WEBVTT - Why Your Kids Turn Feral After School (And 6 Rules To Fix It!) 0:00:00.240 --> 0:00:02.759 So you've taken a brain that's already struggling to regulate 0:00:02.840 --> 0:00:05.440 and you're flooding it with dope. Mean, so you're essentially 0:00:05.519 --> 0:00:07.920 handing a very unstable situation. 0:00:07.560 --> 0:00:08.240 A bit match. 0:00:08.400 --> 0:00:10.680 Hey, guys, welcome back to Stepping Up, the podcast where 0:00:10.760 --> 0:00:13.320 we talk about real life, real routines and the messy 0:00:13.400 --> 0:00:16.080 middle of actually trying to get it together. I'm your host, 0:00:16.120 --> 0:00:18.560 Steph Pace, and if you're new here, high welcome. I'm 0:00:18.560 --> 0:00:21.240 here to help as much as I can. Please subscribe 0:00:21.280 --> 0:00:23.200 if you haven't, because you will not want to miss 0:00:23.200 --> 0:00:25.479 the episodes coming up this season, because I'm literally going 0:00:25.520 --> 0:00:28.360 to be helping you master your messy life. All right, guys, 0:00:28.400 --> 0:00:30.720 I'm want to be completely honest with you. Our afternoons 0:00:30.800 --> 0:00:33.879 lately have been an absolute shit show, and that's me 0:00:34.120 --> 0:00:37.239 kind of sugarcoating it. And I'm fully aware that school's 0:00:37.479 --> 0:00:39.760 well and truly back a long time ago, which is 0:00:39.800 --> 0:00:42.240 saying something, but that's the reality of it at the moment. 0:00:42.520 --> 0:00:44.800 And if you've ever picked up your kids from school, 0:00:45.520 --> 0:00:48.240 you would know that about four minutes later, you're standing 0:00:48.240 --> 0:00:51.440 in your kitchen watching them punch on and wondering how 0:00:51.440 --> 0:00:54.800 people in eighteen hundreds did this without a single locked 0:00:54.840 --> 0:00:57.800 bathroom to escape to. This episode is for you basically, 0:00:57.880 --> 0:01:01.480 because we all know the animal that our children turn 0:01:01.560 --> 0:01:04.160 into after school is a whole other. 0:01:04.040 --> 0:01:04.759 Realm of beast. 0:01:05.840 --> 0:01:07.600 And here's the thing, even if you don't have kids, 0:01:07.760 --> 0:01:10.560 stay because what I'm talking about today is building a 0:01:10.560 --> 0:01:14.240 PM routine that really works for you. Yes, it's tailored 0:01:14.240 --> 0:01:17.840 towards the kids, but the things I'm talking about, the 0:01:17.880 --> 0:01:20.040 psychology and all the things, is linked to us as well. 0:01:20.480 --> 0:01:23.000 It's about your nervous system for your home, for your sanity, 0:01:23.560 --> 0:01:26.000 and even if you're managing tiny homes, of household, of 0:01:26.040 --> 0:01:28.200 business or whatever, these systems are going to change your 0:01:28.240 --> 0:01:30.360 afternoons for good. So today I want to be sharing 0:01:30.400 --> 0:01:32.280 the rules that we have in our house that we 0:01:32.400 --> 0:01:34.800 lost sight of and we've brought back and now it's 0:01:34.800 --> 0:01:37.160 saved my sanity again and it stops me crying in 0:01:37.200 --> 0:01:38.440 the pantry as much. 0:01:39.080 --> 0:01:41.199 That's the goals. Progress over perfection people. 0:01:42.520 --> 0:01:44.399 Now, before we get into it, a bit of a 0:01:44.440 --> 0:01:47.360 life up jad the twenty twenty seven planners. As you 0:01:47.360 --> 0:01:49.200 guys know or if you knew here, I have my 0:01:49.240 --> 0:01:52.840 own brand staff Pace Planners, Planners for messy minds. 0:01:52.880 --> 0:01:53.520 Of the world. 0:01:53.720 --> 0:01:57.280 Now we do yearly planners, and we're actually well underway. 0:01:57.320 --> 0:02:02.720 We start the following year's planners usually by February, well February, 0:02:04.240 --> 0:02:06.760 and there's so much involved in creating a plan. I 0:02:06.800 --> 0:02:09.120 can't even tell you. I still remember when I first started. 