 248 00:16:18,080 --> 00:16:24,680 Speaker 1: consciously optimizing your potential and your talent and your natural ability, 249 00:16:25,200 --> 00:16:32,920 Speaker 1: you're wasting it. Number five, Oh wow, time's flying. Number 250 00:16:32,920 --> 00:16:39,960 Speaker 1: five will not surprise anyone, especially coming from me. The 251 00:16:40,000 --> 00:16:42,200 Speaker 1: next way that we self sabotage is we do dumb 252 00:16:42,200 --> 00:16:46,200 Speaker 1: shit to our body. We consciously do dumb shit in 253 00:16:46,240 --> 00:16:49,560 Speaker 1: that we choose it. We put things in our body, 254 00:16:50,000 --> 00:16:56,280 Speaker 1: a range of things, drugs, alcohol, cigarettes, junk food, crap. 255 00:16:56,480 --> 00:16:58,480 Speaker 1: Let's just put it all under the banner of crap. 256 00:16:59,840 --> 00:17:03,720 Speaker 1: We do dumb things to our body. We undersleep, we 257 00:17:05,000 --> 00:17:12,560 Speaker 1: undernourish while overfeeding. There's a thought undernourishing while overfeeding. Our 258 00:17:12,640 --> 00:17:18,200 Speaker 1: incidental activity is minimal because we spend our life sitting 259 00:17:18,280 --> 00:17:23,080 Speaker 1: in chairs, some of us. And so this one amazing, 260 00:17:23,240 --> 00:17:26,360 Speaker 1: beautiful gift that we have called the human body. You've 261 00:17:26,359 --> 00:17:29,640 Speaker 1: got one, I've got one. You can't get a new one. 262 00:17:30,200 --> 00:17:32,800 Speaker 1: I can't get a new one. And when do most 263 00:17:32,880 --> 00:17:37,600 Speaker 1: people think about stop doing the dumb shit? Or when 264 00:17:37,640 --> 00:17:41,560 Speaker 1: do they think about stopping the dumb shit? I should say, 265 00:17:41,600 --> 00:17:45,280 Speaker 1: when do they think about that? Seriously? Well, usually when 266 00:17:45,320 --> 00:17:50,000 Speaker 1: they're terrified, usually when something bad has happened, or they've 267 00:17:50,040 --> 00:17:54,320 Speaker 1: been given some bad news, or they've been backed into 268 00:17:54,400 --> 00:17:59,679 Speaker 1: a physiological or medical corner. And now if they don't 269 00:17:59,800 --> 00:18:03,280 Speaker 1: change their operating system, if they don't stop doing the 270 00:18:03,400 --> 00:18:06,720 Speaker 1: dumb shit to their body, they're fucked. If I get 271 00:18:06,760 --> 00:18:09,960 Speaker 1: too scientific at any stage, let me know and I'll 272 00:18:10,000 --> 00:18:13,960 Speaker 1: simplify it, right, But this is what we do. I 273 00:18:13,960 --> 00:18:16,119 Speaker 1: don't need to go on any further, but you know, 274 00:18:17,640 --> 00:18:20,800 Speaker 1: you know the things that you do to your body 275 00:18:21,640 --> 00:18:26,160 Speaker 1: that are bad for your body. Our challenge with this 276 00:18:27,119 --> 00:18:29,800 Speaker 1: is to be able to delay gratification. Yes, I know, 277 00:18:29,920 --> 00:18:34,479 Speaker 1: the peta, the donut, the ice cream, the whatever. By 278 00:18:34,520 --> 00:18:36,119 Speaker 1: the way, I'm not saying never have any of that. 279 00:18:36,200 --> 00:18:40,880 Speaker 1: I'm not saying that. I'm saying everything comes at a cost. 280 00:18:41,200 --> 00:18:45,959 Speaker 1: Putting crap food, low nutritional value food, too much food, 281 00:18:46,440 --> 00:18:51,080 Speaker 1: putting cigarettes, putting drugs, putting excessive booze in your body, 282 00:18:51,320 --> 00:18:57,040 Speaker 1: under resting your body, undersleeping your body, overstressing your body 283 00:18:57,119 --> 00:19:02,080 Speaker 1: in a bad way. All of these things have significant consequences. 