1 00:00:05,921 --> 00:00:13,161 Speaker 1: Apogee Production. Welcome to the she Risers Podcast. I'm Ashi 2 00:00:13,281 --> 00:00:14,081 Speaker 1: and I'm Tiana. 3 00:00:14,361 --> 00:00:17,320 Speaker 2: This podcast is about female empowerment and encouraging you to 4 00:00:17,361 --> 00:00:20,800 Speaker 2: be your biggest, boldest, and most authentic version of yourself. 5 00:00:20,961 --> 00:00:23,281 Speaker 1: We help you shed the shame, grow to a new level. 6 00:00:23,321 --> 00:00:26,241 Speaker 1: We're gonna laugh, cry, and talk about the topics everyone 7 00:00:26,241 --> 00:00:29,321 Speaker 1: else is too afraid to talk about. Get ready for 8 00:00:29,361 --> 00:00:32,480 Speaker 1: your next level of self. Hello everybody, Welcome back to 9 00:00:32,521 --> 00:00:36,440 Speaker 1: a Wednesday episode with and Ashi. Miday's topic is gonna 10 00:00:36,841 --> 00:00:37,841 Speaker 1: ruffle a few feathers. 11 00:00:37,961 --> 00:00:40,001 Speaker 2: We love to do that, as you guys know, Yeah, 12 00:00:40,040 --> 00:00:40,480 Speaker 2: and you know. 13 00:00:40,480 --> 00:00:42,961 Speaker 1: What willet ruffle feathers? Or is it just a topic 14 00:00:43,081 --> 00:00:47,681 Speaker 1: that everyone has very different opinions on, so let's get 15 00:00:47,721 --> 00:00:52,881 Speaker 1: straight into it. I reposted this quote that I was like, fuck, yeah, 16 00:00:52,921 --> 00:00:56,001 Speaker 1: that's awesome, but boy did it get some pushback. Fifty 17 00:00:56,081 --> 00:00:58,241 Speaker 1: percent were like WHOA not actual? Really more? I reckon 18 00:00:58,321 --> 00:01:00,601 Speaker 1: seventy five percent of moms we're like, oh my god, yes, 19 00:01:00,721 --> 00:01:03,721 Speaker 1: wiping up with like the clapping emojis. And then there 20 00:01:03,761 --> 00:01:06,200 Speaker 1: was a couple that were like totally on the other 21 00:01:06,321 --> 00:01:09,321 Speaker 1: end and fully disagree with it and voice their opinions. 22 00:01:09,360 --> 00:01:11,000 Speaker 1: And I loved it. It was cool to hear everyone's 23 00:01:11,041 --> 00:01:15,560 Speaker 1: perspective and anything around motherhood. Everyone's got their own way. 24 00:01:15,601 --> 00:01:18,041 Speaker 1: Oh yeah. Everyone thinks they know what is best. What 25 00:01:18,161 --> 00:01:21,080 Speaker 1: makes a good mum, what makes a bad mum? What's 26 00:01:21,121 --> 00:01:22,481 Speaker 1: the right way to do things? And I don't think 27 00:01:22,481 --> 00:01:25,121 Speaker 1: it's the one size fits all. I think your family, 28 00:01:25,321 --> 00:01:30,521 Speaker 1: your values, your relationship, your children, your finances, it's all 29 00:01:30,560 --> 00:01:32,720 Speaker 1: so different. So how can you say one way is 30 00:01:32,721 --> 00:01:35,800 Speaker 1: the right way to do things? Yeah? Anyways, the quote 31 00:01:35,840 --> 00:01:39,121 Speaker 1: said the world needs more mums who go after their 32 00:01:39,200 --> 00:01:42,961 Speaker 1: dreams because our kids are watching. Oh I love that. 33 00:01:43,121 --> 00:01:45,640 Speaker 1: I love it. That's the best. So true. Yeah, I 34 00:01:45,681 --> 00:01:48,880 Speaker 1: did not watch my mum follow her dreams. The pushback 35 00:01:48,921 --> 00:01:51,520 Speaker 1: that I got, I wrote down one of them because 36 00:01:51,561 --> 00:01:53,401 Speaker 1: I think it would help this conversation to give more 37 00:01:53,401 --> 00:01:57,081 Speaker 1: context Where she was at. She said, I disagree, our 38 00:01:57,161 --> 00:02:00,721 Speaker 1: kids need more present mums. I could not care less 39 00:02:00,961 --> 00:02:03,361 Speaker 1: what my mum did for a career. What I remember 40 00:02:03,441 --> 00:02:06,001 Speaker 1: is her being there for everything. We were her world, 41 00:02:06,201 --> 00:02:09,281 Speaker 1: and we need to normalize more of this. And I 42 00:02:09,361 --> 00:02:12,921 Speaker 1: was like, hmm, good point. I see both sides. Yeah, 43 00:02:13,161 --> 00:02:16,961 Speaker 1: but my side. I wanted to talk about more growing 44 00:02:17,081 --> 00:02:19,921 Speaker 1: up my mom worked a lot because she had to. 45 00:02:20,081 --> 00:02:22,121 Speaker 1: She didn't have a choice. It was survival. Like, she 46 00:02:22,161 --> 00:02:24,961 Speaker 1: did not have much money. She was the main breadwinner. 