WEBVTT - #2028 Managing Mayhem - Bobby Cappuccio 0:00:00.440 --> 0:00:02.960 I'll get a team It's to you project for the 0:00:03.000 --> 0:00:08.160 second time, and take two Tiffany and Cook Roberts Capuccio 0:00:08.280 --> 0:00:11.120 over there on the west coast of the United States 0:00:11.160 --> 0:00:13.720 will start with tiff Who's down the bottom of Australia 0:00:14.800 --> 0:00:16.160 High Tiff High. 0:00:16.520 --> 0:00:19.000 So I have a sneaking suspicion this is going to 0:00:19.000 --> 0:00:19.920 be a fun show. 0:00:20.880 --> 0:00:22.360 No, it could be. It could be. 0:00:22.440 --> 0:00:24.599 It's always good when we get Boy Wonder on. You 0:00:24.680 --> 0:00:26.800 never know what's going to happen. He told us before 0:00:26.840 --> 0:00:29.840 we went live that in a crisis, like a high 0:00:29.880 --> 0:00:34.400 level crisis, he's amazing, but low level crisis not so good. 0:00:34.440 --> 0:00:36.519 What's that about, Bobby. 0:00:36.880 --> 0:00:38.800 I think I just do the opposite of what everybody 0:00:38.800 --> 0:00:41.239 else does. I think there's a certain level of pressure 0:00:41.280 --> 0:00:43.600 where I just calm down whether people would freak out, 0:00:43.880 --> 0:00:46.279 But in instances where most people would be calm. 0:00:46.080 --> 0:00:50.240 They freak out. I've been around you once or twice 0:00:50.280 --> 0:00:51.080 when you've freaked out. 0:00:51.120 --> 0:00:51.640 It's interesting. 0:00:51.880 --> 0:00:54.720 I want to be around you when there's a real catastrophe, 0:00:54.960 --> 0:00:59.160 just to you bask in your calm. 0:00:59.360 --> 0:01:02.040 I don't know got that way, I don't know. I 0:01:02.040 --> 0:01:03.800 don't know if I can blame Tatt's I don't know. 0:01:03.840 --> 0:01:06.680 Maybe it's like a migdala hijack, Like maybe I haven't 0:01:06.720 --> 0:01:09.760 just an enlarged a megala. A MiG dollar amidal is 0:01:09.760 --> 0:01:12.479 probably massive and that triggers me. So they like run 0:01:12.520 --> 0:01:14.560 out of whole milk at the coffee shop. Make it 0:01:14.560 --> 0:01:18.600 the cappuccino crisis, right, something that's real. 0:01:18.680 --> 0:01:20.319 That's what I look for in a potential. 0:01:21.240 --> 0:01:23.640 That's what we look for in a man, Tiff and I, 0:01:23.720 --> 0:01:26.000 we look for a blake with a bigger migdala. 0:01:26.400 --> 0:01:27.960 You send the size of it is amigdala? 0:01:28.160 --> 0:01:28.800 Fucking hell? 0:01:29.640 --> 0:01:31.640 Is that a bigger migdala? Are you just happy to 0:01:31.680 --> 0:01:32.039 see me? 0:01:35.040 --> 0:01:38.680 Doctor Roy Sugarman, I don't know. I don't know how 0:01:38.720 --> 0:01:39.560 big he's a migdala? 0:01:39.640 --> 0:01:39.760 Is? 0:01:39.760 --> 0:01:41.320 It just never came up in conversation. 0:01:41.840 --> 0:01:44.480 Why did you hold your hands apart like you just 0:01:44.560 --> 0:01:46.679 caught a fish? 0:01:47.040 --> 0:01:50.640 What all right? So for everyone who's gone, what are 0:01:50.680 --> 0:01:51.240 they talking about? 0:01:51.440 --> 0:01:54.560 A MiG dollar is in simple terms like the emotional 0:01:54.600 --> 0:01:57.720 EPI center of the brain, keep. 0:01:57.560 --> 0:02:01.680 Going, oh yeah, So he told me that prior to 0:02:01.720 --> 0:02:04.040 a seminar, my brain would function better because of the 0:02:04.080 --> 0:02:09.120 intense adhd if I did something to elevate my CTCOL 0:02:09.200 --> 0:02:14.480 means my stress horlone levels because whilst other people it 0:02:14.600 --> 0:02:18.320 adversely affects their focus, for people with ADHD, it can 0:02:18.400 --> 0:02:19.600 actually improve mine. 0:02:19.720 --> 0:02:21.960 So that's great. 