284 00:19:02,800 --> 00:19:05,359 Speaker 1: And when we do this dumb shit to our body, 285 00:19:05,480 --> 00:19:09,919 Speaker 1: we are literally, not metaphorically or figuratively, we are literally 286 00:19:10,680 --> 00:19:16,240 Speaker 1: decreasing our lifespan. We are decreasing our health span. We 287 00:19:16,280 --> 00:19:21,360 Speaker 1: are decreasing our own energy and health and the effectiveness 288 00:19:21,480 --> 00:19:25,880 Speaker 1: of our immune system and our brain function and our 289 00:19:25,920 --> 00:19:30,960 Speaker 1: cellular health every day by choosing to do the thing 290 00:19:31,160 --> 00:19:34,439 Speaker 1: that is not good for or optimal for our body. 291 00:19:35,359 --> 00:19:38,920 Speaker 1: Don't wait for an invitation, don't wait for some kind 292 00:19:38,960 --> 00:19:42,359 Speaker 1: of sign. Don't wait for the angels to appear on 293 00:19:42,440 --> 00:19:45,600 Speaker 1: the window to give you some kind of revelation, cosmic 294 00:19:45,720 --> 00:19:50,600 Speaker 1: or divine intervention, like if you need one, this is it. 295 00:19:51,840 --> 00:19:56,480 Speaker 1: This is it. Number six confirmation bias. Here's a thing 296 00:19:56,560 --> 00:20:00,840 Speaker 1: we do. We only pay attention to the eye and 297 00:20:00,880 --> 00:20:06,960 Speaker 1: the stories and the beliefs that reflect us. We cherry 298 00:20:07,040 --> 00:20:13,800 Speaker 1: pick the evidence that proves that we're right. And I 299 00:20:13,960 --> 00:20:18,000 Speaker 1: like being right. We like being right because being right 300 00:20:18,119 --> 00:20:21,840 Speaker 1: makes us feel good about us. Being right makes us 301 00:20:21,920 --> 00:20:26,200 Speaker 1: feel self righteous about our decisions and our choices and 302 00:20:26,280 --> 00:20:31,359 Speaker 1: our operating system and our lifestyle. And we know that 303 00:20:32,000 --> 00:20:35,560 Speaker 1: we are right, and so therefore everyone else in the 304 00:20:35,560 --> 00:20:38,479 Speaker 1: world who doesn't agree with us, everyone who isn't in 305 00:20:38,520 --> 00:20:42,800 Speaker 1: our little echo chamber of confirmation bias, everyone who doesn't 306 00:20:42,880 --> 00:20:46,760 Speaker 1: live in our little thought cult or theological cult or 307 00:20:47,000 --> 00:20:50,520 Speaker 1: behavioral cult, or exercise cult or eating cult or whatever 308 00:20:50,560 --> 00:20:52,720 Speaker 1: the fucking cult is. There are a million of political 309 00:20:52,800 --> 00:20:57,360 Speaker 1: cult I could go on. All the people that don't 310 00:20:57,400 --> 00:21:00,240 Speaker 1: live in our echo chamber or our cult. They the 311 00:21:00,320 --> 00:21:03,439 Speaker 1: enemy and they're wrong. And so we go through life 312 00:21:03,480 --> 00:21:05,560 Speaker 1: because we don't want to be wrong. We don't want 313 00:21:05,600 --> 00:21:08,840 Speaker 1: to be embarrassed. We don't want to have to undo 314 00:21:08,920 --> 00:21:12,800 Speaker 1: anything or unlearn anything, because that's real hard and we 315 00:21:12,960 --> 00:21:17,720 Speaker 1: like easy. That's real uncomfortable, and we like comfortable. So 316 00:21:17,800 --> 