1 00:00:00,120 --> 00:00:01,560 Speaker 1: Coming up on Relatables. 2 00:00:01,760 --> 00:00:04,040 Speaker 2: We kept seeing each other in secret for about three 3 00:00:04,080 --> 00:00:06,200 Speaker 2: months and I asked if we could make it official 4 00:00:06,280 --> 00:00:08,480 Speaker 2: and not just sex. He agreed, but he said we 5 00:00:08,480 --> 00:00:12,639 Speaker 2: couldn't tell anyone. I was confused, but somehow he convinced 6 00:00:12,680 --> 00:00:16,560 Speaker 2: me to agree. I was his little secret. That does 7 00:00:16,600 --> 00:00:31,160 Speaker 2: sound kind of yea relatable. The Relatables podcast is hosted 8 00:00:31,160 --> 00:00:34,280 Speaker 2: by myself, Oddie Clark Akay Mom, and my partner in crime, 9 00:00:34,360 --> 00:00:36,159 Speaker 2: mister Jake Craig aka Daddy. 10 00:00:36,840 --> 00:00:38,199 Speaker 1: And this is a Dilemmas episode. 11 00:00:38,320 --> 00:00:43,360 Speaker 2: Dilemmas Are Back. It feels good to like I was 12 00:00:43,400 --> 00:00:45,279 Speaker 2: gonna say help, but I don't always think we help 13 00:00:45,440 --> 00:00:46,080 Speaker 2: try to help. 14 00:00:46,440 --> 00:00:48,599 Speaker 1: Yeah, I don't know, it's just I just like dilemmas. 15 00:00:48,680 --> 00:00:50,800 Speaker 2: Yeah, I feel like it's getting an insight into like 16 00:00:51,440 --> 00:00:56,000 Speaker 2: other people's lives. Not always necessarily positive, but but it's 17 00:00:56,000 --> 00:00:59,200 Speaker 2: also there's confident knowing that like other people going through shit. 18 00:00:59,280 --> 00:01:00,520 Speaker 1: Do you have any dilemma this week? 19 00:01:02,320 --> 00:01:05,440 Speaker 2: Yeah? My car A I'm fucking pissed. It just keeps 20 00:01:05,440 --> 00:01:06,040 Speaker 2: having issues. 21 00:01:06,120 --> 00:01:08,760 Speaker 3: I wanted to ask you have you you've had quite 22 00:01:08,800 --> 00:01:09,800 Speaker 3: a few issues with it? 23 00:01:10,600 --> 00:01:10,839 Speaker 1: Yeah? 24 00:01:11,120 --> 00:01:13,200 Speaker 3: Or was one of the like I remember your car 25 00:01:13,520 --> 00:01:16,200 Speaker 3: not telling you when your fuel was your fuel gage 26 00:01:16,280 --> 00:01:18,960 Speaker 3: wasn't working. I've got about that, and so I just 27 00:01:19,000 --> 00:01:20,800 Speaker 3: want you had to like maybe twice you had to 28 00:01:20,800 --> 00:01:23,240 Speaker 3: get that checked out and then sent away to get fixed. 29 00:01:23,640 --> 00:01:25,360 Speaker 3: So to me, it's just like it feels like your 30 00:01:25,360 --> 00:01:27,000 Speaker 3: car has always got issues, but it usually. 31 00:01:26,760 --> 00:01:28,520 Speaker 2: Is all right though no other than like that was 32 00:01:28,560 --> 00:01:29,720 Speaker 2: the only issue I had with it. 33 00:01:29,840 --> 00:01:31,960 Speaker 1: Yeah, my clutch went when I bought it. Actually too. 34 00:01:32,959 --> 00:01:35,880 Speaker 2: That's what I'm talking about though, is I got my 35 00:01:35,920 --> 00:01:38,640 Speaker 2: duel battery done, and like I just don't think it 36 00:01:38,720 --> 00:01:41,200 Speaker 2: was done right day. It's been back to the shop 37 00:01:41,240 --> 00:01:43,960 Speaker 2: twice and now, like obviously it's just this tiny little things. 38 00:01:44,000 --> 00:01:46,120 Speaker 2: I'm a bit of a perfectionist, Like it works, but 39 00:01:46,120 --> 00:01:48,800 Speaker 2: it's not optimal. But I mean, if you pay for 40 00:01:48,840 --> 00:01:51,000 Speaker 2: it to be done, I know work properly. I got 41 00:01:51,000 --> 00:01:53,600 Speaker 2: it back and like Boring's car stuff, you need a 42 00:01:53,640 --> 00:01:55,360 Speaker 2: Vault meter to read you twelve Vault systems. You know 43 00:01:55,360 --> 00:01:58,080 Speaker 2: it's operating effectively. I came back and it doesn't fucking 44 00:01:58,240 --> 00:02:01,560 Speaker 2: turn on. I'm gonna get second opinion. So that's my dilemma. 45 00:02:01,800 --> 00:02:03,440 Speaker 2: Paying someone in a new place. Yeah, I'm taking it 46 00:02:03,440 --> 00:02:05,280 Speaker 2: to a new place. I've been back there three times 47 00:02:05,480 --> 00:02:07,560 Speaker 2: and it's like all the way up. Yeah you dropped me, 48 00:02:07,600 --> 00:02:09,680 Speaker 2: you came with me one so far away. They're really 49 00:02:09,760 --> 00:02:11,799 Speaker 2: nice dudes too, so like I don't think like it's 50 00:02:11,840 --> 00:02:13,120 Speaker 2: a sketchy mechanic vibe. 51 00:02:13,120 --> 00:02:14,320 Speaker 1: No, they're not trying to stitch up problem. 52 00:02:14,320 --> 00:02:16,400 Speaker 2: It's just like I don't know, just like fucking get better. 53 00:02:16,600 --> 00:02:17,280 Speaker 1: That's hilarious. 54 00:02:17,280 --> 00:02:18,920 Speaker 3: So you just need to go to like an audio 55 00:02:19,520 --> 00:02:21,800 Speaker 3: auto electrician. What electrician be like? Can you just please? 56 00:02:21,919 --> 00:02:23,639 Speaker 2: I really like cars, you know, it's a bit of 57 00:02:23,680 --> 00:02:25,240 Speaker 2: a passion of mine. I like thinking about him and 58 00:02:25,240 --> 00:02:26,560 Speaker 2: working on them, but also like I don't know that 59 00:02:26,639 --> 00:02:28,320 Speaker 2: much about him on the oppice today. 60 00:02:28,480 --> 00:02:31,000 Speaker 1: Really, yeah, I know cars. I really like them. 61 00:02:31,040 --> 00:02:33,040 Speaker 2: Yeah, it's a tool, but also I see it as 62 00:02:33,080 --> 00:02:35,560 Speaker 2: more like a novelty. I could never see myself being 63 00:02:35,600 --> 00:02:36,720 Speaker 2: like I want to be a mechanic. 64 00:02:36,800 --> 00:02:38,760 Speaker 1: Would you ever buy a really old. 65 00:02:38,760 --> 00:02:40,079 Speaker 2: I really want it? When I'm older, I think I'll 66 00:02:40,080 --> 00:02:42,680 Speaker 2: do that. Yeah, I've got a fuck you could get 67 00:02:42,720 --> 00:02:44,839 Speaker 2: in a tangent here for the batteries? Who don't care? 68 00:02:46,400 --> 00:02:49,720 Speaker 2: Have you heard of a mission BITCHI? What's there? Versus 69 00:02:50,120 --> 00:02:55,320 Speaker 2: miss bitchy Pagero Mini. Have you seen them? Oh, tudor 70 00:02:56,600 --> 00:02:57,440 Speaker 2: Japanese import. 71 00:02:57,480 --> 00:02:57,880 Speaker 1: That's cool. 72 00:02:58,040 --> 00:02:58,720 Speaker 2: I've been looking at them. 73 00:02:58,720 --> 00:03:00,840 Speaker 1: They're fucking hectic. Yeah, they're fucking sick. 74 00:03:01,200 --> 00:03:04,000 Speaker 2: Way, when the Pagero came out, they're good cars. 75 00:03:04,040 --> 00:03:09,080 Speaker 3: Wait old pageros bro they were like the ship apparently, 76 00:03:09,320 --> 00:03:13,799 Speaker 3: and then they just didn't They didn't like develop and 77 00:03:14,480 --> 00:03:17,640 Speaker 3: at the same rate or the same like way that 78 00:03:17,680 --> 00:03:19,079 Speaker 3: like Toyoda and stuff did. 79 00:03:19,080 --> 00:03:20,960 Speaker 1: But back in the day, big contender. 80 00:03:21,040 --> 00:03:22,840 Speaker 2: But what I've been doing is gas lighting myself in 81 00:03:22,840 --> 00:03:24,640 Speaker 2: a sense of my car is really big and like 82 00:03:24,720 --> 00:03:26,600 Speaker 2: kind of like shopping centers is a lot of effort. 83 00:03:26,680 --> 00:03:29,239 Speaker 2: It's not that much effort. Yeah, I need a small car, 84 00:03:29,280 --> 00:03:32,280 Speaker 2: a little whipper around. And I've been looking at the minis. Yes, now, yeah, 85 00:03:32,360 --> 00:03:35,160 Speaker 2: I want a fucking little mining like that. And they're 86 00:03:35,240 --> 00:03:37,760 Speaker 2: Japanese import and they're like fucking tank man, They're fucking sick. 87 00:03:37,800 --> 00:03:39,920 Speaker 2: It's the equivalent of a Suzuki Jimney for anyone who 88 00:03:41,240 --> 00:03:44,880 Speaker 2: mister Yeah, But anyway, that's my dilemma. What about you. 89 00:03:45,520 --> 00:03:46,960 Speaker 1: I'm good for the moment, You're good. 90 00:03:47,040 --> 00:03:50,080 Speaker 2: Yeah, you've been living blissfully doing nothing made I I. 91 00:03:50,160 --> 00:03:53,920 Speaker 3: Just let stuff fling past my head when it comes 92 00:03:53,920 --> 00:03:55,839 Speaker 3: at me. I'm just like, oh no, I don't want 93 00:03:55,840 --> 00:03:59,680 Speaker 3: that one over the top as well. 94 00:04:00,200 --> 00:04:02,520 Speaker 2: And he made me come by way matrix type shit, 95 00:04:03,000 --> 00:04:06,120 Speaker 2: so that'd be advice to Yeah, fucking think about it. 96 00:04:08,840 --> 00:04:09,840 Speaker 1: Okay, But dilemma. 97 00:04:11,360 --> 00:04:14,400 Speaker 3: I've made a huge mistake and it will live rent 98 00:04:14,440 --> 00:04:18,320 Speaker 3: free for the for the rest of my life. Hi, 99 00:04:18,440 --> 00:04:20,640 Speaker 3: Jake and Noddy. I've been listening to you guys for 100 00:04:20,680 --> 00:04:23,080 Speaker 3: ages now and I thought, fuck it. I have a 101 00:04:23,080 --> 00:04:25,080 Speaker 3: massive dilemma at the moment, and I need your help. 102 00:04:26,400 --> 00:04:28,440 Speaker 3: A few months ago, my boyfriend and I hit a 103 00:04:28,520 --> 00:04:32,479 Speaker 3: rough patch. I was already struggling with trust after he 104 00:04:32,560 --> 00:04:36,200 Speaker 3: went on a boy's trip. Communication is a massive thing 105 00:04:36,320 --> 00:04:39,720 Speaker 3: for me. Little updates here and there go a long way. 106 00:04:40,080 --> 00:04:42,400 Speaker 3: But on his boy's trip he barely spoke to me. 107 00:04:42,800 --> 00:04:46,119 Speaker 3: I'm talking hours upon hours not being on his phone. 