47 00:02:25,081 --> 00:02:27,241 Speaker 1: My stepfather was always getting fired and in out of 48 00:02:27,321 --> 00:02:30,321 Speaker 1: jobs and just living his best life really, so my 49 00:02:30,401 --> 00:02:32,161 Speaker 1: mom was always making sure that we had food on 50 00:02:32,201 --> 00:02:33,641 Speaker 1: our plate, and we got to go to school, and 51 00:02:33,641 --> 00:02:35,041 Speaker 1: we got to do dancing and all the things that 52 00:02:35,041 --> 00:02:38,081 Speaker 1: we wanted to do. So I watched my mom never 53 00:02:38,121 --> 00:02:43,401 Speaker 1: prioritize herself. She was always drained, always tired, probably resentful, 54 00:02:44,081 --> 00:02:48,521 Speaker 1: always in survival mode, never thriving. And I'm so grateful 55 00:02:48,520 --> 00:02:50,161 Speaker 1: for everything she did for us in the life she 56 00:02:50,240 --> 00:02:52,321 Speaker 1: provided and how she did what she could with what 57 00:02:52,401 --> 00:02:56,361 Speaker 1: she had. Of Course, however, I would have loved to 58 00:02:56,441 --> 00:02:58,761 Speaker 1: see her lit up with a hobby. I would have 59 00:02:59,041 --> 00:03:01,120 Speaker 1: loved her to come home from work and for her 60 00:03:01,161 --> 00:03:03,521 Speaker 1: to share her day and say, today, it was amazing, 61 00:03:03,561 --> 00:03:05,081 Speaker 1: we did this, we did that, we did that. But 62 00:03:05,520 --> 00:03:08,081 Speaker 1: whenever I asked when I'm about her work, it's like, oh, 63 00:03:08,240 --> 00:03:10,921 Speaker 1: another stressful day, like this person say this, and I 64 00:03:11,001 --> 00:03:12,921 Speaker 1: was dealing with this amount of money, and it was 65 00:03:13,001 --> 00:03:16,401 Speaker 1: just was never positive. Yeah, I never remember my mom 66 00:03:16,481 --> 00:03:19,601 Speaker 1: just like loving her work so that created stories to 67 00:03:19,641 --> 00:03:22,081 Speaker 1: me that you get a job to pay bills. Yeah, 68 00:03:22,121 --> 00:03:24,240 Speaker 1: that's what life is. You get a job and it 69 00:03:24,240 --> 00:03:25,840 Speaker 1: doesn't matter if you're happy, you enjoy, you get to 70 00:03:25,841 --> 00:03:28,841 Speaker 1: pay bills. So I grew up with that belief, and 71 00:03:28,881 --> 00:03:31,800 Speaker 1: I grew up watching my mom never happy because I'm 72 00:03:31,881 --> 00:03:35,881 Speaker 1: like gone the full opposite. Yeah, I agree with this quote. 73 00:03:35,961 --> 00:03:38,721 Speaker 1: I want my kids to see and for it to 74 00:03:38,761 --> 00:03:43,481 Speaker 1: be normal for them to find what they love doing. Yeah, 75 00:03:43,601 --> 00:03:47,361 Speaker 1: how it can make impact and make money from it. Yeah, absolutely, 76 00:03:47,561 --> 00:03:49,441 Speaker 1: create a dream, create a life where you get to 77 00:03:49,481 --> 00:03:52,321 Speaker 1: wake up every day excited to go to work, because 78 00:03:52,361 --> 00:03:55,081 Speaker 1: guess what, most of us are spending more hours working, 79 00:03:55,161 --> 00:03:56,761 Speaker 1: not what we are doing anything else in our life 80 00:03:56,841 --> 00:03:59,801 Speaker 1: from sleeping. So you want to enjoy for her. Yeah, 81 00:03:59,961 --> 00:04:02,481 Speaker 1: And I want my kids to see that it's normal 82 00:04:02,561 --> 00:04:04,561 Speaker 1: for mom and dad to go to date night, to 83 00:04:04,561 --> 00:04:06,521 Speaker 1: spend time with each other, to prioritize each other. 84 00:04:06,641 --> 00:04:06,921 Speaker 2: Yeah. 85 00:04:07,081 --> 00:04:08,761 Speaker 1: I mean, I'm a girl, so I can only speak 86 00:04:08,761 --> 00:04:10,321 Speaker 1: on my behalf. But I want my little girl and 87 00:04:10,401 --> 00:04:14,881 Speaker 1: my little boy to see how important connection, relationships and 88 00:04:15,001 --> 00:04:17,801 Speaker 1: friendships are. Yeah, my mom has no friends. Yeah, she 89 00:04:17,841 --> 00:04:19,521 Speaker 1: hasn't had friends for a very long time. She got 90 00:04:19,521 --> 00:04:21,600 Speaker 1: burned a couple of times, and like that was it. Yeah, 91 00:04:21,721 --> 00:04:24,281 Speaker 1: friendship is so important to me. My friends literally have 92 