Speaker 1: Hi, friends, HII friends, and welcome to the show. This
Speaker 1: show is called I Chronic. Yes, Monty and it is Brooke,
Speaker 1: and we were doing fully Sick, but we realize there's
Speaker 1: other podcasts called fully sick, so we've changed our name
Speaker 1: to icronic.
Speaker 2: And I hope you get it.
Speaker 1: We hope you get it. Of course you yes, of
Speaker 1: course you would get icronic. This is a podcast all
Speaker 1: about chronic illness like AA style. My name is Monty,
Speaker 1: I have.
Speaker 2: And Monty thinks she's iconic, so that's how.
Speaker 1: The and I think I'm chronic. I have chronic migraines,
Speaker 1: chronic fatigue, and pot syndrome.
Speaker 3: Amazing, congratulations. And I'm Brooke and I have MS, multiple sclerosis, endometriosis,
Speaker 3: and chronic fatigue.
Speaker 1: Don't try and help me buy one month anyway. This
Speaker 1: is what this podcast is all about.
Speaker 2: I where we're fun.
Speaker 1: Though we are fun. We share what is going on
Speaker 1: in the life of being chronically ill, and we want
Speaker 1: you to share it with your friends if you are
Speaker 1: chronically ill, or your family so they can understand you
Speaker 1: a little bit more. And also if yeah, you don't
Speaker 1: have a chronic illness, maybe you're listening to this going
Speaker 1: Oh my god, my mom has and now I know
Speaker 1: she's I always have thought she's a pain in the us.
Speaker 1: She's actually just in fucking chronic pain all the time.
Speaker 2: Yeah, give your mam a break.
Speaker 1: Give your mam a break. We did a few episodes
Speaker 1: last year and then in true form to ourselves, we
Speaker 1: got sick and so we couldn't pick it up. That
Speaker 1: we are back and we're both doing really good at
Speaker 1: the moment. So before we get into the nitty gritties
Speaker 1: of what we've been doing the last few months, I
Speaker 1: reckon I'm the last person to have finished the documentary
Speaker 1: Apple Side of Vinegar.
Speaker 2: You are the last person.
Speaker 1: Oh the Bell Gibson story, which is very loosely linked
Speaker 1: on Bell Gibson because after I watched it, the girl
Speaker 1: who faked her own cancer diagnosis brain tumor cancer diagnosis.
Speaker 1: Did that cookbook that I bought? Did you have a
Speaker 1: copy of that book?
Speaker 2: Did you buy it?
Speaker 3: Ye?
Speaker 1: Bought the cookbook. Mom had cancer at the time.
Speaker 2: Oh my god, doesn't that make you so angry? Then?
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean, we weren't going to give up all
Speaker 1: the drugs to go down the natural route, Like I
Speaker 1: wasn't going to follow some influencer doing that, but a
Speaker 1: lot of people did. But yeah, the recipes were so
Speaker 1: good that I'm like, oh, we've got to give this
Speaker 1: a try, like we've got to change our diet and stuff.
Speaker 1: But I also followed her, but I didn't have an
Speaker 1: inkling that she was a fake, because who the hell
Speaker 1: does that?
Speaker 3: Who does that? But do you know what people do it?
Speaker 3: I've just finished listening to a really good podcast that
Speaker 3: you would love called Scamander.
Speaker 2: Have you heard of this?
Speaker 1: I think I have.
Speaker 3: It's being made into a Netflix TV show too. It's
Speaker 3: just unbelievable, similar like along similar lines to Bale Gibson.
Speaker 3: She this woman fakes cancer, but to such a huge
Speaker 3: degree that she raises hundreds and thousands of dollars. So
Speaker 3: she has all these fundraisers raising all this money like
Speaker 3: she's part of a church, the church fundraiser.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, yeah, I do I remember this. I
Speaker 1: did listen. This is quite an old podcast, but I remember, No, I.
Speaker 2: Think it is, Well maybe it is.