00:21:20,879 Speaker 1: it's much easier to tell ourselves the story that we 317 00:21:20,960 --> 00:21:23,280 Speaker 1: are not wrong. I am not wrong. I know I'm 318 00:21:23,280 --> 00:21:27,159 Speaker 1: not wrong, because when I say that I know that 319 00:21:27,320 --> 00:21:30,439 Speaker 1: I am right about this particular issue, then I'm also 320 00:21:30,520 --> 00:21:32,680 Speaker 1: saying everyone in the world who doesn't agree with Craig 321 00:21:32,720 --> 00:21:37,479 Speaker 1: Harper on this issue is wrong. Wow, that's fucking arrogant. Also, 322 00:21:38,160 --> 00:21:42,320 Speaker 1: and in other breaking news, also, I have been wrong 323 00:21:43,560 --> 00:21:48,399 Speaker 1: about so many things in my life. How arrogant would 324 00:21:48,400 --> 00:21:52,439 Speaker 1: I be to now think, at sixty one, having gotten 325 00:21:52,560 --> 00:21:56,800 Speaker 1: a million things wrong and been you know, embarrassed and 326 00:21:57,040 --> 00:22:02,840 Speaker 1: totally inept and totally incore with many things that I 327 00:22:02,880 --> 00:22:06,960 Speaker 1: would now think at sixty one. I absolutely know I 328 00:22:07,000 --> 00:22:12,080 Speaker 1: am absolutely right, and any piece of information or any message, 329 00:22:12,280 --> 00:22:17,480 Speaker 1: or any story or anything that comes across my path 330 00:22:17,520 --> 00:22:21,600 Speaker 1: of awareness that doesn't align with me, I don't listen 331 00:22:21,640 --> 00:22:24,240 Speaker 1: to it. I don't pay attention to it. I don't 332 00:22:24,280 --> 00:22:28,600 Speaker 1: respect it. Well. That one, that's a stupid way to live. 333 00:22:29,840 --> 00:22:31,639 Speaker 1: And it doesn't mean that, of course you're wrong all 334 00:22:31,680 --> 00:22:34,080 Speaker 1: the time about everything. Of course, it doesn't mean that. 335 00:22:34,119 --> 00:22:38,440 Speaker 1: It just means that we are wrong often, and opening 336 00:22:38,440 --> 00:22:42,320 Speaker 1: ourselves to other people's thoughts and ideas is not weakness. 337 00:22:42,400 --> 00:22:48,760 Speaker 1: It's humility, it's objectivity. You might you might say, look, 338 00:22:48,800 --> 00:22:52,520 Speaker 1: this is what I think, I think ABC, Craig thinks 339 00:22:52,600 --> 00:22:56,639 Speaker 1: d EF. I'm pretty sure ABC is right. Craig's pretty 340 00:22:56,680 --> 00:23:00,720 Speaker 1: sure about DF. I'm just going to park ABC for 341 00:23:00,760 --> 00:23:03,040 Speaker 1: a moments. I still think that, I still believe that, 342 00:23:03,080 --> 00:23:05,119 Speaker 1: but I'm going to open the door, and I'm going 343 00:23:05,200 --> 00:23:08,520 Speaker 1: to try to open the door without bias, and I'm 344 00:23:08,520 --> 00:23:10,399 Speaker 1: going to try to listen. I'm going to try to 345 00:23:10,440 --> 00:23:15,160 Speaker 1: be curious, not condemning, so I might consider something else. Now, 346 00:23:15,200 --> 00:23:18,439 Speaker 1: you might do all of that, a real exercise in 347 00:23:18,560 --> 00:23:22,320 Speaker 1: hopefully objectivity and self awareness and curiosity, and you might 348 00:23:22,440 --> 00:23:25,600 Speaker 1: come back having considered my story or my philosophy or 349 00:23:25,600 --> 00:23:29,080 Speaker 1: my ideology, and you might circle back to your version 350 00:23:29,119 --> 00:23:31,400 Speaker 1: of what is which is ABC, and you might go, 351 00:23:31,480 --> 00:23:35,800 Speaker 1: I consider DF, but I don't think so. I really 352 00:23:35,840 --> 00:23:38,040 Speaker 1: did consider it, though, and I would go good for you. 353 00:23:38,920 --> 00:23:42,800 Speaker 1: And by the way, you being in the ABC paradigm 354 00:23:42,800 --> 00:23:45,320 Speaker 1: and me being in the dof paradigm. That doesn't mean 355 00:23:45,320 --> 00:23:48,320 Speaker 1: that we've got to be opposition. That doesn't mean we've 356 00:23:48,320 --> 00:23:50,760 Speaker 1: got to go to war. In fact, we could probably 357 00:23:50,840 --> 00:23:55,639 Speaker 1: have for most things different ideas and different beliefs and 358 00:23:55,720 --> 00:23:59,000 Speaker 1: still probably be pretty fucking good friends. There's a crazy 359 00:23:59,080 --> 00:24:03,280 Speaker 1: idea we probably don't have to hate each other. Amazing. 360 00:24:04,240 --> 00:24:06,200 Speaker 1: I've got four to go. I better be quick because 361 00:24:06,200 --> 00:24:08,159 Speaker 1: I've got to go to the gym in ten minutes. Bucket, 362 00:24:08,200 --> 00:24:12,399 Speaker 1: you fuck. Number seven is waiting for the right time. 363 00:24:12,720 --> 00:24:14,959 Speaker 1: Some of us have been waiting for the right time, 364 00:24:15,440 --> 00:24:18,520 Speaker 1: the mystical, mythical, magical right time, the right time. It's 365 00:24:18,560 --> 00:24:22,720 Speaker 1: not the right time. It's a timing issue. I don't 366 00:24:22,720 --> 00:24:26,160 Speaker 1: have data on this, but I've had thousands of conversations 367 00:24:26,200 --> 00:24:29,160 Speaker 1: with thousands of people about this. My guess, your honor, 368 00:24:29,280 --> 00:24:31,800 Speaker 1: this is my guess. This is my observation. This is 369 00:24:31,840 --> 00:24:37,119 Speaker 1: my experience, this is my anecdotal evidence. My thinking is 370 00:24:37,160 --> 00:24:42,720 Speaker 1: that it's a time issue for about ninety percent of us. 371 00:24:43,040 --> 00:24:46,280 Speaker 1: Is not true. But we like to say it's not 372 00:24:46,320 --> 00:24:49,560 Speaker 1: about me, it's about time, because then if it's about time, 373 00:24:50,920 --> 00:24:54,800 Speaker 1: it's not my fault, because there's twenty four hours in 374 00:24:54,840 --> 00:24:57,240 Speaker 1: a day. I just want to do it. It's not 375 00:24:57,320 --> 00:25:00,399 Speaker 1: about me. I have the motivation and I have the will, 376 00:25:00,880 --> 00:25:02,919 Speaker 1: and I recognize that I need to do it, but 377 00:25:03,119 --> 00:25:07,320 Speaker 1: right now I just can't because I don't have the time. Now, 378 00:25:07,440 --> 00:25:11,000 Speaker 1: sometimes that's true, but when you see the person five 379 00:25:11,080 --> 00:25:13,359 Speaker 1: years down the track and they're still telling you the 380 00:25:13,400 --> 00:25:16,199 Speaker 1: same story about the same thing that they should change, 381 00:25:16,640 --> 00:25:19,560 Speaker 1: and five years later they still don't have the time, 382 00:25:20,040 --> 00:25:25,119 Speaker 1: then probably it's not a time issue. Number eight is 383 00:25:25,560 --> 00:25:33,199 Speaker 1: waiting for an opportunity to present itself. It's so funny 384 00:25:33,240 --> 00:25:37,040 Speaker 1: how many people say to me something like I never 385 00:25:37,119 --> 00:25:41,280 Speaker 1: get an opportunity, Like somebody is going to bang on 386 00:25:41,320 --> 