0:02:09.120 --> 0:02:12.200 I made my first plan ever. I had so many 0:02:12.240 --> 0:02:14.120 dodgy drawings. I used to have like notebooks out and 0:02:14.160 --> 0:02:16.400 I draw what I wanted and how I wanted it 0:02:16.440 --> 0:02:19.600 to look, and my poor graphic designer had to decipher it. 0:02:19.639 --> 0:02:21.440 But we've come so so fast since Sid and now 0:02:21.440 --> 0:02:23.360 I've got a team, and it's just it was incredible, 0:02:23.440 --> 0:02:26.680 and you know, like it's just so good to be 0:02:26.760 --> 0:02:30.120 able to create tools for people that aren't Type a's, 0:02:30.160 --> 0:02:32.320 because look, I'm not a Type A. I don't have 0:02:32.360 --> 0:02:35.320 an alarm clock. I don't even have a concept of time. 0:02:35.720 --> 0:02:38.280 For me, there's either now or not now. If it's 0:02:38.320 --> 0:02:41.400 not now, I'm not thinking about it. And that usually 0:02:41.440 --> 0:02:44.560 means I'm late to things, which I hate. But that's 0:02:44.600 --> 0:02:46.920 what's going on for me in my world. And also 0:02:46.919 --> 0:02:50.240 I've just really been like focusing on, you know, changing 0:02:50.280 --> 0:02:52.080 up my routine a little bit, because, as you know, 0:02:52.120 --> 0:02:54.760 you go through seasons of your life, things change and 0:02:55.040 --> 0:02:57.079 it's not like a cookie cutter. You need to change 0:02:57.160 --> 0:02:59.320 things up. And this is one of those things with 0:02:59.440 --> 0:03:01.799 our afternoon routine. Obviously this was different when the kids 0:03:01.840 --> 0:03:05.399 were little, like before school, but now school like they're 0:03:05.480 --> 0:03:07.840 at school all day and it releases a lot of 0:03:07.840 --> 0:03:10.040 emotions which I'll get into in a minute, and that 0:03:10.080 --> 0:03:11.480 means we need to change it up a little bit 0:03:11.520 --> 0:03:13.360 to work with our family. And I always say this, 0:03:13.639 --> 0:03:17.959 like in business we have, you know, you do quarterly reviews, 0:03:18.000 --> 0:03:19.800 you look at what's working and what's not, and then 0:03:19.840 --> 0:03:22.400 you workshop a way to make the business run smoother. 0:03:22.639 --> 0:03:24.640 But we don't do that at home. We don't do 0:03:24.680 --> 0:03:25.519 that with our families. 0:03:25.560 --> 0:03:27.560 We just let it kind of take over and then 0:03:27.600 --> 0:03:30.240 we all wonder why everyone hates each other by six pm. 0:03:30.800 --> 0:03:33.000 So this is kind of what we're doing here and 0:03:33.120 --> 0:03:36.480 the afternoon akay witching hour, and I do believe there's 0:03:36.480 --> 0:03:40.040 witching hour for everyone, even myself included. There's ways we 0:03:40.080 --> 0:03:43.119 can work with our brain and our emotions and get 0:03:43.120 --> 0:03:46.240 around that and also just help future us so getting 0:03:46.320 --> 0:03:48.920 organized and planning. But when I say that this is 0:03:49.000 --> 0:03:50.680 realistic stuff, this is not I'm not going to make 0:03:50.720 --> 0:03:51.280 you do a moon. 0:03:51.400 --> 0:03:53.200 Things like this is just realistic things. 0:03:53.840 --> 0:03:55.560 So this is why you know the season I'm in 0:03:55.640 --> 0:03:57.800 right now and the things I just talked about, this 0:03:57.840 --> 0:03:59.920 is why I've really been honing in on our after 0:04:00.240 --> 0:04:03.640 routine with school. So let's get into it. So here's 0:04:03.640 --> 0:04:06.400 what's happened. For the past few weeks. Our afternoons have 0:04:06.480 --> 0:04:10.720 been a bloody mess. Everyone is so disregulated. They're like 0:04:10.760 --> 0:04:13.880 a bunch of hyaenas, including myself. You know, there's snack drama, 0:04:13.920 --> 0:04:16.760 there's like who got the pink carp It's full of meltdowns, 0:04:16.800 --> 0:04:20.480 including myself. And I was I remember I was like 0:04:20.560 --> 0:04:23.240 leaning on the quick kitchen bench one afternoon when