Speaker 3: And she has two little children and they grow up
Speaker 3: thinking that their mum has cancer. Imagine what that does
Speaker 3: to them.
Speaker 1: It's so fucked up, Like as hectic as it is,
Speaker 1: it's like there really aren't, like they're sociopaths. That's so hectic. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but I was in hospital for a stint, and so
Speaker 1: I just binged on that, like I did it. I
Speaker 1: did it over two days.
Speaker 2: So good, it's so good.
Speaker 1: It's so I love shit like that when you know
Speaker 1: it's real. But I did then, of course, do some
Speaker 1: googling and like looked at the house that she was
Speaker 1: actually in. It was nowhere near as magnificent as the
Speaker 1: one they had on their the friend that she was like,
Speaker 1: you know, the other influencer that she was obsessed wasn't
Speaker 1: didn't really exist like that in real life.
Speaker 2: She did in some degree though she did, Yes, she did.
Speaker 3: Her dad has spoken out and said, that's not what happened, Like,
Speaker 3: that's not exactly what happened. But I think there's a
Speaker 3: lot of like I think it's you know, I know
Speaker 3: it's loosely based, but I think there is a lot
Speaker 3: of truth, Like in all the documentaries I've watched since,
Speaker 3: there does seem to.
Speaker 2: Be a lot of truth in the series.
Speaker 1: So you get obsessed again, don't you When you watch
Speaker 1: something like that and then you watch all the interviews,
Speaker 1: you watch everything like that can I get enough. This
Speaker 1: girl actually existed and she lived in Melbourne where we
Speaker 1: both lived as well, like not far from me at all. Yeah,
Speaker 1: the whole pantry.
Speaker 3: The whole pantry, the whole shimuzzle. So you just mentioned
Speaker 3: Monty that you watched it in hospital, which is probably
Speaker 3: a good segue to talk about why there's been such
Speaker 3: a lapse in our episodes.
Speaker 2: I'll let you explain.
Speaker 1: I'll go first. So we my migraines just kicked up
Speaker 1: to a whole other gear as they had been all
Speaker 1: last year. But I had to go into a hospital
Speaker 1: and I've been in three times since we've been doing
Speaker 1: our podcasting, and the first one was to try and
Speaker 1: get rid of my mind. I was in bed for
Speaker 1: six weeks and I needed to get rid of them.
Speaker 1: So I went into a hospital and have something called
Speaker 1: a Ligni cane infusion, which they hook you up to
Speaker 1: the IV for five days and just very slowly drip
Speaker 1: local anesthetic into you, and then.
Speaker 3: The whole time, like the whole time, so the drip
Speaker 3: is on the whole entire time you're there.
Speaker 1: It's on the whole time. So chya, she can't move, No,
Speaker 1: I'm just space like to go to the toilet. You
Speaker 1: should I hold on that long because you go to
Speaker 1: the toilet is such a pilava. But this also reminds
Speaker 1: me just before I got hooked up to it. I
Speaker 1: got taken into the hospital room and I'm like, oh,
Speaker 1: I need to go the toilet, and opened the toilet
Speaker 1: door and it was drenched in there. So the nurses like,
Speaker 1: let's me, let me clean it up. Gets a town
Speaker 1: and starts wiping it all up on her hands and knees.
Speaker 2: Why was it wet?
Speaker 1: I don't know. It was a cleaner, didn't cleaned it,
Speaker 1: but just left it like a oh okay, it was
Speaker 1: so wet. And then she goes in and I'm like,
Speaker 1: she's gonna I'm busting at this stage because of all
Speaker 1: the medication, I'm having to take laxatives. So I'm like,
Speaker 1: she needs to move or this is so bad, you know,
Speaker 1: the panic you don't think you can hold anymore. So
Speaker 1: luckily she just wipes the last bit of water up.
Speaker 1: I nearly push her out of the room, go to
Speaker 1: the toilet, finish, and then within two seconds she's back
Speaker 1: in the room and going into that same bathroom. All
Speaker 1: I could think of is I've got to be with
Speaker 1: this lady for five days and she's just walked in
Speaker 1: and been punched in the face after I've walked out
Speaker 1: of there.