108 00:04:46,960 --> 00:04:50,159 Speaker 3: I ended up being sent a photo of him vaping, 109 00:04:51,000 --> 00:04:53,400 Speaker 3: something he knows is a big boundary for me. It 110 00:04:53,440 --> 00:04:56,159 Speaker 3: wasn't the vape itself, it was more that he wasn't 111 00:04:56,200 --> 00:04:59,080 Speaker 3: honest about it. I've always said, if you're going to vape, 112 00:04:59,279 --> 00:05:02,280 Speaker 3: please tell tell me instead of me finding out. Fair 113 00:05:02,400 --> 00:05:07,159 Speaker 3: enough around the same time, a new female work friend 114 00:05:07,440 --> 00:05:12,080 Speaker 3: entered the picture, and it's made my insecurities worse. She 115 00:05:12,520 --> 00:05:15,320 Speaker 3: was brought up in so many conversations my boyfriend and 116 00:05:15,400 --> 00:05:19,320 Speaker 3: I would have. Let's call her Sarah. She brings him 117 00:05:19,320 --> 00:05:22,919 Speaker 3: a red bull every morning without him asking, YO, mister, 118 00:05:23,000 --> 00:05:27,000 Speaker 3: still your man, Jesus. They take lunch breaks together. She's 119 00:05:27,080 --> 00:05:29,880 Speaker 3: paid for his lunch multiple times. She gives him lifts 120 00:05:29,920 --> 00:05:32,920 Speaker 3: to and from work. She's on his Snap best friend's list, 121 00:05:32,960 --> 00:05:34,960 Speaker 3: and they've been gone to the they've gone to the 122 00:05:35,000 --> 00:05:40,719 Speaker 3: pokes together. Nothing has physically happened, but the dynamic makes 123 00:05:40,760 --> 00:05:44,120 Speaker 3: me uncomfortable. I've told him this and he insists there's 124 00:05:44,200 --> 00:05:46,919 Speaker 3: nothing to worry about. She's much older than him. Yet 125 00:05:47,160 --> 00:05:51,960 Speaker 3: I still haven't felt right about it. Now here's where 126 00:05:52,000 --> 00:05:53,120 Speaker 3: I really messed up. 127 00:05:53,880 --> 00:05:54,520 Speaker 1: I saw a. 128 00:05:54,520 --> 00:05:59,920 Speaker 3: TikTok about people who can access someone's best friend's list, 129 00:06:00,279 --> 00:06:04,960 Speaker 3: chats and memories through a guy who works for cyber 130 00:06:06,240 --> 00:06:08,800 Speaker 3: I know it was wrong, and I genuinely regret it, 131 00:06:08,839 --> 00:06:11,400 Speaker 3: but in a moment of insecurity, I contacted one of 132 00:06:11,480 --> 00:06:13,240 Speaker 3: these people and asked them to do it for my 133 00:06:13,279 --> 00:06:16,839 Speaker 3: boyfriend's account. They told me it would only cost twenty 134 00:06:16,839 --> 00:06:19,920 Speaker 3: five dollars. I paid it, and then it turned into 135 00:06:20,000 --> 00:06:24,080 Speaker 3: more fees and more complications, and before I realized that 136 00:06:24,240 --> 00:06:28,880 Speaker 3: I had been scammed into paying around three thousand dollars, 137 00:06:30,200 --> 00:06:33,200 Speaker 3: I stopped paying the guy and told the guy I 138 00:06:33,279 --> 00:06:36,919 Speaker 3: refuse to do this anymore. But now this person is 139 00:06:37,040 --> 00:06:39,840 Speaker 3: threatening me. They're saying if I don't pay the fine 140 00:06:39,880 --> 00:06:42,320 Speaker 3: or five hundred dollars, they'll go to the police, tell 141 00:06:42,320 --> 00:06:45,839 Speaker 3: my boyfriend everything, and even make me lose my job. 142 00:06:46,120 --> 00:06:48,479 Speaker 3: I know it sounds ridiculous written out, but in the 143 00:06:48,640 --> 00:06:51,760 Speaker 3: moment it was completely It has completely overwhelmed me, and 144 00:06:51,800 --> 00:06:55,080 Speaker 3: I've been terrified. I've been spending every day stressed, hiding 145 00:06:55,080 --> 00:06:56,839 Speaker 3: it from everyone around me, and I don't know what 146 00:06:56,920 --> 00:07:01,159 Speaker 3: to do. I feel guilty, ashamed, scared, and stuck. Any comment, view, 147 00:07:01,240 --> 00:07:08,400 Speaker 3: or opinion would be greatly appreciated. Damn Okay, First question 148 00:07:08,600 --> 00:07:10,600 Speaker 3: is what are the police gonna do? 149 00:07:12,400 --> 00:07:14,320 Speaker 2: That's your first question, because. 150 00:07:14,040 --> 00:07:14,840 Speaker 1: Here's what I'm saying. 151 00:07:14,880 --> 00:07:18,080 Speaker 3: He's what like if you can look into this and 152 00:07:18,160 --> 00:07:21,080 Speaker 3: like the police aren't really going to do anything, how 153 00:07:21,080 --> 00:07:23,400 Speaker 3: would you say to this guy fucking tell my boyfriend? 154 00:07:23,640 --> 00:07:26,080 Speaker 2: First question is three thousand pouce cake? 155 00:07:26,720 --> 00:07:30,160 Speaker 3: Three thousand actually wait, when you were at a thousand, 156 00:07:30,160 --> 00:07:31,720 Speaker 3: were you thinking this is fishy? 157 00:07:32,360 --> 00:07:38,239 Speaker 2: What this is fishy? I would be fishy at fifty 158 00:07:38,280 --> 00:07:40,320 Speaker 2: dollars after the first twenty five? 159 00:07:40,400 --> 00:07:42,960 Speaker 3: Yeah, no, okay here, no genuinely, Like, let's just say 160 00:07:42,960 --> 00:07:44,720 Speaker 3: I'm in a moment of weakness, and I'm like, they 161 00:07:44,840 --> 00:07:48,800 Speaker 3: need to know these things, okay, because I do. 162 00:07:48,920 --> 00:07:52,840 Speaker 2: Look, I feel bad that that it got to this. Okay, 163 00:07:52,880 --> 00:07:53,640 Speaker 2: I feel bad for you. 164 00:07:53,520 --> 00:07:56,800 Speaker 3: Your boyfriend has been acting some type of way. I 165 00:07:56,840 --> 00:07:58,960 Speaker 3: see you know you fucked up by doing this, but 166 00:07:59,040 --> 00:08:03,120 Speaker 3: really the only person hurting is you. Okay, But anyway, question, 167 00:08:04,880 --> 00:08:06,560 Speaker 3: I mean, I mean I met a moment of weakness, 168 00:08:06,600 --> 00:08:10,400 Speaker 3: so are you okay? We see this like TikTok's obviously 169 00:08:10,400 --> 00:08:11,880 Speaker 3: reading our minds like it does. I don't know how 170 00:08:11,880 --> 00:08:16,560 Speaker 3: it does it. And it's like, do you wanna fucking 171 00:08:16,600 --> 00:08:19,040 Speaker 3: see who your girlfriend's been messaging? Do you want to 172 00:08:19,080 --> 00:08:21,640 Speaker 3: see her best friends me? Do you want to see 173 00:08:22,000 --> 00:08:23,280 Speaker 3: her memories that she's got? 174 00:08:23,640 --> 00:08:25,360 Speaker 1: No, you know what I'm saying. It's a moment of weakness. 175 00:08:25,440 --> 00:08:27,760 Speaker 2: I'm weak. Yeah, that would make my weakness worse. No, 176 00:08:28,000 --> 00:08:32,640 Speaker 2: I don't want to see that shit. Hypothetically, Well, okay, okay, and. 177 00:08:32,559 --> 00:08:37,199 Speaker 4: You're like, oh, interesting, okay, interesting your message one of 178 00:08:37,240 --> 00:08:38,880 Speaker 4: these people to say, twenty five bucks, I'll give you, 179 00:08:39,160 --> 00:08:40,959 Speaker 4: tell me your name, tell me your handles, twenty five 180 00:08:41,000 --> 00:08:44,400 Speaker 4: bucks and you're like, okay, sweet, fuck easy, twenty five bucks. 181 00:08:44,400 --> 00:08:46,400 Speaker 3: You know, make that and less like more than that 182 00:08:46,440 --> 00:08:48,360 Speaker 3: in an hour, must be nice. 183 00:08:48,960 --> 00:08:53,120 Speaker 1: And then they go, this is a tough one. I'm 184 00:08:53,120 --> 00:08:58,120 Speaker 1: gonna need another twenty five Sure, how many? How high 185 00:08:58,160 --> 00:08:58,520 Speaker 1: are you. 186 00:08:58,559 --> 00:09:06,480 Speaker 2: Going in that scenario? My max is fucking knowing me, 187 00:09:06,640 --> 00:09:09,120 Speaker 2: But I'm really trying to delve into my weakness. One 188 00:09:09,200 --> 00:09:10,200 Speaker 2: hundred dollars. 189 00:09:10,800 --> 00:09:16,120 Speaker 1: Yeah, I was going to say, I think like weakness. 190 00:09:16,440 --> 00:09:17,760 Speaker 1: I was going to say, like one fifty. 191 00:09:17,840 --> 00:09:19,480 Speaker 2: I remember when I was in school, I used to 192 00:09:19,520 --> 00:09:21,480 Speaker 2: have a little addiction to a game called Knights and 193 00:09:21,520 --> 00:09:23,800 Speaker 2: Dragons and you can buy gems on the app, and 194 00:09:23,840 --> 00:09:25,320 Speaker 2: it was one hundred and nine dollars and I did 195 00:09:25,360 --> 00:09:26,840 Speaker 2: it once, and fuck it felt bad. 196 00:09:27,080 --> 00:09:28,040 Speaker 1: It felt bad. 197 00:09:28,120 --> 00:09:30,360 Speaker 2: Spending that much money on like this virtual thing where 198 00:09:30,360 --> 00:09:33,480 Speaker 2: you don't really get anything. That's the only equivalent I've 199 00:09:33,480 --> 00:09:35,240 Speaker 2: got in my mind. I spent one hundred and nine 200 00:09:35,280 --> 00:09:37,079 Speaker 2: dollars on this thing that means absolutely nothing. 201 00:09:37,160 --> 00:09:37,720 Speaker 1: You get coin. 202 00:09:38,320 --> 00:09:42,199 Speaker 2: It was gems. Yeah, I got to use those gems 203 00:09:42,200 --> 00:09:44,600 Speaker 2: and I had fun, and it's still it played on 204 00:09:44,640 --> 00:09:46,120 Speaker 2: my mind for a couple of weeks that I spent 205 00:09:46,200 --> 00:09:48,200 Speaker 2: one hundred and nine dollars on this game. 206 00:09:49,520 --> 00:09:53,679 Speaker 3: O Bodie, I spent fucking eight bucks yesterday trying to 207 00:09:53,679 --> 00:09:56,880 Speaker 3: make an AI video didn't even turn out to be fair. 208 00:09:58,280 --> 00:09:59,640 Speaker 2: Did I tell her on the portal? Did I tell 209 00:09:59,679 --> 00:10:02,480 Speaker 2: you that Cassie got a run on the pod? 210 00:10:02,520 --> 00:10:02,959 Speaker 1: I did? Yeah? 211 00:10:03,000 --> 00:10:05,800 Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, you like spent fifty bucks. All 212 00:10:05,800 --> 00:10:07,160 Speaker 3: you thought you were spending a dollar or something. 