some 0:04:23.400 --> 0:04:25.440 shit was going down and I was like, I was 0:04:25.480 --> 0:04:27.919 it always been this hard, And I realized it wasn't. 0:04:28.279 --> 0:04:30.080 And that's because some of the systems I did have 0:04:30.200 --> 0:04:33.919 in place before had slipped and I didn't realize because again, 0:04:34.440 --> 0:04:37.240 things happen, and so it was time for me to 0:04:37.279 --> 0:04:39.599 really like sit back and look at what's not working 0:04:39.880 --> 0:04:42.560 and get these systems back in place so our family 0:04:42.560 --> 0:04:46.600 can like each other again. Okay, So I went back 0:04:46.640 --> 0:04:48.880 to basics. I sat down and wrote it out what 0:04:49.000 --> 0:04:51.440 actually works and what are the non negotiable So things 0:04:51.440 --> 0:04:54.360 like dinner that's like a non negotiable and then also 0:04:54.480 --> 0:04:56.039 just like prepped for school the next day and things 0:04:56.040 --> 0:04:57.920 like that. So that's what today's episode is all about 0:04:58.000 --> 0:05:01.159 our after school systems. These are the rules that make 0:05:01.200 --> 0:05:03.839 our afternoons run so much smoother. And as I said, 0:05:03.839 --> 0:05:05.440 you don't need to have kids for this episode. This 0:05:05.520 --> 0:05:10.000 will help everyone. Now, this all helps stop the spiral 0:05:10.040 --> 0:05:13.159 before it starts and also save your future self and 0:05:13.200 --> 0:05:14.200 save your kids. 0:05:13.920 --> 0:05:16.599 From a very cranky mother, which is not fun for anyone. 0:05:16.720 --> 0:05:20.280 So the first rule is rule number one. Regulate first, 0:05:20.480 --> 0:05:22.800 everything else second. So as soon as the kids walk 0:05:22.839 --> 0:05:25.599 in the door, that is the first rule. It's time 0:05:25.600 --> 0:05:28.479 for them to regulate. You know, I know every single 0:05:28.520 --> 0:05:31.039 one of you has experienced this with your kids. How 0:05:31.200 --> 0:05:33.880 feral they get, they get absolutely feral. 0:05:34.000 --> 0:05:35.719 I don't know why. I just had an accent then. 0:05:37.080 --> 0:05:39.440 And we understand, Like we get that they've been holding 0:05:39.480 --> 0:05:41.320 in their emotions all day. Think about when you were 0:05:41.360 --> 0:05:43.480 at school. You have to conform, you have to follow 0:05:43.520 --> 0:05:46.400 the rules, you have to learn. There's like friendship drama, 0:05:47.040 --> 0:05:49.440 Like it's a lot for a little person people to 0:05:49.440 --> 0:05:51.840 deal with, even for us. It's a lot for us 0:05:51.839 --> 0:05:54.760 to deal with that thirty five. So when they get 0:05:54.800 --> 0:05:58.160 home to their save space, to you, their safe space, 0:05:58.680 --> 0:06:04.160 they unravel. They go absolutely feral, which is so beautiful 0:06:04.160 --> 0:06:06.000 that they feel safe with us, but it's horrible for 0:06:06.120 --> 0:06:09.680 us to deal with. And I think once I learnt 0:06:09.720 --> 0:06:11.800 that part because I didn't realize at first, I was like, 0:06:11.839 --> 0:06:14.200 why are you so feral every afternoon? And of course 0:06:14.200 --> 0:06:17.479 it makes sense, and there's other things that are going on, 0:06:17.520 --> 0:06:20.359 which I'll get into, but you are their safe space, 0:06:20.440 --> 0:06:22.039 so they are going to let you deal with it. 0:06:22.080 --> 0:06:24.360 And the thing is too Just remember it's kind of 0:06:24.400 --> 0:06:25.680 like you know when you period and you have like 0:06:25.720 --> 0:06:28.720 PMS and you always like take it out if you 0:06:28.760 --> 0:06:30.960 get moody, like me, I will take it out on 0:06:31.000 --> 0:06:31.960 the people I love the most. 0:06:32.720 --> 0:06:33.839 And that's the same with the kids. 0:06:34.120 --> 0:06:36.440 Because they feel safe, they're going to let you deal 0:06:36.520 --> 0:06:41.400 with all their shit. Now here's the science behind why 0:06:41.520 --> 0:06:44.719 they are so feral. On another level, because you know, 0:06:44.760 --> 0:06:46.560 I like to show you the receipts and I'm not 0:06:46.600 --> 0:06:49.400 just talking shmack, and I promise this is worth it, 0:06:49.440 --> 0:06:52.159 So just listen. So once you actually understand what's happening 0:06:52.200 --> 0:06:54.719 in your kids' brain after school, and honestly your brain 0:06:54.760 --> 0:06:57.320 as well, because this happens with us the whole regulate 0:06:57.440 --> 0:06:58.919 first everything else later. 