Speaker 2: That's so mean.
Speaker 1: So I started it off. That was great, That was
Speaker 1: that was great. But then I got out and I
Speaker 1: had two months of no migraines because of this infusion,
Speaker 1: which is a credible was so incredible, so I could
Speaker 1: do a lot.
Speaker 3: Can you actually remember the last time you had two
Speaker 3: months migraine dream?
Speaker 1: No, I hadn't been for over years. But when I
Speaker 1: first came out of hospital, I didn't feel good even
Speaker 1: when I came home, and so it was a real
Speaker 1: thing for Salmon. I'm like, this hasn't worked, and it
Speaker 1: was so upset. And then within a couple of days
Speaker 1: I came good. But what came home with me was
Speaker 1: really hectic anxiety. I could barely go down the street
Speaker 1: because I was so scared that it was all going
Speaker 1: to come back. Every day i'd wake up, I'd be like, oh, Okay,
Speaker 1: feel good, but it's going to come back. It's going
Speaker 1: to come back. And it took me for it to
Speaker 1: be consistently good for a few weeks before I felt
Speaker 1: really comfortable. Even leaving the house. It was pretty full on.
Speaker 2: It's well, it is full on.
Speaker 3: And you know, we've talked about this before, but when
Speaker 3: you have like you start to feel better, you are
Speaker 3: so you are so scared that it's going to it
Speaker 3: will come back, and then you yeah, it makes it
Speaker 3: hard just to enjoy the moment and live life when
Speaker 3: you're feeling good sometimes because of the stress that it's
Speaker 3: going to come back.
Speaker 1: Actually, I was terrified. I'm like, oh my god, if
Speaker 1: I got on the street and I start to feel
Speaker 1: it again, and yeah, it just was there. Not because
Speaker 1: I had quite a consistent run of feeling good, that
Speaker 1: anxiety eased and I started to you know, went to
Speaker 1: Melbourne over Christmas and had really great time and it
Speaker 1: did come back, right, It came back two months later,
Speaker 1: and she said, this is not a long term solution.
Speaker 1: You might get a month or two. And the two
Speaker 1: month mark came back. So I've just recently been in
Speaker 1: and had it done again, and this is day two
Speaker 1: of being home and I'm feeling okay. I did I know,
Speaker 1: I think, so maybe a good another two months. But
Speaker 1: before that I did, during these two things, did something
Speaker 1: called a nerve ablation, which I went into hospital. And
Speaker 1: on a side note on Sam's taking me to hospital hospital,
Speaker 1: So we have to go to Brisbane to go to
Speaker 1: this hospital and get this thing done. And we're filling
Speaker 1: up with petrol, like just out of town a bit,
Speaker 1: and I'm like, there's Elsa paddicky Chris and Sam's like
Speaker 1: is it because we live in Barron, but you don't
Speaker 1: see them all that often and they live a Baranto.
Speaker 1: And then we're driving on the way to Brisbane and
Speaker 1: the whole way I've got Alsa Paddicky behind us. I'm like,
Speaker 1: Sam and els following us. Is she getting a nerve
Speaker 1: ablation in Bristoine too?
Speaker 2: I feel like you're saying her name wrong. I don't
Speaker 2: know if anyone knows.
Speaker 1: Let yeah, Spanish parking maybe anyway, So that lights the
Speaker 1: load of going to hospital. But they basically knock you
Speaker 1: out and fry the nerves in the front in the
Speaker 1: back of of your head to stop the pain signals
Speaker 1: going up there, and that can take up to six
Speaker 1: weeks to work. So I'm just hoping that will kick
Speaker 1: in and that could give me six months. So, like
Speaker 1: all of these are band aids, like the chronicness of
Speaker 1: them are still laying very thinly under the close to
Speaker 1: the skin that I'm like, God, they could come back
Speaker 1: at any point, but at the moment, I'm up and
Speaker 1: i'm about and we're podcasting, I'm doing it, like making
Speaker 1: the kids lunches, and I went and saw my son
Speaker 1: play footful the other night, Like, yeah, girl doing things
Speaker 1: that when you're unwell, feel like I'm never doing that again.