00:25:43,640 Speaker 1: their door and go that ah on a silver tray 387 00:25:43,680 --> 00:25:46,320 Speaker 1: with a ribbon on it. Good ay, Dave, here it 388 00:25:46,359 --> 00:25:50,800 Speaker 1: is your opportunity. You welcome, and then you get the 389 00:25:50,840 --> 00:25:53,840 Speaker 1: opportunity and you do all the right things and you 390 00:25:53,920 --> 00:25:58,680 Speaker 1: turn the opportunity into a raging success and bibbity bobby boo, 391 00:25:59,160 --> 00:26:06,840 Speaker 1: thank goodness. Or here's another idea. What if we create opportunities. 392 00:26:07,840 --> 00:26:11,720 Speaker 1: What if instead of waiting for someone to ask me, 393 00:26:11,880 --> 00:26:15,040 Speaker 1: for example, to start a podcast, what if I started 394 00:26:15,040 --> 00:26:18,640 Speaker 1: a podcast with no invitation and what if it failed? 395 00:26:18,720 --> 00:26:20,399 Speaker 1: Which it did the first one, and what if the 396 00:26:20,440 --> 00:26:23,359 Speaker 1: second one failed that also did, and the third one 397 00:26:23,520 --> 00:26:25,960 Speaker 1: that also did, and then the fourth one, which is 398 00:26:25,960 --> 00:26:28,040 Speaker 1: the one you're listening to now, the You Project, Well, 399 00:26:28,119 --> 00:26:31,359 Speaker 1: that also failed for six hundred episodes. In that I 400 00:26:31,480 --> 00:26:37,199 Speaker 1: was commercially losing go and going backwards. Eventually, eventually it 401 00:26:37,359 --> 00:26:39,560 Speaker 1: kind of worked. We built some momentum, we got a 402 00:26:39,560 --> 00:26:42,000 Speaker 1: few sponsors, we made a few bucks, and here we 403 00:26:42,040 --> 00:26:45,000 Speaker 1: are now. And how did we get here? Not because 404 00:26:45,040 --> 00:26:49,720 Speaker 1: somebody from Nova contacted me and said, harps, we think 405 00:26:49,760 --> 00:26:53,520 Speaker 1: you're great. We want to give you an opportunity to 406 00:26:53,760 --> 00:26:57,159 Speaker 1: do a podcast. No, and I never say things like 407 00:26:57,200 --> 00:26:59,600 Speaker 1: this about myself, but the truth is I work like 408 00:26:59,640 --> 00:27:02,000 Speaker 1: a mother fuck. I took the risk, I paid the money, 409 00:27:02,040 --> 00:27:04,920 Speaker 1: I got uncomfortable, I fucked up a thousand times, and 410 00:27:04,960 --> 00:27:09,359 Speaker 1: it grew. There was no opportunity on a silver platter. 411 00:27:10,160 --> 00:27:13,560 Speaker 1: But I created an opportunity and I built on the 412 00:27:13,600 --> 00:27:17,840 Speaker 1: opportunity and it became a thing. And you can create 413 00:27:17,880 --> 00:27:21,600 Speaker 1: your own opportunities. And I've spent because here's the funny 414 00:27:21,640 --> 00:27:26,320 Speaker 1: thing for me, because I've never been recognized. Nobody's ever gone, hey, 415 00:27:26,359 --> 00:27:28,800 Speaker 1: you're a fucking superstar. We want to give you an 416 00:27:28,800 --> 00:27:32,280 Speaker 1: opportunity that's literally never happened to me ever. In my life. 417 00:27:33,240 --> 00:27:35,720 Speaker 1: My life has been about thinking, this is where I am, 418 00:27:35,760 --> 00:27:38,920 Speaker 1: that's where I want to be. How do I get there? 