0:02:22.000 --> 0:02:25.560 So what like, for example, for example, to do, like, 0:02:25.639 --> 0:02:28.680 what what should you do that I shouldn't do? You 0:02:28.800 --> 0:02:32.160 with IDHD me without it? Although that's debatable. Tips definitely 0:02:32.160 --> 0:02:34.880 got it. In fact, we've all probably got it. Maybe 0:02:34.919 --> 0:02:38.720 it's something that's transient. So what should you do to 0:02:38.800 --> 0:02:40.960 get the best out of you? If you're going into 0:02:41.000 --> 0:02:46.600 a presentation or something, don't look at. 0:02:46.440 --> 0:02:49.640 The content until I get into the room. Like if 0:02:49.639 --> 0:02:52.160 I'm doing a conference, obviously, if I'm going there to 0:02:52.200 --> 0:02:53.960 do one thing, this doesn't work. But if you're at 0:02:53.960 --> 0:02:56.799 a conference and you're slated for four or five slots, 0:02:57.800 --> 0:03:00.919 don't look at your material. So that's it. You got 0:03:00.960 --> 0:03:03.240 five seconds. It's a surprise to you. The people in 0:03:03.280 --> 0:03:04.840 the room know more about what you're going to talk 0:03:04.880 --> 0:03:07.320 about than you do. You see it, that's a lot 0:03:07.360 --> 0:03:09.320 of pressure and it'll help you focus. 0:03:11.040 --> 0:03:15.360 Do you think you are better under pressure, like real 0:03:15.360 --> 0:03:18.800 pressure than the average person or worse or about the same. 0:03:20.080 --> 0:03:24.360 I think it's context dependent, Like again, real pressure, like 0:03:24.520 --> 0:03:28.600 a work related situation. Presenting a little bit of pressure 0:03:29.240 --> 0:03:31.200 definitely increases my performance. 0:03:32.280 --> 0:03:35.120 But what about something You've got to stop talking about 0:03:35.120 --> 0:03:38.120 work for this episode presenting, and we got in trouble, 0:03:38.160 --> 0:03:41.040 you know, we got in trouble for talking about coaching. 0:03:41.080 --> 0:03:43.760 A lady sent us some email. Shout out to that lady. 0:03:44.720 --> 0:03:48.000 Third time this year we've talked about coaching, and I 0:03:48.080 --> 0:03:50.160 think it was a lady. Melissa told me I didn't 0:03:50.200 --> 0:03:51.640 see it, but shout out to that person. 0:03:52.000 --> 0:03:55.600 What about shoes crossed? About that? Well? I think I 0:03:55.640 --> 0:03:57.760 think the thing is that we just get on and talk. 0:03:57.960 --> 0:04:00.200 And because I do this every day of the year 0:04:00.280 --> 0:04:03.080 and other people's and you do it a lot, and 0:04:03.160 --> 0:04:06.560 we talk off the podcast as well, we forget what 0:04:06.600 --> 0:04:08.640 conversations we've had, which is really. 0:04:08.440 --> 0:04:10.040 Not a good way to run a podcast. 0:04:10.560 --> 0:04:13.160 So we will do better. We will do better. But 0:04:13.200 --> 0:04:15.600 what about outside of work? How do you deal with 0:04:15.640 --> 0:04:19.240 pressure like in the real world? For one of a 0:04:19.240 --> 0:04:22.000 better term, Just like we. 0:04:21.880 --> 0:04:25.919 Were talking about earlier, if it's something that is seriously 0:04:25.960 --> 0:04:29.680 a crisis, I calm down. For whatever reason, I'm able 0:04:29.680 --> 0:04:33.640 to focus day to day stressors that people think absolutely 0:04:33.640 --> 0:04:36.000 nothing of can flatten me. 0:04:36.920 --> 0:04:38.440 It's very, very difficult. 