0:06:59.440 --> 0:07:01.760 Rule will stop feeling. 0:07:01.480 --> 0:07:04.200 Like, oh yeah, cool idea, but it's actually a non negotiable. 0:07:04.279 --> 0:07:07.280 It'll become a must. Now, there are two parts of 0:07:07.320 --> 0:07:09.200 the brain I want you to know about. There's the 0:07:09.240 --> 0:07:12.360 prefrontal cortex this is the front of your brain, and 0:07:12.400 --> 0:07:15.360 the sensible one, you know, the one I still question 0:07:15.400 --> 0:07:17.360 if mind's fully developed at the age of thirty five, 0:07:17.520 --> 0:07:21.960 but anyway, this is responsible for logic, decision making, regulating emotions, 0:07:22.320 --> 0:07:25.760 thinking before you speak, basically the adult in the room. 0:07:26.000 --> 0:07:28.880 That's the part of your brain. Now there's the amygdala. 0:07:29.120 --> 0:07:31.440 This is a deep, primitive part of your brain. It's 0:07:31.480 --> 0:07:35.280 like your alarm system. So the one that goes like danger, threat, 0:07:35.440 --> 0:07:40.560 react basically before the sensible part, which is the prefrontal cortex, 0:07:41.080 --> 0:07:42.800 has even had a chance to open its eyes, so 0:07:42.800 --> 0:07:46.440 it kind of gets in there first. So research tells 0:07:46.520 --> 0:07:50.320 us when we are stressed, overwhelmed, or disregulated, the amygdala 0:07:50.360 --> 0:07:54.280 basically hijacks the prefrontal cortex, so it runs as a show. 0:07:54.320 --> 0:08:00.320 So the crazy, reactive second cousin is running around running 0:08:00.360 --> 0:08:03.160 the show, and the mother, who's very calm and centered, 0:08:03.200 --> 0:08:07.320 the adult, the prefrontal cortex hasn't even caught up yet. 0:08:07.560 --> 0:08:10.200 They're not running the show at the moment. So it's 0:08:10.240 --> 0:08:13.680 the alarm system that really takes over and the mother, 0:08:13.840 --> 0:08:16.520 the sensible part of the brain goes offline. So in 0:08:16.560 --> 0:08:18.960 plain English, when your kid walks through that front door 0:08:19.120 --> 0:08:21.920 after six hours of holding their shit together, their alarm 0:08:22.040 --> 0:08:24.520 is running the show. The crazy second cousin. I don't 0:08:24.560 --> 0:08:26.160 know why I came up with that analogy, but this 0:08:26.240 --> 0:08:28.960 is what we're going with. And crazy second cousin's name 0:08:29.000 --> 0:08:35.520 is is Amy the amygdala. And you cannot reason or 0:08:35.559 --> 0:08:38.760 instruct or have a calm conversation with Amy, okay, your 0:08:38.840 --> 0:08:41.880 child right now because the brain is not available for 0:08:41.920 --> 0:08:42.520 those things. 0:08:42.880 --> 0:08:43.080 You know. 0:08:43.160 --> 0:08:46.600 The mother, the prefrontal cortex, she's not running the show 0:08:46.679 --> 0:08:49.199 right now. So when you're standing there asking them what 0:08:49.400 --> 0:08:51.920 they did at school today or you know, and they 0:08:51.960 --> 0:08:55.120 lose it over something completely ridiculous, they're not being dramatic. 