00:04:24,361 --> 00:04:27,201 Speaker 1: saved my life more than they would ever know. 93 00:04:27,481 --> 00:04:27,681 Speaker 2: Yah. 94 00:04:28,081 --> 00:04:29,801 Speaker 1: I want my kids to see how much I pour 95 00:04:29,841 --> 00:04:31,601 Speaker 1: into my friendships and how important they are and how 96 00:04:31,681 --> 00:04:34,001 Speaker 1: much they hold me through some really tough time. 97 00:04:34,161 --> 00:04:34,561 Speaker 2: Yeah. 98 00:04:34,641 --> 00:04:36,161 Speaker 1: I want all of that to be normal. So if 99 00:04:36,161 --> 00:04:38,001 Speaker 1: I want that to be normal for them and for 100 00:04:38,081 --> 00:04:41,161 Speaker 1: them to never feel guilty or shameful or uncomfortable around 101 00:04:41,201 --> 00:04:42,401 Speaker 1: any of that, I have to lead the way. I 102 00:04:42,761 --> 00:04:45,840 Speaker 1: have to show them. So my head, that makes total sense. 103 00:04:46,481 --> 00:04:49,241 Speaker 1: But I hear this other woman who you know, was 104 00:04:49,281 --> 00:04:53,041 Speaker 1: so grateful that her mum was just there for literally everything. Yeah, 105 00:04:53,121 --> 00:04:55,320 Speaker 1: I love that for her, and I think that's so beautiful. 106 00:04:55,841 --> 00:04:58,481 Speaker 1: But why can't we have a beautiful balance of both? Yeah, 107 00:04:58,521 --> 00:05:02,161 Speaker 1: And that's my question, And I believe we can. I 108 00:05:02,201 --> 00:05:04,121 Speaker 1: believe I'm doing all of that. And I also have 109 00:05:04,201 --> 00:05:07,640 Speaker 1: never missed a school. I've chosen a career and a 110 00:05:07,721 --> 00:05:10,440 Speaker 1: job and a business, and I've sacrificed a lot to 111 00:05:10,440 --> 00:05:12,640 Speaker 1: be in a position that i can do all the 112 00:05:12,681 --> 00:05:16,961 Speaker 1: things I want to do, not miss anything with my kids' school. Yeah, 113 00:05:17,121 --> 00:05:19,161 Speaker 1: show me the mom. I want to be and show 114 00:05:19,201 --> 00:05:21,121 Speaker 1: them that they too can have their cake and eat it. 115 00:05:21,801 --> 00:05:23,601 Speaker 1: You know, why can't we have it all? We have 116 00:05:23,641 --> 00:05:26,601 Speaker 1: this beautiful blend of it both. And there's different seasons 117 00:05:26,641 --> 00:05:30,041 Speaker 1: where work definitely takes up more of my capacity for sure, 118 00:05:30,081 --> 00:05:33,081 Speaker 1: and there's different seasons where I'm full deep in motherhood. Yeah, 119 00:05:33,121 --> 00:05:35,401 Speaker 1: especially like the newborn stage when they're going through something 120 00:05:35,481 --> 00:05:38,201 Speaker 1: or they're sick, or they're just needing you more emotionally. 121 00:05:38,521 --> 00:05:41,441 Speaker 1: There's different seasons for it all. But yeah, I love 122 00:05:41,521 --> 00:05:46,281 Speaker 1: to challenge this old, limiting, disordered belief around you can't 123 00:05:46,320 --> 00:05:46,760 Speaker 1: have it all. 124 00:05:47,440 --> 00:05:49,801 Speaker 2: It's almost like it has to be one way. It's 125 00:05:49,801 --> 00:05:52,241 Speaker 2: like it has to be all this way or all 126 00:05:52,320 --> 00:05:55,041 Speaker 2: the opposite way. There's never any like middle ground or 127 00:05:55,841 --> 00:05:57,880 Speaker 2: where you kind of are learning to like what you 128 00:05:57,921 --> 00:06:00,640 Speaker 2: were saying, sometimes you're more motherhood, sometimes you're more business 129 00:06:00,921 --> 00:06:03,921 Speaker 2: based on what needs you at that given time. So 130 00:06:03,961 --> 00:06:06,281 Speaker 2: it's like everything I've I mean, I don't know because 131 00:06:06,281 --> 00:06:09,721 Speaker 2: I'm not a parent, but I imagine it would be ever interchanging. 132 00:06:09,921 --> 00:06:12,761 Speaker 1: It is always, yeah, die every week, every month, every year. 133 00:06:12,880 --> 00:06:13,521 Speaker 1: I could imagine. 