0:04:38.960 --> 0:04:42.599 And that's why I talk about work, not because I 0:04:42.680 --> 0:04:45.080 have no life to speak of whatsoever, and works the 0:04:45.160 --> 0:04:48.040 only thing I've got going. I mean, it's not exactly 0:04:48.200 --> 0:04:50.520 like that. For the most part, it is, but it's 0:04:50.520 --> 0:04:54.680 not completely like that. But I think for me, with work, 0:04:54.760 --> 0:04:58.680 I have structures in place where if something happens, it's 0:04:58.760 --> 0:05:01.200 happened so many times I have. I have a system, 0:05:01.200 --> 0:05:05.719 I have rituals to react to that where just without 0:05:05.800 --> 0:05:10.920 those structures that those rituals, stress has a really bad 0:05:11.000 --> 0:05:11.640 effect on me. 0:05:12.360 --> 0:05:12.800 I got it. 0:05:12.880 --> 0:05:16.359 Like like software downloads, that's a really good example. Something 0:05:16.360 --> 0:05:20.200 goes wrong with a software download that I'm gone, Like 0:05:20.360 --> 0:05:23.280 my blood pressures skyrocketing, my heart rates up to one 0:05:23.320 --> 0:05:27.000 hundred and seventy five beats permitted, just sitting there, just sweating, 0:05:27.640 --> 0:05:30.320 and you know, it's just basically not being able to 0:05:30.360 --> 0:05:33.159 log into the Wi Fi and the cafe. It's not 0:05:33.240 --> 0:05:36.200 a life or death situation, but it has that impact 0:05:36.320 --> 0:05:36.680 on me. 0:05:38.000 --> 0:05:40.880 So what do you do then, Like when you're imploding 0:05:40.920 --> 0:05:43.920 in the cafe next to your cappuccino because there's no internet, 0:05:43.960 --> 0:05:44.480 what do you do? 0:05:48.279 --> 0:05:51.520 Well, one, I apologize to the police officers. I try 0:05:51.560 --> 0:05:54.840 to be very respectful and just obey the commands when 0:05:54.839 --> 0:05:58.360 they show it. Now, what I do is sometimes I'll 0:05:58.400 --> 0:06:00.760 just have to change my environment. The times I'll just 0:06:00.800 --> 0:06:06.480 power through it. When I've had people around me on 0:06:06.520 --> 0:06:09.880 my team, like ian Ian O'Dwyer. I don't know how 0:06:09.880 --> 0:06:11.680 many of your listeners are familiar with those. 0:06:12.120 --> 0:06:14.320 Yeah, people know od. He's been on a bunch We 0:06:14.360 --> 0:06:14.760 love od. 0:06:15.839 --> 0:06:18.360 Od would just grab me and shake me and say 0:06:18.440 --> 0:06:22.880 something absolutely ridiculous and absurd, and I would merge that laughing. 0:06:23.360 --> 0:06:26.760 You know, my wife will just calm down. Sometimes it 0:06:26.839 --> 0:06:29.200 doesn't work when you're not calm and you have somebody 0:06:29.320 --> 0:06:30.400 telling you calm. 0:06:30.200 --> 0:06:31.080 Down, calm down. 0:06:31.480 --> 0:06:34.640 Other times she'll like talk me through it. So having 0:06:34.720 --> 0:06:40.320 people around me that kind of know what's happening is 0:06:40.360 --> 0:06:43.880 my response, but it's not a big deal. Sometimes that 0:06:43.960 --> 0:06:45.720 helps me get my equally bring them back. 0:06:47.480 --> 0:06:49.839 It's definitely. I don't know. Is it a trit is 0:06:49.880 --> 0:06:51.599 it a skill, is it a whatever? 0:06:51.680 --> 0:06:56.599 It is a programmed response, like an unconscious response. Being 0:06:56.640 --> 0:06:59.720 able to become a person who's good in the middle 0:06:59.720 --> 0:07:05.040 of uncertainty, is you know, an unpredictability, which is life 0:07:05.400 --> 0:07:07.240 like I think work for a lot of us is 0:07:07.320 --> 0:07:12.400 somewhat predictable and repetitious, and you know, we kind of 0:07:12.680 --> 0:07:16.160 know what's coming. There's a lot of familiarity and consistency. 0:07:17.160 --> 0:07:19.960 But away from work, like where we're not in control 0:07:20.040 --> 0:07:23.160 sometimes and it's not a stable environment and we're around 0:07:23.200 --> 0:07:26.280 different people and there's a lot of moving parts that 0:07:26.360 --> 0:07:29.640 we are not in control of, like being able to 0:07:29.800 --> 0:07:36.000 be in that kind of situation and cope, you know, 0:07:36.200 --> 0:07:40.440 and be alright with whatever happens. I mean, that's is 0:07:40.480 --> 0:07:42.760 that something that you think if do you think that's 0:07:42.760 --> 0:07:46.280 innate or do you think that's something that's trainable or 0:07:46.360 --> 0:07:47.440 neither or both. 0:07:48.400 --> 0:07:51.120 I was just thinking about the incause I'm a little 0:07:51.120 --> 0:07:55.600 bit bobby in some ways. In some instances I thrive 0:07:55.720 --> 0:07:59.720 under pressure far more. And then in some instances I 0:07:59.720 --> 0:08:02.000 think that and I go I create pressure that I 0:08:02.360 --> 0:08:08.200 capitulate under. Sometimes it's the self created pressure which I create. 