213 00:10:07,200 --> 00:10:09,240 Speaker 2: I thought I was spending three dollars and then been 214 00:10:09,320 --> 00:10:10,320 Speaker 2: thirty nine to ninety nine. 215 00:10:10,880 --> 00:10:12,880 Speaker 1: Yeah, AnyWho, but that was for my girlfriend. 216 00:10:13,200 --> 00:10:18,120 Speaker 2: I suppose this is for him. I'm what sort of 217 00:10:18,200 --> 00:10:20,680 Speaker 2: route are we giving for advice in dilemmas for twenty 218 00:10:20,720 --> 00:10:26,319 Speaker 2: twenty six? Wait a second, Tell this fucking. 219 00:10:26,120 --> 00:10:31,320 Speaker 3: Scammer to do as he pleases with the information he has, 220 00:10:31,400 --> 00:10:38,719 Speaker 3: because like he or she, whoever the scammer is, is 221 00:10:38,760 --> 00:10:40,160 Speaker 3: the one doing the illegal thing. 222 00:10:40,559 --> 00:10:43,160 Speaker 2: No, no, like, but they're from like a third world country. 223 00:10:43,920 --> 00:10:47,680 Speaker 2: Tell them to do the fuck with their business, because 224 00:10:47,720 --> 00:10:52,400 Speaker 2: I remember, you know how the dumb nothing girls and 225 00:10:52,440 --> 00:10:56,319 Speaker 2: guys were scammed. But I specifically remember one dude how 226 00:10:56,320 --> 00:10:58,920 Speaker 2: they get their account hacked, or that they send a 227 00:10:59,000 --> 00:11:00,800 Speaker 2: new to someone as a fact person and they say 228 00:11:00,800 --> 00:11:03,240 Speaker 2: they're going to spread the nude to everyone. This this 229 00:11:03,280 --> 00:11:05,920 Speaker 2: hacker actually did it, and the nude went everywhere, like 230 00:11:05,960 --> 00:11:07,920 Speaker 2: puts it on the stories and shit and everything and 231 00:11:07,960 --> 00:11:10,040 Speaker 2: goes everywhere. Like I think they will call your bluff 232 00:11:10,040 --> 00:11:12,920 Speaker 2: because they have nothing to lose it, but like that 233 00:11:13,120 --> 00:11:15,800 Speaker 2: is your business, but own it. Are we missing the 234 00:11:15,800 --> 00:11:16,280 Speaker 2: point here? 235 00:11:16,400 --> 00:11:16,880 Speaker 1: Oh? 236 00:11:17,000 --> 00:11:18,520 Speaker 2: I was gonna say, like, oh, you didn't break up 237 00:11:18,520 --> 00:11:23,360 Speaker 2: with the eye like this scammer, like I guess was 238 00:11:23,480 --> 00:11:27,400 Speaker 2: just like the extent you were going to go to 239 00:11:27,400 --> 00:11:32,079 Speaker 2: to get proof of what you were feeling, and in reality, 240 00:11:32,280 --> 00:11:36,080 Speaker 2: you doing the action all way already ended the relationship. Yeah, 241 00:11:36,120 --> 00:11:36,880 Speaker 2: but like he could. 242 00:11:37,200 --> 00:11:39,880 Speaker 3: That's the thing is like you I think, oh, this 243 00:11:39,960 --> 00:11:42,080 Speaker 3: guy's a terrible dude. Yeah, So it's like the guy 244 00:11:42,200 --> 00:11:45,520 Speaker 3: is terrible, and like you, you felt this way because 245 00:11:45,559 --> 00:11:47,360 Speaker 3: of how he was acting. Yeah yeah, yeah, and then 246 00:11:47,480 --> 00:11:49,120 Speaker 3: you just so happened to be like you said, in 247 00:11:49,200 --> 00:11:51,280 Speaker 3: a moment of wakness, you acted on these feelings and 248 00:11:51,320 --> 00:11:53,520 Speaker 3: thought like I don't want to just break up with him. 249 00:11:53,880 --> 00:11:55,960 Speaker 1: I want to actually find out if I have a. 250 00:11:55,880 --> 00:11:58,880 Speaker 3: Reason to break up with him, But no, needing to 251 00:11:58,920 --> 00:12:01,360 Speaker 3: know if you have a reason is reason exactly. So 252 00:12:02,120 --> 00:12:04,800 Speaker 3: I mean, look, if you can look into it and 253 00:12:04,880 --> 00:12:07,760 Speaker 3: like you're really not going to lose a job, like 254 00:12:08,240 --> 00:12:09,640 Speaker 3: if you're not going to lose your job from this, 255 00:12:09,679 --> 00:12:11,120 Speaker 3: and if you're not going to get in trouble from 256 00:12:11,120 --> 00:12:15,400 Speaker 3: the police from this, I would say, own that shit, okay, 257 00:12:15,880 --> 00:12:17,559 Speaker 3: and just say, like, if someone asks you about it, 258 00:12:17,559 --> 00:12:19,000 Speaker 3: to be like, you know what, Yeah, I did fucking 259 00:12:19,000 --> 00:12:21,600 Speaker 3: do it because my boyfriend drove me crazy. 260 00:12:21,880 --> 00:12:22,280 Speaker 1: I like that. 261 00:12:22,400 --> 00:12:24,719 Speaker 2: Yeah, Like that's the only thing you can do his owner. Yeah, Like, 262 00:12:24,880 --> 00:12:26,880 Speaker 2: just own it. I think that's what my advice in 263 00:12:26,880 --> 00:12:29,040 Speaker 2: twenty twenty six will be. Honestly, is the best policy 264 00:12:29,080 --> 00:12:32,080 Speaker 2: thousand times. If you did it, just own it. Be 265 00:12:32,200 --> 00:12:35,160 Speaker 2: like say to him, like, we're breaking up for X 266 00:12:35,280 --> 00:12:37,400 Speaker 2: y Z. Also, I did did you tell the boyfriend 267 00:12:37,480 --> 00:12:37,720 Speaker 2: what you did? 268 00:12:37,840 --> 00:12:38,319 Speaker 1: Or just leave that? 269 00:12:38,760 --> 00:12:38,920 Speaker 3: Nah? 270 00:12:39,080 --> 00:12:41,040 Speaker 1: Just don't even tell him. Let's just fucking let the 271 00:12:41,040 --> 00:12:43,679 Speaker 1: guy tell him. Let tell him. 272 00:12:43,720 --> 00:12:45,680 Speaker 2: Yeah, I don't care. Yeah, true, So just break up 273 00:12:45,720 --> 00:12:48,040 Speaker 2: with him, and then if anyone asked, be like, yeah, 274 00:12:48,040 --> 00:12:49,480 Speaker 2: look I did this. I'm not proud of it, but 275 00:12:50,400 --> 00:12:51,360 Speaker 2: he fucking made me do it. 276 00:12:51,400 --> 00:12:56,040 Speaker 3: I used to work with the guy who was he 277 00:12:56,720 --> 00:13:00,240 Speaker 3: liked to send a nude, right, And he said he's 278 00:13:00,280 --> 00:13:05,000 Speaker 3: been scammed about five times really, And so these people 279 00:13:05,040 --> 00:13:08,000 Speaker 3: make an account of like of a quite young attractive 280 00:13:08,040 --> 00:13:11,280 Speaker 3: woman in early twenties or whatever, same age as him, 281 00:13:11,800 --> 00:13:13,800 Speaker 3: and then they would message him, and he'd message him, 282 00:13:13,800 --> 00:13:15,640 Speaker 3: and then they'd send a nude, so he'd send one 283 00:13:15,679 --> 00:13:17,080 Speaker 3: back just how. 284 00:13:17,000 --> 00:13:17,319 Speaker 1: They do it. 285 00:13:17,400 --> 00:13:20,839 Speaker 3: Yeah, genius, but bad, but genius. And then they'd be like, 286 00:13:20,880 --> 00:13:22,160 Speaker 3: all right, you got to give me five hundred bucks 287 00:13:22,200 --> 00:13:24,040 Speaker 3: or if I'm sending this new to everyone, yeah, that's 288 00:13:24,080 --> 00:13:26,160 Speaker 3: what it is. And he said every time he goes, 289 00:13:26,200 --> 00:13:30,120 Speaker 3: I don't care. And he's like, like the people, like 290 00:13:30,200 --> 00:13:32,000 Speaker 3: some of the scam people actually did send it to 291 00:13:32,000 --> 00:13:33,480 Speaker 3: family members and shit, and he's like, I don't care. 292 00:13:33,920 --> 00:13:34,800 Speaker 3: He's like, I just don't care. 293 00:13:34,880 --> 00:13:36,439 Speaker 2: Just what he was proud of his penis. 294 00:13:36,480 --> 00:13:37,679 Speaker 1: He's like, I actually don't care. 295 00:13:38,040 --> 00:13:40,160 Speaker 2: The only scam that I like, really know about is 296 00:13:40,160 --> 00:13:42,400 Speaker 2: like the Facebook market place one where they go pay 297 00:13:42,440 --> 00:13:44,880 Speaker 2: ID and they go transfer me, like, say you're selling 298 00:13:44,920 --> 00:13:47,600 Speaker 2: a couch and it's worth two thousand dollars and they 299 00:13:47,600 --> 00:13:50,920 Speaker 2: go something like, oh, it's what is it. It's like, 300 00:13:50,960 --> 00:13:53,520 Speaker 2: transfer me first, like one hundred and fifty dollars to 301 00:13:53,559 --> 00:13:55,360 Speaker 2: make sure it works or something like that, and then 302 00:13:55,400 --> 00:13:56,920 Speaker 2: transfer one hundred and fift dollars and then the ghost you. 303 00:13:57,360 --> 00:13:59,240 Speaker 1: So it's like, oh, they're aticular one fifty pay day. 304 00:13:59,280 --> 00:14:00,840 Speaker 2: I can't remember exactly see what it is, but I've 305 00:14:00,920 --> 00:14:02,880 Speaker 2: heard a few old people do that because I think 306 00:14:02,920 --> 00:14:03,600 Speaker 2: they're going to sell it. 307 00:14:03,760 --> 00:14:06,160 Speaker 3: I never got my two hundred dollars deposit back on 308 00:14:06,200 --> 00:14:07,360 Speaker 3: that car, by the way. 309 00:14:07,600 --> 00:14:10,360 Speaker 2: Really no, I never got that. 310 00:14:11,080 --> 00:14:11,200 Speaker 3: Bro. 311 00:14:11,360 --> 00:14:14,040 Speaker 2: Let's call him. We'll call him next week. 312 00:14:14,040 --> 00:14:15,520 Speaker 1: No, call him now, call him next week. 313 00:14:15,600 --> 00:14:17,560 Speaker 2: Oh man, I can't deal with the conversation right now. 314 00:14:17,760 --> 00:14:18,160 Speaker 1: Next week. 315 00:14:18,800 --> 00:14:20,520 Speaker 2: So I'll go through in double check. Okay, I'll go 316 00:14:20,600 --> 00:14:22,200 Speaker 2: through in double check. All right, it's got too much 317 00:14:22,240 --> 00:14:23,960 Speaker 2: money coming and get to see. 318 00:14:25,320 --> 00:14:28,760 Speaker 3: But I can guarantee you that I did not get 319 00:14:28,760 --> 00:14:29,120 Speaker 3: that bad. 320 00:14:29,200 --> 00:14:31,000 Speaker 2: That's crazy and he's so nice about it. 321 00:14:31,120 --> 00:14:32,560 Speaker 1: Yeah, that car was definitely clapped. 