0:08:55.160 --> 0:08:58.000 They are literally they literally don't have access to that 0:08:58.040 --> 0:09:00.000 part of their brain that would allow them to respect 0:09:00.360 --> 0:09:03.160 in a way of a normal human. The lights are on, 0:09:03.200 --> 0:09:07.000 but nobody's home upstairs. That's what's going on, okay, And 0:09:07.040 --> 0:09:08.600 this is I said, this is not just the kids, 0:09:08.600 --> 0:09:11.240 this is us as well. Like I know, like you know, 0:09:11.280 --> 0:09:13.319 when we get really reactive and we go into fight 0:09:13.400 --> 0:09:15.280 or flight, this is when Amy is running the show 0:09:15.280 --> 0:09:18.160 in our brain, so we're not really like you can't 0:09:18.240 --> 0:09:21.520 think clearly. And this is why the afternoon is like 0:09:21.520 --> 0:09:24.320 a collusion of two dysregulated nervous systems trying to interact 0:09:24.400 --> 0:09:28.240 with each other, which is us versus them, and you're standing. 0:09:27.960 --> 0:09:30.000 They're wondering why is it like this? 0:09:30.360 --> 0:09:33.960 Why is this so painful? And the fix is actually 0:09:34.000 --> 0:09:37.840 quite simple. You give the brain time to come back 0:09:37.880 --> 0:09:41.240 online before you ask it to do anything. Thirty minutes 0:09:41.559 --> 0:09:44.680 is good enough. And it's like things like comfory clothes 0:09:44.679 --> 0:09:46.680 and I'll go into it like anything non stimulation. So 0:09:46.720 --> 0:09:49.320 our regulation routine, which I'll tell you what ours is 0:09:49.320 --> 0:09:52.120 in a minute. It lets Amy go sit back in 0:09:52.160 --> 0:09:54.760 her seat and Mum can come back up and run 0:09:54.800 --> 0:09:57.680 the show in the brain, and then everything else is 0:09:57.679 --> 0:10:01.000 more possible. And this isn't like soft parenting. This is neuroscience. 0:10:01.040 --> 0:10:04.760 Guys like this isn't just us, you know, and obviously 0:10:04.800 --> 0:10:07.360 we like to be very aware parents, but this is 0:10:07.480 --> 0:10:11.040 just how our brain works. So this is why we 0:10:11.080 --> 0:10:14.480 have rule number one. Regulate first, everything else second. And 0:10:14.520 --> 0:10:16.960 this changed everything for us once we started doing this, 0:10:17.320 --> 0:10:18.959 and the girls a lot of the time they will say, 0:10:18.960 --> 0:10:20.600 I don't want to do this, I want to do this, this, 0:10:20.640 --> 0:10:22.439 and this because Amy's up in their brain running the 0:10:22.440 --> 0:10:25.280 show and they're trying to chase dopamine. She wants the dopamine, 0:10:25.320 --> 0:10:28.240 she wants the screens, she wants this, but no, Amy 0:10:28.240 --> 0:10:30.920 needs to learn to sit her air down. 0:10:32.160 --> 0:10:33.719 So when the girls get home. 0:10:33.640 --> 0:10:36.920 The first priority, and the only priority, is regulation, not homework, 0:10:37.000 --> 0:10:40.240 not conversations about their day, none of that. Their bodies 0:10:40.240 --> 0:10:42.640 have been on all day and they've been sitting still, listening, 0:10:42.800 --> 0:10:44.760 following the rules managing friendships. 0:10:44.800 --> 0:10:46.600 And they are cooked. They are absolutely cooked. 0:10:47.000 --> 0:10:48.439 So when they walk through that door, we give them 0:10:48.480 --> 0:10:51.199 thirty minutes of quiet decompression time. I like to call 0:10:51.240 --> 0:10:53.640 it the calm corner, or I call it fairy time, 0:10:54.000 --> 0:10:55.960 whatever you want to call it to make it sound fun, 0:10:55.960 --> 0:10:59.120 because regulation time doesn't sound too fun for a child. 0:10:59.440 --> 0:11:01.960 Do that, So you could even have like a little box. 0:11:01.720 --> 0:11:03.600 Of things that you could have a box of, like 0:11:03.800 --> 0:11:07.800 you know, fidgets, coloring in books, whatever you want for 0:11:07.920 --> 0:11:11.920 them to pick from. Now, for us, this rule looks 0:11:12.080 --> 0:11:15.120 like them getting into their comfy clothes, especially if you've 0:11:15.160 --> 0:11:17.720 got any kids on the spectrum or anything like that. 0:11:17.920 --> 0:11:21.720 Having that sensory release from their uniform for the day 0:11:22.400 --> 0:11:24.800 is like taking your braer off. So let's give them that, 0:11:24.880 --> 0:11:27.000 you know, so let's get them into their comfortable clothes. 