0:08:08.240 --> 0:08:10.120 So I'm trying to unpack that in my head. 0:08:10.160 --> 0:08:13.280 I'm like, yeah, that's very good self awareness. 0:08:13.920 --> 0:08:17.160 Like a lot of people not say, like even this 0:08:17.280 --> 0:08:20.440 question what part of the problem am I? And that's 0:08:20.440 --> 0:08:23.760 not a self loathing question, that's just a clever question. 0:08:24.000 --> 0:08:29.880 That's a self awareness question because nearly, I mean not nearly. 0:08:30.240 --> 0:08:33.360 I would say every person at some stage is the 0:08:33.440 --> 0:08:37.840 problem in their own situation. Like, I'm definitely the problem 0:08:38.240 --> 0:08:41.760 many times in whatever's going on. If I'm not the problem, 0:08:41.800 --> 0:08:45.240 I'm part of the problem. So for you to figure 0:08:45.240 --> 0:08:49.920 out and identify it that you create your own stress, 0:08:50.840 --> 0:08:52.760 that is a really good start. I mean, because you 0:08:52.760 --> 0:08:54.840 can't change what you're not aware of, and you can't 0:08:54.960 --> 0:08:56.079 change what you won't. 0:08:55.840 --> 0:08:56.400 Own up to. 0:08:57.200 --> 0:09:01.160 So being able to do that, Yeah, what are your 0:09:01.200 --> 0:09:01.680 thoughts on that? 0:09:01.760 --> 0:09:03.880 Roubt to me? 0:09:04.040 --> 0:09:07.400 I wonder if it's a learned behavior, like have you 0:09:07.520 --> 0:09:10.040 just not learned to manage your stress you haven't practiced 0:09:10.040 --> 0:09:13.480 stress management? Or does it have something to do with 0:09:13.640 --> 0:09:18.199 neurobiology or both? Because understanding what meaning you attach to it, 0:09:18.520 --> 0:09:22.520 I think directly corresponds with the efficacy of the strategy 0:09:22.600 --> 0:09:25.199 you developed. So let's think the Walter Michelle study, for example, 0:09:25.200 --> 0:09:28.800 in the nineteen sixties group of very young kids in 0:09:28.800 --> 0:09:32.320 the room, let's say, averaging about five years old. Research 0:09:32.400 --> 0:09:35.160 just says you can have one marshmallow right now, I'm 0:09:35.200 --> 0:09:37.280 just going to put this in full view right in 0:09:37.320 --> 0:09:39.760 front of you or I'm going to step out of 0:09:39.760 --> 0:09:41.840 the room for a bit. If you can wait until 0:09:41.840 --> 0:09:44.320 I come back, you can have two marshmallows, double the reward. 0:09:45.080 --> 0:09:48.320 A lot of kids despite their greatest effort. It wasn't 0:09:48.400 --> 0:09:51.200 lack of trying, wasn't lack of discipline or willpower. Some 0:09:51.280 --> 0:09:53.680 kids had to sit on their hand to stop them 0:09:53.679 --> 0:09:57.319 from like taking the marshmallow. Some kids lick the marshmallow, 0:09:57.520 --> 0:10:00.840 smell the marshmallow. It's just like do we everything? But 0:10:00.960 --> 0:10:03.480 they just did not have the capacity to wait until 0:10:03.480 --> 0:10:06.880 the researcherer returned. So you ask yourself a five years old, 0:10:06.880 --> 0:10:09.040 how much of that is a learned behavior? Like how 0:10:09.120 --> 0:10:14.600 much of these kids learned about discipline strategies? And obviously 0:10:14.640 --> 0:10:17.480 the kids that were able to delay gratification when they 0:10:17.520 --> 0:10:20.600 followed them, they did a lot better in life and 0:10:20.760 --> 0:10:23.680 scholastic aptitude assessments than the kids that