322 00:14:33,000 --> 00:14:36,880 Speaker 2: Oh good thing dropped dropped dodge dodge to bull. Alright, 323 00:14:36,960 --> 00:14:38,760 Speaker 2: my dilemma. I don't think we mentioned. If you want 324 00:14:38,800 --> 00:14:40,960 Speaker 2: to get your dilemma red. It will be pinned at 325 00:14:41,000 --> 00:14:43,200 Speaker 2: the top of the description. Haven't said that in a while, 326 00:14:43,200 --> 00:14:44,960 Speaker 2: and you can submit it there. It's completely anonymous. 327 00:14:46,240 --> 00:14:46,560 Speaker 1: Okay. 328 00:14:47,600 --> 00:14:50,280 Speaker 2: My ex boyfriend and I work together two years. All 329 00:14:50,440 --> 00:14:52,920 Speaker 2: was great and good, and we even moved in together. 330 00:14:53,360 --> 00:14:55,680 Speaker 2: His idea, not mine. It was perfect. 331 00:14:56,680 --> 00:14:57,000 Speaker 1: Dang. 332 00:14:57,320 --> 00:15:01,360 Speaker 2: However, the minute I like it, we don't say. But however, 333 00:15:01,840 --> 00:15:03,880 Speaker 2: the minute he moved in, he started lying to his 334 00:15:03,920 --> 00:15:07,280 Speaker 2: family about living with me and avoiding his friends. Socially, 335 00:15:08,920 --> 00:15:10,800 Speaker 2: with my friends and family, it was the opposite. We 336 00:15:10,880 --> 00:15:13,000 Speaker 2: spend lots of time with my family and he's even 337 00:15:13,040 --> 00:15:15,960 Speaker 2: gone on big holidays with them. They adore him, but 338 00:15:16,280 --> 00:15:19,480 Speaker 2: he still lies. To his last week, he admitted he 339 00:15:19,520 --> 00:15:21,800 Speaker 2: did it because his mom thought I was toxic and 340 00:15:21,840 --> 00:15:25,880 Speaker 2: the worst person in the world because I have endometriosis. 341 00:15:27,040 --> 00:15:29,080 Speaker 2: She said it would be too hard to live with 342 00:15:29,120 --> 00:15:33,040 Speaker 2: me and he'd have to baby me. These comments have 343 00:15:33,120 --> 00:15:36,040 Speaker 2: grown and developed more over time. He has never let 344 00:15:36,080 --> 00:15:39,280 Speaker 2: me go to him with family events to his family's 345 00:15:39,480 --> 00:15:42,000 Speaker 2: important events. On Friday, he told me he was working 346 00:15:42,040 --> 00:15:44,960 Speaker 2: from home, complete lies. Whilst I was at work. He 347 00:15:45,080 --> 00:15:49,080 Speaker 2: moved himself out of the house. He talked as if 348 00:15:49,120 --> 00:15:50,840 Speaker 2: it was a normal day and when I'd come home, 349 00:15:50,880 --> 00:15:53,120 Speaker 2: he'd have a cook dinner ready for me. And then 350 00:15:53,240 --> 00:15:55,480 Speaker 2: I came home and the house was empty and had 351 00:15:55,480 --> 00:15:59,000 Speaker 2: a handwritten note that said quote, I can't do this. 352 00:15:59,240 --> 00:16:01,960 Speaker 2: I'm sorry. Thank you for showing me so much love. 353 00:16:02,080 --> 00:16:06,200 Speaker 2: You're the best thing to ever happen to me. Since then, 354 00:16:06,480 --> 00:16:09,760 Speaker 2: I reached out as he accidentally had taken some sentimental 355 00:16:09,800 --> 00:16:12,400 Speaker 2: stuff and he had came back to return to things. 356 00:16:13,200 --> 00:16:15,840 Speaker 2: He has implied he's sorry and wants to move back in, 357 00:16:16,160 --> 00:16:19,520 Speaker 2: but doesn't want his friends or family knowing. He said 358 00:16:19,520 --> 00:16:23,160 Speaker 2: he loves me emotionally can't tell them or me why 359 00:16:23,240 --> 00:16:25,080 Speaker 2: he can't tell them we've moved back in together and 360 00:16:25,120 --> 00:16:27,360 Speaker 2: he has to lie. He wants a second chance, and 361 00:16:27,400 --> 00:16:28,720 Speaker 2: I don't know if I should give it to him. 362 00:16:28,960 --> 00:16:31,000 Speaker 2: He wants everything to go back to normal as if 363 00:16:31,040 --> 00:16:34,000 Speaker 2: the letter didn't appear, and I just don't know if 364 00:16:34,040 --> 00:16:36,840 Speaker 2: it's a good idea. 365 00:16:37,240 --> 00:16:43,160 Speaker 3: This might come across as harsh because it is, But 366 00:16:45,760 --> 00:16:53,800 Speaker 3: I like, I feel bad that the situation and I 367 00:16:53,840 --> 00:16:59,520 Speaker 3: feel bad that like you are even considering I. I 368 00:16:59,680 --> 00:17:01,680 Speaker 3: I just kind of feel bad that it's like a 369 00:17:02,000 --> 00:17:03,480 Speaker 3: thing where you're not like telling them to fuck off 370 00:17:03,520 --> 00:17:05,360 Speaker 3: straight away. Yeah, but I don't want you to listen 371 00:17:05,359 --> 00:17:06,600 Speaker 3: to his podcasts anymore if you get back. 372 00:17:06,480 --> 00:17:09,040 Speaker 1: Together with him. Oh shit, Yeah, you know what I'm saying. 373 00:17:09,760 --> 00:17:12,320 Speaker 2: Well, I think I'll play devil's advocate in the sense 374 00:17:12,320 --> 00:17:14,480 Speaker 2: of when you're in it, it's hard to see exactly 375 00:17:14,560 --> 00:17:18,359 Speaker 2: the answer is very obvious, But no, I do agree 376 00:17:18,359 --> 00:17:19,840 Speaker 2: and bad it. You're worth more than that, and you're 377 00:17:19,840 --> 00:17:22,679 Speaker 2: worth more than him. We can break it down. I 378 00:17:22,680 --> 00:17:26,760 Speaker 2: won't even touch on what his family slash mum has 379 00:17:27,240 --> 00:17:29,879 Speaker 2: alluded to about your endometriosis, so I could say some 380 00:17:30,040 --> 00:17:34,040 Speaker 2: very cruel swear words towards them, but I won't. Everyone knows, 381 00:17:34,080 --> 00:17:40,640 Speaker 2: stupid cunts, Everyone knows what I'm thinking. However, I thought 382 00:17:40,640 --> 00:17:44,560 Speaker 2: this did highlight quite a large problem in dating, especially 383 00:17:44,600 --> 00:17:50,280 Speaker 2: with boys. I won't call them men because especially their mums. 384 00:17:50,400 --> 00:17:53,680 Speaker 2: Boys let their mum slash families control their life a 385 00:17:53,720 --> 00:17:56,880 Speaker 2: lot of the time. And obviously not giving this guy 386 00:17:57,280 --> 00:17:59,680 Speaker 2: any sort of excuse by any means. But this guy 387 00:17:59,800 --> 00:18:03,719 Speaker 2: likes you, but also he can't like tell his parents 388 00:18:03,800 --> 00:18:08,440 Speaker 2: how much you mean to him, and that alone makes 389 00:18:08,440 --> 00:18:11,840 Speaker 2: me think that you should never ever consider being back 390 00:18:11,880 --> 00:18:13,920 Speaker 2: with this man. He can't own up to his feelings 391 00:18:13,920 --> 00:18:15,720 Speaker 2: towards you, and he can't be a man in front 392 00:18:15,720 --> 00:18:18,720 Speaker 2: of his mom and own his feelings. Yeah, no you 393 00:18:18,800 --> 00:18:20,879 Speaker 2: have to you have to leave. 394 00:18:21,040 --> 00:18:21,800 Speaker 1: Yeah, you have to leave him. 395 00:18:21,960 --> 00:18:24,960 Speaker 2: No, you can't give him the second No person ever 396 00:18:25,000 --> 00:18:26,800 Speaker 2: should be treated like this. And even the way he 397 00:18:26,880 --> 00:18:29,440 Speaker 2: left you, he just fucking lied to you and then 398 00:18:29,880 --> 00:18:31,800 Speaker 2: moved all his shit out of the house, and now 399 00:18:31,800 --> 00:18:33,200 Speaker 2: he wants to get back together with you. Now he 400 00:18:33,240 --> 00:18:35,359 Speaker 2: misses you, Like fuck that shit. No one wants that 401 00:18:35,440 --> 00:18:36,960 Speaker 2: in their life. I'm sorry that happened to you too. 402 00:18:37,160 --> 00:18:38,840 Speaker 3: I don't even know, like say what I feel, but 403 00:18:38,880 --> 00:18:43,240 Speaker 3: it's like so like to me, it's obviously crazy the 404 00:18:43,240 --> 00:18:45,520 Speaker 3: fact that you're even considering giving him a second chance, 405 00:18:45,880 --> 00:18:48,160 Speaker 3: But like to you, it's not crazy, and I feel 406 00:18:48,160 --> 00:18:48,920 Speaker 3: bad about that. 407 00:18:49,720 --> 00:18:52,920 Speaker 2: Yeah, it's two years of their life. It's like it's 408 00:18:52,920 --> 00:18:56,440 Speaker 2: also like time when dating is one of the hardest 409 00:18:56,440 --> 00:19:00,440 Speaker 2: things to look past, because you've put some much time 410 00:19:00,440 --> 00:19:03,600 Speaker 2: into a relationship that now is essentially over, and you're like, 411 00:19:03,720 --> 00:19:05,520 Speaker 2: I could have been putting that time elsewhere, or I've 412 00:19:05,520 --> 00:19:07,160 Speaker 2: already put the time in, so why shouldn't I give 413 00:19:07,160 --> 00:19:07,840 Speaker 2: it more of a chance. 414 00:19:07,880 --> 00:19:12,440 Speaker 3: It's also difficult as well, because, like I'm I think 415 00:19:12,520 --> 00:19:14,639 Speaker 3: that is when you're in something it's hard to see. 416 00:19:15,040 --> 00:19:15,560 Speaker 1: I do. 417 00:19:17,000 --> 00:19:19,480 Speaker 3: A lot of time, like people behind closed doors will 418 00:19:19,520 --> 00:19:20,359 Speaker 3: be maybe a bit. 419 00:19:25,119 --> 00:19:27,040 Speaker 1: Like it's just I don't even know what I'm trying 420 00:19:27,040 --> 00:19:29,160 Speaker 1: to say here. It's like, sometimes. 