Speaker 1: That's done.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, I feel you. I've got nerve blocks, which
Speaker 3: is different to the ablation. Yeah, but nerve blox in
Speaker 3: my face head, kip leg and it's just like you
Speaker 3: just keep.
Speaker 2: Waiting for that moment when it comes that.
Speaker 3: So it's definitely you know, it's not a long term solution,
Speaker 3: but it's just kind of you just keep doing it. Yeah,
Speaker 3: just keep doing them and doing them until they don't
Speaker 3: work anymore.
Speaker 1: I just that's my thing is I'm like, now I've
Speaker 1: got something up my sleeve that if I get two
Speaker 1: months out of it, I'm happy to go into hospital
Speaker 1: for five days every two months. Yeah, if I know
Speaker 1: I can get those two months. But it's it's still
Speaker 1: the uncertainty of it because you're not guaranteed that, yeah,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean. It's like that was one
Speaker 1: hundred percent going to work for me. Every time I'd
Speaker 1: be like, well, this is our thing, this is our life.
Speaker 1: We just planned for this now. But you still can't
Speaker 1: plan anything.
Speaker 3: No, no, But you've just got to take the good
Speaker 3: days when they're here.
Speaker 1: Yeah right, you're right. Yes, I still manage to win
Speaker 1: my whole way through them, but you're better at it.
Speaker 1: You're so much better at grabbing those good days. But
Speaker 1: you had a shit run there too.
Speaker 2: Yeah. I'm just recently out of hospital too.
Speaker 3: I had this weird thing called it's called the MS hug,
Speaker 3: but it's not a nice, friendly, loving hug.
Speaker 2: It's like you shit, ru.
Speaker 3: Yeah, It's like this really tight pressure around your chest
Speaker 3: and your torso and it makes it really hard to breathe.
Speaker 3: I thought I was doing this thing like gasping for air,
Speaker 3: but apparently it wasn't. It was more just like spasming,
Speaker 3: like my stomach spasming. It's just the weirdest, most uncomfortable feeling,
Speaker 3: and so yeah, I went in.
Speaker 2: To have that sorted.
Speaker 3: So I had like a five day they call it
Speaker 3: a pulse therapy treatment, which is like a highest steroid
Speaker 3: based treatment over five days.
Speaker 1: Are you not hooked up to the thing the whole time,
Speaker 1: is right.
Speaker 2: Not the whole time? No, No, I'm only hooked up
Speaker 2: for like an hour a day.
Speaker 1: And then did they keep the catheter in those?
Speaker 2: Yeah, they keep the catheter in Yeah, I guess.
Speaker 1: They can never get the catheter into my arm. They
Speaker 1: punk into every vein on my arm. It makes me
Speaker 1: feel so sick.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I hate them. You get used to it, though.
Speaker 1: Yeah this time I didn't that much though, because it
Speaker 1: was hurting. But I'm like, I'm not getting them to
Speaker 1: do that again. I'll suck this up. But so, yeah,
Speaker 1: you're getting like you're having an hour each day of steroids.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and our each day of steroids, and that generally
Speaker 3: does the trick, like it usually stops a symptom like
Speaker 3: that occurring. And so probably by day two it started
Speaker 3: to ease up a lot, and I felt like I
Speaker 3: was breathing better and not feeling so restricted in my chest.
Speaker 3: And then by the time I came home, I was
Speaker 3: really good, like it had completely gone so and then steroids, weirdly,
Speaker 3: just like help with lots of other things, even though
Speaker 3: I hate having them. They you know, like I have
Speaker 3: like this thing called occipital neu Olda in the back
Speaker 3: of my head, and it's sort of that like that
Speaker 3: completely disappeared after a few days. Yeah, I mean it
Speaker 3: will again. It will come back because the steroids are
Speaker 3: also just really a band aids. It's all just a
Speaker 3: band aid.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Yeah, just be so good to get underneath the band aid.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, I just feel like somebody needs to
Speaker 1: climb into my body and flip on switches and go.