couldn't wait. And 0:10:23.679 --> 0:10:25.840 that makes sense. But also you have to look at 0:10:25.920 --> 0:10:28.760 what are the variables that are not accounted for? So 0:10:29.000 --> 0:10:32.960 what was the socioeconomic status of all of those kids 0:10:33.000 --> 0:10:35.640 within that study? Because I could tell you when you're 0:10:35.679 --> 0:10:38.080 growing up in a house where food is scarce or 0:10:38.200 --> 0:10:40.520 food will be taken away from you. If you don't 0:10:40.600 --> 0:10:43.640 eat it instantly, you're not going to have the same 0:10:43.800 --> 0:10:46.560 level of self regulation, especially at five years old. 0:10:46.920 --> 0:10:49.400 So what exactly is causing that? 0:10:49.520 --> 0:10:53.880 Phineas Gauge is another brilliant example, probably one of the 0:10:53.880 --> 0:11:01.400 most disciplined, organized, like upstanding individual rules that you could 0:11:01.440 --> 0:11:05.240 possibly imagine, has an accident with a tamping iron, goes 0:11:05.280 --> 0:11:08.800 through his eye, out through his brain, lose this total 0:11:08.840 --> 0:11:14.679 ability of self regulate. He becomes literally unemployable for obvious reasons. 0:11:15.080 --> 0:11:21.880 So how much of a behavior change strategy or discipline 0:11:21.920 --> 0:11:25.880 would to help Phineas Gauge. So if if it's a 0:11:26.080 --> 0:11:30.440 problem with my prefrontal lobes, which I know it is, well, 0:11:30.720 --> 0:11:32.880 my approach is going to be different. I'm not going 0:11:32.960 --> 0:11:35.400 to double down and try harder, because that's going to 0:11:35.559 --> 0:11:38.760 send me in the opposite direction I want to go. 0:11:39.280 --> 0:11:41.120 For me, it might be I'm going to ask myself 0:11:41.120 --> 0:11:43.560 a serious one. I'm going to do effective labeling, like 0:11:43.760 --> 0:11:46.960 acknowledge out loud. I have turetts. It's very easy for 0:11:47.000 --> 0:11:50.200 me to talk to myself in a variety of social situations, 0:11:50.559 --> 0:11:51.960 what exactly is going on? 0:11:52.080 --> 0:11:53.080 What am I feeling I'm going to. 0:11:53.080 --> 0:11:57.280 Ask myself questions, because questions cause you to upregulate your 0:11:57.280 --> 0:12:01.520 prefront of cortex, Like what is actually the problem right now? 0:12:01.760 --> 0:12:04.240 It doesn't even matter if I can solve it or 0:12:04.280 --> 0:12:08.160 if that brings any greater level of clarity. Just asking 0:12:08.240 --> 0:12:12.680 that question causes me to upregulate the parts of my 0:12:12.800 --> 0:12:16.480 brain that I really need right now that I'm not 0:12:16.559 --> 0:12:17.720 really tapping into. 0:12:18.120 --> 0:12:22.440 So if if you have a broader scope. 0:12:22.000 --> 0:12:25.200 Around the definition of why does this happen? I think 0:12:25.280 --> 0:12:30.240 you have greater diversity in terms of the strategy you choose. 0:12:30.520 --> 0:12:35.079 And I think that plays along with hope, like when 0:12:35.120 --> 0:12:37.480 people have hope like I can get better. A lot 0:12:37.520 --> 0:12:41.200 of that is what is the degree and breadth of 0:12:41.280 --> 0:12:44.720 agency afforded to you. If I have only one possible 0:12:44.800 --> 0:12:48.360 solution and that doesn't work, that's not very good for 0:12:48.400 --> 0:12:51.720 self regulation. But if I have multiple things and it's like, Okay, 0:12:52.120 --> 0:12:54.440 I try strategy A, it didn't work, well, I have 0:12:54.480 --> 0:12:58.080 strategy B because it might be something else. I think 0:12:58.200 --> 0:13:01.520 that gives you greater sense of hope and adaptability. 