421 00:19:30,440 --> 00:19:32,840 Speaker 3: Do you think people just choose not to see the 422 00:19:32,880 --> 00:19:33,359 Speaker 3: bad shit? 423 00:19:34,760 --> 00:19:35,000 Speaker 1: Yeah? 424 00:19:35,080 --> 00:19:38,239 Speaker 3: Yeah, because it could be a case of like a 425 00:19:38,320 --> 00:19:41,600 Speaker 3: self love thing. It's like they don't have much self love. 426 00:19:41,720 --> 00:19:42,840 Speaker 3: I'm not saying this is the case with you. I'm 427 00:19:42,840 --> 00:19:44,159 Speaker 3: just saying, like it could. 428 00:19:44,440 --> 00:19:44,600 Speaker 1: Is that? 429 00:19:44,840 --> 00:19:48,280 Speaker 3: Is that something that's possible? Is it like you don't 430 00:19:48,320 --> 00:19:51,720 Speaker 3: have confidence? You like this person made you feel confident 431 00:19:51,760 --> 00:19:55,280 Speaker 3: even though what they're doing is like fucking terrible. Or 432 00:19:55,920 --> 00:19:58,000 Speaker 3: is it you just choose not to see the bad 433 00:19:58,040 --> 00:20:01,480 Speaker 3: shit because you can't be bothered to through the heartbreak you? 434 00:20:02,280 --> 00:20:02,480 Speaker 1: Yeah? 435 00:20:02,640 --> 00:20:04,439 Speaker 3: Or is it just a case of that? 436 00:20:05,359 --> 00:20:06,359 Speaker 1: I agree? I kind of. 437 00:20:06,960 --> 00:20:09,399 Speaker 2: I like in a tough situation like this too, I 438 00:20:09,480 --> 00:20:12,919 Speaker 2: kind of like the test of like flipping it on 439 00:20:12,960 --> 00:20:17,040 Speaker 2: its head, go tell your parents what happened, and then 440 00:20:17,160 --> 00:20:19,600 Speaker 2: if you can honestly look them in the eyes and say, 441 00:20:20,040 --> 00:20:21,840 Speaker 2: after all this, I'm thinking about taking. 442 00:20:21,600 --> 00:20:24,640 Speaker 3: Them back terry friends too, tell everyone. 443 00:20:24,359 --> 00:20:27,200 Speaker 2: No one, no one's gonna be like Sarah, that's you name, Sarah. 444 00:20:27,200 --> 00:20:28,000 Speaker 1: Are you fucking serious? 445 00:20:28,800 --> 00:20:31,239 Speaker 2: Like your mom and dad aren't gonna sit there and 446 00:20:31,280 --> 00:20:33,639 Speaker 2: be like, Okay, we support that. 447 00:20:33,920 --> 00:20:34,920 Speaker 1: Yeah, maybe a good time. 448 00:20:35,119 --> 00:20:36,399 Speaker 2: And I don't think you could look them in the 449 00:20:36,400 --> 00:20:38,480 Speaker 2: eyes and say all this has just happened to me 450 00:20:38,520 --> 00:20:40,400 Speaker 2: and I'm thinking about taking them that back. I don't 451 00:20:40,440 --> 00:20:42,800 Speaker 2: think as it left your mouth, you'd be like, wait 452 00:20:42,880 --> 00:20:43,720 Speaker 2: a second. 453 00:20:43,680 --> 00:20:48,280 Speaker 3: Yeah, Yeah, it's a good test, all right. Next one, 454 00:20:48,359 --> 00:20:52,080 Speaker 3: Hello guys, new listener here. I've been with my boyfriend 455 00:20:52,119 --> 00:20:55,360 Speaker 3: for ten years. We have been living together for eight, 456 00:20:55,680 --> 00:20:59,800 Speaker 3: so a very serious relationship. Recently, I looked through his phone, 457 00:21:00,920 --> 00:21:02,919 Speaker 3: she said in brackets, I know, very bad on my 458 00:21:03,000 --> 00:21:05,960 Speaker 3: behalf and something that I usually do. 459 00:21:06,760 --> 00:21:07,600 Speaker 1: I assume she's. 460 00:21:07,440 --> 00:21:09,960 Speaker 3: Saying I usually don't do, unless she said this is 461 00:21:09,960 --> 00:21:15,320 Speaker 3: ever and I was shocked by the amount of porn 462 00:21:15,720 --> 00:21:20,560 Speaker 3: that I found. I'm talking all sorts now. I'm not 463 00:21:20,600 --> 00:21:23,280 Speaker 3: against him watching porn, but I didn't think it would 464 00:21:23,280 --> 00:21:26,879 Speaker 3: be this extreme. But what mostly hurt me was to 465 00:21:26,920 --> 00:21:30,520 Speaker 3: see he paid for four only Fans Girl subscriptions dang 466 00:21:30,760 --> 00:21:34,199 Speaker 3: and paid to do a sexual call on telegram with 467 00:21:34,240 --> 00:21:37,040 Speaker 3: a girl what. I tried to talk to him about 468 00:21:37,040 --> 00:21:39,439 Speaker 3: this and see if there was any where any issues 469 00:21:39,440 --> 00:21:41,399 Speaker 3: in our relationship that I didn't know about, as we 470 00:21:41,440 --> 00:21:43,960 Speaker 3: have a very healthy relationship and a good sex life. 471 00:21:44,600 --> 00:21:46,800 Speaker 3: It was very difficult to talk to him and he 472 00:21:46,880 --> 00:21:49,480 Speaker 3: would not have a conversation about it, which I understand 473 00:21:49,480 --> 00:21:50,760 Speaker 3: he might be feeling embarrassed. 474 00:21:51,080 --> 00:21:52,639 Speaker 1: And all the. 475 00:21:52,480 --> 00:21:54,640 Speaker 3: Info I could get is he doesn't know why he 476 00:21:54,680 --> 00:21:57,679 Speaker 3: does it, any ideas as to what to do and 477 00:21:57,720 --> 00:22:00,240 Speaker 3: why he could be acting this way as he don't 478 00:22:00,240 --> 00:22:01,080 Speaker 3: talk to me about it. 479 00:22:01,280 --> 00:22:05,680 Speaker 1: Thank you and love the pod. Well, apologies to. 480 00:22:05,640 --> 00:22:07,640 Speaker 3: You, but you have wasted ten years of your life 481 00:22:07,640 --> 00:22:09,560 Speaker 3: with this guy because you need to leave him. It's 482 00:22:09,560 --> 00:22:11,040 Speaker 3: not a waste, you've learned some stuff, but you need 483 00:22:11,080 --> 00:22:12,160 Speaker 3: to leave him. That's ridiculous. 484 00:22:12,480 --> 00:22:14,040 Speaker 1: Yeah, like that's just insane. 485 00:22:14,480 --> 00:22:19,280 Speaker 2: Look, porn addiction is a very real thing. But also 486 00:22:20,920 --> 00:22:23,880 Speaker 2: I feel like porn it's a little bit if you're 487 00:22:23,880 --> 00:22:25,960 Speaker 2: on like where the line is of like how much 488 00:22:26,000 --> 00:22:27,840 Speaker 2: you can watch, how much you can jomp off, But 489 00:22:27,880 --> 00:22:31,240 Speaker 2: then there's a black and white line between paying for 490 00:22:31,320 --> 00:22:34,679 Speaker 2: shit and paying for sexual favors and then just watching 491 00:22:34,760 --> 00:22:36,840 Speaker 2: porn and then Also, the way he acted after that 492 00:22:36,920 --> 00:22:38,320 Speaker 2: is just like the now and the coffin of like 493 00:22:38,480 --> 00:22:40,560 Speaker 2: he doesn't even have the skills to communicate what's wrong 494 00:22:40,600 --> 00:22:43,000 Speaker 2: with him, to talk about if he actually did have 495 00:22:43,040 --> 00:22:44,840 Speaker 2: an issue, He's just like, oh no, it's like I 496 00:22:44,880 --> 00:22:46,439 Speaker 2: can't talk about it. Okay, let's move on. 497 00:22:47,680 --> 00:22:50,080 Speaker 1: Yeah, man, I don't know like you just. 498 00:22:51,800 --> 00:22:55,080 Speaker 2: I actually funny. Let me play Devil's advocate. No, I 499 00:22:55,119 --> 00:22:55,880 Speaker 2: don't agree with you. 500 00:22:55,880 --> 00:22:57,800 Speaker 1: You have to fucking leave this guy. 501 00:22:58,040 --> 00:23:00,800 Speaker 2: I was talking to someone recently actually, and they're ideologies 502 00:23:00,800 --> 00:23:02,760 Speaker 2: were very different to mine. But also I could see 503 00:23:02,760 --> 00:23:06,320 Speaker 2: their arguments. So, say you've been seeing someone for a 504 00:23:06,400 --> 00:23:08,760 Speaker 2: very long period of time, ten years, maybe you've even married, 505 00:23:08,800 --> 00:23:11,280 Speaker 2: Maybe you have a couple of kids that are very 506 00:23:11,320 --> 00:23:14,040 Speaker 2: healthy and you've been great parents. They go and sleep 507 00:23:14,080 --> 00:23:16,880 Speaker 2: with someone else, one person, one sex, one time. Does 508 00:23:16,920 --> 00:23:21,040 Speaker 2: that mitigate the ten, fifteen, twenty years raising children together, 509 00:23:21,800 --> 00:23:24,560 Speaker 2: of everything you've built together, just from one night of 510 00:23:24,600 --> 00:23:26,560 Speaker 2: sex and pleasure. Does that ruin everything else? 511 00:23:29,600 --> 00:23:33,359 Speaker 3: I'm gonna say yes, Yes, I'm going to say that 512 00:23:33,480 --> 00:23:33,880 Speaker 3: it does. 513 00:23:34,440 --> 00:23:38,800 Speaker 2: And they were arguing no, because what's one night to 514 00:23:38,920 --> 00:23:41,240 Speaker 2: all that hard work and all those years and everything 515 00:23:41,320 --> 00:23:42,639 Speaker 2: like that? And I could see the argument. 516 00:23:43,119 --> 00:23:46,120 Speaker 3: Look again, I'm not one to judge if someone wants 517 00:23:46,160 --> 00:23:49,960 Speaker 3: to forgive someone for cheating, but I think that to say, 518 00:23:50,800 --> 00:23:54,400 Speaker 3: how is that, Like, if that's how they think, then 519 00:23:54,400 --> 00:24:00,159 Speaker 3: that's to me like if someone catches their significant other China, 520 00:24:01,520 --> 00:24:03,960 Speaker 3: or they their significant other confesses that they had a 521 00:24:03,960 --> 00:24:05,840 Speaker 3: one night stand with someone and they cheated on them, 522 00:24:06,320 --> 00:24:10,040 Speaker 3: and they're like, oh, that really hurts. 