419 00:27:39,960 --> 00:27:41,359 Speaker 1: Do I sit on the couch and wait for the 420 00:27:41,440 --> 00:27:44,159 Speaker 1: knock on the door? Or do I ask questions? Do 421 00:27:44,240 --> 00:27:47,000 Speaker 1: I do research? Do I talk to people? Do I 422 00:27:47,119 --> 00:27:50,000 Speaker 1: gain knowledge? Then do I start the wheels turning? Do 423 00:27:50,119 --> 00:27:52,840 Speaker 1: I make it? Of course, this is literally just the 424 00:27:52,880 --> 00:27:59,680 Speaker 1: process of creating an opportunity. We create the opportunity, we 425 00:28:00,080 --> 00:28:04,680 Speaker 1: create the process, we create the outcome. If somebody does 426 00:28:04,800 --> 00:28:09,040 Speaker 1: happen to come to the metaphoric front door, great, and 427 00:28:09,080 --> 00:28:12,760 Speaker 1: I'm all for it. Like I'm I'm super happy for 428 00:28:12,840 --> 00:28:17,200 Speaker 1: people who do get presented with opportunities, but they are 429 00:28:17,200 --> 00:28:22,240 Speaker 1: in the minority, the majority of us. For the majority 430 00:28:22,280 --> 00:28:27,440 Speaker 1: of our time, we'll need to create these opportunities ourselves. 431 00:28:27,920 --> 00:28:30,840 Speaker 1: My second last one is in terms of how we 432 00:28:30,880 --> 00:28:34,400 Speaker 1: get in our own way. This is a bit deep. 433 00:28:34,520 --> 00:28:37,520 Speaker 1: Is we allow ourselves to be a character in someone 434 00:28:37,520 --> 00:28:44,440 Speaker 1: else's story. And by that, I mean we don't really 435 00:28:44,520 --> 00:28:48,360 Speaker 1: choose our path. We let other people choose it for us. 436 00:28:48,480 --> 00:28:53,080 Speaker 1: We become what is expected of us. We become who 437 00:28:53,240 --> 00:28:57,320 Speaker 1: they think we should be. It's almost like they choose 438 00:28:57,360 --> 00:29:00,840 Speaker 1: our path and purpose and belief and value use and 439 00:29:01,080 --> 00:29:04,760 Speaker 1: job and academic path and all of these things. And 440 00:29:04,800 --> 00:29:07,040 Speaker 1: then we wake up and we're twenty five or thirty 441 00:29:07,160 --> 00:29:12,000 Speaker 1: or sometimes fifty, and we realize I've basically been doing 442 00:29:12,120 --> 00:29:16,160 Speaker 1: a version of what people tell me to do or 443 00:29:16,200 --> 00:29:20,040 Speaker 1: want me to do, or expect me to do forever. 444 00:29:21,600 --> 00:29:24,720 Speaker 1: And here I am, and I've done all of these things. 445 00:29:24,760 --> 00:29:27,480 Speaker 1: And now I'm thirty or forty or fifty or sixty, 446 00:29:27,520 --> 00:29:32,960 Speaker 1: And honestly, I don't love my situation. I don't love it. 447 00:29:33,040 --> 00:29:36,040 Speaker 1: I don't love my job. I in fact, I don't 448 00:29:36,480 --> 00:29:40,680 Speaker 1: like this Actually wasn't my choice. This is where I 449 00:29:40,720 --> 00:29:42,560 Speaker 1: am and how I am and who I am, and 450 00:29:42,640 --> 00:29:46,920 Speaker 1: my current situation is really just a byproduct of a 451 00:29:47,000 --> 00:29:51,760 Speaker 1: bunch of stuff that for much of it I didn't choose. 