0:11:27.480 --> 0:11:29.600 I'm not saying this is needed, but with my girls, 0:11:29.679 --> 0:11:32.160 especially like we just want them to feel calm and comfortable. 0:11:33.040 --> 0:11:36.120 It's like that physical cure trigger to tell the brain 0:11:36.600 --> 0:11:38.640 that we're done for the day. You know, I've talked 0:11:38.679 --> 0:11:41.040 about this before, like the que equals the action and 0:11:41.040 --> 0:11:41.800 all that type of thing. 0:11:42.200 --> 0:11:43.240 That's what we're telling the brain. 0:11:43.440 --> 0:11:46.000 And then it's time for a snack and water right away, 0:11:46.040 --> 0:11:48.880 because a hungry kid is a feral kid. And when 0:11:49.040 --> 0:11:51.440 your blood sugar drops, which it tends to do in 0:11:51.440 --> 0:11:55.320 the afternoon, all these symptoms are amplified. Think about like 0:11:55.320 --> 0:11:57.200 why we crave sugar and stuff in the afternoons because 0:11:57.200 --> 0:12:00.040 your blood sugar has dropped and then you can't I 0:12:00.040 --> 0:12:02.600 think clearly you're tired, you're cranky. We need to like 0:12:02.600 --> 0:12:04.640 try and stabilize that, which i'll get into in a minute. 0:12:05.200 --> 0:12:08.000 And then once they've kind of given themselves some calm time, 0:12:08.040 --> 0:12:09.880 like they're reading books, or they're coloring in or they're 0:12:09.880 --> 0:12:13.280 in their little calm corner, they can go outside. They 0:12:13.320 --> 0:12:16.000 can play and touch grass, they can listen to music, 0:12:16.120 --> 0:12:19.280 they can draw doboard games. And you'll see the theme here. 0:12:19.320 --> 0:12:22.880 There is no technology and look, we listen, we don't judge. 0:12:23.040 --> 0:12:24.800 I'll get into that in a minute, but it's so 0:12:24.880 --> 0:12:27.160 important right now that they do not get a screen 0:12:27.200 --> 0:12:29.600 in front of their faces. Okay, I know it's hard, 0:12:29.640 --> 0:12:32.880 but trust me, you'll thank me later. And then once 0:12:32.920 --> 0:12:35.160 their body is calmed down, then they can start to 0:12:35.200 --> 0:12:39.719 do the things. Does this prevent ninety percent of arguments? Yes, 0:12:39.760 --> 0:12:41.760 I said ninety Okay, let's be let's say it's forty 0:12:41.760 --> 0:12:42.640 percent of higuments. 0:12:42.880 --> 0:12:43.920 Yes, and that is a win. 0:12:44.200 --> 0:12:47.240 Even if it's twenty percent, it's going to really not 0:12:47.280 --> 0:12:51.040 be putting fuel on the fire. Rule Number two is 0:12:51.080 --> 0:12:53.840 no TV or tech until the tasks are done. 0:12:54.160 --> 0:12:57.160 So I have a little bit of a checklist. Of course, 0:12:57.200 --> 0:13:00.079 I do some Sturff face. And this is for the 0:13:00.160 --> 0:13:01.280 girls to do after school. 0:13:01.400 --> 0:13:03.720 And this is after they've regulated and Amy sat down 0:13:03.760 --> 0:13:06.320 and they're a lot calmer. And it's a little bit 0:13:06.320 --> 0:13:08.520 of a checklist just to help us out, help future 0:13:08.600 --> 0:13:11.040 us and give them a bit of a sense of 0:13:11.160 --> 0:13:12.440 like responsibility. 0:13:12.559 --> 0:13:14.040 I guess I know it's a bit boring, but that's 0:13:14.040 --> 0:13:15.680 what we have to do. Now. 0:13:15.760 --> 0:13:19.040 We all know that the second screen goes on, the 0:13:19.120 --> 0:13:22.360 game is over. You'll never get their attention back and 0:13:22.440 --> 0:13:28.360 they turn crazy, like for me, my girls crazy. They 0:13:28.559 --> 0:13:31.280 enter like this kind of like screen Injuice Coma and 0:13:31.320 --> 0:13:33.680 nothing like anything you like, there's nothing you can say 0:13:33.720 --> 0:13:37.000 that will penetrate that. So you need to make sure 0:13:37.080 --> 0:13:39.719 the checklist is done first, so you know they've regulated, 0:13:39.960 --> 0:13:41.840 they've done all the things, and now it's to do 0:13:41.880 --> 0:13:43.560 the little checklist. So our checklist, and this is going 0:13:43.640 --> 0:13:46.120 to look different for everyone. The first one is obviously 0:13:46.240 --> 0:13:49.199 uniforms off. Now if they haven't like followed the whole 0:13:49.200 --> 0:13:51.480 cozy clothing thing from the regulation. 