Speaker 1: These ones aren't on properly. All these ones aren't on right.
Speaker 1: But it's so good. You came home feeling good, but
Speaker 1: you went left home with hectic anxiety, which you've never had.
Speaker 3: Yes, I really, for the first time in my life,
Speaker 3: I can appreciate what someone who has anxiety goes through
Speaker 3: because I wasn't sure like if I've ever.
Speaker 2: Had it in my life or not, and now I
Speaker 2: know I haven't.
Speaker 3: Because I had like a medically induced anxiety from being
Speaker 3: on such highly effective drugs to then like stopping.
Speaker 2: It's like a withdrawal almost, And.
Speaker 3: So I came home and I felt so much better physically,
Speaker 3: but then I had like this really sick feeling in
Speaker 3: my stomach, and I was shaky and jittery, and I
Speaker 3: just it was so hard to just like, it's so
Speaker 3: hard to describe the feeling, but it's like alarm bells
Speaker 3: going off in your entire body and you don't know why.
Speaker 1: You're just in fid or flight the whole time.
Speaker 2: Oh my god, it's awful.
Speaker 3: Just and I feel for you now that I know
Speaker 3: what that feels like, because it is awful. Like it
Speaker 3: was such an awful feeling, like I was finding myself.
Speaker 3: It probably only lasted for four days, but I was
Speaker 3: finding myself just like counting down the hours until I could.
Speaker 2: Go to bed for it to stop. Yeah, that's pretty bad, awful,
Speaker 2: Like I just I can't believe people have to live
Speaker 2: like that, and so.
Speaker 1: Many people do, Like so many people. I wonder what
Speaker 1: the percentage of people who have anxieties. I mean, we
Speaker 1: all experienced to a certain extent, but when it's so
Speaker 1: debilitating and so chronic. Thank god your left after four days,
Speaker 1: but it's just zaps all your joy.
Speaker 2: It's just hideous.
Speaker 1: I was just thinking about when I went into get
Speaker 1: this nerve oblation and how on a side note, she's like, oh,
Speaker 1: if you've had botox before, it's no worse than that.
Speaker 1: And I'm like Okay, well, fucking love botox. Film me
Speaker 1: up anytime. Yeah, I can do this. And I laid
Speaker 1: down and they half knock you out and then stick
Speaker 1: a needle into your into not your brain, sorry, but
Speaker 1: behind your skin, into your nerves and then you say
Speaker 1: I can feel it, and then they knock you out
Speaker 1: and fry them for ten minutes.
Speaker 2: Wow.
Speaker 1: Anyway, I'm laying there and I'm like, this isn't fucking
Speaker 1: botox mate. I could feel it digging around, like it
Speaker 1: felt like the needle was like going into an owl
Speaker 1: shape and twisting under there.
Speaker 2: I was like, oh, this is so.
Speaker 1: Hectic, and I've realized I haven't been knocked out in
Speaker 1: my life very often. And that was the scariest part
Speaker 1: for me. Was getting going under. Oh I think helped.
Speaker 1: But when I was laying there, you know how they
Speaker 1: will you in and there's bright lights and everything around,
Speaker 1: and it wasn't a hectic room that they do surgery.
Speaker 1: It was more a procedure room. But I'm laying there
Speaker 1: and as she's saying, oh, he's going to give you
Speaker 1: a cocktail of medication. Now, I knew that my procedure
Speaker 1: was only going to be about twenty minutes. But I
Speaker 1: couldn't help it. Go My mom laid down to have
Speaker 1: surgeries where they would have said the exact same thing
Speaker 1: and held her hand when she went under to have
Speaker 1: such huge, terrifying operations, and I just couldn't help but
Speaker 1: think of that and go, I'm so lucky that although
Speaker 1: I'm having to have this done and it feels awful,
Speaker 1: I'm not getting cancer out or We've got a beautiful listener.
