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Speaker 1: This is the Fitting In with Kate Richie podcast. Hi

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Speaker 1: Zora is an interesting time because you spend so much

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Speaker 1: family time and you obviously don't do that a week

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Speaker 1: to week. You're not living in each other's quarters so intensely.

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Speaker 1: And I remember Lisa and I went overseas a couple

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Speaker 1: of years ago, and she only admitted this afterwards, but

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Speaker 1: she said, I was getting on the plane thinking what

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Speaker 1: am I going to talk to him about? I didn't

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Speaker 1: really hear. We don't even like if.

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Speaker 2: We want to have that problem Every morning.

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Speaker 1: Tommy holds up the whiteboard for you. You know what

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Speaker 1: to say. But Lisa and I, if we want to

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Speaker 1: have a deeper meaningful we need to schedule it in.

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Speaker 1: And when it hits the weekend, it could be Friday

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Speaker 1: or Saturday night. You just want to sit there and

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Speaker 1: watch something on TV or get on your phone, and

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Speaker 1: nobody says, hey, maybe we should talk and look into

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Speaker 1: each other's eyes and talk about, you know, some deeper

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Speaker 1: topics than just can you believe that Justin Bieber's got

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Speaker 1: new music out?

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Speaker 2: You can't schedule in the d and m in heart,

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Speaker 2: You've got to be in the right mood. Always find

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Speaker 2: that BJ when she feels like I'm in the mood

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Speaker 2: to talk.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, oh, she give and makes herself a coffee.

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Speaker 2: She's got a three page list of things that she

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Speaker 2: has to tick off.

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Speaker 1: Fitzgerald last scene running down the street. Here's a couple

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Speaker 1: of things. And you know, relationships are complicated, as we've

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Speaker 1: just seen at the Coplay concert. And here's the thing, like,

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Speaker 1: there's so many articles about what you should and shouldn't say,

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Speaker 1: and this one from a professor, doctor Mark Travers. He's

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Speaker 1: come out, he's an American Psychologist's come out and said,

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Speaker 1: here's two questions or points you should never ever say

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Speaker 1: to your loved one. That's the first one. The comment

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Speaker 1: is how are you always so calm? Now? The reason

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Speaker 1: you shouldn't say this is because it shows that you

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Speaker 1: are rewarding their emotional silence. So they could be emotionally

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Speaker 1: pushed into silence, and it could be silent treatment and

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Speaker 1: not it's not an emotional strength they're showing. So as

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Speaker 1: he explained that why it might sound like a genuine

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Speaker 1: compliment at first, it might be might be a reflection

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Speaker 1: of how frustrated they are with you, and then you

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Speaker 1: turn around and go, oh my god, how are you

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Speaker 1: said calm? It's like you haven't recognized your own issues.

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Speaker 2: Well, it's also like saying when you've done something wrong

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Speaker 2: in a relationship and they've gone quiet. And so it's

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Speaker 2: always and it's in the you always see it in

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Speaker 2: the movies.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, okay, just say some say something, say something, or

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Speaker 1: in the American drama sayused to I say, hey, you

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Speaker 1: want to talk about it? That was the worst American

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Speaker 1: accent I've ever done. I bat myself in and drop

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Speaker 1: out halfway. Oh my god, you want to talk about it?

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Speaker 1: And I still know good? I care you're from Boston.

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Speaker 1: Sorry about that. I want to coffee. Can't you see

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Speaker 1: I'm walking here? It's not getting any better. This is

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Speaker 1: the other one because when you say, hey, you're the

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Speaker 1: only person I can talk to now, what this does

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Speaker 1: is just unloads the emotional baggage and puts it straight

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Speaker 1: on top of the shoulders of your partner. So he

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Speaker 1: says what it might seem once again, like the highest

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Speaker 1: form of trust. All you're doing is putting that emotional

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Speaker 1: dependency right on your partner. Man, it's hard to know

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Speaker 1: what to do these days because I've told you too

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Speaker 1: fits that you know one of the piece of advice

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Speaker 1: I was given. If you're in a relationship and you

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Speaker 1: find yourself in an argument, if they're upset with you,

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Speaker 1: you turn around and say, I'm so sorry that you've

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Speaker 1: reacted like that, or I've made you feel that way.

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Speaker 1: I'm so sorry that you feel that way, that it

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Speaker 1: made you feel that way. Yeah, I've done nothing wrong.

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Speaker 1: I read I'm so sorry you've reacted that way.

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Speaker 2: That No, that was the Japanese tennis player who pulled

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Speaker 2: out of wimbled and remember just beforehand when he had

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Speaker 2: to apologize because he was having an affair as well

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Speaker 2: at a Cold Play concert, But he said he came

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Speaker 2: out and said, I am so sorry. If there are

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Speaker 2: any of my fair out there that are disgusted in

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Speaker 2: my actions, yeah, not my problem.

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Speaker 1: It's not my problem.

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Speaker 2: He hasn't apologized for what he's done.

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Speaker 1: And I think the guy from the Complex concert, that

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Speaker 1: was the first thing he said when he got home

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Speaker 1: that night, I'm so sorry you've reacted this way. I mean,

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Speaker 1: I made the famous, the family famous, I made the

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Speaker 1: business farmers. I did it deliberately. Honey. It's in Whipper

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Speaker 1: with Kate Ritchie is a Nova podcast to Walk great

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Speaker 1: shows like this. Download the Nova player by the app

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Speaker 1: store or Google playing the