0:13:51.160 --> 0:13:52.520 Step, you can do this here. 0:13:53.240 --> 0:13:55.079 And then school bag unpacked, so making sure you get 0:13:55.080 --> 0:13:57.120 the notes because I know my girls like to keep 0:13:57.120 --> 0:14:00.480 their notes in their bags and then I don't find 0:14:00.480 --> 0:14:04.160 out about things. So that's a big one. Lunchbox is 0:14:04.160 --> 0:14:06.480 by the sink. Again, it depends on how old your 0:14:06.520 --> 0:14:08.600 child is. Like my girls are only year three and four, 0:14:09.080 --> 0:14:10.560 so they're doing this stuff. They didn't do it in 0:14:10.559 --> 0:14:12.160 like KINDI and that I try to get them doing 0:14:12.160 --> 0:14:14.559 it then, but it gives them that, you know, sense 0:14:14.600 --> 0:14:17.480 of responsibility, and they're like, you know, you're a big kid. 0:14:17.559 --> 0:14:18.240 Now you can do this. 0:14:18.520 --> 0:14:20.240 And you've got to even start it from kiddy and 0:14:20.280 --> 0:14:21.360 be like, this is what you do when you go 0:14:21.400 --> 0:14:23.440 to school. It's easier to do it then to be 0:14:23.480 --> 0:14:25.920 honest with you. So you got your lunchbox by the sink, 0:14:25.920 --> 0:14:27.880 You've got a school bag unparked, school notes on the 0:14:27.880 --> 0:14:29.000 bench and her uniforms off. 0:14:29.320 --> 0:14:30.160 Do they always do it? 0:14:30.240 --> 0:14:33.880 No? I wish, but the rule exists and the expectation 0:14:34.000 --> 0:14:37.040 is set and it just helps the whole family. So 0:14:37.120 --> 0:14:39.600 and they know if they don't do these things, they 0:14:39.600 --> 0:14:41.600 don't get TV. And look, if you have to hide 0:14:41.600 --> 0:14:44.040 the remote, hide the remote, but just remember where you 0:14:44.080 --> 0:14:46.800 put it. Not speaking from experience or anything, because that's 0:14:46.840 --> 0:14:49.920 not fun. Now, before I move on, I'm not here 0:14:49.960 --> 0:14:54.320 to screen shame anyone like God, I work in social media, 0:14:54.480 --> 0:14:56.440 Like I love a scroll, give me a scroll. And 0:14:56.440 --> 0:14:59.680 there's always times where, like you know, don't everyone's family's 0:14:59.680 --> 0:15:02.240 got different rules. I'm a bit strict with screens with 0:15:02.240 --> 0:15:04.640 the kids because they again, they act like it's crack 0:15:05.120 --> 0:15:08.480 and it's not worth the fight. So, you know, rainy days, 0:15:08.520 --> 0:15:10.720 long car trips, whatever, if it's weekend, if you do 0:15:10.760 --> 0:15:13.000 it every day, whatever, whatever you want to do. But 0:15:13.040 --> 0:15:14.560 you know, screens are at all and there's like a 0:15:14.600 --> 0:15:16.680 time and a place for them, depending on your child 0:15:16.720 --> 0:15:17.280 and your. 0:15:17.120 --> 0:15:18.960 Situation and what you believe as well. 0:15:19.760 --> 0:15:22.120 And this is just just about the timing because the 0:15:22.120 --> 0:15:25.240 science around screens, especially after school, when their brain is 0:15:25.280 --> 0:15:28.080 in that state we just talked about, this is where 0:15:28.120 --> 0:15:30.280 it gets really interesting. And I think again, once you 0:15:30.280 --> 0:15:32.440 guys know this, things will make so much more sense 0:15:32.640 --> 0:15:34.880 and you won't just think your kids just fighting you 0:15:35.120 --> 0:15:37.680 because they can. Yes, they definitely would do that too, 0:15:37.720 --> 0:15:39.920 but let's just give them the benefit of the doubt 0:15:40.000 --> 0:15:42.840 right now. So let's just pretend we have an implemented 0:15:42.880 --> 0:15:44.720 this new routine. You know, your kid just walks through 0:15:44.720 --> 0:15:47.720 the front door. They're just regulated prefrontal cortex, the sensible 0:15:47.760 --> 0:15:49.240 part is offline. 