0:13:04.120 --> 0:13:08.439 So to what extent if there's a big neurobiological influence, 0:13:08.600 --> 0:13:11.000 like in other words, just the way that our individual 0:13:11.080 --> 0:13:16.360 brain works like and also other variables like socioeconomic stuff, 0:13:16.400 --> 0:13:19.240 like when it makes total sense when you go for 0:13:19.320 --> 0:13:22.440 this kid who doesn't has probably had two marshmallows in 0:13:22.440 --> 0:13:24.520 his life, the opportunity to have one in the moment 0:13:24.679 --> 0:13:27.280 versus two down the track, he's going to go for 0:13:27.320 --> 0:13:29.000 the one in the moment. If you had a given 0:13:29.200 --> 0:13:31.720 me the fat twelve year old, I would have eaten 0:13:31.720 --> 0:13:34.440 the bloke's hand while he was putting it on the table, right, 0:13:34.520 --> 0:13:37.839 so would I probably would have gone the one as well. 0:13:39.480 --> 0:13:44.800 That's just me hashtag jumbo. So to what extent then, 0:13:45.679 --> 0:13:50.080 can we override as not the right word, but work 0:13:50.120 --> 0:13:56.360 around our genetic and eurobiological disposition or predisposition because we 0:13:56.400 --> 0:13:58.280 don't want to go, oh, that's just the way that 0:13:58.360 --> 0:13:59.280 I am. 0:13:59.720 --> 0:14:03.079 I have no control. That's just my Brian, that's the 0:14:03.120 --> 0:14:06.680 way I respond, So just put up with me. Whatever 0:14:06.720 --> 0:14:07.120 that is. 0:14:08.440 --> 0:14:12.680 To what extent can we, you know, create new habits 0:14:12.679 --> 0:14:15.559 and new operating systems despite how we're wired. 0:14:16.960 --> 0:14:19.360 Well, I think most people can. I would agree with you, 0:14:19.680 --> 0:14:24.200 And even if someone doesn't have a lot of capacity, 0:14:25.360 --> 0:14:29.760 pretending as if you did is only going to engage 0:14:29.800 --> 0:14:33.840 you within the rituals and the strategies that elevate whatever 0:14:33.880 --> 0:14:39.080 capacity you have, so being able, I'm completely hopeless around this. 0:14:39.080 --> 0:14:41.880 This is probably not a great approach some people. They 0:14:41.960 --> 0:14:45.720 might be on the other end of that bell curve 0:14:45.920 --> 0:14:49.880 where their capacity is greatly diminished. I know, for me, 0:14:50.000 --> 0:14:53.200 for better or for worse, because sometimes I know I'm 0:14:53.240 --> 0:14:57.120 frustrating for people to be around. I know that, And 0:14:57.400 --> 0:15:00.280 what I will do is try to structure or my 0:15:00.360 --> 0:15:04.200 day and my rituals in advance so I have a 0:15:04.240 --> 0:15:08.640 greater capacity. So how I start my day determines how 0:15:08.680 --> 0:15:11.240 I engage with my day, and it's a big predictor 0:15:11.280 --> 0:15:14.720 about how I finish my day, which is why living 0:15:14.760 --> 0:15:16.960 on the road or going out to do a seminar 0:15:17.440 --> 0:15:22.240 is so beneficial because it puts me in an environment where. 0:15:22.040 --> 0:15:24.920 I structure the very first hour or. 0:15:24.920 --> 0:15:27.520 Two of my day in a way that helps me. 0:15:27.840 --> 0:15:29.320 Like so I'll go out and I'll say, Okay, I'm 0:15:29.320 --> 0:15:32.600 gonna sit down here, I'm going to have this cup 0:15:32.600 --> 0:15:35.320 of coffee. I'm going to read this material. You know, 0:15:35.320 --> 0:15:38.440 I'm going to move my body. Movement is critical because 0:15:38.520 --> 0:15:42.720 movement will decrease the level of stress hormones in your bloodstream, 0:15:43.240 --> 0:15:47.040 which is very beneficial the nature euretic peptides that are 0:15:47.080 --> 0:15:50.640 produced by the heart whenever you're engaged in movement. So 0:15:50.720 --> 0:15:55.680 engaging a movement frequently intermittently that works. You know, asking 0:15:55.720 --> 0:15:59.040 yourself questions. What's three questions I'll ask myself as I 0:15:59.120 --> 0:16:03.200 start to feel not like if I go from let's 0:16:03.200 --> 0:16:06.680 say seven is a complete