134 00:06:13,561 --> 00:06:15,921 Speaker 2: And you know what's interesting, Like my mom was very similar, 135 00:06:15,961 --> 00:06:17,880 Speaker 2: Like my mom didn't work. But my mom was a 136 00:06:17,880 --> 00:06:20,241 Speaker 2: full time care for five children, so I'm one of five, 137 00:06:20,440 --> 00:06:23,601 Speaker 2: and I never watched her grow up having friends or 138 00:06:23,641 --> 00:06:26,041 Speaker 2: hobbies or things that really lit her up. She was 139 00:06:26,161 --> 00:06:29,081 Speaker 2: just very much motherhood and like same thing. Like even 140 00:06:29,161 --> 00:06:31,041 Speaker 2: I say to her now, I'm like, I would love 141 00:06:31,081 --> 00:06:33,080 Speaker 2: to see her do something that actually lights her up 142 00:06:33,121 --> 00:06:35,761 Speaker 2: and makes her super happy, because, like what you said, 143 00:06:35,801 --> 00:06:37,641 Speaker 2: you have to be the example of that so that 144 00:06:37,721 --> 00:06:40,601 Speaker 2: your children then believe that that's possible too. Yes, you know, 145 00:06:40,721 --> 00:06:42,721 Speaker 2: and how cool would that have been, even though I 146 00:06:42,801 --> 00:06:45,041 Speaker 2: chose something different than what my mom has in terms 147 00:06:45,081 --> 00:06:48,321 Speaker 2: of prioritizing friends and being really important just like you 148 00:06:48,641 --> 00:06:50,721 Speaker 2: and have experienced it in my real life, like how 149 00:06:50,921 --> 00:06:53,880 Speaker 2: beautiful having friends are, having hobbies, having a career, like 150 00:06:53,921 --> 00:06:55,841 Speaker 2: all of those things, how much they make me me? 151 00:06:56,481 --> 00:06:58,481 Speaker 2: And I could imagine that would only help me pour 152 00:06:58,561 --> 00:07:00,761 Speaker 2: into being a mom so much more because I'd be 153 00:07:00,801 --> 00:07:03,601 Speaker 2: able to show up better, happier, I'm more lit up. 154 00:07:03,681 --> 00:07:06,440 Speaker 2: I'm also more creative. I also get to like pour 155 00:07:06,521 --> 00:07:08,761 Speaker 2: that then into them and go, these are some really 156 00:07:08,801 --> 00:07:11,481 Speaker 2: beautiful traits about me because of what I've chosen. This 157 00:07:11,521 --> 00:07:13,201 Speaker 2: is something you had to have for yourself as well. 158 00:07:13,561 --> 00:07:15,961 Speaker 1: Just think it's so important it is, You're so right, 159 00:07:15,961 --> 00:07:17,321 Speaker 1: it needs to be like one way or the other. 160 00:07:17,361 --> 00:07:19,961 Speaker 1: And where did that come from? Yeah? Like where has 161 00:07:20,001 --> 00:07:21,241 Speaker 1: that stemmed from? I don't know. 162 00:07:21,321 --> 00:07:24,441 Speaker 2: I feel like it would be personal beliefs, people's own 163 00:07:24,481 --> 00:07:26,881 Speaker 2: shame and judgment around what they're allowed and not allowed 164 00:07:26,881 --> 00:07:29,521 Speaker 2: to do based on what they've seen, Yeah, or grown 165 00:07:29,601 --> 00:07:30,840 Speaker 2: up having or not having. 166 00:07:31,481 --> 00:07:34,721 Speaker 1: You know, it's interesting and there's obviously so many projections online. 167 00:07:34,721 --> 00:07:36,281 Speaker 1: It's like every time I go away with Steep or 168 00:07:36,281 --> 00:07:38,241 Speaker 1: even on a date night, not as much date nights anymore, 169 00:07:38,281 --> 00:07:40,081 Speaker 1: but every night again. But if I go away with 170 00:07:40,201 --> 00:07:43,241 Speaker 1: him for a stay k oh, I'm the worst mother 171 00:07:43,321 --> 00:07:46,321 Speaker 1: on earth. Like, oh, she's always leaving her children behind. 172 00:07:46,361 --> 00:07:47,961 Speaker 1: And like, obviously I come to Britain. I do travel 173 00:07:47,961 --> 00:07:49,881 Speaker 1: for work, But yes I do, and I love it. 174 00:07:50,321 --> 00:07:52,241 Speaker 1: I'm not gonna have the best. I'm not gonna deny 175 00:07:52,561 --> 00:07:54,561 Speaker 1: I love going over my girlfriends. Yeah for a stay 176 00:07:54,601 --> 00:07:57,321 Speaker 1: k or a holiday, I'm not denying that. I love it. 177 00:07:57,441 --> 00:07:59,201 Speaker 1: Why can't I love that? Just because I'm a mum, 178 00:07:59,241 --> 00:08:01,521 Speaker 1: I have to let go of everything else that I enjoy. Yeah, 179 00:08:01,601 --> 00:08:03,041 Speaker 1: I'm not going to feel bad for that, and I 180 00:08:03,081 --> 00:08:05,361 Speaker 1: don't feel bad for that, and you know, it's crazy 181 00:08:05,401 --> 00:08:05,721 Speaker 1: as well. 182 00:08:05,721 --> 00:08:07,761 Speaker 2: It's like, this is a huge generalization, by the way, 183 00:08:07,881 --> 00:08:10,641 Speaker 2: but you see a lot of women who lose themselves 184 00:08:10,681 --> 00:08:15,201 Speaker 2: in potentially motherhood or being the household caretaker and not 185 00:08:15,241 --> 00:08:20,121 Speaker 2: really providing anything for themselves and being wildly unhappy, being miserable, depressed. 