0:15:48.880 --> 0:15:49.360 What do we do? 0:15:49.400 --> 0:15:52.200 We hand them a screen and Amy's like, yes, dope 0:15:52.240 --> 0:15:54.760 at mean, And this is what it actually does. Every 0:15:54.800 --> 0:15:57.120 time your child picks up a screen, the game, a video, 0:15:57.400 --> 0:16:02.280 scrolling anything, their brain releases that feel good chemical, the 0:16:02.320 --> 0:16:03.280 reward chemical. 0:16:03.800 --> 0:16:05.360 And the problem with dopamine is. 0:16:05.280 --> 0:16:07.520 That the brain is greedy and she wants a lot 0:16:07.560 --> 0:16:10.360 of it, especially Amy, and the more it gets, the 0:16:10.360 --> 0:16:13.040 more it needs. But over time, it takes more and 0:16:13.040 --> 0:16:15.960 more screen time to get the same feeling of reward. 0:16:16.680 --> 0:16:19.080 So maybe before you get a really big hit of 0:16:19.120 --> 0:16:21.280 dopamine from like five minutes of screen time, and up 0:16:21.320 --> 0:16:24.240 with time, you need two hours of screen time to 0:16:24.280 --> 0:16:26.080 get the same amount of dopamine, and the brain is 0:16:26.080 --> 0:16:30.360 craving it. So you've taken a brain that's already struggling 0:16:30.400 --> 0:16:33.800 to regulate and you're flooding it with dopamine. So you're 0:16:33.880 --> 0:16:38.200 essentially handing a very unstable situation a bit match. And 0:16:38.240 --> 0:16:40.360 here's the part that explains the meltdown ward when you 0:16:40.360 --> 0:16:42.640 try to take it away. When you remove the screen, 0:16:42.680 --> 0:16:46.320 the dopamine levels drop and the brain immediately starts working 0:16:46.360 --> 0:16:47.960 hard to get back and how to get back to 0:16:48.000 --> 0:16:50.800 that feeling. So this is not your kid being dramatic. 0:16:51.640 --> 0:16:54.120 This is like a chemical withdrawal response, which is when 0:16:54.160 --> 0:16:56.520 you find out it's actually kind of scary, Like I 0:16:56.560 --> 0:16:59.280 know that's how our brain works, but like that's why 0:16:59.320 --> 0:17:00.680 they panic so much when you. 0:17:00.600 --> 0:17:03.040 Try to take the screen away. It's because the brain's like, no. 0:17:02.920 --> 0:17:04.359 No, no, we need this, we need this, we need this, 0:17:05.480 --> 0:17:09.160 you know, like over Bluey, Like I know, look Blue 0:17:09.280 --> 0:17:12.000 is a great show that I love that. So you know, 0:17:12.040 --> 0:17:16.320 the no techtal tasks are done and regulated isn't like 0:17:16.320 --> 0:17:18.800 a punishment. It's just us giving them the best chance 0:17:19.000 --> 0:17:22.360 at feeling okay every afternoon and the afternoon not going. 0:17:22.160 --> 0:17:23.000 To absolute shit. 0:17:23.920 --> 0:17:26.719 It really is us protecting our brain and their's from 0:17:27.040 --> 0:17:29.879 you know, our brain that's already depleted from a dopamine 0:17:29.920 --> 0:17:32.640 spiral that's going to make the rest of the evening 0:17:32.720 --> 0:17:34.080 absolutely crap. 0:17:35.119 --> 0:17:37.719 Rule number three the snack plate prep. 0:17:38.480 --> 0:17:41.280 Now, as I mentioned earlier, our blood sugar levels can 0:17:41.320 --> 0:17:44.600 drop in the afternoon, so and this is also one 0:17:44.680 --> 0:17:47.840 to stop us being a snack bitch all afternoon. Like 0:17:47.880 --> 0:17:50.840 I know, if I don't do this this rule, I'm 0:17:50.880 --> 0:17:52.720 so stressed and I'm like I'm not ready and like 0:17:52.720 --> 0:17:54.119 I've got to get snacks ready and I'm trying to 0:17:54.160 --> 0:17:54.879 do all the other things. 0:17:54.920 --> 0:17:57.600