523 00:24:10,200 --> 00:24:12,320 Speaker 1: But I mean we've. 524 00:24:12,160 --> 00:24:14,919 Speaker 3: Got these two kids together, we've been together for ten years. Like, 525 00:24:15,520 --> 00:24:17,159 Speaker 3: I don't think this one mistake is going to throw 526 00:24:17,200 --> 00:24:21,160 Speaker 3: everything away for some reason instantly. I think, like that 527 00:24:21,200 --> 00:24:22,800 Speaker 3: person's also obviously cheated before. 528 00:24:23,119 --> 00:24:25,040 Speaker 2: Well that's what you think. I'm I don't think it's 529 00:24:25,080 --> 00:24:28,359 Speaker 2: an immediate getover, Like, Okay, I can move past it. 530 00:24:28,760 --> 00:24:30,879 Speaker 2: We can work through this because of everything we've done 531 00:24:30,920 --> 00:24:32,520 Speaker 2: in It might take six months a year, but I'm 532 00:24:32,520 --> 00:24:34,800 Speaker 2: willing to look past it in the future. I don't 533 00:24:34,800 --> 00:24:37,160 Speaker 2: think it's just like a I guess it's fine, but. 534 00:24:37,160 --> 00:24:41,240 Speaker 1: I mean, like like pretty extreme in comparison. 535 00:24:41,320 --> 00:24:48,320 Speaker 3: But yeah, if if I murdered someone and I'm like, 536 00:24:49,119 --> 00:24:51,719 Speaker 3: I just had a lapse in judgment, good point, a 537 00:24:51,720 --> 00:24:55,119 Speaker 3: moment of weakness, like for twenty five years really sorry, 538 00:24:55,200 --> 00:24:57,720 Speaker 3: I like, does this one thing I did mean that 539 00:24:57,800 --> 00:24:59,800 Speaker 3: all the good things I did are not good at 540 00:24:59,840 --> 00:25:03,800 Speaker 3: him good point, Like you'd be thinking. 541 00:25:04,119 --> 00:25:06,120 Speaker 2: Jake, you just fucking murdered someone. 542 00:25:07,119 --> 00:25:11,560 Speaker 3: Like I know it's an extreme no no, no like it. 543 00:25:11,560 --> 00:25:14,960 Speaker 2: It opens my eyes. I stand on your side still, 544 00:25:15,000 --> 00:25:16,520 Speaker 2: But yeah, I did see the argument. 545 00:25:16,720 --> 00:25:20,960 Speaker 3: I just think like that, if someone gets cheated on 546 00:25:21,600 --> 00:25:26,000 Speaker 3: and then they go, it's hard. I just feel like 547 00:25:26,040 --> 00:25:29,720 Speaker 3: if they're reasoning for it, Like if someone gets cheated 548 00:25:29,720 --> 00:25:32,760 Speaker 3: on and they're hurt, they're like, fuck you and they hurt, 549 00:25:32,760 --> 00:25:34,080 Speaker 3: but they're like, I do want to stay with you. 550 00:25:34,119 --> 00:25:35,480 Speaker 1: I want to figure it out for our kids and stuff. 551 00:25:35,480 --> 00:25:38,240 Speaker 2: It's like, yes, by all means, I don't judge you. 552 00:25:38,280 --> 00:25:42,400 Speaker 3: But if their reasoning is like, you know, one one 553 00:25:42,440 --> 00:25:45,600 Speaker 3: mistake doesn't just mitigate that whole relationship, I'm thinking you've 554 00:25:45,640 --> 00:25:49,120 Speaker 3: definitely cheated before, because now is your turn to bring 555 00:25:49,119 --> 00:25:49,440 Speaker 3: it up. 556 00:25:50,000 --> 00:25:53,080 Speaker 2: See, like, what the fuck dude, what. 557 00:25:52,960 --> 00:25:54,320 Speaker 1: Were you saying to this person that said that? 558 00:25:54,520 --> 00:25:56,480 Speaker 2: No, Just like I was like, oh, I can see 559 00:25:56,520 --> 00:25:59,119 Speaker 2: the I saw where they stood in their mindset behind it. 560 00:25:59,160 --> 00:26:01,480 Speaker 2: And also I guess there's also a determinant of do 561 00:26:01,560 --> 00:26:05,320 Speaker 2: you say face because you do have kids, and do 562 00:26:05,400 --> 00:26:08,280 Speaker 2: you steer towards that mindset because you want them to 563 00:26:08,320 --> 00:26:10,720 Speaker 2: still have parent figures and not have us but family, 564 00:26:10,760 --> 00:26:12,160 Speaker 2: And maybe you're not in it completely of your heart, 565 00:26:12,160 --> 00:26:14,440 Speaker 2: but unit for them. I guess it gets complicated, but 566 00:26:14,480 --> 00:26:16,320 Speaker 2: I do. I couldn't look past someone cheating on me. 567 00:26:16,400 --> 00:26:17,760 Speaker 1: I know that, No, it would be fair. 568 00:26:18,440 --> 00:26:20,280 Speaker 2: I'd also never seen it from I've always just been 569 00:26:20,320 --> 00:26:23,000 Speaker 2: like black and white, but also they tread the line 570 00:26:23,000 --> 00:26:25,280 Speaker 2: of black and white and I could see white. But 571 00:26:25,320 --> 00:26:27,399 Speaker 2: also with this one, we you think they should break up, 572 00:26:27,400 --> 00:26:30,760 Speaker 2: But I guess where's the line when this guy's obviously 573 00:26:30,800 --> 00:26:33,280 Speaker 2: addicted to porn, Like you shouldn't be watching it, like 574 00:26:33,920 --> 00:26:35,760 Speaker 2: I was watching Porn's fine, but that much and buying 575 00:26:35,760 --> 00:26:38,080 Speaker 2: shit and like paying for sexual shit online when it 576 00:26:38,119 --> 00:26:41,000 Speaker 2: becomes when it becomes an addiction, because it's like, I 577 00:26:41,000 --> 00:26:42,760 Speaker 2: don't want to say it's easier to draw the line 578 00:26:42,800 --> 00:26:45,639 Speaker 2: for an addiction to something like alcoholic drugs, but I 579 00:26:45,680 --> 00:26:48,000 Speaker 2: feel like it is compared to porn because people don't 580 00:26:48,000 --> 00:26:49,520 Speaker 2: see it as much as a problem, but it is. 581 00:26:50,440 --> 00:26:54,560 Speaker 3: It's hard though, Like on the topic of porn, it's 582 00:26:54,640 --> 00:26:58,200 Speaker 3: just been so freaking normal, normalized. 583 00:26:58,600 --> 00:27:00,720 Speaker 2: Yeah, it was the only fans that with every second 584 00:27:00,720 --> 00:27:03,280 Speaker 2: girl on Instagram is shelling them. Every second girl they 585 00:27:03,320 --> 00:27:05,119 Speaker 2: want to say that, but but I mean, you're right, 586 00:27:05,160 --> 00:27:07,520 Speaker 2: there is a lot obviously, But yeah, it's become normal 587 00:27:07,560 --> 00:27:10,520 Speaker 2: to go on Instagram and sell promote selling your body 588 00:27:10,600 --> 00:27:12,920 Speaker 2: or selling nude photos of yourself. 589 00:27:13,200 --> 00:27:14,400 Speaker 1: It's crazy though, because so. 590 00:27:16,359 --> 00:27:19,000 Speaker 3: I mean, let's just like think of porn in in general, 591 00:27:20,400 --> 00:27:26,080 Speaker 3: like just you know, pornhub, like a free website. It's 592 00:27:26,119 --> 00:27:30,840 Speaker 3: just become so so normal, Like it has gotten to 593 00:27:30,880 --> 00:27:35,639 Speaker 3: a point where I actually think, I don't know if 594 00:27:35,680 --> 00:27:37,919 Speaker 3: I don't know if I'm just remembering this because I 595 00:27:37,960 --> 00:27:40,040 Speaker 3: want this spittercase, or if I actually this happened to me. 596 00:27:40,080 --> 00:27:42,359 Speaker 3: But I know these conversations probably happen with like male 597 00:27:42,400 --> 00:27:45,840 Speaker 3: friend groups, and I feel like I remember one time 598 00:27:45,880 --> 00:27:49,120 Speaker 3: someone saying to me like, it's a red flag if 599 00:27:49,160 --> 00:27:51,840 Speaker 3: your girlfriend cares that you watch porn. 600 00:27:52,920 --> 00:27:54,080 Speaker 2: I I remember that too. 601 00:27:54,280 --> 00:27:56,399 Speaker 3: I feel like, if it didn't actually happen to me, 602 00:27:56,640 --> 00:27:58,200 Speaker 3: it's definitely happened before. 603 00:27:58,359 --> 00:28:00,720 Speaker 2: Yeah, like to. 604 00:28:00,720 --> 00:28:04,200 Speaker 3: Say to someone it's a red flag if your girlfriend 605 00:28:04,640 --> 00:28:08,000 Speaker 3: is that you watch porn, and then someone agrees and 606 00:28:08,160 --> 00:28:10,680 Speaker 3: is like yeah, porn's harmless. 607 00:28:11,160 --> 00:28:14,080 Speaker 1: Like I'm that's fucked. 608 00:28:14,320 --> 00:28:19,040 Speaker 2: Yeah, it's fucking crazy. And I guess we men too. 609 00:28:19,160 --> 00:28:21,679 Speaker 2: There's because we both stand you can watch porn here 610 00:28:21,680 --> 00:28:23,320 Speaker 2: and there, that's fine. We're on that stance. 611 00:28:23,960 --> 00:28:29,600 Speaker 3: I don't know, like I I mean, full transparency. I've 612 00:28:29,640 --> 00:28:34,400 Speaker 3: watched plenty of porn in my life, but I don't 613 00:28:34,400 --> 00:28:37,680 Speaker 3: know if it's just like the older I get the way, 614 00:28:37,880 --> 00:28:44,840 Speaker 3: like the more my mind changes about the whole thing, 615 00:28:45,400 --> 00:28:52,960 Speaker 3: but like it's just so weird. It's like, so men 616 00:28:53,000 --> 00:28:56,640 Speaker 3: always talk about having post nut clarity, Like I don't 617 00:28:56,680 --> 00:28:58,560 Speaker 3: get post nut clarity when I have sex with my. 618 00:28:58,520 --> 00:29:01,320 Speaker 2: Girlfriend, No, but when you watch porn, you. 619 00:29:01,240 --> 00:29:03,280 Speaker 3: Get this thing called post nut clarity where you're like, 620 00:29:04,320 --> 00:29:07,440 Speaker 3: what have I just done? Like you know it's wrong 621 00:29:07,520 --> 00:29:11,480 Speaker 3: and you know it's gross, and then you still do it. 622 00:29:11,480 --> 00:29:14,600 Speaker 2: It's the craziest thing. Well, where I was going with 623 00:29:14,640 --> 00:29:17,000 Speaker 2: that too, is saying, if it is a little bit normalized, 624 00:29:17,000 --> 00:29:19,320 Speaker 2: it's men's brains for some reason, because I don't think 625 00:29:19,320 --> 00:29:22,120 Speaker 2: women do that. Is I remember when we first started 626 00:29:22,120 --> 00:29:24,000 Speaker 2: watching porn. We don't even watch lesbian porn. 627 00:29:24,120 --> 00:29:26,200 Speaker 3: Something like you start off there and start off there 628 00:29:26,240 --> 00:29:29,080 Speaker 3: because it's I don't know. It's just like you're young 629 00:29:29,120 --> 00:29:31,000 Speaker 3: and you think it's go to see. 630 00:29:30,800 --> 00:29:32,680 Speaker 2: Your dick, yeah yeah, yeah yeah, and then and then 631 00:29:32,680 --> 00:29:36,560 Speaker 2: it sort of eventuates to just normal sex. And like 632 00:29:37,560 --> 00:29:39,880 Speaker 2: I like to say, I kept myself in about POV 633 00:29:40,000 --> 00:29:42,800 Speaker 2: stuff that seemed like something that I could possibly do. 634 00:29:43,040 --> 00:29:47,080 Speaker 3: Like somewhat attainable maybe yeah yeah, but not really A 635 00:29:47,120 --> 00:29:50,360 Speaker 3: lot of men like whatever this dude was looking, it 636 00:29:50,520 --> 00:29:52,120 Speaker 3: just keeps we still lesbian. 