186 00:08:20,361 --> 00:08:24,041 Speaker 2: One's precious, that's right, you know. And it's like, now 187 00:08:24,081 --> 00:08:25,961 Speaker 2: you're in this life that you're living. And not to 188 00:08:26,001 --> 00:08:27,441 Speaker 2: say that you don't love being a parent, you do. 189 00:08:27,761 --> 00:08:31,001 Speaker 2: They're your absolute world. They're your absolute world. But it's 190 00:08:31,041 --> 00:08:33,280 Speaker 2: like there's a part of those women who are also 191 00:08:33,481 --> 00:08:38,641 Speaker 2: craving something bigger, something deeper, a different aspect of life, creativity, 192 00:08:38,841 --> 00:08:41,961 Speaker 2: to have their confidence back all of those things. It's 193 00:08:42,001 --> 00:08:44,481 Speaker 2: a tough thing when there's a lot of judgments around 194 00:08:44,481 --> 00:08:46,441 Speaker 2: what you should shouldn't do when it has nothing to 195 00:08:46,441 --> 00:08:47,241 Speaker 2: do with anybody else. 196 00:08:47,281 --> 00:08:48,881 Speaker 1: I was talking to Taylor, my coach, about it the 197 00:08:48,881 --> 00:08:51,601 Speaker 1: other day. So he's got three children, three young children, 198 00:08:51,721 --> 00:08:54,361 Speaker 1: and they own Native State and calling Uttah and him 199 00:08:54,401 --> 00:08:57,401 Speaker 1: and his beautiful fiance working it together, and we were 200 00:08:57,441 --> 00:09:00,681 Speaker 1: having this discussion around mums that a stay at home mums, 201 00:09:00,721 --> 00:09:03,361 Speaker 1: and he's like, there's only so much Google Gaga that 202 00:09:03,401 --> 00:09:04,801 Speaker 1: you can do all day before you get to go 203 00:09:04,841 --> 00:09:08,161 Speaker 1: on saying yes, yes, you can love it so much, 204 00:09:08,241 --> 00:09:09,801 Speaker 1: but you can love being a mum. But you don't 205 00:09:09,801 --> 00:09:12,921 Speaker 1: have to love every single moment. It is so okay. 206 00:09:13,001 --> 00:09:15,921 Speaker 1: If anyone's told you otherwise, this is your full permission, slip. 207 00:09:16,081 --> 00:09:19,241 Speaker 1: It's okay for you to enjoy other things. Yes, even okay, 208 00:09:19,281 --> 00:09:20,961 Speaker 1: just for you to want some time out by yourself. 209 00:09:21,081 --> 00:09:23,721 Speaker 2: Yeah. And you know what's interesting as well, Just because 210 00:09:23,721 --> 00:09:25,881 Speaker 2: you feel guilt doesn't mean that it's the wrong thing. 211 00:09:26,041 --> 00:09:27,841 Speaker 1: Yes, that's such a good thing, right. 212 00:09:27,721 --> 00:09:30,281 Speaker 2: Because let's put this in a different perspective. When you 213 00:09:30,321 --> 00:09:32,641 Speaker 2: put a boundary in with somebody, you're gonna feel guilty 214 00:09:32,681 --> 00:09:34,641 Speaker 2: if you're not used to doing it. But it doesn't 215 00:09:34,681 --> 00:09:36,161 Speaker 2: mean that it's the wrong thing. It actually means it's 216 00:09:36,161 --> 00:09:38,241 Speaker 2: the right thing. It's just shows you how much you've 217 00:09:38,241 --> 00:09:40,841 Speaker 2: abandoned yourself up until that moment. 218 00:09:41,001 --> 00:09:43,841 Speaker 1: Mic drop right. Wow, same thing with parenting. 219 00:09:44,001 --> 00:09:47,001 Speaker 2: Again, This is speculation from me because I don't have children, right, 220 00:09:47,041 --> 00:09:49,441 Speaker 2: so I can only say so much. But in terms 221 00:09:49,481 --> 00:09:51,761 Speaker 2: of that doing the same thing and feeling that sense 222 00:09:51,801 --> 00:09:53,881 Speaker 2: of guilt doesn't mean that you're wrong because. 223 00:09:53,681 --> 00:09:54,121 Speaker 1: You feel it. 224 00:09:54,121 --> 00:09:55,441 Speaker 2: It's because you actually care. 225 00:09:55,921 --> 00:09:56,881 Speaker 1: You love your children. 