meltdown. What happens when I 0:16:06.720 --> 0:16:09.040 start feeling it like three and four? 0:16:09.640 --> 0:16:10.240 What can I. 0:16:10.280 --> 0:16:13.560 Interject and X myself at that point? And do do 0:16:13.600 --> 0:16:15.920 I even need to deal with this? I think sometimes 0:16:16.200 --> 0:16:18.920 what makes a crisis a crisis is it's imminent, this 0:16:19.280 --> 0:16:22.200 urgency involved. But a lot of times it's not like 0:16:22.280 --> 0:16:25.000 we'll read an email and we'll think, oh, this is 0:16:25.040 --> 0:16:28.280 a crisis. But I know I've done this, and I 0:16:28.320 --> 0:16:31.480 know we know people who have done this. I don't know, 0:16:32.040 --> 0:16:36.400 maybe intimately, but if I responded to that email an 0:16:36.440 --> 0:16:39.320 hour later or a day later, there would have been 0:16:39.440 --> 0:16:44.400 zero consequences and it only would have made my response better, 0:16:44.840 --> 0:16:49.080 and the outcome and the experience for everyone involved would 0:16:49.120 --> 0:16:52.480 be much much different. I know I've stressed out people 0:16:52.480 --> 0:16:54.680 I work with because I try to multitask come on 0:16:54.720 --> 0:16:57.680 a break, Oh, let me just answer that email. And 0:16:57.760 --> 0:17:01.040 it's like, okay, Nimrod, did you even read the email? 0:17:01.160 --> 0:17:05.040 And that was like totally not the response. Wow, maybe 0:17:05.040 --> 0:17:07.320 there's a better time to do this. And I can 0:17:07.400 --> 0:17:11.359 compartmentalize all of my emails one or two times in 0:17:11.400 --> 0:17:14.000 the day. And I think when you do that, there's 0:17:14.000 --> 0:17:16.200 a lot of fear because we live in a world 0:17:16.280 --> 0:17:19.760 that expects an immediate response. But what I learned, as 0:17:19.800 --> 0:17:23.000 you've probably learned, when you're on a plane, especially if 0:17:23.040 --> 0:17:25.399 you were traveling when they didn't have Wi Fi on 0:17:25.480 --> 0:17:28.920 every flight, you can't respond. When you're up in front 0:17:28.920 --> 0:17:31.520 of a room for the next four hours, you can't respond. 0:17:31.600 --> 0:17:33.960 And when you can't respond, ninety nine percent of the 0:17:34.000 --> 0:17:35.800 time people. 0:17:35.520 --> 0:17:36.439 Do adapt to that. 0:17:36.520 --> 0:17:38.880 They learn, Okay, this person's not going to respond within 0:17:38.920 --> 0:17:41.640 five minutes. It might be five hours. So I think 0:17:41.840 --> 0:17:47.960 these things like compart mentalization and structuring and avoiding multitasking 0:17:48.359 --> 0:17:52.680 and giving yourself like every hour ninety minutes a little 0:17:52.680 --> 0:17:55.560 bit of downtime and just get up and move and 0:17:55.720 --> 0:17:59.120 change the environment that you're confined within. I think all 0:17:59.160 --> 0:18:01.520 of those things matter quite a bit. 0:18:04.000 --> 0:18:06.159 Do you how good do you see? This is not 0:18:06.200 --> 0:18:08.200 a loaded question. This is a curious question. 0:18:09.359 --> 0:18:12.880 How good do you think you are at understanding other 0:18:12.960 --> 0:18:17.040 people's perspective? You know, like that kind of theory of 0:18:17.080 --> 0:18:20.239 mine stuff, understanding how other one, how someone else is 0:18:20.280 --> 0:18:23.439 in the moment with you, not agreeing, not aligning, but 0:18:23.640 --> 0:18:26.159 just having an awareness of what's going on for them. 0:18:26.359 --> 0:18:26.719 Now. 0:18:29.760 --> 0:18:36.919 I range from below average too well above average. And 0:18:36.960 --> 0:18:40.680 it's context dependent. Like let's say you and I met 0:18:40.720 --> 0:18:43.840 at a coffee shop and we were just having a conversation. 