637 00:29:51,880 --> 00:29:53,960 Speaker 2: To there and I stopped there. People go to fucking 638 00:29:54,120 --> 00:29:56,520 Speaker 2: people go crazy. He's the next thing, like fucking anal? 639 00:29:56,560 --> 00:29:58,320 Speaker 2: And then what's the next thing? Threesomes? So then what's 640 00:29:58,360 --> 00:30:01,120 Speaker 2: the next thing? Fucking gang say shit, And then like 641 00:30:01,240 --> 00:30:03,240 Speaker 2: it goes on, goes and goes and goes and goes, 642 00:30:03,280 --> 00:30:05,440 Speaker 2: and it's like it's an addiction because you just keep looking. 643 00:30:05,760 --> 00:30:08,120 Speaker 2: The more you go, the more of a dopamine release. 644 00:30:08,200 --> 00:30:11,120 Speaker 2: I think you get. It's a massive problem. But it 645 00:30:11,160 --> 00:30:13,160 Speaker 2: all starts with like it's called well, they have like 646 00:30:13,200 --> 00:30:15,960 Speaker 2: gateway drugs, which is like weed and fucking MD, isn't it. Yeah, 647 00:30:15,960 --> 00:30:18,360 Speaker 2: the gateway drug to fucking porn is lesbian. 648 00:30:19,520 --> 00:30:20,440 Speaker 1: Yeah, I guess, I don't know. 649 00:30:21,600 --> 00:30:23,760 Speaker 3: It's it's a weird like I guess it's it's a 650 00:30:23,800 --> 00:30:25,480 Speaker 3: hard conversation I have because I don't know the answers. 651 00:30:25,520 --> 00:30:29,240 Speaker 3: But it's like in black and white, you cannot say 652 00:30:29,280 --> 00:30:32,720 Speaker 3: watching porn is right. You can literally only say watching 653 00:30:32,760 --> 00:30:37,040 Speaker 3: porn is the wrong thing. And I would love someone 654 00:30:37,120 --> 00:30:38,200 Speaker 3: to prove me wrong. 655 00:30:38,600 --> 00:30:39,120 Speaker 1: Yeah. 656 00:30:39,160 --> 00:30:40,560 Speaker 3: Wait, that makes you sound like I really want to 657 00:30:40,560 --> 00:30:43,320 Speaker 3: watch porn. I would urge someone to prove me wrong. 658 00:30:43,680 --> 00:30:43,960 Speaker 1: Yeah. 659 00:30:44,120 --> 00:30:46,960 Speaker 2: And I think I'm gonna say I think it's healthy 660 00:30:47,000 --> 00:30:52,760 Speaker 2: to pleasure yourself. Hell yeah. But also I think masturbating. Yeah, 661 00:30:52,800 --> 00:30:56,160 Speaker 2: whenever there's a line of you'd rather masturbate with porn 662 00:30:56,240 --> 00:30:58,920 Speaker 2: or without rather than have sex with your girlfriend or 663 00:30:58,920 --> 00:31:03,160 Speaker 2: a partner, hold up. Sometimes that's the problem sometimes. 664 00:31:02,760 --> 00:31:05,800 Speaker 3: The thought of masturbating, because it's like it's easy, it's easy. 665 00:31:06,080 --> 00:31:08,280 Speaker 2: Yeah, like let's say no, let's just say no point 666 00:31:08,280 --> 00:31:08,600 Speaker 2: involve it. 667 00:31:08,640 --> 00:31:09,840 Speaker 3: You do it from your brain that you think of, 668 00:31:09,880 --> 00:31:11,240 Speaker 3: like maybe a time with the girlfriend. You just do 669 00:31:11,280 --> 00:31:14,080 Speaker 3: it from your brain or whatever. Like sometimes masturbating is 670 00:31:14,120 --> 00:31:17,680 Speaker 3: like yeah, that's easy. Yeah, and sex is you gotta 671 00:31:17,680 --> 00:31:21,240 Speaker 3: put a bit of walking, but yeah. 672 00:31:20,440 --> 00:31:22,960 Speaker 2: Yeah, and also you make yourself finished like that exactly. 673 00:31:23,040 --> 00:31:24,840 Speaker 3: Yeah, like you can make yourself finish when you want, 674 00:31:24,920 --> 00:31:26,200 Speaker 3: or you don't have to finish, or you can go 675 00:31:26,200 --> 00:31:29,400 Speaker 3: as long as you want, or like yeah, I mean 676 00:31:30,120 --> 00:31:31,960 Speaker 3: I know girls must, but probably feel the same. Like 677 00:31:32,000 --> 00:31:33,840 Speaker 3: sometimes I think I'd prefer to just do it myself 678 00:31:33,840 --> 00:31:34,440 Speaker 3: to well. 679 00:31:34,520 --> 00:31:36,400 Speaker 2: But I feel like girls don't get as addicted as 680 00:31:36,440 --> 00:31:36,720 Speaker 2: men do. 681 00:31:37,240 --> 00:31:38,360 Speaker 1: Yeah, I don't know, maybe. 682 00:31:38,200 --> 00:31:40,200 Speaker 2: Not unless say yeah, I don't think they do, because 683 00:31:40,240 --> 00:31:42,920 Speaker 2: they that that wouldn't know that spillover of the next thing, 684 00:31:42,920 --> 00:31:44,080 Speaker 2: the next thing, the next thing. I feel like they 685 00:31:44,080 --> 00:31:47,720 Speaker 2: don't have that. They kn't just contempt a little bit 686 00:31:48,360 --> 00:31:50,880 Speaker 2: content content contempt. What's contempt? 687 00:31:50,960 --> 00:31:55,360 Speaker 3: Tempt is like I'm fucking I feel contempt towards you, 688 00:31:55,400 --> 00:31:56,280 Speaker 3: I'm mad at. 689 00:31:56,280 --> 00:32:00,840 Speaker 2: You, really okay, And then content means like I've been 690 00:32:00,840 --> 00:32:04,080 Speaker 2: through this before. That's such a close comparison. Content means 691 00:32:04,120 --> 00:32:05,800 Speaker 2: like I'm happy with what I'm doing. Yeah, and then 692 00:32:05,880 --> 00:32:08,040 Speaker 2: content contempt No, fuck, I can't say it now. 693 00:32:08,120 --> 00:32:10,960 Speaker 3: So we got content, Yeah, that is like I'm feeling good, 694 00:32:11,000 --> 00:32:12,880 Speaker 3: I'm feeling like I don't need any contempt. And then 695 00:32:13,200 --> 00:32:18,280 Speaker 3: content is like a video content, and then contempt is 696 00:32:18,800 --> 00:32:20,600 Speaker 3: I have a feeling of contempt towards you. 697 00:32:20,760 --> 00:32:22,960 Speaker 2: As you can see the issue. They're so close. Anyway, 698 00:32:23,080 --> 00:32:26,760 Speaker 2: round circle to the baddie. You don't deserve this. You 699 00:32:26,760 --> 00:32:29,680 Speaker 2: should break up with him. Yeah, I'm just sad that 700 00:32:29,720 --> 00:32:39,320 Speaker 2: it was so long. Alrighty, next dilemma. I am a 701 00:32:39,320 --> 00:32:41,760 Speaker 2: gay man in my twenties. I live in a small 702 00:32:41,800 --> 00:32:45,000 Speaker 2: apartment in Melbourne alone. I work at a local bar downtown. 703 00:32:45,160 --> 00:32:47,400 Speaker 2: I listen to music in my spare time and journal. 704 00:32:47,600 --> 00:32:50,000 Speaker 2: I listened to podcasts while I run and clean. I 705 00:32:50,000 --> 00:32:52,440 Speaker 2: don't have a lot of money, but I'm very happy. Anyways, 706 00:32:53,080 --> 00:32:55,440 Speaker 2: I'm going to go at the bar and well, let's 707 00:32:55,440 --> 00:32:58,600 Speaker 2: call him Jake. We met about a fair enough. We 708 00:32:58,680 --> 00:33:01,440 Speaker 2: met about a year ago, and we really connected. He 709 00:33:01,560 --> 00:33:03,920 Speaker 2: likes the same music sweet charming, and we ended up 710 00:33:03,960 --> 00:33:07,280 Speaker 2: sleeping together a month later. We kept seeing each other 711 00:33:07,320 --> 00:33:09,800 Speaker 2: in secret for about three months, and I asked if 712 00:33:09,800 --> 00:33:12,360 Speaker 2: we could make it official and not just sex. He agreed, 713 00:33:12,400 --> 00:33:15,560 Speaker 2: but he said we couldn't tell anyone. I was confused, 714 00:33:15,640 --> 00:33:18,840 Speaker 2: but somehow he convinced me to agree. I was his 715 00:33:19,040 --> 00:33:24,080 Speaker 2: little secret. Oh that does sound kind of yah. About 716 00:33:24,120 --> 00:33:26,480 Speaker 2: three weeks ago, he texted me that he can't see 717 00:33:26,520 --> 00:33:30,000 Speaker 2: me anymore. I was obviously confused because it felt like it. 718 00:33:29,960 --> 00:33:30,680 Speaker 1: Was out of the blue. 719 00:33:30,960 --> 00:33:34,280 Speaker 2: I texted him, called him multiple times, but he never answered. 720 00:33:34,600 --> 00:33:37,600 Speaker 2: I saw him at a club and I was so drunk. 721 00:33:38,080 --> 00:33:40,920 Speaker 2: We made out that night, and then the next day 722 00:33:40,960 --> 00:33:43,080 Speaker 2: he texted me asking if I wanted to get back together, 723 00:33:43,520 --> 00:33:45,840 Speaker 2: what should I do? I still do love him, yet 724 00:33:45,920 --> 00:33:47,440 Speaker 2: still am so heartbroken. 725 00:33:47,800 --> 00:33:50,800 Speaker 1: Fuck, that's so tough. You can't get back together with him? 726 00:33:50,800 --> 00:33:51,720 Speaker 1: He just fuck you over? 727 00:33:52,400 --> 00:33:56,480 Speaker 2: Why does this always happen? This cycle always happens, Z 728 00:33:56,520 --> 00:33:58,200 Speaker 2: that you only know you love him when you let 729 00:33:58,280 --> 00:33:58,560 Speaker 2: him go. 730 00:33:59,040 --> 00:34:02,360 Speaker 1: He just like is like avoiding. Yeah, but he fully 731 00:34:02,360 --> 00:34:03,120 Speaker 1: avoided the whole thing. 