226 00:09:56,961 --> 00:09:58,921 Speaker 2: You want to spend every time with them, all of 227 00:09:58,921 --> 00:10:01,001 Speaker 2: your time with them. Yeah, but you're allowed to have 228 00:10:01,041 --> 00:10:03,881 Speaker 2: time for yourself as well. And the more that you do, 229 00:10:04,001 --> 00:10:06,321 Speaker 2: I'm sure the better parent you're going to be, the 230 00:10:06,401 --> 00:10:09,081 Speaker 2: better partner you're going to be. How much kinder you're 231 00:10:09,081 --> 00:10:11,121 Speaker 2: going to be to yourself when you can actually pull 232 00:10:11,201 --> 00:10:12,601 Speaker 2: back into yourself. 233 00:10:12,161 --> 00:10:14,521 Speaker 1: When you go with your friends, Like say, I go 234 00:10:14,641 --> 00:10:16,561 Speaker 1: with my friends, I go for a stay care with Steve, 235 00:10:16,641 --> 00:10:19,321 Speaker 1: or I come up here, I go to Bali, I 236 00:10:19,401 --> 00:10:22,561 Speaker 1: do something without my children. I can go away and 237 00:10:22,641 --> 00:10:25,041 Speaker 1: enjoy that and still miss the absolute fuck out of them, 238 00:10:25,121 --> 00:10:30,201 Speaker 1: and I do every time. But that's okay. I will survive. Yeah, 239 00:10:30,241 --> 00:10:32,281 Speaker 1: you know me going away for a week in their 240 00:10:32,321 --> 00:10:34,481 Speaker 1: lifetime is a short amount of time in the span 241 00:10:34,561 --> 00:10:37,241 Speaker 1: of things. Yeah, it really is. I wanted to bring 242 00:10:37,281 --> 00:10:40,801 Speaker 1: this into conversation because I know so many women listening 243 00:10:41,001 --> 00:10:43,801 Speaker 1: are mums, and so many of us have been told 244 00:10:43,961 --> 00:10:46,961 Speaker 1: by our moms, or our grandparents, or society, social media, 245 00:10:47,441 --> 00:10:49,401 Speaker 1: other people that you're a bad mum for doing X 246 00:10:49,521 --> 00:10:52,241 Speaker 1: y Z. You're not Yeah, I'm gonna tell you over 247 00:10:52,241 --> 00:10:55,521 Speaker 1: and over again. I will have this conversation forever. You're 248 00:10:55,561 --> 00:10:57,081 Speaker 1: not a bad mum. If you want to go on 249 00:10:57,081 --> 00:11:00,121 Speaker 1: a date night, have a hobby, have a career, try 250 00:11:00,161 --> 00:11:02,561 Speaker 1: something new, or you feel like you need a fucking break, 251 00:11:02,601 --> 00:11:05,721 Speaker 1: it does make your bad mum. You're a human having 252 00:11:05,721 --> 00:11:08,001 Speaker 1: a human experience, and you're allowed to enjoy different things, 253 00:11:08,041 --> 00:11:09,721 Speaker 1: and you're allowed to change your mind as well. You 254 00:11:09,801 --> 00:11:12,361 Speaker 1: might have loved being a mother full time stay at 255 00:11:12,361 --> 00:11:15,721 Speaker 1: home care for the first three years, and then you decide, actually, 256 00:11:15,961 --> 00:11:17,161 Speaker 1: I want to go back in the workplace, and you 257 00:11:17,241 --> 00:11:18,481 Speaker 1: put the one day here for two days a week, 258 00:11:18,481 --> 00:11:20,081 Speaker 1: and you go back to the workplace and you start 259 00:11:20,081 --> 00:11:23,281 Speaker 1: having some income for yourself for so explore new study 260 00:11:23,361 --> 00:11:25,161 Speaker 1: or whatever. Like. You're allowed to change your mind. 261 00:11:24,961 --> 00:11:26,481 Speaker 2: You're allowed to have adult conversations. 262 00:11:26,561 --> 00:11:30,241 Speaker 1: You are allowed to have adult conversations. Yes, one hundred percent. 263 00:11:31,001 --> 00:11:33,761 Speaker 1: So yeah, motherhood. It's a very controversial topic and it 264 00:11:33,921 --> 00:11:36,441 Speaker 1: always gets pushed back, and there's just so many opinions 265 00:11:36,481 --> 00:11:39,161 Speaker 1: around her. But I love this girl's comment because I 266 00:11:39,201 --> 00:11:41,001 Speaker 1: love that her mum was able to be there for her, 267 00:11:41,081 --> 00:11:43,681 Speaker 1: and I love that she felt so cared for and 268 00:11:43,801 --> 00:11:46,841 Speaker 1: loved and it looks so different to my upbringing. But 269 00:11:46,881 --> 00:11:49,081 Speaker 1: there's not one right or wrong. I would love to 270 00:11:49,121 --> 00:11:51,841 Speaker 1: interview her mom and see where she was at that 271 00:11:51,881 --> 00:11:54,561 Speaker 1: whole time and where