Speaker 1: And a girl that we used to work with called
Speaker 1: Lucy who's going through breast cancer treatment at the moment,
Speaker 1: and she flashed into my mind too, going how terrifying
Speaker 1: to go under and not know what your result's going
Speaker 1: to be. It just made me think of that. I
Speaker 1: just was like, oh, this is just thank god we've
Speaker 1: got modern medicine, but it's so scary as well.
Speaker 2: It is scary.
Speaker 3: I've been under many times, like I reckon, like at
Speaker 3: least ten times.
Speaker 1: Really more for your end, don't Yeah.
Speaker 3: I've had yet probably three or four laparoscopies like IVF
Speaker 3: baby related stuff, and I've had to have a couple
Speaker 3: of things with my MS as well. And it's such
Speaker 3: a funny thing because I generally feel like to day
Speaker 3: my mental health is pretty good.
Speaker 2: And there's something about lying.
Speaker 3: In a theater before they operate, or even like lying
Speaker 3: in an MRI machine, but being in the hospital surrounds
Speaker 3: and lying down and just having nothing else to think
Speaker 3: about other than that moment and what you're there for.
Speaker 3: And I find that's often where I get a little
Speaker 3: bit teary.
Speaker 1: Yes, I get tiary too. What I said that I
Speaker 1: recorded before going into the nerve oblation, and I didn't
Speaker 1: record much, but I just thought I'll just record, you know,
Speaker 1: while I'm standing here getting ready to go in, because
Speaker 1: I wasn't terrified before I went in. But it does
Speaker 1: it something about it that makes you weepy. So anyway,
Speaker 1: I play you this.
Speaker 4: I'm in the bathroom about to go in for my nervblation.
Speaker 2: I don't know why I'm emotional.
Speaker 4: I just guess because I've got to be knocked down,
Speaker 4: and I get really nervous that if it doesn't work,
Speaker 4: what am I going to do next? I also found
Speaker 4: a bizarrely like I had to stop crying something when
Speaker 4: I said good bye to Sam who's waiting for me.
Speaker 4: But anyway, I'm going to go in, get this done,
Speaker 4: and then just really hope for the best. I just
Speaker 4: feel if you think you've been knocked out and then
Speaker 4: trying my nerves, but you've got to do what you
Speaker 4: got to do, Okay.
Speaker 1: Just come out of nowhere. The tears on days like that,
Speaker 1: you know, and you you're going to have procedures and
Speaker 1: stuff like that. But saying why to Sam, I was like,
Speaker 1: don't cry, don't cry. You're literally going to see him
Speaker 1: in an hour. And it wasn't the leaving him, it
Speaker 1: was the I'm going to cry now. But anytime he'll
Speaker 1: drop me off to an emergency or you'll have something
Speaker 1: like that done, but leaving your safety and that's your
Speaker 1: home going and you've got to go and go through
Speaker 1: something you want to go through. Yeah, and you're going.
Speaker 2: Into the unknown. You don't know. It's scary.
Speaker 3: I wonder if any of the any of our listeners,
Speaker 3: the stickies out there, and they feel the same way
Speaker 3: when you go in for a whether it's a nerve
Speaker 3: block or an MRI or a scan.
Speaker 2: Or an operation, whatever it is.
Speaker 3: I wonder if they feel the same, because it's it's
Speaker 3: pretty common, right, Like.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, it would be so common because you're
Speaker 1: also terrified it's going to hurt, you know, like you're
Speaker 1: just like, oh, I don't know if I can deal
Speaker 1: with this pain.
Speaker 3: The amount of yeah, like the amount of times I've
Speaker 3: had things done, and even if it's like not a
Speaker 3: big deal, like it's a nerve block or something like
Speaker 3: it's not a huge deal, but I get teary and
Speaker 3: then the doctor's doing it.
Speaker 2: It's like, oh, you're okay, Yeah, it's totally fine, don't
Speaker 2: worry about me.