732 00:34:03,160 --> 00:34:05,160 Speaker 3: And then saw you at a club and you were drunk, 733 00:34:05,240 --> 00:34:07,240 Speaker 3: and in a moment of weakness, you were like fuck it. 734 00:34:07,280 --> 00:34:08,680 Speaker 3: But like you're saying, you're still in love with him, 735 00:34:08,680 --> 00:34:12,359 Speaker 3: which is fair, but like for. 736 00:34:12,280 --> 00:34:14,080 Speaker 2: Your own just sanity. 737 00:34:14,320 --> 00:34:17,239 Speaker 3: Yeah, like he's played you must be so torn. He 738 00:34:17,239 --> 00:34:18,000 Speaker 3: did play you hard. 739 00:34:18,239 --> 00:34:19,960 Speaker 1: Yeah, why didn't he want to tell anyone? 740 00:34:20,000 --> 00:34:22,640 Speaker 2: Is he closeted or does he have a boyfriend mate? 741 00:34:22,640 --> 00:34:25,640 Speaker 2: Well that brings up an interesting debate because you know 742 00:34:25,640 --> 00:34:30,719 Speaker 2: how men are trash and like terrible communicating when they're gay. 743 00:34:30,719 --> 00:34:31,359 Speaker 2: Are there any better? 744 00:34:31,440 --> 00:34:32,239 Speaker 1: Is it twice as bad? 745 00:34:32,320 --> 00:34:35,480 Speaker 2: Or is it twice as good, because I would argue 746 00:34:35,480 --> 00:34:40,520 Speaker 2: that that world is a lot better, nicer, more transparent. 747 00:34:40,520 --> 00:34:41,319 Speaker 2: That's the word I'm looking for. 748 00:34:41,320 --> 00:34:45,040 Speaker 3: I don't know, it's hard because I was thinking because 749 00:34:45,200 --> 00:34:49,080 Speaker 3: I'm one episode in two Heated Rivalry, Yeah, and in 750 00:34:49,120 --> 00:34:53,520 Speaker 3: the show, they are two professional sportsmen that are homosexual. Yeah, 751 00:34:53,600 --> 00:34:58,239 Speaker 3: and and so like one of them is like, you know, 752 00:34:58,280 --> 00:35:01,960 Speaker 3: we can't tell anyone, you know. And then there's like 753 00:35:02,120 --> 00:35:04,799 Speaker 3: another little thing of one of they, like one of 754 00:35:04,800 --> 00:35:09,200 Speaker 3: them has a little blow up, and and I was thinking, so, men, 755 00:35:10,440 --> 00:35:13,600 Speaker 3: you know, we're kind of raised by society to be 756 00:35:13,680 --> 00:35:15,799 Speaker 3: a man or whatever, you know, and we're not very 757 00:35:15,800 --> 00:35:17,520 Speaker 3: good to talking about our feelings. It's like getting to 758 00:35:17,560 --> 00:35:19,640 Speaker 3: a point now where it's everyone's like calling that out 759 00:35:19,800 --> 00:35:21,279 Speaker 3: and it's like, it's not that hard. 760 00:35:21,360 --> 00:35:23,200 Speaker 1: Let's just talk about our feelings, right, Yeah. 761 00:35:23,600 --> 00:35:29,120 Speaker 3: So I was thinking for someone that is homosexual or lesbian, 762 00:35:29,239 --> 00:35:35,880 Speaker 3: or any part anyone I guess in the LGBTQ community, Yeah, okay, 763 00:35:35,880 --> 00:35:38,960 Speaker 3: we could talk specifically men, are they actually going to 764 00:35:39,000 --> 00:35:41,160 Speaker 3: be worse about talking about their feelings because for so 765 00:35:41,320 --> 00:35:46,359 Speaker 3: long they've been closeted It does become a thing where 766 00:35:46,360 --> 00:35:50,440 Speaker 3: it's like I'm so used to holding things in and 767 00:35:50,480 --> 00:35:53,040 Speaker 3: pretending like I'm someone else. This is someone that I guess, 768 00:35:52,880 --> 00:35:55,320 Speaker 3: this is it if you have been closeted. 769 00:35:54,960 --> 00:35:57,239 Speaker 1: For a long time. But like, I wonder what it's 770 00:35:57,320 --> 00:36:00,000 Speaker 1: like if that's been the case. 771 00:36:00,200 --> 00:36:02,200 Speaker 3: So it's like, if you're bad at talking about your feelings, 772 00:36:02,840 --> 00:36:05,080 Speaker 3: not to give anyone a fucking ticket to not be 773 00:36:05,120 --> 00:36:06,680 Speaker 3: good at talking about the feelings and just like be 774 00:36:06,760 --> 00:36:07,759 Speaker 3: a bitch or be a dick. 775 00:36:07,920 --> 00:36:10,120 Speaker 1: But it's almost like kind of valid. 776 00:36:10,400 --> 00:36:14,200 Speaker 2: Oh yeah, you know what I mean. I agree, I guess, Yeah, 777 00:36:13,960 --> 00:36:17,839 Speaker 2: that's an interesting question. And I guess the only people 778 00:36:17,840 --> 00:36:20,000 Speaker 2: you could ask are people within the community, of course, 779 00:36:20,280 --> 00:36:23,880 Speaker 2: And I guess in my head two people who have 780 00:36:24,000 --> 00:36:27,959 Speaker 2: completely come out it would be a lot better. Yeah, 781 00:36:28,320 --> 00:36:31,239 Speaker 2: But a lot of the time some people were still 782 00:36:31,280 --> 00:36:34,600 Speaker 2: on the edge. Yeah, and like they're living I don't know, 783 00:36:34,680 --> 00:36:37,359 Speaker 2: you call it a double life in a sense. And 784 00:36:37,400 --> 00:36:40,799 Speaker 2: maybe this guy is perfect with you, but then he 785 00:36:40,840 --> 00:36:42,520 Speaker 2: goes and does something else with other people in his 786 00:36:42,560 --> 00:36:44,040 Speaker 2: life and he's not ready on that side of things. 787 00:36:44,400 --> 00:36:45,560 Speaker 3: And it's hard because you don't want to be the 788 00:36:45,600 --> 00:36:48,560 Speaker 3: person to be like stop being a pussy and tell 789 00:36:48,600 --> 00:36:50,359 Speaker 3: everyone because it's like, I guess it's not your thing 790 00:36:50,400 --> 00:36:51,960 Speaker 3: to do. 791 00:36:53,000 --> 00:36:55,520 Speaker 2: It is hard, of course, Yeah, I think it adds 792 00:36:55,560 --> 00:36:58,480 Speaker 2: a whole other element that we've both never experienced. 793 00:36:58,520 --> 00:37:01,600 Speaker 3: In short, I think think you can have empathy for 794 00:37:01,640 --> 00:37:04,680 Speaker 3: the situation. So I'm going I am going to I 795 00:37:04,680 --> 00:37:07,239 Speaker 3: shouldn't assume things, and it's not good, but I'm going 796 00:37:07,239 --> 00:37:10,200 Speaker 3: to assume that this man that you dated for a 797 00:37:10,200 --> 00:37:16,719 Speaker 3: while is maybe a closeted still right, he has not 798 00:37:16,760 --> 00:37:19,160 Speaker 3: come out, and so I think you can be like 799 00:37:19,200 --> 00:37:20,239 Speaker 3: empathetic towards that. 800 00:37:20,520 --> 00:37:22,080 Speaker 1: In my opinion, it's hard. 801 00:37:22,080 --> 00:37:24,000 Speaker 3: I can't speak of experience, but it's like you could 802 00:37:24,040 --> 00:37:27,879 Speaker 3: just say to him I loved you, or like I still. 803 00:37:27,640 --> 00:37:31,720 Speaker 1: Love you, but I can't be with you. 804 00:37:31,880 --> 00:37:35,239 Speaker 3: While it's like this, because I know this doesn't sound 805 00:37:35,280 --> 00:37:36,719 Speaker 3: fair to you, but it's not fair to me to 806 00:37:36,719 --> 00:37:39,040 Speaker 3: be with you when it's like that, you know what 807 00:37:39,080 --> 00:37:39,399 Speaker 3: I mean. 808 00:37:40,640 --> 00:37:43,239 Speaker 2: I would argue too that you wouldn't give him the 809 00:37:43,320 --> 00:37:46,560 Speaker 2: ultimatum and you would make the decision for him until. 810 00:37:46,400 --> 00:37:47,840 Speaker 3: You so, well, that's when says that I can't be 811 00:37:47,920 --> 00:37:49,920 Speaker 3: with you for this reason. Just and don't say if 812 00:37:49,960 --> 00:37:51,880 Speaker 3: you I guess you can't say, well, if you do 813 00:37:52,640 --> 00:37:54,400 Speaker 3: come out, then I'll be with you. I guess you 814 00:37:54,400 --> 00:37:56,160 Speaker 3: have to just say I can't be with you for 815 00:37:56,200 --> 00:38:00,520 Speaker 3: this reason, and then I would just say for what 816 00:38:00,560 --> 00:38:02,799 Speaker 3: you've shown me, I don't want to be with you, yeah, 817 00:38:03,080 --> 00:38:04,440 Speaker 3: full stop, how you treated me, for. 818 00:38:04,400 --> 00:38:06,600 Speaker 2: How you treated me at full stop. And then look, 819 00:38:06,719 --> 00:38:08,440 Speaker 2: see what happens in the future. And it's maybe down 820 00:38:08,480 --> 00:38:10,680 Speaker 2: the track if he's a more open It basically is 821 00:38:10,680 --> 00:38:12,360 Speaker 2: he's not being open and honest, which is what you 822 00:38:12,360 --> 00:38:15,640 Speaker 2: should be in any relationship. And if you saw remnants 823 00:38:15,680 --> 00:38:17,600 Speaker 2: of that in the future, maybe, but you're going to 824 00:38:17,640 --> 00:38:19,799 Speaker 2: be over him and get a hotter, better looking man. 825 00:38:19,880 --> 00:38:22,839 Speaker 3: Similar situation to how the fucking other guy wouldn't show 826 00:38:22,920 --> 00:38:23,880 Speaker 3: his girlfriend to his family. 827 00:38:24,080 --> 00:38:27,880 Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, he's they're living double lives. 828 00:38:28,640 --> 00:38:29,640 Speaker 1: Okay, that is. 829 00:38:30,000 --> 00:38:32,520 Speaker 3: We have two more dilemmas to do, but they are 830 00:38:32,520 --> 00:38:35,640 Speaker 3: going to be over on Patreon Patrion. Sorry, head over there, 831 00:38:35,719 --> 00:38:37,560 Speaker 3: sign up and you get a couple extra dilemmas every 832 00:38:37,600 --> 00:38:39,200 Speaker 3: week and see you over there.