she's at now, Like my mum. 272 00:11:54,641 --> 00:11:57,881 Speaker 1: In hindsight now, she's like, I wish I took more 273 00:11:57,881 --> 00:12:00,161 Speaker 1: time for myself. We talk about it now, like she 274 00:12:00,201 --> 00:12:03,041 Speaker 1: does not even think she is worthy of going to 275 00:12:03,041 --> 00:12:06,161 Speaker 1: get a massage. She's so aware of the old conditioning. Yeah. 276 00:12:06,201 --> 00:12:08,241 Speaker 1: And she's like, I'm so glad that you have broken 277 00:12:08,281 --> 00:12:11,041 Speaker 1: that cycle and normalize, and she goes, I can see 278 00:12:11,081 --> 00:12:13,401 Speaker 1: how much you value yourself and I just love that 279 00:12:13,441 --> 00:12:15,801 Speaker 1: for you. I'm like, fuck, yeah, I'm worthy of a 280 00:12:15,841 --> 00:12:18,841 Speaker 1: massive you work hard, I'm worthy of relaxing. 281 00:12:19,001 --> 00:12:19,201 Speaker 2: Yeah. 282 00:12:19,241 --> 00:12:20,721 Speaker 1: And I joke about it with her and she's like, 283 00:12:20,761 --> 00:12:22,521 Speaker 1: I just wish I could get to that point. I'm 284 00:12:22,561 --> 00:12:25,241 Speaker 1: super aware of it. But in hindsight now she's like, 285 00:12:25,281 --> 00:12:27,361 Speaker 1: I just wish I did things so differently. Yeah, And 286 00:12:27,401 --> 00:12:29,281 Speaker 1: you know, you only know what you know, and they didn't. 287 00:12:29,321 --> 00:12:32,081 Speaker 1: That generation especially didn't have access. We spoke out this 288 00:12:32,081 --> 00:12:35,241 Speaker 1: the other day to life coaches, to YouTube to podcaster 289 00:12:35,721 --> 00:12:38,801 Speaker 1: people openly talking about therapy and working through their childhood 290 00:12:38,841 --> 00:12:41,081 Speaker 1: traumas and all that stuff. So they did the best 291 00:12:41,121 --> 00:12:42,841 Speaker 1: they can. But she's like, I'm just so glad that 292 00:12:42,881 --> 00:12:45,561 Speaker 1: you can show your kids a different way to do things. 293 00:12:46,121 --> 00:12:48,241 Speaker 1: And she even said to me she definitely had a 294 00:12:48,241 --> 00:12:51,841 Speaker 1: bit of resentment around like kids, yeah, because it was 295 00:12:51,921 --> 00:12:53,801 Speaker 1: everything she wanted and more like she wanted to be 296 00:12:53,801 --> 00:12:55,721 Speaker 1: in mu more than anything in the whole entire world. 297 00:12:55,801 --> 00:12:57,881 Speaker 1: But it doesn't mean it's not hard, no, not that 298 00:12:57,961 --> 00:12:59,401 Speaker 1: who The thing that you always say to me is like, 299 00:12:59,561 --> 00:13:02,201 Speaker 1: you can say something and it doesn't have to mean something, 300 00:13:02,281 --> 00:13:04,281 Speaker 1: or you can feel something. Yeah, you don't have to 301 00:13:04,321 --> 00:13:06,441 Speaker 1: act on it. You can feel something and it doesn't 302 00:13:06,441 --> 00:13:08,201 Speaker 1: have to mean anything deeper. Yeah you know. 303 00:13:08,481 --> 00:13:10,161 Speaker 2: Yeah, you can have a moment and it can just 304 00:13:10,201 --> 00:13:12,721 Speaker 2: be present in that moment. It exists in that moment, 305 00:13:12,761 --> 00:13:14,721 Speaker 2: and then five minutes later you think and feel something 306 00:13:14,721 --> 00:13:15,521 Speaker 2: completely different. 307 00:13:15,561 --> 00:13:17,721 Speaker 1: And that's motherhood in a nutshell. It's like, my fucking 308 00:13:17,801 --> 00:13:20,121 Speaker 1: kids are driving me up the wall, like get me 309 00:13:20,161 --> 00:13:22,481 Speaker 1: back to bowing, and then they come over and like 310 00:13:22,601 --> 00:13:24,161 Speaker 1: love your mommy, Like, oh my god, I love you 311 00:13:24,161 --> 00:13:26,361 Speaker 1: your mom so much, not for thinking why didn't hear that? 312 00:13:27,041 --> 00:13:28,761 Speaker 2: Or they're like napping and you're taking photos of them 313 00:13:28,761 --> 00:13:30,001 Speaker 2: like you're can't fare my everything. 314 00:13:30,321 --> 00:13:32,881 Speaker 1: Literally, it's like that gets to be there, just allow 315 00:13:32,961 --> 00:13:33,601 Speaker 1: all to be there. 