452 00:29:52,640 --> 00:29:56,680 Speaker 1: So this aligns with old blend these in this aligns 453 00:29:56,760 --> 00:30:01,600 Speaker 1: with number ten, which is not living in tensionally right, 454 00:30:01,920 --> 00:30:06,160 Speaker 1: And so by that I mean we are some of 455 00:30:06,240 --> 00:30:09,080 Speaker 1: us are living almost as like I said, a character 456 00:30:09,120 --> 00:30:15,360 Speaker 1: in someone else's story. We're living reactively and defensively. Not 457 00:30:15,480 --> 00:30:21,480 Speaker 1: so much are we consciously and intentionally and proactively creating 458 00:30:21,640 --> 00:30:26,360 Speaker 1: our own path and journey based on what we want, 459 00:30:26,880 --> 00:30:29,960 Speaker 1: who we want to be, what we know, what our 460 00:30:30,120 --> 00:30:37,640 Speaker 1: values are, what we determine success to be. Now, this 461 00:30:37,840 --> 00:30:43,600 Speaker 1: is not selfish, this is self aware. You don't have 462 00:30:43,720 --> 00:30:47,720 Speaker 1: to become what people want. In fact, when you are 463 00:30:47,840 --> 00:30:52,200 Speaker 1: becoming what people want you to be, you're moving away 464 00:30:52,280 --> 00:30:56,920 Speaker 1: from your core nature. You're moving away from who you 465 00:30:57,120 --> 00:31:03,880 Speaker 1: are at your core. And if people need you to 466 00:31:04,080 --> 00:31:08,720 Speaker 1: be a certain way to fit into their paradigm, that's 467 00:31:08,720 --> 00:31:13,440 Speaker 1: not love. That's not kindness kindness. That's manipulation and control. 468 00:31:14,840 --> 00:31:17,280 Speaker 1: And there are a lot of people in the world 469 00:31:17,920 --> 00:31:24,440 Speaker 1: who love to manage and control and coerce and manipulate people, 470 00:31:24,600 --> 00:31:30,640 Speaker 1: even people they in inverted Comma's love because it suits them. 471 00:31:32,000 --> 00:31:36,160 Speaker 1: And the moment that the person you or me go hey, 472 00:31:36,400 --> 00:31:38,720 Speaker 1: that's cool, I know that you really love that and 473 00:31:38,760 --> 00:31:40,880 Speaker 1: want that. I don't love that. I don't want that. 474 00:31:41,800 --> 00:31:45,760 Speaker 1: What I want is this and the moment that you 475 00:31:45,840 --> 00:31:48,120 Speaker 1: get clarity about who you are and who you want 476 00:31:48,160 --> 00:31:50,440 Speaker 1: to be, and your path and your values and your 477 00:31:50,480 --> 00:31:54,920 Speaker 1: purpose and your meaning and your direction and you really 478 00:31:55,040 --> 00:31:58,200 Speaker 1: know that. And then if they protest, if they try 479 00:31:58,240 --> 00:32:03,160 Speaker 1: to get in the way, that's alarm bell time. So 480 00:32:03,240 --> 00:32:06,800 Speaker 1: in a loving way, fuck them. You don't need to 481 00:32:06,840 --> 00:32:10,280 Speaker 1: control them, you don't need to tell them how to live. 482 00:32:10,400 --> 00:32:12,520 Speaker 1: You can let them be them. You can still love 483 00:32:12,560 --> 00:32:16,600 Speaker 1: them and care about them. But the moment that they're 484 00:32:16,640 --> 00:32:19,760 Speaker 1: trying to write your story is the moment that you 485 00:32:19,840 --> 00:32:25,000 Speaker 1: should step away, if not literally metaphorically. All right, kids, 486 00:32:25,840 --> 00:32:27,960 Speaker 1: I think that was all right. Listen to me pumping 487 00:32:28,000 --> 00:32:30,800 Speaker 1: up my own tires. I love this stuff. How good 488 00:32:30,880 --> 00:32:34,960 Speaker 1: is this stuff? Anyway? Have a good day. If you 489 00:32:35,000 --> 00:32:39,400 Speaker 1: think this was of interest to maybe or of value 490 00:32:39,440 --> 00:32:42,240 Speaker 1: to someone else, you know, do me a favor and 491 00:32:42,320 --> 00:32:44,360 Speaker 1: maybe them a favor and share it with them if 492 00:32:44,400 --> 00:32:46,360 Speaker 1: you would see you next time.