Speaker 3: I'm so fine. And I'm not a cryer, Like I
Speaker 3: don't cry normally, and I don't dwell on you know,
Speaker 3: the illness stuff. So it's unusual because every single time,
Speaker 3: even in like an MRI, I'll just find myself getting tira.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I hear you. I think all of us do. Also.
Speaker 1: Before we go, I just wanted to read out this
Speaker 1: beautiful poem that one of our listeners sent in.
Speaker 2: It's so gorgeous.
Speaker 1: Her name's Crystal, so she listens to the show High
Speaker 1: Crystals Crystal, and I also think Crystal has chronic healthy
Speaker 1: shoes as well. I'm sure she is. I don't know
Speaker 1: exactly what they are, but I wanted to read you
Speaker 1: this and it's a longish poem, but it really resonated,
Speaker 1: and I thought, how beautiful you are with your words, Crystal,
Speaker 1: and then to send this through to us. So here
Speaker 1: it is in the quiet hours, when shadows fall, she
Speaker 1: lies away, hearing the houses call, the laughter, the footsteps,
Speaker 1: the soft kiss good night, Yet she feels the weight
Speaker 1: of the fading light. A mother or wife with a
Speaker 1: heart that strives to care for the ones who keep
Speaker 1: her alive, but her body betrays with each aching plea,
Speaker 1: a silent reminder of what she can't be. She watches
Speaker 1: them play while she sits in pain, her strength slipping
Speaker 1: like the fall of rain. The guilt. The guilt curls
Speaker 1: tie the pit of her chest as she longs to
Speaker 1: be whole, to be at her best. She sees their
Speaker 1: faces filled with love so pure, yet wonders if they
Speaker 1: know what she has to endure, the days that she loses,
Speaker 1: the dreams left behind. The mother, the wife, her spirit confined.
Speaker 1: She wishes she could be all that they need without
Speaker 1: the illness that plants its seed, a barrier between what
Speaker 1: she wants to give and what her body refuses to live.
Speaker 1: But still in the quiet love remains a thread that
Speaker 1: pulls through the deepest pains, for even when guilt threatens
Speaker 1: to tear her apart, she knows that her love will
Speaker 1: never depart.
Speaker 2: Oh my god, I'm.
Speaker 1: All, isn't that what Dunning? I know?
Speaker 2: So she wrote that.
Speaker 3: Crystal wrote that, Crystal, that's amazing. And also, Crystal, I
Speaker 3: feel like you were talking about me.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's the thing. I was like, I get it.
Speaker 1: I totally get it. And Crystal, if you didn't write
Speaker 1: that and you've plagiarized it, you've made safe a fucking fall.
Speaker 1: I just thought that was so beautiful and soot on.
Speaker 2: Beautiful, so beautiful, Like I think we should post this.
Speaker 2: Can we put it on like.
Speaker 3: On our on our Instagram?
Speaker 2: That is beautiful? And yeah, I resonate with so much
Speaker 2: of that.
Speaker 1: Totally sad. It's sad but true. We're going to get
Speaker 1: out of here. Thank you so much for listening to us.
Speaker 1: We're going to try and do this a little more consistency, consistently,
Speaker 1: and we want to hear from you. So the best
Speaker 1: place to get through is show and tell online on
Speaker 1: our Instagram. That is where you can find us. And
Speaker 1: if you've got any questions, you've got any stories you
Speaker 1: want to share, like, let's build a little community here.
Speaker 1: Because we are you know, all suffering with different things,
Speaker 1: but we all feel the same.
Speaker 2: And connection is connection is everything. Oh my god, it's
Speaker 2: a lonely road.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's connections everything for you know, everybody, but even
Speaker 3: more so for people in our situation.
Speaker 2: So let's connect.
Speaker 3: If we'll start doing reader questions from from our next
Speaker 3: podcasting two weeks so yes, shoot us, any questions, any thought?
Speaker 1: Yeah, all right, guys, thanks for listening and we'll chat
Speaker 1: to you soon. Bye for now.
Speaker 2: Bye,