316 00:13:33,881 --> 00:13:36,561 Speaker 2: It's that learning how to flow with each emotion that 317 00:13:36,681 --> 00:13:39,161 Speaker 2: comes forward. And just when you learn to process emotion 318 00:13:39,241 --> 00:13:41,561 Speaker 2: in the moment, whether good or bad or heavy, yes, 319 00:13:41,761 --> 00:13:44,761 Speaker 2: then you allow that natural flow of like hey, this moment, 320 00:13:44,801 --> 00:13:46,641 Speaker 2: I feel happy, and inn this moment I feel sad, 321 00:13:46,641 --> 00:13:48,921 Speaker 2: and then this moment I'm laughing, and you just go 322 00:13:49,001 --> 00:13:50,481 Speaker 2: on the natural flow of those emotions. 323 00:13:50,601 --> 00:13:53,201 Speaker 1: That doesn't are wrong or right. It's literally just an emotion. 324 00:13:53,521 --> 00:13:56,241 Speaker 1: Just your experience doesn't define who you are. Not at 325 00:13:56,241 --> 00:14:00,241 Speaker 1: all depressed, angry, frustrated, so be joyful, guilty whatever. Yeah, yeah, 326 00:14:00,241 --> 00:14:02,361 Speaker 1: it's just an emotion that you're feeling. Comes up and 327 00:14:02,361 --> 00:14:04,481 Speaker 1: then it goes just like a crashing wave. Yeah, if 328 00:14:04,521 --> 00:14:07,321 Speaker 1: you watch an it gets to its peak, like we 329 00:14:07,401 --> 00:14:09,881 Speaker 1: get to our peak, crashes down. Then it smooths out 330 00:14:09,881 --> 00:14:11,961 Speaker 1: in him and then you're happy, and then you eat snacks. 331 00:14:13,641 --> 00:14:15,761 Speaker 1: Then you're off for a local love. Then you call 332 00:14:15,801 --> 00:14:18,201 Speaker 1: your best friend and you're fine. Yeah yeah, that's right. Yeah, 333 00:14:18,201 --> 00:14:19,201 Speaker 1: and then the ways come together. 334 00:14:19,361 --> 00:14:20,961 Speaker 2: Yeah, and then that's right, and one minute it was 335 00:14:21,001 --> 00:14:23,041 Speaker 2: a ten minute voice message about what was happening, and 336 00:14:23,081 --> 00:14:24,721 Speaker 2: then the next week's I want to go for a walk. 337 00:14:24,641 --> 00:14:28,641 Speaker 1: Literally, oh my gosh. So yeah, I don't be there. 338 00:14:28,801 --> 00:14:30,801 Speaker 1: I'm glad we brought this in and I hope it 339 00:14:30,801 --> 00:14:34,001 Speaker 1: inspires moms out there to create a different path, to 340 00:14:34,041 --> 00:14:36,881 Speaker 1: do things differently, to be a trialbilizer. And like, imagine 341 00:14:36,921 --> 00:14:38,881 Speaker 1: if you decided to do something, how many other mums 342 00:14:38,881 --> 00:14:40,241 Speaker 1: will then see you do them be like, oh my god, 343 00:14:40,241 --> 00:14:41,681 Speaker 1: if she can do it, I need to do it. Yeah, 344 00:14:41,761 --> 00:14:44,041 Speaker 1: she gets to live that life. Hell yeah, yeah, I 345 00:14:44,081 --> 00:14:45,561 Speaker 1: want to live that life. I want to create that 346 00:14:45,601 --> 00:14:47,441 Speaker 1: for myself too. Now you show me it's possible. 347 00:14:47,641 --> 00:14:49,361 Speaker 2: And you know what's beautiful is like you only need 348 00:14:49,361 --> 00:14:52,001 Speaker 2: one person to be evidence of what you want. 349 00:14:51,841 --> 00:14:53,481 Speaker 1: To be true and possible for you. 350 00:14:53,881 --> 00:14:55,881 Speaker 2: And that's the whole point of like parenting, right, is 351 00:14:55,881 --> 00:14:58,681 Speaker 2: that you come together with your partner to create a 352 00:14:58,721 --> 00:15:01,681 Speaker 2: new way of being. Yeah, you're choosing to do things different. 353 00:15:01,721 --> 00:15:03,601 Speaker 2: If you don't like something that you were raised or 354 00:15:03,641 --> 00:15:07,961 Speaker 2: something that you're taught, you have absolute choice and autonomy 355 00:15:08,081 --> 00:15:10,521 Speaker 2: over choosing something new for yourself and your family. 356 00:15:10,841 --> 00:15:13,241 Speaker 1: How fun is that? It's so fun? It's so freeing. 357 00:15:13,281 --> 00:15:15,761 Speaker 2: The thought that you get to have choice in that 358 00:15:15,921 --> 00:15:18,721 Speaker 2: matter of what you get to choose, teach, and create 359 00:15:19,001 --> 00:15:20,001 Speaker 2: is so fun to me. 360 00:15:20,441 --> 00:15:23,001 Speaker 1: Yeah, so freaking cool. So I hope this lands for 361 00:15:23,041 --> 00:15:27,401 Speaker 1: any mum's out there. Otherwise we'll see in the next episode. Bye.