0:18:44.720 --> 0:18:47.240 It's very likely that I would be in my own head. 0:18:48.160 --> 0:18:51.520 It's very likely that you know, I would be excited 0:18:51.760 --> 0:18:53.840 because I like you, I like talking to you. I 0:18:53.920 --> 0:18:56.280 like coffee. So it's a lot of things that I'm enjoying. 0:18:56.680 --> 0:18:58.720 So what do you like more? 0:18:59.200 --> 0:19:02.080 Mail coffee? I'm not in a little bit just out 0:19:02.080 --> 0:19:02.520 of interest. 0:19:03.240 --> 0:19:05.960 While we talking cappuccino a lot, we're just talking about 0:19:06.000 --> 0:19:08.480 a long black. I need to talking about a flat 0:19:08.520 --> 0:19:10.840 wat oh flat white? 0:19:12.200 --> 0:19:14.480 Am I describing myself now? Or a coffee? 0:19:14.680 --> 0:19:15.600 Anyway? Carry on? 0:19:16.440 --> 0:19:20.400 Carry So let's say let's say I'm in an environment 0:19:20.440 --> 0:19:24.760 where I like things equally and one thing's not better 0:19:24.800 --> 0:19:25.760 than the other thing. 0:19:26.200 --> 0:19:28.639 Yeah, I probably would. 0:19:28.760 --> 0:19:31.240 I'm in my head, and I have a very hard 0:19:31.320 --> 0:19:34.440 times reading people. If I went in there and you said, Bobby, 0:19:34.480 --> 0:19:36.520 I need to talk to you about someday there's something 0:19:36.560 --> 0:19:39.639 on my mind, and I was intentional, and I walked 0:19:39.680 --> 0:19:44.159 in there completely listening and focused. I believe that my 0:19:44.280 --> 0:19:53.520 ability to read another person conversationally it is rather good. 0:19:53.840 --> 0:19:56.119 And the reason why I say that is because again, 0:19:56.200 --> 0:19:58.200 not to go back to work, but my instructors. 0:19:59.040 --> 0:20:00.960 I'm working with a coach right now. 0:20:01.040 --> 0:20:03.280 I just got out of a year long class on 0:20:03.400 --> 0:20:08.000 advanced coaching. My clients, one thing I hear consistently. 0:20:07.520 --> 0:20:08.720 Is your ability to. 0:20:10.200 --> 0:20:13.679 Encapsulate what I'm saying and reflect it back to me, 0:20:14.320 --> 0:20:17.440 where I have a greater understanding of what I just said, 0:20:17.640 --> 0:20:20.679 what it meant, the experience of it, and why I 0:20:20.720 --> 0:20:24.280 said it just dramatically deepens. And I've heard that from 0:20:24.320 --> 0:20:27.399 so many people where they say, okay, when it comes 0:20:27.440 --> 0:20:31.280 to coaching, you know, different people excel in different areas. 0:20:32.200 --> 0:20:34.600 Empathetic reflection is your superpower. 0:20:35.080 --> 0:20:38.000 Can you not talk about coaching today? We've got in trouble. 0:20:38.119 --> 0:20:41.159 Can you talk about something else? This will be our 0:20:41.280 --> 0:20:44.320 fourth time this year. Can you not talk about coaching? 0:20:45.000 --> 0:20:46.600 I hope she's not listening to this code. 0:20:46.800 --> 0:20:51.920 She's definitely listening. She's definitely listening. It's like your safety 0:20:51.960 --> 0:20:53.920 in it. It's like your safety in it. 0:20:54.480 --> 0:20:57.800 If I have a question for you when you're with 0:20:58.000 --> 0:21:00.119 I mean, you're a communicator, and you're a coach, and 0:21:00.119 --> 0:21:01.880 you're a speaker, and you're all the stuff, Like you're 0:21:01.880 --> 0:21:03.919 in front of people all the time, you're on a 0:21:04.000 --> 0:21:04.879 mic all the time. 0:21:06.080 --> 0:21:06.880 How much of. 0:21:06.880 --> 0:21:09.560 When you are one on one with somebody is about 0:21:09.600 --> 0:21:12.560 paying attention to what they're not saying. Do you have 0:21:12.600 --> 0:21:14.679 an awareness of that? Or you are one hundred Are 0:21:14.760 --> 0:21:16.960 you one hundred percent kind of just channeled into the 0:21:17.000 --> 0:21:20.840 words or do you have a bigger than words awareness 0:21:20.920 --> 0:21:21.480 in the moment? 0:21:21.680 --> 0:21:25.639